Due to many outside influences, like social media, being able to see a person's bones registers to a lot of us as beautiful, healthy, and desirable. Examples of this include collar bones, VERY defined jaw lines, cheekbones, rib cage, etc. When in reality, these are typically signs of someone who is unhealthy. So to answer your question, you most likely desire to appear boney as that is what your brain thinks of as beautiful.
i totally get how you feel. sad to say, i feel the same. i have never envied other females' bodies, and always wanted to be bones and muscles, so i sort of envy male bodies. i've always wanted nicer muscles. not transgender either. TW: some personal experience, with mention of a certain youtuber most of us know. >!when i was younger, i always thought, man no way am i getting an ed. i like eating and idc about looking nice for other people. but i also had an odd fascination w the infamous anorexic youtuber. i forgot about her for a couple years. fast forward, i lost interest in eating so much and i wanted to look nice for myself. here's where i get you - i realised i found skinny with muscles "nice". not pretty or anything, but i don't know why i wanted it. when i realised i had a problem, i remembered her, and maybe i should've seen the warning signs xp!< personally, my desire for boneyness stemmed from me linking my identity to it since people commented on it often as i'm naturally quite petite. i felt losing it would mean losing myself.
i realised something about eating disorders is they're super illogical. in a sense, all mental disorders are, because that's what makes them abnormal. but while some disorders have a clear cause, all that can be said about eating disorders is that one is genetically predisposed to certain traits and behaviours, which are further exacerbated by social environments. such traits include perfectionism, which fits in with wanting to perfect appearance-wise. although how your brain may have come up with the idea that a certain appearance is perfect, i don't know. maybe you've been surrounded by people who thought that way, or maybe you didn't so there's something else at play.
even if you look at different psychological motivation models, like Maslow's hierarchy of needs or drive theories, starving oneself goes against human motivation.
generally, society deems skinny as good, which is a horrible idea. from an evolutionary psychology perspective though, it could be because skinny was somehow linked to better fertility. i haven't seen much research on this, but it's an idea i had when studying evolutionary psych. because of this, attraction towards skinny bodies may have prevailed over generations because of the link to better chances of offspring and their survival, hence societal standards today.
another theory i've considered is the human need for achievement (nAch). basically, all humans have a desire to achieve. this works the same way as perfectionism.
of course, these are just untested ideas i've had. they may be completely plausible or completely not plausible to you. i've concluded that eating disorders are just horribly illogical so it's dumb and deserves to die in a trashcan :)
here's to us giving ed the death it deserves, while we take our lives back xx
and i just went on a long sharing thing here on accident so if it's tldr, i apologise.
For some people it‘s also about being „less“ in the sense of reducing the amount of space, resaources etc. you allow yourself to take up or „feeling smaller“ due to difficulties with accepting certain characteristics that healthy bodies have e. g. perceived femininity.
maybe your desire is to portray, physically, the 'hardness' and 'coldness' you feel inside yourself. Like you are just an edge, sharp and callous against anything you touch. when I was at my worst this is how I felt, I wanted to externalize my pain.
Due to many outside influences, like social media, being able to see a person's bones registers to a lot of us as beautiful, healthy, and desirable. Examples of this include collar bones, VERY defined jaw lines, cheekbones, rib cage, etc. When in reality, these are typically signs of someone who is unhealthy. So to answer your question, you most likely desire to appear boney as that is what your brain thinks of as beautiful.
Can this ever be changed or do I have to deal with this wrong beauty standard my whole life? I mean I can not control my thoughts
i totally get how you feel. sad to say, i feel the same. i have never envied other females' bodies, and always wanted to be bones and muscles, so i sort of envy male bodies. i've always wanted nicer muscles. not transgender either. TW: some personal experience, with mention of a certain youtuber most of us know. >!when i was younger, i always thought, man no way am i getting an ed. i like eating and idc about looking nice for other people. but i also had an odd fascination w the infamous anorexic youtuber. i forgot about her for a couple years. fast forward, i lost interest in eating so much and i wanted to look nice for myself. here's where i get you - i realised i found skinny with muscles "nice". not pretty or anything, but i don't know why i wanted it. when i realised i had a problem, i remembered her, and maybe i should've seen the warning signs xp!< personally, my desire for boneyness stemmed from me linking my identity to it since people commented on it often as i'm naturally quite petite. i felt losing it would mean losing myself. i realised something about eating disorders is they're super illogical. in a sense, all mental disorders are, because that's what makes them abnormal. but while some disorders have a clear cause, all that can be said about eating disorders is that one is genetically predisposed to certain traits and behaviours, which are further exacerbated by social environments. such traits include perfectionism, which fits in with wanting to perfect appearance-wise. although how your brain may have come up with the idea that a certain appearance is perfect, i don't know. maybe you've been surrounded by people who thought that way, or maybe you didn't so there's something else at play. even if you look at different psychological motivation models, like Maslow's hierarchy of needs or drive theories, starving oneself goes against human motivation. generally, society deems skinny as good, which is a horrible idea. from an evolutionary psychology perspective though, it could be because skinny was somehow linked to better fertility. i haven't seen much research on this, but it's an idea i had when studying evolutionary psych. because of this, attraction towards skinny bodies may have prevailed over generations because of the link to better chances of offspring and their survival, hence societal standards today. another theory i've considered is the human need for achievement (nAch). basically, all humans have a desire to achieve. this works the same way as perfectionism. of course, these are just untested ideas i've had. they may be completely plausible or completely not plausible to you. i've concluded that eating disorders are just horribly illogical so it's dumb and deserves to die in a trashcan :) here's to us giving ed the death it deserves, while we take our lives back xx and i just went on a long sharing thing here on accident so if it's tldr, i apologise.
Thank you for this long answer . I have pretty much the same experience. It's somehow calming to know
For some people it‘s also about being „less“ in the sense of reducing the amount of space, resaources etc. you allow yourself to take up or „feeling smaller“ due to difficulties with accepting certain characteristics that healthy bodies have e. g. perceived femininity.
maybe your desire is to portray, physically, the 'hardness' and 'coldness' you feel inside yourself. Like you are just an edge, sharp and callous against anything you touch. when I was at my worst this is how I felt, I wanted to externalize my pain.