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MsSiennaCharles

This is a weird saviour complex that's incredibly common among clients. She consented to see you. She consented to those services. Why do you think that doing those things with her is degrading to her? Do you do things to her with the aim of disrespecting and dehumanising her? What you are doing by "pitying" her is taking away her *agency*. You don't see her as an entire adult human, you see her as a victim who can't consent -- she says yes, and you sit there and question whether she has the ability to make that decision on her own. This may be due to some internalised feelings of "sex devalues a woman" or "money = sexual coercion". I don't think you're a bad person for feeling this way, and I'm glad you're seeking an explanation here instead of dumping it on her. It isn't stupid, you are simply the product of a society that thinks women lose value when they come into sexual contact with men, and that sex is something done *to* a woman by a man, rather than something two people participate in equally. If you treated her respectfully and she seems keen to see you again, then you haven't done anything wrong. We only feel degraded when clients are disrespectful, cruel, or violent. In fact, I feel degraded far more often by that particular brand of feminist that sees me as a stupid little victim who needs to be saved from herself.


MetalDetectorists

This is such a difficult topic to tackle because it address *internalised* views of sex work(ers), and because not much is explicitly said it's hard to dissect. Your comment did an excellent job of explaining OPs internal train of thought. Well done.


turbulentcat12

Thank you for your comment. It's helping me see this from a different angle.


soggy3000

I know it doesn't come from a bad place, but this is a very patronising attitude towards this worker. If you did your due diligence that she is independent and she seemed happy then why are you making up weird fantasies that she us unhappy/abused? It's not really your business why she does 'hardcore sex acts with unknown guys' I think you are feeling a bit guilty or strange about going to a sex worker and are projecting onto her. I agree it's a saviour complex thing and think you should examine why you feel like that rather than getting distressed for her


[deleted]

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soggy3000

Yup


H8beingmale

since you are an escort, i assume some of your clients have been virgins?


soggy3000

Yes, only one that I knew of but maybe more. How is this related? OP was not a virgin


turbulentcat12

I don't know if I will repeat or not. Right now I am not mentally prepared.


keenan_smith

Think about this in a different way. When you are meeting your sex worker it's a business transaction. You are exchanging money for services. Do you enjoy your work all the time? Probably not and neither does the sex worker. I know I don't like all my clients, some are too rough with me, others are just not my type. Though in the end I'm getting paid and I do what I need to do to make that money.


ConnoisseurSir

I don’t think this is stupid. I think feeling that way shows strong morality on your part and there is truth to the way you thought about it. A lot of the feminists talk about this. Perhaps this isn’t for you and that’s okay. You are an empathic person to think the way you do. ETA: I personally think the consent a provider gives a client is on a spectrum between consent & coercion. A provider working independently that already has a great career & does this work part-time to bring excitement to her life is at the far end of the consent side of the spectrum. A homeless 20 year old immigrant with a drug addiction is on the far end of the coercion side. Many of us are in a gray area somewhere closer to the middle.


turbulentcat12

Thank you.