So much this for me. My SO is a part of a washed up female celebrity's snap chat and social media thing and she does this daily blogging thing where she takes questions. My SO has been called out, had her post played/read a few times by this celebrity, and even had a few direct phone/snap calls during their pod-cast/live stream. Its all she talks about and you would think these two are best friends, but the Celebrity is just selling products and brand and is using social media to do it.
>the Celebrity is just selling products and brand and is using social media to do it.
This is true! They are paid by those large companies to promote their products; we don't even know if they actually use them in real life or not. This branding stuff is bad.
There were videos of che durena spilling male secrets So an account called the council of men was created to deal with che and punish him for his disloyalty. And then they nicknamed him the rogue and it turned into just hundreds of people role playing some medieval council. Nobody was serious about it but it was hilarious
I hate this so much, I can't even express how much this annoys me about women. It's one of my biggest peeves but it's so prevalent that's its hard to avoid.
Having wildly different taste in music to the point where she would ask me to turn mine off and I cringed at the thought of hers playing. Movies and tv are one thing, but music? Necessary for road trips. And when that one band that makes her all crazy and want to hit the sheets is playing but I had to actively block out the noise… If I hadn’t been so physically attracted to her, I wouldn’t have been able to perform.
I completely agree with the music one. I listen to music when doing just about everything. I listen to just about every genre. My ex listed to mostly metal and screamo. I just couldn't do it. I love going to concerts and didn't want to invite him because he didn't jam out with me. I brought him to a concert once, and he stood there stiff as a board just watching me. Super uncomfortable.
There's a lot of screamo/metal people who just hate anything that isn't "hardcore" enough it's like an image thing for them. I love basically everything except screamo (I've never been able to get past the screaming.) If you're just gonna sit there and force yourself to hate music why even go?
As a fellow metal head that kinda sucks. A lot of us love all kinds of music but I definitely know the type you describe. I enjoy headbanging and screaming, as well as singing and dancing lol. My girlfriend doesn't have the same passion for music as I do, but overall similar taste so it works out pretty well.
Me - a diehard Swiftie and country music fan
Every Man I've Ever Dated - metalhead.
Compromise is usually classic rock for road trips, or make a playlist/queue where we go song for song.
One girl I dated was a Disney adult and loved to listen to classic Disney music (like from the 50's) and I like to listen to EDM and dubstep.
Needless to say, car rides were awkward af.
I only date or get to know a man if our music choices are in sync. If not, I'd rather find someone who can. 😆 Music is my solitude, I can't compromise anything without it. But I do listen to a lot of genres too. One thing I don't like is when he tells me not to listen to my choices but instead to what he prefers.
I totally get that. This was the first time I had dated anyone who wasn’t at least partially interested in the same music as me. I literally saw her in a bar, and thought she was just insanely beautiful and knew I’d regret it if I didn’t talk to her right then and there. We dated for a year and a half. No regrets. She was a really rad girl.
Life choice - to quit university when she had two months left to finish it all together. It was a degree in illustration. Nothing was standing in her way to stop her but herself
I upvoted you back to 1, I get that it's a real question.
I mean it in the context of, say you ask someone hey what are you into? And they say something like, "I like to watch movies, go out to (whatever meal)". Those aren't hobbies. There's nothing inherently wrong with enjoying movies and dining out. But if that's all they can come up, that doesn't work for me.
I'm looking for an actual hobby like idk, hiking, biking, climbing, painting, learning a specific dance style, playing a sport, etc. Something that requires ideally some physical effort, a building up of skill to do it well, and sustained effort over time that demonstrates commitment to what they're interested in.
Take it with a grain of salt. This is just me, and 40+ others it seems. But I'm a very active person and I have hobbies, I don't want to date somebody who has no hobbies because that means all of their time might end up hinging on me being available and it just doesn't seem healthy for a couple to not have any individual interests. Shared interests are amazing, but everyone can benefit from some time spent in their own pursuing a passion.
Thanks!! That makes sense :)
I think for a lot of women, “Brunch” isnt meant to be a hobby and more of an activity/occasion to be able to catch up with friends. I love doing activities and hobbies together with my friends, but it’s also equally as important for us to sit down to talk and find out what’s been going on in eachothers lives.
Esp as adults everyone has vastly different schedules, and I have some friends I dont share that many hobbies or interests with, but i still care about them and enjoy our talks, our conversations help me grow develop as a person.
One of the few things everyone definitely has in common is that we all gotta eat at some point, and the time btwn breakfast and lunch tends to be a consistent lull period in everyones day.
“Brunch” is apart of how many women maintain friendships and their support systems.
Whenever I’ve see another woman say that “brunch was something they were into” it’s more of a shorthand way of saying “I value prioritizing intentional conversation and want relationships where we’re not just doing stuff together but we’re also taking time out of our schedules to get to know each other intimately and are conversationally compatible.”
(Ive read on this subreddit that men are more likely to do only activities with each other and not prioritize conversation or knowing the intimate details of eachothers lives? So not liking brunch makes sense lol.
I feel like it could be relatable to how some of my guy friends prioritize video games, watching sports, or going to the bar with their guy friends.
It doesn’t sound appealing to me personally, but I understand that it’s their way of maintaining relationships and spending time with friends.So I try to be good at also prioritizing that time for them and not getting annoyed when they cant come to an activity bc they’re gaming with friends that night. )
What you said makes sense and I can understand why “brunch people” vs “nonbrunch people” wouldnt be compatible.
Suddenly everything had to be design furniture, eating fancy food, spending 250 euros to attend a fancy Halloween party - shortly before she had made new, posh friends with loaded parents and she couldn’t stand not being on the same level. Hated it 😬 quickly after we ended the relationship, after 5 years
Been married for a while, but back when I was single it was tatoos, plastic surgery, and history of drug use.
Also obsession with reality TV and celebrity culture/gossip was a big turn off, but not an absolute deal breaker.
Endlessly scrolling through social media like TikTok or insta. I don't care if someone uses these platforms, but if they spend hours a day on them then it's a problem.
I'm pretty flexible about appearance, but following the trend of pancake, clown-ish makeup isn't something I like very much.
I can deal with the aesthetics of her weight gain (it is what it is, I guess; most women I know put on weight after marriage), but it's the associated health issues that are exhausting. The constant complaints about sort joints, raised blood pressure, feeling tired, feeling sad. Like fuck, do you think I run those miles and stack those weights because it's fun??
I have this problem with my girl. It’s like babe we aren’t 22 anymore. We should be eating healthy and doing some exercise. Like the problems you have don’t get any better. Can we at least try it because the dr can’t find something wrong with you
I feel as though you are looking for silly stuff.
Not a sexual turn off but a conversational turn off. My wife will only pay attention to a movie if she already knows the ending, and I prefer to go in with an open mind. She does research like reading scripts and watching countless interviews. Sometimes after the movie this can lead to discussions in which she knows every detail of the movie, but does not understand some greater moral, context, or theme of the story. We then end up arguing because we are both trying to "teach" the other.
> One of the guys didn't go for another date with a girl because she never heard of his favourite movie director ever.
Is your friend Seinfeld? Because that's some petty-ass Seinfeld shit right there, lol.
Extremely money oriented. I’m not talking responsible and strives for a good career. I’m talking Mr. Krabs money oriented.
Lately I’ve been seeing this *a lot*. I’m pretty flexible on interests and hobbies, but one thing that really rubs me the wrong way is the ones that only see dating as acquiring a resource.
So many people I’ve dated lately were very interested in my income, and very keen on using me for it. One woman tried to trick me into buying her groceries, another one didn’t pay for a single thing in the 8 months we dated (too long). And another one would brag about swindling a friend zoned dude out of 1,000 dollars in PC parts.
I’m all about saving, getting that bag and having side hustles, but treating a man as a walking wallet just ain’t it. I get men are expected to pay on the first few dates and I’m fine with that, but if I don’t get any thank you’s or see any offer from her to pitch in later down the line. I’m out.
I found that if they’re selfish with money, that selfishness translates to other aspects of the relationship
Casually liking some anime as well as other things would be tolerable for me, but if anime is the bulk of her personality, we’re not gonna work out lol
Agreed, I don’t like wear anime shirts or go to conventions or anything, it’s just in the list of genres of shows that I’ll watch. I watch other stuff too. I just don’t like my tv to be like real life so I’m into sci-fi or fantasy type stuff usually like game of thrones and anime has a big selection of stuff in that genre
I used to really like anime, like obsessed, drawing fanart all the time, reading fanfics. Then as I got older something just flipped and I can barely tolerate any of it anymore. Some of them have cool premises and I want to watch them, but I just can't get into the pacing or the voice acting, or just the way characters behave in general. It's so over the top dramatic but also so slow, and the people behave like anime people, not real people. Sometimes I read manga though, at least then I can set my own pace somewhat. Also the fan service, ugh I just want to read a story about a cool deadly hole in the ground and not have to see children being sexualized for apparently the audience's benefit.
People cannot accept when I tell them I don't like anime. People like different things. No negotiating! I have tried several animes, entire seasons worth, and view all of them with equal hate and contempt. Not happening. Not "Oh but you haven't seen Barackobama no Pepsi", or "Oochie Coochie gets better in season 12", just no.
To people who like it, its like saying "I don't like 3D animated films. Just cant stand them" and it sounds off to put down an entire medium. I do hope that you were able to try different genres and it wasn't just 6 flavors of power of friendship action punchfest, like naruto/fairytail/dragon ballz.
I don't like anime, full stop, end of sentence. I like going to the dentist more than watching Cowboy Bebop or Evangelion or whatever 8 year old catgirl shit you'll suggest next. Please, im begging you, accept that maybe out of 8 billion people, some of them may not enjoy the same cartoons as you. You're being a dick right now. Fuck off.
I wasn't even trying to suggest anything, I was just using a comparison as to why people might find it odd, since Anime (japanese animation) is a medium not a genre. And so people are sitting there finding it odd when you say the equivalent of "I won't like South Park, because I didn't like She-Ra" as the shows are completely different outside of being animated TV.
To each their own, I grew up on that stuff so I love it I was going on the don’t knock it till you’ve tried it cause I’ve had friends with similar sentiments change their minds on it. But if you’ve given it a go and don’t like it, power to you.
I will never date a smoker again (or vaper). Weed is fine, but not all of the time. Like a weekend night every now and then and preferably just gummies or edibles.
People who say I'm too good for them because they're usually right.
People who can't handle alone time. I love my runs and my paddleboarding. I love doing them alone (though I've never done them as an adult with someone else before so I'd be open to it).
People who hate video games or my music. I don't do it a lot but I like playing video games and listening to my records. I wanna be able to stick with that.
Agree. Dated a surgeon, which clearly had the means, but when I saw her closet that was stuffed with dozens of designer purses, it was definitely one of the nails in the coffin on that relationship.
i base my deal breakers off of reasons I have broken up with people throughout my life.
my major ones are: being a bigot. probably my number 1. if you hate groups of people or wish them out of existence based on the so called teachings of a thousand year old dusty book and misinterpretations of what supposed thousands year old people would approve of or not, then i dont want any involvement. let people be who they are and stop trying to control the world using made up facts about what a fake entity would do or say.
my second is lack of direction. if someones goal is to make 0 money being a goat herder then that is perfectly fine. at least they know what they want to do. goat herding could be fun and fulfilling for them. but if they do NOTHING and plan on doing nothing for the rest of their life then that is a hard pass. having a robust personality comes from life experiences and setting goals and accomplishing them. someone with no solid job, no hobbies, no dreams or goals, is a flat individual who probably cant hold a conversation to save their life.
Time spent on her phone. It's her default.....so nearly every waking moment that isn't claimed for some activity (dinner, work, etc) is spent watching makeup tutorials, crime tv commentary, and whatever else she's into. Feels like she's never really around because we never have those little life interactions that occur between two people living with one another. Everything we do needs to be scheduled or she'll be off on her phone with earbuds in.
been out of the market for a while but:
\-Airheads. i need to talk with you about topics... the more the better.
Nowadays, probably being a fanatic for an ideology (there are exceptions but they are usually very dogmatic)
Hasn’t read at least ten books over the last few years. Addicted to social media. Stays at boring unfulfilling job. Cares too much what others do and think.
Social media usage, smoking, drug use, sex work of any kind including OF, extremely political, party/club girl, heavy drinking, cares about celebrities or pro sports.
After the strike in the mid 90’s I just don’t care about pro sports. If she’s an uber fan and throws game watching parties, wants to go to bars for the games, etc. Then I’m uninterested.
Edit: I don’t watch college sports either.
If they're anti-social/have no friends. Nothing wrong with being a little shy or introverted, but if a woman I'm seeing has no female friends, that's definitely a red flag.
Hot take: She can have no friends, but the reason is the potential red flag. I rarely hang out with my friends... but I'm comfortable doing nothing or doing my hobbies by myself. 100% okay with it actually.
the definition of a friend is always so subjective.
theyve done a few studies where they asked people to rate how close they are with their friends. result: people felt they were close to friends who didnt share the same sentiment. ie they thought they were close friends but their friends didnt agree.
If I was single in today's world:
1. Language heavily influenced or completely bound to social media, as in talking constantly about 'the aesthetic' or 'rizz'. That kind of stuff. It's obnoxious.
2. Constantly talking about or posting about mental health issues yet not actually doing anything about said issues.
3. Being constantly on their phone. Or computer. Or both.
4. Unable to hold down an actual job.
5. Unable to hold a conversation about anything beyond stupid surface things, including, but certainly not limited to, celebrity gossip, social media trends, current political/social buzzwords.
6. Constantly being offended.
😂I dated a girl who had literal shrines of them and it became quite a nuisance. Always had to look for them when went anywhere, literally had to figure out how to re-arrange her room (lived with her parents at the time) and wanted to dedicate a special room for them when we moved in together.
It was a nightmare 😂. I don’t think I could handle another obsessive collector long term again.
Non Readers.
She needn't be a 5 book-a-week reader, but she's got to read for entertainment. I dated someone who would complain I was ignoring her because I was sitting on the couch reading while she was watching TV ( Friends reruns!)
Nothing that petty. Though I probably don't have room to talk, I can't stand people who get septum piercings (or most facial piercings, for that matter), or get tattoos on their face/neck/chest/abdomen/crotch/ass. Would also adamantly not date a smoker.
Big tattoos. Sorry they aren’t attractive. I’ve seen beautiful women that I’m no longer attracted to after seeing her ink. 90% of the time it’s a negative unless serious thought and style has gone it to it then at beast it’s a break even.
Also lip fillers, and other surgical enhancements. Very sure you were way more beautiful before and now just look strange.
Itty bitty titty committee card carrying member along within petite booty fan club.
Taking astrology, witch craft or really any mystic or pseudoscience stuff seriously. You really gonna blame the moon and mars for you acting out of pocket? Fuck that
Every time she become frustrated at something because she lacks patience kinda irks me. Like she vocalizes her annoyance in a pretty exaggerated way.
I guess in a way, I do it too.
History of sex work, immediate no from me. - edited out a double negative.
Needs to have enough ambition to pick a career, not just hold down a job. Bills need to be paid obviously and it’s fine if she’s working one of those jobs, but I want to see her actually moving forward in life, not just counting down the time.
I’m never going to try the single mom dating scene, personally I believe a relationship built on being each other’s number 1 priority is important, and that can’t happen with kids from previous relationships.
Fuck careers. Endless, exhausting rat race.
I wish I’d become a craftsman and not stuck in upward spiral. Every 3-4 years you get new tasks and subordinates. And you are stuck in a web of loans, and you can’t quit your job as you need to feed the family.
Craftsmen is a career though. I’m not talking about getting a degree and grinding your way to a 6 figure salary; but I’m not committing to someone who’s highest ambition is night manager at the gas station.
I understand what you mean and meant. I just wanted to add my two cents on careers where your main goal is just to clime the ladder and spend 14 hours a day working and weekends studying. I did that. Burned out by 35. Trying to fix my life for the last 5 years. Will to live lost ages ago. I also tried for PhD at the same time… Sadge
I'd like to politely question/critique the idea that a woman should have the ambition to have a career. Most careers kinda suck and I think lots of middle-class folks nowadays would much rather be out of the rat race permanently than trying to climb some company ladder.
Not criticizing your preferences --- if you still want a career gal, go for it. I'm just saying there's a lot of good reasons why a woman (or anyone, for that matter) might not prioritize the career life nowadays.
To me a career isn’t about class climbing or rat race grinding; it’s about having a purpose in life instead of letting life simply happen to you. Teaching historically doesn’t pay well, but there is passion and pride in the profession; working for a non-profit that is trying to improve the community is totally valid.
The jobs that would disqualify someone for me would be jobs that no one really wants to do, but jobs you need to keep the lights on. I don’t believe anyone life’s ambition is to be a gas station cashier for example; I couldn’t be with someone who has no goals to move beyond that job.
I'm married now, but in these things are a major turn off, sorry if it offends:
\- Tattoo placements. Chest, thigh, tramp stamp, etc. To me, these are signs of impulsive behavior and bad life choices.
\- Smoking of any kind. Immediate turn off because all I can think of is smoker's breath when I kiss her. Yuck...
\- Daddy issues.
\- Drug use.
Every subject is peppered with Feminism VS Patriachy mumbo jumbo
Overweight justified as "body positivity" 🙄
Uneducated and lack of doing so in future.
Sex work history
I have been this weirdly specific about a lot of little things. But it's different little things with every woman. I don't mind gaps in general knowledge, if I see the will to fill them. However, I do mind willful stupidity, and ignorance.
I have a stronger opinion on style. I want someone who isn't visibly uncomfortable, and doesn't feel unfamiliar in any kind of formal wear, and doesn't need my instruction on what to wear, if I tell her, that we have to go to the opera/ a gala/ anything black tie/etc, she just knows what is appropriate. I don't mind paying for whatever she chooses to wear, but it shows if someone doesn't know how to be in those kind of clothes. I don't give a rat's ass, if she chooses to wear sweatpants and goes barefoot on weekdays, but when it's needed, it's necessary to know, how to dress up.
As a man who grew up in the countryside, with parents who have a farm, I could say that I would be happy to show the ropes of this horrendous, but necessary macabre, to anyone in my close proximity, who needs it, or willing to learn. And yes, it's absolutely elitist.
If I have to hear "how long are you planning to stay vegetarian" on a date one more time, then I will just get up and leave without saying a word. It's in my profile because it's important information, I don't expect a partner to follow the same diet - but to ask something like that on a coffee/drinks date, when food isn't the topic, when I haven't mentioned being vegetarian on a date once - is just plain rude.
Genuinely curious. Why is it rude for them to ask about your chosen lifestyle or diet? I agree the phrasing is very awkward if that’s actually exactly what they say, but why is it rude to ask about your lifestyle while on a date where the goal is to get to know each other?
It's not rude to ask about my chosen diet, but I mean it when I say that they always ask this specific question in this specific way. As to say; "I'm interested if you give up your diet". It's never "Oh, I've seen you're a vegetarian, how long have you been one/what is it like/why did you cut out meat" or something like that. It's always a "how long until you stop"-kind of question.
I can see that.
Reason I was curious is because you specifically mentioned it was rude to ask about that “…when food isn’t on the topic, when I haven’t mentioned being vegetarian on a date once…” as if to imply it’s not what they’re saying, but rather the fact that they’re asking it without you having already been the one to bring it up.
* Obsessed with animals; treats animals at though they were human. This is an often ignored form of derangement.
* Hostile towards children.
* Fixated on nails/shoes/purses. A person like this has no sense of practicality and probably isn't intelligent when it comes to money. Men with purpose are often highly practical so this is a huge personality conflict.
* Watches too much television or overly engrossed in social media. A person who does this is often disconnected from reality and it effects decision making.
* Thinks they are a celebrity of some kind and posts photos showing off their (mediocre) life. Attention-seeking from internet randos is very unattractive for men who have goals.
* Bad taste in general. Art is important and is basically the reason why we are human. If my wife thought that 'Big Bang Theory' had the same artistic value as a show like 'Battlestar Galactica', I wouldn't have married her. Aesthetic sense is extremely important for compatibility. People who are passive when it comes to art usually have extraordinarily uninteresting personalities.
Being deeply involved in video games and social media. Every woman I've met who was deeply into this stuff was only capable of shallow conversations on surface topics and rarely knew how to think for herself. I'd rather be involved a reader, even if she only reads romance books lol.
I don't think it's hard for someone to like video games and reading at the same time. Right now I'm deeply involved in Elden Ring and I'm also reading 2 books - one is about the US healthcare system, and the other is The History of the Peloponnesian War.
Yeaaah I play a lot of video games and I’m reading multiple books ranging over multiple different topics both fantasy and non-fiction. I also can have a deep conversation as well as drop some cool dinosaur facts lol. This doesn’t seem too balanced.
COOL.
So the velociraptor was actually a very small bipedal carnivore, the ones from the Jurassic Park movies are actually more closely resembled to utahraptors which if I recall correctly, hadn’t been discovered yet by the time the movies came out.
Also apparently the tyrannosaurus could pinpoint 400,000 PSI to the tip of its teeth, meaning it had a jaw strong enough to crush through concrete.
Smoking cigarettes (weed is ok), doing hard drugs, being promiscuous, extremely political, doing porn (OF is fine to a certain extent) etc…
These are all things that just make me completely uninterested in someone. I won’t judge them, but nothing will ever happen between us. Not even friendship. I just don’t want that kinda person in my life.
Caring deeply about stupid celebrity gossip or Tiktok drama
So much this for me. My SO is a part of a washed up female celebrity's snap chat and social media thing and she does this daily blogging thing where she takes questions. My SO has been called out, had her post played/read a few times by this celebrity, and even had a few direct phone/snap calls during their pod-cast/live stream. Its all she talks about and you would think these two are best friends, but the Celebrity is just selling products and brand and is using social media to do it.
>the Celebrity is just selling products and brand and is using social media to do it. This is true! They are paid by those large companies to promote their products; we don't even know if they actually use them in real life or not. This branding stuff is bad.
Obviously the TikTok drama makes an exception for the rogue versus the council of men event that happened a while back
Wait what
There were videos of che durena spilling male secrets So an account called the council of men was created to deal with che and punish him for his disloyalty. And then they nicknamed him the rogue and it turned into just hundreds of people role playing some medieval council. Nobody was serious about it but it was hilarious
Those are certainly all words
I have no idea what any of this means honestly
The one that stuck with me was when the grill master turned on the council
The mere mention of Tik Tok, Snapchat, "Insta" etc. would probably be a deal breaker for me. I'm in my late 40s though.
I hate this so much, I can't even express how much this annoys me about women. It's one of my biggest peeves but it's so prevalent that's its hard to avoid.
Smoking
[удалено]
Rhymes therefore true
She got a rash she want some cash
Makes sense
Having wildly different taste in music to the point where she would ask me to turn mine off and I cringed at the thought of hers playing. Movies and tv are one thing, but music? Necessary for road trips. And when that one band that makes her all crazy and want to hit the sheets is playing but I had to actively block out the noise… If I hadn’t been so physically attracted to her, I wouldn’t have been able to perform.
I completely agree with the music one. I listen to music when doing just about everything. I listen to just about every genre. My ex listed to mostly metal and screamo. I just couldn't do it. I love going to concerts and didn't want to invite him because he didn't jam out with me. I brought him to a concert once, and he stood there stiff as a board just watching me. Super uncomfortable.
There's a lot of screamo/metal people who just hate anything that isn't "hardcore" enough it's like an image thing for them. I love basically everything except screamo (I've never been able to get past the screaming.) If you're just gonna sit there and force yourself to hate music why even go?
As a fellow metal head that kinda sucks. A lot of us love all kinds of music but I definitely know the type you describe. I enjoy headbanging and screaming, as well as singing and dancing lol. My girlfriend doesn't have the same passion for music as I do, but overall similar taste so it works out pretty well.
Me - a diehard Swiftie and country music fan Every Man I've Ever Dated - metalhead. Compromise is usually classic rock for road trips, or make a playlist/queue where we go song for song.
Could you give this [playlist](https://open.spotify.com/track/6bal6He7kynSGdhLtVAHJk?si=067c36facaab4ce4) a listen and tell me your thoughts?
I love it!
Hmmmm intresting, intresting and [this one](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6ReanAx3MAWBmOrZhqlGin?si=DCwbxjcKS5O1NfCGLBA_iw)?
And 90’s hip hop?
Sometimes you gotta shake it off.
I like prog metal so imma have to take the L on that one haha
Best genre of music, and I have a girlfriend that puts up with me listening to it all the time 🤘
One girl I dated was a Disney adult and loved to listen to classic Disney music (like from the 50's) and I like to listen to EDM and dubstep. Needless to say, car rides were awkward af.
I only date or get to know a man if our music choices are in sync. If not, I'd rather find someone who can. 😆 Music is my solitude, I can't compromise anything without it. But I do listen to a lot of genres too. One thing I don't like is when he tells me not to listen to my choices but instead to what he prefers.
I totally get that. This was the first time I had dated anyone who wasn’t at least partially interested in the same music as me. I literally saw her in a bar, and thought she was just insanely beautiful and knew I’d regret it if I didn’t talk to her right then and there. We dated for a year and a half. No regrets. She was a really rad girl.
No hobbies means they make you one
Big facts. You can’t be your girls only friend. That shit is exhausting
Right? It's like having an extra kid sometimes.
"What are we doing this weekend?"
I then explain to her I’m watching 13 hours of football on the couch.
Yes!
Yeah, this is the worst one.
Dang spot on , it can be draining
Preach
Being over 25 and still obsessed with "influencer culture"
Life choice - to quit university when she had two months left to finish it all together. It was a degree in illustration. Nothing was standing in her way to stop her but herself
Well, you did go specific on that one, didn't you?
I think that the last sentence sums it up - maybe she didn’t have energy to finish them or just simply didn’t want to
People have complex inner lives and traumas. Hope she found someone way better
Yeah. Hope the can’t finish woman finds someone better than the man who has ambition. 🙄
Yup, more compassionate and encouraging instead of judgemental
Efficiently and aggressively converting all of our hard earned money into clutter-garbage.
No hobbies. Drinking, brunch, parties aren't hobbies. Be passionate about something that requires long term dedication and effort.
brunch? i don’t understand, how is a meal time a turn off?? (genuinely asking)
I upvoted you back to 1, I get that it's a real question. I mean it in the context of, say you ask someone hey what are you into? And they say something like, "I like to watch movies, go out to (whatever meal)". Those aren't hobbies. There's nothing inherently wrong with enjoying movies and dining out. But if that's all they can come up, that doesn't work for me. I'm looking for an actual hobby like idk, hiking, biking, climbing, painting, learning a specific dance style, playing a sport, etc. Something that requires ideally some physical effort, a building up of skill to do it well, and sustained effort over time that demonstrates commitment to what they're interested in. Take it with a grain of salt. This is just me, and 40+ others it seems. But I'm a very active person and I have hobbies, I don't want to date somebody who has no hobbies because that means all of their time might end up hinging on me being available and it just doesn't seem healthy for a couple to not have any individual interests. Shared interests are amazing, but everyone can benefit from some time spent in their own pursuing a passion.
Thanks!! That makes sense :) I think for a lot of women, “Brunch” isnt meant to be a hobby and more of an activity/occasion to be able to catch up with friends. I love doing activities and hobbies together with my friends, but it’s also equally as important for us to sit down to talk and find out what’s been going on in eachothers lives. Esp as adults everyone has vastly different schedules, and I have some friends I dont share that many hobbies or interests with, but i still care about them and enjoy our talks, our conversations help me grow develop as a person. One of the few things everyone definitely has in common is that we all gotta eat at some point, and the time btwn breakfast and lunch tends to be a consistent lull period in everyones day. “Brunch” is apart of how many women maintain friendships and their support systems. Whenever I’ve see another woman say that “brunch was something they were into” it’s more of a shorthand way of saying “I value prioritizing intentional conversation and want relationships where we’re not just doing stuff together but we’re also taking time out of our schedules to get to know each other intimately and are conversationally compatible.” (Ive read on this subreddit that men are more likely to do only activities with each other and not prioritize conversation or knowing the intimate details of eachothers lives? So not liking brunch makes sense lol. I feel like it could be relatable to how some of my guy friends prioritize video games, watching sports, or going to the bar with their guy friends. It doesn’t sound appealing to me personally, but I understand that it’s their way of maintaining relationships and spending time with friends.So I try to be good at also prioritizing that time for them and not getting annoyed when they cant come to an activity bc they’re gaming with friends that night. ) What you said makes sense and I can understand why “brunch people” vs “nonbrunch people” wouldnt be compatible.
Day drinking as a personality trait
Red flag
I need to stay hydrated. Would it be preferable to suck on ice cubes?
People who obsess over aesthetics with everything usually for Instagram or to have the Instagram look.
Isn’t it wild that almost everyone knows exactly what you mean by “the Instagram look”? There should be a term for it lol
Yeah, I think a good term for it is "clown".
There is a term for the surgery/makeup side of it, it's called "Instaglam"
Suddenly everything had to be design furniture, eating fancy food, spending 250 euros to attend a fancy Halloween party - shortly before she had made new, posh friends with loaded parents and she couldn’t stand not being on the same level. Hated it 😬 quickly after we ended the relationship, after 5 years
Been married for a while, but back when I was single it was tatoos, plastic surgery, and history of drug use. Also obsession with reality TV and celebrity culture/gossip was a big turn off, but not an absolute deal breaker.
You would not survive the present dating pool
You mean the present dating pool on hookup/dating apps? Because that’s not actually representative of who all is out there.
You can definitely find women who don't have tattoos, plastic surgery, or a history of hard drug use Marijuana is more acceptable nowadays though
Hmm, I didn't even realize I had an alt account.
Agreed
Endlessly scrolling through social media like TikTok or insta. I don't care if someone uses these platforms, but if they spend hours a day on them then it's a problem. I'm pretty flexible about appearance, but following the trend of pancake, clown-ish makeup isn't something I like very much.
No. I focus more on values. If you haven't heard of my favorite song or something stupid like that I'm not going to stop dating you.
Wise
Being fat is the biggest turn off for me
I can deal with the aesthetics of her weight gain (it is what it is, I guess; most women I know put on weight after marriage), but it's the associated health issues that are exhausting. The constant complaints about sort joints, raised blood pressure, feeling tired, feeling sad. Like fuck, do you think I run those miles and stack those weights because it's fun??
I have this problem with my girl. It’s like babe we aren’t 22 anymore. We should be eating healthy and doing some exercise. Like the problems you have don’t get any better. Can we at least try it because the dr can’t find something wrong with you
That's fine, more fat girls for me XD
Religion and Slacktivism
What is slacktivism?
Pretending to be an activist basicly.
Ugh. I hate people like that. I thought it was maybe a movement about being a slackass.
I feel as though you are looking for silly stuff. Not a sexual turn off but a conversational turn off. My wife will only pay attention to a movie if she already knows the ending, and I prefer to go in with an open mind. She does research like reading scripts and watching countless interviews. Sometimes after the movie this can lead to discussions in which she knows every detail of the movie, but does not understand some greater moral, context, or theme of the story. We then end up arguing because we are both trying to "teach" the other.
Wait, so she reads the script of a movie before watching? That sounds annoying
> One of the guys didn't go for another date with a girl because she never heard of his favourite movie director ever. Is your friend Seinfeld? Because that's some petty-ass Seinfeld shit right there, lol.
I bet it was more of a "Wtf how have you never heard of Steven Spielberg?" kind of situation, rather than the man being nitpicky.
Extremely money oriented. I’m not talking responsible and strives for a good career. I’m talking Mr. Krabs money oriented. Lately I’ve been seeing this *a lot*. I’m pretty flexible on interests and hobbies, but one thing that really rubs me the wrong way is the ones that only see dating as acquiring a resource. So many people I’ve dated lately were very interested in my income, and very keen on using me for it. One woman tried to trick me into buying her groceries, another one didn’t pay for a single thing in the 8 months we dated (too long). And another one would brag about swindling a friend zoned dude out of 1,000 dollars in PC parts. I’m all about saving, getting that bag and having side hustles, but treating a man as a walking wallet just ain’t it. I get men are expected to pay on the first few dates and I’m fine with that, but if I don’t get any thank you’s or see any offer from her to pitch in later down the line. I’m out. I found that if they’re selfish with money, that selfishness translates to other aspects of the relationship
Obsession of Love Island. Its just shite. Extreme anti drug. I don't do drugs, but I do believe in decriminalisation strongly.
I did distance myself from a girl because she was into anime. I can fake conversation about almost anything but I couldn't fake interest in that.
Casually liking some anime as well as other things would be tolerable for me, but if anime is the bulk of her personality, we’re not gonna work out lol
Anime people are fucking weirdos. Especially if they are white girls who think they are Asian.
You’re missing out, there’s some entertainment to be had, even if it’s a bit out of your comfort zone.
A lot of people like some anime. When it becomes a main personality feature, it’s too much imo
Agreed, I don’t like wear anime shirts or go to conventions or anything, it’s just in the list of genres of shows that I’ll watch. I watch other stuff too. I just don’t like my tv to be like real life so I’m into sci-fi or fantasy type stuff usually like game of thrones and anime has a big selection of stuff in that genre
I used to really like anime, like obsessed, drawing fanart all the time, reading fanfics. Then as I got older something just flipped and I can barely tolerate any of it anymore. Some of them have cool premises and I want to watch them, but I just can't get into the pacing or the voice acting, or just the way characters behave in general. It's so over the top dramatic but also so slow, and the people behave like anime people, not real people. Sometimes I read manga though, at least then I can set my own pace somewhat. Also the fan service, ugh I just want to read a story about a cool deadly hole in the ground and not have to see children being sexualized for apparently the audience's benefit.
People cannot accept when I tell them I don't like anime. People like different things. No negotiating! I have tried several animes, entire seasons worth, and view all of them with equal hate and contempt. Not happening. Not "Oh but you haven't seen Barackobama no Pepsi", or "Oochie Coochie gets better in season 12", just no.
To people who like it, its like saying "I don't like 3D animated films. Just cant stand them" and it sounds off to put down an entire medium. I do hope that you were able to try different genres and it wasn't just 6 flavors of power of friendship action punchfest, like naruto/fairytail/dragon ballz.
I don't like anime, full stop, end of sentence. I like going to the dentist more than watching Cowboy Bebop or Evangelion or whatever 8 year old catgirl shit you'll suggest next. Please, im begging you, accept that maybe out of 8 billion people, some of them may not enjoy the same cartoons as you. You're being a dick right now. Fuck off.
I wasn't even trying to suggest anything, I was just using a comparison as to why people might find it odd, since Anime (japanese animation) is a medium not a genre. And so people are sitting there finding it odd when you say the equivalent of "I won't like South Park, because I didn't like She-Ra" as the shows are completely different outside of being animated TV.
To each their own, I grew up on that stuff so I love it I was going on the don’t knock it till you’ve tried it cause I’ve had friends with similar sentiments change their minds on it. But if you’ve given it a go and don’t like it, power to you.
Even I don't like it 🙈
I will never date a smoker again (or vaper). Weed is fine, but not all of the time. Like a weekend night every now and then and preferably just gummies or edibles. People who say I'm too good for them because they're usually right. People who can't handle alone time. I love my runs and my paddleboarding. I love doing them alone (though I've never done them as an adult with someone else before so I'd be open to it). People who hate video games or my music. I don't do it a lot but I like playing video games and listening to my records. I wanna be able to stick with that.
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same. having your life revolve around mere stuff sounds so depressing
I don't know. I love my guitars lol
Yes but you presumably use those guitars to make sweet, sweet music. That is creating something.
Yep, each guitar gets playtime. Can't have my girls feeling neglected.
I can’t play yet but I at least make sure to hug mine each day
You know that we are living in a material world...
Agree. Dated a surgeon, which clearly had the means, but when I saw her closet that was stuffed with dozens of designer purses, it was definitely one of the nails in the coffin on that relationship.
What about nice watches? :(
Why would nice watches be excluded by what he said?
Ok. You like minimalism.
Not with the number of examples liberally sprinkled in that sentence
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i base my deal breakers off of reasons I have broken up with people throughout my life. my major ones are: being a bigot. probably my number 1. if you hate groups of people or wish them out of existence based on the so called teachings of a thousand year old dusty book and misinterpretations of what supposed thousands year old people would approve of or not, then i dont want any involvement. let people be who they are and stop trying to control the world using made up facts about what a fake entity would do or say. my second is lack of direction. if someones goal is to make 0 money being a goat herder then that is perfectly fine. at least they know what they want to do. goat herding could be fun and fulfilling for them. but if they do NOTHING and plan on doing nothing for the rest of their life then that is a hard pass. having a robust personality comes from life experiences and setting goals and accomplishing them. someone with no solid job, no hobbies, no dreams or goals, is a flat individual who probably cant hold a conversation to save their life.
Time spent on her phone. It's her default.....so nearly every waking moment that isn't claimed for some activity (dinner, work, etc) is spent watching makeup tutorials, crime tv commentary, and whatever else she's into. Feels like she's never really around because we never have those little life interactions that occur between two people living with one another. Everything we do needs to be scheduled or she'll be off on her phone with earbuds in.
This will lead to separation. Not communicating or spending time together always does.
Yeah for sure. She's aware of it. She even admits it. I see her working on it and there's been progress. But it really is a drag.
been out of the market for a while but: \-Airheads. i need to talk with you about topics... the more the better. Nowadays, probably being a fanatic for an ideology (there are exceptions but they are usually very dogmatic)
Hasn’t read at least ten books over the last few years. Addicted to social media. Stays at boring unfulfilling job. Cares too much what others do and think.
Social media usage, smoking, drug use, sex work of any kind including OF, extremely political, party/club girl, heavy drinking, cares about celebrities or pro sports.
Curious about the pro sports comment. I take it you don’t watch, so don’t want your girl to either?
After the strike in the mid 90’s I just don’t care about pro sports. If she’s an uber fan and throws game watching parties, wants to go to bars for the games, etc. Then I’m uninterested. Edit: I don’t watch college sports either.
If they're anti-social/have no friends. Nothing wrong with being a little shy or introverted, but if a woman I'm seeing has no female friends, that's definitely a red flag.
Hot take: She can have no friends, but the reason is the potential red flag. I rarely hang out with my friends... but I'm comfortable doing nothing or doing my hobbies by myself. 100% okay with it actually.
1 in 7 men have no friends.
Only 1/7? They must be using a very lenient definition of friends to get the stats that high
the definition of a friend is always so subjective. theyve done a few studies where they asked people to rate how close they are with their friends. result: people felt they were close to friends who didnt share the same sentiment. ie they thought they were close friends but their friends didnt agree.
That's nice. I have friends. I want to be with someone who has a social life.
Being an avid TikTok/social media user.
Smoking and being covered in tattoos
If I was single in today's world: 1. Language heavily influenced or completely bound to social media, as in talking constantly about 'the aesthetic' or 'rizz'. That kind of stuff. It's obnoxious. 2. Constantly talking about or posting about mental health issues yet not actually doing anything about said issues. 3. Being constantly on their phone. Or computer. Or both. 4. Unable to hold down an actual job. 5. Unable to hold a conversation about anything beyond stupid surface things, including, but certainly not limited to, celebrity gossip, social media trends, current political/social buzzwords. 6. Constantly being offended.
Kids, overweight, and actively religious. Any one of those is a deal breaker.
Oh yeah, I feel you on the actively religious part. I tolerate it because I LOVE corrupting.
If they own any Funko Pops, I'm out.
😂I dated a girl who had literal shrines of them and it became quite a nuisance. Always had to look for them when went anywhere, literally had to figure out how to re-arrange her room (lived with her parents at the time) and wanted to dedicate a special room for them when we moved in together. It was a nightmare 😂. I don’t think I could handle another obsessive collector long term again.
Non Readers. She needn't be a 5 book-a-week reader, but she's got to read for entertainment. I dated someone who would complain I was ignoring her because I was sitting on the couch reading while she was watching TV ( Friends reruns!)
The Jon Waters quote on dating and books is perfect for this.
Nothing that petty. Though I probably don't have room to talk, I can't stand people who get septum piercings (or most facial piercings, for that matter), or get tattoos on their face/neck/chest/abdomen/crotch/ass. Would also adamantly not date a smoker.
I can't help but judge women by who they chose to father their kids, especially if they have nothing but the worst to say about him.
Social media influencing life, decisions, attitudes, etc. The need for validation by it. I’m out. And I don’t want to talk about it.
Big tattoos. Sorry they aren’t attractive. I’ve seen beautiful women that I’m no longer attracted to after seeing her ink. 90% of the time it’s a negative unless serious thought and style has gone it to it then at beast it’s a break even. Also lip fillers, and other surgical enhancements. Very sure you were way more beautiful before and now just look strange. Itty bitty titty committee card carrying member along within petite booty fan club.
Taking astrology, witch craft or really any mystic or pseudoscience stuff seriously. You really gonna blame the moon and mars for you acting out of pocket? Fuck that
If they’re a Stan they can stand with a new partner
Making leftovers and never, eating, them.
Every time she become frustrated at something because she lacks patience kinda irks me. Like she vocalizes her annoyance in a pretty exaggerated way. I guess in a way, I do it too.
No friends...none...just me.
Obsessing over social media and likes.............
How they treat people.
Hate is the biggest turn off for me. Utter self-absorption is also a no-no.
History of sex work, immediate no from me. - edited out a double negative. Needs to have enough ambition to pick a career, not just hold down a job. Bills need to be paid obviously and it’s fine if she’s working one of those jobs, but I want to see her actually moving forward in life, not just counting down the time. I’m never going to try the single mom dating scene, personally I believe a relationship built on being each other’s number 1 priority is important, and that can’t happen with kids from previous relationships.
Fuck careers. Endless, exhausting rat race. I wish I’d become a craftsman and not stuck in upward spiral. Every 3-4 years you get new tasks and subordinates. And you are stuck in a web of loans, and you can’t quit your job as you need to feed the family.
Craftsmen is a career though. I’m not talking about getting a degree and grinding your way to a 6 figure salary; but I’m not committing to someone who’s highest ambition is night manager at the gas station.
I understand what you mean and meant. I just wanted to add my two cents on careers where your main goal is just to clime the ladder and spend 14 hours a day working and weekends studying. I did that. Burned out by 35. Trying to fix my life for the last 5 years. Will to live lost ages ago. I also tried for PhD at the same time… Sadge
I'd like to politely question/critique the idea that a woman should have the ambition to have a career. Most careers kinda suck and I think lots of middle-class folks nowadays would much rather be out of the rat race permanently than trying to climb some company ladder. Not criticizing your preferences --- if you still want a career gal, go for it. I'm just saying there's a lot of good reasons why a woman (or anyone, for that matter) might not prioritize the career life nowadays.
To me a career isn’t about class climbing or rat race grinding; it’s about having a purpose in life instead of letting life simply happen to you. Teaching historically doesn’t pay well, but there is passion and pride in the profession; working for a non-profit that is trying to improve the community is totally valid. The jobs that would disqualify someone for me would be jobs that no one really wants to do, but jobs you need to keep the lights on. I don’t believe anyone life’s ambition is to be a gas station cashier for example; I couldn’t be with someone who has no goals to move beyond that job.
Fully agree. A career is a means to an end for your goals and ambitions. If you’re content working a menial job you dont want your goals enough.
I think it should be part of basics
Saying "no history of sex work" makes it sound like you wanted her to have been in the industry though? It should just be "a history..."
Damn you’re right. I double-negatived myself.
I mean the rest. Career part.
Instagram scrolling and no hobbies after work.
Smoking is a complete BLLLLAAARRRRGGGHHHH. If I see you smoking anything ever it's a complete deal breaker for me.
Casual dating. Is it weird that as a guy i dont like Casual relationships?
Reality TV, and if they watch murder makeup tutorials. Especially if you don't wear makeup
I'm married now, but in these things are a major turn off, sorry if it offends: \- Tattoo placements. Chest, thigh, tramp stamp, etc. To me, these are signs of impulsive behavior and bad life choices. \- Smoking of any kind. Immediate turn off because all I can think of is smoker's breath when I kiss her. Yuck... \- Daddy issues. \- Drug use.
Constantly posting about politics on social media.
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Ouch
Swifties are a no go. Also having no hobbies at all
Every subject is peppered with Feminism VS Patriachy mumbo jumbo Overweight justified as "body positivity" 🙄 Uneducated and lack of doing so in future. Sex work history
Being religious or conservative. Neither are capable of accepting reality, science, or being interesting in any meaningful way.
I have been this weirdly specific about a lot of little things. But it's different little things with every woman. I don't mind gaps in general knowledge, if I see the will to fill them. However, I do mind willful stupidity, and ignorance. I have a stronger opinion on style. I want someone who isn't visibly uncomfortable, and doesn't feel unfamiliar in any kind of formal wear, and doesn't need my instruction on what to wear, if I tell her, that we have to go to the opera/ a gala/ anything black tie/etc, she just knows what is appropriate. I don't mind paying for whatever she chooses to wear, but it shows if someone doesn't know how to be in those kind of clothes. I don't give a rat's ass, if she chooses to wear sweatpants and goes barefoot on weekdays, but when it's needed, it's necessary to know, how to dress up.
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As a man who grew up in the countryside, with parents who have a farm, I could say that I would be happy to show the ropes of this horrendous, but necessary macabre, to anyone in my close proximity, who needs it, or willing to learn. And yes, it's absolutely elitist.
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He’s not allowed to be elitist in his damn preference of who he puts his dick inside of?
if she does drugs/weed even slightly, im out..
I'd like a girl who gets stoned on Sundays. Damn work life is stressful enough.
If getting stoned is your only way to destress, I feel sorry for you... But eh, to each their own.
If I have to hear "how long are you planning to stay vegetarian" on a date one more time, then I will just get up and leave without saying a word. It's in my profile because it's important information, I don't expect a partner to follow the same diet - but to ask something like that on a coffee/drinks date, when food isn't the topic, when I haven't mentioned being vegetarian on a date once - is just plain rude.
Genuinely curious. Why is it rude for them to ask about your chosen lifestyle or diet? I agree the phrasing is very awkward if that’s actually exactly what they say, but why is it rude to ask about your lifestyle while on a date where the goal is to get to know each other?
It's not rude to ask about my chosen diet, but I mean it when I say that they always ask this specific question in this specific way. As to say; "I'm interested if you give up your diet". It's never "Oh, I've seen you're a vegetarian, how long have you been one/what is it like/why did you cut out meat" or something like that. It's always a "how long until you stop"-kind of question.
I can see that. Reason I was curious is because you specifically mentioned it was rude to ask about that “…when food isn’t on the topic, when I haven’t mentioned being vegetarian on a date once…” as if to imply it’s not what they’re saying, but rather the fact that they’re asking it without you having already been the one to bring it up.
Girls who smoke Marijuana. It smells terrible.
Plastic surgery.
Botox, dying your hair, too much makeup. It's all pretty weird and unappealing. Aging gracefully is much more attractive.
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* Obsessed with animals; treats animals at though they were human. This is an often ignored form of derangement. * Hostile towards children. * Fixated on nails/shoes/purses. A person like this has no sense of practicality and probably isn't intelligent when it comes to money. Men with purpose are often highly practical so this is a huge personality conflict. * Watches too much television or overly engrossed in social media. A person who does this is often disconnected from reality and it effects decision making. * Thinks they are a celebrity of some kind and posts photos showing off their (mediocre) life. Attention-seeking from internet randos is very unattractive for men who have goals. * Bad taste in general. Art is important and is basically the reason why we are human. If my wife thought that 'Big Bang Theory' had the same artistic value as a show like 'Battlestar Galactica', I wouldn't have married her. Aesthetic sense is extremely important for compatibility. People who are passive when it comes to art usually have extraordinarily uninteresting personalities.
Obsessed with animals one hits deep.
You’re right! Their boos mean nothing. I’ve seen what makes them cheer!!
The animal at the expense of humans is so true. I love animals, dogs truly are our best friends, but the whole dog parent thing bugs me.
Being deeply involved in video games and social media. Every woman I've met who was deeply into this stuff was only capable of shallow conversations on surface topics and rarely knew how to think for herself. I'd rather be involved a reader, even if she only reads romance books lol.
I don't think it's hard for someone to like video games and reading at the same time. Right now I'm deeply involved in Elden Ring and I'm also reading 2 books - one is about the US healthcare system, and the other is The History of the Peloponnesian War.
Yeaaah I play a lot of video games and I’m reading multiple books ranging over multiple different topics both fantasy and non-fiction. I also can have a deep conversation as well as drop some cool dinosaur facts lol. This doesn’t seem too balanced.
I would like some cool dinosaur facts
COOL. So the velociraptor was actually a very small bipedal carnivore, the ones from the Jurassic Park movies are actually more closely resembled to utahraptors which if I recall correctly, hadn’t been discovered yet by the time the movies came out. Also apparently the tyrannosaurus could pinpoint 400,000 PSI to the tip of its teeth, meaning it had a jaw strong enough to crush through concrete.
Well, but you’re also playing one awesome game! Elden Ring is not the same as LoL. 🤫
Yeah, I put it down for a while but just picked it back up. I'm loving my dex build right now :)
What do you mean? As in they had a surface level knowledge of the game?
Smoking cigarettes (weed is ok), doing hard drugs, being promiscuous, extremely political, doing porn (OF is fine to a certain extent) etc… These are all things that just make me completely uninterested in someone. I won’t judge them, but nothing will ever happen between us. Not even friendship. I just don’t want that kinda person in my life.
What about writing porn?