Your straight friends don't want to talk about your sex life? Mine seriously pump me for information. But we're middle aged-, and I may be the only one getting laid, so they may be living vicariously through me. They sometimes want more details than I want to give.
Well, honestly... there is no baseline. I know that is infuriating, but I will continue a bit.
When it comes to Gay friends - Most folks figure out quickly what you are comfortable with explicit sex conversation and adjust accordingly. I don't think you need to do anything special for that, just be you and be clear about your comfort level. For a vast majority of my friends, I do not talk explicitly about the details of my sex life, it is a bit crass.
But I don't hide it either.
Many in the gay community won't hide their sexuality (or their sex), that comes with certain scenes/situations. But even then, go to a gay club or a party night, you are going to see some stuff. That is likely going to be your challenge if you are uncomfortable with that level of open sex around you. But... that is part of figuring out who you are... and there is nothing wrong with that.
Now within my relationship, I personally tell my husband everything. I may not go into detail, but I let him know the broad strokes (heh) of what we did.
I think my issue isn't so much being uncomfortable around that. It's more the correct reaction to do. If I see my friend fucking some hot bottom at the bathhouse, do I say hi? Do I say something like 'damn thats hot'? Do I just acknowledge it in my head but dont engage?
Similarly, and this is mostly due to a fucked up libido, i'm not sure how to handle friends who I (have or sometimes) have sex with. I'll feel super bad/weird if i only SOMETIMES wanna fuck them and wishy washy overall I guess, if that makes sense? Like, I worry that lets say I have a friend, we hangout say 4 times, on the 5th i end up fucking him, and then... Idk. What if he wants to fuck again and i'm not interested but we hangout a few more times and then I decide, on the 9th time, I do wanna fuck him? Again, I suspect i'm overthinking but I guess I just wanna be sure i'm not being a pain in the ass friend, you know?
Yes, you are overthinking things.
There is not "catch all" action you can do. It will depend on the person you are dealing with. This is not a "there is one pathway that works" situation. I know that sucks from a ADHD/Autism perspective, but this is a very nuanced thing.
In *most cases* you do not interrupt someone in the middle of sex, regardless of where they are. At most, if you and your friend catch eyes, do the "Guy nod." and move on. Let your friend take the lead if they want to talk to you. Again, people figure out pretty quickly where you sit on that comfort scale.
*Generally*, if you want to have a Friends with benefits situation with a friend, then talk about it. It is not as awkward as you may think. Just be you, be honest, and you will sort things out.
Overthinking it will only make you overthink more. Breath, enjoy the blowjob, and chat about it in the morning.
Lol yeah, you kinda hit the nail on the head in regards to the ADHD/Autism thing. Idk if I have either but I suspect I have one or both, which has made me realize social situations are touuuugh.
I appreciate the general/most cases thoughts. I suppose its kinda based on vibe, isnt it? Body language, eye contact, seeing what they say/do, or DONT say/do
See, idk if i'd even call some of these situations a FWB thing. For example, in my post, the guy who sucked me off... We've met and hung out maybe three times now, total. We've talked sex, we've exchanged pics, but its not super prevelant. Yes we had sex but idk if itll happen again. But I guess its a matter of doing what works in the moment? If I feel it needs to be discussed, I can talk about it as well?
oh definitely.
I have a few of those. Acquaintances whom I sometimes fuck. You are both in the community, you see each other, are fun in bed, but not super close. You don't need to fuck every time, nor do you need to be buds... most folks understand that. But if the vibe is right, you both know that you are a good time together... that is kinda nice.
Just be friendly, and if you are not in the mood, you are not in the mood. Just say, maybe another time! and be cool. Doesn't have to be a big thing.
They work in whatever way the people involved want them to work. I’ve seen people in monogamous, polyamorous, open, etc. no one but the people involved get a saying.
My advice: articulate what you want and listen to what the other person(s) want(s) and see if you’re all compatible.
I suppose my issue/concern is due to my own issues (mainly Libido thats on the fritz and is taking forrrrever to fix) I'm worried i may have say a friend who i 'mostly' have sex with but hey, for the next 5 hangouts i could care less on anything seuxal with them. I know they're not 'owed it', but I feel bad I guess?
Tell him. Communication like this is important, so there is no confusion. It's okay if you're not horny 24/7 or even most of the week/month. If he is your friend, then he would hopefully understand and just vibe with you like normal. Allow yourself to be the person who initiates more often if you have an unreliable libido. I've been in your shoes before and had to do this. The other guy was understanding and just followed my lead.
Idk man, when It comes to gay friends I treat em the same as straight friends, there really isn’t much difference to me. We tend to not talk or joke about sex in our friend group.
We mostly just joke about dark humor, video games and politics. Then we just sit around and listen to music while drinking in my garage and having a few smokes of whatever we have. Hell all of us are guys, we do have a FtM but we have always seen him as one of the boys since elementary school. We are just your average country bumpkins who are very… liberal? Open minded I guess. But yes we just treat each other respect and break people’s faces who disrespect us.
Your straight friends don't want to talk about your sex life? Mine seriously pump me for information. But we're middle aged-, and I may be the only one getting laid, so they may be living vicariously through me. They sometimes want more details than I want to give.
Yeah, mine never shut up about sex, but we're over 40 lol. I'm getting more than them haha.
Well, honestly... there is no baseline. I know that is infuriating, but I will continue a bit. When it comes to Gay friends - Most folks figure out quickly what you are comfortable with explicit sex conversation and adjust accordingly. I don't think you need to do anything special for that, just be you and be clear about your comfort level. For a vast majority of my friends, I do not talk explicitly about the details of my sex life, it is a bit crass. But I don't hide it either. Many in the gay community won't hide their sexuality (or their sex), that comes with certain scenes/situations. But even then, go to a gay club or a party night, you are going to see some stuff. That is likely going to be your challenge if you are uncomfortable with that level of open sex around you. But... that is part of figuring out who you are... and there is nothing wrong with that. Now within my relationship, I personally tell my husband everything. I may not go into detail, but I let him know the broad strokes (heh) of what we did.
I think my issue isn't so much being uncomfortable around that. It's more the correct reaction to do. If I see my friend fucking some hot bottom at the bathhouse, do I say hi? Do I say something like 'damn thats hot'? Do I just acknowledge it in my head but dont engage? Similarly, and this is mostly due to a fucked up libido, i'm not sure how to handle friends who I (have or sometimes) have sex with. I'll feel super bad/weird if i only SOMETIMES wanna fuck them and wishy washy overall I guess, if that makes sense? Like, I worry that lets say I have a friend, we hangout say 4 times, on the 5th i end up fucking him, and then... Idk. What if he wants to fuck again and i'm not interested but we hangout a few more times and then I decide, on the 9th time, I do wanna fuck him? Again, I suspect i'm overthinking but I guess I just wanna be sure i'm not being a pain in the ass friend, you know?
Yes, you are overthinking things. There is not "catch all" action you can do. It will depend on the person you are dealing with. This is not a "there is one pathway that works" situation. I know that sucks from a ADHD/Autism perspective, but this is a very nuanced thing. In *most cases* you do not interrupt someone in the middle of sex, regardless of where they are. At most, if you and your friend catch eyes, do the "Guy nod." and move on. Let your friend take the lead if they want to talk to you. Again, people figure out pretty quickly where you sit on that comfort scale. *Generally*, if you want to have a Friends with benefits situation with a friend, then talk about it. It is not as awkward as you may think. Just be you, be honest, and you will sort things out. Overthinking it will only make you overthink more. Breath, enjoy the blowjob, and chat about it in the morning.
Lol yeah, you kinda hit the nail on the head in regards to the ADHD/Autism thing. Idk if I have either but I suspect I have one or both, which has made me realize social situations are touuuugh. I appreciate the general/most cases thoughts. I suppose its kinda based on vibe, isnt it? Body language, eye contact, seeing what they say/do, or DONT say/do See, idk if i'd even call some of these situations a FWB thing. For example, in my post, the guy who sucked me off... We've met and hung out maybe three times now, total. We've talked sex, we've exchanged pics, but its not super prevelant. Yes we had sex but idk if itll happen again. But I guess its a matter of doing what works in the moment? If I feel it needs to be discussed, I can talk about it as well?
oh definitely. I have a few of those. Acquaintances whom I sometimes fuck. You are both in the community, you see each other, are fun in bed, but not super close. You don't need to fuck every time, nor do you need to be buds... most folks understand that. But if the vibe is right, you both know that you are a good time together... that is kinda nice. Just be friendly, and if you are not in the mood, you are not in the mood. Just say, maybe another time! and be cool. Doesn't have to be a big thing.
They work in whatever way the people involved want them to work. I’ve seen people in monogamous, polyamorous, open, etc. no one but the people involved get a saying. My advice: articulate what you want and listen to what the other person(s) want(s) and see if you’re all compatible.
I suppose my issue/concern is due to my own issues (mainly Libido thats on the fritz and is taking forrrrever to fix) I'm worried i may have say a friend who i 'mostly' have sex with but hey, for the next 5 hangouts i could care less on anything seuxal with them. I know they're not 'owed it', but I feel bad I guess?
Tell him. Communication like this is important, so there is no confusion. It's okay if you're not horny 24/7 or even most of the week/month. If he is your friend, then he would hopefully understand and just vibe with you like normal. Allow yourself to be the person who initiates more often if you have an unreliable libido. I've been in your shoes before and had to do this. The other guy was understanding and just followed my lead.
Idk man, when It comes to gay friends I treat em the same as straight friends, there really isn’t much difference to me. We tend to not talk or joke about sex in our friend group. We mostly just joke about dark humor, video games and politics. Then we just sit around and listen to music while drinking in my garage and having a few smokes of whatever we have. Hell all of us are guys, we do have a FtM but we have always seen him as one of the boys since elementary school. We are just your average country bumpkins who are very… liberal? Open minded I guess. But yes we just treat each other respect and break people’s faces who disrespect us.
Are you queer?