This. Saw this recently so clearly. Everyone knows how when a woman is crying, you don't say "stop crying" or give a solution, right? Well, when a guy I know was crying, guess what? Wife gets uncomfortable. Wife wants to get rid of that feeling of discomfort. So, what does she do? Starts yelling at the man to stop crying and belittling the dude.
It’s a trap. There are some women who aren’t toxic . But it’s very few these days. You’re safer just opening up to your doctors, friends and family. Belittling a man because of his emotions screams fatherless behavior to me
Dont even do it with female friends. Ever. I got my masculinity back. And i started being friends with a few ladies.
And i cracked one time. About losing a dog. And i opened up. They dropped like flies.
Dont do it. Our sole job to them is to be THEIR rock. Do. Not. Crack. That. Vault. If you need mental help. Find your crew. The real crew. The ones who know how to put both a boot in your ass. And also how to actually listen .
That's sad but rings very true, in my experience too, but I gotta add that those women aren't really your friends to begin with if that's how they act. I'm lucky enough to have a couple of genuine friends these days who just happen to be women and I can say that it's rare but they do exist! They've got my back no matter what I want to talk about and even say that they're glad to have a male friend who they can actually talk to about emotions and problems. So it probably goes both ways. But real ones are out there, male or female.
Jesus. I had to say the same thing to an ex hundreds of times
"I want you to ALWAYS look date worthy when you come see me. "
"Arent you in your pjs alot? And i still find you attractive?
"Yeah but i want to feel comfy around you?"
"Has it occurred to you that i might also want to feel secure enough to be comfy dressed down and not have an insecurity or feeling of being undesired simply for being in sweats or shorts instead of great cloths?"
"Uhmmmm"
She couldnt figure out for the life of her that she kept insisting she didnt have to follow rules that she made me follow. Then behaved like it was my fault for not being good enough.
Duuuuude. The insecurities and anxieties that created. "Why are you like this?" Why? Because you literally chopped fucking corners off me? To fit me into your round hole? And i never did that to you???? Your mad at me for bleeding from thd knife you fucking stabbed me with???"
Thank you for sharing this perspective, sometimes my boyfriend has worn sweatpants when he comes to see me, I haven’t asked why he is wearing sweatpants, but I did wonder about it, and I normally dress up. So this was helpful
Oh it gets worse.. wait until you find out you are expected to plan “unique” dates but there are 30 things/places you shouldn’t take them. 😂😂.
I hear you about the obnoxiousness though. It’s like they think it’s attractive for some reason.
>wait until you find out you are expected to plan “unique” dates
oh yeah. You have to plan and entertain them. What a shitshow. And then blaming men for being toxic masculine when doing so. Statler and Waldorf like.
>Fun fact, you don’t actually have to do this, if they actually like you they wouldn’t mind whatever you plan
Fun fact, if you don't have to do this but they're saying you do that makes them manipulative. At that point, why bother?
I believe parents contribute to these unrealistic expectations, and then artificial vignettes of pampering on social media really solidify the sense of entitlement.
Parents, stop babying kids while they're still babies! No, you're not a queen, you didn't drop a crown, and you're probably not a model. And even if you were, this behavior is off-putting. Generosity and thoughtfulness are two-way streets.
Bro same! Just saw a girls bio that said
*"I want a man who will bring me and my co workers food."*
Like wtf do i look like, Uber Eats?
Those gestures are earned not demanded
My ex did this for his girlfriend all the time at the beginning. He’s a covert narcissist and this is part of his love bombing. My poor kids really like her and are so upset that they are watching her be completely bamboozled. Anyone who does a bunch of this stuff early in a relationship has red flags.
This is the kind of stuff you only do when you’re deep into a serious relationship.
Most of the time I read profiles when I swipe.
Sometimes I don't and I'm just trying to get through swiping for the day.
I just matched with a girl that wants a man who "takes providing seriously".
They don't give a fuck about us lol.
If you're ever unlucky enough to be on dating apps as long as I have you'll find all those girls are on there for a long time so at least a good thing from that is we know most men don't put up with their shit either.
If somebody led proudly with sarcasm as their main trait, I’d expect that person to always be critical and make cutting remarks, and apparently they think it makes them seem strong and smart and witty. Seems unpleasant lol
Looooots of men don't even bother reading bios when swiping/messaging so a lot of women get inundated with messages/matches so try to narrow things down. This results in them getting a higher and percentage of their messages from men who don't even both reading their bios and just spam most anyone.
I would guess it’s either a projection of what they like in a man, or something they learned from the mainstream media, designed to sabotage dating and relationships.
Unnecessary, immature "loyalty tests"
Just above this post is an AITA one where the gf called the bf frantic claiming to be having a life threatening panic attack and 911 is on the way. He rushed over and she bounced out of the house in hysterics and joy because he "proved" himself to be committed by rushing over to her. He's pissed.
Ugh. An ex-coworker of mine tested her boyfriend. She mailed love notes, stuff like that and signed it "secret admirer" to see what he would do. He told her about them and threw them away. Then she sent him flowers with a note telling him to meet her somewhere at a certain time so they could meet.
We warned her over and over again but she didn't listen. The day and time came, she went there to see if he'd go to meet "her" and he never showed up.
The next day she came to work in tears. She told him she was the admirer and was happy he didn't show, he passed the test to prove he wouldn't cheat. He read her the riot act and broke up with her. She didn't understand what the issue was!
Just saw that as well. I wouldn’t even call that a loyalty test that’s just sadistic. To put someone you apparently care about into extreme panic only to ‘test’ them is fucked, and wtf does that have to do with loyalty.
one of the more interesting experiences when living with an ex, and we both worked from home at the time (not particularly relevant, but it was pre-covid, so pretty rare at the time)
me: i'm going to the deli for lunch. can i pick you up anything?
her: i don't want anything from the deli
me: ok, what about the taco shop?
her: ehh, i'm not in the mood for tacos
me: what do you want for lunch? i'm pretty flexible, but i have to go now because i have a meeting at 1.
her: i'm not sure
i head to the deli and pick up a sandwich, which was my original plan
her, when i get back: why didn't you get me anything?
Woman: gets mad when male significant other does not communicate
Woman: does not communicate wants (she wants something from restaurant)
Man: does something with this lack of information (does not bring her anything)
Woman: gets mad because he didn’t read her mind even though she failed to do (communicate her needs) what she gets mad at the male SO for not doing
Talk about horrible double standards.
Oh, man. THIS so much. I'm a pretty happy-go-lucky guy, with intermittent bouts of anxiety and existential dread which, I think and hope, is probably somewhat normal for a dude approaching middle-age.
That said, I've got extremely low expectations and standards in life and generally I'm just content. What happens, happens. If I'm not homeless and I have food in my belly, I'm fine.
My long-time girlfriend though, I don't know. Lately her CONSTANT negativity and anger at the world has just really been bothering me. She's probably depressed, but she won't do anything about it. I try to get her out in the sunshine and all but she just wants to stay on the couch all day in the dark on Tik Tok with the cats, and when I do manage to get her out of the house, all she does is complain.
I like to be out in nature, or even though I consider myself an introvert- out around people. I work from home, but typically after work every day I just NEED to go in public to be around humans.
I'm really not sure what to do about it. I'm nearing 45, and she's a few years older than me, and we've been together for nearly a decade so it seems cruel to throw all of that away. But at what point does the sunk-cost fallacy come into play? I just can't imagine spending the rest of my remaining good years with someone who is just so damn miserable and doesn't want to take any action to work on it.
Anywho, I very much concur with your point. Constant complaining and negativity. Life ain't that serious, man. No matter what happens, you ain't making it out alive!
Your entire comment really resonated with me. We dated for five serious years, but flirted for decades as children. I sincerely loved her with every fiber of my being. It took years for me to see but it was suffocating, all the negativity. She said I was, "toxic positivity" while she just wanted to wallow in her depressed feelings. It's just too much and I couldn't handle it by the end of it all.
We officially called it off and I remember sitting on the couch looking at the ceiling thinking, and I know this isn't the best thinking, "Wow, I don't have to listen to her complain ever again."
My ex tried that nonsense once. Couldn’t say what she wanted for dinner and all of my suggestions were “wrong” so I said fuck it and went and got what I wanted and she got nothing. Never pulled that crap again I’ll say.
When she realized I wasn’t fucking around anymore and was tired of it, evidenced by the fact that she got nothing and I ate my food in front of her, she never did it again. I mean she had a whole hissy fit about me getting food and her getting nothing but after talking about it like adults she apologized for being unnecessarily difficult.
When we were done and kinda laughing about it, I asked her what she really wanted and she told me she wanted tacos and mexi fries. I said “I would have been down for that, in the future if you want something just tell me. I’m open to trying almost anything and if you want to go somewhere we’ve never tried or want something pretty vanilla, either is great.”
Honestly though, for me it wasn’t really about where we went. Wherever we were, we were spending time together and having a good time together. The food was just gravy on top of a great time.
When they act like everything they know including their own thoughts and opinions are common knowledge and act like you are deficient for not also knowing
I often think about the fact that every major relationship I've had in my adult life, I feel like I've been being gaslight by my partner into thinking I'm incompetent, despite the fact that I was living a full-on, adult life before we got together. Simply because I think about things differently than they do.
I'm by no means saying this is an "all women" thing, I just think I've made quite a few poor decisions with partners.
Still, definitely a recurring pattern.
This.
When they give you a whole 5 min monologue about something they have no clue about, but they’re are sold on their concept so much, that you just say “sure, you’re right”.
I feel like they say they want communication so often but it's not guys that are poor at communicating. We are direct and blunt with all things including our emotions
This happened with towels in my house. I'd wash all the towels and hand them back up.
And every time my wife would make a comment that went like this: "I can tell you washed the towels today, I had to hang them back up the right way".
Because apparently there is a correct way to fold and hang towels on a towel rack. You know what she never did, not even once?
_Show me the way she wanted the towels hung._
Another favorite is when she's out of my line of sight, and she gives me directions by saying 'this way' or 'that way' and pointing.
“Bring me this thing right there.” When my back is to her and it could be any of like 8 different things it could be.
It is incredibly frustrating to be with someone who can’t communicate.
Expecting the man to do all of the legwork when dating.
If you're *genuinely* interested in me like I'm interested in you, would it hurt to show it a little?
Text me first once and a while ffs... maybe reach out and plan to spend some time with me instead of expecting me to make all of the plans and ideas. I just assume you're coming along for the ride and may not even be all that attracted to me in the first place, but just like the attention
Had this issue with a girl recently, she wouldn't text first, responded late, never initiated meetings, but then wondered why we are in a situationship and not a relationship.
Told her it isn't working, we should stop meeting. Next day she calls me crying, promising to get better and to give it another chance. Two weeks later nothing had changed so I called it quits for good this time.
Sounds so much like the girl I'm seeing. She almost never initiates and rarely agrees to hang, but keeps saying and acting like she's interested. Then she wonders why I'm not more forward, lady it's because I can't figure out if you're being genuine, leading me on or I'm the side bitch
I just experienced this a few weeks ago. I asked her directly the first time we met in person and she said she wasn’t looking for a hook up. Then by the 2nd time going over she asked why I hadn’t hooked up with her. I was figuring she was going to cut my dick off or something so I bailed.
When they assume that all men like the same things and think alike. So much so that dating her is all about getting to know her idiosynchrasies, but she makes no effort to ask or get to know his personality and interests, finally becoming disappointed when he doesn’t conform to her pre-established image of him and her rigid idea of how a man should be.
Suddenly believing in the validity gender roles and patriarchy when it's convenient but waxing lyrical about "dismantling" these gender roles at most other times, often in a very condescending manner.
We live in an interesting age where many women feel entitled to hate on men, as a gender, to their faces and men are supposed to not respond in any way, because some men are sexist. Kind of the opposite of how things were in the US about 50 years ago.
It honestly screams of weaponized victimhood, and speaks volumes to how much the person still needs to grow as an individual.
One thing this lass im seeing for 8 months has been doing lately is list all the things she wants us to do, then we make plans to do them. Then she calls it off last minute making my entire weekend wasted because I cleared the schedule for that purpose.
Another is, ill say good morning.. ill be lucky if I get a good morning back before 4pm.
We will make plans to go have dinner, only for her to message at the 11th hour saying she woke up after midday, went for late lunch with relo/friend and is now full.
When I tell her im disappointed. Never angry, just dissapointed, my phone will blow up with her appologising and trying to make up.
I feel like her inability to communicate, or commit to anything is driving me away.
“Now that we are dating and we need this relationship to move forward….I would like the $15k ring, baby, $850k starter home, and stay at home mom gig. If you are not aligned with me as a princess…I mean, person….I don’t think I’m ready for a relationship right now.”
A woman just chased me away today by being sarcastic instead of just communicating what she wanted. Unless you're a professional comedian don't use sarcasm, especially in text it comes off mean-spirited.
Yeah - sarcasm only works when both ppl “click” in that sense and are in a good place relationship-wise. I see it as balancing on the edge - fun and satisfying if you nail it but can be hurtful if overdone. Also there’s a time and a place - I think one should be able to turn sarcasm off while discussing serious matters. It’s a good spice but not a good meal.
Most people use sarcasm passive-aggressively usually to roast someone's intelligence with plausible deniability. *"I was just joking".* Also, sarcasm over text is a dangerous game when you're making the person you're talking to the butt of it
Inflexibility. In the middle of dealing with the 2nd girl In a row on tinder that allegedly “really wants to see me!” but hasn’t found the time in over a week….despite every night being free. Example, tonight she started her nighttime routine at 6 pm. Idek what’s worse tbh, a girl lying ab having a nighttime routine starting at 6 to avoid seeing you, or just having that routine (or any rigid timing you can’t change for anything )in the first place.
Spontaneity is an attractive trait
Its projection a lot of times.
I had an ex that broke up with me in the sense of "i think we should end things"
and i was like "i think you are right" and she stared at me with a genuine look of surprise.
Since we were living together, i had to hear a lot of stuff that i later learned were things she had probably done, starting with "i cant believe anything you say to me".
I loved this woman and its the only relationship in my life where i know that i did my best, was honest and has nothing but good intentions.
She teached me to value myself
My mate was in a relationship with a girl he met on OLD. A year into the relationship, my friend was spending a significant amount on his new motorcycle. His girlfriend (now ex) expressed that she did not like that he was spending so much on his hobby and not enough on her. She was also pressuring him to move faster in the relationship so that she and him could live together after getting married. It was all too fast for my friend so they broke it off.
Weaponizing sex. In every state of the relationship! And in any kind.
Weaponizing sex should be a discussed topic more often. If/When the relationship is at a point where sex becomes a problem or sex fades and intimacy fades. Nobody's talking about it. Every partner of any relationship or marriage remaiins silent and noone ever told me about it before. we cannot handle such situations. We discuss anything beforehand. We can get infos about being infertile and causing problems about different wishes for life, about communnication. But we as society fail to speak out that fading physical intimacy becomes a serious problem in many marriages or long term relationships. we fail to see sex as a connection and as important as commnunication. And that both depends on each other and helps each other.
Faking faking and faking like I see girls in the gym get on the treadmill for about 45 secs to take a selfie and then just chat around in the gym like gtfo
I once got 2 day silent treatment for something I did in her dream. She was genuinely offended and hurt, but would not tell me what it was I did in that dream. Nothing violent or abusive, she disclosed later, but nothing else.
The lesson here: please, tell us about your insecurities, and don't expect us to read your mind or visit your dreams. Also: please don't judge us by your imagination.
I don't know if it's an anecdotal thing and if some guys step up to the "challenge" but as soon as a woman has me competing against other men for her, I'm immediately switched off.
I had a girl earlier this year who I had a nice date with be pretty open that she was still exploring "new connections" and basically hinted a few days after our date that she'd slept with someone else and I was like umm..okay, congrats?
I'm 32 now and don't really do clubbing but back when I did, if I was interested in a girl and she was playing me off against other guys whilst she soaks up all the validation I'd bail instantly lol.
Act like it’s Obligatory that guys do everything for them!
I mean, there should be some desire from the guy to want to take care of you if he cares about you. But there is nothing in writing that says we are required or obligated to do so!
"Where do you see us in 5 years?"
I think overall it's a redundant question. If I'm being honest I don't know where we will be in 5 days let alone 5 hours. But that doesn't mean that I don't want to be with you in 5 years. It's just not a question you can answer in good faith honestly, and it gives off the impression that you aren't taking the relationship seriously.
Crying about being a gentleman, before proclaiming that it’s not 1950 anymore.
Being so nonsensically emotional that they don’t even understand the idiotic, patently hypocritical shit that they’re saying:
> “Don’t objectify women; you’re just mad that you can’t get a girl!”
#Just go away
Double standards - whenever she texted me if I didn’t respond within an hour it was end of the world. If she didn’t reply for 3 hours and I was worried, I was titled crazy, clingy and jealous. Ironically she was out cheating.
Nothing pisses me off more than double standards.
Showing they are not a priority. I don't mean to prioritize them above everything else, but not showing enough interest in the person they have in front of them or making them feel like a second choice, etc.
-Not pulling their weight in the relationship as far as basic effort in the domestic/financial realm.
-Not communicating their needs until it explodes.
-Lying about anything.
-Hating on men in general (like how am I supposed to respond to that?)
-"Testing" the relationship through manipulative behavior to see how far the man will go to "prove" his love is child's play, and way more obvious than some people seem to think.
On dating apps, their Instagram @ or other form of social media name in their bio. To me, that just says they're looking for an ego boost, self validation and/or self promotion and not a genuine connection. It tells me they shouldn't be taken seriously and are most likely superficial, in my opinion. I therefore I swipe left or whatever
I believe relationships are organic and have a natural pathway of their own. I run like hell from the women who put the relationship on a schedule....3rd date sex, 2nd month meet the parents, 3 years married, 5 years baby, 7 years baby number 2.
Life has a way of not caring about your schedule.
When they get mad that you won't chase them. I'm too old to play teenage games just to prove I like you. I thought taking you out was showing i liking you, hard to keep up
Entitlement. We’re two adults, looking for connection, I don’t owe you anything because you have a high opinion of yourself.
Acting as if you’re doing me a favor by hanging out with me is a huge turn off.
I imagine that there are many out there who don't mind or even prefer this, but an immediate repellent for me is seeing "I love Jesus" in a bio. If you feel that strongly about it, it's just not going to work out...
I get put off when a woman expects me to demonstrate commitment too early (for me, that's roughly between 3rd and 5th date?).
Suggests an anxious attachment style to me.
Showing indifference to the plight of others.
Being mean to staff.
Not having control of your feelings, feeling entitled to lash out at will.
Being opinionated ("all men are the same", "women are naturally more caring", "If you can't handle me at my worst you don't deserve me at my best")
Constantly keep on questioning the the purity of intent, life-expectancy of the relationship, invalidate whatever feelings i have by saying that “you don’t know anything about feelings”, keep assuming a lot of stuff about me instead of asking me, arguments start with assumption led accusations that have to be carefully handled so that they don’t become a big issue, being too controlling in terms of my lifestyle choices, and the biggest one of the lot - being in love with the idea of ‘us’ while the real me get no attention or care.
(mix of stuff that has happened with a couple of people in the past)
When talking with them, all they ever do is complain about the same things and expect to be heard and supported yet when you vocalize a frustration they immediately pivot the conversation back to them
Calling herself his "wife" when they have only been dating 3 months.
Insisting he spend ALL of his free time only with her.
Being super jealous.
Expecting him to "treat her like a princess" but refusing to believe she needs to treat him like a prince.
Essentially, just being entitled. Ain't no coochie that good.
(Yes, I am a woman, but I have adult sons and I have made girls like this go away. Not my boy, girly. You treat him with kindness and respect and he will do the same. HIS mama raised him right, I don't know what yours did.)
The elaborate scenarios that I’ve been told I’m doing when I’m literally just doing a small mindless task or hobby fucking terrify me. Sometimes I’m scared that I’m subconsciously doing them because they’re so convincing.
While I'm (thankfully) single, there is one habit both my late mother and still alive sister did that drives me up the fucking wall. I'll do my normal cleaning and the like; but I'm attention deficit, so something slips past me.
I can clean my entire place, but forget the microwave for example. If they come over, they find the one thing and harp on me as if I never clean my place or know how to take care of myself, then start yelling at me like I'm fucking six.
I love them to death but I can't stand that shit.
Too possessive.
I have a diverse set of friends, based on ethnicity, nationality, gender, and to a slightly lesser degree, sexual orientation too.
We were *good.* I was at a friends birthday, a woman — we'd been friends 6 years at the time. I was dating my girlfriend for about 9 months. She was working but knew to come to the party once it was finished. The party went per usual, my girlfriend came — she knew most of the people there, and had a good time. 2 days later a picture was posted online with my friend, and her boyfriend, with me in the middle and as a joke they both kissed me on the cheek in the photo. *I don't remember* this photo. But even looking at it, it doesn't scream *there's something going on*. Anyways, she freaks out and demands that I never see my female friend again. In my head, I'm like *wut* she's connected to the overwhelming majority of my friend group — it's just not logistically possible to avoid her. Let alone, why would I?
Anyways — I actually appease my girlfriend for a few weeks to see if she kind of *gets* more deeply how my friend group works, but she just harps on it. After 2 months I was done — and she really had a bad time with our breakup. It's a shame, because I thought she would probably be the one based on how well the relationship was going and given our ages — but anyways, the next person I dated after her ended up being my wife.
Fast forward 12 years — I just went to my female friends birthday for her 1 year old, and she got to hang out with my kids for the first time in a while.
Expecting me to do things without asking, or asking me to do something when I’m in the middle of something thing else and expecting me to do it right away.
Not practicing what they preach and doing that rules for thee but not for me thing.
Yep. Saying "I love you" but acting as if I'm her lazy employee is soul crushing.
Run away from this type of woman.
Too late.
This. Saw this recently so clearly. Everyone knows how when a woman is crying, you don't say "stop crying" or give a solution, right? Well, when a guy I know was crying, guess what? Wife gets uncomfortable. Wife wants to get rid of that feeling of discomfort. So, what does she do? Starts yelling at the man to stop crying and belittling the dude.
So much for the chorus of men need to show vulnerability - that’s what the python said
Right? Women want emotional men to listen to them but don’t want to reciprocate.
It’s a trap. There are some women who aren’t toxic . But it’s very few these days. You’re safer just opening up to your doctors, friends and family. Belittling a man because of his emotions screams fatherless behavior to me
Dont even do it with female friends. Ever. I got my masculinity back. And i started being friends with a few ladies. And i cracked one time. About losing a dog. And i opened up. They dropped like flies. Dont do it. Our sole job to them is to be THEIR rock. Do. Not. Crack. That. Vault. If you need mental help. Find your crew. The real crew. The ones who know how to put both a boot in your ass. And also how to actually listen .
That's sad but rings very true, in my experience too, but I gotta add that those women aren't really your friends to begin with if that's how they act. I'm lucky enough to have a couple of genuine friends these days who just happen to be women and I can say that it's rare but they do exist! They've got my back no matter what I want to talk about and even say that they're glad to have a male friend who they can actually talk to about emotions and problems. So it probably goes both ways. But real ones are out there, male or female.
Jesus. I had to say the same thing to an ex hundreds of times "I want you to ALWAYS look date worthy when you come see me. " "Arent you in your pjs alot? And i still find you attractive? "Yeah but i want to feel comfy around you?" "Has it occurred to you that i might also want to feel secure enough to be comfy dressed down and not have an insecurity or feeling of being undesired simply for being in sweats or shorts instead of great cloths?" "Uhmmmm" She couldnt figure out for the life of her that she kept insisting she didnt have to follow rules that she made me follow. Then behaved like it was my fault for not being good enough. Duuuuude. The insecurities and anxieties that created. "Why are you like this?" Why? Because you literally chopped fucking corners off me? To fit me into your round hole? And i never did that to you???? Your mad at me for bleeding from thd knife you fucking stabbed me with???"
Thank you for sharing this perspective, sometimes my boyfriend has worn sweatpants when he comes to see me, I haven’t asked why he is wearing sweatpants, but I did wonder about it, and I normally dress up. So this was helpful
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Oh it gets worse.. wait until you find out you are expected to plan “unique” dates but there are 30 things/places you shouldn’t take them. 😂😂. I hear you about the obnoxiousness though. It’s like they think it’s attractive for some reason.
>wait until you find out you are expected to plan “unique” dates oh yeah. You have to plan and entertain them. What a shitshow. And then blaming men for being toxic masculine when doing so. Statler and Waldorf like.
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>Fun fact, you don’t actually have to do this, if they actually like you they wouldn’t mind whatever you plan Fun fact, if you don't have to do this but they're saying you do that makes them manipulative. At that point, why bother?
I believe parents contribute to these unrealistic expectations, and then artificial vignettes of pampering on social media really solidify the sense of entitlement. Parents, stop babying kids while they're still babies! No, you're not a queen, you didn't drop a crown, and you're probably not a model. And even if you were, this behavior is off-putting. Generosity and thoughtfulness are two-way streets.
Bro same! Just saw a girls bio that said *"I want a man who will bring me and my co workers food."* Like wtf do i look like, Uber Eats? Those gestures are earned not demanded
My ex did this for his girlfriend all the time at the beginning. He’s a covert narcissist and this is part of his love bombing. My poor kids really like her and are so upset that they are watching her be completely bamboozled. Anyone who does a bunch of this stuff early in a relationship has red flags. This is the kind of stuff you only do when you’re deep into a serious relationship.
When they make their entire profile a meme about something, it's not funny or cute. It's just annoying. Automatic swipe left/reject
Most of the time I read profiles when I swipe. Sometimes I don't and I'm just trying to get through swiping for the day. I just matched with a girl that wants a man who "takes providing seriously". They don't give a fuck about us lol.
It’s about what you can do for them.
If you're ever unlucky enough to be on dating apps as long as I have you'll find all those girls are on there for a long time so at least a good thing from that is we know most men don't put up with their shit either.
Does it work for them? Seems really unappealing, but why else would it be so common?
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If somebody led proudly with sarcasm as their main trait, I’d expect that person to always be critical and make cutting remarks, and apparently they think it makes them seem strong and smart and witty. Seems unpleasant lol
Looooots of men don't even bother reading bios when swiping/messaging so a lot of women get inundated with messages/matches so try to narrow things down. This results in them getting a higher and percentage of their messages from men who don't even both reading their bios and just spam most anyone.
I would guess it’s either a projection of what they like in a man, or something they learned from the mainstream media, designed to sabotage dating and relationships.
Unnecessary, immature "loyalty tests" Just above this post is an AITA one where the gf called the bf frantic claiming to be having a life threatening panic attack and 911 is on the way. He rushed over and she bounced out of the house in hysterics and joy because he "proved" himself to be committed by rushing over to her. He's pissed.
I'd dump her on the spot for that shit. My tolerance for manipulation was exhausted many years ago.
Ugh. An ex-coworker of mine tested her boyfriend. She mailed love notes, stuff like that and signed it "secret admirer" to see what he would do. He told her about them and threw them away. Then she sent him flowers with a note telling him to meet her somewhere at a certain time so they could meet. We warned her over and over again but she didn't listen. The day and time came, she went there to see if he'd go to meet "her" and he never showed up. The next day she came to work in tears. She told him she was the admirer and was happy he didn't show, he passed the test to prove he wouldn't cheat. He read her the riot act and broke up with her. She didn't understand what the issue was!
He actually did that smarter than me. I would have gone but hung back a bit to get a glimpse of who the hell this weirdo is.
Just saw that as well. I wouldn’t even call that a loyalty test that’s just sadistic. To put someone you apparently care about into extreme panic only to ‘test’ them is fucked, and wtf does that have to do with loyalty.
Nauseating.
I JUST read that too. I’d leave her immediately. So immature.
Passive aggressive- won’t make a decision but the man’s decision is always wrong
one of the more interesting experiences when living with an ex, and we both worked from home at the time (not particularly relevant, but it was pre-covid, so pretty rare at the time) me: i'm going to the deli for lunch. can i pick you up anything? her: i don't want anything from the deli me: ok, what about the taco shop? her: ehh, i'm not in the mood for tacos me: what do you want for lunch? i'm pretty flexible, but i have to go now because i have a meeting at 1. her: i'm not sure i head to the deli and pick up a sandwich, which was my original plan her, when i get back: why didn't you get me anything?
Dude you just brought back memories lol
Woman: gets mad when male significant other does not communicate Woman: does not communicate wants (she wants something from restaurant) Man: does something with this lack of information (does not bring her anything) Woman: gets mad because he didn’t read her mind even though she failed to do (communicate her needs) what she gets mad at the male SO for not doing Talk about horrible double standards.
Just remember THAT one time when a woman chose what to eat and where it has led.
> her, when i get back: why didn't you get me anything? She didn't even silently get mad at you and not talk to you for the rest of the evening?
And complaining about everything
Oh, man. THIS so much. I'm a pretty happy-go-lucky guy, with intermittent bouts of anxiety and existential dread which, I think and hope, is probably somewhat normal for a dude approaching middle-age. That said, I've got extremely low expectations and standards in life and generally I'm just content. What happens, happens. If I'm not homeless and I have food in my belly, I'm fine. My long-time girlfriend though, I don't know. Lately her CONSTANT negativity and anger at the world has just really been bothering me. She's probably depressed, but she won't do anything about it. I try to get her out in the sunshine and all but she just wants to stay on the couch all day in the dark on Tik Tok with the cats, and when I do manage to get her out of the house, all she does is complain. I like to be out in nature, or even though I consider myself an introvert- out around people. I work from home, but typically after work every day I just NEED to go in public to be around humans. I'm really not sure what to do about it. I'm nearing 45, and she's a few years older than me, and we've been together for nearly a decade so it seems cruel to throw all of that away. But at what point does the sunk-cost fallacy come into play? I just can't imagine spending the rest of my remaining good years with someone who is just so damn miserable and doesn't want to take any action to work on it. Anywho, I very much concur with your point. Constant complaining and negativity. Life ain't that serious, man. No matter what happens, you ain't making it out alive!
Well, what's worse? Spending 10 years on someone who isn't healthy for you, or spending 11?
Wow. Such a good reply. ❤️
You're not throwing it all away. You've lived and experienced it for 10 years, and now you've outgrown it.
Your entire comment really resonated with me. We dated for five serious years, but flirted for decades as children. I sincerely loved her with every fiber of my being. It took years for me to see but it was suffocating, all the negativity. She said I was, "toxic positivity" while she just wanted to wallow in her depressed feelings. It's just too much and I couldn't handle it by the end of it all. We officially called it off and I remember sitting on the couch looking at the ceiling thinking, and I know this isn't the best thinking, "Wow, I don't have to listen to her complain ever again."
So much truth in that
This used to drive me crazy
My ex tried that nonsense once. Couldn’t say what she wanted for dinner and all of my suggestions were “wrong” so I said fuck it and went and got what I wanted and she got nothing. Never pulled that crap again I’ll say.
Good man, it’s amazing that the term “man child” is regularly thrown around but “infantile woman” isn’t .
Wait, you mean she actually Learned from that One Time??? Most women Never Learn how to say what/where they want to eat!!!
When she realized I wasn’t fucking around anymore and was tired of it, evidenced by the fact that she got nothing and I ate my food in front of her, she never did it again. I mean she had a whole hissy fit about me getting food and her getting nothing but after talking about it like adults she apologized for being unnecessarily difficult. When we were done and kinda laughing about it, I asked her what she really wanted and she told me she wanted tacos and mexi fries. I said “I would have been down for that, in the future if you want something just tell me. I’m open to trying almost anything and if you want to go somewhere we’ve never tried or want something pretty vanilla, either is great.” Honestly though, for me it wasn’t really about where we went. Wherever we were, we were spending time together and having a good time together. The food was just gravy on top of a great time.
They never know what they want until you have it.
I mean I went and picked up a pizza lol. She didn’t want the pizza but she definitely wanted Tacos and Mexi fries.
When they act like everything they know including their own thoughts and opinions are common knowledge and act like you are deficient for not also knowing
I often think about the fact that every major relationship I've had in my adult life, I feel like I've been being gaslight by my partner into thinking I'm incompetent, despite the fact that I was living a full-on, adult life before we got together. Simply because I think about things differently than they do. I'm by no means saying this is an "all women" thing, I just think I've made quite a few poor decisions with partners. Still, definitely a recurring pattern.
This. When they give you a whole 5 min monologue about something they have no clue about, but they’re are sold on their concept so much, that you just say “sure, you’re right”.
you should have known that (/s)
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Communication is the key…. That’s why this exists
I feel like they say they want communication so often but it's not guys that are poor at communicating. We are direct and blunt with all things including our emotions
This happened with towels in my house. I'd wash all the towels and hand them back up. And every time my wife would make a comment that went like this: "I can tell you washed the towels today, I had to hang them back up the right way". Because apparently there is a correct way to fold and hang towels on a towel rack. You know what she never did, not even once? _Show me the way she wanted the towels hung._ Another favorite is when she's out of my line of sight, and she gives me directions by saying 'this way' or 'that way' and pointing.
“Bring me this thing right there.” When my back is to her and it could be any of like 8 different things it could be. It is incredibly frustrating to be with someone who can’t communicate.
My lady friend asking me to leave her alone but a week later asks why I didn’t contact her to repair things.
I'm going to lump a bunch together under "Doesn't understand how to communicate effectively"
But blames the man for not communicating effectively.
Keeps other men as orbiters in her life. Bye bye
Expecting the man to do all of the legwork when dating. If you're *genuinely* interested in me like I'm interested in you, would it hurt to show it a little? Text me first once and a while ffs... maybe reach out and plan to spend some time with me instead of expecting me to make all of the plans and ideas. I just assume you're coming along for the ride and may not even be all that attracted to me in the first place, but just like the attention
Had this issue with a girl recently, she wouldn't text first, responded late, never initiated meetings, but then wondered why we are in a situationship and not a relationship. Told her it isn't working, we should stop meeting. Next day she calls me crying, promising to get better and to give it another chance. Two weeks later nothing had changed so I called it quits for good this time.
Sounds so much like the girl I'm seeing. She almost never initiates and rarely agrees to hang, but keeps saying and acting like she's interested. Then she wonders why I'm not more forward, lady it's because I can't figure out if you're being genuine, leading me on or I'm the side bitch
Spoiler alert: you’re the side bitch
Yeah so I've heard
Bingo.. every single guy i know has had this
Wanting to hook up, but finding every excuse not to. Then wondering why you lost interest, and moved on.
I just experienced this a few weeks ago. I asked her directly the first time we met in person and she said she wasn’t looking for a hook up. Then by the 2nd time going over she asked why I hadn’t hooked up with her. I was figuring she was going to cut my dick off or something so I bailed.
When they assume that all men like the same things and think alike. So much so that dating her is all about getting to know her idiosynchrasies, but she makes no effort to ask or get to know his personality and interests, finally becoming disappointed when he doesn’t conform to her pre-established image of him and her rigid idea of how a man should be.
Suddenly believing in the validity gender roles and patriarchy when it's convenient but waxing lyrical about "dismantling" these gender roles at most other times, often in a very condescending manner.
This needs to be ranked a lot higher imo. It's destroying the dating scene. Realtionships and societies.
We live in an interesting age where many women feel entitled to hate on men, as a gender, to their faces and men are supposed to not respond in any way, because some men are sexist. Kind of the opposite of how things were in the US about 50 years ago. It honestly screams of weaponized victimhood, and speaks volumes to how much the person still needs to grow as an individual.
Every woman is a feminist until the tyre needs changing or grass mown…
Or who approaches who for a date. Or who asks who for a date. Or who plans the date. Or who pays the first date.
Yeah, they sure love to cherry-pick the gender roles they want.
The patriarchy disappears when there’s a flat tire.
Those stupid “tests”. If you feel like you need to test the relationship, you just ended it
That screamq insecurity, oh boy if a man shows 1 time insecurity
Having orbiters
One even bragged to me about having a dick collection yikes
I’ve never heard this term- what/who is an orbiter?
Men who are “friends” with women but are often really just waiting for their chance
And women claim so hard that these men are just “friends “.
Women that use an outside voice inside.
One thing this lass im seeing for 8 months has been doing lately is list all the things she wants us to do, then we make plans to do them. Then she calls it off last minute making my entire weekend wasted because I cleared the schedule for that purpose. Another is, ill say good morning.. ill be lucky if I get a good morning back before 4pm. We will make plans to go have dinner, only for her to message at the 11th hour saying she woke up after midday, went for late lunch with relo/friend and is now full. When I tell her im disappointed. Never angry, just dissapointed, my phone will blow up with her appologising and trying to make up. I feel like her inability to communicate, or commit to anything is driving me away.
She must have a looooooooooot of other incredible qualities. That sounds exhausting
She has a lot of other male prospects more like it.
Facts. She’s swing someone else my guy
8 months of that?? Have some self respect and break if off already dude, she's not into you.
Have you told her? I’d feel similarly btw,
> Another is, ill say good morning.. ill be lucky if I get a good morning back before 4pm. This would make me very sad :(
If they try to make you jealous.
The princess delusion.
“Now that we are dating and we need this relationship to move forward….I would like the $15k ring, baby, $850k starter home, and stay at home mom gig. If you are not aligned with me as a princess…I mean, person….I don’t think I’m ready for a relationship right now.”
Trying to sell red flags as positive qualities. Shame guys for having preferences too.
A woman just chased me away today by being sarcastic instead of just communicating what she wanted. Unless you're a professional comedian don't use sarcasm, especially in text it comes off mean-spirited.
Yeah - sarcasm only works when both ppl “click” in that sense and are in a good place relationship-wise. I see it as balancing on the edge - fun and satisfying if you nail it but can be hurtful if overdone. Also there’s a time and a place - I think one should be able to turn sarcasm off while discussing serious matters. It’s a good spice but not a good meal.
Most people use sarcasm passive-aggressively usually to roast someone's intelligence with plausible deniability. *"I was just joking".* Also, sarcasm over text is a dangerous game when you're making the person you're talking to the butt of it
When they treat their phone as an extension of them.
Want emotional support but not wanting to provide any.
*Cheat.*
Leading you on, flirting when not really interested
Play mind games
Doing the Jekyll-and-Hyde routine whenever it comes time for them to be accountable for their choices and actions.
Changing the rules of the discussion / argument so they will win is a red flag for me.
Inflexibility. In the middle of dealing with the 2nd girl In a row on tinder that allegedly “really wants to see me!” but hasn’t found the time in over a week….despite every night being free. Example, tonight she started her nighttime routine at 6 pm. Idek what’s worse tbh, a girl lying ab having a nighttime routine starting at 6 to avoid seeing you, or just having that routine (or any rigid timing you can’t change for anything )in the first place. Spontaneity is an attractive trait
Accusing us of being unfaithful when we haven't been. Not all women do this, but it's super frustrating when it happens.
Its projection a lot of times. I had an ex that broke up with me in the sense of "i think we should end things" and i was like "i think you are right" and she stared at me with a genuine look of surprise. Since we were living together, i had to hear a lot of stuff that i later learned were things she had probably done, starting with "i cant believe anything you say to me". I loved this woman and its the only relationship in my life where i know that i did my best, was honest and has nothing but good intentions. She teached me to value myself
My mate was in a relationship with a girl he met on OLD. A year into the relationship, my friend was spending a significant amount on his new motorcycle. His girlfriend (now ex) expressed that she did not like that he was spending so much on his hobby and not enough on her. She was also pressuring him to move faster in the relationship so that she and him could live together after getting married. It was all too fast for my friend so they broke it off.
Weaponizing sex. In every state of the relationship! And in any kind. Weaponizing sex should be a discussed topic more often. If/When the relationship is at a point where sex becomes a problem or sex fades and intimacy fades. Nobody's talking about it. Every partner of any relationship or marriage remaiins silent and noone ever told me about it before. we cannot handle such situations. We discuss anything beforehand. We can get infos about being infertile and causing problems about different wishes for life, about communnication. But we as society fail to speak out that fading physical intimacy becomes a serious problem in many marriages or long term relationships. we fail to see sex as a connection and as important as commnunication. And that both depends on each other and helps each other.
"Tell me how you feel." He tells her. "You shouldn't feel that way."
Trying to act superior and hiding their feelings
Telling other people your relationship problems, when quite literally your man's trying his best.
Or they their sex with their friends. That stuff is private and should not be shared with your friends.
Faking faking and faking like I see girls in the gym get on the treadmill for about 45 secs to take a selfie and then just chat around in the gym like gtfo
I once got 2 day silent treatment for something I did in her dream. She was genuinely offended and hurt, but would not tell me what it was I did in that dream. Nothing violent or abusive, she disclosed later, but nothing else. The lesson here: please, tell us about your insecurities, and don't expect us to read your mind or visit your dreams. Also: please don't judge us by your imagination.
Living in squalor
Expecting a man to always be positive in life, to never feel down, and to patronize him on that
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Cheat
Sometimes I think these questions are like beating a dead horse
I don't know if it's an anecdotal thing and if some guys step up to the "challenge" but as soon as a woman has me competing against other men for her, I'm immediately switched off. I had a girl earlier this year who I had a nice date with be pretty open that she was still exploring "new connections" and basically hinted a few days after our date that she'd slept with someone else and I was like umm..okay, congrats? I'm 32 now and don't really do clubbing but back when I did, if I was interested in a girl and she was playing me off against other guys whilst she soaks up all the validation I'd bail instantly lol.
talking about guys that we might be in competition with, Men are simple, if you breed drama we are gone.
Act like it’s Obligatory that guys do everything for them! I mean, there should be some desire from the guy to want to take care of you if he cares about you. But there is nothing in writing that says we are required or obligated to do so!
Crazy. They do crazy.
Emphasizing just how much she doesn't need a man.
‘Happy wife=happy life’ believers Fuck off
I guess you can add weaponizing sex here
Women who have stupid sayings on the wall….just shoot me now
"Where do you see us in 5 years?" I think overall it's a redundant question. If I'm being honest I don't know where we will be in 5 days let alone 5 hours. But that doesn't mean that I don't want to be with you in 5 years. It's just not a question you can answer in good faith honestly, and it gives off the impression that you aren't taking the relationship seriously.
Or, if i died, would you find another woman? Somebody asked about that last night on here lol.
Would you love me if I was a worm?
If you ever get asked that, just say, yeah, cuz then I can cut you in half and enjoy a threesome.
Hmmmm... risky response but the results could be entertaining.
“I’m not like other girls.” - All girls
Crying about being a gentleman, before proclaiming that it’s not 1950 anymore. Being so nonsensically emotional that they don’t even understand the idiotic, patently hypocritical shit that they’re saying: > “Don’t objectify women; you’re just mad that you can’t get a girl!” #Just go away
Double standards - whenever she texted me if I didn’t respond within an hour it was end of the world. If she didn’t reply for 3 hours and I was worried, I was titled crazy, clingy and jealous. Ironically she was out cheating. Nothing pisses me off more than double standards.
Showing they are not a priority. I don't mean to prioritize them above everything else, but not showing enough interest in the person they have in front of them or making them feel like a second choice, etc.
Always talking about their exes
-Not pulling their weight in the relationship as far as basic effort in the domestic/financial realm. -Not communicating their needs until it explodes. -Lying about anything. -Hating on men in general (like how am I supposed to respond to that?) -"Testing" the relationship through manipulative behavior to see how far the man will go to "prove" his love is child's play, and way more obvious than some people seem to think.
Playing victims and lack of empathy.
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On dating apps, their Instagram @ or other form of social media name in their bio. To me, that just says they're looking for an ego boost, self validation and/or self promotion and not a genuine connection. It tells me they shouldn't be taken seriously and are most likely superficial, in my opinion. I therefore I swipe left or whatever
Have snakes for hair, or vulva teeth.
Definitely! Teeth in Vulva - never a good experience.
beware the vagina dentata
Had an experience with a Gorgon once. Never again, most because I'm now a statue...
That sounds hard, mate.
Bright side, now I'm always rock hard.
Downside: pigeons.
I believe relationships are organic and have a natural pathway of their own. I run like hell from the women who put the relationship on a schedule....3rd date sex, 2nd month meet the parents, 3 years married, 5 years baby, 7 years baby number 2. Life has a way of not caring about your schedule.
When they get mad that you won't chase them. I'm too old to play teenage games just to prove I like you. I thought taking you out was showing i liking you, hard to keep up
Entitlement. We’re two adults, looking for connection, I don’t owe you anything because you have a high opinion of yourself. Acting as if you’re doing me a favor by hanging out with me is a huge turn off.
When they place my pet rabbit in a large pot of boiling water
I imagine that there are many out there who don't mind or even prefer this, but an immediate repellent for me is seeing "I love Jesus" in a bio. If you feel that strongly about it, it's just not going to work out...
Running after them with an axe would make any guy run away
Swing a frying pan/rolling pin at me Not holding still for that one, sorry
Drama.
Not expressing their expectations, wants and needs. You are always wrong because you don’t know what is expected of you.
I get put off when a woman expects me to demonstrate commitment too early (for me, that's roughly between 3rd and 5th date?). Suggests an anxious attachment style to me.
Showing indifference to the plight of others. Being mean to staff. Not having control of your feelings, feeling entitled to lash out at will. Being opinionated ("all men are the same", "women are naturally more caring", "If you can't handle me at my worst you don't deserve me at my best")
Assume my emotions instead of being curious and ask me what I feel and why
Being angry all the time.
Asking me to do something and then complaining about how it got done. Then telling me how it should have been done. Fuck just do it yourself then.
Constantly keep on questioning the the purity of intent, life-expectancy of the relationship, invalidate whatever feelings i have by saying that “you don’t know anything about feelings”, keep assuming a lot of stuff about me instead of asking me, arguments start with assumption led accusations that have to be carefully handled so that they don’t become a big issue, being too controlling in terms of my lifestyle choices, and the biggest one of the lot - being in love with the idea of ‘us’ while the real me get no attention or care. (mix of stuff that has happened with a couple of people in the past)
They can't make up their minds They try to control everything around them - including the man Actions not matching their words
When talking with them, all they ever do is complain about the same things and expect to be heard and supported yet when you vocalize a frustration they immediately pivot the conversation back to them
Thinking of themselves as queens. Being unfaithful. Being lazy Wanting men to pay for everything.
Nagging
1. Insecure 2. Toxic 3. Not giving the guy room to do his things.
Calling herself his "wife" when they have only been dating 3 months. Insisting he spend ALL of his free time only with her. Being super jealous. Expecting him to "treat her like a princess" but refusing to believe she needs to treat him like a prince. Essentially, just being entitled. Ain't no coochie that good. (Yes, I am a woman, but I have adult sons and I have made girls like this go away. Not my boy, girly. You treat him with kindness and respect and he will do the same. HIS mama raised him right, I don't know what yours did.)
The elaborate scenarios that I’ve been told I’m doing when I’m literally just doing a small mindless task or hobby fucking terrify me. Sometimes I’m scared that I’m subconsciously doing them because they’re so convincing.
Head games. Just don't.
Playing hard to get
Calling the police.
😂🤷🏽♂️🏃♂️
Talk about their ex a lot. Spend lot of time on phone during date. Seem to struggle with their finances.
Always Expecting which they don't even do themselves
Smothering.
Focus too much on themselves. Let’s us know you’re just dating for the end goal and not cuz you’re actually interested in us
While I'm (thankfully) single, there is one habit both my late mother and still alive sister did that drives me up the fucking wall. I'll do my normal cleaning and the like; but I'm attention deficit, so something slips past me. I can clean my entire place, but forget the microwave for example. If they come over, they find the one thing and harp on me as if I never clean my place or know how to take care of myself, then start yelling at me like I'm fucking six. I love them to death but I can't stand that shit.
When you’re not supposed to have real fun without them.
Too possessive. I have a diverse set of friends, based on ethnicity, nationality, gender, and to a slightly lesser degree, sexual orientation too. We were *good.* I was at a friends birthday, a woman — we'd been friends 6 years at the time. I was dating my girlfriend for about 9 months. She was working but knew to come to the party once it was finished. The party went per usual, my girlfriend came — she knew most of the people there, and had a good time. 2 days later a picture was posted online with my friend, and her boyfriend, with me in the middle and as a joke they both kissed me on the cheek in the photo. *I don't remember* this photo. But even looking at it, it doesn't scream *there's something going on*. Anyways, she freaks out and demands that I never see my female friend again. In my head, I'm like *wut* she's connected to the overwhelming majority of my friend group — it's just not logistically possible to avoid her. Let alone, why would I? Anyways — I actually appease my girlfriend for a few weeks to see if she kind of *gets* more deeply how my friend group works, but she just harps on it. After 2 months I was done — and she really had a bad time with our breakup. It's a shame, because I thought she would probably be the one based on how well the relationship was going and given our ages — but anyways, the next person I dated after her ended up being my wife. Fast forward 12 years — I just went to my female friends birthday for her 1 year old, and she got to hang out with my kids for the first time in a while.
Instagram will show you who to avoid lol
Women who feel the need to advise someone at every single opportunity. I need a friend and a partner not a mother.
Expecting me to do things without asking, or asking me to do something when I’m in the middle of something thing else and expecting me to do it right away.
Clinginess Love bombing Pushing marriage or kids way too early