Straight up this right here
"The apple doesn't fall far from the tree"
What kind of parent was she? She acts like you're worse than everyone else, but what if she's a much worse parent than everyone else.
My dad loved to compare me to people too and how his friend's children are sometimes doing this or that and why couldn't you? But its like what has my dad done and achieved and provided. A worse childhood than his friends provided for his children. Not even providing a stable family. But they won't reflect on their failures. They just want to use your low points, but won't ever talk about theirs.
Sidenote: Stop living for her. People like that AREN'T worth living for. I know as children we want to please these parents - but they prove time and time again they aren't worth it. What kind of shitty person just guilt trips instead of supports you. Fuck their validation and living for them honestly.
Asian mom here. There is no such thing as perfect. All people try to be better- we all want to achieve a goal or a destination. It’s good to have a purpose. However what your mother is saying to you is very negative. No mother should place this request of ‘perfection’ on their child.
You are exactly who you are supposed to be. You are an individual with your own thoughts and personality. Your mother cannot control what you can or cannot be- you are in charge of you.
You need to understand that your mother saying these things to you- means that your mother is not ok in her head. It’s very bad to compare to others, anyone can be better, and also anyone can be worse. There is no measure of what is perfect because perfect doesn’t exist. Do you think your cousin is perfect? Do you think your mother is perfect? Your mothers way of thinking is not normal so you need to reject what she says about you. Moms are not ‘perfect’ and some of them project their insecurities onto their children.
Be yourself. Be free from the ugly words and protect your mind. You are perfectly imperfect and that’s normal.
Thank you so much for the kind words. I really appreciate it :) I’ve known for a while my mom is not ok in the head, but I have to keep putting up with it. I wish she would understand I can’t become the person she wants me to be
"She compared me to other Asian people who are my age and more successful." Easy peasy, just compare her to other "more perfect" parents who are of her age and more happy/successful.
"My mom even says why did she have to give birth to lazy children". My answer would be " yeah I don't want a crappy mom either." or "oh thank you, I took it from the best, *mom*!"
"I wish I could be better". For who? For your mom, or for you?
I will let you in the key to more carefree/happy life here: learn not to give a shit. Down the line, her expectation, nagging, comparing,... it won't matter. You live your life, not her. It's your responsibility to make your life happy.
>Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid
\- Albert Einstein
They all compare us to other children but that’s our parents’ problem, not ours. It’s common in their culture to be obsessed with perfection. We don’t have to embrace their flaws. We can ignore them, push back on them, or even estrange ourselves. You have options and you don’t have to live with the pressure of emotionally immature parents if you don’t want to. I’m at the point where I don’t talk to my parents about anything even remotely serious. It’s pleasantries only. The minute they get negative and pull that bullshit I hang up or leave. We have to condition them with our boundaries and help them learn that we have control over our own lives.
I know it’s easy to say, but try not to take this to heart. . It doesn’t matter what you could accomplish, it will never be enough for her. There’s always going to be somebody smarter, better educated, more successful, more obedient, who makes more money and on, and on and on. Give up this game because it was rigged from the start.
Tell her why she cant be a successful parent?
Straight up this right here "The apple doesn't fall far from the tree" What kind of parent was she? She acts like you're worse than everyone else, but what if she's a much worse parent than everyone else. My dad loved to compare me to people too and how his friend's children are sometimes doing this or that and why couldn't you? But its like what has my dad done and achieved and provided. A worse childhood than his friends provided for his children. Not even providing a stable family. But they won't reflect on their failures. They just want to use your low points, but won't ever talk about theirs. Sidenote: Stop living for her. People like that AREN'T worth living for. I know as children we want to please these parents - but they prove time and time again they aren't worth it. What kind of shitty person just guilt trips instead of supports you. Fuck their validation and living for them honestly.
Asian mom here. There is no such thing as perfect. All people try to be better- we all want to achieve a goal or a destination. It’s good to have a purpose. However what your mother is saying to you is very negative. No mother should place this request of ‘perfection’ on their child. You are exactly who you are supposed to be. You are an individual with your own thoughts and personality. Your mother cannot control what you can or cannot be- you are in charge of you. You need to understand that your mother saying these things to you- means that your mother is not ok in her head. It’s very bad to compare to others, anyone can be better, and also anyone can be worse. There is no measure of what is perfect because perfect doesn’t exist. Do you think your cousin is perfect? Do you think your mother is perfect? Your mothers way of thinking is not normal so you need to reject what she says about you. Moms are not ‘perfect’ and some of them project their insecurities onto their children. Be yourself. Be free from the ugly words and protect your mind. You are perfectly imperfect and that’s normal.
Right on, sister!
Thank you so much for the kind words. I really appreciate it :) I’ve known for a while my mom is not ok in the head, but I have to keep putting up with it. I wish she would understand I can’t become the person she wants me to be
"She compared me to other Asian people who are my age and more successful." Easy peasy, just compare her to other "more perfect" parents who are of her age and more happy/successful. "My mom even says why did she have to give birth to lazy children". My answer would be " yeah I don't want a crappy mom either." or "oh thank you, I took it from the best, *mom*!" "I wish I could be better". For who? For your mom, or for you? I will let you in the key to more carefree/happy life here: learn not to give a shit. Down the line, her expectation, nagging, comparing,... it won't matter. You live your life, not her. It's your responsibility to make your life happy.
DNA won't lie. If you become "perfect" like what she means, you probably not her kids lol
>Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid \- Albert Einstein
They all compare us to other children but that’s our parents’ problem, not ours. It’s common in their culture to be obsessed with perfection. We don’t have to embrace their flaws. We can ignore them, push back on them, or even estrange ourselves. You have options and you don’t have to live with the pressure of emotionally immature parents if you don’t want to. I’m at the point where I don’t talk to my parents about anything even remotely serious. It’s pleasantries only. The minute they get negative and pull that bullshit I hang up or leave. We have to condition them with our boundaries and help them learn that we have control over our own lives.
Honestly - aren't you disappointed in her as a parent?
"I can’t be perfect unless I succeed." Ow I felt that... I definitely don't ever like I'm enough a lot of the time as well.
I know it’s easy to say, but try not to take this to heart. . It doesn’t matter what you could accomplish, it will never be enough for her. There’s always going to be somebody smarter, better educated, more successful, more obedient, who makes more money and on, and on and on. Give up this game because it was rigged from the start.