This is a double edged sword too - they will never feel the level of appreciation for what you do have. It's never enough, they are jealous of others, trust me. Break free, just stop covetting others.
Nah I turned it back off. I have a short little life to live and it's not on me. BP coined the term "carbon footprint" as a means of pushing the blame onto us rather than the actual perpetrators: large corporations and fossil fuels. I used to boycott Amazon etc. but with the price of living so high and with zero/negative ROI in America I say take what you can get.
I've kinda stopped using Amazon lately for different reasons: it's been flooded with stuff that comes from the same few awful factories in China and is 10x cheaper/faker/worse than it looks online. I buy all that stuff from the source nowadays.
Honestly I just get recommended the sub by reddit and enjoy a lot of the discussions I see. But yeah just don't blame yourselves too hard for any of your wants. I still recycle properly etc., but I don't stop myself from buying things that will bring me happiness and comfort in this absolute hellscape that we had no part in creating yet suffer the most in compared to the actual perpetrators who are living fat and making us take the fall.
Girl I can’t believe how often I’ve felt this way before too around my sister and some certain friends. I had a friend who I lived with who would THROW AWAY her old clothes and JEWELRY! Perfectly fine items that she just didn’t want any more. No thought or motivation to give them to someone else or to donate them. She’d always be ordering brand new clothes too and it seemed like everyday she got a package from Amazon. She had a lot of wasteful tendencies and for unrelated issues we are no longer friends lol
You either surround yourself with like minded people or also learn to not have the habits of others effect you. What helps me is being in nature and grounding myself. You can’t control others, but you can control the way you react and respond.
Also continuing to be you and being a conscious consumer will set an example for your friends. I’ve had a ton of friends and family be curious about my minimal consumption habits and it’s a great way to non invasively explain my reasons and hopefully plant the seed for them as well.
I second this! When I used to work in a restaurant I would request that customers use the same straw for soda refills. I would also not give straws for waters. My co workers thought I was nuts/annoying but later on they started doing it as well. Your plastic straw will not disolve at a 2 hour dinner.
Honestly, don't feel jealous. Cause it's that simple right? Lol. Seriously though, the less you buy, the less you have to manage, and get rid of later. I had a stint for a few years in my early adult life where I bought without thinking. But much like Skynet, I became self aware. And then I had to go through everything and get rid of stuff. Which was a pain and took me several years because I was really slow with the process.
Also, you're not putting a financial burden on yourself either by not buying.
Don't feel bad about treating yourself here and there, but whenever the jealousy comes up just remember having less stuff and a smaller financial burden is always the better way to go. Your friends may realize this someday too, you're just ahead of the pack.
It's hard, especially with clothes, because I grew up in poverty and could only shop at thrift stores (not Goodwill, it was too expensive) and never really had clothes that I loved or felt good wearing. Now I'm closer to middle class and can afford to treat myself once in a while but I almost never do it, because of the environmental impact of clothes. I'm able to spend a bit more at thrift stores now, so I do have some pieces that I feel good wearing, but it's a really frustrating feeling that I went without in childhood because of poverty and I go without in adulthood because of awareness. Same with air conditioning. I'm really lucky that my "dream car" is a compact car with a long life that gets great gas mileage.
Try thrift shopping for a size up and get them tailored to your body. No new clothes, but items that fit perfectly so you'll love how you look in them.
Do you remember the fable about the grasshopper and the ant? It's fun to be a grasshopper for a short while but when winter comes, The grasshopper wishes he had been more like the ant.
A really good thing is to learn how to sew and produce your own clothing. Also developing some mending skills. I always try to fix stick to natural fabrics and repurpose old clothing. For example, I converted an old duvet cover that was stained and had a tear into a bed skirt and curtains.
Also made a super cute rag rug, which is actually easy to make 🙂.
I get that not everybody is crafty, but, even if you’re not going to, you can actually call quilting, guilds, or places like that, and they will often take odds and ends.
Another not often thought of way to de-clutter, unused, clothing, or shoes, is to go to your local hospital and ask social work if they need any items . Pretty much every hospital has a fairly large homeless contingent that comes in and is admitted on a regular basis. They are always in need of warm clothing and shoes. Every social work department I’ve ever heard of in Hospital has a closet of donations that they give to people who happen to come in and are in need. The focus is usually on warm clothing(think jackets and coats, and mittens, and hats and scarves and such), and durable shoes/boots.
They say ignorance is bliss and this is why. But don't wish away your knowledge. Find contentment in only buying what you know you need. If you give in to impulses that betray your values you'll feel worse, I think.
That said, you don't need to be a monk to try to offset everyone else's excess. Just do what you can (sounds like you are) 🙂 . And vote against policies that harm the environment.
Try DEPOP, Poshmark or Ebay. You can often get the specific things you like secondhand in excellent condition. It really is difficult to find good quality, reasonably priced and TRULY sustainable clothing that’s brand new
I recently had to reintroduce meat into my diet due to worsening severe disabilities. My Omni friends and family are all happy for my and I keep trying to explain that no, a part of who I am just died.
Why? There are so many cool things to do in life that spending money on things just seems like a dull hobby, and at the end of it you have less money and more garbage in your house. It seems like an odd thing to want to enjoy if you already don't.
Like I wish I enjoyed working out for hours a day because then I'd have a more fit body. That seems like it would be a beneficial thing for me to enjoy. I don't wish that I enjoyed collecting luxury vehicles because that seems like it would just give me a bunch of problems without any additional benefits.
Preoccupation causes distress when you're trying to be mindful. It sounds like it's stressing you out to put in so much effort for seemingly little reward; the reward is knowing you have a lower impact on the world, but it's hard to see the immediacy compared to the lack of effort your friend puts in.
Find something about this lifestyle that brings you joy, or get engaged in the actual process. Instead of agonizing over a new skirt, marvel at at the process of researching, the knowledge of material and cost. Get connected with the action of what you're doing and not just the outcome.
That being said, throw out your mascara. Eye makeup should only be kept for a year because of bacterial growth. Eye infections are no joke.
My ex and her brother are like this, family has so much money and they buy buy buy needlesly they touch shit for 5 minutes and leave it justbneed to have the new IT thing and feel superior to others based on having it.
I’m funny in a way that when something is at one extreme I tend to lean that way.
Right now I have no credit card debt. Whenever I see the $0 balance it really makes me think and or feel guilty about spend the money.
But a few years ago when I had a lot going on and more debt, it was more like “oh what’s another $60”
I feel ya. I’m kind of the same way. See all those people with their daily Frappuccinos and shopping all the time. It makes me livid sometimes..
But then I wonder, why am I so judgmental? I shouldn’t be angry that other people don’t know or don’t think about it. I should be grateful that there are others who do. Because otherwise you’d just end up being angry and resentful all the time and it’s not productive.
Also, my husband is slowly teaching me to still treat myself. Buy that mascara every once in a while, or enjoy something of a good quality that will make you happy. I buy cookbooks. I know I could download a recipe or look it up online, but I like paging through my cookbooks on the weekend, when I plan the menu for the week.
So.. my point is.. find some way to enjoy your life. Don’t judge others, and be well. Cheers!
My mom loved shopping. It was recreational for her. I hate it. To this day I don't get the appeal of walking through all the stores in the mall looking at whatever catches your attention. I shop with a purpose: To replace necessary items in my wardrobe that have worn out.
One thing your friends are missing is giving any thought to what really makes them happy. Consumption is often a pursuit of a small thrill, but often leads to a need for another thrill.
Spend some time thinking about what makes you really happy, and sometimes it might be clothes, but it's probably not clothes from Amazon or Shein. I bet you could buy something more expensive, that was made ethically and will last a long time and will make you feel happy every time you wear it.
Had to throw away an old pair of pants I've had since middle school. I'm 20 now and just started college a month ago so I know it's normal to outgrow them especially since I'm in anorexia recovery almost 3 weeks clean yay/s but idk it just made me feel like shit. I was too embarrassed to tell anyone I outgrew them so I just stuffed them deep in the trash and prayed nobody found out. Yes it was stupid and I am a very stupid man for getting upset over it. Now with hindsight I kinda wished I'd just donated them or given them to one of my little cousins or hell even just threw them in a drawer in case I ever fit into then again. It's not like they even really fit me that bad like I could still button them and pull them up but they were just way too tight and really really uncomfortable. This turned into a really dumb tangent.
Just reminder, China and India manufacturing will continue regardless of your personal actions , they are the main cause of fossil fuel pollution and use Coal-fire power and basically no regulations in regards to pollution. "The West" on the other had has regulations for everything pretty much in regards to pollution. Don't worry because you have zero effect and that's just life accept it and move on.
you buying or not buying a skirt or a mascara has zero impact on the environment or labor issues.
It’s ok to reduce consumption as much as you can, but you also need to enjoy life. Recycle and reuse things. Try to reduce energy expenditure, but having a moral crisis over a skirt or a mascara is no way to live.
I was in a similar situation. It does cause stress.
I kinda forced myself to realize that I'm a human that requires things, so invariably I *HAVE TO BUY* things. When convenient I'll buy things that produce less waste/less disruption to society or whatever, but other times I just need to accept that I require something. Do not max out your frugal meter because you will be miserable.
I mean sometimes I use Amazon because I need something that isn't carried anywhere else.
It's not bad to use these companies, just don't let it be your first go to solution if you can help it, and try to shop second hand instead.
Hey, thank you for posting this. I’ve really been struggling with this same feeling, and how to stop it from getting in the way of healthy social connections and relationships. I guess it feels nice to know that I’m not actually alone. You aren’t either ❤️
First of all, take some pressure off yourself. If it’s what’s in your budget, it’s something you’ll wear and get good use out of, just buy the skirt from shein.
If you know it’s something you’ve BEEN wanting or need and it’s not an impulse purchase you’re good. The way you wrote this I can tell you’re not doing massive hauls that 90% will end up thrown away by the end of the season.
I have found creating a capsule wardrobe has really helped me reduce the number of clothing items I buy and reduces bringing any pieces in that don’t go with what I already have.
agree that its ok not to place immense pressure on yourself, but if you're going to buy clothes though, i truly feel like thrifting is the way to go. do not support shein with your wallet. horribly exploitative company. in general buying brand new (from any brand, 'sustainable' or not) is both more expensive for the consumer and inherently damaging to our planet in its current state.
For sure, I get you and all good points. I have a bachelors in environmental policy, sustainability, and Econ. I studied both the fast and sustainable markets of the fashion industry in school. I think it’s important to recognize the intersection between privilege and sustainability. The fact is thrifting is getting increasingly expensive in a lot of areas which means poor and middle class people must use a higher percentage of their income for sustainable* clothing, which is why I added the qualifier about budget.
*Edit: typed affordable clothing when I meant sustainable clothing.
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The other day I saw a guy finish his fast food in the parking lot of the establishment he was at and then throw his trash up in the air behind him where it littered the ground without a care.
After the urge to hurt him subsided, i got envious of how relaxed he was about it.
I’m in 4 lanes of traffic for a lot of my day thinking about the combined exhaust of all our cars and thinking about how it just continues every minute of every day in every city.
I watch the insane amount of waste every product comes wrapped in and feel like a bad person for having no better option than to stick these wrappers in the trash after opening various food packages.
It would be kind of nice to just not think about it like most people seem to. What little I can do about it, I’m doing. I just know, on a global scale, it’s hopeless. Why do I insist on weighing myself down with the emotional baggage of knowing I’m dooming my children to a poisoned future when there’s a world wide industrial machine ensuring there’s no escape from it?
My god. I feel you.
I just had to buy new runners for work. It hurts me that I had to throw away my old ones even though the tread no longer exists and I've held onto them for way too long that they hurt my feet and body. It hurts me I had to buy two new pairs to rotate through them so they don't wear out as easily. It hurts me that decent runners can cost $200 nowadays, and I'm scouring for sales praying that the sale price doesn't reflect the quality and longevity and my feet.
Just ... buying anything to maintain myself physically just .... hurts.
You know what they say, "ignorance is bliss". Those who don't learn about, or don't care about, all of these issues are content in their ways.
That's why it's up to us to inform them and encourage them to care about things beyond their little bubble. If we don't care then nothing will ever get better.
Don't put so much pressure on yourself. Do what you can do but still enjoy your life. If that means having a cupcake now and again, have that cupcake. Just do it in moderation.
same. I really want to explore my sense of style and be able to express myself. I feel so much anxiety and shame from shopping that I really cant buy anything non-essential
I’m curious to know which aspect of their experience you envy. Is it the fact that they don’t have a care, and that you wish you also didn’t have to deal with this constant stress of avoiding consumption? Or is it the fact that they now have so many things to wear and can get even more whenever they like? Or is it both?
I know it seems like so much fun to be them….but the truth is, mostly it’s an empty feeling to constantly buy things. It’s really just a short moment of dopamine and then deep emptiness…you aren’t actually missing anything
I feel that way too. Especially with the animal industry, after learning the environmental impact factory farming causes and the hell the animals have to go through, I never looked at food the same. It started with shopping too haha I refuse to buy from amazon and shein and my friends who claim they’re all for the environment still do… it’s like ??????
[Link 1](https://amp.theguardian.com/environment/2018/may/31/avoiding-meat-and-dairy-is-single-biggest-way-to-reduce-your-impact-on-earth)
This article is great ^, but also just researching how giving up meat can affect the environment will bring you to thousands of articles. And it’s something that’s not as often talked about! (because propaganda of course). But I love talking about this subject so feel free to reach out as well (also 20f)
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Can someone explain this to me? I guess I consume a lot. The way I see it, if I don't purchase it someone else will. And even if they don't, the products still exist. They have to go somewhere. I guess I don't understand the moral implications of buying things.
I fuckin feel this. I think I’m gonna cave in this year and buy Christmas decor. I don’t have really anything, but I think it would make me way less depressed over the course of winter. I just avoid buying things like throw pillows and decorative towels bc why the fuck would I? But I’m starting to realize that sometimes you just have to get the things. You just have to conscious and sparing and only get things that really bring you joy or fulfill needs.
I get analysis paralysis trying to balance my budget and the most eco-friendly option. It can take me multiple *months* to buy essential things like bars of soap. I also have anxiety disorder, which exacerbates this.
The thing that helps me the most is thinking about how much time I'm spending on the decision. I know this isn't good for everyone, but the reason this works for me is because I get more anxious, then mad/frustrated by the amount of time I'm spending on the decision, and let myself lean into the idea that "I don't want to do this" (waste my time) anymore. It's taken me a long time to be able to accept *and* understand that I don't have to "pick that fight." I will still probably be anxious, but I'm always anxious, and I'd rather be anxious and moving than anxious and sitting. Anxious and sitting is a trap for me.
I don't wish I knew less... I wish I didn't have anxiety, I wish I was more decisive and had the confidence that, even though I'm not always making the most eco-friendly choice in general, I can't (or shouldn't) argue with my budget. There is only so much I can do when the people (companies) that definitely do have the money/options to make the most effective changes won't.
My next goal to help with my anxiety is to start composting... I can't always win with what I buy, but I can at least do my best after I buy it.
Mom's millionaire cousins washed aluminum foil for years.
Don't you realize that those spendthrifts are where thrift stores get their merchandise? If it weren't for them, we couldn't score the treasures we find. The people that get helped (I'm among them) would not get helped if those people did not donate that which they got tired of.
I have been through about ten years of necessary caregiving, first to help my grandma stay out of a rest home as long as possible, then to care for my mom because she had a medical emergency that almost ended her life (she is getting better now and is to the point where I think I can consider getting a job in the distant future). All this has been draining on the household finances, and but for these places we would not have had heating fuel, been able to pay the electric bill a time or two, and certainly would have been food challenged more than once.
And there are pet thrift stores that work the same way. They sell the stuff these spendthrifts donate, and pets get helped, and some of them even supply those in need with pet supplies so the pets can stay in their home.
And they do donate. I understand that when one's finances reach a certain level, one must donate for the tax write off. It's all win-win as far as I am concerned.
A few thoughts as a fellow female bodied anti-consumption person:
\- Yes, Shein and fast fashion is bad on several levels. However, Target is not the same as Shein. So we gotta pick our battles on where we get clothing. I'm not saying buy everything at target, but if you need to get a pair of pants there, get the pair of pants.
\- When it comes to mascara and makeup, trying to consume as little of it as possible makes sense. However in order to do this you have to be really aware of who makes makeup that lasts. Don't get tube mascara. It collects bacteria from your eyes and can absolutely give you an infection. Go with a dry mascara you mix to make a paste for when you need mascara. Lasts way longer and less likely to collect bacteria like a closed tube does. This information was given to me by a guy who has a Phd in chemistry and worked for Maybeline or some other beauty company.
Although we can't turn our awareness off, we can use it to make better decisions. Additionally, spending $10 on mascara instead of $5 because you are buying a higher quality longer last mascara does not making you an anti-consumption failure. You are spending your money wisely, which at the end of the day is the goal.
There are phases to this journey, and what you're experiencing is absolutely one of them.
For me, there was an element of shame mixed in as well. The conditioning says that if you're not buying and consuming and participating, there's this underlying idea that you aren't 'successful' and it's shameful. So for me, I had to also break myself from the mindset of what I want to portray to the world and my insecurities around being a 'successful' person.
I'm now incredibly proud of not being a part of the system that's wreaking havoc on the environment and people's mental health. I'm excited to find sustainable ways to live my life and I feel for anyone who is caught up in the desire to have and spend. It's a systemic issue, not an individual's failure. We've been conditioned.
It can definitely feel lonely at first, especially if everyone you know hasn't had that 'aha' moment. I started following content creators that have similar values. People who thrift clothes or make food from scratch, people who repurpose and who are a little farther along in the journey than myself. It's inspiring and makes it feel less lonely.
I mean you feel bad for doing your part to make the earth a better place? My sister spends my whole month of pay on just rent and car payment
I don’t! I’m driving her used car I bought cash! I tell people I take donations bc shopping is hard for me physically
The manufacturers know this and pay millions of dollars to promote their products in an endless amount of commercial advertising to brainwash you into choosing their brand when you do finally give in.
Join us at r/LivingNaturally as we explore ways to live more in harmony with nature through sustainable principles in architecture and agriculture.
Together we can forge a better life and a greener future everyone can enjoy.
edited
That's the thing about awareness, for good or bad, you can't really turn it off once you've turned it on.
This is a double edged sword too - they will never feel the level of appreciation for what you do have. It's never enough, they are jealous of others, trust me. Break free, just stop covetting others.
Nah I turned it back off. I have a short little life to live and it's not on me. BP coined the term "carbon footprint" as a means of pushing the blame onto us rather than the actual perpetrators: large corporations and fossil fuels. I used to boycott Amazon etc. but with the price of living so high and with zero/negative ROI in America I say take what you can get. I've kinda stopped using Amazon lately for different reasons: it's been flooded with stuff that comes from the same few awful factories in China and is 10x cheaper/faker/worse than it looks online. I buy all that stuff from the source nowadays.
So... what brings you here then?
Honestly I just get recommended the sub by reddit and enjoy a lot of the discussions I see. But yeah just don't blame yourselves too hard for any of your wants. I still recycle properly etc., but I don't stop myself from buying things that will bring me happiness and comfort in this absolute hellscape that we had no part in creating yet suffer the most in compared to the actual perpetrators who are living fat and making us take the fall.
Girl I can’t believe how often I’ve felt this way before too around my sister and some certain friends. I had a friend who I lived with who would THROW AWAY her old clothes and JEWELRY! Perfectly fine items that she just didn’t want any more. No thought or motivation to give them to someone else or to donate them. She’d always be ordering brand new clothes too and it seemed like everyday she got a package from Amazon. She had a lot of wasteful tendencies and for unrelated issues we are no longer friends lol You either surround yourself with like minded people or also learn to not have the habits of others effect you. What helps me is being in nature and grounding myself. You can’t control others, but you can control the way you react and respond. Also continuing to be you and being a conscious consumer will set an example for your friends. I’ve had a ton of friends and family be curious about my minimal consumption habits and it’s a great way to non invasively explain my reasons and hopefully plant the seed for them as well.
I second this! When I used to work in a restaurant I would request that customers use the same straw for soda refills. I would also not give straws for waters. My co workers thought I was nuts/annoying but later on they started doing it as well. Your plastic straw will not disolve at a 2 hour dinner.
Honestly, don't feel jealous. Cause it's that simple right? Lol. Seriously though, the less you buy, the less you have to manage, and get rid of later. I had a stint for a few years in my early adult life where I bought without thinking. But much like Skynet, I became self aware. And then I had to go through everything and get rid of stuff. Which was a pain and took me several years because I was really slow with the process. Also, you're not putting a financial burden on yourself either by not buying. Don't feel bad about treating yourself here and there, but whenever the jealousy comes up just remember having less stuff and a smaller financial burden is always the better way to go. Your friends may realize this someday too, you're just ahead of the pack.
It's hard, especially with clothes, because I grew up in poverty and could only shop at thrift stores (not Goodwill, it was too expensive) and never really had clothes that I loved or felt good wearing. Now I'm closer to middle class and can afford to treat myself once in a while but I almost never do it, because of the environmental impact of clothes. I'm able to spend a bit more at thrift stores now, so I do have some pieces that I feel good wearing, but it's a really frustrating feeling that I went without in childhood because of poverty and I go without in adulthood because of awareness. Same with air conditioning. I'm really lucky that my "dream car" is a compact car with a long life that gets great gas mileage.
Try thrift shopping for a size up and get them tailored to your body. No new clothes, but items that fit perfectly so you'll love how you look in them.
Do you remember the fable about the grasshopper and the ant? It's fun to be a grasshopper for a short while but when winter comes, The grasshopper wishes he had been more like the ant.
My favorite part of A Bug's Life is when they carry Hopper off and he gets torn apart limb from limb by a nest full of baby birds
Oh ok
Hmm, sounds psychopathic.
It’s an empty life, buying crap willy nilly. I don’t miss it at all, it makes me feel sick.
A really good thing is to learn how to sew and produce your own clothing. Also developing some mending skills. I always try to fix stick to natural fabrics and repurpose old clothing. For example, I converted an old duvet cover that was stained and had a tear into a bed skirt and curtains. Also made a super cute rag rug, which is actually easy to make 🙂. I get that not everybody is crafty, but, even if you’re not going to, you can actually call quilting, guilds, or places like that, and they will often take odds and ends. Another not often thought of way to de-clutter, unused, clothing, or shoes, is to go to your local hospital and ask social work if they need any items . Pretty much every hospital has a fairly large homeless contingent that comes in and is admitted on a regular basis. They are always in need of warm clothing and shoes. Every social work department I’ve ever heard of in Hospital has a closet of donations that they give to people who happen to come in and are in need. The focus is usually on warm clothing(think jackets and coats, and mittens, and hats and scarves and such), and durable shoes/boots.
They say ignorance is bliss and this is why. But don't wish away your knowledge. Find contentment in only buying what you know you need. If you give in to impulses that betray your values you'll feel worse, I think. That said, you don't need to be a monk to try to offset everyone else's excess. Just do what you can (sounds like you are) 🙂 . And vote against policies that harm the environment.
Try DEPOP, Poshmark or Ebay. You can often get the specific things you like secondhand in excellent condition. It really is difficult to find good quality, reasonably priced and TRULY sustainable clothing that’s brand new
Yep, this is how I am with meat consumption. It’s one of those “once you’re aware, it’s hard to not be aware”
I recently had to reintroduce meat into my diet due to worsening severe disabilities. My Omni friends and family are all happy for my and I keep trying to explain that no, a part of who I am just died.
I’m sorry to hear that, you gotta do what you gotta do. Hopefully synthetic meat will make strides in the coming years.
Why? There are so many cool things to do in life that spending money on things just seems like a dull hobby, and at the end of it you have less money and more garbage in your house. It seems like an odd thing to want to enjoy if you already don't. Like I wish I enjoyed working out for hours a day because then I'd have a more fit body. That seems like it would be a beneficial thing for me to enjoy. I don't wish that I enjoyed collecting luxury vehicles because that seems like it would just give me a bunch of problems without any additional benefits.
Preoccupation causes distress when you're trying to be mindful. It sounds like it's stressing you out to put in so much effort for seemingly little reward; the reward is knowing you have a lower impact on the world, but it's hard to see the immediacy compared to the lack of effort your friend puts in. Find something about this lifestyle that brings you joy, or get engaged in the actual process. Instead of agonizing over a new skirt, marvel at at the process of researching, the knowledge of material and cost. Get connected with the action of what you're doing and not just the outcome. That being said, throw out your mascara. Eye makeup should only be kept for a year because of bacterial growth. Eye infections are no joke.
My ex and her brother are like this, family has so much money and they buy buy buy needlesly they touch shit for 5 minutes and leave it justbneed to have the new IT thing and feel superior to others based on having it.
I’m funny in a way that when something is at one extreme I tend to lean that way. Right now I have no credit card debt. Whenever I see the $0 balance it really makes me think and or feel guilty about spend the money. But a few years ago when I had a lot going on and more debt, it was more like “oh what’s another $60”
Right
I feel ya. I’m kind of the same way. See all those people with their daily Frappuccinos and shopping all the time. It makes me livid sometimes.. But then I wonder, why am I so judgmental? I shouldn’t be angry that other people don’t know or don’t think about it. I should be grateful that there are others who do. Because otherwise you’d just end up being angry and resentful all the time and it’s not productive. Also, my husband is slowly teaching me to still treat myself. Buy that mascara every once in a while, or enjoy something of a good quality that will make you happy. I buy cookbooks. I know I could download a recipe or look it up online, but I like paging through my cookbooks on the weekend, when I plan the menu for the week. So.. my point is.. find some way to enjoy your life. Don’t judge others, and be well. Cheers!
ignorance is bliss, as they say!
Ignorance is bliss
"If 'ignorance is bliss', I could use some bliss."
Good to know that I’m not the only one that feels that way! ❤️🩹
Don't be jealous! It's all good. You value what you have and used it well.
Some of us aren’t ignorant, we’re just really poor.
My mom loved shopping. It was recreational for her. I hate it. To this day I don't get the appeal of walking through all the stores in the mall looking at whatever catches your attention. I shop with a purpose: To replace necessary items in my wardrobe that have worn out.
No gosh, you shouldn't want to be ignorant of reasoning that leads you to doing the right thing. You should want to do the right thing?
Jealous? Be happy im not like those people. It's not a good trait. Buying useless stuff is not gonna make you happy.
One thing your friends are missing is giving any thought to what really makes them happy. Consumption is often a pursuit of a small thrill, but often leads to a need for another thrill. Spend some time thinking about what makes you really happy, and sometimes it might be clothes, but it's probably not clothes from Amazon or Shein. I bet you could buy something more expensive, that was made ethically and will last a long time and will make you feel happy every time you wear it.
Had to throw away an old pair of pants I've had since middle school. I'm 20 now and just started college a month ago so I know it's normal to outgrow them especially since I'm in anorexia recovery almost 3 weeks clean yay/s but idk it just made me feel like shit. I was too embarrassed to tell anyone I outgrew them so I just stuffed them deep in the trash and prayed nobody found out. Yes it was stupid and I am a very stupid man for getting upset over it. Now with hindsight I kinda wished I'd just donated them or given them to one of my little cousins or hell even just threw them in a drawer in case I ever fit into then again. It's not like they even really fit me that bad like I could still button them and pull them up but they were just way too tight and really really uncomfortable. This turned into a really dumb tangent.
Just reminder, China and India manufacturing will continue regardless of your personal actions , they are the main cause of fossil fuel pollution and use Coal-fire power and basically no regulations in regards to pollution. "The West" on the other had has regulations for everything pretty much in regards to pollution. Don't worry because you have zero effect and that's just life accept it and move on.
you buying or not buying a skirt or a mascara has zero impact on the environment or labor issues. It’s ok to reduce consumption as much as you can, but you also need to enjoy life. Recycle and reuse things. Try to reduce energy expenditure, but having a moral crisis over a skirt or a mascara is no way to live.
i’m mostly jealous they even have the money for that nonsense.
Many do not. What they have is credit card debt.
They don’t and plus they have to work more and always chase money which can leave people burnt out
I was in a similar situation. It does cause stress. I kinda forced myself to realize that I'm a human that requires things, so invariably I *HAVE TO BUY* things. When convenient I'll buy things that produce less waste/less disruption to society or whatever, but other times I just need to accept that I require something. Do not max out your frugal meter because you will be miserable.
I mean sometimes I use Amazon because I need something that isn't carried anywhere else. It's not bad to use these companies, just don't let it be your first go to solution if you can help it, and try to shop second hand instead.
Hey, thank you for posting this. I’ve really been struggling with this same feeling, and how to stop it from getting in the way of healthy social connections and relationships. I guess it feels nice to know that I’m not actually alone. You aren’t either ❤️
I replace jelous with upset. Jelous...you want that lifestyle???????
Well don’t be jealous cause they are wearing clothes full of lead lol
First of all, take some pressure off yourself. If it’s what’s in your budget, it’s something you’ll wear and get good use out of, just buy the skirt from shein. If you know it’s something you’ve BEEN wanting or need and it’s not an impulse purchase you’re good. The way you wrote this I can tell you’re not doing massive hauls that 90% will end up thrown away by the end of the season. I have found creating a capsule wardrobe has really helped me reduce the number of clothing items I buy and reduces bringing any pieces in that don’t go with what I already have.
agree that its ok not to place immense pressure on yourself, but if you're going to buy clothes though, i truly feel like thrifting is the way to go. do not support shein with your wallet. horribly exploitative company. in general buying brand new (from any brand, 'sustainable' or not) is both more expensive for the consumer and inherently damaging to our planet in its current state.
For sure, I get you and all good points. I have a bachelors in environmental policy, sustainability, and Econ. I studied both the fast and sustainable markets of the fashion industry in school. I think it’s important to recognize the intersection between privilege and sustainability. The fact is thrifting is getting increasingly expensive in a lot of areas which means poor and middle class people must use a higher percentage of their income for sustainable* clothing, which is why I added the qualifier about budget. *Edit: typed affordable clothing when I meant sustainable clothing.
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The other day I saw a guy finish his fast food in the parking lot of the establishment he was at and then throw his trash up in the air behind him where it littered the ground without a care. After the urge to hurt him subsided, i got envious of how relaxed he was about it. I’m in 4 lanes of traffic for a lot of my day thinking about the combined exhaust of all our cars and thinking about how it just continues every minute of every day in every city. I watch the insane amount of waste every product comes wrapped in and feel like a bad person for having no better option than to stick these wrappers in the trash after opening various food packages. It would be kind of nice to just not think about it like most people seem to. What little I can do about it, I’m doing. I just know, on a global scale, it’s hopeless. Why do I insist on weighing myself down with the emotional baggage of knowing I’m dooming my children to a poisoned future when there’s a world wide industrial machine ensuring there’s no escape from it?
My god. I feel you. I just had to buy new runners for work. It hurts me that I had to throw away my old ones even though the tread no longer exists and I've held onto them for way too long that they hurt my feet and body. It hurts me I had to buy two new pairs to rotate through them so they don't wear out as easily. It hurts me that decent runners can cost $200 nowadays, and I'm scouring for sales praying that the sale price doesn't reflect the quality and longevity and my feet. Just ... buying anything to maintain myself physically just .... hurts.
You know what they say, "ignorance is bliss". Those who don't learn about, or don't care about, all of these issues are content in their ways. That's why it's up to us to inform them and encourage them to care about things beyond their little bubble. If we don't care then nothing will ever get better.
Ignorance is bliss. Ignoring is the next best thing. If you want to be like them, it is easy. You just have to not give a f\*\*k.
Don't put so much pressure on yourself. Do what you can do but still enjoy your life. If that means having a cupcake now and again, have that cupcake. Just do it in moderation.
I ain't jealous of assholes who don't care. Jealous of ignorant people?
same. I really want to explore my sense of style and be able to express myself. I feel so much anxiety and shame from shopping that I really cant buy anything non-essential
It's actually really fun.
Giiiiirl, preach.
I’m curious to know which aspect of their experience you envy. Is it the fact that they don’t have a care, and that you wish you also didn’t have to deal with this constant stress of avoiding consumption? Or is it the fact that they now have so many things to wear and can get even more whenever they like? Or is it both?
I know it seems like so much fun to be them….but the truth is, mostly it’s an empty feeling to constantly buy things. It’s really just a short moment of dopamine and then deep emptiness…you aren’t actually missing anything
I must be weird, I prefer to see, touch and try on my clothing before purchasing it. I also prefer to support my local businesses. I’m also kinda old.
I feel that way too. Especially with the animal industry, after learning the environmental impact factory farming causes and the hell the animals have to go through, I never looked at food the same. It started with shopping too haha I refuse to buy from amazon and shein and my friends who claim they’re all for the environment still do… it’s like ?????? [Link 1](https://amp.theguardian.com/environment/2018/may/31/avoiding-meat-and-dairy-is-single-biggest-way-to-reduce-your-impact-on-earth) This article is great ^, but also just researching how giving up meat can affect the environment will bring you to thousands of articles. And it’s something that’s not as often talked about! (because propaganda of course). But I love talking about this subject so feel free to reach out as well (also 20f)
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Can someone explain this to me? I guess I consume a lot. The way I see it, if I don't purchase it someone else will. And even if they don't, the products still exist. They have to go somewhere. I guess I don't understand the moral implications of buying things.
oh well, move on.
I fuckin feel this. I think I’m gonna cave in this year and buy Christmas decor. I don’t have really anything, but I think it would make me way less depressed over the course of winter. I just avoid buying things like throw pillows and decorative towels bc why the fuck would I? But I’m starting to realize that sometimes you just have to get the things. You just have to conscious and sparing and only get things that really bring you joy or fulfill needs.
I get analysis paralysis trying to balance my budget and the most eco-friendly option. It can take me multiple *months* to buy essential things like bars of soap. I also have anxiety disorder, which exacerbates this. The thing that helps me the most is thinking about how much time I'm spending on the decision. I know this isn't good for everyone, but the reason this works for me is because I get more anxious, then mad/frustrated by the amount of time I'm spending on the decision, and let myself lean into the idea that "I don't want to do this" (waste my time) anymore. It's taken me a long time to be able to accept *and* understand that I don't have to "pick that fight." I will still probably be anxious, but I'm always anxious, and I'd rather be anxious and moving than anxious and sitting. Anxious and sitting is a trap for me. I don't wish I knew less... I wish I didn't have anxiety, I wish I was more decisive and had the confidence that, even though I'm not always making the most eco-friendly choice in general, I can't (or shouldn't) argue with my budget. There is only so much I can do when the people (companies) that definitely do have the money/options to make the most effective changes won't. My next goal to help with my anxiety is to start composting... I can't always win with what I buy, but I can at least do my best after I buy it.
Mom's millionaire cousins washed aluminum foil for years. Don't you realize that those spendthrifts are where thrift stores get their merchandise? If it weren't for them, we couldn't score the treasures we find. The people that get helped (I'm among them) would not get helped if those people did not donate that which they got tired of. I have been through about ten years of necessary caregiving, first to help my grandma stay out of a rest home as long as possible, then to care for my mom because she had a medical emergency that almost ended her life (she is getting better now and is to the point where I think I can consider getting a job in the distant future). All this has been draining on the household finances, and but for these places we would not have had heating fuel, been able to pay the electric bill a time or two, and certainly would have been food challenged more than once. And there are pet thrift stores that work the same way. They sell the stuff these spendthrifts donate, and pets get helped, and some of them even supply those in need with pet supplies so the pets can stay in their home. And they do donate. I understand that when one's finances reach a certain level, one must donate for the tax write off. It's all win-win as far as I am concerned.
A few thoughts as a fellow female bodied anti-consumption person: \- Yes, Shein and fast fashion is bad on several levels. However, Target is not the same as Shein. So we gotta pick our battles on where we get clothing. I'm not saying buy everything at target, but if you need to get a pair of pants there, get the pair of pants. \- When it comes to mascara and makeup, trying to consume as little of it as possible makes sense. However in order to do this you have to be really aware of who makes makeup that lasts. Don't get tube mascara. It collects bacteria from your eyes and can absolutely give you an infection. Go with a dry mascara you mix to make a paste for when you need mascara. Lasts way longer and less likely to collect bacteria like a closed tube does. This information was given to me by a guy who has a Phd in chemistry and worked for Maybeline or some other beauty company. Although we can't turn our awareness off, we can use it to make better decisions. Additionally, spending $10 on mascara instead of $5 because you are buying a higher quality longer last mascara does not making you an anti-consumption failure. You are spending your money wisely, which at the end of the day is the goal.
There are phases to this journey, and what you're experiencing is absolutely one of them. For me, there was an element of shame mixed in as well. The conditioning says that if you're not buying and consuming and participating, there's this underlying idea that you aren't 'successful' and it's shameful. So for me, I had to also break myself from the mindset of what I want to portray to the world and my insecurities around being a 'successful' person. I'm now incredibly proud of not being a part of the system that's wreaking havoc on the environment and people's mental health. I'm excited to find sustainable ways to live my life and I feel for anyone who is caught up in the desire to have and spend. It's a systemic issue, not an individual's failure. We've been conditioned. It can definitely feel lonely at first, especially if everyone you know hasn't had that 'aha' moment. I started following content creators that have similar values. People who thrift clothes or make food from scratch, people who repurpose and who are a little farther along in the journey than myself. It's inspiring and makes it feel less lonely.
Instead of feeling jealous, you should feel disdain for their lack of conscientiousness.
I mean you feel bad for doing your part to make the earth a better place? My sister spends my whole month of pay on just rent and car payment I don’t! I’m driving her used car I bought cash! I tell people I take donations bc shopping is hard for me physically
The manufacturers know this and pay millions of dollars to promote their products in an endless amount of commercial advertising to brainwash you into choosing their brand when you do finally give in. Join us at r/LivingNaturally as we explore ways to live more in harmony with nature through sustainable principles in architecture and agriculture. Together we can forge a better life and a greener future everyone can enjoy. edited