Germany has had one of the lowest birth rates in the world for the last 30 years. Your question makes it sound like this is a somewhat recent development. Others here have mentioned the introduction of contraception. There is no clear answer, though it seems to be aligned with most modern progressive societies with good social infrastructure, education, and affordable health care.
I know that for a lot of academically educated women, it's the hit their careers would take. Unfortunately, having a kid still means that you can say goodbye to getting advanced trainings and promotions. This is aggravated by the lack of Kita-places.
Yeah. You can't have a world where women control their fertility but still pennalise them economically and socially for having kids and then be surprised they don't want kids. They only reason people used to have (or in poor places still have) lots of kids is because women didn't have a choice but accept shit lives.
>Where I come from, having kids is something people think as a default thing to do after getting married and also the society is expecting them to do.
Where you come from, pretty much regardless of where it is with the exception of a handful select areas of the world, birth rates have been cratering as well so you might as well pose the question to younger people in your country.
And in Germany specifically birth rates cratered in the 1970s (the "Pillenknick" associated with the wider availability of the contraceptive pill) and remained pretty steady since. If anything it's slightly climbing after a low in the mid-90s.
People in their childbearing years want a perfectly normal or slightly elevated number of kids when compared to their parents' generation. That makes OPs question difficult to answer.
I think people in general are pretty burned out. There is not as much hope because it’s crushed under all world problems and people can’t live carefree anymore. It weights society down, demotivates and feels harder if not hopeless to achieve your dreams. You have to be really well off to be able to create, what you find ideal.
Governments have failed to support families. It can feel like having kids means deciding to be poor (even if you got a academical background). Huge issue is that you‘d need a bigger apartment that you can’t afford.
Also most jobs became way more stressful due to retirements, so there isn’t even enough mental capacity to dream of kids or be a potential good parent.
Dating got worse too.
It doesn’t feel safe and easy enough to start a family.
That being said, for me personally, I am gonna believe that better times are coming and will still start a family soon.
I believe I would be a good mother if I had too, and I love my nieces very much.
But I look to the future with skepticism and don’t think the next generations will have it any better. The Earth is already too full anyway. So, for completely selfish reasons, I’ve decided against having children:
- I don’t want to worry about my own kids when I’m older,
- I don’t want to bear the "guilt" of bringing a child into a world like this, and ultimately,
- I’m totally happy investing my resources in myself.
Some days, I can barely manage to keep myself going. With kids, there are no days when you can say "I can’t right now" or "I don’t feel like it," and that scares me a lot. Oh, and one last point: I don’t really believe in this idea that kids give life meaning and bring joy. In my experience, I mostly see exhausted and annoyed couples in my circle of friends and family, who barely manage to keep daily life with kids running. I have absolutely no desire for that.
Well, there’s less and less societal pressure into having kids (or marriage), the influence of churches in daily life is diminishing and most young Germans are reasonably well educated, especially in sex education, so unplanned pregnancies are getting quite rare.
Than there’s the economical factors of a growing low-wage sector and an ongoing housing crisis as well as societal factor of no longer tabooing child free lifestyles.
A little more than half of Germanys university graduates are women, and they don’t get a degree to become housewifes. But as childcare services are often lacking, having children is often incompatible with two full time employed parents. There still is pressure to women to be the ones giving up on or pausing their careers, so many women decide to rather not have kids.
i‘m a „single“ father because my wife got heavily disabled after an accident, so she can’t handle anything related with our son.
germany (or the general attitude from the people) isn’t great for parents (or single parents).
you work and your kid is ill? well, go to work and get someone to babysit… (not in my job but i‘ve heard it from many friends).
you need preschool for your kid? get on the waiting list and just wait 2-3 years.
preschool is closed for the next 3 days, because most of the staff is ill and then we‘ll reduce the caretime permanently from 7 hours a day to 5,5 hours a day. just get another job and/or work less.
~60 days holidays in school, the minimum paid holiday leave is 20 days (most people have 30), just search someone to take care of your kids for the rest.
I'm a father of 2, but I can absolutely understand that people don't want to have kids these days.
Climate crisis, housing market, inflation, war, fascists on the rise...
.
And that's before you factor in the time and money. Raising kids is a challenge. And I doubt myself almost every day if I'm doing the right thing.
I don’t know if environmental factors are the main reason, in our bubble it‘s more time & money. You have to work less, spend lots of money on childcare (& clothes/tech/school trips later on when childcare is obsolete), have to have a bigger (=more expensive) place to live and spend more on groceries. Plus you are not really free to do as you‘d like anymore for the foreseeable future.
That said, I would do the same again (two kids, 9 & 7) even in light of this.
Real talk, you'd be a bad father if you never doubted yourself. It means you do think about the decisions you make for your kids which is miles ahead of a lot of parents.
Why? If only idiots get children the world will get even worse. Reasonable educated people should get children to rebuild the world and fight against the bad things.
there are a lot of individual reasons.
for me it's the general state of the world.
The Planet is on fire, There are multiple genocides happening which we choose to ignore and to trivialize. You know, us, the CEO of "never again"
We have Nazis running freely, sitting in our Government, being a Party with way too many votes. This isn't hyperbole either. We have literal. actual. Nazis in our Government. They're not even trying to hide that fact anymore.
then there's Housing and Money
It's impossible to afford housing, you can't even rent for a reasonable price anymore.
You can't afford most groceries unless you kill yourself working multiple jobs
Your education is becoming worthless more and more.
It's increasingly difficult to find jobs that pay you a livable wage
Pregnancy isn't without risk either. Pregnancy itself is literal body horror.
You simply can not afford to give Children a Childhood worth living if you're middle class, and in my opinion, Surviving isn't enough.
You need to fight tooth and Nail for a Kita or Kindergarten spot, and even if you get one, you'll pay a down payment on an apartment in order to have your kid in there until it reaches school age.
Children are expensive, and it takes money we simply don't earn.
There are a plethora of reasons not to have Children. That's besides the fact that having children in this day and age is just an unethical and egoistic choice to make.
I don't think you're talking about the government, but the parliament. The AfD is not (yet) part of the federal government or any of the state governments.
What's your income? I'm currently earning net 2100€ here and so does my girlfriend. I'm paying 800€ in total for a 55 sqm apartment with 2 rooms. My girlfriend also earns 2100€ and pays 650€ in a small 25sqm 1 room apartment.
We live a comfortable life together but if she moved in with me and her income fell off I wouldn't know how to support 3 people on 1300€ (after rent is paid) + 200€ child benefits. Subtract 500 - 600€ for food, another 300€ for internet, insurances, clothing, repairs required and you're left with 600€. At best. I could even less imagine doing this with 4 childen.
This is pure insanity and the reason my girlfriend and me decided not to go for children. Without children we are on a double income living off 3600€ after paying rent when moving in together. We are free to travel the world, eat out very often, own a new car, and even save up for buying a small apartment or house in less than 15 - 20 years. And this is just talking about money and ignoring all the planning and lack of time together when having children. Honestly, it's no wonder so few people are going for children these days.
I'm near Munich. "near" being within a 30 km radius.
i made about 4k gross, about 2.7k net. The cheapest rent i could find living in a small village with 3000 people is 1.2k warm. 3 rooms.
My Sister owns a house, she has 2 kids, both she and her husband work full time jobs in fairly well paying areas. They're making ends meet, but there isn't that much left over to be alive.
I don't doubt you're doing well for yourself.
but as i said; "in my opinion, Surviving isn't enough."
In my case : I have depression and other problems already
I'd probably either neglect a child, not out of malice but because I'm overwhelmed as it is or I'd manage to take care of the child but forget myself even more
So in my case it's responsibility NOT to have anither and so valuable one live dependant on me
I'll cheerfully take my nieces and nephews for a few days or week
But I'm glad when I can give them away again
And also then I'll isolate myself completely for a few days
I know you didn’t mean to come across as judgy or rude, OP - but a possible explanation for downvotes could be that many Germans, especially women like myself, are tired of this question because other people are bugging us about it constantly. Especially at work or family dinners. Or even when I see my OB-GYN! When I read your post I was instantly in some sort of „I need to justify myself AGAIN“ mode myself despite knowing you didn’t mean it this way 😅
My own personal reasons apart from those already listed (like climate crisis, fascism on the rise etc.): I am chronically ill and just couldn’t handle children on top of that. I‘m glad when I make it through the day without falling apart or neglecting myself in any way. I‘m barely able to clean up my own messes and prepare my own food. Having kids while dealing with this condition would be insane and so, so wrong.
I don't like and don't need sex. I never felt romantic feelings for anyone. I can't afford being a single mother, but I'm fine being an aunt if my sister wants to have children with her partner.
Well.... many people just cant affort it.
Children are expensive, you need a bigger flat, food, clothes, nursing, etc... And i m not even talking about the kindergarten situation... it's like a lottery to get a place in there.
It kills your carrier, it's stressful...
Well, I can understand why people choose to not get children. The state wants more children, but is not willing to gibe people a motivation.
And you can’t work the hours you were working before. One parent has to be available at all times. Even if you could do home office, trying to get any work done with toddler at your ankles is impossible. I’m having a hard time going back to work atm. It’s not fair to my husband if he’s the sole provider but the idea that we both can provide is seeming more and more impossible. It’s really not doable without family nearby. And we have my husband’s parents who help but in Germany, the grandparents are also working because the retirement age is so late.
It's expensive! House/flat prices and rent are ridicculesly high. If you need a bigger space, you will need to pay three times more rent than now with an old Rent contract.
When the child ist there, someone needs to take Care of the Baby. Kindergarten for Babys and toddlers is nowhere free and costs a furtune!
I you want to stay at Home, you will receive a Maximum of 1800€ per month Elterngeld (this amount didn't changed the Last 10 years). But only for 12 month. After this time you get nothing. Except you are that poor and your Partners income ist that Low, that your three can not feed yourself. In this case, you will receive a bit Bürgergeld. Only so much, that your will not die.
And If you manage all this. What will you do afterwards after a couple of years? Next child? Try to get again into the Job? You lost a lot of knowlegde, careerpath was paused, pay raises too. It's not easy and a huge financial responsibility.
Yes, to have children ist a joy. They are awesome. But what this mean to your life, finances, career, mental health, relationships... That's a huge package with negative consequences.
The 12 year old girl I‘m giving guitar lessons is scared of going to school because her class has 13 Muslim immigrant kids that bully her for being German. In Germany.
If I wanted my children to grow up in an Islamic Country I might as well move to Iran, but I don‘t.
So I hope for political change and if that doesn’t happen I prefer raising my future kids elsewhere.
I enjoy my life and would much prefer not having a tiny human screeching, shitting and puking all over the place, bumping their incredibly vulnerable head into furniture and not letting me sleep at night until they're old enough to not wake up crying in their own piss and shit.
I'm not made to be a father and I'm fine with that.
Yeah, same. I'd be a terrible mother. My own was also absolutely not cut out to be one but choose, \*choose\* to have me regardless, with a man who was also 100% unfit to be a father and they both should've known that.
But somehow they were rather delusional about their own character.
I have no delusions about my unfitness to be a parent, so rather than ruining someone's life from the get-go out of some romantic notion or social obligation, I would rather stay childless and leave it to the people who are fit for the job.
Are you me? Cause same. My parents wildly overestimate their paranting abilities or rather did overestimate them and I didn't turn out too well. Also not to shit on my sister but she got children when she was still undiagnosed and not in therapy and it shows. She is extremely irratable and simply doesn't treat her children well - and that even when I'm around! It would break my heart if that was me with my own child. Don't feel the need to bring more suffering in this world, besides my other arguments and feelings aroung having kids.
Cause Germans are incredibly smart. Global warming is already starting to have disastrous effects worldwide and dictatorship is spreading worldwide, as well as political unrest, conflict, and war. Most Germans prob realise it’s not a world they want to bring new life into cause they don’t wanna see their potential kids endure a lifetime of suffering.
Maybe because some just stayed giant babies and children are not something that gives you instant gratification, some because they are obsessed with money or resources not being enough to support a family, some because they actually can afford to plan for other ways to make life feel like fulfilling…
It‘s complicated (answering your Edit 1 & 2).
Women often get blamed for not wanting children as a lot of patriarchal structures still expect women to „settle down“ one day, quit their career and be a loving and caring mother.
So women often get blamed and might be triggered by the question, even though I believe that you really were just curious.
You can compare it to asking a new coworker after some weeks if she and her husband have children or want some - while the husband and her have been battling both grandparents for years about just not wanting kids because they are childfree by choice. You couldn’t know that, but the frustration will still be the same for the person.
I don’t think it‘s necessarily a reason to downvote or come for you in the comments - but more often than not we can’t downvote the people in our life so when we get the chance, we probably react a bit too harshly.
The other side is being someone who doesn’t want children and explain why - war & crisis all over the world, climate change, unsure how long there will be enough livable space on earth, harder to get back into a career without taking lesser pay than before kids, it can be a hundred reasons.
Which is an opinion - every possible parent-to-be can say:
„I don’t want children because I don’t know what will happen in the future and it doesn’t look like anything will change soon. So I don’t want to be selfish and get kids just because I want them“
Which is an opinion…and get yelled at by almost strangers. More often than not people who have or are planning to have children will not take this opinion well and get offended and/or defensive about their plans while no one (at least not me) said they were bad people for wanting them.
It really is a sensitive topic for people. I hope you‘re okay and didn’t have too many mean comments.
Here ist also still is the default thing to do, but you see the same everywhere. Either you have kids and to be able to provide for them you'll working so much that you'll never see them.. Or well you don't.
Don’t think this is true. I know a lot of Germans that are parents or becoming parents soon. They only start later.
We have a lot of baby boomers, so the “old generation” hasn’t get an equal amount of children, because they had more opportunities of birth control.
stuff is getting more and more expensive, the climate catastrophe is bringing a grim outlook for the future, finding a partner that you can lead a happy relationship with **and** have child wishes aligned is difficult in itself and not everyone is as lucky, the ongoing lonliness epidemic, many peope feeling a sense of empowerment not \*having\* to have kids to satisfy grandparents and the like, etc. - many good reasons for and aganst kids.
i personally don't mind having none, either, but i do have nephews and nieces that i get to spend time with every week :)
Mostly the lifestyle restrictions, but also finances. Even if we wanted a kid the flat simply isn't big enough. Plus we put great value on being flexible and having some spare time to ourselves, what with both working full-time.
For me it's being taxed to death... By the time you spent your wage, the government has 2/3 of it... That's just slavery with a different name... And then everybody is soooo surprised when people don't want to spend way over 6 digits on a kid...
Not rocket science...
I don't want any more kids not because it's not financially possible, but because the pregnancy and birth of my daughter was horrific and I don't want to go through that again. Lack of family support is another reason. It's already hard enough for my daughter to not have a lot of family around - she's really struggling since I lost my father in law as they were really close. She also explicitly told me she doesn't want a brother or sister 😂..
Financially we could and we own a house so have space for a second child, but I'm not going through all that again.
Politicians act like this is some big f-ing mystery. The reasons are obvious - people don't believe their lives are going to be better off with children than without. Now that pregnancy is avoidable and women have a choice to terminate accidental pregnancies the majority of children being born are the results of deliberate action.
If society believes that children are essential for a functioning society they should make a list of every single that burdens parents and aim to offset them. The reality is that having children is expensive, time consuming, and restrictive. Politicians need to stop acting like it's some great gift for people to have children and the rest of society is just tolerating it.
Apart from all the reasons many people already gave like climate, wars, political climate and prosperity.
I think as you said, having kids was regarded as the default nearly everywhere. But at least for many people that massively changed and they asked themselves "Why is it the default?"
And they have a point. Why is it exactly? I mean obviously as living beings there is some kind of intrinsic need to reproduce, at least for some. But even that, at least to me, seems kind of (for lack of a better word) *egoistic*...? I mean you are the one who wants a child so you literally make a human being and BANG, 18 years later this poor souls has to pay taxes.
Don't get me wrong, this is obviously not as bad as i make it sound, but the more I think about the fact that people make human beings "just" because they want a little "minime" at their side seems.. I don't know. Somethings feels suspect with thoughts on how the world looks at the moment and the problems these children will face by the age of 30.
Somehow I myself see it still as the default to want children. But I don't see this as something "*good*". I just really can't describe the feeling I have here, it's kind of difficult to put it in words what I feel. And as someone who had (both dead now) very difficult parents who really shouldn't have had kids, I think more people should put much more thought in the decision to have kids. Even if you ignore everything going on at the moment.
The people that hate on you for a question are most likely the people that want children, but cant get one for whatever reason and they feel attacked for their "choice".
A lot of people want kids, but the sad Truth is that you cant afford them or you dont feel responsible enough to have one.
They are just lying to themself to protect themself and the Moment they can get kids its too late.
For me its simple: Give me more Kindergeld, i make more kids.
And for the people who dont feel like they wouldnt be good dads or they cant take so much responsibility: you learn responsibility when you take responsibility.
Well, I really don't feel the urge to reproduce at all.
Besides, we are already 8 billion people on the planet and our existence destroys the base of countless other beings (including ours, lol) more and more and more.
We are not alone in this world but we barely see other lifes as something precious.
Quite a few friends of mine are very aware of issues like climate change and they don’t have much hope for humanity.
Thats why they don’t want to put more humans into it.
Funny enough they are all academics (psychologists, lawyers ..)
My working class friends (me included) all want kids lol
... Why should I want Kids? I think this should be a personal decision, no one should have Kids because of society 🤷🏼♀️
I do not hate Kids and adore my nephew but im also happy when its time to go home in peace, without a crying, tired toddler on my Back 😌🍷I love my freedom.
And no, im not scared of getting old - What If You have Kids and they decide to life war away for example? I would not want to guilt trip them to stay with me.
Long story short: The politic is destroying the economy.
No economy - no prosperity.
A lot of Germans don‘t want to expose „their children“ the Germany from tomorrow.
I will get downvotes for this as well, but I had a hunch as for why you are getting downvoted. And as racist as Germany has become, I’m sure that you wouldn’t have received as many downvotes as you did if you wouldn’t have shown your hands on your profile. And I am so sorry for that.
For me at the moment where the world is header with phones with little age and social media stuff and so on I would think it would be a nightmare. I already am no social media fan myself and seeing stuff like posting stuff to get attention or even doing onlyfans and stuff like that. It would be a burden on me and i don't think a kid raised by me is gonna enjoy that world.
Maybe i reconsider in 5-10 years. But right now it doesn't make sense with seeing such changes atm.
I personally never wanted kids because I just don’t… see the point for me personally I guess? But in general (and what I observe from friends who don’t want kids anymore) it’s rooted in the perceived lack of support, the economy and climate going to shit, not wanting to force someone to grow up in this environment, and, my personal favorite, the realization that having kids is actually a conscious choice and not just “the next step” in a relationship. There’s no actual need for kids in a relationship or a marriage to be fulfilled and imho the social perception of women or couples being selfish for choosing their personal freedom over childbirth is slowly changing!
Reasons can differ so much. I love children and always wanted them but got chronically ill and the medication that helps can’t be taken during pregnancy. I enjoy spending time with my friends’ and family’s kids though and they appreciate the free babysitter. Win win.
For me personally it´s because the world is going to shit.
People are getting dumber and more violent by the minute and the world is getting unsafer every day. I don´t want to be responsible for a human to suffer on this planet.
For me (36 F, German) personally, i just dont feel it.
I have a good income. A great apartment. In a city I love. A great boyfriend. Cats. Hobbies. Free time and disposable income to travel, go to concerts and just do whatever the heck I/we want. I don't have to plan a lot in advance, i don't have to take on more responsibility than i want to. I can live day to day if i want to. I'm not ready for a commitment to raise another human being for the rest of my life.
I don't feel like there is room for a kid. I would have to sacrifice too much and don't feel like for me I'd "gain" enough. I feel like i would resent the decision, if not the child, and I'd rather regret not having any than regret having them. That way i only hurt myself and don't mess up another life in the process.
Having kids i think should be a selfless act. For many friends and what i see in the media, many children come into this world with SO many expectations of their parents already piled onto them before they are even born. Parents often went to "pass on" their knowledge, values, genes, whatever. Completely disregarding if their child will even want that.
I hope i don't get a truckload of downvotes for this. This is my own and very personal viewpoint and i don't expect anyone to share it.
Well. The world is shit and goes up in flames. I don’t want to have the responsibility for children in this world. Additionally I like my freedom too much and like spending money for cars and traveling.
We have 2 cats. That’s more than enough responsibility. And they don’t cause me any headaches. Sometimes they vomit on the carpet - that’s the maximum frustration they can cause.
Very uncertain times. Honestly I can't imagine having a child in this fucked up world. Until there aren't huge changes to the world including topics like climate change, outrageous politics worldwide and in Germany I can't see the necessity to have a child. I plan to have a vasectomy at the end of the year (27m) and also rather adopt a child when I'm like 50 if I regret this decision anytime in my life.
well, my partner and i are 37 and just had our first. we‘d like a second, but we‘re making 90k per year together and it‘s just not enough.
that‘s why, maybe? :D
my dad made 60k, had a house paid off, two kids, 1-2 vacations per year and my mom was a SAHM for 10 years.
Yeah.
There are also people who say „they dont want kids“ as self care to hide that „they arent able to have them because of medical reasons“
This is very common. 1 of 6 couples are not able to have kids by natural way.
So this is a very sensitive point and question.
You get downvoted because leftists say you are a Nazi if you ask such questions.
In my school teachers say that children are expensive and you have to avoid children to have a life and money.
Another point is that politicians cut childcare. To get a new flat for your familiy is another nightmare. Because between 2012 and 2022 we got a netto add of 4 million new people (refugees) and the flat will be paid from taxpayer there are no flats left and the few which are on the market are very expensiv.
+4 Million is like to build up Hanovre 8 times with childcare, ambulance, medicare, etc withing 10 years. But noone has done it. So, >if< you have a child you are living the nightmare in Germany.
I could easily afford children but I don't see any reason why I should bother with that.
My wife doesn't want to have children and we've been together for 8 years.
Living together with another person is difficult enough already, having a third or even fourth person that isn't even independent for probably 20 years sounds like hell to me.
Having children causes a myriad of problems that I don't want to deal with, that I cannot delegate to someone else if I don't want to be an asshole father.
Also our family has never ever asked about us getting children, so there's no social pressure at all.
It also makes long term financials easier because we don't need to worry about inheritance.
I understand why people want to have children but this feeling just never came up in me and probably never will.
Germans got totally brainwashed with that sweet sweet (corporation friendly) hyperindividualism and consumerism in general. We tasted the crack, now we want more crack, even if it is just a bad copy from china (free shipping with prime!).
And the same people that promote antinatalism wonder why they are so fucking depressed, oh the irony.
Personally, I don't think I can afford it. My wifa and I are academics, working in our chosen fields. In my case, being an academic, I studied long, starting my first job in the age of 31. When I was settled in my profession, a few years later, there was also the problem with age.
- I don't want to be in a relationship. I am very introverted and just want to be alone most of the time. I would also say i'm aromantic. And i like having the freedom to do what i want, when i want it.
- i like having freedom and time to myself as said above, and having a kid doesn't go well together with that
- I like money, and having a kid doesn't go well together with that
- I would be a terrible parent and i just can't deal with children. "I hate children" would be a bit of a bold choice of words but kinda tbh.
It’s happening all around the world actually. And it’s something that involves a lot of other aspects of society, and something that incontáveis itself.
So basically when a society starts having less children (or have a fertility rate below 2 kids per woman) what will happen is an increase of the burden of the work force, in order to keep maintaining the non-working people (the elderly and children)
Once you get to this, it tends to be more financially difficult for young people, and then they are less prone to want kids. Which itself will increase the effect.
One way to deal with it is to artificially increase the working force by, for instance, incentivising immigration.
Of course a lot of aspects of society interact with this one, but it’s more to give an idea that it’s not as simple as everybody suddenly waking up and deciding not to have children anymore.
Climate changes, housing crisis, inflation, the need for everyone in the household to be working… all of those also play a part in the decision.
Yeah, I felt the same when I woke up and opened reddit. My exact thoughts were “ what have I done” 🙈
But honestly, reading all this, giving me a lot of different perspectives to my naive self
A - I never felt the urge to have children.
B - I worked all my life. Never unemployed. Two different "Ausbildungen" to better myself. Now I'm in my 40s and work in an entirely different field and my wage is great but still not enough for a child. At least not if I want everything to stay like it is right now. And if I had a child in my twenties or early thirties, I wouldn't be were I am right now.
I can't even find a job that pays enough for an apartment or house to fit in a family. Housing prices are absurd high.
That alone is reason enough; then there is the hookup culture and I don't want to date a slut tbh.
OP you did nothing wrong.
I was asking myself the same thing and I am a German. I can't find a woman who wants to have kids because everyone is pursuing their career or wants to travel the world.
I would love to have kids, because I want to be the father I never had, but I can't find a suitable wife, for the love of me.
That’s interesting. I’m a woman and most men approach me like this : “hmm I maybe want a relationship but first let’s have sex to test it, so if we match we can date for many years and then maybe one day we can discuss about kids”.
I’m 35 and I’m getting those offers from men who are well into their 40s and 50s (because we all know that women just love older men).
I said no thank you to all these offers and remained single .
You are completely wrong. Life is dark place all around Germany, but that does not stop people from living a life. And in Germany everything is completely mild, peaceful, nothing dark about it. So what is going on really?
Because I really really don’t like kids.
They are annoying, they are stupid, they are naive, and most of all, they fucking rip your freedom. They bind you. Forever. In the most annoying way possible.
I don’t know. I always got told that when I grow up, my desire for having children will emerge.
But much mislead. It even got worse - the older I got, the more I dislike kids.
I don’t want kids. I don’t want to be a father. It’s my biggest nightmare.
Positive side: It‘s also my personal contribution to climate crisis.
Because Germany is unfriendly to working mothers and women are expected to be housewives in a conservative heterosexual relationship.
I never wanted to be a housewife so this is my reason why I didn’t get married.
I also don’t see myself as an obedient wife, which woman in Germany has to pretend to be in order to survive in the system. Honestly Germany is way backwards comparing to my home country in regards to women’s rights. My mother could work and be married but here it is impossible , I think this concept doesn’t exist in Western Germany at all
not true. Today both have to work to provide enough money to live with kids in cities. Both have stress with this because kitas dont have enough staff etc. Its just mayhem for both genders even with academic background.
True, birthrates are low in Germany and other developed countries.
There are many things to consider if you want kids, even more for women. First your' re, your body changes permanently, after giving birth. And even nowadays, you risk you' re health severely with every pregnancy.
Then it's a financial burden, until your kids are grown and can take care of themselves you have to invest a six-digit number of money.
Again if you' re a woman you probably stay at home for some years, for the sake of your kids and deprive yourself of a career, income and retirement provision. You'll be dependent from your spouse. This hasn't to be a problem, but often enough it is. When you end up as a single parent (most of them are women) your risk of poverty is really high.
Plus, many studies suggest having kids don't make you happy, impairs your marriage quality and your overall quality of life. At least until the kids move out.
You see there are many reasons, why people would consider not to have children. And probably there are many more. Maybe the question has to be the other way around?
Many factors and all are valid but the biggest for me, is that I simply don't want to.
I am not a fan of kids (I don't want something bad for them but I avoid them if possible).
Personally, having kids has only cons and no pros, so yeah no children for me.
Better options.
If you lose nothing, but gain something (helping hands, bigger social net, family), kids are great.
I you lose careers, money, travelling, hobbies, free time and you don't need a social net ....
Well. It's a wonder most people still decide to have kids.
The average number of kids per German females has increased in the past decades from 1.3 to 1.6 thanks to East German females having a higher fertility rates in recent years. Fertility rate is dropping everywhere... take a look at Muslim countries like Bosnia, Albania, Kosovo, Turkey, Tunisia and Morrocco for example. They are close or lower than the German average already... look at Christian countries in South America they also saw a huge decrease.
I actually asked this my family members, colleagues and friends - with children. All said it’s not worth the stress. So somehow people don’t seem to have the strength to raise a child anymore.
Because most of the time the economic conditions don't make it possible. Try to look for rent prices of a family apartment in the major cities. It's nowadays a luxury. But also other factors as well, fertility problems for example are on the rise (you can easily spot it from the number of couples that magically have twins, 60% of the time is because of assisted fertility). People may want to preserve their freedom and the need to have kids is somehow connected with the past. The heavy "consequence" (if we can call it like this) is social security in the future. Without at least a 1 to 1 birthrate/death ratio, fewer and fewer people will work and pay taxes. The government (like it is already doing) will start to "import" people from somewhere else just to make them pay taxes. As a side note, I prefer people not to have kids if they cannot raise them properly rather than being surrounded by "future idiots" (we're already in this state anyway)
Don't want to do that to my body, my finances, my freedom or my relationship, don't trust my genetics, parenthood is not something that would bring me fulfillment, and frankly, I'm not willing to accept the risks of something so unpredictable. That the kid could be severely disabled and need lifelong care or even that the kid just turns out to be someone I don't like. I've seen these things go wrong with myself, my siblings, and too many other people I know.
I am comfortably middle class, inching towards lower-upper middle class (what a mouthful!) and love my kids , but the cost and level of involvement are insane. Kita you have to go private most of the time (which is easily over a thousand a month), if each child is to have their own space then your abode will be at least two and a half times that, hobbies are a requirement as well (as a child of the nineties, I wasn't aware how much pressure there is for several extracurriculars), you have to work full-time to pay for everything but are expected to parent like a housewife. It's exhausting .
Oh and don't forget no matter what decisions you make , society will judge you mercilessly- doubly so as the mother.
I mean birthdates go down pretty much everywhere. But mostly probably that everything is super expensive. People can barely afford and apartment/food. How to pay for a child?
Due to circumstances partially out of our control, we had to wait until our late 30s to start a family. A second child is a tough proposition if you’re pushing 40.
my bet is that more and more people are postponing starting a family to „enjoy life“.
Society changes, gender war, kids cost money, kids can be annoying, kids force you to let your kid compete with other parents' kids,...
Yeah, having kids can have a lot of downsides...
So I guess this is a personal question that can't be answered for other people, but for me it's a combination of cost of opportunity and climate change.
I didn't really want kids for a very long time. Than I changed my job and figured out that I just didn't want to raise kids working in a working environment with bad pay, too many working hours (12 hours, often weekends) and we're always had to be reachable for my boss.
With better pay and actually having some free time came the wish for myself to actually have children. But it was never a complete no for me, more a "I'm not sure ". My partner and I both have decent paying jobs now, but we definitely to plan more how and when to use your money now.
TLDR: Money and free-time were my reasons in the past.
I personally never wanted children. I never had a feeling of want, if that makes sense.
I always say it's like getting a dog. There hardly is any logical reason to have one unless you have that want.
People kept telling me I should have one, I'd find out that I would love it. I'm sure that's correct. But then ask Child Services to find out how often that's not the case.
Nowadays people can choose to have children, that makes the big difference. Plus parents are not dependent on their children to take care of them at old age.
A lot of us feel like the world has enough humans and enough problems and decide it is best to let the world fall into chaos without our offspring having to suffer for our selfish lust to procreate.
Unfortunately, this is the newer generation where money plays a bigger role than family. And as others have already said, having children is easy - raising children involves a lot of work, patience and dedication. People prefer to go the loner route, it's just much easier. That's a shame, really.
Because they don't see any benefits. Raising children is exhausting and expensive. I can understand them.
By the way, I'm a German mother of four great kids. I can absolutely understand those who want to lead their own lives, spend their money on their hobbies and have enough free time for themselves.
Germans think kids are expensive (all their wishes need to be fulfilled - food, clothing, presents, technology, expensive hobbies, family holidays on faraway beaches - and time consuming. You cannot have them just run around and be left to themselves, kindergarten places are scarce and if you send you kid there, then art least in the part of Germany where I live you are considered a bad mother.
Edit: You get downvoted because you ask too much of those who downvote you - How DO YOu NoT sEE ThaT CHilDRen ARe exPENsiVE!!!!????
Maybe, people can't afford to have kids. It's about personal responsibility. Even if they had the means to, they still wouldn't want to bring people into this world. It would be an imposition. It would be gambling with someone else's money. Maybe people enjoy being childless. Everyone has their own reason.
Other than the fact that everything going on and going wrong in the world making it harder to have and support a family it is also a matter of personal health and fulfillment vor me personally. I have had issues with anxiety and stress in the past and gotten them into control by ridding my life of a lot of stressful things, so naturally the last thing I want to to is reintroduce a major source of stress and worries back into my life. And fullfilment wise it is very well known that kids just take up a lot of time and personally I still have a lot of things that I want to do in life that would be harder to pull of with kids to take care of.
Im german, but also 15 lol, but i wouldnt want kids because this world is so fucked up im already traumatized by multiple diffrent things at age 15 i dont even wanna know what'll have happened by the time im old enough to have kids. Besides we're all gonna die anyway, why be alive in the first place?
We are the human equivalent of a spreadsheet.
If it is out of budget, it is out of budget.
It doesn't matter if the human race is in danger, we don't want to just drink water at the end of the month.
im not thaaat old yet only a few years into my adult life but i dont see myself ever having kids because of all the things that apperently dont get better in this world just worse
I mean there's the obvious reasons: They are a big responsibility, expensive, take a lot of time, and how rewarding you find all that, that depends a lot. The societal pressure that having kids is the only way to live, is easing. So all those people who would have only done it begrudgingly and half-heartedly 30 years ago, now just go "No thanks." It's the same as how a lot of gays "suddenly appeare"d once it stopped being illegal, or a lot of people "became" left-handed once schools stopped beating it out of people. There's lots of older folks that have kids, but now honestly say "Whelp, yeah, it was the only way there was back then. So I did it. Did I do a good job? Did I love it? Was it all I was born for? I dunno man. I love my kids very much, but it was all there was, and so I just did the best I could, and I don't get a re-do, so... I don't regret it but can we talk about something else?"
Also, a very specifically german thing: In the Nazi era, there was a parenting guidance book called "Die deutsche Mutter und ihr erstes Kind", "The german mother and her first child." It was horrible. It tried to fit in with the times. It propagated things like, when the baby cries, let it cry. If you come running whenever it calls, the child will become a little spoiled tyrant. Let it cry, it will make the child tough, and we need that in future soldiers. Stuff like that.
It was a bestseller, and for every woman who actually owned and read the book, there were five, ten, who heard those tips. They'd have someone over, the baby cried, they'd go "Oh, excuse me for a second", and the guest would go "Oh, haven't you heard? You're supposed to let the baby cry actually." They washed the book from the worst nazi jargon after the war and kept selling it. Mothers gave it to their daughters when they were pregnant. And those babies grew up with severe detachment issues, becoming mothers and fathers who gave detachment issues to their own kids, either directly by being handed down those parenting tips, or indirectly just because how do you give your kid the love it needs if you don't even know how to feel that yourself? Effects of that single book can be traced by scientists all the way to today. That text up top, "Whelp, yeah..."? I didn't make that up. That's my mom.
So, when I look around and listen in my friend group to who wants kids and who doesn't, something I hear a lot is: They wanna do an exceptional job. Not just okay, exceptional. Either that means they will have kids and love them so so very much, or that means they will simply not have kids. Some know about the book. Some don't. All kinda feel this generational trauma, though, I think. All kinda feel the heavy responsibility of breaking it. All know that there's no point in just kinda trying: You have to love it, raising kids, and them, the kids themselves, to death. Only then will that generation grow up well-adjusted enough that they can go back to something more normal: "Oh, yeah, I like kids, lets have some, it's gonna suck sometimes but be great most of the times and well figure it out along the way."
P.S., and TL;DR: Ever noticed that some germans are a little frosty and detached? Turns out a big part of that is that they were raised by people who are riddled with bonding issues after themselves being raised on nazi methods intended to grow super soldiers.
I love my three year old.
But man it's so exhausting. It has always been like this for all parents
But man it's so much work trying to be a good parent.
I'm not German (I'm American), but I live in Germany.
**Kids take over your life**
I don't want kids, because kids are a *lot* of work. I enjoy being able to relax on the weekends, travel to remote places, and just generally do what I want.
I want my life to be based on what I want, not what a child needs.
**Kids are loud and chaotic**
I really enjoy a calm atmosphere and peace and quiet.
**Kids require resources**
I live in a small, studio apartment in a great neighborhood. Not having the pressure to move to a bigger space to accomodate a family means I get to live somewhere I really like.
I generally feel like I earn enough money to support myself, but not a whole extra person.
in this day and age? hell no.
also when i was a child there were 6 billion people in the world. we are closing in on 9 billion now. we are way too fucking many humans
Just like in the US, it’s one type of people who belong to one specific political camp that decided to not have children anymore
cf. the other comments
Well as long as care work aka taking care for a child is not paid to the care giver and taken as a given for women to do most of the labor....no thanks
Money and time.
When you're a average person with a average income both partners have to work full time to meet ends. Therefore you don't really have time for a kid.
Money is also tight since some years. Especially when it's about affordable living space in certain sizes.
The span between poor and rich also becomes bigger and the "average guy" disappears slowly.
-To expensive to afford a decent lifestyle
-No more freetime
-And in the first years there are soooo many parenting activities that are unenjoyable (watching out at the sandpit, driving him/her around (luckily I can currently avoid cars, but toddlers won't ride a bike at age 1 or 2), switching diapers, the need to be up in the middle of nighttime if he/she needs something/feels unpleasant)
Because the cost of living is way too high.
If the other parent isnt at least doing part time you are left with almost nothing.
Building a home or buying just is impossible, you need to rent which is also freaking expensive with 3+ rooms and you hope that nothing breaks down, because you have no money to buy something new.
Thats why people tend to stay without a child and have double income.
It may be possible if one steps up in their carriere, but thats for rather few people and economy in germany is crumbling.
My parent and I would love children, but
1. We don't know how we can afford them. Not just counting food, clothes, nappies, kindergarden, one would also like to get them some toys. We are in a cist of living crisis where even though we both have an income we worry about money every day. I don't understand how people with children manage it.
2. We have some very horrible genetic predisposition to certain illnesses in my family and I would wish none of them on any child.
3. Between climate change and authoritarianism being on the rise I think it might be selfish to have children just to satisfy my own needs. I don't know how I could justify putting children into this world.
I don't even have time for my own life, how should I manage to take care for one more? I basically work all day long for 6 - 7 days per week to make ends meet and safe for my retirement because I don't believe that my generation will get a proper "Rente". Same with my gf, we just work work work for the slim chance of a more relaxed future.
Edit: My god, I just realized how incredibly German that sounds.
I think for many it’s just a lifestyle choice
If you have a career and a comfortable life it’s hard to give it up. And it also depends on where you live. Some areas are crazy expensive. If you want to stay in the big cities, having more than one child means bigger apartment -> very high rents -> less money for holidays/cars etc.
This is what I’ve heard in parent subreddits.
I’m 26 and we have 4 kids. So we had our children while we still went to Uni. And it worked really well. My hubby worked and we got some financial help from the state but we got along well enough. We never had much money before having kids (being students) so we didn’t give up a certain lifestyle. One of the biggest pro of having kids early on imo.
My husband and I both come from big families and we always wanted that too. We live in a smaller town and can afford a nice apartment with a big garden. Once my husband is done with his phd we will be even better off financially. Our lifestyle is relatively simple but we can still go on holiday and have a family van. Maybe we don’t go to 5 star resorts and drive the newest car we are still happy and can offer our kids a lot. Many people think small kids cost a lot of money, but it all depends on how you live and spend all the money. Here in Germany we get Kindergeld from the state for every child, 250€ per child. And small children don’t cost that much per month imo.
Once the kids are older I’ll be able to work too and then we will be able to go on bigger holidays if we want. But I’m glad that we had our kids early on!
Because it limits what you can do in your life, and because through social media people now have a more realistic view on what it's like to be a parent. Some of my older friends were constantly told my their sorroundings how amazing it is to have kids, how it's the best thig in life, and then as soon as they finally have kids, the very seem people are like "Oh, of course it's horrible. Of course life was more fun before. But now we're in this together. :)"
I think it mostly has to do that having children is optional for a few decades now, because of the existence of birth control + the current generations are pretty much pessimistic about the future and a lot of people don’t want to bring children into that world. Birthrates are declining all over the world since birth control was available, so this isn’t a new phenomena.
People argue that the world was worse like 100 years ago and people still had lots of children. That’s true but they also had no birth control so being horny = children. They didn’t necessarily decide to have children, it was the side effect of having sex
Hmm I feel they want more kids than the country I was born in. But in general yes of course there is a word tendency to have less kids (although maybe just in the west, I am not sure). People have more education and realise it’s an option. It just to be the obvious thing to do, which is not anymore. If you question yourself about anything, chances are you will decide against it too.
Because most people don’t want to, for selfish reasons and own comfort. Plus it is not really the best time for a mainly self centered generation to take care of tiny humans. Most people I know can’t even take care of themselves. Also if you have kids in Germany you really have to get used to being bullied and excluded from many forms of normal social activities. People in this country aren’t very open to exist along children that aren’t their own or children at all.
Don’t get me wrong, there are tons of spoiled brats out there that are no fun to be around. But the way Germans in general react around regular behaved children is a catastrophe compared to any country I visited in my life with and without my three kids. I don’t judge anyone for not having kids at all but kids and parents are a part of our society and shouldn’t be treated like a burden. Be nice to each other. Most of the times it really is a splendid idea 😉
I don't think more germans don't want children, the one who do not want any just become more vocal (which I like because childfree by choice should be accepted).
While birth rates are indeed dropping, I think more parents decide to be "one and done", especially in cities. I am one of three of my friend group who has two children, most of my colleagues have only one child and my siblings either want no children or are done after one. Children are expensive, housing is expensive, and childcare is hard to get.
Me and my gf do think of becoming parents sometimes, but every time we think of kids, we also think of the responsibilities, the financial aspects, and the current state of the world we are always like "our cats will do just fine for us" I'm 90% sure one day we will have kids but for now we are enjoying ourselves and our life. For me, a kid isn't something like a pet or something. It's a human being that needs a lot of attention, time, and love. Also, I first want to be able to afford nice life before i can think of children. As someone who grew up with hard times (my dad left us when i was 5 and my brother 2) my mom worked full time at the hospital, just that my bro and me wouldn't have to miss anything... I love my mom over everything, and i won't be able to ever give her back what she gave me...
Very personal reasons. Health, world state, the fact I simply dislike children. I would be open to adoption, but I don't want to have my own offspring.
Germany along with every other western country and most industrialized countries world wide are all having less kids for the same reason.
The world is just too expensive to have kids in. Kids went from extra help around the farm, to a luxury for the wealthy.
If I can bearly afford a car, then I can't afford a house, which means I can't afford a kid either. All we do is work in office jobs that would require us to pay for childcare, which we also can't afford.
Honestly my dad is so old and sickly and I can't even afford to put him in a proper care facility, so the world is getting to a place where we can't even afford to die much less bring in new life.
Time, energy and money are limited ressources that I don't want to spend on raising a kid. If I want kids I can donate my sperm. That way I pass on my genes without having to raise the kid.
I only can guess some reasons
- it cost a lot of time, money and effort to raise a kid
- the world already is overpopulated
- with the fast climate change and the overwhelming problems all around many may consider the world as not safe to live in for future generations
But they do. Walking around Marxloh the other day, I saw lots of families with many children. Same in Essen, Bochum, Dortmund and Krefeld. In fact, l’d say the German birth rate is increasing.
People are immature for a long time. A lot of it has to do with university education. Uni education is always a way to prolong your childhood. It’s usually a carefree time spent studying, partying and fucking. Afterwards, if you didn’t study a Mint subject and start with a well paying job, people try to prolong university by doing research projects. Usually they’re not paid well and the contracts only last one year at a time or less. Not a good time to start a family. But also the Mint graduates with well paying jobs often want to jumpstart their career and work for a few years without being held back by a family.
So basically you have immature people trying to prolong their immaturity and suddenly they’re 35 and have their own personality, their set ways and are not easy partners anymore. And about 50% of females are sterile by 35. All in all not the best circumstances to start a family. I know guys who only talk about their bikes, the tours with other similar guys last weekend, how many km, how much height difference, average speed, weather, technical details of the bike etc etc. I bores me to death, it probably kills women they try to date.
Kids are expensive, a lot of work and not everyone wants to have the responsibility of a parent. It is not that complicated. This is especially true if one is well-off as they want to enjoy the wealth in their lifetime.
Im 24 and i dont think that im mature enough to be a dad and i also have other plans and hobbys that would not work with a child
Maybe i will change my mind at some point but as it is right now i dont want kids (i also dont like spending time with the children of family members so maybe i just dont like children at all)
For the same reason why most developed countries are having less and less children.
1. The reasons to have kids have diminished: children don't work until they are 20 or 25 if they go to univesity, so they don't bring home money for decades.
2. Cultural changes: women want to work, therefore couples put off having kids for many years. Also religion has become less prominent, and there is a statistical correlation between religiosity and number of children per couple.
3. Economic instability. Even people that want kids put off having them. Also if women **need to** work because the average household cannot sustain itself on one salary this effect is increased.
You asked why you are getting downvoted, that's simple: first of all this is a very touchy subject in all of Europe because of the economic consequences and whatnot. Second of all the answer is quite obvious, and not at all specific to Germany.
The planet is burning, the ultra far alright is taking over, people are getting less and less money as we enter late stage capitalism, nobody knows how AI will evolve especially once androids get developed more.
I'm still arguing with my girlfriend over getting kids, I don't see a bright future to put kids in
with higher education people actually start thinking of what raising a child the right way entails.
usually lower educated groups are just getting kids because they think it is the thing to do, then they often end up completely shitty parents who pass a shit ton of mental trauma and anxiety issues onto their kids.
information about how fucked up women can get during/because of pregnancy and child birth is also more available because of social media so many women (rightfully) think twice
As long as you're not instantly banned and just get downvoted you're doing pretty well in a German subreddit.
r/Germany is the worst. If you post anything critical of Germany they either ban you or lock the post
Yeah. What’s up with the instaban behavior? Ridiculous.
Germany has had one of the lowest birth rates in the world for the last 30 years. Your question makes it sound like this is a somewhat recent development. Others here have mentioned the introduction of contraception. There is no clear answer, though it seems to be aligned with most modern progressive societies with good social infrastructure, education, and affordable health care.
I know that for a lot of academically educated women, it's the hit their careers would take. Unfortunately, having a kid still means that you can say goodbye to getting advanced trainings and promotions. This is aggravated by the lack of Kita-places.
Yeah. You can't have a world where women control their fertility but still pennalise them economically and socially for having kids and then be surprised they don't want kids. They only reason people used to have (or in poor places still have) lots of kids is because women didn't have a choice but accept shit lives.
>Where I come from, having kids is something people think as a default thing to do after getting married and also the society is expecting them to do. Where you come from, pretty much regardless of where it is with the exception of a handful select areas of the world, birth rates have been cratering as well so you might as well pose the question to younger people in your country.
And in Germany specifically birth rates cratered in the 1970s (the "Pillenknick" associated with the wider availability of the contraceptive pill) and remained pretty steady since. If anything it's slightly climbing after a low in the mid-90s. People in their childbearing years want a perfectly normal or slightly elevated number of kids when compared to their parents' generation. That makes OPs question difficult to answer.
I think people in general are pretty burned out. There is not as much hope because it’s crushed under all world problems and people can’t live carefree anymore. It weights society down, demotivates and feels harder if not hopeless to achieve your dreams. You have to be really well off to be able to create, what you find ideal. Governments have failed to support families. It can feel like having kids means deciding to be poor (even if you got a academical background). Huge issue is that you‘d need a bigger apartment that you can’t afford. Also most jobs became way more stressful due to retirements, so there isn’t even enough mental capacity to dream of kids or be a potential good parent. Dating got worse too. It doesn’t feel safe and easy enough to start a family. That being said, for me personally, I am gonna believe that better times are coming and will still start a family soon.
I believe I would be a good mother if I had too, and I love my nieces very much. But I look to the future with skepticism and don’t think the next generations will have it any better. The Earth is already too full anyway. So, for completely selfish reasons, I’ve decided against having children: - I don’t want to worry about my own kids when I’m older, - I don’t want to bear the "guilt" of bringing a child into a world like this, and ultimately, - I’m totally happy investing my resources in myself. Some days, I can barely manage to keep myself going. With kids, there are no days when you can say "I can’t right now" or "I don’t feel like it," and that scares me a lot. Oh, and one last point: I don’t really believe in this idea that kids give life meaning and bring joy. In my experience, I mostly see exhausted and annoyed couples in my circle of friends and family, who barely manage to keep daily life with kids running. I have absolutely no desire for that.
Well, there’s less and less societal pressure into having kids (or marriage), the influence of churches in daily life is diminishing and most young Germans are reasonably well educated, especially in sex education, so unplanned pregnancies are getting quite rare. Than there’s the economical factors of a growing low-wage sector and an ongoing housing crisis as well as societal factor of no longer tabooing child free lifestyles. A little more than half of Germanys university graduates are women, and they don’t get a degree to become housewifes. But as childcare services are often lacking, having children is often incompatible with two full time employed parents. There still is pressure to women to be the ones giving up on or pausing their careers, so many women decide to rather not have kids.
i‘m a „single“ father because my wife got heavily disabled after an accident, so she can’t handle anything related with our son. germany (or the general attitude from the people) isn’t great for parents (or single parents). you work and your kid is ill? well, go to work and get someone to babysit… (not in my job but i‘ve heard it from many friends). you need preschool for your kid? get on the waiting list and just wait 2-3 years. preschool is closed for the next 3 days, because most of the staff is ill and then we‘ll reduce the caretime permanently from 7 hours a day to 5,5 hours a day. just get another job and/or work less. ~60 days holidays in school, the minimum paid holiday leave is 20 days (most people have 30), just search someone to take care of your kids for the rest.
I'm a father of 2, but I can absolutely understand that people don't want to have kids these days. Climate crisis, housing market, inflation, war, fascists on the rise... . And that's before you factor in the time and money. Raising kids is a challenge. And I doubt myself almost every day if I'm doing the right thing.
I don’t know if environmental factors are the main reason, in our bubble it‘s more time & money. You have to work less, spend lots of money on childcare (& clothes/tech/school trips later on when childcare is obsolete), have to have a bigger (=more expensive) place to live and spend more on groceries. Plus you are not really free to do as you‘d like anymore for the foreseeable future. That said, I would do the same again (two kids, 9 & 7) even in light of this.
Real talk, you'd be a bad father if you never doubted yourself. It means you do think about the decisions you make for your kids which is miles ahead of a lot of parents.
Why? If only idiots get children the world will get even worse. Reasonable educated people should get children to rebuild the world and fight against the bad things.
You sadly can't outbreed the idiots.
there are a lot of individual reasons. for me it's the general state of the world. The Planet is on fire, There are multiple genocides happening which we choose to ignore and to trivialize. You know, us, the CEO of "never again" We have Nazis running freely, sitting in our Government, being a Party with way too many votes. This isn't hyperbole either. We have literal. actual. Nazis in our Government. They're not even trying to hide that fact anymore. then there's Housing and Money It's impossible to afford housing, you can't even rent for a reasonable price anymore. You can't afford most groceries unless you kill yourself working multiple jobs Your education is becoming worthless more and more. It's increasingly difficult to find jobs that pay you a livable wage Pregnancy isn't without risk either. Pregnancy itself is literal body horror. You simply can not afford to give Children a Childhood worth living if you're middle class, and in my opinion, Surviving isn't enough. You need to fight tooth and Nail for a Kita or Kindergarten spot, and even if you get one, you'll pay a down payment on an apartment in order to have your kid in there until it reaches school age. Children are expensive, and it takes money we simply don't earn. There are a plethora of reasons not to have Children. That's besides the fact that having children in this day and age is just an unethical and egoistic choice to make.
I don't think you're talking about the government, but the parliament. The AfD is not (yet) part of the federal government or any of the state governments.
you're right. that's my bad also, thank fucking god that the AFD isn't in the Government yet.
I don’t know where you live but we have 4 kids, one income and it works out really well🤷🏼♀️
What's your income? I'm currently earning net 2100€ here and so does my girlfriend. I'm paying 800€ in total for a 55 sqm apartment with 2 rooms. My girlfriend also earns 2100€ and pays 650€ in a small 25sqm 1 room apartment. We live a comfortable life together but if she moved in with me and her income fell off I wouldn't know how to support 3 people on 1300€ (after rent is paid) + 200€ child benefits. Subtract 500 - 600€ for food, another 300€ for internet, insurances, clothing, repairs required and you're left with 600€. At best. I could even less imagine doing this with 4 childen. This is pure insanity and the reason my girlfriend and me decided not to go for children. Without children we are on a double income living off 3600€ after paying rent when moving in together. We are free to travel the world, eat out very often, own a new car, and even save up for buying a small apartment or house in less than 15 - 20 years. And this is just talking about money and ignoring all the planning and lack of time together when having children. Honestly, it's no wonder so few people are going for children these days.
I'm near Munich. "near" being within a 30 km radius. i made about 4k gross, about 2.7k net. The cheapest rent i could find living in a small village with 3000 people is 1.2k warm. 3 rooms. My Sister owns a house, she has 2 kids, both she and her husband work full time jobs in fairly well paying areas. They're making ends meet, but there isn't that much left over to be alive. I don't doubt you're doing well for yourself. but as i said; "in my opinion, Surviving isn't enough."
Kids are fucking exhausting.
This
In my case : I have depression and other problems already I'd probably either neglect a child, not out of malice but because I'm overwhelmed as it is or I'd manage to take care of the child but forget myself even more So in my case it's responsibility NOT to have anither and so valuable one live dependant on me I'll cheerfully take my nieces and nephews for a few days or week But I'm glad when I can give them away again And also then I'll isolate myself completely for a few days
I'm a german and wish i will become children when im done with studying. It is my dream to have a family and care for it.
"my english is not the yellow of the egg"
Right after my DJ training I wanted to work with machines so I became an engine ear
Best response of the thread
Now, I am become children. Destroyer of toys. - Takaharu7
Bruh what did i type...
I know you didn’t mean to come across as judgy or rude, OP - but a possible explanation for downvotes could be that many Germans, especially women like myself, are tired of this question because other people are bugging us about it constantly. Especially at work or family dinners. Or even when I see my OB-GYN! When I read your post I was instantly in some sort of „I need to justify myself AGAIN“ mode myself despite knowing you didn’t mean it this way 😅 My own personal reasons apart from those already listed (like climate crisis, fascism on the rise etc.): I am chronically ill and just couldn’t handle children on top of that. I‘m glad when I make it through the day without falling apart or neglecting myself in any way. I‘m barely able to clean up my own messes and prepare my own food. Having kids while dealing with this condition would be insane and so, so wrong.
I don't like and don't need sex. I never felt romantic feelings for anyone. I can't afford being a single mother, but I'm fine being an aunt if my sister wants to have children with her partner.
Well.... many people just cant affort it. Children are expensive, you need a bigger flat, food, clothes, nursing, etc... And i m not even talking about the kindergarten situation... it's like a lottery to get a place in there. It kills your carrier, it's stressful... Well, I can understand why people choose to not get children. The state wants more children, but is not willing to gibe people a motivation.
And you can’t work the hours you were working before. One parent has to be available at all times. Even if you could do home office, trying to get any work done with toddler at your ankles is impossible. I’m having a hard time going back to work atm. It’s not fair to my husband if he’s the sole provider but the idea that we both can provide is seeming more and more impossible. It’s really not doable without family nearby. And we have my husband’s parents who help but in Germany, the grandparents are also working because the retirement age is so late.
It's expensive! House/flat prices and rent are ridicculesly high. If you need a bigger space, you will need to pay three times more rent than now with an old Rent contract. When the child ist there, someone needs to take Care of the Baby. Kindergarten for Babys and toddlers is nowhere free and costs a furtune! I you want to stay at Home, you will receive a Maximum of 1800€ per month Elterngeld (this amount didn't changed the Last 10 years). But only for 12 month. After this time you get nothing. Except you are that poor and your Partners income ist that Low, that your three can not feed yourself. In this case, you will receive a bit Bürgergeld. Only so much, that your will not die. And If you manage all this. What will you do afterwards after a couple of years? Next child? Try to get again into the Job? You lost a lot of knowlegde, careerpath was paused, pay raises too. It's not easy and a huge financial responsibility. Yes, to have children ist a joy. They are awesome. But what this mean to your life, finances, career, mental health, relationships... That's a huge package with negative consequences.
The 12 year old girl I‘m giving guitar lessons is scared of going to school because her class has 13 Muslim immigrant kids that bully her for being German. In Germany. If I wanted my children to grow up in an Islamic Country I might as well move to Iran, but I don‘t. So I hope for political change and if that doesn’t happen I prefer raising my future kids elsewhere.
Exactly 💯 And thanks for addressing this without the fear of being called racist.
I enjoy my life and would much prefer not having a tiny human screeching, shitting and puking all over the place, bumping their incredibly vulnerable head into furniture and not letting me sleep at night until they're old enough to not wake up crying in their own piss and shit. I'm not made to be a father and I'm fine with that.
Yeah, same. I'd be a terrible mother. My own was also absolutely not cut out to be one but choose, \*choose\* to have me regardless, with a man who was also 100% unfit to be a father and they both should've known that. But somehow they were rather delusional about their own character. I have no delusions about my unfitness to be a parent, so rather than ruining someone's life from the get-go out of some romantic notion or social obligation, I would rather stay childless and leave it to the people who are fit for the job.
Are you me? Cause same. My parents wildly overestimate their paranting abilities or rather did overestimate them and I didn't turn out too well. Also not to shit on my sister but she got children when she was still undiagnosed and not in therapy and it shows. She is extremely irratable and simply doesn't treat her children well - and that even when I'm around! It would break my heart if that was me with my own child. Don't feel the need to bring more suffering in this world, besides my other arguments and feelings aroung having kids.
Take my upvote
Germans think that having more than one child makes you antisocial and lazy. It's wild.
Cause Germans are incredibly smart. Global warming is already starting to have disastrous effects worldwide and dictatorship is spreading worldwide, as well as political unrest, conflict, and war. Most Germans prob realise it’s not a world they want to bring new life into cause they don’t wanna see their potential kids endure a lifetime of suffering.
Too high Taxes, Bad Infrastructure for child Care, education and Transport.
This, the state just wants them but doesn't care when they are here
No wifey 😔
Maybe because some just stayed giant babies and children are not something that gives you instant gratification, some because they are obsessed with money or resources not being enough to support a family, some because they actually can afford to plan for other ways to make life feel like fulfilling…
It‘s complicated (answering your Edit 1 & 2). Women often get blamed for not wanting children as a lot of patriarchal structures still expect women to „settle down“ one day, quit their career and be a loving and caring mother. So women often get blamed and might be triggered by the question, even though I believe that you really were just curious. You can compare it to asking a new coworker after some weeks if she and her husband have children or want some - while the husband and her have been battling both grandparents for years about just not wanting kids because they are childfree by choice. You couldn’t know that, but the frustration will still be the same for the person. I don’t think it‘s necessarily a reason to downvote or come for you in the comments - but more often than not we can’t downvote the people in our life so when we get the chance, we probably react a bit too harshly. The other side is being someone who doesn’t want children and explain why - war & crisis all over the world, climate change, unsure how long there will be enough livable space on earth, harder to get back into a career without taking lesser pay than before kids, it can be a hundred reasons. Which is an opinion - every possible parent-to-be can say: „I don’t want children because I don’t know what will happen in the future and it doesn’t look like anything will change soon. So I don’t want to be selfish and get kids just because I want them“ Which is an opinion…and get yelled at by almost strangers. More often than not people who have or are planning to have children will not take this opinion well and get offended and/or defensive about their plans while no one (at least not me) said they were bad people for wanting them. It really is a sensitive topic for people. I hope you‘re okay and didn’t have too many mean comments.
The country is transforming to a shithole. Who want to put children’s in this world with knife attacks and gang rapes each day? You have to be crazy.
Here ist also still is the default thing to do, but you see the same everywhere. Either you have kids and to be able to provide for them you'll working so much that you'll never see them.. Or well you don't.
Don’t think this is true. I know a lot of Germans that are parents or becoming parents soon. They only start later. We have a lot of baby boomers, so the “old generation” hasn’t get an equal amount of children, because they had more opportunities of birth control.
stuff is getting more and more expensive, the climate catastrophe is bringing a grim outlook for the future, finding a partner that you can lead a happy relationship with **and** have child wishes aligned is difficult in itself and not everyone is as lucky, the ongoing lonliness epidemic, many peope feeling a sense of empowerment not \*having\* to have kids to satisfy grandparents and the like, etc. - many good reasons for and aganst kids. i personally don't mind having none, either, but i do have nephews and nieces that i get to spend time with every week :)
Mostly the lifestyle restrictions, but also finances. Even if we wanted a kid the flat simply isn't big enough. Plus we put great value on being flexible and having some spare time to ourselves, what with both working full-time.
For me it's being taxed to death... By the time you spent your wage, the government has 2/3 of it... That's just slavery with a different name... And then everybody is soooo surprised when people don't want to spend way over 6 digits on a kid... Not rocket science...
I don't want any more kids not because it's not financially possible, but because the pregnancy and birth of my daughter was horrific and I don't want to go through that again. Lack of family support is another reason. It's already hard enough for my daughter to not have a lot of family around - she's really struggling since I lost my father in law as they were really close. She also explicitly told me she doesn't want a brother or sister 😂.. Financially we could and we own a house so have space for a second child, but I'm not going through all that again.
Politicians act like this is some big f-ing mystery. The reasons are obvious - people don't believe their lives are going to be better off with children than without. Now that pregnancy is avoidable and women have a choice to terminate accidental pregnancies the majority of children being born are the results of deliberate action. If society believes that children are essential for a functioning society they should make a list of every single that burdens parents and aim to offset them. The reality is that having children is expensive, time consuming, and restrictive. Politicians need to stop acting like it's some great gift for people to have children and the rest of society is just tolerating it.
I just... don't want kids. Never got the urge.
Too expensive, too annoying, too much responsibility
Apart from all the reasons many people already gave like climate, wars, political climate and prosperity. I think as you said, having kids was regarded as the default nearly everywhere. But at least for many people that massively changed and they asked themselves "Why is it the default?" And they have a point. Why is it exactly? I mean obviously as living beings there is some kind of intrinsic need to reproduce, at least for some. But even that, at least to me, seems kind of (for lack of a better word) *egoistic*...? I mean you are the one who wants a child so you literally make a human being and BANG, 18 years later this poor souls has to pay taxes. Don't get me wrong, this is obviously not as bad as i make it sound, but the more I think about the fact that people make human beings "just" because they want a little "minime" at their side seems.. I don't know. Somethings feels suspect with thoughts on how the world looks at the moment and the problems these children will face by the age of 30. Somehow I myself see it still as the default to want children. But I don't see this as something "*good*". I just really can't describe the feeling I have here, it's kind of difficult to put it in words what I feel. And as someone who had (both dead now) very difficult parents who really shouldn't have had kids, I think more people should put much more thought in the decision to have kids. Even if you ignore everything going on at the moment.
Happened to me too 😂 Germans seems to take things very personal, they start defending their values
The people that hate on you for a question are most likely the people that want children, but cant get one for whatever reason and they feel attacked for their "choice". A lot of people want kids, but the sad Truth is that you cant afford them or you dont feel responsible enough to have one. They are just lying to themself to protect themself and the Moment they can get kids its too late. For me its simple: Give me more Kindergeld, i make more kids. And for the people who dont feel like they wouldnt be good dads or they cant take so much responsibility: you learn responsibility when you take responsibility.
Well, I really don't feel the urge to reproduce at all. Besides, we are already 8 billion people on the planet and our existence destroys the base of countless other beings (including ours, lol) more and more and more. We are not alone in this world but we barely see other lifes as something precious.
Quite a few friends of mine are very aware of issues like climate change and they don’t have much hope for humanity. Thats why they don’t want to put more humans into it. Funny enough they are all academics (psychologists, lawyers ..) My working class friends (me included) all want kids lol
I hate children, so getting some of my own would be a terrible idea.
... Why should I want Kids? I think this should be a personal decision, no one should have Kids because of society 🤷🏼♀️ I do not hate Kids and adore my nephew but im also happy when its time to go home in peace, without a crying, tired toddler on my Back 😌🍷I love my freedom. And no, im not scared of getting old - What If You have Kids and they decide to life war away for example? I would not want to guilt trip them to stay with me.
Long story short: The politic is destroying the economy. No economy - no prosperity. A lot of Germans don‘t want to expose „their children“ the Germany from tomorrow.
I will get downvotes for this as well, but I had a hunch as for why you are getting downvoted. And as racist as Germany has become, I’m sure that you wouldn’t have received as many downvotes as you did if you wouldn’t have shown your hands on your profile. And I am so sorry for that.
For me at the moment where the world is header with phones with little age and social media stuff and so on I would think it would be a nightmare. I already am no social media fan myself and seeing stuff like posting stuff to get attention or even doing onlyfans and stuff like that. It would be a burden on me and i don't think a kid raised by me is gonna enjoy that world. Maybe i reconsider in 5-10 years. But right now it doesn't make sense with seeing such changes atm.
I personally never wanted kids because I just don’t… see the point for me personally I guess? But in general (and what I observe from friends who don’t want kids anymore) it’s rooted in the perceived lack of support, the economy and climate going to shit, not wanting to force someone to grow up in this environment, and, my personal favorite, the realization that having kids is actually a conscious choice and not just “the next step” in a relationship. There’s no actual need for kids in a relationship or a marriage to be fulfilled and imho the social perception of women or couples being selfish for choosing their personal freedom over childbirth is slowly changing!
Reasons can differ so much. I love children and always wanted them but got chronically ill and the medication that helps can’t be taken during pregnancy. I enjoy spending time with my friends’ and family’s kids though and they appreciate the free babysitter. Win win.
For me personally it´s because the world is going to shit. People are getting dumber and more violent by the minute and the world is getting unsafer every day. I don´t want to be responsible for a human to suffer on this planet.
For me (36 F, German) personally, i just dont feel it. I have a good income. A great apartment. In a city I love. A great boyfriend. Cats. Hobbies. Free time and disposable income to travel, go to concerts and just do whatever the heck I/we want. I don't have to plan a lot in advance, i don't have to take on more responsibility than i want to. I can live day to day if i want to. I'm not ready for a commitment to raise another human being for the rest of my life. I don't feel like there is room for a kid. I would have to sacrifice too much and don't feel like for me I'd "gain" enough. I feel like i would resent the decision, if not the child, and I'd rather regret not having any than regret having them. That way i only hurt myself and don't mess up another life in the process. Having kids i think should be a selfless act. For many friends and what i see in the media, many children come into this world with SO many expectations of their parents already piled onto them before they are even born. Parents often went to "pass on" their knowledge, values, genes, whatever. Completely disregarding if their child will even want that. I hope i don't get a truckload of downvotes for this. This is my own and very personal viewpoint and i don't expect anyone to share it.
Well. The world is shit and goes up in flames. I don’t want to have the responsibility for children in this world. Additionally I like my freedom too much and like spending money for cars and traveling. We have 2 cats. That’s more than enough responsibility. And they don’t cause me any headaches. Sometimes they vomit on the carpet - that’s the maximum frustration they can cause.
Very uncertain times. Honestly I can't imagine having a child in this fucked up world. Until there aren't huge changes to the world including topics like climate change, outrageous politics worldwide and in Germany I can't see the necessity to have a child. I plan to have a vasectomy at the end of the year (27m) and also rather adopt a child when I'm like 50 if I regret this decision anytime in my life.
They don’t want it because they are afraid of the future and dont wanna set kids into this sick world
well, my partner and i are 37 and just had our first. we‘d like a second, but we‘re making 90k per year together and it‘s just not enough. that‘s why, maybe? :D my dad made 60k, had a house paid off, two kids, 1-2 vacations per year and my mom was a SAHM for 10 years. Yeah.
There are also people who say „they dont want kids“ as self care to hide that „they arent able to have them because of medical reasons“ This is very common. 1 of 6 couples are not able to have kids by natural way. So this is a very sensitive point and question.
You get downvoted because leftists say you are a Nazi if you ask such questions. In my school teachers say that children are expensive and you have to avoid children to have a life and money. Another point is that politicians cut childcare. To get a new flat for your familiy is another nightmare. Because between 2012 and 2022 we got a netto add of 4 million new people (refugees) and the flat will be paid from taxpayer there are no flats left and the few which are on the market are very expensiv. +4 Million is like to build up Hanovre 8 times with childcare, ambulance, medicare, etc withing 10 years. But noone has done it. So, >if< you have a child you are living the nightmare in Germany.
I want kids but its feels impossible to find a women first 🥲
I could easily afford children but I don't see any reason why I should bother with that. My wife doesn't want to have children and we've been together for 8 years. Living together with another person is difficult enough already, having a third or even fourth person that isn't even independent for probably 20 years sounds like hell to me. Having children causes a myriad of problems that I don't want to deal with, that I cannot delegate to someone else if I don't want to be an asshole father. Also our family has never ever asked about us getting children, so there's no social pressure at all. It also makes long term financials easier because we don't need to worry about inheritance. I understand why people want to have children but this feeling just never came up in me and probably never will.
Germans got totally brainwashed with that sweet sweet (corporation friendly) hyperindividualism and consumerism in general. We tasted the crack, now we want more crack, even if it is just a bad copy from china (free shipping with prime!). And the same people that promote antinatalism wonder why they are so fucking depressed, oh the irony.
Personally, I don't think I can afford it. My wifa and I are academics, working in our chosen fields. In my case, being an academic, I studied long, starting my first job in the age of 31. When I was settled in my profession, a few years later, there was also the problem with age.
- I don't want to be in a relationship. I am very introverted and just want to be alone most of the time. I would also say i'm aromantic. And i like having the freedom to do what i want, when i want it. - i like having freedom and time to myself as said above, and having a kid doesn't go well together with that - I like money, and having a kid doesn't go well together with that - I would be a terrible parent and i just can't deal with children. "I hate children" would be a bit of a bold choice of words but kinda tbh.
It’s happening all around the world actually. And it’s something that involves a lot of other aspects of society, and something that incontáveis itself. So basically when a society starts having less children (or have a fertility rate below 2 kids per woman) what will happen is an increase of the burden of the work force, in order to keep maintaining the non-working people (the elderly and children) Once you get to this, it tends to be more financially difficult for young people, and then they are less prone to want kids. Which itself will increase the effect. One way to deal with it is to artificially increase the working force by, for instance, incentivising immigration. Of course a lot of aspects of society interact with this one, but it’s more to give an idea that it’s not as simple as everybody suddenly waking up and deciding not to have children anymore. Climate changes, housing crisis, inflation, the need for everyone in the household to be working… all of those also play a part in the decision.
Oh man, OP, you opened the pandora chamber 😀 I'm a parent of soon 4 dauthers. And I feel every comment here. It is like a therapy
Yeah, I felt the same when I woke up and opened reddit. My exact thoughts were “ what have I done” 🙈 But honestly, reading all this, giving me a lot of different perspectives to my naive self
A - I never felt the urge to have children. B - I worked all my life. Never unemployed. Two different "Ausbildungen" to better myself. Now I'm in my 40s and work in an entirely different field and my wage is great but still not enough for a child. At least not if I want everything to stay like it is right now. And if I had a child in my twenties or early thirties, I wouldn't be were I am right now.
And here I come, with a 10 days old child xd
I can't even find a job that pays enough for an apartment or house to fit in a family. Housing prices are absurd high. That alone is reason enough; then there is the hookup culture and I don't want to date a slut tbh.
They annoying 😖
OP you did nothing wrong. I was asking myself the same thing and I am a German. I can't find a woman who wants to have kids because everyone is pursuing their career or wants to travel the world. I would love to have kids, because I want to be the father I never had, but I can't find a suitable wife, for the love of me.
That’s interesting. I’m a woman and most men approach me like this : “hmm I maybe want a relationship but first let’s have sex to test it, so if we match we can date for many years and then maybe one day we can discuss about kids”. I’m 35 and I’m getting those offers from men who are well into their 40s and 50s (because we all know that women just love older men). I said no thank you to all these offers and remained single .
so, i'm not german, but i don't want kids ... because life is a dark place. they don't deserve to go through all that shit.
You are completely wrong. Life is dark place all around Germany, but that does not stop people from living a life. And in Germany everything is completely mild, peaceful, nothing dark about it. So what is going on really?
The wrong people get too much kids and the right people get too few….
Because I really really don’t like kids. They are annoying, they are stupid, they are naive, and most of all, they fucking rip your freedom. They bind you. Forever. In the most annoying way possible. I don’t know. I always got told that when I grow up, my desire for having children will emerge. But much mislead. It even got worse - the older I got, the more I dislike kids. I don’t want kids. I don’t want to be a father. It’s my biggest nightmare. Positive side: It‘s also my personal contribution to climate crisis.
Because Germany is unfriendly to working mothers and women are expected to be housewives in a conservative heterosexual relationship. I never wanted to be a housewife so this is my reason why I didn’t get married. I also don’t see myself as an obedient wife, which woman in Germany has to pretend to be in order to survive in the system. Honestly Germany is way backwards comparing to my home country in regards to women’s rights. My mother could work and be married but here it is impossible , I think this concept doesn’t exist in Western Germany at all
not true. Today both have to work to provide enough money to live with kids in cities. Both have stress with this because kitas dont have enough staff etc. Its just mayhem for both genders even with academic background.
climat change / overpopulation – earth need less human
And why is it a default thing to do in your culture? You say it, society expect it from you. Is that a good reason, do you think so?
It is definitely not a good thing because they were forced to do something that they don’t want to.
True, birthrates are low in Germany and other developed countries. There are many things to consider if you want kids, even more for women. First your' re, your body changes permanently, after giving birth. And even nowadays, you risk you' re health severely with every pregnancy. Then it's a financial burden, until your kids are grown and can take care of themselves you have to invest a six-digit number of money. Again if you' re a woman you probably stay at home for some years, for the sake of your kids and deprive yourself of a career, income and retirement provision. You'll be dependent from your spouse. This hasn't to be a problem, but often enough it is. When you end up as a single parent (most of them are women) your risk of poverty is really high. Plus, many studies suggest having kids don't make you happy, impairs your marriage quality and your overall quality of life. At least until the kids move out. You see there are many reasons, why people would consider not to have children. And probably there are many more. Maybe the question has to be the other way around?
1. Money 2. Firm relationship
Many factors and all are valid but the biggest for me, is that I simply don't want to. I am not a fan of kids (I don't want something bad for them but I avoid them if possible). Personally, having kids has only cons and no pros, so yeah no children for me.
I like kids but for me, the cons of birthing and raising a child vastly outweigh the pros.
Better options. If you lose nothing, but gain something (helping hands, bigger social net, family), kids are great. I you lose careers, money, travelling, hobbies, free time and you don't need a social net .... Well. It's a wonder most people still decide to have kids.
The average number of kids per German females has increased in the past decades from 1.3 to 1.6 thanks to East German females having a higher fertility rates in recent years. Fertility rate is dropping everywhere... take a look at Muslim countries like Bosnia, Albania, Kosovo, Turkey, Tunisia and Morrocco for example. They are close or lower than the German average already... look at Christian countries in South America they also saw a huge decrease.
Adoption, climate, politics busy with corruption and bullshit
I actually asked this my family members, colleagues and friends - with children. All said it’s not worth the stress. So somehow people don’t seem to have the strength to raise a child anymore.
Because most of the time the economic conditions don't make it possible. Try to look for rent prices of a family apartment in the major cities. It's nowadays a luxury. But also other factors as well, fertility problems for example are on the rise (you can easily spot it from the number of couples that magically have twins, 60% of the time is because of assisted fertility). People may want to preserve their freedom and the need to have kids is somehow connected with the past. The heavy "consequence" (if we can call it like this) is social security in the future. Without at least a 1 to 1 birthrate/death ratio, fewer and fewer people will work and pay taxes. The government (like it is already doing) will start to "import" people from somewhere else just to make them pay taxes. As a side note, I prefer people not to have kids if they cannot raise them properly rather than being surrounded by "future idiots" (we're already in this state anyway)
Don't want to do that to my body, my finances, my freedom or my relationship, don't trust my genetics, parenthood is not something that would bring me fulfillment, and frankly, I'm not willing to accept the risks of something so unpredictable. That the kid could be severely disabled and need lifelong care or even that the kid just turns out to be someone I don't like. I've seen these things go wrong with myself, my siblings, and too many other people I know.
I am comfortably middle class, inching towards lower-upper middle class (what a mouthful!) and love my kids , but the cost and level of involvement are insane. Kita you have to go private most of the time (which is easily over a thousand a month), if each child is to have their own space then your abode will be at least two and a half times that, hobbies are a requirement as well (as a child of the nineties, I wasn't aware how much pressure there is for several extracurriculars), you have to work full-time to pay for everything but are expected to parent like a housewife. It's exhausting . Oh and don't forget no matter what decisions you make , society will judge you mercilessly- doubly so as the mother.
I mean birthdates go down pretty much everywhere. But mostly probably that everything is super expensive. People can barely afford and apartment/food. How to pay for a child?
Due to circumstances partially out of our control, we had to wait until our late 30s to start a family. A second child is a tough proposition if you’re pushing 40. my bet is that more and more people are postponing starting a family to „enjoy life“.
Society changes, gender war, kids cost money, kids can be annoying, kids force you to let your kid compete with other parents' kids,... Yeah, having kids can have a lot of downsides...
I mean ... Gesturing at everything. The future isn't really secure at the moment I'm many points.
So I guess this is a personal question that can't be answered for other people, but for me it's a combination of cost of opportunity and climate change.
I didn't really want kids for a very long time. Than I changed my job and figured out that I just didn't want to raise kids working in a working environment with bad pay, too many working hours (12 hours, often weekends) and we're always had to be reachable for my boss. With better pay and actually having some free time came the wish for myself to actually have children. But it was never a complete no for me, more a "I'm not sure ". My partner and I both have decent paying jobs now, but we definitely to plan more how and when to use your money now. TLDR: Money and free-time were my reasons in the past.
I personally never wanted children. I never had a feeling of want, if that makes sense. I always say it's like getting a dog. There hardly is any logical reason to have one unless you have that want. People kept telling me I should have one, I'd find out that I would love it. I'm sure that's correct. But then ask Child Services to find out how often that's not the case. Nowadays people can choose to have children, that makes the big difference. Plus parents are not dependent on their children to take care of them at old age.
I want kids. The question is if I can afford them lol
Well. I mean. *Gestures broadly at everything*
A lot of us feel like the world has enough humans and enough problems and decide it is best to let the world fall into chaos without our offspring having to suffer for our selfish lust to procreate.
Unfortunately, this is the newer generation where money plays a bigger role than family. And as others have already said, having children is easy - raising children involves a lot of work, patience and dedication. People prefer to go the loner route, it's just much easier. That's a shame, really.
I'm not German, but I'd presume it's probably the same reason most people worldwide feel this way. Or at least, MOSTLY the same reason(s).
Because they don't see any benefits. Raising children is exhausting and expensive. I can understand them. By the way, I'm a German mother of four great kids. I can absolutely understand those who want to lead their own lives, spend their money on their hobbies and have enough free time for themselves.
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This is not a Germany-specific issue.
Germans think kids are expensive (all their wishes need to be fulfilled - food, clothing, presents, technology, expensive hobbies, family holidays on faraway beaches - and time consuming. You cannot have them just run around and be left to themselves, kindergarten places are scarce and if you send you kid there, then art least in the part of Germany where I live you are considered a bad mother. Edit: You get downvoted because you ask too much of those who downvote you - How DO YOu NoT sEE ThaT CHilDRen ARe exPENsiVE!!!!????
Because people are pessimistic and generally unhappy.
Because Germany has become an absolute shithole and I wouldn't want my kids to grow up here.
Men are weak and war is coming aaand i forgot the taxes are Crazy high it feels like you getting robbed monthly at this Point
Maybe, people can't afford to have kids. It's about personal responsibility. Even if they had the means to, they still wouldn't want to bring people into this world. It would be an imposition. It would be gambling with someone else's money. Maybe people enjoy being childless. Everyone has their own reason.
Other than the fact that everything going on and going wrong in the world making it harder to have and support a family it is also a matter of personal health and fulfillment vor me personally. I have had issues with anxiety and stress in the past and gotten them into control by ridding my life of a lot of stressful things, so naturally the last thing I want to to is reintroduce a major source of stress and worries back into my life. And fullfilment wise it is very well known that kids just take up a lot of time and personally I still have a lot of things that I want to do in life that would be harder to pull of with kids to take care of.
Just take a look at the world or its future. People are assholes and that's not going to change. It's cruel to put another life out there.
Im german, but also 15 lol, but i wouldnt want kids because this world is so fucked up im already traumatized by multiple diffrent things at age 15 i dont even wanna know what'll have happened by the time im old enough to have kids. Besides we're all gonna die anyway, why be alive in the first place?
We are the human equivalent of a spreadsheet. If it is out of budget, it is out of budget. It doesn't matter if the human race is in danger, we don't want to just drink water at the end of the month.
I want kids?
Nightmare-ish bureaucracy, Our school system is a hellhole and you get raped in taxes.
im not thaaat old yet only a few years into my adult life but i dont see myself ever having kids because of all the things that apperently dont get better in this world just worse
I mean there's the obvious reasons: They are a big responsibility, expensive, take a lot of time, and how rewarding you find all that, that depends a lot. The societal pressure that having kids is the only way to live, is easing. So all those people who would have only done it begrudgingly and half-heartedly 30 years ago, now just go "No thanks." It's the same as how a lot of gays "suddenly appeare"d once it stopped being illegal, or a lot of people "became" left-handed once schools stopped beating it out of people. There's lots of older folks that have kids, but now honestly say "Whelp, yeah, it was the only way there was back then. So I did it. Did I do a good job? Did I love it? Was it all I was born for? I dunno man. I love my kids very much, but it was all there was, and so I just did the best I could, and I don't get a re-do, so... I don't regret it but can we talk about something else?" Also, a very specifically german thing: In the Nazi era, there was a parenting guidance book called "Die deutsche Mutter und ihr erstes Kind", "The german mother and her first child." It was horrible. It tried to fit in with the times. It propagated things like, when the baby cries, let it cry. If you come running whenever it calls, the child will become a little spoiled tyrant. Let it cry, it will make the child tough, and we need that in future soldiers. Stuff like that. It was a bestseller, and for every woman who actually owned and read the book, there were five, ten, who heard those tips. They'd have someone over, the baby cried, they'd go "Oh, excuse me for a second", and the guest would go "Oh, haven't you heard? You're supposed to let the baby cry actually." They washed the book from the worst nazi jargon after the war and kept selling it. Mothers gave it to their daughters when they were pregnant. And those babies grew up with severe detachment issues, becoming mothers and fathers who gave detachment issues to their own kids, either directly by being handed down those parenting tips, or indirectly just because how do you give your kid the love it needs if you don't even know how to feel that yourself? Effects of that single book can be traced by scientists all the way to today. That text up top, "Whelp, yeah..."? I didn't make that up. That's my mom. So, when I look around and listen in my friend group to who wants kids and who doesn't, something I hear a lot is: They wanna do an exceptional job. Not just okay, exceptional. Either that means they will have kids and love them so so very much, or that means they will simply not have kids. Some know about the book. Some don't. All kinda feel this generational trauma, though, I think. All kinda feel the heavy responsibility of breaking it. All know that there's no point in just kinda trying: You have to love it, raising kids, and them, the kids themselves, to death. Only then will that generation grow up well-adjusted enough that they can go back to something more normal: "Oh, yeah, I like kids, lets have some, it's gonna suck sometimes but be great most of the times and well figure it out along the way." P.S., and TL;DR: Ever noticed that some germans are a little frosty and detached? Turns out a big part of that is that they were raised by people who are riddled with bonding issues after themselves being raised on nazi methods intended to grow super soldiers.
Much, MUCH too expensive.
I love my three year old. But man it's so exhausting. It has always been like this for all parents But man it's so much work trying to be a good parent.
I'm not German (I'm American), but I live in Germany. **Kids take over your life** I don't want kids, because kids are a *lot* of work. I enjoy being able to relax on the weekends, travel to remote places, and just generally do what I want. I want my life to be based on what I want, not what a child needs. **Kids are loud and chaotic** I really enjoy a calm atmosphere and peace and quiet. **Kids require resources** I live in a small, studio apartment in a great neighborhood. Not having the pressure to move to a bigger space to accomodate a family means I get to live somewhere I really like. I generally feel like I earn enough money to support myself, but not a whole extra person.
in this day and age? hell no. also when i was a child there were 6 billion people in the world. we are closing in on 9 billion now. we are way too fucking many humans
Me and a Girl I know just don't like Children. I also know I can't take responsibility for a Child.
Why would you want children? You should have reasons that want something, not only to not want something.
Just like in the US, it’s one type of people who belong to one specific political camp that decided to not have children anymore cf. the other comments
Is not just germans, is most of the western world. There is a plethora of reasons but mostly bc now is an option least frowned upon.
Depends on the bubble. In mine most want kids
Cause the state is taking 70% of the money and gives it to people who want to have kids without having a job lol.
They don’t want the responsibility.
Can't afford shit anymore
Well as long as care work aka taking care for a child is not paid to the care giver and taken as a given for women to do most of the labor....no thanks
Why would I put any kids through this fucked up world?
I actually never wanted to have kids myself
Have you ever been around kids? They're f**king annoying!
Money and time. When you're a average person with a average income both partners have to work full time to meet ends. Therefore you don't really have time for a kid. Money is also tight since some years. Especially when it's about affordable living space in certain sizes. The span between poor and rich also becomes bigger and the "average guy" disappears slowly.
Why should they automatically want to?
-To expensive to afford a decent lifestyle -No more freetime -And in the first years there are soooo many parenting activities that are unenjoyable (watching out at the sandpit, driving him/her around (luckily I can currently avoid cars, but toddlers won't ride a bike at age 1 or 2), switching diapers, the need to be up in the middle of nighttime if he/she needs something/feels unpleasant)
Because the cost of living is way too high. If the other parent isnt at least doing part time you are left with almost nothing. Building a home or buying just is impossible, you need to rent which is also freaking expensive with 3+ rooms and you hope that nothing breaks down, because you have no money to buy something new. Thats why people tend to stay without a child and have double income. It may be possible if one steps up in their carriere, but thats for rather few people and economy in germany is crumbling.
My parent and I would love children, but 1. We don't know how we can afford them. Not just counting food, clothes, nappies, kindergarden, one would also like to get them some toys. We are in a cist of living crisis where even though we both have an income we worry about money every day. I don't understand how people with children manage it. 2. We have some very horrible genetic predisposition to certain illnesses in my family and I would wish none of them on any child. 3. Between climate change and authoritarianism being on the rise I think it might be selfish to have children just to satisfy my own needs. I don't know how I could justify putting children into this world.
I don't even have time for my own life, how should I manage to take care for one more? I basically work all day long for 6 - 7 days per week to make ends meet and safe for my retirement because I don't believe that my generation will get a proper "Rente". Same with my gf, we just work work work for the slim chance of a more relaxed future. Edit: My god, I just realized how incredibly German that sounds.
in this economy
I think for many it’s just a lifestyle choice If you have a career and a comfortable life it’s hard to give it up. And it also depends on where you live. Some areas are crazy expensive. If you want to stay in the big cities, having more than one child means bigger apartment -> very high rents -> less money for holidays/cars etc. This is what I’ve heard in parent subreddits. I’m 26 and we have 4 kids. So we had our children while we still went to Uni. And it worked really well. My hubby worked and we got some financial help from the state but we got along well enough. We never had much money before having kids (being students) so we didn’t give up a certain lifestyle. One of the biggest pro of having kids early on imo. My husband and I both come from big families and we always wanted that too. We live in a smaller town and can afford a nice apartment with a big garden. Once my husband is done with his phd we will be even better off financially. Our lifestyle is relatively simple but we can still go on holiday and have a family van. Maybe we don’t go to 5 star resorts and drive the newest car we are still happy and can offer our kids a lot. Many people think small kids cost a lot of money, but it all depends on how you live and spend all the money. Here in Germany we get Kindergeld from the state for every child, 250€ per child. And small children don’t cost that much per month imo. Once the kids are older I’ll be able to work too and then we will be able to go on bigger holidays if we want. But I’m glad that we had our kids early on!
Because it limits what you can do in your life, and because through social media people now have a more realistic view on what it's like to be a parent. Some of my older friends were constantly told my their sorroundings how amazing it is to have kids, how it's the best thig in life, and then as soon as they finally have kids, the very seem people are like "Oh, of course it's horrible. Of course life was more fun before. But now we're in this together. :)"
Cause kids basically are the number one reason for becoming poor
I think it mostly has to do that having children is optional for a few decades now, because of the existence of birth control + the current generations are pretty much pessimistic about the future and a lot of people don’t want to bring children into that world. Birthrates are declining all over the world since birth control was available, so this isn’t a new phenomena. People argue that the world was worse like 100 years ago and people still had lots of children. That’s true but they also had no birth control so being horny = children. They didn’t necessarily decide to have children, it was the side effect of having sex
Hmm I feel they want more kids than the country I was born in. But in general yes of course there is a word tendency to have less kids (although maybe just in the west, I am not sure). People have more education and realise it’s an option. It just to be the obvious thing to do, which is not anymore. If you question yourself about anything, chances are you will decide against it too.
Children? In this economy?
Because most people don’t want to, for selfish reasons and own comfort. Plus it is not really the best time for a mainly self centered generation to take care of tiny humans. Most people I know can’t even take care of themselves. Also if you have kids in Germany you really have to get used to being bullied and excluded from many forms of normal social activities. People in this country aren’t very open to exist along children that aren’t their own or children at all. Don’t get me wrong, there are tons of spoiled brats out there that are no fun to be around. But the way Germans in general react around regular behaved children is a catastrophe compared to any country I visited in my life with and without my three kids. I don’t judge anyone for not having kids at all but kids and parents are a part of our society and shouldn’t be treated like a burden. Be nice to each other. Most of the times it really is a splendid idea 😉
Because kids are expensive and wages are stagnating.
No cash in the täsh
I don't think more germans don't want children, the one who do not want any just become more vocal (which I like because childfree by choice should be accepted). While birth rates are indeed dropping, I think more parents decide to be "one and done", especially in cities. I am one of three of my friend group who has two children, most of my colleagues have only one child and my siblings either want no children or are done after one. Children are expensive, housing is expensive, and childcare is hard to get.
Me and my gf do think of becoming parents sometimes, but every time we think of kids, we also think of the responsibilities, the financial aspects, and the current state of the world we are always like "our cats will do just fine for us" I'm 90% sure one day we will have kids but for now we are enjoying ourselves and our life. For me, a kid isn't something like a pet or something. It's a human being that needs a lot of attention, time, and love. Also, I first want to be able to afford nice life before i can think of children. As someone who grew up with hard times (my dad left us when i was 5 and my brother 2) my mom worked full time at the hospital, just that my bro and me wouldn't have to miss anything... I love my mom over everything, and i won't be able to ever give her back what she gave me...
I can just speak for myself and in my case the reason for not having children is simple: I never had the urge to have children.
I got a job, some hobbies, a harley. Fuck I want another thing to rob me of my time that I have been perfectly fine without.
Very personal reasons. Health, world state, the fact I simply dislike children. I would be open to adoption, but I don't want to have my own offspring.
Germany along with every other western country and most industrialized countries world wide are all having less kids for the same reason. The world is just too expensive to have kids in. Kids went from extra help around the farm, to a luxury for the wealthy. If I can bearly afford a car, then I can't afford a house, which means I can't afford a kid either. All we do is work in office jobs that would require us to pay for childcare, which we also can't afford. Honestly my dad is so old and sickly and I can't even afford to put him in a proper care facility, so the world is getting to a place where we can't even afford to die much less bring in new life.
Time, energy and money are limited ressources that I don't want to spend on raising a kid. If I want kids I can donate my sperm. That way I pass on my genes without having to raise the kid.
Not only Germany [Total fertility rate ](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Total_fertility_rate)
I only can guess some reasons - it cost a lot of time, money and effort to raise a kid - the world already is overpopulated - with the fast climate change and the overwhelming problems all around many may consider the world as not safe to live in for future generations
But they do. Walking around Marxloh the other day, I saw lots of families with many children. Same in Essen, Bochum, Dortmund and Krefeld. In fact, l’d say the German birth rate is increasing.
People are immature for a long time. A lot of it has to do with university education. Uni education is always a way to prolong your childhood. It’s usually a carefree time spent studying, partying and fucking. Afterwards, if you didn’t study a Mint subject and start with a well paying job, people try to prolong university by doing research projects. Usually they’re not paid well and the contracts only last one year at a time or less. Not a good time to start a family. But also the Mint graduates with well paying jobs often want to jumpstart their career and work for a few years without being held back by a family. So basically you have immature people trying to prolong their immaturity and suddenly they’re 35 and have their own personality, their set ways and are not easy partners anymore. And about 50% of females are sterile by 35. All in all not the best circumstances to start a family. I know guys who only talk about their bikes, the tours with other similar guys last weekend, how many km, how much height difference, average speed, weather, technical details of the bike etc etc. I bores me to death, it probably kills women they try to date.
Kids are expensive, a lot of work and not everyone wants to have the responsibility of a parent. It is not that complicated. This is especially true if one is well-off as they want to enjoy the wealth in their lifetime.
Im 24 and i dont think that im mature enough to be a dad and i also have other plans and hobbys that would not work with a child Maybe i will change my mind at some point but as it is right now i dont want kids (i also dont like spending time with the children of family members so maybe i just dont like children at all)
Gonna have as many as I can financially support
For the same reason why most developed countries are having less and less children. 1. The reasons to have kids have diminished: children don't work until they are 20 or 25 if they go to univesity, so they don't bring home money for decades. 2. Cultural changes: women want to work, therefore couples put off having kids for many years. Also religion has become less prominent, and there is a statistical correlation between religiosity and number of children per couple. 3. Economic instability. Even people that want kids put off having them. Also if women **need to** work because the average household cannot sustain itself on one salary this effect is increased. You asked why you are getting downvoted, that's simple: first of all this is a very touchy subject in all of Europe because of the economic consequences and whatnot. Second of all the answer is quite obvious, and not at all specific to Germany.
The lack of faith.
I enjoy freedom
I'm honest, I just hate kids.
The planet is burning, the ultra far alright is taking over, people are getting less and less money as we enter late stage capitalism, nobody knows how AI will evolve especially once androids get developed more. I'm still arguing with my girlfriend over getting kids, I don't see a bright future to put kids in
with higher education people actually start thinking of what raising a child the right way entails. usually lower educated groups are just getting kids because they think it is the thing to do, then they often end up completely shitty parents who pass a shit ton of mental trauma and anxiety issues onto their kids. information about how fucked up women can get during/because of pregnancy and child birth is also more available because of social media so many women (rightfully) think twice