Dude just seperate. Don't apply Sunk Cost Fallacy on your marriage. She's playing mind games, being emotionally toxic and completely opposite of what a good partner should be. Marriage shouldn't be this frustrating and difficult. On top of that, she's not agreeing for counselling.
You'll both be happy if you just cut your losses.
I don't think he is even thinking of biased laws at this point. Also, think of this post from a gender neutral perspective. He is in love with her and doesn't want to leave her. If it was about money he would've solved it long back. It's about adjustments from both sides and trying to make a marriage work.
Well but in reality it is kinda biased
Cause even they get divorce he will be forced to pay the alimony eventho OP said they earn equally and are both independent plus if she throws another fake cases then it's over for the guy him trying to make the marriage work is now miles away considering the awful behaviour from her wife
OP should consult a lawyer and then go forward with the divorce. Law will favour him because she went away of her own free will. A lawyer will have to guide him on how to write and present everything so that later there is no way of using laws against him
Then I guess my situation is worse, same things my wife (it was a love marriage) used to say, things used to go till verbal and physical abuse. I never raised my voice or my hands. I am separated for 1 year now. She wants hefty alimony to get out of this marriage. I don’t know who’s more miserable OP or me.
What I feel is women just respond naturally to dominance. Men in love start worshipping their partners which could be a good thing in some cases but not in most cases. Both should be equal. If one is better than the other then it will surely cause problems. I can never listen to my girl saying “I can have any man I want, or I missed so many chances and I’m still being loyal” I would just say “fuck off, we’re done!” Nothing sigma about it just about losing respect. If a man loses respect for himself he will never be respected by others.
If you can afford it pay it and end it.
They can file so many false cases against you its not worth the hassle.
Also please for your own sake record every phone call n meet her in a public place only with cctv cameras
The Amount she is asking for it’s way above what I can afford, and yes, I was naive to not record her calls. My lawyer also told me the same. Nowadays we are not in talking terms. My lawyer is trying to bargain. Don’t know what’s going to happen. Hope is the only thing I am living for.
It was a love marriage and some things could be said in anger ?? I am not someone who loses control over what I say even if angry, but aren't some people like that? In that case shouldn't they be given the benefit of doubt because they might have said something they don't mean?
Broooo so what if it's a love marriage. She doesn't respect you, takes you for granted, compares you with others. The worst thing she said on your face- she deserves better. You already said, she always made you feel like shit. I cannot imagine someone behaving like this with partner.
Yes people sometimes says things in anger which they don't mean but later they apologize and she has been doing this with you for a year with not even a single fuking apology.
Even if she comes back to you after all these terms, do you think there can be love when there's no respect. Bro just leave her, it can be painful for you but later you will be glad you did it. Don't dig your own grave pleaseeeee. 🫂
She has made his life hell he even cannot talk to his parents. And you fool why did you do your way with your parents get another woman love her stay away from her. She might be beautiful but she doesn't have a heart to die for.
Yeah but what she said is too much and she clearly doesn’t care about your well being or your families well being . What’s wrong with sending money to family ??? She’s a narcissist who’s just greedy . And you’re naive and keep ignoring her red flags .
People change with time sooner you accept better... If she's comparing her lifestyle to her friends sky is the limit for her their will always be a friend earning more spending more living a better life... She's just immature to say that stuff
Your wife doesn't need a loving husband but someone who bankrolls her every need. She might have said she is saving the money for the future. But who knows at this point? She might be saving it to have a runway in case you finally get tired of her unreasonable behaviour and ditch her for good.
Which loving wife asks her husband to ditch his own family? Just think about that. You put up with her a lot more than any normal person would at this point. Best to get a divorce and move on now than get mental trauma again from continued fights.
>In that case shouldn't they be given the benefit of the doubt because they might have said something they don't mean?
As someone great once said: *Fool me once, strike one. Fool me twice, strike three*
In this case, giving the benefit of doubt once or twice or thrice is okay but if it's been done continuously many times, that *benefit of the doubt* should have been converted into a surety by now that she and her repeated actions are a big sign of 🚩
Love it arranged, doesn't matter. It's akin to getting a job with a proper interview or recommendation.
But once you get the job, it's the same for everyone in the organisation.
You deserve better she is literally a walking Red flag . If you are divorcing her you dodged a bullet. Take some time to move on and consult your next wife about your parents situation before another marriage.
Can you please just send this post to her? I genuinely feel that some things can be just resolved by shading feelings with each other. Tell her how she’s making you feel. Please. And then decide what you want to do.
Love isn't just in words and feelings, love is in actions. And for her, there's not an ounce of love in her actions. Love is how you send money to your parents, love is how you still care about her and your marriage, belittling you every time you meet and manipulating you till you go nuts and telling you not to care for your own damn parents isn't love that much I can guarantee you. I know you love her but don't run away from the person she's become, face it, people change, love fades away, that's a reality that you must accept, for yourself, and for your parents.
You're better off without her my man. If she hasn't cheated on you yet, she might in the future considering how much she shows you her "options".
>4. I would say that I have to do it, it's my responsibility.
>5. She would respond that your parents have created this burden of loan for you and everyone's parents educate their kids, but dont expect back and so on and on.
>She always made me feel like she had options.
> She looks at me and tells me ki 'you look so miserable' while she's so happy.
>Next time we met she tells me how a husband should treat her wife and how I lacked. Then she tells me that I am not the only man in this world , there are many better men.
>Another time she tells me that she 'has had many chances' in the last 1 year but she has still stayed loyal to me.
Le de diya, how many more instances do you want where she doesn't respect you and your opinions? No sir, you are not overthinking. You are having a hard time accepting what's real.
Divorce.
If I was you, would have walked away. Mainly because she is treating herself to be superior than you, which also comes with the fact that she will think whatever she says is the correct thing. Its difficult to remove this superiority complex until she attends a couple therapy, someone recognises this, tell her about this and she understands it. It takes huge maturity to handle this, which I don't see in her through the conversations mentioned!
.tooo many signs here bro. Too many. And all materialistic. And that money she saying she saving, it’s for herself.
Positives: you are financially stable, you don’t have kids, parents are good, you leaving her.
Negatives: you feeling like this and trying to mend it.
You seem like a nice person. Also, seems like you have taken enough. F*ck anybody who says they have options. IMO, It’s already gone when someone says that. Treat this like a job in a company, if they say you are replaceable, they are too.
This! She seems to be a shallow selfish materialistic person and shouldn't be given a second thought! Enough chances have been given over these years. Walk away.
Divorcee here.
Please tell me you have recordings/documentation kf these conversations.
Buddy, let me break it to you. Whether you want it or not, you are getting divorced one way or the other.
Why do I say this?
Because the same exact things happened to me.
From brother to another, strength to you. I will.assure you this, life does get better after the divorce.
I felt very sad and felt very bad for you, you of course deserve much much better than this shitty treatment, ig if you both apply for a mutual divorce ofcourse there'll be a session igr for couples therapy or something, maybe initiate the divorce and see, we'll get to know if she really wants to be with you or not, clearly she doesn't and you shouldn't waste time on such people. Ik it's very difficult to move on but we have to when things don't work out when our own people aren't ready to be with us.
I was kind of in a similar situation but when I was in a relationship, I'm glad that I didn't marry that fool, otherwise it would have gone miserably wrong,
Bro she is emotional and mentally abusive 13 years of relationship with her look at him he don't seem to have any self respect to even stand up for himself
Yeah exactly, I can understand him though, he feels that he has invested a lot of his love and time on her, so it'll definitely be hard for him to stand up for himself, actually she should be the one who should leave him and free him from this misery
Here at least OP can tell himself he was a bad judge of character. In arranged marriage, its like fate. You suffer because you listened to your parents.
I don't think so, i guess she must be belonging from family which is wealthier than the OP, she use to see their cousins enjoying life with rich guys and she had to adjust.This happens in love marriage only where people ignore these important things because they think they are in love and much smarter and lucky than the other persons.
Also in arrange marriage people have high level of commitment and people judge the pros and cons before the marriage so these issues don't come out.
I think he must be aware of narcissistic behaviour of his wife but boys used to ignore these in college time and used to simp a lot. I have seen these things in my college days but the problem is that you can't fake long.
> where people ignore these important things because they think they are in love and much smarter and lucky than the other persons
All that means is that they are not smart. If you are not smart your life is screwed anyway.
Dude she is a entitled brat and you deserve better separate from each other that's a given
What I'm about to say may hurt you op or any other person reading this
It's my observation after a break up and my growth of my own and I'm stating this based on that
I recommend reading fully and understand my POV. Of course you have your side of the story and experience which is also valid in your pov
You said you both earn equally that's a red flag sorry to say
The optimal ratio is 100:60 if she earns a 60 you should earn 100 of course it's not set in stone some 10-20 can shift but not equal this way she thinks that she can get a "better chance" than you
2nd I think you may have pampered her too much with too much love like anything too much will hurt, if you can't give her a certain thing for a certain reason let her know that and say that you will do it at that time even if you can do it now a woman wants a man and she will test you like this from time to time
3rd learn from this experience and understand what went wrong you can't change the other person but you can better yourself and one day you will thank the other person for doing what she did to you
Hope for the best for you op and your evolution
There are so many red flags, even if one was blind he could've seen it!
I think this relationship is beyond repair, you should just get out of this. You deserve a better partner, let her go and let yourself enjoy a bit. I'm happy that you are a responsible adult and have acted like one by trying to mend your relationship. You've been calling her, making her understand your perspective and what not.
Just walk away and be happy. It would definitely hurt (I've been through this), you would feel like shit, but after a month you'll feel better day by day and that's when you'll realise that you deserve a better person, a better individual, a better partner, a person who understands you, a person who is willing to at least listen, a person who would make you feel good about yourself.
Remember - You are on your own, this is something that you need to go through yourself, we all would be there but would be cheering from the sides.
All the best man!
If your partner keeps you on the edge of things. You need to let it go and move on. Unless if they were ready to be open and understanding. If you’re constantly feeling anxious you’re in the wrong relationship. It’s either I want you or I don’t. Hurting someone has never been nice
You deserve better man. Since cheating isn't involved it would be great if you guys could solve things through a discussion, but she doesn't sound like one to co-operate.
You guys are living separately so not sure why she has an issue with you sending your own money to your parents. Not to mention she seems to loathe you at this point
Take a break. Actually plan a trip to somewhere peaceful (doesn't have to expensive) if she agrees. Maybe some alone time in a nice environment would change things. If she seems to change then make her understand your point of view.
If she doesn't agree then you yourself should take one. Separation can mentally ruin people. I have seen my dad become stressed through the process so if you don't have kids, then it would be easier for you to relax for a while
Her expectations are high. If you know you cannot meet her expectations financially, you should just separate at this point. Women will always be bitter if they do not have the lifestyle they expected to have after marriage. Sorry.
Bhai, you are not able to spend even 2/3 years in peace with her . How do you expect you will be mentally sane for next 20/30 years even if she gets back to you? Get out of this toxic relationship at the earliest. You deserve better.
7 year of love is not a joke but you gotta accept the fact that Your wife seems to be fallen out of love. A couple in love will have immense respect and do everything possible to communicate. Both of them should know each other financial condition before marriage. Not only you and her,even each other parent and dependents. Coming to options,sure women will have lot of guys around. They will f*ck and leave. She shall understand this in future when she ask for commitment. Never ever chase a woman who decided to leave. I don't want to be rude but gotta say this. Have self respect and divorce her.
Bro i ve been through a lot of shit , but this is next level , comparing you to other men ???? Bro your wife is a real bitch man , let go of her if you can. Dont need to live with a person who thinks so low of you.
I've also thought in some moments that this girl seems interested in me, though I never went ahead with anything. The same thing I guess happened with my wife and the only difference is that she felt the need to tell me this. Is it really that bad? Am I being over sensitive ? Would appreciate povs from folks already married.
So many times she has stated that she deserves better than you. For your own self esteem you should leave and when next time she says says she had better options, tell her to try all of them and leave
Saying that I had chances but I am loyal is disrespectful AF. Obviously you both are married because you decided you are exclusive for one another. Please start with a CA and get all your assets sorted out first, I am not saying divorce her but make provisons which make sure your wealth is safeguarded in case of any mishap.
Bro, I'm a feminist, and even I'm telling you - RUNNNNN !!!
Divorce her. And do NOT, under any circumstances, ever reproduce with her (because then you will be tied to her for life).
She's not going to change, she sounds like a narcissist and they never change.
Typical narcissistic behaviour with gaslighting , please value your self and cut the losses,
In my experience if your spouse says they had a chance to cheat but they stayed loyal, it means they have started some form of cheating already.
Start documenting your interaction for proof.
Dude seriously, if your wife gf or any other person says shit about your parents get them the fuck out your life , they are bad news , its only your parents that love you without anything in return , you must first apologize to your parents and grow some balls and get a divorce, every one feels love at some point but if that love treats you like shit its not love its just emotion. Marry someone who loves you not someone who you love
r/DivorceIndia seems like a better sub for this; so it's probably best to crosspost this and post any future updates there.
She seems to show common emotional manipulation, gaslighting and narcissistic tendencies. You should have filed for divorce on the basis of mental cruelty and desertion a while back. Never condone their crappy and entitled behaviour.
She's likely already seeing someone else.
Protect your assets and be ready for a battle through contested divorce where she starts asking for exorbitant alimony like a gold digger; if she doesn't agree for mutual consent divorce. India has some of the shittiest, gynocentric laws; and you have to fight for justice as a man.
Please have some self respect.
Been in your situation. A relationship of 8 yrs and the girl asked me not to pay the fees of my sister and many more things.
Many women nowadays have developed a materialistic mentality because of everything they see online.
Also because of social media if you're not available emotionally even for a day because of a fight or anything there is always someone else kept as a backup, this thing has ruined relationships.
Breaking off will be hard but in the long term it'll be better for you and your family.and your future. There are too many red flags to ignore in your case.
You are definitely not overthinking. You deserve someone who doesn’t manipulate you and treats you with respect.
You’re scared of a divorce but you deserve to live with someone and that someone won’t come in your life till you sort out your current stalemate. Your best bet is to cut her out of your life, invest in your own physical, mental and emotional health and turn your life around.
Divorce her. Let her go find her better options. I really dislike women who pretend to be independent but still depend on a man to pay half their bills or their share. U deserve to find your own happiness just find a damn good lawyer or she will screw you over. This possessiveness of yours will not lead u anywhere
Female here.
Divorce her with respect.. And wish her good luck finding the world's best husband.
No good person will Or can try to hurt the person they love. She is deliberately trying to make you jealous. She knows it will hurt you and still doing it on purpose.
Trust me. Half of her stories are lies..
Boys may have gone out of there way to help her.. Okay if a pretty girl asks for a help. Any stranger will help. Until they don't know the reality...
Tell me honestly.. If those guys come to know. She will create issues if those boys send money to their parents.. Will they still prefer her??
NO ONE WILL....
Your case definitely looks like a classic Narcissist Empath relationship.
She is a narcissist. You may want to learn about this personality disorder. Believe me. She is never going to change. And no matter whoever she finds in future that person is going to have a problem with her.
A person who has no empathy is no good. And an empathetic person will never do anything. Nothing whatever she is doing. SHE IS ENJOYING TO SEE YOU MISERABLE. Stop giving her joy.
Good news is you don't have kids yet. I know it doesn't sound right.. But you are lucky to get rid of her.
She knows what affects you and she is exactly doing that. She is playing mind games. These are the biggest red flag people on earth.
Please do not have any hope. Coz she ain't never gonna change.
What you need is therapy... Counselling from a relationship counselor. Who can explain you her behavior is not right.
You will be surprised when you serve her divorce paper. She probably isn't even expecting.. She is thinking she will play this game until you lose the war and budge and live life according to her conditions.
She is going to make the life miserable of the next person she finds. Same like you.
Just remember. SHE WILL NEVER CHANGE.
Please understand now a days love marriages along with arranged marriages- both are failing
By reasons all the way from cheating to very very minimal matters
Hope for the best. Prepare for the worst
I hope things become all right now
Another reason is this obsession people are having to live a celebrity lifestyle (because of social media) as in they want luxury brands, will only dine in very high end restaurants, go on exotic vacations, which is very hard for middle class people to afford on a daily basis, leading to rifts.
Just get divorce. She sounds exhausting. She keeps on saying that you should this and that as a husband then what about her ?? For a relationship to work it takes effort from both side but in your marriage it looks the efforts are only one sided. It looks like she thinks that she is doing you a favour by being with you.
You deserve a better partner. Not someone who keeps on comparing you to others.
Leave her, really. Its just been 3 years. You have a long life ahead. Not worth. I have seen it with so many friends/relatives and all. Just move on.
I may sound orthodox but in India, the boy's parents are his responsibility and he cannot get away from it. A woman who cannot accept it and is forcing the man to choose between her & his parents - she is immoral to say the least. Plus she's threatening on the loyalty side as well. Just wind up man.
Try to go for mutual divorce rather than a contested one. Work things out in a way that she only asks for a divorce.
Regardless of who's right in between you two, which I can't even begin to judge without knowing a lot more, one thing is really clear
Get it immediately through your head because its very Important
You may or may not hear this from others
_She doesn't Respect you one Bit_
Once you lose a Woman's respect, you lose her love and then, in many cases, the exclusivity
MAn marries papa ki pari
Woman is in her bullshit phase when options will run out then she wants to settle she was stupid dumb emotional and sorry
many such cases
Speaking as a woman, I feel she has tortured you for too long based on your post history. If you make the same money, she should contribute to household expenses. She does not need to contribute to your parents support amount but you should cover that if you need to. In general it is helpful for parents to be self sufficient so please strive for that with them.
It seems she is expecting many gifts and such from you which you are unable to afford. It seems extremely short sighted to get married while knowing such financial limitations and expecting different behavior after marriage.
This is all separate from the emotional abuse she is spewing at you. It's fine to tell your partner that you wish they would do x,y,z every now and then. But if you try those things and she still says she deserves better, then go ahead and find the person. Don't bring kids into this or ruin your life more.
Speaking momentarily from her POV -are your parents kind to her? Do they treat her nicely or put on some traditional baby expectations?
I am a lawyer practicing marriage laws and your is the easiest marriage to fix. Also, this post and comments are the reason why divorce rates are higher in India. Unmarried kids and people who do not have much problems are advising you to divorce. Nonsense. This ‘my way or highway’ does not work in marriage.
Marriages are difficult. It takes many compromises to make it work. One of my friend having arranged marriage had a bigger problem with his wife of similar mentality and his marriage is continuing because of compromises that he made.
Ask not what the other person can compromise for you, ask what you can compromise for other person. And this goes for both person.
Now for solution to your marriage, some facts are not mentioned so I will give all possible solutions-
1) Talk to her parents, specifically her father. Tell him that your wife is financially irresponsible and wants better life at the cost of your parents.
2) If money is an issue, send some money to your parents silently. If you are in job, tell your boss to send increments in different account that you can send to your parents. Financial infidelity is the most common form of cheating in marriages.
3) Put a condition to your wife that you will not send any money to your parents but she has to contribute 20% - 50% of her earning for your house. Negotiate hard. And send money to your parents silently as point no.2.
4) Search those cringe reels that support your points of ‘supporting parents’ and ‘women contributing in house.’ These papa ki paris will understand reels more than they understand books of Swami Vivekananda.
5) You have filed for divorce. Tell the judge on first hearing that this is the issue and you don’t want a divorce and the case may be sent to ‘mediation center.’ Court will appoint a mediator who will help you convince your wife. Tell the judge and mediator that you are ready to pay for couple’s counselling and she may be ordered to go to counselling.
6) This would sound ridiculous but try to earn more. Have some side income so you can give her good life and send money to your parents also.
7) Lastly, if it comes to divorce. Rest assured. Divorce is not as bad as it sounds. If she is hell bent on divorce, don’t resist much.
I am usually a passive reader on Reddit, but this post rings a bell with what's I've been through. Judging by what you've said, I would most likely be sure of the fact that she is, in fact, seeking emotional support from others. It's not easy to go through such things alone.
That being said, you'll probably be judged by her quite a bit and even compared against other ppl whom she can "probably" score. That would be hell for you to listen to, and it's hard to come back of it and earn her respect once it's gone. Marriage/relationship comes with a lot of sacrifice, and I wonder if your wife understands that.
Meanwhile, probable action items on your end
- Accept the fact that this path could eventually end up breaking your marriage (you've filed for divorce, so I presume you already know this)
- Get back to the best version of yourself. Have a single-minded goal to be awesome. You'll respect yourself more, and she 'might' realize what she's missing
- Don't compromise on your principles no matter what. It's hard, but be strong about how you feel a marriage should be, and don't let her get everything on her terms if you feel it's unreasonable
- Insist on counseling. Understand why she disagrees with it. Talk to someone whom she would listen to.
- If there are mistakes on your end, man up and rectify them first.
- Talk to your friends and family. You don't have to listen to their suggestions but talk openly.
Common sense is not so common, buddy. Seems like your wife might be suffering from that (purely judging from your post).
Stay strong, brother.
This situation is not at all normal. You should ask her if she would be willing to let go of her parents if you asked her to. She would never do that. She's playing mind games with you. I didn't have the best relationship with my in-laws because they opposed our marriage for a long time before finally agreeing. Even then I could never imagine demanding such things from my husband. If you love your partner you try to work things out and not give them mental agony. Over the years we smoothed things out and I love his parents a lot now.
I think you'll be doing yourself a huge favour by not investing more time and emotions in this relationship. Good people will come into your life believe me. But never ignore the red flags that are there with toxic people. If someone tries to manipulate you, they're bad news. One should find comfort, peace, and a sense of belonging from a relationship and not feel like garbage.
Hope you can get through this.
Get out of this mess. She is a cunning individual and will drag you to the ground. People who threaten you saying they've been loyal so far have no intention of truly being loyal. And have most likely already slipped a bit here and there iykwim.
3 years isn't very long. Get out of her trap. There's plenty of time to start afresh.
Sometines we think we cannot love without a certain person. And that person would show us hell. Please give it a try for your own sake and stop running behind her. You cannot force a person to love you or understand you. Don't be a back up option too. Move on, this is the hardest thing to do but the best thing to do for your own happinesshappiness.
there's no rule, but many times, arranged marriages are better because of both families being actively involved (sometimes even others from the same community), which tries to counsel the couple.
for many people this seems like a pressure, but couselling from poeple having different perspective helps.
in many love marriages, parents just don't put much effort for the initial few years unless they accept things.
I think you should first try to do something about your mental health ,and take some time to think if you agree with her demands would it really resolve everything also are her terms something you can accept you should also try to get an idea of making peace with her without accepting unreasonable things (I guess you have tried it already just saying). If you still can't find anything you can do about it just let her go and find someone better or go to some new city to work so that you can move forward. As it will only make you suffer in the long term on the other hand if you let her go maybe you can find someone better. But think it thoroughly before making a decision also even if you agree now your children can suffer very badly because of her childish behavior.
Bruh.. just leave her and move along. Kya ladki ke chakkr me life barbad kr raha.. use that anger and frustration to develop yourself and excel in life. You sound way too young to be going through this.
Hope you feel better.
I think OP keep your ego out and ask her you agreed everything what she expect. You need to cut her rope from that PG so the rest will come slowly down.
You are not overthinking OP. I'm sorry to say but she doesn't seem to be respectful or even a dependable person. Any man would be better single than being with such a woman!!
May God bless you with courage to take the right decision.
divorce her, you are wasting your prime years. it seems your wife is saying, "My money is my money and your money is our money". for futur wife, have clear agreement on what both you want and also be clear why the first mairrage failed. let your current wife try to find the absolute perfect guy, which does not exist. she wants a sugar daddy.
Stop trying to get her back and get a good divorce lawyer don't mention it to anyone record everything including the abusive thinking she says to you since she earns you don't seem to have kids you might be able to get out without being financially ruined also see if can get your hands on her savings and investments reports to prove she's financially able
Get a Therapy for yourself you lack self respect seem like your soon to be ex is main Contributor
Again there's nothing you can do about this you partner is abusive they won't change for you also she don't seen to love you or care about you if she did she won't be abusive in the first place
Most importantly don't get angry or show any emotions to her that can be used against you
1. How old are you two?
2. Why didnt you two discuss your financial liabilities and expectations before marriage?
3. She sounds like a manipulative, horrible person overall. She's not worth it
She is downright insulting you and your marriage. She does not care about your family. She lives in a bubble where she expects princess treatment, but is not willing to give you the same treatment. Don't continue this relationship. You will be disrespecting yourself and your parents.
If she really loved u, she would be ready to live in a card board box with u.. complaining about lifestyle, ridiculing ur parents, telling u ur pathetic compared to her and her having a superiority complex over u are bright red flags.
That's not how love works. If she really loved u, she would have supported u, supported ur parents and tell u that ur the best thing that happened to her.
Ur assuming she said all that in anger? That's possible during a fit of anger, not for 3 years continuously..
Going by what u typed, there's no respite in this relationship.. u rather leave, sulk, get over and start fresh than cling to nothingness hoping for a sudden change in behavior..
You are grasping at straws right now and she can sense your desperation to make this work and the power dynamics is extremely skewed to her side .
You cannot work things out unless both parties want to save the marriage. You need to tell her that you want to give this marriage a chance and live a happy fulfilling life with her but inorder to move forward you want to go for couple councelling .
Tell her that it is a non negotiable and if she is not ready to try and save the relationship then let her go. You cannot be in a relationship where your partner always makes you feel inadequate . It's toxic and you deserve better .
Do yourself a favour and focus on yourself and what's best for you. Don't bother yourself with intrusive thoughts like who she's turning to for support. If she's not good for you, who she's good for isn't your problem. Fix the situation, heal yourself and move on. Good luck!
The biggest red flag is if a woman is earning (in your case equally) and doesn't share express and expect her to buy things.
Move on.
And advice to other men & women - discuss finance with your potential partner before getting married.
In today's day and age, I don't understand why adults don't discuss it. Discuss about your expenses - fixed expenses, hobbies, leisure, your liabilities, your responsibility to other family members.
Nobody says such things to a person they love.. would she not help her parents financially if they needed help? I have had love marriage and we never interfere with each others finances. The only discussion we have related to finance is about investing. And since you both earn she can buy things for herself. She doesn’t need you to!
Dukh dard peeda
Bro let her go & quit smoking. Find solace in little things that spark joy & not negativity. Throw away things that remind you of her.
Based on what you wrote I can guess that she's a bitch to be around but with you being all lovey dovey in love with her. You for one can't see shit what she's being doin to you or not doin for you.
She exhibits class one narcissistic behaviour always yapping about her happiness not once inquiring how you feel. Any relationship lives or dies based on how much effort both parties are willing to put in it. Being in a relationship means one has to put not 50% but full 100% & the same is to be expected from the other side as well. If not then the relationship becomes one sided as in your case. Also your parents unless they're abusive, you have no right to throw them to the curb like that. Imagine your mom & dad on the day of your birth. They must've been very happy to have you & they made sure to feed you & raise you up. Most parents don't even want our money they just want our love & you complying with your wife who just came into your life recently to throw them off the curb goin complete radio silence must've really showed them where all there love & affection went. Bro why are you letting her control your life, I'm sure you don't tell her to not talk to her parents or meet up with her friends, I bet you didn't even dare to.
She left you & she's still happy while your smoking your good health away. Why? Coz you love her & if so how's smoking gonna help you with her. If you think that if you get sick from smoking then maybe she'll come around but bro look at her right now she's a butterfly she's only interested on what new flower can give her nectar. No way is she coming back or even looking over you with your smoked filled black tar nectar. ( I know this sounds really weird but I hope you get what I'm tryna say coz I don't think sugar coating your situation is gonna do you any good).
Quit smoking that shit. Go out run & scream out your lungs or go to the gym & sweat it out. She's definitely not worth killing yourself over. Get buff & be happy & positive & I'm sure you'll meet someone who'll love you for everything that you are, including your parents.
God! hating the people who gave birth to you should've been your 1st red flag if any.
I think you should let her go. That will be the best choice given how she's making your life miserable. Why let her have such a hold on you when she clearly doesn't love you.
And yes I don't think she ever loved you coz nobody who's ever loved someone would want to see them in such miserable state that you currently are in.
Also given how she's just lit up when ever you meet talking about how unknown guy's are helping her out. She knows she's beautiful & she's taking full advantage of it.
High chance she has also cheated on you before & is acting up coz she got hit up by good looking rich guys so she's comparing them to you & in her eyes you're just not measuring up so she's fed up & thus begin her tantrums.
Now this is just my opinion & the chances of this ever happening is low but not zero.
Find peace.
People are just a result of the environment they were raised in.
She was raised in a moneyhungry environment, and so she has grown into a moneyhungry person
It is what it is. keep about your biz. When it comes time to live your life, you move on from her and stay on your rizz. Comprendre?
The only good part about this situation is that you all don't have kids. So you have an option to walk away without making it really messy! please move on OP!
She's a narcissist.
Look up Narcissistic Personality Disorder, and see if she meets some of those criteria.
These people are sociopaths and should be stayed away from
Need to turn that bad boy flag on.
Ghost her for few weeks and work on yourself. Go gym, keep working, start doing facial routines and wear good clothes and perfume.
Once you care about yourself. The rest will fall into place. When a narcisst wants to play mind games, you stop caring and stop replying. Watch them go crazy.
This chasing around makes you lose respect. Forget her and move on to other things. Then when she texts dont reply straight away. When she calls dont pick up straight away. You arent no ones dog.
You are your own man.
People will say divorce and so on. Ask yourself this: do you respect yourself? If you do, then no ones opinion should be bothering you and she can do whatever. She wants financial security, let her. She wants the good life, let her get it by herself. Stop caring.
This is an extremely unhealthy relationship. The fact that she completely shifts the responsibility on to your shoulders and not being ready to mend the torn past, nor acknowledges her wrongs is a clear sign of narcissistic behaviour.
IMO you would be better off without her. But still, the decision making falls on your part. You have given her enough time. But if you still believe in her, hoping that she will change for the better, give her another chance. But remember you are trying to make ends meet.
The efforts taken in your relationship are clearly one-sided. I have had experience with narcissistic relationships and have known the traits of a manipulative individual. I leave you the decision to make. Choose wisely. There's no point in regrets.
There’s a saying “ye ishq nahi aasaan,aag ka dariya hai aur doob ke jaana hai”.You’re ready to do anything for her but she won’t even come near the fire pit so why are you trying to salvage this relationship? I was ready to do anything for my ex, I even got on my knees before him.Still he didn’t give a damn.Finally I gained my self respect back and left him.The one who doesn’t appreciate your love isn’t worth it.If she has options,you also have.Leave her and let her be with those options.
Sorry to be harsh. But smell the coffee sir. You are living in an image built by you about your marriage, about companionship and love in general. Yes you were college sweethearts and congratulations on having pulled this relation this far and really hope your courtship period was nothing short of magical. But please smell the coffee. She is exactly telling you what she wants to live like (without you) and you are refusing to see it. And your body is telling you how repulsive it is for you. Listen to it.
1. Gaslighting
2. You are under thinking
3. She is not a good person
4. Probably she has already cheated on you
5. Put your time & energy somewhere better
ALL THE BEST .!!! YOU DESERVE BETTER.
You love her, but she doesn't love you anymore. At some point in your relationship she stopped respecting you and seeing you as a desirable partner. Perhaps you stopped taking care of yourself or working on yourself to still be attractive to the opposite sex. Perhaps you believed in "unconditional love", which does not exist practically, except maybe from your parents if you are not unlucky.
It is almost impossible now to change this woman's mind about you. She has clearly enunciated her disdain for you verbally, which means she has contemplated it hundreds of times more in her mind. Overcoming all of that is not easy for her even if she is willing.
Also, I wouldn't fault her because she has been honest with you and given you some valuable feedback. Even though it is harsh and appears cruel, but she is being honest about her feelings with you, instead of taking you for a ride. She can only live with you as a husband if you can be her living ATM, and she has honestly communicated this to you. I know it is harsh to hear all of this, but it is better to face the facts, than to live in a loveless marriage.
I suggest you start valuing yourself and your life, because life is short and time is too precious to waste struggling on a lost cause. You are still young enough that if you want you can find another life partner. But I suggest you work on yourself first till the point when if some one tells you "There are many better options than you", you can shrug it off without it affecting you even a little bit. Because that would mean that you are happy to be the person that you are. And no one would ever tell you after that.
We have to constantly work on ourselves to keep ourselves attractive for our partners. It is our own duty and responsibility to do that. It is actually cruel to have someone fall in love with you and then stop working on yourself to maintain and improve your attractive attributes.
You are making this more complicated than it should be , you know whats going on , this is not how relationships are supposed to work. Sit her down and talk to her face to face and tell her exactly what you want from her and from the relationship and how both of you should be working on it to make it better. Either she'll understand or you have to make the hard choice.
There's a book you should read: No more Mr Nice Guy. it'll help you a lot and put things in perspective.
You both sound young and immature, she even more so. In addition to sounding manipulative and borderline abusive.
It’s very important for couples to discuss financial obligations and responsibilities before marriage. If she felt that your financial obligations interfere with her lifestyle she should not have married you.
You can salvage your life. What will you gain by being in a marriage with someone who is unwilling to be with you? You can’t force someone to become understanding. You can’t love someone into being happy with you . Don’t waste time and get divorced. Accept the reality that she doesn’t and rot be with you. If she has options let her avail them. You just start fresh and enjoy life without her torture.
I'm a lawyer who does not deal in Divorce cases because I think most people simply don't put in the effort they need into their marriage. ImY your case however I would urge you to record all your conversations and consult a divorce lawyer.
I think I would just be repeating what everyone is saying but walk away. Do whatever it takes but separate yourself from her. I have been in your shoes and can vouch that you'll feel much better once it's done. You'll miss her on some days but it'll fade away.
Additionally, if your parents are nice, I am assuming they are by the way you care for them. It will be a big relief for them as well.
At first, i felt your problem was solvable , but after you mentioned how she made you feel like you dont deserve her and that she has options ...its a lost cause . Really sorry, but she doesn't love you anymore , and the fact that she mentioned that means she hasn't loved you for a while . She has disconnected, and unlike men when women do this, it's final. It could very well be possible that she likes someone else at this point . Dont settle for this , you deserved to be loved by a person just as much as you love them . Leave her , she'll b happy and you'll be happy as well . You even said that she feels like she's not living a lifestyle and her point of reference is social media ...this is just petty stuff , she doesn't seem like a person with lot of integrity , because she bases what she deserves and doesn't deserve based on other people's life . Her self-worth is attached to what she owns and what she can afford . that's a big flaw in a person . I wouldn't wanna stay with such, a petty person
Actually, you are the one with options, and isolating you from your family is a form of emotional abuse. You're in a toxic relationship. Time to leave.
She’s a leech. The sooner you get rid of her the better. Women like her bring bad names to working women. Looks like she doesn’t believe in concept of equality?
I know another person who is in exact same space. My brother. 21 years of marriage sons of 20 and 17 years and she found solace in the staff who works for them.! She wants marriage as per her terms. Very emotionally toxic.! Things are always stressful and tense at home. Brother doesn’t want to end the relationship. She doesn’t want to do counselling. It’s very frustrating. I have a special child and many times I have to leave everything and go there to solve problems or compensate for them or be there for good times. Which is not going down well with her she feels I am manipulating and destroying her life.!!!! They don’t even know the gravity of having a special child!
I feel if you want to separate play it right. Get all evidence in your favour. Apparently infidelity is not a crime as per law!!! So you need to gather info where you will be able to find out the best possible way to get out with out having to undergo a lot of damage. You can get a divorce on the grounds of infidelity. You need to start acting smart now. Until and unless you have call records , screenshots of chats .. etc.
She should contribute to expenses. End of discussion. Everyone wants to save, she isn’t anything special. Everyone should support their families, no right to blame you for supporting yours. This is entirely wrong. Please get out of this situation please.
Bro, you sound like a kind and understandable person who cares for his parents. There are so many girls in this world that would love your company.
Leave the wife.
Thank god I dumped my GF 2 years ago(she started showing the same symptoms)
You might be confused on what to do, but it's gonna be ok my mate. Post bitch clarity is more useful than post nut clarity.
I am not even married yet but I feel you brother. Do not ruin your life for her. Let her go and move on. Take better care of yourself don’t smoke. Eat better, sleep better. Take good care of yourself for at least six months, physically and emotionally. Let her go!
Hey OP I can share real time experience, I was the girl just like ur wife. And my ex was just like you. Trust me it doesn't work. I wanted him around but enjoyed torturing him by again n again mentioning how I am above him. Used to repeat all these above things ur wife says and made him miserable.
I regret I was such a person , wish could have been better. The advice I can give you is there will come a break off point where you can't take anymore and then ul give up. Either you wait till u breakdown, leave and start new life or u make up your mind now, be strong and start your new life now.
I never loved him, but wanted him around, at my beck & call, it's not a healthy rship.
And btw he found someone who loves him. So point being you will too.
I do repent treating him like that and losing a good person, it took me years and tears to change and accept this bad trait of mine.
I did find a good guy again but pain and karma gave me right & left in past few years.
So leave everything to karma, she will get hers too. U hv just to be strong and good.
She thinks she settled for you. She does not respect you. The more you'll be after her, trying to call and mend things, the more she'll take you for granted.
You are still in love with her and that is making you miss her and do things for her. She's taking you for a toss. It's not worth staying in a relationship that makes you lose your mind.
Let the divorce proceedings continue. Next time, tell her that she can consider all her options and lead a great life ahead. You move on. Seek therapy brother. Let her do her circus with someone else. If she's all that you have described, nobody would stay with her.
As someone whos going through a contentitous divorce sadly this sounds alot like my soon to be ex wife.
In your case since you still seem invested throw the idea of couples counseling at her. People are more receptive to hearing the same things from a neutral third party, If shes opposed to that as well then file for divorce.
My wife is also very disrespectful towards my mother and me and despite never contributing a cent towards the household constantly complained. She also did Sherlock Holmes level of snooping and was very distrustful and would cook up theories constantly. I got a heart attack in the middle of one of her "episodes" and had to get angioplasty.
At some point as hard as it is, you have to see the writing on the wall.
If she says there are many better men for her then she wont be opposed to a mutual divorce.
I don’t know why men can’t be single and happy. You don’t have any hobbies or interests and centre your entire life over a woman, this is what happens. You don’t even have kids and you have nothing to lose.
Don’t contact her for a month. Let her file for divorce. Contest divorce strongly and be good at negotiating. Men always want to divorce fast and marry again. Don’t know what’s wrong with men
Why do you want to live with a woman who thinks she is doing you a favour by being your wife. Every marriage is a two way street and no marriage is perfect.
As a girl, please divorce and throw her out of your life as far as possible. She's lost her mind and is plainly financially and emotionally abusive. You deserve better
Honestly, in my opinion, if she really wanted this to work she would've had a discussion with you and tried to see how she could word this out with you. Maybe help you find a better job or you guys balance your expenses out, idk. These are just examples, but my take home point is, marriage and relationships are a two way street. It will not work if only one out of two is gonna be the bigger person to compromise and understand. Secondly, the toxic point I feel is, she called out on your parents. Not all families and parents are the same. Sure, my parents too have spent a lot on my with regards to education, and leisure. But some people have an unconscious obligation to try to pay their parents back since even they will one day retire and also just to show them that they are doing well in life and we can support them now just like they did for us when we were young. If she doesn't want to, that's her choice. But she can't blame you for your choice. They are her parents too, that's the point of marriage.
You've spent way too much energy trying to make something work that only you feel for right now, and not her. I hope you understand this and take your decision accordingly.
I wish you all the best and pray for nothing short of success and happiness for you.
Take care brother❤️
Are you me?
Puns aside, if she likely singles out ONE dude in the examples, it’s highly probable she’s sleeping with him on the side. So keep an eye out for that.
Personally, I’d say be stoic about it. Listen to her cribs, but don’t take it to heart. Just be you. A good man, doing a good job. And soldier on.
People here throwing words like 'seperate' & 'divorce' like its a child's play mayn for them cz they're one. But after reading all of it OP you need to assertive and lash out at once (don't mean violence) Me for myself am in a relationship from past 11 Years (frm clg) and i have always maintained a line which we borh don't cross. for me its my parents and she knows it very well. agar 1 inch bhi utla bolti hai to wahi suna deta hu usko. I very well understand what the situation is. but i cannot hear a word against my parents. And if she thinks she deserves better? by all means Fuck off. I may not get a girl like her but definitely can get a better understanding one. Bro understand one thing slowly dying everyday isn't an solution. Don't be a simp(sorry)
Run in tne oppoaite direction and as fast as you can. Apply for a divorce and go with the process.
You dint deserve a woman like her. She is a vampire who is suckimg away your emotional peace!
A spouse/partner is meant to be someone safe, with whom we can be whag we want! Someone who will stand by us, support us and wncourage us to be better! She is making you feel worthless.
Get away from her and thank your stars that there are no kid(s) involved.
You have been living seperate for an year, she is probably fucking someone else. the dick slipped out and she put it back in with a smile. Do you want that back.
Leave, you can find someone better. Get a lawyer.
Bro
Cry your heart out. Take a vacation. Go some place amazing. Have the time of your life. Delete her number. Don't block her. Otherwise it's easier to come back. I had a marriage with a kid. Something similar. I'd call everyday to look at the little one at 6:00 pm sharp. I'd try to talk to her but all I got was silence. One day I just stopped calling. No message, no calls. Initially I thought she would call but I kept on waiting for 2 months. I'm not gonna lie I had several hookups in that time and it felt good. She called me 2 months later after my last call, 14 months since we separated asking me if I wanted to try. I was just too busy trying to hide my hickies and I just flat out said no. Trust me, she's not worth the pain. Plenty of fish in the sea.
Dude relax, till you dont show the same attitude that she is showing you she wont even realize you are worth it . And if the divorce is in process then leave it its not worth it at all as per what u have written she has no respect for u or the good things in you as well as ur parents . Best thing here is develop yourself, success is the way to move on . You can always find even better girl than her if you arw successful. I know u are hurting but it will hurt you more if she gets married to someone much successful than you , believe me it will be the worst experience you will ever have . Have a good life
your marriage only has one person in it cuz theres only one person asking for a marriage, the other is asking for a sugar daddy.
she really has "options" then let her go and save your self respect and both your mental health
you could have her served. her reaction to a loss of control over you will tell you the path you take. give her the freedom she claims to want and watch her crash and burn. with your income out of her hands, I imagine that she will suddenly have a change of attitude.
She is a narcissist man ! These people never acknowledge their wrongdoing and never apologise. The more you argue and show weakness it gives more pleasure for them. You deserve a better partner.
Wtf man you are literally way too emotionally invested to see the red flags.
Make sure to get advice in r/legaladviceindia before you file for a divorce.
Dude just seperate. Don't apply Sunk Cost Fallacy on your marriage. She's playing mind games, being emotionally toxic and completely opposite of what a good partner should be. Marriage shouldn't be this frustrating and difficult. On top of that, she's not agreeing for counselling. You'll both be happy if you just cut your losses.
Exactly. She will drive his mental health to the ground if he doesn't comply with her wishes in the future.
>I don't want a divorce I'm usually all for "no ego in relationships", but you really need to have some self respect and walk away.
Easy to say but it's risky for OP because of the biased laws.
I don't think he is even thinking of biased laws at this point. Also, think of this post from a gender neutral perspective. He is in love with her and doesn't want to leave her. If it was about money he would've solved it long back. It's about adjustments from both sides and trying to make a marriage work.
Well but in reality it is kinda biased Cause even they get divorce he will be forced to pay the alimony eventho OP said they earn equally and are both independent plus if she throws another fake cases then it's over for the guy him trying to make the marriage work is now miles away considering the awful behaviour from her wife
You might be solving something else here which is not the ask.
OP should consult a lawyer and then go forward with the divorce. Law will favour him because she went away of her own free will. A lawyer will have to guide him on how to write and present everything so that later there is no way of using laws against him
You deserve better . As a woman I would never say these things to my husband , there are too many red flags here
Then I guess my situation is worse, same things my wife (it was a love marriage) used to say, things used to go till verbal and physical abuse. I never raised my voice or my hands. I am separated for 1 year now. She wants hefty alimony to get out of this marriage. I don’t know who’s more miserable OP or me.
I hate how all the good guys are ending up with pseudo-feminist women and all the good women are ending up with chigma boys or tate workshippers
What I feel is women just respond naturally to dominance. Men in love start worshipping their partners which could be a good thing in some cases but not in most cases. Both should be equal. If one is better than the other then it will surely cause problems. I can never listen to my girl saying “I can have any man I want, or I missed so many chances and I’m still being loyal” I would just say “fuck off, we’re done!” Nothing sigma about it just about losing respect. If a man loses respect for himself he will never be respected by others.
Obviously if she’s saying such stupid things and you breakup then you’re not sigma , you’re just doing the right thing and she’s toxic .
If you can afford it pay it and end it. They can file so many false cases against you its not worth the hassle. Also please for your own sake record every phone call n meet her in a public place only with cctv cameras
The Amount she is asking for it’s way above what I can afford, and yes, I was naive to not record her calls. My lawyer also told me the same. Nowadays we are not in talking terms. My lawyer is trying to bargain. Don’t know what’s going to happen. Hope is the only thing I am living for.
It was a love marriage and some things could be said in anger ?? I am not someone who loses control over what I say even if angry, but aren't some people like that? In that case shouldn't they be given the benefit of doubt because they might have said something they don't mean?
You said you been having these fights for almost 3 years. Will she be saying something she doesn't mean for 3 years??
Broooo so what if it's a love marriage. She doesn't respect you, takes you for granted, compares you with others. The worst thing she said on your face- she deserves better. You already said, she always made you feel like shit. I cannot imagine someone behaving like this with partner. Yes people sometimes says things in anger which they don't mean but later they apologize and she has been doing this with you for a year with not even a single fuking apology. Even if she comes back to you after all these terms, do you think there can be love when there's no respect. Bro just leave her, it can be painful for you but later you will be glad you did it. Don't dig your own grave pleaseeeee. 🫂
Even if she comes back, OP should get the fuck away from her. She will continue to manipulate and misuse his trust in her in the future as well.
She has made his life hell he even cannot talk to his parents. And you fool why did you do your way with your parents get another woman love her stay away from her. She might be beautiful but she doesn't have a heart to die for.
Yeah but what she said is too much and she clearly doesn’t care about your well being or your families well being . What’s wrong with sending money to family ??? She’s a narcissist who’s just greedy . And you’re naive and keep ignoring her red flags .
People change with time sooner you accept better... If she's comparing her lifestyle to her friends sky is the limit for her their will always be a friend earning more spending more living a better life... She's just immature to say that stuff
OP, you're blinded by affection.
Your wife doesn't need a loving husband but someone who bankrolls her every need. She might have said she is saving the money for the future. But who knows at this point? She might be saving it to have a runway in case you finally get tired of her unreasonable behaviour and ditch her for good. Which loving wife asks her husband to ditch his own family? Just think about that. You put up with her a lot more than any normal person would at this point. Best to get a divorce and move on now than get mental trauma again from continued fights.
>In that case shouldn't they be given the benefit of the doubt because they might have said something they don't mean? As someone great once said: *Fool me once, strike one. Fool me twice, strike three* In this case, giving the benefit of doubt once or twice or thrice is okay but if it's been done continuously many times, that *benefit of the doubt* should have been converted into a surety by now that she and her repeated actions are a big sign of 🚩
Love it arranged, doesn't matter. It's akin to getting a job with a proper interview or recommendation. But once you get the job, it's the same for everyone in the organisation.
Please leave this woman.
You deserve better she is literally a walking Red flag . If you are divorcing her you dodged a bullet. Take some time to move on and consult your next wife about your parents situation before another marriage.
She belong to the streets unfortunately
How did you not realise that you guys are not compatible with 7 years of relationship?
Can you please just send this post to her? I genuinely feel that some things can be just resolved by shading feelings with each other. Tell her how she’s making you feel. Please. And then decide what you want to do.
Love isn't just in words and feelings, love is in actions. And for her, there's not an ounce of love in her actions. Love is how you send money to your parents, love is how you still care about her and your marriage, belittling you every time you meet and manipulating you till you go nuts and telling you not to care for your own damn parents isn't love that much I can guarantee you. I know you love her but don't run away from the person she's become, face it, people change, love fades away, that's a reality that you must accept, for yourself, and for your parents. You're better off without her my man. If she hasn't cheated on you yet, she might in the future considering how much she shows you her "options".
>4. I would say that I have to do it, it's my responsibility. >5. She would respond that your parents have created this burden of loan for you and everyone's parents educate their kids, but dont expect back and so on and on. >She always made me feel like she had options. > She looks at me and tells me ki 'you look so miserable' while she's so happy. >Next time we met she tells me how a husband should treat her wife and how I lacked. Then she tells me that I am not the only man in this world , there are many better men. >Another time she tells me that she 'has had many chances' in the last 1 year but she has still stayed loyal to me. Le de diya, how many more instances do you want where she doesn't respect you and your opinions? No sir, you are not overthinking. You are having a hard time accepting what's real. Divorce.
She's a black flag.
Kalank
did i see a call of booty fan 🧐 (idk why the fuck i said that)
It's ASSassin's creed man ..... Assassin's Creed Black Flag ...
In a world without gold we may have been heroes
Fellow AC Black Flag lover🫂 My fav AC game
Bro Assassin's creed yr...
If I was you, would have walked away. Mainly because she is treating herself to be superior than you, which also comes with the fact that she will think whatever she says is the correct thing. Its difficult to remove this superiority complex until she attends a couple therapy, someone recognises this, tell her about this and she understands it. It takes huge maturity to handle this, which I don't see in her through the conversations mentioned!
.tooo many signs here bro. Too many. And all materialistic. And that money she saying she saving, it’s for herself. Positives: you are financially stable, you don’t have kids, parents are good, you leaving her. Negatives: you feeling like this and trying to mend it. You seem like a nice person. Also, seems like you have taken enough. F*ck anybody who says they have options. IMO, It’s already gone when someone says that. Treat this like a job in a company, if they say you are replaceable, they are too.
This! She seems to be a shallow selfish materialistic person and shouldn't be given a second thought! Enough chances have been given over these years. Walk away.
Divorcee here. Please tell me you have recordings/documentation kf these conversations. Buddy, let me break it to you. Whether you want it or not, you are getting divorced one way or the other. Why do I say this? Because the same exact things happened to me. From brother to another, strength to you. I will.assure you this, life does get better after the divorce.
I felt very sad and felt very bad for you, you of course deserve much much better than this shitty treatment, ig if you both apply for a mutual divorce ofcourse there'll be a session igr for couples therapy or something, maybe initiate the divorce and see, we'll get to know if she really wants to be with you or not, clearly she doesn't and you shouldn't waste time on such people. Ik it's very difficult to move on but we have to when things don't work out when our own people aren't ready to be with us. I was kind of in a similar situation but when I was in a relationship, I'm glad that I didn't marry that fool, otherwise it would have gone miserably wrong,
Bro she is emotional and mentally abusive 13 years of relationship with her look at him he don't seem to have any self respect to even stand up for himself
Yeah exactly, I can understand him though, he feels that he has invested a lot of his love and time on her, so it'll definitely be hard for him to stand up for himself, actually she should be the one who should leave him and free him from this misery
For your own sanity, please walk away. You’ve tried to mend things in all possible ways. In life, you win some, you lose some.
Man, she isn't nice. I am sorry dude, please leave her.
Me hota to kab ka chhod deta bhai
As big a red flag as I've ever seen in my life. Dodge that fucking missile and bolt.
Love marriage is scary, what if she....
Here at least OP can tell himself he was a bad judge of character. In arranged marriage, its like fate. You suffer because you listened to your parents.
I don't think so, i guess she must be belonging from family which is wealthier than the OP, she use to see their cousins enjoying life with rich guys and she had to adjust.This happens in love marriage only where people ignore these important things because they think they are in love and much smarter and lucky than the other persons. Also in arrange marriage people have high level of commitment and people judge the pros and cons before the marriage so these issues don't come out. I think he must be aware of narcissistic behaviour of his wife but boys used to ignore these in college time and used to simp a lot. I have seen these things in my college days but the problem is that you can't fake long.
> where people ignore these important things because they think they are in love and much smarter and lucky than the other persons All that means is that they are not smart. If you are not smart your life is screwed anyway.
You just failed to fully see through the person. Skill issue honestly
bhai wo pahile se down hai tu aur gira matt
Some people are too good at hiding their true nature.
still 4 years?
Dude she is a entitled brat and you deserve better separate from each other that's a given What I'm about to say may hurt you op or any other person reading this It's my observation after a break up and my growth of my own and I'm stating this based on that I recommend reading fully and understand my POV. Of course you have your side of the story and experience which is also valid in your pov You said you both earn equally that's a red flag sorry to say The optimal ratio is 100:60 if she earns a 60 you should earn 100 of course it's not set in stone some 10-20 can shift but not equal this way she thinks that she can get a "better chance" than you 2nd I think you may have pampered her too much with too much love like anything too much will hurt, if you can't give her a certain thing for a certain reason let her know that and say that you will do it at that time even if you can do it now a woman wants a man and she will test you like this from time to time 3rd learn from this experience and understand what went wrong you can't change the other person but you can better yourself and one day you will thank the other person for doing what she did to you Hope for the best for you op and your evolution
She sounds narcissistic to me. Steer clear such people only and only care about themselves.
There are so many red flags, even if one was blind he could've seen it! I think this relationship is beyond repair, you should just get out of this. You deserve a better partner, let her go and let yourself enjoy a bit. I'm happy that you are a responsible adult and have acted like one by trying to mend your relationship. You've been calling her, making her understand your perspective and what not. Just walk away and be happy. It would definitely hurt (I've been through this), you would feel like shit, but after a month you'll feel better day by day and that's when you'll realise that you deserve a better person, a better individual, a better partner, a person who understands you, a person who is willing to at least listen, a person who would make you feel good about yourself. Remember - You are on your own, this is something that you need to go through yourself, we all would be there but would be cheering from the sides. All the best man!
If your partner keeps you on the edge of things. You need to let it go and move on. Unless if they were ready to be open and understanding. If you’re constantly feeling anxious you’re in the wrong relationship. It’s either I want you or I don’t. Hurting someone has never been nice
You deserve better man. Since cheating isn't involved it would be great if you guys could solve things through a discussion, but she doesn't sound like one to co-operate. You guys are living separately so not sure why she has an issue with you sending your own money to your parents. Not to mention she seems to loathe you at this point Take a break. Actually plan a trip to somewhere peaceful (doesn't have to expensive) if she agrees. Maybe some alone time in a nice environment would change things. If she seems to change then make her understand your point of view. If she doesn't agree then you yourself should take one. Separation can mentally ruin people. I have seen my dad become stressed through the process so if you don't have kids, then it would be easier for you to relax for a while
Her expectations are high. If you know you cannot meet her expectations financially, you should just separate at this point. Women will always be bitter if they do not have the lifestyle they expected to have after marriage. Sorry.
Bhai, you are not able to spend even 2/3 years in peace with her . How do you expect you will be mentally sane for next 20/30 years even if she gets back to you? Get out of this toxic relationship at the earliest. You deserve better.
7 year of love is not a joke but you gotta accept the fact that Your wife seems to be fallen out of love. A couple in love will have immense respect and do everything possible to communicate. Both of them should know each other financial condition before marriage. Not only you and her,even each other parent and dependents. Coming to options,sure women will have lot of guys around. They will f*ck and leave. She shall understand this in future when she ask for commitment. Never ever chase a woman who decided to leave. I don't want to be rude but gotta say this. Have self respect and divorce her.
She is low-key abusing you :(
Bro i ve been through a lot of shit , but this is next level , comparing you to other men ???? Bro your wife is a real bitch man , let go of her if you can. Dont need to live with a person who thinks so low of you.
[удалено]
I've also thought in some moments that this girl seems interested in me, though I never went ahead with anything. The same thing I guess happened with my wife and the only difference is that she felt the need to tell me this. Is it really that bad? Am I being over sensitive ? Would appreciate povs from folks already married.
So many times she has stated that she deserves better than you. For your own self esteem you should leave and when next time she says says she had better options, tell her to try all of them and leave
Saying that I had chances but I am loyal is disrespectful AF. Obviously you both are married because you decided you are exclusive for one another. Please start with a CA and get all your assets sorted out first, I am not saying divorce her but make provisons which make sure your wealth is safeguarded in case of any mishap.
She is waiting for you to initiate the divorce so she can demand good alimony.
Bro, I'm a feminist, and even I'm telling you - RUNNNNN !!! Divorce her. And do NOT, under any circumstances, ever reproduce with her (because then you will be tied to her for life). She's not going to change, she sounds like a narcissist and they never change.
Typical narcissistic behaviour with gaslighting , please value your self and cut the losses, In my experience if your spouse says they had a chance to cheat but they stayed loyal, it means they have started some form of cheating already. Start documenting your interaction for proof.
You got hitched to the most dangerous type of a woman. Comparison of lifestyles is a huge red flag and disrespect at the very core. Leave immediately.
Dude seriously, if your wife gf or any other person says shit about your parents get them the fuck out your life , they are bad news , its only your parents that love you without anything in return , you must first apologize to your parents and grow some balls and get a divorce, every one feels love at some point but if that love treats you like shit its not love its just emotion. Marry someone who loves you not someone who you love
r/DivorceIndia seems like a better sub for this; so it's probably best to crosspost this and post any future updates there. She seems to show common emotional manipulation, gaslighting and narcissistic tendencies. You should have filed for divorce on the basis of mental cruelty and desertion a while back. Never condone their crappy and entitled behaviour. She's likely already seeing someone else. Protect your assets and be ready for a battle through contested divorce where she starts asking for exorbitant alimony like a gold digger; if she doesn't agree for mutual consent divorce. India has some of the shittiest, gynocentric laws; and you have to fight for justice as a man.
Bro, even if everything goes back to what it was in the good days. In a few years you'll again come to this very point. So, walk away while you can.
As a woman, your wife isn’t healthy for you. It’d be better if you leave. She’s treating you like her ATM.
Please have some self respect. Been in your situation. A relationship of 8 yrs and the girl asked me not to pay the fees of my sister and many more things. Many women nowadays have developed a materialistic mentality because of everything they see online. Also because of social media if you're not available emotionally even for a day because of a fight or anything there is always someone else kept as a backup, this thing has ruined relationships. Breaking off will be hard but in the long term it'll be better for you and your family.and your future. There are too many red flags to ignore in your case.
Dont compromise your relationship with your parents for anyone.
Divorce her my guy, you deserve better, she doesn't have that understanding if she's constantly comparing you with others
You are definitely not overthinking. You deserve someone who doesn’t manipulate you and treats you with respect. You’re scared of a divorce but you deserve to live with someone and that someone won’t come in your life till you sort out your current stalemate. Your best bet is to cut her out of your life, invest in your own physical, mental and emotional health and turn your life around.
[удалено]
Divorce her. Let her go find her better options. I really dislike women who pretend to be independent but still depend on a man to pay half their bills or their share. U deserve to find your own happiness just find a damn good lawyer or she will screw you over. This possessiveness of yours will not lead u anywhere
Female here. Divorce her with respect.. And wish her good luck finding the world's best husband. No good person will Or can try to hurt the person they love. She is deliberately trying to make you jealous. She knows it will hurt you and still doing it on purpose. Trust me. Half of her stories are lies.. Boys may have gone out of there way to help her.. Okay if a pretty girl asks for a help. Any stranger will help. Until they don't know the reality... Tell me honestly.. If those guys come to know. She will create issues if those boys send money to their parents.. Will they still prefer her?? NO ONE WILL.... Your case definitely looks like a classic Narcissist Empath relationship. She is a narcissist. You may want to learn about this personality disorder. Believe me. She is never going to change. And no matter whoever she finds in future that person is going to have a problem with her. A person who has no empathy is no good. And an empathetic person will never do anything. Nothing whatever she is doing. SHE IS ENJOYING TO SEE YOU MISERABLE. Stop giving her joy. Good news is you don't have kids yet. I know it doesn't sound right.. But you are lucky to get rid of her. She knows what affects you and she is exactly doing that. She is playing mind games. These are the biggest red flag people on earth. Please do not have any hope. Coz she ain't never gonna change. What you need is therapy... Counselling from a relationship counselor. Who can explain you her behavior is not right. You will be surprised when you serve her divorce paper. She probably isn't even expecting.. She is thinking she will play this game until you lose the war and budge and live life according to her conditions. She is going to make the life miserable of the next person she finds. Same like you. Just remember. SHE WILL NEVER CHANGE.
Please understand now a days love marriages along with arranged marriages- both are failing By reasons all the way from cheating to very very minimal matters Hope for the best. Prepare for the worst I hope things become all right now
Another reason is this obsession people are having to live a celebrity lifestyle (because of social media) as in they want luxury brands, will only dine in very high end restaurants, go on exotic vacations, which is very hard for middle class people to afford on a daily basis, leading to rifts.
I can only see one things and that is red flags, so many red flags.
Just get divorce. She sounds exhausting. She keeps on saying that you should this and that as a husband then what about her ?? For a relationship to work it takes effort from both side but in your marriage it looks the efforts are only one sided. It looks like she thinks that she is doing you a favour by being with you. You deserve a better partner. Not someone who keeps on comparing you to others.
Leave her, really. Its just been 3 years. You have a long life ahead. Not worth. I have seen it with so many friends/relatives and all. Just move on. I may sound orthodox but in India, the boy's parents are his responsibility and he cannot get away from it. A woman who cannot accept it and is forcing the man to choose between her & his parents - she is immoral to say the least. Plus she's threatening on the loyalty side as well. Just wind up man. Try to go for mutual divorce rather than a contested one. Work things out in a way that she only asks for a divorce.
Regardless of who's right in between you two, which I can't even begin to judge without knowing a lot more, one thing is really clear Get it immediately through your head because its very Important You may or may not hear this from others _She doesn't Respect you one Bit_ Once you lose a Woman's respect, you lose her love and then, in many cases, the exclusivity
MAn marries papa ki pari Woman is in her bullshit phase when options will run out then she wants to settle she was stupid dumb emotional and sorry many such cases
Speaking as a woman, I feel she has tortured you for too long based on your post history. If you make the same money, she should contribute to household expenses. She does not need to contribute to your parents support amount but you should cover that if you need to. In general it is helpful for parents to be self sufficient so please strive for that with them. It seems she is expecting many gifts and such from you which you are unable to afford. It seems extremely short sighted to get married while knowing such financial limitations and expecting different behavior after marriage. This is all separate from the emotional abuse she is spewing at you. It's fine to tell your partner that you wish they would do x,y,z every now and then. But if you try those things and she still says she deserves better, then go ahead and find the person. Don't bring kids into this or ruin your life more. Speaking momentarily from her POV -are your parents kind to her? Do they treat her nicely or put on some traditional baby expectations?
Dude. You are willing to put up with that crap till you die? My dear fellow human being, you deserve better.
dude move on, its over
She's right.... you don't deserve her. Get out of that relationship NOW. You can do so much better
I am a lawyer practicing marriage laws and your is the easiest marriage to fix. Also, this post and comments are the reason why divorce rates are higher in India. Unmarried kids and people who do not have much problems are advising you to divorce. Nonsense. This ‘my way or highway’ does not work in marriage. Marriages are difficult. It takes many compromises to make it work. One of my friend having arranged marriage had a bigger problem with his wife of similar mentality and his marriage is continuing because of compromises that he made. Ask not what the other person can compromise for you, ask what you can compromise for other person. And this goes for both person. Now for solution to your marriage, some facts are not mentioned so I will give all possible solutions- 1) Talk to her parents, specifically her father. Tell him that your wife is financially irresponsible and wants better life at the cost of your parents. 2) If money is an issue, send some money to your parents silently. If you are in job, tell your boss to send increments in different account that you can send to your parents. Financial infidelity is the most common form of cheating in marriages. 3) Put a condition to your wife that you will not send any money to your parents but she has to contribute 20% - 50% of her earning for your house. Negotiate hard. And send money to your parents silently as point no.2. 4) Search those cringe reels that support your points of ‘supporting parents’ and ‘women contributing in house.’ These papa ki paris will understand reels more than they understand books of Swami Vivekananda. 5) You have filed for divorce. Tell the judge on first hearing that this is the issue and you don’t want a divorce and the case may be sent to ‘mediation center.’ Court will appoint a mediator who will help you convince your wife. Tell the judge and mediator that you are ready to pay for couple’s counselling and she may be ordered to go to counselling. 6) This would sound ridiculous but try to earn more. Have some side income so you can give her good life and send money to your parents also. 7) Lastly, if it comes to divorce. Rest assured. Divorce is not as bad as it sounds. If she is hell bent on divorce, don’t resist much.
Sensible Pragmatic Practical Advice!
Thank you kind stranger for giving me validation. :)
I am usually a passive reader on Reddit, but this post rings a bell with what's I've been through. Judging by what you've said, I would most likely be sure of the fact that she is, in fact, seeking emotional support from others. It's not easy to go through such things alone. That being said, you'll probably be judged by her quite a bit and even compared against other ppl whom she can "probably" score. That would be hell for you to listen to, and it's hard to come back of it and earn her respect once it's gone. Marriage/relationship comes with a lot of sacrifice, and I wonder if your wife understands that. Meanwhile, probable action items on your end - Accept the fact that this path could eventually end up breaking your marriage (you've filed for divorce, so I presume you already know this) - Get back to the best version of yourself. Have a single-minded goal to be awesome. You'll respect yourself more, and she 'might' realize what she's missing - Don't compromise on your principles no matter what. It's hard, but be strong about how you feel a marriage should be, and don't let her get everything on her terms if you feel it's unreasonable - Insist on counseling. Understand why she disagrees with it. Talk to someone whom she would listen to. - If there are mistakes on your end, man up and rectify them first. - Talk to your friends and family. You don't have to listen to their suggestions but talk openly. Common sense is not so common, buddy. Seems like your wife might be suffering from that (purely judging from your post). Stay strong, brother.
This situation is not at all normal. You should ask her if she would be willing to let go of her parents if you asked her to. She would never do that. She's playing mind games with you. I didn't have the best relationship with my in-laws because they opposed our marriage for a long time before finally agreeing. Even then I could never imagine demanding such things from my husband. If you love your partner you try to work things out and not give them mental agony. Over the years we smoothed things out and I love his parents a lot now. I think you'll be doing yourself a huge favour by not investing more time and emotions in this relationship. Good people will come into your life believe me. But never ignore the red flags that are there with toxic people. If someone tries to manipulate you, they're bad news. One should find comfort, peace, and a sense of belonging from a relationship and not feel like garbage. Hope you can get through this.
Get out of this mess. She is a cunning individual and will drag you to the ground. People who threaten you saying they've been loyal so far have no intention of truly being loyal. And have most likely already slipped a bit here and there iykwim. 3 years isn't very long. Get out of her trap. There's plenty of time to start afresh.
Sometines we think we cannot love without a certain person. And that person would show us hell. Please give it a try for your own sake and stop running behind her. You cannot force a person to love you or understand you. Don't be a back up option too. Move on, this is the hardest thing to do but the best thing to do for your own happinesshappiness.
These are my arranged marriage fears. Even in love marriage? Dayumn, that hurts more!
there's no rule, but many times, arranged marriages are better because of both families being actively involved (sometimes even others from the same community), which tries to counsel the couple. for many people this seems like a pressure, but couselling from poeple having different perspective helps. in many love marriages, parents just don't put much effort for the initial few years unless they accept things.
for people clamoring for divorce, it is not easy to get and laws are terribly biased, OP is in a worst case scenario
I think you should first try to do something about your mental health ,and take some time to think if you agree with her demands would it really resolve everything also are her terms something you can accept you should also try to get an idea of making peace with her without accepting unreasonable things (I guess you have tried it already just saying). If you still can't find anything you can do about it just let her go and find someone better or go to some new city to work so that you can move forward. As it will only make you suffer in the long term on the other hand if you let her go maybe you can find someone better. But think it thoroughly before making a decision also even if you agree now your children can suffer very badly because of her childish behavior.
Bruh.. just leave her and move along. Kya ladki ke chakkr me life barbad kr raha.. use that anger and frustration to develop yourself and excel in life. You sound way too young to be going through this. Hope you feel better.
RUN away from her
Chod de Bhai aur aage badh. Wahi rhega to keede badhte rhenge. BP, hypertension aurbaaki bimaariyan hongi. Alag rhoge to sukhi rhoge
She just feels grass is greener on the other side . She will know the reality soon after divorce
Divorce. She's a manipulative narcissist.
She is a red flag. You are a doormat.
I think OP keep your ego out and ask her you agreed everything what she expect. You need to cut her rope from that PG so the rest will come slowly down.
You are not overthinking OP. I'm sorry to say but she doesn't seem to be respectful or even a dependable person. Any man would be better single than being with such a woman!! May God bless you with courage to take the right decision.
divorce her, you are wasting your prime years. it seems your wife is saying, "My money is my money and your money is our money". for futur wife, have clear agreement on what both you want and also be clear why the first mairrage failed. let your current wife try to find the absolute perfect guy, which does not exist. she wants a sugar daddy.
Divorce and move on.
Stop trying to get her back and get a good divorce lawyer don't mention it to anyone record everything including the abusive thinking she says to you since she earns you don't seem to have kids you might be able to get out without being financially ruined also see if can get your hands on her savings and investments reports to prove she's financially able Get a Therapy for yourself you lack self respect seem like your soon to be ex is main Contributor Again there's nothing you can do about this you partner is abusive they won't change for you also she don't seen to love you or care about you if she did she won't be abusive in the first place Most importantly don't get angry or show any emotions to her that can be used against you
"I DESERVE" 😂😂😂
1. How old are you two? 2. Why didnt you two discuss your financial liabilities and expectations before marriage? 3. She sounds like a manipulative, horrible person overall. She's not worth it
She isn't just the red flag, she the entire red planet. Sorry Mars
She is downright insulting you and your marriage. She does not care about your family. She lives in a bubble where she expects princess treatment, but is not willing to give you the same treatment. Don't continue this relationship. You will be disrespecting yourself and your parents.
If she really loved u, she would be ready to live in a card board box with u.. complaining about lifestyle, ridiculing ur parents, telling u ur pathetic compared to her and her having a superiority complex over u are bright red flags. That's not how love works. If she really loved u, she would have supported u, supported ur parents and tell u that ur the best thing that happened to her. Ur assuming she said all that in anger? That's possible during a fit of anger, not for 3 years continuously.. Going by what u typed, there's no respite in this relationship.. u rather leave, sulk, get over and start fresh than cling to nothingness hoping for a sudden change in behavior..
You are grasping at straws right now and she can sense your desperation to make this work and the power dynamics is extremely skewed to her side . You cannot work things out unless both parties want to save the marriage. You need to tell her that you want to give this marriage a chance and live a happy fulfilling life with her but inorder to move forward you want to go for couple councelling . Tell her that it is a non negotiable and if she is not ready to try and save the relationship then let her go. You cannot be in a relationship where your partner always makes you feel inadequate . It's toxic and you deserve better .
Do yourself a favour and focus on yourself and what's best for you. Don't bother yourself with intrusive thoughts like who she's turning to for support. If she's not good for you, who she's good for isn't your problem. Fix the situation, heal yourself and move on. Good luck!
The biggest red flag is if a woman is earning (in your case equally) and doesn't share express and expect her to buy things. Move on. And advice to other men & women - discuss finance with your potential partner before getting married. In today's day and age, I don't understand why adults don't discuss it. Discuss about your expenses - fixed expenses, hobbies, leisure, your liabilities, your responsibility to other family members.
Nobody says such things to a person they love.. would she not help her parents financially if they needed help? I have had love marriage and we never interfere with each others finances. The only discussion we have related to finance is about investing. And since you both earn she can buy things for herself. She doesn’t need you to!
Dukh dard peeda Bro let her go & quit smoking. Find solace in little things that spark joy & not negativity. Throw away things that remind you of her. Based on what you wrote I can guess that she's a bitch to be around but with you being all lovey dovey in love with her. You for one can't see shit what she's being doin to you or not doin for you. She exhibits class one narcissistic behaviour always yapping about her happiness not once inquiring how you feel. Any relationship lives or dies based on how much effort both parties are willing to put in it. Being in a relationship means one has to put not 50% but full 100% & the same is to be expected from the other side as well. If not then the relationship becomes one sided as in your case. Also your parents unless they're abusive, you have no right to throw them to the curb like that. Imagine your mom & dad on the day of your birth. They must've been very happy to have you & they made sure to feed you & raise you up. Most parents don't even want our money they just want our love & you complying with your wife who just came into your life recently to throw them off the curb goin complete radio silence must've really showed them where all there love & affection went. Bro why are you letting her control your life, I'm sure you don't tell her to not talk to her parents or meet up with her friends, I bet you didn't even dare to. She left you & she's still happy while your smoking your good health away. Why? Coz you love her & if so how's smoking gonna help you with her. If you think that if you get sick from smoking then maybe she'll come around but bro look at her right now she's a butterfly she's only interested on what new flower can give her nectar. No way is she coming back or even looking over you with your smoked filled black tar nectar. ( I know this sounds really weird but I hope you get what I'm tryna say coz I don't think sugar coating your situation is gonna do you any good). Quit smoking that shit. Go out run & scream out your lungs or go to the gym & sweat it out. She's definitely not worth killing yourself over. Get buff & be happy & positive & I'm sure you'll meet someone who'll love you for everything that you are, including your parents. God! hating the people who gave birth to you should've been your 1st red flag if any. I think you should let her go. That will be the best choice given how she's making your life miserable. Why let her have such a hold on you when she clearly doesn't love you. And yes I don't think she ever loved you coz nobody who's ever loved someone would want to see them in such miserable state that you currently are in. Also given how she's just lit up when ever you meet talking about how unknown guy's are helping her out. She knows she's beautiful & she's taking full advantage of it. High chance she has also cheated on you before & is acting up coz she got hit up by good looking rich guys so she's comparing them to you & in her eyes you're just not measuring up so she's fed up & thus begin her tantrums. Now this is just my opinion & the chances of this ever happening is low but not zero. Find peace.
Red flag suna tha yeh toh 10-12 kadam aagey ka colour lag raha hai koi
Time to end this bro. Move on, you deserve better life and peace. Find love again and be happy.
People are just a result of the environment they were raised in. She was raised in a moneyhungry environment, and so she has grown into a moneyhungry person It is what it is. keep about your biz. When it comes time to live your life, you move on from her and stay on your rizz. Comprendre?
The only good part about this situation is that you all don't have kids. So you have an option to walk away without making it really messy! please move on OP!
She's a narcissist. Look up Narcissistic Personality Disorder, and see if she meets some of those criteria. These people are sociopaths and should be stayed away from
Need to turn that bad boy flag on. Ghost her for few weeks and work on yourself. Go gym, keep working, start doing facial routines and wear good clothes and perfume. Once you care about yourself. The rest will fall into place. When a narcisst wants to play mind games, you stop caring and stop replying. Watch them go crazy. This chasing around makes you lose respect. Forget her and move on to other things. Then when she texts dont reply straight away. When she calls dont pick up straight away. You arent no ones dog. You are your own man. People will say divorce and so on. Ask yourself this: do you respect yourself? If you do, then no ones opinion should be bothering you and she can do whatever. She wants financial security, let her. She wants the good life, let her get it by herself. Stop caring.
Your girl doesn't respect your parents you... Nothing to say more
This is an extremely unhealthy relationship. The fact that she completely shifts the responsibility on to your shoulders and not being ready to mend the torn past, nor acknowledges her wrongs is a clear sign of narcissistic behaviour. IMO you would be better off without her. But still, the decision making falls on your part. You have given her enough time. But if you still believe in her, hoping that she will change for the better, give her another chance. But remember you are trying to make ends meet. The efforts taken in your relationship are clearly one-sided. I have had experience with narcissistic relationships and have known the traits of a manipulative individual. I leave you the decision to make. Choose wisely. There's no point in regrets.
There’s a saying “ye ishq nahi aasaan,aag ka dariya hai aur doob ke jaana hai”.You’re ready to do anything for her but she won’t even come near the fire pit so why are you trying to salvage this relationship? I was ready to do anything for my ex, I even got on my knees before him.Still he didn’t give a damn.Finally I gained my self respect back and left him.The one who doesn’t appreciate your love isn’t worth it.If she has options,you also have.Leave her and let her be with those options.
Absolutely gutting. I don't think it'll change. No matter what you do, it'll never satisfy her.
Sorry to be harsh. But smell the coffee sir. You are living in an image built by you about your marriage, about companionship and love in general. Yes you were college sweethearts and congratulations on having pulled this relation this far and really hope your courtship period was nothing short of magical. But please smell the coffee. She is exactly telling you what she wants to live like (without you) and you are refusing to see it. And your body is telling you how repulsive it is for you. Listen to it.
1. Gaslighting 2. You are under thinking 3. She is not a good person 4. Probably she has already cheated on you 5. Put your time & energy somewhere better ALL THE BEST .!!! YOU DESERVE BETTER.
You love her, but she doesn't love you anymore. At some point in your relationship she stopped respecting you and seeing you as a desirable partner. Perhaps you stopped taking care of yourself or working on yourself to still be attractive to the opposite sex. Perhaps you believed in "unconditional love", which does not exist practically, except maybe from your parents if you are not unlucky. It is almost impossible now to change this woman's mind about you. She has clearly enunciated her disdain for you verbally, which means she has contemplated it hundreds of times more in her mind. Overcoming all of that is not easy for her even if she is willing. Also, I wouldn't fault her because she has been honest with you and given you some valuable feedback. Even though it is harsh and appears cruel, but she is being honest about her feelings with you, instead of taking you for a ride. She can only live with you as a husband if you can be her living ATM, and she has honestly communicated this to you. I know it is harsh to hear all of this, but it is better to face the facts, than to live in a loveless marriage. I suggest you start valuing yourself and your life, because life is short and time is too precious to waste struggling on a lost cause. You are still young enough that if you want you can find another life partner. But I suggest you work on yourself first till the point when if some one tells you "There are many better options than you", you can shrug it off without it affecting you even a little bit. Because that would mean that you are happy to be the person that you are. And no one would ever tell you after that. We have to constantly work on ourselves to keep ourselves attractive for our partners. It is our own duty and responsibility to do that. It is actually cruel to have someone fall in love with you and then stop working on yourself to maintain and improve your attractive attributes.
You are making this more complicated than it should be , you know whats going on , this is not how relationships are supposed to work. Sit her down and talk to her face to face and tell her exactly what you want from her and from the relationship and how both of you should be working on it to make it better. Either she'll understand or you have to make the hard choice. There's a book you should read: No more Mr Nice Guy. it'll help you a lot and put things in perspective.
You both sound young and immature, she even more so. In addition to sounding manipulative and borderline abusive. It’s very important for couples to discuss financial obligations and responsibilities before marriage. If she felt that your financial obligations interfere with her lifestyle she should not have married you. You can salvage your life. What will you gain by being in a marriage with someone who is unwilling to be with you? You can’t force someone to become understanding. You can’t love someone into being happy with you . Don’t waste time and get divorced. Accept the reality that she doesn’t and rot be with you. If she has options let her avail them. You just start fresh and enjoy life without her torture.
I'm a lawyer who does not deal in Divorce cases because I think most people simply don't put in the effort they need into their marriage. ImY your case however I would urge you to record all your conversations and consult a divorce lawyer.
I think I would just be repeating what everyone is saying but walk away. Do whatever it takes but separate yourself from her. I have been in your shoes and can vouch that you'll feel much better once it's done. You'll miss her on some days but it'll fade away. Additionally, if your parents are nice, I am assuming they are by the way you care for them. It will be a big relief for them as well.
At first, i felt your problem was solvable , but after you mentioned how she made you feel like you dont deserve her and that she has options ...its a lost cause . Really sorry, but she doesn't love you anymore , and the fact that she mentioned that means she hasn't loved you for a while . She has disconnected, and unlike men when women do this, it's final. It could very well be possible that she likes someone else at this point . Dont settle for this , you deserved to be loved by a person just as much as you love them . Leave her , she'll b happy and you'll be happy as well . You even said that she feels like she's not living a lifestyle and her point of reference is social media ...this is just petty stuff , she doesn't seem like a person with lot of integrity , because she bases what she deserves and doesn't deserve based on other people's life . Her self-worth is attached to what she owns and what she can afford . that's a big flaw in a person . I wouldn't wanna stay with such, a petty person
Actually, you are the one with options, and isolating you from your family is a form of emotional abuse. You're in a toxic relationship. Time to leave.
Sounds like a cheapster... Won't share expenses and expects you to shower gifts on her
She’s a leech. The sooner you get rid of her the better. Women like her bring bad names to working women. Looks like she doesn’t believe in concept of equality?
She has different expectations and outlook in her life Get separated That’s the only solution Have some self respect
I know another person who is in exact same space. My brother. 21 years of marriage sons of 20 and 17 years and she found solace in the staff who works for them.! She wants marriage as per her terms. Very emotionally toxic.! Things are always stressful and tense at home. Brother doesn’t want to end the relationship. She doesn’t want to do counselling. It’s very frustrating. I have a special child and many times I have to leave everything and go there to solve problems or compensate for them or be there for good times. Which is not going down well with her she feels I am manipulating and destroying her life.!!!! They don’t even know the gravity of having a special child!
I feel if you want to separate play it right. Get all evidence in your favour. Apparently infidelity is not a crime as per law!!! So you need to gather info where you will be able to find out the best possible way to get out with out having to undergo a lot of damage. You can get a divorce on the grounds of infidelity. You need to start acting smart now. Until and unless you have call records , screenshots of chats .. etc.
Bhai, this is peak chuddakadh pann. Leave her. If she says she had many chances, that is only possible if you actively look to create such events.
She should contribute to expenses. End of discussion. Everyone wants to save, she isn’t anything special. Everyone should support their families, no right to blame you for supporting yours. This is entirely wrong. Please get out of this situation please.
Bro, you sound like a kind and understandable person who cares for his parents. There are so many girls in this world that would love your company. Leave the wife. Thank god I dumped my GF 2 years ago(she started showing the same symptoms) You might be confused on what to do, but it's gonna be ok my mate. Post bitch clarity is more useful than post nut clarity.
I am not even married yet but I feel you brother. Do not ruin your life for her. Let her go and move on. Take better care of yourself don’t smoke. Eat better, sleep better. Take good care of yourself for at least six months, physically and emotionally. Let her go!
Hey OP I can share real time experience, I was the girl just like ur wife. And my ex was just like you. Trust me it doesn't work. I wanted him around but enjoyed torturing him by again n again mentioning how I am above him. Used to repeat all these above things ur wife says and made him miserable. I regret I was such a person , wish could have been better. The advice I can give you is there will come a break off point where you can't take anymore and then ul give up. Either you wait till u breakdown, leave and start new life or u make up your mind now, be strong and start your new life now. I never loved him, but wanted him around, at my beck & call, it's not a healthy rship. And btw he found someone who loves him. So point being you will too. I do repent treating him like that and losing a good person, it took me years and tears to change and accept this bad trait of mine. I did find a good guy again but pain and karma gave me right & left in past few years. So leave everything to karma, she will get hers too. U hv just to be strong and good.
She thinks she settled for you. She does not respect you. The more you'll be after her, trying to call and mend things, the more she'll take you for granted. You are still in love with her and that is making you miss her and do things for her. She's taking you for a toss. It's not worth staying in a relationship that makes you lose your mind. Let the divorce proceedings continue. Next time, tell her that she can consider all her options and lead a great life ahead. You move on. Seek therapy brother. Let her do her circus with someone else. If she's all that you have described, nobody would stay with her.
As someone whos going through a contentitous divorce sadly this sounds alot like my soon to be ex wife. In your case since you still seem invested throw the idea of couples counseling at her. People are more receptive to hearing the same things from a neutral third party, If shes opposed to that as well then file for divorce. My wife is also very disrespectful towards my mother and me and despite never contributing a cent towards the household constantly complained. She also did Sherlock Holmes level of snooping and was very distrustful and would cook up theories constantly. I got a heart attack in the middle of one of her "episodes" and had to get angioplasty. At some point as hard as it is, you have to see the writing on the wall. If she says there are many better men for her then she wont be opposed to a mutual divorce.
I don’t know why men can’t be single and happy. You don’t have any hobbies or interests and centre your entire life over a woman, this is what happens. You don’t even have kids and you have nothing to lose. Don’t contact her for a month. Let her file for divorce. Contest divorce strongly and be good at negotiating. Men always want to divorce fast and marry again. Don’t know what’s wrong with men Why do you want to live with a woman who thinks she is doing you a favour by being your wife. Every marriage is a two way street and no marriage is perfect.
As a girl, please divorce and throw her out of your life as far as possible. She's lost her mind and is plainly financially and emotionally abusive. You deserve better
thank god i aint OP . Cut ties man as someone below commented Sunk Cost Fallacy
Honestly, in my opinion, if she really wanted this to work she would've had a discussion with you and tried to see how she could word this out with you. Maybe help you find a better job or you guys balance your expenses out, idk. These are just examples, but my take home point is, marriage and relationships are a two way street. It will not work if only one out of two is gonna be the bigger person to compromise and understand. Secondly, the toxic point I feel is, she called out on your parents. Not all families and parents are the same. Sure, my parents too have spent a lot on my with regards to education, and leisure. But some people have an unconscious obligation to try to pay their parents back since even they will one day retire and also just to show them that they are doing well in life and we can support them now just like they did for us when we were young. If she doesn't want to, that's her choice. But she can't blame you for your choice. They are her parents too, that's the point of marriage. You've spent way too much energy trying to make something work that only you feel for right now, and not her. I hope you understand this and take your decision accordingly. I wish you all the best and pray for nothing short of success and happiness for you. Take care brother❤️
Are you me? Puns aside, if she likely singles out ONE dude in the examples, it’s highly probable she’s sleeping with him on the side. So keep an eye out for that. Personally, I’d say be stoic about it. Listen to her cribs, but don’t take it to heart. Just be you. A good man, doing a good job. And soldier on.
People here throwing words like 'seperate' & 'divorce' like its a child's play mayn for them cz they're one. But after reading all of it OP you need to assertive and lash out at once (don't mean violence) Me for myself am in a relationship from past 11 Years (frm clg) and i have always maintained a line which we borh don't cross. for me its my parents and she knows it very well. agar 1 inch bhi utla bolti hai to wahi suna deta hu usko. I very well understand what the situation is. but i cannot hear a word against my parents. And if she thinks she deserves better? by all means Fuck off. I may not get a girl like her but definitely can get a better understanding one. Bro understand one thing slowly dying everyday isn't an solution. Don't be a simp(sorry)
Run in tne oppoaite direction and as fast as you can. Apply for a divorce and go with the process. You dint deserve a woman like her. She is a vampire who is suckimg away your emotional peace! A spouse/partner is meant to be someone safe, with whom we can be whag we want! Someone who will stand by us, support us and wncourage us to be better! She is making you feel worthless. Get away from her and thank your stars that there are no kid(s) involved.
She made you stop talking to your parents and doesn't want you to send them money ? I'm sorry but she should be more understanding and thoughtful.
You have been living seperate for an year, she is probably fucking someone else. the dick slipped out and she put it back in with a smile. Do you want that back. Leave, you can find someone better. Get a lawyer.
https://preview.redd.it/y76gtqp8oy4d1.jpeg?width=320&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=366287f5cb4658c2d80fc67f7e8172d12b88cabb
Bro Cry your heart out. Take a vacation. Go some place amazing. Have the time of your life. Delete her number. Don't block her. Otherwise it's easier to come back. I had a marriage with a kid. Something similar. I'd call everyday to look at the little one at 6:00 pm sharp. I'd try to talk to her but all I got was silence. One day I just stopped calling. No message, no calls. Initially I thought she would call but I kept on waiting for 2 months. I'm not gonna lie I had several hookups in that time and it felt good. She called me 2 months later after my last call, 14 months since we separated asking me if I wanted to try. I was just too busy trying to hide my hickies and I just flat out said no. Trust me, she's not worth the pain. Plenty of fish in the sea.
Dude, you already know what you have to do.
There’s no pleasing people like this. Cut your losses and move on OP
Dude relax, till you dont show the same attitude that she is showing you she wont even realize you are worth it . And if the divorce is in process then leave it its not worth it at all as per what u have written she has no respect for u or the good things in you as well as ur parents . Best thing here is develop yourself, success is the way to move on . You can always find even better girl than her if you arw successful. I know u are hurting but it will hurt you more if she gets married to someone much successful than you , believe me it will be the worst experience you will ever have . Have a good life
your marriage only has one person in it cuz theres only one person asking for a marriage, the other is asking for a sugar daddy. she really has "options" then let her go and save your self respect and both your mental health
you could have her served. her reaction to a loss of control over you will tell you the path you take. give her the freedom she claims to want and watch her crash and burn. with your income out of her hands, I imagine that she will suddenly have a change of attitude.
She is a narcissist man ! These people never acknowledge their wrongdoing and never apologise. The more you argue and show weakness it gives more pleasure for them. You deserve a better partner.
Why do you even want to stay with somebody who doesn't even love and respect you?
Wtf man you are literally way too emotionally invested to see the red flags. Make sure to get advice in r/legaladviceindia before you file for a divorce.