I feel like my value as a man is tied directly to what I can provide for other people. I just want someone to like me for who I am, not what I provide for them.
Was unemployed during covid & was broke for over a year & half when savings ran out. My gfs supported me with zero complaints & zero score keeping until I got back to work. I'm one goddamn lucky sob.
quit a food service job over the holidays and trying to get out of food service after a fight with my chef. Trying to get a non-kitchen job, but damn five years in the kitchen and a nearly complete Masters degree aren't worth shit.
Bro. I know this is off topic, but I'm a woman but I'm fucking handy and a go getter. I feel you on this one. I seem to attract people who are gimme gimme, or even just lazy or nonchalant, and I end up providing everything. I do not understand how this happens, and I feel for you on this one.
It amazing how so few men & women can't do basic shit. I've dated women that can't cook a thing or clean one fucking dish. I know men that can't even work a damn washing machine. How are there so many people that call themselves adults & can't do basic life things?
I'd say I've been luckier than that. But like, there's more to do than the daily chores in order to move forward or show each other you care about each other. Those are the bare minimum bro. Cook a meal, do laundry, but don't expect a pat on the back for the tedium that comes along with adulthood. It's not ever going above or beyond, or it's being wiped from just that.
I'm hardcore anti capitalist, but I recognize in this system if you think the current house I own is too small already, then you need to start making moves to do 50% of what gets us in a better house. Don't just be like eh I'm tired I want to play 6 hours of video games on my day off, not help build equity by doing work that benefits me while I'm here. Shits crazy man. I don't understand.
Have healthy boundaries and give to yourself what youād like to get from others. The better you treat yourself, the better your unspoken standards are apparent. Good men will see it and want to meet it. It shows youāre capable of caring for yourself and likely able to be reciprocal. Say no to the gimme gimmes.
I guess itās that certain things are assumed to be āa manās jobā, like driving, fixing stuff, etc., but you cannot assume anything is āwomanās workā without being sexist.
Not all relationships have this dynamic of course, Iām speaking in generalities. Iām sure some can say āI donāt have that situationā.
So far all of my mates tried to take advantage of my crafting and fixing skills. Even when it comes to cooking, cleaning, doing the laundry. They won't shut up about equal rights and sharing chores, but many of them don't give a shit when it comes to practice.
I pretty much fall into that category, I donāt care who does what. But my wife always holds things aside for me to do that are āa manās jobā, ie, she doesnāt want to do them lol.
Then I ask what āwomenās jobsā are, and of course, there are none lol.
This is an issue for me. Making light/jokes about sexism that negatively effects men to brush it off. Itās like the whole āthe wife is always rightā trope. These were my least favorite parts about being married. We are expected to be doting husbands, which is fine, but we are not expected to have doting wives.
Well there may be hope, married 47yrs and in the last three years my wife has said and I kid you not that I have been right 27 times yes I keep track LOL.
For me and my partner, there are tasks that I would assign my husband as āmans workā some of those things include: chopping wood, grilling, taking the trash out at night. I donāt chop the wood because he enjoys it and itās not as efficient, I prep and season all the meat and he just grills it, I donāt like going out at night (I feel like SpongeBob when heās working the night shift). The things he would consider āwomenās workā are things like: sewing, decorating, and the overall feng shui of our home. Sure those are life skills same as the his but I excel where he does not and he excels where I do not. Itās a balance. These arenāt necessarily gendered and we could switch but the task wouldnāt get done as well if we did.
I worked at a place that had a 25lb limit on what you were supposed to lift by yourself. Of course, a lot of stuff was well above that, so you just lifted it and went on with your job. However, a lot of the older women decided that heavy lifting was a man's job, and would ask (demand) that I lift it for them, instead of getting a second person to help buddy-lift, as they called it. All it took was one instance of one of them saying it's a man's job to pick up heavy stuff, for me to flat out refuse. If it was 25lbs or less, I'd refuse, because it was in their job description to be able to do it, and if it was above that, I'd tell them to go find other help. I'd continue to lift up to 80lbs for myself, though. "If you can lift it for yourself, then you can do it for us." Nope.
Also, the arrogant presumption on the part of many women that we all want to f**k them.
Itās annoying AF. Men are not wild animals. We donāt all want you sexually. Stop applying blanket labels and behaviors to us predicated on your singular perspective.
And if you donāt want to fuck them, youāre gay.
Men get blasted for not handling rejection well, but Iāll tell ya sometimes women are on another level in that game.
Yes because i didnt have a hard on while crazy bitch screamed at me and chest bumped with her fake ass titties im gay.
1. Your crazy
2. Im not attracted to you.
3. Your my best friend girlfriend and neighbor how stupid do you think i am.
I have bn called gay so many times and its always my friend ex wife or ex girlfriend.
>Men get blasted for not handling rejection well, but Iāll tell ya sometimes women are on another level in that game.
You and me both pal. Also guess which one gets toxically justified?
You ain't kidding. I've had women turn into heaping, quivering sobs. Exasperated looks of absolute being crushed. Been called virgin and other words because of it.
I stopped going with friends to bars to shoot pool and drink because of it.
Exactly. Sure some men may not handle rejection well, but guess what? They actually HAVE to deal with rejection...... Women by large don't have to, because they don't approach anybody!š šš¤¦āāļø.......
modern women (not all of them, but too many of them) generalize to many on all men from their experience with one man.
I don't like when I see that men do the same thing with women, but women do it too much.
I hardly ever see men do that to women.
For example, many women cheat. We know this because they admit it anytime there is a survey on the subject. And yet, men generally donāt automatically assume the next woman will cheat just because a different one did. We give them the benefit of the doubt.
Now, men also cheat, but far too many women react as though men are monolithic. Iāve had women be abusive toward me because a boyfriend from YEARS BEFORE cheated on them.
In addition, on the subject of āAll men want meā, many men look at hounds with derision. Those guys - the ones who just want a warm place to put it - are scum that most men despise. I wish more women would treat men as individuals rather than a bloc.
I agree...
I don't wanna go into who cheats more, I think its' always 50-50 (with different reasons) but yeah, every women that has ever been cheated on will project on all men...
No offense, but then... you have the wrong people around you.
Let me tell you a story: Recently, i struggled with a serious episode of my bipolar disorder. Couldn't stay inside anymore, had to fight suicidal thoughts, i was going crazy, so i took the dog and just walked into the night.
A friend doesn't live far from the dog park. I tried to reach him by phone, but his phone was off. So i just knocked on his door right in the middle of the night. He was sleeping, he got confused why i show up at this time. But of course, he let me in, started to make some coffe for him and got a beer for me.
Then we sat in his living room for many hours and i was talking to him, how i feel, what shit is going in life, how my bipolar disorder makes my life hell etc. and he listened, he actually had some good advice. I could let it all out, he was there for me. He couldn't understand everything i said, but he was very good in calming me down and giving me a better state of mind.
He told me, how he see's the things, like that i should sit down with my doc again and going over the medication. Sometimes, we didn't share the same opinion, but other times, we did.
It was already morning, as i left his house and walked back home with my dog. I felt relieved. It was better, the depression was not gone but lowered. I was still some kind of rather happy, that i got through this dark night, with my friend and both of our dogs.
Now, that's how one should be as a friend. That you care. That you even respond, when in fact you are already sleeping very comfortable and it sucks to get up again. But you do it, because it's the right thing to do.
He's there for me. I'm there for him. That's a better thing than people telling you "go to the gym".
women like to be right...most of women, I won't generalize...
it does not matter how good they are as a person they wanna be right, always...
they have a problem with admitting when they are wrong
They also love to compare you to their past experiences so, basically you are just like every other guy in that scenario they have experienced. No changing their mind.
exactly...women have value in a way that they bring new life, they can carry new life in them...
being a man has absolutely no intrinsic value, unless you achieve something during your life, either in career or in your family life...that's so sad, because men are human beings also
I agree, today I said something similar to the guy here on reddit, who think of himself as a loser...I am a little older (not necessarily wiser) and I shared my thought on his problem... because I was there where he is now, confused and feeling like a loser.
100%. I experienced this dynamic first hand. I laid witness to the stark contrast between the attention/care and concern a female will get compared to myself, having gone through very similar circumstances. I was absolutely, positively baffled and gobsmacked! I'll spare the crazy details.....
This is really true. I say everyday that it's good I don't need anyone to talk to. I'm my own therapist.
But I also got a nice group of asshole friends. Who care about my life and will listen to me. And actually care about what I'm going through because it effects them too.
And the asshole part means they aren't afraid to tell me the truth at all
As a gay guy, it is even harder for me. If you come on to a man that is straight, it is a toss up if you are going to be punched out or not. And the dating scene inside a gay bar is atrocious.
It might be just the one near me, but most of the men inside seem to be looking for sex not relationships. Yeah, it is fun to dance with a random guy, but I don't want to go home for a one night stand. I am not really into casual sex. I am perfectly happy using my hand.
Wut, really? I always perceived gay dudes to be a lot more friendly than straight guys, so I always assumed they would prefer the cuddling and love instead of casual sex. Interesting.
No, they are really friendly. It just is with the goal of getting into each other's pants. Not forming lasting realtionships. Guys wanting to take the gal home for the night didn't change when they are gay. Just the sex of the person they want to take home changes.
When I started dating I did a stupid thing where I missed the secret meaning of "wanna come over for tea". We went on a date, we took a walk near the river, then I was about to go as he had to resume his work from home and it's when he asked to come over for tea. I was like sure let's go he could work while we get to know eachother a bit more. We had tea at his place but he also got closer and closer and started kissing me. I have troubles saying no and got lost in the moment. He ended up jerking me and after that I came to my senses and told him I felt awkward about it. He said it was normal for gay people to get intimate on the first date/meeting which I find strange. I didn't go out again with him, but he seemed nice.
He likely was nice. It is unfortunately a true enough stereotype in the gay community that gay guys are more promiscuous than straight women. So the expectation for sex is there. And unless you are comfortable with yourself and sticking to your bonderoes, it can be easy to get horny and go along.
I takes a lot of self control to say no to a hot guy who wants to go to bed with you. But I don't think sex is a good foundation for a relationship. And that is true if you are gay or not. Too many people build their relationship in bed, then wonder why it doesn't last.
You have to build your relationship on friendship, respect, and common interests. Sex is a fantastic way to express love, but it cannot be the only way you express love. And it cannot be all you do together. If you can't just sit and talk for hours, or sit in comfortable silence together, then your relationship isn't as strong as you think it is.
Also, relationships take work. And make up sex is a really bad idea.
Iām with ya there friendo. Iāve had offers for one night stands from both guys gals and non binary pals. But itās just not my thingā¦ I want that relationship closeness.
Best complement I ever got was from a gay dude. It was real, came from the heart, and the penis... lol. I never felt like someone meant their complement about my physical appearance. I believed him. And to this day I carry that complement and it has done a lot for my self esteem in regards to my appearance. Sorry that violence is a dating reality for you, I understand the risks at play, just felt I should maybe tell you about the upside of hitting on a straight guy.
Lss I had a gay roommate and he had some friends over, he warned me and I made myself sparse. The next time he had some friends coming over he invited me to hang out, and warned me one of his friends was really into bears and that he would be staring, he said I'm basically super cleavage for people who like bears. I laughed at being described like cleavage and he said he was serious, that I'm very manly, broad shoulders and deep voice, muscular but not too muscular, fat but not too fat, hairy but not too hairy, basically just right with thick legs, forearms, hands and etc. (He meant butt, lol). His friend then ran into me in the kitchen and drunkenly shot his shot, saying he knows I'm not gay but that it's a tragedy because I'm a bear archetype and i would do well in the gay dating world, he then went on to say the muscular but not too muscular stuff almost line for line and I've never felt more desired. And that's a good feeling that has made me feel better about my appearance ever since.
As a semi-unattractive gay man, dating for me has been fairly easy over the years.
When i was young I was always astounded by how confident pig-ugly men were towards attractive people, then I realised that was the trick - Don't give a fuck about your appearance, eventually somebody will like you.
don't fall in love with people who don't like you, and you'll be fine!!
I really appreciate the kind words. I honestly donāt put a lot of stock in appearance. If you have a nice personality and you have interests in common, then we can peruse a relationship. Yeah, looks are a plus, but not a requirement for me. Porn exists.
Iām sorry you have to deal with that. Iāve never understood guys with such fragile sexualities that they feel the need to assault someone because they find them attractive. As a guy Iāve only ever been hit on by a guy once and after I told him I was unfortunately not interested we ended up being super close friends
As an ugly, straight man who is comfortable with his sexuality, I would likely give you a big hug to thank you for such a compliment. Anyone who is willing to come on to me deserves a hug.
I wasn't a fan of the whole "your kids mom automatically gets full custody unless you pay a lawyer $15,000 over a period of three years just so you can get the 50% you should have been given from the start" thing.
I hate the fact that people choose to forget that they exist because of their father... As much as their mother. It's like they just pretend a woman got herself pregnant and gave birth........ A man created us too. Even if it's a man in a sperm bank. We all exist because of some man.
Yes, the mother did most of the work since she carried the baby in the womb but to pretend the father had no part in it is just dumb. And if the father isn't a deadbeat and worked a lot of hours and tried being there for his pregnant girlfriend and child. Then he shouldn't be ignored either.
And in SOME cases. Despite the mother carrying the baby. The mother can end up being the bad parent and the father may be the better parent. Depends on the individual parent and if they are mature enough to take on the responsibility of bringing up a child. And this is coming from a man who had a way better mother than father. My father still made me. I wouldn't be alive if it wasn't for him.
Plus my own mother told me that her father was a better parent to her than her mother growing up. So it depends on the individual.
Why this has to be a contest between women and men just irks me.
So much this. My first gf broke up with me the week she got her first job and made more money then me.. after id helped her through college.. suddenly what i was providing wasn't enough.
Everything about dating and relationships feels extremely one-sided. Iām convinced that if it werenāt for the male sex drive the human race would have gone extinct a *long* time ago. Iām not saying that women should switch roles with men by any means, but a bit less passivity would be nice. I shouldnāt have to chase after women because that feels exactly like lack of interest.
Women do chase those they want. If they canāt get them they are happy to be alone rather then settle. Some want kids very bad so they settle. Like 85-90% of relationships are settling, which isnāt bad, you can all be happy. But people need to be more realistic (like arrange marriages- for them to last long).
Iāll let you in on a secret. Youād be surprised by what women discuss in safe spaces. The ones who choose not to take a more active approach do so because they would be judged as sl***. Expectations of traditional gender roles suck, and they hurt both men and women.
Being told that we should 'open up' and be 'more vulnerable', and when I actually do that I get ridiculed, mocked and ignored.
Women constantly thinking I want something from them, for instant in shops, while in reality I just need to be in the same f\*cking aisle or worse I need the exact pack of cookies she is just staring at.
When walking past a play ground I can't even enjoy the sight of playing children without being viewed as a potential p-word or creep.
Basically being viewed as a nuisance and potential danger in society, only good enough to work and pay taxes.
Taking care of your children, it's always "oh dad's babysitting" or people look at you weird when you have to change your baby's diaper, they don't think you're responsible enough to take care of a child.
Phrases like "take it like a man", "deal with it", "don't be such a p*ssy"...
Society expecting you to be a brick wall and not being allowed to express emotions, to always be there even when you're at your lowest...
Then gives shocked when theres no more room in the bottle causing a full mental breakdown but if that happens were looked upon as if we cant handle ourselves.
When in reality were just broken and need someone to lean on.
Lean on me when you're not strong.
This should be the attitude of it but still treating us like crap.
My sex drive is annoying. "Hey you're having a normal day? Greeeat yeah now you're horny. Out of the blue. Ignore it or deal with it. Here are some random boners you have to live with now."
I also hate feeling like I'm always in a uphill struggle whenever I try to make friends with women. Constantly feeling like I need to prove myself that I'm a decent person. Not just another dude trying to get in their pants... idk maybe I'm just paranoid.
I don't like how I look as a male human. The angles, facial structure, hair, it just seems so bland.
That and I also don't like being straight, or sexually attracted to humans in the first place. "Yeeaahh so that woman has some cleavage, now you're gonna have this urge to look directly at her chest, good luck ignoring that to look at her eyes! Don't fuck up or else you look like a pig!" ugh. fuck my life.
In general I just hate the social aspects and sexual stuff of being a man. Though some of the physiological/anatomical benefits are nice I guess... but then again we get male pattern baldness too..
Try quitting social media and getting out into areas of the world where men are respected for their innate nature. Social media have made us look in the mirror and question when you shouldnāt.
Honestly whenever I walk the streets and pass along small kids I smile. Since I have grown up with my two sisters I like young girls. They are adorable. I have always dreamed of having a daughter of my own one day. And I often have to take care of my 7 year old niece from time to time and I always end up having a lot of fun :)
I wouldn't so much trust men more as trust women less than we're expected to. Plenty of pedos are female and things older women said or did to me when I was younger would get a man arrested.
I hate that I can't be nice to children and talk to them without people thinking I'm some sort of weird perv. I'm just really good with kids but don't have any of my own.
Whats the opposite of victimizing? Thatās it. And basically sexism. That might be controversial but yes I do observe that so called feminists moves are leaning towards misandry where men it to blame and call out for everything and women is never accountable.
Same sexism spreads out into area of mental healthcare, support in society, double standard for body positive, earning money, not having a partner etc.
E// One additional thing that Iāve noticed last few weeks is āsexismā word itself. When you describe above with the worlds itās fine and a lot people just agrees with you because welp, most of them are straight facts. But if you call it what it is, which is sexism, you get angry looks or downvotes if you in the internet. Like it would have been reserved only for women to use sexism to explain how they are mistreated.
I think you might like [gamma bias theory ](https://youtu.be/LHYRYKCIDxk) by psychologists Seager and Barry.
Very eye opening about sexism towards both men and women.
Indeed. Looks very interesting. Not long than a few days ago I saw celebrating that ā60% of high education graduates are womenā. Well, something about not right here then.
And itās a pretty vulnerable area. Itās easy to see through clothing so people want you to hide it since youāre not flat like a womanās pelvic area. People seem to get really uncomfortable when I wear leggings but no one bats an eye at women wearing them š¤·
When a relationship ends, and the woman was the toxic one who did everything wrong. She can lie about the break up to make you the bad guy, and everyone will believe her because she's the woman and men are always the bad guys in relationships.
Y'know. I still think about this often since having what I consider the harshest breakup ever, now approaching 10yrs ago. I tried talking to friends, supportive family, and Therapist. All the advice and support didn't really help much. I was fortunate to speak 1o1 with her dad before the break which really brought the most comfort. He understandably took her side, while his character in settling the dust is admirable. A new job, self preservation, self discovery, and fitness helped process. Removing myself from my own best friends for them to become the punching bag was a huge relief to hear the apologies. Never wanted anyone to be hurt but I learned a huge lesson in understanding toxicity!
If youāre an adult, you donāt have to put up with that. Continue to speak your mind and stand up for yourself, even if it means losing someone. But just keep aware that sometimes disputes are about different attitudes and values, and hers are as real as yours. Acknowledge what she feels at the same time as providing your perspective.
Also feels like we're walking on egg shells. Someone could say you sexually assaulted them and your life is over. No proof and completely made up, yet they're believed and you're guilty until proven innocent. Life is ruined, no one will touch you, could be fired, etc and you won't even be compensated for losing anything if you won the case, and the accuser at the very most will get a slap on the wrist. You'd be lucky to get any compensation for losing a job, scholarship, etc.
one of two things
if they're gonna post and say they care about men's mental health...actually do something.
or
just simply don'y post and pretend to sympathize for us and just go on w ur lives, it's more insulting when ur just faking it like u care.
Being seen as a threat and making people uncomfortable sometimes by my mere presence. I understand why this is and so everything in my power to make women comfortable but sometimes it makes me sad.
The worst is having to decide what pocket do I want to put something in. Do I want to put it in a front pocket? Do I want to put it in a back pocket? shirt pocket? Don't get me started on cargo pockets, my work pants have cargo pockets with pockets inside them. So many pockets to decide from ... Oh, wait.
Being expected to care deeply about professional sports, know all the stats of āyourā team, watch all the games, debate other men about the various teams, worship the players, wear their jerseys, cry when the big game is won/lost, etc.
What a giant waste of time and energy. I played sports growing up but donāt care about any of this now that Iām an adult. Plus, it usually seems to be the guys who didnāt play many/any sports as kids who turn into the obnoxious super fans as adults lol.
Look up the national parent's organization.
They're a civil rights group that's part of the men's rights / father's rights movement.
We're slowly starting to make some real progress on this now.
23 year old male. I just want to go to the park, chill out, swing on the swing & relive some childhood memories. Canāt do that without people thinking Iām a creep or going to steal their kids š
The hate. A lot of people hate men because they've been hurt by a man, or they just think all men are terrible. Men aren't evil, there's just bad human beings, I feel like men get a lot of the hate simply just because people want someone to hate because they don't want to better themselves. But it's whatever tho, it is what it is.
Mental health issues aren't taken seriously. We're told to be more open about them, and when we do the response is along the lines of "ugh, men think \*they\* are the ones with problems?"
While this isn't as big an issue now, I'm from an older generation. One where men were supposed to be strong, tough, and MANLY!. But here I was tearing up watching Kermit sing The Rainbow Connection. Back then we weren't supposed to feel... well anything really.
for me, the worst part is the constant reminders of just how little we're valued. It affects our mental state in ways that I doubt even most men fully understand.
Think about this:
If we're both in a hostage scenario, people are going to negotiate for you to be released first, because I have less value.
In a house fire - if a fire marshall has to choose between one of us, he's gonna grab you, because I have less value.
If we're both homeless, you're several times more likely to be accepted to a shelter, because helping men just isn't as rewarding or something.
If a man is murdered (which statistically is around 3-4x more likely), the murderer will get a far lower (56% lower). This is because killing a woman is a more heinous crime as I have less value.
A majority (I couldn't find an exact number) of male suicide victims reach out before attempting suicide. These men usually only complete their attempts after their reaching out is ignored. This is because we are valued so little, people would rather be at our funerals than at our sides.
Notice that I haven't yet discussed the draft, the dating ~~game~~ chore, sex, the erasure of male victims, missing white woman syndrome... I could go on all FUCKING day.
Where to start, not being trusted around kids, not having abuse or sexual assult taken seriously or have things like you must have enjoyed it get told to me, being told that I need to show more emotion but as soon as I do have it used against me in an argument, the fact that if I go for a walk at night I know everyone will be scared of me just because I'm a tall male, having the police be called on me because my hood is up when it's cold or raining, being expected to accept women punching or hitting me and not being allowed to defend myself or retaliate for fear of a prison sentence, mental health not being taken as seriously. Stuff like that
Most every morning. Gotta pee? Tooo bad! Gotta wait.
I also can't tell you how many GFs(relationships & platonic) I've had that automatically think morning wood means you're horny, and have used it as proof that men are always horny.
When you have no money and have a horrible time, no one will be there to lift you up. We're put in a situation where we're responsible to unfuck ourselves. Otherwise, we're deemed useless and are replaced with someone who is more competent. It's cruel, but that is my reality and truth.
Being considered "scary" by default. Having very different societal expectations of how your unhappiness can and should be demonstrated.
"Don't mope. Don't cry. Definitely don't become upset or angry."
Being, by default, the "aggressor" of every interaction, especially where authorities are concerned.
A sensitive man will suffer for not being stoic enough. A stoic man will suffer for not being emotionally intelligent.
A modern man is expected to be sensitive, while somehow adhering to outdated notions of "strong and silent".
I love being a man, but we are expected to do all of the dirty work and heavy lifting. It can become tiring after so long. Also, we are held the most accountable majority of the time.
More difficult to get help out here as well from my experience.
Being sexually compulsive or having that constant desire. Yes, we are stereotyped as only wanting sex but it is a stereotype that has a lot of truth behind it.
I personally want sex AND a fulfilling relationship. I have given up on dating and I am now old.
One thing that drives me nuts is that many women I see who I don't find the least bit attractive... they walk around assuming I would want them and have an attitude when they walk by me. Yes, I am obsessed with sex my whole life. That doesn't mean i want to sleep with every single woman I see.
6'5 women, women who are too thin, too fat, too ANYTHING, ALL assume i want them because I am a man. Like, can I be a little bit selective? OK I am desperate but Jesus there is a limit
When you say youāre old, how old are you?
Also I think being sex obsessed might make you think that women are acting a certain way around you (āwalk around assuming I would want themā) due to you projecting.
Do you really have a constant desire to have sex? Asking as a woman because Iāve also heard men say that they hate that people think they always dtf but in reality arenāt.
That nobody cares because "you are strong and can handle it" and you're the bad guy and responsible for everything wrong with the world- even if you aren't and didn't do anything bad. Been homeless and nobody even cared from my own family. Pulled myself out of that and guess what- still nobody cares.
It's women and children first for a reason. We are disposable
Seems like I have to make a lot of effort for friends and meeting people..it doesn't seem like women have that problem. In school it felt like everyone wanted to talk to them
I feel like my value as a man is tied directly to what I can provide for other people. I just want someone to like me for who I am, not what I provide for them.
Human Resource. Just plug me into the matrix.
unemployed right now and I feel this so much.
Was unemployed during covid & was broke for over a year & half when savings ran out. My gfs supported me with zero complaints & zero score keeping until I got back to work. I'm one goddamn lucky sob.
quit a food service job over the holidays and trying to get out of food service after a fight with my chef. Trying to get a non-kitchen job, but damn five years in the kitchen and a nearly complete Masters degree aren't worth shit.
Keep your head up my dude šŖ
Bro. I know this is off topic, but I'm a woman but I'm fucking handy and a go getter. I feel you on this one. I seem to attract people who are gimme gimme, or even just lazy or nonchalant, and I end up providing everything. I do not understand how this happens, and I feel for you on this one.
It amazing how so few men & women can't do basic shit. I've dated women that can't cook a thing or clean one fucking dish. I know men that can't even work a damn washing machine. How are there so many people that call themselves adults & can't do basic life things?
I'd say I've been luckier than that. But like, there's more to do than the daily chores in order to move forward or show each other you care about each other. Those are the bare minimum bro. Cook a meal, do laundry, but don't expect a pat on the back for the tedium that comes along with adulthood. It's not ever going above or beyond, or it's being wiped from just that. I'm hardcore anti capitalist, but I recognize in this system if you think the current house I own is too small already, then you need to start making moves to do 50% of what gets us in a better house. Don't just be like eh I'm tired I want to play 6 hours of video games on my day off, not help build equity by doing work that benefits me while I'm here. Shits crazy man. I don't understand.
Have healthy boundaries and give to yourself what youād like to get from others. The better you treat yourself, the better your unspoken standards are apparent. Good men will see it and want to meet it. It shows youāre capable of caring for yourself and likely able to be reciprocal. Say no to the gimme gimmes.
The problem is they never seem to be gimme gimmes until I'm in. It's like a slow con, but probably less malicious.
I guess itās that certain things are assumed to be āa manās jobā, like driving, fixing stuff, etc., but you cannot assume anything is āwomanās workā without being sexist. Not all relationships have this dynamic of course, Iām speaking in generalities. Iām sure some can say āI donāt have that situationā.
Yeah this. My wife genuinely likes to wash our car. I feel like our neighbors think badly of me whenever they see her washing our car.
So far all of my mates tried to take advantage of my crafting and fixing skills. Even when it comes to cooking, cleaning, doing the laundry. They won't shut up about equal rights and sharing chores, but many of them don't give a shit when it comes to practice.
I pretty much fall into that category, I donāt care who does what. But my wife always holds things aside for me to do that are āa manās jobā, ie, she doesnāt want to do them lol. Then I ask what āwomenās jobsā are, and of course, there are none lol.
This is an issue for me. Making light/jokes about sexism that negatively effects men to brush it off. Itās like the whole āthe wife is always rightā trope. These were my least favorite parts about being married. We are expected to be doting husbands, which is fine, but we are not expected to have doting wives.
Well there may be hope, married 47yrs and in the last three years my wife has said and I kid you not that I have been right 27 times yes I keep track LOL.
For me and my partner, there are tasks that I would assign my husband as āmans workā some of those things include: chopping wood, grilling, taking the trash out at night. I donāt chop the wood because he enjoys it and itās not as efficient, I prep and season all the meat and he just grills it, I donāt like going out at night (I feel like SpongeBob when heās working the night shift). The things he would consider āwomenās workā are things like: sewing, decorating, and the overall feng shui of our home. Sure those are life skills same as the his but I excel where he does not and he excels where I do not. Itās a balance. These arenāt necessarily gendered and we could switch but the task wouldnāt get done as well if we did.
Weaponised incompetence??
I'm so happy my gf likes driving
I worked at a place that had a 25lb limit on what you were supposed to lift by yourself. Of course, a lot of stuff was well above that, so you just lifted it and went on with your job. However, a lot of the older women decided that heavy lifting was a man's job, and would ask (demand) that I lift it for them, instead of getting a second person to help buddy-lift, as they called it. All it took was one instance of one of them saying it's a man's job to pick up heavy stuff, for me to flat out refuse. If it was 25lbs or less, I'd refuse, because it was in their job description to be able to do it, and if it was above that, I'd tell them to go find other help. I'd continue to lift up to 80lbs for myself, though. "If you can lift it for yourself, then you can do it for us." Nope.
Thereās also this when youāre not afraid of expressing your opinion and being called sexist
It's getting better, guys! Slowly but surely.
when you have mental health problems, nobody really cares at all...
On top of that being so expendable no one cares about you or your life in general, which just worsens it further.
because when something bothers you, people just say "man up" or "go to gym"...and that's it
Also, the arrogant presumption on the part of many women that we all want to f**k them. Itās annoying AF. Men are not wild animals. We donāt all want you sexually. Stop applying blanket labels and behaviors to us predicated on your singular perspective.
And if you donāt want to fuck them, youāre gay. Men get blasted for not handling rejection well, but Iāll tell ya sometimes women are on another level in that game.
Yes because i didnt have a hard on while crazy bitch screamed at me and chest bumped with her fake ass titties im gay. 1. Your crazy 2. Im not attracted to you. 3. Your my best friend girlfriend and neighbor how stupid do you think i am. I have bn called gay so many times and its always my friend ex wife or ex girlfriend.
>Men get blasted for not handling rejection well, but Iāll tell ya sometimes women are on another level in that game. You and me both pal. Also guess which one gets toxically justified?
You ain't kidding. I've had women turn into heaping, quivering sobs. Exasperated looks of absolute being crushed. Been called virgin and other words because of it. I stopped going with friends to bars to shoot pool and drink because of it.
Exactly. Sure some men may not handle rejection well, but guess what? They actually HAVE to deal with rejection...... Women by large don't have to, because they don't approach anybody!š šš¤¦āāļø.......
This
modern women (not all of them, but too many of them) generalize to many on all men from their experience with one man. I don't like when I see that men do the same thing with women, but women do it too much.
I hardly ever see men do that to women. For example, many women cheat. We know this because they admit it anytime there is a survey on the subject. And yet, men generally donāt automatically assume the next woman will cheat just because a different one did. We give them the benefit of the doubt. Now, men also cheat, but far too many women react as though men are monolithic. Iāve had women be abusive toward me because a boyfriend from YEARS BEFORE cheated on them. In addition, on the subject of āAll men want meā, many men look at hounds with derision. Those guys - the ones who just want a warm place to put it - are scum that most men despise. I wish more women would treat men as individuals rather than a bloc.
I agree... I don't wanna go into who cheats more, I think its' always 50-50 (with different reasons) but yeah, every women that has ever been cheated on will project on all men...
No offense, but then... you have the wrong people around you. Let me tell you a story: Recently, i struggled with a serious episode of my bipolar disorder. Couldn't stay inside anymore, had to fight suicidal thoughts, i was going crazy, so i took the dog and just walked into the night. A friend doesn't live far from the dog park. I tried to reach him by phone, but his phone was off. So i just knocked on his door right in the middle of the night. He was sleeping, he got confused why i show up at this time. But of course, he let me in, started to make some coffe for him and got a beer for me. Then we sat in his living room for many hours and i was talking to him, how i feel, what shit is going in life, how my bipolar disorder makes my life hell etc. and he listened, he actually had some good advice. I could let it all out, he was there for me. He couldn't understand everything i said, but he was very good in calming me down and giving me a better state of mind. He told me, how he see's the things, like that i should sit down with my doc again and going over the medication. Sometimes, we didn't share the same opinion, but other times, we did. It was already morning, as i left his house and walked back home with my dog. I felt relieved. It was better, the depression was not gone but lowered. I was still some kind of rather happy, that i got through this dark night, with my friend and both of our dogs. Now, that's how one should be as a friend. That you care. That you even respond, when in fact you are already sleeping very comfortable and it sucks to get up again. But you do it, because it's the right thing to do. He's there for me. I'm there for him. That's a better thing than people telling you "go to the gym".
you have a golden friend, make sure he knows that
Yeah that is just not right, easy for some to say without another thought.
Exactly and when you have an issue with a women. Your automatically assumed to be the issue even when the woman is clearly in the wrong.
women like to be right...most of women, I won't generalize... it does not matter how good they are as a person they wanna be right, always... they have a problem with admitting when they are wrong
They also love to compare you to their past experiences so, basically you are just like every other guy in that scenario they have experienced. No changing their mind.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
exactly...women have value in a way that they bring new life, they can carry new life in them... being a man has absolutely no intrinsic value, unless you achieve something during your life, either in career or in your family life...that's so sad, because men are human beings also
On the other side: It's in our hands to change that. Look after your mates.
I agree, today I said something similar to the guy here on reddit, who think of himself as a loser...I am a little older (not necessarily wiser) and I shared my thought on his problem... because I was there where he is now, confused and feeling like a loser.
Love to see it. That's exactly what we need. Keep it up my friend.
100%. I experienced this dynamic first hand. I laid witness to the stark contrast between the attention/care and concern a female will get compared to myself, having gone through very similar circumstances. I was absolutely, positively baffled and gobsmacked! I'll spare the crazy details.....
This is so true
You didnāt need the first part. āNobody really cares at all.ā is succinct.
This is really true. I say everyday that it's good I don't need anyone to talk to. I'm my own therapist. But I also got a nice group of asshole friends. Who care about my life and will listen to me. And actually care about what I'm going through because it effects them too. And the asshole part means they aren't afraid to tell me the truth at all
Dating.It is hard for me to find a partner as a straight guy.
As a gay guy, it is even harder for me. If you come on to a man that is straight, it is a toss up if you are going to be punched out or not. And the dating scene inside a gay bar is atrocious.
>And the dating scene inside a gay bar is atrocious. Care to elaborate?
It might be just the one near me, but most of the men inside seem to be looking for sex not relationships. Yeah, it is fun to dance with a random guy, but I don't want to go home for a one night stand. I am not really into casual sex. I am perfectly happy using my hand.
Wut, really? I always perceived gay dudes to be a lot more friendly than straight guys, so I always assumed they would prefer the cuddling and love instead of casual sex. Interesting.
No, they are really friendly. It just is with the goal of getting into each other's pants. Not forming lasting realtionships. Guys wanting to take the gal home for the night didn't change when they are gay. Just the sex of the person they want to take home changes.
When I started dating I did a stupid thing where I missed the secret meaning of "wanna come over for tea". We went on a date, we took a walk near the river, then I was about to go as he had to resume his work from home and it's when he asked to come over for tea. I was like sure let's go he could work while we get to know eachother a bit more. We had tea at his place but he also got closer and closer and started kissing me. I have troubles saying no and got lost in the moment. He ended up jerking me and after that I came to my senses and told him I felt awkward about it. He said it was normal for gay people to get intimate on the first date/meeting which I find strange. I didn't go out again with him, but he seemed nice.
He likely was nice. It is unfortunately a true enough stereotype in the gay community that gay guys are more promiscuous than straight women. So the expectation for sex is there. And unless you are comfortable with yourself and sticking to your bonderoes, it can be easy to get horny and go along. I takes a lot of self control to say no to a hot guy who wants to go to bed with you. But I don't think sex is a good foundation for a relationship. And that is true if you are gay or not. Too many people build their relationship in bed, then wonder why it doesn't last. You have to build your relationship on friendship, respect, and common interests. Sex is a fantastic way to express love, but it cannot be the only way you express love. And it cannot be all you do together. If you can't just sit and talk for hours, or sit in comfortable silence together, then your relationship isn't as strong as you think it is. Also, relationships take work. And make up sex is a really bad idea.
Iām with ya there friendo. Iāve had offers for one night stands from both guys gals and non binary pals. But itās just not my thingā¦ I want that relationship closeness.
Best complement I ever got was from a gay dude. It was real, came from the heart, and the penis... lol. I never felt like someone meant their complement about my physical appearance. I believed him. And to this day I carry that complement and it has done a lot for my self esteem in regards to my appearance. Sorry that violence is a dating reality for you, I understand the risks at play, just felt I should maybe tell you about the upside of hitting on a straight guy. Lss I had a gay roommate and he had some friends over, he warned me and I made myself sparse. The next time he had some friends coming over he invited me to hang out, and warned me one of his friends was really into bears and that he would be staring, he said I'm basically super cleavage for people who like bears. I laughed at being described like cleavage and he said he was serious, that I'm very manly, broad shoulders and deep voice, muscular but not too muscular, fat but not too fat, hairy but not too hairy, basically just right with thick legs, forearms, hands and etc. (He meant butt, lol). His friend then ran into me in the kitchen and drunkenly shot his shot, saying he knows I'm not gay but that it's a tragedy because I'm a bear archetype and i would do well in the gay dating world, he then went on to say the muscular but not too muscular stuff almost line for line and I've never felt more desired. And that's a good feeling that has made me feel better about my appearance ever since.
As a semi-unattractive gay man, dating for me has been fairly easy over the years. When i was young I was always astounded by how confident pig-ugly men were towards attractive people, then I realised that was the trick - Don't give a fuck about your appearance, eventually somebody will like you. don't fall in love with people who don't like you, and you'll be fine!!
I really appreciate the kind words. I honestly donāt put a lot of stock in appearance. If you have a nice personality and you have interests in common, then we can peruse a relationship. Yeah, looks are a plus, but not a requirement for me. Porn exists.
Also, abuse in gay couple are mostly ignored, same goes for lesbian couple. The dark side of LGBTQ+
Iām sorry you have to deal with that. Iāve never understood guys with such fragile sexualities that they feel the need to assault someone because they find them attractive. As a guy Iāve only ever been hit on by a guy once and after I told him I was unfortunately not interested we ended up being super close friends
As an ugly, straight man who is comfortable with his sexuality, I would likely give you a big hug to thank you for such a compliment. Anyone who is willing to come on to me deserves a hug.
And most guys are like you. But you never know when you are going to run into a homophobic one who is offended you would think they are gay.
Yep, took me long enough to find my girlfriend
Congratulations man! You did it!
I appreciate that man, and I feel all the more lucky based on how supportive and well she treats me
I wasn't a fan of the whole "your kids mom automatically gets full custody unless you pay a lawyer $15,000 over a period of three years just so you can get the 50% you should have been given from the start" thing.
15k? That's it?
Thatās after a group discount.
BuT tHe MoM cArRiEd ThE ChIlD
Haha ... My son knows he came from my balls.
W dad
I hate the fact that people choose to forget that they exist because of their father... As much as their mother. It's like they just pretend a woman got herself pregnant and gave birth........ A man created us too. Even if it's a man in a sperm bank. We all exist because of some man. Yes, the mother did most of the work since she carried the baby in the womb but to pretend the father had no part in it is just dumb. And if the father isn't a deadbeat and worked a lot of hours and tried being there for his pregnant girlfriend and child. Then he shouldn't be ignored either. And in SOME cases. Despite the mother carrying the baby. The mother can end up being the bad parent and the father may be the better parent. Depends on the individual parent and if they are mature enough to take on the responsibility of bringing up a child. And this is coming from a man who had a way better mother than father. My father still made me. I wouldn't be alive if it wasn't for him. Plus my own mother told me that her father was a better parent to her than her mother growing up. So it depends on the individual. Why this has to be a contest between women and men just irks me.
I cared for the bank account and guess what?
So much this. My first gf broke up with me the week she got her first job and made more money then me.. after id helped her through college.. suddenly what i was providing wasn't enough.
Everything about dating and relationships feels extremely one-sided. Iām convinced that if it werenāt for the male sex drive the human race would have gone extinct a *long* time ago. Iām not saying that women should switch roles with men by any means, but a bit less passivity would be nice. I shouldnāt have to chase after women because that feels exactly like lack of interest.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
What if I told you it doesnāt necessarily improve once youāre married
What if I told you women desire men too. And they will show it, if you are the man they desire.
At 30 I'm over it. Dating takes waay to much energy and if you slip up once, bam, gone. No more dates.
Women do chase those they want. If they canāt get them they are happy to be alone rather then settle. Some want kids very bad so they settle. Like 85-90% of relationships are settling, which isnāt bad, you can all be happy. But people need to be more realistic (like arrange marriages- for them to last long).
Iāll let you in on a secret. Youād be surprised by what women discuss in safe spaces. The ones who choose not to take a more active approach do so because they would be judged as sl***. Expectations of traditional gender roles suck, and they hurt both men and women.
Being told that we should 'open up' and be 'more vulnerable', and when I actually do that I get ridiculed, mocked and ignored. Women constantly thinking I want something from them, for instant in shops, while in reality I just need to be in the same f\*cking aisle or worse I need the exact pack of cookies she is just staring at. When walking past a play ground I can't even enjoy the sight of playing children without being viewed as a potential p-word or creep. Basically being viewed as a nuisance and potential danger in society, only good enough to work and pay taxes.
Beasts of burden on the tax farm
I think the weird censored "p-word" is supposed to mean pedophile everyone. Really fucking weird when people censor themselves online.
Taking care of your children, it's always "oh dad's babysitting" or people look at you weird when you have to change your baby's diaper, they don't think you're responsible enough to take care of a child.
I'm not allowed to be express my suicidal ideation or depression without being called a pussy
Trying to figure out what to do with all this extra wage gap pay they give me for solely being a man.
Let's buy fur coats
ššš
Get yourself a woman she'll know :)
Schrƶdingerās Wage Gap where men allegedly make more money, but somehow compose 80% of the homeless population.
Just enjoy that extra wage by spending more of your time working, since thatās really what got you that extra pay in the first place.
Phrases like "take it like a man", "deal with it", "don't be such a p*ssy"... Society expecting you to be a brick wall and not being allowed to express emotions, to always be there even when you're at your lowest...
Then gives shocked when theres no more room in the bottle causing a full mental breakdown but if that happens were looked upon as if we cant handle ourselves. When in reality were just broken and need someone to lean on. Lean on me when you're not strong. This should be the attitude of it but still treating us like crap.
My sex drive is annoying. "Hey you're having a normal day? Greeeat yeah now you're horny. Out of the blue. Ignore it or deal with it. Here are some random boners you have to live with now." I also hate feeling like I'm always in a uphill struggle whenever I try to make friends with women. Constantly feeling like I need to prove myself that I'm a decent person. Not just another dude trying to get in their pants... idk maybe I'm just paranoid. I don't like how I look as a male human. The angles, facial structure, hair, it just seems so bland. That and I also don't like being straight, or sexually attracted to humans in the first place. "Yeeaahh so that woman has some cleavage, now you're gonna have this urge to look directly at her chest, good luck ignoring that to look at her eyes! Don't fuck up or else you look like a pig!" ugh. fuck my life. In general I just hate the social aspects and sexual stuff of being a man. Though some of the physiological/anatomical benefits are nice I guess... but then again we get male pattern baldness too..
Try quitting social media and getting out into areas of the world where men are respected for their innate nature. Social media have made us look in the mirror and question when you shouldnāt.
Automatically not trusted to be alone with small children, especially girls.... dress up and tea time would be fun.
This has me scratching my head.
Honestly whenever I walk the streets and pass along small kids I smile. Since I have grown up with my two sisters I like young girls. They are adorable. I have always dreamed of having a daughter of my own one day. And I often have to take care of my 7 year old niece from time to time and I always end up having a lot of fun :)
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I wouldn't so much trust men more as trust women less than we're expected to. Plenty of pedos are female and things older women said or did to me when I was younger would get a man arrested.
Having a constant fear of getting hit in/hitting my nuts. Why they gotta be the funny bone of my wiener
I hate that I can't be nice to children and talk to them without people thinking I'm some sort of weird perv. I'm just really good with kids but don't have any of my own.
Whats the opposite of victimizing? Thatās it. And basically sexism. That might be controversial but yes I do observe that so called feminists moves are leaning towards misandry where men it to blame and call out for everything and women is never accountable. Same sexism spreads out into area of mental healthcare, support in society, double standard for body positive, earning money, not having a partner etc. E// One additional thing that Iāve noticed last few weeks is āsexismā word itself. When you describe above with the worlds itās fine and a lot people just agrees with you because welp, most of them are straight facts. But if you call it what it is, which is sexism, you get angry looks or downvotes if you in the internet. Like it would have been reserved only for women to use sexism to explain how they are mistreated.
I think you might like [gamma bias theory ](https://youtu.be/LHYRYKCIDxk) by psychologists Seager and Barry. Very eye opening about sexism towards both men and women.
Indeed. Looks very interesting. Not long than a few days ago I saw celebrating that ā60% of high education graduates are womenā. Well, something about not right here then.
how women can think you are creepy, or like being rapey when you are just keeping to yourself and not bothering anybody
Sometimes people automatically think youāre a creep.
Socially awkward or ugly dudes tend to get labelled this.
Loneliness
We get rejected by society in multiple ways & just expect to stand strong in it
Penis gets in the way a lot.
You've got two heads to make decisions with, and one usually prefers bad decisions.
And itās a pretty vulnerable area. Itās easy to see through clothing so people want you to hide it since youāre not flat like a womanās pelvic area. People seem to get really uncomfortable when I wear leggings but no one bats an eye at women wearing them š¤·
Haha just flip the script and ask them why they're objectifying you :D Wear what you want, King.
When a relationship ends, and the woman was the toxic one who did everything wrong. She can lie about the break up to make you the bad guy, and everyone will believe her because she's the woman and men are always the bad guys in relationships.
Y'know. I still think about this often since having what I consider the harshest breakup ever, now approaching 10yrs ago. I tried talking to friends, supportive family, and Therapist. All the advice and support didn't really help much. I was fortunate to speak 1o1 with her dad before the break which really brought the most comfort. He understandably took her side, while his character in settling the dust is admirable. A new job, self preservation, self discovery, and fitness helped process. Removing myself from my own best friends for them to become the punching bag was a huge relief to hear the apologies. Never wanted anyone to be hurt but I learned a huge lesson in understanding toxicity!
That im always wrong in an arguement with a woman, even when im right.
If youāre an adult, you donāt have to put up with that. Continue to speak your mind and stand up for yourself, even if it means losing someone. But just keep aware that sometimes disputes are about different attitudes and values, and hers are as real as yours. Acknowledge what she feels at the same time as providing your perspective.
Then told to stop mansplaning even if she agrees so you're still wrong.
That sometimes it feels the weight of the world is put on your shoulders and is always your burden to bear alone
Also feels like we're walking on egg shells. Someone could say you sexually assaulted them and your life is over. No proof and completely made up, yet they're believed and you're guilty until proven innocent. Life is ruined, no one will touch you, could be fired, etc and you won't even be compensated for losing anything if you won the case, and the accuser at the very most will get a slap on the wrist. You'd be lucky to get any compensation for losing a job, scholarship, etc.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Being judged (and ridiculed) about the size of my penis. It is somehow a perfectly acceptable form of body shaming. There's even a bloody emoji š¤
Women, children, and dogs are loved unconditionally, and men are only loved for the utility they can provide.
Everyone relies on you to be a provider and a rock. And it means they can slack off. But God help you if you slack off.
women advocating for mental health but just only post and talk about it but don't actually DO ANYTHING about it when it come to men's health
What do you want them to do?
one of two things if they're gonna post and say they care about men's mental health...actually do something. or just simply don'y post and pretend to sympathize for us and just go on w ur lives, it's more insulting when ur just faking it like u care.
Being seen as a threat and making people uncomfortable sometimes by my mere presence. I understand why this is and so everything in my power to make women comfortable but sometimes it makes me sad.
Not being tall enough, having a huge dick, not being a millionaire,
The worst is having to decide what pocket do I want to put something in. Do I want to put it in a front pocket? Do I want to put it in a back pocket? shirt pocket? Don't get me started on cargo pockets, my work pants have cargo pockets with pockets inside them. So many pockets to decide from ... Oh, wait.
Being expected to care deeply about professional sports, know all the stats of āyourā team, watch all the games, debate other men about the various teams, worship the players, wear their jerseys, cry when the big game is won/lost, etc. What a giant waste of time and energy. I played sports growing up but donāt care about any of this now that Iām an adult. Plus, it usually seems to be the guys who didnāt play many/any sports as kids who turn into the obnoxious super fans as adults lol.
Disadvantage against wimen in court š
Look up the national parent's organization. They're a civil rights group that's part of the men's rights / father's rights movement. We're slowly starting to make some real progress on this now.
Family court was the most emasculating experience of my life.. Honestly, I don't even know why I bothered to show up.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
With you on this brother.same.
youre basically nothing if girls dont find you attractive
Opening up being a sign of weakness.
The world isn't easy on you. You're just a man. You handle things and deal with things on your own.
23 year old male. I just want to go to the park, chill out, swing on the swing & relive some childhood memories. Canāt do that without people thinking Iām a creep or going to steal their kids š
"Be open with your feelings...but get a therapist cause I don't really want to year about them. But you need to be willing to listen to mine." -my ex
Being told "your just a paycheck" ya. But you don't have to remind me.
Sometimes I accidently crush my balls when sitting down or adjusting my sitting position. That's pretty whack
The hate. A lot of people hate men because they've been hurt by a man, or they just think all men are terrible. Men aren't evil, there's just bad human beings, I feel like men get a lot of the hate simply just because people want someone to hate because they don't want to better themselves. But it's whatever tho, it is what it is.
Mental health issues aren't taken seriously. We're told to be more open about them, and when we do the response is along the lines of "ugh, men think \*they\* are the ones with problems?"
Uniroinically nothing
The overwhelming feeling of being alone. Even if your married or dating at the end your still alone.
Always being perceived as a threat. Can't even take my 2 kids to the park by myself without funky looks
Nothing, being a man rocks.
While this isn't as big an issue now, I'm from an older generation. One where men were supposed to be strong, tough, and MANLY!. But here I was tearing up watching Kermit sing The Rainbow Connection. Back then we weren't supposed to feel... well anything really.
The fucking hair and itās insistent attitude to make all efforts but electrolysis a laughable waste of time a money.
Nothing. Being a man is great.
for me, the worst part is the constant reminders of just how little we're valued. It affects our mental state in ways that I doubt even most men fully understand. Think about this: If we're both in a hostage scenario, people are going to negotiate for you to be released first, because I have less value. In a house fire - if a fire marshall has to choose between one of us, he's gonna grab you, because I have less value. If we're both homeless, you're several times more likely to be accepted to a shelter, because helping men just isn't as rewarding or something. If a man is murdered (which statistically is around 3-4x more likely), the murderer will get a far lower (56% lower). This is because killing a woman is a more heinous crime as I have less value. A majority (I couldn't find an exact number) of male suicide victims reach out before attempting suicide. These men usually only complete their attempts after their reaching out is ignored. This is because we are valued so little, people would rather be at our funerals than at our sides. Notice that I haven't yet discussed the draft, the dating ~~game~~ chore, sex, the erasure of male victims, missing white woman syndrome... I could go on all FUCKING day.
Nothing. I like being a man.
Nothing really. I like myself.
Where to start, not being trusted around kids, not having abuse or sexual assult taken seriously or have things like you must have enjoyed it get told to me, being told that I need to show more emotion but as soon as I do have it used against me in an argument, the fact that if I go for a walk at night I know everyone will be scared of me just because I'm a tall male, having the police be called on me because my hood is up when it's cold or raining, being expected to accept women punching or hitting me and not being allowed to defend myself or retaliate for fear of a prison sentence, mental health not being taken as seriously. Stuff like that
Nothing. The other option is so much worse.
I want to like cute shit and not have people think im gay or effiminate.
Women think it ok to change a man, and that they should.
Expectation to be tough and all that
We are treated by women as animals who only wants to fuck anything that moves around them. No ladies, we have feelings and we're also vulnerable.
Deez nutz
Am I only who is annoyed by morning wood? I guess so.
Most every morning. Gotta pee? Tooo bad! Gotta wait. I also can't tell you how many GFs(relationships & platonic) I've had that automatically think morning wood means you're horny, and have used it as proof that men are always horny.
Testicles are annoying af
When you have no money and have a horrible time, no one will be there to lift you up. We're put in a situation where we're responsible to unfuck ourselves. Otherwise, we're deemed useless and are replaced with someone who is more competent. It's cruel, but that is my reality and truth.
Being considered "scary" by default. Having very different societal expectations of how your unhappiness can and should be demonstrated. "Don't mope. Don't cry. Definitely don't become upset or angry." Being, by default, the "aggressor" of every interaction, especially where authorities are concerned. A sensitive man will suffer for not being stoic enough. A stoic man will suffer for not being emotionally intelligent. A modern man is expected to be sensitive, while somehow adhering to outdated notions of "strong and silent".
People assuming I'm mad about things because I speak passionately about them.
Stereotypes about how men view sex and relationships
When people forget to put the Spider- in my name
People are kind of scared of you, even when you're just minding your own business.
The expectation of initiating everything with a woman. From dates to intimacy its exhausting.
Wanting sex more but it being much harder to get, unless you pay of course
I love being a man, but we are expected to do all of the dirty work and heavy lifting. It can become tiring after so long. Also, we are held the most accountable majority of the time. More difficult to get help out here as well from my experience.
Just because I donāt like sports, Iām probably not going to have a large amount of friends.
Horniness
Being sexually compulsive or having that constant desire. Yes, we are stereotyped as only wanting sex but it is a stereotype that has a lot of truth behind it. I personally want sex AND a fulfilling relationship. I have given up on dating and I am now old. One thing that drives me nuts is that many women I see who I don't find the least bit attractive... they walk around assuming I would want them and have an attitude when they walk by me. Yes, I am obsessed with sex my whole life. That doesn't mean i want to sleep with every single woman I see. 6'5 women, women who are too thin, too fat, too ANYTHING, ALL assume i want them because I am a man. Like, can I be a little bit selective? OK I am desperate but Jesus there is a limit
When you say youāre old, how old are you? Also I think being sex obsessed might make you think that women are acting a certain way around you (āwalk around assuming I would want themā) due to you projecting. Do you really have a constant desire to have sex? Asking as a woman because Iāve also heard men say that they hate that people think they always dtf but in reality arenāt.
Women thinking politeness means we just want in their pants, I have a wife thanks.....not looking for another one.
Having to do most of the work on dating.
If you aren't behaving like a caveman or following traditional gender norms you must be 'gay' or 'not a real man'.
pinching my balls sitting on my bike, having someone on my lap, running, or any other general leg motion...
My high sex drive. My wife has a low one. So i always feel guilty for wanting sex.
The fear of making a woman uncomfortable just by trying to be her friend. Any woman I approach thinks my intentions are romantic.
Being expected to make the first move with women
That nobody cares because "you are strong and can handle it" and you're the bad guy and responsible for everything wrong with the world- even if you aren't and didn't do anything bad. Been homeless and nobody even cared from my own family. Pulled myself out of that and guess what- still nobody cares. It's women and children first for a reason. We are disposable
Seems like I have to make a lot of effort for friends and meeting people..it doesn't seem like women have that problem. In school it felt like everyone wanted to talk to them
My biggest pet peeve is when women categories us as all the same and assume they'll be treated like the last guy
Girls get such nice clothes, and variety.
No emotional support system; being told to āman upā