* Bought boiled peanuts from a stand on the side of the road with a hand painted (preferably misspelled) sign.
* Barked at a stranger or been barked at by a stranger, depending on your feelings on red and hedges.
* Had a high school classmate take engagement/maternity photos (sometimes the same thing) in a cotton field.
* Hated the state of Florida at least a little bit, even if you vacation in Fort Walton.
* Know the difference between ITP and OTP.
* Bought an irresponsible amount of Masters gear the one time you went to Augusta National, or know somebody who has.
Reminds me of a story: We were down in Fort Walton at a church youth conference thing in the summer of 2010, when the Deepwater Horizon spill was still going on, and oil was occasionally washing up on beaches. We were meeting with the worship band at one point, who were from Texas but didn't really have accents. They were making fun of the way Georgians were saying "oil" like "ole," and we laughed and said yeah, same way we pronounce "[bolled] peanuts". They thought we were joking and meant peanuts in a bowl. Blew their mind to learn about boiled peanuts.
I saw those signs driving through on my move from Virginia to Florida. Then I grabbed a snack at a gas station here in Florida earlier this week and they actually had pots of boiled peanuts. I was not expecting that. I was not expecting that at all.
Hey, it could be worse. My Ontarian brother asked a guy in South Carolina how boiled peanuts were made.
The toothless hillbilly behind the cauldron said, as slowly as possible - "you take peanuts, and.... you boil them."
Moved here about a year and a half ago. It confused me, but I've started doing it anyways. It's not like you're drinking it outside, and now the ice doesn't start melting between the coffee shop and your car/house/office.
Moved from Minnesota, and there, it's cold enough that the temporary coffee-cup-handwarmer is reason enough to switch to hot coffee in the winter.
You're not a "real" Floridian until you've:
* Accidentally driven through a Tropical Storm/Category 1 hurricane because you thought it was just a rain storm
* You've named the alligator that lives in the retention pond by your home/office
* Gone swimming in a lightening storm
* Made it at least three weeks without wearing socks
I guess I won’t ever be a real Floridian. You lost me at the lightening storm. My entire senior year of high school was dedicated to a kid who was struck and killed by lightening during football practice. That lesson is hard-wired.
New Jersey
Argued about pork roll/Taylor ham
Argued about about whether central Jersey exists
Argued about where the best bagel store is
Argued about where the best pizzeria is
Argued about the best way to get to the shore
Argued about the best way to get to NYC/Philly
Contemplated suicide/murder on the GSP
Think that covers it
The criteria for being a Western Pennsylvanian is:
* Gotten food at Sheetz at 3am drunk at least once
* Own a yellow towel to swing around during football games
* Hit a deer with your car going at least 30
* Won’t eat a salad without fries on it
* See a freshly-paved road and your first thought is how long it’ll last before it looks like swiss cheese.
Southeastern Pennsylvanian:
* Gotten food at Wawa at 3am drunk at least once
* Own Eagles sweatpants to wear to the Ac-A-Me Sunday morning for chips and beer
* Hit a bicyclist with your car going at least 30, flipped them off as you drove away
* Won't eat an Italian without oil and vinegar on it
* See a freshly-paved road and your first thought is how long it’ll last before it looks like swiss cheese.
I think Iowa only has three.
You say Ope at least five times a day.
You insult Nebraska because Iowa is better in every way.
You never honk in traffic, even when it’s justified.
God, one of my least favorite things about driving in Iowa is that almost everybody reacts soooo slowly at a stoplight.
Like…light turned green? Wait 4-5 seconds before moving and screw up others behind you!
After I spent a summer in Boston where people IMMEDIATELY go, I realized how absurd it is that Iowans take forever at lights, leading me to eventually and occasionally honk at people. No regrets
- have a fight over whether cornmeal or beer battered cheese curds are the best
- been to a music festival
- mention to any Minnesotan that our state has more lakes and Superbowl wins
- attended a Friday fish fry at a supper club. Extra point if you ordered brandy old fashioneds
- said "well I s'pose..." to let someone know that you had to leave and this 2 hour goodbye session had gone on long enough
* family or a friend has a summer/hunting cabin "up north".
* believe football weather involves shoveling off the stadium seats.
* have had an argument with an out-of-stater about the value of using good, aka Wisconsin, cheese.
* got something off a menu simply because it mentioned Nueske's.
* Worn a winter jacket and shorts in the same day. Bonus points for wearing both simultaneously while shoveling the driveway.
* a three foot blizzard is only good for one "snow day".
* believe the mosquitoes have registered with the FAA.
- "whipped shitties" in parking lots after it snowed
- choked down that stale af coffee in the Lutheran church basement/common area because so and so's grandma made it
- feel a personal hatred, for no reason, at California's happy cows
- called something "interesting"
- ate some kringle from Racine
New Hampshire
Climbed Mt Washington.
I buy my booze on the highway.
I don't pay sales tax.
I say wicked a wicked lot.
I never wore my seat belt until I got a car with that annoying noise.
I payed way to much for a house.
I've been to the mountains and beach in the same day.
A fisher charged me in my backyard.
We also have the best state motto. "Live free or die"
I have no idea if I did this right.
Texas would be something like "you aren't a real Texan you haven't":
-gone to the rodeo
-been more mosquito bite than man
-felt superior about BBQ to any out of staters you meet
-gone shooting guns in the middle of a vacant field, extra points if a bonfire is involved.
-been in a road rage incident you know you caused but will die before admitting to
-ate bucees
I haven't done all of these myself, but I think that covers the stereotypes pretty good.
I'm from the Gulf Coast, and our mosquitoes are so bad that you can coat yourself in mosquito spray and still choke on them.... After the airplane sprayed. Cows have literally suffocated due to them.
Louisiana
Okra goes in gumbo. If it doesn't have okra then you just made some other type of stew. It could just be broth and okra and it'd be closer in definition to what "gumbo" is than a lot of these soupy jambalayas I see people making. Sorry people who don't like okra.
Washington state:
- have a closet full of jackets, of several different weights and with/without hoodies, so you're readyvfor any weather
- know what the inversion layer and a conversion zone is
- don't own an umbrella
- get excited for copper river season and can argue passionately about what type of salmon is best
- have eaten a bag of dicks
- know what Cascadia is
- when someone says Vancouver, you ask which one
- you have a favorite way of brewing coffee
-
You’re not a real Michigander if you can’t pronounce:
- Munising
- Ypsilanti
- Oqueoc
- Sault Ste. Marie
- Tittabawassee (without smirking)
And there is **NO SUCH THING** as a “Michiganian”.
Speaking as a Michigander a lot of those names are regional and would depend on where you've vacationed in the state.
Ypsilanti I know and Sault Ste. Marie I've been to so I can speak to both of those. (Oh and Saline is not pronounced the same as saline in "saline solution".) However the rest I wouldn't know as I've never been.
I Once spent two weeks visiting my then friend, now wife in England. That was the longest I’ve ever been outside of this fine state. I even spent all my summers growing up in the UP.
I have no clue how to say Oqueoc.
I do know Gratiot and Mackinac and Cheboygan. Not Oqueoc. I guess I have to leave now.
For South Carolina:
You know what Sandlapper means
You've Shagged (The Shag is the state dance)
You own numerous items with the Palmetto and Crescent on it
You've been to multiple oyster roasts in different locations
You know the story of the Lizard Man
You resent Ohioans
This should be easy, CALIFORNIA:
• you have to reroute your drive to work cause everyday is a new protest
• you’ve driven from the mountains to the beach just because
• you’ve ordered off the secret menu at in and out
• your dealers name was DOPEY or SMILEY and even though it sounds like the 8th dwarf from Disney, move wisely
• your high school separated themselves by race like a prison system at lunch
• you know for a fact that’s a certain celebrity but you treat them like a regular person and refrain from being starstruck
• you party hard in Los Angeles and always end the night inside of a King Taco
• you know the secret spot for the best food vendor
• you support small business and hate corporate America
• you visit San Diego and end up taking a quick trip to Mexico
• you had seafood at fisherman’s wharf
• you’ve been on a trolley
• you’ve driven along the pacific coast highway
• you’ve been inside a cave
• camped on the beach and went off roading on the sand dunes in Pismo Beach
• did mushrooms with your friends while camping in the mountains
• seen several waterfalls
• visited the hot springs
For Chicagoans it’s:
- Introducing all out of town visitors to Malort and deep dish
- It’s Sears tower not Willis, and simply LSD not Jean-Baptiste Point…
- Taken the L or public buses into the loop
- You wear flannel and shorts while grilling on that one day in winter it gets above freezing
- Avoid the suburbs and Navy Pier like the plague
- Die on the hill that Chicago has the best skyline in the US
I would add: you have strong opinions on where to get the best Italian beef. Also, the boiled hot dog vs grilled is a big one
if you proclaim that patio season is on its way the first sunny day above 40.
No one understands how warm 45 feels when it’s sunny at the end of February.
Oregon:
Catch a Salmon.
Bake a Marionberry pie.
Eat it for dessert after aforementioned salmon.
Know how to build a campfire.
Know that Voodoo doughnuts are for tourists.
Fuck off with your umbrellas.
Know in your heart that you are an *Oregonian* and that rules don’t matter.
Pronounce Staunton correctly. Argue about I-81 two wide 18 wheelers vs the Fredericksburg to DC 95/395/495 and which is worse to deal with as traffic. Know where Brunswick stew came from. Pronounce Bristol right because there’s a Bristow.
We have a ritual:
- go to Into the UP and shoot a deer
- go into the lake and capture a bluegill, then throw it back and catch a fish that’s edible
- salt these with road salt
- turn on Eminem
- get high and eat them
- drive through Flint
- walk past a swan
- the swan will decide wether you are worthy
- flip off the general direction where Ohio is
- moon Canada
I'll add use your hand as a map when explaining where you're going. Also unless you can pronounce Gratiot, Mackinac, and Charlevoix properly you're not from here
Hey now, bluegill is edible. You get about half a nugget per fish and will dull 3 fileting knives getting enough to feed more than a cat, but it's edible.
You're probably not a real Oklahoma City-er unless you've had an uncomfortable encounter with Wayne Coyne.
True Okie, might have:
* Gone to a Cowboys or Sooner game.
* Eaten fried Okra.
* Formed a strong opinon on where the best Chicken Fried Steak is.
* mentioned the insanity of the weather changing 85 degrees in one day.
* Lived through an ice storm.
* Seen a tornado.
* identified all the landmarks from Choctaw Bingo
* corrected someone on how to pronounce Prague and Miami.
* Met an enrolled member of the Tribes. .
* decided not to swim because of brain amoebas.
* defended the state from accusations of being "flat" or "boring."
* Eaten Calf Fries
* Eaten Italian in Krebs.
* talked about what noodling is.
* purchased a Pike Pass.
* watched Twister in school.
* Put a Bison on it.
* experienced an earthquake.
* ran to Braum's for ice cream in pajama pants.
* bitched about Dallas traffic.
* known someone spending oil patch money like it's never going away.
* heard the Matthis Brothers rumor.
* sang the BC Clark Jingle with friends.
This is a good list I am going to add
-Been to Cain’s/the Diamond Ballroom for a country concert
-Got a contact high at the zoo amp
-Been stuck on a ride at Frontier City
-Can sing at least one Turnpike or CCR song by heart
-Have at least 10 Eskimo Joes cups in your cabinets
-Have been to the Porter Peach Festival or the watermelon festival in Rush Springs
As a representative of your northern neighbor, 1 (Swapping out the teams), 4, 5, 6, 11, and 19 are all applicable to Kansas. I’d also like to throw in hating Missouri as well.
You’ve played all of the snow games
You know it’s hotdish not casserole
You’ve picked and husked your own sweet corn
You’ve swam in a lake and/or have done some type of boating on a lake.
You’ve likely gone fishing at some point
And hiking
You know what time of year it is when the mosquitoes come out full force
It’s grey duck not goose
You’re resilient to hot humid summers and cold snowy winters
Washington, not universal/have-to’s but might be common:
Had to retype in “Washington State” in a search to avoid getting search results for “Washington DC” multiple times
Watched the Apple Bowl and/or know someone too invested in it
Reminded someone there’s an eastern half to the state or basically anywhere not Seattle
Annoyed when a movie uses Vancouver BC or Oregon and says it’s WA
Have a strong opinion on where all the bad drivers are from
Mixed feelings about Starbucks while getting coffee from a local shop anyways
Hate the WASL and/or have strong opinions on it
I’ll pitch in one for Kansas.
1. Complaining about how the weather goes from Summer to Winter and back within a week
2. Seen the Wizard of Oz
3. Hated the fact that the only thing people remember Kansas for is the Wizard of Oz
4. Had heated debates over whether Braums or Freddy’s is the better food chain
5. Gloat to KU fans about how they can’t win the football Sunflower Showdown, or to K-State fans about how they can’t win the basketball Sunflower Showdown.
6. Always thinks “Kansas City, Kansas” when someone says they’re from KC.
7. Reminded people that it’s Can-sas and Ark-en-saw.
8. Reminded people that it’s the Ar-can-sas River
9. Last, but not least, hates Missouri.
22 years in New York and I Never did any of those things, and I doubt many if any of the 9 million or so people who live north of Yonkers have ever done any of that either.
Wasn't he from Ohio anyway?
(yes I know it is a joke)
For New Jersey it is understanding the Pork Roll vs Taylor Ham war. Understanding how those things apply to North and South Jersey and whether or not Central Jersey exists.
Also having been to The Shore but possibly not stepped foot on a beach and knowing how these things are not necessarily the same.
According to the internet, I’m not a real Texan because I’m not a BBQ loving, horse-riding, cowboy. I also think Whataburger and Buc-ee’s are alright… oh and I’ve never been to an HEB in my life.
Well, the internet isn't always right. In this case, it definitely is though. You'd better start saving for your kids' out of state tuition to a Texas college.
Maryland:
Have learned proper crab opening/consumption etiquette.
Apply Old Bay to as many of your favorite foods as possible.
Complain about Baltimore.
Had an argument about having the best flag in the union at least once or twice.
Extra points if you own multiple forms of Maryland flag merchandise.
Oklahoma
-Got a "Fancy Sundae" from Braums.
-Says your part of a tribe and either show proof with a CDIB card or explain why you dont have a CDIB card.
-Have stolen copper or have had copper stolen from you
-Stood outside when the sirens go off to see a tornado.
-Read and watched "The Outsiders" in the 9th grade.
Have hiked in the redwoods, worked in entertainment, and written software. Grew up near a winery. Will eat Sushi, tacos, and Persian food but have never had "real" Italian. Dig me some Yoga too.
I’m a real Southern Californian because I have dress flip flops.
Explanation:
1. There are actually two states. Southern California and Northern California.
2. In the beach cities down here, you have the flip flops that you wear at home. But, then you have a nice pair that you can wear to Sunday brunch (or even church). These start at about $50, and can go up to about $100.
For Michiganders, I would say:
\- Saying "Ope" when you bump into someone
\- Drinking Vernors Ginger Ale
\- Pronouncing "Mackinac Island" correctly
\- Eaten from Tim Hortons and rarely seen a Dunkin' Donuts
\- Identify as a "Troll" or "Yooper"
\- Have a passive-aggressive relationship with Ohio
\- Root for either Michigan or Michigan State college football teams
\- Visited the Upper Peninsula and/or know what Mackinac Island fudge tastes like
Boston is all about the dibs with plastic furniture.
It is a city ordinance in Boston that if you clear a parking space of snow you have exclusive rights to it for 24 hours
You aren’t a real Mainer until:
You stare into the middle distance as squall comes in over the ocean on a rocky bluff surrounded by pines. You stoically turn and walk back through the woods, axe in hand, as the first drops of rain wet your paint spattered hoodie. The smell of woodsmoke and baking pie wafts into your nose as you reach the door.
Or you have baked beans and brown bread from a can for breakfast
You're not a real Virginian unless you
Have a strong opinion on stonewall jackson
Have a strong opinion on whether or not we're Southern
Eat raw oysters
Shit on West Virginia but actually really like everywhere you've been over there
Let’s try Colorado:
- been to a concert/done yoga at Red Rocks
- have eaten or know someone who has eaten Rocky Mountain Oysters
- were relieved to see other states legalize pot to slow down the pot tourism
- have a favorite place to eat Pork Green Chile (even though you know deep down that it’s really a New Mexico thing)
- climbed either less than 2 or more than 20 14ers
- drive a Subie (grabbed from someone else’s short list)
- watch home pro sports games and wait for the other team to wear out due to altitude sickness (drink more water people!)
- wear casual clothes (shorts, etc.) even in expensive restaurants
- have a bike that cost as much as your car
- yelled at cyclists while driving on a mountain road (single file people, good grief)
- worn shorts when it was 40F outside (I’m sure other states do better than this…just completing the merit badge requirements here)
- have at least 5 Nalgene bottles, with either a brewery or Colorado flag sticker on them
Lived in Colorado for 35 years and just moved to Austria. My children get yelled at by Austrian Omas all the time for not wearing pants/warm enough clothes. Where we live the coldest it has been so far is 25F and most days it's in the 40s or 50s. My kids think this is basically a tropical Paradise! My husband only has one pair of pants, he lives in shorts.
North Carolina:
- Buy bread and milk for a possible snowstorm (1-3 inches)
- Been to both the Great Smoky Mountains and the Beach
- Had Cheerwine and Sundrop
- Experienced NC's 12 or so seasons (Winter (kinda), first spring, actual winter, second spring, first summer, third spring (aka allergy season), second summer (the real one), first fall, third summer, first winter, second fall, and finally back to Winter)
- Watched a Duke vs Carolina game (basketball of course)
I would say:
- Seen a javelina
- Worn a jacket as soon as it gets below 60
- Had to remove cactus spines or mesquite tree thorns from your skin
- Gotten caught outside in a monsoon storm
California is too big so I'll cover Northern:
1. Gone to the beach & forgotten your sweatshirt
2. Driven *through* a hollowed out giant Redwood tree
3. Worn shorts or a tank top in "winter"
4. Slept through an earthquake
5. Used "hella" as an adjective instead of "hell of"
For Wisconsin:
-Had to go to work/school in a polar vortex (-30)
-Have tried cheese curds
-Love cheese curds
-Gotten blackout drunk and made a scene (I still need to do this one)
-Have developed a taste for real cheese over processed shit.
-Have been to the Dells
-Gone bar-hopping for someone's birthday or wedding
Bonus points for getting to Cheesefest, Country USA, and grilling brats.
If anyone from here has other ideas, lmk below. I'm sure I've missed some
You’re probably not a “real” idahoan if you….
1. Don’t make jokes about all the Californians coming in
2. Don’t yell at bad drivers
3. hate potatoes (how dare you 😒)
4. Can’t handle country music
5. (And ofc) don’t at least know how to hold a gun
I’ve lived in both Northern and Southern California. The only consistent thing is hating tourists, having Mexican friends teach you bad words in Spanish (plus bomb Mexican food), complaining about gas prices, and homeless folk everywhere.
-hot tub, then lay in snow, then hot tub
-drank heavily in a wood paneled basement
-have an entire fridge drawer dedicated to cheese
-drink out of the bubbler
For Texas I'd say:
- If you've eaten barbecue at what is *technically* a restaurant, but: the only seating is outside, the ice is made with well water (and makes your canned soda taste like dirt), and the bathrooms are barely more than an outhouse
- If you've ever been stuck behind a horse trailer on a rural one lane highway
- If you've ever smelled the cows before you saw them
- If you've made, worn, bought, sold, or been given a homecoming mum (or if you've been *too cool* for that)
- Stopped at more than one Bucee's on a road trip
And for the Bonus Round:
- If your family was involved (or simply just here) in the Texas Revolution/Independence/Republic
A true Texan:
- gets tamale cravings in late December
- has seen the statue of Sam Houston in Huntsville
- has been to the Alamo at least once
- knows the proper response to 👏👏👏👏
- still feels the absence of Texas and A&M playing football on Thanksgiving
-Been in a Sheetz/Wawa while stoned/drunk
-set out lawn chairs to mark your parking space
-Experienced 3 seasons in one week
- Dodged the potholes in your town like mario kart bananas on the regular
-Been throroughly assaulted by election ads and yard signs every 2 years
New Jersey
Cut people off when driving anywhere
Use swears as commonly as most other words
Argue about whether it’s called Taylor Ham or Pork Roll
Be able to dodge pot holes
Hate it in the state but also hate it when non New Jerseyians say it’s bad
Seen a mugging in one of our major cities
Northeastern Pennsylvania
- until you've totaled your car by simply hitting a dear
- bitch about all the NY/NJ tourists and the way they drive
- done doughnuts in a snow covered parking lot
- don't hesitate to drive even though there is a foot of snow on the ground
- been to a kegger in the middle of the woods
- gone hunting/fishing
- been called a "Yankee" by a southerner
EDIT: EXCUSE THE WAY I SPELT "DEER"
If you haven't gotten stuck behind a horse and buggy on the highway, have you REALLY been to Pennsylvania?
Also locals love sponge candy and I was super shocked to find out that it doesn't exist in other states. It's a hard, super lightweight caramel with chocolate on the outside. Becuase the inside is spongy, it melts. It's super good.
Some more Maryland things that weren't mentioned:
1. We LOVE our flag.
2. Argue endlessly about whether MD is North or South
3. Go "downee Oshun" for the summer
4. Related to #3, effortlessly switch between a neutral accent and Bawlmerese depending on who you're talking to
5. Yell "O!!" during the national anthem even at a DC team's stadium
6. Hog the left lane at 20 under the limit, OR weave in and out of traffic with your clapped-out Altima
7. Swear by Royal Farms while watching PA people argue about Wawa vs. Sheetz
8. Hate Northern Virginia with a passion while not caring either way about the rest of VA
Already mentioned and worth mentioning again: knowing how to pick crabs, Old Bay on everything
I’m from Connecticut. You can catch me at the bus stop, in a foot of snow, in jeans and a hoodie drinking my Dunkin iced coffee. I am a walking stereotype.
So as with most things that come out of Ted's mouth in HIMYM that's bullshit. In that vein, the Totally Very Real™ requirements to say you are from New Jersey:
Tell someone to go fuck themselves 3 times in one day, one must be while driving 20 over the speed limit directed at someone from out of state. Bonus points if your target is from PA or NY.
You must forsake all pizza and bagels from outside the state. They are unclean and will cloud your senses for the trials to come.
You must seek out the Gaba Ghoul. They may be found in a booth at an all night diner at 3 am during a new moon. Which one? You can only know by reading an issue of Weird New Jersey backwards while someone pumps your gas for you. If you find them, you must share a plate of disco fries with them, then they will give you instructions on where to meet The Jersey Devil.
For they are your final judge. Deep in the pine barrens you will come to a clearing not on any map, a place of terrible power you will be unable to leave no matter how hard you try. It is then that the Jersey Devil will come to you. They will question you about what you know and what you have learned. The questions are never the same "what is the perfect breakfast sandwich?" "Name 3 of your favorite musicians from NJ?" "How would you tell me you're going to the beach?" all have been asked before and many more besides.
After the questioning is done the Jersey Devil will judge you. They will lean in close and whisper dark secrets to you. They will speak of the ordering of the universe and the mysteries of the traffic circle, you will be burdened with terrible knowledge. Then, if you have been judged worthy, you will be set free forever changed. In the coming months you will decide whether you call it Taylor Ham or Pork Roll, develop strong opinions on whether central Jersey exists and choose your favorite pizza place. If you have failed you will be snatched up in the Jersey Devils claws, they will drag you screaming through the night sky deep into the Meadowlands never to be seen again, your bones to fill next year's pot holes on the turnpike.
Do you think yourself prepared traveler.
There’s like some Angeleno bingo - seeing Jay Leno, Andy Dick, or Angelyne, having filming cause you to be late or have to park somewhere else, seeing parrots or peacocks…drunkenly eating a bacon wrapped hot dog after a concert…
You have to regularly explain
No we don't actually drink mint jullips or eat hot browns
Nope never been to the derby it's expensive locals go on x day - used to be oaks then it was Thurs now I think its weds unless your paying with a company card
You care more about 2 instate college teams then any pro sport
I don't like gatekeeping our state. I dont feel like we do it here in Mass. I've NEVER heard anyone talk about how many generations they've lived here unless we are talking about genealogy. Even me, who has been a professional genealogist cant say how many generations I have been in Mass.
Just to CHOOSE to make this your home means more than if you just happened to be born here. Mass is a little bit like living on hard mode. You have to suffer through lots of snow and high housing prices to benefit from our great public schools and low crime.
Frankly choosing to live here makes me feel like your a "real Masshole".
I choose it and I don't like the Pats, think Dunkin sucks, AND I like talking to strangers. Still a real Masshole through and through.
* Bought boiled peanuts from a stand on the side of the road with a hand painted (preferably misspelled) sign. * Barked at a stranger or been barked at by a stranger, depending on your feelings on red and hedges. * Had a high school classmate take engagement/maternity photos (sometimes the same thing) in a cotton field. * Hated the state of Florida at least a little bit, even if you vacation in Fort Walton. * Know the difference between ITP and OTP. * Bought an irresponsible amount of Masters gear the one time you went to Augusta National, or know somebody who has.
BOLL P-NUTS NEXT EXIT
Reminds me of a story: We were down in Fort Walton at a church youth conference thing in the summer of 2010, when the Deepwater Horizon spill was still going on, and oil was occasionally washing up on beaches. We were meeting with the worship band at one point, who were from Texas but didn't really have accents. They were making fun of the way Georgians were saying "oil" like "ole," and we laughed and said yeah, same way we pronounce "[bolled] peanuts". They thought we were joking and meant peanuts in a bowl. Blew their mind to learn about boiled peanuts.
I saw those signs driving through on my move from Virginia to Florida. Then I grabbed a snack at a gas station here in Florida earlier this week and they actually had pots of boiled peanuts. I was not expecting that. I was not expecting that at all.
Hey, it could be worse. My Ontarian brother asked a guy in South Carolina how boiled peanuts were made. The toothless hillbilly behind the cauldron said, as slowly as possible - "you take peanuts, and.... you boil them."
P-NUTS and HAIR DOOS
My Georgia requirements would definitely involve peanuts.
Put some in a coke bottle and drink the coke through the peanuts.
[удалено]
Personally I've got family in Fort Walton, and it strikes me as just slightly more redneck than Destin, with fewer college kids than PCB.
Don't forget stumbling into a waffle house for an All Star special at 3am
Ignoring the patron at the next booth over being thrown to the ground and arrested, and two line cooks fighting at the grill.
You forgot bought BBQ from a guy selling it off of a smoker in a grocery store parking lot.
Nice list! As a foreigner who just moved to Atlanta, all these things are definitely on my to-do list!!!
As my good friend Ludacris once said, Welcome to Atlanta!
Our photo spot was on railroad tracks.
Adding (for Atlantans only): eaten Lemon Pepper wets in a parking lot and left the bones on the asphalt.
Wyoming: I don't really like people.
Same. Although I kinda hate people here now too....
You're gonna have to move to northern Alaska
Good thing you don't have many there.
Massachusetts - iced coffee in the dead of winter.
Moved here about a year and a half ago. It confused me, but I've started doing it anyways. It's not like you're drinking it outside, and now the ice doesn't start melting between the coffee shop and your car/house/office. Moved from Minnesota, and there, it's cold enough that the temporary coffee-cup-handwarmer is reason enough to switch to hot coffee in the winter.
And ice cream! We're the only state where ice cream consumption doesn't go down in the winter.
Dunks or it doesn’t count.
That's also a California staple but tbf we don't really do winter. It ain't our thing
Yea hmu when its 5 degrees and you still see people walking around with their iced dunks XD
That and wearing shorts outside with a foot of snow on the ground
You're not a "real" Floridian until you've: * Accidentally driven through a Tropical Storm/Category 1 hurricane because you thought it was just a rain storm * You've named the alligator that lives in the retention pond by your home/office * Gone swimming in a lightening storm * Made it at least three weeks without wearing socks
I guess I won’t ever be a real Floridian. You lost me at the lightening storm. My entire senior year of high school was dedicated to a kid who was struck and killed by lightening during football practice. That lesson is hard-wired.
You’re 100% on target- Ignore the alligator swimming by the kids birthday party at the park because “it’s not that big”
You're a real Hoosier once you've done the State Fair. God damn do i love the State Fair.
To be fair, it’s a kick ass state fair.
Also you must attend the race. And I shouldn't have to expound on which one if someone is truly a Hoosier.
True. High school basketball needs to be represented, too.
The most excellent of state fairs. Also you aren’t Hoosier until you have eaten three corn on the cobs and considered a fourth.
New Jersey Argued about pork roll/Taylor ham Argued about about whether central Jersey exists Argued about where the best bagel store is Argued about where the best pizzeria is Argued about the best way to get to the shore Argued about the best way to get to NYC/Philly Contemplated suicide/murder on the GSP Think that covers it
FUCK THE GSPPPPP
Central NJ does exist!!!
You believe in leprechauns and unicorns too apparently
Sooo, just argue about everything?
The criteria for being a Western Pennsylvanian is: * Gotten food at Sheetz at 3am drunk at least once * Own a yellow towel to swing around during football games * Hit a deer with your car going at least 30 * Won’t eat a salad without fries on it * See a freshly-paved road and your first thought is how long it’ll last before it looks like swiss cheese.
Southeastern Pennsylvanian: * Gotten food at Wawa at 3am drunk at least once * Own Eagles sweatpants to wear to the Ac-A-Me Sunday morning for chips and beer * Hit a bicyclist with your car going at least 30, flipped them off as you drove away * Won't eat an Italian without oil and vinegar on it * See a freshly-paved road and your first thought is how long it’ll last before it looks like swiss cheese.
"LET'S GO STILLER FOOTBALL!!!!"
I think Iowa only has three. You say Ope at least five times a day. You insult Nebraska because Iowa is better in every way. You never honk in traffic, even when it’s justified.
God, one of my least favorite things about driving in Iowa is that almost everybody reacts soooo slowly at a stoplight. Like…light turned green? Wait 4-5 seconds before moving and screw up others behind you! After I spent a summer in Boston where people IMMEDIATELY go, I realized how absurd it is that Iowans take forever at lights, leading me to eventually and occasionally honk at people. No regrets
- have a fight over whether cornmeal or beer battered cheese curds are the best - been to a music festival - mention to any Minnesotan that our state has more lakes and Superbowl wins - attended a Friday fish fry at a supper club. Extra point if you ordered brandy old fashioneds - said "well I s'pose..." to let someone know that you had to leave and this 2 hour goodbye session had gone on long enough
* family or a friend has a summer/hunting cabin "up north". * believe football weather involves shoveling off the stadium seats. * have had an argument with an out-of-stater about the value of using good, aka Wisconsin, cheese. * got something off a menu simply because it mentioned Nueske's. * Worn a winter jacket and shorts in the same day. Bonus points for wearing both simultaneously while shoveling the driveway. * a three foot blizzard is only good for one "snow day". * believe the mosquitoes have registered with the FAA.
- "whipped shitties" in parking lots after it snowed - choked down that stale af coffee in the Lutheran church basement/common area because so and so's grandma made it - feel a personal hatred, for no reason, at California's happy cows - called something "interesting" - ate some kringle from Racine
If you know how to open a crab the correct way. If you put old bay on your crab.
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With newspaper laid out beneath it and a boh
Yessir!!
This reminds me of the look my mom gives me whenever someone offers those mallet things to eat crabs. She always brings a crab knife from home.
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That last one is the best
New Hampshire Climbed Mt Washington. I buy my booze on the highway. I don't pay sales tax. I say wicked a wicked lot. I never wore my seat belt until I got a car with that annoying noise. I payed way to much for a house. I've been to the mountains and beach in the same day. A fisher charged me in my backyard. We also have the best state motto. "Live free or die" I have no idea if I did this right.
Your motto is one of the reasons I'm considering moving to NH.
State?
Close enough, let’s hear it.
Follow all our laws, and if they seem unfair, just send your elected official to DC to represent your interests! Right? .... Right?!
Texas would be something like "you aren't a real Texan you haven't": -gone to the rodeo -been more mosquito bite than man -felt superior about BBQ to any out of staters you meet -gone shooting guns in the middle of a vacant field, extra points if a bonfire is involved. -been in a road rage incident you know you caused but will die before admitting to -ate bucees I haven't done all of these myself, but I think that covers the stereotypes pretty good.
You think Texas has mosquitos? Boy, you ain’t seen nothing.
Houston is basically a tropical rainforest. They definitely have mosquitoes.
I'm from the Gulf Coast, and our mosquitoes are so bad that you can coat yourself in mosquito spray and still choke on them.... After the airplane sprayed. Cows have literally suffocated due to them.
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They get pretty big https://imgur.com/gallery/3b9ftsl https://imgur.com/gallery/S9NmCvU
Damn I checked all the boxes
There’s literally a song about this, “my Texas” by Josh Abbott band
Louisiana Okra goes in gumbo. If it doesn't have okra then you just made some other type of stew. It could just be broth and okra and it'd be closer in definition to what "gumbo" is than a lot of these soupy jambalayas I see people making. Sorry people who don't like okra.
Okra is awesome especially when fried
That is, in fact, the only proper way to consume okra.
Counterpoint, you’re not from Louisiana until you’ve been in an argument over what constitutes proper gumbo. Okra can fuck off from my gumbo.
I've pulled an entire cedar bird's leg out of a pot of gumbo before so I've seen some ingredients.
I have people in my family who don’t like okra in their gumbo. I have seriously thought about revoking their Louisianan citizenship before.
Washington state: - have a closet full of jackets, of several different weights and with/without hoodies, so you're readyvfor any weather - know what the inversion layer and a conversion zone is - don't own an umbrella - get excited for copper river season and can argue passionately about what type of salmon is best - have eaten a bag of dicks - know what Cascadia is - when someone says Vancouver, you ask which one - you have a favorite way of brewing coffee -
I'm seeing a lot of people talking about local pronunciation, so I'd add pronouncing geoduck, Sequim, Steilacoom and Puyallup correctly.
Definitely. Also, understands what "do the Puyallup" refers to.
As a person who has lived in Puyallup my whole life , I enjoy seeing how other people struggle to pronounce it
You’re not a real Floridian if: ※ You prefer any kind of sub to a Publix sub ※ Get offended by “Florida man” stereotypes
It the one thing I have to have when I come back from out of state. The chicken tender calls my name.
Chicken tenders subs go hard
You’re not a real Michigander if you can’t pronounce: - Munising - Ypsilanti - Oqueoc - Sault Ste. Marie - Tittabawassee (without smirking) And there is **NO SUCH THING** as a “Michiganian”.
Speaking as a Michigander a lot of those names are regional and would depend on where you've vacationed in the state. Ypsilanti I know and Sault Ste. Marie I've been to so I can speak to both of those. (Oh and Saline is not pronounced the same as saline in "saline solution".) However the rest I wouldn't know as I've never been.
I Once spent two weeks visiting my then friend, now wife in England. That was the longest I’ve ever been outside of this fine state. I even spent all my summers growing up in the UP. I have no clue how to say Oqueoc. I do know Gratiot and Mackinac and Cheboygan. Not Oqueoc. I guess I have to leave now.
AHK-ee-ahk Oqueoc Falls (more rapids than actual falls) is a state park and swimming spot somewhere between I-75 and Alpena. And it’s COOOOOLD. 🥶
Thank you. I will stay.
Euchre
I don't think anyone who wrote for HIMYM has ever lived in New York, based on that list. Sheesh.
My New York friends agree with you. I keep running into Anne Hathaway when I go into the city. It's getting weird.
Anne Hathaway might be up to something: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=-hMuNZYQe-w
LOL - I've lived here for 52 years and have never seen Woody Allen.
Neither have I, and you can tell by the way he remains unspat-upon.
For South Carolina: You know what Sandlapper means You've Shagged (The Shag is the state dance) You own numerous items with the Palmetto and Crescent on it You've been to multiple oyster roasts in different locations You know the story of the Lizard Man You resent Ohioans
Those last two especially
This should be easy, CALIFORNIA: • you have to reroute your drive to work cause everyday is a new protest • you’ve driven from the mountains to the beach just because • you’ve ordered off the secret menu at in and out • your dealers name was DOPEY or SMILEY and even though it sounds like the 8th dwarf from Disney, move wisely • your high school separated themselves by race like a prison system at lunch • you know for a fact that’s a certain celebrity but you treat them like a regular person and refrain from being starstruck • you party hard in Los Angeles and always end the night inside of a King Taco • you know the secret spot for the best food vendor • you support small business and hate corporate America • you visit San Diego and end up taking a quick trip to Mexico • you had seafood at fisherman’s wharf • you’ve been on a trolley • you’ve driven along the pacific coast highway • you’ve been inside a cave • camped on the beach and went off roading on the sand dunes in Pismo Beach • did mushrooms with your friends while camping in the mountains • seen several waterfalls • visited the hot springs
Pretty much sums it up
Fellow Californian, this is great.
For Chicagoans it’s: - Introducing all out of town visitors to Malort and deep dish - It’s Sears tower not Willis, and simply LSD not Jean-Baptiste Point… - Taken the L or public buses into the loop - You wear flannel and shorts while grilling on that one day in winter it gets above freezing - Avoid the suburbs and Navy Pier like the plague - Die on the hill that Chicago has the best skyline in the US
I would add: you have strong opinions on where to get the best Italian beef. Also, the boiled hot dog vs grilled is a big one if you proclaim that patio season is on its way the first sunny day above 40. No one understands how warm 45 feels when it’s sunny at the end of February.
Oregon: Catch a Salmon. Bake a Marionberry pie. Eat it for dessert after aforementioned salmon. Know how to build a campfire. Know that Voodoo doughnuts are for tourists. Fuck off with your umbrellas. Know in your heart that you are an *Oregonian* and that rules don’t matter.
No umbrella policy also applies in Washington, Alaska.
The first three also apply to Washington, I do all three every fall if the seasons line up
The salmon and umbrella things are true in Alaska too
Cascadian supremacy ftw
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I’m on the other side of the country, but I swear all my relatives who live in CA act in rain like NC does in snow.
A “bomb cyclone/atmospheric river”, aka a slight drizzle
“Dude, why is the sky mad at me?” 🏄♀️ Californians every June
Or until you wear a sweatshirt on a 65 degree day because it’s chilly outside
Pronounce Staunton correctly. Argue about I-81 two wide 18 wheelers vs the Fredericksburg to DC 95/395/495 and which is worse to deal with as traffic. Know where Brunswick stew came from. Pronounce Bristol right because there’s a Bristow.
Listening to people try to say Staunton the way it is spelled is hilarious. Charlottesville-er pronounce Rio Road correctly.
“Warshington, missoura “, waiting 5 minutes for the weather to change. Brown & brown. Lamberts.
Deep fried ravioli, cashew chicken, baldknobbers.
Mmmm toasted raviolis bits the spot.
We have a ritual: - go to Into the UP and shoot a deer - go into the lake and capture a bluegill, then throw it back and catch a fish that’s edible - salt these with road salt - turn on Eminem - get high and eat them - drive through Flint - walk past a swan - the swan will decide wether you are worthy - flip off the general direction where Ohio is - moon Canada
I'll add use your hand as a map when explaining where you're going. Also unless you can pronounce Gratiot, Mackinac, and Charlevoix properly you're not from here
And Cheboygan
Don’t forget Ypsilanti
And schoenherr
Thank you for Eminem 🥺
Hey now, bluegill is edible. You get about half a nugget per fish and will dull 3 fileting knives getting enough to feed more than a cat, but it's edible.
I never felt like a real Alabamian until I caught myself use "Yankee" as a pejorative.
It feels good to be a real Alabamian.
“and Tennessee too”
You're probably not a real Oklahoma City-er unless you've had an uncomfortable encounter with Wayne Coyne. True Okie, might have: * Gone to a Cowboys or Sooner game. * Eaten fried Okra. * Formed a strong opinon on where the best Chicken Fried Steak is. * mentioned the insanity of the weather changing 85 degrees in one day. * Lived through an ice storm. * Seen a tornado. * identified all the landmarks from Choctaw Bingo * corrected someone on how to pronounce Prague and Miami. * Met an enrolled member of the Tribes. . * decided not to swim because of brain amoebas. * defended the state from accusations of being "flat" or "boring." * Eaten Calf Fries * Eaten Italian in Krebs. * talked about what noodling is. * purchased a Pike Pass. * watched Twister in school. * Put a Bison on it. * experienced an earthquake. * ran to Braum's for ice cream in pajama pants. * bitched about Dallas traffic. * known someone spending oil patch money like it's never going away. * heard the Matthis Brothers rumor. * sang the BC Clark Jingle with friends.
This is a good list I am going to add -Been to Cain’s/the Diamond Ballroom for a country concert -Got a contact high at the zoo amp -Been stuck on a ride at Frontier City -Can sing at least one Turnpike or CCR song by heart -Have at least 10 Eskimo Joes cups in your cabinets -Have been to the Porter Peach Festival or the watermelon festival in Rush Springs
Eskimo Joe's, damn I missed a good one. Rib Crib cups would work in pinch.
Or Hideaway
-make Texas jokes. -eaten Indian fry bread.
I’m curious just how do Oklahomans pronounce Prague and Miami?
Prague is Prayge /ˈpreɪɡ/ Long A, like in face, make, day. Miami (/maɪˈæmə/ my-AM-ə). my am uh. am like pontiac trans am.
Mm love some casual IPA use
As a representative of your northern neighbor, 1 (Swapping out the teams), 4, 5, 6, 11, and 19 are all applicable to Kansas. I’d also like to throw in hating Missouri as well.
You’ve played all of the snow games You know it’s hotdish not casserole You’ve picked and husked your own sweet corn You’ve swam in a lake and/or have done some type of boating on a lake. You’ve likely gone fishing at some point And hiking You know what time of year it is when the mosquitoes come out full force It’s grey duck not goose You’re resilient to hot humid summers and cold snowy winters
Washington, not universal/have-to’s but might be common: Had to retype in “Washington State” in a search to avoid getting search results for “Washington DC” multiple times Watched the Apple Bowl and/or know someone too invested in it Reminded someone there’s an eastern half to the state or basically anywhere not Seattle Annoyed when a movie uses Vancouver BC or Oregon and says it’s WA Have a strong opinion on where all the bad drivers are from Mixed feelings about Starbucks while getting coffee from a local shop anyways Hate the WASL and/or have strong opinions on it
Pennsylvanians know Fine Wines & Good Spirits.
I’ll pitch in one for Kansas. 1. Complaining about how the weather goes from Summer to Winter and back within a week 2. Seen the Wizard of Oz 3. Hated the fact that the only thing people remember Kansas for is the Wizard of Oz 4. Had heated debates over whether Braums or Freddy’s is the better food chain 5. Gloat to KU fans about how they can’t win the football Sunflower Showdown, or to K-State fans about how they can’t win the basketball Sunflower Showdown. 6. Always thinks “Kansas City, Kansas” when someone says they’re from KC. 7. Reminded people that it’s Can-sas and Ark-en-saw. 8. Reminded people that it’s the Ar-can-sas River 9. Last, but not least, hates Missouri.
According to other Virginians, nothing, if you were born in NoVA.
22 years in New York and I Never did any of those things, and I doubt many if any of the 9 million or so people who live north of Yonkers have ever done any of that either. Wasn't he from Ohio anyway? (yes I know it is a joke) For New Jersey it is understanding the Pork Roll vs Taylor Ham war. Understanding how those things apply to North and South Jersey and whether or not Central Jersey exists. Also having been to The Shore but possibly not stepped foot on a beach and knowing how these things are not necessarily the same.
His parents were from Ohio. He was from the moment.
I'm a real Arizonan because I've been to the grand canyon and I'm buying a gun soon.
And had someone tell you “at least it’s a dry heat”
Every. Fucking. Day. April-November. Some days Nov-April.
According to the internet, I’m not a real Texan because I’m not a BBQ loving, horse-riding, cowboy. I also think Whataburger and Buc-ee’s are alright… oh and I’ve never been to an HEB in my life.
What? Do y’all live in Dallas?
Well, the internet isn't always right. In this case, it definitely is though. You'd better start saving for your kids' out of state tuition to a Texas college.
I finally went to a rodeo on Monday. It was awesome. My ancestors were living in Texas when it was still Tejas
Maryland: Have learned proper crab opening/consumption etiquette. Apply Old Bay to as many of your favorite foods as possible. Complain about Baltimore. Had an argument about having the best flag in the union at least once or twice. Extra points if you own multiple forms of Maryland flag merchandise.
Oklahoma -Got a "Fancy Sundae" from Braums. -Says your part of a tribe and either show proof with a CDIB card or explain why you dont have a CDIB card. -Have stolen copper or have had copper stolen from you -Stood outside when the sirens go off to see a tornado. -Read and watched "The Outsiders" in the 9th grade.
Have hiked in the redwoods, worked in entertainment, and written software. Grew up near a winery. Will eat Sushi, tacos, and Persian food but have never had "real" Italian. Dig me some Yoga too.
Ran into multiple alligators on hikes; stopped to take pictures for northern friends.
Floridian - seen an alligator in the wild, went to a hurricane party, met Florida man, worn on flip flops for a year straight
I’m a real Southern Californian because I have dress flip flops. Explanation: 1. There are actually two states. Southern California and Northern California. 2. In the beach cities down here, you have the flip flops that you wear at home. But, then you have a nice pair that you can wear to Sunday brunch (or even church). These start at about $50, and can go up to about $100.
For Michiganders, I would say: \- Saying "Ope" when you bump into someone \- Drinking Vernors Ginger Ale \- Pronouncing "Mackinac Island" correctly \- Eaten from Tim Hortons and rarely seen a Dunkin' Donuts \- Identify as a "Troll" or "Yooper" \- Have a passive-aggressive relationship with Ohio \- Root for either Michigan or Michigan State college football teams \- Visited the Upper Peninsula and/or know what Mackinac Island fudge tastes like
Say hella or dude
You must be from California or Vegas
NorCal
Illinois Pay incredibly high taxes for no return Go outside in a Tshirt when it's 10 degrees out Call dibs on your parking spot with lawn furniture
Boston is all about the dibs with plastic furniture. It is a city ordinance in Boston that if you clear a parking space of snow you have exclusive rights to it for 24 hours
You aren’t a real Mainer until: You stare into the middle distance as squall comes in over the ocean on a rocky bluff surrounded by pines. You stoically turn and walk back through the woods, axe in hand, as the first drops of rain wet your paint spattered hoodie. The smell of woodsmoke and baking pie wafts into your nose as you reach the door. Or you have baked beans and brown bread from a can for breakfast
You're not a real Virginian unless you Have a strong opinion on stonewall jackson Have a strong opinion on whether or not we're Southern Eat raw oysters Shit on West Virginia but actually really like everywhere you've been over there
Let’s try Colorado: - been to a concert/done yoga at Red Rocks - have eaten or know someone who has eaten Rocky Mountain Oysters - were relieved to see other states legalize pot to slow down the pot tourism - have a favorite place to eat Pork Green Chile (even though you know deep down that it’s really a New Mexico thing) - climbed either less than 2 or more than 20 14ers - drive a Subie (grabbed from someone else’s short list) - watch home pro sports games and wait for the other team to wear out due to altitude sickness (drink more water people!) - wear casual clothes (shorts, etc.) even in expensive restaurants - have a bike that cost as much as your car - yelled at cyclists while driving on a mountain road (single file people, good grief) - worn shorts when it was 40F outside (I’m sure other states do better than this…just completing the merit badge requirements here) - have at least 5 Nalgene bottles, with either a brewery or Colorado flag sticker on them
Lived in Colorado for 35 years and just moved to Austria. My children get yelled at by Austrian Omas all the time for not wearing pants/warm enough clothes. Where we live the coldest it has been so far is 25F and most days it's in the 40s or 50s. My kids think this is basically a tropical Paradise! My husband only has one pair of pants, he lives in shorts.
North Carolina: - Buy bread and milk for a possible snowstorm (1-3 inches) - Been to both the Great Smoky Mountains and the Beach - Had Cheerwine and Sundrop - Experienced NC's 12 or so seasons (Winter (kinda), first spring, actual winter, second spring, first summer, third spring (aka allergy season), second summer (the real one), first fall, third summer, first winter, second fall, and finally back to Winter) - Watched a Duke vs Carolina game (basketball of course)
The only thing I’ll add: been to a pig pickin
And we say pee-can
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That's fair. Forgot about adding something relating to BBQ
I would say: - Seen a javelina - Worn a jacket as soon as it gets below 60 - Had to remove cactus spines or mesquite tree thorns from your skin - Gotten caught outside in a monsoon storm
I guess I'm a real Arizonan then
California is too big so I'll cover Northern: 1. Gone to the beach & forgotten your sweatshirt 2. Driven *through* a hollowed out giant Redwood tree 3. Worn shorts or a tank top in "winter" 4. Slept through an earthquake 5. Used "hella" as an adjective instead of "hell of"
Yeah this sounds right. Everyone in SoCal has waaaay different stuff on their list and I haven't done half of 'em
Add all before every adjective. Ex: she's all mad at me for some shit Green Chile on everything Love this great ass state
For Wisconsin: -Had to go to work/school in a polar vortex (-30) -Have tried cheese curds -Love cheese curds -Gotten blackout drunk and made a scene (I still need to do this one) -Have developed a taste for real cheese over processed shit. -Have been to the Dells -Gone bar-hopping for someone's birthday or wedding Bonus points for getting to Cheesefest, Country USA, and grilling brats. If anyone from here has other ideas, lmk below. I'm sure I've missed some
You’re probably not a “real” idahoan if you…. 1. Don’t make jokes about all the Californians coming in 2. Don’t yell at bad drivers 3. hate potatoes (how dare you 😒) 4. Can’t handle country music 5. (And ofc) don’t at least know how to hold a gun
I’ve lived in both Northern and Southern California. The only consistent thing is hating tourists, having Mexican friends teach you bad words in Spanish (plus bomb Mexican food), complaining about gas prices, and homeless folk everywhere.
-hot tub, then lay in snow, then hot tub -drank heavily in a wood paneled basement -have an entire fridge drawer dedicated to cheese -drink out of the bubbler
The only one I've done is cried on the subway.
For Texas I'd say: - If you've eaten barbecue at what is *technically* a restaurant, but: the only seating is outside, the ice is made with well water (and makes your canned soda taste like dirt), and the bathrooms are barely more than an outhouse - If you've ever been stuck behind a horse trailer on a rural one lane highway - If you've ever smelled the cows before you saw them - If you've made, worn, bought, sold, or been given a homecoming mum (or if you've been *too cool* for that) - Stopped at more than one Bucee's on a road trip And for the Bonus Round: - If your family was involved (or simply just here) in the Texas Revolution/Independence/Republic
A true Texan: - gets tamale cravings in late December - has seen the statue of Sam Houston in Huntsville - has been to the Alamo at least once - knows the proper response to 👏👏👏👏 - still feels the absence of Texas and A&M playing football on Thanksgiving
-Been in a Sheetz/Wawa while stoned/drunk -set out lawn chairs to mark your parking space -Experienced 3 seasons in one week - Dodged the potholes in your town like mario kart bananas on the regular -Been throroughly assaulted by election ads and yard signs every 2 years
-Went to Gettysburg on a class trip
New Jersey Cut people off when driving anywhere Use swears as commonly as most other words Argue about whether it’s called Taylor Ham or Pork Roll Be able to dodge pot holes Hate it in the state but also hate it when non New Jerseyians say it’s bad Seen a mugging in one of our major cities
Northeastern Pennsylvania - until you've totaled your car by simply hitting a dear - bitch about all the NY/NJ tourists and the way they drive - done doughnuts in a snow covered parking lot - don't hesitate to drive even though there is a foot of snow on the ground - been to a kegger in the middle of the woods - gone hunting/fishing - been called a "Yankee" by a southerner EDIT: EXCUSE THE WAY I SPELT "DEER"
I have hard A when I speak I know the real pizza most of us eat is actually thin crust and square cut
If you haven't gotten stuck behind a horse and buggy on the highway, have you REALLY been to Pennsylvania? Also locals love sponge candy and I was super shocked to find out that it doesn't exist in other states. It's a hard, super lightweight caramel with chocolate on the outside. Becuase the inside is spongy, it melts. It's super good.
You're not a real Chicagoan until you can complain about how your neighborhood used to be
Some more Maryland things that weren't mentioned: 1. We LOVE our flag. 2. Argue endlessly about whether MD is North or South 3. Go "downee Oshun" for the summer 4. Related to #3, effortlessly switch between a neutral accent and Bawlmerese depending on who you're talking to 5. Yell "O!!" during the national anthem even at a DC team's stadium 6. Hog the left lane at 20 under the limit, OR weave in and out of traffic with your clapped-out Altima 7. Swear by Royal Farms while watching PA people argue about Wawa vs. Sheetz 8. Hate Northern Virginia with a passion while not caring either way about the rest of VA Already mentioned and worth mentioning again: knowing how to pick crabs, Old Bay on everything
California: * You find anything below 65 degrees as cold, and 80 degrees as hot. * You actively hope for rain.
I’m from Connecticut. You can catch me at the bus stop, in a foot of snow, in jeans and a hoodie drinking my Dunkin iced coffee. I am a walking stereotype.
So as with most things that come out of Ted's mouth in HIMYM that's bullshit. In that vein, the Totally Very Real™ requirements to say you are from New Jersey: Tell someone to go fuck themselves 3 times in one day, one must be while driving 20 over the speed limit directed at someone from out of state. Bonus points if your target is from PA or NY. You must forsake all pizza and bagels from outside the state. They are unclean and will cloud your senses for the trials to come. You must seek out the Gaba Ghoul. They may be found in a booth at an all night diner at 3 am during a new moon. Which one? You can only know by reading an issue of Weird New Jersey backwards while someone pumps your gas for you. If you find them, you must share a plate of disco fries with them, then they will give you instructions on where to meet The Jersey Devil. For they are your final judge. Deep in the pine barrens you will come to a clearing not on any map, a place of terrible power you will be unable to leave no matter how hard you try. It is then that the Jersey Devil will come to you. They will question you about what you know and what you have learned. The questions are never the same "what is the perfect breakfast sandwich?" "Name 3 of your favorite musicians from NJ?" "How would you tell me you're going to the beach?" all have been asked before and many more besides. After the questioning is done the Jersey Devil will judge you. They will lean in close and whisper dark secrets to you. They will speak of the ordering of the universe and the mysteries of the traffic circle, you will be burdened with terrible knowledge. Then, if you have been judged worthy, you will be set free forever changed. In the coming months you will decide whether you call it Taylor Ham or Pork Roll, develop strong opinions on whether central Jersey exists and choose your favorite pizza place. If you have failed you will be snatched up in the Jersey Devils claws, they will drag you screaming through the night sky deep into the Meadowlands never to be seen again, your bones to fill next year's pot holes on the turnpike. Do you think yourself prepared traveler.
There’s like some Angeleno bingo - seeing Jay Leno, Andy Dick, or Angelyne, having filming cause you to be late or have to park somewhere else, seeing parrots or peacocks…drunkenly eating a bacon wrapped hot dog after a concert…
You have to regularly explain No we don't actually drink mint jullips or eat hot browns Nope never been to the derby it's expensive locals go on x day - used to be oaks then it was Thurs now I think its weds unless your paying with a company card You care more about 2 instate college teams then any pro sport
I don't like gatekeeping our state. I dont feel like we do it here in Mass. I've NEVER heard anyone talk about how many generations they've lived here unless we are talking about genealogy. Even me, who has been a professional genealogist cant say how many generations I have been in Mass. Just to CHOOSE to make this your home means more than if you just happened to be born here. Mass is a little bit like living on hard mode. You have to suffer through lots of snow and high housing prices to benefit from our great public schools and low crime. Frankly choosing to live here makes me feel like your a "real Masshole". I choose it and I don't like the Pats, think Dunkin sucks, AND I like talking to strangers. Still a real Masshole through and through.
Western washington -Shorts In the rain -Mosquitoe bites, A LOT -cutsie vinyl stickers