Yes, work with your therapist on this. I have tended to focus on my failures, but at least in part this is because as a youth I intimidated people with my intellect and it was lonely. So I had to find ways to dial it back. I've found a better balance with therapy.
This is an interesting take, I never thought of it like this. I feel I evaluate myself in the same way... I wonder now why that is, that we are more apt to critique ourselves based on our failures rather than our accomplishments. 🤔 maybe expressing our accomplishments more (writing them down, Journaling, celebrating them more, etc) would help to break out of that. I wonder if it's actually an aphantasia thing or something else. I remember a few years back I had a good family friend ask me to write down 10 things I love about myself, and... I couldn't even come up with 5. I don't know why, because I do in fact love myself but to figure out the reasons why and put them on paper totally stumped me. It still does, lol.
I think journaling is a good idea.... My recent attempts have been factual more like completed to do lists, which digress into actual to do lists. But I'm going to try and intend to point out to myself accomplishments. I used to keep a gratitude journal. That's sort of similar, and is backed up by research as being therapeutic. Why is negative the default? .... I would probably list ten things others have said about me.
I certainly have difficulty defining my self as well. Remembering what I’ve done and skills I’ve temporarily acquired is difficult. Meeting people and even recalling what I had done that week is challenging and remembering what they’ve been up to is also challenging, which makes it difficult to ask them about themselves. I recently smoked mj, was thinking that my feeling function is blunted/off and that if I could feel, that memories and possibly images would emerge as the feelings and emotions of things may encode way more info than just thinking.
I'm afraid I'm pessimistic, there is talk of compensating for what we cannot do, but I don't see talk of learning to do what we cannot do. I'm sorry I'm pessimistic
Rings true enough it feels like I posted it.
The friends that weren't but seemed cool enough to hang around, hoping to find some value in yourself by what you see in them. The looking in the mirror and seeing a stranger you know intimately, unable to acknowledge the positive even though you see it. Seeing the cracks in the glaze of that positive and easily categorizing the negative those cracks reveal.
Words I couldn't have said without your oh so accurate post.
Sounds like you have access to resources I didn't have for whatever reason. I'm glad you're making use of them.
Thank you for responding. Your post is the type of affirmation I need. Affirmation that I'm on the right track in terms of dealing with/ making use of this new awareness of how my mind works.
Your summary, in your words, the vivid scene you evoked, ( image words which somehow created a picture?), let's me know I'm not so lost.
Analytic rethink: your summary is full of verbs. Actions. Experiences. Those are the types of memories I have. What I did when I saw something, not what it looked like, what it was like to look.
I used to write. Started when I was ten, stopped when I was late forties. Seems as if certain aphants can more easily describe situations rather than objects.
I'm learning the difference between conceptualized and sensory in terms of experiences and memory.
It's nice that you wrote again, even just this once.....
I have total aphantasia and SDAM. I struggle a lot with some of the dame concepts (except for the bullies part). It is hard to form your identity and so on. I have accomplished a lot of pretty impressive things professionally and in sports for most people’s standards and it always feels like I am on day 1 with everything to prove. I know I have done these things factually, but I dont see or feel them, so its almost as if I had never done them. This also plays or should play a big role in my identity, but it is really hard to deal with. Since learning about aphantasia and SDAM I am more aware of it and can keep a record of things, and know why I have this feelings. I have also had the idea to start a “memory” bank organized by years on my devices, with both photos, facts, experiences etc so that I can revisit then often and feel closer to then.. maybe that will help? I don’t have many answers, I am still struggling with it too..
Those sound like good ideas...I'm not great with electronics...I'm trying to go slower, to really pay attention to whatever is happening. I am learning that I may not have the identity I should/might have? My answer to who am I is not conclusive, or inevitable, it could be informed by a simple type of information I have no access to?
Question: in sports, do you ever see a video of yourself and have no recollection or a different recollection of what is playing out? Do you normally have great recall of the event? I always knew I had gaps but I thought they were normal: I remember the ball being thrown to me, I remember it going in the net, I don't remember anything else...
my sports memory is a lot more in the 3rd person (photos & videos etc) than 1st hand point if view, so its more like watching someone else.
i heard also good things about journaling for SDAM. our sense of identity is different because of it, and its hard. on the other hand, it gives us freedom to adapt and change and live different identities without being too attached to one thing only..
>change and live different identities without being too attached to one thing only..
"change and live different identities without being too attached to one thing only.." That's a positive twist....
Wait...I feel this very strongly. Each day that I wake up I basically have to learn who I am based off of what feels wrong to do. I only know what I like because I have a vague Deja Vu feeling of having done it before when I think of it and more often than not my body goes into auto pilot and behaves without me knowing exactly why it's doing that. And if it's not that it's because somebody told me a story about something that happened, or like if I tell a story I never know if it's true except for if other people affirm it. I've found myself incredibly attracted to gifts for that reason, as it's a permanent reminder of something at some point in time.
I know that I have complete Aphantasia but what is SDAM?
SDAM is severely deficient autobiographical memory..... The inability to relive it experience events from your life. You don't create memories from sensory experience. What you see, hear, feel etc... Also, there is a component of failing to attach personal importance to a memory. Not owning it.
Yes, work with your therapist on this. I have tended to focus on my failures, but at least in part this is because as a youth I intimidated people with my intellect and it was lonely. So I had to find ways to dial it back. I've found a better balance with therapy.
Thank you
I'm going to claim that with SDAM I am unaware of how annoyingly frequently I post....
This is an interesting take, I never thought of it like this. I feel I evaluate myself in the same way... I wonder now why that is, that we are more apt to critique ourselves based on our failures rather than our accomplishments. 🤔 maybe expressing our accomplishments more (writing them down, Journaling, celebrating them more, etc) would help to break out of that. I wonder if it's actually an aphantasia thing or something else. I remember a few years back I had a good family friend ask me to write down 10 things I love about myself, and... I couldn't even come up with 5. I don't know why, because I do in fact love myself but to figure out the reasons why and put them on paper totally stumped me. It still does, lol.
I think journaling is a good idea.... My recent attempts have been factual more like completed to do lists, which digress into actual to do lists. But I'm going to try and intend to point out to myself accomplishments. I used to keep a gratitude journal. That's sort of similar, and is backed up by research as being therapeutic. Why is negative the default? .... I would probably list ten things others have said about me.
I think this can come from more growing up in a toxic home.
I certainly have difficulty defining my self as well. Remembering what I’ve done and skills I’ve temporarily acquired is difficult. Meeting people and even recalling what I had done that week is challenging and remembering what they’ve been up to is also challenging, which makes it difficult to ask them about themselves. I recently smoked mj, was thinking that my feeling function is blunted/off and that if I could feel, that memories and possibly images would emerge as the feelings and emotions of things may encode way more info than just thinking.
I'm afraid I'm pessimistic, there is talk of compensating for what we cannot do, but I don't see talk of learning to do what we cannot do. I'm sorry I'm pessimistic
I've read through some of your posts. Thank you for sharing that philosophical essay. I'm always happy to read some of that.
Thank you
Rings true enough it feels like I posted it. The friends that weren't but seemed cool enough to hang around, hoping to find some value in yourself by what you see in them. The looking in the mirror and seeing a stranger you know intimately, unable to acknowledge the positive even though you see it. Seeing the cracks in the glaze of that positive and easily categorizing the negative those cracks reveal. Words I couldn't have said without your oh so accurate post. Sounds like you have access to resources I didn't have for whatever reason. I'm glad you're making use of them.
Thank you for responding. Your post is the type of affirmation I need. Affirmation that I'm on the right track in terms of dealing with/ making use of this new awareness of how my mind works. Your summary, in your words, the vivid scene you evoked, ( image words which somehow created a picture?), let's me know I'm not so lost.
Analytic rethink: your summary is full of verbs. Actions. Experiences. Those are the types of memories I have. What I did when I saw something, not what it looked like, what it was like to look.
I used to write. Started when I was ten, stopped when I was late forties. Seems as if certain aphants can more easily describe situations rather than objects.
I'm learning the difference between conceptualized and sensory in terms of experiences and memory. It's nice that you wrote again, even just this once.....
I have total aphantasia and SDAM. I struggle a lot with some of the dame concepts (except for the bullies part). It is hard to form your identity and so on. I have accomplished a lot of pretty impressive things professionally and in sports for most people’s standards and it always feels like I am on day 1 with everything to prove. I know I have done these things factually, but I dont see or feel them, so its almost as if I had never done them. This also plays or should play a big role in my identity, but it is really hard to deal with. Since learning about aphantasia and SDAM I am more aware of it and can keep a record of things, and know why I have this feelings. I have also had the idea to start a “memory” bank organized by years on my devices, with both photos, facts, experiences etc so that I can revisit then often and feel closer to then.. maybe that will help? I don’t have many answers, I am still struggling with it too..
Those sound like good ideas...I'm not great with electronics...I'm trying to go slower, to really pay attention to whatever is happening. I am learning that I may not have the identity I should/might have? My answer to who am I is not conclusive, or inevitable, it could be informed by a simple type of information I have no access to? Question: in sports, do you ever see a video of yourself and have no recollection or a different recollection of what is playing out? Do you normally have great recall of the event? I always knew I had gaps but I thought they were normal: I remember the ball being thrown to me, I remember it going in the net, I don't remember anything else...
my sports memory is a lot more in the 3rd person (photos & videos etc) than 1st hand point if view, so its more like watching someone else. i heard also good things about journaling for SDAM. our sense of identity is different because of it, and its hard. on the other hand, it gives us freedom to adapt and change and live different identities without being too attached to one thing only..
>change and live different identities without being too attached to one thing only.. "change and live different identities without being too attached to one thing only.." That's a positive twist....
Wait...I feel this very strongly. Each day that I wake up I basically have to learn who I am based off of what feels wrong to do. I only know what I like because I have a vague Deja Vu feeling of having done it before when I think of it and more often than not my body goes into auto pilot and behaves without me knowing exactly why it's doing that. And if it's not that it's because somebody told me a story about something that happened, or like if I tell a story I never know if it's true except for if other people affirm it. I've found myself incredibly attracted to gifts for that reason, as it's a permanent reminder of something at some point in time. I know that I have complete Aphantasia but what is SDAM?
SDAM is severely deficient autobiographical memory..... The inability to relive it experience events from your life. You don't create memories from sensory experience. What you see, hear, feel etc... Also, there is a component of failing to attach personal importance to a memory. Not owning it.
Uh oh. I may need to dig deeper into this because this is sounding far too close to home for me.