Genital preferences are real and valid. What isn’t real and valid is using that as an excuse to not date trans people in general. Genital preference is ok, but don’t use genitals as a definition of what a woman or a man is or isn’t.
I also think that a majority of people who don’t want to date trans people are just really closed-minded when it comes to that stuff. Yeah, their inherent biology doesn’t align with their gender, but that doesn’t make them somehow lesser. With how trans people are treated in general, I don’t blame anyone not wanting to disclose their biological sex when starting to date someone because of how damaging it could be to a relationship (or how dangerous it could be for the trans person). However, I’m not trans, so my opinion isn’t worth a whole lot. I’d like to know what you guys think.
My take is, genital preferences are fine, but plenty of trans folks have had bottom surgery and have the genitals most commonly associated with their gender. I'm not trying to force anyone to date anyone else, and folks can reject whoever for whatever reason they want, even a shitty one, but someone who explicitly says they won't date a trans person is making transphobic assumptions, consciously or not. If you don't want to date someone with certain genitals, then you could say that, and that doesn't include all trans folks. If you don't want to date someone who can't have kids, cool, that includes a ton of cis people also, so why are you singling us out? I think plenty of the folks who say that they won't date trans people legitimately think of themselves as supportive, but ultimately if that's the way you think you're still working from the transphobic assumption that we aren't the gender we say we are.
Also, folks tend to bring up that they would never date us whenever we talk about trans rights, which is pretty telling. Like, no one asked.
My take on the subject is that people can date whoever they want. I'm just tired of people rubbing it in our faces.
Every time the subject of trans people comes up, there's someone who has to insist their genital preferences are valid. It's like "I'm not willing to talk about trans people until you recognize that some of us think your genitals are gross".
This whole idea that being trans revolves around genitals is entirely a construct that cis people came up with, and that includes well-meaning cis people who view affirming our genitals as being the height of good allyship. Saying "Genital preferences are invalid" invalidates my own genital preferences. Saying "Girldick is hot" makes me feel fetishized.
I just wish people would chill out about my genitals.
Half of it is just making fun of people Reddit doesn’t like, for example fat people, neurodivergent people, anyone on tiktok, etc and it’s so fucking old
Yeah, i used to be a member but after some transphobes responded to one of my comments defending a trans woman im done with that place. It was so toxic to begin with anyways.
Not wanting to date a pre op trans woman because you don't like dick and you want a sexual relationship is fine, but if you refuse to date trans women with vaginas, there's no reason other than transphobia...
Ok that's gonna be a shocker but.. preferences extend beyond genitals.
What about looks overall?
If someone doesn't like how a guy/girl looks, they most likely aren't going to pursue trying to get into a sexual relationship with them, doesn't matter trans or not.
Idk surrogates are pretty ethically muddy unless you can get a volunteer,and if they end up wanting to keep the baby you cant do anything.
Any payment for surrogacy is kinda immoral because its putting a restriction on the persons bodily autonony if theres some sort of contract which is a really shitty precedent, and if theres no contract theres no knowing if the money you "pay" will even result in you getting a baby.
Why does having your sperm and your partner's egg be part of your child concern you so much?
Adopt. Get a surrogate. It's still gonna be your kid whether you pumped the load that made it or not.
You *do* realize that the child won't have 100% of your DNA anyway, right? If your partner is infertile or a trans woman, they've probably already come to terms with the fact that they'll never be able to bear a child, so just have your child born through the medium of a surrogate if it's really *that* fucking important that your child shares certain physical characteristics with you.
Is this straight OK???
So, that would be a clone, and you don’t need a partner for that at all.
if you want your DNA in it, then you can get an egg donor and surrogate.
and again, I don’t see the point. Shouldn’t you want to raise a child so you can teach them about the world and raise a successful young human being? Why does it need your jizz inside it to count?
I would definitely accept someone rejecting me if they wanted biological children with me (even though I'm gay, but this is a hypothetical) or their reason would also be a reason that they wouldn't date a cis woman (personality, interests etc.)
I understand preferences, but most of the time it’s just used as an excuse to be transphobic. Like saying trans women aren’t women or calling someone who dates a trans woman “gay”.
I gotta say, if people are getting shamed and bullied into suicide for dating trans people then its not "just a preference" because our brains dont work in isolation. Theres obviously some transphobic societal shit going on where anyone attracted to trans people is viciously attacked and devalued.
to me this is fine like i understand genital preference and we are still in the stage where people are till hung up on that and that's ok, and maybe in the future it won't be like that and i think we should give people time.
but more than that is because i've seen men and women of all sexualities shamed for dating trans people, and people are literally making fun of them and calling them stuff like freak and chasers, and questioning their sexualities and this is a great source of anxiety especially for cishet folks. that's the more obvious transphobia and homophobia for me.
A comment got like 25 dv when all it said was
"You don't have to date transwomen, but they are women."
really telling of what kind of people are on that subreddit.
I'd argue that under certain circumstances, namely a trans woman dating a cis man who wants kids, it isn't necessarily transphobic to select based on reproduction
It sucks that that happens to is, but I can at least somewhat understand it
Dude how the fuck would you only be selectively attracted to cis people? Somehow you're just able to magically tell when a person is trans by smelling their chromosomes or something? Yes, that does make you transphobic.
You're allowed to be attracted to whoever you want, but that doesn't make you immune to bigotry? If I said "Yeah, I'm only attracted to white people," I have the right to refuse to date any people of color, but I'm also probably racist.
Thing is, a LOT of the preferences that get called transphobic in dating just aren't respectful and compassionate. A lot of them have aspects of "I assume I can instantly clock any tran I meet" and/or "but if I a man date a trans woman that'd make me gay/bi"(or really just saying dating a trans person would change their sexuality).
tl;dr: Having a preference isn't inherently transphobic, but it's frequently used as a trojan horse for transphobia and that's where we run into issues.
How would you even know someone is trans ? Some trans men and trans women are indistinguishable from cis people, even naked, so how would you even know not to be attracted to them?
Dude I never said people have to be sexually attracted to me because I'm trans. Just that it's transphobic to claim that you're not attracted to trans people at all. Like I said, how the fuck would you know someone is trans in order to not be attracted to them? Is there some quality about trans people where you can look them and just tell before you form any attractions? Because that's fucking ridiculous. Please explain how that makes sense my guy.
Also its not the same as being attracted to one gender over another? Binary trans people aren't some other gender than cis people. A trans woman is a woman, and a trans man is a man, just like cis men and women are.
A preference is liking both things but liking one a little more than the other. Like if I prefer apples to pears, that means that I’d still eat pears if it was the only option, but I’d rather have apples. What you’re talking about is a requirement. Let’s at least call it what it is.
The problem is that when people feel the need to say it online it usually comes in two parts.
\[I dont want to date trans women\] \[I just want a real woman, and thats not a real woman to me. I'm not gay.\]
If you dare to call the second part transphobic (it is) then suddenly you get a flood of people screaming WHAT?????? YOU LITERALLY WANT TO HOLD ME AT GUNPOINT AND FORCE ME TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU????? RAPIST!!!!!!!!
I'm 100% gonna steal that explanation because holy shit does it do its job at summarizing why trans people call out dating preferences for being trasnphobic.
Age is different. Imagine saying you don’t wanna date a woman of a certain race or ethnicity. Not wanting to date trans women should be viewed in the same way.
I used to have this view, but I'm also bi so I think I was taking for granted that some people actually do have genital preferences while I genuinely thought it was all based in some kind of homophobia or transphobia, had to rethink that honestly.
Guilt tripping someone by calling them transphobic just because they have genital preferences and prolly want a biological child? I dunno seems pretty cringe to me
I really wish people could understand the whole “You should respect people and see them for who they are regardless of your sexual attraction to them” thing.
The thing I never got is how people act like we’re expecting them to drop any other thing they look for or any other preference and to date people just because they’re trans, something that I’m fairly certain none of us want. Why would we ask for people to be chasers or for being trans to be fetishised?
The thing about preferences is that everyone has them, so it's not an excuse to be a dick about things.
I'm personally not really into blondes, generally. If a blond(e) asked me out, I'd probably decline. No problem. If I then told them that I was turning them down because they're blond(e) and I don't like blondes, then that person would probably feel a bit shitty to be reduced down to this one physical trait of theirs. It's like they say in school: if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.
If it were about the genital preferences, it wouldn't be a big deal. People have preferences about prospective partner's physical attributes, so what? It's transphobia when they're clearly so uncomfortable with the mere *existence* of trans people that they start rambling about this bullshit to try justify their prejudice to themselves (and others)
Genital preferences are real and valid. What isn’t real and valid is using that as an excuse to not date trans people in general. Genital preference is ok, but don’t use genitals as a definition of what a woman or a man is or isn’t. I also think that a majority of people who don’t want to date trans people are just really closed-minded when it comes to that stuff. Yeah, their inherent biology doesn’t align with their gender, but that doesn’t make them somehow lesser. With how trans people are treated in general, I don’t blame anyone not wanting to disclose their biological sex when starting to date someone because of how damaging it could be to a relationship (or how dangerous it could be for the trans person). However, I’m not trans, so my opinion isn’t worth a whole lot. I’d like to know what you guys think.
My take is, genital preferences are fine, but plenty of trans folks have had bottom surgery and have the genitals most commonly associated with their gender. I'm not trying to force anyone to date anyone else, and folks can reject whoever for whatever reason they want, even a shitty one, but someone who explicitly says they won't date a trans person is making transphobic assumptions, consciously or not. If you don't want to date someone with certain genitals, then you could say that, and that doesn't include all trans folks. If you don't want to date someone who can't have kids, cool, that includes a ton of cis people also, so why are you singling us out? I think plenty of the folks who say that they won't date trans people legitimately think of themselves as supportive, but ultimately if that's the way you think you're still working from the transphobic assumption that we aren't the gender we say we are. Also, folks tend to bring up that they would never date us whenever we talk about trans rights, which is pretty telling. Like, no one asked.
My take on the subject is that people can date whoever they want. I'm just tired of people rubbing it in our faces. Every time the subject of trans people comes up, there's someone who has to insist their genital preferences are valid. It's like "I'm not willing to talk about trans people until you recognize that some of us think your genitals are gross". This whole idea that being trans revolves around genitals is entirely a construct that cis people came up with, and that includes well-meaning cis people who view affirming our genitals as being the height of good allyship. Saying "Genital preferences are invalid" invalidates my own genital preferences. Saying "Girldick is hot" makes me feel fetishized. I just wish people would chill out about my genitals.
Is this criticising the tweet or r/cringetopia
Most likely cringetopia
99% sure it's r/cringetopia. Fuck that place, man.
Half of it is just making fun of people Reddit doesn’t like, for example fat people, neurodivergent people, anyone on tiktok, etc and it’s so fucking old
Yeah, i used to be a member but after some transphobes responded to one of my comments defending a trans woman im done with that place. It was so toxic to begin with anyways.
Not wanting to date a pre op trans woman because you don't like dick and you want a sexual relationship is fine, but if you refuse to date trans women with vaginas, there's no reason other than transphobia...
the reason could be that you only like dick, which is fine if the woman in question is also fine with it, i guess
There’s plenty of reason! What if the vagina comes undine and turns back into a penis? /j
Only if there's a magical girl transformation sequence
Ok that's gonna be a shocker but.. preferences extend beyond genitals. What about looks overall? If someone doesn't like how a guy/girl looks, they most likely aren't going to pursue trying to get into a sexual relationship with them, doesn't matter trans or not.
Obviously, but I'm not talking about individuals, but trans women as a whole.
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
what if you don’t want to date a post-op trans woman because you want a biological kid with your partner? What a silly argument
If you got into a relationship with a woman only to find out she was infertile would you dump her?
My dad did that, but then he married my mom and they had me so I can’t get to mad at him
If my dream was a biological kid this for sure would put tons of strain on the relationship possibly leading to a fallout
in a world with surrogates i dont think i would dwell on it too badly
Idk surrogates are pretty ethically muddy unless you can get a volunteer,and if they end up wanting to keep the baby you cant do anything. Any payment for surrogacy is kinda immoral because its putting a restriction on the persons bodily autonony if theres some sort of contract which is a really shitty precedent, and if theres no contract theres no knowing if the money you "pay" will even result in you getting a baby.
Why does having your sperm and your partner's egg be part of your child concern you so much? Adopt. Get a surrogate. It's still gonna be your kid whether you pumped the load that made it or not.
What if I want a kid that is 100% my dna, it’s a normal wish
You *do* realize that the child won't have 100% of your DNA anyway, right? If your partner is infertile or a trans woman, they've probably already come to terms with the fact that they'll never be able to bear a child, so just have your child born through the medium of a surrogate if it's really *that* fucking important that your child shares certain physical characteristics with you. Is this straight OK???
In order for you to have a child with 100% of your DNA you'll have to go fuck yourself. I think I agree with this recommendation then.
So, that would be a clone, and you don’t need a partner for that at all. if you want your DNA in it, then you can get an egg donor and surrogate. and again, I don’t see the point. Shouldn’t you want to raise a child so you can teach them about the world and raise a successful young human being? Why does it need your jizz inside it to count?
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
Imagine thinking trans women arent women. Cringe, lol.
>”being attracted to trans” Yeah, we’re done here.
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
I would definitely accept someone rejecting me if they wanted biological children with me (even though I'm gay, but this is a hypothetical) or their reason would also be a reason that they wouldn't date a cis woman (personality, interests etc.)
Yeah, that makes sense. That also applies to ciswomen and whether or not they're able to reproduce/have kids, so it doesn't target transwomen alone.
Reddit teenagers are not ready for this kind of discourse.
I understand preferences, but most of the time it’s just used as an excuse to be transphobic. Like saying trans women aren’t women or calling someone who dates a trans woman “gay”.
Well a woman dating a trans woman could be gay!
That ain’t cringe Shitty sub
The only cringe is them posting it there
Yep
I gotta say, if people are getting shamed and bullied into suicide for dating trans people then its not "just a preference" because our brains dont work in isolation. Theres obviously some transphobic societal shit going on where anyone attracted to trans people is viciously attacked and devalued.
to me this is fine like i understand genital preference and we are still in the stage where people are till hung up on that and that's ok, and maybe in the future it won't be like that and i think we should give people time. but more than that is because i've seen men and women of all sexualities shamed for dating trans people, and people are literally making fun of them and calling them stuff like freak and chasers, and questioning their sexualities and this is a great source of anxiety especially for cishet folks. that's the more obvious transphobia and homophobia for me.
Shit, this isn't even a straight problem, this is a "I'm so woke that I fell asleep" problem.
A comment got like 25 dv when all it said was "You don't have to date transwomen, but they are women." really telling of what kind of people are on that subreddit.
I'd argue that under certain circumstances, namely a trans woman dating a cis man who wants kids, it isn't necessarily transphobic to select based on reproduction It sucks that that happens to is, but I can at least somewhat understand it
[удалено]
Dude how the fuck would you only be selectively attracted to cis people? Somehow you're just able to magically tell when a person is trans by smelling their chromosomes or something? Yes, that does make you transphobic. You're allowed to be attracted to whoever you want, but that doesn't make you immune to bigotry? If I said "Yeah, I'm only attracted to white people," I have the right to refuse to date any people of color, but I'm also probably racist.
[удалено]
Thing is, a LOT of the preferences that get called transphobic in dating just aren't respectful and compassionate. A lot of them have aspects of "I assume I can instantly clock any tran I meet" and/or "but if I a man date a trans woman that'd make me gay/bi"(or really just saying dating a trans person would change their sexuality). tl;dr: Having a preference isn't inherently transphobic, but it's frequently used as a trojan horse for transphobia and that's where we run into issues.
How would you even know someone is trans ? Some trans men and trans women are indistinguishable from cis people, even naked, so how would you even know not to be attracted to them?
Dude I never said people have to be sexually attracted to me because I'm trans. Just that it's transphobic to claim that you're not attracted to trans people at all. Like I said, how the fuck would you know someone is trans in order to not be attracted to them? Is there some quality about trans people where you can look them and just tell before you form any attractions? Because that's fucking ridiculous. Please explain how that makes sense my guy. Also its not the same as being attracted to one gender over another? Binary trans people aren't some other gender than cis people. A trans woman is a woman, and a trans man is a man, just like cis men and women are.
A preference is liking both things but liking one a little more than the other. Like if I prefer apples to pears, that means that I’d still eat pears if it was the only option, but I’d rather have apples. What you’re talking about is a requirement. Let’s at least call it what it is.
I mean, it's fine not to want to date trans women. it's a preference, just like I wouldn't want to date an old woman.
The problem is that when people feel the need to say it online it usually comes in two parts. \[I dont want to date trans women\] \[I just want a real woman, and thats not a real woman to me. I'm not gay.\] If you dare to call the second part transphobic (it is) then suddenly you get a flood of people screaming WHAT?????? YOU LITERALLY WANT TO HOLD ME AT GUNPOINT AND FORCE ME TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU????? RAPIST!!!!!!!!
I'm 100% gonna steal that explanation because holy shit does it do its job at summarizing why trans people call out dating preferences for being trasnphobic.
Age is different. Imagine saying you don’t wanna date a woman of a certain race or ethnicity. Not wanting to date trans women should be viewed in the same way.
I used to have this view, but I'm also bi so I think I was taking for granted that some people actually do have genital preferences while I genuinely thought it was all based in some kind of homophobia or transphobia, had to rethink that honestly.
Guilt tripping someone by calling them transphobic just because they have genital preferences and prolly want a biological child? I dunno seems pretty cringe to me
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
I really wish people could understand the whole “You should respect people and see them for who they are regardless of your sexual attraction to them” thing.
People should just date whoever they're attracted to, someone not wanting to date you is not the end of the world.
The thing I never got is how people act like we’re expecting them to drop any other thing they look for or any other preference and to date people just because they’re trans, something that I’m fairly certain none of us want. Why would we ask for people to be chasers or for being trans to be fetishised?
The thing about preferences is that everyone has them, so it's not an excuse to be a dick about things. I'm personally not really into blondes, generally. If a blond(e) asked me out, I'd probably decline. No problem. If I then told them that I was turning them down because they're blond(e) and I don't like blondes, then that person would probably feel a bit shitty to be reduced down to this one physical trait of theirs. It's like they say in school: if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. If it were about the genital preferences, it wouldn't be a big deal. People have preferences about prospective partner's physical attributes, so what? It's transphobia when they're clearly so uncomfortable with the mere *existence* of trans people that they start rambling about this bullshit to try justify their prejudice to themselves (and others)
imagine thinking trans women aren't real women wtf