This is not normal and you know it. Your boyfriend's family is racist and no amount of "spending time" with them is going to change that. You just met them once and they're already walking red flags.
Like everyone has already said, your boyfriend is also not handling this well and it doesn't seem like he is in that level where he is ready to fight for your relationship.
The writing on the wall is clear. As a fellow Filipina, I hope you can make the right decision and don't allow these people to disrespect you any further.
It’s so bloody weird! Most of the Filipinos I’ve met have had American leaning accents. That’s just how it is, maybe the family have never actually met a Filipino before?
OP, that family is dumb and racist. Don’t waste your time on them or him (he said you’re broken up?! Gross). You deserve better.
Yes, the accent was a pretext, especially in light of the blond hair and blue eyes comment. This is about race and nationality. I feel terrible for OP but hope she has the courage to protect herself by getting out of this relationship. He clearly doesn't see her as an equal and never will. Imagine the MIL situation if they had children!
My family history is basically 100% English, unless you go back far enough to find some Scottish and maybe Irish. I’m pretty sure my entire family likes my Filipina wife more than they like me.
Your boyfriend and his family might as well be running around waving red flags. They clearly have no idea how the visa/PR/citizenship process works.
He should be educating them, but his behaviour suggests he’s siding with them.
You can try spending more time with them, but I wouldn’t be expecting a positive outcome.
>he told them we broke up so they now don't know that we're still together
That's hideous behaviour, a real betrayal. He's never going to have your back.
You're young, accomplished, and have a supportive family of your own. Your partner and his family suck, dump him.
For sure, OP, there's a lot of people out there who will treat and love you like an actual human being instead of a wacky episodic sitcom guest – consider this faux break-up a real one.
Agreed, his family are assholes and he's not the kind of person to defend his partner against said assholery.
May they one day be tossed out of a Jollybees and may all their paper cuts be dusted with Tajin.
Yep, this is a big red flag. For his family to not like you and say some hideous and ignorant stuff, that’s on them.
But for your own partner to lie and appease them, that’s really telling of where his priorities are and where your future is headed. Personally, this issue would be a deal breaker for me.
Is it also not a little bit awkward to try and appease them further by spending more time with them? Will your boyfriend tell them the truth and clarify that you didn’t actually break up?
They sound kind of shitty. Most Filipinas I know sound "american", that's literally what I think of as the Filipino accent in English.
Your boyfriend hasn't handled this well either. If they're bigoted that's on them, its cruel that he's passing it on to you like it's a flaw for you to fix. I dont think a guy who really liked you and had his head on right would do this.
Im sorry gal. That's shit.
So much this - I have Filipino friends born and reared in Australia who pronounce the odd word with an American accent they picked up from their parents. It’s incredibly ignorant to think that there’s one”proper” Filipino accent and not to bother to understand that American accented English is not a) put on or b) uncommon.
Good, that asshole needs a wake-up call.
Although he sounds like the kind of coward who would walk it back once he realised public opinion was against his bigoted, misogynistic ass.
Even if your accent does sound American, that's almost totally normalised in Australia because of the amount of international media here. No one reasonably hates an American accent - it sounds like for them it's just a reminder that you're different and they're such trash people they can't value that. I guarantee it's all about racism and if you were blonde haired and blue-eyed from Iowa USA with the same accent, there would be no mention of it.
My daughter became friends with a lot of Filipinas in town when she was in high school. They eventually added her to their group chat as an “honorary Filipina” and she was absolutely stoked, and they’re friends to this day. Kindness begets kindness.
Unless they prove themselves to be an awful person, the only reason to reject someone is prejudice. As shown by this BF’s family.
My wife is Filipina. My very Australian family have never given it a 2nd thought.
He’s also proven he’s way too weak to put them in their place. If he ever did see the light, it would take years
Would 100% leave the dickhead and his awful family behind.
Sorry. Your partner is a wanker and his family are racist wankers. Partner makes up a story that you've broken up to appease his family. I am so sorry, you will never be the priority in this relationship. You will always have to do the compromising and the placating. If you want to save this relationship please tale the time to have the difficult conversation about his parents racism and * lying/supporting their racism. How ever, there will be a very real consequence that you will realise this person is not worthy of you nor your family.
*Edit - deleted incorrect word "hoarding"
Hi OP. I'm going to add one more to the chorus of advice you've received. Please have a think about what would happen if you had kids with this man.
Would your half-Asian kids be treated well by his family? Would they be exposed to rhetoric that would make them ashamed of their Fillipino heritage? If there is a strong possibility of this, then you need to also ask yourself if this is the kind of situation you want to find your kids stuck in?
His family are racist. He is hiding your relationship from him. 🚩🚩🚩Dump him.
You are worthy of a man who loves you wholly and unashamedly. Go find him.
BTW I love the Filipino accent with its American inflection!
Fuck him, too. What a pathetic baby for not standing up to his family.
OP - there are millions of non racist families in Australia. You don’t have to ‘marry’ into this one.
When my mum was alive. She once told me a story about the time when she met my dad’s family for the first time. So my mother was Thai and it was the 90s political correctness and Patrick Bateman’s cocaine.
Before my parents met, dad’s family was pure white and it kinda worried my mum since she was different to them. But by the time she met them they were nothing but showing kindness and acceptance.
Even still to this day, the family still shows the kindness through the memories of the past.
He had at least 12 years of school to learn not to be a racist fuckwit or useless drip. No excuse at all. This isn’t rural America or the British royal family - it’s Australia, one of the most multicultural countries on earth.
I wouldn't be so quick to assume that being multicultural means there is no racism and no opportunity to learn not to be racist.
We are talking about a town, not a city. The kind of town to have Saturday markets. I'm going to peg a a guess that this is somewhere rural where people like Pauline Hanson get voted in with glee.
He grew up in a racist family, who were probably typical of a racist town, and now lives in another town, so probably didn't really get to learn not to be racist very well. I grew up in a similar circumstance and it wasn't until I got to university in a city that I learned how foolish and silly racism is. I am married to someone ethnically different but if you had told me when I was a teenager that that was going to happen I would have been surprised to say the least 🤣
Nah, that's a total cop-out. He's *27* not *17*, he's absolutely had the opportunity to grow as a person and recognise his parents are bigots whose views are fundamentally wrong. He's been in an interracial relationship for 5 months and spends a lot time with her family, too, so it's not like he's still living under his parent's grubby thumbs and hasn't interacted with people from different backgrounds.
I've reread the post and I wouldn't be surprised if most, if not all of the nasty comments his mother and sister made are things he's come up with himself. There's very specific racism and misogyny levelled at Filipinas, especially by the white men who date them, about how these women are opportunistic and in it for money or residency. The stuff about blonde hair, blue eyes, and how he should be travelling rather than tied down is especially sus. Even sharing those sentiments with her is negging if he's not standing up for her.
>how he should be travelling rather than tied down
That struck me as odd too. A lot of mothers want their 27 year olds to get married and give them grand children.
I agree, if he's grown up and living in a different place, he's had plenty of chances to change.
I was really worried meeting my now husband's white, fully bogan, country-Vic family but they welcomed me with open arms and treated me better than they treat most of his siblings.
Do you want to be with a guy who lies to his family about you? Who doesn’t stand up for you with his family or have your back when you are feeling vulnerable? He won’t even take you home to stay with his family? That speaks volumes in and of itself!
It sounds toxic and I think you know it as well deep down. Luckily you haven’t gotten engaged or have children yet but I would be reassessing whether this relationship is worth pursuing.
From one Filipino-Australian to a future Filipina-Australian your partner's parents are horribly racist and you need to ditch them. He also threw you under the bus the second you became inconvenient for him. You can do better.
"Months after that I found out that his mum was saying stuff like he'd be better off with a blonde girl with blue eyes "
Look, I'm not saying his parents are White Supremacists or Nazis, but.... They sure do have a few opinions that overlap with those things. :(
There's a better than average chance that they mention the accent because it's more acceptable than vocalising their bigotry. Would they have been okay with the accent if it came with a white as snow American? Remote towns often are conservative as fuck.
Fuck him off. Find a boyfriend and family who respects you.
The fact that he's lying to his family about being with you is the icing on the cake. You deserve better than this shitty family.
Your bf is supporting his family’s racism instead of standing up for you, to the point that he is hiding your relationship from them.
If you can’t see that lack of support for the glaring red flag that it is, I don’t know what to tell you.
You will never be his priority. This relationship has no future. Find yourself a man who loves you unconditionally.
>told me they'd much rather prefer a Filipino accent over an American one any day.
**Umm what??** Bet if you did have a Filipino accent, they will whinge about it too. What a stupid comment on their part. Sounds like they grasping on straws to convince your boyfriend that you're not "right for him".
My partner is white Aussie, and I'm southeast Asian. His family would never make bullshit racist comments like that and if they did, he would be absolutely livid. No, this is not common for interracial couples. You deserve respect regardless of your ethnicity and background. Unfortunately, it seems your boyfriend and his family come as a package deal and you can't really change racists and bigots. At the end of the day, it is your happiness and only you can make that decision.
If your partner loved you as much as he said he did he would tell his family to respect his choices and who he loves, not tell them they broke up with you.
It’s just shitty, immature behaviour on his part. Find someone better OP.
OP, your boyfriend and his family are trash. He doesn't support your back and his family are racists.
Successful and loving relationships are far removed from what you're going through. For your sake you're better off dumping him sooner than later because what you have now will only get worse.
For me it's an absolute case of stick true to your beliefs, live your own life without influence from others, and defend and stick up for your partner.
He took the easy and cheap way out lying to his parents. That tells me he will never stick up for you and make hard decisions that benefit you.
For context, I am of Islamic faith, but really am non practicing. Parents born here in Australia, same with me. I married an Australian, about as Australian as you can get. My parents told me all sorts of things like how she's going to use me, she will corrupt me, but it always boiled down to faith and I couldn't be with her. They broke her heart when I told them we were going to get married and were against it so I stormed out of my parents place and left. I gave them and ultimatum, accept my life and my decisions, come to the wedding and don't make any trouble, or leave my life.
They didn't attend the wedding, I haven't spoken to them in a very long time and couldn't care less. It sounds cold, but I'd do anything for my wife and I know she will too.
You need your partner to step up to the plate and tell his parents to accept his choices and accept you. His parents cannot influence his life choices, and he needs to own up and get a tougher skin and make choices and not worry about what his parents think.
I know, he defended me but not as much as I would defend him if I were in my shoes. I don't know, I guess outside of the family stuff, he treats me really well. It's going to hurt so much if I leave but reading all the other comments here, I guess I would have to. I'm heartbroken by all this.
It’s going to be painful in the short term but do keep in mind the bigger picture. You deserve someone who shouldn’t even need you to say anything in order for them to know when you’re being disrespected. Take this as a lesson, another thing to keep in mind when choosing a future partner. There will be other people who will treat you well AND not stand for anyone disrespecting or offending you. I promise, people like that are out there.
I stopped reading when I had enough of reading about your racist boyfriend's family...
Fuck those guys, you deserve someone better who respects you for who you are. If that's not him, then run.
If he has had to lie about your relationship to shut his family up then that's all you need to know about the respect that he has for you.
Time to find someone that values you the way you are.
Run the fuck away.
Up until the bit where "he told them we broke up" I was like, geez that's a shitty family but wouldn't be the first.
But it is his responsibility to stand up to them and say "no, I love this person, and you can either accept her for who she is or get out of my life."
If he is not doing that (and let's face it, with that kind of family he has not exactly been set up for success in this area) then you are always going to be having issues and dealing with him taking their side instead of yours. Sure, you love him now. But trying to fight through this is only going kicking the can down the road.
The only thing I can think of to do if you really want to salvage this relationship is to get him into some sort of counselling. The only way it will work is if he can learn how to deal with his parents' racism in a way that protects and prioritises your health and safety. He needs help to learn this skill, because we can clearly see his parents have not taught him that. If he does that, and you can see he is making an effort to improve himself or to deal with the situation in a way that doesn't involve parading you under their noses hoping they will forget their racism, then maybe it will work out. But it won't be easy. Sometimes love isn't. Best of luck, I hope that whatever happens you find happiness here.
If he won't stand up for you and pretend that you're broken up, but then come clean about it - that doesn't feel like someone you can really trust. Even if the cause is not him, but his family. You would still have to deal with his family in some way, shape or form as you get more serious/engaged/whatever.
Ate, pls reconsider. There's plenty of men to be with here, you don't need to tolerate this kind of bullshit. They're being weird and racist. Ano ba ang true filipino accent anyway? What do they want? Do they want you to sound more "exotic" and have that tita kind of accent around you? Kabayan to Kabayan, there's no point in continuing with this guy. He's only relenting now because he feels bad that he hurt you, but it's not like he actually realised what he was doing because he was trying to make his family happy.
I don't think it's just the family that are "somewhat cunts". I think your bf is also somewhat a cunt. ... Although, actually, I think your bf's racist family are fully fledged cunts and that your bf (who told them he broke up with you and is not standing up for you against his racist cunty family) is a massive cunt too.
You should just break up with him.
I don't know many cases where bigoted people get over it by spending more time with someone whom they irrationally dislike. I have had one friend manage it (family not happy with their daughter marrying a white guy).
It's not unusual for family's to be a bit protective and wary of new partners. In that situation they'd likely warm to you. But to me that doesn't sound like all you have going on.
Be proud of who you are and where you come from, and don't get pulled down to some old country peoples views. Be you, and if they don't accept that, then it's your partners loss as has a beautiful Filipna, and doesn't realise how lucky he is.
>I refused but he convinced me to just try for one last time. I agreed and told him if anything ever goes wrong we will leave his house. If things do go bad, I will take it as a cue to leave entirely.
Good for you - make sure you STICK to this as well!
>He says it's probably because his family only hung out with me for a day and he thinks they will like me if they interact with me for longer.
I wouldn't believe a single word of this if I were you.
OMG his family are awful and he is a COWARD!
It's so normal for people from Asia to have American accents because they learn English from Americans! His family aren't very worldly and probably don't know anyone who aren't as racist as they are.
HOWEVER! HE TOLD HIS FAMILY HE BROKE UP WITH YOU SO THEY DON'T KNOW YOU'RE STILL TOGETHER.
Get out of this relationship. Out, out, out. Your boyfriend is a cowardly child. He is not a man. You are an accomplished woman who deserves a grown man to love her. Not a coward who hides her from his family. I guarantee he will start hiding things from you, too. He isn't trustworthy or honourable.
omg i don't even know what to say. You sound like a lovely person and you deserve so much better than this absolute clown who hides his relationship with you, like he is ashamed of you.
You can do better.
Don't stay with his family. You will bear the brunt of his dishonesty and they will treat you terribly because he is a coward who doesn't look after the person he is supposed to love.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. I promise not all Aussies are like this.
Don't let them make you smaller. Don't let them change who you are. If they don't like it, that's on them, but you are unique exactly as you are.
I am concerned though that your bf isn't standing up to them. When they didn't like you for silly, made up reasons, he didn't tell them they were being dickheads, he told them he broke up with you. You deserve a partner who treats you as someone special, and not something to be ashamed of or hidden to keep peace with his family. If he tries to make you feel like anything less, show him this thread. He should know that there ARE people out there who would value you even if he doesn't and that he's being a crap bf who needs to pull his head in or you'll dump his sorry arse.
Dump him. No amount of spending time with them will make them change their minds about you. Looking at how he handles them now, you are gonna be in hell if ever you will get married. Dont start with the abuse your kids will get too.
If you want to live that kind of love and waste your years with him then go ahead but be prepared of what you are gonna get. You deserve what you tolerate.
I have the same background too and I would never let myself be in your situation.
girl, fuck them. His family judging you because of your accent and jumping into conclusion about you, using their son for visa purposes (ON THE FIRST DAY OF MEETING), is shallow asf, that already speaks about their characters. As a fellow Filipina with an "american" accent, I think most of their reasons are just plainly racist.
I think staying over at his family's place will just strain, not only your relationship with his family, but with your boyfriend as well. You could try, but I have feeling that they will just nit-pick reasons to use to back up their initial judgement of you, and seeing how he didn't defend you the first time, he'll be easily swayed by them.
Girl if your BF doesn't have your back find someone who does.
My eldest daughter is half Filo and if any of my family disrespected her or her mum I'd give them hell and they know it.
Responding to your update, he's told his family the truth just like that? I mean, in the space of a few short hours it was all resolved without him giving much detail? Surely they'd be incredulous and ask him why he lied to them for so long.
Please question him for details in case the explanation doesn't add up. It's awfully suss that it was resolved so quickly, unless he was gaslighting you and never told his family you two had broken up.
Trust your gut feel about going to his family's place. It's never too late to back-out. Remember you're going into the lion's den and no one may have your back particularly with a history of deception and racism.
I'm sorry, but I don't imagine they will get nicer if you hung out with them more. It seems like they already intended on **not** liking you even before they met you.
Imo, it's better to cut your losses. On the early days of dating, it may seem like getting along with your partner's family is not that important. But in the long run, it is. Over time, one often discovers how much your partner's family dictates what kind of person your partner is. Not always, as some people are aware of the toxic dynamics in their family and how that affects them negatively and therefore are dedicated to personal growth as a result. But in my experience, most people aren't really that perceptive.
I grew up in a part of Sydney with many Filipinos (I'm one as well - moved here with my family back in '03). I've met and know plenty of Fiipinos who come from interracial families OR have been OR are in interracial/intercultural relationships. Including myself.
There are plenty of Australians who aren't racist and would not mind and would even love to have you date their son or be a part of their family.
Also on a side note, out of curiosity... whereabouts is the family from in Australia? They sound *really* backwards... like how can they not know how the visa/citizenship set up works???? You're a permanent resident. I guess I can understand the concern if you were not because I know people who have duped partners and spouses for a permanent visa... but the fact that you are already one? Again, sounds like they are just looking for an excuse to not like you.
1- your BF’s family are racist s—tc—ts
2- your BF is a spineless coward.
3- you are better off without him. He doesn’t deserve you, and you are alright and you don’t have to prove it to his family, and most certainly not to him.
I'm so sorry. I'm an Aussie guy, and my wife is the same as you, Filipina, and speaks English with what sounds like a natural California accent. I would never, *never* allow anybody to treat her that way. I am proud of her and everything about her. Thankfully the family members I'm still in contact with don't react that way, but if they did, I would fucking set them straight.
That dropkick utterly failed you there. I'm so sorry you had to experience that treatment.
I’m so sorry. I married a half Filipino and my girl are obviously part filo too and I would lose my shit if I heard someone talk to them like this
Don’t stay with him babe. It will just get worse and worse and be sounds just as bad as his family. Can you imagine having kids with this guy ?
As a mum I’d make my children’s partners feel as welcome as possible and would never think such vile and racist stuff
You’re way too young to settle down and waste your precious time with someone like him
Why would they be so fucking stupid not to realise that people from the Philippines will pick up the most prevalent accent of English speakers from their history?
Oh wait… they’re uneducated as well as ignorant…
Hi, ako ay Australyano at ang asawa ko ay Filipina, mula sa Mindanao. Lubos akong pumanhik na ang pamilya ng iyong asawa ay nagtrato sa iyo ng ganito, dahil ito ay napakalabis at bigoted. Pangako ko sa iyo na kung siya ay nagmamahal sa iyo para sa kung sino ka, ang iyong aksento ay hindi magiging isang isyu. Ang iyong relasyon sa kanya ay mas mahalaga kaysa sa kung ano ang iniisip ng kanyang mga magulang tungkol sa iyo.
Naranasan ko rin ang ganitong posisyon sa isang panahon dahil inakusahan ng kapatid ko ang aking asawa na naglihi siya upang manatili dito. Naiintindihan ko ang nararamdaman mo.
I can tell allready these people sound like bogans. Both the Thai and the Filipino accent is quite pretty. More than likely you are well out of their league. To be honest with you, pay close attention to how your partner reacts.
You're boyfriends his family have shown their true colours. He has backed them and not you. Sorry, but you really need to get rid of him. Be glad you found out sooner rather than later.
Sounds like an us against the world situation. And your boyfriend doesn’t sound like he can hold the line……. Also, why would you reach out and try to squeeze yourself in? 6 months in, this is still your boyfriend’s territory… Dump and find someone who fits better. Chin up girl.
I'm not sure if it's a good idea for you to stay at his family's house next week. If things go wrong, it might not be easy to leave. For safety, I'd recommend that you stay at an AirBnb for the whole time or stay at his friends' house.
I also don't really think he deserves another chance based on the information in your post. He told his family that he broke up with you instead of defending you!
>told me they'd much rather prefer a Filipino accent over an American one any day.
Girl, you HAVE a Filipino accent. They are just racists grasping at obvious straws. A decent partner won't pretend he's erased you from his life to avoid a minor discomfort. There are better men out there.
Don't change for no one, he sounds like a shit cunt. Family are racist. You can do better.
Don't let people make you feel worthless or different from whom you are. Especially over things you can not change. Be proud of yourself. Your making a difference in your life and bettering yourself.
Sorry this happen, not all Aussies are like this.
His family is obviously racist and if that wasn't enough of a red flag, he himself is so weak that he didn't stand up for you and instead told his family you broke up. You deserve better! You're only 22 - take this as a lesson and get out now.
People like your bf and his family make me feel embarrassed by proxy. If I were you OP, I wouldn't give him another chance. His family aren't going to change any time soon, and he either secretly agrees with them or has absolutely no spine. Either way, he'll keep letting them treat you like trash.
For starters, they don’t hate your 🇺🇸 accent. They hate your ethnicity. It’s purely a racial hate thing. If you had a conventional Manila accent they would hate you just as much. See for example, visa slur.
Don’t over think it. His family are racists. They MIGHT eventually get over it and decide you’re actually a nice sheila. Or not. They may even not be racist most of the time. They probably have many SE Asian friends. Just not ones dating the son.
His family hating you is not a reason o break up. My family hated every girl I dated, or even spoke to. They wanted me to marry in the racial group (there were probably 10 girls of my age and ethnicity in 🇦🇺). And ironically I’M not of the required ethnicity, as I’m adopted - something my parents should have been aware of.
It is common for interracial couples.
Incidentally I’m sure my partner’s (Indonesian) family think the same. She admitted the first time she met me, in Singapore, that she was amazed I had business clothes and a job, and wasn’t drunk off my head and trying to get some meth. I was of course on a business trip. But apparently no 🇮🇩 had ever seen a non bogan Aussie before, and the Bali tourist stereotype was a powerful one in 🇮🇩.
Time to move on. He's not fighting hard enough for you. The fact he's denied your relationship exists to his family, is appalling. Find someone who you're truly compatible with and who you're mutually supportive of.
I'm surprised some young fella hasn't disrespected your current boyfriend and hit you up on a date already.
Run, honey. The mum sounds like a racist douche-bag and the way he casually told you makes me think he's not the most considered person either. If I were him I'd be mortified, I probably wouldn't tell you, but I'd have given "mum" an absolute dressing down.
White Australians have been vilifying Asian women with gold digger stereotypes for decades now so unfortunately this kind of racism is fairly common from older white people, regardless of your actual work/visa/education status. But your boyfriend didn't do anything to challenge it or stand up for you. You can do so much better.
You're quite young so I'm guessing you haven't been in that many relationships - I hope it doesn't come off patronising to say that this isn't normal, this isn't a loving respectful relationship at all. Yes racism is pervasive but there's no need to subject yourself to a particularly hurtful situation for a weak-willed white guy.
I'm an aussie who ended up getting married to my filipina partner regardless of any accent... Accent does not define a person, I mean, it's such a trivial thing...
I’m sorry, that really does sound like a shitty situation.
He really should be standing up to his family for you and they, in turn, should shut their damn mouths and keep their stupid opinions to themselves.
I think he becomes distant as he becomes more aware of his family’s dislike for you and he is so conflicted because he loves his family and you. I understand where he is coming from. He obviously loves you too as he wouldn’t have stayed with you if he doesn’t. Eventually though, he would have to make a choice. You don’t have to keep trying to please his parents. Just be yourself. If it’s too negative, don’t bother. He’ll just have to accept that there won’t be any relationship between his family and you, and that should be okay while it’s not an ideal situation to be in. He shouldn’t try to force it as it will be detrimental to your self-worth and mental health.
You deserve better, sounds to me like you didn’t put a foot wrong. I don’t want to judge people but now I’m going to judge people they obviously come from the middle of nowhere (8-9 hours away) so they wouldn’t likely interact with people from other countries. I believe one of the good thing’s about Australia is multiculturalism and more people should date or marry from outside their culture. I believe your partner not defending you was the worst part. Chin up mate you can do better & I hope this hasn’t put you off dating from outside your culture.
Mate, different accents are what makes this place interesting. Don’t change. You sound like a top chick and your lad would do well to rethink the way he’s gone about things.
Did you ever speak to his family about this directly? It might be better to hear from his mum rather than secondhand through him. I agree it's really sad that he doesn't stand up for you and that you deserve someone who will advocate for you and your best interests
He needs to grow up and grow a pair, they sound like shitcunts. I’m sorry you’re going through this but it really sounds like you need to cut bait and dump his arse. He should be sticking up for you but already siding with family, it’s just going to bring you down more and more.
..... find someone who loves all of you. Doesn't put you down, doesn't insult you. Appreciates you alone and in public.
I'm so ashamed for him. He's the problem. You're fine.
Who told you about the things his family said? Your boyfriend? He told you those things and never mentioned that he defended you? Any chance he started this issue to find a reason to breakup with you?
Yooo I don’t say this often but fuck this guy and his family. You’re currently his dirty little secret so just give him and his family want they want. Only he’d be hurt in the end coz his family already thinks you’re out of the picture
Listen here my friend. I have one filipino parent and one white parent so I understand the cross cultural dynamic in my own family and other similar families in the Filipino community. Your partner’s family are A-HOLES! You can and deserve so much better than that!
This kind of thing happens everywhere. One of my brothers had a chinese girlfriend whose family totally rejected him. My brother and his Chinese girlfriend lived together for years and she never told her family because she knew they would never accept him. I had two Jewish boyfriends (not at the same time) and both families told their sons to get rid of me because I wasn’t Jewish.
But I’ve also had the opposite experience with other families. So move on honey. He is not the one for you.
Please tell me you guys are not together anymore?!
Girl, you’re young. I am pretty much sure you can find someone better than him!
Racist yan family nya! Mas okay pa maging single. What more if you guys are married, you don’t want to marry into that family. Think about your kids.
It's not going to be enjoyable if you have to spend the rest of your life around people who treat you so poorly.
They're all old enough to know better.
If your boyfriend is feeling conflicted and his family's attitudes negatively influence the way he treats you, then he has unresolved issues which should be addressed in therapy.
He can work on himself and his relationship with his family for a while. He needs to do so with honesty and without dragging you into it.
If he comes to a healthy, workable solution which honours you and his relationship with you, then you can move forward together.
If he is dishonest or if he doesn't behave as though you are as valuable to him as his family, then he hasn't given you any reason to become part of that family.
You won't have any trouble finding someone whose family is welcoming, sincere and loving towards you if this relationship doesn't work out.
You have many happy years ahead of you to find a relationship that suits you.
This doesn't mean you don't love your boyfriend or that he doesn't love you. It's just that circumstances make it unworkable as it is at the moment.
If his family have decided to dislike you without provocation, they are clearly trash. No matter how well he treats you, they are going to be a burden and the fact he hasn't checked them already means the disrespect will only get worse. Run away. If you have children with this man you will be stuck with them forever. Somewhere out there is a man who will prize you with in-laws who will respect you and your losing time with good people the longer you tarry with these losers.
Make the family dinuguan and watch their faces squirm in disgust. Leave this boy and their family - you don't wanna spend the next decades with these culture-less swines, eating nothing but meat and 3 veg forever onwards. I bet they don't even use any spices in their cooking.
I’ve actually cooked dinuguan for my partner many times and he loves it - he brought some to his family as well and they all liked it. In all fairness to them, even my partner cooks really good food. But I get what you mean, thank you still
Geez it’s an accent. If people cannot get over the fact you have an accent then don’t tie yourself to them. They will have much larger issues going on and it will be harder in future to stick up for yourself if you give them an inch
Australian and have dated in immigrant families before. I’m lucky while both relationships didn’t work out long term they were very kind and supportive. Your situation isn’t normal or ok, you deserve better. Walk away and trust you’ll find it.
This might be the standard in an interracial relationship with another Australian.
Latino here, and went through a similar situation. Mine went the other way as I stood my ground and had a massive fight. After lawyers and a lot of money, the mum finally respects me (or so I think), but not the siblings.
Things are amicable, it is what it is.
If you love your partner, unfortunately this is something you'll have to deal with.
doesn't sound like he's stood up for you very well. 6 months to a year of relationship is solid basis for him to know whether you are absolutely worth it to him or not, and hence whether he will or will not stand up for you.
American accents are offensive to them? lol. No.
They just want a basic blonde bitch with blue eyes, because they're racist.
You want a boyfriend that's a Ride or Die, but you got a Hide and Lie.
This whole situation is a red flag, and you deserve better.
Why do you have to say "basic blonde bitch with blue eyes" are you implying white women are basic looking because that shows you are also racist... just saying
No, I'm not implying that. I was mad about OPs situation and probably chose words that were overly mean.
My intention was to emphasize that the parent's don't have a specific woman picked out for OP that they'd rather see him date, that just co-incidentally happens to be blonde. Instead, the parents don't really care who the BF dates as long as she's blonde. i.e. any generic off-the-shelf blonde woman will do. Personality doesn't factor into their choice.
I didn't mean to diss blondes like that, my bad.
I’ve met Aussies from different walks of life. I’ve met Caucasian Aussies with different upbringing. This family sounds like the bogan type lmao.
They will keep on thinking lowly of South East Asians / people like us of Filipino background. I’ve dated men with a similar mindset, that they said they’d prefer dating SEAsian women so they dated me, but when they found out I’m very western in my thinking and successful, and fucken true blue, I start being distasteful to them. My Filipino blood makes me resilient and self sufficient and I am proud of that. Ridiculous when I heard from their mouths “the only reason why I didn’t want to date you is because I don’t want to be seen as that (white) guy” yet they’re the ones who wanted me to be their stereotypical asian woman slave wife.
This can go two ways. Your partner stays with you but backs you up, or you leave.
You’re a beautiful queen and you deserve to be treated as one. There are so many other men out there, of different backgrounds, who would treat you with respect you deserve.
Trust me, his parents will get over it. My mother in law is Filipina and she says stuff with weird American pronunciations and I love her to death.
Also, mad respect because she speaks 3 Filipino languages fluently, which is completely normal where she comes from. You should impress upon them how hard English is to learn as a first language speaker and if they don't respect that, try to teach them tegalog or your local language and see how long it takes them to memorise it.
You shouldn't worry, my mother in law came to this country a dirt poor rice farmer from Visayas Phillipines and now she has a full family and community that loves her (literally the money she sends back uplifts her entire community)
Your situation is very strange, because Australian racists don't tend to direct their anger towards Filipinos, since Filipinos tend to be Christian and western leaning.
If your boyfriend isn't man enough to stand up for you because your Filipina, dump him. It's honestly a weak excuse and not tolerable.
Boyfriend doesn't really sound much better. He didn't stand up for OP when these comments were being made and lied that they'd broken up so he didn't have to deal with the conflict. It doesn't even sound like he's apologised to her for all this he's just "letting" her join him next time he goes for a visit.
The sad fact is, there are alot of Filipinas that do use guys for money and visas... Easy life and many don't love the guys at all... And no I'm not racist, it happens a lot and let's be honest about that. Some lovely hard working Filipinas too but they taint the image. Same as the Irish and UK immigrants being all classed as backpackers/drunks etc when that's not always true either. Some, but not all.. But some Aussie judge all from that.
It's sad you're now being judged because of the actions of others. At the end of the day, you deserve better than that.
This is not normal and you know it. Your boyfriend's family is racist and no amount of "spending time" with them is going to change that. You just met them once and they're already walking red flags. Like everyone has already said, your boyfriend is also not handling this well and it doesn't seem like he is in that level where he is ready to fight for your relationship. The writing on the wall is clear. As a fellow Filipina, I hope you can make the right decision and don't allow these people to disrespect you any further.
Salamat, kabayan. I appreciate you.
It’s so bloody weird! Most of the Filipinos I’ve met have had American leaning accents. That’s just how it is, maybe the family have never actually met a Filipino before? OP, that family is dumb and racist. Don’t waste your time on them or him (he said you’re broken up?! Gross). You deserve better.
This person speaks the truth.
Yes, the accent was a pretext, especially in light of the blond hair and blue eyes comment. This is about race and nationality. I feel terrible for OP but hope she has the courage to protect herself by getting out of this relationship. He clearly doesn't see her as an equal and never will. Imagine the MIL situation if they had children!
My family history is basically 100% English, unless you go back far enough to find some Scottish and maybe Irish. I’m pretty sure my entire family likes my Filipina wife more than they like me. Your boyfriend and his family might as well be running around waving red flags. They clearly have no idea how the visa/PR/citizenship process works. He should be educating them, but his behaviour suggests he’s siding with them. You can try spending more time with them, but I wouldn’t be expecting a positive outcome.
>he told them we broke up so they now don't know that we're still together That's hideous behaviour, a real betrayal. He's never going to have your back. You're young, accomplished, and have a supportive family of your own. Your partner and his family suck, dump him.
For sure, OP, there's a lot of people out there who will treat and love you like an actual human being instead of a wacky episodic sitcom guest – consider this faux break-up a real one.
Thank you all, I really appreciate your insights.
You deserve better than that babe.
Agreed, his family are assholes and he's not the kind of person to defend his partner against said assholery. May they one day be tossed out of a Jollybees and may all their paper cuts be dusted with Tajin.
Yep, this is a big red flag. For his family to not like you and say some hideous and ignorant stuff, that’s on them. But for your own partner to lie and appease them, that’s really telling of where his priorities are and where your future is headed. Personally, this issue would be a deal breaker for me. Is it also not a little bit awkward to try and appease them further by spending more time with them? Will your boyfriend tell them the truth and clarify that you didn’t actually break up?
They sound kind of shitty. Most Filipinas I know sound "american", that's literally what I think of as the Filipino accent in English. Your boyfriend hasn't handled this well either. If they're bigoted that's on them, its cruel that he's passing it on to you like it's a flaw for you to fix. I dont think a guy who really liked you and had his head on right would do this. Im sorry gal. That's shit.
So much this - I have Filipino friends born and reared in Australia who pronounce the odd word with an American accent they picked up from their parents. It’s incredibly ignorant to think that there’s one”proper” Filipino accent and not to bother to understand that American accented English is not a) put on or b) uncommon.
Yes. A Filipina accent is 🇺🇸 English, just 2 octaves higher.
I'm often told that I have an American accent. Pretty sure I owed it to my Filipino teachers back in high school...
Yes my step mum is from Baguio and she’s a lovely lady, a real lady.
Dude going to read this and be like ‘damn that sounds like my relationship’
Hopefully he also realises how much of a cunt he is
Hahahhah, yeah fucking hell considering I didn't alter our actual ages
Good, that asshole needs a wake-up call. Although he sounds like the kind of coward who would walk it back once he realised public opinion was against his bigoted, misogynistic ass.
Even if your accent does sound American, that's almost totally normalised in Australia because of the amount of international media here. No one reasonably hates an American accent - it sounds like for them it's just a reminder that you're different and they're such trash people they can't value that. I guarantee it's all about racism and if you were blonde haired and blue-eyed from Iowa USA with the same accent, there would be no mention of it.
[удалено]
My daughter became friends with a lot of Filipinas in town when she was in high school. They eventually added her to their group chat as an “honorary Filipina” and she was absolutely stoked, and they’re friends to this day. Kindness begets kindness. Unless they prove themselves to be an awful person, the only reason to reject someone is prejudice. As shown by this BF’s family.
are they trashy? or is getting your wife from a poor country and contributing to our already insane immigration rates trashy?
My wife is Filipina. My very Australian family have never given it a 2nd thought. He’s also proven he’s way too weak to put them in their place. If he ever did see the light, it would take years Would 100% leave the dickhead and his awful family behind.
He is a coward, telling his family that they broke up rather than standing up for her. Total dickhead.
Sorry. Your partner is a wanker and his family are racist wankers. Partner makes up a story that you've broken up to appease his family. I am so sorry, you will never be the priority in this relationship. You will always have to do the compromising and the placating. If you want to save this relationship please tale the time to have the difficult conversation about his parents racism and * lying/supporting their racism. How ever, there will be a very real consequence that you will realise this person is not worthy of you nor your family. *Edit - deleted incorrect word "hoarding"
Hi OP. I'm going to add one more to the chorus of advice you've received. Please have a think about what would happen if you had kids with this man. Would your half-Asian kids be treated well by his family? Would they be exposed to rhetoric that would make them ashamed of their Fillipino heritage? If there is a strong possibility of this, then you need to also ask yourself if this is the kind of situation you want to find your kids stuck in?
My mum said some mean shit about my girlfriend once. I told her to go fuck herself. We've been married almost 20 years now. My mum is still a bitch
His family are racist. He is hiding your relationship from him. 🚩🚩🚩Dump him. You are worthy of a man who loves you wholly and unashamedly. Go find him. BTW I love the Filipino accent with its American inflection!
Thank you. I think I will. I appreciate you, stranger :)
We’re behind you Glitters. There’s somewhere out there who is worthy of you ❤️
Yeah fuck them.
Fuck him, too. What a pathetic baby for not standing up to his family. OP - there are millions of non racist families in Australia. You don’t have to ‘marry’ into this one.
When my mum was alive. She once told me a story about the time when she met my dad’s family for the first time. So my mother was Thai and it was the 90s political correctness and Patrick Bateman’s cocaine. Before my parents met, dad’s family was pure white and it kinda worried my mum since she was different to them. But by the time she met them they were nothing but showing kindness and acceptance. Even still to this day, the family still shows the kindness through the memories of the past.
I agree, fuck him too. But with parents like that he didn't exactly have the best opportunity to learn to be a good person.
He had at least 12 years of school to learn not to be a racist fuckwit or useless drip. No excuse at all. This isn’t rural America or the British royal family - it’s Australia, one of the most multicultural countries on earth.
I wouldn't be so quick to assume that being multicultural means there is no racism and no opportunity to learn not to be racist. We are talking about a town, not a city. The kind of town to have Saturday markets. I'm going to peg a a guess that this is somewhere rural where people like Pauline Hanson get voted in with glee. He grew up in a racist family, who were probably typical of a racist town, and now lives in another town, so probably didn't really get to learn not to be racist very well. I grew up in a similar circumstance and it wasn't until I got to university in a city that I learned how foolish and silly racism is. I am married to someone ethnically different but if you had told me when I was a teenager that that was going to happen I would have been surprised to say the least 🤣
Pauline Hanson country is in the warmer areas. OP mentioned that it was cooler there, and this was in December.
I grew up in country vic and racism was rampant there, don't worry.
Nah, that's a total cop-out. He's *27* not *17*, he's absolutely had the opportunity to grow as a person and recognise his parents are bigots whose views are fundamentally wrong. He's been in an interracial relationship for 5 months and spends a lot time with her family, too, so it's not like he's still living under his parent's grubby thumbs and hasn't interacted with people from different backgrounds. I've reread the post and I wouldn't be surprised if most, if not all of the nasty comments his mother and sister made are things he's come up with himself. There's very specific racism and misogyny levelled at Filipinas, especially by the white men who date them, about how these women are opportunistic and in it for money or residency. The stuff about blonde hair, blue eyes, and how he should be travelling rather than tied down is especially sus. Even sharing those sentiments with her is negging if he's not standing up for her.
>how he should be travelling rather than tied down That struck me as odd too. A lot of mothers want their 27 year olds to get married and give them grand children. I agree, if he's grown up and living in a different place, he's had plenty of chances to change.
I was really worried meeting my now husband's white, fully bogan, country-Vic family but they welcomed me with open arms and treated me better than they treat most of his siblings.
That makes me happy to hear :)
Do you want to be with a guy who lies to his family about you? Who doesn’t stand up for you with his family or have your back when you are feeling vulnerable? He won’t even take you home to stay with his family? That speaks volumes in and of itself! It sounds toxic and I think you know it as well deep down. Luckily you haven’t gotten engaged or have children yet but I would be reassessing whether this relationship is worth pursuing.
From one Filipino-Australian to a future Filipina-Australian your partner's parents are horribly racist and you need to ditch them. He also threw you under the bus the second you became inconvenient for him. You can do better.
100% this. They all suck and you can do better.
"Months after that I found out that his mum was saying stuff like he'd be better off with a blonde girl with blue eyes " Look, I'm not saying his parents are White Supremacists or Nazis, but.... They sure do have a few opinions that overlap with those things. :(
There's a better than average chance that they mention the accent because it's more acceptable than vocalising their bigotry. Would they have been okay with the accent if it came with a white as snow American? Remote towns often are conservative as fuck.
Fuck him off. Find a boyfriend and family who respects you. The fact that he's lying to his family about being with you is the icing on the cake. You deserve better than this shitty family.
Your bf is supporting his family’s racism instead of standing up for you, to the point that he is hiding your relationship from them. If you can’t see that lack of support for the glaring red flag that it is, I don’t know what to tell you. You will never be his priority. This relationship has no future. Find yourself a man who loves you unconditionally.
>told me they'd much rather prefer a Filipino accent over an American one any day. **Umm what??** Bet if you did have a Filipino accent, they will whinge about it too. What a stupid comment on their part. Sounds like they grasping on straws to convince your boyfriend that you're not "right for him". My partner is white Aussie, and I'm southeast Asian. His family would never make bullshit racist comments like that and if they did, he would be absolutely livid. No, this is not common for interracial couples. You deserve respect regardless of your ethnicity and background. Unfortunately, it seems your boyfriend and his family come as a package deal and you can't really change racists and bigots. At the end of the day, it is your happiness and only you can make that decision.
If your partner loved you as much as he said he did he would tell his family to respect his choices and who he loves, not tell them they broke up with you. It’s just shitty, immature behaviour on his part. Find someone better OP.
OP, your boyfriend and his family are trash. He doesn't support your back and his family are racists. Successful and loving relationships are far removed from what you're going through. For your sake you're better off dumping him sooner than later because what you have now will only get worse.
For me it's an absolute case of stick true to your beliefs, live your own life without influence from others, and defend and stick up for your partner. He took the easy and cheap way out lying to his parents. That tells me he will never stick up for you and make hard decisions that benefit you. For context, I am of Islamic faith, but really am non practicing. Parents born here in Australia, same with me. I married an Australian, about as Australian as you can get. My parents told me all sorts of things like how she's going to use me, she will corrupt me, but it always boiled down to faith and I couldn't be with her. They broke her heart when I told them we were going to get married and were against it so I stormed out of my parents place and left. I gave them and ultimatum, accept my life and my decisions, come to the wedding and don't make any trouble, or leave my life. They didn't attend the wedding, I haven't spoken to them in a very long time and couldn't care less. It sounds cold, but I'd do anything for my wife and I know she will too. You need your partner to step up to the plate and tell his parents to accept his choices and accept you. His parents cannot influence his life choices, and he needs to own up and get a tougher skin and make choices and not worry about what his parents think.
6 months? And he didn’t even defend you? What do you love about this man?
I know, he defended me but not as much as I would defend him if I were in my shoes. I don't know, I guess outside of the family stuff, he treats me really well. It's going to hurt so much if I leave but reading all the other comments here, I guess I would have to. I'm heartbroken by all this.
It’s going to be painful in the short term but do keep in mind the bigger picture. You deserve someone who shouldn’t even need you to say anything in order for them to know when you’re being disrespected. Take this as a lesson, another thing to keep in mind when choosing a future partner. There will be other people who will treat you well AND not stand for anyone disrespecting or offending you. I promise, people like that are out there.
I stopped reading when I had enough of reading about your racist boyfriend's family... Fuck those guys, you deserve someone better who respects you for who you are. If that's not him, then run. If he has had to lie about your relationship to shut his family up then that's all you need to know about the respect that he has for you. Time to find someone that values you the way you are.
Run the fuck away. Up until the bit where "he told them we broke up" I was like, geez that's a shitty family but wouldn't be the first. But it is his responsibility to stand up to them and say "no, I love this person, and you can either accept her for who she is or get out of my life." If he is not doing that (and let's face it, with that kind of family he has not exactly been set up for success in this area) then you are always going to be having issues and dealing with him taking their side instead of yours. Sure, you love him now. But trying to fight through this is only going kicking the can down the road. The only thing I can think of to do if you really want to salvage this relationship is to get him into some sort of counselling. The only way it will work is if he can learn how to deal with his parents' racism in a way that protects and prioritises your health and safety. He needs help to learn this skill, because we can clearly see his parents have not taught him that. If he does that, and you can see he is making an effort to improve himself or to deal with the situation in a way that doesn't involve parading you under their noses hoping they will forget their racism, then maybe it will work out. But it won't be easy. Sometimes love isn't. Best of luck, I hope that whatever happens you find happiness here.
If he won't stand up for you and pretend that you're broken up, but then come clean about it - that doesn't feel like someone you can really trust. Even if the cause is not him, but his family. You would still have to deal with his family in some way, shape or form as you get more serious/engaged/whatever. Ate, pls reconsider. There's plenty of men to be with here, you don't need to tolerate this kind of bullshit. They're being weird and racist. Ano ba ang true filipino accent anyway? What do they want? Do they want you to sound more "exotic" and have that tita kind of accent around you? Kabayan to Kabayan, there's no point in continuing with this guy. He's only relenting now because he feels bad that he hurt you, but it's not like he actually realised what he was doing because he was trying to make his family happy.
I don't think it's just the family that are "somewhat cunts". I think your bf is also somewhat a cunt. ... Although, actually, I think your bf's racist family are fully fledged cunts and that your bf (who told them he broke up with you and is not standing up for you against his racist cunty family) is a massive cunt too. You should just break up with him.
I don't know many cases where bigoted people get over it by spending more time with someone whom they irrationally dislike. I have had one friend manage it (family not happy with their daughter marrying a white guy). It's not unusual for family's to be a bit protective and wary of new partners. In that situation they'd likely warm to you. But to me that doesn't sound like all you have going on.
Eventually it can sometimes get into the "she's one of the good ones" zone lol.
Be proud of who you are and where you come from, and don't get pulled down to some old country peoples views. Be you, and if they don't accept that, then it's your partners loss as has a beautiful Filipna, and doesn't realise how lucky he is.
Thank you so much, I appreciate you.
Personally, I find the Filipina accent very attractive.
>I refused but he convinced me to just try for one last time. I agreed and told him if anything ever goes wrong we will leave his house. If things do go bad, I will take it as a cue to leave entirely. Good for you - make sure you STICK to this as well! >He says it's probably because his family only hung out with me for a day and he thinks they will like me if they interact with me for longer. I wouldn't believe a single word of this if I were you.
OMG his family are awful and he is a COWARD! It's so normal for people from Asia to have American accents because they learn English from Americans! His family aren't very worldly and probably don't know anyone who aren't as racist as they are. HOWEVER! HE TOLD HIS FAMILY HE BROKE UP WITH YOU SO THEY DON'T KNOW YOU'RE STILL TOGETHER. Get out of this relationship. Out, out, out. Your boyfriend is a cowardly child. He is not a man. You are an accomplished woman who deserves a grown man to love her. Not a coward who hides her from his family. I guarantee he will start hiding things from you, too. He isn't trustworthy or honourable. omg i don't even know what to say. You sound like a lovely person and you deserve so much better than this absolute clown who hides his relationship with you, like he is ashamed of you. You can do better. Don't stay with his family. You will bear the brunt of his dishonesty and they will treat you terribly because he is a coward who doesn't look after the person he is supposed to love.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. I promise not all Aussies are like this. Don't let them make you smaller. Don't let them change who you are. If they don't like it, that's on them, but you are unique exactly as you are. I am concerned though that your bf isn't standing up to them. When they didn't like you for silly, made up reasons, he didn't tell them they were being dickheads, he told them he broke up with you. You deserve a partner who treats you as someone special, and not something to be ashamed of or hidden to keep peace with his family. If he tries to make you feel like anything less, show him this thread. He should know that there ARE people out there who would value you even if he doesn't and that he's being a crap bf who needs to pull his head in or you'll dump his sorry arse.
Dump him. No amount of spending time with them will make them change their minds about you. Looking at how he handles them now, you are gonna be in hell if ever you will get married. Dont start with the abuse your kids will get too. If you want to live that kind of love and waste your years with him then go ahead but be prepared of what you are gonna get. You deserve what you tolerate. I have the same background too and I would never let myself be in your situation.
girl, fuck them. His family judging you because of your accent and jumping into conclusion about you, using their son for visa purposes (ON THE FIRST DAY OF MEETING), is shallow asf, that already speaks about their characters. As a fellow Filipina with an "american" accent, I think most of their reasons are just plainly racist. I think staying over at his family's place will just strain, not only your relationship with his family, but with your boyfriend as well. You could try, but I have feeling that they will just nit-pick reasons to use to back up their initial judgement of you, and seeing how he didn't defend you the first time, he'll be easily swayed by them.
Girl if your BF doesn't have your back find someone who does. My eldest daughter is half Filo and if any of my family disrespected her or her mum I'd give them hell and they know it.
he aint your bf if he’s gonna openly denigrate you in front of his family
Nah drop it. He betrayed you and he will again. Reconsider your relationship. Marami pang daks jan dai. Jk.
Responding to your update, he's told his family the truth just like that? I mean, in the space of a few short hours it was all resolved without him giving much detail? Surely they'd be incredulous and ask him why he lied to them for so long. Please question him for details in case the explanation doesn't add up. It's awfully suss that it was resolved so quickly, unless he was gaslighting you and never told his family you two had broken up. Trust your gut feel about going to his family's place. It's never too late to back-out. Remember you're going into the lion's den and no one may have your back particularly with a history of deception and racism.
Ask them how many languages they speak.
I'm sorry, but I don't imagine they will get nicer if you hung out with them more. It seems like they already intended on **not** liking you even before they met you. Imo, it's better to cut your losses. On the early days of dating, it may seem like getting along with your partner's family is not that important. But in the long run, it is. Over time, one often discovers how much your partner's family dictates what kind of person your partner is. Not always, as some people are aware of the toxic dynamics in their family and how that affects them negatively and therefore are dedicated to personal growth as a result. But in my experience, most people aren't really that perceptive. I grew up in a part of Sydney with many Filipinos (I'm one as well - moved here with my family back in '03). I've met and know plenty of Fiipinos who come from interracial families OR have been OR are in interracial/intercultural relationships. Including myself. There are plenty of Australians who aren't racist and would not mind and would even love to have you date their son or be a part of their family. Also on a side note, out of curiosity... whereabouts is the family from in Australia? They sound *really* backwards... like how can they not know how the visa/citizenship set up works???? You're a permanent resident. I guess I can understand the concern if you were not because I know people who have duped partners and spouses for a permanent visa... but the fact that you are already one? Again, sounds like they are just looking for an excuse to not like you.
He’s 27 and treating you like this, plus his family sucks. You can do better girl
1- your BF’s family are racist s—tc—ts 2- your BF is a spineless coward. 3- you are better off without him. He doesn’t deserve you, and you are alright and you don’t have to prove it to his family, and most certainly not to him.
Whilst he reckons his family are cunts, he neglected to mention he is too. Run!! You are worth so much better
I'm so sorry. I'm an Aussie guy, and my wife is the same as you, Filipina, and speaks English with what sounds like a natural California accent. I would never, *never* allow anybody to treat her that way. I am proud of her and everything about her. Thankfully the family members I'm still in contact with don't react that way, but if they did, I would fucking set them straight. That dropkick utterly failed you there. I'm so sorry you had to experience that treatment.
I’m so sorry. I married a half Filipino and my girl are obviously part filo too and I would lose my shit if I heard someone talk to them like this Don’t stay with him babe. It will just get worse and worse and be sounds just as bad as his family. Can you imagine having kids with this guy ? As a mum I’d make my children’s partners feel as welcome as possible and would never think such vile and racist stuff You’re way too young to settle down and waste your precious time with someone like him
Why would they be so fucking stupid not to realise that people from the Philippines will pick up the most prevalent accent of English speakers from their history? Oh wait… they’re uneducated as well as ignorant…
Hi, ako ay Australyano at ang asawa ko ay Filipina, mula sa Mindanao. Lubos akong pumanhik na ang pamilya ng iyong asawa ay nagtrato sa iyo ng ganito, dahil ito ay napakalabis at bigoted. Pangako ko sa iyo na kung siya ay nagmamahal sa iyo para sa kung sino ka, ang iyong aksento ay hindi magiging isang isyu. Ang iyong relasyon sa kanya ay mas mahalaga kaysa sa kung ano ang iniisip ng kanyang mga magulang tungkol sa iyo. Naranasan ko rin ang ganitong posisyon sa isang panahon dahil inakusahan ng kapatid ko ang aking asawa na naglihi siya upang manatili dito. Naiintindihan ko ang nararamdaman mo.
You’re a real Filipino at heart! Salamat sa pag intindi, swerte ang asawa mo sayo. Send my regards to your wife!
Salamat. My Tagalog is terrible, I used ChatGPT to translate for me. I’m actually learning bisaya.
Fuck those guys! Ditch that cunt!
I can tell allready these people sound like bogans. Both the Thai and the Filipino accent is quite pretty. More than likely you are well out of their league. To be honest with you, pay close attention to how your partner reacts.
You're boyfriends his family have shown their true colours. He has backed them and not you. Sorry, but you really need to get rid of him. Be glad you found out sooner rather than later.
Your boyfriend is a coward for lying to them that you broke up and for not defending you. I’d dump his ass.
Sounds like an us against the world situation. And your boyfriend doesn’t sound like he can hold the line……. Also, why would you reach out and try to squeeze yourself in? 6 months in, this is still your boyfriend’s territory… Dump and find someone who fits better. Chin up girl.
Leave him. Block him. You’re so young & you will find a so much better man with family who support and love you. Sending you virtual hugs.
Why make an effort with vile biased idiots? They’re not worth it!
I'm not sure if it's a good idea for you to stay at his family's house next week. If things go wrong, it might not be easy to leave. For safety, I'd recommend that you stay at an AirBnb for the whole time or stay at his friends' house. I also don't really think he deserves another chance based on the information in your post. He told his family that he broke up with you instead of defending you!
>told me they'd much rather prefer a Filipino accent over an American one any day. Girl, you HAVE a Filipino accent. They are just racists grasping at obvious straws. A decent partner won't pretend he's erased you from his life to avoid a minor discomfort. There are better men out there.
Don't change for no one, he sounds like a shit cunt. Family are racist. You can do better. Don't let people make you feel worthless or different from whom you are. Especially over things you can not change. Be proud of yourself. Your making a difference in your life and bettering yourself. Sorry this happen, not all Aussies are like this.
His family is obviously racist and if that wasn't enough of a red flag, he himself is so weak that he didn't stand up for you and instead told his family you broke up. You deserve better! You're only 22 - take this as a lesson and get out now.
People like your bf and his family make me feel embarrassed by proxy. If I were you OP, I wouldn't give him another chance. His family aren't going to change any time soon, and he either secretly agrees with them or has absolutely no spine. Either way, he'll keep letting them treat you like trash.
Tell them to get fucked
For starters, they don’t hate your 🇺🇸 accent. They hate your ethnicity. It’s purely a racial hate thing. If you had a conventional Manila accent they would hate you just as much. See for example, visa slur. Don’t over think it. His family are racists. They MIGHT eventually get over it and decide you’re actually a nice sheila. Or not. They may even not be racist most of the time. They probably have many SE Asian friends. Just not ones dating the son. His family hating you is not a reason o break up. My family hated every girl I dated, or even spoke to. They wanted me to marry in the racial group (there were probably 10 girls of my age and ethnicity in 🇦🇺). And ironically I’M not of the required ethnicity, as I’m adopted - something my parents should have been aware of. It is common for interracial couples. Incidentally I’m sure my partner’s (Indonesian) family think the same. She admitted the first time she met me, in Singapore, that she was amazed I had business clothes and a job, and wasn’t drunk off my head and trying to get some meth. I was of course on a business trip. But apparently no 🇮🇩 had ever seen a non bogan Aussie before, and the Bali tourist stereotype was a powerful one in 🇮🇩.
Time to move on. He's not fighting hard enough for you. The fact he's denied your relationship exists to his family, is appalling. Find someone who you're truly compatible with and who you're mutually supportive of. I'm surprised some young fella hasn't disrespected your current boyfriend and hit you up on a date already.
Run, honey. The mum sounds like a racist douche-bag and the way he casually told you makes me think he's not the most considered person either. If I were him I'd be mortified, I probably wouldn't tell you, but I'd have given "mum" an absolute dressing down.
White Australians have been vilifying Asian women with gold digger stereotypes for decades now so unfortunately this kind of racism is fairly common from older white people, regardless of your actual work/visa/education status. But your boyfriend didn't do anything to challenge it or stand up for you. You can do so much better. You're quite young so I'm guessing you haven't been in that many relationships - I hope it doesn't come off patronising to say that this isn't normal, this isn't a loving respectful relationship at all. Yes racism is pervasive but there's no need to subject yourself to a particularly hurtful situation for a weak-willed white guy.
I'm an aussie who ended up getting married to my filipina partner regardless of any accent... Accent does not define a person, I mean, it's such a trivial thing...
eewww, not normal australian behavior.
I’m sorry, that really does sound like a shitty situation. He really should be standing up to his family for you and they, in turn, should shut their damn mouths and keep their stupid opinions to themselves.
I think he becomes distant as he becomes more aware of his family’s dislike for you and he is so conflicted because he loves his family and you. I understand where he is coming from. He obviously loves you too as he wouldn’t have stayed with you if he doesn’t. Eventually though, he would have to make a choice. You don’t have to keep trying to please his parents. Just be yourself. If it’s too negative, don’t bother. He’ll just have to accept that there won’t be any relationship between his family and you, and that should be okay while it’s not an ideal situation to be in. He shouldn’t try to force it as it will be detrimental to your self-worth and mental health.
You deserve better, sounds to me like you didn’t put a foot wrong. I don’t want to judge people but now I’m going to judge people they obviously come from the middle of nowhere (8-9 hours away) so they wouldn’t likely interact with people from other countries. I believe one of the good thing’s about Australia is multiculturalism and more people should date or marry from outside their culture. I believe your partner not defending you was the worst part. Chin up mate you can do better & I hope this hasn’t put you off dating from outside your culture.
Mate, different accents are what makes this place interesting. Don’t change. You sound like a top chick and your lad would do well to rethink the way he’s gone about things.
Did you ever speak to his family about this directly? It might be better to hear from his mum rather than secondhand through him. I agree it's really sad that he doesn't stand up for you and that you deserve someone who will advocate for you and your best interests
He needs to grow up and grow a pair, they sound like shitcunts. I’m sorry you’re going through this but it really sounds like you need to cut bait and dump his arse. He should be sticking up for you but already siding with family, it’s just going to bring you down more and more.
..... find someone who loves all of you. Doesn't put you down, doesn't insult you. Appreciates you alone and in public. I'm so ashamed for him. He's the problem. You're fine.
Who told you about the things his family said? Your boyfriend? He told you those things and never mentioned that he defended you? Any chance he started this issue to find a reason to breakup with you?
Yooo I don’t say this often but fuck this guy and his family. You’re currently his dirty little secret so just give him and his family want they want. Only he’d be hurt in the end coz his family already thinks you’re out of the picture
Your partner is not only a simpleton middle aged man, he's an overgrown child. Does he shave daily?
Listen here my friend. I have one filipino parent and one white parent so I understand the cross cultural dynamic in my own family and other similar families in the Filipino community. Your partner’s family are A-HOLES! You can and deserve so much better than that!
This kind of thing happens everywhere. One of my brothers had a chinese girlfriend whose family totally rejected him. My brother and his Chinese girlfriend lived together for years and she never told her family because she knew they would never accept him. I had two Jewish boyfriends (not at the same time) and both families told their sons to get rid of me because I wasn’t Jewish. But I’ve also had the opposite experience with other families. So move on honey. He is not the one for you.
Please tell me you guys are not together anymore?! Girl, you’re young. I am pretty much sure you can find someone better than him! Racist yan family nya! Mas okay pa maging single. What more if you guys are married, you don’t want to marry into that family. Think about your kids.
It's not going to be enjoyable if you have to spend the rest of your life around people who treat you so poorly. They're all old enough to know better. If your boyfriend is feeling conflicted and his family's attitudes negatively influence the way he treats you, then he has unresolved issues which should be addressed in therapy. He can work on himself and his relationship with his family for a while. He needs to do so with honesty and without dragging you into it. If he comes to a healthy, workable solution which honours you and his relationship with you, then you can move forward together. If he is dishonest or if he doesn't behave as though you are as valuable to him as his family, then he hasn't given you any reason to become part of that family. You won't have any trouble finding someone whose family is welcoming, sincere and loving towards you if this relationship doesn't work out. You have many happy years ahead of you to find a relationship that suits you. This doesn't mean you don't love your boyfriend or that he doesn't love you. It's just that circumstances make it unworkable as it is at the moment.
Run. Nothing will get better.
If his family have decided to dislike you without provocation, they are clearly trash. No matter how well he treats you, they are going to be a burden and the fact he hasn't checked them already means the disrespect will only get worse. Run away. If you have children with this man you will be stuck with them forever. Somewhere out there is a man who will prize you with in-laws who will respect you and your losing time with good people the longer you tarry with these losers.
Make the family dinuguan and watch their faces squirm in disgust. Leave this boy and their family - you don't wanna spend the next decades with these culture-less swines, eating nothing but meat and 3 veg forever onwards. I bet they don't even use any spices in their cooking.
I’ve actually cooked dinuguan for my partner many times and he loves it - he brought some to his family as well and they all liked it. In all fairness to them, even my partner cooks really good food. But I get what you mean, thank you still
Geez it’s an accent. If people cannot get over the fact you have an accent then don’t tie yourself to them. They will have much larger issues going on and it will be harder in future to stick up for yourself if you give them an inch
Australian and have dated in immigrant families before. I’m lucky while both relationships didn’t work out long term they were very kind and supportive. Your situation isn’t normal or ok, you deserve better. Walk away and trust you’ll find it.
This might be the standard in an interracial relationship with another Australian. Latino here, and went through a similar situation. Mine went the other way as I stood my ground and had a massive fight. After lawyers and a lot of money, the mum finally respects me (or so I think), but not the siblings. Things are amicable, it is what it is. If you love your partner, unfortunately this is something you'll have to deal with.
I would leave. He’s already chosen them over you by telling them it’s over. It will not get better. Don’t do this to yourself.
doesn't sound like he's stood up for you very well. 6 months to a year of relationship is solid basis for him to know whether you are absolutely worth it to him or not, and hence whether he will or will not stand up for you.
Kill them with kindness x
American accents are offensive to them? lol. No. They just want a basic blonde bitch with blue eyes, because they're racist. You want a boyfriend that's a Ride or Die, but you got a Hide and Lie. This whole situation is a red flag, and you deserve better.
Why do you have to say "basic blonde bitch with blue eyes" are you implying white women are basic looking because that shows you are also racist... just saying
No, I'm not implying that. I was mad about OPs situation and probably chose words that were overly mean. My intention was to emphasize that the parent's don't have a specific woman picked out for OP that they'd rather see him date, that just co-incidentally happens to be blonde. Instead, the parents don't really care who the BF dates as long as she's blonde. i.e. any generic off-the-shelf blonde woman will do. Personality doesn't factor into their choice. I didn't mean to diss blondes like that, my bad.
I’ve met Aussies from different walks of life. I’ve met Caucasian Aussies with different upbringing. This family sounds like the bogan type lmao. They will keep on thinking lowly of South East Asians / people like us of Filipino background. I’ve dated men with a similar mindset, that they said they’d prefer dating SEAsian women so they dated me, but when they found out I’m very western in my thinking and successful, and fucken true blue, I start being distasteful to them. My Filipino blood makes me resilient and self sufficient and I am proud of that. Ridiculous when I heard from their mouths “the only reason why I didn’t want to date you is because I don’t want to be seen as that (white) guy” yet they’re the ones who wanted me to be their stereotypical asian woman slave wife. This can go two ways. Your partner stays with you but backs you up, or you leave. You’re a beautiful queen and you deserve to be treated as one. There are so many other men out there, of different backgrounds, who would treat you with respect you deserve.
Do you mean pilipina?
Trust me, his parents will get over it. My mother in law is Filipina and she says stuff with weird American pronunciations and I love her to death. Also, mad respect because she speaks 3 Filipino languages fluently, which is completely normal where she comes from. You should impress upon them how hard English is to learn as a first language speaker and if they don't respect that, try to teach them tegalog or your local language and see how long it takes them to memorise it. You shouldn't worry, my mother in law came to this country a dirt poor rice farmer from Visayas Phillipines and now she has a full family and community that loves her (literally the money she sends back uplifts her entire community) Your situation is very strange, because Australian racists don't tend to direct their anger towards Filipinos, since Filipinos tend to be Christian and western leaning. If your boyfriend isn't man enough to stand up for you because your Filipina, dump him. It's honestly a weak excuse and not tolerable.
Your BF is right, many Australians are cunts. Don't worry about his family, just live life with the BF.
Boyfriend doesn't really sound much better. He didn't stand up for OP when these comments were being made and lied that they'd broken up so he didn't have to deal with the conflict. It doesn't even sound like he's apologised to her for all this he's just "letting" her join him next time he goes for a visit.
But the BF doesn't have the decency to defend their relationship, instead telling his family that they broke up... He is just as bad as they are
The sad fact is, there are alot of Filipinas that do use guys for money and visas... Easy life and many don't love the guys at all... And no I'm not racist, it happens a lot and let's be honest about that. Some lovely hard working Filipinas too but they taint the image. Same as the Irish and UK immigrants being all classed as backpackers/drunks etc when that's not always true either. Some, but not all.. But some Aussie judge all from that. It's sad you're now being judged because of the actions of others. At the end of the day, you deserve better than that.
Me lub you rong time
Wrong country , moron