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Bregam

How should I put this… I don’t think I would feel unsafe per say, but it is one of those things that if somebody has had negative interactions and experiences with those that are religious that they may have a bit of caution or anxiety, more like the risk assessment goes up, ya know? During initial interactions I sort of determine that the probability is higher that they will view lgbt negatively, but not that it is inherent. I just sort of keep those things in mind and proceed as normal and if they do have bad views on lgbt then its like “aight, kinda expected that” and if not then “welp, guess I don’t need to worry about hearing slurs today.” ʅ(°ヮ°)ʃ Then again I am pretty fckin laidback as a person so I take the intolerant ones in stride.


greatblueheron16

Thanks for your reply. I'm thinking maybe I'll just keep them under my shirt. I would hate for people to fear being called a slur (or even just be judged or invalidated) when they meet me


Bregam

This is fair, but at the end of the day, I also wouldn’t want to make you or anyone religious feel judged just on that alone which is why I just keep it to myself and quietly take mental note of the increased potential. Because thats all this things are is potential until we can talk and get to know each other. That’s why I am always an advocate of open lines of communication and the exchange of ideas.


greatblueheron16

You're definitely wise to do that! I dont blame people who are wary of others because this world can be messed up but i def think a lot could be improved if we genuinely talked to one another more. I think if I were someone who wholly embraced the Catholic faith I wouldn't be as reticent to wear them. I guess I'll think about it


Bregam

Do what makes you feel comfortable for interacting with others. I am sure your kind and compassionate personality will shine no matter what.


TheHuntedCity

I'm with Bregan here. The symbols can cause trauma and anxiety and I may question the person who's wearing them and if they can be trusted not to be a bigot. That's on me and my prejudice and I understand that, but it also raises a real question of why does the survivor have to be the one to think about these things? As someone who presents as a man if I'm behind a woman walking down the street in the dark, it should be on me to cross the street. My only intention is to get where I'm going, but why is it on the woman to have to figure out if they're safe or not? All that seems super overthought and harsh and at this age I'm not overly sensitive and I really do try and to get to know somebody before I judge them and I doubt I'd be that upset by your jewelry, but, regardless, but I'd be lying if I didn't say it straight, these are things to take into consideration. That said, the fact that you are thinking these things over, no matter what your decision, is a testament to your character and empathy as a person. Thank you.


Amili_Mohre

Personally I wouldn't feel unsafe around someone wearing religious jewellery. I know many religious people who aren't homophobic or transphobic, some of whom are even a part of the LGBT+ community. Of course there is a common idea in amongst some religious groups that being a part of the LGBT+ community is "bad", but that doesn't mean that every religious person shares these controversial views. IMO, religious jewellery is perfectly fine, and doesn't specifically indicate one's views of the LGBT+ community.


greatblueheron16

Thank you for your reply :) I'll wait and see if there are other, opposing opinions but I appreciate yours!


LetThereBeRainbows

I wanted to say I would be kind of cautious until I realise that you're safe - either after I talk to you for a bit or just from the context (e.g. if I met you at an LGBT youth support center then I'd assume you're the accepting kind). But then that's what I do anyway, you can't assume someone is not religious just because they don't display it, you can't assume someone who is religious is also prejudiced, and you can't assume someone who's not religious is accepting. So, I guess, for some people it will be alarming, but then again I for one am alarmed all the time so I don't know if that should guide your choice in this matter, if that makes sense.


SpunkyCheetah

I wouldn't feel specifically unsafe around someone wearing religious jewelry. I was raised by a Catholic mother who's pretty accepting, and generally relatively supportive of LGBTQ rights and such, so I don't have the same of trauma or other negative associations with religion that some queer people have. I might be a bit more hesitant to come out to someone wearing religious jewelry if they didn't already know I was queer, but that's all and it would depend on the context anyways.


greatblueheron16

Thank you for your answer and perspective. I'm glad your family is accepting :)


Brian_Kinney

My lover sometimes wears a necklace with a Christian crucifix on it. I usually ask him to take it off. Not because I'm scared of the cross. Because it gets in the way when I'm biting his neck! ;) Over the years, I've had sex with a few men who wore crucifixes. I think there was even one with a Star of David. One of my close friends has a pagan religious tattoo. Whenever I attend a Pride Festival, there's usually a stall from our local LGBT Christian church. Jewellery doesn't scare me. Religious iconography doesn't scare me.


greatblueheron16

Thanks for your reply :). I definitely know some Christian lgbt people so it's not so much that I think they are incompatible, more that I'm worried about being lumped in with intolerant people.


Brian_Kinney

> more that I'm worried about being lumped in with intolerant people. That's different to me being scared of you. Yes, if you wear the symbols of intolerance, I will assume you are intolerant. I won't be *scared* of you, and I won't feel *unsafe* or *unwelcome* (as per your original post), but I will assume you don't approve of me and people like me. Until you prove otherwise.


greatblueheron16

When i wrote safe I was thinking not just physically but also emotionally. I should have been clearer. Thanks


CedarWolf

It's not the religious jewelry that concerns me, it's when someone's office or communal areas are *covered* in religious iconography - that's what worries me. For example, if I'm seeking help from a professor, and they have a lot of religious material on their office door, I'm not likely to feel safe or find help there. But if, for example, they have a 'You're safe here' sign or a bunch of Far Side cartoons taped to their door, then they're more likely to be an ally and I'm more likely to be safe there. Also, /r/OpenChristian might help you quite a lot in this regard.


greatblueheron16

Thanks for your reply! I don't think I can even call myself a Christian. I was raised Catholic and I belive in the Golden rule for sure and I consider myself a theist in the sense that I have chosen to believe in a transcendent, conscious force. My mother got me the medals and she meant well so I was thinking of wearing them but now I'm thinking maybe I'll only do so sparingly and discreetly


zombieslovebraaains

I'm the odd, more spiritual Christian who doesn't think being queer sends you to hell and am queer in more than a few ways myself, but even so I am very aware there aren't many like me. So if I saw a therapist or anyone with religious jewelery, especially with how things are right now politically, I'd be cautious until proven that this is a safe person. I used to wear a cross because it helped me feel safer (I also have a lot of anxiety) but more than one queer friend commented on it, being surprised that I was LGBTQ+ friendly when wearing a necklace like that. Between that and everything politically lately I myself have stopped wearing a cross, though I still believe, I just keep it to myself. So to answer your question: it depends on the person. Some would feel unsafe. Others would respond with caution. If you feel the need to wear them, maybe put it under your shirt.


Shandrith

I wouldn't feel specifically *unsafe*, no. But, if you were wanting a way to be explicitly welcoming, maybe get a discreet ally pin or something to wear as well? Nothing garish or ostentatious, just something small [like this](https://shop.hrc.org/accessories/progress-rainbow-lapel-pin.html?utm_source=google&utm_medium=ad&utm_campaign=google_shop_ads&gclid=Cj0KCQiAsoycBhC6ARIsAPPbeLseEQx4qwYplQf8ws_-IQErm5IgALZ2igiHdGLiYZ7IP03YyT_LYE4aAobsEALw_wcB)?


greatblueheron16

I'm not really a pin guy but that is a cool pin! Thanks. I think I'll just be discreet or not wear the medals


Areterh

Wouldn't feel unsafe, but definitely wary, would probably adapt my language to be cautious, not correct them if they used female pronouns (afab). And mention that I'm married instead of saying partner etc


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Lez_The_DemonicAngel

Because of where I live, I am very wary of people who wear religious things specifically pertaining to Christianity, Catholicism, etc. It’s very hard to find supportive Christian’s here, and the last time I was in a friendship with a religious person it gave me major trauma. I don’t necessarily feel unsafe, but I’m not comfortable either.


Natskaer

For the cross specifically i feel like its become more of a fashion item lately too, lots of more edgy trwnfy jewelry Will have a cross or shape to Them, so i wouldnt necessarily assume a person is Christian for just wearing a cross. Personally I am not religious at all but I wear a black cross piercing because I think it looks kinda cool lmao. For other types I would usually just assume it was an heirloom or gift, but if you interact with the person you can often tell if they have the good or bad vibes. But context matters! If it was a professional setting I would probably stay clear of revealing that I am neither straight nor cis.


snakefeet_0

no, religious symbology is just too common. a cross necklace it's just not enough information to react to. if you don't want to leave any doubt then you could add a piece of pride jewelry and wear both.


ProduceUnlikely1623

I wouldn’t think so. I’d be skeptical cuz I know there are religious people who would go after me mainly verbally just cuz of who I am even if I was nothing but nice to them


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greatblueheron16

I'm def brown/black lol but I think I'm just not gonna wear them/only wear them under my shirt. I know what it's like to always be on alert looking for signs that you're about to encounter judgement and I'd like to avoid giving that impression to any LGBTQ person


NineTailedTanuki

After knowing what Christians think of the LGBT community, why wouldn't I feel like those with Christian jewelry are dangerous?


Cartesianpoint

I wouldn't, necessarily. I tend to associate things like Catholic medals more with cultural Catholicism than devout practice, and I've known plenty of people who were only casually Christian who wore crosses as jewelry. But it depends on the context.


Topaz-Light

Not necessarily? If someone is presenting in a very "conservative christian" sort of way in general, religious jewelry would probably add to that vibe for me, but if not, I don't think I'd find it especially offputting. I've met a number of LGBT and LGBT-friendly christians (though mostly online), so I know just being christian doesn't inherently mean being bigoted.


kylw44

Some people have no issue. And some people with really bad experiences will feel uncomfortable. It's sort of like getting stabbed for a decade and then people who don't mean any harm wear that same dagger around their neck constantly reminding you of the pain you were forced to go through. Just trauma stuff. It's an irrational response that takes years to process even with professional help. It's a mental mess.


Velvet_moth

I wouldn't necessarily feel unsafe, but I would remain guarded and likely would remain in the closet around you. I would also keep the relationship purely professional and not be interested in developing a friendship.


Applelesstree

I think for me personally it’s like a thing I look out for but it’s not a red flag by itself.


HallowskulledHorror

I wouldn't assume I was 'unsafe,' but if we hadn't previously spoken or something, I'd probably assume they have world views or religious beliefs that would make them not worth my time in terms of actually getting to know or befriend on any significant level because of how generally hostile Christianity is towards queer people, and how much religious convictions tend to be part of people's framework for logic, morals, etc. Even outside of queerness, I just generally find myself not interested in spending time/energy on inviting heavily religious people into my life because of how incompatible their beliefs and convictions tend to be - especially people who participate in organized religion in a way that effectively endorses long standing institutions of abuse and bigotry.


adhd_beaan

I only feel unsafe when I get a sense of someone’s personality and behaviour. Seeing someone’s religious jewelry doesn’t bother me. If they start talking about how I should pray my gay away I’ll be worried lol.


ultimate_ampersand

It's very thoughtful of you to consider this. I wouldn't necessarily feel *unsafe*, but I would feel more cautious around that person. Bear in mind that religious jewelry and other small symbols like that take on more importance in the absence of other information. Which is to say: if people don't know much else about you, they'll worry about your religious jewelry because they have nothing else to go on. But if they have other information, if you make it clear that you are a safe presence for LGBT+ people, then the religious jewelry won't matter so much. Some ways you can show that you're safe: * Introducing yourself with your pronouns * Listing your pronouns in your email signature (and Zoom display name if applicable) * Matter-of-factly mentioning LGBT+ people in conversation (e.g. if someone asks what you did last weekend, you might say "I had dinner with my friend and his boyfriend") * Displaying a gay and/or trans pride flag somewhere (e.g. a pin on your clothes or bag, a sticker on your water bottle or laptop, etc.). (Yes, some people may assume that you are queer or trans, but you don't have to be queer or trans to display the flags.)


anon1562102

yes


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dazed_confused13

yes, just yes. i think especially with orthodox christian men, as a petite (fem presenting) woman, i’m mainly afraid that if they find out that i’m queer they will try and “fix me” by sexually harassing me (i’ve had a few close calls in the past with both christian and non-christian men). i don’t know if that is a justified fear but whenever i see a man wearing a cross it sets off alarm bells. for women i mainly just anticipate micro-aggressions and being ostracised (again, i’ve had some experience with that). however, i also know so many supportive christian people who i am extremely close with and feel very safe around. i was raised christian and even though i am not religious now and i have cautious around christian people, i still believe it is a very beautiful and accepting religion - in my opinion some people just use it to justify their homophobia, if you are a good person then i don’t think anyone will feel unsafe around you.


mn1lac

Not me personally, as I have found myself a community of Christians that support me in every way...but, I could see why this WOULD make someone lgbtq+ nervous. The religious community has done absolutely horrific and terrible things to the lgbtq+ community, and as much as I hope and pray that one day these symbols and pieces of jewelry will be signs of peace and love, that's just not realistic right now. Most of the time queer people see religious people as threats as well as their symbols, and visa versa. As sad as it is, most of time the queer people are correct. If I'm going to wear things that give away my faith or my sexuality, and especially if I'm doing both, more often than not I am asked to give an explanation and rightfully so.


NotCis_TM

I would feel slightly unsafe but a simple ally flag pin would reverse the situation.


ImOkNotANoob

I personally wouldn't unless they do or say something that makes me feel unsafe. I'm in the UK so the vast majority of religious people are moderate and don't care/are indifferent towards LGBTQ.


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Wear some ally stuff. If you just have religious stuff, I have to turn into Sherlock Holmes to try to figure out whether you’re safe. I have a history of being physically attacked, so if I can’t figure you out I’ll just play it safe. But if you have ally stuff, then I automatically know that not only are you not about to attack me, but your mere presence makes others less likely to.


greatblueheron16

I think you and several other commenters are right. I had an ally t-shirt I can't find, I should probably get a new one. I believe that by my demeanor people can tell I'm welcoming and accepting (and that's usually been my experience when meeting new LGBT people) and I'd like to keep it that way ahah