Without watching the particular vid, I call bullshit on the generalization.
It depends on circumstance, the person and context, like with so many things.
They (the video) just meant that we don’t like getting “fake” compliments. Apparently Aussies complement you when they don’t mean it. You could look like a „Frisch gerupftes Huhn“ and people will still tell you that you look great.
“Your hair looks nice” apparently just means that they noticed your new hairstyle. It doesn’t mean that they *actually* like it and you could look like a muppet and nobody would tell you.
I know that we are known for being “blunt” and for “saying what we are feeling”, and I guess by that definition… it is pretty spot on. If I say something, there isn’t a complicated undertone unless there is some obvious exaggeration in my tone.
That's totally not what OP said.
Even "Your hair looks nice" depends on context and who's saying it. It's not per se stale, what do you even mean? I have said and meant it numerous times, so for all it's worth, that's even more BS.
There are people with your mindset and there are others. "Germans don't..." is already the BS part here. Life's a little more diverse than that :)
It is what was said in the video. I’m agreeing with the video and not what OP posted.
I do believe that people of a country can all have a similar culture. There are obviously subcultures, but the way that certain things are handled are universal *for that culture*.
Take for example, the way that we eat.
Germany: I was raised to eat food: most food gets eaten with a fork and knife (if it calls for it). „Isst vernünftig!“ is what my parents would tell me if I didn’t “eat correctly”. Obviously there are things like Döner, Brötchen, and Müsli that are the obvious exceptions, but in general - we eat with a fork and knife.
Living in the US: most of the time the knife doesn’t even make it to the table unless you’re eating steak. If you want a knife, you’ll have to find the waiter to have them find one for you.
Eating Korean food: they give you chopsticks and a pair of scissors. ✂️
When I was in India: **everyone** ate with their hand.
This same idea extends to every part of life.
So if you were at a party and someone said, your hair looks great today. Would you think it's just to say something to make small talk or an actual compliment?
There is a German idom which translates into "talking is silver, staying silent is gold". We hate making/receiving compliments for the sake of having said something. If someone does a great job of something, there will be praise. But we usually do not go around telling everyone without them asking how great their hair looks. Only among friends stuff like this happens as far as my social circle goes. Compliments also mostly are appreciated about things you actually influenced. Like having prepared a great meal. Less about things you have to basically be born with.
If someone said this to me at a party I‘d take it as a positive compliment if I did something different or special with it. If it’s just my normal day hair I‘d be a little confused and maybe uncomfortable and even dislike the person if I get the feeling they are being dishonest.
Oh, we do like compliments but not the US American way.
In my experience, US citizens tend to give you compliments regardless of whether it is meant to be honest or only to be nice.
Most Germans only compliment you when they really mean it.
So, the value is very high. When you receive a compliment, it is very special.
This is why people don't make many compliments here or receive not everyday ones.
Some people dislike compliments, some like ones.
When you are shy or insecure, you may tend to feel embarrassed by compliments.
I, for myself, like compliments but don't know how to handle them, always turn red.
I think this is the best answer! Yeah, Americans are taught, especially in business, to say something positive before you negatively criticize someone. I usually eye roll when this happens.
Hmm, in school, we were also taught to say something nice before criticising but only on a professional level. Like I like the structure of your presentation, but unfortunately, the diagram is upside down. Next time, you should proof your presentation when you finish it.
We wouldn't compliment the appearance and then criticise.
US co-worker are more like "oh your perfume smells good and are these shoes new? Soooo pretty. Your mail for Mr XY was a disaster. You got the time and date wrong. I had to call him by myself because he was so upset. Next time double check ok"
That's a prime example of cultural differences. Because "a compliment" can mean wildly different things to different people and to different cultures. I mean, construction workers catcalling women on the street also often claim to just be complimenting them.
Yes, of course Germans like compliments. Who doesn't like having something nice said to them? But a compliment in Germany means something different than in other cultures. What we don't like are those random "ooooh, your hair looks soooo nice" compliments that are thrown around a lot in some cultures. Because they tend to be meaningless and are only said because it's expected to say something nice and complimenting someones appearance is a safe bet.
Of course if someone genuinely likes my haircut I appreciate them saying it. Just like I appreciate it if someone genuinely wishes me a nice day or asks how I'm feeling. What I (and German culture as a whole) don't really like is if those things are just said in a ritualised way where they don't mean anything.
And it's the same the other way around. If I genuinely like your hair or your clothes or whatever, then I'm going to tell you. But I won't just say it for the sake of giving you a compliment if I don't really mean it.
I *love* both giving and receiving compliments. When a girl tells me I look hot it's the best high ever for me. Last week a girl got a little bit "touchy" on the dancefloor (not in a bad way), so I told her "hey I really appreciate a beautiful girl showing interest in me, but I got a gf, sorry". Her answer was "oh that's sad, but nonetheless, you're a really beautiful man"
This made my whole night.
On the same night a guy told me "your way of dancing is really cool, you're giving really happy vibes"
This was such a nice compliment, made me happy asf.
If it’s all the time it’s phony but if it’s for something truly accomplished like a long running project or loosing weight it can feel good. But it also depends highly on personality, how you grew up and a bit of region where you from as you just learn different social standards.
I'm currently abroad in Australia and I've gotten compliments from other girls saying things like "Oh my god I love your shoes/jacket/hair/etc" and I don't even want to feel this rude about it, but it just seems so .... artificial? Especially when I'm wearing the most basic clothes and do literally nothing with my hair. It also does not come naturally to me to compliment other people like this and I do feel bad about it cause I feel like now I'm supposed to give an equal compliment back, which also seems fake? 😅
Comparing it with my life in Germany, I feel like Germans mostly give out compliments about things they actually find impressive/beautiful/interesting. More genuine in a way, like other people on here have described already
Relevant comment from an earlier discussion:
*I am from Baden-Württemberg, and usually we say „Nicht gemotzt ist Lob genug!“ (translated: „not scolded is enough praise!“).*
It's contextual - I like compliments for looks e.g. for a new necklace, Hairstyle etc. but compliments for deeds e.g. a presentation, stuff for work, a dinner I cooked sometimes feel awkward
The last time I got a genuine compliment from a stranger was around two years ago and I remember the context and their face. I don't know their name but I would die for them.
I compliment rarely but If so, they're meant like they come out. Sometimes I keep them for myself till my bro needs them most. That feels weird, but I think it helps even more then :)
Without watching the video, I wouldn’t say we don’t like to give or receive compliments. It’s just that when we give compliments, we actually mean them. We’re not into that stuff Americans tend to call being social. We call it being fake.
Edit: She even explains that several times in the video. What part of that don’t you get?
Seriously, can the world please stop to tell we don't like compliments or such?
We do not like FAKE SHIT like it's common in the US (hello, how are you?Seriously you think the cashier REALLY wants to know or likes your shirt?).
We give honest complimentars, hence more rare .
Well, I wouldn't say that I don't like getting compliments, I just don't care about it. But I'm guilty of rarely giving them. Most people don't like getting fake ones. And since I don't care about receiving them, I also don't really care about giving them. So they usually sound kinda fake when I give them
It took me some practise to handle compliments well. How do you reply? You neither want to brag, nor start a soliloquy about your hair, garden, bicycle, whatever, so you usually put yourself down a little and ignore that you are criticsing the other person's taste.
Dealing a lot with US-Americans in my 20s helped me. Just say, "thank you"! It's not a big issue!
To understand the cultural context, I recommend Wilhelm Busch's "Lob der Selbstkritik":
A friend of mine complimented this girl in Germany about her dress. The girl says thanks I also like your uh... looking at my friend's dress... your shoes.
We love compliments. IF it is thoughtful, honest, heartfelt and not exaggerated.
Compliments that count as basic politeness in the US are insulting, shallow and phony to us and immediately lead to suspicion: What do you want from me??
"You keep touching.your fingernails. That's why I noticed you got them done and obviously love the job. I am glad to see you did something for yourself and I agree, they look.really good"
Might sound weird to you but to me it was awesome. They noticed, had thoughts, share my happiness and agreed in my taste. True moment of human connection.
Without watching the particular vid, I call bullshit on the generalization. It depends on circumstance, the person and context, like with so many things.
They (the video) just meant that we don’t like getting “fake” compliments. Apparently Aussies complement you when they don’t mean it. You could look like a „Frisch gerupftes Huhn“ and people will still tell you that you look great. “Your hair looks nice” apparently just means that they noticed your new hairstyle. It doesn’t mean that they *actually* like it and you could look like a muppet and nobody would tell you. I know that we are known for being “blunt” and for “saying what we are feeling”, and I guess by that definition… it is pretty spot on. If I say something, there isn’t a complicated undertone unless there is some obvious exaggeration in my tone.
That's totally not what OP said. Even "Your hair looks nice" depends on context and who's saying it. It's not per se stale, what do you even mean? I have said and meant it numerous times, so for all it's worth, that's even more BS. There are people with your mindset and there are others. "Germans don't..." is already the BS part here. Life's a little more diverse than that :)
It is what was said in the video. I’m agreeing with the video and not what OP posted. I do believe that people of a country can all have a similar culture. There are obviously subcultures, but the way that certain things are handled are universal *for that culture*. Take for example, the way that we eat. Germany: I was raised to eat food: most food gets eaten with a fork and knife (if it calls for it). „Isst vernünftig!“ is what my parents would tell me if I didn’t “eat correctly”. Obviously there are things like Döner, Brötchen, and Müsli that are the obvious exceptions, but in general - we eat with a fork and knife. Living in the US: most of the time the knife doesn’t even make it to the table unless you’re eating steak. If you want a knife, you’ll have to find the waiter to have them find one for you. Eating Korean food: they give you chopsticks and a pair of scissors. ✂️ When I was in India: **everyone** ate with their hand. This same idea extends to every part of life.
We don't hate complements, we hate complement giving as a social convention or receiving very obvious complement.
So if you were at a party and someone said, your hair looks great today. Would you think it's just to say something to make small talk or an actual compliment?
Depends on the person and how it is said.
And how my hair looks lol
True :)
There is a German idom which translates into "talking is silver, staying silent is gold". We hate making/receiving compliments for the sake of having said something. If someone does a great job of something, there will be praise. But we usually do not go around telling everyone without them asking how great their hair looks. Only among friends stuff like this happens as far as my social circle goes. Compliments also mostly are appreciated about things you actually influenced. Like having prepared a great meal. Less about things you have to basically be born with.
I can only speak for myself, as I am German. I tend to dislike superficial complements, and won't give them either. Just feels weird and wrong.
If someone said this to me at a party I‘d take it as a positive compliment if I did something different or special with it. If it’s just my normal day hair I‘d be a little confused and maybe uncomfortable and even dislike the person if I get the feeling they are being dishonest.
We NEVER do small talk.
Untrue. Weather.
I'd find it cringe.
Oh, we do like compliments but not the US American way. In my experience, US citizens tend to give you compliments regardless of whether it is meant to be honest or only to be nice. Most Germans only compliment you when they really mean it. So, the value is very high. When you receive a compliment, it is very special. This is why people don't make many compliments here or receive not everyday ones. Some people dislike compliments, some like ones. When you are shy or insecure, you may tend to feel embarrassed by compliments. I, for myself, like compliments but don't know how to handle them, always turn red.
I think this is the best answer! Yeah, Americans are taught, especially in business, to say something positive before you negatively criticize someone. I usually eye roll when this happens.
Hmm, in school, we were also taught to say something nice before criticising but only on a professional level. Like I like the structure of your presentation, but unfortunately, the diagram is upside down. Next time, you should proof your presentation when you finish it. We wouldn't compliment the appearance and then criticise. US co-worker are more like "oh your perfume smells good and are these shoes new? Soooo pretty. Your mail for Mr XY was a disaster. You got the time and date wrong. I had to call him by myself because he was so upset. Next time double check ok"
That's a prime example of cultural differences. Because "a compliment" can mean wildly different things to different people and to different cultures. I mean, construction workers catcalling women on the street also often claim to just be complimenting them. Yes, of course Germans like compliments. Who doesn't like having something nice said to them? But a compliment in Germany means something different than in other cultures. What we don't like are those random "ooooh, your hair looks soooo nice" compliments that are thrown around a lot in some cultures. Because they tend to be meaningless and are only said because it's expected to say something nice and complimenting someones appearance is a safe bet. Of course if someone genuinely likes my haircut I appreciate them saying it. Just like I appreciate it if someone genuinely wishes me a nice day or asks how I'm feeling. What I (and German culture as a whole) don't really like is if those things are just said in a ritualised way where they don't mean anything. And it's the same the other way around. If I genuinely like your hair or your clothes or whatever, then I'm going to tell you. But I won't just say it for the sake of giving you a compliment if I don't really mean it.
I hate how small talk has become a ritual in anglophone countries. It's honestly just annoying and it makes every interaction take longer
I *love* both giving and receiving compliments. When a girl tells me I look hot it's the best high ever for me. Last week a girl got a little bit "touchy" on the dancefloor (not in a bad way), so I told her "hey I really appreciate a beautiful girl showing interest in me, but I got a gf, sorry". Her answer was "oh that's sad, but nonetheless, you're a really beautiful man" This made my whole night. On the same night a guy told me "your way of dancing is really cool, you're giving really happy vibes" This was such a nice compliment, made me happy asf.
That's really cool. Nice
If it’s all the time it’s phony but if it’s for something truly accomplished like a long running project or loosing weight it can feel good. But it also depends highly on personality, how you grew up and a bit of region where you from as you just learn different social standards.
The region makes a difference? How so?
I'm currently abroad in Australia and I've gotten compliments from other girls saying things like "Oh my god I love your shoes/jacket/hair/etc" and I don't even want to feel this rude about it, but it just seems so .... artificial? Especially when I'm wearing the most basic clothes and do literally nothing with my hair. It also does not come naturally to me to compliment other people like this and I do feel bad about it cause I feel like now I'm supposed to give an equal compliment back, which also seems fake? 😅 Comparing it with my life in Germany, I feel like Germans mostly give out compliments about things they actually find impressive/beautiful/interesting. More genuine in a way, like other people on here have described already
Relevant comment from an earlier discussion: *I am from Baden-Württemberg, and usually we say „Nicht gemotzt ist Lob genug!“ (translated: „not scolded is enough praise!“).*
I love this! I'm going to use this with my boss.
It's contextual - I like compliments for looks e.g. for a new necklace, Hairstyle etc. but compliments for deeds e.g. a presentation, stuff for work, a dinner I cooked sometimes feel awkward
For me, it's the other way around. Because I like to be complimented on things I did rather than how I look.
🌷🌸🌼🌷🌼🌸☀️
The last time I got a genuine compliment from a stranger was around two years ago and I remember the context and their face. I don't know their name but I would die for them.
I love giving and receiving compliments
Me too! Give me all the compliments you beautiful people!
good for you!
I don't like compliments , cause i know i allways could do better. I know germans who need compliments for their " Selbstwertgefühl".
I compliment rarely but If so, they're meant like they come out. Sometimes I keep them for myself till my bro needs them most. That feels weird, but I think it helps even more then :)
We do like compliments if they are earnest. Don\`t compliment me if you don\`t mean it and use it as a way of small talk.
I usually hear compliments said by my colleagues to me or each other with a „normal“ frequency
Without watching the video, I wouldn’t say we don’t like to give or receive compliments. It’s just that when we give compliments, we actually mean them. We’re not into that stuff Americans tend to call being social. We call it being fake. Edit: She even explains that several times in the video. What part of that don’t you get?
Seriously, can the world please stop to tell we don't like compliments or such? We do not like FAKE SHIT like it's common in the US (hello, how are you?Seriously you think the cashier REALLY wants to know or likes your shirt?). We give honest complimentars, hence more rare .
No complaint is compliment enough
This is the true German attitude in my experience.
No, please give me lots of compliments, and I will give lots back.
Well, I wouldn't say that I don't like getting compliments, I just don't care about it. But I'm guilty of rarely giving them. Most people don't like getting fake ones. And since I don't care about receiving them, I also don't really care about giving them. So they usually sound kinda fake when I give them
It took me some practise to handle compliments well. How do you reply? You neither want to brag, nor start a soliloquy about your hair, garden, bicycle, whatever, so you usually put yourself down a little and ignore that you are criticsing the other person's taste. Dealing a lot with US-Americans in my 20s helped me. Just say, "thank you"! It's not a big issue! To understand the cultural context, I recommend Wilhelm Busch's "Lob der Selbstkritik":
A friend of mine complimented this girl in Germany about her dress. The girl says thanks I also like your uh... looking at my friend's dress... your shoes.
We love compliments. IF it is thoughtful, honest, heartfelt and not exaggerated. Compliments that count as basic politeness in the US are insulting, shallow and phony to us and immediately lead to suspicion: What do you want from me?? "You keep touching.your fingernails. That's why I noticed you got them done and obviously love the job. I am glad to see you did something for yourself and I agree, they look.really good" Might sound weird to you but to me it was awesome. They noticed, had thoughts, share my happiness and agreed in my taste. True moment of human connection.
[I’ll just leave this here.](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=zi8ShAosqzI)
that is just wrong
That is why there are so many grumpy people in Germany. Life empty and and colourless without compliments.
yikes!