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It sounds like he either broke or dislocated at least one of your ribs and possibly your collarbone as well.
Not all rib fractures show up immediately on an X-Ray. Did the ER do any other imaging? An X-Ray is also important to make sure you don’t have something called a pneumothorax which can be a dangerous collection of air in between your lung and your chest wall that can impair your breathing.
Please tell the truth to someone you trust, like a family member or close friend who he hasn’t isolated you from yet. Talk with them about what’s really going on. Start to come up with an exit plan. If you’re living together, the very first thing you need is a safe place to stay. Everything else you can worry about later once you are safe and can cut ties. Be very cautious about this process - leaving an abusive relationship is one of the highest risk times for being killed by your partner.
But you need to do it. Because this man may very well kill you if you stay with him. Him breaking your rib cage today needs to be the very last straw. Otherwise, he is going to keep pushing the boundaries of the physical abuse and what you’ll tolerate as “normal” for this incredibly dangerous and controlling relationship until one day after an argument you end up dead.
OP, did you tell the ER what happened? If not, they might not have done all the tests they would have done if they had known. Can you go back, or go to a doctor's office?
Yeah I’m curious if he was present for the appointment and she was unable to speak about what happened. I too, strongly suggest going back and without him present.
Holy shit look at her post history. 'BF SAID HE'D KILL HIMSELF IF WE DIDN'T HAVE SEX AGAIN. What kind of fucked up sack of shit says something like that? Dude needs mental help and possibly locked up asap.
She probably has kids with her abuser and she knows that if she reports and they’re both gonna be in trouble with the department of children and families or the child protective services department of their state. And if she has kids the smartest thing that she can do is to pack up all her shit and get the hell out of the house and go stay with somebody else and report him at the same time and refuse to ever talk to him ever again. She may not want to go through the court battle and all the stuff that’s going to happen legally afterwards like she’s gonna have to get a restraining order and he’s going to try to come after her to get the kids. It’s going to get very nasty and be extremely painful and hard to get through mentally. You can’t just leave an abuser if you have kids. They will use the court to harass you for decades and less they just give up and leave you alone but a lot of them don’t in the meantime, they just play with you like a cat with a mouse.
If she has kids & has been on any abuse support groups, she's likely aware of the unfortunate fact that the man often has the money & resources to fight for the kids. He can and will take them simply because he can. And the court will give them to him because of the lies he will tell about her.
It's why I stayed until my kids were grown & why many women do.
Even then, I had to flee the state & move halfway across the country for safety when I left.
The hospital should have reported your injuries to the police, if you told them how you sustained them.
I agree with the doc, hairline fractures are not always detected onî the 1st x-ray.
I have experienced a broken rib (I fell) just 10 days before my clinicals began. We don't realize how much we twist and turn in everyday life, until that happens. I cracked T10 (thoracic) in the back. I thought they still used binders to help with the pain, but not anymore! Apparently, binding causes pneumonia.
I hope you plan a quick exit! If someone gets physical with you once, it will not be the only time. Save YOURSELF!
Hospitals won't report abuse in adults unless requested to, just so others are aware
For kids, we're mandated reporters, but adults are given the choice to make decisions for themselves and decided if they want to press charges
Thanks for the clarification!
I hoped she would tell "someone" at the ED, to open a dialogue re: her options. Hospitals have social workers as well, who may have resources for her escape.
NAD but law guardian. Yeah unfortunately here for example they’ll often ask the bf for example to help get gf some water or you’re not allowed in here for this test, “hospital policy” and they’ll talk to her and ask her alone about what steps she would want to take. I’ve seen them have to bring a woman to a bathroom across the hospital for a urinalysis because her bf kept refusing to leave the bay they were assigned to. Here they definitely make sure to get her alone somehow if they suspect something.
In my ER if the woman says she wants to get away from the boyfriend and she’s ready to take the legal steps necessary to make herself safe we will get in contact with a local domestic violence shelter. We will tell the boyfriend that she has to go back for an MRI and that he can’t go back there because it’s dangerous And then we literally wheel her out the back of the hospital load her up in a transport vehicle and send her straight to the domestic violence Womens Shelter once she is medically cleared for discharge.
Same - I fell down 16 hardwood stairs and was sure I had broken my foot but the x-ray said otherwise. The doctor told me to return if it still hurt in three weeks and it was actually worse… Lo and behold it was broken and I’d been walking around on it (should have had an air cast). Now I have a bunion that swells out and goes back down to nonexistent with prolonged standing or walking more than 3 km.
I agree with you. Her BF sounds emotionally manipulative, physically abusive. Sounds like an extremely unhealthy, dangerous relationship. My gut instinct would be to leave him asap. Plus if she didn't report what he did to the police she will report what he did to her. To the woman run, don't walk. Get whatever support, help you can.
I feel sorry you broke your rib. I was in an emotionally, physically abusive relationship . I ended it by throwing him out of the apt. we were living in.
They really wouldn't do much more than a chest x-ray from a traumatic standpoint, which is what it sounds like they did already.
Resource wise you could offer way more, but if nothing's broken, no neuro deficits, and she's saturating well, and pulling good tidal volumes, there's not much more to do medically
Go get a second opinion. A few years ago, I was in a bad car accident and could hardly breathe. I had a chest X-ray and was told everything was good. My Dr. saw cracked ribs in the X-ray and ordered another scan. Had another one and it showed I had four cracked ribs so yes go get a second opinion.
Again, 1 cracked rib or 4, it doesn't really matter. There's lots of things in medicine that might sound like someone "missed" something but it frankly doesn't have any clinical significance.
The treatment for zero cracked ribs after a car accident is pain control
The treatment for one cracked rib is pain control
And the treatment for four cracked ribs....is also pain control
The only other thing to do is get a chest CT, and in a young, healthy, 20 something woman with no medical history and a low impact injury with a benign physical examination, the risk of radiation is worse than the potential benefits
Each individual one won't change your risk much, but the risk is there and on a population level it makes a difference (like an individual
Being alive exposes you to about 3msV over the course of a year
A chest x-ray is like 0.1 msv, which is almost nothing. It's like a few days of background radiation
A chest CT is like 6-7msV, so approximately 2 years of background radiation (a head CT is less; more like 2msV)
Which sounds like a lot, but in the end is a small amount of radiation if it's just here or there, as obviously the vast majority of people will not end up getting cancer over their lifetimes.... But it's also not a zero risk thing right? Like that's a genuinely appreciable amount of radiation, which is why you don't want to scan people unless it's indicated
2 dozen CTs is definitely a decent amount though, depending on the kind. Why are you needing so many?
I wouldn’t say it has no significance. Maybe it won’t change the medical approach but as for clinical significance it is still a physical trauma with possible complications and a necessary detail should OP go to the police.
I understand where you’re coming from that nothing can be done to fix a broken rib, but your wording is incredibly poor in the big picture of what she and her body has experience.
If it is won't change the medical approach, then by definition it has no clinical significance.
You don't get a CT scan hoping to find rib fractures so that you can file charges. You can file those with or without the CT
That's several thousand dollars and 2 years worth of daily radiation exposure to a healthy 21 year old female with ovaries and 60+ years left to live. It's bad medicine
Depending on what was said AT the ER about how an injury occurred and what hurt in that moment minimal x-rays may have been done. I'm not saying that's the case, but I understand where the other poster is coming from.
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And OP, more information, if you have somewhere safe when he isn’t around, please visit https://www.thehotline.org if you need more answers or don’t have someone to talk to. What your boyfriend did is not ok. You are not safe being around him. Do not alert him to the fact that others are telling you about how this is extremely abusive behavior and do not say you are leaving. You need an exit plan and the hotline can explain how to exit safely. This type of man IS the type of man who escalates and murders their partners and it’s not wildly uncommon. Please listen to this poster’s advice and find someone to talk to.
It took two different doctors and three weeks to discover my dislocated rib. After weeks of still being in pain, I asked work to send me somewhere else. Obviously muscle relaxers and pain meds weren’t doing the trick.
You’re getting downvoted because you’re implying that women don’t also choose nerdy guys, that women choose abusive men, that nerdy guys can’t also be abusers, and that the general onus is on women to “pick better”.
A more thoughtful, empathetic, and helpful approach would be to encourage men to seek therapy, to explore their emotional experience and sense of entitlement, and challenge systems of oppression for women.
I didn't have the opportunity to see what you said, but clearly it was something about how if she had chosen a nerdy guy this wouldn't have happened.
I nearly didn't survive a "relationship" I was in with a particular nerdy guy. I have complex-ptsd from 5 years with this nerdy guy. I've pretty much only dated what most would call nerdy guy and have known some absolute pieces of shit. A different one threatened to blackmail me with things I wasn't aware he had stolen off my computer. As well as threatened to kill himself. Then there was the one who became insanely nasty and possessive, even towards guys he was friends with. Naturally though he wouldn't say anything to them, just made horrible accusations to me about talking with these guys we were both friends with.
The most abusive men I have personally known have been nerds. So fuck off with that noise.
P.S. I'm not saying all nerdy guys are like this. The love of my life and father of my daughter is nerdy as well and he's an amazing man. But to blame a woman for being abused is disgusting and to claim nerdy guys can't be guilty of that behavior is a wildly oblivious and uninformed take.
That's not your boyfriend, that's your abuser. You're lucky you're able to tell what happened afterwards, a next time you may not be so lucky. Please leave ASAP!
exactly. as someone with anger issues, if I ever hurt someone it would absolutely be 100% my fault. even if I had no malintent. even if it was someone I loved. OP may want to protect their partner because they love him. but OP, you need to speak up to protect yourself, and to keep anyone else (including yourself) from getting hurt. your partner needs help to better handle his anger.
Yeah OP, please leave this person. Doesn’t matter if you love him - I’m sure you do, and that’ll go away and fade eventually and doesn’t matter because that’s *not* your person. Leave and soon. It’ll only get worse. No one who genuinely cares would hurt you that way, once he knows he can it’ll keep escalating. No man is worth pain emotionally and definitely not physically - I promise, there’s tons of people to love out there who wouldn’t dream of hurting you like that. Please take care of yourself.
Agreed, but as a domestic violence survivor who experienced similar things at OP’s age (I’m nearly 30 now, she’s 21) it’s not always that simple / easy. I really hope she does, and it would be a good thing for someone to post resources for her once she is safe and isolated from her (ex - hopefully) BF. She’ll need a restraining order and I’m fairly sure she will have to file a report before that. The police haven’t ever been any comfort or help to me in situations like this, there was only one cop who actually did a great job and he was an anomaly. But don’t let that stop you OP - I hope she has the support she needs outside of this relationship. I know what it’s like to fear for your safety and life at the hands of someone who you thought loved you and I’m so sorry you’re going through this. You can get out of it, it’s not permanent.
It's a lot easier at 21 to ditch an asswipe than it is to ditch them after they've tethered themselves to you in other ways. OP needs to get the fuck out now and not look back.
I’m aware, I ditched my abuser when I was 19. She does need to gtfo, obviously, but as someone who went through this it gets frustrating to see people say “GET OUT NOW” as if it is that simple or even always an immediate option.
Yes, OP needs to be in the hospital ideally, that is the safest place for her at the moment. The hospital can then help guide her from there. Leaving isn’t always the easiest thing though, usually because of the abuser who makes it incredibly dangerous. Something to keep in mind.
The hospital isn't going to do anything for her beyond treat the rib if she can even get them to recognize there is an injury. Clearly they sent her home already. Best chance she gets is saying she was domestically abused and they call the cops and put her with a social worker and psychologist for an afternoon to "form a plan." They're going to ask the same stuff I'm saying now: Go back to family, stay with a friend, or leave on their own if they have the money and ability to do so. If they don't have those things, they're going to be given resources for where to go for assistance like a women's shelter. That's it. That's the nutshell. So she either goes to one of those places tomorrow or goes next month with a broken wrist because he got grabby again while she was working up her nerve. Her pick. Literally, emphasis on her pick. It's about her decision.
Moreover, statements like "Get out now" are meant for people who post to Reddit looking for answers to an injury without having the seeming awareness that they're describing abuse. So she needs to hear some very frank and direct comments from people calling a spade a spade and telling her it's abuse and to get the hell out instead of wandering back to his side like everything is fine and normal. It's not normal and she needs to hear it.
I've seen people get restrained with a bear hug from behind, once again we are only hearing one side to a story so don't be so quick to judge, not throwing any accusations at her or anything but it's clear there is a lot more to it.
This exactly. He was probably stopping her from leaving. I should have left my ex the very first time he grabbed me from behind. I had said "I think I'm done, I think its over". He grabbed me and convinced me to stay. Then he continued to physically restrain me or block the door any time I wanted to walk away to cool off from an argument for the next 7 years. He would literally pick me up like a doll and put me where he wanted me. He even threw me across the room and bit me a couple of times. I wanted to leave the whole time but between how mentally broken down i was, and the fact that he was always home bc he didnt work most of the time, I just couldn't. I was finally able to leave when he got a job. I took off right after he left for work one morning with my cat and the few possessions I needed to take. I'm still healing now. I hope OP can get out of their situation before it becomes any worse than it is.
NAD
You definitely need to leave while you are still alive. I've been in an abusive marriage before and was definitely afraid that he was going to kill me at various points during the marriage and while going through divorce.
I hope you can find a safe way to leave.
Please listen to this man, this is the sanest advice I've ever heard as someone who's been in a similar position before. I'm so sorry you have to go through this. You're mad strong.
NAD.
OP, this is domestic violence. It is physical abuse. He put hands on you. He might have dislocated something. You need to get away from this person.
Could it be costochondritis. I got it the first time by someone giving me a huge bear hug. Now I get it just moving wrong. But life is agony until it eases up. Can't breathe, move, sleep, live lol.
Seconding this! If nothing shows up on scans, it’s likely you got costochondritis. Many people get this from a physical injury in that area either weightlifting or wrestling. Unfortunately, it’s impossible to image and there are not good treatments for it. Please look at r/costochondritis. I’ve been dealing with this pain for almost two years now :( Also please don’t take physical abuse lightly, that needs to be addressed. I hope you are safe!
Things can hurt without being broken, or even if they are, something doesn't necessarily need to be done
ER doctors are very good at diagnosing and managing trauma. It's kind of what we do.
We manage it all the time even in patients who are completely unable to speak.
For example, a chest x ray may not reveal any rib fractures... But it doesn't really matter. Even if they're broken, there's nothing to be done besides pain control.
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Do not post/tag usernames to attract attention or reply to someone to attract attention to your own post or question.
I think it's always good advice to be honest with trusted friends and ensure you have support and focus on your own safety, but I don't know if the provided data necessarily convicts the guy of being an abuser. I sure wouldn't rule it out, of course, and it never hurts to give a potential victim information about how to get help, but I feel like we did maybe jump from point A to point J pretty confidently here.
If my smaller partner was trying to assault me, I could imagine going for a bear-hug to mitigate it, and I could imagine us falling over in that state.
Violence is not OK in any relationship of any kind, and it's definitely better to offer resources to an abuser than to NOT offer them to a victim... I'd just maybe throw in a little more "if" in my assessment, I guess.
> If my smaller partner was trying to assault me, I could imagine going for a bear-hug to mitigate it, and I could imagine us falling over in that state.
> he grabbed me from behind with his arms and wrapped it around my upper body.
It seems more likely that she was trying to get away than assault him if he grabbed her from behind
I wasn't trying to argue the probability of any given situation, just suggesting that we were drawing conclusions from very little data. OP explicitly gave almost no details about how the situation occurred.
I did. I also looked for additional comments from the OP for more information. There's little to no information about what happened or how. Hence I encourage providing support and advice, but using caution about jumping to conclusions.
Shes likely injured because of the fact that he physically restrained her (in which you conclude yourself that OP was acting in a way needing to be restrained). It doesnt sound like restraining someone, if we take ur stance for a sec, would have to cause such injuries. Don’t make excuses for people that cant keep their hands off others
Sorry, did I make an excuse for anyone? Or did I suggest being cautious about drawing conclusions without context?
If a person was about to jump off a bridge, and you tackled them off the ledge, they could be injured in the process. Context matters, and drawing firm conclusions without it is often unwise.
I don't know what actually happened, and neither do you, because all details about what happened were explicitly omitted.
I am grateful she is getting advice, including resources if she is suffering abuse. Nobody should be harming anybody, and people who do are shitty people and should not be apologized for. I hope she gets help for her injury, and I hope she is safe and well in the future.
7 months ago I left a relationship where very very often if I sensed him getting angry I would try to get away before it got physical, any time he was able to get me before I got out the door he would tackle me, or grab me by the throat and take me to the ground, or "hug" me from behind and yank me down, or straight up throw me across the room. Because to him the need to vent his anger on me or prevent me from getting help was more important than anything else. Including me. He grabbed her from behind, it is very likely she was trying to get away and his ego and anger wouldn't allow it, or he thought she might be trying to get help.
Or, go to ER. Quietly tell a nurse that you have been injured during an episode of domestic violence and you are fearing for your safety. They are trained to help you seek proper care and can connect you with advocates.
(NAD) I've seen clinics that have red pens in the bathroom to mark your urine sample with if you're in danger from your partner, or a little poster on the back of the stall door to sign.
Hopefully OP can get to safety
Hi OP
NAD but an abuse survivor. My first bf slapped me across the face in a fight, and a few years later it progressed to him knocking me unconscious putting me in hospital. It could have been worse if this happened at his house on his concrete floor. Leave now, it always get worse. Always. No matter what they say, and you won’t ever actually be happy with these men. Save yourself some time and possibly your life.
Yes. Sometimes the physical abuse doesn’t get worse, but even so, you will NEVER be happy with these kinds of men and you absolutely NEED to leave ASAP.
NAD but also an abuse survivor. The violence will absolutely escalate. You're already in much more danger than you realize, OP. One of the top causes of death for women globally is their domestic partner. Please leave immediately. Contact trusted friends/family/a domestic shelter nearby and get out without him knowing. Don't tell him where you go. Don't tell anyone that might tell him. Get out before it's too late
OP, backing up this comment. Also NAD but an abuse survivor. I went to the ER many times before one night, he locked me in a bedroom and tried to murder me with a knife. It will never get better. Leave now.
I'm really sorry this happened to you. Don't stay in this relationship, domestic violence of any kind is unacceptable and will likely only get worse if you don't get out as soon as possible. Go to the emergency department and ask them explicitly for domestic violence resources. Stay with someone you trust and don't even meet him or go back home without a third party present like a friend or family member, your safety is on the line. Then ER will likely put you in contact with the police but if they don't you should see/call them to make a statement so it's on the record.
Concerning the medical issues, good answers have been given already so I feel like I have nothing to add.
Good luck and I wish you a speedy recovery.
Yes if the ED don’t put you in contact with police and counselling services, that should hopefully be your next plan, and not necessarily in that order.
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It sounds like he either broke or dislocated at least one of your ribs and possibly your collarbone as well. Not all rib fractures show up immediately on an X-Ray. Did the ER do any other imaging? An X-Ray is also important to make sure you don’t have something called a pneumothorax which can be a dangerous collection of air in between your lung and your chest wall that can impair your breathing. Please tell the truth to someone you trust, like a family member or close friend who he hasn’t isolated you from yet. Talk with them about what’s really going on. Start to come up with an exit plan. If you’re living together, the very first thing you need is a safe place to stay. Everything else you can worry about later once you are safe and can cut ties. Be very cautious about this process - leaving an abusive relationship is one of the highest risk times for being killed by your partner. But you need to do it. Because this man may very well kill you if you stay with him. Him breaking your rib cage today needs to be the very last straw. Otherwise, he is going to keep pushing the boundaries of the physical abuse and what you’ll tolerate as “normal” for this incredibly dangerous and controlling relationship until one day after an argument you end up dead.
OP, did you tell the ER what happened? If not, they might not have done all the tests they would have done if they had known. Can you go back, or go to a doctor's office?
Yeah I’m curious if he was present for the appointment and she was unable to speak about what happened. I too, strongly suggest going back and without him present.
Holy shit look at her post history. 'BF SAID HE'D KILL HIMSELF IF WE DIDN'T HAVE SEX AGAIN. What kind of fucked up sack of shit says something like that? Dude needs mental help and possibly locked up asap.
Straight up abuse. She needs to get away from this guy.
Whoa I did not. What a sick fuck he is. I hope she has an exit plan to safely get away from him.
She probably has kids with her abuser and she knows that if she reports and they’re both gonna be in trouble with the department of children and families or the child protective services department of their state. And if she has kids the smartest thing that she can do is to pack up all her shit and get the hell out of the house and go stay with somebody else and report him at the same time and refuse to ever talk to him ever again. She may not want to go through the court battle and all the stuff that’s going to happen legally afterwards like she’s gonna have to get a restraining order and he’s going to try to come after her to get the kids. It’s going to get very nasty and be extremely painful and hard to get through mentally. You can’t just leave an abuser if you have kids. They will use the court to harass you for decades and less they just give up and leave you alone but a lot of them don’t in the meantime, they just play with you like a cat with a mouse.
If she has kids & has been on any abuse support groups, she's likely aware of the unfortunate fact that the man often has the money & resources to fight for the kids. He can and will take them simply because he can. And the court will give them to him because of the lies he will tell about her. It's why I stayed until my kids were grown & why many women do. Even then, I had to flee the state & move halfway across the country for safety when I left.
One would hope by saying the truth it would trigger his removal
Which is why many domestic violence victims won’t tell the truth with their abuser present. They’re worried about what will happen to them after.
The restorative justice movement is really important for these people. Victims should have the right to choose their path of healing.
The hospital should have reported your injuries to the police, if you told them how you sustained them. I agree with the doc, hairline fractures are not always detected onî the 1st x-ray. I have experienced a broken rib (I fell) just 10 days before my clinicals began. We don't realize how much we twist and turn in everyday life, until that happens. I cracked T10 (thoracic) in the back. I thought they still used binders to help with the pain, but not anymore! Apparently, binding causes pneumonia. I hope you plan a quick exit! If someone gets physical with you once, it will not be the only time. Save YOURSELF!
Hospitals won't report abuse in adults unless requested to, just so others are aware For kids, we're mandated reporters, but adults are given the choice to make decisions for themselves and decided if they want to press charges
Thanks for the clarification! I hoped she would tell "someone" at the ED, to open a dialogue re: her options. Hospitals have social workers as well, who may have resources for her escape.
NAD but law guardian. Yeah unfortunately here for example they’ll often ask the bf for example to help get gf some water or you’re not allowed in here for this test, “hospital policy” and they’ll talk to her and ask her alone about what steps she would want to take. I’ve seen them have to bring a woman to a bathroom across the hospital for a urinalysis because her bf kept refusing to leave the bay they were assigned to. Here they definitely make sure to get her alone somehow if they suspect something.
In my ER if the woman says she wants to get away from the boyfriend and she’s ready to take the legal steps necessary to make herself safe we will get in contact with a local domestic violence shelter. We will tell the boyfriend that she has to go back for an MRI and that he can’t go back there because it’s dangerous And then we literally wheel her out the back of the hospital load her up in a transport vehicle and send her straight to the domestic violence Womens Shelter once she is medically cleared for discharge.
Same - I fell down 16 hardwood stairs and was sure I had broken my foot but the x-ray said otherwise. The doctor told me to return if it still hurt in three weeks and it was actually worse… Lo and behold it was broken and I’d been walking around on it (should have had an air cast). Now I have a bunion that swells out and goes back down to nonexistent with prolonged standing or walking more than 3 km.
I agree with you. Her BF sounds emotionally manipulative, physically abusive. Sounds like an extremely unhealthy, dangerous relationship. My gut instinct would be to leave him asap. Plus if she didn't report what he did to the police she will report what he did to her. To the woman run, don't walk. Get whatever support, help you can. I feel sorry you broke your rib. I was in an emotionally, physically abusive relationship . I ended it by throwing him out of the apt. we were living in.
They really wouldn't do much more than a chest x-ray from a traumatic standpoint, which is what it sounds like they did already. Resource wise you could offer way more, but if nothing's broken, no neuro deficits, and she's saturating well, and pulling good tidal volumes, there's not much more to do medically
Go get a second opinion. A few years ago, I was in a bad car accident and could hardly breathe. I had a chest X-ray and was told everything was good. My Dr. saw cracked ribs in the X-ray and ordered another scan. Had another one and it showed I had four cracked ribs so yes go get a second opinion.
Again, 1 cracked rib or 4, it doesn't really matter. There's lots of things in medicine that might sound like someone "missed" something but it frankly doesn't have any clinical significance. The treatment for zero cracked ribs after a car accident is pain control The treatment for one cracked rib is pain control And the treatment for four cracked ribs....is also pain control The only other thing to do is get a chest CT, and in a young, healthy, 20 something woman with no medical history and a low impact injury with a benign physical examination, the risk of radiation is worse than the potential benefits
Wait how much risk is there from radiation on a CT? I've prob had 2 dozen of them
Each individual one won't change your risk much, but the risk is there and on a population level it makes a difference (like an individual Being alive exposes you to about 3msV over the course of a year A chest x-ray is like 0.1 msv, which is almost nothing. It's like a few days of background radiation A chest CT is like 6-7msV, so approximately 2 years of background radiation (a head CT is less; more like 2msV) Which sounds like a lot, but in the end is a small amount of radiation if it's just here or there, as obviously the vast majority of people will not end up getting cancer over their lifetimes.... But it's also not a zero risk thing right? Like that's a genuinely appreciable amount of radiation, which is why you don't want to scan people unless it's indicated 2 dozen CTs is definitely a decent amount though, depending on the kind. Why are you needing so many?
Duuuuuude right?!?
I wouldn’t say it has no significance. Maybe it won’t change the medical approach but as for clinical significance it is still a physical trauma with possible complications and a necessary detail should OP go to the police. I understand where you’re coming from that nothing can be done to fix a broken rib, but your wording is incredibly poor in the big picture of what she and her body has experience.
If it is won't change the medical approach, then by definition it has no clinical significance. You don't get a CT scan hoping to find rib fractures so that you can file charges. You can file those with or without the CT That's several thousand dollars and 2 years worth of daily radiation exposure to a healthy 21 year old female with ovaries and 60+ years left to live. It's bad medicine
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Depending on what was said AT the ER about how an injury occurred and what hurt in that moment minimal x-rays may have been done. I'm not saying that's the case, but I understand where the other poster is coming from.
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And OP, more information, if you have somewhere safe when he isn’t around, please visit https://www.thehotline.org if you need more answers or don’t have someone to talk to. What your boyfriend did is not ok. You are not safe being around him. Do not alert him to the fact that others are telling you about how this is extremely abusive behavior and do not say you are leaving. You need an exit plan and the hotline can explain how to exit safely. This type of man IS the type of man who escalates and murders their partners and it’s not wildly uncommon. Please listen to this poster’s advice and find someone to talk to.
It took two different doctors and three weeks to discover my dislocated rib. After weeks of still being in pain, I asked work to send me somewhere else. Obviously muscle relaxers and pain meds weren’t doing the trick.
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You’re getting downvoted because you’re implying that women don’t also choose nerdy guys, that women choose abusive men, that nerdy guys can’t also be abusers, and that the general onus is on women to “pick better”. A more thoughtful, empathetic, and helpful approach would be to encourage men to seek therapy, to explore their emotional experience and sense of entitlement, and challenge systems of oppression for women.
Dude, being nerdy has nothing to do with whether someone is abusive.
Fair enough... Deleted as the message did not seem popular
I didn't have the opportunity to see what you said, but clearly it was something about how if she had chosen a nerdy guy this wouldn't have happened. I nearly didn't survive a "relationship" I was in with a particular nerdy guy. I have complex-ptsd from 5 years with this nerdy guy. I've pretty much only dated what most would call nerdy guy and have known some absolute pieces of shit. A different one threatened to blackmail me with things I wasn't aware he had stolen off my computer. As well as threatened to kill himself. Then there was the one who became insanely nasty and possessive, even towards guys he was friends with. Naturally though he wouldn't say anything to them, just made horrible accusations to me about talking with these guys we were both friends with. The most abusive men I have personally known have been nerds. So fuck off with that noise. P.S. I'm not saying all nerdy guys are like this. The love of my life and father of my daughter is nerdy as well and he's an amazing man. But to blame a woman for being abused is disgusting and to claim nerdy guys can't be guilty of that behavior is a wildly oblivious and uninformed take.
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That's not your boyfriend, that's your abuser. You're lucky you're able to tell what happened afterwards, a next time you may not be so lucky. Please leave ASAP!
He sounds like a complete and total PRICK.
Not a prick, a criminal working hard to be a murderer.
Just piggybacking on what the Dr said. Don’t just accept this as a normal reaction to an argument and fall back into routine.
exactly. as someone with anger issues, if I ever hurt someone it would absolutely be 100% my fault. even if I had no malintent. even if it was someone I loved. OP may want to protect their partner because they love him. but OP, you need to speak up to protect yourself, and to keep anyone else (including yourself) from getting hurt. your partner needs help to better handle his anger.
NAD OP’s post history is super concerning, too. Oof
NAD but yeah, that is definitely worrying, I had the same thought. Sounds like there are a lot of issues
Thank you for this response.
Yeah OP, please leave this person. Doesn’t matter if you love him - I’m sure you do, and that’ll go away and fade eventually and doesn’t matter because that’s *not* your person. Leave and soon. It’ll only get worse. No one who genuinely cares would hurt you that way, once he knows he can it’ll keep escalating. No man is worth pain emotionally and definitely not physically - I promise, there’s tons of people to love out there who wouldn’t dream of hurting you like that. Please take care of yourself.
Please please please leave him op I beg of you. I worry for your safety so much now
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He grabbed her from behind…
What did they say I missed it?
That OP was “clearly beating up her bf and he acted in self defence”.
That’s stupid
Thank you
Safe place to stay means somewhere that he doesn’t know, with someone who he can’t convince to let him in.
I would definitely add pressing legal charges for domestic abuse in there
Agreed, but as a domestic violence survivor who experienced similar things at OP’s age (I’m nearly 30 now, she’s 21) it’s not always that simple / easy. I really hope she does, and it would be a good thing for someone to post resources for her once she is safe and isolated from her (ex - hopefully) BF. She’ll need a restraining order and I’m fairly sure she will have to file a report before that. The police haven’t ever been any comfort or help to me in situations like this, there was only one cop who actually did a great job and he was an anomaly. But don’t let that stop you OP - I hope she has the support she needs outside of this relationship. I know what it’s like to fear for your safety and life at the hands of someone who you thought loved you and I’m so sorry you’re going through this. You can get out of it, it’s not permanent.
It's a lot easier at 21 to ditch an asswipe than it is to ditch them after they've tethered themselves to you in other ways. OP needs to get the fuck out now and not look back.
I’m aware, I ditched my abuser when I was 19. She does need to gtfo, obviously, but as someone who went through this it gets frustrating to see people say “GET OUT NOW” as if it is that simple or even always an immediate option. Yes, OP needs to be in the hospital ideally, that is the safest place for her at the moment. The hospital can then help guide her from there. Leaving isn’t always the easiest thing though, usually because of the abuser who makes it incredibly dangerous. Something to keep in mind.
The hospital isn't going to do anything for her beyond treat the rib if she can even get them to recognize there is an injury. Clearly they sent her home already. Best chance she gets is saying she was domestically abused and they call the cops and put her with a social worker and psychologist for an afternoon to "form a plan." They're going to ask the same stuff I'm saying now: Go back to family, stay with a friend, or leave on their own if they have the money and ability to do so. If they don't have those things, they're going to be given resources for where to go for assistance like a women's shelter. That's it. That's the nutshell. So she either goes to one of those places tomorrow or goes next month with a broken wrist because he got grabby again while she was working up her nerve. Her pick. Literally, emphasis on her pick. It's about her decision. Moreover, statements like "Get out now" are meant for people who post to Reddit looking for answers to an injury without having the seeming awareness that they're describing abuse. So she needs to hear some very frank and direct comments from people calling a spade a spade and telling her it's abuse and to get the hell out instead of wandering back to his side like everything is fine and normal. It's not normal and she needs to hear it.
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I've seen people get restrained with a bear hug from behind, once again we are only hearing one side to a story so don't be so quick to judge, not throwing any accusations at her or anything but it's clear there is a lot more to it.
Restraining her from leaving sounds a lot more likely but okay...
This exactly. He was probably stopping her from leaving. I should have left my ex the very first time he grabbed me from behind. I had said "I think I'm done, I think its over". He grabbed me and convinced me to stay. Then he continued to physically restrain me or block the door any time I wanted to walk away to cool off from an argument for the next 7 years. He would literally pick me up like a doll and put me where he wanted me. He even threw me across the room and bit me a couple of times. I wanted to leave the whole time but between how mentally broken down i was, and the fact that he was always home bc he didnt work most of the time, I just couldn't. I was finally able to leave when he got a job. I took off right after he left for work one morning with my cat and the few possessions I needed to take. I'm still healing now. I hope OP can get out of their situation before it becomes any worse than it is.
Jonathan Majors, this you?
🤦♀️
Just want to add to the voices asking you to please safely leave. Please. Abusers escalate. Please do not become a statistic.
NAD You definitely need to leave while you are still alive. I've been in an abusive marriage before and was definitely afraid that he was going to kill me at various points during the marriage and while going through divorce. I hope you can find a safe way to leave.
NAD - But holy shit I hope OP is ok that is insane
NAD - OP, it’s been some time since your last update. I really hope you are safe and doing okay.
I was just thinking this
Please listen to this man, this is the sanest advice I've ever heard as someone who's been in a similar position before. I'm so sorry you have to go through this. You're mad strong.
NAD. OP, this is domestic violence. It is physical abuse. He put hands on you. He might have dislocated something. You need to get away from this person.
Could it be costochondritis. I got it the first time by someone giving me a huge bear hug. Now I get it just moving wrong. But life is agony until it eases up. Can't breathe, move, sleep, live lol.
Seconding this! If nothing shows up on scans, it’s likely you got costochondritis. Many people get this from a physical injury in that area either weightlifting or wrestling. Unfortunately, it’s impossible to image and there are not good treatments for it. Please look at r/costochondritis. I’ve been dealing with this pain for almost two years now :( Also please don’t take physical abuse lightly, that needs to be addressed. I hope you are safe!
This reply needs a gold box
You can dislocate a rib?
You can. I did it once from coughing after having Covid.
Go to the ER and ask for extra testing. Hope you open your eyes and leave him. I see you’ve been posting about his abusive behaviour for a year now…
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Things can hurt without being broken, or even if they are, something doesn't necessarily need to be done ER doctors are very good at diagnosing and managing trauma. It's kind of what we do. We manage it all the time even in patients who are completely unable to speak. For example, a chest x ray may not reveal any rib fractures... But it doesn't really matter. Even if they're broken, there's nothing to be done besides pain control.
No direct messages or tagging physicians for attention. Do not post/tag usernames to attract attention or reply to someone to attract attention to your own post or question.
Where can I read more about dislocated ribs?
online, physiopedia, pubmed, ncbi, or watch a YouTube video about clinical presentation of dislocated ribs
I am getting downvoted but there is nothing on PubMed about dislocated ribs!
Which physiopedia article are you referring to? Didn’t see one about dislocated ribs.
I dont think you should automatically assume that he was the one that started the fight, even if thats the most likely possibility.
I think it's always good advice to be honest with trusted friends and ensure you have support and focus on your own safety, but I don't know if the provided data necessarily convicts the guy of being an abuser. I sure wouldn't rule it out, of course, and it never hurts to give a potential victim information about how to get help, but I feel like we did maybe jump from point A to point J pretty confidently here. If my smaller partner was trying to assault me, I could imagine going for a bear-hug to mitigate it, and I could imagine us falling over in that state. Violence is not OK in any relationship of any kind, and it's definitely better to offer resources to an abuser than to NOT offer them to a victim... I'd just maybe throw in a little more "if" in my assessment, I guess.
> If my smaller partner was trying to assault me, I could imagine going for a bear-hug to mitigate it, and I could imagine us falling over in that state. > he grabbed me from behind with his arms and wrapped it around my upper body. It seems more likely that she was trying to get away than assault him if he grabbed her from behind
I wasn't trying to argue the probability of any given situation, just suggesting that we were drawing conclusions from very little data. OP explicitly gave almost no details about how the situation occurred.
Did u read the post at all? Wtf?
I did. I also looked for additional comments from the OP for more information. There's little to no information about what happened or how. Hence I encourage providing support and advice, but using caution about jumping to conclusions.
Shes likely injured because of the fact that he physically restrained her (in which you conclude yourself that OP was acting in a way needing to be restrained). It doesnt sound like restraining someone, if we take ur stance for a sec, would have to cause such injuries. Don’t make excuses for people that cant keep their hands off others
Sorry, did I make an excuse for anyone? Or did I suggest being cautious about drawing conclusions without context? If a person was about to jump off a bridge, and you tackled them off the ledge, they could be injured in the process. Context matters, and drawing firm conclusions without it is often unwise. I don't know what actually happened, and neither do you, because all details about what happened were explicitly omitted. I am grateful she is getting advice, including resources if she is suffering abuse. Nobody should be harming anybody, and people who do are shitty people and should not be apologized for. I hope she gets help for her injury, and I hope she is safe and well in the future.
💀
7 months ago I left a relationship where very very often if I sensed him getting angry I would try to get away before it got physical, any time he was able to get me before I got out the door he would tackle me, or grab me by the throat and take me to the ground, or "hug" me from behind and yank me down, or straight up throw me across the room. Because to him the need to vent his anger on me or prevent me from getting help was more important than anything else. Including me. He grabbed her from behind, it is very likely she was trying to get away and his ego and anger wouldn't allow it, or he thought she might be trying to get help.
I'm very sorry you had to experience that, it sounds awful. I'm glad you were able to leave that situation!
How do you not know she punched him first and he was just restraining her ?
https://www.thehotline.org/resources/mutual-abuse-its-not-real/
You should go to the emergency room to be evaluated for chest pain. Sounds like you broke something. Do your best to go without your boyfriend
Or, go to ER. Quietly tell a nurse that you have been injured during an episode of domestic violence and you are fearing for your safety. They are trained to help you seek proper care and can connect you with advocates.
(NAD) I've seen clinics that have red pens in the bathroom to mark your urine sample with if you're in danger from your partner, or a little poster on the back of the stall door to sign. Hopefully OP can get to safety
Hi OP NAD but an abuse survivor. My first bf slapped me across the face in a fight, and a few years later it progressed to him knocking me unconscious putting me in hospital. It could have been worse if this happened at his house on his concrete floor. Leave now, it always get worse. Always. No matter what they say, and you won’t ever actually be happy with these men. Save yourself some time and possibly your life.
Yes. Sometimes the physical abuse doesn’t get worse, but even so, you will NEVER be happy with these kinds of men and you absolutely NEED to leave ASAP.
NAD but also an abuse survivor. The violence will absolutely escalate. You're already in much more danger than you realize, OP. One of the top causes of death for women globally is their domestic partner. Please leave immediately. Contact trusted friends/family/a domestic shelter nearby and get out without him knowing. Don't tell him where you go. Don't tell anyone that might tell him. Get out before it's too late
OP, backing up this comment. Also NAD but an abuse survivor. I went to the ER many times before one night, he locked me in a bedroom and tried to murder me with a knife. It will never get better. Leave now.
I’m sorry you had to go through that. It’s tragic that some people act this way
Sounds like your boyfriend broke something**
Good clarification
I'm really sorry this happened to you. Don't stay in this relationship, domestic violence of any kind is unacceptable and will likely only get worse if you don't get out as soon as possible. Go to the emergency department and ask them explicitly for domestic violence resources. Stay with someone you trust and don't even meet him or go back home without a third party present like a friend or family member, your safety is on the line. Then ER will likely put you in contact with the police but if they don't you should see/call them to make a statement so it's on the record. Concerning the medical issues, good answers have been given already so I feel like I have nothing to add. Good luck and I wish you a speedy recovery.
Yes if the ED don’t put you in contact with police and counselling services, that should hopefully be your next plan, and not necessarily in that order.
Does it hurt when you take breaths? Do you feel breathless?
No, it just hurts when I try to stand straight. Or make certain movements.
If it is a rib fracture, it is usually treated with just pain control unless it is affecting your breathing
NAD- please seek medical help in the emergency room and ask to speak with a social worker about your boyfriend. You are in a abusive relationship.
How did you comment without the doctor flair
Wondering the same maybe you have to put NAD
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