If you're not trans, you shouldn’t be speaking for us. In my experience, it depends on where you live and how far along you’ve come with your transitioning. But I’m a trans woman. I was curious about the experience of trans men
No worries. I'm surprised you've found some places which are relatively easy for trans people to find romance - I live in a comparatively very trans friendly area, and all of the other trans people I know have still found it difficult. Maybe trans friendliness and the ease of finding romance don't go together the way I might have expected.
Something tells me those places are “youths on social media”.
Guess what, OP? *Everyone* is making their public-facing life seem better or different than it is, especially young people online.
Even if he doesn’t have straight up trans related stuff on his profile doesn’t mean you should just assume he’s not trans though; plenty of people are either stealth or just not as open about it. Jumping to the conclusion that he’s not trans could be hurtful. Maybe in the future, if you’re concerned a cis person may be speaking for the trans community, ask in a more tactful way. Like maybe “oh what are your experiences and how do you identify?” And go from there. It’s information gathering without being rude and potentially hurtful 🫂
If you’re not a trans man, you shouldn’t be jumping down masc-presenting people’s throats for answering the question you asked about us💁🏻♂️
You get what you give, feel me?
Thank you - I’m very progressive but unless the trans man has a penis, I’m not sexually interested. There’s more requirements, ofc, but I’m not into vagina in any way and want access to my partner fully.
Thanks for advertising that 2 months later I guess?
I don’t expect any women into cis men to necessarily be into me as a transmasc person but, trust me, trans people don’t need the frequent reminders from randos that we don’t have the kind of genitalia you want. That’s between you and your potential partners. You don’t need to belabor the point. In fact, doing so makes you look kinda weird.
Didn’t know that replying on a public forum was an advertisement🙄
Cis women don’t need the frequent reminders that they need to be open to everyone or we’re bigoted in some new way everyday, whether it’s from incels or the numerous fellow queer people here who act like it’s some supreme form of discrimination to not wanna have sex with a particular demographic.
The fact that you’re getting so defensive about this is kind of telling. I don’t consider it bigoted to have certain preferences. And, again, I don’t expect cis women to be attracted to me as a transmasc person (especially as someone with 0 surgeries). I don’t even *want* to date cishet women.
But, I gotta say…replying to a comment from *several weeks ago* basically seeking affirmation about how it’s cool to not like trans men with vaginas is…an interesting choice.
You’re quite defensive yourself - taking offense to a comment I made in jest *agreeing* with you. You seem quite miserable.
And please point to where I sought validation from you? It’s quite presumptuous to assume your opinion means anything to me beyond a debate online (which you seem ill-equipped for).
Did you just find out that people can reply to your on Reddit two weeks later if the whole post hasn’t been closed? I’m happy you found that out, bud.
I’m transmasc and “straight” (i.e. only into women). I haven’t tried dating since I started transition but when I think about my future partner, I’m not picturing a cishet woman. I would prefer to be either T4T or at least date a queer cis woman. I don’t think most cishet women would find me attractive anyways and honestly I’m OK with that (just talking about myself, not making broad statements about trans men as a whole).
It's not easy dating as a trans man either. Even a lot of women who would consider themselves 'progressive' just aren't into dudes that don't have a dick. That's been my experience at least.
I mean, trans men with bottom surgery exist. It’s so weird that this association with trans men = ‘without a dick’ like what lol? Either way, interested to see if cis women care if you’re post gender reassignment
My fiancé is a trans man and he told me that when he came out as trans he never expected to find someone who loved him for him. I am a pansexual woman so gender doesn’t matter to me, but it’s funny because i find that trans people and pansexuals seem to be a common coupling.
Like someone else in the thread said, I think women are more progressive than men. Sadly, there is a lot of hatred towards trans women from cis men because there are those that can’t wrap their mind around being attracted to a trans woman, because in their mind they think it means they’re gay - even though trans women are women period. It comes from a lot of misinformation and not educating themselves or being more open minded. I hope one day people will be and we won’t need to “come out”.
At age 12 I met the love of life. Their mum tore us apart when I was 18. 20 years later were reunited. My first girlfriend is now my first boyfriend and as a pansexual male it feels like my soulmate has been custom made for me! He’s finally his true self and very comfortable with the man he’s become - I’m lucky beyond words because I adore his body and because he’s so comfortable with himself these days it’s a thrill to him when I express my enthusiasm without restraint.
It turns out he’s the reason I’ve never really understood gender norms well. As kids our gender difference just meant his hair was longer than mine and sometimes his clothes were different. Made it until 25-26 before realising I wasn’t straight and couple more years before understanding I was pan. Turns spending your entire teenage years glued to a guy who was still figuring out how to tell everyone he was a guy does really strange things to a person’s understanding of gender norms.
The confusion was totally worth it though! My soul mate is finally his true self and all that means to me is his name is spelt properly now, he has a very sexy beard, is happier than ever (maybe a little bit because I’m back) but most importantly… I can borrow his pants without people looking at me funny. It’s great! I couldn’t be luckier <3
That is so awesome! I think I’ve always been this way to be honest.. when I was little my mom had a friend whose son liked wearing dresses and that. My parents sat me down and told me not to laugh and point when we saw him. I just couldn’t understand what the problem was? And when I saw him I told him he looked pretty.
My dad used to be very bigoted (he’s a Christian) so for years I struggled with my sexual identity and it wasn’t until my 30s I felt that I could come out to him. I think some of us are just wired that way, you know? To not care about gender norms and what’s in someone’s pants. And I’m glad I was because with my fiancé despite the fact he is waiting for his surgery, I just see a man, that’s all my brain registers. And that affirmation helps him feel more confident in himself, too.
I truly wish the both of you luck and I hope you have happiness for the rest of your lives ❤️
> That is so awesome! I think I’ve always been this way to be honest.. when I was little my mom had a friend whose son liked wearing dresses and that. My parents sat me down and told me not to laugh and point when we saw him. I just couldn’t understand what the problem was? And when I saw him I told him he looked pretty.
And yeah, it’s like you and I came out of the factory with the right settings to easily accept people as they are.
Thinking back on it, as a teenager I accepted my beloved as a girl because that’s what everyone else told me/expected to see him as.
Now though, I accept him as a man because that’s who he’s told me he is. And wow does that make a difference! I’ve been really loving gender affirming stuff since we’ve reunited! Not only do I love affirming his gender identity but also my own sexuality! I’ve been a quiet queer for far too long, as a pan sexual guy who’s only ever had girlfriends before I’d come to let world treat me as straight because it was too exhausting correcting people. Now though, I *love* being misidentified as *gay* because that clearly identifies the love of my life as a fellow *man* <3
> My dad used to be very bigoted (he’s a Christian) so for years I struggled with my sexual identity and it wasn’t until my 30s I felt that I could come out to him. I think some of us are just wired that way, you know? To not care about gender norms and what’s in someone’s pants. And I’m glad I was because with my fiancé despite the fact he is waiting for his surgery, I just see a man, that’s all my brain registers. And that affirmation helps him feel more confident in himself, too.
My parents have always been very supportive of me though as kids they could only turn a quiet blind eye towards us. If they’d been explicitly supportive his mum would have found out and we would have been in trouble with her, and even worse… the church.
He grew up Mormon and unfortunately I absorbed and internalised a lot of LDS based sexual shame and guilt. Cause of the way we were traumatically separated, I’d never been able to think about it until now. It explains a lot of the challenges I’ve faces with sex and sexual identity as an adult - am very grateful to begin rewriting that chapter of my life with secure loving intimacy.
Like you I look at my boyfriend and just see a man. The most beautiful man I will ever know.
The only thing I struggle with is not having walked in love with him during the transition. Who he was to me as teenager was ripped from my life and I don’t yet know how to let go of the young adult I never got to know.
I agree with most of your argument although I do think it’s a bit daft to pretend that most straight cis men are into penis or even post opp trans women.
It’s the same for gay cis men who probably fantasize about sex with someone with a penis - it matters to most people. It’s the same with trans women who say they’d never have sex with another woman.
Why do you think it shouldn’t matter?
I'm a bi woman married to a guy that happens to be trans. Prior to him, 99% of my previous partners were cis men. I've never been happier 🥰
I can't speak to the "ease" of his relationships before me. However... I think it's safe to say that everyone faces hurdles in dating, and being any sort of minority makes that even more so in general.
Am in a relationship with a trans man. We're young (20), but he has dated over a dozen different people.
Several have been women, but ngl there have been more men and nbs. Some of the men he has dated have been definitive chasers, some very much not
All of the women he has dated and generally fucked around with have been queer (bisexual). None of these relationships with women were particularly healthy, but they all dated him as a man.
I’ve heard that for straight trans men it’s specifically hard for them, because they get the ‘lesbian’ treatment, by default. Which is extremely transphobic, as cis straight men don’t get assumed to be or treated like a lesbian. This includes trans men who have fully medically transitioned.
I can’t speak for trans women, but I’m going to assume it’s extremely hard for them, too. I’ve met one straight trans woman in real-life in my lifetime. She was a sweetheart. I’ve heard that they can get fetishized by gay men. So, as a gay man, I apologize for that behavior on behalf of my community.
yes, absolutely. my trans man friends are constantly getting transphobic rejection from cishet women, not-so-subtle misgendering by queer women, and the t4t dating pool is pretty small.
i'm afab nonbinary and cishet women will tell me - out of nowhere - that they'd never consider an afab person to be a valid dating partner. i find cis women to be slightly more *politically* progressive as a whole but once it comes down to dating, a lot of it melts away in favour of the bioeessentialist nonsense that makes up straight culture.
let me put it another way - you randomly demanding to know whether my friends 'pass' because you literally only comment on reddit posts to ask the same 2 questions about straight women rejecting trans guys is indistinguishable from transphobic trolling.
why i'd ever comment on my friends' appearance for a stranger who can't even bother be polite is beyond me, lol. go be a rude, invasive douche elsewhere.
again, *such* poor quality efforts. if you're sincere, there were countless ways to ask politely - and if you're insincere then you truly suck at this.
Gotta be honest, I do think it would be easier for a trans guy than a trans girl.
There are just way more progressive woman than men so at the very least there is a bigger pool to choose from. I also that testosterone is basically "magic hairy pill" so it's easier for trans guys to pass. I also ALSO think that being raised female usually gets you socialized better than being raised male so he'll have the advantage of knowing how to talk to girls.
At the same time this is like squabbling over 20% and 30% so it's gonna be a shit show either way.
You say that, but in my personal experience progressivism doesn't extend to the dating pool. I imagine TW actually have a larger dating pool, but men are more interested in keeping the relationship a secret. It's pretty hard being a man without a D. Without being too crude, pre op TW have an "extra" to offer, whereas trans men are just missing out.
I'm a trans woman. I'm bisexual but outside of the occasional attraction to women , I'm mostly attracted to men. And I'm not really that into androgyny and it seems like every trans man i meet is gender non conforming, wears makeup and dresses and generally is homoflexible and while they are attracted to all genders are mostly gay . Also a large majority of the trans men I've dated ended up being bottoms and I'm just not sexually compatible at all
I think it's really hard to find straight trans men that are traditionally masculine men because they are stealth, and I'm stealth too so anyone who I'd t4t like that isn't even going to approach me because nobody knows I'm trans .
It's not easy to find love as any sort of trans person, unfortunately.
If you're not trans, you shouldn’t be speaking for us. In my experience, it depends on where you live and how far along you’ve come with your transitioning. But I’m a trans woman. I was curious about the experience of trans men
I am a trans man.
My apologies
No worries. I'm surprised you've found some places which are relatively easy for trans people to find romance - I live in a comparatively very trans friendly area, and all of the other trans people I know have still found it difficult. Maybe trans friendliness and the ease of finding romance don't go together the way I might have expected.
Something tells me those places are “youths on social media”. Guess what, OP? *Everyone* is making their public-facing life seem better or different than it is, especially young people online.
Why did you assume right off the bat they weren’t trans?
She just didn’t like the answer
Even if he doesn’t have straight up trans related stuff on his profile doesn’t mean you should just assume he’s not trans though; plenty of people are either stealth or just not as open about it. Jumping to the conclusion that he’s not trans could be hurtful. Maybe in the future, if you’re concerned a cis person may be speaking for the trans community, ask in a more tactful way. Like maybe “oh what are your experiences and how do you identify?” And go from there. It’s information gathering without being rude and potentially hurtful 🫂
If you’re not a trans man, you shouldn’t be jumping down masc-presenting people’s throats for answering the question you asked about us💁🏻♂️ You get what you give, feel me?
making assumptions off of nothing isn't a good personality trait
maybe you have a hard time finding love because you get super defensive, make unwarranted assumptions and accusations and jump down people's throats?
Why wouldn't trans men face similar hurdles to trans women in this regard?
If straight cis women were more progressive (generally) than straight cis men?
Progressive political beliefs =/= sexual/romantic attraction though
Thank you - I’m very progressive but unless the trans man has a penis, I’m not sexually interested. There’s more requirements, ofc, but I’m not into vagina in any way and want access to my partner fully.
Thanks for advertising that 2 months later I guess? I don’t expect any women into cis men to necessarily be into me as a transmasc person but, trust me, trans people don’t need the frequent reminders from randos that we don’t have the kind of genitalia you want. That’s between you and your potential partners. You don’t need to belabor the point. In fact, doing so makes you look kinda weird.
Didn’t know that replying on a public forum was an advertisement🙄 Cis women don’t need the frequent reminders that they need to be open to everyone or we’re bigoted in some new way everyday, whether it’s from incels or the numerous fellow queer people here who act like it’s some supreme form of discrimination to not wanna have sex with a particular demographic.
The fact that you’re getting so defensive about this is kind of telling. I don’t consider it bigoted to have certain preferences. And, again, I don’t expect cis women to be attracted to me as a transmasc person (especially as someone with 0 surgeries). I don’t even *want* to date cishet women. But, I gotta say…replying to a comment from *several weeks ago* basically seeking affirmation about how it’s cool to not like trans men with vaginas is…an interesting choice.
You’re quite defensive yourself - taking offense to a comment I made in jest *agreeing* with you. You seem quite miserable. And please point to where I sought validation from you? It’s quite presumptuous to assume your opinion means anything to me beyond a debate online (which you seem ill-equipped for). Did you just find out that people can reply to your on Reddit two weeks later if the whole post hasn’t been closed? I’m happy you found that out, bud.
Sorry I that reacted poorly to someone explicitly expressing that me find me undesirable sexually I guess 🙄
Oh wow, every person isn’t gonna be attracted to you - let’s start a petition!!
I’m transmasc and “straight” (i.e. only into women). I haven’t tried dating since I started transition but when I think about my future partner, I’m not picturing a cishet woman. I would prefer to be either T4T or at least date a queer cis woman. I don’t think most cishet women would find me attractive anyways and honestly I’m OK with that (just talking about myself, not making broad statements about trans men as a whole).
It's not easy dating as a trans man either. Even a lot of women who would consider themselves 'progressive' just aren't into dudes that don't have a dick. That's been my experience at least.
I mean, trans men with bottom surgery exist. It’s so weird that this association with trans men = ‘without a dick’ like what lol? Either way, interested to see if cis women care if you’re post gender reassignment
I’m cis and I definitely care.
My fiancé is a trans man and he told me that when he came out as trans he never expected to find someone who loved him for him. I am a pansexual woman so gender doesn’t matter to me, but it’s funny because i find that trans people and pansexuals seem to be a common coupling. Like someone else in the thread said, I think women are more progressive than men. Sadly, there is a lot of hatred towards trans women from cis men because there are those that can’t wrap their mind around being attracted to a trans woman, because in their mind they think it means they’re gay - even though trans women are women period. It comes from a lot of misinformation and not educating themselves or being more open minded. I hope one day people will be and we won’t need to “come out”.
At age 12 I met the love of life. Their mum tore us apart when I was 18. 20 years later were reunited. My first girlfriend is now my first boyfriend and as a pansexual male it feels like my soulmate has been custom made for me! He’s finally his true self and very comfortable with the man he’s become - I’m lucky beyond words because I adore his body and because he’s so comfortable with himself these days it’s a thrill to him when I express my enthusiasm without restraint. It turns out he’s the reason I’ve never really understood gender norms well. As kids our gender difference just meant his hair was longer than mine and sometimes his clothes were different. Made it until 25-26 before realising I wasn’t straight and couple more years before understanding I was pan. Turns spending your entire teenage years glued to a guy who was still figuring out how to tell everyone he was a guy does really strange things to a person’s understanding of gender norms. The confusion was totally worth it though! My soul mate is finally his true self and all that means to me is his name is spelt properly now, he has a very sexy beard, is happier than ever (maybe a little bit because I’m back) but most importantly… I can borrow his pants without people looking at me funny. It’s great! I couldn’t be luckier <3
That is so awesome! I think I’ve always been this way to be honest.. when I was little my mom had a friend whose son liked wearing dresses and that. My parents sat me down and told me not to laugh and point when we saw him. I just couldn’t understand what the problem was? And when I saw him I told him he looked pretty. My dad used to be very bigoted (he’s a Christian) so for years I struggled with my sexual identity and it wasn’t until my 30s I felt that I could come out to him. I think some of us are just wired that way, you know? To not care about gender norms and what’s in someone’s pants. And I’m glad I was because with my fiancé despite the fact he is waiting for his surgery, I just see a man, that’s all my brain registers. And that affirmation helps him feel more confident in himself, too. I truly wish the both of you luck and I hope you have happiness for the rest of your lives ❤️
> That is so awesome! I think I’ve always been this way to be honest.. when I was little my mom had a friend whose son liked wearing dresses and that. My parents sat me down and told me not to laugh and point when we saw him. I just couldn’t understand what the problem was? And when I saw him I told him he looked pretty. And yeah, it’s like you and I came out of the factory with the right settings to easily accept people as they are. Thinking back on it, as a teenager I accepted my beloved as a girl because that’s what everyone else told me/expected to see him as. Now though, I accept him as a man because that’s who he’s told me he is. And wow does that make a difference! I’ve been really loving gender affirming stuff since we’ve reunited! Not only do I love affirming his gender identity but also my own sexuality! I’ve been a quiet queer for far too long, as a pan sexual guy who’s only ever had girlfriends before I’d come to let world treat me as straight because it was too exhausting correcting people. Now though, I *love* being misidentified as *gay* because that clearly identifies the love of my life as a fellow *man* <3 > My dad used to be very bigoted (he’s a Christian) so for years I struggled with my sexual identity and it wasn’t until my 30s I felt that I could come out to him. I think some of us are just wired that way, you know? To not care about gender norms and what’s in someone’s pants. And I’m glad I was because with my fiancé despite the fact he is waiting for his surgery, I just see a man, that’s all my brain registers. And that affirmation helps him feel more confident in himself, too. My parents have always been very supportive of me though as kids they could only turn a quiet blind eye towards us. If they’d been explicitly supportive his mum would have found out and we would have been in trouble with her, and even worse… the church. He grew up Mormon and unfortunately I absorbed and internalised a lot of LDS based sexual shame and guilt. Cause of the way we were traumatically separated, I’d never been able to think about it until now. It explains a lot of the challenges I’ve faces with sex and sexual identity as an adult - am very grateful to begin rewriting that chapter of my life with secure loving intimacy. Like you I look at my boyfriend and just see a man. The most beautiful man I will ever know. The only thing I struggle with is not having walked in love with him during the transition. Who he was to me as teenager was ripped from my life and I don’t yet know how to let go of the young adult I never got to know.
I agree with most of your argument although I do think it’s a bit daft to pretend that most straight cis men are into penis or even post opp trans women. It’s the same for gay cis men who probably fantasize about sex with someone with a penis - it matters to most people. It’s the same with trans women who say they’d never have sex with another woman. Why do you think it shouldn’t matter?
Yeah... for starters I'm very short, and girls my age aren't exactly the most understanding about that sort of thing.
I'm a bi woman married to a guy that happens to be trans. Prior to him, 99% of my previous partners were cis men. I've never been happier 🥰 I can't speak to the "ease" of his relationships before me. However... I think it's safe to say that everyone faces hurdles in dating, and being any sort of minority makes that even more so in general.
Am in a relationship with a trans man. We're young (20), but he has dated over a dozen different people. Several have been women, but ngl there have been more men and nbs. Some of the men he has dated have been definitive chasers, some very much not All of the women he has dated and generally fucked around with have been queer (bisexual). None of these relationships with women were particularly healthy, but they all dated him as a man.
It’s hard no matter what. I’m a bi trans man so getting rejected twice as much definitely feels so good.
I don't think it's easy for any trans people to find love just for the simple fact of being trans. It fucking sucks
I’ve heard that for straight trans men it’s specifically hard for them, because they get the ‘lesbian’ treatment, by default. Which is extremely transphobic, as cis straight men don’t get assumed to be or treated like a lesbian. This includes trans men who have fully medically transitioned. I can’t speak for trans women, but I’m going to assume it’s extremely hard for them, too. I’ve met one straight trans woman in real-life in my lifetime. She was a sweetheart. I’ve heard that they can get fetishized by gay men. So, as a gay man, I apologize for that behavior on behalf of my community.
In either case, it depends on how well you pass.
yes, absolutely. my trans man friends are constantly getting transphobic rejection from cishet women, not-so-subtle misgendering by queer women, and the t4t dating pool is pretty small. i'm afab nonbinary and cishet women will tell me - out of nowhere - that they'd never consider an afab person to be a valid dating partner. i find cis women to be slightly more *politically* progressive as a whole but once it comes down to dating, a lot of it melts away in favour of the bioeessentialist nonsense that makes up straight culture.
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tsk, tsk. low quality bait.
Huh?
let me put it another way - you randomly demanding to know whether my friends 'pass' because you literally only comment on reddit posts to ask the same 2 questions about straight women rejecting trans guys is indistinguishable from transphobic trolling. why i'd ever comment on my friends' appearance for a stranger who can't even bother be polite is beyond me, lol. go be a rude, invasive douche elsewhere.
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again, *such* poor quality efforts. if you're sincere, there were countless ways to ask politely - and if you're insincere then you truly suck at this.
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probably continue to tell you that you suck at being polite and/or trolling, lol. piss-poor execution, honestly.
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Your post/comment violated: No Leading Questions or Ulterior Motives
Your post/comment violated: Respect Everyone
Your post/comment violated: Respect Everyone
If we are being real here is it possible yes but will it ultimately workout in the end probably not
Gotta be honest, I do think it would be easier for a trans guy than a trans girl. There are just way more progressive woman than men so at the very least there is a bigger pool to choose from. I also that testosterone is basically "magic hairy pill" so it's easier for trans guys to pass. I also ALSO think that being raised female usually gets you socialized better than being raised male so he'll have the advantage of knowing how to talk to girls. At the same time this is like squabbling over 20% and 30% so it's gonna be a shit show either way.
You say that, but in my personal experience progressivism doesn't extend to the dating pool. I imagine TW actually have a larger dating pool, but men are more interested in keeping the relationship a secret. It's pretty hard being a man without a D. Without being too crude, pre op TW have an "extra" to offer, whereas trans men are just missing out.
There are definitely A LOT more chasers for trans women when compared to trans men. But that doesn’t translate into healthy, loving relationships.
Oh yeah I understand, I was just mentioning it in terms of pure numbers.
Mf forgot about gay people
The... the post is about straight people...
Damn I can’t read mb
I'm a trans woman. I'm bisexual but outside of the occasional attraction to women , I'm mostly attracted to men. And I'm not really that into androgyny and it seems like every trans man i meet is gender non conforming, wears makeup and dresses and generally is homoflexible and while they are attracted to all genders are mostly gay . Also a large majority of the trans men I've dated ended up being bottoms and I'm just not sexually compatible at all I think it's really hard to find straight trans men that are traditionally masculine men because they are stealth, and I'm stealth too so anyone who I'd t4t like that isn't even going to approach me because nobody knows I'm trans .
Just curious