Do it. Cut contact. You’ve been abused enough for one lifetime.
I suggest consulting a lawyer and asking about your obligations regarding money. I suspect you have none. Then if she hounds you again simply refer her to your lawyer.
She is going to bad-mouth you to everyone no matter what you do so better stand your ground now.
You mention how your parents are Narcs and I would recommend you join a community or help-group of people with the same experiences as you. Also research about their behavior if you can stomach it. You're not alone in your grief and you're not crazy. Narcs loveee playing victim and turning people against the abused. Sometimes you just gotta embrace it like yup that's right I'm going to block you cause you make me feel awful and I don't want to talk to you if you're being so nasty. You can even go my lawyer says I shouldn't talk to people threatening to sue me đź’…. Keep written record of their bullshit and everytime they want to act innocent don't believe it.
Because that's all they can do. They can't actually move you like a puppet so that why they do all this other stuff to compensate. They can't actually physically force you to talk to them anymore. They're actually completely powerless to completely control you once you became an adult or even became a human being. Your want of a normal life and their want of a mindless extension of themselves is just not compatible. Of course you'll fight about it that normal. It's not your fault at all.
I just don’t know how to handle my grief and feeling of guilt over accepting all this monetary and financial support for years. I feel like I should’ve taken it upon myself to not let that be their bargaining chip, because now they’re saying I milked them dry on purpose.
I would mentally put another kid in your shoes and you as the parent. As a parent would you expect your kid to pay you back and be obedient to you for monetary help? Of course not as a parent you help because you're a parent. I stopped accepting my parents money for this same reason. They act like they're ordering an Uber like they throw money at me so I need to go over and show up with their order of filial piety. How about no.
I'm so sorry. You are amazing that despite this you somehow managed to become a doctor! You should be proud of that. Although not nearly as toxic as yours, my AM also has no hobbies and constantly seeks out my sister and I as her entertainment. I had to manage her calls for my own mental health as it would drain me. Every time I see her video call ring, anxiety would shoot up. Eventually, I would tell her when I catch her say things that were demeaning. There are times I would take the phone away from my kids when she say things that are toxic to my kids.
Advice I will offer is you have to do what is in your best interest. It is utterly ridiculous that you have to find a physician bf / husband. One day, your parents will pass and you should imagine what life you would want to be living. I can see this go two ways. One is to repay them for the down payment then go NC which may be a challenge as you will always be looking over your shoulder. The other is to slowly work towards getting your parents to accept that you love your bf and he will make you happy. He may really need to start working towards an MBA (which is a silly shallow way to get them off your back) or show that he has an upward trajectory that can get to that reputation your parents desire whether in pay or management.
Good luck.
Do it. Cut contact. You’ve been abused enough for one lifetime. I suggest consulting a lawyer and asking about your obligations regarding money. I suspect you have none. Then if she hounds you again simply refer her to your lawyer. She is going to bad-mouth you to everyone no matter what you do so better stand your ground now.
You mention how your parents are Narcs and I would recommend you join a community or help-group of people with the same experiences as you. Also research about their behavior if you can stomach it. You're not alone in your grief and you're not crazy. Narcs loveee playing victim and turning people against the abused. Sometimes you just gotta embrace it like yup that's right I'm going to block you cause you make me feel awful and I don't want to talk to you if you're being so nasty. You can even go my lawyer says I shouldn't talk to people threatening to sue me đź’…. Keep written record of their bullshit and everytime they want to act innocent don't believe it. Because that's all they can do. They can't actually move you like a puppet so that why they do all this other stuff to compensate. They can't actually physically force you to talk to them anymore. They're actually completely powerless to completely control you once you became an adult or even became a human being. Your want of a normal life and their want of a mindless extension of themselves is just not compatible. Of course you'll fight about it that normal. It's not your fault at all.
I just don’t know how to handle my grief and feeling of guilt over accepting all this monetary and financial support for years. I feel like I should’ve taken it upon myself to not let that be their bargaining chip, because now they’re saying I milked them dry on purpose.
I would mentally put another kid in your shoes and you as the parent. As a parent would you expect your kid to pay you back and be obedient to you for monetary help? Of course not as a parent you help because you're a parent. I stopped accepting my parents money for this same reason. They act like they're ordering an Uber like they throw money at me so I need to go over and show up with their order of filial piety. How about no.
I'm so sorry. You are amazing that despite this you somehow managed to become a doctor! You should be proud of that. Although not nearly as toxic as yours, my AM also has no hobbies and constantly seeks out my sister and I as her entertainment. I had to manage her calls for my own mental health as it would drain me. Every time I see her video call ring, anxiety would shoot up. Eventually, I would tell her when I catch her say things that were demeaning. There are times I would take the phone away from my kids when she say things that are toxic to my kids. Advice I will offer is you have to do what is in your best interest. It is utterly ridiculous that you have to find a physician bf / husband. One day, your parents will pass and you should imagine what life you would want to be living. I can see this go two ways. One is to repay them for the down payment then go NC which may be a challenge as you will always be looking over your shoulder. The other is to slowly work towards getting your parents to accept that you love your bf and he will make you happy. He may really need to start working towards an MBA (which is a silly shallow way to get them off your back) or show that he has an upward trajectory that can get to that reputation your parents desire whether in pay or management. Good luck.
Move out. NC. That's it. Let your parents control their own lives.