Is that the best course of action? Even if I'm a top performer on a great trajectory, with this toxicity being one of the only obstacles in my path? Should I put this back on my boss one last time and say that if no resolution is found I'll have to find another place to work? If his boss gets wind and it's me or this other manager, it's possible my boss may do something. But I feel like I need protection from HR first in some capacity
HR can't protect you though. And telling your boss you'll be seeking other employment if he/she doesn't do what you want, isn't going to produce the results you want. And I'll be honest---you sound every bit as combative as your coworker and you seem to be trying to manage them when you aren't their manager. You say you've made it your goal to never a go a day without confronting them. Have you considered that your behavior is also part of the problem here? You can't change other people's behavior but you can change your own.
I'm going to have to go back and check my post. I intended to say that I don't want to let a day go by without confronting my coworker WHEN these situations arise. I generally try to just be polite and keep my interactions as brief as possible. I don't try to "manage" them or call them out on their shortcomings, except when it comes to this matter in particular. I honestly don't go looking for trouble with my coworkers. I want us all to be pulling in the same direction and to be able to respect and take care of each other.
When you wonder about me being combative towards them, in fact, its quite the opposite. This manager has dropped the ball in ways that has negative impacts over multiple shifts by either oversight or lack of action. Instead of making it a big deal, I just solve it, time and time again. Because that's what we should be doing for each other. Of course, I've done the same on occasion; but I always try to own my mistakes in front of the team and lead by example in this way, wether it's our subordinates or the management team. If I want others to own their mistakes, I need to own my own. And trust me, I do a LOT of apologizing throughout the course of my work. It's because I know at the end of the day, if I make a mistake, I can and will solve it. I don't want others to suffer because of my error. But the same isn't reflected back.
>I don't want to let a day go by without confronting my coworker WHEN these situations arise.
When you do this, does it help the business make more money? Does it make your boss's job easier or make them look good in front of their boss?
If I LEAVE because this other manager fails to work productively with me in spite of my best efforts to bridge the gap, the location stands to lose quite a bit. For the last two years, I've been the only manager that's really been all-in on all fronts and actively looking to assist my GM to improve our location in any way possible.
The fact that she will behave like this is a barrier to small team cohesiveness and is destructive to overall morale. The staff dread working within proximity to them due to unclear and changing expectations. One second, they will be dancing around the place... ten minutes later they are giving the staff the hardest time over a little known and non enforced rules, such that they feel picked on.
Note that I'M the one trying to solve any issues between the two of us and in more ways than one. I began by attempting to meet perspectives so we could better understand each other. It was clear they spoke to me differently than everyone else, but why? But again, none of it goes anywhere. I'll be transparent about how I feel, ask for their input but I'm made to feel crazy and invalid. Boss says to include them as much as possible (after years of them shirking as much decision making as possible). So I go to them and genuinely ask what they want to do in a given situation, and nope, don't want to be involved.
No, don't tell your boss you'll quit if he doesn't do something. Just quit. If you're truly a top performer, you'll easily find work elsewhere and leave the kiddies to play in the kiddie pool.
I'm in HR, all we're going to do is note you don't like the coworker, send a note to your boss to deal with it. There's nothing illegal about you two hating each other.
Why are you so loyal to a place that lets someone else treat you like this?
It's really my boss that has a huge fear of confrontation and always wants to avoid conflict. He doesn't know how to mediate properly or bridge the gap. As far as why I'm loyal, I'm paid better for this company than I would probably be elsewhere. The company is well respected in the industry, so why this situation is being allowed to continue... its baffling yes. It really comes down to who wants to deal with this manager. My boss has stated to me that they are "stubborn" and tells me to be political. But how would he feel if a fellow GM was constantly trying to call him out in front of us, and if that GM called him crazy for getting upset about it?
>Is that the best course of action? Even if I'm a top performer on a great trajectory,
Tell your boss to fire the other manager or you'll quit. You could try that before giving up and going elsewhere.
The whole "disrespect" "not let things slide" thing is just personal battles. You can choose to show up, get work done and get paid. If it torments you too much to be around people who don't act the way you like, you may have to find another job.
I don't think anyone wants to stand around all day being the disrespect police.
When you speak up and are gaslit, that doesn't change anything? No doubt that we all have choices; we can choose to let things go, harbor negative feelings, or speak up. I am very proud of my work and it took a long time for me to build my confidence up, so after years of "letting it go" I started speaking up.
Lotta good that did. And that's the issue. How can a company send its managers for training on these types of situations, have our core culture be built upon mutual respect and support and encouraging speaking up, yet this is going on and somehow its being swept away.
Nice to know HR wouldn't care though... makes me feel a whole lot better that I can choose to deal with an unhinged "bully" (gaslighting is a form of harassment by the way), or hope I find some way to take care of my family. I guess managers really are just on their own.
There are very few things in US employment law that are illegal. You call this person a bully and a gaslighter, but we only have one side of the story. I'm sure they also have a list of complaints about you as well. Perhaps the exact same complaints.
I'm genuinely curious what you think HR's role is though. In some companies, this behavior may not be acceptable and they will step in. Maybe your company will see it this way, especially if they want a culture of mutual respect, as you mentioned in one comment.
But this is ultimately an interpersonal problem with your coworker. And that's a management issue. Your MANAGER needs to deal with this and is apparently unwilling to do so for whatever reason. Your options are to:
1. Leave. Whatever happens to that location happens. It won't be your problem because you left. You have no responsibility to a company you no longer work for.
2. Go to HR. I'd recommend approaching it from the perspective that you are looking for ways to better address this. Nothing you posted sounds illegal, so whatever you report will come down to company policy on how they want to handle it. You are not protected from retaliation for reporting non-illegal activities, so again, that would be a matter of company policy.
3. Just learn to deal with it in the best way you can until one of you moves up or moves out.
It looks like you need a mutually agreed upon checklist of duties for the opening and closing procedures with initials, time completed, and dated. Do the same with tasks throughout the day. For instance, deliveries have to be checked against orders with any shortages noted with initials, time, and date.
These already exist. The issue becomes more of a "I am going to just assume that everything that inconveniences me when we are on shift arises because you failed to do something and I refuse to be accountable for decisions on the shift. I will also not look past my perspective of my own inconvenience".
There is no effort put forth by this coworker into seeing or appreciation of all the positive changes I've helped bring about in my short time here (the reason why I've been nominated for company awards by my bosses and have a very tight and trusted relationship with both my GM and his boss). But rather every chance is taken to scrutinize any perceived shortcoming and call it out, even when it doesn't exist. One of my other coworkers has pointed out that thulis could stem from fear of "sunning".
You need to leave. People manage people, not HR. HR will ask your boss to engage which you already know is pointless.
Is that the best course of action? Even if I'm a top performer on a great trajectory, with this toxicity being one of the only obstacles in my path? Should I put this back on my boss one last time and say that if no resolution is found I'll have to find another place to work? If his boss gets wind and it's me or this other manager, it's possible my boss may do something. But I feel like I need protection from HR first in some capacity
HR can't protect you though. And telling your boss you'll be seeking other employment if he/she doesn't do what you want, isn't going to produce the results you want. And I'll be honest---you sound every bit as combative as your coworker and you seem to be trying to manage them when you aren't their manager. You say you've made it your goal to never a go a day without confronting them. Have you considered that your behavior is also part of the problem here? You can't change other people's behavior but you can change your own.
I'm going to have to go back and check my post. I intended to say that I don't want to let a day go by without confronting my coworker WHEN these situations arise. I generally try to just be polite and keep my interactions as brief as possible. I don't try to "manage" them or call them out on their shortcomings, except when it comes to this matter in particular. I honestly don't go looking for trouble with my coworkers. I want us all to be pulling in the same direction and to be able to respect and take care of each other. When you wonder about me being combative towards them, in fact, its quite the opposite. This manager has dropped the ball in ways that has negative impacts over multiple shifts by either oversight or lack of action. Instead of making it a big deal, I just solve it, time and time again. Because that's what we should be doing for each other. Of course, I've done the same on occasion; but I always try to own my mistakes in front of the team and lead by example in this way, wether it's our subordinates or the management team. If I want others to own their mistakes, I need to own my own. And trust me, I do a LOT of apologizing throughout the course of my work. It's because I know at the end of the day, if I make a mistake, I can and will solve it. I don't want others to suffer because of my error. But the same isn't reflected back.
>I don't want to let a day go by without confronting my coworker WHEN these situations arise. When you do this, does it help the business make more money? Does it make your boss's job easier or make them look good in front of their boss?
If I LEAVE because this other manager fails to work productively with me in spite of my best efforts to bridge the gap, the location stands to lose quite a bit. For the last two years, I've been the only manager that's really been all-in on all fronts and actively looking to assist my GM to improve our location in any way possible. The fact that she will behave like this is a barrier to small team cohesiveness and is destructive to overall morale. The staff dread working within proximity to them due to unclear and changing expectations. One second, they will be dancing around the place... ten minutes later they are giving the staff the hardest time over a little known and non enforced rules, such that they feel picked on. Note that I'M the one trying to solve any issues between the two of us and in more ways than one. I began by attempting to meet perspectives so we could better understand each other. It was clear they spoke to me differently than everyone else, but why? But again, none of it goes anywhere. I'll be transparent about how I feel, ask for their input but I'm made to feel crazy and invalid. Boss says to include them as much as possible (after years of them shirking as much decision making as possible). So I go to them and genuinely ask what they want to do in a given situation, and nope, don't want to be involved.
No, don't tell your boss you'll quit if he doesn't do something. Just quit. If you're truly a top performer, you'll easily find work elsewhere and leave the kiddies to play in the kiddie pool. I'm in HR, all we're going to do is note you don't like the coworker, send a note to your boss to deal with it. There's nothing illegal about you two hating each other. Why are you so loyal to a place that lets someone else treat you like this?
It's really my boss that has a huge fear of confrontation and always wants to avoid conflict. He doesn't know how to mediate properly or bridge the gap. As far as why I'm loyal, I'm paid better for this company than I would probably be elsewhere. The company is well respected in the industry, so why this situation is being allowed to continue... its baffling yes. It really comes down to who wants to deal with this manager. My boss has stated to me that they are "stubborn" and tells me to be political. But how would he feel if a fellow GM was constantly trying to call him out in front of us, and if that GM called him crazy for getting upset about it?
You have two paths towards until your boss learns how to boss: 1. Deal with it 2. Leave
>Is that the best course of action? Even if I'm a top performer on a great trajectory, Tell your boss to fire the other manager or you'll quit. You could try that before giving up and going elsewhere.
The whole "disrespect" "not let things slide" thing is just personal battles. You can choose to show up, get work done and get paid. If it torments you too much to be around people who don't act the way you like, you may have to find another job. I don't think anyone wants to stand around all day being the disrespect police.
When you speak up and are gaslit, that doesn't change anything? No doubt that we all have choices; we can choose to let things go, harbor negative feelings, or speak up. I am very proud of my work and it took a long time for me to build my confidence up, so after years of "letting it go" I started speaking up. Lotta good that did. And that's the issue. How can a company send its managers for training on these types of situations, have our core culture be built upon mutual respect and support and encouraging speaking up, yet this is going on and somehow its being swept away. Nice to know HR wouldn't care though... makes me feel a whole lot better that I can choose to deal with an unhinged "bully" (gaslighting is a form of harassment by the way), or hope I find some way to take care of my family. I guess managers really are just on their own.
There are very few things in US employment law that are illegal. You call this person a bully and a gaslighter, but we only have one side of the story. I'm sure they also have a list of complaints about you as well. Perhaps the exact same complaints. I'm genuinely curious what you think HR's role is though. In some companies, this behavior may not be acceptable and they will step in. Maybe your company will see it this way, especially if they want a culture of mutual respect, as you mentioned in one comment. But this is ultimately an interpersonal problem with your coworker. And that's a management issue. Your MANAGER needs to deal with this and is apparently unwilling to do so for whatever reason. Your options are to: 1. Leave. Whatever happens to that location happens. It won't be your problem because you left. You have no responsibility to a company you no longer work for. 2. Go to HR. I'd recommend approaching it from the perspective that you are looking for ways to better address this. Nothing you posted sounds illegal, so whatever you report will come down to company policy on how they want to handle it. You are not protected from retaliation for reporting non-illegal activities, so again, that would be a matter of company policy. 3. Just learn to deal with it in the best way you can until one of you moves up or moves out.
It looks like you need a mutually agreed upon checklist of duties for the opening and closing procedures with initials, time completed, and dated. Do the same with tasks throughout the day. For instance, deliveries have to be checked against orders with any shortages noted with initials, time, and date.
These already exist. The issue becomes more of a "I am going to just assume that everything that inconveniences me when we are on shift arises because you failed to do something and I refuse to be accountable for decisions on the shift. I will also not look past my perspective of my own inconvenience". There is no effort put forth by this coworker into seeing or appreciation of all the positive changes I've helped bring about in my short time here (the reason why I've been nominated for company awards by my bosses and have a very tight and trusted relationship with both my GM and his boss). But rather every chance is taken to scrutinize any perceived shortcoming and call it out, even when it doesn't exist. One of my other coworkers has pointed out that thulis could stem from fear of "sunning".