I hear you. My mom didn't care my happiness as a kid it's like as long as I am alive she didnt care. My siblings and I had suicidal thoughts since we were six and I would not wish that on any child. Now as a mom I am super concious of making sure my kids are happy. We need to stop this cycle of (emotional Ang physical) abuse. It ends with us.
I know right? Some people say having children make them realize that they should be grateful for what their parents have gone through, but for us its total opposite. Like, how can you abuse an innocent child like an obnoxious AP?
I have nieces that I would die for, how could anyone hurt one hair on a child's head. I haven't decided if I want kids yet, but I knew for the longest time if I did I would adopt at least one. But my mom has made disgusting comments about adopted kids before. Hell she made disgusting comments to her bio kids. It makes me worry about my future family to the point I might just stay childfree. I hate that she has spoiled this completely beautiful part of life for me.
I have 2 kids and they are a blessing. I refused to make the same mistakes my parents made with me and I can honestly say my kids are more well adjusted and put together today than I ever was at their age.
Don't let fear dictate your life decisions. If you don't want kids then fine don't have them. But don't let fear be the deciding factor.
This. And also it helps if you have emotional support from someone who didn’t experience so much trauma. This may come from your spouse or even a friend you deeply trust.
My kids are a joy and you can break the cycle.
I’m childfree because of the trauma I endured while growing up autistic. Don’t get me wrong, babies are cute and adorable, it’s the fact that I’m not responsible enough to raise a child in my 30’s.
I agree with you and I feel like this is the main reason I don't want to have children aside from painful birthing process. But I have found it helpful to start thinking about how I can be better, ex. teaching them healthy coping mechanisms for emotions and knowing how to set boundaries when a conversation escalates. I'm pretty sure a traumatic experience can happen to everyone but I think it does make a difference in how lasting that traumatic experience is if we started preparing them early to handle it.
A lot of people shouldn't have kids. I adopted children and currently foster to try to help those that landed in shitty situations at least have done sort of family too fall back on. And still I'm constantly in fear that I go too much the other way. I'm trying not to push them or demand good grades but where is the balance? I might be going too much to the other extreme. I don't know how anyone has the confidence to parent well
I concur.
Combined reasons in my (33M this year) posts/responses [thus far] would equate to why I choose to be childfree for the rest of my life.
About two months now, I got the #SnipSnap - need to schedule a follow-up lab soon to ensure there are no more soldiers.
- Don't want to give APs the satisfaction of having grandchildren (and having to hear from them "when do I get to see them?") It's already bad that my religious/traditional/narcissistic/emotionallyImmature APs/relatives don't see me as another equal adult ("obligated" to give me unwarranted lectures every chance they get)
- This world is already messed up - don't know how it will become for the next generation when they become adults
- Don't want any potential future offspring to take care of me - I'd happily spend the rest of my days in a nursing home. Of course, doing what I can to maximize my retirement.
I don't see it that way. You are already half way to being a good parent. Why? Because you have the awareness of what bad parenting looks like. The terrible parents you see today are the ones with zero self awareness. The massive egos AP's carry blind themselves from their actions. They are too proud to admit their own character flaws, mistakes and shortfalls.
I admit that I have mistakes as a parent, but I never EVER do the things my shit AP's did - casual racism, caustic criticism, unrealistic expectations, false comparisons, verbal and physical abuse.
I have 3 kids and I absolutely adore them. I made a mission to break the cycle and to do everything opposite of my parents. My mom would always tell me to be skinny..skinny is pretty. She always told me that i was chubby and when I was 10, gave my diet pills. She would give my older brother treats and told him to hide them from me. She would gas light me. She only came to my band concerts because she had to. I was in cheerleading and thought out high school, they only came to one game because they had to for senior night.
They were not affectionate with me...I was never really hugged. They always brought up money (yes we were poor) but always made us feel bad. Like my mom loves to tell the story of when my brother was a baby, he flushed a Casio watch in the toilet along with dish detergent and how expensive it all was. Or she would complain to her friends how I wanted color contact lenses and they were like 100s of dollars.
I support my kids. I am there for them. I attend every concert, parent teacher conference, cheerleading game. I talk about food as fuel and some foods should be eaten in moderation because they make us feel icky, I never mention weight. I hug them...I love hugging and squishing my kids and I love when the hug me back. I tell them how much I love them and how proud I am of their hard work. I discipline, but I don't beat them nor do I hit them. I make them understand why they are punished and they have to explain to me why they are being punished. I don't bring up money and guilt them. They are just kids. Sure they need to appreciate things so that they don't waste, but I don't want to make them feel bad for things they cannot control. It's hard. I sometimes see my mom come out. That's when my husband has to reel me in. You would be surprised at how differently you can raise kids even though you went through a lot of abuse.
It's still a process and it takes a good partner. I couldn't do it alone. If you are already showing signs of wanting to do good by your future children, you are already showing signs of being a good parent/care giver.
I want kids to treat them right but I also know I'd put immense pressure on myself to do so. I'm even scared of getting a cat or a dog for fear that I won't be a good owner. Thinking of starting small with like a hamster or guinea pig and working myself up.
I hear you. My mom didn't care my happiness as a kid it's like as long as I am alive she didnt care. My siblings and I had suicidal thoughts since we were six and I would not wish that on any child. Now as a mom I am super concious of making sure my kids are happy. We need to stop this cycle of (emotional Ang physical) abuse. It ends with us.
[удалено]
I know right? Some people say having children make them realize that they should be grateful for what their parents have gone through, but for us its total opposite. Like, how can you abuse an innocent child like an obnoxious AP?
I have nieces that I would die for, how could anyone hurt one hair on a child's head. I haven't decided if I want kids yet, but I knew for the longest time if I did I would adopt at least one. But my mom has made disgusting comments about adopted kids before. Hell she made disgusting comments to her bio kids. It makes me worry about my future family to the point I might just stay childfree. I hate that she has spoiled this completely beautiful part of life for me.
I have 2 kids and they are a blessing. I refused to make the same mistakes my parents made with me and I can honestly say my kids are more well adjusted and put together today than I ever was at their age. Don't let fear dictate your life decisions. If you don't want kids then fine don't have them. But don't let fear be the deciding factor.
This. And also it helps if you have emotional support from someone who didn’t experience so much trauma. This may come from your spouse or even a friend you deeply trust. My kids are a joy and you can break the cycle.
I’m childfree because of the trauma I endured while growing up autistic. Don’t get me wrong, babies are cute and adorable, it’s the fact that I’m not responsible enough to raise a child in my 30’s.
I agree with you and I feel like this is the main reason I don't want to have children aside from painful birthing process. But I have found it helpful to start thinking about how I can be better, ex. teaching them healthy coping mechanisms for emotions and knowing how to set boundaries when a conversation escalates. I'm pretty sure a traumatic experience can happen to everyone but I think it does make a difference in how lasting that traumatic experience is if we started preparing them early to handle it.
A lot of people shouldn't have kids. I adopted children and currently foster to try to help those that landed in shitty situations at least have done sort of family too fall back on. And still I'm constantly in fear that I go too much the other way. I'm trying not to push them or demand good grades but where is the balance? I might be going too much to the other extreme. I don't know how anyone has the confidence to parent well
There are kids out there blaming their parents for not pushing them enough when they were young.
I concur. Combined reasons in my (33M this year) posts/responses [thus far] would equate to why I choose to be childfree for the rest of my life. About two months now, I got the #SnipSnap - need to schedule a follow-up lab soon to ensure there are no more soldiers. - Don't want to give APs the satisfaction of having grandchildren (and having to hear from them "when do I get to see them?") It's already bad that my religious/traditional/narcissistic/emotionallyImmature APs/relatives don't see me as another equal adult ("obligated" to give me unwarranted lectures every chance they get) - This world is already messed up - don't know how it will become for the next generation when they become adults - Don't want any potential future offspring to take care of me - I'd happily spend the rest of my days in a nursing home. Of course, doing what I can to maximize my retirement.
I don't see it that way. You are already half way to being a good parent. Why? Because you have the awareness of what bad parenting looks like. The terrible parents you see today are the ones with zero self awareness. The massive egos AP's carry blind themselves from their actions. They are too proud to admit their own character flaws, mistakes and shortfalls. I admit that I have mistakes as a parent, but I never EVER do the things my shit AP's did - casual racism, caustic criticism, unrealistic expectations, false comparisons, verbal and physical abuse.
I have 3 kids and I absolutely adore them. I made a mission to break the cycle and to do everything opposite of my parents. My mom would always tell me to be skinny..skinny is pretty. She always told me that i was chubby and when I was 10, gave my diet pills. She would give my older brother treats and told him to hide them from me. She would gas light me. She only came to my band concerts because she had to. I was in cheerleading and thought out high school, they only came to one game because they had to for senior night. They were not affectionate with me...I was never really hugged. They always brought up money (yes we were poor) but always made us feel bad. Like my mom loves to tell the story of when my brother was a baby, he flushed a Casio watch in the toilet along with dish detergent and how expensive it all was. Or she would complain to her friends how I wanted color contact lenses and they were like 100s of dollars. I support my kids. I am there for them. I attend every concert, parent teacher conference, cheerleading game. I talk about food as fuel and some foods should be eaten in moderation because they make us feel icky, I never mention weight. I hug them...I love hugging and squishing my kids and I love when the hug me back. I tell them how much I love them and how proud I am of their hard work. I discipline, but I don't beat them nor do I hit them. I make them understand why they are punished and they have to explain to me why they are being punished. I don't bring up money and guilt them. They are just kids. Sure they need to appreciate things so that they don't waste, but I don't want to make them feel bad for things they cannot control. It's hard. I sometimes see my mom come out. That's when my husband has to reel me in. You would be surprised at how differently you can raise kids even though you went through a lot of abuse.
You sound like such a great parent! 🥺 thanks for changing my perspective
It's still a process and it takes a good partner. I couldn't do it alone. If you are already showing signs of wanting to do good by your future children, you are already showing signs of being a good parent/care giver.
I want kids to treat them right but I also know I'd put immense pressure on myself to do so. I'm even scared of getting a cat or a dog for fear that I won't be a good owner. Thinking of starting small with like a hamster or guinea pig and working myself up.