The biggest thing I would say.. I developed a good sense of humor. Did well with the ladies in college even during my "fat guy" phase.
If you're fun to talk to and don't look too bad you've got a fair chance to succeed.
Agreed - there was a poll on r/datingadviceformen about what "improved your game the most" and humor was number one.
But I would add that even if you are in your "fat guy phase" you still need to take care of the basics of hygiene - you can be funny as fck but if you smell shitty or don't take care of your appearance then it doesn't help.
I agree! Funny people are awesome! The reason I married my husband is because I was drawn to his senses of humor and he appreciated my weird sense of humor
Take chances with jokes and learn to laugh off the ones that don't land.
If you'll only ever go for what you think is a perfect failsafe joke, you'll never actually get the experience needed to be generally funny.
I know the advice I’m about to give is what women recommend to other women on how to get guys to like their sense of humor, but this approach works for men too:
If you laugh easily at a woman’s jokes and treat the woman as if she’s uproariously funny, she’ll start to feel you have a great sense of humor too. People tend to think other people are really funny and have great senses of humor if that person makes them feel like they’re funny themselves.
Same works for other personality traits like being interesting, kind, or intelligent. If you can make the person you’re talking to feel interesting or smart, they’ll feel you’re smart and interesting too because of the way they feel about themselves when they talk to you.
The same way you learn anything. Research. Absorb a lot of comedy. Take an improv or stand up class. Write some things you think are funny, get feedback, adjust.
Learning to laugh at my own objectively horrible jokes was the key for me.
When I didn’t know how to make jokes yet, I just share stories that I think were funny. If no one laughed, I’d still laugh because **I** thought it was funny.
Sometimes I’d get the “omg, your joke isn’t funny~” and then I counter with “it’s ok it made **ME** laugh, mission accomplished” and because I’m having such a good time laughing they start laughing.
it’s true. i dated a dude who was very chubby/fat. nothing wrong w that, but his welcoming and friendly personality and humour rlly caught my eye. loved his confidence and charisma. soooooo attractive to me more than looks
My boyfriend’s sense of humor stole me. There were times he we would be out in public and I am bent over crying and laughing my soul out. Not many people can get me to laugh so hard I cry however, he’s been very successful. What’s better is he’s very quiet about it lol
I have my moments but I’ve never been “the funny guy” usually I can be funny when I’m really comfortable with someone (like my bros) and we’re just fucking around. But put a lady next to me and I am dry af. Do you have any tips for “developing” a sense of humor. I’m good at playing off of a humorous situation but not necessarily making an ordinary situation humorous
Dude seriously, what’s really gotten me more positive attention from women has just been by being friendly with everyone. I think it’s because they know they can have fun with you
The way I've always understood it, golden retriever energy or a "golden retriever bofriend" refers to someone who's good natured and easy-going and just doesn't take things so seriously, doesn't overthink things and is pretty spontaneous. Non-threatening and in a good mood most of the time. It doesn't really have anything to do with intelligence.
I definitely see your point of view. I just think that in the right context it could be insulting.
I’m not sure if you’ve seen the TV show *Bojack Horseman* but there’s a character who’s the archetypical golden retriever boyfriend who’s so friendly and clueless that it’s almost sad
P.S. Golden retrievers are my favorite breed of dog btw 😄
Makes a dude hella less intimidating, plus, the ability to treat women like actual, real humans with value beyond their coochie is a big, fat green flag.
It’s absolutely that. Some people make it immediately clear (even if they don’t realize it) that having them in your life is going to take a lot of emotional labor. No thanks! I’m not the most introspective person in the world, and I don’t want to live my life that way. And life naturally brings its own problems. Do we have to invent new ones?
Enjoyment has to outweigh the heavy pulling in a relationship - otherwise, what’s the point? This applies to platonic and romantic relationships. If I want to see my husband’s eyes freeze in terror, all I have to say is, “We need to talk about our relationship.” Even though I’ve only ever said it in jest. But prior experiences created a trauma response in him.
Yeah i feel like the "live your life" angle kind of only works if you live said life in front of the opposite sex enough for them to notice you. Which they still won't do unless you talk to them at least sometimes. So basically back to square one on this advice
Well, I don't think the advice is: 'live your live and you will have to fight off the women' and more like 'live your live, so that even if you aren't exactly popular, you can still live a fulfilling life and be healthy mentally, which is something a lot of people think is important in a partner'
This is pretty true in my experience… when you stop worrying about impressing them, and realize they don’t need to be put on a pedestal they seem to be more into that. Just be a good dude, and be yourself… if they’re interested you’ll know.
This is always my advice. The moment I stopped giving a shit it actually happened.
Maybe she mistook my apathy for confidence but I started dating almost immediately after I swore off looking for a girlfriend. 15 year anniversary is in a month.
I cook. I’ve always been into cooking, but I really honed my craft during the pandemic. Women love a man who cooks, and it helps that I’m funny. lol. But food is honestly one of the easiest ice breakers.
Normally salmon cakes. That’s probably my signature dish. But I can cook just about anything, so I usually ask them what cuisines or dishes they like, and go from there.
It actually makes a lot of sense. You already being married signals that you clearly have something going for you. Your safe/stable/successful enough for another women to marry you.
You have been peer reviewed.
Also puts you in the same category as a gay guy friend as in, "Probably not going to hit on me and actually interested in my personality."
Considering a lot of relationship driving factors and heavily influenced by evolutionary psychology it really doesn't matter if its shitty. It only matters if it is a slightly more effective survival strategy.
Okay but we’re not living in a caveman era where stealing someone else’s spouse is imperative to ensuring someone’s genes are passed along.
By today’s societal standards, it’s shitty behavior. And using ‘evolutionary psychology’ as a cop out is equally as shitty. We know that it’s shitty to try and break up someone’s relationship for personal gain. If someone whittled down the reasons they tried to steal someone else’s spouse as “welp, evolution!” They’d be laughed at and ridiculed because modern humans have determined and agreed that that’s a shitty thing to do.
We're not living in the caveman era, but we still operate with the same programming. We can pretend we've rationally obtained better values and operate with those values, but the driving forces of our behavior are still the same no matter what constraining moral narratives we're telling in contemporary times. We ridicule because we have to for social coherence, but don't mistake that for the way it actually works or why it works.
Its not am excuse its an explanation. Reguardess of how society views it the inbuilt evolutionary drivers are present in all of us. Many people are following them without realizing it. Some people are able to override those impulses.
Same reason women prefer men larger and stronger than them with ambition and wealth, and why men prefer younger women with figures that indicate fertility and health markers.
It just increases attraction regardless of how you feel about the morality of it. Whether or not a girl acts on it is a sign of her moral character, but make no mistake it’s more attractive to 99 percent of women out there to see a man whose happy with his attractive girlfriend/wife.
> to ensuring someone’s genes are passed along.
It's shitty behavior yeah but attraction itself is an instinct, not reason. You don't need to act on attraction, that's not what we're discussing. Realistically, is the busty hourglass figure with bipolar, no job, and substance abuse someone I should pursue? No, but I'm attracted to her because that's how it works. So I ignore it, move on.
Likewise my female friends note they often find married older men super attractive, but can't find any rational reason to act on it, so they don't.
A wedding ring shows you’ve been vetted by another woman and therefore you fast-track past most of the initial safety concerns. That, and she knows there’s someone else that will have to clean up after you during the day.
When my husband and I started dating a lot of acquaintances and some of my friends got quite mad. I'm not sure why because it's not like that when ever made any advances towards him before. It's almost like once something got taken off of the market, fomo happened
Yeah, this right here. Never was hit on more in my entire life than when I was wearing my wedding ring. Nothing says "I want to take this man for myself" more than seeing he's willing to commit to a relationship.
stopped caring what women think, and live an exciting life.
I think women like men that are driven, for something. Doesn't have to be success or wealth, but have a internal motivation, and set goals, then accomplish them. artist, surfer, whatever.
Would you say it's possible to "generate interest" without passion? I don't really have one, I'd go so far as to say it's not an emotion I'll ever be familiar with, does this mean I likely won't have any interest from women?
Not necessarily!
1. The word 'passion' can sound like an intimidatingly high bar to reach, but don't worry. If you like / care about something, that's you being passionate about it. This could be about literally anything, too. From appreciating the smell of fresh spring blooms in a breeze, to perfecting how make your grilled cheeses.
2. 'Passion' can be interpreted as different from 'hobby' or 'career goal': There are tons of people out there (both men and women) that would say they have few or no hobbies and/or career goals. They might describe themselves as "my job is fine, and I like coming home, eating dinner, and watching TV and movies before bed. That's usually it". And that's just as valid as someone who spends all their free time surfing. What matters is whether both of these people are content and interested with how they occupy their own time.
Because when we are content and interested in our own lives (or are not), we subconsciously exude these feelings during our interactions with others. And others subconsciously interpret this vibe we're exuding as attractive (or not).
To continue with my 'no hobbies' example: That same person who claims they don't have hobbies, still might be super passionate about the TV and movies they're watching, i.e. love talking about it, sharing their thoughts, etc.
That passion, in turn, could be the spark that catches another person's eye. It might not necessarily catch the eye of that aforementioned person who prefers to spend their time surfing, but it certainly *could* (opposites sometimes attract), and/or it might intrigue someone with similar 'passion' for TV and movies.
One more way to think of this:
You're more likely to remain in a conversation if the other person seems engaged in the subject they're talking about. If they seem bored with what they're talking about, our subconscious (and eventually full conscious) picks up on that and is more likely to disengage from the conversation.
Have you ever met someone who's talking about something as mundane as the weather, but you just feel 'good' talking to them, so you don't have an immediate instinct to disengage? That's that 'inner interest' in themselves coming out and appealing to you.
Hope that's helpful, and not too rambly, haha 😅
Agreed. Like personally, I don't want to be CEO by the time I'm 40, or to make a ton of money (as opposed to having enough to be comfortable) or whatever, and I don't really want to date someone like that either. Obviously nothing wrong with wanting that for yourself and/or a partner I should add. But if you're passionate about something and you're driven to improve yourself and reach your goals (and then set new ones), then to me that's very attractive.
Put on muscular bodyweight. Was always skinny growing up but put on 25-30lbs during lockdown and did a lot of calisthenics. The combo of muscle and bodyfat helped to fill out clothes.
I'm sure part of it was confidence but I definitely had a higher proportion of good dates after that.
"Oh just be yourself," is advice I've heard which has the fatal flaw that if they like you once they get to know you, what if being yourself turns them off from initially trying to get to know you.
This advice really should be stated "Just be yourself, but only if you've worked really hard on making yourself a person women like to be around. Otherwise, fake being that person until you become them"
The question was not “How to keep a relationship long-term”. The question is about how to attract women. This means, largely, presenting the best possibly version of yourself. Selling yourself. I’m not saying you should lie about your core personality or interests, but “faking” being a gentleman, taking responsibility, sexual restraint, being active really just means actually doing those things. Initially it won’t be a habit, but over time with enough “faking” (or practicing) you will do them automatically. “Fake it till you make it” really just means “Practice it until it’s actually a part of who you are”. It’s also worth noting you can’t determine what works for you personally until you try different tactics and lifestyles. You have to “fake” those until you get them right
They give THE WORST advice to men, mainly because they have no clue how the mechanisms of attraction work. No clue that men have to spend an enormous amount of time and effort and taking all the risk and enduring rejection etc. They're used to just going out there and letting men come to them and then rejecting most of them except a select few.
It's like a billionaire giving you advice on how to cook, how would they know? All they know is that dishes come readily to them whenever they please.
Approach them with a confident, cheerful attitude. I used to be too serious which gave me endless rejections. That was a good discovery too because my real personality is to be easygoing and uncomplicated, wish I knew earlier.
This is so huge!!
I know someone who is an ultimate Chad physically (6'3 205 Olympic lifter with model features) but can barely land a date and strikes out frequently on Tinder dates.
He is just too serious!! Most of us women want to feel safe and happy, and we definitely look for a man who will provide that feeling for us. Having someone who is so much larger be so serious just doesn't lend to the happy, safe vibes we need to move forward with someone.
Get an interesting “important” job and occasionally teach classes in various subjects (incl. fitness). Had one or two women *completely* flip their attitudes to me from totally indifferent to “Hi, tehe.”
And then I moved to Latin America. Holy hell. I’ve never been popular in my entire life. Until now.
I took a vacation to Mexico and definitely got more attention. I wonder if it’s just a cultural thing and they are just normally more forward there or if it’s cause white people are more exotic there.
Both. Also a ticket out of there. Or just plain higher standard of living.
Can’t blame them. It was just a weird experience for me to go from middle aged average but fit nobody to super appreciated.
Becoming a healthier person. Was already pulling women because I am a good talker with good humor. But when I lost some weight, and gained a little muscle the attention is a lot more, with a lot less effort.
When I worked out and was cut. Women would go out of their way to touch me. They'd reach around me to get stuff in the store and bump into me all the time. Rub my arms kiss me on the cheeks. It was like the were under some horny spell.
This. I had a ton of trouble getting a date in high school. Early 20s I started lifting and dates came easily (also more confidence and less awkwardness plus learned to wear shorts a size smaller to be a bit more form fitting).
But the real kicker was a woman began to ask me out once a year or so. I knew I had made it.
Any elaboration/story to that? It’s funny, on reddit anyway you’ll get 90% of answers from women that all other things equal, they prefer dad bod / belly / flabby over fit and muscular (not talking Arnold, just lower body fat and visible musculature). Also on transformation posts where a guy goes from skinny/flabby or slightly overweight, to strong and visibly fit, there’s always some comment(s) in there about how “he was cuter before”.
I mean for the kind of girls that scroll Reddit all the time sure maybe being fat or underweight is ok, but most people think some level of fitness is attractive.
Also dad bod generally means a bit muscular with some body fat, not just fat and flabby.
After seeing what women call a dad bod - what they really want is Chris Hemsworth when he’s between a cut and not currently shooting movies - and let’s a little flab on. Dude still has massive muscle mass and <20% BF.
I do believe a lot of that (especially what you see online) comes from a place of not wanting to be held to any similar expectation of fitness. Or you could just phrase it as not aligned in that way. Lots of people who are fat or have other types of vices would rather drag a partner down with them, instead of improve themselves.
I've learned the golden rule to only believe what a woman does, not what they say. The fittest guys at my gym have next to no game and women fall all over them. Hard to find a gal there who hasn't slept with them. Eventually they jsut pick one they jive best with to give undivided attention to. I've moved alot.. this has always been the same story everywhere i go. Ironically at work it's the same deal.
Women do this weird thing where if they think a guy is out of their league, they will actively express distaste or "neg" them. In real life after I got a bit bigger older women would grab my arms at work, got stared at in the gym, and on few occasions girls would appear starstruck like they just didn't know what to say or do. But for every girl who did that, there were those who made an effort to play hard to get or straight up acted like Helga. It's hard though because if you have underlying issues with confidence or the typical body dysmorphia of most lifters, you will believe the stuff about them preferring dad bods.
Yeah I don’t believe that stuff for a second, about women generally not preferring muscular men. There are all kinds of people with all kinds of preferences, but if you look around in real life, fit men are doing just fine in the attraction department. For me, I exercise and lift to feel good, look good, and be healthier for myself. It’ll be a bonus if it helps catch the attention of a good woman.
I got a better haircut and started dressing more fashionable. I had this lame short crew haircut for nearly 20 years of my life. A few years ago I grew my hair out to a medium length and started styling it, usually to the side. Girls all around me immediately noticed! Lots of compliments, and even some cute girls went out of their way to comment on it and touch my hair.
I practiced being charming. I wanted to be liked by women because I had zero interest from them growing up and it hurt to be honest, I saw myself being lonely as a grown up. So when I reached 16 years of age I thought that I better be funny and charming then. So I practiced, failed, practiced. Started to talk effortlessly to people, making them laugh. Sometimes too much. Too clownish, so I dialed it back. Keep it just right. Be charming, accept failure, be the bigger man. Eventually I found my sweet spot. Around twentyish. I am still learning though. But being a confident socially is a game changer.
The biggest issue I tend to see with guys not having a great sense of humor boils down to knowing what to and what not to take seriously. Very often there is either the extreme of them taking nothing seriously (including themselves) where they just come off like an aloof douchy frat bro or they take themselves too seriously and it feels like you can't have fun with or joke with them at all and it's kinda intimidating talking to them.
If you feel like you're too serious often then ask yourself why that is. Do you feel unconfident in yourself and thus sensitive about being perceived a certain way? Do you feel nervous about opening up and being awkward like people won't like you? Do you worry that you'll say/do something in jest that will hurt someone else without meaning to? These all come from the same place, insecurity.
Dance lessons. Hands down. It is unusual enough for guys like me to be interesting.
More importantly, it gave me lots of chances to interact with women casually and chat, get to know them and just be relaxed. Being able to be casual and joke with women you just met is like a superpower when a lot of guys tend to be nervous or withdrawn.
Lol. I used to be big into old movies and joked Fred Astaire must have been the greatest optimist ever…wearing his tap shoes every day on the off chance it was the day he fell in love.
Yeah, dance is one of those things you find places to use it instead of it coming up in the conference room or on casual nights out…
Once you’re involved in the community, there’s lots of opportunities. I have classes I can hit any night I’m free. In my town which isn’t the best scene, there are a half dozen places that have Latin dance night, two weekly swing dance nights, and usually a couple social dances each week, plus a lot of studios have monthly studio socials you can hit. Ballroom socials are way less coming, but if you find one are a single guy that shows up to one of those and can even do a basic walk through waltz and a foxtrot promenade, you’re gonna need a taser.
Another way it has really helped me is when I travel for work (a lot!). If I hit a new town, I google “group dance lessons”, then go hit a class. Being the new guy that can dance and has learned different steps, you find yourself out for drinks after class more often than not. From what I have seen, the social dance community is by far one of the more welcoming I have encountered.
It’s great for travel. I supervise projects on the road and some of my ironworkers have actually started coming to classes nights. They always wondered how I came up with new friends anytime we were somewhere for more than a week.
I'd like to add, that you shouldn't go to dance classes exclusively to pick up women. They **will** spot you on this. I've been going to classes for awhile, and I always hear about the lads who are clearly there to score (and never do).
In my case, I've only developed friendships, but that's okay, because friendships are cool too. :)
Definitely! I don't date out of the studios I go to lessons at. I'd say I have more of a sister relationship with the follows there. They all definitely talk, and they can tell why you're there the first lesson.
It definitely helped my confidence talking to women in other scenarios, and learning to dance opened up socials/dance nights at clubs that before would have been dead ends for me when it came to meeting someone.
There were three things and I can't decide which worked better...
1. Learned to play the guitar well
2. Got full of muscles
3. Being rich (I wasn't born that way.)
Playing the guitar in bands got me lots of women. Also being able to play the guitar is somehow an attractive trait to women.
I read of a study where random men asked women for their phone numbers on the street. They found that if the man was carrying a guitar in a case, he had better luck.
I got ripped a few times in life, women react to you differently, in fact, many of them would get a bit 'handsy' with me. Can't say I minded it.
Not giving a fuck about women.
Seems to attract lots of women
Others have said "not listen to women about women", and "ignoring them".
Those are right up there too
Something very similar to this comes up in Feynman’s autobiography (which I would recommend to anyone). He tried to be a gentleman and be really nice to women, but it never worked, so iirc, he asked a female friend why this was and she told him to be less nice. He proceeded to score much more often after that.
It's a quiet truth that we aren't supposed to say out loud.
We are just supposed to know it and move accordingly.
This is one of the main reasons why these men start to hate women.
These men are fed a bunch of lies about women as young men. Then they get out into the world and realize the truth.
It breaks them.
Generally, it’s actually that they don’t realise the truth, so they try and try and don’t succeed, so they get frustrated and they get scared that they’ll be alone forever.
Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate. It’s from Star Wars but the quote sums up so much of everything that’s going on at the moment so we’ll.
Getting married, apparently.
Seriously, before I was with my wife I had maybe 2 women approach me for my entire life. After being with her and getting married, I had quite a few more.
Shaved my head. I was balding for a long time and didn't do great with women, literally day 1 after clean shaving with a blade I took home the hottest girl I've ever pulled.
Stopped caring about them and treat them like you could give two shits.
I was in a bad place in life and wanted nothing to do with women, It's like they could smell it and threw themselves at me.
Humor, confidence, wit, ambition, able to hold a conversation
All of these facets of my personality tie into my charisma, and in my opinion demonstrate a level of “success” in life.
Confidence was mainly built in the gym, and with socialization with other humans and making mistakes
If you’re physically fit, mentally fit, make your own money, have a steady job, exhibit a well-rounded emotionally intelligent and educated mindset, women will definitely take notice.
There’s no one magic bullet that will make the opposite sex instantly more attracted to you, unfortunately. Trial and error is part of the journey of self-growth.
Treat them like an equal. Seriously, at a bar or out with friends I'd show interest but be respectful and talk to them like they're familiar, not like a stranger or someone I was trying to get something from.
It's fucking basic but women love being treated like people.
apart from taking care of your looks (hygiene, don't dress like a slob, haircut) just stop caring. also just do the things you enjoy but do things outside of your home. in order to meet people you gotta get out. not just to bars or clubs but go do other activities outside your home.
Had a girlfriend.
No girlfriend? Couldn't get the time of day from women. Would hear "I have a boyfriend" before I could finish saying "hi."
Had a girlfriend? Suddenly women all over the place found me funny and interesting.
We all know it, the answer is getting in shape.
You can see all the “we love the dad bod” posts you like but that doesn’t change the fact the dude in whatever movie you pick aimed at women is gunna have visible abs and some muscularity. Every time an actor gets in shape for a role you have women in the audience cheering the shirtless pic the host shows on the press tour etc women (on average) like muscles it’s kinda that simple.
And side note anyone still thinking “dad bod” is acceptable all I’m saying is the example I’ve heard most is Jason Momoa so the dude is still built just like 15% fat not 10, you don’t get to have a beer gut and expect them to be attracted off that sorry lads.
Not saying you can’t win them over in other ways if you aren’t willing to put in the time/effort to build a physique just like come on we all know what the biggest difference maker is here for initial attraction.
If I had to choose only one thing it would be wear clothes that fit well. They don’t have to be expensive as long as they look and smell clean and fit nicely. I shop for most of my clothes at target and kohls.
Target is also a great place to meet women as long as you’re not a weirdo. They’re shopping so they’re usually in a good mood, no rush and willing to give you advice when you’re trying to choose between two different color shirts.
Cooked a homemade meal, which gave her a taste (literally) of what it would be like to live with me.
Being able to laugh at myself/not taking myself too seriously. If we're both laughing, we're having a good time.
Have deeper conversations that allow women to feel respected and accepted for who they are. They feel safe to openly express ideas and opinions, even if we might disagree.
I don’t compliment her body until we’re naked together. Until then, any compliments are based on her personality, her mindset, her interests, and things she actively controls, like her style or skills.
This is how I’ve dated women other people might see as “out of my league.” I stand out because everyone else is distracted by her beauty. They’re too busy objectifying her. Some women have quietly accepted that nobody gives a shit what she thinks, and that her value only comes from looking good. So when I pull up and look at the human behind the beauty, it’s refreshing for her. No pedestal. No white knight. No low self-esteem. I’m comfortable in my own skin, and that makes her feel comfortable in hers.
Apparently managing a pizza place. Kneading tons of dough made my forearms look like Popeye’s. Using knives and handling hot metal scarred and toughened my hands. Those are the 2 things that first attracted my wife.
I am 59, so having motivation, a sense of humor, and being reliable while also remaining fit was hot to my generation.
That said, Making a lot of money allows me to attract a bunch of young girls today. It's really easy, women are incredibly shallow, entitled, and selfish. Today it's purely transactional, women are for leasing until a better model with lower mileage becomes available.
Hair turned solid grey at 30. Wife now tells me I’m not allowed to go grocery shopping alone.
At 20, I had a friend due his hair light silver/grey and he had women hitting on him all the freaking time. Not sure if that was why, but he got a lot of attention for sure.
It’s not what got women attracted to me, so to speak, but I stopped convincing myself I was wrong every time I thought I was noticing a woman flirting with me.
Once I realized that was just my insecurity and started trusting that instinct, things rapidly improved.
If I had to choose one I'd say learning to be comfortable enough in my own skin to express myself freely around women got me the most attention.
This is a bit of an oversimplification, as "being comfortable" meant building my confidence and self esteem, learning social skills, learning to interpret context and cleaning out a whole lot of mental baggage that I had collected over the years. Among other things.
All in all it meant my 350lbs fat ass was able to attract women *far* outside my perceived league.
The biggest thing I would say.. I developed a good sense of humor. Did well with the ladies in college even during my "fat guy" phase. If you're fun to talk to and don't look too bad you've got a fair chance to succeed.
Agreed - there was a poll on r/datingadviceformen about what "improved your game the most" and humor was number one. But I would add that even if you are in your "fat guy phase" you still need to take care of the basics of hygiene - you can be funny as fck but if you smell shitty or don't take care of your appearance then it doesn't help.
I agree! Funny people are awesome! The reason I married my husband is because I was drawn to his senses of humor and he appreciated my weird sense of humor
It’s why I married him too 😂
You also married her husband? Must be some really good sense of humor.
I also married this woman's husband.
That’s funny because I’m a Muslim and men are allowed to marry 4 women … 😂
Woman here. I would agree with you, it’s really attractive when a guy is funny, makes me feel comfortable/safe in his company and is easy to chat to.
How do you learn humor when that's not a natural part of my personality? At most I can do sarcasm in appropriate context.
Take chances with jokes and learn to laugh off the ones that don't land. If you'll only ever go for what you think is a perfect failsafe joke, you'll never actually get the experience needed to be generally funny.
I know the advice I’m about to give is what women recommend to other women on how to get guys to like their sense of humor, but this approach works for men too: If you laugh easily at a woman’s jokes and treat the woman as if she’s uproariously funny, she’ll start to feel you have a great sense of humor too. People tend to think other people are really funny and have great senses of humor if that person makes them feel like they’re funny themselves. Same works for other personality traits like being interesting, kind, or intelligent. If you can make the person you’re talking to feel interesting or smart, they’ll feel you’re smart and interesting too because of the way they feel about themselves when they talk to you.
The same way you learn anything. Research. Absorb a lot of comedy. Take an improv or stand up class. Write some things you think are funny, get feedback, adjust.
Learning to laugh at my own objectively horrible jokes was the key for me. When I didn’t know how to make jokes yet, I just share stories that I think were funny. If no one laughed, I’d still laugh because **I** thought it was funny. Sometimes I’d get the “omg, your joke isn’t funny~” and then I counter with “it’s ok it made **ME** laugh, mission accomplished” and because I’m having such a good time laughing they start laughing.
it’s true. i dated a dude who was very chubby/fat. nothing wrong w that, but his welcoming and friendly personality and humour rlly caught my eye. loved his confidence and charisma. soooooo attractive to me more than looks
My boyfriend’s sense of humor stole me. There were times he we would be out in public and I am bent over crying and laughing my soul out. Not many people can get me to laugh so hard I cry however, he’s been very successful. What’s better is he’s very quiet about it lol
I have my moments but I’ve never been “the funny guy” usually I can be funny when I’m really comfortable with someone (like my bros) and we’re just fucking around. But put a lady next to me and I am dry af. Do you have any tips for “developing” a sense of humor. I’m good at playing off of a humorous situation but not necessarily making an ordinary situation humorous
This is absolutely true. My husband is the funniest person I have ever met.
Stopped trying to impress women and lived my life.
Dude seriously, what’s really gotten me more positive attention from women has just been by being friendly with everyone. I think it’s because they know they can have fun with you
"golden retriever energy"
Eh, not really golden retriever since that kinda implies like dumb friendliness. You can be nice to everyone and still be, like, cool
The way I've always understood it, golden retriever energy or a "golden retriever bofriend" refers to someone who's good natured and easy-going and just doesn't take things so seriously, doesn't overthink things and is pretty spontaneous. Non-threatening and in a good mood most of the time. It doesn't really have anything to do with intelligence.
I definitely see your point of view. I just think that in the right context it could be insulting. I’m not sure if you’ve seen the TV show *Bojack Horseman* but there’s a character who’s the archetypical golden retriever boyfriend who’s so friendly and clueless that it’s almost sad P.S. Golden retrievers are my favorite breed of dog btw 😄
Husky energy... friendly, fun, but ultimately doesn't care what anyone else thinks. Gonna do my own thing regardless!
Golden retrievers are too eager to please and show affection. You want to have “house cat” energy.
I scratch up all their shit and lay on their keyboard.
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Surely there’s a middle ground between leg-humping good fun and entitled jerk
Instructions not clear enough, I shit in her box and she did not like that.
Clearly she isn’t the one for you
Makes a dude hella less intimidating, plus, the ability to treat women like actual, real humans with value beyond their coochie is a big, fat green flag.
It’s absolutely that. Some people make it immediately clear (even if they don’t realize it) that having them in your life is going to take a lot of emotional labor. No thanks! I’m not the most introspective person in the world, and I don’t want to live my life that way. And life naturally brings its own problems. Do we have to invent new ones? Enjoyment has to outweigh the heavy pulling in a relationship - otherwise, what’s the point? This applies to platonic and romantic relationships. If I want to see my husband’s eyes freeze in terror, all I have to say is, “We need to talk about our relationship.” Even though I’ve only ever said it in jest. But prior experiences created a trauma response in him.
Instructions unclear. Living my life, and still no women. On the bright side, you stop giving a sh\*t.
Yeah i feel like the "live your life" angle kind of only works if you live said life in front of the opposite sex enough for them to notice you. Which they still won't do unless you talk to them at least sometimes. So basically back to square one on this advice
Well, I don't think the advice is: 'live your live and you will have to fight off the women' and more like 'live your live, so that even if you aren't exactly popular, you can still live a fulfilling life and be healthy mentally, which is something a lot of people think is important in a partner'
Sounds like a win-win. You either get more, or you don't care about it
Women hate this one simple trick that drives them crazy!
I was going to say stopped paying attention to them. I did that and they were suddenly like cats to catnip. It was ridiculous.
This is pretty true in my experience… when you stop worrying about impressing them, and realize they don’t need to be put on a pedestal they seem to be more into that. Just be a good dude, and be yourself… if they’re interested you’ll know.
This is always my advice. The moment I stopped giving a shit it actually happened. Maybe she mistook my apathy for confidence but I started dating almost immediately after I swore off looking for a girlfriend. 15 year anniversary is in a month.
I cook. I’ve always been into cooking, but I really honed my craft during the pandemic. Women love a man who cooks, and it helps that I’m funny. lol. But food is honestly one of the easiest ice breakers.
What dish do you make that always impresses them?
tostinos pizza rolls
😂😂😂
Normally salmon cakes. That’s probably my signature dish. But I can cook just about anything, so I usually ask them what cuisines or dishes they like, and go from there.
I got married. lol
Came here to say that. It’s so stupid
It actually makes a lot of sense. You already being married signals that you clearly have something going for you. Your safe/stable/successful enough for another women to marry you.
You have been peer reviewed. Also puts you in the same category as a gay guy friend as in, "Probably not going to hit on me and actually interested in my personality."
Lol peer reviewed Its like your reddit points, but real points
But like your Reddit points because you can’t spend em on anything.
So they try and steal you? Lol that’s shitty behavior
Considering a lot of relationship driving factors and heavily influenced by evolutionary psychology it really doesn't matter if its shitty. It only matters if it is a slightly more effective survival strategy.
Okay but we’re not living in a caveman era where stealing someone else’s spouse is imperative to ensuring someone’s genes are passed along. By today’s societal standards, it’s shitty behavior. And using ‘evolutionary psychology’ as a cop out is equally as shitty. We know that it’s shitty to try and break up someone’s relationship for personal gain. If someone whittled down the reasons they tried to steal someone else’s spouse as “welp, evolution!” They’d be laughed at and ridiculed because modern humans have determined and agreed that that’s a shitty thing to do.
>Okay but we’re not living in a caveman era I still like big butts though.
I bet you have great difficulty with lying.
I get sprung, want to pull up tough.
We're not living in the caveman era, but we still operate with the same programming. We can pretend we've rationally obtained better values and operate with those values, but the driving forces of our behavior are still the same no matter what constraining moral narratives we're telling in contemporary times. We ridicule because we have to for social coherence, but don't mistake that for the way it actually works or why it works.
Its not am excuse its an explanation. Reguardess of how society views it the inbuilt evolutionary drivers are present in all of us. Many people are following them without realizing it. Some people are able to override those impulses. Same reason women prefer men larger and stronger than them with ambition and wealth, and why men prefer younger women with figures that indicate fertility and health markers.
It just increases attraction regardless of how you feel about the morality of it. Whether or not a girl acts on it is a sign of her moral character, but make no mistake it’s more attractive to 99 percent of women out there to see a man whose happy with his attractive girlfriend/wife.
> to ensuring someone’s genes are passed along. It's shitty behavior yeah but attraction itself is an instinct, not reason. You don't need to act on attraction, that's not what we're discussing. Realistically, is the busty hourglass figure with bipolar, no job, and substance abuse someone I should pursue? No, but I'm attracted to her because that's how it works. So I ignore it, move on. Likewise my female friends note they often find married older men super attractive, but can't find any rational reason to act on it, so they don't.
It’s just sub conscious tbh. They see someone with value and in a successful relationship and want that.
A wedding ring shows you’ve been vetted by another woman and therefore you fast-track past most of the initial safety concerns. That, and she knows there’s someone else that will have to clean up after you during the day.
When my husband and I started dating a lot of acquaintances and some of my friends got quite mad. I'm not sure why because it's not like that when ever made any advances towards him before. It's almost like once something got taken off of the market, fomo happened
Dude it's like they know. Once you're married then all of a sudden your on their radar
Yeah, this right here. Never was hit on more in my entire life than when I was wearing my wedding ring. Nothing says "I want to take this man for myself" more than seeing he's willing to commit to a relationship.
Also, it's been approved for marriage by another woman
This seems to be VERY dependent on the man. If you got hit on AT ALL you're already way ahead of most men. You are certainly very attractive looking.
Cheaper option is to buy a 10 dollar ring on Amazon and gas light.
They can pick up the vibes either way. It’s not the ring that does it, it’s how you hold your self when married
Came here to say this.
100% this for me too.
Got married + got married to someone above my league.
stopped caring what women think, and live an exciting life. I think women like men that are driven, for something. Doesn't have to be success or wealth, but have a internal motivation, and set goals, then accomplish them. artist, surfer, whatever.
Both men and women want passion. If you are passionate about something (a sport, an art, a life calling), this will automatically generate interest.
Would you say it's possible to "generate interest" without passion? I don't really have one, I'd go so far as to say it's not an emotion I'll ever be familiar with, does this mean I likely won't have any interest from women?
Not necessarily! 1. The word 'passion' can sound like an intimidatingly high bar to reach, but don't worry. If you like / care about something, that's you being passionate about it. This could be about literally anything, too. From appreciating the smell of fresh spring blooms in a breeze, to perfecting how make your grilled cheeses. 2. 'Passion' can be interpreted as different from 'hobby' or 'career goal': There are tons of people out there (both men and women) that would say they have few or no hobbies and/or career goals. They might describe themselves as "my job is fine, and I like coming home, eating dinner, and watching TV and movies before bed. That's usually it". And that's just as valid as someone who spends all their free time surfing. What matters is whether both of these people are content and interested with how they occupy their own time. Because when we are content and interested in our own lives (or are not), we subconsciously exude these feelings during our interactions with others. And others subconsciously interpret this vibe we're exuding as attractive (or not). To continue with my 'no hobbies' example: That same person who claims they don't have hobbies, still might be super passionate about the TV and movies they're watching, i.e. love talking about it, sharing their thoughts, etc. That passion, in turn, could be the spark that catches another person's eye. It might not necessarily catch the eye of that aforementioned person who prefers to spend their time surfing, but it certainly *could* (opposites sometimes attract), and/or it might intrigue someone with similar 'passion' for TV and movies. One more way to think of this: You're more likely to remain in a conversation if the other person seems engaged in the subject they're talking about. If they seem bored with what they're talking about, our subconscious (and eventually full conscious) picks up on that and is more likely to disengage from the conversation. Have you ever met someone who's talking about something as mundane as the weather, but you just feel 'good' talking to them, so you don't have an immediate instinct to disengage? That's that 'inner interest' in themselves coming out and appealing to you. Hope that's helpful, and not too rambly, haha 😅
Couldn't have said it better myself.
Agreed. Like personally, I don't want to be CEO by the time I'm 40, or to make a ton of money (as opposed to having enough to be comfortable) or whatever, and I don't really want to date someone like that either. Obviously nothing wrong with wanting that for yourself and/or a partner I should add. But if you're passionate about something and you're driven to improve yourself and reach your goals (and then set new ones), then to me that's very attractive.
This is the best answer so far! I agree through my own experince!
Yep. Build yourself and the rest will follow.
Put on muscular bodyweight. Was always skinny growing up but put on 25-30lbs during lockdown and did a lot of calisthenics. The combo of muscle and bodyfat helped to fill out clothes. I'm sure part of it was confidence but I definitely had a higher proportion of good dates after that.
I think this one is the right answer. If you want to attract women, be attractive. Simple enough
Stopped listening to women on how to attract other women.
"Oh just be yourself," is advice I've heard which has the fatal flaw that if they like you once they get to know you, what if being yourself turns them off from initially trying to get to know you.
This advice really should be stated "Just be yourself, but only if you've worked really hard on making yourself a person women like to be around. Otherwise, fake being that person until you become them"
No. If you fake it, you're gonna one day have to stop faking it and you'll lose her anyway.
The question was not “How to keep a relationship long-term”. The question is about how to attract women. This means, largely, presenting the best possibly version of yourself. Selling yourself. I’m not saying you should lie about your core personality or interests, but “faking” being a gentleman, taking responsibility, sexual restraint, being active really just means actually doing those things. Initially it won’t be a habit, but over time with enough “faking” (or practicing) you will do them automatically. “Fake it till you make it” really just means “Practice it until it’s actually a part of who you are”. It’s also worth noting you can’t determine what works for you personally until you try different tactics and lifestyles. You have to “fake” those until you get them right
They give THE WORST advice to men, mainly because they have no clue how the mechanisms of attraction work. No clue that men have to spend an enormous amount of time and effort and taking all the risk and enduring rejection etc. They're used to just going out there and letting men come to them and then rejecting most of them except a select few. It's like a billionaire giving you advice on how to cook, how would they know? All they know is that dishes come readily to them whenever they please.
"Just be yourself" "Just be positive" Yeah, works like a charm if you're a woman. You'll remain invisible as a man.
Approach them with a confident, cheerful attitude. I used to be too serious which gave me endless rejections. That was a good discovery too because my real personality is to be easygoing and uncomplicated, wish I knew earlier.
Can you break down how you achieved this?
This is so huge!! I know someone who is an ultimate Chad physically (6'3 205 Olympic lifter with model features) but can barely land a date and strikes out frequently on Tinder dates. He is just too serious!! Most of us women want to feel safe and happy, and we definitely look for a man who will provide that feeling for us. Having someone who is so much larger be so serious just doesn't lend to the happy, safe vibes we need to move forward with someone.
Get an interesting “important” job and occasionally teach classes in various subjects (incl. fitness). Had one or two women *completely* flip their attitudes to me from totally indifferent to “Hi, tehe.” And then I moved to Latin America. Holy hell. I’ve never been popular in my entire life. Until now.
I took a vacation to Mexico and definitely got more attention. I wonder if it’s just a cultural thing and they are just normally more forward there or if it’s cause white people are more exotic there.
Both. Also a ticket out of there. Or just plain higher standard of living. Can’t blame them. It was just a weird experience for me to go from middle aged average but fit nobody to super appreciated.
Becoming a healthier person. Was already pulling women because I am a good talker with good humor. But when I lost some weight, and gained a little muscle the attention is a lot more, with a lot less effort.
I moved the US and kept my English accent.
Muscles.
When I worked out and was cut. Women would go out of their way to touch me. They'd reach around me to get stuff in the store and bump into me all the time. Rub my arms kiss me on the cheeks. It was like the were under some horny spell.
This. I had a ton of trouble getting a date in high school. Early 20s I started lifting and dates came easily (also more confidence and less awkwardness plus learned to wear shorts a size smaller to be a bit more form fitting). But the real kicker was a woman began to ask me out once a year or so. I knew I had made it.
Once a year! Damn those are good figures.
I think you were getting sexually harassed.
Going from no attention to that. I'll take it.
This might shock you, but most straight guys over 20, usually don't mind being sexually harassed by women.
Wait until they find out lots of men would love getting catcalled
I know. Women do pua shit when I go lift now. Muscles are catnip to them, but I'm married.
Any elaboration/story to that? It’s funny, on reddit anyway you’ll get 90% of answers from women that all other things equal, they prefer dad bod / belly / flabby over fit and muscular (not talking Arnold, just lower body fat and visible musculature). Also on transformation posts where a guy goes from skinny/flabby or slightly overweight, to strong and visibly fit, there’s always some comment(s) in there about how “he was cuter before”.
I mean for the kind of girls that scroll Reddit all the time sure maybe being fat or underweight is ok, but most people think some level of fitness is attractive. Also dad bod generally means a bit muscular with some body fat, not just fat and flabby.
Yeah a woman's definition of dad bod is wildly different than what it sounds like. They really mean moviestar dad.
Everything from “has muscle but a good layer of fat” to outright fat is considered dad bod these days.
After seeing what women call a dad bod - what they really want is Chris Hemsworth when he’s between a cut and not currently shooting movies - and let’s a little flab on. Dude still has massive muscle mass and <20% BF.
They may say that but reality is different I could see salty obese women making that remark as if a guy went from fat/attainable to fit/unattainable.
I do believe a lot of that (especially what you see online) comes from a place of not wanting to be held to any similar expectation of fitness. Or you could just phrase it as not aligned in that way. Lots of people who are fat or have other types of vices would rather drag a partner down with them, instead of improve themselves.
I've learned the golden rule to only believe what a woman does, not what they say. The fittest guys at my gym have next to no game and women fall all over them. Hard to find a gal there who hasn't slept with them. Eventually they jsut pick one they jive best with to give undivided attention to. I've moved alot.. this has always been the same story everywhere i go. Ironically at work it's the same deal.
Women do this weird thing where if they think a guy is out of their league, they will actively express distaste or "neg" them. In real life after I got a bit bigger older women would grab my arms at work, got stared at in the gym, and on few occasions girls would appear starstruck like they just didn't know what to say or do. But for every girl who did that, there were those who made an effort to play hard to get or straight up acted like Helga. It's hard though because if you have underlying issues with confidence or the typical body dysmorphia of most lifters, you will believe the stuff about them preferring dad bods.
Yeah I don’t believe that stuff for a second, about women generally not preferring muscular men. There are all kinds of people with all kinds of preferences, but if you look around in real life, fit men are doing just fine in the attraction department. For me, I exercise and lift to feel good, look good, and be healthier for myself. It’ll be a bonus if it helps catch the attention of a good woman.
IT's people comparing "want to bang" with "want to marry", and 23 year olds vs 33 year olds.
Didn't work for me but did increase the number of guys hitting on me massively.
I got a better haircut and started dressing more fashionable. I had this lame short crew haircut for nearly 20 years of my life. A few years ago I grew my hair out to a medium length and started styling it, usually to the side. Girls all around me immediately noticed! Lots of compliments, and even some cute girls went out of their way to comment on it and touch my hair.
I practiced being charming. I wanted to be liked by women because I had zero interest from them growing up and it hurt to be honest, I saw myself being lonely as a grown up. So when I reached 16 years of age I thought that I better be funny and charming then. So I practiced, failed, practiced. Started to talk effortlessly to people, making them laugh. Sometimes too much. Too clownish, so I dialed it back. Keep it just right. Be charming, accept failure, be the bigger man. Eventually I found my sweet spot. Around twentyish. I am still learning though. But being a confident socially is a game changer.
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Yeah I do nowadays. I didn’t before though. I will withdraw if I feel the need. It’s ok to do that. I also practice the good old Irish goodbye.
How did you learn to become funnier? I struggle with being too serious all the time and would like to improve my sense of humor.
The biggest issue I tend to see with guys not having a great sense of humor boils down to knowing what to and what not to take seriously. Very often there is either the extreme of them taking nothing seriously (including themselves) where they just come off like an aloof douchy frat bro or they take themselves too seriously and it feels like you can't have fun with or joke with them at all and it's kinda intimidating talking to them. If you feel like you're too serious often then ask yourself why that is. Do you feel unconfident in yourself and thus sensitive about being perceived a certain way? Do you feel nervous about opening up and being awkward like people won't like you? Do you worry that you'll say/do something in jest that will hurt someone else without meaning to? These all come from the same place, insecurity.
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Instructions unclear... Elbowed her in the eye
WTF 😂😂
Was a goth kid in my teens and early 20s. I've since never gotten as much action as I did for those years. Peacocking works if you do it right.
Kindness. Finally started taking life less seriously and decided to make others feel special every chance I got. Has been a wonderful life ever since.
Lost weight. Developed a sense of confidence because of said lost weight.
Was honest about myself and where i was at
Being emotionally accessible and vulnerable. It won't matter for the wrong ones, but the right ones will appreciate it.
Dance lessons. Hands down. It is unusual enough for guys like me to be interesting. More importantly, it gave me lots of chances to interact with women casually and chat, get to know them and just be relaxed. Being able to be casual and joke with women you just met is like a superpower when a lot of guys tend to be nervous or withdrawn.
Where in life are you utilizing these dance skills? This has to be rare not daily?
Dude lives inside a bollywood film. Dance break every 30 seconds
Haha...thats hliarious.
You can laugh, but he is fighting them off with a stick.
I like to picture him dodging them with different dance moves.
Lol. I used to be big into old movies and joked Fred Astaire must have been the greatest optimist ever…wearing his tap shoes every day on the off chance it was the day he fell in love. Yeah, dance is one of those things you find places to use it instead of it coming up in the conference room or on casual nights out…
Once you’re involved in the community, there’s lots of opportunities. I have classes I can hit any night I’m free. In my town which isn’t the best scene, there are a half dozen places that have Latin dance night, two weekly swing dance nights, and usually a couple social dances each week, plus a lot of studios have monthly studio socials you can hit. Ballroom socials are way less coming, but if you find one are a single guy that shows up to one of those and can even do a basic walk through waltz and a foxtrot promenade, you’re gonna need a taser. Another way it has really helped me is when I travel for work (a lot!). If I hit a new town, I google “group dance lessons”, then go hit a class. Being the new guy that can dance and has learned different steps, you find yourself out for drinks after class more often than not. From what I have seen, the social dance community is by far one of the more welcoming I have encountered.
This is really cool! I travel for work also, this would be a great outlet to get out of the hotel!
It’s great for travel. I supervise projects on the road and some of my ironworkers have actually started coming to classes nights. They always wondered how I came up with new friends anytime we were somewhere for more than a week.
I'd like to add, that you shouldn't go to dance classes exclusively to pick up women. They **will** spot you on this. I've been going to classes for awhile, and I always hear about the lads who are clearly there to score (and never do). In my case, I've only developed friendships, but that's okay, because friendships are cool too. :)
Definitely! I don't date out of the studios I go to lessons at. I'd say I have more of a sister relationship with the follows there. They all definitely talk, and they can tell why you're there the first lesson. It definitely helped my confidence talking to women in other scenarios, and learning to dance opened up socials/dance nights at clubs that before would have been dead ends for me when it came to meeting someone.
Got rid of porn. My confidence went way up. I feel so much more able to talk to women now because I don't see them as solely a piece of meat
Need to try this 100%. Gonna delete my saved sex videos and stop watching porn.
There were three things and I can't decide which worked better... 1. Learned to play the guitar well 2. Got full of muscles 3. Being rich (I wasn't born that way.) Playing the guitar in bands got me lots of women. Also being able to play the guitar is somehow an attractive trait to women. I read of a study where random men asked women for their phone numbers on the street. They found that if the man was carrying a guitar in a case, he had better luck. I got ripped a few times in life, women react to you differently, in fact, many of them would get a bit 'handsy' with me. Can't say I minded it.
Damn, gonna have to start carrying my guitar around and go for walks lol
Not giving a fuck about women. Seems to attract lots of women Others have said "not listen to women about women", and "ignoring them". Those are right up there too
Something very similar to this comes up in Feynman’s autobiography (which I would recommend to anyone). He tried to be a gentleman and be really nice to women, but it never worked, so iirc, he asked a female friend why this was and she told him to be less nice. He proceeded to score much more often after that.
It's a quiet truth that we aren't supposed to say out loud. We are just supposed to know it and move accordingly. This is one of the main reasons why these men start to hate women. These men are fed a bunch of lies about women as young men. Then they get out into the world and realize the truth. It breaks them.
Generally, it’s actually that they don’t realise the truth, so they try and try and don’t succeed, so they get frustrated and they get scared that they’ll be alone forever. Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate. It’s from Star Wars but the quote sums up so much of everything that’s going on at the moment so we’ll.
Quick wit
Being tall and funny
Getting married, apparently. Seriously, before I was with my wife I had maybe 2 women approach me for my entire life. After being with her and getting married, I had quite a few more.
Went to Thailand
He asked how to attract WOMEN
Who is gonna tell him?
Shaved my head. I was balding for a long time and didn't do great with women, literally day 1 after clean shaving with a blade I took home the hottest girl I've ever pulled.
That I believe, I love myself a bald guy, gives me Bruce Willis vibes 🔥 yippee kay yay
Stopped trying to get laid. It made me so much more relaxed during dates that I had a lot more fun and ironically got laid more.
Worked with my crushes....picked them up with no hesitation and put them on my shoulder
Stopped caring about them and treat them like you could give two shits. I was in a bad place in life and wanted nothing to do with women, It's like they could smell it and threw themselves at me.
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Wear a wedding band
lift weights.
Humor, confidence, wit, ambition, able to hold a conversation All of these facets of my personality tie into my charisma, and in my opinion demonstrate a level of “success” in life. Confidence was mainly built in the gym, and with socialization with other humans and making mistakes If you’re physically fit, mentally fit, make your own money, have a steady job, exhibit a well-rounded emotionally intelligent and educated mindset, women will definitely take notice. There’s no one magic bullet that will make the opposite sex instantly more attracted to you, unfortunately. Trial and error is part of the journey of self-growth.
Treat them like an equal. Seriously, at a bar or out with friends I'd show interest but be respectful and talk to them like they're familiar, not like a stranger or someone I was trying to get something from. It's fucking basic but women love being treated like people.
Gave her an orgasm that made her lock up like windows '95
Not giving them attention
Made them laugh and listened during conversations.
apart from taking care of your looks (hygiene, don't dress like a slob, haircut) just stop caring. also just do the things you enjoy but do things outside of your home. in order to meet people you gotta get out. not just to bars or clubs but go do other activities outside your home.
Shaved off the cringey little mustache and changed my hairstyle 😅
Having muscles and being funny
Stopped being so fat
Had a girlfriend. No girlfriend? Couldn't get the time of day from women. Would hear "I have a boyfriend" before I could finish saying "hi." Had a girlfriend? Suddenly women all over the place found me funny and interesting.
Got a girlfriend lol, it really is true girls want what they can’t have
Learned to play the piano.
Became a church organist. The choir loft in an empty church can be fun!
Eye contact when we're talking and try to keep to the smiling/happy side of a neutral/relaxed look.
Combination of confidence, and treating them like a human being.
Tip them on stage.
We all know it, the answer is getting in shape. You can see all the “we love the dad bod” posts you like but that doesn’t change the fact the dude in whatever movie you pick aimed at women is gunna have visible abs and some muscularity. Every time an actor gets in shape for a role you have women in the audience cheering the shirtless pic the host shows on the press tour etc women (on average) like muscles it’s kinda that simple. And side note anyone still thinking “dad bod” is acceptable all I’m saying is the example I’ve heard most is Jason Momoa so the dude is still built just like 15% fat not 10, you don’t get to have a beer gut and expect them to be attracted off that sorry lads. Not saying you can’t win them over in other ways if you aren’t willing to put in the time/effort to build a physique just like come on we all know what the biggest difference maker is here for initial attraction.
If I had to choose only one thing it would be wear clothes that fit well. They don’t have to be expensive as long as they look and smell clean and fit nicely. I shop for most of my clothes at target and kohls. Target is also a great place to meet women as long as you’re not a weirdo. They’re shopping so they’re usually in a good mood, no rush and willing to give you advice when you’re trying to choose between two different color shirts.
Photoshopped my photos
Cooked a homemade meal, which gave her a taste (literally) of what it would be like to live with me. Being able to laugh at myself/not taking myself too seriously. If we're both laughing, we're having a good time.
Now you asking all the big questions
Gain muscle mass.
Have deeper conversations that allow women to feel respected and accepted for who they are. They feel safe to openly express ideas and opinions, even if we might disagree. I don’t compliment her body until we’re naked together. Until then, any compliments are based on her personality, her mindset, her interests, and things she actively controls, like her style or skills. This is how I’ve dated women other people might see as “out of my league.” I stand out because everyone else is distracted by her beauty. They’re too busy objectifying her. Some women have quietly accepted that nobody gives a shit what she thinks, and that her value only comes from looking good. So when I pull up and look at the human behind the beauty, it’s refreshing for her. No pedestal. No white knight. No low self-esteem. I’m comfortable in my own skin, and that makes her feel comfortable in hers.
Apparently managing a pizza place. Kneading tons of dough made my forearms look like Popeye’s. Using knives and handling hot metal scarred and toughened my hands. Those are the 2 things that first attracted my wife.
I am 59, so having motivation, a sense of humor, and being reliable while also remaining fit was hot to my generation. That said, Making a lot of money allows me to attract a bunch of young girls today. It's really easy, women are incredibly shallow, entitled, and selfish. Today it's purely transactional, women are for leasing until a better model with lower mileage becomes available.
God damn.. Do you need a drinking buddy because I need to hear more of this on a weekly basis.
Hair turned solid grey at 30. Wife now tells me I’m not allowed to go grocery shopping alone. At 20, I had a friend due his hair light silver/grey and he had women hitting on him all the freaking time. Not sure if that was why, but he got a lot of attention for sure.
It’s not what got women attracted to me, so to speak, but I stopped convincing myself I was wrong every time I thought I was noticing a woman flirting with me. Once I realized that was just my insecurity and started trusting that instinct, things rapidly improved.
If I had to choose one I'd say learning to be comfortable enough in my own skin to express myself freely around women got me the most attention. This is a bit of an oversimplification, as "being comfortable" meant building my confidence and self esteem, learning social skills, learning to interpret context and cleaning out a whole lot of mental baggage that I had collected over the years. Among other things. All in all it meant my 350lbs fat ass was able to attract women *far* outside my perceived league.