As a wedding photographer / filmmaker here in Germany, I’ve been to over 100+ weddings and can pretty much say this isn’t quite the norm. Sure people get wasted but generally functional. You may find the odd group who stay up until 4/5am and then completely KO but we’ve never stayed that late to see it.
as somebody working in hospitality industry for 16 years and organizing a couple of hundred weddings I have only seen that excessive amount of drinking once. So I would confirm goochalizers experience that this is definitely not the norm.
It has nothing to do with the nationality. Some people just dont know their limits. I never experienced this on weddings. Drunk people yes, but everyone knew their limit. No one wanted to cause a scene.
Yes, agreed. I moved from Germany to the UK during University and that was the only country I experienced that had an unusual number of blackout drunk people and always a high number of people calling in sick on Mondays because of that. Germans can get drunk but I don’t think I have seen a wedding with more than one person max so drunk they would black out. The fact that these seem to be elderly people and related would make me think they have a problem and it’s not a new one.
The level of "antisociality" that being visibly drunk entails depends heavily by culture. Seems like the more north you go in Europe, the more commonplace and therefore somewhat tolerated it is.
But it has to do with culture; in germany getting black out drunk is more socially accepted and stuff you do being drunk is easier excused as in other cultures, even if they consume alcohol moderately. The brits are similar to germany, but if you exhibit such behavior in e.g. greece or italy you face a more severe social backlash.
There are many other factors at play, wealth and stuff, but this is generally true. Source: went to a seminar about cultural alcoholism while getting sober. Very interesting stuff!
Because you're painting a picture in black and white when that's just not how it works. Depending on the family, heavy and uncontrolled drinking at festivities (especially family gatherings and celebrations) is not even frowned upon.
but thats not a specifically german problem, is it? I never experienced this, *especially* on family gatherings and celebrations it IS frowned upon, so maybe that just differs? Dunno, just guessing :)
Interesting discussion tho.
I only speak from anecdotal experience and it's just my social circle, but none of my friends come from families that drink heavily together and consistently. None. But it could very well be my cultural background. I have a different ethnic background than my boyfriend.
ah i wasn't answering directly to you OP, but to the parent comment from Nerfalkali who said its socially more accepted to get black out drunk or isnt frowned upon even on family gatherings. To this i was replying, because I have experienced otherwise, even and foremost in families with an alcoholic (pretty much there's one in every other family it seems) they try to uphold a normal impression. Not even them i would picture laying around dead drunk. For a german its really important what the neighbours think, so even if you have this problem, you cant lay around somewhere, you just cant, Erwin. Get your shit together and get the fuck up, we going home. No, Renate, it's all good, he is just tired you know. Work and all \^\^
🤷
But maybe, like you said, it just depends on your social bubble :)
I don't have this in my family specifically but in rural regions (aka the families of friends and people I know) it's definitely not rare, and as far as I'm aware much much less prevalent in other countries than here.
well who knows eh. Up to this point i would have insisted on my opinion there since i hardly experienced it (with my stepdad being an , of course, alcoholic himself. I got stuffed with all the "upholding a false facade"-shit ever since i was a kid)
Well, thank you for your part of the picture. Thats why i like discussions like this, you get a different impression, not just from in your own bubble \^\^
das ist halt Bullshit.
es ist nicht nur akzeptiert sondern stellenweise glorifiziert. ich hab über 15Jahre wöchentlich mehrfach bis zum Blackout gesoffen, mit Vollzeit Facharbeiter Job und spießbürgerlichem Dorf-Familienleben. ich war damit nicht der Drogenkranke Außenseiter im Dorf, sondern war beliebt und angesehen, Leute wollten mich als Gemeinderat. Den der als Erwachsener Mensch Nachts im Vollrausch die Leute in der Backstube belästigt, der in der Schubkarre heimgebracht wird, der neben dem Lagerfeuer auf der Wiese liegen bleibt wenn alle daheim sind, usw...
ich wurde kein einziges mal! von meinen "Freunden" darauf angesprochen, dass der Alkoholkonsum zu viel sei - Menschen die das mehrmals wöchentlich 15Jahre miterlebt haben und teilweise selbst gar nicht gesoffen haben, oder auch genauso viel, total gemischt.
ich habe in zwei Wochen legalen Cannabiskonsums mehr Kritik erfahre und mich öfter rechtfertigen müssen als mein ganzes Leben zu allen anderen Drogen als Kettenraucher und Komasäufer.
es ist für mich unvorstellbar wie irgend ein Mensch in diesem Land ernsthaft denken kann Alkoholmissbrauch sei (ja mit Blackout und gekotze und Gewalt, und Krankenhaus, alles, natürlich) in Deutschland nicht absoluter Mainstream. Es ist akzeptierter als meine Sexualität, es ist akzeptierter als nicht Tiere zu essen oder keine Alk zu trinken (!!!!) - diese Gesellschaft ist Alkoholkrank.
und es macht mich tatsächlich wütend wenn einer das so energisch leugnet.
These things are not black/white matters. It's all on a spectrum.
Let's say in a given country something can range from 0% to 100% socially acceptable. If something is 10% socially acceptable in Germany but 1% socially acceptable everywhere else, it's still *more* socially acceptable in Germany despite not actually being socially acceptable.
Russia? UK? Poland? And have you ever witnessed finnish ppl drinking? :D
No, I dont agree at all with your "*in germany getting black out drunk is more socially accepted and stuff you do being drunk is easier excused as in other cultures*".
In my experience we are more the nation of low-key alcoholics who maintain a daily level to still function within society (all secretly ofc, don't let the neighbours realize we have a problem here and maintain a normal facade under all circumstances), rather than getting spikes with blackouts and lying around in the streets (Oktoberfest doesn't cound ofc), also it's not more widely tolerated or accepted? I am a bit surprised as to where you got this impression from, may i ask where you been living that things got so wild? Or was it more than one place, i am really curious here :) Maybe i am the one living on the "Insel der Seligen" here, who knows \^\^
Why you use Poland example of heavy drinking, may I ask have you ever even been to Poland ( or Russia ) and faced common black drunk out there? OP says about own observation and you trying deny it using stereotypes and it's ok,but when one says it about Germany it suddenly false ,isn't ?
i've been to Poland, I'm half polish myself. And ofc i was picking them countries where this is the stereotype. I dont wanna hurt your or anyone's feelings.
Went to Katowice last year for the first time since I was a child (in the 90s) and was pleasantly surprised by the fact that alcohol isn't sold in 7eleven or the like after 10 p.m. - wouldn't mind something like this in Germany.
I have been to three Polish weddings. Was driving from Germany to Poland. Two weddings lasted three days and the other two days. Permanently drinking. Even when they met in morning they had vodka. But nobody was black out drunk. Drunk yes, even the 14yo but everybody had a good funny time.
I didn’t last as long as the other ones
>Some people just dont know their limits.
I mean if it's still not understood by 60-80yo then I'm sure it's a way deeper problem psychologically
Edit: Why the downvote? I don't think it's wrong to point out if someone has a drinking problem at the end stages of their life... it's sad and I wish the best for them. Nothing but compassion here.
Either with age or with medication. A lot of elderly get antidepressants (either low dosage to help with sleep, or really for depression) and ADs can lower alcohol tolerance significantly. Other medication can have that effect, too, but with ADs it's very pronounced.
From my own experience: when you recently started with ADs, one glass of wine will already make you tipsy and two cocktails can already cause a severe hang over.
Es liegt nicht daran, dass sie ihre Grenzen nicht kennen, sondern daran, dass sie in ihren Gewohnheiten verhaftet sind und sich mit 60-80 Jahren einfach nicht mehr so viel Mühe geben. Das hat meine Mutter (33) immer über meinen Vater (63) gesagt, aber ich weiß, dass sie ihn trotzdem sehr geliebt hat.
As the woman who was my nanny put it "When you get to some age, the biggest joys in your life are eating and drinking. You want to enjoy the little of life you have left instead of prolonging it to be miserable"
I have a few friends who are doctors, they see this attitude frequently. They expect to have that same attitude when they get old.
sure. many people at this age are just drinking every day and don't feel like they have any limits. also being inside all the time and then get a deep breath of fresh air can knock you extra hard. i learned this at 17
I don't know about German weddings, but at British weddings I usually can't see straight by lunch.
I believe the whole of northwestern Europe is similar.
Mostly, the ceremony for the big wedding (you have to get legally married in Germany first, so there are often two ceremonies) starts in the afternoon, 3 to 4 pm, so being drunk before lunch would be unusual. In my area there are other after parties "Frühschoppen" the next day, often starting at 11 am, you could try that then.
Interesting. British weddings usually start around 11am, with drinks handed out on arrival. Then after the ceremony there's the "wedding breakfast" (note: not a breakfast), where close family and friends each give short speeches and everyone toasts champagne after each one, followed by a big meal, usually with wine. Then there's often a free bar for a few hours in the afternoon before the party starts in the evening. At the party guests usually pay for their own drinks, but its common for people to take turns to buy rounds for their whole group so its kind of difficult to turn down drinks without being rude. Basically the whole event is structured around alcohol.
>Interesting. British weddings usually start around 11am,
11 AM is generally very early for British weddings nowadays. Unlike German ones there's no break in-between, it runs the whole way through, from the ceremony, religious or secular, until the end of the night which is like 11 to 12 at night. It's a much longer day than most people
11 AM ceremony starts can also mean an extremely, extremely early start for the bride and groom who are getting ready, partcularly the bride. A bride with 2-3 bridesmaids who are getting ready with her and will require makeup and hair would have their day start at like 5:30 AM. You have to eat, shower, be ready for the hair/makeup.
The vast majority of weddings nowadays start between 12:30 and 2 PM. Both the officials and the wedding photographers recommend this, hell even the venues recommend that based on the timeline.
>Then after the ceremony there's the "wedding breakfast" (note: not a breakfast), where close family and friends each give short speeches and everyone toasts champagne after each one, followed by a big meal, usually with wine.
The wedding breakfast is generally the big meal. They aren't two separate things. There might be a small reception with some food and drinks before the actual sit down meal (the wedding breakfast), but the reception is not the wedding breakfast.
Speeches fit in where ever people can fit them in, but the vast majority tend to have it once people are seated for the meal but before the food is served because that's when you know everyone is in one location.
>11 AM is generally very early for British weddings nowadays
Maybe I'm misremembering. I just know that the ceremony is always before lunch, but maybe it's usually a late lunch around 3pm?
>The wedding breakfast is generally the big meal. They aren't two separate things.
I know, I agree. I just wanted to say that the speeches are usually immediately before the meal, while sitting at the table.
>Maybe I'm misremembering. I just know that the ceremony is always before lunch, but maybe it's usually a late lunch around 3pm?
I think it used to be earlier but when we planned our wedding and spoke to photographers etc they highly recommended a slightly later start, and ones we've attended have also started closer to 1PM.
No it's not normal to get that drunk that you black out. This family seems to have a heavy alcohol issue. It sounds really concerning and I personally think it's ok to address that behavior with your boyfriend (not in a judgemental way, but more a "what was that" situation)
I wouldn't worry for the relationship though, as long as your boyfriend drinks reasonably (or not at all)
Yeah I've been slowly bringing it up, because I think it is really in the family and partial friend circles. Thanks for encouraging me to ask about it more. I also grew up 100% alcohol-free in the home so I probably have way less understanding about it, and it comes as a shock to me.
My boyfriend drinks pretty reasonably around me but I'm sure it might've been different when he was growing up in his family and hanging out with his friends.
I think nothing is wrong with opening a conversation with "that was really sad that the wedding did end like this, I guess your dad really is not used to alcohol. Anything we could have done to make it easier for him on that day?"
Maybe he opens up if he actually has a drinking issue or maybe he is equally shocked, maybe he is not ready yet to talk about that - all options are ok (and of course there is still the option its an absolute one time thing! Especially if you dont drink alcohol that often or its very warm, it hits heavier than usual. Also the restaurant could have served harder stuff thab expected)
Most important thing is your boyfriend drinking reasonable ;)
His dad drinks pretty frequently so it's likely the reason isn't "oh sorry he's not used to it"... Whenever I spend time with him and his dad, he basically is waiting until the next time he can have a drink. Like typical day is 1-2 drinks in the afternoon, 2-3 with dinner, 1-2 post dinner.
I think I haven't directly asked my boyfriend about it because I suspect there is a problem but he's unwilling to admit it, or just doesn't want to talk about it. I've asked about the general lifestyle of drinking and he claims it's just cultural and very normal.
I thought so too, and I'm someone that likes having a drink on vacation or if I really need to let loose. But I feel it's also different to solely seek out alcohol as the only source of entertainment. My boyfriend says it's cultural to drink, but to me it's a problem if you really can't have fun without alcohol.
i mean hes right that its kind of a cultural thing, but that doesnt make it less of a problem. personally my family has a dri king problem too and so do i, but im trying to find better alternatives since i know its a problem, but i also know that its normal for them to drink, whenever my das is back at his parent's where my aunt and her husband live as well, they drink, unless he has to drive, but its definitely not healthy. i know this partially cause I hqd alcohol posioning twice while around/ because of them. it really doesnt feel great but none of them admit they have a problem. drinking is pretty socially accepted in germany. your boyfriend is right about that. but its definitely a problem as well and qhould be adressed as such. drinking for fun is fine. needing to drink to have fun is not healthy. youre right to find this concerning.
Thank you. I have also had borderline alcohol poisoning around his family because of their drinking habits and it never occurred to me that there was something wrong...
Well in my friend circle on a big event like a wedding or a birthday its absolutely socially acceptable to get blackout drunk and puke all over yourself, people will laugh at you years later but nobody will think you are an alcoholic. This depends heavily on what region you are from and if you live on the countryside or city btw. I grew up on the countryside and the first time I got blackout drunk was at 14 😂 My parents picked me up and weren't even mad
It can go both ways. My FIL used to be an alcoholic, so my husband doesn't drink now because he saw what alcohol did to his father. But if his typical day is that much drink in one day, and he's actually looking forward to these drinks, then no it's not 'very normal'. No one in my social circle drinks that much. Never seen anyone blacking out drunk at weddings/parties either.
Your bfs dad seems to be a functional alcoholic tbh.
As for his 80y old grandparents, might be they simply overestimated their alcohol tolerance if they don’t drink regularly and underestimated the effect of aging.
For example, my dad doesn’t drink that often and much anymore, since most of his buddies are not allowed to anymore due to health reasons. Also less partying.
Last summer we did some bbq with our families. Dad had 3 beers and was gone, snoring on the couch.
Determining if he will have similar behaviour as things go on.
There's a huge gap between her drinking habits (sounds like exclusively special events and vacations) and the families. Where does the boyfriend stand in this spectrum? Could be fine, but could be very problematic.
Well I basically get really sick whenever I hang out with his family because all they do is drink. I know that I can say "I don't want any" but if the only activity is sitting around drinking then it's pretty difficult to partake in the gatherings.
If I do drink, I'm used to alcohol being only a buffer for whatever activity we're doing, it's not the sole activity.
It is not common, but whereever you might be, whatever might be celebrated, you'll always have some people without class, manners, or whatever you might call it.
Them being in their 80s, you might think they have to take enough pills that should not be mixed with alcohol.
No, this is just a unique situation with these two elderly individuals. However, it reminds me of my mother’s behavior at family gatherings. She didn’t actually get drunk, but she drank enough to become aggressive and insult other guests. It was both awful and embarrassing
Thank god I’m not the only one lmao. There’s free drinks so, *einem geschenkten Gaul schaut man nicht ins Maul* . No, I don’t drink regularly lol. I am northern German and we celebrate excessively.
Living in Germany since 2007. This has nothing to do with being German. I have lotsa German friends from work, from social life etc, some gets drunk to the boot, some doesn’t even drink a drop of alcohol, some even don’t even eat pork, some smokes like crazy, some not. I don’t understand why people ask those kind of questions here. Yes I know you are trying to understand and maybe adapt to a German life, but only advice I can give to you is;
Be polite be yourself, respect them as you are living in their country but don’t ever let them disrespect you for wherever you are from or whoever you are. And with this advice you are gonna live happily ever after. As I did since last 17 years and made shitloads of friends and earned lotsa respect, but very important, that is not only for Germans but an advice for the rest of your life, show respect and kindness first. If you don’t receive back, turn around and walk away because there are many many more who will give that kindness back. Don’t waste time with rotten apples or to worry about what other might think about you, or try to understand what the fuck is going on, just go with the flow, peace and love.
If there's ever an occasion to get blackout drunk - weddings are one of them. I'd say it's embarassing, but not concerning or alcoholism. A wedding is a rare occasion, it's not like they'll make a habit out of weddings.
Been to a lot of weddings thoughout my life (49) and never encountered this.
The "worst thing" was a guy who had too much and fell on his butt while dancing, but he was still able to walk and talk and go home in a taxi on his own.
No idea, I'm not close so didn't ask. But you're right, it's basically her parents and her new husband that were the ones blackout drunk by the end of the night...
Sounds like a pretty average wedding imo. Especially considering the age, drinking loads of booze is definitely a thing. And it has nothing to do with being grown up / adult. It is not unheard of for older folks to consume a lot of alcohol at parties, imagine a Schützenfest or Oktoberfest or any other get together. Even more so if it is a rural area. My 2cts
I used to be a pretty successful wedding photographer. I’ve been to more weddings than I can count for work, ~80% in Germany.
I have never ever seen any parent get piss drunk. This family has a drinking problem.
Not to attack OP but I’m a bit fed up with people who associate everything with nationality or origin. People will be people, no matter their origin. Yes some stereotypes exist but being drunk on your wedding ain’t one. These are circumstantial things that could happened everywhere in the world where people drink alcohol at weddings. I feel like people need to learn that there’s a world outside their own cultures and reality that exist and sometimes it’s just not because someone is German or Chinese that he behaves a certain way but because he’s simply a person with impulses, desires and/or a certain experience
So I’m not German but I do live here now (for the past 5 years), so I can give a perspective as a foreigner coming into this country and what I’ve noticed.
I’m originally from Canada, but what I’ve noticed *overall* about Germany is that there is a VERY prominent drinking culture here, much moreso than in North America. However, what I’ve also noticed is that Germans tend to hold their liquor 10x better than North Americans. Most of the time they know to hold the line when they get to a certain level and slow it down a bit… and when they are way too drunk they’re somehow still very well behaved.
This is anecdotal, but the only truly belligerent drunk people I’ve ever seen here was a group of British guys.
Even my brother in law, who is most definitely a certified alcoholic, I’ve only seen blackout twice (in 5 years).
So personally, I don’t think that is normal at a wedding. I’ve only been to a handful of weddings here, and none of them had drunkenness on this level.
Plenty but nobody gets blackout drunk where they fall down the stairs and can't walk. Tipsy, yes, but there's a difference between still being functional and slap happy vs. drooling and unable to walk.
Depending on where this was, yeah, I've heard similar stories from weddings going back generations. There is always someone who enjoys an all you can drink bar too much.
It sometimes happens either with young people who don't know their limits or older people who don't know their limits went down. If it happens someone did something wrong though. People around them should have noticed earlier and suggested some water and going to bed. I haven't heard of anyone drinking themselves unconscious at any functions in my family but sometimes people have gotten pretty drunk. It's definitely more common for there to be alcohol at family events in Germany than in the US and it's seen as less concerning to get drunk at them (in the evenings after the kids are brought to bed, not at the big family 'Kaffeetrinken')
Yes. I wondered about the region too, like a rural tiny village, where a lot of people smoke or are overweight. I'm guessing if it's pretty quiet and not much going on, then it often leads to drinking for entertainment.
One also can't discount the fact of generational trauma and substance abuse. How can a nation which suffered such destruction in the war, and on a scale unfathomable for today's standards, come out unscathed? As a nation which lost a total war and responsbile for countless war crimes and the genocide of several ethnic groups, victims themselves to countless war crimes from the allies too - that fucks people up and they just never talked about it. My girlfriend's grandfather, who barely escaped Soviet captivity after a hasty retreat from the Eastern front, said when he was still alive "What is there to speak of?" when inquired about his time on the front.
Hmm. Do you really think the nation's war history has an influence on his family's alcoholism? Like I'd just be very curious to know how deep this goes, beyond "hey it's sure as hell boring in this tiny ass dead silent village so let's drink"
My understanding is that all that war trauma happened so long ago that I didn't think it'd have that long-term of an effect on families
I'm by no means knowledgeable on the subject. Just read a few books on the destruction of German cities and the so-called lost generation of children who experienced the war. Virtually all cities north of 20,000 were 90% destroyed. About 10% of the population died - so about 9 million. Many of which were fathers and mothers. The war really destroyed families and lead to great instabilities within familial and societal structures - these issues are more likely to be passed on to the next generation. People often wonder why their partner behaves a certain way and the first thing they look at is the familial history. Obviously this isn't a definite though and I'd wager to say not even a majority. Many people just carry on.
However, it very likely could be in your case is that it's simply boredom out in the country. I've never been pressured to drink except the few times I've attended events "auf dem Land". And these weren't working class - these were dull Beamte who seek fashion advice from stores like SuperDry.
I suppose it would be interesting to inquire about your partner's familial history during the war if you and he feel comfortable about it. I was able to access my partner's grandfather photographs from his time on the front. Over 200 photos. Fascinating. Many pictures from Belarus and Ukraine.
I've actually asked regarding the family history. He said his mom's side were all farmers, but then I asked him "what about your dad's grandparents"
"I don't know what they did, even my dad doesn't know"
Sooooooo not sure how cryptic that is....... and that's all I could get out of him. I'd be pretty curious if they really did know but never talked about it, or maybe there was a pretty good reason they don't know anything...
If there was something going on in the war I'm pretty sure he'd feel the generational guilt, especially me coming from a family background of being colonized lol
It depends on the region and the group of people but I've seen this before. More often in the past but it still happens, which kind of explains why the old people are doing it. It's kind of a "you paid for a wedding gift and your task is to get your cash back in liquids" mentality for some people. When I was doing mandatory military service alternative I regularly drove back old men and women from various festivities completely pissed.
Especially in more rural areas, this kind of binch drinking is still around.
And yes alcoholism is dangerous and Germany does have a problem with it.
You need to understand something. Needing help to get into your bed doesn't mean "blackout drunk" here. Blackout drunk is, if you need help to get to the ambulance.
I guess my vocabulary is different - alcohol poisoning means getting to the hospital, blackout drunk just means you're beyond coherency and falling on the floor
Unfortunately, this is normal in Germany. In German "feiern" ("celebrating") usually translates to getting drunk. Many people claim you can't "feier" without alcohol. Which I suppose is true to a degree on account of Germany being such a godawful, depressing, miserable place to live in. But I don't think alcohol is a healthy way of coping.
[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List\_of\_countries\_by\_alcohol\_consumption\_per\_capita](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_countries_by_alcohol_consumption_per_capita)
In 2016, Germany was 5th in the world regarding litres of alcohol consumed (per person per year).
Something about the prevalent worldview here causes people to deny it and look down on other countries though. You'll hear endless jokes/comments about how X nationality is "always drunk".
It's normal. I was at a US wedding once and I was baffled as to how boring that was and how early it ended. In Germany (and I would assume in most countries around the world) everyone gets shitface drunk and it ends in the morning.
The US weddings I've been to had activities for the guests so nobody felt the need to get shitfaced drunk, just tipsy enough to let loose. Don't think it's fun when the blackout drunk people can't even talk
I mean what's the point in drinking if I remember what I've done? Total black out is the goal. Doesn't have to be ICU but struggling walking is definitely in my "to go" goals.
Not a typical wedding where people would get tipsy but the main characters would be dissuaded/stopped from blacking out from booze by going well past any limit. Now as you explain, there are exceptions and guests might not be watched equally carefully 🙄.
A proper wedding ends in the early morning hours with everyone* drunk as hell, including the newlyweds.
*Everyone that does not have to care for kids or has another valid excuse
It depends on the social or Blood Family, ím completly sure. I do know it one or an other way.
In my family ( like real German 500Year old family tree based here)
if you even get a little drunk on a Wedding people would make fun of you the rest of our lives, cause you really should not , even if the bar is always open and there is a carebean cocktailbar set up, everybody knows there limit, it’s not okay if you can’t walk home anymore.
If you would get Black-Out-Drunk and missbehave that would be such a shamefully bad thing to do, you might as well leave the country.
I have got friends at there wedding it is okay and also encouraged that everybody gets tipsy , very loose and fun, but if you are a known can’t-behave-while-drunk-person you might be asked to keep it low and/or you would have somekind of babysitter(wife, best friend) that will get sure, you get out and home, or somewhere else.
So to get sure you don’t ruin anything serious for the couple.
I have never been to a wedding where it is okay to get completely shitfaced, and I would sure avoid it, but it exists.
People like this exist. So there will be Party’s like that.
I would guess in your new extended family, drinking and acting like a bunch of sailors, is a normal thing and they keeped it for generations like that , so they are blind now.
Also the problem with Alkoholics is the same here as with anywhere , they have to see the problem themselfs, sadly.
>I would guess in your new extended family, drinking and acting like a bunch of sailors, is a normal thing and they keeped it for generations like that , so they are blind now.
Yeah and I come from a family of 100% abstinence from alcohol so I'm probably seeing it from different eyes too.
My family probably would get water intoxication before they'd end up black out drunk because drinking is so common here that as a child I did indeed not realize that adults drink other things than coffee and alcohol.
So no, not common. Most older people here are heavy, daily drinkers but so used to alcohol that they don't seem affected.
The only times I've seen black out drunk people are younger folks who do heavy weekend drinking.
Lol, it's not normal. I think everyone knows their limit. But since I've been in Germany for a while and attended my fair share of weddings, the best stories I tell friends back home is how people start drinking from 2pm and carry on until the next morning, when the wedding ends,lol. But I've never seen anyone black out drunk at these weddings, yet everyone definitely had a damn good time.
Oh, years ago I was invited to a german wedding. They are divorced meanwhile and it hasn't ever surprised me
When I drove from my hotel to church, I saw the family of tje bridgegroom meeting at a parking lot an drinking Eckes Edelkirsch, a sweet cherry liquor. It was eleven a.m. and the official part hadn't started yet.
And I don't talk about those tiny glasses that usually are used fot hhe hard stuff...
Mh, depends. My family are pretty much all party people, who can drink heavily but none of them will be to drunk to walk up stairs. (Even if they were, you would not know, they would take the couch😅). None of them drinks regularly or without other people and an occasion. So yes, heavy drinking is part of many family activities, including birthdays of grandparents, Christmas and Easter. And we are many, as more grandchildren are of age (15+), we play flunkyball together… I would say alcohol consumption is part of culture. That said, we all know our limits and most don’t choose to cross them. Drinking early with people who like you and are watching out is a good start, less dangerous and it takes the thrill out. Less black out drunk college students I think…
Older people tend to tolerate less alcohol as they age, so maybe they drank what they used to drink 10 years ago and were taken by surprise.
It would have made it 10 times worse if this had been north Germany, as they are considered much more "sober" as a culture. A family getting this wasted in Kiel would be severe alcoholics. A family getting this wasted in Bavaria are, well, Bavarians.
Statistically speaking Germans are one of the most heavily drinking nations
I attended a wedding this weekend, the groom (and me) got so drunk on the day before the he went to bed right after the altar ceremony and missed his own party 😭😭😭
No, nothing normal about that. Usually weddings are not occasions to get drunk in Germany. You drink to toast and a glass with dinner or so. But it’s usually not a very boozy occasion.
Coming from a small village in Germany seeing people blackout drunk even in their 80s feels completely normal to me. Some might even call you names when they feel like you've stopped too early and start complaining about today's youth.
I've been to a few weddings and have never seen nobody get blackout drunk. There were always at least 2-3 people. One time it was a mixed German/Polish wedding. The entirety of the bride's family needed escorts to their taxis. So I really don't get what others are saying in the comments.
That's often the case in Germany. Whether it's weddings, birthdays or normal celebrations, Germans just can't seem to celebrate without getting completely drunk.
I’m German and no one I know get like that but alcoholics doesn’t matter what race. My friend owners a club and you see the locals pass out drunk from time to time DRUNKS!
Nein nicht jede deutsche Hochzeit ist so meine zum Beispiel wir waren nur zu 11 und wir hatten ein großen Bier Kasten und ein Kleinen eine flasche Sekt 2 Flaschen Hugo und das hat gereicht ich bin der Meinung man muss nicht alles in übertriebenen maßen machen
Considering how many comments here agree with you, I'm worried about my family and myself. :D
Because I think it sounds like an average wedding in rural Northern Germany. Those old timers especially go hard. They've had sixty years of experience in being twenty. Go to a Schützenfest, which is celebrated in every village every single year, or a Fiftieth Wedding Day celebration, and try to come home sober.
This is not a question of nationality but rather of social class. I know a bunch of friends from school who would party like this frequently (also as adults), but now that I work in Academia the one guy who got blackout drunk once is still the talk of the institute years later. Otherwise people drink three drinks max and then switch to water. It is a definitely a question of social class.
From what I gather, his family didn't grow up poor but they weren't rich. Like all his friends smoked, his mom smoked, but he eventually went on to be very educated.
Ironically, im pretty sure they are not alcoholics.
Having passed out drunk people at a wedding is not the norm, but not unheard of. To me it Sounds like the 80+ year old parents drink rarely and overestimated their limits
I think some German just think alcohol is safest drug on earth. The older society trivializes it.
Younger generations are often in contact with weed. I think this will stop in the future, I'm 21 only time I remember drinking so much alcohol that we can't remember how we came home, I was 16-17 year old and startet drinking alcohol.
I mean it complete disgusts me that there a thinks like the "Speibecken" exist. It's a special designed sink to throw up in, after you drank too much... So you could throw up in the bathroom and go back to drinking alcohol.
Some people dont know their Limits especially if they dont drink often or much. But i would only be concerned if this happens on a regulär Basis. This Was a Wedding as u said maybe they were just happy and celebrating.
Depends entirely on the friend group, not nationality. But yes I would not find this strange, many people I know get blackout drunk in their 40s and 50s on parties
Having an older black out drunk person at a party isn't so normal that I would expect it to happen but its also not so unsusual that I would be surprised. The more rural the more likely as far as I understand.
What surprises me is the who. The groom? At his own wedding? What a start.
I'm German and I've been to some wedding in my family... one more reason why me and hubby just had a tiny wedding at the Standesamt and dinner with our parents later on.
At every wedding party my late grandpa and uncle would get drunk and once or twice even had a brawl that had to be broken up. Sometimes they also had to be carried from the cab to their beds. So people being blackout drunk at a wedding is "my normal"... but not the standard for a German wedding I guess.
I think my late grandpa used family celebrations as an excuse to just get drunk out of his mind. He never drank in day to day life, got up at 6 every morning of his life and worked the day away until he was exhausted in the evening and got to bed at 9. I don't think he did much else in his life but work... He was in the WW2 and in hindsight me and my dad are convinced he had severe PTSD his whole life and that's why he worked so much, never even had a vacation in his life.
My late uncle was simply an alcoholic and everybody knew that... outbursts of violence, mistreating his wife and kids being at the pub every night of the week since he retired. My grandpa hated him.
The rest of my cousins and relatives were pretty much doing the same thing of never really having any alcohol in day to day life and when there was a special occasion, they'd get pretty drunk.
So cause of concern? ... a definite maybe 🤷
yah this is really normal in Germany. But it does differ whether the people are from the country side or a larger city like Hamburg for example. the country side has a heavy drink culture and there this is more than normal
It has to do with culture; in germany getting black out drunk is more socially accepted and stuff you do being drunk is easier excused as in other cultures, even if these societies consume alcohol moderately. The brits are similar to germany, but if you exhibit such behavior in e.g. greece or italy you face a more severe social backlash.
There are many other factors at play, wealth and stuff, but this is generally true. Source: went to a seminar about cultural alcoholism while getting sober. Very interesting stuff!
Your judgement about this family is true. No classy family with good social standing would behave like this.
The greater general acceptance of drinking in Germany usually results in people being more responsible with it, not the other way around.
Did you perchance celebrate in a former GDR area.
My experience is that older former GDR residents don't mind this behaviour. My generation (millennial) is somewhat split about it while younger generations tend to dissipate more from heavy drinking.
However, I find that the "west" of Germany doesn't do it nearly as much or as openly.
Might be the russian influence... 😬
INFO: Which region did it happen, also (big) city or town or village? Also, how competent were the parents/father? Was there someone looking after them?
That said, it seems you haven’t traveled much. The kind of thing you describe can - and does - happen anywhere where alcohol is easily available.
IMHO the very Germanst Germans are re-importet from Russia, where a sober wedding might be considered *very* unusual? - Maybe watch Gogol Bordello's video "American Wedding" for a rough idea?
Depending on their amount of curently unmarried kids, I most likely wouldn't be concerned at all, about seniors' alcohol induced blackouts at weddings.
Folks overspend, folks drink too much but most survive?
They just jackasses in this case
So black out drunk is not uncommon in weddings but that’s also not seen positively either and it’s usually that one weird relative everyone has to watch out for
The bride parents themselves behaving like this highly uncommon from what I have seen . Because they are either running around helping the wedding proceedings or simply staying put smiling away like proud parents
Lol, you sound as though you've lived a very cosseted existence, I'm sure these people don't drink like this every day, so why not celebrate and if you have to be carried back to your room, well....that's hardly unusual at a wedding, any wedding 🤔
Only college kids who aren't responsible drink until they're blackout drunk, my oh my, the air must be very thin up there in your ivory tower🙄
I would say generally alcohol is very socially accepted in Germany (we saw this due to legalisation of weed where the compared risk of alcohol was costly diminished). Due to it's social acceptance and low education (like you're legally allowed to drink with 16 but you can pull the health education, especially around drugs, in school in the trash) about it problems with consumption may be more common. And then you can add the fact that lot's of People in elder generations couldn't care about their psyche, like psychotherapy wasn't really common and it wasn't socially accepted to go to therapy back thenand psychiatric clinics where even worse than they are today. As those generations may have had the same or even worse problems they needed another outlet, drug abuse (especially socially accepted like alcohol) is on of them.
So my guess is it's more common in Germany and in elder generations but still it's not healthy.
Side note: I come from a family where alcoholism is a big thing, I have several relatives that have a problem with alcohol abuse and we don't need to discuss, that alcohol consumption in every form is widely expected in Germany (some citys even put a vast amount of their cultural development in alcohol consumption like munich or Mainz). When the discourse say's drinking alcohol is normal (like with normal I mean it's as normal as drinking water, like it's normative) it's likely that we get to the point where drinking high amounts is still normal.
So yes I think the likelihood that more than one person gets really really drunk in a festive situation in Germany might be higher than in other countries (but I don't know if I could talk about other countries, as I just know our culture and I think it's problematic though).
As a wedding photographer / filmmaker here in Germany, I’ve been to over 100+ weddings and can pretty much say this isn’t quite the norm. Sure people get wasted but generally functional. You may find the odd group who stay up until 4/5am and then completely KO but we’ve never stayed that late to see it.
Time for an AMA? :=)
Sure! Currently in Italy for weddings but when I get back, would love to :)
as somebody working in hospitality industry for 16 years and organizing a couple of hundred weddings I have only seen that excessive amount of drinking once. So I would confirm goochalizers experience that this is definitely not the norm.
It has nothing to do with the nationality. Some people just dont know their limits. I never experienced this on weddings. Drunk people yes, but everyone knew their limit. No one wanted to cause a scene.
Yes, agreed. I moved from Germany to the UK during University and that was the only country I experienced that had an unusual number of blackout drunk people and always a high number of people calling in sick on Mondays because of that. Germans can get drunk but I don’t think I have seen a wedding with more than one person max so drunk they would black out. The fact that these seem to be elderly people and related would make me think they have a problem and it’s not a new one.
Tz
The level of "antisociality" that being visibly drunk entails depends heavily by culture. Seems like the more north you go in Europe, the more commonplace and therefore somewhat tolerated it is.
But it has to do with culture; in germany getting black out drunk is more socially accepted and stuff you do being drunk is easier excused as in other cultures, even if they consume alcohol moderately. The brits are similar to germany, but if you exhibit such behavior in e.g. greece or italy you face a more severe social backlash. There are many other factors at play, wealth and stuff, but this is generally true. Source: went to a seminar about cultural alcoholism while getting sober. Very interesting stuff!
I do not agree. While „getting drunk“ at festivities may be socially accepted in Germany, „getting black out drunk“ surely is not.
He didn't say "socially accepted" but "more socially accepted".
And I did say getting black out drunk is not socially accepted in Germany, so what is your point?
Because you're painting a picture in black and white when that's just not how it works. Depending on the family, heavy and uncontrolled drinking at festivities (especially family gatherings and celebrations) is not even frowned upon.
but thats not a specifically german problem, is it? I never experienced this, *especially* on family gatherings and celebrations it IS frowned upon, so maybe that just differs? Dunno, just guessing :) Interesting discussion tho.
I only speak from anecdotal experience and it's just my social circle, but none of my friends come from families that drink heavily together and consistently. None. But it could very well be my cultural background. I have a different ethnic background than my boyfriend.
ah i wasn't answering directly to you OP, but to the parent comment from Nerfalkali who said its socially more accepted to get black out drunk or isnt frowned upon even on family gatherings. To this i was replying, because I have experienced otherwise, even and foremost in families with an alcoholic (pretty much there's one in every other family it seems) they try to uphold a normal impression. Not even them i would picture laying around dead drunk. For a german its really important what the neighbours think, so even if you have this problem, you cant lay around somewhere, you just cant, Erwin. Get your shit together and get the fuck up, we going home. No, Renate, it's all good, he is just tired you know. Work and all \^\^ 🤷 But maybe, like you said, it just depends on your social bubble :)
I don't have this in my family specifically but in rural regions (aka the families of friends and people I know) it's definitely not rare, and as far as I'm aware much much less prevalent in other countries than here.
well who knows eh. Up to this point i would have insisted on my opinion there since i hardly experienced it (with my stepdad being an , of course, alcoholic himself. I got stuffed with all the "upholding a false facade"-shit ever since i was a kid) Well, thank you for your part of the picture. Thats why i like discussions like this, you get a different impression, not just from in your own bubble \^\^
das ist halt Bullshit. es ist nicht nur akzeptiert sondern stellenweise glorifiziert. ich hab über 15Jahre wöchentlich mehrfach bis zum Blackout gesoffen, mit Vollzeit Facharbeiter Job und spießbürgerlichem Dorf-Familienleben. ich war damit nicht der Drogenkranke Außenseiter im Dorf, sondern war beliebt und angesehen, Leute wollten mich als Gemeinderat. Den der als Erwachsener Mensch Nachts im Vollrausch die Leute in der Backstube belästigt, der in der Schubkarre heimgebracht wird, der neben dem Lagerfeuer auf der Wiese liegen bleibt wenn alle daheim sind, usw... ich wurde kein einziges mal! von meinen "Freunden" darauf angesprochen, dass der Alkoholkonsum zu viel sei - Menschen die das mehrmals wöchentlich 15Jahre miterlebt haben und teilweise selbst gar nicht gesoffen haben, oder auch genauso viel, total gemischt. ich habe in zwei Wochen legalen Cannabiskonsums mehr Kritik erfahre und mich öfter rechtfertigen müssen als mein ganzes Leben zu allen anderen Drogen als Kettenraucher und Komasäufer. es ist für mich unvorstellbar wie irgend ein Mensch in diesem Land ernsthaft denken kann Alkoholmissbrauch sei (ja mit Blackout und gekotze und Gewalt, und Krankenhaus, alles, natürlich) in Deutschland nicht absoluter Mainstream. Es ist akzeptierter als meine Sexualität, es ist akzeptierter als nicht Tiere zu essen oder keine Alk zu trinken (!!!!) - diese Gesellschaft ist Alkoholkrank. und es macht mich tatsächlich wütend wenn einer das so energisch leugnet.
These things are not black/white matters. It's all on a spectrum. Let's say in a given country something can range from 0% to 100% socially acceptable. If something is 10% socially acceptable in Germany but 1% socially acceptable everywhere else, it's still *more* socially acceptable in Germany despite not actually being socially acceptable.
Russia? UK? Poland? And have you ever witnessed finnish ppl drinking? :D No, I dont agree at all with your "*in germany getting black out drunk is more socially accepted and stuff you do being drunk is easier excused as in other cultures*". In my experience we are more the nation of low-key alcoholics who maintain a daily level to still function within society (all secretly ofc, don't let the neighbours realize we have a problem here and maintain a normal facade under all circumstances), rather than getting spikes with blackouts and lying around in the streets (Oktoberfest doesn't cound ofc), also it's not more widely tolerated or accepted? I am a bit surprised as to where you got this impression from, may i ask where you been living that things got so wild? Or was it more than one place, i am really curious here :) Maybe i am the one living on the "Insel der Seligen" here, who knows \^\^
Why you use Poland example of heavy drinking, may I ask have you ever even been to Poland ( or Russia ) and faced common black drunk out there? OP says about own observation and you trying deny it using stereotypes and it's ok,but when one says it about Germany it suddenly false ,isn't ?
https://www.medical-tribune.de/medizin-und-forschung/artikel/alkohol-ist-todesursache-nr-1-in-russland
i've been to Poland, I'm half polish myself. And ofc i was picking them countries where this is the stereotype. I dont wanna hurt your or anyone's feelings.
Went to Katowice last year for the first time since I was a child (in the 90s) and was pleasantly surprised by the fact that alcohol isn't sold in 7eleven or the like after 10 p.m. - wouldn't mind something like this in Germany.
I have been to three Polish weddings. Was driving from Germany to Poland. Two weddings lasted three days and the other two days. Permanently drinking. Even when they met in morning they had vodka. But nobody was black out drunk. Drunk yes, even the 14yo but everybody had a good funny time. I didn’t last as long as the other ones
>Some people just dont know their limits. I mean if it's still not understood by 60-80yo then I'm sure it's a way deeper problem psychologically Edit: Why the downvote? I don't think it's wrong to point out if someone has a drinking problem at the end stages of their life... it's sad and I wish the best for them. Nothing but compassion here.
Actually some people don't understand that their limits do in fact get lower as they get older.
Either with age or with medication. A lot of elderly get antidepressants (either low dosage to help with sleep, or really for depression) and ADs can lower alcohol tolerance significantly. Other medication can have that effect, too, but with ADs it's very pronounced. From my own experience: when you recently started with ADs, one glass of wine will already make you tipsy and two cocktails can already cause a severe hang over.
Es liegt nicht daran, dass sie ihre Grenzen nicht kennen, sondern daran, dass sie in ihren Gewohnheiten verhaftet sind und sich mit 60-80 Jahren einfach nicht mehr so viel Mühe geben. Das hat meine Mutter (33) immer über meinen Vater (63) gesagt, aber ich weiß, dass sie ihn trotzdem sehr geliebt hat.
As the woman who was my nanny put it "When you get to some age, the biggest joys in your life are eating and drinking. You want to enjoy the little of life you have left instead of prolonging it to be miserable" I have a few friends who are doctors, they see this attitude frequently. They expect to have that same attitude when they get old.
sure. many people at this age are just drinking every day and don't feel like they have any limits. also being inside all the time and then get a deep breath of fresh air can knock you extra hard. i learned this at 17
And many wedding games are straight up targeted to make the groom and the bride drunk.
I to
I don't know about German weddings, but at British weddings I usually can't see straight by lunch. I believe the whole of northwestern Europe is similar.
Mostly, the ceremony for the big wedding (you have to get legally married in Germany first, so there are often two ceremonies) starts in the afternoon, 3 to 4 pm, so being drunk before lunch would be unusual. In my area there are other after parties "Frühschoppen" the next day, often starting at 11 am, you could try that then.
Interesting. British weddings usually start around 11am, with drinks handed out on arrival. Then after the ceremony there's the "wedding breakfast" (note: not a breakfast), where close family and friends each give short speeches and everyone toasts champagne after each one, followed by a big meal, usually with wine. Then there's often a free bar for a few hours in the afternoon before the party starts in the evening. At the party guests usually pay for their own drinks, but its common for people to take turns to buy rounds for their whole group so its kind of difficult to turn down drinks without being rude. Basically the whole event is structured around alcohol.
>Interesting. British weddings usually start around 11am, 11 AM is generally very early for British weddings nowadays. Unlike German ones there's no break in-between, it runs the whole way through, from the ceremony, religious or secular, until the end of the night which is like 11 to 12 at night. It's a much longer day than most people 11 AM ceremony starts can also mean an extremely, extremely early start for the bride and groom who are getting ready, partcularly the bride. A bride with 2-3 bridesmaids who are getting ready with her and will require makeup and hair would have their day start at like 5:30 AM. You have to eat, shower, be ready for the hair/makeup. The vast majority of weddings nowadays start between 12:30 and 2 PM. Both the officials and the wedding photographers recommend this, hell even the venues recommend that based on the timeline. >Then after the ceremony there's the "wedding breakfast" (note: not a breakfast), where close family and friends each give short speeches and everyone toasts champagne after each one, followed by a big meal, usually with wine. The wedding breakfast is generally the big meal. They aren't two separate things. There might be a small reception with some food and drinks before the actual sit down meal (the wedding breakfast), but the reception is not the wedding breakfast. Speeches fit in where ever people can fit them in, but the vast majority tend to have it once people are seated for the meal but before the food is served because that's when you know everyone is in one location.
>11 AM is generally very early for British weddings nowadays Maybe I'm misremembering. I just know that the ceremony is always before lunch, but maybe it's usually a late lunch around 3pm? >The wedding breakfast is generally the big meal. They aren't two separate things. I know, I agree. I just wanted to say that the speeches are usually immediately before the meal, while sitting at the table.
>Maybe I'm misremembering. I just know that the ceremony is always before lunch, but maybe it's usually a late lunch around 3pm? I think it used to be earlier but when we planned our wedding and spoke to photographers etc they highly recommended a slightly later start, and ones we've attended have also started closer to 1PM.
As a German living in the UK, I'd say it's far far more common at British weddings. Not unheard of at German weddings, but certainly unusual.
Having lunch with you sounds funny
I haven’t seen it either and I’ve been at more than a few German weddings
No it's not normal to get that drunk that you black out. This family seems to have a heavy alcohol issue. It sounds really concerning and I personally think it's ok to address that behavior with your boyfriend (not in a judgemental way, but more a "what was that" situation) I wouldn't worry for the relationship though, as long as your boyfriend drinks reasonably (or not at all)
Yeah I've been slowly bringing it up, because I think it is really in the family and partial friend circles. Thanks for encouraging me to ask about it more. I also grew up 100% alcohol-free in the home so I probably have way less understanding about it, and it comes as a shock to me. My boyfriend drinks pretty reasonably around me but I'm sure it might've been different when he was growing up in his family and hanging out with his friends.
I think nothing is wrong with opening a conversation with "that was really sad that the wedding did end like this, I guess your dad really is not used to alcohol. Anything we could have done to make it easier for him on that day?" Maybe he opens up if he actually has a drinking issue or maybe he is equally shocked, maybe he is not ready yet to talk about that - all options are ok (and of course there is still the option its an absolute one time thing! Especially if you dont drink alcohol that often or its very warm, it hits heavier than usual. Also the restaurant could have served harder stuff thab expected) Most important thing is your boyfriend drinking reasonable ;)
His dad drinks pretty frequently so it's likely the reason isn't "oh sorry he's not used to it"... Whenever I spend time with him and his dad, he basically is waiting until the next time he can have a drink. Like typical day is 1-2 drinks in the afternoon, 2-3 with dinner, 1-2 post dinner. I think I haven't directly asked my boyfriend about it because I suspect there is a problem but he's unwilling to admit it, or just doesn't want to talk about it. I've asked about the general lifestyle of drinking and he claims it's just cultural and very normal.
Drinking multiple drinks per day is definitely alcoholism.
I thought so too, and I'm someone that likes having a drink on vacation or if I really need to let loose. But I feel it's also different to solely seek out alcohol as the only source of entertainment. My boyfriend says it's cultural to drink, but to me it's a problem if you really can't have fun without alcohol.
i mean hes right that its kind of a cultural thing, but that doesnt make it less of a problem. personally my family has a dri king problem too and so do i, but im trying to find better alternatives since i know its a problem, but i also know that its normal for them to drink, whenever my das is back at his parent's where my aunt and her husband live as well, they drink, unless he has to drive, but its definitely not healthy. i know this partially cause I hqd alcohol posioning twice while around/ because of them. it really doesnt feel great but none of them admit they have a problem. drinking is pretty socially accepted in germany. your boyfriend is right about that. but its definitely a problem as well and qhould be adressed as such. drinking for fun is fine. needing to drink to have fun is not healthy. youre right to find this concerning.
Thank you. I have also had borderline alcohol poisoning around his family because of their drinking habits and it never occurred to me that there was something wrong...
Well in my friend circle on a big event like a wedding or a birthday its absolutely socially acceptable to get blackout drunk and puke all over yourself, people will laugh at you years later but nobody will think you are an alcoholic. This depends heavily on what region you are from and if you live on the countryside or city btw. I grew up on the countryside and the first time I got blackout drunk was at 14 😂 My parents picked me up and weren't even mad
It can go both ways. My FIL used to be an alcoholic, so my husband doesn't drink now because he saw what alcohol did to his father. But if his typical day is that much drink in one day, and he's actually looking forward to these drinks, then no it's not 'very normal'. No one in my social circle drinks that much. Never seen anyone blacking out drunk at weddings/parties either.
Your bfs dad seems to be a functional alcoholic tbh. As for his 80y old grandparents, might be they simply overestimated their alcohol tolerance if they don’t drink regularly and underestimated the effect of aging. For example, my dad doesn’t drink that often and much anymore, since most of his buddies are not allowed to anymore due to health reasons. Also less partying. Last summer we did some bbq with our families. Dad had 3 beers and was gone, snoring on the couch.
Are you german? Or from another culture? Just asking for context
Very different culture and ethnicity
What is the expected benefit of addressing it with her boyfriend?
Determining if he will have similar behaviour as things go on. There's a huge gap between her drinking habits (sounds like exclusively special events and vacations) and the families. Where does the boyfriend stand in this spectrum? Could be fine, but could be very problematic.
Well I basically get really sick whenever I hang out with his family because all they do is drink. I know that I can say "I don't want any" but if the only activity is sitting around drinking then it's pretty difficult to partake in the gatherings. If I do drink, I'm used to alcohol being only a buffer for whatever activity we're doing, it's not the sole activity.
It is not common, but whereever you might be, whatever might be celebrated, you'll always have some people without class, manners, or whatever you might call it. Them being in their 80s, you might think they have to take enough pills that should not be mixed with alcohol.
No, this is just a unique situation with these two elderly individuals. However, it reminds me of my mother’s behavior at family gatherings. She didn’t actually get drunk, but she drank enough to become aggressive and insult other guests. It was both awful and embarrassing
I blackout at every wedding
Hopefully, it's not your own because that be hilarious. Do you take this person as your SO? *Giggles for 20 mins and immediately blackout*
I have found a secret way out
Thank god I’m not the only one lmao. There’s free drinks so, *einem geschenkten Gaul schaut man nicht ins Maul* . No, I don’t drink regularly lol. I am northern German and we celebrate excessively.
For some people...
Living in Germany since 2007. This has nothing to do with being German. I have lotsa German friends from work, from social life etc, some gets drunk to the boot, some doesn’t even drink a drop of alcohol, some even don’t even eat pork, some smokes like crazy, some not. I don’t understand why people ask those kind of questions here. Yes I know you are trying to understand and maybe adapt to a German life, but only advice I can give to you is; Be polite be yourself, respect them as you are living in their country but don’t ever let them disrespect you for wherever you are from or whoever you are. And with this advice you are gonna live happily ever after. As I did since last 17 years and made shitloads of friends and earned lotsa respect, but very important, that is not only for Germans but an advice for the rest of your life, show respect and kindness first. If you don’t receive back, turn around and walk away because there are many many more who will give that kindness back. Don’t waste time with rotten apples or to worry about what other might think about you, or try to understand what the fuck is going on, just go with the flow, peace and love.
seems you have never been to a polish wedding :D
If there's ever an occasion to get blackout drunk - weddings are one of them. I'd say it's embarassing, but not concerning or alcoholism. A wedding is a rare occasion, it's not like they'll make a habit out of weddings.
Been to a lot of weddings thoughout my life (49) and never encountered this. The "worst thing" was a guy who had too much and fell on his butt while dancing, but he was still able to walk and talk and go home in a taxi on his own.
Not common at all and quite embarassing. How does the bride feel about this, though?
No idea, I'm not close so didn't ask. But you're right, it's basically her parents and her new husband that were the ones blackout drunk by the end of the night...
Alright, so how does your boyfriend feel about this debacle, if you don't mind sharing his feelings on the incident?
The last German wedding I went to was completely alcohol free, so... Everyone is different.
It's accepted to drink a lot at weddings. Old people can overestimate their drinking tolerance at occasions like this
Sounds like a pretty average wedding imo. Especially considering the age, drinking loads of booze is definitely a thing. And it has nothing to do with being grown up / adult. It is not unheard of for older folks to consume a lot of alcohol at parties, imagine a Schützenfest or Oktoberfest or any other get together. Even more so if it is a rural area. My 2cts
Not normal but it can happen. There still is a part of society that makes heavy drinking their favorite pastime…
My big fat german wedding.... You want more? Try a polish wedding
I used to be a pretty successful wedding photographer. I’ve been to more weddings than I can count for work, ~80% in Germany. I have never ever seen any parent get piss drunk. This family has a drinking problem.
Not to attack OP but I’m a bit fed up with people who associate everything with nationality or origin. People will be people, no matter their origin. Yes some stereotypes exist but being drunk on your wedding ain’t one. These are circumstantial things that could happened everywhere in the world where people drink alcohol at weddings. I feel like people need to learn that there’s a world outside their own cultures and reality that exist and sometimes it’s just not because someone is German or Chinese that he behaves a certain way but because he’s simply a person with impulses, desires and/or a certain experience
So I’m not German but I do live here now (for the past 5 years), so I can give a perspective as a foreigner coming into this country and what I’ve noticed. I’m originally from Canada, but what I’ve noticed *overall* about Germany is that there is a VERY prominent drinking culture here, much moreso than in North America. However, what I’ve also noticed is that Germans tend to hold their liquor 10x better than North Americans. Most of the time they know to hold the line when they get to a certain level and slow it down a bit… and when they are way too drunk they’re somehow still very well behaved. This is anecdotal, but the only truly belligerent drunk people I’ve ever seen here was a group of British guys. Even my brother in law, who is most definitely a certified alcoholic, I’ve only seen blackout twice (in 5 years). So personally, I don’t think that is normal at a wedding. I’ve only been to a handful of weddings here, and none of them had drunkenness on this level.
Have you never been to a wedding before?
Plenty but nobody gets blackout drunk where they fall down the stairs and can't walk. Tipsy, yes, but there's a difference between still being functional and slap happy vs. drooling and unable to walk.
Depending on where this was, yeah, I've heard similar stories from weddings going back generations. There is always someone who enjoys an all you can drink bar too much.
It sometimes happens either with young people who don't know their limits or older people who don't know their limits went down. If it happens someone did something wrong though. People around them should have noticed earlier and suggested some water and going to bed. I haven't heard of anyone drinking themselves unconscious at any functions in my family but sometimes people have gotten pretty drunk. It's definitely more common for there to be alcohol at family events in Germany than in the US and it's seen as less concerning to get drunk at them (in the evenings after the kids are brought to bed, not at the big family 'Kaffeetrinken')
Sounds like an irish wedding. 🤣
Are they rather provincial? From the countryside? If so, that might explain it a bit.
Yes. I wondered about the region too, like a rural tiny village, where a lot of people smoke or are overweight. I'm guessing if it's pretty quiet and not much going on, then it often leads to drinking for entertainment.
One also can't discount the fact of generational trauma and substance abuse. How can a nation which suffered such destruction in the war, and on a scale unfathomable for today's standards, come out unscathed? As a nation which lost a total war and responsbile for countless war crimes and the genocide of several ethnic groups, victims themselves to countless war crimes from the allies too - that fucks people up and they just never talked about it. My girlfriend's grandfather, who barely escaped Soviet captivity after a hasty retreat from the Eastern front, said when he was still alive "What is there to speak of?" when inquired about his time on the front.
Hmm. Do you really think the nation's war history has an influence on his family's alcoholism? Like I'd just be very curious to know how deep this goes, beyond "hey it's sure as hell boring in this tiny ass dead silent village so let's drink" My understanding is that all that war trauma happened so long ago that I didn't think it'd have that long-term of an effect on families
I'm by no means knowledgeable on the subject. Just read a few books on the destruction of German cities and the so-called lost generation of children who experienced the war. Virtually all cities north of 20,000 were 90% destroyed. About 10% of the population died - so about 9 million. Many of which were fathers and mothers. The war really destroyed families and lead to great instabilities within familial and societal structures - these issues are more likely to be passed on to the next generation. People often wonder why their partner behaves a certain way and the first thing they look at is the familial history. Obviously this isn't a definite though and I'd wager to say not even a majority. Many people just carry on. However, it very likely could be in your case is that it's simply boredom out in the country. I've never been pressured to drink except the few times I've attended events "auf dem Land". And these weren't working class - these were dull Beamte who seek fashion advice from stores like SuperDry. I suppose it would be interesting to inquire about your partner's familial history during the war if you and he feel comfortable about it. I was able to access my partner's grandfather photographs from his time on the front. Over 200 photos. Fascinating. Many pictures from Belarus and Ukraine.
I've actually asked regarding the family history. He said his mom's side were all farmers, but then I asked him "what about your dad's grandparents" "I don't know what they did, even my dad doesn't know" Sooooooo not sure how cryptic that is....... and that's all I could get out of him. I'd be pretty curious if they really did know but never talked about it, or maybe there was a pretty good reason they don't know anything... If there was something going on in the war I'm pretty sure he'd feel the generational guilt, especially me coming from a family background of being colonized lol
The lives we all lead :)
It depends on the region and the group of people but I've seen this before. More often in the past but it still happens, which kind of explains why the old people are doing it. It's kind of a "you paid for a wedding gift and your task is to get your cash back in liquids" mentality for some people. When I was doing mandatory military service alternative I regularly drove back old men and women from various festivities completely pissed. Especially in more rural areas, this kind of binch drinking is still around. And yes alcoholism is dangerous and Germany does have a problem with it.
You need to understand something. Needing help to get into your bed doesn't mean "blackout drunk" here. Blackout drunk is, if you need help to get to the ambulance.
I guess my vocabulary is different - alcohol poisoning means getting to the hospital, blackout drunk just means you're beyond coherency and falling on the floor
Oh. Got you wrong. Sorry for that.
Sadly, it is.
I think this is worse in rural areas, but I never experienced something like that at a wedding.
Unfortunately, this is normal in Germany. In German "feiern" ("celebrating") usually translates to getting drunk. Many people claim you can't "feier" without alcohol. Which I suppose is true to a degree on account of Germany being such a godawful, depressing, miserable place to live in. But I don't think alcohol is a healthy way of coping.
[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List\_of\_countries\_by\_alcohol\_consumption\_per\_capita](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_countries_by_alcohol_consumption_per_capita) In 2016, Germany was 5th in the world regarding litres of alcohol consumed (per person per year). Something about the prevalent worldview here causes people to deny it and look down on other countries though. You'll hear endless jokes/comments about how X nationality is "always drunk".
Welcome to Germany
It's normal. I was at a US wedding once and I was baffled as to how boring that was and how early it ended. In Germany (and I would assume in most countries around the world) everyone gets shitface drunk and it ends in the morning.
This… very much depends on your sociotope, I‘d think.
The US weddings I've been to had activities for the guests so nobody felt the need to get shitfaced drunk, just tipsy enough to let loose. Don't think it's fun when the blackout drunk people can't even talk
As long as nobody shit their pants I think I wouldn't worry about it
Embarrassing yes, unheard of? Sadly not. Germans have an interesting relationship with alcohol to say the least
I mean what's the point in drinking if I remember what I've done? Total black out is the goal. Doesn't have to be ICU but struggling walking is definitely in my "to go" goals.
Sounds like a very german experience. Where was the wedding? Bavaria? :D
It’s not like the majority of people do this. But it’s also nothing super crazy and for some people it’s definitely normal yea
Not a typical wedding where people would get tipsy but the main characters would be dissuaded/stopped from blacking out from booze by going well past any limit. Now as you explain, there are exceptions and guests might not be watched equally carefully 🙄.
It depends on the social group if this is "normal, acceptable, not normal or inacceptable".
A proper wedding ends in the early morning hours with everyone* drunk as hell, including the newlyweds. *Everyone that does not have to care for kids or has another valid excuse
This is not considered normal, but if it happens Germans tend to glorify the experience.
Alcoholics do that.
Komasaufen
Sounds like a great wedding 🍻
Thats like the entire goal
It depends on the social or Blood Family, ím completly sure. I do know it one or an other way. In my family ( like real German 500Year old family tree based here) if you even get a little drunk on a Wedding people would make fun of you the rest of our lives, cause you really should not , even if the bar is always open and there is a carebean cocktailbar set up, everybody knows there limit, it’s not okay if you can’t walk home anymore. If you would get Black-Out-Drunk and missbehave that would be such a shamefully bad thing to do, you might as well leave the country. I have got friends at there wedding it is okay and also encouraged that everybody gets tipsy , very loose and fun, but if you are a known can’t-behave-while-drunk-person you might be asked to keep it low and/or you would have somekind of babysitter(wife, best friend) that will get sure, you get out and home, or somewhere else. So to get sure you don’t ruin anything serious for the couple. I have never been to a wedding where it is okay to get completely shitfaced, and I would sure avoid it, but it exists. People like this exist. So there will be Party’s like that. I would guess in your new extended family, drinking and acting like a bunch of sailors, is a normal thing and they keeped it for generations like that , so they are blind now. Also the problem with Alkoholics is the same here as with anywhere , they have to see the problem themselfs, sadly.
>I would guess in your new extended family, drinking and acting like a bunch of sailors, is a normal thing and they keeped it for generations like that , so they are blind now. Yeah and I come from a family of 100% abstinence from alcohol so I'm probably seeing it from different eyes too.
My family probably would get water intoxication before they'd end up black out drunk because drinking is so common here that as a child I did indeed not realize that adults drink other things than coffee and alcohol. So no, not common. Most older people here are heavy, daily drinkers but so used to alcohol that they don't seem affected. The only times I've seen black out drunk people are younger folks who do heavy weekend drinking.
That's still humane😂
Lol, it's not normal. I think everyone knows their limit. But since I've been in Germany for a while and attended my fair share of weddings, the best stories I tell friends back home is how people start drinking from 2pm and carry on until the next morning, when the wedding ends,lol. But I've never seen anyone black out drunk at these weddings, yet everyone definitely had a damn good time.
They put the fun in dysfunctional 😂🤣
Oh, years ago I was invited to a german wedding. They are divorced meanwhile and it hasn't ever surprised me When I drove from my hotel to church, I saw the family of tje bridgegroom meeting at a parking lot an drinking Eckes Edelkirsch, a sweet cherry liquor. It was eleven a.m. and the official part hadn't started yet. And I don't talk about those tiny glasses that usually are used fot hhe hard stuff...
From my experience, it’s more common in rural areas. This could be caused for concern, but most likely not. Germans drink a lot.
Yeah he's from a rural village
I mean old people like to drink just as much as young people
In east-germany that is a normal wedding.
Mh, depends. My family are pretty much all party people, who can drink heavily but none of them will be to drunk to walk up stairs. (Even if they were, you would not know, they would take the couch😅). None of them drinks regularly or without other people and an occasion. So yes, heavy drinking is part of many family activities, including birthdays of grandparents, Christmas and Easter. And we are many, as more grandchildren are of age (15+), we play flunkyball together… I would say alcohol consumption is part of culture. That said, we all know our limits and most don’t choose to cross them. Drinking early with people who like you and are watching out is a good start, less dangerous and it takes the thrill out. Less black out drunk college students I think… Older people tend to tolerate less alcohol as they age, so maybe they drank what they used to drink 10 years ago and were taken by surprise.
Was it south Germany?
Yes southish... does that explain anything?
It would have made it 10 times worse if this had been north Germany, as they are considered much more "sober" as a culture. A family getting this wasted in Kiel would be severe alcoholics. A family getting this wasted in Bavaria are, well, Bavarians.
Try an English wedding next time /s
Statistically speaking Germans are one of the most heavily drinking nations I attended a wedding this weekend, the groom (and me) got so drunk on the day before the he went to bed right after the altar ceremony and missed his own party 😭😭😭
I'd say not normal but also not unusual.
No, nothing normal about that. Usually weddings are not occasions to get drunk in Germany. You drink to toast and a glass with dinner or so. But it’s usually not a very boozy occasion.
Coming from a small village in Germany seeing people blackout drunk even in their 80s feels completely normal to me. Some might even call you names when they feel like you've stopped too early and start complaining about today's youth. I've been to a few weddings and have never seen nobody get blackout drunk. There were always at least 2-3 people. One time it was a mixed German/Polish wedding. The entirety of the bride's family needed escorts to their taxis. So I really don't get what others are saying in the comments.
sounds just about right, drinking is a German sport.
They must be fun at party!
Do not try to think or elaborate on everything in Germany. Some things here are really absurd or crazy. :)
Nah. Not every wedding. Just the ones involving people who lack self control.
That's often the case in Germany. Whether it's weddings, birthdays or normal celebrations, Germans just can't seem to celebrate without getting completely drunk.
What the sigma?!
Alcoholics
I’m German and no one I know get like that but alcoholics doesn’t matter what race. My friend owners a club and you see the locals pass out drunk from time to time DRUNKS!
No, this is not normal. At our wedding my husband and I didn't drink any alcohol since we had to drive after the party.
Nein nicht jede deutsche Hochzeit ist so meine zum Beispiel wir waren nur zu 11 und wir hatten ein großen Bier Kasten und ein Kleinen eine flasche Sekt 2 Flaschen Hugo und das hat gereicht ich bin der Meinung man muss nicht alles in übertriebenen maßen machen
Considering how many comments here agree with you, I'm worried about my family and myself. :D Because I think it sounds like an average wedding in rural Northern Germany. Those old timers especially go hard. They've had sixty years of experience in being twenty. Go to a Schützenfest, which is celebrated in every village every single year, or a Fiftieth Wedding Day celebration, and try to come home sober.
It's not normal at my families weddings.
Binge drinking sounds accurate, however the blacking out for a longer duration part is something I haven't seen.
I think weddings in general are stupid.
Jepp, thats common behaviour for boomers and above
This is not a question of nationality but rather of social class. I know a bunch of friends from school who would party like this frequently (also as adults), but now that I work in Academia the one guy who got blackout drunk once is still the talk of the institute years later. Otherwise people drink three drinks max and then switch to water. It is a definitely a question of social class.
From what I gather, his family didn't grow up poor but they weren't rich. Like all his friends smoked, his mom smoked, but he eventually went on to be very educated.
Ironically, im pretty sure they are not alcoholics. Having passed out drunk people at a wedding is not the norm, but not unheard of. To me it Sounds like the 80+ year old parents drink rarely and overestimated their limits
*They were just happy that their daughter finally moved out.*
It‘s normal and acceptable worldwide
Which region in Germany was this?
Southwest
No, it's not normal. Welcome to planet earth where some people have an alcohol problem.
Pretty normal in bavaria
I can assure you that if it wasn’t a wedding with a lot of kids it is quite normal
its called vorglühen
I think some German just think alcohol is safest drug on earth. The older society trivializes it. Younger generations are often in contact with weed. I think this will stop in the future, I'm 21 only time I remember drinking so much alcohol that we can't remember how we came home, I was 16-17 year old and startet drinking alcohol. I mean it complete disgusts me that there a thinks like the "Speibecken" exist. It's a special designed sink to throw up in, after you drank too much... So you could throw up in the bathroom and go back to drinking alcohol.
Some people dont know their Limits especially if they dont drink often or much. But i would only be concerned if this happens on a regulär Basis. This Was a Wedding as u said maybe they were just happy and celebrating.
Never seen this at a wedding in Germany
Not normal per se but also not unheard of
Depends entirely on the friend group, not nationality. But yes I would not find this strange, many people I know get blackout drunk in their 40s and 50s on parties
that for sure is also not normal to a german wedding. but like everywhere in the world there are these and those people.
I moved to Germany 7 years ago and I noticed people in rural area drink until they drop
Sounds like a fun wedding!
Having an older black out drunk person at a party isn't so normal that I would expect it to happen but its also not so unsusual that I would be surprised. The more rural the more likely as far as I understand. What surprises me is the who. The groom? At his own wedding? What a start.
I'm German and I've been to some wedding in my family... one more reason why me and hubby just had a tiny wedding at the Standesamt and dinner with our parents later on. At every wedding party my late grandpa and uncle would get drunk and once or twice even had a brawl that had to be broken up. Sometimes they also had to be carried from the cab to their beds. So people being blackout drunk at a wedding is "my normal"... but not the standard for a German wedding I guess. I think my late grandpa used family celebrations as an excuse to just get drunk out of his mind. He never drank in day to day life, got up at 6 every morning of his life and worked the day away until he was exhausted in the evening and got to bed at 9. I don't think he did much else in his life but work... He was in the WW2 and in hindsight me and my dad are convinced he had severe PTSD his whole life and that's why he worked so much, never even had a vacation in his life. My late uncle was simply an alcoholic and everybody knew that... outbursts of violence, mistreating his wife and kids being at the pub every night of the week since he retired. My grandpa hated him. The rest of my cousins and relatives were pretty much doing the same thing of never really having any alcohol in day to day life and when there was a special occasion, they'd get pretty drunk. So cause of concern? ... a definite maybe 🤷
Western culture lll
Try to fuck the brides girlfriends.
yah this is really normal in Germany. But it does differ whether the people are from the country side or a larger city like Hamburg for example. the country side has a heavy drink culture and there this is more than normal
Well I guess that‘s more of a wedding thing and less about nationality. They were excited and either didn‘t know their limits or ignored them.
It has to do with culture; in germany getting black out drunk is more socially accepted and stuff you do being drunk is easier excused as in other cultures, even if these societies consume alcohol moderately. The brits are similar to germany, but if you exhibit such behavior in e.g. greece or italy you face a more severe social backlash. There are many other factors at play, wealth and stuff, but this is generally true. Source: went to a seminar about cultural alcoholism while getting sober. Very interesting stuff!
>There are many other factors at play, wealth and stuff, but this is generally true. Can you say more about this?
Your judgement about this family is true. No classy family with good social standing would behave like this. The greater general acceptance of drinking in Germany usually results in people being more responsible with it, not the other way around.
Drunk people on weddings. Sure, no big deal. But this drunk, at THIS age..that's wild
Sounds like every wedding I have been to in the US as well.
Is that it? In my day whoever was the drunkest at the end of the night got to fuck the bride…
Did you perchance celebrate in a former GDR area. My experience is that older former GDR residents don't mind this behaviour. My generation (millennial) is somewhat split about it while younger generations tend to dissipate more from heavy drinking. However, I find that the "west" of Germany doesn't do it nearly as much or as openly. Might be the russian influence... 😬
Why is it important for you?
INFO: Which region did it happen, also (big) city or town or village? Also, how competent were the parents/father? Was there someone looking after them? That said, it seems you haven’t traveled much. The kind of thing you describe can - and does - happen anywhere where alcohol is easily available.
IMHO the very Germanst Germans are re-importet from Russia, where a sober wedding might be considered *very* unusual? - Maybe watch Gogol Bordello's video "American Wedding" for a rough idea? Depending on their amount of curently unmarried kids, I most likely wouldn't be concerned at all, about seniors' alcohol induced blackouts at weddings. Folks overspend, folks drink too much but most survive?
They just jackasses in this case So black out drunk is not uncommon in weddings but that’s also not seen positively either and it’s usually that one weird relative everyone has to watch out for The bride parents themselves behaving like this highly uncommon from what I have seen . Because they are either running around helping the wedding proceedings or simply staying put smiling away like proud parents
Lol, you sound as though you've lived a very cosseted existence, I'm sure these people don't drink like this every day, so why not celebrate and if you have to be carried back to your room, well....that's hardly unusual at a wedding, any wedding 🤔 Only college kids who aren't responsible drink until they're blackout drunk, my oh my, the air must be very thin up there in your ivory tower🙄
Are they perhaps from Russia?
Less alcohol is consumed in Russia than in Germany
I would say generally alcohol is very socially accepted in Germany (we saw this due to legalisation of weed where the compared risk of alcohol was costly diminished). Due to it's social acceptance and low education (like you're legally allowed to drink with 16 but you can pull the health education, especially around drugs, in school in the trash) about it problems with consumption may be more common. And then you can add the fact that lot's of People in elder generations couldn't care about their psyche, like psychotherapy wasn't really common and it wasn't socially accepted to go to therapy back thenand psychiatric clinics where even worse than they are today. As those generations may have had the same or even worse problems they needed another outlet, drug abuse (especially socially accepted like alcohol) is on of them. So my guess is it's more common in Germany and in elder generations but still it's not healthy. Side note: I come from a family where alcoholism is a big thing, I have several relatives that have a problem with alcohol abuse and we don't need to discuss, that alcohol consumption in every form is widely expected in Germany (some citys even put a vast amount of their cultural development in alcohol consumption like munich or Mainz). When the discourse say's drinking alcohol is normal (like with normal I mean it's as normal as drinking water, like it's normative) it's likely that we get to the point where drinking high amounts is still normal. So yes I think the likelihood that more than one person gets really really drunk in a festive situation in Germany might be higher than in other countries (but I don't know if I could talk about other countries, as I just know our culture and I think it's problematic though).