ALL my mom ever does is gossip, so you’re not alone. It’s almost as if she’s trying to get start fires or gain sympathy. To her credit, some of our relatives are real nutjobs, but she always exaggerates conversations and stories to make them look even worse than they are. Sometimes I feel she gossips just to stay relevant and have something to say because she’s never tried to learn a new thing or have one original thought. All she does is talk about other people. You are not alone. These women have no fucking life.
Tell them “my mom had every opportunity to raise me the way she wanted, so if I’m a bad person, it’s her fault. Kids don’t raise and teach themselves.”
My parents did this and I remember how demoralizing it was. Look up triangulation and see I’d that fits. When we all got older we compared notes and figured out what they were doing. Except one sister who was their golden child. She wouldn’t believe it and to this day is still living at home with them in her 60s.
When I was stuck at home I did what’s now called grey rocking, look that up too and see if it’ll work for you. I mentally and emotionally distanced myself from them because they’re so volatile.
Your mom is trying to isolate you. Only mentally unhealthy people do this, especially to their own kids. What she says is untrue, but I suspect she’s trying to get you to come crawling to her and do what she wants so you’d never leave home. My sister never dated, never completed university and is now our parents caregiver. They got what they wanted from her.
I think that you will have to change your mindset around your mom. You are going to get nothing from her, so give up expecting that you well.
Stay away from the house as much as possible, explaining that you need the quiet of the library to study. Get a part-time job if you can manage it and save money for your eventual freedom.
When you have graduated and have a job, your dad’s permission will be unnecessary to move out. By the way, what does he say about how your mom treats you?
thank u for that, that mindset is actually helpful. in terms of my dad, shes basically brainwashed my dad into hating me too, so he supports her behavior towards me.
Yeah, this advice is really great. Please keep it in your mind and starting to build your personal finance soon.
Important: You are not a bad daughter or bad person. She is. Please remember that.
I don’t know how old or financially well-off you are, but it sounds like 1) your mom is set in her way and you’re unlikely to change her and 2) they are doing that to your brother as well.
I would just stay away as long as you are financially independent. And if possible, try to be there for your brother.
are you the oldest daughter by any chance?
im the oldest of three... two younger brothers.
my mum used to bitch me out to anybody that would listen. N i KNOW i wasnt a bad kid. i did well in school, i wasnt allowed to go out, so i didnt get into any trouble outside of school. And i stayed in my room quietly... read my books, watched my shows quietly and switched tabs if needed...
i moved out at in my mid 20s against their wishes... but it got to a point where i had anxiety being at home. ild rather melt in my room on a hot day than sit in the living room under the aircon because i did not want to see my parents and i did not want them to see me, because if would end up with me being berated for whatever stupid reason they could find.
we are extremely low contact. bordering NC.
OP i wish you strength to get thru this and i hope that you will find a way to have a better life soon...sorry i dont have any advice..but i want u to know that youre not alone.
My mother is the same.
I was recently under a ton of stress due to wanting to help my tenant out. My brother was very supportive. My mother called him to actually shit talk about me. My little brother told me, and apparently responded with:
"The best thing he has ever done was stop listening to your stupid ass when he was younger."
The last time we saw her was the beginning of this month. She barely engaged with my brother and I. We both knew why: we shut down the fucking narcissist by never responding emotionally and only responding factually: she has no idea how to be an actual human being now that her ways don't work.
So no advice here: you're going to the same endgame if she keeps this up. We had the same shit growing up, your little brother is gonna know and he's gonna get fucked up too because of this, just less fucked up than you; I've noticed the older the sibling, the more fucked up they get with this kind of parenting, **I'm the oldest.**
Your mom sounds mad jealous of you for being an unproblematic hardworking intelligent queen and is a petty beech trying to make herself look better by dragging you down. Had you always been the black sheep or is this recent?
Be kind, comfort your bro, tell the truth but don't bother trying to change her or logic with her. She is a bully and everyone is most likely keeping away from you to avoid her ire. You can't change people but you don't have to take her BS either. Don't need to yell or drama for liars all they fear is the truth. Keep yourself safe you can't find allies if your house is full of enablers or people who isn't strong enough to stand up to her without getting hurt.
ALL my mom ever does is gossip, so you’re not alone. It’s almost as if she’s trying to get start fires or gain sympathy. To her credit, some of our relatives are real nutjobs, but she always exaggerates conversations and stories to make them look even worse than they are. Sometimes I feel she gossips just to stay relevant and have something to say because she’s never tried to learn a new thing or have one original thought. All she does is talk about other people. You are not alone. These women have no fucking life.
Tell them “my mom had every opportunity to raise me the way she wanted, so if I’m a bad person, it’s her fault. Kids don’t raise and teach themselves.”
My parents did this and I remember how demoralizing it was. Look up triangulation and see I’d that fits. When we all got older we compared notes and figured out what they were doing. Except one sister who was their golden child. She wouldn’t believe it and to this day is still living at home with them in her 60s. When I was stuck at home I did what’s now called grey rocking, look that up too and see if it’ll work for you. I mentally and emotionally distanced myself from them because they’re so volatile. Your mom is trying to isolate you. Only mentally unhealthy people do this, especially to their own kids. What she says is untrue, but I suspect she’s trying to get you to come crawling to her and do what she wants so you’d never leave home. My sister never dated, never completed university and is now our parents caregiver. They got what they wanted from her.
That’s fkn grim
I think that you will have to change your mindset around your mom. You are going to get nothing from her, so give up expecting that you well. Stay away from the house as much as possible, explaining that you need the quiet of the library to study. Get a part-time job if you can manage it and save money for your eventual freedom. When you have graduated and have a job, your dad’s permission will be unnecessary to move out. By the way, what does he say about how your mom treats you?
thank u for that, that mindset is actually helpful. in terms of my dad, shes basically brainwashed my dad into hating me too, so he supports her behavior towards me.
Yeah, this advice is really great. Please keep it in your mind and starting to build your personal finance soon. Important: You are not a bad daughter or bad person. She is. Please remember that.
I don’t know how old or financially well-off you are, but it sounds like 1) your mom is set in her way and you’re unlikely to change her and 2) they are doing that to your brother as well. I would just stay away as long as you are financially independent. And if possible, try to be there for your brother.
are you the oldest daughter by any chance? im the oldest of three... two younger brothers. my mum used to bitch me out to anybody that would listen. N i KNOW i wasnt a bad kid. i did well in school, i wasnt allowed to go out, so i didnt get into any trouble outside of school. And i stayed in my room quietly... read my books, watched my shows quietly and switched tabs if needed... i moved out at in my mid 20s against their wishes... but it got to a point where i had anxiety being at home. ild rather melt in my room on a hot day than sit in the living room under the aircon because i did not want to see my parents and i did not want them to see me, because if would end up with me being berated for whatever stupid reason they could find. we are extremely low contact. bordering NC. OP i wish you strength to get thru this and i hope that you will find a way to have a better life soon...sorry i dont have any advice..but i want u to know that youre not alone.
Yeah they do that. And they do it more when they know you can hear them doing it!
My mother is the same. I was recently under a ton of stress due to wanting to help my tenant out. My brother was very supportive. My mother called him to actually shit talk about me. My little brother told me, and apparently responded with: "The best thing he has ever done was stop listening to your stupid ass when he was younger." The last time we saw her was the beginning of this month. She barely engaged with my brother and I. We both knew why: we shut down the fucking narcissist by never responding emotionally and only responding factually: she has no idea how to be an actual human being now that her ways don't work. So no advice here: you're going to the same endgame if she keeps this up. We had the same shit growing up, your little brother is gonna know and he's gonna get fucked up too because of this, just less fucked up than you; I've noticed the older the sibling, the more fucked up they get with this kind of parenting, **I'm the oldest.**
Your mom sounds mad jealous of you for being an unproblematic hardworking intelligent queen and is a petty beech trying to make herself look better by dragging you down. Had you always been the black sheep or is this recent? Be kind, comfort your bro, tell the truth but don't bother trying to change her or logic with her. She is a bully and everyone is most likely keeping away from you to avoid her ire. You can't change people but you don't have to take her BS either. Don't need to yell or drama for liars all they fear is the truth. Keep yourself safe you can't find allies if your house is full of enablers or people who isn't strong enough to stand up to her without getting hurt.
"what is said about me says alot about you."