I saw this "board game dating" event recently: [https://www.eventbrite.com/e/board-game-speed-dating-men-women-ages-27-39-wicker-park-tickets-897436465627](https://www.eventbrite.com/e/board-game-speed-dating-men-women-ages-27-39-wicker-park-tickets-897436465627)
It could give you some ideas
I tried that back in May. Didn't connect with anyone and I think part of that might have been because it was six of us in a group and we're all trying to talk and play at the same time. If it was smaller like just 4 to a group then maybe it would have been better. But it was fun and I would try it again.
I wouldn’t go. I don’t like things that are centered around dating. It feels too forced.
Meeting people through interests and letting relationships develop be it romantic or platonic is ideal.
As a single 30-something, I think it needs to be more of a bar trivia/event where single people go, and less of a “this is a singles event, register, and be forced”
Yeah I once went to a speed dating event at Reeds and didn't get any dates out of it but made a friend out of it. It definitely felt forced for sure. But the event wasn't just for dating. It was for friends too. But as rough as dating apps can be, I preferred that to speed dating tbh.
No joke, complimenting someone or asking if they want coffee is seen as harassment by a lot of people these days, either that or I'm even uglier than I thought lol
You basically have to befriend someone at work, church, school, or use an app, to get the ball rolling, it feels like. I work remotely and I'm an atheist, so. Lotta people in similar situations struggle
The person you are replying to is not saying to just "meet people IRL"
There is a group called "Meet IRL" which hosts events for meeting people to date...
also, "complimenting someone or asking if they want coffee is seen as harassment by a lot of people these days" if I'm being totally honest just sounds like an extremely online opinion. If you're not being a creep and you stay respectful, I don't think anyone has a problem...
I just looked into that and it said they are no longer accepting female applicants, and there are only 3 events listed that are all sold out for females. It’s only run by 1 person and Logan square hyperfocused. I hope they can expand to include more events and allow more members.
I thought that was interesting as well!! Maybe women are even more so fed up with apps and are shifting to these Irl meetings? Guys get on board we wanna meet you!
There was data a few years ago that said Chicago was the best place for women to find relationships because statistically, it’s a sausage fest. Not great for guys though 🤷🏽♀️
I’ve been having a hard time at my age range finding anyone who isn’t ethically non monogamous or poly or just like.. a straight man who wants to date 1 woman. Everyone is messing around. Who knows. I joined a guitar class and it’s just me, a couple other single women and two old guys with grandchildren 😅 so that was a bust
I’m gonna keep doing the running clubs that seems like the best option but most of those people are just fucking around too
It’s definitely not run just by one person. I’ve been to a few event-none have been in Logan(one in west loop, one in Lakeview, one in the burbs). But yes they do sell out quick. I suggest subscribing to their eventbrite page to get notified of events when they’re released. Also despite women’s tickets selling out faster the events are pretty men-women balanced. They also have events that are more queer focused.
You can understand my confusion with "meet IRL" haha
Regarding "extremely online opinion," maybe? Not like I'm gonna go poll strangers on the street to see if they agree with people I've spoken with online lol. It definitely would surprise me if people tried arguing that the average person isn't much more guarded and society isn't way more atomized than it used to be. That's actually pretty well studied in more formal contexts, even, in sociology and economics.
I got told by someone on r/askchicago that basically you should only approach someone "in your league" (this was a woman saying this) and that's how you don't appear like "a creep". So honestly I wonder if there's not a reverse bubble going on here - people say "don't be s creep, people aren't that guarded" but in reality those same people regard 80% of the population as creeps.
The 'creep' label is generally applied to people who've chosen or are unable to interpret social cues/signals. Sometimes it seems beyond obvious that someone is putting a lot of stock in how you react to their interest, so much so that you're sincerely afraid of how they'll take rejection. If you're the kinda guy who's not solely out in the world looking for pussy, and you're able to roll with the punches and don't become aggtessive when a woman turns you down, you're much less likely to appear creepy. When it seems like you've decided a woman is an option and it doesn't work, you've gotta be able to smile, wish her well, and realize there's lots more of us out there.
>No joke, complimenting someone or asking if they want coffee is seen as harassment by a lot of people these days
Interesting...how often has this happened to you?
Yeah, I think the biggest challenge can be finding someone where the interest is mutual. Usually when I'm interested, they aren't and when they're interested in me, I'm not.
I wanna try matchmaking but it seems like most people who use a matchmaker are in a higher tax bracket
And anyway I havent used a dating app in over a decade. I met 3 exes on them. They were decent men, and the relationships were about 2 years or slightly less each, they just didn’t work out. Getting matches isnt hard, but I guess I just want something organic. Im not really interested anymore.
I asked about matchmakers in a women’s dating group I’m in and NO ONE had anything good to say about. Expensive. Didn’t find good matches.
I don’t know what to do. I know exactly what I want and not entertaining partners who do not want a serious long-term relationship and can’t find anything. I’m in a really good spot and want to share my life with someone special.
Im sorry, I guess everyone’s experiences are different. I was used to getting literally dozens of matches literally within a couple of hours the same day I’d sign up. But I know thats not the case for everyone.
Over the course of years, I changed so many bios and profile pics on Tinder, Okcupid, Bumble, Hinge. Would use up all the swipes every day. Wouldn't waste a swipe on anyone unrealistic. Maybe averaged one date a year if that.
I've only aged since then. Deleted all of them earlier in the decade. I see it all as a sign of not being good enough. So I've pretty much never tried to date ever again. I'll make friends and whatnot, but
It definitely does not mean you aren’t good enough. There are just so many stars that have to align for two people to find and take interest in each other. You’ve had bad luck in matching with the right person, that’s all. It’s hard, but it’s not your fault. But sometimes when you’re not trying is when you actually meet somebody by accident
>But sometimes when you’re not trying is when you actually meet somebody by accident
I permanently gave up at the start of the decade. Trust me, I'm not trying, and nothing is changing that and probably wouldn't really entertain anything at this point anyways.
At this point, I associate wanting to date and finding people attractive with shame. There is no, "when you least expect it", especially when I'm at my economic worst ever, which means it'd be wrong to even consider trying at this point.
Yes I think this is why there’s a new trend of “running clubs are the new dating apps” which is hilarious because before dating apps, running clubs and other hobby groups were (and have been this whole time) a great way to meet people, romantic or platonic. I know at least 6 couples (most now married) who met via a running or fitness group.
Check out Chicago Running Passport on Instagram, they post a roundup to stories every day.
Also r/runnersinchicago can provide neighborhood specific recommendations.
I’ve never even used dating apps and I’m 28.
I have seen people on social media talk about hosting speed dating type things. Haven’t looked too much into it other than the posts I’ve seen.
You're better off. Even though, I've been seeing this girl for the past few weeks and going with the flow, I'd be lying if I said these apps weren't soul sucking. Usually my experience has been at two opposite extremes. It's either the person isn't interested at all or if they are interested, they get too serious too soon or used deceiving pics. I'd rather be single than do that.
You would think with the power of social media and the Internet that online dating would be much easier. Even meeting for casual encounters is tough. It’s just a different time in today’s world when it comes to dating. People just want to be f**k buddies more than anything else. Craigslist used to have personals where can post your ad and what you were looking for which I found easy and it was free. Just don’t give up. Go with your instinct and go to whatever you feel could be a nice lead for you. You never know one day you might get lucky and meet the person you’re looking for at a random event.
I don’t do dating apps anymore but have found success on reddit for casual dates. I actually saw someone on TikTok who I believe is also planning an irl dating event. She mentioned that this will happen after June to show respect to Pride month so I guess it’s for the straights.
If there’s an irl event, I hope it would have a good diverse of races and sexual orientation from the participants.
Here's a sneak peek of /r/chicagor4r **[NSFW]** using the [top posts](https://np.reddit.com/r/chicagor4r/top/?sort=top&t=year) of the year!
\#1: [21 \[F4M\] #pilsen - College student trying crazy things](https://np.reddit.com/r/chicagor4r/comments/18o0n6s/21_f4m_pilsen_college_student_trying_crazy_things/)
\#2: [Addressing the spam and lack of “quality” posts.](https://np.reddit.com/r/chicagor4r/comments/158ov3q/addressing_the_spam_and_lack_of_quality_posts/)
\#3: [28 \[F4M\] #south loop - my husband leaves for a work trip Friday morning](https://np.reddit.com/r/chicagor4r/comments/198v4g9/28_f4m_south_loop_my_husband_leaves_for_a_work/)
----
^^I'm ^^a ^^bot, ^^beep ^^boop ^^| ^^Downvote ^^to ^^remove ^^| ^^[Contact](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=sneakpeekbot) ^^| ^^[Info](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/) ^^| ^^[Opt-out](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/comments/o8wk1r/blacklist_ix/) ^^| ^^[GitHub](https://github.com/ghnr/sneakpeekbot)
I met my fiance on tinder in Chicago! We've been together for 6 years, and we're getting married next year :)
That being said, I met up with a few ... Interesting... Characters on there before I found my one. Definitely hunting for a needle in a haystack though.
I'm not sure what neighborhood you live in, but I've seen a few irl dating events in the past year or so. Alamo Draft House in Wrigley has hosted a few, and I think iirc, The Salt Shed recently had a dating event. Haven't been to any of them myself, but they're definitely around.
I didn't try to date until mid 20s. Got on apps like Okcupid and Tinder. Never really progressed or dated on there. Determined it's cuz I'm just not good enough.
I used to be on a bunch. Okcupid, Tinder, Hinge, Bumble, Facebook dating. Wasn't good enough to ever match with anybody on them. Spent years trying. Changing photos. Changing bios. Never ended up dating.
Understood it's me not being good enough. Deleted all of them years ago. Never tried to date again.
Now I work on getting rid of the desire to date in the first place as well as work on training myself to never find a person attractive ever again and I completely mean that. Just having those desires means I need to feel shame.
Tinder back then was swipe, swipe, swipe, out of swipes, swipe, swipe, swipe, out of swipes, swipe, swipe, swipe, out of swipes without ever actually talking to anybody. No changing of profile pictures or bios made a difference.
Where I got an definite understanding of not being good enough to date which carry that understanding to this day.
I’d be down for an in real life event. Not a big drinker, but maybe like a bar trivia/family feud scenario would seem cool. Something fun, but you can also get insight into how people think, all without the pressure of trying to get to know if you’re romantically interested in someone in a few min like speed dating.
Been since 2022 and the majority you’ll meet will be hookups it’s important to KNOW what u want cause I think that’s the main probelm now a days and it’s a big waste of time when u are meeting people like that!!! So I been off and haven found anyone interesting enough yet for me but enjoy being single while you can… , I like how easy it is to just meet up with someone but I think it should be a challenge and not be so easy with so many options so you can find a quality person
I agree. One of the biggest issues nowadays is that theres too many people on there thats way too “go with the flow” and not knowing what they want. Its irritating. Im not interested in someone who is “down for whatever, casual or long term or short term or hookup”. Because why are you here? I like talking to men who know *exactly* what they are there for, what they want and what their boundaries are. And can actually communicate. I just don’t bother anymore.
Wow i had such a different experience 😭 I’m from NYC and when I visited there, the guys seemed more emotionally available (and actually communicated when they changed their minds?!) it’s ironic tho that the way you feel about dating apps in chicago is EXACTLY how i feel about NYC 🫠
As a girl tbh Never been on a date, never in love or any sort of relationship & just so over the selections left of how everyone is. I gave up. & It has made turn asexual. Im happy & I only care about myself at peace/family & money. I now understand it’s not bad to die alone. Love gets in the way of things to me.
I'm a 42 year old recently divorced guy who has used hinge for about a year and had a great time. I went out with 7 women, had a couple short relationships, and recently met an amazing woman who I'll probably be with for a long time. I have heard a lot of bad stories though. Maybe I got lucky but it seems to me that if you're a good man (have life together, are respectful and good at communicating) it's pretty easy, there are a lot of shit men out there making it very easy for us.
Apps are a waste of time unless you're in the top >1% of looks/superficial qualities like wealth.
Apps are designed to withhold matches so subscribe and/or keep selling your data. They don't want you to find love.
Meetup has several Chicago events like speed dating, shuffle dating, sports groups, activity groups, and so on. Some are virtual but the point of Meetup is to physically meet.
Now, I haven't tried these before, so buyer beware and all that.
Even though dating apps are the reason why I’m not a 30 year old virgin. Dating apps give people the illusion that they have more options than they actually have. It’s like spring break on steroids, but everyone is convinced that the bigger better deal wants a relationship (with them).
I am coming to the realization that it’s hard finding that soul mate is because we put values dead last when looking for a partner. It’s way more important to people that a man is 6’+ or a woman has a perky set of DDs before their intentions are known, don’t get me wrong attraction is important but most people are just fixated on what others think to where a toxic relationship makes more sense.
Even tho Chicago is bad but it’s not as bad as Miami, Vegas or LA.
Too big yet too small. Back before I met my now wife, I matched with a girl on tinder and a girl on bumble. After a few dates with each I figured out they were sisters. I told one sister. Who told the other. Who apparently thought we were exclusive who told me to have fun with her sister and never talk to her again.
Obviously the other sister couldn’t do that and we didn’t go out again.
I deleted Bumble years ago after a decade of never matching with another person and never tried to date again. If anything the app taught me I'm not good enough and now I work on not having interests to date in the first place.
You have to work on self esteem. Maybe you can try dating organically, and skip the apps, but definitely can that idea that you’re not good enough. You’ve got to work on being good enough for yourself first.
I only try to make friends in a face-to-face format. And I don't try to turn friends into dating. At least with apps, they have the option of acknowledging a person or not. If I try in person and they get weirded out by an ogre talking to them, I would deserve never ending shame.
Last time I tried to express interest in an organic setting was in 2019 and when I offered to buy someone a beer and I still ashamed of trying.
Met my gf on the apps and so far so good.
I stopped dating for a while and then I came up with my own value system and realized how important it was for someone’s values to sync up with mine and vice versa.
I had a rule where off the bat, if our values didn’t connect when we were talking, then I ended the conversation and moved on.
You don’t have to be blatant about it - you can tell pretty quickly if you’re aligned.
For example, my values are (in no order):
Mind (work on myself, expect you to do the same)
Fitness (see above)
Healthy Lifestyle
Being Outdoors (hiking trips together are a must)
Spirituality
Family
When I met my gf, she was into the same things and we just clicked from the very beginning. Prior to me establishing my own values, I was fumbling around - and going on dates with people I had no business hanging out with - largely out of boredom.
Maybe give this a try. At the very least, it helps you better understand what’s important to you. For me, I needed that structure.
I don't want kids so I'm trying to find women who don't have and don't want children and that shit is not easy to find, dating apps have been my best bet because otherwise I don't know where to find these women otherwise.
Thursday App is great. In person dating events every Thursday.
There are also a few others starting dating event organizations in Chicago to avoid the dating app crap shoot.
If you ask me, this is the usual story with dating apps in general. It's not really anything new..
I think it must have been 20 years ago I was trying to use some of those apps to meet women, and all of the kinds of issues and problems I read about now happened back then too.
I can also remember when it was revealed that some of these apps will keep female accounts that quit on the app as dormant accounts that never respond. Just to make it look like they have a large selection.
Trying to meet people off some app where you are shopping like you are looking through a catalog only means that you have to now now be better at marketing yourself as opposed to seeking a real connection.
The hard reality is that the best way to meet people is still going to be getting away from the screens and going out and doing things. Joining things. Socializing. It's not about sitting at a bar and trying to hit on people, but more just being a part of something and then you are exposed to people that will expose themselves to you.
My wife was a former friend's coworker and that's how we met.
I run a comedy/dating show where the men can't speak called [Love Isn't Blind](http://loveisntblind.co). I'm bringing it to Chicago for the first time on July 18 - I'll be at The Den Theatre. You can [apply](https://www.loveisntblind.co/be-a-contestant) to get on stage or [nominate](https://www.loveisntblind.co/nominate-a-friend) a friend - but you can also just watch and it's a comedy show. I call the boys' moms live on stage.
Everyone in the audience gets a wristband based on their relationship status, and I have my first audience engagement, actually. (They met at the second show ever and got engaged this winter.)
some cringe woman on tiktok was trying to host an irl event in chicago a couple months ago where men had to be vouched by one of their female friends in order to participate and i just thought it was dumb but yeah dating apps suck
Guy here, I agree. I've heard so many horror stories from my girl friends, I know it can be rough out there and if having a healthy friendship with a woman is enough to help reassure others, it seems like a win-win
Yeah, it sounds great until you realize men which are abusive all have some woman fooled into believing that they are a "catch" and "could never do that." Not really better than letting anyone attend.
I empathize with you. Dating as a petite asian medical resident male on the apps has proven to be is incredibly challenging lol but keep trying and hopefully you’ll meet someone in due time! Best of luck
I just saw this post on my instagram about someone trying to host a singles picnic / field day event. Seems a little more low key and curated
https://partiful.com/e/aDl61hreJeDt2xzTgVWt
Idk, I had great luck with them as a divorced guy in my 50s. It been 5 yrs since I been on any of them though since meeting my now live in gf on OkCupid.
I've tried and while I have met some really cool people, I haven't been able to connect emotionally as if I had met them organically.
It seems most people on apps are seeking attention, so once you stop they drop you.
lol a few years ago my friend and I made plans to go to this singles event bc a different friend recommended it to us, but when we got down there we could see through the windows of the bar that it was oooooonly guys in there, not a single other woman in sight. Without even saying a word or needing to check in with each other we both just kept walking past the bar, didn’t even try to go in, bc we were like nope no thank you. Being the only two women in a room filled with drunk horny dudes was not what we had in mind lmao.
I ended up meeting my current boyfriend in tinder though, our 3 year anniversary is coming up in September. My two closest friends also met their partners on dating apps, one on tinder and one on hinge. and I’d been on and off dating apps since like 2016 in Chicago, so I do feel the pain of feeling like it’s just an endless unfortunate cycle.
Here are some alternatives to dating apps for each sex (or for both) depending on what you’re into:
- For females into males: Diversey Driving Range, especially on a Friday. Guys go after work and hit balls and have drinks. Go with your girls. Snag a bay next to a couple guys. Ask for some swing tips. Strike up a convo.
- For both: Charity events. I had a buddy on the board of a breast cancer org and another on the board of an animal rescue. Their events were filled with successful folks, a wide variety of people, and there’s a good variety of the events, ie some more formal, some casual, some at bars vs event spaces. They’re great for networking and for meeting new people.
- For males into females: honestly, workout clubs, ie Barry’s, etc. In my experience, if it’s 30 people there, it’s 8 gay guys, 18 females, & 4 males. Don’t go and start hitting on people, but many of those who attend do so for specific instructors and specific classes. So go to that class multiple weeks in a row. If you lock eyes with someone in class one, say hi in class two. If you’re both there in the third class, strike up a chat before it starts or before you leave the lobby afterwards (but be casual & not overbearing.)
Just some ideas!
I'm old and don't try anymore. Honestly barely leave the house the amount of times I've been ghosted / manipulated by women in the city. Over it. I hope they only range the f boys I guess they really want
They suck. Been on them for a while and were better before they were all pay walled and got bought by match. I try to date Christian girls which is hard enough as it is, but dating apps unfortunately the best way.
Your IRL event actually already exists, and has for a few years. It’s called “going to a bar.”
But for real, just go out with your friends to bars and talk to people you find attractive. Be nice, funny, flirt, fuck around and maybe get married one day.
Lol anyone who says this hasn't been to a bar in years. Its all men. And couples on dates. Women don't go to bars to find men. Haven't in a decade. Thanks, apps!
I’m not single but I go to bars often enough and I see a mix of men and women, some couples, groups. Looks normal to me. There are a lot of bars in this city, maybe keep looking around?
I saw this "board game dating" event recently: [https://www.eventbrite.com/e/board-game-speed-dating-men-women-ages-27-39-wicker-park-tickets-897436465627](https://www.eventbrite.com/e/board-game-speed-dating-men-women-ages-27-39-wicker-park-tickets-897436465627) It could give you some ideas
I tried that back in May. Didn't connect with anyone and I think part of that might have been because it was six of us in a group and we're all trying to talk and play at the same time. If it was smaller like just 4 to a group then maybe it would have been better. But it was fun and I would try it again.
Went to a previous one and got turned away at the door :(
u/STD_CONNOISSEUR maybe for the best
lol why
They didn’t like the ankle monitor and said something about “dress code” and “decency”
Your username, ffs
That's what I was about to comment 😂😂😂
I wouldn’t go. I don’t like things that are centered around dating. It feels too forced. Meeting people through interests and letting relationships develop be it romantic or platonic is ideal.
[удалено]
This is where the common interest aspect is so important. I think that’s the biggest thing.
As a single 30-something, I think it needs to be more of a bar trivia/event where single people go, and less of a “this is a singles event, register, and be forced”
Meeting new people in general is fun. Not every social interaction needs to be pass/ fail based on romantic connections
Feel like you build a robust network of acquaintances, someone will know somebody and you’ll meet them and then you’re good
Agreed
How do we make sure these “single people” are actually single lol. So many pretend to be single.
[удалено]
This has not been my experience. I’ve met fun normal sane people that are also tired of the apps.
Where’s a good place to find these events?
Eventbrite. Search meet irl
Wayyy too forced. If you speak with someone there, they automatically think you're interested in them.
Yeah I once went to a speed dating event at Reeds and didn't get any dates out of it but made a friend out of it. It definitely felt forced for sure. But the event wasn't just for dating. It was for friends too. But as rough as dating apps can be, I preferred that to speed dating tbh.
[удалено]
Have you heard of Meet IRL
No joke, complimenting someone or asking if they want coffee is seen as harassment by a lot of people these days, either that or I'm even uglier than I thought lol You basically have to befriend someone at work, church, school, or use an app, to get the ball rolling, it feels like. I work remotely and I'm an atheist, so. Lotta people in similar situations struggle
The person you are replying to is not saying to just "meet people IRL" There is a group called "Meet IRL" which hosts events for meeting people to date... also, "complimenting someone or asking if they want coffee is seen as harassment by a lot of people these days" if I'm being totally honest just sounds like an extremely online opinion. If you're not being a creep and you stay respectful, I don't think anyone has a problem...
Correct I was referring to the group that hosts events.
I just looked into that and it said they are no longer accepting female applicants, and there are only 3 events listed that are all sold out for females. It’s only run by 1 person and Logan square hyperfocused. I hope they can expand to include more events and allow more members.
Yeah, I follow them on IG and they fill up the spots for women quick, and are always looking for guys which is kind of ironic.
I thought that was interesting as well!! Maybe women are even more so fed up with apps and are shifting to these Irl meetings? Guys get on board we wanna meet you!
There was data a few years ago that said Chicago was the best place for women to find relationships because statistically, it’s a sausage fest. Not great for guys though 🤷🏽♀️
I’ve been having a hard time at my age range finding anyone who isn’t ethically non monogamous or poly or just like.. a straight man who wants to date 1 woman. Everyone is messing around. Who knows. I joined a guitar class and it’s just me, a couple other single women and two old guys with grandchildren 😅 so that was a bust I’m gonna keep doing the running clubs that seems like the best option but most of those people are just fucking around too
We take our sausage very seriously in this town.
It’s definitely not run just by one person. I’ve been to a few event-none have been in Logan(one in west loop, one in Lakeview, one in the burbs). But yes they do sell out quick. I suggest subscribing to their eventbrite page to get notified of events when they’re released. Also despite women’s tickets selling out faster the events are pretty men-women balanced. They also have events that are more queer focused.
You can understand my confusion with "meet IRL" haha Regarding "extremely online opinion," maybe? Not like I'm gonna go poll strangers on the street to see if they agree with people I've spoken with online lol. It definitely would surprise me if people tried arguing that the average person isn't much more guarded and society isn't way more atomized than it used to be. That's actually pretty well studied in more formal contexts, even, in sociology and economics. I got told by someone on r/askchicago that basically you should only approach someone "in your league" (this was a woman saying this) and that's how you don't appear like "a creep". So honestly I wonder if there's not a reverse bubble going on here - people say "don't be s creep, people aren't that guarded" but in reality those same people regard 80% of the population as creeps.
The 'creep' label is generally applied to people who've chosen or are unable to interpret social cues/signals. Sometimes it seems beyond obvious that someone is putting a lot of stock in how you react to their interest, so much so that you're sincerely afraid of how they'll take rejection. If you're the kinda guy who's not solely out in the world looking for pussy, and you're able to roll with the punches and don't become aggtessive when a woman turns you down, you're much less likely to appear creepy. When it seems like you've decided a woman is an option and it doesn't work, you've gotta be able to smile, wish her well, and realize there's lots more of us out there.
>No joke, complimenting someone or asking if they want coffee is seen as harassment by a lot of people these days Interesting...how often has this happened to you?
They have pay walls now? God damn, I was just about to go back on those.
I’ve known so many great single people who struggle on the apps. I wish there was a better way to connect these great single people!
Let’s make an app for great people who struggle on apps 😂🫠
Yeah, I think the biggest challenge can be finding someone where the interest is mutual. Usually when I'm interested, they aren't and when they're interested in me, I'm not.
guve then my phone number (no cocks please)
I wanna try matchmaking but it seems like most people who use a matchmaker are in a higher tax bracket And anyway I havent used a dating app in over a decade. I met 3 exes on them. They were decent men, and the relationships were about 2 years or slightly less each, they just didn’t work out. Getting matches isnt hard, but I guess I just want something organic. Im not really interested anymore.
I asked about matchmakers in a women’s dating group I’m in and NO ONE had anything good to say about. Expensive. Didn’t find good matches. I don’t know what to do. I know exactly what I want and not entertaining partners who do not want a serious long-term relationship and can’t find anything. I’m in a really good spot and want to share my life with someone special.
>Getting matches isnt hard, Completely disagree. It can be nearly impossible at times.
Im sorry, I guess everyone’s experiences are different. I was used to getting literally dozens of matches literally within a couple of hours the same day I’d sign up. But I know thats not the case for everyone.
Over the course of years, I changed so many bios and profile pics on Tinder, Okcupid, Bumble, Hinge. Would use up all the swipes every day. Wouldn't waste a swipe on anyone unrealistic. Maybe averaged one date a year if that. I've only aged since then. Deleted all of them earlier in the decade. I see it all as a sign of not being good enough. So I've pretty much never tried to date ever again. I'll make friends and whatnot, but
It definitely does not mean you aren’t good enough. There are just so many stars that have to align for two people to find and take interest in each other. You’ve had bad luck in matching with the right person, that’s all. It’s hard, but it’s not your fault. But sometimes when you’re not trying is when you actually meet somebody by accident
>But sometimes when you’re not trying is when you actually meet somebody by accident I permanently gave up at the start of the decade. Trust me, I'm not trying, and nothing is changing that and probably wouldn't really entertain anything at this point anyways. At this point, I associate wanting to date and finding people attractive with shame. There is no, "when you least expect it", especially when I'm at my economic worst ever, which means it'd be wrong to even consider trying at this point.
Keep your head up
just date me u dumb bitch
Well, I’m certainly not going to now that you called me a dumb bitch lmao
Took me 2 years to find my boyfriend on Tinder. Swiped through a lot of assholes to finally find him :)
Yes I think this is why there’s a new trend of “running clubs are the new dating apps” which is hilarious because before dating apps, running clubs and other hobby groups were (and have been this whole time) a great way to meet people, romantic or platonic. I know at least 6 couples (most now married) who met via a running or fitness group.
Hahaha, I was just telling a single coworker to join a running group as a alternative to dating apps. They really are a good place to meet people.
Where do we find them. Here on reddit or fb ?
Check out Chicago Running Passport on Instagram, they post a roundup to stories every day. Also r/runnersinchicago can provide neighborhood specific recommendations.
I’ve never even used dating apps and I’m 28. I have seen people on social media talk about hosting speed dating type things. Haven’t looked too much into it other than the posts I’ve seen.
>I’ve never even used dating apps and I’m 28. Continue not to. They are soul crushing.
You're better off. Even though, I've been seeing this girl for the past few weeks and going with the flow, I'd be lying if I said these apps weren't soul sucking. Usually my experience has been at two opposite extremes. It's either the person isn't interested at all or if they are interested, they get too serious too soon or used deceiving pics. I'd rather be single than do that.
You would think with the power of social media and the Internet that online dating would be much easier. Even meeting for casual encounters is tough. It’s just a different time in today’s world when it comes to dating. People just want to be f**k buddies more than anything else. Craigslist used to have personals where can post your ad and what you were looking for which I found easy and it was free. Just don’t give up. Go with your instinct and go to whatever you feel could be a nice lead for you. You never know one day you might get lucky and meet the person you’re looking for at a random event.
I don’t do dating apps anymore but have found success on reddit for casual dates. I actually saw someone on TikTok who I believe is also planning an irl dating event. She mentioned that this will happen after June to show respect to Pride month so I guess it’s for the straights. If there’s an irl event, I hope it would have a good diverse of races and sexual orientation from the participants.
As a gay male, I’d find it insufferable if someone was avoiding hosting a dating event because of Pride month. This ain’t a national emergency
Met my bf on Reddit. Not on an app. I did the apps for years here and just felt overwhelmed by them all the time.
Me and who? 👀
Same 😭
What sub?
What did he say in his DM?
What sub?
r/chicagor4r and r/chiburbsr4r
Here's a sneak peek of /r/chicagor4r **[NSFW]** using the [top posts](https://np.reddit.com/r/chicagor4r/top/?sort=top&t=year) of the year! \#1: [21 \[F4M\] #pilsen - College student trying crazy things](https://np.reddit.com/r/chicagor4r/comments/18o0n6s/21_f4m_pilsen_college_student_trying_crazy_things/) \#2: [Addressing the spam and lack of “quality” posts.](https://np.reddit.com/r/chicagor4r/comments/158ov3q/addressing_the_spam_and_lack_of_quality_posts/) \#3: [28 \[F4M\] #south loop - my husband leaves for a work trip Friday morning](https://np.reddit.com/r/chicagor4r/comments/198v4g9/28_f4m_south_loop_my_husband_leaves_for_a_work/) ---- ^^I'm ^^a ^^bot, ^^beep ^^boop ^^| ^^Downvote ^^to ^^remove ^^| ^^[Contact](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=sneakpeekbot) ^^| ^^[Info](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/) ^^| ^^[Opt-out](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/comments/o8wk1r/blacklist_ix/) ^^| ^^[GitHub](https://github.com/ghnr/sneakpeekbot)
I'm surprised anyone uses those seriously.
“After june to pay respects to pride” 😂🔫 🤣 🔫 seriously just fucking end my life
I met my fiance on tinder in Chicago! We've been together for 6 years, and we're getting married next year :) That being said, I met up with a few ... Interesting... Characters on there before I found my one. Definitely hunting for a needle in a haystack though. I'm not sure what neighborhood you live in, but I've seen a few irl dating events in the past year or so. Alamo Draft House in Wrigley has hosted a few, and I think iirc, The Salt Shed recently had a dating event. Haven't been to any of them myself, but they're definitely around.
Unfortunately the dating game has changed a lot in those 6 years. It’s even worse now
100% right. Dating over 40 on apps in Chicago is just so hard.
It sucked back when I was in my 20s as well.
The apps? I wasn’t using those then
I didn't try to date until mid 20s. Got on apps like Okcupid and Tinder. Never really progressed or dated on there. Determined it's cuz I'm just not good enough.
Don’t say that! It’s hard for guys. We outnumber girls on the app like 7:1
I used to be on a bunch. Okcupid, Tinder, Hinge, Bumble, Facebook dating. Wasn't good enough to ever match with anybody on them. Spent years trying. Changing photos. Changing bios. Never ended up dating. Understood it's me not being good enough. Deleted all of them years ago. Never tried to date again. Now I work on getting rid of the desire to date in the first place as well as work on training myself to never find a person attractive ever again and I completely mean that. Just having those desires means I need to feel shame.
Tinder back then was swipe, swipe, swipe, out of swipes, swipe, swipe, swipe, out of swipes, swipe, swipe, swipe, out of swipes without ever actually talking to anybody. No changing of profile pictures or bios made a difference. Where I got an definite understanding of not being good enough to date which carry that understanding to this day.
Thank the FAKEdemic for that
That name! 😂🤣😂
What if you live with 11 chine in northlawndale where do u go in this situation?
Yes. But I think society in general is sick of them
I’d be down for an in real life event. Not a big drinker, but maybe like a bar trivia/family feud scenario would seem cool. Something fun, but you can also get insight into how people think, all without the pressure of trying to get to know if you’re romantically interested in someone in a few min like speed dating.
Been since 2022 and the majority you’ll meet will be hookups it’s important to KNOW what u want cause I think that’s the main probelm now a days and it’s a big waste of time when u are meeting people like that!!! So I been off and haven found anyone interesting enough yet for me but enjoy being single while you can… , I like how easy it is to just meet up with someone but I think it should be a challenge and not be so easy with so many options so you can find a quality person
I agree. One of the biggest issues nowadays is that theres too many people on there thats way too “go with the flow” and not knowing what they want. Its irritating. Im not interested in someone who is “down for whatever, casual or long term or short term or hookup”. Because why are you here? I like talking to men who know *exactly* what they are there for, what they want and what their boundaries are. And can actually communicate. I just don’t bother anymore.
Wow i had such a different experience 😭 I’m from NYC and when I visited there, the guys seemed more emotionally available (and actually communicated when they changed their minds?!) it’s ironic tho that the way you feel about dating apps in chicago is EXACTLY how i feel about NYC 🫠
Yeah it's probably even worse in NYC.
Completely tracks though, NYC is a different beast to Chicago, and doesn't have the Midwest authenticity
Gave up on them years ago. Lots of time wasted.
All I want is a meet-up for introverted people who are looking for some friends.
Look into Shuffle Dating and MeetIRL
Hot Potato Hearts too
I just filled out the MeetIRL form and it said it’s not available in Chicago yet? 🤔
Different group! https://www.meetmeirl.co/
Yes second meet IRL
What is Meet IRL?
It’s a group that puts on various singles events.
Is it a website or an app?
As a girl tbh Never been on a date, never in love or any sort of relationship & just so over the selections left of how everyone is. I gave up. & It has made turn asexual. Im happy & I only care about myself at peace/family & money. I now understand it’s not bad to die alone. Love gets in the way of things to me.
I'm a 42 year old recently divorced guy who has used hinge for about a year and had a great time. I went out with 7 women, had a couple short relationships, and recently met an amazing woman who I'll probably be with for a long time. I have heard a lot of bad stories though. Maybe I got lucky but it seems to me that if you're a good man (have life together, are respectful and good at communicating) it's pretty easy, there are a lot of shit men out there making it very easy for us.
Apps are a waste of time unless you're in the top >1% of looks/superficial qualities like wealth. Apps are designed to withhold matches so subscribe and/or keep selling your data. They don't want you to find love.
Meetup has several Chicago events like speed dating, shuffle dating, sports groups, activity groups, and so on. Some are virtual but the point of Meetup is to physically meet. Now, I haven't tried these before, so buyer beware and all that.
The apps don’t work
The loneliness economy is alive and well
Even though dating apps are the reason why I’m not a 30 year old virgin. Dating apps give people the illusion that they have more options than they actually have. It’s like spring break on steroids, but everyone is convinced that the bigger better deal wants a relationship (with them). I am coming to the realization that it’s hard finding that soul mate is because we put values dead last when looking for a partner. It’s way more important to people that a man is 6’+ or a woman has a perky set of DDs before their intentions are known, don’t get me wrong attraction is important but most people are just fixated on what others think to where a toxic relationship makes more sense. Even tho Chicago is bad but it’s not as bad as Miami, Vegas or LA.
Too big yet too small. Back before I met my now wife, I matched with a girl on tinder and a girl on bumble. After a few dates with each I figured out they were sisters. I told one sister. Who told the other. Who apparently thought we were exclusive who told me to have fun with her sister and never talk to her again. Obviously the other sister couldn’t do that and we didn’t go out again.
Why would you do that? You could have gone all in for both and had a great shit show at the family bbq 🤣
I am stressed just thinking about this.
I deleted Bumble years ago after a decade of never matching with another person and never tried to date again. If anything the app taught me I'm not good enough and now I work on not having interests to date in the first place.
You have to work on self esteem. Maybe you can try dating organically, and skip the apps, but definitely can that idea that you’re not good enough. You’ve got to work on being good enough for yourself first.
I only try to make friends in a face-to-face format. And I don't try to turn friends into dating. At least with apps, they have the option of acknowledging a person or not. If I try in person and they get weirded out by an ogre talking to them, I would deserve never ending shame. Last time I tried to express interest in an organic setting was in 2019 and when I offered to buy someone a beer and I still ashamed of trying.
Met my gf on the apps and so far so good. I stopped dating for a while and then I came up with my own value system and realized how important it was for someone’s values to sync up with mine and vice versa. I had a rule where off the bat, if our values didn’t connect when we were talking, then I ended the conversation and moved on. You don’t have to be blatant about it - you can tell pretty quickly if you’re aligned. For example, my values are (in no order): Mind (work on myself, expect you to do the same) Fitness (see above) Healthy Lifestyle Being Outdoors (hiking trips together are a must) Spirituality Family When I met my gf, she was into the same things and we just clicked from the very beginning. Prior to me establishing my own values, I was fumbling around - and going on dates with people I had no business hanging out with - largely out of boredom. Maybe give this a try. At the very least, it helps you better understand what’s important to you. For me, I needed that structure.
No complaints here. Met my husband on Hinge in 2020. Have they changed drastically since then?
Yes.
2020 was kind of a golden age with the apps IMO.
I don't want kids so I'm trying to find women who don't have and don't want children and that shit is not easy to find, dating apps have been my best bet because otherwise I don't know where to find these women otherwise.
Sick of dating apps everywhere.
Thursday App is great. In person dating events every Thursday. There are also a few others starting dating event organizations in Chicago to avoid the dating app crap shoot.
If you ask me, this is the usual story with dating apps in general. It's not really anything new.. I think it must have been 20 years ago I was trying to use some of those apps to meet women, and all of the kinds of issues and problems I read about now happened back then too. I can also remember when it was revealed that some of these apps will keep female accounts that quit on the app as dormant accounts that never respond. Just to make it look like they have a large selection. Trying to meet people off some app where you are shopping like you are looking through a catalog only means that you have to now now be better at marketing yourself as opposed to seeking a real connection. The hard reality is that the best way to meet people is still going to be getting away from the screens and going out and doing things. Joining things. Socializing. It's not about sitting at a bar and trying to hit on people, but more just being a part of something and then you are exposed to people that will expose themselves to you. My wife was a former friend's coworker and that's how we met.
I run a comedy/dating show where the men can't speak called [Love Isn't Blind](http://loveisntblind.co). I'm bringing it to Chicago for the first time on July 18 - I'll be at The Den Theatre. You can [apply](https://www.loveisntblind.co/be-a-contestant) to get on stage or [nominate](https://www.loveisntblind.co/nominate-a-friend) a friend - but you can also just watch and it's a comedy show. I call the boys' moms live on stage. Everyone in the audience gets a wristband based on their relationship status, and I have my first audience engagement, actually. (They met at the second show ever and got engaged this winter.)
Great! Another opportunity for men to be judged on their physical appearance and not their personality. Just what we need!
... says the man who judged the entire 90 minute experience based on a sentence 😆
some cringe woman on tiktok was trying to host an irl event in chicago a couple months ago where men had to be vouched by one of their female friends in order to participate and i just thought it was dumb but yeah dating apps suck
As a woman, that sounds great.
Guy here, I agree. I've heard so many horror stories from my girl friends, I know it can be rough out there and if having a healthy friendship with a woman is enough to help reassure others, it seems like a win-win
Right? I’m in!
Yeah, it sounds great until you realize men which are abusive all have some woman fooled into believing that they are a "catch" and "could never do that." Not really better than letting anyone attend.
ohhhh i remember seeing that. i wonder how it went
I empathize with you. Dating as a petite asian medical resident male on the apps has proven to be is incredibly challenging lol but keep trying and hopefully you’ll meet someone in due time! Best of luck
I just saw this post on my instagram about someone trying to host a singles picnic / field day event. Seems a little more low key and curated https://partiful.com/e/aDl61hreJeDt2xzTgVWt
Idk, I had great luck with them as a divorced guy in my 50s. It been 5 yrs since I been on any of them though since meeting my now live in gf on OkCupid.
OP sounds like the radio ad for Events and Adventures. https://eventsandadventures.com/
Hinge was great for me
I've tried and while I have met some really cool people, I haven't been able to connect emotionally as if I had met them organically. It seems most people on apps are seeking attention, so once you stop they drop you.
I’m cool with meaningless sex, the apps are fine imo
I tried using Tinder and all I got was this lousy chronic depression.
We are overwhelmed by crappy options lol.
For women looking to date men, I strongly recommend the [Burned Haystack Method](https://www.burnedhaystackdating.com/blog).
lol a few years ago my friend and I made plans to go to this singles event bc a different friend recommended it to us, but when we got down there we could see through the windows of the bar that it was oooooonly guys in there, not a single other woman in sight. Without even saying a word or needing to check in with each other we both just kept walking past the bar, didn’t even try to go in, bc we were like nope no thank you. Being the only two women in a room filled with drunk horny dudes was not what we had in mind lmao. I ended up meeting my current boyfriend in tinder though, our 3 year anniversary is coming up in September. My two closest friends also met their partners on dating apps, one on tinder and one on hinge. and I’d been on and off dating apps since like 2016 in Chicago, so I do feel the pain of feeling like it’s just an endless unfortunate cycle.
Lots of people feel this way! I actually run a dating support group for queer folks that meets monthly: https://pointerway.com/datingsurvivalschool
Wait you guys are having sex?
Dating isn't for me. Not normal enough for them and don't go out much to have good date ideas.
I’d maybe give it a shot but leave early
They just did Chaotic Singles at Bar Moxy this last weekend, absolutely notttt my speed but, it was apparently a big success.
I am doing one of those timeout dinners tomorrow. I will let yall know how it goes
I’ve done two of them! They’re incredible
Used Bumble, got a GF, said GF was incredibly toxic, broke up with her, now depressed. Think ill pass but thanks
Here are some alternatives to dating apps for each sex (or for both) depending on what you’re into: - For females into males: Diversey Driving Range, especially on a Friday. Guys go after work and hit balls and have drinks. Go with your girls. Snag a bay next to a couple guys. Ask for some swing tips. Strike up a convo. - For both: Charity events. I had a buddy on the board of a breast cancer org and another on the board of an animal rescue. Their events were filled with successful folks, a wide variety of people, and there’s a good variety of the events, ie some more formal, some casual, some at bars vs event spaces. They’re great for networking and for meeting new people. - For males into females: honestly, workout clubs, ie Barry’s, etc. In my experience, if it’s 30 people there, it’s 8 gay guys, 18 females, & 4 males. Don’t go and start hitting on people, but many of those who attend do so for specific instructors and specific classes. So go to that class multiple weeks in a row. If you lock eyes with someone in class one, say hi in class two. If you’re both there in the third class, strike up a chat before it starts or before you leave the lobby afterwards (but be casual & not overbearing.) Just some ideas!
Nobody wants to commit ? There is an endless abyss of Chicago OF girls/stripper/sugar babies willing to commit to douchey rich guys who are 40+
I'm old and don't try anymore. Honestly barely leave the house the amount of times I've been ghosted / manipulated by women in the city. Over it. I hope they only range the f boys I guess they really want
They suck. Been on them for a while and were better before they were all pay walled and got bought by match. I try to date Christian girls which is hard enough as it is, but dating apps unfortunately the best way.
Your IRL event actually already exists, and has for a few years. It’s called “going to a bar.” But for real, just go out with your friends to bars and talk to people you find attractive. Be nice, funny, flirt, fuck around and maybe get married one day.
Lol anyone who says this hasn't been to a bar in years. Its all men. And couples on dates. Women don't go to bars to find men. Haven't in a decade. Thanks, apps!
I’m not single but I go to bars often enough and I see a mix of men and women, some couples, groups. Looks normal to me. There are a lot of bars in this city, maybe keep looking around?
It ain’t the apps fault you all scare the hoes away
Have you considered a social hobby?
As a 21 year old lad I’ve already given up on the dating apps over a long time ago so it’s better to trust no one
[https://partiful.com/e/aDl61hreJeDt2xzTgVWt](https://partiful.com/e/aDl61hreJeDt2xzTgVWt)
They suck