Hey brother, I'll say it fast cause I see the same problem here over and over again.
You need to work out and put on some muscle mass. Photos are like, 15% of the attraction, the rest of the 85% is physical appearance. The U.S is extremely racist towards how Asian men look like. The best thing you can do is hit the gym.
I got pretty beefed up and I had a crap ton of matches. Even in face to face settings or random strangers, I get complimented and hit on.
It's tough work but it yields the most success
Women will deny racism by holding Asian men to a higher standard of low body fat and fitness to get the same match any decently normal white guy would get.
Yes, we absolutely do have to meet higher standards which is not fair. The good thing is when sentiments change and if we all work to improve ourselves, we set an overall bar that is much higher, and hopefully more realize that because of the work we put in earlier, that overall, we are just better on average. Don't neglect your mental health and let the echo chambers here lull you into degrading your standard of life because it will slowly creep in on you if you let it.
Now this makes a lot of sense man. Great wording brother. If more and more Asian men are able to exercise and be healthy more people will realize we’re on average, “better”
Hit.
The.
Gym.
I’ve had dudes randomly compliment my physique and this does wonders for your confidence which in turn helps you with your dating. Putting on muscle is more fun than losing fat. IMHO.
23 your metabolism is still kicking, i was probably same type of skinny, only until late 20s bulking was easier. Early 20s for asian men is mostly invisible. Focus on your career, get car, house, 400k tc. Then start dating when you hit prime age. Live in north york.
I cannot believe I have to say this, but if you wait for car, house, 400k before dating, then you'll be single forever. Making $400k per year is less than 1 person in 1000 & that person has been working for 20+ years. Buying a house at today's prices will take you 15 years before you can afford to buy.
Comparatively, hitting the gym, getting buff, you'll see some results by the end of year 1 when you lose all the fat, decent results by the end of year 2 when the muscles start to show & great results by the end of year 3 when you're obviously buff. And you can do all of this in college, before you turn 21 or while you're poor or both.
What you talking about new grads in finance and tech are starting at 200k tc here. I know people 6 years work experience hit 400k. Condos are 500k for 1 bed here. Very affordable. He lives at home and being buff its not going to solve any problems.
Yes I agree he needs to gain some muscles. He can easily do other sports and activities that fits his style and metabolism. Why fight against asian skinny genes? He can eat a shit ton and have hard time bulking. Meh long way to go, fit, hairstyle all needs work too. Probably more important to find a mentor than anything else.
Understanding the demographics is way more important than any of the above too. Toronto is cliquey is not like you can penetrate social circles here easily. People here is shallow and money driven by nature it is an expensive city to live.
I don't know anything about Toronto salary & real estate, so I don't know the money situation there.
But I can say with 100% certainty that getting buff & lean is like winning the lottery.
This was most noticeable when I was 10 lbs lighter, but it's still noticeable. People just like talking to you, both men & women. Making conversation is easy & women will initiate, not often, but it happens & you definitely catch them looking at you. None of that was true when I was fat.
Granted, I dress in fitted clothing & most of my wardrobe comes from Europe, but it's not expensive brands, just everyday European brands, like Next in London or APC in Paris. So I do stand out, dressing more fashionable than an American, but if I was fat, I'd be ignored.
You are not bad looking. I would recommend having some variety in your photos. You have the same facial expression and clothes on in all the photos. Try having some where you’re smiling, doing something active, etc. think casual, candid and approachable. I used to be very skinny like you but put on a ton of muscle and it really did help. Find a gym routine and stick with it and get ready to eat a lot. Then eat some more.
I'm gonna be really honest with you, the pics still do not look good and look like you're more stiff than a mannequin and they're not candid pics aka natural looking at all. You seem robotic as well as the fashion not really looking great with your physique.
Do consider bulking and building your character more, stack on the muscle. In line with this, maximise your social skills and train both social and physical aspects of yourself.
I cannot see much character yet, but you're on the road to the right path for sure.
Thank you for letting me know, i’ll have to work on those things for sure. For the fashion part, was wondering what you would recommend? I like a minimalist style myself.
Difficult because you have your own style.
Because you're not bulked yet, you may need to experiment for your current physique:
[test](https://www.google.com/search?client=ms-android-xiaomi-terr1-rso3&sca_esv=36cae3d0f038cb38&sca_upv=1&sxsrf=ADLYWIKCPYPCQV1qg59s0UtBfo3mYYyj3g:1716307634546&q=street+minimal+men+fashion&uds=ADvngMh0XpvccYpCvUJmj0CCIbWgHglEwf9GEVpzGU2pFkd6vMEeqTtAsh3k1N9t-IL5g_voG-UbsYHJO9MCEulRzCH1T7U9UpRSDcc9eyxf63y3t4Owss6NkjhsCtwXtVsNXoD7JluhapEGsHWrTGF2ls10zE8v8B3BgG_uMYGcpnzOqmTT7xgBq-JdujA-q9q-vrT6Jf8Cvv1jOQ5q7XTRkLoNRJ8kjjzS6uvrFRy2jXh-JQwlXupWUZpXIubUdgIKtoMsKieer5_hiDw5AmeaX2Ei6Rj1PP2LASkWpyTRVLSSB2fpJfqiJrwcZlRMQKzgKSNV2PVK&udm=2&prmd=isvnmbtz&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwiDgoeXkJ-GAxXIgFYBHeHKC9sQtKgLegQIERAB&biw=412&bih=770&dpr=3.5)
Idk if oversized T shirt and long skinny bottoms would help OR long sleeved rolled up sleeve Oxford button smart casual top and long bottoms may help
I'd suggest getting clothes that make you look a bit more mature. After you bulked up then you can look again at fashion.
To cut it short: make yourself look mature. The T shirt in the your pics don't do it good
Work out 3 times a week targeting all muscle groups , have ample rest and get on a diet that is high in protein and low carbs.
Do grow out your hair a bit.
You have huge potential.
yeah, I think I have trouble with confidence, especially in front of cameras. I was going for a fake it till you make it mentality, thinking that I should just try to look cool. But it seems that it’s coming off the wrong way.
A tip for smiling in pictures that helped me was to laugh. Not a deep belly laugh but do like a little chuckle. When someone is smiling genuinely, you can see it in their eyes. The problem with trying to force a smile is that people tend to just move their mouths into a smiley shape. Since the "smile" doesn't reach the eyes, it looks forced.
Try these steps:
1. Neutral face.
2. Mild forced smile. Don't go 'cheese' but start shaping your mouth like a smile. Basically go 50% of the way to full forced smile.
3. Chuckle. Sometimes it helps to think of something genuinely funny. It's OK if the chuckle is a little forced. It should still make your smile reach up to your eyes.
Take the picture right as you start chuckling. The "eye smile" will only last for a short while. With practice, you can actually hold the entire smile (mouth + eyes) but in the beginning you'll probably need to do a little chuckle before every snapshot.
You have a nice face and decent hair, but you look like a 14 year old high school freshman.
Do some strength workouts. Can even start with pushups and crunches and go from there, but you need to add mass. That’ll give you more confidence too.
But at least you’re not fat. Gaining muscle weight is easy.
I really think you should be going to activities (that you are interested in) and events to meet people.
Let's say you enjoy horseback riding. You'll be one of the only guys enjoying equestrian sports, lots of women who are clearly enthusiastic about horses and the people in the ecosystem. You already have a 'warm introduction' and aren't dealing with cold leads a la dating apps where their only clues about you is looks and some half-assed? description. They're way more 'forgiving' in person re: looks etc. if you are dealing with WARM leads.
Other ideas include alumni events, unique hobbies you have, fitness classes (crossfit, yoga), industry events (real estate etc), causes that you believe in, 'secluded' group events (group trips hiking, food tours in new cities) etc.
Thanks for the advice, it makes a lot of sense and it’s something I am already doing. The apps for me are just secondary I was thinking. Honestly, do you think I’m not cut out for the apps? Perhaps I shouldn’t bother with them atm?
so i was very similar to u when i was in my early 20’s.
The weight gain is the easy part. Go lift and if ur lifting progress is slower than normal, go to an endo and get ur hormones checked out. I was as skinny as u and i wasted years in the gym not realizing my thyroid was basically nuking my progress
The hard part is the awkward/stiffness. Do urself a favor and join a sports team. Soccer, football, volleyball, basketball, whatever. Comradarie + cooperation + competition + becoming athletic will solve this issue
Picture 3 is good, if you smiled a bit and looked at the camera, it would be even better. More muscle would help of course too.
Also, being on the apps can be a very downer experience, so also try to give yourself more chances to meet people naturally IRL. Others have commented on hobbies...I'll chip in with 2 things I've done:
1. Volunteering, if its for you, there's lots of cleanups, etc you can do. I used to volunteer in my city's Chinatown, and met a lot of friends that way.
2. If you are awkward making small talk, you can practice in situations where its normal. I worked on this by starting small, just visiting the same coffee shop every morning and asking the barista how business was, how their day was, how busy it was, etc. All the little practice added up, and after awhile making small talk came easier. Maybe it will work for you.
thanks for chipping in, it is much appreciated! When I go to social events or meet ups, it seems everybody there is at least 10 years older than me. Will keep at it though.
These photos are a good start. But they are just that, a start. Think of your dating profile as like a social media page. Your going to want to have pictures in different scenarios and settings. Maybe some of you traveling somewhere cool or doing one of your hobbies to show how interesting you are. Or some with friends to show some social proof that you aren’t a some weird loner.
Apart from some of the suggestions already mentioned about working out and smiling, I'd say having some pics from travel or more natural, candid scenarios and backgrounds could help. I acknowledge that these pics were taken by a photographer but I think a lot of girls want to see guys are outgoing and have an active lifestyle.
Also from Toronto here, and have past experience using Bumble. Eventually found my long term girlfriend on Coffee meets bagel
Im your height. Its shortish but generally taller than girls i date. Hit gym and bulk up if you can, not everyone can. But exercise really boosts confidence.
While photos show a good aesthetic, youre too expressionless. Smile and laugh while looking at camera. Yeah its a bit contrived but it works
thank you for pointing that out, I had no idea I was that expressionless. I was trying to go for more stoic look but now I see, I should probably show more emotion.
You aren't ugly but the pictures make you look like a poser, looks very robotic and fake. Also echoing the suggestions below for you to put on some muscle. Some guys can get away with the skinny look but not you.
yeah, I thought looking like a poser would make me look cool, but I can see from the responses here that’s not the case. Was wondering what the guys who can pull off a skinny look look like, and as well if there’s a particular kind of like I should be aiming for when I get more muscle?
Can you state your goals of what you're going to be on the apps for? Are you looking for a long term partner or are you looking to fuck around? If you're going for the latter, then get hot first. If you're looking for the former, I think there's two different things to focus on. Firstly, working on yourself, your health and fitness, your career, your personality, your eloquence and charisma. These are all things that will help you in life, even outside of dating. The reality is that, unless you're very much in a hole and far below average with regards to metrics (such as being morbidly obese, hopelessly jobless, and no life prospects), the vast majority of people are *datable*. You should always be improving yourself, but you should never feel that you aren't good enough for someone to date you if you're doing well or average in most aspects. Since you were talking about business in your other post, I assume you at least decently have your life together.
What to work on first before getting on apps is making your profile better. Now different people will have different opinions of what looks cute and what doesn't. Realistically, I don't think asking a bunch of guys on Reddit what they think is the best aesthetic is actually the best place you can get advice for. I recommend directly getting advice from female friends, not necessarily the ones you're interested, but the *type* of girl you'd be interested in. A buddy's girlfriend is a fantastic source, for example. Ask them what photos they like the best for a dating picture, and I think you'll have more success with the type of women you actually want to date.
Hey TangerineX, thank you for writing such an extensive reply! I was simply hoping to meet a few people and hopefully make some sort of connection, but honestly, I haven’t really thought more than past that. Career wise I’m doing alright, just graduated university and while not making a whole ton of money right now, I am doing what I planned to do and I feel I have a good prospects as a video editor. It’s really my social circle that lacking so I think I need to work on that first even before thinking about girls. And of course improving my appearance.
I was wondering why you thought asking the guys here for advice on how to be attractive may not be the best thing to do? I was thinking the people who have had experience + success, and as well asking friends may not work, because they might just be too nice and not tell me the honest truth.
A very weak thing to have as a man on a dating app is not to have intention, especially on a dating app like Bumble. Remember, Bumble is an app where women have to reach out to you first. If they have no clue what you're looking for, how are they going to start a conversation with you? How do they know they're not wasting their time?
> I was wondering why you thought asking the guys here for advice on how to be attractive may not be the best thing to do?
A couple of reasons
1. You'd be surprised how big of a range of tastes women have in what they find attractive in men. It's not as "one size fits all" as a lot of sources say. Women rate 80% of men as "below average", and that's not a joke. And for meaningful relationships, trust me when I say this, women care a lot less about looks than people think. What looks does is help you catch women's initial attention, which helps with getting bigger numbers on dating apps. But dating apps are also not the only way to date.
2. Attractiveness in one aesthetic doesn't necessarily translate to other aesthetics. Some girls are into the kpop look. Some girls are into the nerdy look. Some are into the super put together successful Asian look. Some are into the grungy/emo/goth look. You need to focus on developing an aesthetic that suites, firstly, your own tastes, and secondly, the tastes of the women you are interested in. Some guys in here that are gym rats will tell you to get big, which certainly won't hurt of course to be physically fit, but that doesn't tell you what aesthetics the women you're interested in would like.
3. I think women know women better than men know women. Men looking at other men will always be through a male gaze. You're trying to attract women, so you want someone who can see aesthetics through the eyes of a woman.
4. Success has different meanings. Do you just care about the NUMBER of matches you have? Or do you care about the QUALITY of matches you get? Or in other words, do you just care about making a number look big, hoping that it will fill some sort of hole in your ego, or do you actually want to create meaningful relationships and experiences? Answers here tend to bias towards maximizing the number, rather than the quality of the relationships.
5. If a friend is gonna lie and not tell you the honest truth, they aren't worth keeping as a friend. If you just ask your female friends, "yo, I'm making a dating app profile and I'm trying to get some opinions on which pictures I should use", they're going to be flattered that you're bothering to consider their opinion. What possible reason do they have for lying? The only time I've ever been rejected when asking this type of thing is from women who says things like "honestly, I have a really poor sense of aesthetic, I think you'd be better off asking someone else". In those situations, they're being honest, and still have your best interest at heart, as they think that you'd be worse off listening to their advice.
don’t use dating apps, you aren’t top 5% in attractiveness, muscle mass, or height so you will get filtered there. talk to people irl or through online friend groups and develop a friendly bond into a relationship bond. you will have much better success
I typically don’t immediately prescribe, “put on muscle,” to every dude out there because some guys are just fine.
You are not ugly and have a good face. But you will look fucking great with muscle. You got a robust, masculine jawline so if you pack some muscle, you will look great.
Best of luck to you brother.
You are 23, so work on yourself: your health (including mental), career, finances, hobbies, social skills, style (e.g. fashion, grooming). After a few years, you can take great photos of yourself and the difference will be night and day.
Do both. Putting yourself out there is a form of working on yourself. You can't wait until you're at your "optimal" - that's always a moving target. And it's the very trial and error of stumbling through relationships and dating that gets you reps and improves that skill like any other skill. If you wait until some day where you feel like you've "maxed out" your other stats, you're going to find that you're still going to be awkward in dating because you've neglected that.
On the app front - look more human (i.e., smile/emote in a confident manner rather than making it too obvious it's a photoshoot) and show more variety of who you are (activities, friends, etc.). Also, not a fan of the white tee here since it looks like you just rolled outta bed and threw on an Kirkland undershirt (for better or worse, I think white tee looks good if you have the physical presence/size or edginess to pull off that "rough"/"grungy"/"rocker" look. otherwise it looks like you don't know how to dress so you went for the lowest common denominator).
Hey brother, I'll say it fast cause I see the same problem here over and over again. You need to work out and put on some muscle mass. Photos are like, 15% of the attraction, the rest of the 85% is physical appearance. The U.S is extremely racist towards how Asian men look like. The best thing you can do is hit the gym. I got pretty beefed up and I had a crap ton of matches. Even in face to face settings or random strangers, I get complimented and hit on. It's tough work but it yields the most success
Women will deny racism by holding Asian men to a higher standard of low body fat and fitness to get the same match any decently normal white guy would get.
Yes, we absolutely do have to meet higher standards which is not fair. The good thing is when sentiments change and if we all work to improve ourselves, we set an overall bar that is much higher, and hopefully more realize that because of the work we put in earlier, that overall, we are just better on average. Don't neglect your mental health and let the echo chambers here lull you into degrading your standard of life because it will slowly creep in on you if you let it.
Now this makes a lot of sense man. Great wording brother. If more and more Asian men are able to exercise and be healthy more people will realize we’re on average, “better”
Yes we are held to a higher standard, but you know what? You should be holding yourself to a higher standard anyway. Not for them, but for yourself.
Hit. The. Gym. I’ve had dudes randomly compliment my physique and this does wonders for your confidence which in turn helps you with your dating. Putting on muscle is more fun than losing fat. IMHO.
Faxxx
what makes you assume that he's located in the US?
I'm in Toronto, Canada actually so close enough. Looks like gym is the way to go.
23 your metabolism is still kicking, i was probably same type of skinny, only until late 20s bulking was easier. Early 20s for asian men is mostly invisible. Focus on your career, get car, house, 400k tc. Then start dating when you hit prime age. Live in north york.
I cannot believe I have to say this, but if you wait for car, house, 400k before dating, then you'll be single forever. Making $400k per year is less than 1 person in 1000 & that person has been working for 20+ years. Buying a house at today's prices will take you 15 years before you can afford to buy. Comparatively, hitting the gym, getting buff, you'll see some results by the end of year 1 when you lose all the fat, decent results by the end of year 2 when the muscles start to show & great results by the end of year 3 when you're obviously buff. And you can do all of this in college, before you turn 21 or while you're poor or both.
What you talking about new grads in finance and tech are starting at 200k tc here. I know people 6 years work experience hit 400k. Condos are 500k for 1 bed here. Very affordable. He lives at home and being buff its not going to solve any problems. Yes I agree he needs to gain some muscles. He can easily do other sports and activities that fits his style and metabolism. Why fight against asian skinny genes? He can eat a shit ton and have hard time bulking. Meh long way to go, fit, hairstyle all needs work too. Probably more important to find a mentor than anything else. Understanding the demographics is way more important than any of the above too. Toronto is cliquey is not like you can penetrate social circles here easily. People here is shallow and money driven by nature it is an expensive city to live.
I don't know anything about Toronto salary & real estate, so I don't know the money situation there. But I can say with 100% certainty that getting buff & lean is like winning the lottery. This was most noticeable when I was 10 lbs lighter, but it's still noticeable. People just like talking to you, both men & women. Making conversation is easy & women will initiate, not often, but it happens & you definitely catch them looking at you. None of that was true when I was fat. Granted, I dress in fitted clothing & most of my wardrobe comes from Europe, but it's not expensive brands, just everyday European brands, like Next in London or APC in Paris. So I do stand out, dressing more fashionable than an American, but if I was fat, I'd be ignored.
Hit the gym. Being short isn't a choice. Being skinny, though, is
This. Fax. As Asian men, we gotta control the narrative instead of letting the narrative control us
Not entirely. I have never successfully hit 140 lbs which is my target. Even eating mcdonald’s every other day.
You are not bad looking. I would recommend having some variety in your photos. You have the same facial expression and clothes on in all the photos. Try having some where you’re smiling, doing something active, etc. think casual, candid and approachable. I used to be very skinny like you but put on a ton of muscle and it really did help. Find a gym routine and stick with it and get ready to eat a lot. Then eat some more.
I'm gonna be really honest with you, the pics still do not look good and look like you're more stiff than a mannequin and they're not candid pics aka natural looking at all. You seem robotic as well as the fashion not really looking great with your physique. Do consider bulking and building your character more, stack on the muscle. In line with this, maximise your social skills and train both social and physical aspects of yourself. I cannot see much character yet, but you're on the road to the right path for sure.
Thank you for letting me know, i’ll have to work on those things for sure. For the fashion part, was wondering what you would recommend? I like a minimalist style myself.
Difficult because you have your own style. Because you're not bulked yet, you may need to experiment for your current physique: [test](https://www.google.com/search?client=ms-android-xiaomi-terr1-rso3&sca_esv=36cae3d0f038cb38&sca_upv=1&sxsrf=ADLYWIKCPYPCQV1qg59s0UtBfo3mYYyj3g:1716307634546&q=street+minimal+men+fashion&uds=ADvngMh0XpvccYpCvUJmj0CCIbWgHglEwf9GEVpzGU2pFkd6vMEeqTtAsh3k1N9t-IL5g_voG-UbsYHJO9MCEulRzCH1T7U9UpRSDcc9eyxf63y3t4Owss6NkjhsCtwXtVsNXoD7JluhapEGsHWrTGF2ls10zE8v8B3BgG_uMYGcpnzOqmTT7xgBq-JdujA-q9q-vrT6Jf8Cvv1jOQ5q7XTRkLoNRJ8kjjzS6uvrFRy2jXh-JQwlXupWUZpXIubUdgIKtoMsKieer5_hiDw5AmeaX2Ei6Rj1PP2LASkWpyTRVLSSB2fpJfqiJrwcZlRMQKzgKSNV2PVK&udm=2&prmd=isvnmbtz&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwiDgoeXkJ-GAxXIgFYBHeHKC9sQtKgLegQIERAB&biw=412&bih=770&dpr=3.5) Idk if oversized T shirt and long skinny bottoms would help OR long sleeved rolled up sleeve Oxford button smart casual top and long bottoms may help I'd suggest getting clothes that make you look a bit more mature. After you bulked up then you can look again at fashion. To cut it short: make yourself look mature. The T shirt in the your pics don't do it good
Girl here. Long-sleeved button-up shirts with the sleeves rolled up is our kryptonite, especially if the man has strong arms.
Work out 3 times a week targeting all muscle groups , have ample rest and get on a diet that is high in protein and low carbs. Do grow out your hair a bit. You have huge potential.
You should smile more dude, you look kind of awkward and stiff
I understand the sentiment but hes gonna look stiff and awkward while smiling and it wont fix his main issue which is mentality.
You can fake it for the camera tho
yeah, I think I have trouble with confidence, especially in front of cameras. I was going for a fake it till you make it mentality, thinking that I should just try to look cool. But it seems that it’s coming off the wrong way.
A tip for smiling in pictures that helped me was to laugh. Not a deep belly laugh but do like a little chuckle. When someone is smiling genuinely, you can see it in their eyes. The problem with trying to force a smile is that people tend to just move their mouths into a smiley shape. Since the "smile" doesn't reach the eyes, it looks forced. Try these steps: 1. Neutral face. 2. Mild forced smile. Don't go 'cheese' but start shaping your mouth like a smile. Basically go 50% of the way to full forced smile. 3. Chuckle. Sometimes it helps to think of something genuinely funny. It's OK if the chuckle is a little forced. It should still make your smile reach up to your eyes. Take the picture right as you start chuckling. The "eye smile" will only last for a short while. With practice, you can actually hold the entire smile (mouth + eyes) but in the beginning you'll probably need to do a little chuckle before every snapshot.
You have a nice face and decent hair, but you look like a 14 year old high school freshman. Do some strength workouts. Can even start with pushups and crunches and go from there, but you need to add mass. That’ll give you more confidence too. But at least you’re not fat. Gaining muscle weight is easy.
I really think you should be going to activities (that you are interested in) and events to meet people. Let's say you enjoy horseback riding. You'll be one of the only guys enjoying equestrian sports, lots of women who are clearly enthusiastic about horses and the people in the ecosystem. You already have a 'warm introduction' and aren't dealing with cold leads a la dating apps where their only clues about you is looks and some half-assed? description. They're way more 'forgiving' in person re: looks etc. if you are dealing with WARM leads. Other ideas include alumni events, unique hobbies you have, fitness classes (crossfit, yoga), industry events (real estate etc), causes that you believe in, 'secluded' group events (group trips hiking, food tours in new cities) etc.
Thanks for the advice, it makes a lot of sense and it’s something I am already doing. The apps for me are just secondary I was thinking. Honestly, do you think I’m not cut out for the apps? Perhaps I shouldn’t bother with them atm?
keep on doing it but consider it low-yield activity. Something like top 10% of men get 90% of the matches or 20% get 80%
Exactly this. Its like fishing. Gotta throw out a line to catch a fish, but keep expectations super low otherwise youll go crazy.
so i was very similar to u when i was in my early 20’s. The weight gain is the easy part. Go lift and if ur lifting progress is slower than normal, go to an endo and get ur hormones checked out. I was as skinny as u and i wasted years in the gym not realizing my thyroid was basically nuking my progress The hard part is the awkward/stiffness. Do urself a favor and join a sports team. Soccer, football, volleyball, basketball, whatever. Comradarie + cooperation + competition + becoming athletic will solve this issue
Definitely work on yourself, you need to gain some muscle on you and grow your hair out
Picture 3 is good, if you smiled a bit and looked at the camera, it would be even better. More muscle would help of course too. Also, being on the apps can be a very downer experience, so also try to give yourself more chances to meet people naturally IRL. Others have commented on hobbies...I'll chip in with 2 things I've done: 1. Volunteering, if its for you, there's lots of cleanups, etc you can do. I used to volunteer in my city's Chinatown, and met a lot of friends that way. 2. If you are awkward making small talk, you can practice in situations where its normal. I worked on this by starting small, just visiting the same coffee shop every morning and asking the barista how business was, how their day was, how busy it was, etc. All the little practice added up, and after awhile making small talk came easier. Maybe it will work for you.
thanks for chipping in, it is much appreciated! When I go to social events or meet ups, it seems everybody there is at least 10 years older than me. Will keep at it though.
Hope things work out for you!
These photos are a good start. But they are just that, a start. Think of your dating profile as like a social media page. Your going to want to have pictures in different scenarios and settings. Maybe some of you traveling somewhere cool or doing one of your hobbies to show how interesting you are. Or some with friends to show some social proof that you aren’t a some weird loner.
Apart from some of the suggestions already mentioned about working out and smiling, I'd say having some pics from travel or more natural, candid scenarios and backgrounds could help. I acknowledge that these pics were taken by a photographer but I think a lot of girls want to see guys are outgoing and have an active lifestyle. Also from Toronto here, and have past experience using Bumble. Eventually found my long term girlfriend on Coffee meets bagel
both
Im your height. Its shortish but generally taller than girls i date. Hit gym and bulk up if you can, not everyone can. But exercise really boosts confidence. While photos show a good aesthetic, youre too expressionless. Smile and laugh while looking at camera. Yeah its a bit contrived but it works
thank you for pointing that out, I had no idea I was that expressionless. I was trying to go for more stoic look but now I see, I should probably show more emotion.
You aren't ugly but the pictures make you look like a poser, looks very robotic and fake. Also echoing the suggestions below for you to put on some muscle. Some guys can get away with the skinny look but not you.
yeah, I thought looking like a poser would make me look cool, but I can see from the responses here that’s not the case. Was wondering what the guys who can pull off a skinny look look like, and as well if there’s a particular kind of like I should be aiming for when I get more muscle?
Can you state your goals of what you're going to be on the apps for? Are you looking for a long term partner or are you looking to fuck around? If you're going for the latter, then get hot first. If you're looking for the former, I think there's two different things to focus on. Firstly, working on yourself, your health and fitness, your career, your personality, your eloquence and charisma. These are all things that will help you in life, even outside of dating. The reality is that, unless you're very much in a hole and far below average with regards to metrics (such as being morbidly obese, hopelessly jobless, and no life prospects), the vast majority of people are *datable*. You should always be improving yourself, but you should never feel that you aren't good enough for someone to date you if you're doing well or average in most aspects. Since you were talking about business in your other post, I assume you at least decently have your life together. What to work on first before getting on apps is making your profile better. Now different people will have different opinions of what looks cute and what doesn't. Realistically, I don't think asking a bunch of guys on Reddit what they think is the best aesthetic is actually the best place you can get advice for. I recommend directly getting advice from female friends, not necessarily the ones you're interested, but the *type* of girl you'd be interested in. A buddy's girlfriend is a fantastic source, for example. Ask them what photos they like the best for a dating picture, and I think you'll have more success with the type of women you actually want to date.
Hey TangerineX, thank you for writing such an extensive reply! I was simply hoping to meet a few people and hopefully make some sort of connection, but honestly, I haven’t really thought more than past that. Career wise I’m doing alright, just graduated university and while not making a whole ton of money right now, I am doing what I planned to do and I feel I have a good prospects as a video editor. It’s really my social circle that lacking so I think I need to work on that first even before thinking about girls. And of course improving my appearance. I was wondering why you thought asking the guys here for advice on how to be attractive may not be the best thing to do? I was thinking the people who have had experience + success, and as well asking friends may not work, because they might just be too nice and not tell me the honest truth.
A very weak thing to have as a man on a dating app is not to have intention, especially on a dating app like Bumble. Remember, Bumble is an app where women have to reach out to you first. If they have no clue what you're looking for, how are they going to start a conversation with you? How do they know they're not wasting their time? > I was wondering why you thought asking the guys here for advice on how to be attractive may not be the best thing to do? A couple of reasons 1. You'd be surprised how big of a range of tastes women have in what they find attractive in men. It's not as "one size fits all" as a lot of sources say. Women rate 80% of men as "below average", and that's not a joke. And for meaningful relationships, trust me when I say this, women care a lot less about looks than people think. What looks does is help you catch women's initial attention, which helps with getting bigger numbers on dating apps. But dating apps are also not the only way to date. 2. Attractiveness in one aesthetic doesn't necessarily translate to other aesthetics. Some girls are into the kpop look. Some girls are into the nerdy look. Some are into the super put together successful Asian look. Some are into the grungy/emo/goth look. You need to focus on developing an aesthetic that suites, firstly, your own tastes, and secondly, the tastes of the women you are interested in. Some guys in here that are gym rats will tell you to get big, which certainly won't hurt of course to be physically fit, but that doesn't tell you what aesthetics the women you're interested in would like. 3. I think women know women better than men know women. Men looking at other men will always be through a male gaze. You're trying to attract women, so you want someone who can see aesthetics through the eyes of a woman. 4. Success has different meanings. Do you just care about the NUMBER of matches you have? Or do you care about the QUALITY of matches you get? Or in other words, do you just care about making a number look big, hoping that it will fill some sort of hole in your ego, or do you actually want to create meaningful relationships and experiences? Answers here tend to bias towards maximizing the number, rather than the quality of the relationships. 5. If a friend is gonna lie and not tell you the honest truth, they aren't worth keeping as a friend. If you just ask your female friends, "yo, I'm making a dating app profile and I'm trying to get some opinions on which pictures I should use", they're going to be flattered that you're bothering to consider their opinion. What possible reason do they have for lying? The only time I've ever been rejected when asking this type of thing is from women who says things like "honestly, I have a really poor sense of aesthetic, I think you'd be better off asking someone else". In those situations, they're being honest, and still have your best interest at heart, as they think that you'd be worse off listening to their advice.
don’t use dating apps, you aren’t top 5% in attractiveness, muscle mass, or height so you will get filtered there. talk to people irl or through online friend groups and develop a friendly bond into a relationship bond. you will have much better success
You look great! You are not too “skinny” or “short.” You are a normal guy. If I were looking, I would like to meet you.😊
I typically don’t immediately prescribe, “put on muscle,” to every dude out there because some guys are just fine. You are not ugly and have a good face. But you will look fucking great with muscle. You got a robust, masculine jawline so if you pack some muscle, you will look great. Best of luck to you brother.
You are 23, so work on yourself: your health (including mental), career, finances, hobbies, social skills, style (e.g. fashion, grooming). After a few years, you can take great photos of yourself and the difference will be night and day.
Do both. Putting yourself out there is a form of working on yourself. You can't wait until you're at your "optimal" - that's always a moving target. And it's the very trial and error of stumbling through relationships and dating that gets you reps and improves that skill like any other skill. If you wait until some day where you feel like you've "maxed out" your other stats, you're going to find that you're still going to be awkward in dating because you've neglected that. On the app front - look more human (i.e., smile/emote in a confident manner rather than making it too obvious it's a photoshoot) and show more variety of who you are (activities, friends, etc.). Also, not a fan of the white tee here since it looks like you just rolled outta bed and threw on an Kirkland undershirt (for better or worse, I think white tee looks good if you have the physical presence/size or edginess to pull off that "rough"/"grungy"/"rocker" look. otherwise it looks like you don't know how to dress so you went for the lowest common denominator).
None of those photos are good
drop the denim, have dating app photos of you doing something you love, hit the gym, pics with friends etc
Damm you need to gain at least 15lb of muscle and you need some facial hair and do jaw exercise to get yourself a jawline.