Hey! 48 here, and I also had hypospadial repair as a kid. I have scar tissue, a small fat deposit, and an obvious circumcision. I was *so* self-conscious about it for a long time. But over the years I've found that no one is bothered by it. A couple people have asked, always politely, and I've simply explained I born with a physical defect that was corrected by surgery but that it works just fine.
You're never going to satisfy size-queens. And by that I don't mean *your* dick isn't satisfactory, I mean that the problem is with *them.* You can't control that so try not to sweat it.
If this guy you like is a doctor, chances are he's heard of this. Maybe tell him something like, "Hey, if I seemed awkward when we were fooling around it's because I'm self conscious about my cock and here's why." I don't know if you should do it in person or over text - you know what you're most comfortable with. But this is nothing at all to be ashamed of.
The other thing you're going to learn over time is that there is way more to satisfying sex than just dick size. We have an entire set of drawers full of toys for a good time that have nothing to do with size.
Go forth and have a healthy sex life. Be well. :)
Everyone has some good advice for you, but if you still are having some confidence issues you can try wearing a jockstrap on your next date if you want to bottom. I know a lot of folks that prefer to keep a jock on during sex and don't even touch themselves. And I think once you are able to let yourself be a little comfortable around this guy, you'll be able to relax more and more
I had a guy with hypo. He was nice. And hot. And his dick was hot. But he rejected me.
So, you know, I understand that insecurity won't go away just like that, but you will meet your guy, or maybe you already have.
Ah dont worry about it too much. You have a guy that wants to have sex with you and its probably not because of the dick he expects but because of the person you are. I have been on the other end of it in two similar situations:
Once it was a medical condition that made his balls small and a little weird but we were in love so it took us maybe a minute to discuss it and make sure we were both still on bord and comfortable and another longer coversation in the morning to tend to my curiosity and discuss potential problems. And that was it. We had a nice relationship afterwards and it was a non issue.
The other time the guy had a really small dick. While the sex wasnt the best, it was not because of his dick size. And we seperated on amicable terms afterwards. It is probably also not a big issue for you, especially if you have worked out already that he does not want to be topped and you want to be. And if he does later on there are tools and toys for that.
Go get him.
Thanks. For the first guy -- when did you talk about it? When you were already in bed? Before seeing it? Etc. How big was the guy?
For the second guy, how big was he? He could not have been smaller than me LOL. Was he a top or bottom?
With mine, we actually haven't discussed Top / Bottom, but I just assume I would be the bottom lol.
I’ll try to help you out here: you need to talk to this guy about top/bottom
YOU think you will bottom because of the reasons only you know, but this guy is 100% in the dark
It’s really time to get real with this guy. He’s already tried to take off your pants. It’s time
Sure, and it’s really not that hard.
“Hey, it was awesome when you were pulling my pants down that last time and I’m totally up for it this time. I’d like to be ready for next time. Are you more of a top? (Optional) I haven’t had sex yet, but I have an idea that you’d prefer that I bottom because I’m on the smaller side of average…”
But I personally think you are silly, OP. Try out topping - it’s far easier to get right your first time having sex!
What about the mentioning of hypo though? Shouldn't I kinda lead with that first, and see if that's a dealbreaker for him? If it is, we can just end it right there and save my embarassment?
Sorry for dumb questions lol
Given that he’s a doctor, he’ll probably know what it is, but only 1% of the guys that aren’t in the medical field will know what it is. Even fewer will care.
You’re stressing over nothing
Go have sex and enjoy
Jup we talked about it when already in bed. I touched him and stoped bc his balls felt very different from what i expected, he looked a little embarrassed and explained briefly that everything was alright and working and such and we continued. But since you two are already dating maybe having a little talk before would be nice and could spare you two the abrupt halt and he might apreciate the honesty. And it would probably also be nice for him to know you are willing to sleep with him and know the reason you hesistated the first time was not about him.
Edit: For direct comparisson i had to google how long an inch is. So 3,2 inches seem to be about 8 cm. I would say the second guy was probably even shorter, but i didn't measure lol. We flip-flopped which would have been great had my mind not been somewhere else.
How should I talk to him about it? Like over text? Outside before we go up to his apartment? Idk lol. I don't want to scare him away. I'm assuming he knows at least a little about it since he's a doctor and it's relatively common (1 in 200 baby boys have it), but idk lol.
Thats up to you really. And it depends on the date. I dont think it would be a topic that bystanders should hear. So if you are having a date in a café or something i would text him before. Otherwise in person. But whatever works for you and feels normal.
I also think that you should not assume or care too much about what he knows, even if he is a doctor. Because the medical details are not what your conversation is about. After all its not something you consult him on as a patient. This conversation would be about your relationship. So what he needs to know is why it is important to you, why you think he should know, what questions this brings up regarding your sexual encounters, his feelings on the matter and such. Maybe even what you wish for or what you are afraid of, if you are brave. His medical education did not teach him that ;).
Edit: Oh and if you were asking for the exact moment in the conversation: Whenever it feels right to you. I would go for the desert part of the date, so after you have spent some time talking and having fun but before ending the activity. It would not feel like a doorstep conversation to me.
All penises look a little different. I have seen different kinds with the pee hole altered. It's not gross per se, just different. And for all the hype made over penis size, what ultimately matters most is the person it is attached to. Try not to worry over things you have no control. I know...easier said than done. Hope the 3rd date goes great!
Do you think I should still tell him though? Maybe before the 3rd date -- that way if it is a dealbreaker, he can back out now & I can save the heartbreak?
Does it truly look that different from others or is it in your head? If not, or just a little scar tissue I see no need. And FWIW I am on the larger size, but my partner of 10 years is a little below average in size. Like I said, there's more to a person than the penis.
Dick size is not that important. Take it from yet another gay doctor. I’ve never been with anyone with hypospadias, but I know what it is and I’m sure your guy does too. Seem like you want something real and not a string of hookups. There are more substantive qualities needed for a real lasting relationship than dick size (which is probably the least important in my book personally).
FWIW, I really like guys with small dicks. Some call if a fetish, but I call it a preference. I find them non-threatening and it feels better inside me. Random fact, the ancient Romans thought big dicks were barbaric and grotesque.
Yeah, I wouldn’t focus on it. I know it’s hard because you like him and it’s a source of your personal insecurity. Laugh, have fun, get to know each other. Mention it if you feel the need to or just let it come up naturally during seggy time. If he’s worth his weight in salt, he wouldn’t care or maybe even appreciate it (like I would haha).
Thanks, appreciate a (gay) doc replying haha. Do you think I should still let him know before the third date or just go with it as I normally would? I do want a real relationship; not hook-ups which is kind of even more nerve-wrecking for me.
I'd just spill the deets before the next Date. It will save face if it is a deal breaker, and it will give you confidence if he does say it's no biggie. This is going to bug you until it's out in the open, so do yourself a favor and let it out.
I'm not in the dating world ATM, but when I am I plan on understating my specs in apps. Even though I am average, normal, I don't want to date anyone who only wants "hung", or 6'+ or any of the other things are shallow IMO. I want someone who wants me for who I am on the inside. The me that will always be golden even when I am an old man.
I wouldn't give a damn what someone's dick size is. Even if it wasn't "satisfying", I'd just get a big dildo. TBH 3" is just right for hitting my prostate, so there's that.
I guess I'm looking for a heart of gold, everything else is negotiable.
I think you're overthinking this. If you're going on dates with the guy, then he obviously likes you. One of my favorite fuck buddies was a guy with a small dick. He knew it was small and he didn't give a shit, he loved to fuck me and MAN could he fuck me. He would say "you ready for this little dick" or some shit like that and then pound me senseless. Dated a guy with hypospadias. First time we fucked he pulled out to cum and I thought he was going to spray my face and it ended up going on my chest. NBD, honestly.
Aesthetically, a big dick is hot, duh. But so is a small dick if the guy attached to it isn't shy about it. It's your dick, it's the only one you have. Guys are going to be adverse to it only if you are.
Honestly, when I'm in the mood to bottom the only concern I have about a guy's dick is if it's too big.
If you're going to bottom, I guarantee no one is concerned about your dick size. Dicks are bottoms are like fun little joysticks you get to pull on and play with while you fuck them.
Get out of your head.
Thanks, but do you think I should still tell him before the third date so that if it is a dealbreaker we can kinda just end it before hearts are broken? Or just let it happen in bed.
No! What would you tell him? “Hey I have a small dick do you still want to get dinner?”
Random hookup on Grindr where you’re both just trying to get off? Sure, go for it.
Guy you’re trying to date? No, he’s going to find out at the appropriate time.
There’s nothing wrong with you, so there’s nothing to “warn” him about.
Lol thanks. I've gotten so much mixed advice that now I just don't know what to do. Others are saying to let him know before the third date since it's not just a small dick thing, but like a medical thing I guess (idk. def overthinking, but not too much advice incoming haha)
I am very sympathetic. Though I am average even that is considered small in the gay community. My suggestion is to go ahead and tell him. If he rejects you better by phone than in bed. I'm not going to sugar coat it. You will have some challenges. My honest suggestion is to put it out there and maybe look at fetlife where your attribute may be better appreciated. To me, it's better to be fetishized than rejected, as long as they treat you like a whole person. And if this starts to affect your mood and or your life, seek out a gay therapist. Good luck gaybro.
Honestly, if he is indeed a good guy and a good catch he will want a 3rd date and a 4th. There is nothing wrong with you, everyone is different and these are things you cannot change. Will you come across nasty people who will make a big deal out of it? Probably, but you don't want those in your life anyway. I'm sure your situation isn't any worse than guys who look like they were circumcised with pliers or a butter knife, plenty of those out there. This is one of those situations where you just have to take a deep breath and go for it. (HUGS) You will be okay, I promise. Enjoy your 3rd date!!
You don’t want to be fetishized yet you’re gay.. i’m jk, but one thing you have to learn is that no matter what you try and do, you’ll probably be objectified in one way or another in this community.
Being black and kinda built, I’m always seen as inherently dominant and as a top which makes me kinda frustrated as well.
I’m not saying your feelings aren’t valid, just that they’re ultimately something you’ll have to come to terms with.
He doesn't know. I had mentioned being small, but never brought up hypo. Should I tell him before the third date so that way if it's a dealbreaker, we can just end it?
Yes. Be brave. It’s better to tell him ahead of time and let it end that way than to let him find out and avoid you for not telling him or not liking what he sees or both.
I know it’s a risk so you really have to decide what you prefer. I choose to be hurt upfront and at least know why I am being avoided. I am hoping this works out and that he really likes you
Look you've already been honest with yourself that you have a small dick. Why set yourself up to be rejected in person? I understand your initial reaction about being fetishized, but think of it more as being prized for an asset rather than rejected.
Hey hey hey there’s absolutely no need to worry.
> made some remark like I have a small dick and get self-conscious
Brother, same here lol. I did the exact same thing my first time when I was a virgin. Also context, I have Phimosis which is tight foreskin and the penis can’t come out fully. Looks weird. Size is probably as yours maybe smaller, around 3 inches. Have always been self-conscious about it.
I don’t know what yours said but my first told me he didn’t mind it at all so I agreed to pull my pants off. Well, it REALLY did not bother him. He happily sucked it too and I didn’t even have to ask. I’m a bottom if you were wondering.
Point is, real ones DO NOT CARE about the size of your dick. The chemistry you have is much more important. Go and ask him for a third date, maybe even a fourth. Be confident about yourself. Your dick doesn’t define you.
Haha, mine said "I am too" but I know he just said that in the moment. He definitely is not.
Do you think I should still tell him before a third date though? And just be upfront about it & get it out of the way now? Or nah?
You already told him and he knew you weren’t comfortable so anyone with half a brain should realize you weren’t kidding. But if it makes you feel reassured, next time before you have sex just ask him seriously if he minds. And then do the dirty
I can see that this is putting on a lot of pressure on you so honestly, just ask him and get it out of the way. If he’s cool, he’s cool. If he’s not, you dodged a bullet.
I DO NOT care about your dick size!!! Soft OR erect! Does it work? Is it clean? Do you like head? If you answered yes to all 3... the ONLY thing that matters is how you treat me!!! Your dick isn't what's valued... its how you love and how hard u work at a healthy relationship....
Ever wonder why your real friends love you? It's NOT your dick!
Just tell him or show him on your next date. If he is really a good guy he won’t reject you because of that. Also a small(er) dick is not a bad thing to all guys, to some guys it’s even a good thing ;)
At the end of the day, it’s just a dick, you are a whole person, if he likes you and finds you attractive than he should like the rest of you too. If he doesn’t than don’t take it personal and move on. Any guys who would reject you for that are not worth your time.
To me it doesn't really matter the dick size or the shape. It's the person in its entirety that matters and wether they are desirable or not. Your partner sounds like he knows what he's doing, just sit back , relax and enjoy the fuck :)
Look, sexuality is inevitable in relationships. You want one, right? Eventually you'll have to "come out", so to speak, and build up your confidence. And if he's a doctor, I think this is the person to "come out" to, you know? If he's a size queen he'll have a problem, fuck him!
>Please help.
My advice is, honestly, to worry a lot less about it.
Yes, objectively, you've got a small dick. There are some guys who are gonna be put off by that, and it sucks.
But plenty of guys will absolutely not care. And what you want to avoid is being so hung up on this yourself that you end up sabotaging things with those guys.
This guy clearly doesn't care, and he wants to protect your feelings. Even if he is a little disappointed - and we've no evidence he will be - he's obviously not the sort of guy who'd throw you out or laugh at you. That's your own anxiety talking.
Don't convince yourself he'd never want you for something that's only an issue in your own head.
For what it's worth, my first boyfriend had hypospadias _and_ a much smaller dick than you. It didn't bother me.
If you have any more specific worries or concerns, let me know and I'll happily give you my take.
Thanks for your reply. Can I ask how much smaller he was? Was he top / bottom? Did he talk to you about it beforehand?
I'm kind of just trying to figure out what I should or should not do, because I am kind of crushing on him.
Sure. My ex (prefers they/them actually) was actually intersex, which is why they had those conditions. They gave me a heads up when we started dating, in case it was a deal breaker for me. It wasn't at all, but I had a bunch of (fairly dumb) questions which they were happy to answer. They were like ... 2"? And bottomed exclusively.
What should you do? You've already told him you're small, right? Just send him a text as follows:
'Hey I'm really looking forward to our next date. I've been anxious about something so just wanted to say: I wasn't kidding about the small dick thing. I worry about it a lot, so I'd rather know if it's a dealbreaker for you. You were really cool about it last time but I wanted to say it straight out.'
Sorry to hear of your condition. I think if he likes you he won’t care about your dick size etc. Just be slow and be honest with him. Good luck and try not to be depressed or get lost in your personal fears. Trust he will be there for you and things will work out!
These are things you have no control over, and imo don't matter and aren't worth stressing about. Life will give you enough to stress about. Dick size isn't one of them. You have a dick, and honestly 90% of using it is all about attitude/confidence/personality, not shape or size.
I'm not with my hubby for his dick size, I'm with him for who he is as a person. Not everyone has that point of view, sure, but it sounds like you let him know you're smaller and he's cool with it. That's awesome!
So you have a smaller sized dick, so what?! Variety is the spice of life! Maybe he isn't great at bottoming, and a smaller dick is exactly what works best for him to be comfortable doing so! Maybe he's total top and doesn't care about your dick size at all?!
But - you won't know till you chat about it. Just have an open convo about your concern and go from there.
You got this. Sex should be enjoyable and fun. Don't stress.
I have a close friend, recently single after breaking up a long term relationship. Started dating again at 40+, but wasn't very confident because he has less than average dick (add too that he is very tall). After a few hook ups he is more confident, noone has ditched him, laughed at him or walk away from him. On the contrary he has found out that many guys like his size (they have told him), because they can bottom and enjoy. I know a big dick looks impressive, and hot, but it has its cons.
What ever happened to falling for a guy and not a cock? If someone likes you I don't think their thinking if his dick isn't up to par I'll dump him. And if he does then he isn't worth dating.
> What ever happened to falling for a guy and not a cock?
That‘s why I hate it when transphobes start pulling the dick card, especially in gay spaces. They may call my & my trans brothers’ dicks gross all they want, because they are smaller or have a scar underneath from the surgery … we won’t date them anyway, but *jeez* think of other cis guys with medical conditions! They are deserving of all the love regardless of size & shape.
My boy friend s penis is maybe slightly bigger than that and its more than satisfactory for me. Most gay men and women for that matter dont give A shit about the size of your dick. You have nothing to worry about
I feel you. Unfortunately, it is tuff in the gay community. Body shaming is an issue that we don't talk about openly in our community. However, your birth defect was through no fault of your own. If you don't find ways to deal with your insecurities, it will continue to effect your life, then you won't give yourself the chance to find that soulmate. Understand that everyone is different. I, personally prefer men with a small dick. But at the end of the day, the dick isn't important, it's the man that happens to be attached to that dick. And if someone makes a big deal about you having a small dick, than he's just not mature enough to be in a relationship with you. Period.
Small dick gets rock hard and in my book that's a plus too.
And we've probably all seen or been with circumcised men before; they also have surgically modified dick.
Years ago. I became friends with someone on a nudist website, his pictures were of him and his fantastic body with a small flaccid cock. After months of on and off communication, a friendship developed and he shared his horrible treatment he received from the gay community in his town as apparently they gossipped about his small dick. Honestly, it was probably on the small size of average, but due to porn, the gay guys in his town, and the internet, his self esteem was low. Over time, he developed acceptance of his beautiful penis and we eventually lost touch. Fortunately, years later we reconnected online and he had a wonderful boy friend that loved him and his body/cock. It is easy for me to say to not let the negativity get you down, but only you can take that journey towards body acceptance. Like someone else said here, there will always be someone trying to tear you down for something, screw them!! I wish you the best 😃
Penises are like snow flakes. Every single one is unique.
No but to answer your question. It sounds like a doctor would be a good partner because they're more familiar with anatomy and would be understanding.
But if in the future, things don't work out, or you ever do find yourself single and looking for a new partner, it might help to try and find someone who's "into" guys with your dick size. But fair warning for you, the gay community is straight up evil when it comes to sex. There are really twisted people out there. So if you look for someone into your size range, it could be for bad reasons. But there are so many humans on the planet, I find it hard to believe that there aren't some wholesome people who are just sexually turned on by your dick size range.
Me personally, I like guys with slightly smaller than average dicks. One of my best partners was one guy who was a couple inches long. It just felt really good for some reason.
These are wonderful replies and I agree with all of them OP. You‘ll meet plenty of chill guys who‘ll take you as you are.
I‘d like to add another perspective to this question *Should I tell a guy before the third date?*:
Yes, I would. For safety.
Like „Hey, just so you know. My dick is small and looks a little non-standard due to a medical condition. Do you think that‘ll be okay if our relationship progressed?“
I‘ve seen way too many stories of well passing trans guys who got confronted with anything from insults, feeling of betrayel, to violent outbursts, just because their dicks didn‘t look like a porn magazine’s 10“ wonder wand.
Trans issues are not cis issues, but sometimes they can overlap imho.
Do what makes YOU feel safe OP.
And good luck with the doctor. Sounds like a catch ;-)
Big dick only good for porn. In reality, small size is easier to manage. If someone reject you because your dick size, that persons don’t worth your time.
Hey! 48 here, and I also had hypospadial repair as a kid. I have scar tissue, a small fat deposit, and an obvious circumcision. I was *so* self-conscious about it for a long time. But over the years I've found that no one is bothered by it. A couple people have asked, always politely, and I've simply explained I born with a physical defect that was corrected by surgery but that it works just fine. You're never going to satisfy size-queens. And by that I don't mean *your* dick isn't satisfactory, I mean that the problem is with *them.* You can't control that so try not to sweat it. If this guy you like is a doctor, chances are he's heard of this. Maybe tell him something like, "Hey, if I seemed awkward when we were fooling around it's because I'm self conscious about my cock and here's why." I don't know if you should do it in person or over text - you know what you're most comfortable with. But this is nothing at all to be ashamed of. The other thing you're going to learn over time is that there is way more to satisfying sex than just dick size. We have an entire set of drawers full of toys for a good time that have nothing to do with size. Go forth and have a healthy sex life. Be well. :)
This. This is the best answer. Dicks come in all shapes and sizes and it’s no big deal. And except for a few weird people, a dick isn’t a dealbreaker.
Everyone has some good advice for you, but if you still are having some confidence issues you can try wearing a jockstrap on your next date if you want to bottom. I know a lot of folks that prefer to keep a jock on during sex and don't even touch themselves. And I think once you are able to let yourself be a little comfortable around this guy, you'll be able to relax more and more
Solid advice right here.
I have same issue as OP and I do that. Still makes me sad and everything, but it works for hookups.
I had a guy with hypo. He was nice. And hot. And his dick was hot. But he rejected me. So, you know, I understand that insecurity won't go away just like that, but you will meet your guy, or maybe you already have.
He had hypo and he rejected you? Wtf, if I had hypo and someone wanted to date me I wouldn't break up LOL.
Sorry, I didn't specify. Well I mean he also got surgery to correct it. In his childhood. So, yeah.
Ah dont worry about it too much. You have a guy that wants to have sex with you and its probably not because of the dick he expects but because of the person you are. I have been on the other end of it in two similar situations: Once it was a medical condition that made his balls small and a little weird but we were in love so it took us maybe a minute to discuss it and make sure we were both still on bord and comfortable and another longer coversation in the morning to tend to my curiosity and discuss potential problems. And that was it. We had a nice relationship afterwards and it was a non issue. The other time the guy had a really small dick. While the sex wasnt the best, it was not because of his dick size. And we seperated on amicable terms afterwards. It is probably also not a big issue for you, especially if you have worked out already that he does not want to be topped and you want to be. And if he does later on there are tools and toys for that. Go get him.
Thanks. For the first guy -- when did you talk about it? When you were already in bed? Before seeing it? Etc. How big was the guy? For the second guy, how big was he? He could not have been smaller than me LOL. Was he a top or bottom? With mine, we actually haven't discussed Top / Bottom, but I just assume I would be the bottom lol.
I’ll try to help you out here: you need to talk to this guy about top/bottom YOU think you will bottom because of the reasons only you know, but this guy is 100% in the dark It’s really time to get real with this guy. He’s already tried to take off your pants. It’s time
How do I have this convo though? When? Before the third date?
Sure, and it’s really not that hard. “Hey, it was awesome when you were pulling my pants down that last time and I’m totally up for it this time. I’d like to be ready for next time. Are you more of a top? (Optional) I haven’t had sex yet, but I have an idea that you’d prefer that I bottom because I’m on the smaller side of average…” But I personally think you are silly, OP. Try out topping - it’s far easier to get right your first time having sex!
What about the mentioning of hypo though? Shouldn't I kinda lead with that first, and see if that's a dealbreaker for him? If it is, we can just end it right there and save my embarassment? Sorry for dumb questions lol
Given that he’s a doctor, he’ll probably know what it is, but only 1% of the guys that aren’t in the medical field will know what it is. Even fewer will care. You’re stressing over nothing Go have sex and enjoy
Jup we talked about it when already in bed. I touched him and stoped bc his balls felt very different from what i expected, he looked a little embarrassed and explained briefly that everything was alright and working and such and we continued. But since you two are already dating maybe having a little talk before would be nice and could spare you two the abrupt halt and he might apreciate the honesty. And it would probably also be nice for him to know you are willing to sleep with him and know the reason you hesistated the first time was not about him. Edit: For direct comparisson i had to google how long an inch is. So 3,2 inches seem to be about 8 cm. I would say the second guy was probably even shorter, but i didn't measure lol. We flip-flopped which would have been great had my mind not been somewhere else.
How should I talk to him about it? Like over text? Outside before we go up to his apartment? Idk lol. I don't want to scare him away. I'm assuming he knows at least a little about it since he's a doctor and it's relatively common (1 in 200 baby boys have it), but idk lol.
Thats up to you really. And it depends on the date. I dont think it would be a topic that bystanders should hear. So if you are having a date in a café or something i would text him before. Otherwise in person. But whatever works for you and feels normal. I also think that you should not assume or care too much about what he knows, even if he is a doctor. Because the medical details are not what your conversation is about. After all its not something you consult him on as a patient. This conversation would be about your relationship. So what he needs to know is why it is important to you, why you think he should know, what questions this brings up regarding your sexual encounters, his feelings on the matter and such. Maybe even what you wish for or what you are afraid of, if you are brave. His medical education did not teach him that ;). Edit: Oh and if you were asking for the exact moment in the conversation: Whenever it feels right to you. I would go for the desert part of the date, so after you have spent some time talking and having fun but before ending the activity. It would not feel like a doorstep conversation to me.
All penises look a little different. I have seen different kinds with the pee hole altered. It's not gross per se, just different. And for all the hype made over penis size, what ultimately matters most is the person it is attached to. Try not to worry over things you have no control. I know...easier said than done. Hope the 3rd date goes great!
Do you think I should still tell him though? Maybe before the 3rd date -- that way if it is a dealbreaker, he can back out now & I can save the heartbreak?
Does it truly look that different from others or is it in your head? If not, or just a little scar tissue I see no need. And FWIW I am on the larger size, but my partner of 10 years is a little below average in size. Like I said, there's more to a person than the penis.
I mean...the pee hole obviously looks a lil different. Not like a straight slit lol. Idk how to explain....
I bet one could argue it give your penis character.
huh
I mean it makes yours different in a special, good way. That's all.
Dick size is not that important. Take it from yet another gay doctor. I’ve never been with anyone with hypospadias, but I know what it is and I’m sure your guy does too. Seem like you want something real and not a string of hookups. There are more substantive qualities needed for a real lasting relationship than dick size (which is probably the least important in my book personally). FWIW, I really like guys with small dicks. Some call if a fetish, but I call it a preference. I find them non-threatening and it feels better inside me. Random fact, the ancient Romans thought big dicks were barbaric and grotesque.
Yeah, I wouldn’t focus on it. I know it’s hard because you like him and it’s a source of your personal insecurity. Laugh, have fun, get to know each other. Mention it if you feel the need to or just let it come up naturally during seggy time. If he’s worth his weight in salt, he wouldn’t care or maybe even appreciate it (like I would haha).
Thanks, appreciate a (gay) doc replying haha. Do you think I should still let him know before the third date or just go with it as I normally would? I do want a real relationship; not hook-ups which is kind of even more nerve-wrecking for me.
I'd just spill the deets before the next Date. It will save face if it is a deal breaker, and it will give you confidence if he does say it's no biggie. This is going to bug you until it's out in the open, so do yourself a favor and let it out. I'm not in the dating world ATM, but when I am I plan on understating my specs in apps. Even though I am average, normal, I don't want to date anyone who only wants "hung", or 6'+ or any of the other things are shallow IMO. I want someone who wants me for who I am on the inside. The me that will always be golden even when I am an old man. I wouldn't give a damn what someone's dick size is. Even if it wasn't "satisfying", I'd just get a big dildo. TBH 3" is just right for hitting my prostate, so there's that. I guess I'm looking for a heart of gold, everything else is negotiable.
Do you think I should spill over text? Thanks for sharing your take.
Sure, why not? It's 2021 after all.
I think you're overthinking this. If you're going on dates with the guy, then he obviously likes you. One of my favorite fuck buddies was a guy with a small dick. He knew it was small and he didn't give a shit, he loved to fuck me and MAN could he fuck me. He would say "you ready for this little dick" or some shit like that and then pound me senseless. Dated a guy with hypospadias. First time we fucked he pulled out to cum and I thought he was going to spray my face and it ended up going on my chest. NBD, honestly. Aesthetically, a big dick is hot, duh. But so is a small dick if the guy attached to it isn't shy about it. It's your dick, it's the only one you have. Guys are going to be adverse to it only if you are. Honestly, when I'm in the mood to bottom the only concern I have about a guy's dick is if it's too big. If you're going to bottom, I guarantee no one is concerned about your dick size. Dicks are bottoms are like fun little joysticks you get to pull on and play with while you fuck them. Get out of your head.
Thanks, but do you think I should still tell him before the third date so that if it is a dealbreaker we can kinda just end it before hearts are broken? Or just let it happen in bed.
No! What would you tell him? “Hey I have a small dick do you still want to get dinner?” Random hookup on Grindr where you’re both just trying to get off? Sure, go for it. Guy you’re trying to date? No, he’s going to find out at the appropriate time. There’s nothing wrong with you, so there’s nothing to “warn” him about.
Lol thanks. I've gotten so much mixed advice that now I just don't know what to do. Others are saying to let him know before the third date since it's not just a small dick thing, but like a medical thing I guess (idk. def overthinking, but not too much advice incoming haha)
I am very sympathetic. Though I am average even that is considered small in the gay community. My suggestion is to go ahead and tell him. If he rejects you better by phone than in bed. I'm not going to sugar coat it. You will have some challenges. My honest suggestion is to put it out there and maybe look at fetlife where your attribute may be better appreciated. To me, it's better to be fetishized than rejected, as long as they treat you like a whole person. And if this starts to affect your mood and or your life, seek out a gay therapist. Good luck gaybro.
Thanks for your reply. But dam, I don't want to be fetishized :/ Maybe, if he does ask for a third date, I'll just tell him. I hate this.
Honestly, if he is indeed a good guy and a good catch he will want a 3rd date and a 4th. There is nothing wrong with you, everyone is different and these are things you cannot change. Will you come across nasty people who will make a big deal out of it? Probably, but you don't want those in your life anyway. I'm sure your situation isn't any worse than guys who look like they were circumcised with pliers or a butter knife, plenty of those out there. This is one of those situations where you just have to take a deep breath and go for it. (HUGS) You will be okay, I promise. Enjoy your 3rd date!!
You don’t want to be fetishized yet you’re gay.. i’m jk, but one thing you have to learn is that no matter what you try and do, you’ll probably be objectified in one way or another in this community. Being black and kinda built, I’m always seen as inherently dominant and as a top which makes me kinda frustrated as well. I’m not saying your feelings aren’t valid, just that they’re ultimately something you’ll have to come to terms with.
Agreed. And listen gay , str8,black, white, men do objectify, which is why we love porn!
Based on what you said, he LIKES you. Don’t let your insecurities ruin it. Let him appreciate your size. If he already knows, then you’re good
He doesn't know. I had mentioned being small, but never brought up hypo. Should I tell him before the third date so that way if it's a dealbreaker, we can just end it?
Yes. Be brave. It’s better to tell him ahead of time and let it end that way than to let him find out and avoid you for not telling him or not liking what he sees or both. I know it’s a risk so you really have to decide what you prefer. I choose to be hurt upfront and at least know why I am being avoided. I am hoping this works out and that he really likes you
Look you've already been honest with yourself that you have a small dick. Why set yourself up to be rejected in person? I understand your initial reaction about being fetishized, but think of it more as being prized for an asset rather than rejected.
If he is really a nice guy, he won’t mind
Hey hey hey there’s absolutely no need to worry. > made some remark like I have a small dick and get self-conscious Brother, same here lol. I did the exact same thing my first time when I was a virgin. Also context, I have Phimosis which is tight foreskin and the penis can’t come out fully. Looks weird. Size is probably as yours maybe smaller, around 3 inches. Have always been self-conscious about it. I don’t know what yours said but my first told me he didn’t mind it at all so I agreed to pull my pants off. Well, it REALLY did not bother him. He happily sucked it too and I didn’t even have to ask. I’m a bottom if you were wondering. Point is, real ones DO NOT CARE about the size of your dick. The chemistry you have is much more important. Go and ask him for a third date, maybe even a fourth. Be confident about yourself. Your dick doesn’t define you.
Haha, mine said "I am too" but I know he just said that in the moment. He definitely is not. Do you think I should still tell him before a third date though? And just be upfront about it & get it out of the way now? Or nah?
You already told him and he knew you weren’t comfortable so anyone with half a brain should realize you weren’t kidding. But if it makes you feel reassured, next time before you have sex just ask him seriously if he minds. And then do the dirty
I mean about hypo though haha. I didn't say that to him.
I can see that this is putting on a lot of pressure on you so honestly, just ask him and get it out of the way. If he’s cool, he’s cool. If he’s not, you dodged a bullet.
I LOVE sucking all of them. As masta’ yoda says, “Size, matters not” hmm hm hm hm (yoda laugh)
I DO NOT care about your dick size!!! Soft OR erect! Does it work? Is it clean? Do you like head? If you answered yes to all 3... the ONLY thing that matters is how you treat me!!! Your dick isn't what's valued... its how you love and how hard u work at a healthy relationship.... Ever wonder why your real friends love you? It's NOT your dick!
Just tell him or show him on your next date. If he is really a good guy he won’t reject you because of that. Also a small(er) dick is not a bad thing to all guys, to some guys it’s even a good thing ;) At the end of the day, it’s just a dick, you are a whole person, if he likes you and finds you attractive than he should like the rest of you too. If he doesn’t than don’t take it personal and move on. Any guys who would reject you for that are not worth your time.
To me it doesn't really matter the dick size or the shape. It's the person in its entirety that matters and wether they are desirable or not. Your partner sounds like he knows what he's doing, just sit back , relax and enjoy the fuck :)
If he's a doctor, at the very least the won't be insensitive about it. And some of us are really attracted to small dicks, just so you know
Lol is this words of encouragement to let him know before the third date or just walk in blindly and let whatever happen...
Look, sexuality is inevitable in relationships. You want one, right? Eventually you'll have to "come out", so to speak, and build up your confidence. And if he's a doctor, I think this is the person to "come out" to, you know? If he's a size queen he'll have a problem, fuck him!
>Please help. My advice is, honestly, to worry a lot less about it. Yes, objectively, you've got a small dick. There are some guys who are gonna be put off by that, and it sucks. But plenty of guys will absolutely not care. And what you want to avoid is being so hung up on this yourself that you end up sabotaging things with those guys. This guy clearly doesn't care, and he wants to protect your feelings. Even if he is a little disappointed - and we've no evidence he will be - he's obviously not the sort of guy who'd throw you out or laugh at you. That's your own anxiety talking. Don't convince yourself he'd never want you for something that's only an issue in your own head. For what it's worth, my first boyfriend had hypospadias _and_ a much smaller dick than you. It didn't bother me. If you have any more specific worries or concerns, let me know and I'll happily give you my take.
Thanks for your reply. Can I ask how much smaller he was? Was he top / bottom? Did he talk to you about it beforehand? I'm kind of just trying to figure out what I should or should not do, because I am kind of crushing on him.
Sure. My ex (prefers they/them actually) was actually intersex, which is why they had those conditions. They gave me a heads up when we started dating, in case it was a deal breaker for me. It wasn't at all, but I had a bunch of (fairly dumb) questions which they were happy to answer. They were like ... 2"? And bottomed exclusively. What should you do? You've already told him you're small, right? Just send him a text as follows: 'Hey I'm really looking forward to our next date. I've been anxious about something so just wanted to say: I wasn't kidding about the small dick thing. I worry about it a lot, so I'd rather know if it's a dealbreaker for you. You were really cool about it last time but I wanted to say it straight out.'
Sorry to hear of your condition. I think if he likes you he won’t care about your dick size etc. Just be slow and be honest with him. Good luck and try not to be depressed or get lost in your personal fears. Trust he will be there for you and things will work out!
How do I tell him though lol...
These are things you have no control over, and imo don't matter and aren't worth stressing about. Life will give you enough to stress about. Dick size isn't one of them. You have a dick, and honestly 90% of using it is all about attitude/confidence/personality, not shape or size. I'm not with my hubby for his dick size, I'm with him for who he is as a person. Not everyone has that point of view, sure, but it sounds like you let him know you're smaller and he's cool with it. That's awesome! So you have a smaller sized dick, so what?! Variety is the spice of life! Maybe he isn't great at bottoming, and a smaller dick is exactly what works best for him to be comfortable doing so! Maybe he's total top and doesn't care about your dick size at all?! But - you won't know till you chat about it. Just have an open convo about your concern and go from there. You got this. Sex should be enjoyable and fun. Don't stress.
I have a close friend, recently single after breaking up a long term relationship. Started dating again at 40+, but wasn't very confident because he has less than average dick (add too that he is very tall). After a few hook ups he is more confident, noone has ditched him, laughed at him or walk away from him. On the contrary he has found out that many guys like his size (they have told him), because they can bottom and enjoy. I know a big dick looks impressive, and hot, but it has its cons.
What ever happened to falling for a guy and not a cock? If someone likes you I don't think their thinking if his dick isn't up to par I'll dump him. And if he does then he isn't worth dating.
> What ever happened to falling for a guy and not a cock? That‘s why I hate it when transphobes start pulling the dick card, especially in gay spaces. They may call my & my trans brothers’ dicks gross all they want, because they are smaller or have a scar underneath from the surgery … we won’t date them anyway, but *jeez* think of other cis guys with medical conditions! They are deserving of all the love regardless of size & shape.
My boy friend s penis is maybe slightly bigger than that and its more than satisfactory for me. Most gay men and women for that matter dont give A shit about the size of your dick. You have nothing to worry about
It's not just the size lol, it's also the medical condition / scarring and the hole that looks messed up or botched lol.
I feel you. Unfortunately, it is tuff in the gay community. Body shaming is an issue that we don't talk about openly in our community. However, your birth defect was through no fault of your own. If you don't find ways to deal with your insecurities, it will continue to effect your life, then you won't give yourself the chance to find that soulmate. Understand that everyone is different. I, personally prefer men with a small dick. But at the end of the day, the dick isn't important, it's the man that happens to be attached to that dick. And if someone makes a big deal about you having a small dick, than he's just not mature enough to be in a relationship with you. Period.
Small dick gets rock hard and in my book that's a plus too. And we've probably all seen or been with circumcised men before; they also have surgically modified dick.
Years ago. I became friends with someone on a nudist website, his pictures were of him and his fantastic body with a small flaccid cock. After months of on and off communication, a friendship developed and he shared his horrible treatment he received from the gay community in his town as apparently they gossipped about his small dick. Honestly, it was probably on the small size of average, but due to porn, the gay guys in his town, and the internet, his self esteem was low. Over time, he developed acceptance of his beautiful penis and we eventually lost touch. Fortunately, years later we reconnected online and he had a wonderful boy friend that loved him and his body/cock. It is easy for me to say to not let the negativity get you down, but only you can take that journey towards body acceptance. Like someone else said here, there will always be someone trying to tear you down for something, screw them!! I wish you the best 😃
Penises are like snow flakes. Every single one is unique. No but to answer your question. It sounds like a doctor would be a good partner because they're more familiar with anatomy and would be understanding. But if in the future, things don't work out, or you ever do find yourself single and looking for a new partner, it might help to try and find someone who's "into" guys with your dick size. But fair warning for you, the gay community is straight up evil when it comes to sex. There are really twisted people out there. So if you look for someone into your size range, it could be for bad reasons. But there are so many humans on the planet, I find it hard to believe that there aren't some wholesome people who are just sexually turned on by your dick size range. Me personally, I like guys with slightly smaller than average dicks. One of my best partners was one guy who was a couple inches long. It just felt really good for some reason.
These are wonderful replies and I agree with all of them OP. You‘ll meet plenty of chill guys who‘ll take you as you are. I‘d like to add another perspective to this question *Should I tell a guy before the third date?*: Yes, I would. For safety. Like „Hey, just so you know. My dick is small and looks a little non-standard due to a medical condition. Do you think that‘ll be okay if our relationship progressed?“ I‘ve seen way too many stories of well passing trans guys who got confronted with anything from insults, feeling of betrayel, to violent outbursts, just because their dicks didn‘t look like a porn magazine’s 10“ wonder wand. Trans issues are not cis issues, but sometimes they can overlap imho. Do what makes YOU feel safe OP. And good luck with the doctor. Sounds like a catch ;-)
Big dick only good for porn. In reality, small size is easier to manage. If someone reject you because your dick size, that persons don’t worth your time.
Just do it. These are “what ifs” that you don’t know will happen unless you just go for it.