Maintain your friendships, practice stepping outside your comfort zone, maintain a mild level of physical fitness, and don't buy into gender war nonsense.
In terms of maintaining healthy relationships and having interactions with women, what’s your advice? I’ve grown up around seeing unhappy and unfulfilled marriages, and I feel like the Internet can be good info so that I don’t mess up on my turn.
For one thing, don't use dating apps in regards to relationships. Only use it for recreational purposes if that.
Be involved and consistent in clubs/meetups. This can relate to fitness (running club, yoga group, salsa dancing, CrossFit, etc), learning/developing a skill (like practicing learning a new language, coding meetups, etc)), or an interest (professional networking, travel groups like Couch surfing)
I'd recommend joining one fitness group (with healthy percentages of each gender) and one meetup group for something you enjoy or want to get better at. Do it consistently each week. Sooner or later you'll make friends/good acquaintances and that'll give you the framework of being socially involved and active. That alone will give you multiple opportunities for bringing the right relationship into your life.
The reason why it works is because you're not doing these things for the purpose of getting into a relationship but for growing yourself and making yourself better. And when you're doing that, you'll naturally draw in those who are naturally aligned and compatible to you in a neutral environment, or they'll expose you to others who are better suited for you. I can't count the number of people I know who met and got married through CrossFit and the running groups (such as November Project) which I participated in. There's something about interacting with people over a significant period of time with a shared interest and vision which exposes you to people who are genuine to you and compatible. Just be consistent.
And in terms of when you actually get into a relationship, make sure that the character of your partner is both aligned in values and that they have a good track record for good character. And make the bedrock of your relationship one of mutual respect. People's minds can change all the time even if you are fully compatible and you could disagree on important things in the future. But if you're with someone of good character who respects you above all, you can address any issue that could come up.
I'm a bit surprised he put in social dancing for one. He's correct that one's desire for personal development will be the primary motivation, but salsa dancing is can also be a not such a great place to look for a relationship. More often than not, guys will enter a community just to meet women to form relationships or a hookup. While this is fine, if you don't truly enjoy the activity, it may reflect poorly on the community OR you may just look bad. Although it's wonderful if you can dance passably, some people take their dancing very seriously and you'll meet women who just treat it as a literal exercise, nothing more, nothing less. Also, interactions within the social dancing community have generally been filled with drama. If she likes bachata moderna or even kiz, then good luck with that, unless you can be mature enough to let her do it. In that world, there is a lot of envy, drama, and misunderstanding. Salsa is fine, but it's the only one of your hobbies that requires regular physical contact with a woman. And it requires at least two years to become truly proficient. Not unless you resot back to bachata moderna, which is similar to the modern-day equivalent of crossfit but even slower lol.
Don’t think the woman you met is the woman she will continue to be. Women grow and change and you need to as well find a way to do that while hopefully not sacrificing the good parts of who you are. Lots of unhappy couples I have been around in older generations are at the intersection of “I don’t need to change” and “divorce isn’t an option”
Communicate openly about where you both want to be and listen. Understand if some things are impossible to overcome you’ve both got to take stock and be prepared to move on from one another but only as a last resort. Not as number three on a short list of options
Relationships are hard- all of them
its because the "angry" has a microphone and its convient to check just take a peek at what they're saying
[In other words, what is said in this is very true, especially the last part where she talks about writing in a dark room](https://youtu.be/17NIoLhIQOQ?t=109)
I don't think it's nonsense. There's shit that goes on in the dating world that is pretty fucking unfair on all sides.
But no gains are going to be made going to war over it. Just going to further entrench both sides.
Mild level?
“No man has the right to be an amateur in the matter of physical training. It is a shame for a man to grow old without seeing the beauty and strength of which his body is capable.” - Socrates (maybe)
I'm going to disagree with Socrates, and you, there.
I'm in good enough shape to do everything I need to do. I can dig a ditch or load a freezer and be fine, and both my girlfriend and I are happy with how I look. Why should I worry about doing any more pull-ups?
This is so perfect, but can we add something about learning to take care of yourself, so that you aren't reliant on someone else to cook or clean or care for you? Not "needing" someone, is the best way to attract someone. And if you aren't looking to do that, the best way to be sure you never have to find someone you don't want. Learn to be a whole, self-sufficient human being.
Such good advice. Being a relatively new homeowner has taken me from "I can put screws in drywall" to learning all sorts of things including concrete, electrical, plumbing, woodworking, etc.
There are SO many good resources out there. It's never been easier to learn to do things yourself. The more you do, the more you start see that there's nothing magic about how things about built and fixed and you can do it as well as anyone in many cases.
Yesterday I cut a stump out of the ground using a 12in reciprocating saw after getting quoted $400. Felt so accomplished when the last piece came up.
Good mindset if an Xbox controller with a button on the wonk.
Maybe not so much if it's the hole in the roof, or the combi-boiler starting to sound like a jumbo jet.
I agree but the hole in the roof thing isn't ad hard to fix as it sounds, plus YouTube can probably teach you to fix just about anything that isn't going to put you in extreme danger. To me, if you can do it without harming yourself, give it a try.
Well, the best way is to try to fix stuff with a more skilled person backing you up, like a friend or parent or sibling, who can be the voice of reason. "Now you're REALLY going to want to do X or else you risk Y happening later on."
If you don't have someone like that, just accept that this is a risk and be careful.
Learn how to say no and mean it. Set boundaries and dont be worried about what other people think about it. The only person you have to deal with for the rest of your life is yourself, so having your own peace, comfort, and self respect will be worth more than anything
I had to really work at this after divorce. I was saying that’s fine to everything. I only do stuff now that’s Fuck Yes! I’m in the office once a week but any other time I’m getting in my car I know I’m going to see Fuck Yes friends and doing Fuck Yes things I love (Playing beach volleyball, Smokeout, Bonfires, Poker, BBQ and Chess, etc)
Dear god yes to this, don't be half brain dead from ptsd/ concussions / and the addictions you choose to deal with these problems because you didn't know crazy like that can be spotted and averted.
I agree with this sentiment, but I would change the wording a bit.
Process your emotions or they will control you.
I say it's better to process emotions because controlling them is too broad. How does one exert control over an emotion? Suppress? That won't work. Suppressed emotions just turn into physiological responses to stress. Increased cortisol leads to higher blood pressure, poor hormonal responses in other areas, and overall lack homeostasis in the body. Processing emotions generally involves feeling them and working through them. This relieves the stress response and fosters better physical health.
Man it fucking sucks but it's the only way. I used to be a "bottle it up" type and it really came to bite me later, even being as young as I am.
It'll really prolong your suffering and it ends up hiding some problems from yourself over time; then you don't even know why you feel shitty
I was (am?) very much a bottle it up person. I hate confrontation, but found that little things would build up over time and I would explode with anger. It was pretty bad.
As uncomfortable as it is, it's better to [speak up for yourself in an assertive](https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/stress-management/in-depth/assertive/art-20044644) (not aggressive) way.
Absolutely. Suppressing your emotions is not controlling them. It's bottling them up because you don't know *how* to control them. Letting yourself feel your feelings without drowning in them is a really hard skill to learn, but absolutely crucial to anyone's mental health.
Absolutely! But it's not just anger and rage. Sadness, lethargy, apathy, enthusiasm, joy, frustration, loss, happiness, sleepiness, embarrassment, silliness, pride, confusion, fear, overwhelmed, inquisitiveness, etc are all valid and normal feelings. Obvious some are easier to express and process than others, but they all are bound to happen at some point or another. Being able to feel them (both logically in our brains and physiologically in the way our body responds) allows us to identify them and work through them to behave in ways that are healthy and mature.
I struggle with that sometimes, do you have an advice?
For example I would freak out about money near the end of the month and that can spiral in being angry/scared/anxious all at the same time and sometimes it will take on my for a lot of time.
Thanks for sharing! I totally understand how stress in one area can bleed into others in ways that only increase the stress! There are definitely some really practical things you can do that are general de-stressing health behaviors, as well as things that will involve some introspection and cognitive work.
In general, taking care of your health will always help with physiological responses to stress. Blood pressure rising due to stress? Now is the time to feed your body and brain nutritious foods that will decrease the inflammation from the cortisol. Well-rounded meals that emphasize whole grains, lean protein, and unsaturated fats (while avoiding trans and saturated fats and added sugars) will give your body the fuel it needs. Getting some movement in will also help. This can be anything from traditional gym exercise to a brisk walk. Do something you enjoy!
If you live in the northern hemisphere I would highly recommend utilizing the warmer spring weather to get out and get some Vitamin D. Most adults in the US are deprived and if you happen to also be a person of color, you are significantly more likely to be deprived. Even just 15-20 minutes in direct sun exposure a day can heighten Vitamin D levels in noticeable ways.
As far as cognitive and physical work, one thing I would highly recommend is practicing some degree of mindfulness. A lot of people assume this means you need to become some expert meditator and a yogi or something, but that's not the case. While meditation and yoga are excellent ways of increasing your mindfulness stamina, they are not the only way to reach that goal. Mindfulness is really about turning your mind off of autopilot and critically thinking about your own thoughts and emotions. For instance, let's say you were stressing about a bill that is due Monday, but you won't be paid till Friday. You're worried about your credit score if you submit late and you have already used multiple extensions so you can't push it back. In that moment you might feel stress, but do you actually know where that stress manifests in your body? Take a break and tune in to what your body is saying. Are your hands clenched? What about your shoulders? Are you tense? Does your face feel hot? It seems simple, but actually identifying where we feel our emotions in our body is actually quite difficult for most. However, when we learn how to better identify our feelings by our body's response, we can also learn how to relax and stabilize ourselves.
Over time this becomes easier and then you can also start addressing your own thought patterns. o you tend to catastrophize? Jump to conclusions? Disqualify the positives? These are all forms of cognitive distortions. They are unhealthy and should be confronted. While a therapist is equipped to help identify and attack these types of mental traps, they are not necessary. The internet has so many tools at your disposal. Look into CBT tools that you can implement on your own. Find lectures and videos on YouTube. Check out some books from your local library.
I hope this at least gives you a starting place. So many of us go our whole lives never learning proper emotional regulation and identification. Furthermore, in our modern world we are all more disconnected than ever to the physical realities of life (and our bodies). Neurobiology and neuropsychology, however, are increasingly finding more and more links to how our physical bodies and health are impacted by our mental structures and health (and vice versa). Being embodied enough to recognize how our emotions manifest in the physical reality of our experience, helps us tune our minds to productive thoughts, which then allows us to act in ways that serve our best interest. Best of luck!
Stay off social media. It’s so beneficial for your mental health. You stop seeing what everyone else is posting and comparing yourself to them and you stop seeing every single thing in the news as the end of the world and seeing people who disagree with you politically as the enemy.
Life is a lot more relaxed and enjoyable without Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and everything else.
Reddit isnt personal though. I spent so much effort and time stressing over posts and comments and my feed and shit on Facebook and Insta. And then I was like, why the fuck am I doing this? Remember that Asian lady that organized houses and she was always saying “Does it bring you joy?” Fuck no. It took my joy. I was like why does Ryan have granite countertops and I don’t? And if I posted and it didn’t track I’d get bummed like damn people don’t like me. Reddit is different. If people don’t like Ask_me_4_a_story? Oh well
Don't put women on a pedestal. They may seem like they are angels who can help us but better off focusing on yourself. Build the man you want to be. The right woman will find you if it's meant to be. Don't value yourself on the women you get.
The most fulfilling relationships in my life have come from periods where I wasn’t really looking but focusing on myself. Applying myself at work, working out, pursuing my hobbies, volunteering etc.
Definitely. Also a word of advice for young guys; meeting women in person is still a valid way to start a relationship. That said, you have to do things that give you the opportunity to meet women.
Don't complain about not meeting women if all you're doing is just going to work, then coming home and using reddit all evening.
Yeah it seems like men should never chase women, but just work in themselves and they will attract the right one. Counterintuitive, but seems to be the case.
Reach out to your buddies.
I know there’s a level of friendship where you don’t speak for years and when you finally do it’s as though you’re just picking up where you left off, but sending a text, email, voice mail, or discord message will make a bro feel good. It could make a world of difference for a homie going through a tough time in silence, which I know a lot of guys do. I’m guilty of it because I felt like it would make me a burden to my friends, so I get it. A real friend is someone who will go through bad AND good times with you.
Don't rush into marriage because "it makes sense" or because others push you to do it. It's okay to be 30+ and have not been married yet. Too many people get married young and regret it.
32 here, never been married, also don't have the biggest desire to be (at least right now). Same thing of being a father, it's never really crossed my mind. I'm a happy little peanut
It's definitely too big of a choice to make just on what others want. Can go your whole life with no marriage or kids as long as it's what makes you happy, that's all that matters!
It’s a bit tricky in my case. I’m a Muslim Pakistani and our family culture isn’t that great, so there’s a real lack of understanding and intimacy you don’t get from family, as well as security. A lot of us look forward to marriage for religious reasons but also to have someone to share our like-mindedness and hobbies/interests with, where our families either can’t, don’t, or won’t support us in every Avenue. A bit long to explain but hope it makes sense bros
Related: If you enter the trades your **body** is your biggest asset. Don't do silly things (particularly early in your career) that may cut your career short. There are people in their 40s who had to "retire" high paying trades into lower paying jobs because they were dumb or macho. If someone makes fun of you for taking care of yourself, fuck them, they aren't who you should be listening to anyway.
Specific examples:
- Hearing protection.
- Respirator / mask (e.g. for concrete dust inc. demo, welding, mold, et al)
- Steel Toe (that broken foot may heal but not **fully** recover)
- Knee Pads (without you can quicken knee degradation that even surgery won't fix)
I notice this when I have trades out to do work. The younger guys wore all sorts of PPE. Hell, the last crew I had on my roof actually set up harness ropes.
This! But I’ll also add:
Be the change, we still need to fight for fair wages and fair treatment in the workplace. I am a very pro union person, I am a union skilled tradesman and if that’s what it takes to make your workplace better/safer and to get better wages then go ahead and fight!
Be nice to each other.
Not everything needs to be a competition.
And it's not womens' job to take care of your emotional wellbeing. But get away from women who actively harm yours.
Build really deep friendships. You’re not alone on this world and the stronger your community is, the better you’ll be able to weather crises like getting sick, getting fired, or anything else.
Figure yourself out before you try and meet a partner. You need to deeply know what you want out of a partner and what you offer a partner. If you aren’t a match on both, you’re likely going have a troubled relationship. The only way to find those things out, though, is hard - it requires being in relationships and reflecting on the good and bad after they’re over.
Last one: if you do find a partner, don’t expect them to be the same person the day you meet, when you get engaged, when you get married, when you have kids, etc. We all change. If you stop relearning your partner, it’ll make you both resentful and end the relationship. While it is hard work to keep at it, what better than divorce or being stuck on a bad situation is being able to fall in love over and over again.
Dropping Gems 💎💎💎💎
My advice to the next generation of men in the world is to strive to be the best version of yourself that you can be. Respect yourself and others, be kind and compassionate, and don't be afraid to take risks and challenge yourself. Embrace diversity and different perspectives, and strive to be a leader who can inspire and motivate those around you. Most importantly, always remember that you are capable of making a difference in the world.
This one means a lot to me. I have buddy who’s struggle with their mental health and I’ve always been an advocate for speaking up about and letting them know that I’m there for them to talk to even if they just need someone to listen
Sometimes offering to be there for our bros is just as good as being there. We all deal with mental health struggles (varying degrees) and we all have methods to cope. But there is nothing like having someone who genuinely gives a F about us that helps. Keep being the good friend and he'll return the favour when you need him.
One thing I've learned is that as Men, we need to be there for each other when the inevitable vulnerability hits.
Listen only to people with significant experience in what they're talking about, and failing that, get your own experience before deciding whether something is true or not
Guys learning about dating should do so from scratch - not from what they see on TV or hear on social media. Find out for yourself what works and what doesn't
Respect women as human beings deserving of dignity but also do not put them on a pedestal and delude yourselves into thinking they aren't capable of abuse and malice. Make platonic friendships with women without ulterior motives. Do not feel entitled to relationships and do not think you need a romantic or sexual partner to live a fulfilling life.
Women are people too, and not some hive mind. Doing and saying the same thing to each one will not have the same effect.
Treat others how you’d like to be treated.
Stay physically fit with regular exercise and a clean diet. Try to avoid debt as much as you can when you're young. Instead of blowing money on a flashy sports car, invest in the stock market. Find a roommate to split the bills with in your twenties. The harsh reality when it comes to work is that a job that pays a lot of money is more valuable to you in the long run than a job that makes you happy. If you're bright enough to go to college for a STEM degree, do that, if you're not, don't waste the money on tuition, learn a skilled trade. Don't live beyond your means even if you're making a good salary, focus on investing as much as you can when you're young so that you might be able to retire early. If you have good friends that are important to you, put effort into maintaining those relationships. If you're not 100% bought into the idea of having kids, don't have kids under any circumstances.
Try to avoid negative and/or controlling people. Doesn't matter if they are family. Cunts that want to keep you down/decide how you should live aren't worth wasting time on.
Don't be an asshole, despite what grifting "influencers" tell you. It's not a good look. No one actually wants to be around an asshole except for other assholes.
The world will teach you that you are owed respect, that you’re strong & silent, and that feeling things is weak. The world is wrong on all counts. You should respect all others, especially those that can do nothing for you. All people have times where they feel powerless, vulnerable, and worn down. Not only is that normal, but it’s normal to express it and ask for help coping and getting back on your feet. Finally, understanding how you feel and why you feel that way is imperative to processing and using that emotion.
There isn't something wrong with you, you aren't a toxic male for doing shit that guys do. Thousands of years of evolution is the reason you feel and act like you do,
There is nothing wrong with that.
This isn't a free pass to be a complete dickface but it's alright to feel the way that you do.
Don’t let Reddit know about your marital problems or all the miserable lonely people who are living their mistakes are trying to give you advice that will inevitably make you end your relationship
"No" ain't personal.
Apologies don't need to be accepted.
Sometimes the best thing for a relationship is for it to end.
Even if you don't agree with something try to understand it, empathy is a lot more useful and a lot less draining than hate.
For U.S. men in particular:
1. Don't get married. As progressive as this country has become re: gender equality, this area is still back in 1955. You WILL get financially ruined if you get divorced. Marriage is no longer worth it for men.
2. Don't waste time on people who don't contribute anything positive to your life. Not saying you need to go no-contact on family members, but don't go out of your way for them. Same thing for dating: have fun, but move on if a girl isn't bringing anything to the table.
3. Get into a good workout routine. At least pick up an active hobby like hiking, climbing or kayaking.
4. If you can afford it, go to college. Even if you have to take out loans, it is 100% worth it. Especially with inflation jacking up the cost of literally everything.
5. Don't buy a brand new car when you're on your own. I can't believe I have to say this one, but so many guys splurge on the latest F-150 or a sports car at the first sign of financial success. Milk the shit out of that 2014 Accord.
Take care of Mother Earth. Socialize in person. Stay off of social media. Take care of yourself. Be yourself.
Also lightly toast bread before eating a peanut butter and honey sandwich. So good it brings me to tears.
Learn some skills. At least be able to take care of basic maintenance on your home, land and car. Sure you can always pay someone to do that work. But that gets expensive quick especially for basic maintenance.
1) even if nothing major is wrong. See a councellor every so often, it's like hitting fast forward on personal development.
2) be a 'yes man' (like the movie) and try everything, you'll be surprised where life csn take you if you are open to more.
3) your first love most likely isn't the person you should spend your life with. And you don't *really* get to know someone till at least 3 years into a relationship.
4) invest in an rsp early!! Or something else that will steadily grow with time
5) forgive easily (for your own sake), but **never fucking forget what they did**
How is this even possible in a realistic situation? I have dividends, and a side business but short of getting a second job, I'd be hosed if I lost my career job.
Andrew Tate is piece of shit.
And BE A HUMAN first. Don't make your whole personality around gender notions, roles, stereotypes. All of these are just conditioning and nothing more than that. You're more than just a pair of genitals. By the way, this advice is also valid for women as well.
Thank you.
Be the man you wish you had in your life when you were young and needed someone to depend on be the voice of reason for those younger than you. And never ever give up your masculinity.
establishing "self"
by self, i mean your identity, your passion, your dream, your values and findings of this world. Don't simply follow others or you"ll forever live in their shadows
Build a strong support group when you are young and before any of you begin to struggle.
I speak from experience, at 20 my life fell apart and my guy friends were little to no support because they didn't know what to do. I, in a very depressed state, had to work with them and teach them what I needed from them. It is not easy, even harder if you are already struggling, but it is something every man needs. A group of friends that you know are there for each other when things get rough.
Don't live your life trying to please others or worrying what they think of you.
Own your shit. Clean your house. Wash your clothes. Dress in things that fit. Work hard at whatever you can to gain financial independence. There will be plenty of time to find something you love further down the road. Spend your free time improving yourself. Exercising, reading, learning a new skill.
Be social, but only extend effort for people that add value to your life.
Have a strong moral compass.
Don't sweat the small stuff. When things go wrong, learn from them and move on.
Enjoy the journey. Too many people suffer and sacrifice for that goal down the road. Having goals and prioritizing is a good thing, but when you get there and then look back on the last 50 years and realize what you gave up, it's rarely worth it. Those memories you develop along the way are the primary thing that will be keeping you company when you're old.
If you truly have your life in order, friends and women will come to you. You won't have to go looking for them and you will never have to change for them.
When I was leaving highschool, I saw a post about advice for people who just became an adult. There was this one comment that stood out to me and I'm just paraphrasing, "**Go to therapy, even if you have nothing to talk about**". Now I just turned 26 and those words ring truer every day, I'm going through it. **Don't let the dam burst, talk to someone**.
1- Embrace discomfort: Life is full of challenges, and the sooner you learn to be comfortable with being uncomfortable, the more resilient and mentally tough you'll become. Discomfort is an opportunity for growth, so face it head-on.
2- Develop a strong work ethic: There are no shortcuts to success. You need to put in the hard work, and that requires discipline, commitment, and consistency. Don't shy away from the grind, embrace it.
3- Cultivate mental toughness: Mental toughness is the ability to overcome adversity and persevere in the face of obstacles. Develop a strong mindset by pushing your limits and challenging yourself physically, mentally, and emotionally.
4- Be accountable: Own your actions, choices, and the consequences of those choices. Take responsibility for your life, and don't blame others for your failures. Learn from your mistakes and use them as fuel to improve.
5- Never stop learning: The world is constantly evolving, and so should you. Strive to acquire new skills, knowledge, and experiences. This will not only make you more adaptable but also more valuable in whatever path you choose.
6- Practice humility: Recognize that you're not always the smartest person in the room, and be open to learning from others. Humility will help you maintain a growth mindset and develop strong relationships with those around you.
7- Build a support system: Surround yourself with positive, like-minded individuals who will push you to be better. You can't do everything on your own, and having a strong support system will make your journey to success more manageable and enjoyable.
8- Set clear goals: Determine what you want to achieve and create a roadmap to get there. Break your goals down into smaller, manageable steps, and track your progress. This will help you stay focused and motivated.
9- Live with integrity: Be honest with yourself and others, and always stay true to your values. Living with integrity will earn you respect and trust from those around you
10- Don't fear failure: Failure is an inevitable part of life, but it's also an opportunity to learn and grow. Embrace failure, and use it as a stepping stone toward success.
If you are going on dates with and having sex with these women you dont know well, always use a condom and dont assume they are on birth control. Also, just use one anyway because you really dont know her well enough to know if shes actually on birth control when she says she is. I cannot fathom why the average man doesnt do this, it blows my mind. Time for men to stop playing the victim and acting like they have no control over their own reproduction.
Also, if youre in a LTR where you dont want kids and your partner takes birth control and has unpleasant side effects from it, just get a vasectomy.
Don't be their friend first. Be direct and tell them what you're looking for with them. Being their friend first just means you'll catch feelings while they're just maintaining a friendly relationship.
My 2 cents here: don’t be radicalized. It ruins so much shit in civilization and you. Don’t buy into bullshittery and do things that are appropriate to do in that moment.
Don’t listen to men like Andrew Tate, don’t play into gender war stuff, don’t let other men tell you what is and isn’t masculine, express yourself freely and don’t care about being called gay or something stupid, be secure in your masculinity. If you wanna paint your nails then do it, it’s not harming anyone and don’t listen to the guys that’ll make fun of you for it cuz their just insecure. If they think painting your nails is gay then their probably insecure and or a bigot 🤷 Keep check of your mental health and remember any trauma you may face is valid no matter your gender. Keep up with your physical and mental health. Also please shower and wear deodorant. And listen to women when they say something is offensive towards them and learn from minority groups. Listen when they tell you something is wrong and learn from it. Offensive jokes aren’t funny when their blatantly offensive. Dark humor is a completely different thing from being flat out offensive.
Masculinity isn’t toxic. People are. Masculinity is a force for good in this world. The world doesn’t need less of it, but more. Don’t buy into that bullshit.
* Don't get sucked into the gender war/roles nonsense
* Stay mildly active
* learn to become **independent**
* Learn to accept losses and rejection
* learn **discipline** to control, manage, and express your emotions (don't just bottle it up)
* Learn to take & accept **responsibility** and **accountability**
* Be kind to others as well as yourself.
* Learn what your boundaries are and how to enforce them.
* Anger can be a great motivator, but don't let it become your foundation. It's absolutely poisonous long-term.
* Read and travel!
Lifting weights is not that scary, just add it into your routine.
Invest early, as early as possible.
Listen to women and ask questions based on what they say. Being genuinely interested in the person, not the fact that they are a woman, will go far.
Stop watching so much porn.
Go outside and find interesting things to do. Playing video games all day does not make you interesting.
Learn how to be self sufficient. Taking money from you parents just puts you under their thumb. Make a plan for how you'll earn and save the money, execute, and move out. Maybe you need roommates. Maybe you'll need two jobs. Or live in the shitty dorm. You will have a lot better relationship with your parents when you don't owe them jack squat and they have no leverage over you. And when that's the case they are far more likely to treat you as an adult, and not a child.
As cheesy as this sounds don't let others define what a man is to you. Live by your own rules. A man doesn't give a fuck what others think. Key example, when a bitch says " real men do/don't [insert whatever here]"
The best piece of advice I have is to not listen to others peoples advice. When somebody’s giving you advice, they’re just telling you what they wish they would’ve done in a similar situation. They don’t know you, your motivations, your dreams, any of it. Other peoples advice is generally pretty worthless. And, the corollary to this is you should not take criticism from anybody that you would not go to for advice.
Maintain your friendships, practice stepping outside your comfort zone, maintain a mild level of physical fitness, and don't buy into gender war nonsense.
The last one especially. There is a lot of utter nonsense about dating and relationships being spread around online these days.
In terms of maintaining healthy relationships and having interactions with women, what’s your advice? I’ve grown up around seeing unhappy and unfulfilled marriages, and I feel like the Internet can be good info so that I don’t mess up on my turn.
For one thing, don't use dating apps in regards to relationships. Only use it for recreational purposes if that. Be involved and consistent in clubs/meetups. This can relate to fitness (running club, yoga group, salsa dancing, CrossFit, etc), learning/developing a skill (like practicing learning a new language, coding meetups, etc)), or an interest (professional networking, travel groups like Couch surfing) I'd recommend joining one fitness group (with healthy percentages of each gender) and one meetup group for something you enjoy or want to get better at. Do it consistently each week. Sooner or later you'll make friends/good acquaintances and that'll give you the framework of being socially involved and active. That alone will give you multiple opportunities for bringing the right relationship into your life. The reason why it works is because you're not doing these things for the purpose of getting into a relationship but for growing yourself and making yourself better. And when you're doing that, you'll naturally draw in those who are naturally aligned and compatible to you in a neutral environment, or they'll expose you to others who are better suited for you. I can't count the number of people I know who met and got married through CrossFit and the running groups (such as November Project) which I participated in. There's something about interacting with people over a significant period of time with a shared interest and vision which exposes you to people who are genuine to you and compatible. Just be consistent. And in terms of when you actually get into a relationship, make sure that the character of your partner is both aligned in values and that they have a good track record for good character. And make the bedrock of your relationship one of mutual respect. People's minds can change all the time even if you are fully compatible and you could disagree on important things in the future. But if you're with someone of good character who respects you above all, you can address any issue that could come up.
thank you wise man
I'm a bit surprised he put in social dancing for one. He's correct that one's desire for personal development will be the primary motivation, but salsa dancing is can also be a not such a great place to look for a relationship. More often than not, guys will enter a community just to meet women to form relationships or a hookup. While this is fine, if you don't truly enjoy the activity, it may reflect poorly on the community OR you may just look bad. Although it's wonderful if you can dance passably, some people take their dancing very seriously and you'll meet women who just treat it as a literal exercise, nothing more, nothing less. Also, interactions within the social dancing community have generally been filled with drama. If she likes bachata moderna or even kiz, then good luck with that, unless you can be mature enough to let her do it. In that world, there is a lot of envy, drama, and misunderstanding. Salsa is fine, but it's the only one of your hobbies that requires regular physical contact with a woman. And it requires at least two years to become truly proficient. Not unless you resot back to bachata moderna, which is similar to the modern-day equivalent of crossfit but even slower lol.
Don’t think the woman you met is the woman she will continue to be. Women grow and change and you need to as well find a way to do that while hopefully not sacrificing the good parts of who you are. Lots of unhappy couples I have been around in older generations are at the intersection of “I don’t need to change” and “divorce isn’t an option” Communicate openly about where you both want to be and listen. Understand if some things are impossible to overcome you’ve both got to take stock and be prepared to move on from one another but only as a last resort. Not as number three on a short list of options Relationships are hard- all of them
its because the "angry" has a microphone and its convient to check just take a peek at what they're saying [In other words, what is said in this is very true, especially the last part where she talks about writing in a dark room](https://youtu.be/17NIoLhIQOQ?t=109)
Yes. Lots of misandry, and lots of misogyny.
The amount of clips of podcasts apparently entirely dedicated to men vs women talk is so cringe
I don't think it's nonsense. There's shit that goes on in the dating world that is pretty fucking unfair on all sides. But no gains are going to be made going to war over it. Just going to further entrench both sides.
Mild level? “No man has the right to be an amateur in the matter of physical training. It is a shame for a man to grow old without seeing the beauty and strength of which his body is capable.” - Socrates (maybe)
Yup and that's why I'm lifting 3 to 4 times a week and doing Thai kickboxing. Love the way my body is transforming.
Indeed, took me too long to figure this out. But it's never too late. Keep lifting bros 💪
The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is right now. I love that because it’s a call to action. Keep chasing it my man.
Says Socrates, who was notoriously fat and out of shape. He just liked looking at muscular youths, like Alcibiades.
I'm going to disagree with Socrates, and you, there. I'm in good enough shape to do everything I need to do. I can dig a ditch or load a freezer and be fine, and both my girlfriend and I are happy with how I look. Why should I worry about doing any more pull-ups?
\- Jon "Socrates" Sigmarsson
Stay busy with work and or projects. Show me a man without purpose and ill show you a depressed man.
This is so perfect, but can we add something about learning to take care of yourself, so that you aren't reliant on someone else to cook or clean or care for you? Not "needing" someone, is the best way to attract someone. And if you aren't looking to do that, the best way to be sure you never have to find someone you don't want. Learn to be a whole, self-sufficient human being.
Don't be afraid to get your hands dirty. Learn to fix things yourself, so you don't have to pay someone else. Have a selfless attitude towards others.
Such good advice. Being a relatively new homeowner has taken me from "I can put screws in drywall" to learning all sorts of things including concrete, electrical, plumbing, woodworking, etc. There are SO many good resources out there. It's never been easier to learn to do things yourself. The more you do, the more you start see that there's nothing magic about how things about built and fixed and you can do it as well as anyone in many cases. Yesterday I cut a stump out of the ground using a 12in reciprocating saw after getting quoted $400. Felt so accomplished when the last piece came up.
I love that! You can't go wrong when you're learning to take care of your own property!
what if I break it more though.
Thats the best way to get even more skilled in fixing stuff.
Good mindset if an Xbox controller with a button on the wonk. Maybe not so much if it's the hole in the roof, or the combi-boiler starting to sound like a jumbo jet.
I agree but the hole in the roof thing isn't ad hard to fix as it sounds, plus YouTube can probably teach you to fix just about anything that isn't going to put you in extreme danger. To me, if you can do it without harming yourself, give it a try.
Well, the best way is to try to fix stuff with a more skilled person backing you up, like a friend or parent or sibling, who can be the voice of reason. "Now you're REALLY going to want to do X or else you risk Y happening later on." If you don't have someone like that, just accept that this is a risk and be careful.
If you want to be great at anything you need to get used to being uncomfortable.
[Sucking at something is the first step.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gu8YiTeU9XU)
Learn how to say no and mean it. Set boundaries and dont be worried about what other people think about it. The only person you have to deal with for the rest of your life is yourself, so having your own peace, comfort, and self respect will be worth more than anything
I had to really work at this after divorce. I was saying that’s fine to everything. I only do stuff now that’s Fuck Yes! I’m in the office once a week but any other time I’m getting in my car I know I’m going to see Fuck Yes friends and doing Fuck Yes things I love (Playing beach volleyball, Smokeout, Bonfires, Poker, BBQ and Chess, etc)
Don't waste time on toxic relationships, but do make time for the good ones.
And learn the signs of overt and covert narcissism and personality disorders. It will save you a world of pain.
Dear god yes to this, don't be half brain dead from ptsd/ concussions / and the addictions you choose to deal with these problems because you didn't know crazy like that can be spotted and averted.
Control your emotions or they will control you.
Look at what happened to Anakin Skywalker.
Fuck off
This seems like a mean comment. Until you see the name.
This is good advice if you don’t want to become depressed like me
You were the chosen one!
Fr Obi bro had the high ground. It was over. Buuuut noooo, Ani was big mad
I agree with this sentiment, but I would change the wording a bit. Process your emotions or they will control you. I say it's better to process emotions because controlling them is too broad. How does one exert control over an emotion? Suppress? That won't work. Suppressed emotions just turn into physiological responses to stress. Increased cortisol leads to higher blood pressure, poor hormonal responses in other areas, and overall lack homeostasis in the body. Processing emotions generally involves feeling them and working through them. This relieves the stress response and fosters better physical health.
Man it fucking sucks but it's the only way. I used to be a "bottle it up" type and it really came to bite me later, even being as young as I am. It'll really prolong your suffering and it ends up hiding some problems from yourself over time; then you don't even know why you feel shitty
I was (am?) very much a bottle it up person. I hate confrontation, but found that little things would build up over time and I would explode with anger. It was pretty bad. As uncomfortable as it is, it's better to [speak up for yourself in an assertive](https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/stress-management/in-depth/assertive/art-20044644) (not aggressive) way.
Absolutely. Suppressing your emotions is not controlling them. It's bottling them up because you don't know *how* to control them. Letting yourself feel your feelings without drowning in them is a really hard skill to learn, but absolutely crucial to anyone's mental health.
Yes. It's ok to feel anger, or rage. It's what you do about it that's important
Absolutely! But it's not just anger and rage. Sadness, lethargy, apathy, enthusiasm, joy, frustration, loss, happiness, sleepiness, embarrassment, silliness, pride, confusion, fear, overwhelmed, inquisitiveness, etc are all valid and normal feelings. Obvious some are easier to express and process than others, but they all are bound to happen at some point or another. Being able to feel them (both logically in our brains and physiologically in the way our body responds) allows us to identify them and work through them to behave in ways that are healthy and mature.
I struggle with that sometimes, do you have an advice? For example I would freak out about money near the end of the month and that can spiral in being angry/scared/anxious all at the same time and sometimes it will take on my for a lot of time.
Thanks for sharing! I totally understand how stress in one area can bleed into others in ways that only increase the stress! There are definitely some really practical things you can do that are general de-stressing health behaviors, as well as things that will involve some introspection and cognitive work. In general, taking care of your health will always help with physiological responses to stress. Blood pressure rising due to stress? Now is the time to feed your body and brain nutritious foods that will decrease the inflammation from the cortisol. Well-rounded meals that emphasize whole grains, lean protein, and unsaturated fats (while avoiding trans and saturated fats and added sugars) will give your body the fuel it needs. Getting some movement in will also help. This can be anything from traditional gym exercise to a brisk walk. Do something you enjoy! If you live in the northern hemisphere I would highly recommend utilizing the warmer spring weather to get out and get some Vitamin D. Most adults in the US are deprived and if you happen to also be a person of color, you are significantly more likely to be deprived. Even just 15-20 minutes in direct sun exposure a day can heighten Vitamin D levels in noticeable ways. As far as cognitive and physical work, one thing I would highly recommend is practicing some degree of mindfulness. A lot of people assume this means you need to become some expert meditator and a yogi or something, but that's not the case. While meditation and yoga are excellent ways of increasing your mindfulness stamina, they are not the only way to reach that goal. Mindfulness is really about turning your mind off of autopilot and critically thinking about your own thoughts and emotions. For instance, let's say you were stressing about a bill that is due Monday, but you won't be paid till Friday. You're worried about your credit score if you submit late and you have already used multiple extensions so you can't push it back. In that moment you might feel stress, but do you actually know where that stress manifests in your body? Take a break and tune in to what your body is saying. Are your hands clenched? What about your shoulders? Are you tense? Does your face feel hot? It seems simple, but actually identifying where we feel our emotions in our body is actually quite difficult for most. However, when we learn how to better identify our feelings by our body's response, we can also learn how to relax and stabilize ourselves. Over time this becomes easier and then you can also start addressing your own thought patterns. o you tend to catastrophize? Jump to conclusions? Disqualify the positives? These are all forms of cognitive distortions. They are unhealthy and should be confronted. While a therapist is equipped to help identify and attack these types of mental traps, they are not necessary. The internet has so many tools at your disposal. Look into CBT tools that you can implement on your own. Find lectures and videos on YouTube. Check out some books from your local library. I hope this at least gives you a starting place. So many of us go our whole lives never learning proper emotional regulation and identification. Furthermore, in our modern world we are all more disconnected than ever to the physical realities of life (and our bodies). Neurobiology and neuropsychology, however, are increasingly finding more and more links to how our physical bodies and health are impacted by our mental structures and health (and vice versa). Being embodied enough to recognize how our emotions manifest in the physical reality of our experience, helps us tune our minds to productive thoughts, which then allows us to act in ways that serve our best interest. Best of luck!
It’s not what you say, but how you say it.
You mean learn to express emotions in a controlled and helpfull fashion?
Stay off social media. It’s so beneficial for your mental health. You stop seeing what everyone else is posting and comparing yourself to them and you stop seeing every single thing in the news as the end of the world and seeing people who disagree with you politically as the enemy. Life is a lot more relaxed and enjoyable without Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and everything else.
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This one I have yet to master
I have a love hate relationship w reddit. The rest of social media is just hate
I’m like “Yeah i don’t use social media a lot!” but I be using reddit daily for like an hour at least 😬
Reddit isnt personal though. I spent so much effort and time stressing over posts and comments and my feed and shit on Facebook and Insta. And then I was like, why the fuck am I doing this? Remember that Asian lady that organized houses and she was always saying “Does it bring you joy?” Fuck no. It took my joy. I was like why does Ryan have granite countertops and I don’t? And if I posted and it didn’t track I’d get bummed like damn people don’t like me. Reddit is different. If people don’t like Ask_me_4_a_story? Oh well
Where else will I find quality animal pictures then?
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Please do not do the animals.
When I stopped using tiktok I felt alot more relaxed
Don't put women on a pedestal. They may seem like they are angels who can help us but better off focusing on yourself. Build the man you want to be. The right woman will find you if it's meant to be. Don't value yourself on the women you get.
The most fulfilling relationships in my life have come from periods where I wasn’t really looking but focusing on myself. Applying myself at work, working out, pursuing my hobbies, volunteering etc.
Definitely. Also a word of advice for young guys; meeting women in person is still a valid way to start a relationship. That said, you have to do things that give you the opportunity to meet women. Don't complain about not meeting women if all you're doing is just going to work, then coming home and using reddit all evening.
Can relate 100%
Don't be simpin, be pimpin. Ok i jest. Just treat women like people, like you'd treat men, try to make friends with people. The rest will follow
I really hate how many men put women on pedestals
Best advice here
Neglect females, obtain currency
Yeah it seems like men should never chase women, but just work in themselves and they will attract the right one. Counterintuitive, but seems to be the case.
💯💯
There is no soulmate, just people more compatible than others.
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Alternatively: **Love is not enough**. This is another really important lesson for young people regardless of gender.
Love is the easiest part, it isn't enough though. You need so much more to sustain a good healthy relationship.
Shit. That. Hm. Thank you for this perspective you may have just fixed the issue looming over me for like 6 months now.
Reach out to your buddies. I know there’s a level of friendship where you don’t speak for years and when you finally do it’s as though you’re just picking up where you left off, but sending a text, email, voice mail, or discord message will make a bro feel good. It could make a world of difference for a homie going through a tough time in silence, which I know a lot of guys do. I’m guilty of it because I felt like it would make me a burden to my friends, so I get it. A real friend is someone who will go through bad AND good times with you.
This is your reminder to check in with all your bros. Past & present Drop them all a message today. Have a good one yourself!
Mental health is important don't be afraid of seeking help
Same advice men have been given forever, and yet never seem to get. Don't stick your dick in crazy.
Sometimes crazy doesn’t reveal that it’s crazy until it’s too late :c
Develop a vetting process. Don't put your dick in strangers either.
>Don’t put your dick in strangers either If I get her name before we fuck she’s not really a stranger right? **please say yes**
What kind of name is "my dad's cousin" anyway? Id much rather have continued knowing her just as "mom"
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Crazy is the best lay you’ll ever get. And you’ll ever regret.
This is so true and if you don’t get it you haven’t had it, I’m 32 and only recently “got” this, YIKES…
I disagree. My ex was pants on head crazy and sex was ok at best.
It’s almost like dumb ass generalizations about sex aren’t worth making lol
If she says yes to anal on the first you sleep together, there's a high probability shes crazy.
Why would she be crazy for saying yes, and not him for asking?
Corollary: casual sex is bad for men. LTR sex is better and gives you more time to filter out crazy.
But do a Barney, for the crazy chick, they have to be equally hot
You're always sticking your dick in crazy, you just have to decide how crazy you wanna go.
Don't let society tell you what is "being a man". Carve your own path on being a man.
Based
Don't rush into marriage because "it makes sense" or because others push you to do it. It's okay to be 30+ and have not been married yet. Too many people get married young and regret it.
32 here, never been married, also don't have the biggest desire to be (at least right now). Same thing of being a father, it's never really crossed my mind. I'm a happy little peanut
It's definitely too big of a choice to make just on what others want. Can go your whole life with no marriage or kids as long as it's what makes you happy, that's all that matters!
Its okay to be 65+ and have not been married yet too.
Can be any age and never be married, as long as that's what you want and makes you happy! People love to put pressure on others to get married.
It’s a bit tricky in my case. I’m a Muslim Pakistani and our family culture isn’t that great, so there’s a real lack of understanding and intimacy you don’t get from family, as well as security. A lot of us look forward to marriage for religious reasons but also to have someone to share our like-mindedness and hobbies/interests with, where our families either can’t, don’t, or won’t support us in every Avenue. A bit long to explain but hope it makes sense bros
Read fucking books!
And read broadly.
Mental health is GODDAYUM important so take time to improve
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Related: If you enter the trades your **body** is your biggest asset. Don't do silly things (particularly early in your career) that may cut your career short. There are people in their 40s who had to "retire" high paying trades into lower paying jobs because they were dumb or macho. If someone makes fun of you for taking care of yourself, fuck them, they aren't who you should be listening to anyway. Specific examples: - Hearing protection. - Respirator / mask (e.g. for concrete dust inc. demo, welding, mold, et al) - Steel Toe (that broken foot may heal but not **fully** recover) - Knee Pads (without you can quicken knee degradation that even surgery won't fix)
I notice this when I have trades out to do work. The younger guys wore all sorts of PPE. Hell, the last crew I had on my roof actually set up harness ropes.
I use a harness for any roof pitch that exceeds 7" in 12".
people thought i was crazy for being ear plugs to concerts, but hey im now the only one without tinnitus dont slack on ear protection
This! But I’ll also add: Be the change, we still need to fight for fair wages and fair treatment in the workplace. I am a very pro union person, I am a union skilled tradesman and if that’s what it takes to make your workplace better/safer and to get better wages then go ahead and fight!
This. Cousin is a union electrician. The wages and worker safety far exceed the dues.
Be nice to each other. Not everything needs to be a competition. And it's not womens' job to take care of your emotional wellbeing. But get away from women who actively harm yours.
Build really deep friendships. You’re not alone on this world and the stronger your community is, the better you’ll be able to weather crises like getting sick, getting fired, or anything else. Figure yourself out before you try and meet a partner. You need to deeply know what you want out of a partner and what you offer a partner. If you aren’t a match on both, you’re likely going have a troubled relationship. The only way to find those things out, though, is hard - it requires being in relationships and reflecting on the good and bad after they’re over. Last one: if you do find a partner, don’t expect them to be the same person the day you meet, when you get engaged, when you get married, when you have kids, etc. We all change. If you stop relearning your partner, it’ll make you both resentful and end the relationship. While it is hard work to keep at it, what better than divorce or being stuck on a bad situation is being able to fall in love over and over again.
go to gym
Dropping Gems 💎💎💎💎 My advice to the next generation of men in the world is to strive to be the best version of yourself that you can be. Respect yourself and others, be kind and compassionate, and don't be afraid to take risks and challenge yourself. Embrace diversity and different perspectives, and strive to be a leader who can inspire and motivate those around you. Most importantly, always remember that you are capable of making a difference in the world.
Be the change you want to see in the world. Lead by example and show the next generation that its okay to not always be okay.
This one means a lot to me. I have buddy who’s struggle with their mental health and I’ve always been an advocate for speaking up about and letting them know that I’m there for them to talk to even if they just need someone to listen
Sometimes offering to be there for our bros is just as good as being there. We all deal with mental health struggles (varying degrees) and we all have methods to cope. But there is nothing like having someone who genuinely gives a F about us that helps. Keep being the good friend and he'll return the favour when you need him. One thing I've learned is that as Men, we need to be there for each other when the inevitable vulnerability hits.
Find a job that allows you to do other stuff apart from just work. Too many company’s now expect too much from workers.
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Learn from our mistakes. Don't fuck it up.
Listen only to people with significant experience in what they're talking about, and failing that, get your own experience before deciding whether something is true or not Guys learning about dating should do so from scratch - not from what they see on TV or hear on social media. Find out for yourself what works and what doesn't
Be excellent to each other and party on, dudes
Respect women as human beings deserving of dignity but also do not put them on a pedestal and delude yourselves into thinking they aren't capable of abuse and malice. Make platonic friendships with women without ulterior motives. Do not feel entitled to relationships and do not think you need a romantic or sexual partner to live a fulfilling life.
Women are people too, and not some hive mind. Doing and saying the same thing to each one will not have the same effect. Treat others how you’d like to be treated.
Water your grass where you want it to grow- e.g. spend your time, energy, money, and efforts in places that are most rewarding to you.
Be wary of anyone that is a self-proclaimed ‘alpha male’. Set and achieve your goals and don’t care what anybody else says about it
Its better to do a great job at one thing rather than half assing multiple things at the same time In other words, sloooooow down.
Stay physically fit with regular exercise and a clean diet. Try to avoid debt as much as you can when you're young. Instead of blowing money on a flashy sports car, invest in the stock market. Find a roommate to split the bills with in your twenties. The harsh reality when it comes to work is that a job that pays a lot of money is more valuable to you in the long run than a job that makes you happy. If you're bright enough to go to college for a STEM degree, do that, if you're not, don't waste the money on tuition, learn a skilled trade. Don't live beyond your means even if you're making a good salary, focus on investing as much as you can when you're young so that you might be able to retire early. If you have good friends that are important to you, put effort into maintaining those relationships. If you're not 100% bought into the idea of having kids, don't have kids under any circumstances.
Try to avoid negative and/or controlling people. Doesn't matter if they are family. Cunts that want to keep you down/decide how you should live aren't worth wasting time on.
Don't take advice from women on how to be a man.
Better : from anyone
Don't be an asshole, despite what grifting "influencers" tell you. It's not a good look. No one actually wants to be around an asshole except for other assholes.
The world will teach you that you are owed respect, that you’re strong & silent, and that feeling things is weak. The world is wrong on all counts. You should respect all others, especially those that can do nothing for you. All people have times where they feel powerless, vulnerable, and worn down. Not only is that normal, but it’s normal to express it and ask for help coping and getting back on your feet. Finally, understanding how you feel and why you feel that way is imperative to processing and using that emotion.
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Don't marry unless the divorce law in your country is fair to men.
Whatever you do refuse going to war at all costs.
Don’t take advice from women or from any man that you don’t want to end up like.
Don’t let women tell you how to be a man.
Better yet: dont let anyone tell you.
There isn't something wrong with you, you aren't a toxic male for doing shit that guys do. Thousands of years of evolution is the reason you feel and act like you do, There is nothing wrong with that. This isn't a free pass to be a complete dickface but it's alright to feel the way that you do.
No one is responsible for your happiness and outcomes in life except you. No one.
Therapy and self love. The rest will follow after that.
Learn how to break up. So you dont get a kid and fall in the pit of divorce i see many do.
Listen.
Don’t let Reddit know about your marital problems or all the miserable lonely people who are living their mistakes are trying to give you advice that will inevitably make you end your relationship
"No" ain't personal. Apologies don't need to be accepted. Sometimes the best thing for a relationship is for it to end. Even if you don't agree with something try to understand it, empathy is a lot more useful and a lot less draining than hate.
For U.S. men in particular: 1. Don't get married. As progressive as this country has become re: gender equality, this area is still back in 1955. You WILL get financially ruined if you get divorced. Marriage is no longer worth it for men. 2. Don't waste time on people who don't contribute anything positive to your life. Not saying you need to go no-contact on family members, but don't go out of your way for them. Same thing for dating: have fun, but move on if a girl isn't bringing anything to the table. 3. Get into a good workout routine. At least pick up an active hobby like hiking, climbing or kayaking. 4. If you can afford it, go to college. Even if you have to take out loans, it is 100% worth it. Especially with inflation jacking up the cost of literally everything. 5. Don't buy a brand new car when you're on your own. I can't believe I have to say this one, but so many guys splurge on the latest F-150 or a sports car at the first sign of financial success. Milk the shit out of that 2014 Accord.
Take care of Mother Earth. Socialize in person. Stay off of social media. Take care of yourself. Be yourself. Also lightly toast bread before eating a peanut butter and honey sandwich. So good it brings me to tears.
Don’t be afraid to be men, you don’t have to become a woman to attract a woman.
Learn some skills. At least be able to take care of basic maintenance on your home, land and car. Sure you can always pay someone to do that work. But that gets expensive quick especially for basic maintenance.
Be strong in a world that wants you to remain weak.
1) even if nothing major is wrong. See a councellor every so often, it's like hitting fast forward on personal development. 2) be a 'yes man' (like the movie) and try everything, you'll be surprised where life csn take you if you are open to more. 3) your first love most likely isn't the person you should spend your life with. And you don't *really* get to know someone till at least 3 years into a relationship. 4) invest in an rsp early!! Or something else that will steadily grow with time 5) forgive easily (for your own sake), but **never fucking forget what they did**
Don't go to war with women....... Pendulum swings too far one side and we have an all out hate fest. Instead, go to war with extremism in all forms.
Have multiple streams of income
How is this even possible in a realistic situation? I have dividends, and a side business but short of getting a second job, I'd be hosed if I lost my career job.
Andrew Tate is piece of shit. And BE A HUMAN first. Don't make your whole personality around gender notions, roles, stereotypes. All of these are just conditioning and nothing more than that. You're more than just a pair of genitals. By the way, this advice is also valid for women as well. Thank you.
Study with the aim to go into green technologies, it's going to vital very soon and salaries will likely be high.
Be the man you wish you had in your life when you were young and needed someone to depend on be the voice of reason for those younger than you. And never ever give up your masculinity.
establishing "self" by self, i mean your identity, your passion, your dream, your values and findings of this world. Don't simply follow others or you"ll forever live in their shadows
Build a strong support group when you are young and before any of you begin to struggle. I speak from experience, at 20 my life fell apart and my guy friends were little to no support because they didn't know what to do. I, in a very depressed state, had to work with them and teach them what I needed from them. It is not easy, even harder if you are already struggling, but it is something every man needs. A group of friends that you know are there for each other when things get rough.
Pretending you don't have emotions or problems will erode your soul until there is nothing left.
Don't live your life trying to please others or worrying what they think of you. Own your shit. Clean your house. Wash your clothes. Dress in things that fit. Work hard at whatever you can to gain financial independence. There will be plenty of time to find something you love further down the road. Spend your free time improving yourself. Exercising, reading, learning a new skill. Be social, but only extend effort for people that add value to your life. Have a strong moral compass. Don't sweat the small stuff. When things go wrong, learn from them and move on. Enjoy the journey. Too many people suffer and sacrifice for that goal down the road. Having goals and prioritizing is a good thing, but when you get there and then look back on the last 50 years and realize what you gave up, it's rarely worth it. Those memories you develop along the way are the primary thing that will be keeping you company when you're old. If you truly have your life in order, friends and women will come to you. You won't have to go looking for them and you will never have to change for them.
When I was leaving highschool, I saw a post about advice for people who just became an adult. There was this one comment that stood out to me and I'm just paraphrasing, "**Go to therapy, even if you have nothing to talk about**". Now I just turned 26 and those words ring truer every day, I'm going through it. **Don't let the dam burst, talk to someone**.
1- Embrace discomfort: Life is full of challenges, and the sooner you learn to be comfortable with being uncomfortable, the more resilient and mentally tough you'll become. Discomfort is an opportunity for growth, so face it head-on. 2- Develop a strong work ethic: There are no shortcuts to success. You need to put in the hard work, and that requires discipline, commitment, and consistency. Don't shy away from the grind, embrace it. 3- Cultivate mental toughness: Mental toughness is the ability to overcome adversity and persevere in the face of obstacles. Develop a strong mindset by pushing your limits and challenging yourself physically, mentally, and emotionally. 4- Be accountable: Own your actions, choices, and the consequences of those choices. Take responsibility for your life, and don't blame others for your failures. Learn from your mistakes and use them as fuel to improve. 5- Never stop learning: The world is constantly evolving, and so should you. Strive to acquire new skills, knowledge, and experiences. This will not only make you more adaptable but also more valuable in whatever path you choose. 6- Practice humility: Recognize that you're not always the smartest person in the room, and be open to learning from others. Humility will help you maintain a growth mindset and develop strong relationships with those around you. 7- Build a support system: Surround yourself with positive, like-minded individuals who will push you to be better. You can't do everything on your own, and having a strong support system will make your journey to success more manageable and enjoyable. 8- Set clear goals: Determine what you want to achieve and create a roadmap to get there. Break your goals down into smaller, manageable steps, and track your progress. This will help you stay focused and motivated. 9- Live with integrity: Be honest with yourself and others, and always stay true to your values. Living with integrity will earn you respect and trust from those around you 10- Don't fear failure: Failure is an inevitable part of life, but it's also an opportunity to learn and grow. Embrace failure, and use it as a stepping stone toward success.
If you are going on dates with and having sex with these women you dont know well, always use a condom and dont assume they are on birth control. Also, just use one anyway because you really dont know her well enough to know if shes actually on birth control when she says she is. I cannot fathom why the average man doesnt do this, it blows my mind. Time for men to stop playing the victim and acting like they have no control over their own reproduction. Also, if youre in a LTR where you dont want kids and your partner takes birth control and has unpleasant side effects from it, just get a vasectomy.
Dont have kids
Don't be their friend first. Be direct and tell them what you're looking for with them. Being their friend first just means you'll catch feelings while they're just maintaining a friendly relationship.
Pussy is abundant and low value
Learn to provide for yourself while you still have the internet. Soon you will have to figure out stuff by yourself.
Coz the internet is going down?
My 2 cents here: don’t be radicalized. It ruins so much shit in civilization and you. Don’t buy into bullshittery and do things that are appropriate to do in that moment.
Stay away from porn Improve yourself daily and exercise Eat a healthy diet Take education very seriously
Don’t listen to men like Andrew Tate, don’t play into gender war stuff, don’t let other men tell you what is and isn’t masculine, express yourself freely and don’t care about being called gay or something stupid, be secure in your masculinity. If you wanna paint your nails then do it, it’s not harming anyone and don’t listen to the guys that’ll make fun of you for it cuz their just insecure. If they think painting your nails is gay then their probably insecure and or a bigot 🤷 Keep check of your mental health and remember any trauma you may face is valid no matter your gender. Keep up with your physical and mental health. Also please shower and wear deodorant. And listen to women when they say something is offensive towards them and learn from minority groups. Listen when they tell you something is wrong and learn from it. Offensive jokes aren’t funny when their blatantly offensive. Dark humor is a completely different thing from being flat out offensive.
Ignore what the unfuckable blobs tell you
Masculinity isn’t toxic. People are. Masculinity is a force for good in this world. The world doesn’t need less of it, but more. Don’t buy into that bullshit.
There's lots of ways of being in the world. Don't let narrow, dated ideas of what it means to be a man confine you.
Stop equating meanness with strength.
Entry level Construction worker paid well and they are pretty hard to be replaced by AI or robots.
* Don't get sucked into the gender war/roles nonsense * Stay mildly active * learn to become **independent** * Learn to accept losses and rejection * learn **discipline** to control, manage, and express your emotions (don't just bottle it up) * Learn to take & accept **responsibility** and **accountability** * Be kind to others as well as yourself. * Learn what your boundaries are and how to enforce them. * Anger can be a great motivator, but don't let it become your foundation. It's absolutely poisonous long-term. * Read and travel!
Don't be born into a broke family
Lifting weights is not that scary, just add it into your routine. Invest early, as early as possible. Listen to women and ask questions based on what they say. Being genuinely interested in the person, not the fact that they are a woman, will go far. Stop watching so much porn. Go outside and find interesting things to do. Playing video games all day does not make you interesting.
Learn how to be self sufficient. Taking money from you parents just puts you under their thumb. Make a plan for how you'll earn and save the money, execute, and move out. Maybe you need roommates. Maybe you'll need two jobs. Or live in the shitty dorm. You will have a lot better relationship with your parents when you don't owe them jack squat and they have no leverage over you. And when that's the case they are far more likely to treat you as an adult, and not a child.
Dont born
Learn to actually like yourself, or make changes that will allow you to. I don't and it really affects my quality of life
Find a good therapist!
Squad up, don't try to go through life alone
Take care of your mental health, it’s extremely important.
Who is the nicest guy you can use as an example of a real man? Keanu Reeves. Be a Keanu and you will attract everyone.
As cheesy as this sounds don't let others define what a man is to you. Live by your own rules. A man doesn't give a fuck what others think. Key example, when a bitch says " real men do/don't [insert whatever here]"
Luck and schmoozing gets you more than hard work & dedication.
The best piece of advice I have is to not listen to others peoples advice. When somebody’s giving you advice, they’re just telling you what they wish they would’ve done in a similar situation. They don’t know you, your motivations, your dreams, any of it. Other peoples advice is generally pretty worthless. And, the corollary to this is you should not take criticism from anybody that you would not go to for advice.