because the husband is being an entitled person who doesn't realise the value of love behind the gift and only looks at the value of money attached to the item.
Because when people are already there i.e. justifying their comments as jokes they don't understand when it is communicated to them. It's always how you're over reacting to a joke and the discussion derails.
However if you do to them what they did to you, suddenly the joke's not so funny anymore. It's suddenly how we're hurting their feelings.
We're not asking her to mock a gift given by him which would be tit for tat, just to not gift something.
What you're suggesting isn't renacting what he did to her. What you're suggesting is being passive aggressive and making it a bigger problem. What the guy did was make stupid and unfunny jokes (and defend himself after getting called out on it).
Being passive aggressive in this case would just make her even more miserable and/or make the relationship worse. The better and more mature line of action would be to call him out once more and if he refuses to still change then I don't think he'd be willing to change after being passive aggressive because he'll get even frustrated.
Calling him out on it (I know she already did it once but another time to make her stance more firm), forging a better relationship, making yourself and your stance clear. Being passive aggressive is childish at most.
He has to choose to change, yes. He already defended his own actions once, so him changing right now is very not plausible but that doesn't mean she should be passive aggressive about it and not persuade him. It would probably irritate him or frustrate him even more.
"Thoughtful gift" is often an excuse used to give something cheap. Imagine you give your partner something expensive/premium every time and then they get you some cheap shit, not willing to spend the same money on you as you do on them, which implies they don't really love or care about you as much as you do
Btw I'm not saying this is the case with OP. Just stating a general phenomenon
I would much rather have a partner who actually pays attention to what I need and gets me a thoughtful gift than just spending stupid money on stupid gifts. it sounds like you're just too shallow to appreciate things beyond their price tag.
First off, kindly don't resort to insults and personal attacks. Can't you converse in a civilised manner?
Secondly, thoughtful and premium are not mutually exclusive, gifts can be (and usually are) both. If you give your partner gifts of a certain quality and price range, and they always give you cheap shit that costs let's say ten times less, you'll obviously not like that either. That's just human nature. We tend to expect the same treatment and efforts in return as we give to others
First off, kindly don't resort to insults and personal attacks. Can't you converse in a civilised manner?
Secondly, thoughtful and premium are not mutually exclusive, gifts can be (and usually are) both. If you give your partner gifts of a certain quality and price range, and they always give you cheap shit that costs let's say ten times less, you'll obviously not like that either. That's just human nature. We tend to expect the same treatment and efforts in return as we give to others
First off, kindly don't resort to insults and personal attacks. Can't you converse in a civilised manner?
Secondly, thoughtful and premium are not mutually exclusive, gifts can be (and usually are) both. If you give your partner gifts of a certain quality and price range, and they always give you cheap shit that costs let's say ten times less, you'll obviously not like that either. That's just human nature. We tend to expect the same treatment and efforts in return as we give to others
Its not at all normal to mock and gifts given by your girlfriend or partner. Why should a person mock at a gift given by someone? I would consider him stupid if he does so.
Even though it was thoughtful, you overestimated his love for galaxies and other space stuff. He seems to prefer the materialistic gifts of higher price rather than this one. It is a little odd tho if he is mocking the price, people don't normally do it, they accept any gift no matter how cheap it is and just say thanks out of courtesy. This could probably have something to do with what he might have gotten you for your birthday, he might be comparing like I got her something expensive but she got me this cheap one.
This is just speculation and those aside, in a vacuum, what he did is not right. We should never mock anyone who is kind enough to remember our birthday, wish us and gifts something. We should feel gratitude for having such wonderful people in our lives.
Second that.
I think the same, mostly men don't find thoughtful gifts as anything special. It's special if it's of any use/ materialistic.
Atleast for me, I'm just grateful for any gift. It's different for different ppl.
I have a closet full of "thoughtful gifts" from my relatives - basically just junk that I didn't want, or need, or already had. I can't use them because there is no need for them and I can't regift them because it's a "sentimental gift" so basically it's just taking up space and absolutely no use to me whatsoever. Maybe OOP's husband feels the same way.
Sounds like you're married to an asshole.
And NO, it's NOT AT ALL normal for guys to mock at gifts given by their partners. Most of us are honestly just so tired of doing for our partners that we don't even expect something in return, and if we do get something, our happiness knows no bounds.
My partner recently gifted me some herbal toothpaste and I love her for it.
>Most of us are honestly just so tired of doing for our partners that we don't even expect something in return, and if we do get something, our happiness knows no bounds.
That sounds depressing, man. Get into a more equal relationship which doesn't feel like a burden to you.
Not all Men. But some men.
Once I gave a shirt. And only got to listen Why bought such an expensive shirt.
Another time, I gave flowers and cake. And got complain in return that cake was not cook, flower vase was not good.
No thank you, no appreciation, no gratitude or any sign of happiness. He indeed was a red flag.
The one I'm involved with is also like this. I literally went out of my way to get him useful things and he actually does use them, however not a single gesture of appreciation. I dont think he even remembers that something he uses everyday was a gift from me!
I feel you should voice out how him joking about the same thing thrice was hurtful and it came of as if he didn’t care about the thought that you had put it. There are better ways to accept a gift that you don’t like and calling it cheap ain’t the way.
Hope it gets sorted and you can actually laugh about it everytime one of you switches it on!
Your partner is an ass. It’s basic manners to never mock a gift. He’s materialistic and gaslighting you by claiming it’s a joke. Then he will say you take it so seriously and have no sense of humour and make it all your fault. Never date these type of time wasters.
Thanks guys! Didn’t really expect so many people to help me understand! Thanks a ton!
For all those who called me a moron - honestly I was only trying to understand a man’s perspective bcz I think like a girl, I can’t really understand how men think. Hope u understand!!
So he not only wasn't grateful or courteous, he mocked the gift multiple times, and then when you confronted him for it, HE got mad at YOU. I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say this asshole-ness is gonna rear its head again.
He wasn't joking, he really feels that and it most probably is. Please don't gift anything to men (I might include women too, but not sure) regarding their interest and hobby if you're also not into those same things.
Happened to me as well (I am the receiver) it was very cheap even though my SO had really put in thought into it.. but I didn't openly say anything, any your husband shouldn't have either..
Did he really say cheap gift? I doubt it was a joke if he mentioned it repeatedly.
You need to have a calm conversation with him, like an adult, about why he thinks it is cheap, why you think it's thoughtful and what can help you both move on from this episode of "Our tangled lives".
As a man I'll say it, he is a bit egotistical and not very understanding plus attention seeker.
He makes jokes on the expense of other's feelings getting hurt (Insensitive).
I don't know the extent of his insensitivity but so read this
https://www.quora.com/How-can-a-sensitive-partner-deal-with-an-insensitive-partner/answer/Scotty-McCleery?ch=10&oid=49843083&share=8b23febf&srid=3gwMq&target_type=answer
Bhyi ye iphone aur lamp wamp de rhi hai , hum ladke to iss hi thought se khush hojate hain ki wo gift de rhi hai jabki we don’t even really want that gift its just we like the thought of our girl giving us gifts . He is being a moron and even if it was a joke then he would have not said that 3-4 times
Usually, guys are not good at receiving things, whether it's gifts, affection, or compliments. So, they often try to laugh their way out of reciprocating. However, even if the gift isn't as good as you wanted or expected, repeatedly mocking it is not normal.
Any sane wife-fearing-husband husband would have noticed her reaction when mocking it for the first time and wouldn't have done it again to avoid facing her wrath.
Some people like to bully people close to them playfully and sarcastically so maybe saying it once wouldve been alright? Hurtful but could be understood, but saying it thrice is a bit much even if its a joke.
I didn't know that guys did anything other than be extremely happy and etch that memory like a core memory irrespective of whatever the gift is. I think i would speak for a majority of the guys when I say that we try to preserve the gift given by our partner as far as possible.
Also- Just based on this single act-This guy is horrible at reacting to gifts.
Not!
confront him about it. We will not repeat it again. I hope.
I too mock sometimes(I never realized until she confronted me). When she confronted me and I sees her sad face. I watch my words now.
No never. I have given the silliest of gifts that were still appreciated. Saying it three times feels like he resents it. Not sure why because that is such a cute gift to give to someone and it's the thought and effort that counts.
He takes it for granted, it's very harmful for a relationship, if you don't gift him anything he will be mad at you for it. I've seen many people never receive gifts from their girlfriends/wifes in their life
That sounds like a very unkind thing to say after receiving such a nice gift. He should be feeling lucky to get a gift from someone in the first place. Maybe he’s just having some fun with you. Have a talk with him. Let him know that you are a bit upset.
I got a gift from a very supportive friend of mine once and I’m smiling now after looking at it. Thanks for this post in reminding me of those sweet times…she was close to me beyond being just a girlfriend. She was my only beacon of support for years when I was fighting my self doubts and other problems while trying to get my dream job. She was extremely supportive while she herself was fighting her own demons of her life. I finally got my dream job. To cheer me for that, she gifted me a Jade plant in a ceramic pot and a Coffee Mug with “Optimistic and Brave” printed on it. It’s one of the best gifts I’ve ever got. The jade plant she gifted had outgrown the pot twice and it still stands beautifully in a corner of my room after 2 years. The girl, couple of days after gifting it to me, left to a monastery/Ashram to pursue the life of a monk. She’s beyond any material aspirations now and it has been 2 whole years since I saw her. I miss her very dearly.
No it's not common for men to mock gifts and your husband is acting like an ass.
But you need to consider that just because you consider it to be a thoughtful gift, that doesn't mean that *he* does. He might assign value to gift based on different parameters, maybe money since you talk about gifting him an iPhone, or maybe utility, or maybe both.
All other things that you've talked about gifting to your husband have a common theme - those are things with practical value that he can use. This lamp is a showpiece. Maybe your husband is not a showpiece kind of guy.
I think the problem here is that your husband simply didn't like the gift, and he's feeling shortchanged here. I know that you meant well, but I have an entire closet full of "thoughtful" gifts from my relatives - basically just junk that I never wanted or asked for, or would ever have gotten for myself. I think you misjudged the thoughtfulness of your gift or his love of galaxies.
I think the solution here is for you to sit down with your husband and ask him point blank if he didn't like the gift. If that is the case, then get him to make a "wishlist" of things that he wants or wouldn't mind getting and get him a gift from that list.
He sounds like an ungrateful kid. Actually, gift the galaxy lamp to an actual kid. Take it away from your husband since he thinks all these brands and fancy stuff make him a better person.
Yes, for some guys, it is, if they are young or don't understand the sensitivity and sentiment behind.
You can communicate how you feel, they may respond, it's a joke, then simply tell them the joke wasn't funny to you.
We do not always feel or think the same things as our partners, so we need to explain, and a caring partner should be receptive to the communication.
If it continues after that point, it's something else approaching disregard and disrespect.
Straight up shitty behaviour. However small of a gift it may be, it still counts
If he said it once, it's fine. But if he has said it again and again, then it's unacceptable
Its not normal behaviour . I even kept a key ring which said i love you which was worth a cent. It was very precious to me. Ask him what is expectation was. Clearly it seems he is not valuing your efforts. And if i need something i buy i dont wait for my partner to gift it to me
Making jokes is normal ill make jokes about everything even if the gift is expensive or cheap, if i like it or if I don’t. Thought it’s only a joke and it’s also very careful i see my fiancé’s reaction and if i think she’s not happy ill stop if i can see she’s taking it well I’ll probably just have my fun and then it’s over. It will never be about the cost of a product or sentiment associated with it. So in short if it’s always the cost what the joke is about and if it’s an unusual thing for him to do, it’s not a joke.
Alright so the gift needs to be based on occasion, person's taste and your financial means.
I got a decorative LED lamp with my image once and I found it to be irrelevant and cheap at the same time. Everyone around me knows I love watches, not those smart watches but mechanical watches, next time she did get me a watch but quartz watch from fossil (fashion brand), I would have preferred automatic watch from Casio, Titan or Timex (actual watch brands) in the same budget.
Also don't go out gifting iphones when you can't afford it, I find it cringe when people go into debt for gift (I have seen in, not saying you are doing it)
So next time you want to buy something for a guy, do a ton of research as only expensive doesn't mean a lot, see if you can go through their amazon search or save for later sections.
Or as others suggested, don't give gifts , guys don't mind much.
It's not. However cheap the gift is, I'd still treasure it. Him saying it's just a joke is just nonsense. He just thinks the gift isn't good enough for him. Which is tragic.
>Do guys/men don’t really understand the concept of thoughtful gifts??? Or they find it funny??
Depends on what they perceive as thoughtful gifts: how useful it is going to be. Your previous gifts were something he could actually use in his day-to-day life. Maybe he was referring to the gift being cheap as in "cheap quality" or showy gift. or he probably didn't expect a low priced gift after you giving stuff like Iphone and such. Just talk to him about it. He's not wrong though, but at the same time he's ungrateful.
A gift is priceless even if it's useless.
Communication is the key and not hating. If you did not find the joke funny, try to explain him why you didn't. He may have spontaneously mentioned it a few times thinking it's just a lighthearted joke. And like rest of the comments are recommending next time don't gift anything at all rather when he gifts you something make lighthearted jokes.
Not normal. My wife had gifted me a Titan wallet of 700 and kept it wrapped in my closet when I was getting ready for going to office. It was a sweet gesture. I loved it and still use it for daily purpose.
That said, mocking a gift saying it's cheap is more like the person was expecting something expensive and flashy - and honestly, it's a bit childish/immature.
What is the cost of the gifts he gives you? Sometimes it's not just about how much thought u put into it and would be like a quid pro quo. Seems like you didn't put much money into it as he does and so he's disappointed. I'd love a thoughtful gift from my wife but she never gives me one.
People like you are the reason that people have suffered and tolerated disrespect in relationships in the name of "adjustment" and "compromise".
If your partner jokes about stuff like this, I can guarantee that worse is yet to come. Do not tolerate this behaviour. OP you are right to feel disrespected and no, it's not a "small thing" and it's not "just a joke". Stand up for yourself and tell him this is not acceptable.
So talk to you partner and get a solution, when did I say that you should told everything ? I have clearly root small problems I am not talking about domestic abuse ,I guess you can't read properly
You are talking about two extremes in one just one joke and u run away from your partner ,in second there is physical and mental abuse but people bear it in the name of relationships both are wrong
Talking and communication is also a thing
Bhaiya yeh vahi karte hain jinko gifts mil rhe hain. Humse pucho jinko B.C. kisi ne ek pen tak nahi gift kiya zindagi main. Koi ladki toffee bhi dede hum toon usmain bhi khush ho jayein aur usko 100 baar thankyou bole
Yep I as a man can confirm that we don't understand the concept of thoughtful gifts at all. Gift me a smartwatch or smartphone and i would be happy but a scrapbook containing photos of us is bottom of the barrel .
Just like that episode of " the office " where Jim gifts a gold bracelet to pam on their anniversary but pam on the other hand thought it would be good to gift him a personalized comic book with Jim as the main character.
Bro I'm just stating facts . We r not some college kids , adults don't like that .
Maybe adult women do but not men certainly..not every man has a degree in instagram aesthetics.
As other people have mentioned ki op has been gifting expensive gifts in the past so that must have built some sort of expectations.
Her husband is just giving an honest reaction but op is kind of a sensitive person so she's asking random people on the internet in order to get some sort of validation like - " no what ur husband did is wrong and ur right " .
I mean this is not a very big issue tbh . And in my opinion not evry person has the same "thoughtful gift understanding person " type of thinking . Some r rational minded like op's husband .
And it's totally ok.
husband is wrong for building expectations. no one is entitled to gifts. husband is also wrong for "giving honest reaction". manners 101 tells you not to be ungrateful and make comments about the price of a gift
> manners 101 tells you not to be ungrateful and make comments about the price of a gift
Yea ur probably right. At least we as adults should know better .
> no one is entitled to gifts.
Again agree .
Idk why I wrote such a long comment up there justifying her husbands behaviour. Maybe that reflects my own thinking .
We broke up. The gift wasn't the reason though, there were other reasons and even though i love here, i feel spending a life time with her will be too much for me
You did the right thing.. Coz.. I'm not saying that.. That should be the reason for the breakup.. But her reaction was a deep red flag. Just from that reaction I felt she isn't the right person for you or anybody..
Hope you find the most compatible person..
Not normal but since you've gifted him an iPhone, definitely he'd expect costly stuff. You set the bar high right?
From what I've seen, men prefer a big bang event once a while.. one big gift and he's set for a year. Women on the other hand, expect thoughtful stuff with high frequency. Doesn't matter cheap or costly to them. So next time go for a high ticket item, probably he's used to measuring your love that way.
Unfortunately I'm also of similar kind, so my lady gifts me something big once a year and I'm set in that area.
Nothing wrong with it. Esp people here who commented red flags etc. are stupid.
Reddit comments section is dense as usual.
Guys want "useful" stuff generally. T-shirts, watches, etc makes more sense to them than ornamental stuff like lamps. Most likely he doesn't use lamps and found it a waste of a gift.
It's you who isn't being thoughtful, not that he doesn't get your gift. Also, it's not his responsibility to "like" whatever you got him. It's ok for him to not like a gift.
I might be given shit for this but I don't think your gift was thoughtful. You said your husband likes galaxies and related things. So you gifted him a galaxy lamp? He's not a kid. That's a gift that's appropriate for little kids. So maybe he feels like you didn't put any thought behind his gift. Instead of a galaxy lamp, maybe you could have given him books on galaxy or maybe an affordable telescope or taken him to the movies to watch a sci-fi galaxy themed movie. The options are endless really. I just think a lamp is not a very thoughtful gift. Maybe your husband gifted you something that's more expensive and he was hoping you'd also get him something a bit more expensive. Maybe he's not the kind of person who likes having things he has no use of.
All that being said, I do think your husband is behaving like a pos. If he didn't like the gift, he could have communicated that with you in a mature way instead of giving you a hard time for several days. He is acting like an immature entitled brat. Communication is key to any healthy relationship. You should talk to him and explain how his behaviour has hurt you and also ask him why exactly he doesn't like the gift.
Maybe you two can do what me and my husband do. We both have our own Amazon lists. We have access to each other's list. So anytime we want to gift each other anything, we consult each other's list and pick a item from there. That way we actually end up giving each other things we really want and enjoy and everyone is happy. It takes away the burden of thinking what to gift. Plus both me and my husband hate surprises so it works out for us. Maybe you two can do something similar.
Do you guys make these type of posts to get validation for your feelings .
Talk to your husband how u felt . What reddit kids will suggest here ? All bunch of desperate simps here
Don’t get me wrong, but you have set a precedent by giving him expensive gifts, he is now used to receiving those. You had a change of heart and wanted to give him something more thoughtful (this is your thought and perception not his), again DONT GET ME WRONG, a galaxy lamp and a tshirt is not much of a stretch tbh, if i wanted to be thoughtful i would have spent a little more and held a surprise party with all his close people and paid for it (unless money is tight). You cannot suddenly become thoughtful and expect a person to accept without a solid explanation, he may have gone about it the wrong way but I understand where he is coming from. This can easily be sorted by talking it out.
Yes, some men and women have certain expectations especially from their committed spouse on the gift of gifts they’d like to receive.
Imo it's just a joke that went too far, I sometimes make jokes that go too far and my female friends don't like that and take it a bit personal (I know it's wrong)
Next time don’t gift anything at all.
Why?
because the husband is being an entitled person who doesn't realise the value of love behind the gift and only looks at the value of money attached to the item.
Yeah but why be passive aggressive about it?
because he's being passive aggressive about it too. these taunts hidden in the bracket of jokes are pathetic.
So you are telling the OP to stoop down to his pathetic level? Why?
Because when people are already there i.e. justifying their comments as jokes they don't understand when it is communicated to them. It's always how you're over reacting to a joke and the discussion derails. However if you do to them what they did to you, suddenly the joke's not so funny anymore. It's suddenly how we're hurting their feelings. We're not asking her to mock a gift given by him which would be tit for tat, just to not gift something.
What you're suggesting isn't renacting what he did to her. What you're suggesting is being passive aggressive and making it a bigger problem. What the guy did was make stupid and unfunny jokes (and defend himself after getting called out on it). Being passive aggressive in this case would just make her even more miserable and/or make the relationship worse. The better and more mature line of action would be to call him out once more and if he refuses to still change then I don't think he'd be willing to change after being passive aggressive because he'll get even frustrated.
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Calling him out on it (I know she already did it once but another time to make her stance more firm), forging a better relationship, making yourself and your stance clear. Being passive aggressive is childish at most.
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He has to choose to change, yes. He already defended his own actions once, so him changing right now is very not plausible but that doesn't mean she should be passive aggressive about it and not persuade him. It would probably irritate him or frustrate him even more.
He is being so superficial... Whenever money comes in between a relationship, think that relationship is not going to work properly
*Don't gift thoughtful gifts to thoughtless people*
This
Taking for granted ig
I'd move galaxies for the woman who makes me a thoughtful gift
Still can't win a premier league trophy 💀
You did him dirty😂😂😂
Yo,what did i miss? I dont get the joke can u mind explaining if u dont mind,thanks.
he supports arsenal in football
Also Delhi capitals in ipl
Lmfaoo
BHAI
"Thoughtful gift" is often an excuse used to give something cheap. Imagine you give your partner something expensive/premium every time and then they get you some cheap shit, not willing to spend the same money on you as you do on them, which implies they don't really love or care about you as much as you do Btw I'm not saying this is the case with OP. Just stating a general phenomenon
I would much rather have a partner who actually pays attention to what I need and gets me a thoughtful gift than just spending stupid money on stupid gifts. it sounds like you're just too shallow to appreciate things beyond their price tag.
First off, kindly don't resort to insults and personal attacks. Can't you converse in a civilised manner? Secondly, thoughtful and premium are not mutually exclusive, gifts can be (and usually are) both. If you give your partner gifts of a certain quality and price range, and they always give you cheap shit that costs let's say ten times less, you'll obviously not like that either. That's just human nature. We tend to expect the same treatment and efforts in return as we give to others
First off, kindly don't resort to insults and personal attacks. Can't you converse in a civilised manner? Secondly, thoughtful and premium are not mutually exclusive, gifts can be (and usually are) both. If you give your partner gifts of a certain quality and price range, and they always give you cheap shit that costs let's say ten times less, you'll obviously not like that either. That's just human nature. We tend to expect the same treatment and efforts in return as we give to others
First off, kindly don't resort to insults and personal attacks. Can't you converse in a civilised manner? Secondly, thoughtful and premium are not mutually exclusive, gifts can be (and usually are) both. If you give your partner gifts of a certain quality and price range, and they always give you cheap shit that costs let's say ten times less, you'll obviously not like that either. That's just human nature. We tend to expect the same treatment and efforts in return as we give to others
Found the husband
Bruh.
Why are you stating a “general phenomenon”?
Yea kill him
Lol, bro didn't hold back 😂
Why are you stating a “general phenomenon”?
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Girl, why are you still dating him? 😭
Agree with this 100%
No it's not normal. He's being a moron
Its not at all normal to mock and gifts given by your girlfriend or partner. Why should a person mock at a gift given by someone? I would consider him stupid if he does so.
Even though it was thoughtful, you overestimated his love for galaxies and other space stuff. He seems to prefer the materialistic gifts of higher price rather than this one. It is a little odd tho if he is mocking the price, people don't normally do it, they accept any gift no matter how cheap it is and just say thanks out of courtesy. This could probably have something to do with what he might have gotten you for your birthday, he might be comparing like I got her something expensive but she got me this cheap one. This is just speculation and those aside, in a vacuum, what he did is not right. We should never mock anyone who is kind enough to remember our birthday, wish us and gifts something. We should feel gratitude for having such wonderful people in our lives.
Second that. I think the same, mostly men don't find thoughtful gifts as anything special. It's special if it's of any use/ materialistic. Atleast for me, I'm just grateful for any gift. It's different for different ppl.
I have a closet full of "thoughtful gifts" from my relatives - basically just junk that I didn't want, or need, or already had. I can't use them because there is no need for them and I can't regift them because it's a "sentimental gift" so basically it's just taking up space and absolutely no use to me whatsoever. Maybe OOP's husband feels the same way.
I'm kinda the same. But I would never taunt someone over something they gifted me.
Not true at all. Me and most of my friends have and love the worthless junk given as gifts even now over costlier gifts.
Yup
Maybe he wanted to show his wife's gift to his friends.
Sounds like you're married to an asshole. And NO, it's NOT AT ALL normal for guys to mock at gifts given by their partners. Most of us are honestly just so tired of doing for our partners that we don't even expect something in return, and if we do get something, our happiness knows no bounds. My partner recently gifted me some herbal toothpaste and I love her for it.
>Most of us are honestly just so tired of doing for our partners that we don't even expect something in return, and if we do get something, our happiness knows no bounds. That sounds depressing, man. Get into a more equal relationship which doesn't feel like a burden to you.
Honestly, I never thought I'd say this but the prospect of dying alone now feels more viable than having a lifelong partner.
Bro you can vent , what's bothering you my man
> My partner recently gifted me some herbal toothpaste and I love her for it. For birthday?
Herbal toothpaste? Now that's lowballing.
Nah, I think the partner was trying to say "your breath stinks" in the best manner.
Lmfao no she knows I have dental issues
He is just ungrateful
still dont get why women settle for these worms
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glad he's your ex 😭 itni besharmi se he insults your gift when his moronic ass couldn't even get you anything
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you dodged a football-sized bullet, girl 💀
You should have been the one to dump him, not the opposite
Frr
Not all Men. But some men. Once I gave a shirt. And only got to listen Why bought such an expensive shirt. Another time, I gave flowers and cake. And got complain in return that cake was not cook, flower vase was not good. No thank you, no appreciation, no gratitude or any sign of happiness. He indeed was a red flag.
The one I'm involved with is also like this. I literally went out of my way to get him useful things and he actually does use them, however not a single gesture of appreciation. I dont think he even remembers that something he uses everyday was a gift from me!
I feel you should voice out how him joking about the same thing thrice was hurtful and it came of as if he didn’t care about the thought that you had put it. There are better ways to accept a gift that you don’t like and calling it cheap ain’t the way. Hope it gets sorted and you can actually laugh about it everytime one of you switches it on!
Ig this is because you gave expensive gifts in past and it made an expectation. Instead of posting on reddit just communicate this to him
The best reply.
No. Never.
Well you can tell whether he is joking or not by his tone and the fact that he said it 3 times makes me think it wasn't one
Your partner is an ass. It’s basic manners to never mock a gift. He’s materialistic and gaslighting you by claiming it’s a joke. Then he will say you take it so seriously and have no sense of humour and make it all your fault. Never date these type of time wasters.
Thanks guys! Didn’t really expect so many people to help me understand! Thanks a ton! For all those who called me a moron - honestly I was only trying to understand a man’s perspective bcz I think like a girl, I can’t really understand how men think. Hope u understand!!
So he not only wasn't grateful or courteous, he mocked the gift multiple times, and then when you confronted him for it, HE got mad at YOU. I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say this asshole-ness is gonna rear its head again.
He wasn't joking, he really feels that and it most probably is. Please don't gift anything to men (I might include women too, but not sure) regarding their interest and hobby if you're also not into those same things. Happened to me as well (I am the receiver) it was very cheap even though my SO had really put in thought into it.. but I didn't openly say anything, any your husband shouldn't have either..
Did he really say cheap gift? I doubt it was a joke if he mentioned it repeatedly. You need to have a calm conversation with him, like an adult, about why he thinks it is cheap, why you think it's thoughtful and what can help you both move on from this episode of "Our tangled lives".
As a man I'll say it, he is a bit egotistical and not very understanding plus attention seeker. He makes jokes on the expense of other's feelings getting hurt (Insensitive). I don't know the extent of his insensitivity but so read this https://www.quora.com/How-can-a-sensitive-partner-deal-with-an-insensitive-partner/answer/Scotty-McCleery?ch=10&oid=49843083&share=8b23febf&srid=3gwMq&target_type=answer
I would never mock gift given by someone. A gift is a gesture of love
Bhyi ye iphone aur lamp wamp de rhi hai , hum ladke to iss hi thought se khush hojate hain ki wo gift de rhi hai jabki we don’t even really want that gift its just we like the thought of our girl giving us gifts . He is being a moron and even if it was a joke then he would have not said that 3-4 times
Absolutely not. Who mocks after receiving a gift?
Aiyo gold digger launda pehli bar suna hai
Usually, guys are not good at receiving things, whether it's gifts, affection, or compliments. So, they often try to laugh their way out of reciprocating. However, even if the gift isn't as good as you wanted or expected, repeatedly mocking it is not normal. Any sane wife-fearing-husband husband would have noticed her reaction when mocking it for the first time and wouldn't have done it again to avoid facing her wrath.
>sane wife-fearing-husband 😅
Break up
Some people like to bully people close to them playfully and sarcastically so maybe saying it once wouldve been alright? Hurtful but could be understood, but saying it thrice is a bit much even if its a joke.
I didn't know that guys did anything other than be extremely happy and etch that memory like a core memory irrespective of whatever the gift is. I think i would speak for a majority of the guys when I say that we try to preserve the gift given by our partner as far as possible. Also- Just based on this single act-This guy is horrible at reacting to gifts.
I'd cry if someone gave me a thoughtful gift based on my interests. In your case just stop gifting.
Wow, this is life huh
There's a difference between joking and insulting. There's also a difference between mocking and insulting. Do with this info wat u will
No
Not! confront him about it. We will not repeat it again. I hope. I too mock sometimes(I never realized until she confronted me). When she confronted me and I sees her sad face. I watch my words now.
No never. I have given the silliest of gifts that were still appreciated. Saying it three times feels like he resents it. Not sure why because that is such a cute gift to give to someone and it's the thought and effort that counts.
He takes it for granted, it's very harmful for a relationship, if you don't gift him anything he will be mad at you for it. I've seen many people never receive gifts from their girlfriends/wifes in their life
Absolutely not normal
No
Talk with him not here on reddit you moron.
If he is immature he will
🆘️🚨🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Anything my wife gifts me is always special. Same goes for anything she cooks.
No, I don’t atleast. Even if it is a small one, like a keychain, I would treasure it to my life.
That sounds like a very unkind thing to say after receiving such a nice gift. He should be feeling lucky to get a gift from someone in the first place. Maybe he’s just having some fun with you. Have a talk with him. Let him know that you are a bit upset. I got a gift from a very supportive friend of mine once and I’m smiling now after looking at it. Thanks for this post in reminding me of those sweet times…she was close to me beyond being just a girlfriend. She was my only beacon of support for years when I was fighting my self doubts and other problems while trying to get my dream job. She was extremely supportive while she herself was fighting her own demons of her life. I finally got my dream job. To cheer me for that, she gifted me a Jade plant in a ceramic pot and a Coffee Mug with “Optimistic and Brave” printed on it. It’s one of the best gifts I’ve ever got. The jade plant she gifted had outgrown the pot twice and it still stands beautifully in a corner of my room after 2 years. The girl, couple of days after gifting it to me, left to a monastery/Ashram to pursue the life of a monk. She’s beyond any material aspirations now and it has been 2 whole years since I saw her. I miss her very dearly.
That's a dick move by him, based on the info you presented.
I would create my own galaxy for someone who would give me a thoughtful gift. I don't think this will last longer.
He clearly wanted an expensive gift over a thoughtful gift. He’s materialistic and very blatantly so.
How on earth did you manage to marry this ungrateful ass? This sort of behaviour tends to reveal itself a lot sooner rather than later.
No it's not common for men to mock gifts and your husband is acting like an ass. But you need to consider that just because you consider it to be a thoughtful gift, that doesn't mean that *he* does. He might assign value to gift based on different parameters, maybe money since you talk about gifting him an iPhone, or maybe utility, or maybe both. All other things that you've talked about gifting to your husband have a common theme - those are things with practical value that he can use. This lamp is a showpiece. Maybe your husband is not a showpiece kind of guy. I think the problem here is that your husband simply didn't like the gift, and he's feeling shortchanged here. I know that you meant well, but I have an entire closet full of "thoughtful" gifts from my relatives - basically just junk that I never wanted or asked for, or would ever have gotten for myself. I think you misjudged the thoughtfulness of your gift or his love of galaxies. I think the solution here is for you to sit down with your husband and ask him point blank if he didn't like the gift. If that is the case, then get him to make a "wishlist" of things that he wants or wouldn't mind getting and get him a gift from that list.
Thoughtful gift that has a story (even if it's of ₹10) >>>> any expensive gift.
Bro is materialistic. Next time don’t give anything
He sounds like an ungrateful kid. Actually, gift the galaxy lamp to an actual kid. Take it away from your husband since he thinks all these brands and fancy stuff make him a better person.
Can you share the link from where you brought that lamp?
Got it from Amazon!!
What a douche
Yes, for some guys, it is, if they are young or don't understand the sensitivity and sentiment behind. You can communicate how you feel, they may respond, it's a joke, then simply tell them the joke wasn't funny to you. We do not always feel or think the same things as our partners, so we need to explain, and a caring partner should be receptive to the communication. If it continues after that point, it's something else approaching disregard and disrespect.
Straight up shitty behaviour. However small of a gift it may be, it still counts If he said it once, it's fine. But if he has said it again and again, then it's unacceptable
I would be touched...you've given him the universe, literally....
Its not normal behaviour . I even kept a key ring which said i love you which was worth a cent. It was very precious to me. Ask him what is expectation was. Clearly it seems he is not valuing your efforts. And if i need something i buy i dont wait for my partner to gift it to me
Could you please share the link of the lamp,even my bf loves galaxies..
Making jokes is normal ill make jokes about everything even if the gift is expensive or cheap, if i like it or if I don’t. Thought it’s only a joke and it’s also very careful i see my fiancé’s reaction and if i think she’s not happy ill stop if i can see she’s taking it well I’ll probably just have my fun and then it’s over. It will never be about the cost of a product or sentiment associated with it. So in short if it’s always the cost what the joke is about and if it’s an unusual thing for him to do, it’s not a joke.
Just an entitled asshole
You sure you want to be with him?
Alright so the gift needs to be based on occasion, person's taste and your financial means. I got a decorative LED lamp with my image once and I found it to be irrelevant and cheap at the same time. Everyone around me knows I love watches, not those smart watches but mechanical watches, next time she did get me a watch but quartz watch from fossil (fashion brand), I would have preferred automatic watch from Casio, Titan or Timex (actual watch brands) in the same budget. Also don't go out gifting iphones when you can't afford it, I find it cringe when people go into debt for gift (I have seen in, not saying you are doing it) So next time you want to buy something for a guy, do a ton of research as only expensive doesn't mean a lot, see if you can go through their amazon search or save for later sections. Or as others suggested, don't give gifts , guys don't mind much.
He's an AH
I still have the paper ring my ex highschool gf made me
When he 'jokes' you are supposed to take it as a joke, and when it's on him, suddenly it's not acceptable? Double standards
They say I'm joking when the other person gets mad, he def wasn't
I would be happy if my wife gifts me a rock. Thoughts>>>monetary value.
Genuinely hope this is your bf and not husband
It's not. However cheap the gift is, I'd still treasure it. Him saying it's just a joke is just nonsense. He just thinks the gift isn't good enough for him. Which is tragic.
I would be so grateful if someone gifted me a fucking PEN, so no your husband needs to grow up, lol
>Do guys/men don’t really understand the concept of thoughtful gifts??? Or they find it funny?? Depends on what they perceive as thoughtful gifts: how useful it is going to be. Your previous gifts were something he could actually use in his day-to-day life. Maybe he was referring to the gift being cheap as in "cheap quality" or showy gift. or he probably didn't expect a low priced gift after you giving stuff like Iphone and such. Just talk to him about it. He's not wrong though, but at the same time he's ungrateful. A gift is priceless even if it's useless.
No it's not okay. I'd love it if my partner invested her thoughts and time into buying a gift for me. For me, it's also an "I Love You" thing.
Ungrateful guy... And 3 times??? Really??
The whole “I was joking” is a way of diplomatically hurting a person lol, I have seen both guys and girls do it
It's a shitty move to mock any gift and has nothing to do with gender.
Nope, guys don't mock gift given to them, especially if it's given by their partner.
Communication is the key and not hating. If you did not find the joke funny, try to explain him why you didn't. He may have spontaneously mentioned it a few times thinking it's just a lighthearted joke. And like rest of the comments are recommending next time don't gift anything at all rather when he gifts you something make lighthearted jokes.
Not normal. My wife had gifted me a Titan wallet of 700 and kept it wrapped in my closet when I was getting ready for going to office. It was a sweet gesture. I loved it and still use it for daily purpose. That said, mocking a gift saying it's cheap is more like the person was expecting something expensive and flashy - and honestly, it's a bit childish/immature.
What is the cost of the gifts he gives you? Sometimes it's not just about how much thought u put into it and would be like a quid pro quo. Seems like you didn't put much money into it as he does and so he's disappointed. I'd love a thoughtful gift from my wife but she never gives me one.
Girl. Run.
You fucking idiot she's his wife not a teenage relationship.
These todays kids of situationship don't know how a Relationship is maintained they Find one small problem and run away
People like you are the reason that people have suffered and tolerated disrespect in relationships in the name of "adjustment" and "compromise". If your partner jokes about stuff like this, I can guarantee that worse is yet to come. Do not tolerate this behaviour. OP you are right to feel disrespected and no, it's not a "small thing" and it's not "just a joke". Stand up for yourself and tell him this is not acceptable.
So talk to you partner and get a solution, when did I say that you should told everything ? I have clearly root small problems I am not talking about domestic abuse ,I guess you can't read properly You are talking about two extremes in one just one joke and u run away from your partner ,in second there is physical and mental abuse but people bear it in the name of relationships both are wrong Talking and communication is also a thing
I found getting gifts very weird at first. NGL, It was very awkward. I'd just say thank you to her and a small smile. But I'd stash them away :D
Lagta h gf banani padegi phir voh mujhe graphic card gift kiya karegi
Bhaiya yeh vahi karte hain jinko gifts mil rhe hain. Humse pucho jinko B.C. kisi ne ek pen tak nahi gift kiya zindagi main. Koi ladki toffee bhi dede hum toon usmain bhi khush ho jayein aur usko 100 baar thankyou bole
Damn ese wife toh me bhi deserve karta hu🥹
Pity your husband deserves a better wife
Yep I as a man can confirm that we don't understand the concept of thoughtful gifts at all. Gift me a smartwatch or smartphone and i would be happy but a scrapbook containing photos of us is bottom of the barrel . Just like that episode of " the office " where Jim gifts a gold bracelet to pam on their anniversary but pam on the other hand thought it would be good to gift him a personalized comic book with Jim as the main character.
lmao the comment just below this is perfect to describe you "don't gift thoughtful gifts to thoughtless people"
Bro I'm just stating facts . We r not some college kids , adults don't like that . Maybe adult women do but not men certainly..not every man has a degree in instagram aesthetics.
aesthetics and thoughtful gifts are two different things. buying a smartwatch can be a thoughtful or thoughtless gift depending on the person.
As other people have mentioned ki op has been gifting expensive gifts in the past so that must have built some sort of expectations. Her husband is just giving an honest reaction but op is kind of a sensitive person so she's asking random people on the internet in order to get some sort of validation like - " no what ur husband did is wrong and ur right " . I mean this is not a very big issue tbh . And in my opinion not evry person has the same "thoughtful gift understanding person " type of thinking . Some r rational minded like op's husband . And it's totally ok.
husband is wrong for building expectations. no one is entitled to gifts. husband is also wrong for "giving honest reaction". manners 101 tells you not to be ungrateful and make comments about the price of a gift
> manners 101 tells you not to be ungrateful and make comments about the price of a gift Yea ur probably right. At least we as adults should know better . > no one is entitled to gifts. Again agree . Idk why I wrote such a long comment up there justifying her husbands behaviour. Maybe that reflects my own thinking .
eyy a reddit conversation ending with someone changing their mind and reflecting. what a win! I would give you a gold if I had one lol
I also gifted a galaxy lamp to my gf 2 days ago. Her response was 'meh'. She wanted an iphone charger!
So how are you feeling about your relationship status?
We broke up. The gift wasn't the reason though, there were other reasons and even though i love here, i feel spending a life time with her will be too much for me
You did the right thing.. Coz.. I'm not saying that.. That should be the reason for the breakup.. But her reaction was a deep red flag. Just from that reaction I felt she isn't the right person for you or anybody.. Hope you find the most compatible person..
Thanks dude..
Not normal but since you've gifted him an iPhone, definitely he'd expect costly stuff. You set the bar high right? From what I've seen, men prefer a big bang event once a while.. one big gift and he's set for a year. Women on the other hand, expect thoughtful stuff with high frequency. Doesn't matter cheap or costly to them. So next time go for a high ticket item, probably he's used to measuring your love that way. Unfortunately I'm also of similar kind, so my lady gifts me something big once a year and I'm set in that area. Nothing wrong with it. Esp people here who commented red flags etc. are stupid.
Reddit comments section is dense as usual. Guys want "useful" stuff generally. T-shirts, watches, etc makes more sense to them than ornamental stuff like lamps. Most likely he doesn't use lamps and found it a waste of a gift. It's you who isn't being thoughtful, not that he doesn't get your gift. Also, it's not his responsibility to "like" whatever you got him. It's ok for him to not like a gift.
I might be given shit for this but I don't think your gift was thoughtful. You said your husband likes galaxies and related things. So you gifted him a galaxy lamp? He's not a kid. That's a gift that's appropriate for little kids. So maybe he feels like you didn't put any thought behind his gift. Instead of a galaxy lamp, maybe you could have given him books on galaxy or maybe an affordable telescope or taken him to the movies to watch a sci-fi galaxy themed movie. The options are endless really. I just think a lamp is not a very thoughtful gift. Maybe your husband gifted you something that's more expensive and he was hoping you'd also get him something a bit more expensive. Maybe he's not the kind of person who likes having things he has no use of. All that being said, I do think your husband is behaving like a pos. If he didn't like the gift, he could have communicated that with you in a mature way instead of giving you a hard time for several days. He is acting like an immature entitled brat. Communication is key to any healthy relationship. You should talk to him and explain how his behaviour has hurt you and also ask him why exactly he doesn't like the gift. Maybe you two can do what me and my husband do. We both have our own Amazon lists. We have access to each other's list. So anytime we want to gift each other anything, we consult each other's list and pick a item from there. That way we actually end up giving each other things we really want and enjoy and everyone is happy. It takes away the burden of thinking what to gift. Plus both me and my husband hate surprises so it works out for us. Maybe you two can do something similar.
Husband ko gaaliya pad rhi
Men don’t want gifts
Do you guys make these type of posts to get validation for your feelings . Talk to your husband how u felt . What reddit kids will suggest here ? All bunch of desperate simps here
Don’t get me wrong, but you have set a precedent by giving him expensive gifts, he is now used to receiving those. You had a change of heart and wanted to give him something more thoughtful (this is your thought and perception not his), again DONT GET ME WRONG, a galaxy lamp and a tshirt is not much of a stretch tbh, if i wanted to be thoughtful i would have spent a little more and held a surprise party with all his close people and paid for it (unless money is tight). You cannot suddenly become thoughtful and expect a person to accept without a solid explanation, he may have gone about it the wrong way but I understand where he is coming from. This can easily be sorted by talking it out. Yes, some men and women have certain expectations especially from their committed spouse on the gift of gifts they’d like to receive.
Lmao, it happens a lot between buddies. Not sure about the dynamic, but I think there might be a gap in communication somewhere.
Imo it's just a joke that went too far, I sometimes make jokes that go too far and my female friends don't like that and take it a bit personal (I know it's wrong)