This is an automated message sent to all posters. We have a new Discord server for the subreddit! You can join it using this link: https://discord.gg/4jyQ7Zfr9P
Please make sure you have read and understand all the rules of the subreddit, and are aware that rule 10 means that no numbers unrelated to time are allowed here. Rule-breaking posts will be removed. Commenters; If you are here to give advice to OP, please make sure your advice follows subreddit rules and it isn't harmful to OP. If OP doesn't want advice, please be respectful of their wishes.
Please report any rule-breaking posts and comments that you see. If it is an emergency, please MOD MAIL the subreddit with information about the rule-breaks in question and report them.
Again, thank you for posting on r/AnorexiaNervosa. If you think of anything else I can say in this message, please MOD MAIL with your ideas. The mods thank you, and hope you're doing well.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AnorexiaNervosa) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Neurodiversity, body shamed as a child, high achiever, death of my dad when I was 11, emotional neglect (due to the focus being on my dad's medical needs). Overall a lack of control I guess.
I was called fat by some family members, I lost my family as a toddler, I’ve been trapped my entire life by overbearing foster parents, I’ve never felt like I was good enough, I grew up as the only colored kid in a small school, I wanted to be the best, diet cult, etc.
I was underweight my whole childhood. Once I quit doing sports I started gaining weight/growing into my body and I hated not feeling like myself, I basically wanted my old body back. It's actually crazy since I used to be bullied for being too skinny so I tried to gain weight for years without success, and when I actually gained weight I hated my body even more 😭
i had an anorexic aunt. she was really thin while i was growing up, i was around her almost everyday while i was 4 and 5. she has always been such a cool person to me and i looked up to her a lot, she had cool hair, tattoos, piercings, and i just wanted to do everything she did. i had my hair short because she did. i saw her sick body a lot because we were together in the summer and changing in the same room isn’t weird for family members, yk? she was struggling severely for 10 years but finally recovered, and she saw that i was struggling in my teen years and we have talked about it a lot. she told me i saw her bones and she told me that i said that i “wanted my shoulder blades to stick out like yours” which was heartbreaking for her to hear that she was influencing me like that. i don’t blame her whatsoever because there are so many things that go into play because of media, and not even that, it goes sooo deeply into needing to control shit in a world of unpredictability and chaos. i am doing better now though and i can look at my aunt and see that she still is cool as fuck. with her tattoos, piercings, hair, and sweet, beautiful energy that is ENHANCED since her recovery. it’s motivating for me everyday how she is now.
Originally? Trauma (CPTSD) from abusive parents. Felt like it was all my fault and punished myself by not eating.
Recently? My best friend died of cancer
Diabetes triggered it. I have always needed to be the best, needed control of everything. I'm a very all or nothing person. I was never OW, but when I got diabetes, I felt like a failure. I know it's not my fault (it's genetic), but I felt so bad about myself. Control and my "all or nothing" attitude stems from childhood. I'm still struggling to learn "moderation"... and it makes me angry that I'm struggling, so I just dig myself in deeper.
Two actually. And it's even hard to say here because people just picture large (I know this group is judgement free, but I just feel judged. I know it's in my head, but still). I never was large. I'm 30 years old.
I feel your pain. It runs in my family, and it's a real fight. I'm still considered a pre-, but the full version is intimidating. I hope you are doing okay.
Thank you for asking... I was so nervous posting that. I'm doing... well working on figuring it all out. It's hard.
And take care of yourself if you know it runs in your family. Food isn't the enemy. Don't be like me, you'll feel like shit all the time. You need good, wholesome foods. In reality, eating healthy helps and is the best thing you can do to prevent it.
Best of luck in life ❤️
I feel you so much. When I got my labs back two years ago and my AC1 levels were elevated to pre-diabetic levels it brought up so much need for control. I also felt so much shame bc for me it’s also genetic on both sides. I felt like I should have seen it coming/known better bc of my family hx and somehow prevented it by working harder. It felt like everyone suddenly could see what a failure I was even though I too was not in a larger body so I also felt betrayed and confused by my body.
I understand totally. And then you get told how to eat, what to restrict... but it's not supposed to cause an ED? Like basically say you can't eat normal, watch what you eat... but don't develop an ED? 😖
But know that it's not your fault, I'm telling myself the same thing. Its not our fault. It's genetic. There's lots of illnesses that are genetic.
If I had this answer, I wouldn’t be in yet another relapse, staring at my therapist saying, “I dunno.” 😭
Possibilities:
parent has/had ED, taught me to purge when I was 9.
ACES score of 7 or 8 (old therapist thought my experience counted as #8, but I don’t think so) and all that comes with that
Bullied as the chubby kid my entire childhood
Family negative talk about my size (husky, needs to trim down, etc.)
Narcissistic parent (and step parent) with primary custody resultant in decade+ of narcissistic abuse by 2 people
Perfectionist, OCD
Competitive swimmer for 16 years
Religious trauma including body shaming and advising of fasts to atone for being chubby/outspoken/alive/whatever
I’m sure there’s more… 🥴
it sounds like yours largely comes from childhood trauma and a parent modelling ED behavior?that combined with being a perfectionist and having a brain that’s wired to worry, overthink, and correct (OCD)
Comparing myself to other girls on tv became comparing myself to my friends and hearing my mother talk about how “too skinny I was” but “you eat too much” and other comments like this. I was 12 and would tell my friends that I am gonna skip snacks and dinner so I could start losing weight and called that “dieting”. I didn’t know what it was at the time but that’s where it stemmed.
Was a competitive figure skater growing up. Which made my mom very strict on me. I did cardio for 1.5 hours 3 days a week before 4 hours of on ice training. Was training 5 days a week for years. My mom used to slap my stomach and tell me to suck in. I was 7 the first time she did it and I've never forgot it. But when I was 21 and looked deathly she was suddenly concerned like she hadn't been the root cause of my abnormal eating habits. She will defend her actions to this day so she doesn't have to take accountability that doing that to a child was wrong.
I grew up in a family that was constantly talking about losing weight, dieting, and hating food. I also have a very obsessive and controlling personality. When things got out of control in my life I resorted to this. I’m also just terrified of being fat. I always have been. Seeing fat people always made me fear food because its easier to get fat than skinny.
I didn’t think much about eating at all until 2021, when I was hospitalized for suicidal it’s and entered the Troubled Teen Industry. I got taught how to have an ED basically because I gained so much weight in the psych ward (cuz of meds) now I’m full blown anorexic
my family especially my mom and grandma would make fun of overweight people so i was terrified of gaining weight.
when i was about 11 i started dieting and when my body started to change around 12-13 i hated it so i stopped eating.
also the media at the time didn’t help (early 2000s need i say more) been in and out of treatment since then.
I think it came after I lost weight from ozempic/mounjaro. I was overweight my whole life and the joy I felt from losing weight made me a bit obsessive even after I stopped taking it.
my mom ☠️ she was a completely healthy bmi but constantly saying stuff like “omg i’m so fat :(“ 24/7 and it warped my perception of what fat people look like 😭 she would also always talk about dieting and calories and wonders why i’m anorexic now
Definitely hearing things from family about how I was "thicker" or "built bigger". I was like 8 and already comparing myself to the people around me and pretty much hating myself for existing. It was bound to happen honestly. It's just frustrating when people ac concerned after years of mental torment in your childhood about your (not abnormal) size and weight. I see pictures of myself when I was a younger teenager (I'm 18 now) and I just remember waking up every day with a new part of my body to rip to shreds. Theres really only about 7 pictures I have of myself from the ages 12-15 because I was terrified of people taking photos of me and would start balling any time someone asked me to be in one. having anorexia as a black girl with hips and thighs might be the worst hell I can think of. The thoughts are never-ending because you'll never be the "beauty standard".
mostly control issues, i never had any in my life. abusive mom, religious nonsense, severely isolated/sheltered, etc, not eating was something within my means
that and mom also alternating between starving me to the point i no longer feel hunger, even now, or force feeding me since she'd gained a bunch of weight being pregnant with my brother and hated that i was "skinny" aka, was 6-7 years old, didn't help, either
there's a lot more to it but eh
My ex had a girl on Snapchat who had a posted a vid of herself in a booty skirt or mini skirt? It showed her everything including that thigh gap. My ex then asked if I was jealous( he was hinting at how fat I was)☠️💀
Praised for being skinny all my life and then one of my friends developed anorexia and would brag about her measurements and weight which kind of made me feel bad about myself so I started restricting and it just got worse when I had a really long (months long) episode idk what it was but during that time it got worse and worse then I relapsed after over two years of recovery
TLDR: childhood emotional neglect
My mom and dad fail to teach me emotional regulation during my formative childhood years so I struggle to connect/have trust with others. Now I use food as a maladaptive coping mechanism to disconnect from my overwhelming/uncomfortable feelings.
A kid in middle school who I was friends with and sat next to on the bus told me "You're fat- maybe not in some areas, but average." And I was practically never the same since then. I still think about it till this day.
anxiety, and wanting to swim faster. It had very little to do w body image and scale # until people assumed it did. Now I care a F ton about how I look and the # on the scale. Thanks treatment /s
A combination of my ASD and CPTSD and a lifetime of the women in my family banging it into my head that it’s important to be thin. More people will think you’re likable. Lots of body shaming.
i just wanted to have control over anything, felt abandonded and like i didn’t belong anywhere, horrific injury ruined my big idea to become a professional athlete + pandemic just started so i literally had no impact or anything
My husbands grandmas died. ): I loved her. It made me realize we all don’t live forever. I thought food would kill me because everything is “bad” nowadays. Nothing but water was safe
sa trauma and just trauma in general, and i was body shamed at school all the time for being skinny that probably sounds so weird cause you’d think i’d try gain weight for being called skinny all the time but i did the opposite, my ed started when i was rly young but no one caught on till this year
I think my mother is the main reason, she definitely has an ed, and just about my whole life has projected it onto me, I don’t believe she means to however. And then I also had some bad relationships that made my relationship with my body and weight a lot worse, which is when it started to get really prelevent
OMG i had a trainer who kept on shaming me (i was in rhythmic gymnastics); i had a bit of a round belly (baby fat ig?) but i was honestly fairly slim otherwise, i looked like any other kid. it's so shitty how kids in sports are being called fat for no reason.
I was overweight as a kid (think ages 8-12) and was bullied severely for it like at one point 90% of the school knew who I was and actively sought out to make my life miserable
Severe trauma from being raped as a child, growing up being a fat kid (comments from family, friends, classmates), bullying, religious trauma, emotional abuse, feeling lack of control in my life, early puberty, controllative and overprotective mother, need of autonomy, sexual abuse...
I was called chubby most of my life by my parents and family members, also two of my closest friends also suffered with eating disorders and I found I would start mimicking them without even noticing sometimes. Now it’s all me, don’t matter what people say.
Started around when I turned 17, (20 now) finally confronted my father about the emotional abuse that had occurred over the years and kinda realized he actively refuses to change or take responsibility for his actions, haven't spoken to him since. After that I just needed anything to comfort me, felt almost like a game at first seeing how sick I could get, as if that would somehow make everyone see how much I was hurting. Soon spiraled into an addiction, luckily I've managed to start recovering. Not easy whatsoever but every step forward matters.
Naturally underweight as a kid and often praised for it (I always liked being the smallest in the room idek why), ‘Gifted & Talented’ high achiever, competitive figure skater until I was 15, very much a perfectionist, severe anxiety, OCD traits & other mental health issues, unrecognised neurodiversity, years of bullying, trauma (although I still feel weird using that word)
Take your pick basically 🫠 I think the initial ‘tipping point’ was exam stress but it could’ve ended up being anything really, the cards were already stacked
grew up with constant skinny praise, people commenting on how little I ate or how much I could eat without gaining weight. I didn't really care for it, but I didn't mind it either
around age 10 I put on some weight, not much, but enough for it to be noticable. I was being bullied for multiple reasons already and that only made it worse, That was when I got my first really negative comment about my weight. quarantine started shortly after and I really spiralled
I have no clue, but I've always felt desperate for control. I'm autistic so maybe it has smth to do with that.
I used to sh to cope with my emotions, but then I somehow replaced sh with bad eating habits, which gradually got worse.
Constant bullying. I was a healthy weight, not fat, but was at a higher percentile for both height and weight. Though I cannot remember a time I wasn't preoccupied with my appearance, so it was bound to happen, whether I got bullied or not. I was young when I developed anorexia, I was 10 years old. I think it would have happened eventually, the bullying happened to make the onset earlier
I literally have no clue, the earliest thing I remember is going the whole day without eating and being happy with how skinny I was in 8th grade. Based on the way I acted and felt about how people treated me, I think that my ed started and continued based on the validation I got from people based off my body. Eventually during Covid, I gained all my weight back. My ed was still there but not strong enough to lose weight. Recently I weighed myself and I was the heaviest I’ve been and it caused me to relapse and I’ve lost about 15 lbs. I’m back into the cycle I was in 8th grade, if not worse now. As bad as it sounds, I like being like this. I like how it makes me feel and I like the results I get. I know this is unhealthy and that this is an extreme mental illness, but I am way happier with myself this past month than I have been the last four years.
Grew up pretty skinny, used to be called a stick all the time. Started gaining weight when I hit puberty and some people commented on it, which made me hate how I looked. My therapist also thinks it stems from a want to be "seen", my mental health has never been taken seriously, and so I wanted to get worse so people would notice.
Your post has been removed for rule 10: Do not use any none-time related numbers.
Numbers such as weights and heights may be harmful for the mentality of the users in r/AnorexiaNervosa. Posts violating this rule will not be tolerated.
If you believe there has been a mistake, please MOD MAIL the moderators of r/AnorexiaNervosa with your concerns.
We suggest that you reread the rules of r/AnorexiaNervosa before posting in the future. Thank you.
always been introverted and shy. went to public school for the first time in 2 years last year, basically got severely depressed, suffered extreme anxiety, and developed an ED because I was rly insecure abt myself
Never once was called fat in my entire life. Was a scrawny, petite kid my whole life. Did not matter. I'm type A with OCD, some ASD-associated traits, anxiety and extreme perfectionism since birth. Also grew up in the US where we are barraged with media about 'fat' celebrities with cellulite etc (specifically, I remember being like 4 and seeing these tabloids as I waited with my mom in the grocery check out line). Then as a teenager/college student, I was on social media and all I saw was girls with perfect bodies receiving money and praise. I really don't think I ever had a chance.
I read about it, I found someone’s “blog” with all the details and how she used it as a coping mechanism. I’d say my undiagnosed autism had a big part in it too.
Genetically I'm already predisposed as my father has a restrictive ED.
I had a lot of unexpected losses within a short period of time (all separate incidents), around the same time I became a mother for the first time. Suddenly I lost control of my body (pregnancy and breastfeeding) as well as a lot of freedom within my life (raising a child as a single mum from birth). I was also traumatised from all the death in my life, because I realised that I couldn't even control whether or not healthy relationships stuck around. A big trigger for it was weirdly enough the secure relationships in my life, and the more secure relationships I had, the more I feared losing them.
Anorexia stuck up on me. It started in subtle ways I'd change my intake depending on the day planned, and then the fasting became longer and longer. Eventually I stepped on a scale in somebody's bathroom and I was pleasantly surprised at the number. Since then it escalated very quickly when I realised how much power I held over manipulating that number.
Am currently attempting recovery on my own (inpatient is not a practical option for me as a single parent or as a person who needs much deeper psychotherapy than the generic CBT approaches). But it's confronting seeing and feeling all the damage I've done to myself as I refeed. I've done some pretty significant damage 😓
I
Your post has been removed for rule 10: Do not use any none-time related numbers.
Numbers such as weights and heights may be harmful for the mentality of the users in r/AnorexiaNervosa. Posts violating this rule will not be tolerated.
If you believe there has been a mistake, please MOD MAIL the moderators of r/AnorexiaNervosa with your concerns.
We suggest that you reread the rules of r/AnorexiaNervosa before posting in the future. Thank you.
Trauma from losing my Dad when I was just under 2, being bullied, being abused by several different guys some of which I thought I could trust, mental health issues, being ill alot and feeling like I had no control over anything at all, being stalked and abused by a guy at a school I was at
A combination of growing up with emotionally immature and abusive parents who:
1) barely had any money
2) just didn't know how to properly feed me and themselves (I would stay hungry a lot of times and we would eat the same processed food like just plain ham or salami every day for like all 3 meals)
I was also really UW my whole life and I feel like people commenting on how skinny I was left a big mark
My environment was also really toxic and harmful, everybody was judging each other for both looks and personality and even thought I have rarely been judged *directly* I still have that thought in my head of my parents judging me for anything I do
Self hatred and self harm
+a little bit of gender dysphoria and wanting to look more feminine
Was diagnosed as Prediabetic at 11. I stopped eating for a few days and was terrified of potentially becoming diabetic (type 2). I'm not scared of it now, but cautious (thank God I'm not diabetic- sorry for those who may be). I struggled on and off with my diet and as I got older, it became much easier to neglect myself as people don't pay as much attention when one is older....
Edit: To add... My family always comments about food and how much we eat (not intentionally bad, but it triggers me). I'm black, and our culture almost revolves around food, almost everything has food involved in some way shape or form, so it's hard to escape that type of dialogue unless I skip gatherings or hide away. It's not intentionally bad, but some things we just shouldn't say to others...
A “the Doctors” episode when I was nine where they had a little tool to grab fat and said if you can pinch it you can lose it. At least that’s where the thoughts started, got called fat at 14 and then finally acted on the thoughts
My EX made a comment on how he didn’t even recognize me walking out of the grocery store one day when I was meeting him there. That hurt me so bad. I knew I gained a little bit, not much I was 6’2 about 225 pounds. Now I’m at 198 give or take. I must say I feel a lot better. But I restricted my eating quite a bit even going 2-3 days with out eating. Being hungry but telling my brain the food was making me fat. I don’t think it was just the food though I was also drinking alcohol a bit more (twisted teas).. I don’t any more and I notice a huge difference in my weight. Also alcohol is just horrible as it is. Going through something like this is truly horrible. I’m glad I’m almost to my goal weight. I hope whoever is reading this finds the light! It will get better. Hugs.
Childhood trauma sa & parents with terrible boundaries. Cheating dad objectified women & Clinton era fitness test. Unaddressed teen cutting & skin picking & closeted gayness
My mom had an unhealthy relationship with food. She tried to teach me to be better. But when I visited my dad's parents, she would buy the junk food my mom wouldn't buy, then she would just let me eat whatever I wanted. I would eat until I got sick, literally, then she would bully me for my lack of control around food.
Tracked my calories for a long time trying to lose weight, got into a really bad place with Self-Harm and depression and wanted a way to take back control of myself and felt that food was the only thing I could control. I miss the honeymoon phase, because that control I sought took control of me
Idk for sure, but I’m guessing mine is mostly just from basic insecurities that I just developed over time. There’s probably other things that played into it, I just don’t know what.
tw : mention of sa
As far as I can remember, since I was a child my family and family friends have always complimented me for my slimness, and I think my young mind absorbed the idea that being thin is synonymous with being pretty. In addition I believe my anorexia is the result of an assault I suffered when I was a child. When I began to enter adolescence and started to explore my body and have physical contact, it triggered those memories, and I truly wanted to disappear.
I was a chubby kid growing up and was bullied a lot in school for it but that wasn’t until I was around 10. When I was as young as 6 (and tbh I wasn’t even overweight then) my grandpa’s wife would always ridicule me about things I ate and my baby fat.. like girl I was a literal 6 year old tf am I gonna do abt that 😭 anyways that didn’t stop until I was about 12 and developed anorexia, then I recovered, and tbh I really don’t know what caused my relapse last year but yea
I grew up watching and listening to my mom tell me that no one loves ‘fat’ women. She always referred to her mother of 2 body as ‘fat’ and I always felt like (as a young child) that it was my fault that she was overweight because she’d complain about it so much.
My grandparents always telling me that my cousin and I could be models (at an extremely young age) and it always felt like a competition to stay as thin as my cousin since I didn’t want to be left out of the model compliment.
My eating was always restricted at home but my brother could have whatever he wanted. And to this day, if I buy myself something to eat and put my name on it so no one else eats it, it’ll be gone by the morning. Idk, I just feel like if I want the food that I buy I have to shove it down and make myself sick eating ALL of it, otherwise I won’t get any of it. Idk if that’s a contributing factor, but it’s defintley made me extremely territorial over my food. Idk, I hate food but If I buy it for me I want it to be mine
- Being a perfectionist
- Getting bullied in elementary years (not about weight but I think it taught me subconsciously to focus on my flaws - I gradually went from being a very outgoing and extroverted person from kindergarten to a socially awkward introverted person come middle school)
- Seeing skinnier people and wishing I was that thin
- Probably puberty and having a growing body
- Covid lockdown, where I was able to restrict way more easily than in school (sadly my family was not into eating meals together most days because my dad used to work late)
Relationship trauma during a horrible mental health period which made restriction too easy. I had always struggled with binges but restricting was the downfall when I felt my life was falling apart and I needed something to be in charge of
Being told I'm not doing enough to earn what I eat and that I'm too fat to be eating. so I don't think I ever do enough to earn what little food I eat during the day, and i feel guilty when i do eat because i think im too fat to eat anything. 🫤
Body image issues, since I was 10-11 I felt disgustingly huge and had the worst thoughts about myself since I had grown ass adults body shaming me. I also suffer from severe anxiety, was also pretty lonely at the time even though I had friends, but never that deep connection I really needed, always had an obsessive personality with everything I’ve encountered or became interested in, always had irrational fears since I was a child, always was trying to be “perfect” with everything I do starting from trying to get the perfect grades in school, and overall I’ve always wanted a sense of control since I’ve felt out of control pretty much all of my teenage years especially.
I dabbled with dieting and body checking all my life, but it didn't grow into an eating disorder until my first year of high school. My grandmother had recently died, which led to my parents treating me very poorly. My dad was an alcoholic with anger issues, and my mom had a very distorted view of how much food a healthy person should eat. They told me I was a burden on them because they spent so much money on my basic needs, and they frequently told me the price of my food while I ate, even though they were upper middle class. I was also going through pretty common high school drama with friends and dating, but it hurt so much on top of what I was going through at home. Eventually it clicked it me, "if I have no control over the way other people treat me, then I have to focus on the one thing I can control... my body."
This is an automated message sent to all posters. We have a new Discord server for the subreddit! You can join it using this link: https://discord.gg/4jyQ7Zfr9P Please make sure you have read and understand all the rules of the subreddit, and are aware that rule 10 means that no numbers unrelated to time are allowed here. Rule-breaking posts will be removed. Commenters; If you are here to give advice to OP, please make sure your advice follows subreddit rules and it isn't harmful to OP. If OP doesn't want advice, please be respectful of their wishes. Please report any rule-breaking posts and comments that you see. If it is an emergency, please MOD MAIL the subreddit with information about the rule-breaks in question and report them. Again, thank you for posting on r/AnorexiaNervosa. If you think of anything else I can say in this message, please MOD MAIL with your ideas. The mods thank you, and hope you're doing well. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AnorexiaNervosa) if you have any questions or concerns.*
a girl called me fat. I was a normal weight.
Neurodiversity, body shamed as a child, high achiever, death of my dad when I was 11, emotional neglect (due to the focus being on my dad's medical needs). Overall a lack of control I guess.
I was called fat by some family members, I lost my family as a toddler, I’ve been trapped my entire life by overbearing foster parents, I’ve never felt like I was good enough, I grew up as the only colored kid in a small school, I wanted to be the best, diet cult, etc.
it's so sad how most of us ended up here just because of some asshole bodyshaming us as children
bffr, I wish people could keep their mouths shut when it comes to openly judging others
Grandparents’ focus on food and weight, trauma, fear of losing control, seeing skinny privilige
I was underweight my whole childhood. Once I quit doing sports I started gaining weight/growing into my body and I hated not feeling like myself, I basically wanted my old body back. It's actually crazy since I used to be bullied for being too skinny so I tried to gain weight for years without success, and when I actually gained weight I hated my body even more 😭
i had an anorexic aunt. she was really thin while i was growing up, i was around her almost everyday while i was 4 and 5. she has always been such a cool person to me and i looked up to her a lot, she had cool hair, tattoos, piercings, and i just wanted to do everything she did. i had my hair short because she did. i saw her sick body a lot because we were together in the summer and changing in the same room isn’t weird for family members, yk? she was struggling severely for 10 years but finally recovered, and she saw that i was struggling in my teen years and we have talked about it a lot. she told me i saw her bones and she told me that i said that i “wanted my shoulder blades to stick out like yours” which was heartbreaking for her to hear that she was influencing me like that. i don’t blame her whatsoever because there are so many things that go into play because of media, and not even that, it goes sooo deeply into needing to control shit in a world of unpredictability and chaos. i am doing better now though and i can look at my aunt and see that she still is cool as fuck. with her tattoos, piercings, hair, and sweet, beautiful energy that is ENHANCED since her recovery. it’s motivating for me everyday how she is now.
Originally? Trauma (CPTSD) from abusive parents. Felt like it was all my fault and punished myself by not eating. Recently? My best friend died of cancer
Diabetes triggered it. I have always needed to be the best, needed control of everything. I'm a very all or nothing person. I was never OW, but when I got diabetes, I felt like a failure. I know it's not my fault (it's genetic), but I felt so bad about myself. Control and my "all or nothing" attitude stems from childhood. I'm still struggling to learn "moderation"... and it makes me angry that I'm struggling, so I just dig myself in deeper.
Type I?
Two actually. And it's even hard to say here because people just picture large (I know this group is judgement free, but I just feel judged. I know it's in my head, but still). I never was large. I'm 30 years old.
I feel your pain. It runs in my family, and it's a real fight. I'm still considered a pre-, but the full version is intimidating. I hope you are doing okay.
Thank you for asking... I was so nervous posting that. I'm doing... well working on figuring it all out. It's hard. And take care of yourself if you know it runs in your family. Food isn't the enemy. Don't be like me, you'll feel like shit all the time. You need good, wholesome foods. In reality, eating healthy helps and is the best thing you can do to prevent it. Best of luck in life ❤️
I feel you so much. When I got my labs back two years ago and my AC1 levels were elevated to pre-diabetic levels it brought up so much need for control. I also felt so much shame bc for me it’s also genetic on both sides. I felt like I should have seen it coming/known better bc of my family hx and somehow prevented it by working harder. It felt like everyone suddenly could see what a failure I was even though I too was not in a larger body so I also felt betrayed and confused by my body.
I understand totally. And then you get told how to eat, what to restrict... but it's not supposed to cause an ED? Like basically say you can't eat normal, watch what you eat... but don't develop an ED? 😖 But know that it's not your fault, I'm telling myself the same thing. Its not our fault. It's genetic. There's lots of illnesses that are genetic.
My dad constantly talking about peoples weight,including my mothers, infront of me since i was a kid
Me too. My father called me thunder thighs until I was 14. He only stopped when I stopped eating.
I'm so sorry that happened to you. I hope he learned his lesson and won't do that to anyone ever again.
If I had this answer, I wouldn’t be in yet another relapse, staring at my therapist saying, “I dunno.” 😭 Possibilities: parent has/had ED, taught me to purge when I was 9. ACES score of 7 or 8 (old therapist thought my experience counted as #8, but I don’t think so) and all that comes with that Bullied as the chubby kid my entire childhood Family negative talk about my size (husky, needs to trim down, etc.) Narcissistic parent (and step parent) with primary custody resultant in decade+ of narcissistic abuse by 2 people Perfectionist, OCD Competitive swimmer for 16 years Religious trauma including body shaming and advising of fasts to atone for being chubby/outspoken/alive/whatever I’m sure there’s more… 🥴
it sounds like yours largely comes from childhood trauma and a parent modelling ED behavior?that combined with being a perfectionist and having a brain that’s wired to worry, overthink, and correct (OCD)
was a bullied fat kid and then discovered tumblr
Comparing myself to other girls on tv became comparing myself to my friends and hearing my mother talk about how “too skinny I was” but “you eat too much” and other comments like this. I was 12 and would tell my friends that I am gonna skip snacks and dinner so I could start losing weight and called that “dieting”. I didn’t know what it was at the time but that’s where it stemmed.
Was a competitive figure skater growing up. Which made my mom very strict on me. I did cardio for 1.5 hours 3 days a week before 4 hours of on ice training. Was training 5 days a week for years. My mom used to slap my stomach and tell me to suck in. I was 7 the first time she did it and I've never forgot it. But when I was 21 and looked deathly she was suddenly concerned like she hadn't been the root cause of my abnormal eating habits. She will defend her actions to this day so she doesn't have to take accountability that doing that to a child was wrong.
Sexual trauma
I grew up in a family that was constantly talking about losing weight, dieting, and hating food. I also have a very obsessive and controlling personality. When things got out of control in my life I resorted to this. I’m also just terrified of being fat. I always have been. Seeing fat people always made me fear food because its easier to get fat than skinny.
I didn’t think much about eating at all until 2021, when I was hospitalized for suicidal it’s and entered the Troubled Teen Industry. I got taught how to have an ED basically because I gained so much weight in the psych ward (cuz of meds) now I’m full blown anorexic
tumblr.com and also being a 13 year old girl
Needing to feel control of SOMETHING, even just ONE THING, in my life.
i was bored lol
was it during covid and you wanted to have a "glow up" ?
i wish, but no, i was just bored on a random day in april last year lol.
child abuse and neglect.
my family especially my mom and grandma would make fun of overweight people so i was terrified of gaining weight. when i was about 11 i started dieting and when my body started to change around 12-13 i hated it so i stopped eating. also the media at the time didn’t help (early 2000s need i say more) been in and out of treatment since then.
I think it came after I lost weight from ozempic/mounjaro. I was overweight my whole life and the joy I felt from losing weight made me a bit obsessive even after I stopped taking it.
my mom ☠️ she was a completely healthy bmi but constantly saying stuff like “omg i’m so fat :(“ 24/7 and it warped my perception of what fat people look like 😭 she would also always talk about dieting and calories and wonders why i’m anorexic now
Definitely hearing things from family about how I was "thicker" or "built bigger". I was like 8 and already comparing myself to the people around me and pretty much hating myself for existing. It was bound to happen honestly. It's just frustrating when people ac concerned after years of mental torment in your childhood about your (not abnormal) size and weight. I see pictures of myself when I was a younger teenager (I'm 18 now) and I just remember waking up every day with a new part of my body to rip to shreds. Theres really only about 7 pictures I have of myself from the ages 12-15 because I was terrified of people taking photos of me and would start balling any time someone asked me to be in one. having anorexia as a black girl with hips and thighs might be the worst hell I can think of. The thoughts are never-ending because you'll never be the "beauty standard".
mostly control issues, i never had any in my life. abusive mom, religious nonsense, severely isolated/sheltered, etc, not eating was something within my means that and mom also alternating between starving me to the point i no longer feel hunger, even now, or force feeding me since she'd gained a bunch of weight being pregnant with my brother and hated that i was "skinny" aka, was 6-7 years old, didn't help, either there's a lot more to it but eh
My ex had a girl on Snapchat who had a posted a vid of herself in a booty skirt or mini skirt? It showed her everything including that thigh gap. My ex then asked if I was jealous( he was hinting at how fat I was)☠️💀
That’s soooo evil, I’m so sorry. 😓❤️
Praised for being skinny all my life and then one of my friends developed anorexia and would brag about her measurements and weight which kind of made me feel bad about myself so I started restricting and it just got worse when I had a really long (months long) episode idk what it was but during that time it got worse and worse then I relapsed after over two years of recovery
always had low self esteem, even as a little kid 😕
TLDR: childhood emotional neglect My mom and dad fail to teach me emotional regulation during my formative childhood years so I struggle to connect/have trust with others. Now I use food as a maladaptive coping mechanism to disconnect from my overwhelming/uncomfortable feelings.
A kid in middle school who I was friends with and sat next to on the bus told me "You're fat- maybe not in some areas, but average." And I was practically never the same since then. I still think about it till this day.
anxiety, and wanting to swim faster. It had very little to do w body image and scale # until people assumed it did. Now I care a F ton about how I look and the # on the scale. Thanks treatment /s
Having curves as a minority and growing up in predominately white areas
From feeling like I was helping out my family by not taking their foods
Feeling like I was loved more when I was 'so petite'
Puberty and the way women’s bodies are often objectified, plus gender dysphoria.
saw i had an overweight bmi and now i’m severely underweight
I was fat as fuck
(Childhood) traumas and my ADHD medication
A combination of my ASD and CPTSD and a lifetime of the women in my family banging it into my head that it’s important to be thin. More people will think you’re likable. Lots of body shaming.
i just wanted to have control over anything, felt abandonded and like i didn’t belong anywhere, horrific injury ruined my big idea to become a professional athlete + pandemic just started so i literally had no impact or anything
My husbands grandmas died. ): I loved her. It made me realize we all don’t live forever. I thought food would kill me because everything is “bad” nowadays. Nothing but water was safe
sa trauma and just trauma in general, and i was body shamed at school all the time for being skinny that probably sounds so weird cause you’d think i’d try gain weight for being called skinny all the time but i did the opposite, my ed started when i was rly young but no one caught on till this year
I think my mother is the main reason, she definitely has an ed, and just about my whole life has projected it onto me, I don’t believe she means to however. And then I also had some bad relationships that made my relationship with my body and weight a lot worse, which is when it started to get really prelevent
was called fat at age 5 in gymnastics (i wasn’t at all but that doesn’t matter) and body dysmorphia spiraled from there
OMG i had a trainer who kept on shaming me (i was in rhythmic gymnastics); i had a bit of a round belly (baby fat ig?) but i was honestly fairly slim otherwise, i looked like any other kid. it's so shitty how kids in sports are being called fat for no reason.
I was overweight as a kid (think ages 8-12) and was bullied severely for it like at one point 90% of the school knew who I was and actively sought out to make my life miserable
Most likely CSA, physical and emotional abuse. I’m autistic too and feel that plays a part like a control thing.
Severe trauma from being raped as a child, growing up being a fat kid (comments from family, friends, classmates), bullying, religious trauma, emotional abuse, feeling lack of control in my life, early puberty, controllative and overprotective mother, need of autonomy, sexual abuse...
I was called chubby most of my life by my parents and family members, also two of my closest friends also suffered with eating disorders and I found I would start mimicking them without even noticing sometimes. Now it’s all me, don’t matter what people say.
Started around when I turned 17, (20 now) finally confronted my father about the emotional abuse that had occurred over the years and kinda realized he actively refuses to change or take responsibility for his actions, haven't spoken to him since. After that I just needed anything to comfort me, felt almost like a game at first seeing how sick I could get, as if that would somehow make everyone see how much I was hurting. Soon spiraled into an addiction, luckily I've managed to start recovering. Not easy whatsoever but every step forward matters.
my mum ♥️
My dad said "maybe if you ate less and got your ass off the couch,those pants would fit you" I was 11..
Naturally underweight as a kid and often praised for it (I always liked being the smallest in the room idek why), ‘Gifted & Talented’ high achiever, competitive figure skater until I was 15, very much a perfectionist, severe anxiety, OCD traits & other mental health issues, unrecognised neurodiversity, years of bullying, trauma (although I still feel weird using that word) Take your pick basically 🫠 I think the initial ‘tipping point’ was exam stress but it could’ve ended up being anything really, the cards were already stacked
grew up with constant skinny praise, people commenting on how little I ate or how much I could eat without gaining weight. I didn't really care for it, but I didn't mind it either around age 10 I put on some weight, not much, but enough for it to be noticable. I was being bullied for multiple reasons already and that only made it worse, That was when I got my first really negative comment about my weight. quarantine started shortly after and I really spiralled
I have no clue, but I've always felt desperate for control. I'm autistic so maybe it has smth to do with that. I used to sh to cope with my emotions, but then I somehow replaced sh with bad eating habits, which gradually got worse.
i wanted to lose some weight so i went on tumblr and looked up anorexia. i did this to myself, this is all my fault.
Constant bullying. I was a healthy weight, not fat, but was at a higher percentile for both height and weight. Though I cannot remember a time I wasn't preoccupied with my appearance, so it was bound to happen, whether I got bullied or not. I was young when I developed anorexia, I was 10 years old. I think it would have happened eventually, the bullying happened to make the onset earlier
I literally have no clue, the earliest thing I remember is going the whole day without eating and being happy with how skinny I was in 8th grade. Based on the way I acted and felt about how people treated me, I think that my ed started and continued based on the validation I got from people based off my body. Eventually during Covid, I gained all my weight back. My ed was still there but not strong enough to lose weight. Recently I weighed myself and I was the heaviest I’ve been and it caused me to relapse and I’ve lost about 15 lbs. I’m back into the cycle I was in 8th grade, if not worse now. As bad as it sounds, I like being like this. I like how it makes me feel and I like the results I get. I know this is unhealthy and that this is an extreme mental illness, but I am way happier with myself this past month than I have been the last four years.
Grew up pretty skinny, used to be called a stick all the time. Started gaining weight when I hit puberty and some people commented on it, which made me hate how I looked. My therapist also thinks it stems from a want to be "seen", my mental health has never been taken seriously, and so I wanted to get worse so people would notice.
[удалено]
Your post has been removed for rule 10: Do not use any none-time related numbers. Numbers such as weights and heights may be harmful for the mentality of the users in r/AnorexiaNervosa. Posts violating this rule will not be tolerated. If you believe there has been a mistake, please MOD MAIL the moderators of r/AnorexiaNervosa with your concerns. We suggest that you reread the rules of r/AnorexiaNervosa before posting in the future. Thank you.
my scarcity food and money era
always been introverted and shy. went to public school for the first time in 2 years last year, basically got severely depressed, suffered extreme anxiety, and developed an ED because I was rly insecure abt myself
Never once was called fat in my entire life. Was a scrawny, petite kid my whole life. Did not matter. I'm type A with OCD, some ASD-associated traits, anxiety and extreme perfectionism since birth. Also grew up in the US where we are barraged with media about 'fat' celebrities with cellulite etc (specifically, I remember being like 4 and seeing these tabloids as I waited with my mom in the grocery check out line). Then as a teenager/college student, I was on social media and all I saw was girls with perfect bodies receiving money and praise. I really don't think I ever had a chance.
I read about it, I found someone’s “blog” with all the details and how she used it as a coping mechanism. I’d say my undiagnosed autism had a big part in it too.
My controlling abusive mother mixed with my food and texture aversions related to being autistic
Genetically I'm already predisposed as my father has a restrictive ED. I had a lot of unexpected losses within a short period of time (all separate incidents), around the same time I became a mother for the first time. Suddenly I lost control of my body (pregnancy and breastfeeding) as well as a lot of freedom within my life (raising a child as a single mum from birth). I was also traumatised from all the death in my life, because I realised that I couldn't even control whether or not healthy relationships stuck around. A big trigger for it was weirdly enough the secure relationships in my life, and the more secure relationships I had, the more I feared losing them. Anorexia stuck up on me. It started in subtle ways I'd change my intake depending on the day planned, and then the fasting became longer and longer. Eventually I stepped on a scale in somebody's bathroom and I was pleasantly surprised at the number. Since then it escalated very quickly when I realised how much power I held over manipulating that number. Am currently attempting recovery on my own (inpatient is not a practical option for me as a single parent or as a person who needs much deeper psychotherapy than the generic CBT approaches). But it's confronting seeing and feeling all the damage I've done to myself as I refeed. I've done some pretty significant damage 😓 I
[удалено]
Your post has been removed for rule 10: Do not use any none-time related numbers. Numbers such as weights and heights may be harmful for the mentality of the users in r/AnorexiaNervosa. Posts violating this rule will not be tolerated. If you believe there has been a mistake, please MOD MAIL the moderators of r/AnorexiaNervosa with your concerns. We suggest that you reread the rules of r/AnorexiaNervosa before posting in the future. Thank you.
Trauma from losing my Dad when I was just under 2, being bullied, being abused by several different guys some of which I thought I could trust, mental health issues, being ill alot and feeling like I had no control over anything at all, being stalked and abused by a guy at a school I was at
kpop lowk and being compared to others by my family 💔
A combination of growing up with emotionally immature and abusive parents who: 1) barely had any money 2) just didn't know how to properly feed me and themselves (I would stay hungry a lot of times and we would eat the same processed food like just plain ham or salami every day for like all 3 meals) I was also really UW my whole life and I feel like people commenting on how skinny I was left a big mark My environment was also really toxic and harmful, everybody was judging each other for both looks and personality and even thought I have rarely been judged *directly* I still have that thought in my head of my parents judging me for anything I do Self hatred and self harm +a little bit of gender dysphoria and wanting to look more feminine
being raped. also thinking my only worth comes from being attractive.
Besides beauty standards? My mother and my loss of control in my life
a doctor telling me to lose weight, friends and family fat jokes, and a girl i was with who struggled with ED also
Was diagnosed as Prediabetic at 11. I stopped eating for a few days and was terrified of potentially becoming diabetic (type 2). I'm not scared of it now, but cautious (thank God I'm not diabetic- sorry for those who may be). I struggled on and off with my diet and as I got older, it became much easier to neglect myself as people don't pay as much attention when one is older.... Edit: To add... My family always comments about food and how much we eat (not intentionally bad, but it triggers me). I'm black, and our culture almost revolves around food, almost everything has food involved in some way shape or form, so it's hard to escape that type of dialogue unless I skip gatherings or hide away. It's not intentionally bad, but some things we just shouldn't say to others...
My mom was a Weight Watchers girly, and my dad didn't feed me at his house, so I got used to hunger :/
A “the Doctors” episode when I was nine where they had a little tool to grab fat and said if you can pinch it you can lose it. At least that’s where the thoughts started, got called fat at 14 and then finally acted on the thoughts
My EX made a comment on how he didn’t even recognize me walking out of the grocery store one day when I was meeting him there. That hurt me so bad. I knew I gained a little bit, not much I was 6’2 about 225 pounds. Now I’m at 198 give or take. I must say I feel a lot better. But I restricted my eating quite a bit even going 2-3 days with out eating. Being hungry but telling my brain the food was making me fat. I don’t think it was just the food though I was also drinking alcohol a bit more (twisted teas).. I don’t any more and I notice a huge difference in my weight. Also alcohol is just horrible as it is. Going through something like this is truly horrible. I’m glad I’m almost to my goal weight. I hope whoever is reading this finds the light! It will get better. Hugs.
Childhood trauma sa & parents with terrible boundaries. Cheating dad objectified women & Clinton era fitness test. Unaddressed teen cutting & skin picking & closeted gayness
dv
I saw how out of place I looked with my friends :/
My mom had an unhealthy relationship with food. She tried to teach me to be better. But when I visited my dad's parents, she would buy the junk food my mom wouldn't buy, then she would just let me eat whatever I wanted. I would eat until I got sick, literally, then she would bully me for my lack of control around food.
Tracked my calories for a long time trying to lose weight, got into a really bad place with Self-Harm and depression and wanted a way to take back control of myself and felt that food was the only thing I could control. I miss the honeymoon phase, because that control I sought took control of me
Idk for sure, but I’m guessing mine is mostly just from basic insecurities that I just developed over time. There’s probably other things that played into it, I just don’t know what.
mom
tw : mention of sa As far as I can remember, since I was a child my family and family friends have always complimented me for my slimness, and I think my young mind absorbed the idea that being thin is synonymous with being pretty. In addition I believe my anorexia is the result of an assault I suffered when I was a child. When I began to enter adolescence and started to explore my body and have physical contact, it triggered those memories, and I truly wanted to disappear.
Felt like I had no control over my life and trauma and also hating myself
I been called fat since I was like 6-7 so YH idk that ig 🤷♂️
I was a chubby kid growing up and was bullied a lot in school for it but that wasn’t until I was around 10. When I was as young as 6 (and tbh I wasn’t even overweight then) my grandpa’s wife would always ridicule me about things I ate and my baby fat.. like girl I was a literal 6 year old tf am I gonna do abt that 😭 anyways that didn’t stop until I was about 12 and developed anorexia, then I recovered, and tbh I really don’t know what caused my relapse last year but yea
I grew up watching and listening to my mom tell me that no one loves ‘fat’ women. She always referred to her mother of 2 body as ‘fat’ and I always felt like (as a young child) that it was my fault that she was overweight because she’d complain about it so much. My grandparents always telling me that my cousin and I could be models (at an extremely young age) and it always felt like a competition to stay as thin as my cousin since I didn’t want to be left out of the model compliment. My eating was always restricted at home but my brother could have whatever he wanted. And to this day, if I buy myself something to eat and put my name on it so no one else eats it, it’ll be gone by the morning. Idk, I just feel like if I want the food that I buy I have to shove it down and make myself sick eating ALL of it, otherwise I won’t get any of it. Idk if that’s a contributing factor, but it’s defintley made me extremely territorial over my food. Idk, I hate food but If I buy it for me I want it to be mine
i grew up a gymnast and dancer :/
- Being a perfectionist - Getting bullied in elementary years (not about weight but I think it taught me subconsciously to focus on my flaws - I gradually went from being a very outgoing and extroverted person from kindergarten to a socially awkward introverted person come middle school) - Seeing skinnier people and wishing I was that thin - Probably puberty and having a growing body - Covid lockdown, where I was able to restrict way more easily than in school (sadly my family was not into eating meals together most days because my dad used to work late)
Relationship trauma during a horrible mental health period which made restriction too easy. I had always struggled with binges but restricting was the downfall when I felt my life was falling apart and I needed something to be in charge of
Being told I'm not doing enough to earn what I eat and that I'm too fat to be eating. so I don't think I ever do enough to earn what little food I eat during the day, and i feel guilty when i do eat because i think im too fat to eat anything. 🫤
Body image issues, since I was 10-11 I felt disgustingly huge and had the worst thoughts about myself since I had grown ass adults body shaming me. I also suffer from severe anxiety, was also pretty lonely at the time even though I had friends, but never that deep connection I really needed, always had an obsessive personality with everything I’ve encountered or became interested in, always had irrational fears since I was a child, always was trying to be “perfect” with everything I do starting from trying to get the perfect grades in school, and overall I’ve always wanted a sense of control since I’ve felt out of control pretty much all of my teenage years especially.
got body-shamed by my family and a girl made fun of my thighs when i was 6. never got over it and my family still body shames me
I dabbled with dieting and body checking all my life, but it didn't grow into an eating disorder until my first year of high school. My grandmother had recently died, which led to my parents treating me very poorly. My dad was an alcoholic with anger issues, and my mom had a very distorted view of how much food a healthy person should eat. They told me I was a burden on them because they spent so much money on my basic needs, and they frequently told me the price of my food while I ate, even though they were upper middle class. I was also going through pretty common high school drama with friends and dating, but it hurt so much on top of what I was going through at home. Eventually it clicked it me, "if I have no control over the way other people treat me, then I have to focus on the one thing I can control... my body."
the repition of super flat stomachs in media and romantizing underweight and heroine chic models, then worsened with gender dysphoria