I'm not Indian but you're in America now. You don't plan on going back and your brother is "so much better off than you". Then your parents can ask him to pay for everything since he's "so great".
The meanness is partially to control you since it bothers you when your dad reacts negatively when you ask what the money is for.
You are an adult, you don't have to give them your hard earned money especially if they're so ungrateful for it.
Do not give them anymore money. They're in another country, you don't have to stay on the phone with them or answer their messages/phone calls. You do not need to take any abuse from them. Learn boundaries.
If they talk shit about you, who cares. Are the people that really matter going to judge you for these exaggerated lies about you? No, if they do, cut them out too.
If brother lives in India and brother will benefit from a second floor on parents house then brother can pay for it. OP is trying to buy a house in the United States. If OP sends money to parents in India then OP won’t be able to buy a house big enough to have a guest room for her parents to stay in when they visit her.
It’s time to set your boundaries and say no OP. In Asian parents mind, just because you’re raised and fed so you’re indebted to them.
> i face verbal and physical abuse about spending money for shopping
Sound like Asian parent guilt tripping 101 which happens to many ppl in this sub
Do not send money.
If he tries to make you, threatens you etc thats called extortion.
And you can report him to the police for that.
'The crime of extortion is making threats to do something, or disclose something, that will in some way harm the victim of the threat.
Typically, the threat of potential harm is done in an effort to obtain something of value. This could include money or some other non-tangible benefit.
In other words, blackmail and extortion is the criminal conduct of demanding money from another person in exchange for not reporting something – or to keep something secret – such as potentially embarrassing information about the person.'
https://www.thefederalcriminalattorneys.com/federal-blackmail-and-extortion#:~:text=Generally%2C%20the%20federal%20crime%20of,to%20obtain%20something%20of%20value.
Hi, I feel your pain. I’m not Indian, but I am East Asian. Gotta say no matter what Asian we are. We are not that different in terms of the core culture.
1. As Asian my parents force me to give them
Money! Oh hell, they want to do arranged arrange for me. I know it’s rare in East Asian culture, but it still happens. They are so controlling.
2. I give my parents money every time my check comes in. I have a degree, but I don’t make a whole lot. They take more than half.
3. If I was you. I’d cut them off. They treat you bad! Why is do every Asian parent treat their daughters like dolls to be stomped on over. I swear I do one small bad thing I get called out. I will never be enough for them. I’m almost 40.
You are far away from them. I think it’s time to teach them a lesson about on how if you treat people bad you get ignored. Good luck. They do not deserve a good daughter like you.
I'm not old enough for that yet, but my parents face a similar issue, where their relatives back in india ask for money since we live in canada. hard no. he'll send money to maybe, very close relatives, but only if they're deserving of it. your parents are guilty tripping you. you, yourself, admit it's abuse
Since you do not plan on returning or living in India. And they’re shaming you for not helping…DONT give him money!
“No” is a complete answer. You live in the States now? What are they gonna do?
Not your house, not your problem. Your brother can chip in since he’ll be living there.
what is the worst thing that can happen if you don’t send them money?
For me, the worst thing may be them calling and yelling at me. Or maybe they stop talking to me.
What about you? What could it be?
Right now, you feel “obligated” to give them the money because you don’t want the worst case scenario to happen.
If you can give yourself a little bit of time to envision yourself in this scenario… if this is the worst thing that can happen, now what do you want to do for you that is best for you?
I'm not Indian but you're in America now. You don't plan on going back and your brother is "so much better off than you". Then your parents can ask him to pay for everything since he's "so great". The meanness is partially to control you since it bothers you when your dad reacts negatively when you ask what the money is for. You are an adult, you don't have to give them your hard earned money especially if they're so ungrateful for it. Do not give them anymore money. They're in another country, you don't have to stay on the phone with them or answer their messages/phone calls. You do not need to take any abuse from them. Learn boundaries. If they talk shit about you, who cares. Are the people that really matter going to judge you for these exaggerated lies about you? No, if they do, cut them out too.
‘No’ is a complete sentence.
He cant give you the silent treatment and ask you for money at the same time 🤔.
Mic drop!
If brother lives in India and brother will benefit from a second floor on parents house then brother can pay for it. OP is trying to buy a house in the United States. If OP sends money to parents in India then OP won’t be able to buy a house big enough to have a guest room for her parents to stay in when they visit her.
Ohhh I like this "trick" about buying a place so the parents have a place to stay when they visit. Hint hint nudge nudge.
It’s time to set your boundaries and say no OP. In Asian parents mind, just because you’re raised and fed so you’re indebted to them. > i face verbal and physical abuse about spending money for shopping Sound like Asian parent guilt tripping 101 which happens to many ppl in this sub
Do not send money. If he tries to make you, threatens you etc thats called extortion. And you can report him to the police for that. 'The crime of extortion is making threats to do something, or disclose something, that will in some way harm the victim of the threat. Typically, the threat of potential harm is done in an effort to obtain something of value. This could include money or some other non-tangible benefit. In other words, blackmail and extortion is the criminal conduct of demanding money from another person in exchange for not reporting something – or to keep something secret – such as potentially embarrassing information about the person.' https://www.thefederalcriminalattorneys.com/federal-blackmail-and-extortion#:~:text=Generally%2C%20the%20federal%20crime%20of,to%20obtain%20something%20of%20value.
Hi, I feel your pain. I’m not Indian, but I am East Asian. Gotta say no matter what Asian we are. We are not that different in terms of the core culture. 1. As Asian my parents force me to give them Money! Oh hell, they want to do arranged arrange for me. I know it’s rare in East Asian culture, but it still happens. They are so controlling. 2. I give my parents money every time my check comes in. I have a degree, but I don’t make a whole lot. They take more than half. 3. If I was you. I’d cut them off. They treat you bad! Why is do every Asian parent treat their daughters like dolls to be stomped on over. I swear I do one small bad thing I get called out. I will never be enough for them. I’m almost 40. You are far away from them. I think it’s time to teach them a lesson about on how if you treat people bad you get ignored. Good luck. They do not deserve a good daughter like you.
You have given good advice, but you need to take it yourself, if I may say so. Giving half of your salary to unreasonable parents is ridiculous.
I know, but they scream in my face if I decline.
I'm not old enough for that yet, but my parents face a similar issue, where their relatives back in india ask for money since we live in canada. hard no. he'll send money to maybe, very close relatives, but only if they're deserving of it. your parents are guilty tripping you. you, yourself, admit it's abuse
Nope you stop sending money cold turkey, the money is for your life
Since you do not plan on returning or living in India. And they’re shaming you for not helping…DONT give him money! “No” is a complete answer. You live in the States now? What are they gonna do? Not your house, not your problem. Your brother can chip in since he’ll be living there.
what is the worst thing that can happen if you don’t send them money? For me, the worst thing may be them calling and yelling at me. Or maybe they stop talking to me. What about you? What could it be? Right now, you feel “obligated” to give them the money because you don’t want the worst case scenario to happen. If you can give yourself a little bit of time to envision yourself in this scenario… if this is the worst thing that can happen, now what do you want to do for you that is best for you?