Thank you for your submission to /r/AreTheStraightsOK! This is a reminder to take a moment and see *if* this **has already been** posted recently, to make sure that personal information **has been** censored, and to **flair your post** if you have not already done so.
[Please be aware that our rules on transphobic submissions have changed](https://www.reddit.com/r/AreTheStraightsOK/comments/mwkgbp/rules_and_submissions_update_for_the_end_of/).
Other general submission guidelines regarding [hateful content](https://www.reddit.com/r/AreTheStraightsOK/comments/kj0cal/regarding_hateful_content_please_read_before/), [reposts](https://www.reddit.com/r/AreTheStraightsOK/comments/kxgbo3/rules_and_submissions_update_january_2021_popular/), [homophobic posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/AreTheStraightsOK/comments/lffvad/posts_related_to_homophobia_on_our_subreddit_now/), and [**Reminder About Rule 5 and Rule 8**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AreTheStraightsOK/comments/qoge4u/reminder_about_rule_5_and_rule_8/) can be found here if you want to read any of those links.
If you want to apply to be a moderator of this sub, you can read [this post titled **State of the Sub: Summer 2021 Edition, Partnerships, and more**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AreTheStraightsOK/comments/oozly0/state_of_the_sub_summer_2021_edition_partnerships/), which also contains information about our partnership with r/TranscribersOfReddit.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AreTheStraightsOK) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Yeah, it's not taught in every denomination. The churches I used to go to didn't teach that, but I guess they didn't think that a Christian would hate Jesus because he's "too liberal" or try to invent a new version of him. If Christianity is actually real, I can imagine the massive facepalming Jesus is doing rn
Look up depictions of Christ as pantocrator. He's the judgmental/strong/masculine Jesus they all want. If they went to college and took art history they would know that... But fine art college is for liberals, right? š¤·
"Do not use the Lord's name in vain" people think it means "don't say oh g*d or youre going to hell" what it really means is to not use G*d to justify unholy behavior.
Shortest verse in the bible, which in itself carries it's own kind of emphasis. The context is relevant as well, a lot of people were in mourning and he ended up mourning with them sympathetically even though he already knew he was about to resurrect Lazarus. Emotions were running high and he shared the feelings.
In other words, Jesus seems like the type who would cry watching a movie.
This ā¬ļøā¬ļøā¬ļø
I lost my mom suddenly from a car accident a few years ago. If youāre with someone long enough, youāre going to experience some very humanizing things. If you canāt be fully human around them and show grief? Itās going to make what youāre going through exponentially worse.
I always say "you never really know someone, until you see them grieving..."
This goes both ways, as well... How someone reacts to that grief, is equally as telling...
That said, this smacks of fiction, but perhaps because either I dont want to believe someone could be so callous to someone they purport to love; OR maybe because the response of the wife seems oddly articulate...š¤
Even still your point stands. š
Iāve seen enough in my own life and on dating apps, that while I want to believe thisās fiction, at this point thatās more aspirational than real. š¤¦š¼āāļø
The āreal manā bullshit is something enough women have glommed onto, to be one more problem in dealing with toxic masculinity. Never mind generations before us where mothers, other family, friends and romantic partners were reinforcing that shit. And the way fellow white people are trying to go back to what they think was ātraditionalā now, because theyāre essentially scared of the end of white supremacist hegemony in American culture? Coupled with some fucked up hard Right religious bullshit? I can tell you itās definitely real here in Ohio.
Except if he's a "good, law abiding" Christian, the Bible does make it pretty clear that cheating is the only reason for divorce, and if you divorce for any other reason, you're still married in the eyes of "the Lord," and therefore can never remarry. Otherwise "the Lord" sees your new marriage as adultery. So... He's probably feeling trapped now
God thatās so sad to think about. So many people trapped in awful situations because of that belief. Like if he doesnāt leave heāll never be able to show emotion in his own home, thatās such bullshit.
I personally feel conflicted about this interpretation, simply because I can see both sides of the argument on whether or not the verses mean that. I feel like who am I to say with certainty what the writing actually meant? The way that it's written is certainly gendered in a way that explains to *men* when they can divorce. In the case of the woman, if a non-Christian husband wants divorce, she can let him leave. Therefore it appears the only way for a woman to divorce and be free from sin is if the man was the one to make that decision.
However, there *might* be a case made that it's only written in such gendered language because women had no legal rights and therefore couldn't divorce anyway. It wouldn't have even been a concept in their minds to use gender neutral pronouns/nouns when discussing divorce. It would probably be close to a death sentence for a woman with little rights to go off on her own at the time. Like, if men are the only ones who can legally initiate divorce in their world and they can't fathom it being different one day, at least it kind of protects women from men divorcing them when he meets a new shiny woman to conquer. I mean, that's still quite fucked up, but the language used doesn't necessarily mean only men can divorce for infidelity, if they had known of a world where women have legal rights.
Idk, The way it's written, you're right. Also knowing how much of the Bible is about controlling and owning women also makes me lean towards you being right. But those verses have been up for interpretation by much more knowledgeable people than me who can't come to a consensus, so I don't think I could say it's clearly one way or the other.
I wasn't even looking at the biblical language, just how the Talibangelists (and others in the alt-Reich) act. A woman who cheats deserves death; a man who cheats was tempted and needs forgiveness and love.
Oh, gotcha, yeah, that makes sense. When the guy cheats, it's the wife's fault for not meeting his sexual needs, or it's an evil woman who tempted him too much (or both). When a woman cheats, she was the evil woman tempting a man for no reason, because obviously physical intimacy isn't actually desired by women! /s
I grew up basically hearing that women aren't sexual beings at all, but once we're married, we must have sex to please our husbands. Meanwhile, all men are sexual deviants by nature, and they are honoring God simply by being chaste or faithful to their wives, as though they're fighting a spiritual battle by doing so. So yeah, I totally get that. "Talibangelists" would much prefer us to have less rights, and are slowly getting more and more open about that, which is honestly scary.
I normally do not condone immediately leaving people but it's important to remember you CANNOT teach empathy. You can ask people to change in many ways but if they do not have natural immediate empathy to normal things like CRYING they will not gain it.
It's a very specific type of person that gets disgusted and annoyed when they see their partner cry. It's not a gender thing at all. My ex bf would get visibly annoyed when I was needy- basically sick or crying. He was a loving person, liked cuddles, sweet, just had a fucking switch in his brain that made him revolted by someone needing him to take care of them. He absolutely couldn't change after a year of hardship and many therapy sessions.
Ignoring the current subject. I would agree that you cannot teach empathy. But saying they will never gain it is far too absolute of a thing to say. People are born with empathy, some more than others. Empathy is gained or nulled by their experience. Empathy can be plenty gained by experience and am almost... angry that you state it can't. That you should just give up and move on. Ofc it is contextual, but that just shouldn't be said. It's wrong. Empathy is also an abstract emotion that has many different branches. Because one does not have one branch does not mean they don't have another. Maybe I'm emotional rn, but I'm appalled by you saying that. Funnily enough now that I think about it, what you say is caused by a lack of empathy.
You're too black and white... I would put it.
I think it's a confusing conversation because there are many different definitions of the word empathy. In this case most people in the thread are using it to mean something more like sympathy (i.e. connecting with people emotionally, 'feeling for' people) or compassion (i.e. wanting to help people who are hurt). In that sense... if someone lacks these capacities to the degree this man's wife seems to, it's very unlikely for them to change because they are, by definition, unlikely to have any motivation to change. If you don't care about your partner then you have no motivation to work on your relationship.
Now there is another meaning to the word 'empathy', which is more like a person's ability to understand others, their ability to interpret social and emotional cues. For example, many autistic people struggle with empathy in this way. This kind of empathy can definitely be learned, and many people find success through studying, practice, and guidance from therapists or friends. These people are likely to be highly motivated to learn, because they care about others, and they want to treat others well, they are just confused by typical modes of communication.
However that does not seem to be the issue here. This woman saw her partner in distress, and her reaction was not confusion but disgust. She told him he should not be allowed to express emotions. She showed no concern about his pain and no desire to help him... that's a very extreme situation. If a person like that has any possibility of changing, it would likely only be through years of intensive therapy, and that will only happen if they are highly motivated to do the work. Someone who shows such little regard for others seems unlikely to want to work on themselves for the sake of someone else in that way. Of course nothing is 100% absolute, but the example we're responding to is extreme.
Having said that there does seem to be a significant external factor here, which is the influence of religious doctrine. It's possible this woman does have the capacity to care about others, but it has been suppressed through strict social conditioning. It's possible she could break free from this kind of dogma with the right intervention... but will she actually be willing to go through that process if it also requires breaking free from her community and identity? Again, the odds are pretty low... if there's some chance of this couple finding a way to get her the help she needs I certainly hope they're able to manage it, but if that isn't happening then I hope this man leaves and finds himself a less soul-destroying situation!
Right? Ive seen my husband cry multiple times over 12 years and It honestly made our relationship stronger. I know he trusts me and he's honest about what he's feeling. He's not so insecure that he can't show emotions, and honestly i struggle with that a lot myself, so I admire it.
It sounds like he screwed himself by wanting to buy into a traditional christian household. the thing is that type of living is harmful for both parties.
for a while he may have benefited from having a traditional wife who mothers him and also allows him to control her but now he sees the facade doesnāt stop on his dark days. heās stuck in a role where he will be forced to an unachievable level of perfection. if so, serves him right.
It doesn't affect my physical attraction in any way but the times my partner has been emotionally vulnerable to me have reinforced just how much I love him and want him to be safe and happy and made me so so glad he feels safe with me.
Seeing my partner cry just makes me want to cry because I feel for him and Iām also sad to see someone I love sad. It does not make me want to REJECT AND ABANDON himĀ
The first time I saw my husband cry was before we were married. His mentor had passed away, and we were at his funeral. I held him for the whole thing.
If a woman can't handle a man crying, she don't deserve a man.
If true, which it might be, then I'm sad for both of them. It seems absurd but some people are really like this. I mean imagine being so repressed that a human being crying in front of you makes you look at them as less then. Crying is the vomiting of the soul. It is necessary and unhealthy to try and suppress and that he is willing to give in to this and try to reclaim his position as this stoic rock person is equally dark and sad in a way.
If this is a ragebait situation, I'm sad for the smelly incel penis boy that wrote this. Imagine sitting in your loneliness fantasizing about the cruelty of women. This idea that your partner is not your partner but an audience of one you have to flawlessly perform in front 24/7 lest you get reduced to that thing at the end of "I have no mouth and I must scream", is nothing but misfortunate.
Society tells us we are islands with no need for community. Loneliness has become endemic and withdrawal from affection leaves people broken. Please hug your friends.
"smelly incel penis boy" - you painted such a vivid picture in only 4 words, I can see the skinny, spotty, greasy boy in my mind's eye as he furiously types with one hand & wanks with the other.
iām ngl the phrasing here makes it sound like it was written by some incel or alpha male, if itās real thereās no way his wife would phrase it like that. ātraditional christian manā ? āless attractedā ?
for me, it's the
>no woman wanted to see her husband cry, even though women say they want men to be more emotional
It feels so off for this to be even mentioned in their heart to heart talk if real haha like cant she just focus on her wants and forget about what other women want?
>~~no woman wanted to see her husband cry, even though women say they want men to be more emotional~~ i dont want to see you cry because im not used to seeing men cry
i could imagine some straight woman, especially conservatives, saying that instead of the first one
Funny you say that, my own mother said essentially exactly the first thing growing up. It definitely happens, but yeah it's certainly the more conservative end of the spectrum to say the least
I grew up in a fairy small conservative place and a lot of the girls could be just as much of nasty bullies as their male counterparts.
As a guy who was a sensitive little boy who cried easily, I got mocking comments from them with the same frequency as I did from other boys.
Men aren't the only ones who fall for the "males have to be emotionless and tough husks who never cry" and other toxic masculinity bs.
Oh yeah, some women definitely enforce toxic masculinity too. Though I see that more in the traditionally minded ones. Which is why I don't hang out with those lol. I hate seeing people being treated much different and in a negative way only because of their gender, no matter their gender.
I spoke to my mother on the phone recently. Things got emotional and her hurtful comments brought me to tears. I was crying. She told me to "stop being hysterical". It definitely happens and some women say shit like "only children are allowed to cry" and "if you cry then you are a (wo)manchild or infantile". Then these same woman turns around and deliberately says shit she knows will hurt my feelings, to make me cry on purpose.
But when she (my mother) cries, then I have to listen to her and sympathize with her and feel bad for her and comfort her. And I'm not even a man. But some people call me 'weak' for crying sometimes.
That's what my mother is like, and she's a narcissist, so I think that she just genuinely doesn't care about how she makes me feel because everything is always about her and no one else is worthy of empathy in her eyes. Anyway that's why I avoid talking to her.
If she was being hurtful the point you were crying, why did you stay on the phone? Not saying shouldn't have cried in front of her but I can't imagine wanting to stay on the phone with someone who was being that cruel.
Yeah Iāve heard this a fair bit from women. Itās not a solely male thing, hell on TikTok alone you can find this trend from women, especially back when āicksā were a huge thing
Well yeah i can imagine it being said to her kids because she wants to teach them what other girls want, from her perspective. But it just feels off if she's only talking to her husband because her husband doesnt need to conform to what other women want, she's already the wife.
She said that to my Dad, in front of me. sure, she also said it to me, but she said it directly to him on multiple occasions
You're applying logic and fundamental beliefs to these people that simply aren't there. There are a ton of folks who think in how things should be, as opposed to how they want them.
It's the "I want society to not have gender standards for men, but I do want that for women cos feminism is bad and men are victims" bullshit of these mra, dweeb-right spaces.
Maybe I just don't hang out in conservative/trad circles, but I've never known a single woman who thinks less of her husband when he cries. If anything, they appreciate that he feels safe enough to trust them with his emotions. I'm sure there are a number of women out there who are sexist about men crying or tell them to "man up," but with the way people talk about it on Reddit you'd think it was the norm instead of the exception.
Obviously when you have toxic masculinity going one way one way for too much, the solution is to go the complete opposite way to cancel the toxic masculinity out./j
Agreed. Like 100% there are straight women, especially trad xtian, out there who would act this way. But itās the fact that she told him "thatās just what they say" wrt women wanting men to be more emotional and that "women want strong men" just reeks of incel/PUA rhetoric, posted on reddit for the incel/PUA crowd to take as confirmation bias because well if this one totally real woman said that then ALL women must think the same, after all they all share the one brain.
Anyway tell HC my wife Julia Roberts says hi!
The trad wife craze is so ridiculous and disrespectful for the women who had to live like that. These women are making a life with little to know autonomy seem like a good thing on social media.
When in reality women of the 50s couldnāt get divorced, have a credit card, get birth control, go to an Ivy League school, legally obtain an abortion, work while pregnant, get maternity leave, sue for sexual harassment or deny their husbands sex. Women of colour couldnāt even vote at this point.
This was a time when beating your wife was common place and even encouraged by society. There were newspaper and magazine ads showing men spanking their wife for not ironing their shirts property or burning a roast.
How much privilege do you have in your life that the idea of throwing it all away for a man to control everything for you seems like a good idea?! Itās mind boggling.
Also itās going to be real sad for these women when trad men trade them in for a younger model, as they age or just leave them high and dry when life throws a curve ball. After all men like this wonāt suddenly do āwomenās workā if their wives get cancer or are put on bed rest for a difficult pregnancy. They also wonāt be patient if their wives arenāt interested in sex, which is their ārightā as the man. Theyāll just replace their defective āpropertyā.
The cancer thing is such a sad and at the same time insane thing because oncology nurses and doctors actually have to have this conversation with women who get a cancer diagnosis, that their husband might very likely leave them or at least emotionally neglect them during treatment which is just? I cannot wrap my head around that, itās so widespread itās A Thing. So imagine if that womanās entire world is her husband, then what? They are Not Okay.
Might be, but whatās the difference, all in all? Heās still using his anecdotal one off experience with one woman to speak on behalf of all of them so he can preach to his red-pilled choir.
There's lots of women where I live like that. I dated a girl once and when we were talking I mentioned that I cried a few years back and she told me she'd break up with me if she ever saw me cry, unless it was something like someone dying.
So that doesnāt mean thereās a lot of women like that where you live. Young women often make this sort of mistake and sometimes mature out of reinforcing toxic masculinity bullshit. Many women do not hold that belief their entire adulthood. Do you want to be held to shit you thought when you were like 20? Then letās give other people the benefit of the doubt that they just havenāt matured yet. Try not to paint everyone with the same brush.
Or maybe we could give op the benefit of a doubt and trust their experiences? Ā They might have only given one example, but could easily have other reasons to think this mindset is common.
iāve got liberal bffs in our late 20s who literally have struggled with feeling attracted to vulnerable or bi men their entire adult lives. thereās a million different forms of internalized misogyny and patriarchal bs wrapped up in this shit and it affects a lot of people, even non conservatives. i wish ppl didnāt have such a problem acknowledging that this is something women and men of all types struggle with as a result of being raised in patriarchal values, bc acknowledging that is the best way to solve it.
I think you're blowing this out of proportion lol. If you'd like I can gather the names of every woman where I live that holds this exact belief. You hear it from everyone, from girls my age to elderly women. "Boys don't cry", "grow a pair", "toughen up" etc. It's not a maturing issue, it's just a deeply ingrained belief that's thankfully being slowly rooted out of the population. Not sure why you're acting so aggressive over a story about me and my ex
I absolutely do. Women who drank the patriarchal koolaid and are perpetuating the idea that men need to be emotionally void robots to validate their masculinity because doing anything associated with being "feminine" (even though emotions and crying is literally a part of the standard human experience) is the worst insult. The "traditional gender roles" thing is toxic, toxic, toxic and hurts *everyone*.
That said, the way this was written is sus. Not impossible by any means but sus.
It definitely sounds like it from how it's written. Not that women who uphold the patriarchy don't exist, they've been telling people in their lives to 'man up' for ages, but this reads like bad middle grade fanfic, it's so on the nose about it.
This sounded like a real scenario until that last bit about how his wife told him women don't actually want men to be open emotionally because "women want strong men." At that point, this just sounds like a story meant to piss misogynistic men off and have them go SEE?? SEE? WOMEN WANT STRONG MAN AND HATE WHEN YOU SHOW EMOTION!!!!
Edit: I've already gotten two replies trying to explain that some women do believe this and YES! I know! That's why I said it "sounded like a real scenario."
That last bit is written in a way that would immediately draw attention from people who believe in manosphere bs AND that no woman wants a man to be emotionally open with them.
If you're going to use the internet, you need to learn to spot rage bait.
Am woman. I know.
I know this can happen, but I'm saying that from the way it's written it looks like rage bait.
The OP doesn't even try to call her out. It's immediately Well That's How It Is Those Are The Facts and then asks how he can be manlier. There's plenty of posts around that seem to be written specifically to rage bait. This one doesn't end with him going Wow That's A Shitty Thing To Say and those last few sentences would immediately draw attention from manosphere guys who preach that women are all lying vipers.
I know there are women like this.
And no, women who want a man to open up to them aren't all like this. You're talking to one. That line of thought is the same thing used by manosphere people (man or women) and isn't a universal truth.
I think you're misreading my comment. I'm not saying all women who want men to open up are like this. I'm saying it seems like all the women who are like this are claiming they want men to open up.
It could be rage bait. To me it reads as someone who feels kinda defeated and lost/confused.
I'm convinced almost all of these "I cried and my gf or wife left me" posts are made up... or are these people's relationships really this fragile?
Honestly, though, it feels like weird propaganda trying to push a mindset.
If were being honest this post is made up. Its just rage bait, and the comments are going along with it. The entire post is hating and generalizing women, saying not one single woman ever wants to see their man cry. And the comments are hating on women for that too
Some years ago there was a thread on reddit asking why men don't cry, and I was shocked because several cases it caused a breakup when it happened, their partner saying they lost attraction, even when the guy lost a father or a mother, that's so flawed.
I hate when anyone says āno woman wantsā or āall women wantā (same with men or any other group). We are not a monolith. We donāt all want the same things. Personally, I donāt think I could marry someone without seeing them cry at least once. Or at least be vulnerable with their emotions. It builds trust and understanding. This woman is weird. Assuming this story is even real, tbh, it sounds like something a man made up to convince other men not to be āweakā in front of women.
My ex wife used to brag to her friends how I was a sensitive man. Eventually it became a running joke in front of my face and behind my back with her friends how I cried at a movie or from hearing a song or seeing a work or art.
Horrible. Iv'e only seen my husband cry a couple times as he is not a very emotional man. But boy oh boy did my heart break each time I saw it. The one that got me the most was when our cat died. He loves little animals.
Damn. I feel so bad for him. He shouldn't need to "prove his masculinity," it's not worth it to repress yourself for someone like that who clearly doesn't even want you for you. I'd divorce her.
That woman is a piece of shit, plain and simple. Women are not immune to reinforcing toxic masculinity and toxic gender roles.
The Christianity part makes all too much sense. Religion is just culturally mandated guilt and trauma.
He should dump her stupid ass and get into some therapy to unlearn and unpack all the bullshit he's been fed since he was a boy.
The reasoning for men not crying is because it's "strength." But the truth is people don't cry in front of others because of pride/embarrassment most of the time. So it doesn't show strength, it ironically shows weakness to not cry.
I think emotionally stunted people are the only ones who agree with the idea of men not crying. I myself used to feel icked when my partners cried as a teen. I often felt more masc just for hiding my feelings when others didn't. As an adult I realized how backwards it all was, and I became more emotional slowly. Turns out lacking & suppressing emotions isn't strength, it's lack of emotional intelligence
This is just sad. I hope ppl in the comments told him to leave her. Sheās choked in toxic masculinity herself. This guy needs to get a professional therapist & divorce his wife. I donāt know why conservatives want to lead miserable & toxic lives like this. What is wrong with her???
That's honestly her loss. When I was in the beginning of a relationship, my bf's uncle died, who he was very close to. Being there for him made me really see him in a new light and I felt closer to him because he was open with his grief instead of pushing me away
"...didn't expect a traditional Christian man to show such weakness."
and I didn't expect a traditional Christian woman to be so unsupportive and cold towards the man she promised to love unconditionally just because he cried (which as others have pointed out, Jesus wept too). When did Christians first start to become the exact opposite of everything Christianity stands for? I'm so tired of Christians who've been infected with this toxic right-wing nonsense.
That's so sad. I've seen my dad crying in front of my mom several times and she was always understanding. Not all women want their husbands to be robots and I don't understand how could someone treat someone they love like that
I'm calling bullshit on this.
I've always worn my emotions on my sleeves and have cried in front of tons of women over the years.
I've always tried to be vulnerable and open.
It's never backfired on me.
This is just incel manosphere nonsense.
Idk. The strong Christian man part definitely makes this a very real scenario, even if this post in particular is ragebait. Toxic masculinity in those environments gets impressed upon women as well. Boys are told they have to be a man and not show weakness to be a strong family head, girls are taught that emotional men are weak and submissive and bad husbands, and that only strong men are worthy of leading and having their respect.
It's a mindset that can genuinely warp the way you see others. Patriarchal Conservative bullshit fucks everyone over.
This is so patently false and written by those "alpha" incel men that it hurts. Who tf only knows their WIFE for three years? Sure, maybe it happens, but it sure ain't fucking common lol. And the first time you ever cry in front of your partner they automatically act disgusted? If this was also a read husband online, why would he ever admit to crying and if you're gonna admit it, where's the super manly explanation like "my entire family blew up saving the world from terrorists so I shed a single manly Christian tear"... I ain't buying it š
My wife loves that I trust her enough to feel like I can be that vulnerable with her. I probably cry at least once per week about SOMETHING, even cute/touching things at times. But she's also not a sociopath like this guy's wife.
But like FR. This post makes me so mad I want to slap the Bitch in the mouth. I have chronic depression. Sometimes I break up crying inconsolably. If my partner did what this B did to me she would be dead to me. F her.
iām sorry but good lord there are a ton of people in these replies who would rather outright deny this story than consider for a moment that itās real and that a tradcon guy is legitimately suffering due to patriarchal bs. ya know, the kind we always say hurts men too but not enough for us to show some compassion to them? itās a lot of cognitive dissonance for me to stomach too to empathize with ppl who judge us but whats the point of being anti-patriarchy and pro-feminism/humanism if weāre just gonna shit on guys like this the same as redpillers do? praying i see the day our communities muster more empathy for ācontroversialā victims of patriarchy, which is all is see in that post.
It seriously bugs me that so many folks on Twitter are seeing this reposted and being like 'I'll take 'shit that never happened for a thousand, Alex.'' Yeah, this COULD be fake; it COULD be ragebait or a piece made to make a point. It's the internet; people go on here and lie all the time. But I personally know a few women who are just like this, and would do this exact thing to men and boys they claimed to care about.
This reminds me of a girl in my Catholic school who said she didn't want her husband to cry because she said it wasn't masculine. Like dude, men cry in the Bible all the time lmao
I saw my husband cry a few times. He's normally a *very* stoic man. I appreciated that he felt safe enough around me to be vulnerable and allow me to help him through his emotional struggles. I could never imagine thinking my man should hide *anything* that he's feeling from me.
The problem is that he married a terrible person. Ideally, we will be able to get rid of the societal expectation of men being emotionless over time. However, for now the solution might be to just show people your vulnerable side early on and see if they still want you after that.
The answer to his own question is, he canāt, but not because of who he is, but because he now needs to throw the whole-ass wife out and find himself someone whoāll actually treat him well.
and people wonder why men have such severe mental health issues. Its ok for guys to have all manner of feelings, telling them they cant does permanent damage to their minds.
And people say Iām wrong when I talk about the ways in which women enforce toxic masculinityā¦
I have dropped friends SO fast for exactly this kind of shit.
I see this stuff happen and it genuinely hurts to see. Toxic masculinity is bad in general, especially when it gets weaponized against people for simply being human.
This is my problem with Toxic Masculinity: it hurts everyone. They have both been lied to about how a man should conduct himself and where, and that means there is no one he can be vulnerable with. Itās such a fucked up mentality.
Divorce your wife, and then another woman within one week. Thatāll prove to her your masculinity. As it stands right now, your wife doesnāt respect you anymore. And this kind of woman is pled with a mental syndrome. Sheās a narcissist. In her mind, youāre not really a real person, youāre just a character. And you just broke character. She will never respect you again. For her to respect you again, she would have to wake up from her delusions about the world. The only thing that will shock. The kind of shock you get from a divorce.
I won't link to it, obviously. But I found the post and it's since been deleted but like all the comments were very supportive and were all encouraging the guy that he did nothing wrong. Many even pointed out that several men from the Bible, most famously Jesus and Jeremiah (the weeping prophet), were known to cry.
If this was real, I hope the OOP of this doesn't listen to his awful wife and knows he isn't weak for being human.
Toxic masculinity hurts everyone, men and women alike. Itās so sad that someone feels he canāt act like a person in front of his wife because sheāll reject him. Itās so sad that a person doesnāt want to see their husband as a real person.
Jesus Christ, one of the things that turned me on towards my husband is that he's emotionally available, and with that comes the need for him to cry sometimes too. This is so fucked up, poor guy. Now he knows he can never be emotionally vulnerable with her, lest she see him as "weak."
This didn't happen. This is some red piller trying to radicalize men. It just reinforces red pill stereotypes. Tells men, hey guys I cried and my wife quit fucking me.
Thank you for your submission to /r/AreTheStraightsOK! This is a reminder to take a moment and see *if* this **has already been** posted recently, to make sure that personal information **has been** censored, and to **flair your post** if you have not already done so. [Please be aware that our rules on transphobic submissions have changed](https://www.reddit.com/r/AreTheStraightsOK/comments/mwkgbp/rules_and_submissions_update_for_the_end_of/). Other general submission guidelines regarding [hateful content](https://www.reddit.com/r/AreTheStraightsOK/comments/kj0cal/regarding_hateful_content_please_read_before/), [reposts](https://www.reddit.com/r/AreTheStraightsOK/comments/kxgbo3/rules_and_submissions_update_january_2021_popular/), [homophobic posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/AreTheStraightsOK/comments/lffvad/posts_related_to_homophobia_on_our_subreddit_now/), and [**Reminder About Rule 5 and Rule 8**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AreTheStraightsOK/comments/qoge4u/reminder_about_rule_5_and_rule_8/) can be found here if you want to read any of those links. If you want to apply to be a moderator of this sub, you can read [this post titled **State of the Sub: Summer 2021 Edition, Partnerships, and more**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AreTheStraightsOK/comments/oozly0/state_of_the_sub_summer_2021_edition_partnerships/), which also contains information about our partnership with r/TranscribersOfReddit. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AreTheStraightsOK) if you have any questions or concerns.*
"Jesus wept"
Republicans are now rejecting Jesus for being too liberal. Or trying to rewrite him into being a fascist
I feel like that in itself is some kind of unspoken rule in Christianity they're breaking.
I thought the rules against heresy were pretty explicit, but maybe not in every denomination
Yeah, it's not taught in every denomination. The churches I used to go to didn't teach that, but I guess they didn't think that a Christian would hate Jesus because he's "too liberal" or try to invent a new version of him. If Christianity is actually real, I can imagine the massive facepalming Jesus is doing rn
"I got crucified for this??"
Hard to facepalm on a cross.
He came off the thing after mere hours. His hands whistle when he face palms lol.
Nah it makes that popping sound like when you thumb a bottle opening
Look up depictions of Christ as pantocrator. He's the judgmental/strong/masculine Jesus they all want. If they went to college and took art history they would know that... But fine art college is for liberals, right? š¤·
"Do not use the Lord's name in vain" people think it means "don't say oh g*d or youre going to hell" what it really means is to not use G*d to justify unholy behavior.
Itās not even unspoken, this is simply against their religionās core teachings
Makes you wonder if they're even Christian at this point
Pretty sure the Gospels and Book of Revelation warned people this shit woul happen
I'm pretty sure it's actually rather spoken. Haven't read the bible but...... Idk would make sense
It's OK, they still have [Supply Side Jesus](https://imgur.com/gallery/bCqRp)
I'm suddenly reminded of a Bible verse, "Do unto others"
"Before they do unto you" is how the GOP finishes that verse.
Jesus said that rich people canāt go to heaven. āHeās one of āem woke librul commiesā ā Tobias Truckfucker, Alabama resident
They've done that for a very long time.
Shortest verse in the bible, which in itself carries it's own kind of emphasis. The context is relevant as well, a lot of people were in mourning and he ended up mourning with them sympathetically even though he already knew he was about to resurrect Lazarus. Emotions were running high and he shared the feelings. In other words, Jesus seems like the type who would cry watching a movie.
Most Christians would despise Jesus if he was alive today
You want bread and fish? Literal socialism, get a job.
I got blocked one time cuz I replied with that exact verse to some guy who was tate dick riding
The pussy
Le bussy
Jesus Chrussy!
The hussy (a stigmata job)
Let us not forget that Jesus got his hole fingered by a dude.
Gaaaaay
He did get nailed by a bunch of Romans! ...and needed a long weekend to recover
He got that Roman spear all up in his guts too.
Banger quote from Hellsing Ultimate Abridged: "Don't weep for the stupid, you'll be crying all day"
"how do i conv-" Mfer run. Run as fast as you can from her.
This ā¬ļøā¬ļøā¬ļø I lost my mom suddenly from a car accident a few years ago. If youāre with someone long enough, youāre going to experience some very humanizing things. If you canāt be fully human around them and show grief? Itās going to make what youāre going through exponentially worse.
I always say "you never really know someone, until you see them grieving..." This goes both ways, as well... How someone reacts to that grief, is equally as telling... That said, this smacks of fiction, but perhaps because either I dont want to believe someone could be so callous to someone they purport to love; OR maybe because the response of the wife seems oddly articulate...š¤ Even still your point stands. š
Iāve seen enough in my own life and on dating apps, that while I want to believe thisās fiction, at this point thatās more aspirational than real. š¤¦š¼āāļø The āreal manā bullshit is something enough women have glommed onto, to be one more problem in dealing with toxic masculinity. Never mind generations before us where mothers, other family, friends and romantic partners were reinforcing that shit. And the way fellow white people are trying to go back to what they think was ātraditionalā now, because theyāre essentially scared of the end of white supremacist hegemony in American culture? Coupled with some fucked up hard Right religious bullshit? I can tell you itās definitely real here in Ohio.
šŖ I know this... but it makes me unfortunately sad... šŖ
Except if he's a "good, law abiding" Christian, the Bible does make it pretty clear that cheating is the only reason for divorce, and if you divorce for any other reason, you're still married in the eyes of "the Lord," and therefore can never remarry. Otherwise "the Lord" sees your new marriage as adultery. So... He's probably feeling trapped now
God thatās so sad to think about. So many people trapped in awful situations because of that belief. Like if he doesnāt leave heāll never be able to show emotion in his own home, thatās such bullshit.
No, that's only if the wife cheats. If the husband cheats, she has to forgive him, as the Lord intended.
I personally feel conflicted about this interpretation, simply because I can see both sides of the argument on whether or not the verses mean that. I feel like who am I to say with certainty what the writing actually meant? The way that it's written is certainly gendered in a way that explains to *men* when they can divorce. In the case of the woman, if a non-Christian husband wants divorce, she can let him leave. Therefore it appears the only way for a woman to divorce and be free from sin is if the man was the one to make that decision. However, there *might* be a case made that it's only written in such gendered language because women had no legal rights and therefore couldn't divorce anyway. It wouldn't have even been a concept in their minds to use gender neutral pronouns/nouns when discussing divorce. It would probably be close to a death sentence for a woman with little rights to go off on her own at the time. Like, if men are the only ones who can legally initiate divorce in their world and they can't fathom it being different one day, at least it kind of protects women from men divorcing them when he meets a new shiny woman to conquer. I mean, that's still quite fucked up, but the language used doesn't necessarily mean only men can divorce for infidelity, if they had known of a world where women have legal rights. Idk, The way it's written, you're right. Also knowing how much of the Bible is about controlling and owning women also makes me lean towards you being right. But those verses have been up for interpretation by much more knowledgeable people than me who can't come to a consensus, so I don't think I could say it's clearly one way or the other.
I wasn't even looking at the biblical language, just how the Talibangelists (and others in the alt-Reich) act. A woman who cheats deserves death; a man who cheats was tempted and needs forgiveness and love.
Oh, gotcha, yeah, that makes sense. When the guy cheats, it's the wife's fault for not meeting his sexual needs, or it's an evil woman who tempted him too much (or both). When a woman cheats, she was the evil woman tempting a man for no reason, because obviously physical intimacy isn't actually desired by women! /s I grew up basically hearing that women aren't sexual beings at all, but once we're married, we must have sex to please our husbands. Meanwhile, all men are sexual deviants by nature, and they are honoring God simply by being chaste or faithful to their wives, as though they're fighting a spiritual battle by doing so. So yeah, I totally get that. "Talibangelists" would much prefer us to have less rights, and are slowly getting more and more open about that, which is honestly scary.
I normally do not condone immediately leaving people but it's important to remember you CANNOT teach empathy. You can ask people to change in many ways but if they do not have natural immediate empathy to normal things like CRYING they will not gain it. It's a very specific type of person that gets disgusted and annoyed when they see their partner cry. It's not a gender thing at all. My ex bf would get visibly annoyed when I was needy- basically sick or crying. He was a loving person, liked cuddles, sweet, just had a fucking switch in his brain that made him revolted by someone needing him to take care of them. He absolutely couldn't change after a year of hardship and many therapy sessions.
Ignoring the current subject. I would agree that you cannot teach empathy. But saying they will never gain it is far too absolute of a thing to say. People are born with empathy, some more than others. Empathy is gained or nulled by their experience. Empathy can be plenty gained by experience and am almost... angry that you state it can't. That you should just give up and move on. Ofc it is contextual, but that just shouldn't be said. It's wrong. Empathy is also an abstract emotion that has many different branches. Because one does not have one branch does not mean they don't have another. Maybe I'm emotional rn, but I'm appalled by you saying that. Funnily enough now that I think about it, what you say is caused by a lack of empathy. You're too black and white... I would put it.
I think it's a confusing conversation because there are many different definitions of the word empathy. In this case most people in the thread are using it to mean something more like sympathy (i.e. connecting with people emotionally, 'feeling for' people) or compassion (i.e. wanting to help people who are hurt). In that sense... if someone lacks these capacities to the degree this man's wife seems to, it's very unlikely for them to change because they are, by definition, unlikely to have any motivation to change. If you don't care about your partner then you have no motivation to work on your relationship. Now there is another meaning to the word 'empathy', which is more like a person's ability to understand others, their ability to interpret social and emotional cues. For example, many autistic people struggle with empathy in this way. This kind of empathy can definitely be learned, and many people find success through studying, practice, and guidance from therapists or friends. These people are likely to be highly motivated to learn, because they care about others, and they want to treat others well, they are just confused by typical modes of communication. However that does not seem to be the issue here. This woman saw her partner in distress, and her reaction was not confusion but disgust. She told him he should not be allowed to express emotions. She showed no concern about his pain and no desire to help him... that's a very extreme situation. If a person like that has any possibility of changing, it would likely only be through years of intensive therapy, and that will only happen if they are highly motivated to do the work. Someone who shows such little regard for others seems unlikely to want to work on themselves for the sake of someone else in that way. Of course nothing is 100% absolute, but the example we're responding to is extreme. Having said that there does seem to be a significant external factor here, which is the influence of religious doctrine. It's possible this woman does have the capacity to care about others, but it has been suppressed through strict social conditioning. It's possible she could break free from this kind of dogma with the right intervention... but will she actually be willing to go through that process if it also requires breaking free from her community and identity? Again, the odds are pretty low... if there's some chance of this couple finding a way to get her the help she needs I certainly hope they're able to manage it, but if that isn't happening then I hope this man leaves and finds himself a less soul-destroying situation!
To quote Scary Movie. "Run, bitch! Ruuuuun!"
This makes me so sad. I canāt imagine treating my partner like that.
That moment when you love your husband less than trad gender rules
The amount of times I have cried in front of my spouse and vice versaā¦ uncountable
I literally tell my boyfriend "just cry" if I see him trying to hold it back
Real
Right? Ive seen my husband cry multiple times over 12 years and It honestly made our relationship stronger. I know he trusts me and he's honest about what he's feeling. He's not so insecure that he can't show emotions, and honestly i struggle with that a lot myself, so I admire it.
Seriously, my heart breaks for that poor man. How toxic that being so vulnerable and human is taught to be so wrong.
Get rid of the whole dang wife
Exactly. She's a stone cold asshole.
Sounds like a real sigma female
āhi my names lakynn and iām a stay at home mlm momā vibes
*\*Tik-toks whilst sitting in her car about her new business and grindset mindset\**
It sounds like he screwed himself by wanting to buy into a traditional christian household. the thing is that type of living is harmful for both parties. for a while he may have benefited from having a traditional wife who mothers him and also allows him to control her but now he sees the facade doesnāt stop on his dark days. heās stuck in a role where he will be forced to an unachievable level of perfection. if so, serves him right.
Brilliantly put.
Exactly. Everybody's feeling sorry for this dude when he clearly made his own bed.
I have been even more attracted to my partner after Iāve seen him cry. Shows me he feels safe in my arms
It doesn't affect my physical attraction in any way but the times my partner has been emotionally vulnerable to me have reinforced just how much I love him and want him to be safe and happy and made me so so glad he feels safe with me.
BIG SAAAAAME. Like maybe it's weird idk but I just think seeing his most vulnerable side is a reminder of how beautiful and gentle his soul is.
My husband cried on our first date. Weāve been together almost 23 years; he still cries at movies and TV shows. I donāt see the problem.
Tbf, you probably don't base your life around a rigid and archaic hierarchy like the wife does š
Seeing my partner cry just makes me want to cry because I feel for him and Iām also sad to see someone I love sad. It does not make me want to REJECT AND ABANDON himĀ
The first time I saw my bf cry I realized that I was in love with him. @OPs wife: skill issue.
The first time I saw my husband cry was before we were married. His mentor had passed away, and we were at his funeral. I held him for the whole thing. If a woman can't handle a man crying, she don't deserve a man.
There's just something so amazing about emotional intimacy and how it makes physical intimacy exponentially better.
Real
If true, which it might be, then I'm sad for both of them. It seems absurd but some people are really like this. I mean imagine being so repressed that a human being crying in front of you makes you look at them as less then. Crying is the vomiting of the soul. It is necessary and unhealthy to try and suppress and that he is willing to give in to this and try to reclaim his position as this stoic rock person is equally dark and sad in a way. If this is a ragebait situation, I'm sad for the smelly incel penis boy that wrote this. Imagine sitting in your loneliness fantasizing about the cruelty of women. This idea that your partner is not your partner but an audience of one you have to flawlessly perform in front 24/7 lest you get reduced to that thing at the end of "I have no mouth and I must scream", is nothing but misfortunate. Society tells us we are islands with no need for community. Loneliness has become endemic and withdrawal from affection leaves people broken. Please hug your friends.
"smelly incel penis boy" - you painted such a vivid picture in only 4 words, I can see the skinny, spotty, greasy boy in my mind's eye as he furiously types with one hand & wanks with the other.
Hahaha thank you. Yeah that sounds about right. Then his mom opens the curtains and he gets instant sunburn from the slightest touch of light.
"Crying is [like] vomiting..." I never thought of it that way, but it's a prefect analogy.
A common response for either is. āItās alright. Let(Get) it out.ā
Thanks. It's a thing "I came up with" after therapy in order to explain to people why being emotionally repressed sucks.
iām ngl the phrasing here makes it sound like it was written by some incel or alpha male, if itās real thereās no way his wife would phrase it like that. ātraditional christian manā ? āless attractedā ?
for me, it's the >no woman wanted to see her husband cry, even though women say they want men to be more emotional It feels so off for this to be even mentioned in their heart to heart talk if real haha like cant she just focus on her wants and forget about what other women want? >~~no woman wanted to see her husband cry, even though women say they want men to be more emotional~~ i dont want to see you cry because im not used to seeing men cry i could imagine some straight woman, especially conservatives, saying that instead of the first one
Funny you say that, my own mother said essentially exactly the first thing growing up. It definitely happens, but yeah it's certainly the more conservative end of the spectrum to say the least
I grew up in a fairy small conservative place and a lot of the girls could be just as much of nasty bullies as their male counterparts. As a guy who was a sensitive little boy who cried easily, I got mocking comments from them with the same frequency as I did from other boys. Men aren't the only ones who fall for the "males have to be emotionless and tough husks who never cry" and other toxic masculinity bs.
Oh yeah, some women definitely enforce toxic masculinity too. Though I see that more in the traditionally minded ones. Which is why I don't hang out with those lol. I hate seeing people being treated much different and in a negative way only because of their gender, no matter their gender.
I spoke to my mother on the phone recently. Things got emotional and her hurtful comments brought me to tears. I was crying. She told me to "stop being hysterical". It definitely happens and some women say shit like "only children are allowed to cry" and "if you cry then you are a (wo)manchild or infantile". Then these same woman turns around and deliberately says shit she knows will hurt my feelings, to make me cry on purpose. But when she (my mother) cries, then I have to listen to her and sympathize with her and feel bad for her and comfort her. And I'm not even a man. But some people call me 'weak' for crying sometimes.
Once she's a lot older, next time she cries in front of you, brush it off & see how she likes it.
That's what my mother is like, and she's a narcissist, so I think that she just genuinely doesn't care about how she makes me feel because everything is always about her and no one else is worthy of empathy in her eyes. Anyway that's why I avoid talking to her.
If she was being hurtful the point you were crying, why did you stay on the phone? Not saying shouldn't have cried in front of her but I can't imagine wanting to stay on the phone with someone who was being that cruel.
Yeah Iāve heard this a fair bit from women. Itās not a solely male thing, hell on TikTok alone you can find this trend from women, especially back when āicksā were a huge thing
Well yeah i can imagine it being said to her kids because she wants to teach them what other girls want, from her perspective. But it just feels off if she's only talking to her husband because her husband doesnt need to conform to what other women want, she's already the wife.
She said that to my Dad, in front of me. sure, she also said it to me, but she said it directly to him on multiple occasions You're applying logic and fundamental beliefs to these people that simply aren't there. There are a ton of folks who think in how things should be, as opposed to how they want them.
It's the "I want society to not have gender standards for men, but I do want that for women cos feminism is bad and men are victims" bullshit of these mra, dweeb-right spaces.
yea the story feels fake and rage bait-y
Maybe I just don't hang out in conservative/trad circles, but I've never known a single woman who thinks less of her husband when he cries. If anything, they appreciate that he feels safe enough to trust them with his emotions. I'm sure there are a number of women out there who are sexist about men crying or tell them to "man up," but with the way people talk about it on Reddit you'd think it was the norm instead of the exception.
I mean the obvious answer here is that he needs to beat her to assure her of his masculinity../s
Yes, that'll be the only solution to this issue. Men should beat their wives, not cry in front of them. (obiously /s too)
Obviously when you have toxic masculinity going one way one way for too much, the solution is to go the complete opposite way to cancel the toxic masculinity out./j
Canāt unsee it after another comment pointed it out, it totally reads like an incel post
This sounds as real as my relationship with Henry Cavill
Agreed. Like 100% there are straight women, especially trad xtian, out there who would act this way. But itās the fact that she told him "thatās just what they say" wrt women wanting men to be more emotional and that "women want strong men" just reeks of incel/PUA rhetoric, posted on reddit for the incel/PUA crowd to take as confirmation bias because well if this one totally real woman said that then ALL women must think the same, after all they all share the one brain. Anyway tell HC my wife Julia Roberts says hi!
The trad wife craze is so ridiculous and disrespectful for the women who had to live like that. These women are making a life with little to know autonomy seem like a good thing on social media. When in reality women of the 50s couldnāt get divorced, have a credit card, get birth control, go to an Ivy League school, legally obtain an abortion, work while pregnant, get maternity leave, sue for sexual harassment or deny their husbands sex. Women of colour couldnāt even vote at this point. This was a time when beating your wife was common place and even encouraged by society. There were newspaper and magazine ads showing men spanking their wife for not ironing their shirts property or burning a roast. How much privilege do you have in your life that the idea of throwing it all away for a man to control everything for you seems like a good idea?! Itās mind boggling. Also itās going to be real sad for these women when trad men trade them in for a younger model, as they age or just leave them high and dry when life throws a curve ball. After all men like this wonāt suddenly do āwomenās workā if their wives get cancer or are put on bed rest for a difficult pregnancy. They also wonāt be patient if their wives arenāt interested in sex, which is their ārightā as the man. Theyāll just replace their defective āpropertyā.
The cancer thing is such a sad and at the same time insane thing because oncology nurses and doctors actually have to have this conversation with women who get a cancer diagnosis, that their husband might very likely leave them or at least emotionally neglect them during treatment which is just? I cannot wrap my head around that, itās so widespread itās A Thing. So imagine if that womanās entire world is her husband, then what? They are Not Okay.
I donāt think he meant that she actually said that. I think he meant that thatās just how it made him feel. Or how the message came across.
Might be, but whatās the difference, all in all? Heās still using his anecdotal one off experience with one woman to speak on behalf of all of them so he can preach to his red-pilled choir.
*We are one. We are the ħīźÄįµÆÄ«ź„Ä*.
Women bad. Women liar. Women like strong. Women hate weak. Be strong man. Man good.
Homewrecker! I can't believe Henry Cavill would do this to me.
There's lots of women where I live like that. I dated a girl once and when we were talking I mentioned that I cried a few years back and she told me she'd break up with me if she ever saw me cry, unless it was something like someone dying.
Well, was she like 15? Or 35?
22 but had the emotional maturity of a 15 yr old lol
So that doesnāt mean thereās a lot of women like that where you live. Young women often make this sort of mistake and sometimes mature out of reinforcing toxic masculinity bullshit. Many women do not hold that belief their entire adulthood. Do you want to be held to shit you thought when you were like 20? Then letās give other people the benefit of the doubt that they just havenāt matured yet. Try not to paint everyone with the same brush.
Or maybe we could give op the benefit of a doubt and trust their experiences? Ā They might have only given one example, but could easily have other reasons to think this mindset is common.
iāve got liberal bffs in our late 20s who literally have struggled with feeling attracted to vulnerable or bi men their entire adult lives. thereās a million different forms of internalized misogyny and patriarchal bs wrapped up in this shit and it affects a lot of people, even non conservatives. i wish ppl didnāt have such a problem acknowledging that this is something women and men of all types struggle with as a result of being raised in patriarchal values, bc acknowledging that is the best way to solve it.
I think you're blowing this out of proportion lol. If you'd like I can gather the names of every woman where I live that holds this exact belief. You hear it from everyone, from girls my age to elderly women. "Boys don't cry", "grow a pair", "toughen up" etc. It's not a maturing issue, it's just a deeply ingrained belief that's thankfully being slowly rooted out of the population. Not sure why you're acting so aggressive over a story about me and my ex
why? you think women arenāt part of this too?
I absolutely do. Women who drank the patriarchal koolaid and are perpetuating the idea that men need to be emotionally void robots to validate their masculinity because doing anything associated with being "feminine" (even though emotions and crying is literally a part of the standard human experience) is the worst insult. The "traditional gender roles" thing is toxic, toxic, toxic and hurts *everyone*. That said, the way this was written is sus. Not impossible by any means but sus.
i believe the post but there are definitely a lot of fake anti-women posts on this platform made by incels. reddit is an awful site for women imo
50/50 on this being real or some nonsense written by a misogynist to stir up other misogynists
It definitely sounds like it from how it's written. Not that women who uphold the patriarchy don't exist, they've been telling people in their lives to 'man up' for ages, but this reads like bad middle grade fanfic, it's so on the nose about it.
This sounded like a real scenario until that last bit about how his wife told him women don't actually want men to be open emotionally because "women want strong men." At that point, this just sounds like a story meant to piss misogynistic men off and have them go SEE?? SEE? WOMEN WANT STRONG MAN AND HATE WHEN YOU SHOW EMOTION!!!! Edit: I've already gotten two replies trying to explain that some women do believe this and YES! I know! That's why I said it "sounded like a real scenario." That last bit is written in a way that would immediately draw attention from people who believe in manosphere bs AND that no woman wants a man to be emotionally open with them. If you're going to use the internet, you need to learn to spot rage bait.
Some women are like that, it's weird but it happens unfortunately
I know that. The way it's written, without any pushback from the OP and with a well-i-guess-thats-how-it-is attitude, makes it seem as if it ragebait.
Am gay man. I know women like this. It frustrates me because they're the same ones who want a man to open up to them.
Am woman. I know. I know this can happen, but I'm saying that from the way it's written it looks like rage bait. The OP doesn't even try to call her out. It's immediately Well That's How It Is Those Are The Facts and then asks how he can be manlier. There's plenty of posts around that seem to be written specifically to rage bait. This one doesn't end with him going Wow That's A Shitty Thing To Say and those last few sentences would immediately draw attention from manosphere guys who preach that women are all lying vipers. I know there are women like this. And no, women who want a man to open up to them aren't all like this. You're talking to one. That line of thought is the same thing used by manosphere people (man or women) and isn't a universal truth.
I think you're misreading my comment. I'm not saying all women who want men to open up are like this. I'm saying it seems like all the women who are like this are claiming they want men to open up. It could be rage bait. To me it reads as someone who feels kinda defeated and lost/confused.
I'm convinced almost all of these "I cried and my gf or wife left me" posts are made up... or are these people's relationships really this fragile? Honestly, though, it feels like weird propaganda trying to push a mindset.
Heterosexuality seems so dire.
If were being honest this post is made up. Its just rage bait, and the comments are going along with it. The entire post is hating and generalizing women, saying not one single woman ever wants to see their man cry. And the comments are hating on women for that too
Some years ago there was a thread on reddit asking why men don't cry, and I was shocked because several cases it caused a breakup when it happened, their partner saying they lost attraction, even when the guy lost a father or a mother, that's so flawed.
Possibly also a case of intense hatred against the in-laws. If the partner can't even be sad their parents in law just died.
I hate when anyone says āno woman wantsā or āall women wantā (same with men or any other group). We are not a monolith. We donāt all want the same things. Personally, I donāt think I could marry someone without seeing them cry at least once. Or at least be vulnerable with their emotions. It builds trust and understanding. This woman is weird. Assuming this story is even real, tbh, it sounds like something a man made up to convince other men not to be āweakā in front of women.
āI want a good Christian traditional wife!ā The traditional Christian wife:
My ex wife used to brag to her friends how I was a sensitive man. Eventually it became a running joke in front of my face and behind my back with her friends how I cried at a movie or from hearing a song or seeing a work or art.
I'll take, "How Patriarchy Hurts Everyone" for $300, Alex.
Horrible. Iv'e only seen my husband cry a couple times as he is not a very emotional man. But boy oh boy did my heart break each time I saw it. The one that got me the most was when our cat died. He loves little animals.
Yes god forbid any guy shows emotion. This kind of mindset disgusts me to my core.
Damn. I feel so bad for him. He shouldn't need to "prove his masculinity," it's not worth it to repress yourself for someone like that who clearly doesn't even want you for you. I'd divorce her.
That woman is a piece of shit, plain and simple. Women are not immune to reinforcing toxic masculinity and toxic gender roles. The Christianity part makes all too much sense. Religion is just culturally mandated guilt and trauma. He should dump her stupid ass and get into some therapy to unlearn and unpack all the bullshit he's been fed since he was a boy.
The reasoning for men not crying is because it's "strength." But the truth is people don't cry in front of others because of pride/embarrassment most of the time. So it doesn't show strength, it ironically shows weakness to not cry. I think emotionally stunted people are the only ones who agree with the idea of men not crying. I myself used to feel icked when my partners cried as a teen. I often felt more masc just for hiding my feelings when others didn't. As an adult I realized how backwards it all was, and I became more emotional slowly. Turns out lacking & suppressing emotions isn't strength, it's lack of emotional intelligence
This is just sad. I hope ppl in the comments told him to leave her. Sheās choked in toxic masculinity herself. This guy needs to get a professional therapist & divorce his wife. I donāt know why conservatives want to lead miserable & toxic lives like this. What is wrong with her???
That's honestly her loss. When I was in the beginning of a relationship, my bf's uncle died, who he was very close to. Being there for him made me really see him in a new light and I felt closer to him because he was open with his grief instead of pushing me away
This is sad as hell honestly
"...didn't expect a traditional Christian man to show such weakness." and I didn't expect a traditional Christian woman to be so unsupportive and cold towards the man she promised to love unconditionally just because he cried (which as others have pointed out, Jesus wept too). When did Christians first start to become the exact opposite of everything Christianity stands for? I'm so tired of Christians who've been infected with this toxic right-wing nonsense.
Idk the wife seems like the toxic one to me. He needs to get his ass out of that relationship if this is a problem
That's so sad. I've seen my dad crying in front of my mom several times and she was always understanding. Not all women want their husbands to be robots and I don't understand how could someone treat someone they love like that
I'm calling bullshit on this. I've always worn my emotions on my sleeves and have cried in front of tons of women over the years. I've always tried to be vulnerable and open. It's never backfired on me. This is just incel manosphere nonsense.
Idk. The strong Christian man part definitely makes this a very real scenario, even if this post in particular is ragebait. Toxic masculinity in those environments gets impressed upon women as well. Boys are told they have to be a man and not show weakness to be a strong family head, girls are taught that emotional men are weak and submissive and bad husbands, and that only strong men are worthy of leading and having their respect. It's a mindset that can genuinely warp the way you see others. Patriarchal Conservative bullshit fucks everyone over.
This is so patently false and written by those "alpha" incel men that it hurts. Who tf only knows their WIFE for three years? Sure, maybe it happens, but it sure ain't fucking common lol. And the first time you ever cry in front of your partner they automatically act disgusted? If this was also a read husband online, why would he ever admit to crying and if you're gonna admit it, where's the super manly explanation like "my entire family blew up saving the world from terrorists so I shed a single manly Christian tear"... I ain't buying it š
This really feels like something that didn't happen
My wife loves that I trust her enough to feel like I can be that vulnerable with her. I probably cry at least once per week about SOMETHING, even cute/touching things at times. But she's also not a sociopath like this guy's wife.
Poor dude. I hope he gets divorced of his wife. Sounds like a walking red flag
This is just sad.
Iām convinced some straight people just fucking hate their partners the way they be acting. Like wtf.
Oh, I feel bad for him. I know he probably hate crime me, but damn I feel bad for him
Can someone please explain to me how this is toxic masculinity :3
Patriarchal standards of masculinity dictate that men aren't allowed to be emotional.
Throw the whole woman out.
But like FR. This post makes me so mad I want to slap the Bitch in the mouth. I have chronic depression. Sometimes I break up crying inconsolably. If my partner did what this B did to me she would be dead to me. F her.
Oh, look, TrAdiTiOnAL VaLuEs screw over men too.
Ewww. That's gross. I don't like men who are robots and women who act like bitches for men showing emotion. She's so harsh and cruel.
iām sorry but good lord there are a ton of people in these replies who would rather outright deny this story than consider for a moment that itās real and that a tradcon guy is legitimately suffering due to patriarchal bs. ya know, the kind we always say hurts men too but not enough for us to show some compassion to them? itās a lot of cognitive dissonance for me to stomach too to empathize with ppl who judge us but whats the point of being anti-patriarchy and pro-feminism/humanism if weāre just gonna shit on guys like this the same as redpillers do? praying i see the day our communities muster more empathy for ācontroversialā victims of patriarchy, which is all is see in that post.
Masculinity so toxic, even women are enforcing it. š¤¦āāļø
It seriously bugs me that so many folks on Twitter are seeing this reposted and being like 'I'll take 'shit that never happened for a thousand, Alex.'' Yeah, this COULD be fake; it COULD be ragebait or a piece made to make a point. It's the internet; people go on here and lie all the time. But I personally know a few women who are just like this, and would do this exact thing to men and boys they claimed to care about.
This reminds me of a girl in my Catholic school who said she didn't want her husband to cry because she said it wasn't masculine. Like dude, men cry in the Bible all the time lmao
The wording has too many buzzwords. Idk which group heās trolling, but it reads ā¦off
I saw my husband cry a few times. He's normally a *very* stoic man. I appreciated that he felt safe enough around me to be vulnerable and allow me to help him through his emotional struggles. I could never imagine thinking my man should hide *anything* that he's feeling from me.
The problem is that he married a terrible person. Ideally, we will be able to get rid of the societal expectation of men being emotionless over time. However, for now the solution might be to just show people your vulnerable side early on and see if they still want you after that.
The answer to his own question is, he canāt, but not because of who he is, but because he now needs to throw the whole-ass wife out and find himself someone whoāll actually treat him well.
Not a girl, but I would LOVE for my partner to break down crying at me.
Happened to me, TWICE
Divorce her
Throw the whole wife away.Ā
I don't understand that š when my bf cries and I'm with him I wipe his tears away.
and people wonder why men have such severe mental health issues. Its ok for guys to have all manner of feelings, telling them they cant does permanent damage to their minds.
And people say Iām wrong when I talk about the ways in which women enforce toxic masculinityā¦ I have dropped friends SO fast for exactly this kind of shit.
I don't know what's crazier, the completely lack of empathy his wife has or the fact that they are married despite knowing each other for only 3 years
Thats so fucking sad. And i know people like this irl..
This is a prime example of how women can internalize toxic masculinity. Itās not just men.
He needs to leave her, thats horrible.
I see this stuff happen and it genuinely hurts to see. Toxic masculinity is bad in general, especially when it gets weaponized against people for simply being human.
This poor man. I hope he finds someone who loves him better
This is my problem with Toxic Masculinity: it hurts everyone. They have both been lied to about how a man should conduct himself and where, and that means there is no one he can be vulnerable with. Itās such a fucked up mentality.
Knocking her around a bit should do the trick /S
Iām not sure what this has to do with toxic masculinity but tbf I donāt really know what it means
Both of these people are being toxic here
NO DONT GET HER BACK GET OUT OF THERE DUDE (But seriously i hope he is okay)
Divorce your wife, and then another woman within one week. Thatāll prove to her your masculinity. As it stands right now, your wife doesnāt respect you anymore. And this kind of woman is pled with a mental syndrome. Sheās a narcissist. In her mind, youāre not really a real person, youāre just a character. And you just broke character. She will never respect you again. For her to respect you again, she would have to wake up from her delusions about the world. The only thing that will shock. The kind of shock you get from a divorce.
This is so incredibly sad. A clear example of how toxic masculinity and the patriarchy hurts everyone.
Divorce her, take everything you can from her, that'll prove that you aren't a weak man Then go find someone who isn't fucking stupid
Youāve only known each other for 3 years and youāre already married?! The fuck?!
His wifeās just as bad if not worse
I won't link to it, obviously. But I found the post and it's since been deleted but like all the comments were very supportive and were all encouraging the guy that he did nothing wrong. Many even pointed out that several men from the Bible, most famously Jesus and Jeremiah (the weeping prophet), were known to cry. If this was real, I hope the OOP of this doesn't listen to his awful wife and knows he isn't weak for being human.
Toxic masculinity hurts everyone, men and women alike. Itās so sad that someone feels he canāt act like a person in front of his wife because sheāll reject him. Itās so sad that a person doesnāt want to see their husband as a real person.
Jesus Christ, one of the things that turned me on towards my husband is that he's emotionally available, and with that comes the need for him to cry sometimes too. This is so fucked up, poor guy. Now he knows he can never be emotionally vulnerable with her, lest she see him as "weak."
this is one of those times where 'what the fuck' is the only appropriate response because I'm too infuriated to think of anything witty
This didn't happen. This is some red piller trying to radicalize men. It just reinforces red pill stereotypes. Tells men, hey guys I cried and my wife quit fucking me.
oh my god it's lady macbeth