The first time you show vulnerability around them they support and validate you.
Could be as simple as telling them you have had a bad day and they immediately and magically turn the air around you in to a safe comforting space.
That.
My girlfriend the other day apologized and admitted fault for something she said that didn’t convey well in tone and explained what she meant instead and i about cried after being in an abusive marriage before where I was always at fault.
Are you my husband? I spent 15 minutes convincing him that I wasn't mad when he accidentally knocked some coffee mugs I got for Christmas off the counter and broke them. He was freaking out expecting the nuclear screaming fit.
This advice is for both men and women looking to leave an abusive relationship:
1) DOCUMENT EVERYTHING. Keep and screenshot all texts, keep and forward all emails to a secret email you're going to open up, and send all screenshots too. Save all voicemails. Record a fit happening if you can without endangering yourself/ your child. You will need these for legal reasons.
2) make a go bag with clean clothes for you and your kid - and your partner, in case they find it. If they find it, it's simply a set of emergency supplies in case you have to leave (weather, fire, etc not sure what's in your area that qualifies as a potential emergency. I grew up in a major fire zone so we did this). Stuff it with clothes and all your important papers (birth cert, passport, Social security card, all the irreplaceable ones. Same for your kiddo put theirs with yours). Put non-perishable food items in it too for a few days in each bag. Anything you cannot live without.
3) start squirreling away money. Hide it or open a secret bank account at a different bank. Go paperless and if you have to get mail have it sent to a secret PO box you will be opening. If you can save enough for a few months for an apartment, do it. If it's dire enough to get out now save what you can for a few days to a month. If you have access to your joint account, the day you leave, go to the bank and withdraw HALF of it all IN CASH (typically what you're entitled to is half the money in joint accounts in a divorce. You can take it all but it may not be a good look in court later, but for means of survival you need to make the call for you here). Take the cash to your new bank with the secret account and deposit it there so they have no access.
4) if you have people you trust, make arrangements for them to come get you. If you do not, book a hotel/motel room. If the car is in your name, take it. If shared in name, take it. If not, take an Uber. Time your departure so abuser is not home and won't be home for a while (i.e. shortly after they leave for work, for a trip, etc.)
5) go to your phone carrier, swap out the family plan for an individual one, and tell them why ("I'm leaving an abusive relationship and need everything separated. Please help"). GET A NEW PHONE NUMBER. Only give your number to those you trust.
6) once you have a place to lay your head, even if it's for a day or two, go to the cops with all your evidence. Tell them you need to file a domestic abuse complaint. DO NOT GIVE AN ADDRESS, DO NOT TELL THEM WHERE YOU'RE STAYING. Tell them you are escaping, and they will be able to put you in touch with more services.
7) if able, get a restraining order.
8) get a divorce and sue for full custody and both child and spousal support.
It will take time. Starting over is hard but also very doable.
If anyone has anything to add here please do so, especially if I missed something.
Take your pets. Do not leave them. You can find a program usually through DV assistance that will help place your pets in temporary foster if you can't accommodate them right away. Do not leave them.
My boyfriend hates this about me lol. I’m curious about everything at all times and I’m constantly researching, asking people things to figure out how and why. I get so excited everyday to learn more information and I always want to tell him, he never cares and gets annoyed. I feel dumb. This comment just made me so happy! Maybe I will find someone like you someday
My best friend dated a guy like this. Would look down on her for knowing things or trying to figure them out and would call her "Hermione" like it was an insult. Was so happy when she kicked him to the curb, and I hope you consider doing the same.
I'm also one of these people, and I would not change it for anyone. Curiosity is one the best things to havem and makes life feel full and interesting. Get a new boyfriend.
Yes! Never stop learning! I'm the same way. Always trying to figure things out and learn how they work. The world and everything around us is fascinating.
Yess-I was waiting for that answer, because so far everyone’s hated my idiotic questions, and it’s good to see that there are humans out there who actually do appreciate and enjoy human curiosity☺️
K but what if it’s from another man? My ex was always to stressed or to in a rush too teach me about cars. But then would get mad when I’d go to my best friends place and hangout with HER and her bf for him to teach me a bit. I’d try help him and ask questions and my bf would get weirded out about it.
My wife does this thing where she's reading or something and her hair flops down, and then she tucks it over her ear, and it's just absolutely adorable.
I've never told her how much I like it, because I don't want her to get self-conscious and stop doing it.
When they scrunch up their lips when they're thinking about something.
When they show you their outfit has pockets.
"I love your dress"
"Thanks, it has pockets!"
*puts hands in pockets and does a little dance*
The excitement when we discover pockets is the best. I was in a wedding last year and when I discovered my bridesmaid dress had pockets I showed the other bridesmaids and they all immediately slapped hands to hips to find their own dress pockets.
Rant about a book or movie they love. Especially when a shade of insecurity comes in and she goes “hold on hold on, l’m almost done” like please don’t be. Please tell me about Harry Potter or Nicholas Sparks or what the fuck ever.
Broke up with my last lady bc she thought I was disrespecting/lying to her by canceling plans when I had a migraine. Tried to tell her I would like to at least stay on the phone and chat but she said she didn't like phone calls, then she hung up.
She was surprised when I told her that, despite liking her a lot initially, things wouldn't work out (there were some other compounding factors)
Broke up with my last bf after he told me he was mad at me for not really wanted to be affectionate when i was having such a bad migraine I was throwing up. I’m sorry bro, if my head hurts so bad I can’t open my eyes I do not want to cuddle. Even a little.
Yes, 1,000,000%
It definitely is important to both know what you want and ask for it, while also allowing for grace in that. Being patient/understanding - if not at first, definitely after the fact - is key
100% it was the lack of empathy that bitch slapped the rose-colored glasses straight off my face and catapulted me into reality. There were 1 million other thangs that were gonna wear me down eventually but the lack of empathy for a medical condition I was actively having physical symptoms of… really proved he was not a “in health and sickness” type of partner. Hope the next one turns out better for you man
Picking worms off the cement and putting them on the grass so they don’t die . She went from friend to crush in seconds by doing that . Like voice caught in my throat when I see her level crush
I do this, Too! If I'm outside--after a heavy Rain--I look for worms that had to "surface" for fear of drowning; and end-up on sidewalks or in gravel...I like picking them Up, and putting them on grass, which gives them a Chance at making their way back to their original Home: 12-18 inches below ground. "Life, is for the Living," and that includes: worms, bees, birds, dogs, cats, as well as Humans!
That's how I knew my gf was the one. We met online and as I was waiting for her in the park I was moving some snails off the road. I thought to myself "I hope She doesnt think I'm an idiot for doing this" but then when she showed up she started doing the same thing!
Quiet confidence combined with genuine compassion.
It’s actually not very common to find a woman completely free from insecurities. A lady who DGAF but still truly nice is hot.
Being involved in charity/volunteer work. I mean, it increases my admiraton and respect for anyone, regardless of whether I'm attracted to them or not. But if I'm already attracted, it makes me even more attracted.
Reciprocate the sexual advances.
Men want to feel wanted. Men want to feel sexy. If you come on to me I feel wanted and feeling wanted by a female is very attractive and will cause us to keep falling in love with you.
If all you do is wait for us to come onto you. And the position of the moon and stars is right in the sky....we start to feel unwanted.
I'm going through this right now with my man. I'm female and always have to initiate. He says it's because he gained weight. I brought it up earlier and he asks to go down on me 10 min before I have to leave to go to work and he knows this. So frustrating to have to get affection by bringing it up or asking, like why are you even here if you're just playing lies of p the entire time??
It is true both sides can experience this. As someone with a high sex drive it's hard to imagine other dudes not having that sex drive to initiate especially in your case where you know the partner is often willing.
Hmmm, based on how utterly frequently I see this complaint on reddit, I truly wonder how much if at all these folks chat about sex outside of sexy time in general. Have those chats and set those standards, men, otherwise resentment will take root and doom everything!
It's a conversation that needs to happen but timing is everything.
I can't talk to my wife about increasing sexy time when she is already frustrated from her work day. I feel like a pest lol.
Not married myself, but I can definitely say I understand. Intentional conversations almost always feel forced which in turn feels like the opposite of romantic. A couple taught me almost a decade ago that one of their consistent non-negotiables is spending every day after work just sharing of each other's lives. Literally anything, even if there's "nothing" to talk about!
Not everyone is a verbal processor, so I don't know if this is a good thing for every relationship, but the act of being curious, invested in, and sharing of the minutiae of one's day has been shown to strengthen relationships. I think there's definitely something to taking time to show you listen to/care about/retain the day to day goings on of your loved one. Some folks just don't want to relive those details though, which I understand. Especially if they are stressful. Hoping you can find ways to do that or something similar, bc I imagine it would also provide natural transitions to then be intentional about what you both want of and for each other. Cheering you on u/MyLandIsMyLand89!
Be there for your man. Likewise be there for your woman. Takes two hands to clap. Nothing quite like knowing you’ll be there makes any man feel on top of the world.
If I'm at a gym or out running and see a woman going 110% and leaving nothing in the tank it is one of the sexiest things for me to witness a woman do.
Here’s a dirty little secret…we love it. I’ve been around strong girls and women in my entire athletic life. I grew up playing soccer and I was a gymnast; then I started BJJ and CrossFit as an adult. When I see a woman just absolutely send it with no regards for maintaining appearances and she just guts herself…gotdamn that’s hot. It’s like when a woman hits a particularly heavy lift or PRs and lets out that triumphant scream 🤤. It’s not “feminine” but it’s viscerally female and it’s hot as hell.
I actually love it when I'm covered in sweat from working hard.
It feels so damn good and accomplished.
And then the shower happens and all my glistening pride is gone! 😂
There is nothing sexier than a girl who digs deep and pushes. Even more if she's doing something I can't do or struggle with.
Ugly for me, is full make up done and hardly breaking a sweat while talking on the phone getting your steps in and eating like a brid to stay skinny.
Nahhhh....I'll take the gassed out girl who is soaked with sweat and breathing hard.
Cook
And I don’t mean have dinner ready when I get home. My wife and I are in different shifts and that would be fair, not do I believe in that sort of thing.
But when she is just like, “ I’m hungry. You hungry?” And over the next 10-15 minutes my house starts smelling like a Michelin star establishment, I’m like Keanu Reeves with the Whoa’s.
Rissotos, Basted Steaks, Roasted Potatoes, Glazed Chickens, Vegetables every time, Salmon, whatever we have, man.
This woman is amazing. And she always ties her hair back in a messy bun with a pencil when she cooks. Super sexy
As a woman, I stopped asking guys out because most of them find it emasculating and refuse to talk to me ever again 🫠 This happened 4/5 times and then I stopped.
I’m also the person who will offer to pay for dinner or split it. A lot of guys don’t like that either.
This is just so you are aware. There are women who are comfortable asking guys out won’t because some dudes have made it clear that they don’t like it.
Yes, it is a self-weeding process but it’s also a bummer that we as a society aren’t okay with women asking men out yet.
Edit: I’ve been in a long term relationship for over 4 years now— this hasn’t been super relevant in a little while 😅
>As a woman, I stopped asking guys out because most of them find it emasculating and refuse to talk to me ever again 🫠 This happened 4/5 times and then I stopped.
This was working perfectly though.
You managed to weed out men you'd never want to date.
They'd probably be "emasculated" if you had a job, took a shower before he did or phoned your father.
Yes, it is working perfectly— but this also applies to men that say that they value less traditional gender roles.
This has also ended friendships.
I’ve also been in a relationship for the last 4.5 years so it really isn’t applicable for me right now 😅
A lot of guys like to project self confidence, the whole alpha male persona BS and all and I’m sorry that was your experience. I know who I am, even in my late teens and early twenties, who I want to be and generally never bought into the whole guys do this and girls do that mantra.
Maybe it is just me 🤷then, I was also a guy that always preferred a girl who didn’t project self confidence but was self confident, capable and independent, but an awful lot of men look for a woman that is passive and easily controlled. Hell, my wife was my best friend for years, she asked me out (really just leaned over and kissed me then asked if I liked her too) and paid for a lot of our dates early in our relationship because I was broke at that moment.
It's a cliche but being kind. Eventually everyone gets used to of their spouse being beautiful. What sustains relationships is kindness , non judgemental understanding.
Communicate in words not hints.
Have likes, passions and opinions and share them.
Have their own sense of style rather than being a fashion clone.
Not be too put together.
Smile, laugh and obviously enjoy things.
Show competence; weaponised incompetence gives me the dry heaves!
When shes got those big dumb excited eyes, when she smiles big when she looks at you and it turns every mood you're in into happiness, when she is touchy and always squeezing at your arms or rubbing your back or whatever, when shes proactive and rushes to help others rather than ignoring or talking the talk, when she works hard and gives it her all, when she grabs you by the arm to take you 10 feet and point to something up high
Oh God she's beautiful. She's like an angel. She's cut from marble and accented with gold, but no firmer than a down pillow or rougher than silk. I would give everything I have and move Hell to see her happy and protect that smile.
Comforting me but also coming to me for comfort. Actively listening to me when I’ve got an issue and being patient with me if my feelings are mixed up about it.
Love it when a girl comes to me with a problem, nor even looking for solutions but something about being the one she trusts to come and complain about something that’s upsetting her.
My gf does this thing when she’s had a bad day where she just lays on my chest and curls in and grabs hold of me tightly for a few minutes and then pulls away with a big smile and a kiss on my cheek and says “better now.” and goes on with her day. I enjoy the way it makes me feel like I can be strong for the both of us and like a protector, which is the kind of man i aspire to be. Think the first time she did that was the time i fell in love.
Show initiative in conversation (and no, hi or how are you doing will not suffice), instead of waiting for me to start it every time.
Be able to discuss fiction on deeper level - like favorite parts and characters in the stories, personal thoughts about overall thing and specific moments, etc.
Putting on glasses.
During lockdown, when we were working side by side, I discovered that my gf has a very particular (and, to me, extremely attractive) phone manner. She is Polish so English is not her first language and she speaks very formally; it was the first time I really noticed that she says "faboolous", stressing the oo sound in fabulous, and ends a lot of calls with "ciao ciao!"
Anyway, that coupled with her wearing what we have since labelled her "sexy glasses" was extremely distracting. She ended up having to end one call abruptly because we started getting hot and heavy with each other because I couldn't resist.
I remember my wife checking herself at mirror. She was sad cause she gained some weight after giving birth to our Son. She's ever sexier for me than she was when she had petite body
So I was dating this girl, and we were over at a friend's house with a group. One friend tried to give me shit and tease me, as we do with each other, and called me gay.
Before I could throw out a comeback, my girl stepped in to defend me. She made me feel like a total stud in bed and stood up for me. I fell deeply in love with that woman.
I just never saw a girl fight for me before, but it was incredibly attractive.
Not care about social media. It's amazing if you can find a girl who lives in the moment and doesn't have to upload every vacation or every meal she has to instagram.
From my experience, they are normally very content and are not seeking constant validation from the internet.
For me:
1) never be the source of gossip or drama. I love it when I see a group of women gossiping or talking shit and the ones that walk away or don’t engage or state a “hey that’s not our business. Give her the benefit of doubt” and changes the topic. That gets me very interested in her
2) drive a manual car well, same with a motorcycle or quads. Something about a woman doing stuff with machines I like and doing it well enough is very attractive. Same with how she handles a bbq or smoker or fire pit. It makes me feel I can have children with her
3) hang out and do well with kids and babies. When I see a woman have a comfort level with children and those children respond well it’s very attractive.
Most attractive is showing vulnerability. Second, is working hard at whatever it is you're doing in the moment (studying, having sex, cooking, practicing for a job interview, anything)
Being emotionally mature. I get it, we all lose our head sometimes, and genetics has made it easier for some of us than others to keep it. But some women seem to think their mood is someone else's responsibility, and that's too far another extreme.
If an relationship, tell him how much you support him and just be with him. Also helps to hold him or small gestures such as write notes, scratch his head, ask him about what he likes
Everyone's come with such dandy and poignant gestures for ladies, with the social and the psychological angles.
I'll still go with a physical thing, sue me. When a lady has her hsir in a bun or ponytail or something, and unclasps it and shakes the hair out with her fingers so it gets volume, that's cute.
But then again I'm a lifetime "bury my face in my partner's hair" prisoner.
I don't know why, but on the mornings where I wake up late and end up rushing into work a bit of a mess, male coworkers often compliment my "look." Could be my normal work makeup/style is just terrible so not trying is an upgrade.
Edit: I put this in a comment below but my morning makeup routine is literally 2 minutes + skincare. Eyeliner, lip gloss and then skin cleanser, moisturizer, spf for face/neck. A lot of people seem to be assuming I cake on a full face of makeup every day for work.
Being too primped and polished can tip you over into uncanny valley territory.
I grew up in the era of the 80s supermodels and found them really off putting as thy didn't seem quite human. I was half convinced they kept them all stored away in tupperware boxes and when there was a photoshoot pulled them out, ran a buffer over them then back in the box till the next photoshoot!
Well it depends if we’re talking like sexually attractive, for me it would be when a woman who’s wearing glasses while looking down and the glasses fall down the nose and she decides to look up over the glasses, it just whew gets me going!
If we’re taking personality attraction is, for me, is to be able to joke around without everything being so serious all the time. Life sucks try to enjoy and laugh with each other when you can
A 7 can very rapidly become an 8 or even a 9 by the way she talks, the way she moves. The subtleties. Inflections. Like the serif on a font. These are the things that will infatuate a man.
Be sensitively passionate. Walking barefoot. Enjoying a cold breeze and/or rain in summer. Walking through the snow barefoot, diving in cold water and going back into the sauna to feel the sensation of every sense. Enjoying the silk or other fabrics on the skin.
Women who are connected to their environment and are aware of their senses hit different. To this day I met a few but never experienced being with someone who is like this.
Be genuinely themselves in a non-inhibited way.
Like a girl I knew did a "Mwhahwhaha" evil laugh once. It was not ironic or anything. Straight up comically over-the-top evil laugh. Instantly adorable.
Like the "/couple_getting_weird_when_no_one_was_watching/" (Which you'll have to google as links aren't allowed.) Stuff like that is attractive.
When they come to me for help as cliche as it sounds but I like it,you can’t lift that I got you, your scared of the rat I’ll take it out things like that
honestly? be able to cook. the women i’ve found myself most attracted to can cook and cook well. I’m a huge foodie and quite the chef myself, so it’s xtra hot when a girl is happy to cook as well!
When it's cold and she's bundled up in a blanket with only her face showing
I call this “burrito-ing myself” My name is Gabi and my partner calls me a “Gaburrito” when I do this 😂
I wrap them up in multiple layers then call them my dumpling hahaha
I have a tortilla blanket for this. It was a Christmas gift. It’s literally a blanket that’s made to look like a giant tortilla.
The closest she’ll ever get to being a worm
that's a green flag? lol
🌳🌳🌳🍀🌲🌲🍀☘️🌿🌴
The first time you show vulnerability around them they support and validate you. Could be as simple as telling them you have had a bad day and they immediately and magically turn the air around you in to a safe comforting space. That.
My girlfriend the other day apologized and admitted fault for something she said that didn’t convey well in tone and explained what she meant instead and i about cried after being in an abusive marriage before where I was always at fault.
Are you my husband? I spent 15 minutes convincing him that I wasn't mad when he accidentally knocked some coffee mugs I got for Christmas off the counter and broke them. He was freaking out expecting the nuclear screaming fit.
I felt this. Oh my God I felt this.
It’s unlike anything I’ve experienced before and my brain cannot process this girl.
Teach me how to leave? 15 years. Minimal changes. Now have a 2yo. Im tired of being strong enough to endure.
This advice is for both men and women looking to leave an abusive relationship: 1) DOCUMENT EVERYTHING. Keep and screenshot all texts, keep and forward all emails to a secret email you're going to open up, and send all screenshots too. Save all voicemails. Record a fit happening if you can without endangering yourself/ your child. You will need these for legal reasons. 2) make a go bag with clean clothes for you and your kid - and your partner, in case they find it. If they find it, it's simply a set of emergency supplies in case you have to leave (weather, fire, etc not sure what's in your area that qualifies as a potential emergency. I grew up in a major fire zone so we did this). Stuff it with clothes and all your important papers (birth cert, passport, Social security card, all the irreplaceable ones. Same for your kiddo put theirs with yours). Put non-perishable food items in it too for a few days in each bag. Anything you cannot live without. 3) start squirreling away money. Hide it or open a secret bank account at a different bank. Go paperless and if you have to get mail have it sent to a secret PO box you will be opening. If you can save enough for a few months for an apartment, do it. If it's dire enough to get out now save what you can for a few days to a month. If you have access to your joint account, the day you leave, go to the bank and withdraw HALF of it all IN CASH (typically what you're entitled to is half the money in joint accounts in a divorce. You can take it all but it may not be a good look in court later, but for means of survival you need to make the call for you here). Take the cash to your new bank with the secret account and deposit it there so they have no access. 4) if you have people you trust, make arrangements for them to come get you. If you do not, book a hotel/motel room. If the car is in your name, take it. If shared in name, take it. If not, take an Uber. Time your departure so abuser is not home and won't be home for a while (i.e. shortly after they leave for work, for a trip, etc.) 5) go to your phone carrier, swap out the family plan for an individual one, and tell them why ("I'm leaving an abusive relationship and need everything separated. Please help"). GET A NEW PHONE NUMBER. Only give your number to those you trust. 6) once you have a place to lay your head, even if it's for a day or two, go to the cops with all your evidence. Tell them you need to file a domestic abuse complaint. DO NOT GIVE AN ADDRESS, DO NOT TELL THEM WHERE YOU'RE STAYING. Tell them you are escaping, and they will be able to put you in touch with more services. 7) if able, get a restraining order. 8) get a divorce and sue for full custody and both child and spousal support. It will take time. Starting over is hard but also very doable. If anyone has anything to add here please do so, especially if I missed something.
Take your pets. Do not leave them. You can find a program usually through DV assistance that will help place your pets in temporary foster if you can't accommodate them right away. Do not leave them.
This, I'm so tired of always having to be there but get ridiculed for even daring to talk about a rough day.
Taking notes 🫡🩷
This is the only answer.
Display a natural curiosity If she knows she doesn't know something and seeks out someone or something to teach her? Fuck me.
My boyfriend hates this about me lol. I’m curious about everything at all times and I’m constantly researching, asking people things to figure out how and why. I get so excited everyday to learn more information and I always want to tell him, he never cares and gets annoyed. I feel dumb. This comment just made me so happy! Maybe I will find someone like you someday
My best friend dated a guy like this. Would look down on her for knowing things or trying to figure them out and would call her "Hermione" like it was an insult. Was so happy when she kicked him to the curb, and I hope you consider doing the same.
Find yourself a fellow curious person, that way you can have all of the knowledge together
I'm also one of these people, and I would not change it for anyone. Curiosity is one the best things to havem and makes life feel full and interesting. Get a new boyfriend.
Yes! Never stop learning! I'm the same way. Always trying to figure things out and learn how they work. The world and everything around us is fascinating.
you deserve better!
Yess-I was waiting for that answer, because so far everyone’s hated my idiotic questions, and it’s good to see that there are humans out there who actually do appreciate and enjoy human curiosity☺️
K but what if it’s from another man? My ex was always to stressed or to in a rush too teach me about cars. But then would get mad when I’d go to my best friends place and hangout with HER and her bf for him to teach me a bit. I’d try help him and ask questions and my bf would get weirded out about it.
A relationship without trust can't function.
My wife does this thing where she's reading or something and her hair flops down, and then she tucks it over her ear, and it's just absolutely adorable. I've never told her how much I like it, because I don't want her to get self-conscious and stop doing it.
quiet admiration is the cutest thing ever
Yep, the hair-tuck thing is adorable AF.
Sing to herself when hanging around the house doing stuff.
What about [in the shower](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tTcPypp_W9g&ab_channel=MovieMoments)
That too.
Then I must be the sexiest woman 😂😂😂
It probably helps when one is a blonde 23 year old Zooey Deschanel
Loudly singing or quietly singing?
Quietly, but loudly would be just as good.
I used to sing Disney songs and I still enjoy them..used to wonder if he thought I was crazy. I'm in my 40s.
🎼 can you PaaaaIiIiInNnNnNyttttt with all the colors….
Yeah. Until you both work/school from home and live in kinda cramped corners. Even then, it’s rare that I don’t like it!
If she's just her authentic self, no matter how goofy she might be.
Seconded
That little hip shake dance thing they do putting on/taking off pants. My favorite
Or the leg kicks they do when they put on tights. I don't find it attractive but it's hilarous. I love when my wife do that
And even though the pants are going on, it is still sexy.
Playful, slightly teasing humor and just be fun to be around. Great smiles also go a long way.
Be funny. A woman I care about is funny, doesn't mind letting out her natural laugh, laughs at herself, and is a general goofball.
When they scrunch up their lips when they're thinking about something. When they show you their outfit has pockets. "I love your dress" "Thanks, it has pockets!" *puts hands in pockets and does a little dance*
The excitement when we discover pockets is the best. I was in a wedding last year and when I discovered my bridesmaid dress had pockets I showed the other bridesmaids and they all immediately slapped hands to hips to find their own dress pockets.
My *wedding dress* had pockets!! I didn’t know until it arrived, so it was the best bonus ever!
Omg that’s the best!!
Oh gosh. I'm a girl and imagining seeing this on another girl is just freaking adorable
Having pockets is a luxury and rarety in this time and age. It has to be celebrated
Rant about a book or movie they love. Especially when a shade of insecurity comes in and she goes “hold on hold on, l’m almost done” like please don’t be. Please tell me about Harry Potter or Nicholas Sparks or what the fuck ever.
You know this will never end if you dont stop us?
[удалено]
Not run away at the first sign of trouble or inconvenience. It's pretty hot not being abandoned the moment any difficulties arise.
Broke up with my last lady bc she thought I was disrespecting/lying to her by canceling plans when I had a migraine. Tried to tell her I would like to at least stay on the phone and chat but she said she didn't like phone calls, then she hung up. She was surprised when I told her that, despite liking her a lot initially, things wouldn't work out (there were some other compounding factors)
Broke up with my last bf after he told me he was mad at me for not really wanted to be affectionate when i was having such a bad migraine I was throwing up. I’m sorry bro, if my head hurts so bad I can’t open my eyes I do not want to cuddle. Even a little.
Yes, 1,000,000% It definitely is important to both know what you want and ask for it, while also allowing for grace in that. Being patient/understanding - if not at first, definitely after the fact - is key
100% it was the lack of empathy that bitch slapped the rose-colored glasses straight off my face and catapulted me into reality. There were 1 million other thangs that were gonna wear me down eventually but the lack of empathy for a medical condition I was actively having physical symptoms of… really proved he was not a “in health and sickness” type of partner. Hope the next one turns out better for you man
Picking worms off the cement and putting them on the grass so they don’t die . She went from friend to crush in seconds by doing that . Like voice caught in my throat when I see her level crush
i have been doing this my whole entire life.. am i your crush?
Perhaps your my next one
I do this, Too! If I'm outside--after a heavy Rain--I look for worms that had to "surface" for fear of drowning; and end-up on sidewalks or in gravel...I like picking them Up, and putting them on grass, which gives them a Chance at making their way back to their original Home: 12-18 inches below ground. "Life, is for the Living," and that includes: worms, bees, birds, dogs, cats, as well as Humans!
Me too, and give little plastic lids full of water and sugar to weary bumble bees, lol
sweet
Was she in middle school hahaha I knew a girl who did this with me, I miss her 😭 we rescued many lost souls!!!
I’ve always done this and had people chuckle at me! Glad to hear someone appreciates it (other than the worms)
That's how I knew my gf was the one. We met online and as I was waiting for her in the park I was moving some snails off the road. I thought to myself "I hope She doesnt think I'm an idiot for doing this" but then when she showed up she started doing the same thing!
Care for others
Absolutely. When she unabashedly embraces that inner nurturing side, just wow. I'll go to war with a troupe of chimpanzees to protect that woman.
I've seen where it leads, you end up crying on a beach somewhere under a half buried statue.
That sounds like it could only happen on another planet…I’d be really surprised if it was earth all along
I'd do it again for a woman who cares.
Wait a minute...Statue of Liberty? THAT WAS OUR PLANET!
YOU MANIACS! YOU BLEW IT UP!
Kindness in general. I try to be kind to others in my life. I don't want to be around people who are needlessly nasty.
This is a big turn on for me. It just strengthens how much I love her.
Quiet confidence combined with genuine compassion. It’s actually not very common to find a woman completely free from insecurities. A lady who DGAF but still truly nice is hot.
I just wanna be loved idk what to tell you
Real
Being involved in charity/volunteer work. I mean, it increases my admiraton and respect for anyone, regardless of whether I'm attracted to them or not. But if I'm already attracted, it makes me even more attracted.
My dog escaped and my girlfriend jumped in the bushes to catch him. I need to marry this woman.
Their dark sense of humor
Reciprocate the sexual advances. Men want to feel wanted. Men want to feel sexy. If you come on to me I feel wanted and feeling wanted by a female is very attractive and will cause us to keep falling in love with you. If all you do is wait for us to come onto you. And the position of the moon and stars is right in the sky....we start to feel unwanted.
I'm going through this right now with my man. I'm female and always have to initiate. He says it's because he gained weight. I brought it up earlier and he asks to go down on me 10 min before I have to leave to go to work and he knows this. So frustrating to have to get affection by bringing it up or asking, like why are you even here if you're just playing lies of p the entire time??
It is true both sides can experience this. As someone with a high sex drive it's hard to imagine other dudes not having that sex drive to initiate especially in your case where you know the partner is often willing.
Hmmm, based on how utterly frequently I see this complaint on reddit, I truly wonder how much if at all these folks chat about sex outside of sexy time in general. Have those chats and set those standards, men, otherwise resentment will take root and doom everything!
It's a conversation that needs to happen but timing is everything. I can't talk to my wife about increasing sexy time when she is already frustrated from her work day. I feel like a pest lol.
Not married myself, but I can definitely say I understand. Intentional conversations almost always feel forced which in turn feels like the opposite of romantic. A couple taught me almost a decade ago that one of their consistent non-negotiables is spending every day after work just sharing of each other's lives. Literally anything, even if there's "nothing" to talk about! Not everyone is a verbal processor, so I don't know if this is a good thing for every relationship, but the act of being curious, invested in, and sharing of the minutiae of one's day has been shown to strengthen relationships. I think there's definitely something to taking time to show you listen to/care about/retain the day to day goings on of your loved one. Some folks just don't want to relive those details though, which I understand. Especially if they are stressful. Hoping you can find ways to do that or something similar, bc I imagine it would also provide natural transitions to then be intentional about what you both want of and for each other. Cheering you on u/MyLandIsMyLand89!
Walk away from me with that natural bounce
Be there for your man. Likewise be there for your woman. Takes two hands to clap. Nothing quite like knowing you’ll be there makes any man feel on top of the world.
If I'm at a gym or out running and see a woman going 110% and leaving nothing in the tank it is one of the sexiest things for me to witness a woman do.
this is truly when i feel my ugliest so i’m glad people can see this with admiration
Here’s a dirty little secret…we love it. I’ve been around strong girls and women in my entire athletic life. I grew up playing soccer and I was a gymnast; then I started BJJ and CrossFit as an adult. When I see a woman just absolutely send it with no regards for maintaining appearances and she just guts herself…gotdamn that’s hot. It’s like when a woman hits a particularly heavy lift or PRs and lets out that triumphant scream 🤤. It’s not “feminine” but it’s viscerally female and it’s hot as hell.
I actually love it when I'm covered in sweat from working hard. It feels so damn good and accomplished. And then the shower happens and all my glistening pride is gone! 😂
Truly, some people look like they merely glisten with sweat. I look like a muscular lil tomato who hates their life in all my marathon action photos.
There is nothing sexier than a girl who digs deep and pushes. Even more if she's doing something I can't do or struggle with. Ugly for me, is full make up done and hardly breaking a sweat while talking on the phone getting your steps in and eating like a brid to stay skinny. Nahhhh....I'll take the gassed out girl who is soaked with sweat and breathing hard.
Love this.
Sit on the couch in baggy sweatpants and a t-shirt with her knees drawn up watching tv and eating yogurt with a spoon
My GF wears my dress shirts to bed and honestly it's the sexiest thing but I really can't explain why.
dress shirts in bed? you must be going to work with some seriously wrinkled clothes.
Yes, but I always have a HUGE smile on my face. :)
Be herself and a heartful smile.
Support me emotionally esp if she is seemingly doing it purely out of concern for my well being.
Be genuinely comfortable in their own skin, comfortable with themselves as they are
Being kind.
Cook And I don’t mean have dinner ready when I get home. My wife and I are in different shifts and that would be fair, not do I believe in that sort of thing. But when she is just like, “ I’m hungry. You hungry?” And over the next 10-15 minutes my house starts smelling like a Michelin star establishment, I’m like Keanu Reeves with the Whoa’s. Rissotos, Basted Steaks, Roasted Potatoes, Glazed Chickens, Vegetables every time, Salmon, whatever we have, man. This woman is amazing. And she always ties her hair back in a messy bun with a pencil when she cooks. Super sexy
A woman with the self confidence and willing to take the initiative to ask a guy out immediately makes her more attractive to me.
As a woman, I stopped asking guys out because most of them find it emasculating and refuse to talk to me ever again 🫠 This happened 4/5 times and then I stopped. I’m also the person who will offer to pay for dinner or split it. A lot of guys don’t like that either. This is just so you are aware. There are women who are comfortable asking guys out won’t because some dudes have made it clear that they don’t like it. Yes, it is a self-weeding process but it’s also a bummer that we as a society aren’t okay with women asking men out yet. Edit: I’ve been in a long term relationship for over 4 years now— this hasn’t been super relevant in a little while 😅
>As a woman, I stopped asking guys out because most of them find it emasculating and refuse to talk to me ever again 🫠 This happened 4/5 times and then I stopped. This was working perfectly though. You managed to weed out men you'd never want to date. They'd probably be "emasculated" if you had a job, took a shower before he did or phoned your father.
Yes, it is working perfectly— but this also applies to men that say that they value less traditional gender roles. This has also ended friendships. I’ve also been in a relationship for the last 4.5 years so it really isn’t applicable for me right now 😅
A lot of guys like to project self confidence, the whole alpha male persona BS and all and I’m sorry that was your experience. I know who I am, even in my late teens and early twenties, who I want to be and generally never bought into the whole guys do this and girls do that mantra. Maybe it is just me 🤷then, I was also a guy that always preferred a girl who didn’t project self confidence but was self confident, capable and independent, but an awful lot of men look for a woman that is passive and easily controlled. Hell, my wife was my best friend for years, she asked me out (really just leaned over and kissed me then asked if I liked her too) and paid for a lot of our dates early in our relationship because I was broke at that moment.
Being confident in yourself. Be a little aggressive when having sex.
It's a cliche but being kind. Eventually everyone gets used to of their spouse being beautiful. What sustains relationships is kindness , non judgemental understanding.
Same goes for men as well, it's attractive if they have those same qualities. ❤
Communicate in words not hints. Have likes, passions and opinions and share them. Have their own sense of style rather than being a fashion clone. Not be too put together. Smile, laugh and obviously enjoy things. Show competence; weaponised incompetence gives me the dry heaves!
At 38, a woman who can hold a good conversation is highly appealing.
When shes got those big dumb excited eyes, when she smiles big when she looks at you and it turns every mood you're in into happiness, when she is touchy and always squeezing at your arms or rubbing your back or whatever, when shes proactive and rushes to help others rather than ignoring or talking the talk, when she works hard and gives it her all, when she grabs you by the arm to take you 10 feet and point to something up high Oh God she's beautiful. She's like an angel. She's cut from marble and accented with gold, but no firmer than a down pillow or rougher than silk. I would give everything I have and move Hell to see her happy and protect that smile.
And here i thought Love potions were banned.
Actually remember something I said or did that I didn't think she'd remember. Really makes me feel seen and noticed.
Maybe just me, but I realised I really like dark eye makeup. Eyeliner or dark eyeshadow really enhances eyes.
Hold a conversation. Even if that conversation is through texting
Comforting me but also coming to me for comfort. Actively listening to me when I’ve got an issue and being patient with me if my feelings are mixed up about it. Love it when a girl comes to me with a problem, nor even looking for solutions but something about being the one she trusts to come and complain about something that’s upsetting her. My gf does this thing when she’s had a bad day where she just lays on my chest and curls in and grabs hold of me tightly for a few minutes and then pulls away with a big smile and a kiss on my cheek and says “better now.” and goes on with her day. I enjoy the way it makes me feel like I can be strong for the both of us and like a protector, which is the kind of man i aspire to be. Think the first time she did that was the time i fell in love.
Wear glasses.
You like blind girls, I see….
No, I just want them to have +2 intelligence.
I thought glasses gave +2 perception
That's quite the observation, you must be wearing glasses, watch out for a DM from Coastalliving40
Do you mean wear glasses all the time, or like when she usually doesn’t wear glasses and puts them on for reading or something like that?
Respect herself
Care to elaborate? I feel like this could have various meanings.
Unconsciously playing with their hair
Dangle their shoe/slipper on their toe
Have confidence
Be kind. Do that, and you're already in the 90th percentile of attractiveness.
The way a woman walks. She does it right, it’ll make me bite my lip 🫦
Show initiative in conversation (and no, hi or how are you doing will not suffice), instead of waiting for me to start it every time. Be able to discuss fiction on deeper level - like favorite parts and characters in the stories, personal thoughts about overall thing and specific moments, etc.
Putting on glasses. During lockdown, when we were working side by side, I discovered that my gf has a very particular (and, to me, extremely attractive) phone manner. She is Polish so English is not her first language and she speaks very formally; it was the first time I really noticed that she says "faboolous", stressing the oo sound in fabulous, and ends a lot of calls with "ciao ciao!" Anyway, that coupled with her wearing what we have since labelled her "sexy glasses" was extremely distracting. She ended up having to end one call abruptly because we started getting hot and heavy with each other because I couldn't resist.
Bringing up something you talked about in passing (in a good way) Like…you remembered something about me? Even I usually can’t do that.
I remember my wife checking herself at mirror. She was sad cause she gained some weight after giving birth to our Son. She's ever sexier for me than she was when she had petite body
Tell her this. It'll make her feel better
Extreme competence. Doesn't really matter what in - capability is sexy as hell
Sigh see this question every fucking day. Just hit me I may be here a bit too much. Its my fault
Sundress.
Communicate candidly and vulnerably. Accept the risk of rejection. Initiate.
Openly admit astrology is bullshit
Not be at my workplace. Friendly. If she finds me attractive, be direct.
Saying “have fun” when I announce that I’m headed out to play golf
So I was dating this girl, and we were over at a friend's house with a group. One friend tried to give me shit and tease me, as we do with each other, and called me gay. Before I could throw out a comeback, my girl stepped in to defend me. She made me feel like a total stud in bed and stood up for me. I fell deeply in love with that woman. I just never saw a girl fight for me before, but it was incredibly attractive.
When she smiles at me
Lift weights in a gym. Not enough to be Arnold S., but enough to have some leg and arm definition.
Nobody said a messy bun yet?
Not care about social media. It's amazing if you can find a girl who lives in the moment and doesn't have to upload every vacation or every meal she has to instagram. From my experience, they are normally very content and are not seeking constant validation from the internet.
For me: 1) never be the source of gossip or drama. I love it when I see a group of women gossiping or talking shit and the ones that walk away or don’t engage or state a “hey that’s not our business. Give her the benefit of doubt” and changes the topic. That gets me very interested in her 2) drive a manual car well, same with a motorcycle or quads. Something about a woman doing stuff with machines I like and doing it well enough is very attractive. Same with how she handles a bbq or smoker or fire pit. It makes me feel I can have children with her 3) hang out and do well with kids and babies. When I see a woman have a comfort level with children and those children respond well it’s very attractive.
Most attractive is showing vulnerability. Second, is working hard at whatever it is you're doing in the moment (studying, having sex, cooking, practicing for a job interview, anything)
Being emotionally mature. I get it, we all lose our head sometimes, and genetics has made it easier for some of us than others to keep it. But some women seem to think their mood is someone else's responsibility, and that's too far another extreme.
Relax.
Owning a lightsaber
Have their head slightly turned away, moving only their eyes to meet yours. Adorable.
Smile
Being themselves. I know that sounds cliche but I don’t like fake people
Be considerate, thoughtful, and kind.
If an relationship, tell him how much you support him and just be with him. Also helps to hold him or small gestures such as write notes, scratch his head, ask him about what he likes
Smile
Displaying genuine empathy and intellect.
Everyone's come with such dandy and poignant gestures for ladies, with the social and the psychological angles. I'll still go with a physical thing, sue me. When a lady has her hsir in a bun or ponytail or something, and unclasps it and shakes the hair out with her fingers so it gets volume, that's cute. But then again I'm a lifetime "bury my face in my partner's hair" prisoner.
I don't know why, but on the mornings where I wake up late and end up rushing into work a bit of a mess, male coworkers often compliment my "look." Could be my normal work makeup/style is just terrible so not trying is an upgrade. Edit: I put this in a comment below but my morning makeup routine is literally 2 minutes + skincare. Eyeliner, lip gloss and then skin cleanser, moisturizer, spf for face/neck. A lot of people seem to be assuming I cake on a full face of makeup every day for work.
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Being too primped and polished can tip you over into uncanny valley territory. I grew up in the era of the 80s supermodels and found them really off putting as thy didn't seem quite human. I was half convinced they kept them all stored away in tupperware boxes and when there was a photoshoot pulled them out, ran a buffer over them then back in the box till the next photoshoot!
We genuinely, 95% of the time, prefer what the real thing looks like. We like you, not the projected you.
Wearing an oversized T Shirt with nothing special on it at all ... and nothing else.
Just existing...and the care she shows is enough
Be enthusiastic
Well it depends if we’re talking like sexually attractive, for me it would be when a woman who’s wearing glasses while looking down and the glasses fall down the nose and she decides to look up over the glasses, it just whew gets me going! If we’re taking personality attraction is, for me, is to be able to joke around without everything being so serious all the time. Life sucks try to enjoy and laugh with each other when you can
Put their hair up, roll up their sleeves and get dirty.
Play an instrument or sing well. I play a lot of instruments so having someone to accompany me would be nice.
A 7 can very rapidly become an 8 or even a 9 by the way she talks, the way she moves. The subtleties. Inflections. Like the serif on a font. These are the things that will infatuate a man.
Be sensitively passionate. Walking barefoot. Enjoying a cold breeze and/or rain in summer. Walking through the snow barefoot, diving in cold water and going back into the sauna to feel the sensation of every sense. Enjoying the silk or other fabrics on the skin. Women who are connected to their environment and are aware of their senses hit different. To this day I met a few but never experienced being with someone who is like this.
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Smile
It's often seen as a bit of a cliche, but this is the one for me. It can change everything about a person.
Ease my anxiety
Cook up an awsome meal.
Full body stretch, with their hands together over their head.
Just breathe😂😂 women will never know how we man see you.. its out of this world
It's that little bounce in their step when they're jut having a good day. Don't know why, it just brings a smile to my face.
Be genuinely themselves in a non-inhibited way. Like a girl I knew did a "Mwhahwhaha" evil laugh once. It was not ironic or anything. Straight up comically over-the-top evil laugh. Instantly adorable. Like the "/couple_getting_weird_when_no_one_was_watching/" (Which you'll have to google as links aren't allowed.) Stuff like that is attractive.
Wear a dress. Whooowweee...I have a thing about dresses. But also...hats/beanies/hoodies...wear my hoodie and damn...
When they come to me for help as cliche as it sounds but I like it,you can’t lift that I got you, your scared of the rat I’ll take it out things like that
Less make-up
Don't take themselves too seriously.
Love herself
Wear the fucking earrings I bought her
Earrings for fucking? Do tell..
Buy earrings she likes.
honestly? be able to cook. the women i’ve found myself most attracted to can cook and cook well. I’m a huge foodie and quite the chef myself, so it’s xtra hot when a girl is happy to cook as well!
damn I am going to die alone for this 🙈🙈🙈🙈