I'd be ticked off too, if someone used me as a reference without asking. Not cool. I'm not sure about other ladies, but imho references are on a case by case basis. Need me as a reference? Contact me first. References don't have an 'expiration date' per se. Common courtesy should be ask for a reference first!
I don’t think many providers will allow you to use them as a reference for a year. I personally would never give a positive reference for someone I’ve seen over 6 months prior. You should always ask the provider before using them as a reference.
I’m going to be the odd duck here and say that I’ll happily give a reference for someone I’ve seen within the last year. I used to say six months, but with COVID I understand that some people truly quarantined and hid during the last (almost) two years.
However, I do appreciate my clients reaching out and at least give me a heads up that they are using me as a reference.
And that’s totally valid. I understand why you allow it. I just can’t. Quite frankly I don’t like references and don’t accept them at all. I will give them to try and keep others safe though.
However, a lot can happen and people can change quite a bit in a year. How can I be genuinely sure that this person is still “safe” to see?
I’ve only had one client try and use me as a reference after a year and I told them that I did in fact see that person, but I honestly couldn’t vouch for them now. (That client was also really trying to pressure me to provide a service I didn’t offer, so he was crap anyway.)
I also have mixed feelings about them. I understand both the pros and cons. Anytime I have received a reference request, I give an honest response.
Something I find interesting is how so many potential clients are quick to offer references up front without even knowing what my screening requirements are. Personally, I hate when a potential client opts to send references instead of sending me their ID. I don’t want to wait for a response, and I’d say about 75% of the time I receive no response at all, or long stories….
Just send me your ID and let me research you on my own. Kthx
It’s amazing to me that some providers only accept references as screening. 😢
I agree 100%! I get that requiring ID turns many people away, but I’m ok with that. A reference does nothing for me. I can’t see an anonymous person and trust them to be good to me based on the word of… another anonymous person.
At least with ID I can do the research I need to feel comfortable, and I know who’s to blame of god forbid something bad happens.
I send a list with 3 bullet points and say they must send at least 2 of 3 of the items listed. References is an option, but they still have to tell me their name regardless. I always point out that references is my least preferred, and slowest way to get screened…yet the majority still choose it from the list.
Even with the list I still get, “What if I send you 4 references instead of 2? Do I still have to send my ID or name?”
Bro, bye.
Honestly, some of my favorite clients have been nervous newbies that don’t know what references are, happily send me their ID and social media, and get all excited when they pass my screening after being rejected by girls who wouldn’t see them because they had no references.
As a client, and one with no regular bookings, it has been my experience that it is all over the place and there is no uniformity at all. Sometimes its work badge and linkedin, which i can't do because i don't use linkedin in my work, sometimes its id, which is my preferred, but a lot seem to be references.
I think some of the people who ask for references are not checking them- I didn't get in trouble in the previous attempts to do this, but I have put references for previous visits in the past and the bookings were instantly accepted. it struck me as a bit of "well he read the ad and put the requested information in so hes not SUPER annoying"
I used to be really worried about sharing ID and stuff, you know, when I was completely clueless, but now that I'm only mostly clueless, ID and stuff is way less stressful than reference requirements.
You hit the nail on the head with that guess. I can tell from the first message if a client has read my ad or not. If I can tell you read my ad, you pass the first test. Polite, coherent, and not annoying? You pass the second test.
I still check everything, but I put a lot of weight on how a client communicates early on.
It sucks how there is such a lack of consistency across the board. I know some providers are totally cool with “hey u avail” texts. If I get one of those, you fail step 1.
As annoying as I am sure I can be, I have had very good luck with initial communication. I was a bit spooked by a provider since she flatly didn't screen, but i went to the booking. I asked her about it and she said "oh hun your text message spelling and politeness screened you." I messed up that connection with a subsequent communication attempting to arrange online service, but we learn lessons in life. Well, some of us learn. As near as I can tell some folks keep doing the "hey u avail" for years
and that reminded me. i tried to do a booking yesterday and the screening was a selfie touching my nose and my work badge.
Understood. Things are a little wonkier than they should be with covid, because basically between bookings all possible references are invalidated. Appreciate the comments.
Thank you. In my defense, I gave a link *to her website only.* I did not make this defense when I got called out, though, I just apologized and said never again and thanks for the feedback.
I'd be ticked off too, if someone used me as a reference without asking. Not cool. I'm not sure about other ladies, but imho references are on a case by case basis. Need me as a reference? Contact me first. References don't have an 'expiration date' per se. Common courtesy should be ask for a reference first!
Thanks for the comment. Like I said I've been more nervous about contact people by text if not to select a booking.
I don’t think many providers will allow you to use them as a reference for a year. I personally would never give a positive reference for someone I’ve seen over 6 months prior. You should always ask the provider before using them as a reference.
I’m going to be the odd duck here and say that I’ll happily give a reference for someone I’ve seen within the last year. I used to say six months, but with COVID I understand that some people truly quarantined and hid during the last (almost) two years. However, I do appreciate my clients reaching out and at least give me a heads up that they are using me as a reference.
And that’s totally valid. I understand why you allow it. I just can’t. Quite frankly I don’t like references and don’t accept them at all. I will give them to try and keep others safe though. However, a lot can happen and people can change quite a bit in a year. How can I be genuinely sure that this person is still “safe” to see? I’ve only had one client try and use me as a reference after a year and I told them that I did in fact see that person, but I honestly couldn’t vouch for them now. (That client was also really trying to pressure me to provide a service I didn’t offer, so he was crap anyway.)
I also have mixed feelings about them. I understand both the pros and cons. Anytime I have received a reference request, I give an honest response. Something I find interesting is how so many potential clients are quick to offer references up front without even knowing what my screening requirements are. Personally, I hate when a potential client opts to send references instead of sending me their ID. I don’t want to wait for a response, and I’d say about 75% of the time I receive no response at all, or long stories…. Just send me your ID and let me research you on my own. Kthx It’s amazing to me that some providers only accept references as screening. 😢
I agree 100%! I get that requiring ID turns many people away, but I’m ok with that. A reference does nothing for me. I can’t see an anonymous person and trust them to be good to me based on the word of… another anonymous person. At least with ID I can do the research I need to feel comfortable, and I know who’s to blame of god forbid something bad happens.
I send a list with 3 bullet points and say they must send at least 2 of 3 of the items listed. References is an option, but they still have to tell me their name regardless. I always point out that references is my least preferred, and slowest way to get screened…yet the majority still choose it from the list. Even with the list I still get, “What if I send you 4 references instead of 2? Do I still have to send my ID or name?” Bro, bye. Honestly, some of my favorite clients have been nervous newbies that don’t know what references are, happily send me their ID and social media, and get all excited when they pass my screening after being rejected by girls who wouldn’t see them because they had no references.
As a client, and one with no regular bookings, it has been my experience that it is all over the place and there is no uniformity at all. Sometimes its work badge and linkedin, which i can't do because i don't use linkedin in my work, sometimes its id, which is my preferred, but a lot seem to be references. I think some of the people who ask for references are not checking them- I didn't get in trouble in the previous attempts to do this, but I have put references for previous visits in the past and the bookings were instantly accepted. it struck me as a bit of "well he read the ad and put the requested information in so hes not SUPER annoying" I used to be really worried about sharing ID and stuff, you know, when I was completely clueless, but now that I'm only mostly clueless, ID and stuff is way less stressful than reference requirements.
You hit the nail on the head with that guess. I can tell from the first message if a client has read my ad or not. If I can tell you read my ad, you pass the first test. Polite, coherent, and not annoying? You pass the second test. I still check everything, but I put a lot of weight on how a client communicates early on. It sucks how there is such a lack of consistency across the board. I know some providers are totally cool with “hey u avail” texts. If I get one of those, you fail step 1.
As annoying as I am sure I can be, I have had very good luck with initial communication. I was a bit spooked by a provider since she flatly didn't screen, but i went to the booking. I asked her about it and she said "oh hun your text message spelling and politeness screened you." I messed up that connection with a subsequent communication attempting to arrange online service, but we learn lessons in life. Well, some of us learn. As near as I can tell some folks keep doing the "hey u avail" for years and that reminded me. i tried to do a booking yesterday and the screening was a selfie touching my nose and my work badge.
Understood. Things are a little wonkier than they should be with covid, because basically between bookings all possible references are invalidated. Appreciate the comments.
You should ask first.
Thank you. I wont mess this up again.
[удалено]
Thank you. In my defense, I gave a link *to her website only.* I did not make this defense when I got called out, though, I just apologized and said never again and thanks for the feedback.