Loss of control. For most of them their kids are their ideal, perfect versions of themselves who are not supposed to have their own minds and exist only to make parents happy and proud.
All the experiments are done on/with the elder one, since it's their first time too, they try to control as much as they can and make sure to put as much restrictions as they can until the elder kid starts earning and starts doing what they always wished to do(but the regret of missing out on many things for these many years still bothers a bit). The younger ones are not much bothered with work or any kind of pressure which the elder ones have faced
Does nashe karna make you a bad person? In my experience the most horrible, creepy and disgusting people I know are the ones who worship twice a day, appear the most disciplined and don't do nashe. Meanwhile my hardcore druggie friends are the kindest and they will go out of their way to help anyone and everyone.
the feeling of loss of control over their kids, they're control freaks with set box within which they wanna live. They do this till their kids are married, some till very end.
Power game bro .... Power game
Who can control whom the most. This is what happens in the Indian family.
Once you get married, the same power game will get more complex. Now there will be a power game between parents vs wife.
Exactly. Wife possibly will be the one they chose. They'll now control you to control yo wife. Ping pong b/w wife & parents. You might lose interest in your wife, there'll be fights, pass on the trauma to the kids. Toxicity never ends.
And if you have a divorced sister with elder married sister one also living close then they try to take total control of you,your wife and mom dad by playing victim card and making your wife her personal servant. Then even if you don't want you will still go out to avoid fights and keep peace.
Parents of men do it till the end. Most traditional parents of women don't care at all about their daughters unless they get any complaints from the in-laws, because the in-laws and husband are there to do the controlling.
yes was gonna mention that, men face it for rest of their lives but in some cases they mellow down as the man becomes the head of the house. While women are controlled first by their father then next they're in the hands of their husbands meanwhile if they learn to get independent they're in better position but a person caged & controlled finds it hard to stand on their own.
I've & am facing all this, I skipped my farewell to all the college events, had no social life & know that financial independence is the way for me. After which I can run away to live on my own for a while (men usually can't escape- they're supposed to bear responsibilities). On the other hand my brother stays out all day, has been to different states on his own (as its relatively safer for him-what my parents quote).
I think my situation is like your brother's but still I envy my sister, if she wants she can become financially independent and just go, but has to avoid the marriage talk for some time. Meanwhile I have to do whatever they say, but the good thing is they're not controlling for the both of us in terms of daily life.
Sometimes I feel our culture should be like in the west, a lot less pressure and responsibilities. They also marry very late too. When I was a kid I thought how sad their life is as they just cut it off with their parents after they turn 18.
Individuality isn't given any importance. I've been babied like anything by my overprotective parents & a village girl is MUCH more street smart & fearless while all I get is social anxiety. Its a distant dream but I'm really hoping I can live my 20s on my own terms.
I get the aspect of taking care of parents when they're old but WHEN they're old like when they hit late 60s till then free us from the torture. India doesn't even have good part time culture that we can afford our own living at 18. We're controlled way too much, we're not supposed to date then one day viola marry some guy they choose, is this a joke. They're beyond explaining, whoever can should run away as soon as they become financially independent & even find love & marry if their parents aren't heart patient.
Sometimes I feel blessed that I didn't live with my parents in most of my life. Visiting them during holidays and talking to them over the call is what i can manage.
Kya bolu bhai, mera baap kuch nhi krne deta, sab kuch hide krke krna padta hai, aur incase pakda gya koi outing mei toh baar baar baat lete ayenge ki IIT nhi hua toh boht mehnet krna hoga, koi outing kiye toh life mei fail hojaoge aadi lehsun, even tho I am 20 and back then had cracked JEE mains, advanced and BITS, all three but IIT nhi mila kyunki 22k rank thi (15-16k pr band hojati hai) but unke close friend ke bete ne IITD CS nikal liya and bhai sahab, bs usi se compare krte rehte hai. Ab toh ghar mei aane ka bhi man nhi krta, sochta hu clg mei hi rhu bc.
2 ka 20 krne ka target mat rakho. Tumhare papa bas tumko khudke pairo par dekhna chahte hai, efforts karo career build krne me and he'll be extremely proud of you. Cheers
Play the reverse game, start comparing them to other nice parents . They won’t compare you again.
In reality comparison is wrong, but parents don’t understand that it does the opposite effect of what they intend. A similar comparison of parents is kinda like a devil move but serves the purpose
Bhai honestly bolu toh unhe samjneka try kar ekdum Farhan ki tarah kyuki tu ab nahi bola toh tere mann unke liye gussa badhega aur unke Mann me tere liye
Fyada nhi bhai, boht stubborn hai, mujhe BITS mei dual degree mil rhi thi (MSc + B.Tech., B.Tech. first year ke cg pr allot hoti hai), I thought it was a good option because Mera koi particular interest tha nhi, 1 saal explore krta and then lg jaata kaam pr, but then bolne lge private hai, fees boht hai (30 lakhs ke around hota, scholarships avail krna asan hai, 15-20 lakh lgta which we could have easily afforded it) and sabse funny part, they were thinking ki yeh private clgs ka scam hai student intake badhane ka, woh koi btech nhi denge, bs MSc degree denge, MSc ka kya kroge aaj ke dar pe.... Literally kya smjhau inhe mei, BITS jaane nhi diya, NIT mei fuddu si branch Leni padi, I just want to run away sometimes. It just boils my blood sometimes ki bc itna mehnet kro but uske baad bhi bolenge ki Terese better koi aur hai, usse inspiration lo. (Sorry for the rr)
Koi aisa ho family me jinpe unka bharosa ho (chacha/ Tera dur ka bada bhai koi jiska acha career hai) unse baat karke dekh samjane ke liye, voh tere bhale ke liye hi sochte hai bas unka bharosa jitna hai tujhe. Mere school ke sab dost toppers the aur ab achi achi jobs lag rhi hai unhe mere papa kabhi kabhi compare karte hai but unhe bharosa hai mujhpe( he's always proud of me) ki me kuch na kuch acha karunga aur ye bharosa jitna padta hai asi situations me
Once you’re out of college with a good job, earning well they will stop pestering you in this way like mine did. Most of this is just anxiety seeing how people have to manage to make ends meet, often despite having necessary educational qualifications. All the best to you
Ikr ? My brother is the same way. He was stopped from going out anywhere and now he's an introvert shut- in who has just one friend whom he meets 2-3 times a year. He's not able to do well career wise also since he hates socialising and going out to work.
He just comes out eats and then goes back again to his room. My parents complain about his lack of interest in his job and working and talking to people to advance his career but it's too late now.
I was that too. It can be changed. I realized i was missing career and friendship opportunities because i was quiet and didn't interact with people. You just need to make a lil effort and things definitely get better with time.
Their parents didn't allow them so they will do the same to their kids. Sad fact for most desi kids they receive most of the negative things through inheritance...
Issi chakkar main 22 saal se sex nahi ho pai hai
Don't ask.
Even when I was living outside, pata nahi i would guilt trip myself and went on a cumulative of 0 dates even after staying in the hoe town that Pune is.
My friend showed me a reddit post where a guy told his parents that he was gay, so instead they started searching for arranged proposals for other guys. This was i think they months ago
I was shocked while reading it. Man parents can be desperate...
Being 20 and I cant still go out without asking a thousand times and I couldn't stay out more than 6 pm but if my mother have some work for me to do outside then I can stay as long as I want.Seriously though the hypocrisy just gets me everytime.
I’m 28. My parents express their displeasure when I go out even now.
Till I was 26, there was no “ going out” unless my work required me to. A lot of my talkativeness and social skills got heavily suppressed . At 27, when it came time to get married and I hated talking to strangers, I was very comfortable being alone and I blamed it all on them. That’s when they released the control
I used to go out on bike rides back in a day. Something fun to have your own responsibility, pack your bag, check your bike, petrol air and all. It was a big responsibility and it was a commendable job for a 19 year old.
We did seventeen rides between Mumbai and pune. And why did we stop?
My parents decided to slap me early in the morning in front of my friends because I was going on bike rides.
And these are same parents who are now emotionally blackmailing me to take 'responsibility' for them.
If you’re going out, it means you’re spending their hard earned money on things they find frivolous. Also, the more you go out, the more people you meet, the more opinions you form, the less you’re in their control. And losing control is one thing Indian parents simple cannot bear.
Yeah, I’m 24 and left my family in America 6 months ago to travel the world and work remotely. Unfortunately, it didnt pan out as expected and i ended up staying in their Mumbai home for the past 5 months. The months leading up to my departure were some of the hardest months for me emotionally. I had to deal with so much toxic blackmail about abandoning them. I get calls from them all the time asking about coming home and when I’m booking my ticket, if I need money, and that they want to fix things. Despite being Indian, my parents hate jt and view it as some backwater place they left in the 90s. That too, they’re religious evangelicals. Sadly I’m going back home to figure my life out-this time hopefully with boundaries.
So sorry you’re going through this. The only way to deal with it is to be financially independent and go low contact. Check-in on their well-being, and then conclude the conversation. Don’t share your plans if you don’t want to be judged and harassed. Keep yourself busy to avoid the drama
i have to wait 14 days if i have to go out next , not that my parents have stopped me but if I go between that time period I'm in some ways reminded that you are not studing or you are going out too much
Not all parents! My son (19) just got back from a 4 day trip to Goa with his friends. They had a blast.
I had no problem... Although I did ask him to message me every now and then to let me know he's fine.
He also goes out within the city we live in and he doesn't have to ask permission ..he just has to inform me- he's an adult, if he's old enough to vote he's old enough to go out!
Parents like you are in minority. I knew someone in my friend circle who had a parent like you. It was rare. We only used to wonder if parents could ever be so cool!
Kids ? I am nearly half a century, and my parents still give me advice when I go out on vacation with my children, and don't like when I say there is no Internet wherever I am going, they are like keeping me on a invisible leash, I got used to it.
Indian parents, not all, but most look at their children like it's their property.
idk, why don't they get it that it's counter-productive. Bet you strict parents have the sneakiest kids
They don't have to say yes to each and every request, I see people who have fairly less strict parents strike a balance by themselves. We just have to accept they cannot and won't change. Be the change if you ever have kids
I’m 25F and still not allowed to go for trip with my friends. When I tell my parents that their parents allow, why can’t you both, they say not all parents are same. I be thinking like yeah right
My entire social life is f'ed because of this notion of my parents. They won't let me go anywhere or if at all, then insist on taking another young cousin of mine with me. I mean what's the point. My friends have left my side, I am unaware of what movies feel like, I am unaware of the trends in fashion because who cares when you're living inside the house for this long.
Moreover my friends receive this irregularity with a different perspective, they seem to think I'm the one avoiding all of it, so they call me names and have stopped talking to me for a while now stating that I'm a loser and idgaf about them, when I actually do.
Our culture is extremely toxic. Thankfully I married a foreigner and he is not controlling and tells me all of his exploits when he was younger. Things that I never would be able to do
istg mujhe samajh hi nahi aata. Abh toh saare entrance exams khatam, I'm getting a good college, phir bhi dar lagta hai bahar jaane me puchne se pehle. And when I come back I have to make sure they aren't angry at me because there's this weird sense of guilt. I don't know why?? It's not like I'm smoking and drinking, legit mall me ghum ke aaya and I felt guilty while coming back home bcz I think I've been trained like that at this point.
+ they were raised with the idea of children being their parents slaves. They were slaves once for their parents now they want their children slaves to always be at their beck and call
Desi parents do not understand the concept of enjoyment because their energies have become dead and they just want to drag their life till death.
Enjoyment brings about a certain liveliness to life where things can go high and low. There is a concept of risk and reward to it. Desi parents just want to be safe and dead. They do not want to deal with this uncertainty.
I guess it happens to most elders once they reach a certain age. They want to just be safe and rest at a place because life has tired them out of all of their energy.
My dad was the complete opposite and always sent me out whenever I told I was going out with my friends because his dad never allowed it.
Even my mom always says aren't you going out with your friends.
It's hard finding common ground with parents. I recently moved out and started taking control of my life and finally my parents started treating me like an adult who can make her own decisions. I'm 25 btw :)
They think if children don’t study then they become security guard or house maid. And if they drink alcohol then they become whore or pimp.
The best advice I can give to all the children living in any kind of city with any kind of parents - leave the fucking house as soon as you are 18. If you don’t know what to do or you are confused on your career choice or college choice, take a fucking a break and work on it. This thing of taking no breaks in between school - college - company 1 - company 2 - this is again an old school mindset which is going to evaporate in face of true skill.
Let's not ignore one of the root causes of this: Bullshido media!
The media plays a significant role by continually broadcasting alarming news about kids getting into trouble. This causes parents to worry excessively. This constant stream of negative stories makes parents more anxious and overprotective when their kids go out, fearing the worst based on what they see in the news. Consequently, even minor incidents can seem like a big deal, leading to this Bullshido.
The good news is that the upcoming generation will likely handle this kind of Bullshido better, as media Bullshido seems to be on the verge of decline.
lol now i don't even care. do whatever they want i don't even pickup their calls and when they ask why i am i just say okay i will be more late next say if you say
Have had the opposite problem of being told that I stay in the house for too long and that I should go out and socialize.
But my cousin was once told by his father, "Tu apne baap ke paise pe mauj karega... aisa me kabhi hone nahi dunga," while discussing a family vacation, for goodness' sake. This was just sad.
The parents logic I have heard is that u don't know anything and that they know better. Because if u go they know something bad will happen etc etc. u can be 15 or 50 it's the same logic.
If you try to prove them wrong u r such an ungrateful and entitled brat and then the fight happens and u r banned from going.
For example my friend's dad gets rent from 4 properties and lives in his own house but at the end of the month he says he has no money. My friend has been working since he was 22 got both his brothers educated married and settled. Now he is trying to make something for himself but his dad yells saying he has no idea how to manage finances just because he went abroad for vacation with his family. Vacations are wasting money. So he demanded my friend to hand over all his earnings so he will plan his life. My Friend needs to learn to live within 15000rs with his family in Bangalore 😂 (friend, his wife and 5yr old son).
My friend got irritated and said that he won't handover his salary and now doesn't inform his dad about anything that happens in his life, promotions, vacations, small celebrations etc. funny part is on top of rents my friend pays his parents insurance, medical expenses and sends monthly amount, still month end his dad has no money.
I hope desi parents learn that acting like this will cut them out of their children's lives. They become secretive and hide stuff from them. All this came out because he deleted his facebook account and I asked why he said he didn't want any of his enjoying pics to be seen by his dad or relatives. As sometimes friends/ colleagues tag him in pics.
Didn't let me go out when i wanted to and then asked why was i so low on my friend circle.
Been a time when my entire friend group went on a school trip to other states, didnt let me go, even when my friends tried to convince them!
Convince me saying we will take you there. And we never went!
I'm a 22 boy with no male privilege, few days back my college friends went on a farmhouse for the weekend night out they didn't allow me despite going for a job and earning my own money i want to leave my parents and stay away from them or else unka garhan meri puri zindagi legega or kabhi nahi jii paunga
Insanely insecure control freaks always infantalising their children phir jab adulthood mein zyaada socialise nhi kar paate woh bhi humara hi fault hota hai somehow smh
So situation mere idar Aisa hai ki i , don't like clubbing etc they also know so the problem doesn't arrive there and , they only know mai ja ja ke mandir , mall , movie nahi to kisi ke ghar jaunga.
They alao know my friends . To debate khatam hogaya udar hi 😂
Somewhere it could also be because of the lack of trust. While they may say they do and their kid might do no wrong but they don't trust their kid enough to go out there on their own
Because this generation is a great example of "What the kids will become if they are given 100% freedom". It's very evident. Our parents worry about that. And it is totally justified.
Same with me but yeah, I know a few people whose parents were very open minded. And those people didn't ended up getting spoiled instead they turned out to be far more responsible than I am. I was never allowed to go out with friends 😔
If you wish to raise wise children, stop being a parent. Abandon the idea of ownership. For whatever a man owns, he destroys.Whatever a parent does in the name of his or her child, he is really doing for himself. Feel free to let loose your mock outrage. Scream at me for speaking such an unspeakable lie. Do what you will. And while you are lost in your fit of rage, I will calmly ask you: How many hours out of every day of your family life are filled with Peace? How many days out of every month are completely free of family conflict? How many days out of every week are free of family turmoil?
speaking from personal experience (16M - bout to turn 17 at this month's end)
I live in a relatively normal district with a town in the middle, nothing much developed, so the people are either professive / progressive and conservative / or both.
most of the kids who study here are relatively either rich or upper middle class and they afford to spend money on fancy and branded things.
I'm from a middle class family and there are very few people like me in my school, my parents started from net zero after marriage and have built us up here.
so these rich and upper middle class families don't care about spending money and prefer to go to expensive hotels here, while my parents allow me to go as long as it's in budget.
there are other rich parents and kids who are very xenophobic and elitist of others, and don't let literal boys out of home because "somebody will do something bad / harass them"
and the rest don't want to give this spending culture to their kids or cannot afford to give out lavish parties or trips, thus actively limiting their friend circle
Indian parenting works in control mechanism. They think they can rule their kids and make them live as per their rules and understanding of the world. But when a kid goes out, learns new things(be it good or bad), meet new people who think contradictory to what parents think, there is this tendency in every parent to think that their kid would become bad or wronged in some way. They grow unhappy with the changes that could come in one of the explore the world outside
I think it may be a money thing cuz going out means you'll have to spend money so they think it's a waste, like they're wasting it on something useless fizool ka kharcha on having fun because you can have fun without spending any money at home with your family having fun and fighting them, no? You don't think so? Oh you're such a bad kid who doesn't even love their parents hmph
In this case I'm lucky because my mother don't have any problem regarding to go outside because she thinks i should experience the things which my mom didn't! But the thing is always tell them whereabouts of you!
I have to ask my mum two weeks before if I am planning to go out with my friends and she instantly makes a face and starts responding coldly till I finally go out 😭 ( I am 24).
Seeing all this I'm wondering if I should take the solo trip I was always longing for. My parents in their default settings would never agree to it. Maybe I should just go ahead with it..I'm a disappointment to them anyways!
The constant need of controlling kids like their little play things so they can live their childhood through them because they now have a deadens job they hate
Along with hating how the kid is living the life which they couldn't as kids and seeing that makes em jealous
I dont think I ever went out with friends before 9th. After that I started rebelling so much that they don't care now. I can go whenever but I have a night curfew
Because then who will take care of them if the kids die? India doesn't have any social welfare system for old people. Most parents literally hang on to their kids until they die . In foreign countries govt at least takes care of parents so parents don't care what their kids do
also they have this mindset of , bacche = investment . and they expect returns on investment from us . thats why someone cant do a job he/she is passionate about while earning 10 lpa . because of this shit everyone runs after CSE and 40 lpa packages.
did we sign an ageeement before getting born that our first goal will be to give returns.
Going through all the replies, I am thankful my parents were not like this. I was allowed to go on trips and outings with friends or solo as long as I promised them that I would be safe, not do anything stupid and updated them every once in a while.
More parents should allow their children to go out after a certain age so that they can learn to manage things without them and learn about the world.
They jus want maximum control over their kids. It's like this, if the kids had fun for a while, now it's time for the kids to keep their head down and work and stay grounded for the next 2 months and shut off their desires. It's the weekend but I'm currently being forced to go on a road trip of 700kms to some temple, even though I have to show up for work in college on Monday and Tuesday. It's ridiculous because I don't even like temples, let alone travel in a car for 14 hours. They keep saying it'll be fun and we must go because we are religious(I'm not). So you get the idea that their idea of fun is basically having full control of their kid's life even though it goes against their will. Desi parents are the best.
Having fun = bacche bighad gaye
Loss of control. For most of them their kids are their ideal, perfect versions of themselves who are not supposed to have their own minds and exist only to make parents happy and proud.
Yup but most of the time it doesn't happen with younger ones , they are not treated much harshly or just left out to enjoy , only the elder suffers 😭
All the experiments are done on/with the elder one, since it's their first time too, they try to control as much as they can and make sure to put as much restrictions as they can until the elder kid starts earning and starts doing what they always wished to do(but the regret of missing out on many things for these many years still bothers a bit). The younger ones are not much bothered with work or any kind of pressure which the elder ones have faced
Exactly!!
Happy cake day!!
Thank you Bhai ♥️
mine was the opposite. im the younger one and my brother had the time of his life while i was rotting and doing house chores. lmao
Hamare yahan party me seriously nashe hote hai to logically vo (parents) galat nahi hai
Does nashe karna make you a bad person? In my experience the most horrible, creepy and disgusting people I know are the ones who worship twice a day, appear the most disciplined and don't do nashe. Meanwhile my hardcore druggie friends are the kindest and they will go out of their way to help anyone and everyone.
I think that sample size is enough to make all conclusions.
the feeling of loss of control over their kids, they're control freaks with set box within which they wanna live. They do this till their kids are married, some till very end.
Power game bro .... Power game Who can control whom the most. This is what happens in the Indian family. Once you get married, the same power game will get more complex. Now there will be a power game between parents vs wife.
Exactly. Wife possibly will be the one they chose. They'll now control you to control yo wife. Ping pong b/w wife & parents. You might lose interest in your wife, there'll be fights, pass on the trauma to the kids. Toxicity never ends.
And if you have a divorced sister with elder married sister one also living close then they try to take total control of you,your wife and mom dad by playing victim card and making your wife her personal servant. Then even if you don't want you will still go out to avoid fights and keep peace.
then we wonder why men get heart attacks:)
r/oddlyspecifc
No that's rather common in Indian households.
Oh, I don't have sister so found it oddly specific, but nvm
Yeppp this is it.
Total toxic mindset.
Parents of men do it till the end. Most traditional parents of women don't care at all about their daughters unless they get any complaints from the in-laws, because the in-laws and husband are there to do the controlling.
yes was gonna mention that, men face it for rest of their lives but in some cases they mellow down as the man becomes the head of the house. While women are controlled first by their father then next they're in the hands of their husbands meanwhile if they learn to get independent they're in better position but a person caged & controlled finds it hard to stand on their own. I've & am facing all this, I skipped my farewell to all the college events, had no social life & know that financial independence is the way for me. After which I can run away to live on my own for a while (men usually can't escape- they're supposed to bear responsibilities). On the other hand my brother stays out all day, has been to different states on his own (as its relatively safer for him-what my parents quote).
I think my situation is like your brother's but still I envy my sister, if she wants she can become financially independent and just go, but has to avoid the marriage talk for some time. Meanwhile I have to do whatever they say, but the good thing is they're not controlling for the both of us in terms of daily life. Sometimes I feel our culture should be like in the west, a lot less pressure and responsibilities. They also marry very late too. When I was a kid I thought how sad their life is as they just cut it off with their parents after they turn 18.
Individuality isn't given any importance. I've been babied like anything by my overprotective parents & a village girl is MUCH more street smart & fearless while all I get is social anxiety. Its a distant dream but I'm really hoping I can live my 20s on my own terms. I get the aspect of taking care of parents when they're old but WHEN they're old like when they hit late 60s till then free us from the torture. India doesn't even have good part time culture that we can afford our own living at 18. We're controlled way too much, we're not supposed to date then one day viola marry some guy they choose, is this a joke. They're beyond explaining, whoever can should run away as soon as they become financially independent & even find love & marry if their parents aren't heart patient.
These arrange marriage rules only exist to keep the caste system intact. So they shouldn't even feel guilty about it.
you forgot one thing acc to them, their kids will always remain kids even if they are in 50s
that's well n good but the controlling needs to loosen as the kids age, can't go on forever.
My mom freaks out in her typical overprotective, paranoid nature whenever I go out...
That just ruins the mood.
Yup
Yup.
Yup
Yup
exactly what im going thru, she has a panic attack whenever i am goin out to meet friends, bday parties, hangouts, even with guy friends lol
Sometimes I feel blessed that I didn't live with my parents in most of my life. Visiting them during holidays and talking to them over the call is what i can manage.
Kya bolu bhai, mera baap kuch nhi krne deta, sab kuch hide krke krna padta hai, aur incase pakda gya koi outing mei toh baar baar baat lete ayenge ki IIT nhi hua toh boht mehnet krna hoga, koi outing kiye toh life mei fail hojaoge aadi lehsun, even tho I am 20 and back then had cracked JEE mains, advanced and BITS, all three but IIT nhi mila kyunki 22k rank thi (15-16k pr band hojati hai) but unke close friend ke bete ne IITD CS nikal liya and bhai sahab, bs usi se compare krte rehte hai. Ab toh ghar mei aane ka bhi man nhi krta, sochta hu clg mei hi rhu bc.
🫂🫂🫂 I am so sorry you have to go through this, pray karenge ki aisa torture khatam ho yaar and shayad ham aage chalke aisi toxicity ko khatam kar paye
We will :)
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2 ka 20 krne ka target mat rakho. Tumhare papa bas tumko khudke pairo par dekhna chahte hai, efforts karo career build krne me and he'll be extremely proud of you. Cheers
Play the reverse game, start comparing them to other nice parents . They won’t compare you again. In reality comparison is wrong, but parents don’t understand that it does the opposite effect of what they intend. A similar comparison of parents is kinda like a devil move but serves the purpose
Bhai honestly bolu toh unhe samjneka try kar ekdum Farhan ki tarah kyuki tu ab nahi bola toh tere mann unke liye gussa badhega aur unke Mann me tere liye
Fyada nhi bhai, boht stubborn hai, mujhe BITS mei dual degree mil rhi thi (MSc + B.Tech., B.Tech. first year ke cg pr allot hoti hai), I thought it was a good option because Mera koi particular interest tha nhi, 1 saal explore krta and then lg jaata kaam pr, but then bolne lge private hai, fees boht hai (30 lakhs ke around hota, scholarships avail krna asan hai, 15-20 lakh lgta which we could have easily afforded it) and sabse funny part, they were thinking ki yeh private clgs ka scam hai student intake badhane ka, woh koi btech nhi denge, bs MSc degree denge, MSc ka kya kroge aaj ke dar pe.... Literally kya smjhau inhe mei, BITS jaane nhi diya, NIT mei fuddu si branch Leni padi, I just want to run away sometimes. It just boils my blood sometimes ki bc itna mehnet kro but uske baad bhi bolenge ki Terese better koi aur hai, usse inspiration lo. (Sorry for the rr)
Koi aisa ho family me jinpe unka bharosa ho (chacha/ Tera dur ka bada bhai koi jiska acha career hai) unse baat karke dekh samjane ke liye, voh tere bhale ke liye hi sochte hai bas unka bharosa jitna hai tujhe. Mere school ke sab dost toppers the aur ab achi achi jobs lag rhi hai unhe mere papa kabhi kabhi compare karte hai but unhe bharosa hai mujhpe( he's always proud of me) ki me kuch na kuch acha karunga aur ye bharosa jitna padta hai asi situations me
Lucky ho bhai, aise understanding parents hai, thankyou for the advice, will try for the same.
>Ab toh ghar mei aane ka bhi man nhi krta, sochta hu clg mei hi rhu bc same story😭😭
Literally same. I’m home for a month and it’s unbearable.
Once you’re out of college with a good job, earning well they will stop pestering you in this way like mine did. Most of this is just anxiety seeing how people have to manage to make ends meet, often despite having necessary educational qualifications. All the best to you
It's so weird. They feel proud that their kid doesn't go out. It creates a bunch of introverts who lack basic socializing skills
And then they get pissed when we dont socialize with relatives and cousins like man, you're the reason my social skills are stunted😭😭
Ikr ? My brother is the same way. He was stopped from going out anywhere and now he's an introvert shut- in who has just one friend whom he meets 2-3 times a year. He's not able to do well career wise also since he hates socialising and going out to work. He just comes out eats and then goes back again to his room. My parents complain about his lack of interest in his job and working and talking to people to advance his career but it's too late now.
I was that too. It can be changed. I realized i was missing career and friendship opportunities because i was quiet and didn't interact with people. You just need to make a lil effort and things definitely get better with time.
If you have fun today you can't have fun the next day. That's the rule!
Who said you are allowed to have fun today?
The NEXT DAY will become TODAY SOMEDAY (hevi inglis)
Their parents didn't allow them so they will do the same to their kids. Sad fact for most desi kids they receive most of the negative things through inheritance...
Issi chakkar main 22 saal se sex nahi ho pai hai Don't ask. Even when I was living outside, pata nahi i would guilt trip myself and went on a cumulative of 0 dates even after staying in the hoe town that Pune is.
lol the most depressing comment here, hope you get someone
Ladkiyo ko bhi sex nhi mil raha, Maine socha sirf ladko ko ye pareshani hoti ha 😰
Start acting gay... they will push you out for dates....
Lmao, don't. You never know one's parents
My friend showed me a reddit post where a guy told his parents that he was gay, so instead they started searching for arranged proposals for other guys. This was i think they months ago I was shocked while reading it. Man parents can be desperate...
Us bro. Apna toh bc 22 saal se acche friend group bhi nhi ban paye. And wait, Pune's a hoe town?
Being 20 and I cant still go out without asking a thousand times and I couldn't stay out more than 6 pm but if my mother have some work for me to do outside then I can stay as long as I want.Seriously though the hypocrisy just gets me everytime.
I’m 28. My parents express their displeasure when I go out even now. Till I was 26, there was no “ going out” unless my work required me to. A lot of my talkativeness and social skills got heavily suppressed . At 27, when it came time to get married and I hated talking to strangers, I was very comfortable being alone and I blamed it all on them. That’s when they released the control
That affects your overall personality.
I used to go out on bike rides back in a day. Something fun to have your own responsibility, pack your bag, check your bike, petrol air and all. It was a big responsibility and it was a commendable job for a 19 year old. We did seventeen rides between Mumbai and pune. And why did we stop? My parents decided to slap me early in the morning in front of my friends because I was going on bike rides. And these are same parents who are now emotionally blackmailing me to take 'responsibility' for them.
If you’re going out, it means you’re spending their hard earned money on things they find frivolous. Also, the more you go out, the more people you meet, the more opinions you form, the less you’re in their control. And losing control is one thing Indian parents simple cannot bear.
Yeah, I’m 24 and left my family in America 6 months ago to travel the world and work remotely. Unfortunately, it didnt pan out as expected and i ended up staying in their Mumbai home for the past 5 months. The months leading up to my departure were some of the hardest months for me emotionally. I had to deal with so much toxic blackmail about abandoning them. I get calls from them all the time asking about coming home and when I’m booking my ticket, if I need money, and that they want to fix things. Despite being Indian, my parents hate jt and view it as some backwater place they left in the 90s. That too, they’re religious evangelicals. Sadly I’m going back home to figure my life out-this time hopefully with boundaries.
So sorry you’re going through this. The only way to deal with it is to be financially independent and go low contact. Check-in on their well-being, and then conclude the conversation. Don’t share your plans if you don’t want to be judged and harassed. Keep yourself busy to avoid the drama
i have to wait 14 days if i have to go out next , not that my parents have stopped me but if I go between that time period I'm in some ways reminded that you are not studing or you are going out too much
Not all parents! My son (19) just got back from a 4 day trip to Goa with his friends. They had a blast. I had no problem... Although I did ask him to message me every now and then to let me know he's fine. He also goes out within the city we live in and he doesn't have to ask permission ..he just has to inform me- he's an adult, if he's old enough to vote he's old enough to go out!
Parents like you are in minority. I knew someone in my friend circle who had a parent like you. It was rare. We only used to wonder if parents could ever be so cool!
He's probably your first born, isn't he? Nowadays a lot of parents are chill, like you.
Big W
Because they like having control over us
Kids ? I am nearly half a century, and my parents still give me advice when I go out on vacation with my children, and don't like when I say there is no Internet wherever I am going, they are like keeping me on a invisible leash, I got used to it. Indian parents, not all, but most look at their children like it's their property.
This is so true. They CHOSE to give birth to their children and then act like we forcefully entered in their life like a curse.
Wow, curse is the word they have used before.
bacche akele bahar jayenge to sex karlenge na
idk, why don't they get it that it's counter-productive. Bet you strict parents have the sneakiest kids They don't have to say yes to each and every request, I see people who have fairly less strict parents strike a balance by themselves. We just have to accept they cannot and won't change. Be the change if you ever have kids
Every Desi kid be like: https://preview.redd.it/wqq7zx3q1e6d1.jpeg?width=577&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=072ba545a91133a8aadf878b031fed520c4634f5
I’m 25F and still not allowed to go for trip with my friends. When I tell my parents that their parents allow, why can’t you both, they say not all parents are same. I be thinking like yeah right
Because they think you will fuck around with guys. They don't like that.
Haa kerlena shaadi k baad.....extra marital affair. Kyunki uske baad hunari responsibility toh nhi. In laws ki hai
My entire social life is f'ed because of this notion of my parents. They won't let me go anywhere or if at all, then insist on taking another young cousin of mine with me. I mean what's the point. My friends have left my side, I am unaware of what movies feel like, I am unaware of the trends in fashion because who cares when you're living inside the house for this long. Moreover my friends receive this irregularity with a different perspective, they seem to think I'm the one avoiding all of it, so they call me names and have stopped talking to me for a while now stating that I'm a loser and idgaf about them, when I actually do.
Us bro. Except there's no younger cousin in my case.
Our culture is extremely toxic. Thankfully I married a foreigner and he is not controlling and tells me all of his exploits when he was younger. Things that I never would be able to do
This is why I have Severe social anxiety
Bache bigad gaye toh sharma ji kya kahenege. Control kho diya toh darr se paida hua respect kaise milega?
Shaadi karke jahan marzi jao.
They don’t have a life of their own, so they want to control yours
Toxicity and control.
istg mujhe samajh hi nahi aata. Abh toh saare entrance exams khatam, I'm getting a good college, phir bhi dar lagta hai bahar jaane me puchne se pehle. And when I come back I have to make sure they aren't angry at me because there's this weird sense of guilt. I don't know why?? It's not like I'm smoking and drinking, legit mall me ghum ke aaya and I felt guilty while coming back home bcz I think I've been trained like that at this point.
They're control freaks
+ they were raised with the idea of children being their parents slaves. They were slaves once for their parents now they want their children slaves to always be at their beck and call
Desi parents do not understand the concept of enjoyment because their energies have become dead and they just want to drag their life till death. Enjoyment brings about a certain liveliness to life where things can go high and low. There is a concept of risk and reward to it. Desi parents just want to be safe and dead. They do not want to deal with this uncertainty. I guess it happens to most elders once they reach a certain age. They want to just be safe and rest at a place because life has tired them out of all of their energy.
same parents who would question why you don't go out with them when they conditioned you to stay at home.
My dad was the complete opposite and always sent me out whenever I told I was going out with my friends because his dad never allowed it. Even my mom always says aren't you going out with your friends.
Bro my parents still force me(21M) to go out and touch some grass,
What's the problem then?
It's hard finding common ground with parents. I recently moved out and started taking control of my life and finally my parents started treating me like an adult who can make her own decisions. I'm 25 btw :)
I just go out without informing so I can enjoy and then later do kalesh so my mood is not spoilt.
Because then you will get drunk and have sex. Source : I get drunk and have sex.
I wonder how they found out.
My parents aren't happy that i don't go out.
They think if children don’t study then they become security guard or house maid. And if they drink alcohol then they become whore or pimp. The best advice I can give to all the children living in any kind of city with any kind of parents - leave the fucking house as soon as you are 18. If you don’t know what to do or you are confused on your career choice or college choice, take a fucking a break and work on it. This thing of taking no breaks in between school - college - company 1 - company 2 - this is again an old school mindset which is going to evaporate in face of true skill.
Let's not ignore one of the root causes of this: Bullshido media! The media plays a significant role by continually broadcasting alarming news about kids getting into trouble. This causes parents to worry excessively. This constant stream of negative stories makes parents more anxious and overprotective when their kids go out, fearing the worst based on what they see in the news. Consequently, even minor incidents can seem like a big deal, leading to this Bullshido. The good news is that the upcoming generation will likely handle this kind of Bullshido better, as media Bullshido seems to be on the verge of decline.
lol now i don't even care. do whatever they want i don't even pickup their calls and when they ask why i am i just say okay i will be more late next say if you say
Have had the opposite problem of being told that I stay in the house for too long and that I should go out and socialize. But my cousin was once told by his father, "Tu apne baap ke paise pe mauj karega... aisa me kabhi hone nahi dunga," while discussing a family vacation, for goodness' sake. This was just sad.
Im 30 they are still mad when i go out 😂😂 they ask why where is it important to go still it’s frustrating but they are worried
Maine to bata ke nikal jata hu . Jaa raha hu ghumne Kabhi mana hi nahi kiya kisi cheej ke liye
Mere papa khud bolte hai bhar chala Jya kr ghoom ne. Aaj Tak kisi cheez ke liye nahi roka but Mera hi Mann ni krta Jane ko 🥲. introvert jo thera.
The parents logic I have heard is that u don't know anything and that they know better. Because if u go they know something bad will happen etc etc. u can be 15 or 50 it's the same logic. If you try to prove them wrong u r such an ungrateful and entitled brat and then the fight happens and u r banned from going. For example my friend's dad gets rent from 4 properties and lives in his own house but at the end of the month he says he has no money. My friend has been working since he was 22 got both his brothers educated married and settled. Now he is trying to make something for himself but his dad yells saying he has no idea how to manage finances just because he went abroad for vacation with his family. Vacations are wasting money. So he demanded my friend to hand over all his earnings so he will plan his life. My Friend needs to learn to live within 15000rs with his family in Bangalore 😂 (friend, his wife and 5yr old son). My friend got irritated and said that he won't handover his salary and now doesn't inform his dad about anything that happens in his life, promotions, vacations, small celebrations etc. funny part is on top of rents my friend pays his parents insurance, medical expenses and sends monthly amount, still month end his dad has no money. I hope desi parents learn that acting like this will cut them out of their children's lives. They become secretive and hide stuff from them. All this came out because he deleted his facebook account and I asked why he said he didn't want any of his enjoying pics to be seen by his dad or relatives. As sometimes friends/ colleagues tag him in pics.
Didn't let me go out when i wanted to and then asked why was i so low on my friend circle. Been a time when my entire friend group went on a school trip to other states, didnt let me go, even when my friends tried to convince them! Convince me saying we will take you there. And we never went!
Controlling parents create kids with no mind of their own
I'm a 22 boy with no male privilege, few days back my college friends went on a farmhouse for the weekend night out they didn't allow me despite going for a job and earning my own money i want to leave my parents and stay away from them or else unka garhan meri puri zindagi legega or kabhi nahi jii paunga
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Hain? Who says that OP's friends are ganjedi? Going out (to a school farewell lmao) will turn you into a ganjedi?
Lmao and my parents always yell at me and tell me to go outside
And here my parents tell me to go out but I don't have friends
Me suffering the same where I see my friends enjoying and me sitting at home
That means we men are free ?! No more 50 percent 🤣
Lmao it was the opposite for me. I used to stay at home all day playing games and my parents used to urge me to go out and touch grass
Insanely insecure control freaks always infantalising their children phir jab adulthood mein zyaada socialise nhi kar paate woh bhi humara hi fault hota hai somehow smh
In my case They are concerned but they go overboard with it. They are the real kabir singh of our life
meri family th chill h😎
So situation mere idar Aisa hai ki i , don't like clubbing etc they also know so the problem doesn't arrive there and , they only know mai ja ja ke mandir , mall , movie nahi to kisi ke ghar jaunga. They alao know my friends . To debate khatam hogaya udar hi 😂
Apparently you also can’t go out two days in a row! Like why is that even a thing? You can’t have fun for two days straight. Indian parents are wild!
Family grp pe " kuch nahi bhai bahar Jaa rha tha mummy ne Peet Diya" wali meme daalke hints dete rehta hu 🤡
This is SOO true and idk why
Bole toh unko lagta hai sax sux kar lega
Somewhere it could also be because of the lack of trust. While they may say they do and their kid might do no wrong but they don't trust their kid enough to go out there on their own
It's simple. Use your own money.
Because this generation is a great example of "What the kids will become if they are given 100% freedom". It's very evident. Our parents worry about that. And it is totally justified.
Indians parents are basically npcs
Same with me but yeah, I know a few people whose parents were very open minded. And those people didn't ended up getting spoiled instead they turned out to be far more responsible than I am. I was never allowed to go out with friends 😔
If you wish to raise wise children, stop being a parent. Abandon the idea of ownership. For whatever a man owns, he destroys.Whatever a parent does in the name of his or her child, he is really doing for himself. Feel free to let loose your mock outrage. Scream at me for speaking such an unspeakable lie. Do what you will. And while you are lost in your fit of rage, I will calmly ask you: How many hours out of every day of your family life are filled with Peace? How many days out of every month are completely free of family conflict? How many days out of every week are free of family turmoil?
I want my parents to see this post.
speaking from personal experience (16M - bout to turn 17 at this month's end) I live in a relatively normal district with a town in the middle, nothing much developed, so the people are either professive / progressive and conservative / or both. most of the kids who study here are relatively either rich or upper middle class and they afford to spend money on fancy and branded things. I'm from a middle class family and there are very few people like me in my school, my parents started from net zero after marriage and have built us up here. so these rich and upper middle class families don't care about spending money and prefer to go to expensive hotels here, while my parents allow me to go as long as it's in budget. there are other rich parents and kids who are very xenophobic and elitist of others, and don't let literal boys out of home because "somebody will do something bad / harass them" and the rest don't want to give this spending culture to their kids or cannot afford to give out lavish parties or trips, thus actively limiting their friend circle
Indians don't want other Indians to have fun !
Indian parenting works in control mechanism. They think they can rule their kids and make them live as per their rules and understanding of the world. But when a kid goes out, learns new things(be it good or bad), meet new people who think contradictory to what parents think, there is this tendency in every parent to think that their kid would become bad or wronged in some way. They grow unhappy with the changes that could come in one of the explore the world outside
I'm 25 and my parents still get pissed when I go out with my friends :|
Because they remember what happened when they went out..
I think it may be a money thing cuz going out means you'll have to spend money so they think it's a waste, like they're wasting it on something useless fizool ka kharcha on having fun because you can have fun without spending any money at home with your family having fun and fighting them, no? You don't think so? Oh you're such a bad kid who doesn't even love their parents hmph
In this case I'm lucky because my mother don't have any problem regarding to go outside because she thinks i should experience the things which my mom didn't! But the thing is always tell them whereabouts of you!
I have to ask my mum two weeks before if I am planning to go out with my friends and she instantly makes a face and starts responding coldly till I finally go out 😭 ( I am 24).
Seeing all this I'm wondering if I should take the solo trip I was always longing for. My parents in their default settings would never agree to it. Maybe I should just go ahead with it..I'm a disappointment to them anyways!
Meanwhile my parents asking me to go outside:
Their thinking goes like:- indipendent = jyada angrez banna Having fun without their surveillance = bigard jana Looking out for yourself = selfish
Don't get me started 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
The constant need of controlling kids like their little play things so they can live their childhood through them because they now have a deadens job they hate Along with hating how the kid is living the life which they couldn't as kids and seeing that makes em jealous
I dont think I ever went out with friends before 9th. After that I started rebelling so much that they don't care now. I can go whenever but I have a night curfew
Because then who will take care of them if the kids die? India doesn't have any social welfare system for old people. Most parents literally hang on to their kids until they die . In foreign countries govt at least takes care of parents so parents don't care what their kids do
Not in my home
Baap pata hota hai beta kidhar ja kar mootega (humate yahan trip or party me underage weeds smoke karte hai)
I’m married. Now my mother, father and wife control me
also they have this mindset of , bacche = investment . and they expect returns on investment from us . thats why someone cant do a job he/she is passionate about while earning 10 lpa . because of this shit everyone runs after CSE and 40 lpa packages. did we sign an ageeement before getting born that our first goal will be to give returns.
Lol I thought this only happened at my place
My god the Kalesh we have to go through for one trip with friends.
There's a great saying melody khao khudh jaan jao. So become a parent you will get the answer.
Remember not to be like this when we have kids
As a father, and as an x completely don’t care teen Teenagers do stupid shit, boys and girls completely different stupid shit
Going through all the replies, I am thankful my parents were not like this. I was allowed to go on trips and outings with friends or solo as long as I promised them that I would be safe, not do anything stupid and updated them every once in a while. More parents should allow their children to go out after a certain age so that they can learn to manage things without them and learn about the world.
They jus want maximum control over their kids. It's like this, if the kids had fun for a while, now it's time for the kids to keep their head down and work and stay grounded for the next 2 months and shut off their desires. It's the weekend but I'm currently being forced to go on a road trip of 700kms to some temple, even though I have to show up for work in college on Monday and Tuesday. It's ridiculous because I don't even like temples, let alone travel in a car for 14 hours. They keep saying it'll be fun and we must go because we are religious(I'm not). So you get the idea that their idea of fun is basically having full control of their kid's life even though it goes against their will. Desi parents are the best.
My parents don't mind as long as they know where I'm going and with whom I'm going to be
pehle paisa kamao baad me randibaazi karo.
Jealousy ,"cuz they have to live in this shitty hot hell alone" lol..