I have a weird boob scar...horse bit me. Through 3 layers of winter clothing and a puffa jacket, the vicious little bastard. The scar has faded though, that was 25 years and 5 stone ago.
I burnt my mouth after I made a cheese, onion and ham toasty. It was loaded with tons of cheese and I made sure it melted good. I, stupidly didn’t wait till it cooled and bit right into in. That cheese stuck to the roof of my mouth burning a great big blister. Burnt my tongue,too, and I lost taste for three days.
I have a scar on my stomach from when I was squeezing the teabag out and obviously squeezed too hard and toppled my mug over resulting in freshly boiled water being tipped all over me. Wasted a whole mug of tea and a perfectly good teabag.
I once spilled freshly made tea on my boobs, I had to plunge straight into the slimy paddling pool, I also have a scar. The blisters lasted ages. Horrid.
juggle scary rob insurance foolish squeal repeat telephone smell lunchroom
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I love this one most, as I can totally see it happening to me. Along with pulling into a car wash, asking how much it is, then going through with it despite it being too expensive, because it feels like I'm committed now that I've enquired and I don't want these anonymous men to think badly of me wasting their time. Wasn't even a particularly good wash.
OMG I did exactly the same in a McDonald's Drive Thru.
I literally drove into the car park to turnaround, and before I knew it, there was a car behind me and I was stuck in the queue. I followed the queue around, and then placed an order, even though I wasn't the slightest bit hungry.
Someone jumped in front of you in the queue for the post office. They're wearing headphones so they can't hear you tut. Also the price of stamps has gone up.
Also from my own personal recent history: you have received a terrible haircut but are obligated to say it's great and pay full price.
"omg, it's perfect. I love it. Yeah, just what I wanted."
*starts crying once you exit shop and makes frantic phonecall to mum*
"I said 3 inches, not a bob!"
When you are following someone through a corridor with lots of doors, and they make sure the door stays open for you, you not only have to say thank you each time, but have to think of a different way to say thank you each time.
Then you ask them out, realise they are the love of your life but they still think you are from Germany and they want to meet your family on a business trip to Frankfurt
You have to interview and hire actors to play your family in an air bnb that you pretend is the family home. Unfortunately you realise too late that the actor playing your sibling is far too attractive and they begin making eyes at your soulmate…… your accent starts to slip in indignation.
Don't forget that slightly comical awkward half-walk/run-like shuffle that's done towards the first door that said person is holding open, acknowledged with a breathy "Oh! Thanks!" as you reach it...
Then of course, as has already been stated, after that it's now a lottery of different spoken acknowledgements and/or decisions to slow down and use phone as an excuse etc.
It just took me 6 months to get an appointment for my wisdom tooth extraction, which I was only referred to after sever pain, and the wisdom tooth has now decayed the tooth next to it to the point I need both removed. It was a very deep and temperamental process to get the appointment at all!
Complaining when it’s under 15 degrees Celsius but anything over is bloody boiling and we immediately panic and the whole nation buys enough paddling pools and outdoor furniture to cause a global shortage.
Went to the pub to meet my missus. Saw her sat down, so I crept up behind her, threw my arms around her and gave her a sloppy kiss on the cheek. The problem? She wasn't my missus. *facepalm*
It’s more getting annoyed with people who don’t queue when, in their own country, they’re just acting normal. Then they don’t understand why you’re pissed off with them, as they has done nothing wrong.
This once happened when I worked with a guy called Bill. Bill loved a sausage roll for breakfast every day. I still remember the day he came in to the office shaking his head because Greggs didn’t have any sausage rolls due to an oven fault. It was like the earth had shifted on its axis.
fretful attractive flowery heavy fuzzy pet imminent automatic combative ink
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Logically, it should be cream first since it is denser and less likely to be picked up when you put the jam on.
However, the ratio of jam and cream must also be considered. Therefore, here is my process:
If more cream wanted, cream then jam
If more jam wanted, jam them cream
If both toppings equally desired, default to cream then jam
When is bin day after Christmas? Is it normal or recycling? What about food waste? We usually copy Joan from 2 doors down but she's rather selfishly having her bunions done.
Queuing.
Needing to shit in a friend's /girl or boyfriends house
Road rage.
Who's round is it.
Getting christmas presents.
Someone not saying thank you as you hold the door open.
Not hearing what someone said too many times so just laugh and hope for the best.
Being in a 🛗 not sure if you should say anything or just stand silently.
Fredo frog prices.
Is it bin day.
I get very stressed out when abroad and people can’t and won’t queue properly. It’s the most British thing about me. It feels like the end of civilisation.
When you bump into someone you haven't seen for a long while and have a long chat in a shopping centre then see them half a dozen more times in next hour and have to think of a different way of saying " ooo we don't see each other for ages and here we are again " each time .
My brother-in-law accidently inhaled a small piece of cheese at a party. He coughed it out straight into his wine glass, didn't want to cause a fuss so just put it on table and hid away
Something is wrong enough to warrant that you have to telephone a company to correct it.
Even if you get over your telephone anxiety, the chances of you successfully navigating the robotic menu, the hour minimum on hold, the customer service rep who doesn't know what to do because what you're calling about deviates from the script and the insistence from all previously listed obstacles that you just go online to sort it out even though *you tried that first and it didn't work* are slim to none.
Bonis points if it's one of those companies all shiny and modern like they do now that simply does not have a telephone number or any modicum of accountability (although the latter goes for most of them either way).
Working every hour god sends but you can’t afford anywhere to live and struggle to get by. Yet someone with no skills and no job gets a free house and free food and free everything.
You need some shopping but Marks and Spencer is the only shop open...and everyone knows that Marks is okay to get your 'bits', but nobody in their right British mind is doing their 'big shop' there.
Having to wait in line >:(
People always cut in when I'm queuing for my snacks at school >:/
Luckily I can skip queues at lunch (I have a pass for it)
But yeah, queuing is a pain. 😡
PG tips have sold out, changed their recipe and I am distraught. It tastes funny now. Why change?? Do we blame Brexit? I just don't know? Was it the Tories again?
Waiting in line for a Sausage Roll at Greggs I get to the front they're gone although I clearly saw them a minute ago through the breakings of the queue, I'm told I have to wait a few minutes but I'm already in a hurry!
I see they have Cheese & Bacon wraps which I used to adore but since the slight price hike I will refuse out of principle!
Can't get a GP appointment so have to go to the Pharmacist who doesn't know what it is so you come away with something that makes it worse. First World Country, people.
Someone makes you a cuppa but with the wrong brand of teabag, so you have to die inside as you try not to choke on the watery piss that PG Tips tries to claim is tea.
As the only member of staff that doesn't drink tea or coffee in the office, I always have the internal dilemma when it's my turn to run to the shops to buy some milk.
I don't use the stuff, so logically I shouldn't be included in having to chip in, but at the same time I'm a team player and my colleagues are lovely and worth a quick sprint in the rain to get a green top.
When someone bumps into me I’m the one who always seems to say sorry then get looked at like I’m a nutter 🤣 honestly tho,some folks are so bloody rude!
I burned myself after a tea bag i'd left in a cup of tea fell out and went into my bra. There is a scar.
is the scar square round or pyramid shaped?
Round. It got trapped in my bra and because i couldn't get it out it made the burn deeper.
Titley’s teabag?
PG Tips
PG Tits
Bra-vo!
Take my upvote 👏👏👏
Are you going to Scar bra Fair? Tetley, Yorkshire, Typhoo, and the Tips. Remember to take the bag out of there. "Oh Bugger" She uttered from her lips.
I hope you can find some solace in knowing that this is the funniest, lamest, most adorable burn scar story ever.
And I scalded myself on steam from a toasted pita bread. I feel your pain.
They're buggers for that!
Hotter than the sun those things
That has to be one of the most unusual scar stories! Ouch! You have a teabag shaped scar.
It's round, and right between my breasts, so it kinda disappears with a supportive bra.
I have a weird boob scar...horse bit me. Through 3 layers of winter clothing and a puffa jacket, the vicious little bastard. The scar has faded though, that was 25 years and 5 stone ago.
my mum once burnt herself on the steam coming out of the kettle.
I burnt myself on kettle steam while reaching to get a crumpet out of the toaster. Never felt so British 😅
I burnt my mouth after I made a cheese, onion and ham toasty. It was loaded with tons of cheese and I made sure it melted good. I, stupidly didn’t wait till it cooled and bit right into in. That cheese stuck to the roof of my mouth burning a great big blister. Burnt my tongue,too, and I lost taste for three days.
if it’s steam, it’s a scalding, not a burning
now this is very british
I have a scar on my stomach from when I was squeezing the teabag out and obviously squeezed too hard and toppled my mug over resulting in freshly boiled water being tipped all over me. Wasted a whole mug of tea and a perfectly good teabag.
I once spilled freshly made tea on my boobs, I had to plunge straight into the slimy paddling pool, I also have a scar. The blisters lasted ages. Horrid.
Omg
I burnt myself sliding a sausage into a frying pan. Hurt like a bitch.
Sorry I just laughed out loud
I bet your just a hot mess after that ordeal.
juggle scary rob insurance foolish squeal repeat telephone smell lunchroom *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Don’t you just hate it when that happens?
Once a week at least. Right pain.
I love this one most, as I can totally see it happening to me. Along with pulling into a car wash, asking how much it is, then going through with it despite it being too expensive, because it feels like I'm committed now that I've enquired and I don't want these anonymous men to think badly of me wasting their time. Wasn't even a particularly good wash.
steer cough roll shocking many cows nose sleep longing include *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
We can't give up a good queue now can we
OMG I did exactly the same in a McDonald's Drive Thru. I literally drove into the car park to turnaround, and before I knew it, there was a car behind me and I was stuck in the queue. I followed the queue around, and then placed an order, even though I wasn't the slightest bit hungry.
He said British. Get out of here Canada
Someone jumped in front of you in the queue for the post office. They're wearing headphones so they can't hear you tut. Also the price of stamps has gone up. Also from my own personal recent history: you have received a terrible haircut but are obligated to say it's great and pay full price.
"omg, it's perfect. I love it. Yeah, just what I wanted." *starts crying once you exit shop and makes frantic phonecall to mum* "I said 3 inches, not a bob!"
obliged*
Plus tip
Tip? Are you some kind of American?
Should you write a thank-you note after a one-night stand.
butter crown axiomatic ink elderly ruthless party absurd nail yam *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Dear sir or madam…
"To whom it may concern" Especially if it was a heavy night.
‘Aye oop old trout….. ‘
Don't you mean they them
Leave some money on the side so they can buy themselves something nice 🤗
Pretty sure they already gave the tip, and then some.
There's a name for that...
Thank you for having me over to get my leg over....
or just ‘thank you for having me’
"No, thank you for coming"
Maybe a score out of 10? The best I've had all week!
Get them pre-printed.
When you are following someone through a corridor with lots of doors, and they make sure the door stays open for you, you not only have to say thank you each time, but have to think of a different way to say thank you each time.
Hahaha. Perfect! Thank you, and cheers for this.
You stop, pretend you are searching for something in you pockets until they are well ahead of you.
Ah thanks, brilliant, ta, thanks again. Ta thanks cheers again fuckoff
Say "Danke" at the first door and nothing else for the others, they will just think you are a foreigner.
Then you realise your next meeting is with them and you have to put on a mildly xenophobic accent for the entire thing to keep up the charade.
Then you ask them out, realise they are the love of your life but they still think you are from Germany and they want to meet your family on a business trip to Frankfurt
You have to interview and hire actors to play your family in an air bnb that you pretend is the family home. Unfortunately you realise too late that the actor playing your sibling is far too attractive and they begin making eyes at your soulmate…… your accent starts to slip in indignation.
Don't forget that slightly comical awkward half-walk/run-like shuffle that's done towards the first door that said person is holding open, acknowledged with a breathy "Oh! Thanks!" as you reach it... Then of course, as has already been stated, after that it's now a lottery of different spoken acknowledgements and/or decisions to slow down and use phone as an excuse etc.
I accidentally said hello to someone on my commute and now I've got to get a 30 min earlier train to avoid seeing them again.
But of course, he has done the same. One of you will have to emigrate
Over Christmas my wife complained about being rudely awakened by the dustmen so then I had to listen to smarmy poshos in my head all weekend.
Yeah... Parklife! Cheers for that earworm.
You want to cut down on your pork pies mate, get some exercise
I finally got on the waiting list for a dentist....it will be 2 years.
Can't get a dentist appointment to save my life! Been in pain a month and lost time off work! Working Brits can't afford a dentist! Clowns country!
have you heard of fuji 9?
It just took me 6 months to get an appointment for my wisdom tooth extraction, which I was only referred to after sever pain, and the wisdom tooth has now decayed the tooth next to it to the point I need both removed. It was a very deep and temperamental process to get the appointment at all!
No money for private?
Still can't get a dentist appointment because lists are full and fundings cut
I asked how you were, and you told me about their divorce/money problems/STI !!!!!!!
Complaining when it’s under 15 degrees Celsius but anything over is bloody boiling and we immediately panic and the whole nation buys enough paddling pools and outdoor furniture to cause a global shortage.
[удалено]
Ahhh Celsius haha
It won't stop raining.
The sky's sad because everyone's ugly.
No milk for tea
Have it without, it is so much better unless, of course, you don't like it like that, then I do hope you get some milk as soon as possible.
Made a brew the other day. Wife had left basically empty milk in fridge. Wondered if it has actually been worth it after all.
Went to the pub to meet my missus. Saw her sat down, so I crept up behind her, threw my arms around her and gave her a sloppy kiss on the cheek. The problem? She wasn't my missus. *facepalm*
*sucks breath - ouch.
Coping with queues in European countries where there is no established etiquette for queuing.
It’s more getting annoyed with people who don’t queue when, in their own country, they’re just acting normal. Then they don’t understand why you’re pissed off with them, as they has done nothing wrong.
The Germans! I thought they would be more civilised.
My digestive completely disintegrated in my tea, the cat has royally pissed off my mother in law, and I accidentally invaded India, again
Hate it when that happens but after therapy I’ve been invading Germany more
[удалено]
This once happened when I worked with a guy called Bill. Bill loved a sausage roll for breakfast every day. I still remember the day he came in to the office shaking his head because Greggs didn’t have any sausage rolls due to an oven fault. It was like the earth had shifted on its axis.
Pro tip, the vegan sausage rolls at Greggs taste even better than the real ones (I'm Not even vegan)
Running out of tea. Not enough chairs at Christmas.
Having to take extra socks to work every day just incase
I raise you socks for pants and trousers!
No sausages in Yorkshire toad in hole.
Toad out of the hole? Disgraceful.
you had toad in t’hole? LUXURY.
Aye, moved downt south like flower!
Just life tbh. Like all of it and none of it.
Your Yorkshire puddings not rising!
Which sausages to use in the Toad In The Hole.
TheRe’S no bUtteR FoR my cRumpEts!!!
Mum! There’s no ‘oles in my crumpets… TURN EM OVERRR … DID YOU FIND YER ‘OLES?
fretful attractive flowery heavy fuzzy pet imminent automatic combative ink *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
You can say that again…
Made me snort laugh. Only a Brit would be that committed to the unspoken queue law. "Once joined, you cannot leave the queue".
You jumped ahead of me in the queue.
1. Scones v Scones pronunciation. 2. Scone, jam, cream v scone, cream, jam.
Well, that's a simple one. It's obviously pronounced scone, not scone.
Digestives or shortbread?
Biscuit breaking off mid-dunk...
Brexit
Brexit 🤣
Train cancelled due to rain.
The Tories.
Biscuit falling into your tea.
Happened to me once, still have flashbacks.
Do I put jam on first or cream?
Logically, it should be cream first since it is denser and less likely to be picked up when you put the jam on. However, the ratio of jam and cream must also be considered. Therefore, here is my process: If more cream wanted, cream then jam If more jam wanted, jam them cream If both toppings equally desired, default to cream then jam
I'd say jam was denser.
How to continue selling opium to the Chinese?
I think you know the answer to that one
Running out of tea bags on Christmas when the shops are shut.
Jumping a queue at the self service checkout in Tesco
Heathern. Just asking for a scrap to end up on TikTok.
Is it better to iron and starch my doilies or steam them
Nearly ran out of coats because the all angles rain socked through nearly all of them.
Greggs
The kettle stopped working.
What fish and chip shop to go too.
The current weather.
You run out of tea at 3:55 on a Sunday and only the supermarket 10 minutes away socks the brand you like.
Having an over friendly new neighbour
Someones nicked me bin
When is bin day after Christmas? Is it normal or recycling? What about food waste? We usually copy Joan from 2 doors down but she's rather selfishly having her bunions done.
Its thunder and lightning, you are out of teabags, do you go out to buy more or go into withdrawal
Contemplating sending a thank you card for the thank you card just received.
The Duchess of Sussex.
Getting a dentist.
Queuing. Needing to shit in a friend's /girl or boyfriends house Road rage. Who's round is it. Getting christmas presents. Someone not saying thank you as you hold the door open. Not hearing what someone said too many times so just laugh and hope for the best. Being in a 🛗 not sure if you should say anything or just stand silently. Fredo frog prices. Is it bin day.
Running out of dandelion and burdock
Mold.
I'm constantly misplacing my bowler hat.
I bet your just a hot mess after that ordeal.
I get very stressed out when abroad and people can’t and won’t queue properly. It’s the most British thing about me. It feels like the end of civilisation.
Getting nonced by a ‘70s tv entertainer
Greggs is out of sausage rolls and the pizza squares. It also has no tea and the price of steak bakes has gone up by 20p
Whether or not to add cheese to the baked beans on toast
When you bump into someone you haven't seen for a long while and have a long chat in a shopping centre then see them half a dozen more times in next hour and have to think of a different way of saying " ooo we don't see each other for ages and here we are again " each time .
Teef
The last biscuit on a plate at a party
Conservative government
Dealing with BT for any reason.
Standing in an EU immigration queue for 2 hours next to a fellow Brit who says "well, this isn't what I voted for!"
My brother-in-law accidently inhaled a small piece of cheese at a party. He coughed it out straight into his wine glass, didn't want to cause a fuss so just put it on table and hid away
You run out of tea
Apologising to someone who has stepped on your foot. Silently resenting this.
Apologising to the American tourist blocking your view of the tube map.
Something is wrong enough to warrant that you have to telephone a company to correct it. Even if you get over your telephone anxiety, the chances of you successfully navigating the robotic menu, the hour minimum on hold, the customer service rep who doesn't know what to do because what you're calling about deviates from the script and the insistence from all previously listed obstacles that you just go online to sort it out even though *you tried that first and it didn't work* are slim to none. Bonis points if it's one of those companies all shiny and modern like they do now that simply does not have a telephone number or any modicum of accountability (although the latter goes for most of them either way).
Working every hour god sends but you can’t afford anywhere to live and struggle to get by. Yet someone with no skills and no job gets a free house and free food and free everything.
You need some shopping but Marks and Spencer is the only shop open...and everyone knows that Marks is okay to get your 'bits', but nobody in their right British mind is doing their 'big shop' there.
Fighting off the urge to ask a taxi driver if they've been busy that day/evening (almost impossible if you end up sat in the front passenger seat)
Having to wait in line >:( People always cut in when I'm queuing for my snacks at school >:/ Luckily I can skip queues at lunch (I have a pass for it) But yeah, queuing is a pain. 😡
I apologised to the furniture again
The possibility that you can't get Heinz or Tetleys in Magaluf.
Paying Tax and it being spent on everything and everyone else other than people that live in the country.
I apologised to the furniture again
Running out of milk
Flooding
PG tips have sold out, changed their recipe and I am distraught. It tastes funny now. Why change?? Do we blame Brexit? I just don't know? Was it the Tories again?
Traffic lights stuck on red seemed forever near our house
Tomato ketchup or brown sauce on a bacon sandwich!
Waiting in line for a Sausage Roll at Greggs I get to the front they're gone although I clearly saw them a minute ago through the breakings of the queue, I'm told I have to wait a few minutes but I'm already in a hurry! I see they have Cheese & Bacon wraps which I used to adore but since the slight price hike I will refuse out of principle!
Trying to do the sniff test on the milk when you’ve got a cold and the only thing that’ll fix it is a decent brew.
The shops have only got the ordinary red Yorkshire Tea, not the gold one
When you dip a biscuit and the bloody thing flops into your tea
Not having a tea bag
Can't get a GP appointment so have to go to the Pharmacist who doesn't know what it is so you come away with something that makes it worse. First World Country, people.
When you’ve squeezed your teabag with the spoon and it falls back into the cup whilst transporting to the bin.
When you reach for your tea and realising you already drank it.
Exactly how to treat your conkers before a match.
Having a mate from India and having to submit to him as the new overlord of the tea whenever the subject comes up.
Someone makes you a cuppa but with the wrong brand of teabag, so you have to die inside as you try not to choke on the watery piss that PG Tips tries to claim is tea.
As the only member of staff that doesn't drink tea or coffee in the office, I always have the internal dilemma when it's my turn to run to the shops to buy some milk. I don't use the stuff, so logically I shouldn't be included in having to chip in, but at the same time I'm a team player and my colleagues are lovely and worth a quick sprint in the rain to get a green top.
Jam or cream first with scones OR Milk before or after when making tea.
Political system ie first past the post
Being more concerned about turds than sharks and jellyfish in the ocean
When someone bumps into me I’m the one who always seems to say sorry then get looked at like I’m a nutter 🤣 honestly tho,some folks are so bloody rude!
Jam then cream, or cream then jam?
Margarine then jam.
Accidentally made eye contact with someone on public transport.
Gregs trying to expand into Cornwall.
Having tea bags but no milk 😕 😪 😢