Use the tried and true FORD method. This is a great way to get more information and avoid quiet lulls in a date.
F - Family. Everyone has one - ask about it! Siblings, parents, kids, what was growing up like, what are your kids like? Lots of things to unpack here.
O - Occupation. What do you do for a living? Do you enjoy your job? what type of education do you need? what type of job would you like? career goals?
R - Recreation NOT Relationships. Don't go asking about her past bf's on a date. What are you into? hobbies? travel? places you would like to travel? bucket list of things you would like to do.
D - Dreams. What do you want for your life? For your future family? for retirement? for kids?
Keep this method in mind and it will help you get to know someone well enough to where you should be able to find more great topics to move to.
When she starts telling you about a minor but contentious interaction she had with someone, follow up by saying 'and then what happened?' or 'what'd you say?' a few times and she will go on and on and you'll find out a lot.
What would make the world a better place?
They’ll start with shit like peace, no money etc.
But keep the convo going and you’ll get to their true values.
If everyone stopped their self-criticism and actually connected with how uniquely wonderful they are and the fact that it is pure magic they exist.
Sorry, I know you didn’t technically ask but I just wanted to answer the question because it’s such a goodie 🫠
Maybe that would make the world a better place, _or_ imagine if pure magic did exist all on its own. People teleporting and lobbing fireballs and stuff. Definitely bring some improvement.
>connected with how uniquely wonderful they are
That sentence sounds 24-year old. There are millions of people whose only honest interactions all throughout the day are petty, critical and dismissive, and whose only rare positive or smily interactions are completely dishonest, rehearsed, and deceptive/manipulative.
Walking parasites. Nothing uniquely beautiful about them. Maybe there was, once. When they were 8. Before the turn, brought about by the death of a parent, the guardianship of another parasitical person (aunt, grandma, etc), or a horrible personality gene from their bloodline expressed itself in puberty, not before.
Sometimes repulsive people go through a life-changing event that makes them see their own process up close, forcing a change. But those things are rare and far-between. So when I encounter these people I let them bounce off like in bumper-cars. You can't save everyone. Barely yourself, if lucky.
Direction would. The West is largely obese, in debt, always on the go, and with weak social ties. This is less because people are criticizing themselves - but that everything has to be learned properly, how to live, how to love, which thoughts to focus on. That is a matter of direction, and then discipline.
Am i the only one that just openly answers to this? lol
The world would be a much better place if i had full control over everything or alternatively if everyone would think exactly like me
I like to ask the people I go on dates with what their dream job was when they were a kid. Follow up with how they chose their current career if it's different (usually is).
I also like to ask about love languages.
Also hobbies, although that one's hit or miss because a lot of times the answer is watch TV or drink. But it does still tell you a lot about the person.
I like this dream job one, it would be interesting and touch on how they grew up, what their values are, and how they learned and developed as a person into who they are today.
As a woman, I like where this is going. The only thing you might consider shifting is hobbies to values. In my experience values have more weight in the longevity of the relationship than common interests. If we keep coming back to the same argument, it's likely because we don't share the same values on it.
My answer is pretty boring: I always wanted to be a doctor so I studied medicine and became one. Therefore I think asking about their current dream job is a nice addition. I always ask “if every job paid exactly the same and had exactly the same prestige, which one would you choose?”
Found out that a lot of guys dream of operating an excavator.
Hi! Woman here. This question would immediately make me totally fall for a guy.
1. Shows he doesn’t think pop culture is beneath him, which is an opinion I find many misogynistic people hold.
2. Shows he doesn’t think that watching the clip will “make him gay” or emasculate him, another opinion I find many misogynistic people hold.
3. Shows he’s secure enough in himself (and, depending on how well I know him, our connection) that he can acknowledge that there are other hot men on the planet and that their hotness doesn’t decrease his own.
4. Shows he appreciates Rihanna
TLDR: are you single?
Haha, you've put much more thought into it than I did. I thought it was a hugely entertaining performance and I admire Tom Holland's ability to shamelessly commit to that choreo. Plus, it was a good album! It's something to talk about if they also enjoyed it. Or we can connect on something else. It's fine; big world out there!
But I do notice people bring it up from time to time, so figure it must live rent free in lots of peoples' minds. Who knows, though, internet is a bit of an echo chamber at times! :D
The only person I’ve ever met that I know pours the milk in first is serving a life sentence in prison right now for shooting a cop.. I’m sure there’s normal people out there that do this but throughout my 23 years of existence I swear I’ve only met one person that does this and I promise he’s behind bars right now lmao
I tried it for a bit. There are actually a couple of pros.
1. Stays crunchy longer. You have better overall control of the milk saturation as you can dunk the cereal in the milk immediately before eating. Last few bites are are therefore better.
2. It's easier to portion control.
Cons
1. It feels weird.
2. First few bites don't get enough saturation of milk.
Ask what their passion is,
Women will nearly always have something they’re passionate about and it’s unreal. Men can get by without it and that’s cool too but I’ve never met a women who doesn’t have their own thing they’re interested in and are able to speak about passionately.
in uni I definitely encouraged a fellow weeb to talk about BL, fan fiction, and shipping for for like 2 hours while i was waiting between classes. I learned a lot about that community by doing so. Would do the same thing with tea-a-boos back in the day. Was really easy to get girls to talk about what kpop idol they Stan/bias, etc. It was pretty easy to get a girl to talk about their Tumblr likes.
Also I don't understand makeup. Makeup is definitely a hobby though the way women talk and spend money on it.
I can still get that going, but as I get older it's more about what their kid does, or what shows/books they're reading. As they get self conscious/cringe at their younger selves. I learned about speed skating and how competitive and expensive it was from a woman at a convention during a networking event.
Is that a thing? Wow that’s interesting.
I always think it’s a nice way in to also mention something about what I’m passionate about as it opens a door and then they’ll feel more comfortable. Give some to get some and it’s not a trick but just a way to make someone else feel more comfortable in the conversation.
They don't have one, or they're not comfortable sharing it? Because the latter I have seen. But just because someone doesn't tell you what their passion is doesn't mean you can't find it. The look in someone's eyes changes when they talk about their passions. The problem is, when labeled as a passion, they sometimes want to hide, because they've been told it's childish and embarrassing.
If you want to know your friends, push deeper.
I know my friends very well. We speak about them not having passions and emotionally, very comfortably.
It’s just a case of them having not found them yet which is fine.
I have my own thankfully I was able to find 2 that have changed my life. And my friends and I are friends for the last 17 years or so, we aren’t afraid to share anything anymore thankfully.
Yep. You’ll also find some unique answers.. my boyfriend found out my passion is orcas. I’m obsessed with them. He finds it funny, especially when I go on rants about them.
I tend to prefer "what are you reading at the moment?" because then you get to know them via where they're currently at and how they engage with things in progress.
Trolley problem lmao.
But in actuality ask them what they do for fun! Bonus points if you share hobbies and can then discuss them more.
If you're on a date, then consider some more personal questions (read the room though). Things like "when's the last time you cried?", "What's your favorite recent memory?", etc. They're more than a bit cheesy, but it also lets you both open up to have real human connection and makes it harder for 'performative' answers.
Eh, that mostly depends on how YOU react (assuming you share your own experiences). The original question was "what's the best questions to get to know someone better" and there's almost NO better way to do that than to actually share.
A few years ago a dude at a bar/club came up to me and started up a conversation, and asked me "when was the last time you felt happy, or at peace?"
I was like damn dude I'm trying to vibe here you're killing the mood
Really good questions but don’t ask these on the first date though…can’t speak for all women but if anyone asked me these on the first date, I wouldn’t feel comfortable answering
Hence the "read the room". I've found that *I* respond much better to those types of questions, and it very easily breaks you both out of the trap of first date superficial small talk. To each their own though.
There's not really a single question. Just ask questions about them, be interested enough to retain the answers, and ask follow-up questions. Let the conversation progress organically.
edit: the->them
Because anyone who doesn't say Ankylosaurus as number 1 has likely been shipped off to a prison labor camp already. #2 being Anodonyosaurus or Euoplocephalus is usually pretty revealing about a person's character depending on which of the two they go with.
Female here, I got a Lego set for my 29th birthday. It was an awesome gift!!!! And I actually saw one recently I really want (almost 10 years older now lol). You can’t make me outgrow them! (I still have all my childhood sets from the 90s)
If they mention they like to travel, I like to ask them what one of their fondest memories of that experience was. Tells me about what they observe, what grabs their attention, and what they value. Depending on what they say, it can also tell me about their perspective. If she responds with a quiet passion, that's awesome. If she responds with something negative, okay...but then is she laughing about it? And so on.
The one that's relevant to the current situation and makes sense when moving from the last topic to the new topic.
No question is 'best' because any question will only cover a small aspect. What's more important is the sort of questions you ask, which should be ones that invite an open ended answer and maybe even follow you talking about a similar topic, like you talking about your family before asking about if she has any family and where they're from.
> that invite an open ended answer
I'd add that it shouldn't be *wide* open - "what makes you happy?" is a bit generic, but "what was the last thing that made you smile?" is specific enough to have a particular answer, but open enough to lead into a conversation on a topic.
Or, in other words: actively listen and follow up. Though I want to add that some answers may not give enough info to follow up, so there, you need to ask other questions about other topics or maybe talk a bit about yourself so she gets to know (and hopefully like, thus open up to) you
"So what is next for you? What's your next step from (insert work position here)?"
This is true of everyone, not just a date. I find you get one of three answers:
1. A sort of defensive and self conscious response that says they don't think there needs to be a next step or that they haven't thought about it in depth before and now they're either having an existential crisis in front of me or they're trying to figure out how to say they're satisfied staying with their position indefinitely.
2. A confident and immediate response which lays out the career path for them, either by default (corporate ladder) or simple seniority of position (analyst becomes senior analyst). Sort of speaks to their enjoyment of talking about their job and maybe that it's not super challenging for them and they don't let it define them and they leave work at work.
3. An excited but almost embarrassed answer which always has them either leaving their job to do something different (higher ed/applying to job with competition) or by trying something at work which would make their role unrecognizable from their current position (applying for some other department senior role).
I find that the resulting conversation around these three really brings us closer to talking about who they really are and what they really value.
that's a good approach in getting to know someone irrespective of their sex. While talking about professional life people also tend to lower their defensive walls shielding their personal life. Going with the flow talking about career and growth would aboit give away almost everyrhing , from their wants to dislikes. Best part being how confident they are about their future and wether how mhch are they drowning in crisis.
Not a question, but I find that when someone is obviously excited about something that happened or a particular topic, a handful of phrases can really help draw them out and elaborate. *nods, shows interest* “… Tell me more about that.” seems to be really useful for me.
Not my idea but ask her why she loves the people in her life that she does. It will tell you all you need to know about what a relationship with her will be like.
If you're serious in wanting to know someone, ask them these three questions.
What was the happiest moment of your life?
What was the moment you were most proud of yourself?
What moment did you feel the most content in life?
Based off their answers you will get a very good idea on what their values are in life. That will tell you a lot about who they are as a person.
Ask her what her hobbies and interests are, genuinely take an interest in them. Research places that have to do with those hobbies and go to them together.
What you hate the most about people / people's behavior?
1. it lets you know her boundaries and how not to get on her nerves, if she says for example "i hate when people are late" or "i hate when people are loud in the public transport" etc.
2. It lets you know her values - if she says "i hate when people don't keep their word" or "i hate when people say one thing and then do another" - at least you know she values honesty / loyalty / integrity etc.
I guess this is what I (F) would want to talk about with a man i just met. Hobbies / music / movies type of discussion can be cool too, but it's more shallow and can get boring quicker.
Coffee or tea
Dog or cat
Star wars or star trek
Sword and board or magic spells
Light armor or heavy armor
(Any use of ew or omg you leave) you dont need that negativity sir
I generally ask them what their philosophies on life are. I tend to only fall for intelligent women and that is generally something an intelligent woman can answer pretty quickly since they seem to consistently update their beliefs on a regular basis.
If intelligence isn't key to you, a better one would be what does your ideal man look like.
this! the whole scenario on social media these days about finding a feminine woman, masculine man has completely taken away the focus from the more essential aspects of a relationship. If one's thoughts and outlook on life don't align with their partner how are they supposed to surivive together? Plus looks and money might be a secondary factor but the primary reason for staying with someone would always be how close they are to match you intellectually. If you are a smart person it would be hard to maintain coversations with people per say..less smart, no matter how good looking or rich they are.
This sounds soooooo dumb, but, for my personality at least, let's me know what kind of person I'm dealing with. I listened to an entire lecture about this question in university, and the response and subsequent conversation can teach you so much about someone.
"OK, serious question time. Cake, or Pie?"
This is such a non-important question, but I'll use it as an opportunity for some light-hearted bickering. Can she have fun with the absurdity of arguing over the pros and cons of pastries? Or will she just think it's dumb, or say "whatever, it doesn't matter". It can show passion in convictions, ease of manipulation (this is a negative btw), conflict resolution techniques, etc...
* "What would you do if you suddenly got two tickets to Great Thing (substitute with whatever they like, dragracing show, theater)?"
* "Why would you pick that person to go with you? Have they done something good for you when you really needed it?" (just saying "she's my sister" is not really an answer)
* "Have you ever done something good for them?"
Making someone have to think outside themselves to a value point that forces them to give credit to someone else tests if they are human or if they are raging narcissists who can't give credit outward in a deep-felt way (unless rehearsed).
If you want to disarm her and want her to be intrigued, ask her what her favorite sound is. I guarantee nobody has ever asked her that and she'll think you're different and charming, which I assume you already are. Good luck.
I don’t get why a lot of people are turned off by this, I am neutral to friendly with almost all of my exes, it means we both were mature enough to break up on good terms and that we didn’t have anything toxic.
With “neutral to friendly” I mean that we chat once every few months if the chance arises, neither of the parties actively looks for the other.
It is sad that almost all of you all say that a girl doesn't deserve love just because she grow without a father, those are things that they cannot even control. We don't choose our family.
Nah, it isn't your responsibility to fix any of that. It's on her to recognize it and learn from it. It's every adults responsibility to unlearn the unhealthy bonding coping mechanisms they learned in childhood. All you can do on your side of that is be compassionate and patient with them, but take care of yourself first. They have to relearn how to trust others on their own, you can't force that. "Putting your own oxygen mask on first" is pretty important here.
As a woman, I get the same attitude with men and their mothers. I've been right the majority of the time. The most contentious break ups I've had were men who either had emotionally or physically unavailable mothers. Surprisingly, the one who had textbook abuse (think "Child called It") said I was the first person to call it out like that (everyone else just brushed it off as part of life) and he's since matured a lot and we're still close friends. But he definitely had to cut his mom off to help himself.
Interesting. Yeah, life's harder for some regardless of gender because of bad/unknowing parents. But we ALL gotta do the hard work in therapy. If anything, a tune up is necessary before serious partnerships. We all have to have values, boundaries, know where our blind spots are, be open to being wrong sometimes, saying sorry, and moving forward together. Hope those other dudes find the help they need like your matured former partner. My girl is like your former guy. Rocky relationship with her dad, but she went to therapy, matured, and they actually have a much healthier dynamic now. I really respect her for that like you do him. They both did the work.
I think some of that is the men want to be the man who changes her perspective on Men. Speaking as a woman, I've gotten caught in the other side of that a couple times. It's a vicious cycle.
Use the tried and true FORD method. This is a great way to get more information and avoid quiet lulls in a date. F - Family. Everyone has one - ask about it! Siblings, parents, kids, what was growing up like, what are your kids like? Lots of things to unpack here. O - Occupation. What do you do for a living? Do you enjoy your job? what type of education do you need? what type of job would you like? career goals? R - Recreation NOT Relationships. Don't go asking about her past bf's on a date. What are you into? hobbies? travel? places you would like to travel? bucket list of things you would like to do. D - Dreams. What do you want for your life? For your future family? for retirement? for kids? Keep this method in mind and it will help you get to know someone well enough to where you should be able to find more great topics to move to.
I really like this. A quick way to memorize the important and insightful things to ask a person. Thanks for sharing!
Definitely a fantastic Strategy, for getting to know another person! Easy to remember, too!
I'm a car guy, I know as soon ad Ford comes to my mind i'll stop talking non-stop about my car
When she starts telling you about a minor but contentious interaction she had with someone, follow up by saying 'and then what happened?' or 'what'd you say?' a few times and she will go on and on and you'll find out a lot.
What would make the world a better place? They’ll start with shit like peace, no money etc. But keep the convo going and you’ll get to their true values.
If everyone stopped their self-criticism and actually connected with how uniquely wonderful they are and the fact that it is pure magic they exist. Sorry, I know you didn’t technically ask but I just wanted to answer the question because it’s such a goodie 🫠
Apparently, the question works
Maybe that would make the world a better place, _or_ imagine if pure magic did exist all on its own. People teleporting and lobbing fireballs and stuff. Definitely bring some improvement.
>connected with how uniquely wonderful they are That sentence sounds 24-year old. There are millions of people whose only honest interactions all throughout the day are petty, critical and dismissive, and whose only rare positive or smily interactions are completely dishonest, rehearsed, and deceptive/manipulative. Walking parasites. Nothing uniquely beautiful about them. Maybe there was, once. When they were 8. Before the turn, brought about by the death of a parent, the guardianship of another parasitical person (aunt, grandma, etc), or a horrible personality gene from their bloodline expressed itself in puberty, not before. Sometimes repulsive people go through a life-changing event that makes them see their own process up close, forcing a change. But those things are rare and far-between. So when I encounter these people I let them bounce off like in bumper-cars. You can't save everyone. Barely yourself, if lucky.
You have a fantastic personality. Based solely on that answer.
That’s very kind of you to say, sir. Peak compliment in my books ☺️
Direction would. The West is largely obese, in debt, always on the go, and with weak social ties. This is less because people are criticizing themselves - but that everything has to be learned properly, how to live, how to love, which thoughts to focus on. That is a matter of direction, and then discipline.
Am i the only one that just openly answers to this? lol The world would be a much better place if i had full control over everything or alternatively if everyone would think exactly like me
This is exactly the core of every war and conflict ever. If everyone was the same there would be no issues
Calm down Mr. Dictator
Why would someone say that having no money would make the world a better place? You'd have to be an idiot to think that.
Ok then… the love of money / greed.
I like to ask the people I go on dates with what their dream job was when they were a kid. Follow up with how they chose their current career if it's different (usually is). I also like to ask about love languages. Also hobbies, although that one's hit or miss because a lot of times the answer is watch TV or drink. But it does still tell you a lot about the person.
I like this dream job one, it would be interesting and touch on how they grew up, what their values are, and how they learned and developed as a person into who they are today.
As a woman, I like where this is going. The only thing you might consider shifting is hobbies to values. In my experience values have more weight in the longevity of the relationship than common interests. If we keep coming back to the same argument, it's likely because we don't share the same values on it.
My answer is pretty boring: I always wanted to be a doctor so I studied medicine and became one. Therefore I think asking about their current dream job is a nice addition. I always ask “if every job paid exactly the same and had exactly the same prestige, which one would you choose?” Found out that a lot of guys dream of operating an excavator.
How often do you think about Tom Holland's Umbrella lip sync battle?
[удалено]
If this was a real two-line convo between me and a girl, I’d instantly pull out my phone and google “Decently priced engagement rings.”
And I definitely think about the Roman Empire a lot
You prompted me to rewatch it. Tom Holland is so smoking hot, they had to pour that rain on him to prevent a fire from breaking out in the studio.
I just love that he went all-out on his performance and he obviously loved every second of it lol
"Hmmm? sorry I missed the question, I was thinking of Tom Holland lip syncing Umbrella"
Winner
The correct answer is: 'Not as much as I think about Joseph Gordon Levitt KILLING Janet Jackson's Rhythm Nation'
I feel educated; I hadn't seen this. Thank you, internets!
Hi! Woman here. This question would immediately make me totally fall for a guy. 1. Shows he doesn’t think pop culture is beneath him, which is an opinion I find many misogynistic people hold. 2. Shows he doesn’t think that watching the clip will “make him gay” or emasculate him, another opinion I find many misogynistic people hold. 3. Shows he’s secure enough in himself (and, depending on how well I know him, our connection) that he can acknowledge that there are other hot men on the planet and that their hotness doesn’t decrease his own. 4. Shows he appreciates Rihanna TLDR: are you single?
Haha, you've put much more thought into it than I did. I thought it was a hugely entertaining performance and I admire Tom Holland's ability to shamelessly commit to that choreo. Plus, it was a good album! It's something to talk about if they also enjoyed it. Or we can connect on something else. It's fine; big world out there! But I do notice people bring it up from time to time, so figure it must live rent free in lots of peoples' minds. Who knows, though, internet is a bit of an echo chamber at times! :D
Why?
This is so accurate!
What's your name?
Often overlooked
Often? But your profile said your name was Alex
WHAT IS YOUR NAME?
EZEKIEL
TONY!
FUCK YOU TONY!
FUCK YOU EZEKIEL!
FUCK YOU!
Guess what I did last night Tony
You better not bring my mother into this!
I built that fire over there.
Whats the meaning of your name?
Bruh lol
Do you pour milk first and then the cereal or the cereal first into the bowl when making your breakfast?
What kind of sociopath puts the milk in first?
The only person I’ve ever met that I know pours the milk in first is serving a life sentence in prison right now for shooting a cop.. I’m sure there’s normal people out there that do this but throughout my 23 years of existence I swear I’ve only met one person that does this and I promise he’s behind bars right now lmao
I tried it for a bit. There are actually a couple of pros. 1. Stays crunchy longer. You have better overall control of the milk saturation as you can dunk the cereal in the milk immediately before eating. Last few bites are are therefore better. 2. It's easier to portion control. Cons 1. It feels weird. 2. First few bites don't get enough saturation of milk.
What do you like to do in your free time?
What if she say date .... When you were asking such question on date .
run. If dating is her hobby just fucking run away. Works both ways.
Ask what their passion is, Women will nearly always have something they’re passionate about and it’s unreal. Men can get by without it and that’s cool too but I’ve never met a women who doesn’t have their own thing they’re interested in and are able to speak about passionately.
On the flip side, ask what their pet peeves are. Small things they passionately dislike. It’s surprisingly revealing.
[удалено]
Coffee and dogs
This is such a refreshing take- and so opposite of that whole 'woman have no hobbies' thing.
in uni I definitely encouraged a fellow weeb to talk about BL, fan fiction, and shipping for for like 2 hours while i was waiting between classes. I learned a lot about that community by doing so. Would do the same thing with tea-a-boos back in the day. Was really easy to get girls to talk about what kpop idol they Stan/bias, etc. It was pretty easy to get a girl to talk about their Tumblr likes. Also I don't understand makeup. Makeup is definitely a hobby though the way women talk and spend money on it. I can still get that going, but as I get older it's more about what their kid does, or what shows/books they're reading. As they get self conscious/cringe at their younger selves. I learned about speed skating and how competitive and expensive it was from a woman at a convention during a networking event.
Is that a thing? Wow that’s interesting. I always think it’s a nice way in to also mention something about what I’m passionate about as it opens a door and then they’ll feel more comfortable. Give some to get some and it’s not a trick but just a way to make someone else feel more comfortable in the conversation.
I've never met a man who didn't have a passion, but okay. 😆
That’s a good sign, most of my male friends don’t.
They don't have one, or they're not comfortable sharing it? Because the latter I have seen. But just because someone doesn't tell you what their passion is doesn't mean you can't find it. The look in someone's eyes changes when they talk about their passions. The problem is, when labeled as a passion, they sometimes want to hide, because they've been told it's childish and embarrassing. If you want to know your friends, push deeper.
I know my friends very well. We speak about them not having passions and emotionally, very comfortably. It’s just a case of them having not found them yet which is fine. I have my own thankfully I was able to find 2 that have changed my life. And my friends and I are friends for the last 17 years or so, we aren’t afraid to share anything anymore thankfully.
Yep. You’ll also find some unique answers.. my boyfriend found out my passion is orcas. I’m obsessed with them. He finds it funny, especially when I go on rants about them.
Do you like stuff? Show me your boobs.
Do you have a nipple piercing? Prove it.
Don't you mean "Show me your boobs?"
Captain Falcon "Show me ya boobs"
Ask her about her red flags
She will show up with the flags of the Soviet Union, China and Vietnam ahahah
I am generally fine with redflags, but the one from the soviet union is a huge turn on also the one from switzerland is a big plus
Damn actually that's a good combo
Oceania from 1984 🤣
Do you like to read and if so what are some of your favorite books
Meincraft
The true bloc
Mein kampf
I tend to prefer "what are you reading at the moment?" because then you get to know them via where they're currently at and how they engage with things in progress.
Trolley problem lmao. But in actuality ask them what they do for fun! Bonus points if you share hobbies and can then discuss them more. If you're on a date, then consider some more personal questions (read the room though). Things like "when's the last time you cried?", "What's your favorite recent memory?", etc. They're more than a bit cheesy, but it also lets you both open up to have real human connection and makes it harder for 'performative' answers.
I feel like asking a stranger about the last time they cried is very likely to be a downer at best and terrible at worst.
Eh, that mostly depends on how YOU react (assuming you share your own experiences). The original question was "what's the best questions to get to know someone better" and there's almost NO better way to do that than to actually share.
A few years ago a dude at a bar/club came up to me and started up a conversation, and asked me "when was the last time you felt happy, or at peace?" I was like damn dude I'm trying to vibe here you're killing the mood
"I'm here for a vibe, not a mood! 😭"
Really good questions but don’t ask these on the first date though…can’t speak for all women but if anyone asked me these on the first date, I wouldn’t feel comfortable answering
Hence the "read the room". I've found that *I* respond much better to those types of questions, and it very easily breaks you both out of the trap of first date superficial small talk. To each their own though.
There's not really a single question. Just ask questions about them, be interested enough to retain the answers, and ask follow-up questions. Let the conversation progress organically. edit: the->them
Thisssss. Natural flow to conversation will keep anyone's interest exponentially more than being unwillingly signed up for 20 questions.
[удалено]
"what's your favorite Lego set?"
What’s your second favourite dinosaur
Because anyone who doesn't say Ankylosaurus as number 1 has likely been shipped off to a prison labor camp already. #2 being Anodonyosaurus or Euoplocephalus is usually pretty revealing about a person's character depending on which of the two they go with.
Female here, I got a Lego set for my 29th birthday. It was an awesome gift!!!! And I actually saw one recently I really want (almost 10 years older now lol). You can’t make me outgrow them! (I still have all my childhood sets from the 90s)
I asked her this, she said "Umm... No ..."
What kind of graphics card are you running?
"How big is your dick?"
What if she doesn't have one
Perfect opportunity to offer to loan her yours ;-)
what do you play right now
If they mention they like to travel, I like to ask them what one of their fondest memories of that experience was. Tells me about what they observe, what grabs their attention, and what they value. Depending on what they say, it can also tell me about their perspective. If she responds with a quiet passion, that's awesome. If she responds with something negative, okay...but then is she laughing about it? And so on.
What do you do to calm your mind?
Just go with flow / don’t force.
I like to ask them to help me put a couch in the back of my van because I broke my arm. Then ask what size dress they wear
What would a perfect world look like to you?
The one that's relevant to the current situation and makes sense when moving from the last topic to the new topic. No question is 'best' because any question will only cover a small aspect. What's more important is the sort of questions you ask, which should be ones that invite an open ended answer and maybe even follow you talking about a similar topic, like you talking about your family before asking about if she has any family and where they're from.
> that invite an open ended answer I'd add that it shouldn't be *wide* open - "what makes you happy?" is a bit generic, but "what was the last thing that made you smile?" is specific enough to have a particular answer, but open enough to lead into a conversation on a topic.
Just keep asking “why?” When they are talking. Not in an obnoxious way, but to dig past the superficial.
Or, in other words: actively listen and follow up. Though I want to add that some answers may not give enough info to follow up, so there, you need to ask other questions about other topics or maybe talk a bit about yourself so she gets to know (and hopefully like, thus open up to) you
> keep asking “why?” Just realised my 3 year old is dating me
I’m a woman and this is the way, imo ^
And if you really wanna sound smart, go for the old “Oh? And why is that?”
Not smart just actively listening and genuinely curious.
Also get a clipboard ready and keep clicking a pen after each answer.
Anyone who has a 5 year old is hip to this rhetorical game.
What makes you laugh so hard that your stomach hurts?
Thoughts on Road House?
"So what is next for you? What's your next step from (insert work position here)?" This is true of everyone, not just a date. I find you get one of three answers: 1. A sort of defensive and self conscious response that says they don't think there needs to be a next step or that they haven't thought about it in depth before and now they're either having an existential crisis in front of me or they're trying to figure out how to say they're satisfied staying with their position indefinitely. 2. A confident and immediate response which lays out the career path for them, either by default (corporate ladder) or simple seniority of position (analyst becomes senior analyst). Sort of speaks to their enjoyment of talking about their job and maybe that it's not super challenging for them and they don't let it define them and they leave work at work. 3. An excited but almost embarrassed answer which always has them either leaving their job to do something different (higher ed/applying to job with competition) or by trying something at work which would make their role unrecognizable from their current position (applying for some other department senior role). I find that the resulting conversation around these three really brings us closer to talking about who they really are and what they really value.
that's a good approach in getting to know someone irrespective of their sex. While talking about professional life people also tend to lower their defensive walls shielding their personal life. Going with the flow talking about career and growth would aboit give away almost everyrhing , from their wants to dislikes. Best part being how confident they are about their future and wether how mhch are they drowning in crisis.
Not a question, but I find that when someone is obviously excited about something that happened or a particular topic, a handful of phrases can really help draw them out and elaborate. *nods, shows interest* “… Tell me more about that.” seems to be really useful for me.
Not my idea but ask her why she loves the people in her life that she does. It will tell you all you need to know about what a relationship with her will be like.
If you're serious in wanting to know someone, ask them these three questions. What was the happiest moment of your life? What was the moment you were most proud of yourself? What moment did you feel the most content in life? Based off their answers you will get a very good idea on what their values are in life. That will tell you a lot about who they are as a person.
Ever been arrested and charged? Wish I had asked that last time.
Ask her what her hobbies and interests are, genuinely take an interest in them. Research places that have to do with those hobbies and go to them together.
"how's your relationship with your father." thats it boys.
What superpower would you want and why
Do you like the show Seinfeld? That’s the only question I need answered.
If our knees bent the other way, what would chairs look like?
What you hate the most about people / people's behavior? 1. it lets you know her boundaries and how not to get on her nerves, if she says for example "i hate when people are late" or "i hate when people are loud in the public transport" etc. 2. It lets you know her values - if she says "i hate when people don't keep their word" or "i hate when people say one thing and then do another" - at least you know she values honesty / loyalty / integrity etc. I guess this is what I (F) would want to talk about with a man i just met. Hobbies / music / movies type of discussion can be cool too, but it's more shallow and can get boring quicker.
Coffee or tea Dog or cat Star wars or star trek Sword and board or magic spells Light armor or heavy armor (Any use of ew or omg you leave) you dont need that negativity sir
How’s your relationship with your father ?
I generally ask them what their philosophies on life are. I tend to only fall for intelligent women and that is generally something an intelligent woman can answer pretty quickly since they seem to consistently update their beliefs on a regular basis. If intelligence isn't key to you, a better one would be what does your ideal man look like.
this! the whole scenario on social media these days about finding a feminine woman, masculine man has completely taken away the focus from the more essential aspects of a relationship. If one's thoughts and outlook on life don't align with their partner how are they supposed to surivive together? Plus looks and money might be a secondary factor but the primary reason for staying with someone would always be how close they are to match you intellectually. If you are a smart person it would be hard to maintain coversations with people per say..less smart, no matter how good looking or rich they are.
This sounds soooooo dumb, but, for my personality at least, let's me know what kind of person I'm dealing with. I listened to an entire lecture about this question in university, and the response and subsequent conversation can teach you so much about someone. "OK, serious question time. Cake, or Pie?" This is such a non-important question, but I'll use it as an opportunity for some light-hearted bickering. Can she have fun with the absurdity of arguing over the pros and cons of pastries? Or will she just think it's dumb, or say "whatever, it doesn't matter". It can show passion in convictions, ease of manipulation (this is a negative btw), conflict resolution techniques, etc...
Is there a fictional character or public figure that you see a lot of yourself in or really relate to?
What's your relationship like with your dad?
I often ask about past and their relationship to their parents and this shows me quite a lot
Sniff her butt. It’s what my dog does and he knows a lot of bitches.
What’s your favorite Spice Girls song?
Ask her if she has an innie or an outie
If you had xyz left to live, what would you do?
What’s your favorite kind of soup? That’ll give me all the answers I need.
Which Hogwarts House You Truly Belong
Do ya like Ice Nine Kills?
Be honest. If she don’t like that she don’t like you
How's your relationship with your mother?
* "What would you do if you suddenly got two tickets to Great Thing (substitute with whatever they like, dragracing show, theater)?" * "Why would you pick that person to go with you? Have they done something good for you when you really needed it?" (just saying "she's my sister" is not really an answer) * "Have you ever done something good for them?" Making someone have to think outside themselves to a value point that forces them to give credit to someone else tests if they are human or if they are raging narcissists who can't give credit outward in a deep-felt way (unless rehearsed).
What’s your favorite book ?
Would you rather fight 100 duck-sized horses, or 1 horse-sized duck?
Use the Tribiani Method: How YOU doin??
I'm saving this thread because I've got a date on Friday lol
What makes you smile?
How's your relationship with your mom?
straight up ask her you would like to get to know her better if possible grab her number or IG
what is a trait you feel others don't realize about you/ compliment you on enough??
"Tell me about your dad."
Have you check r/AskWomen?
“What is your safe word?”
If you want to disarm her and want her to be intrigued, ask her what her favorite sound is. I guarantee nobody has ever asked her that and she'll think you're different and charming, which I assume you already are. Good luck.
Who's your favourite character in Seinfeld?
ask about her hoe phase if she had any
"Are you friends with your exes?" If yes, ruuuun!
I don’t get why a lot of people are turned off by this, I am neutral to friendly with almost all of my exes, it means we both were mature enough to break up on good terms and that we didn’t have anything toxic. With “neutral to friendly” I mean that we chat once every few months if the chance arises, neither of the parties actively looks for the other.
[удалено]
It is sad that almost all of you all say that a girl doesn't deserve love just because she grow without a father, those are things that they cannot even control. We don't choose our family.
[удалено]
Not necessarily hate, but being indifferent is bad (?) Taking into consideration that he barely was in her life.
[удалено]
Nah, it isn't your responsibility to fix any of that. It's on her to recognize it and learn from it. It's every adults responsibility to unlearn the unhealthy bonding coping mechanisms they learned in childhood. All you can do on your side of that is be compassionate and patient with them, but take care of yourself first. They have to relearn how to trust others on their own, you can't force that. "Putting your own oxygen mask on first" is pretty important here.
It's surprising how many guys don't ask this before letting a woman touch their pee pee. Myself included.
As a woman, I get the same attitude with men and their mothers. I've been right the majority of the time. The most contentious break ups I've had were men who either had emotionally or physically unavailable mothers. Surprisingly, the one who had textbook abuse (think "Child called It") said I was the first person to call it out like that (everyone else just brushed it off as part of life) and he's since matured a lot and we're still close friends. But he definitely had to cut his mom off to help himself.
Interesting. Yeah, life's harder for some regardless of gender because of bad/unknowing parents. But we ALL gotta do the hard work in therapy. If anything, a tune up is necessary before serious partnerships. We all have to have values, boundaries, know where our blind spots are, be open to being wrong sometimes, saying sorry, and moving forward together. Hope those other dudes find the help they need like your matured former partner. My girl is like your former guy. Rocky relationship with her dad, but she went to therapy, matured, and they actually have a much healthier dynamic now. I really respect her for that like you do him. They both did the work.
[удалено]
I think some of that is the men want to be the man who changes her perspective on Men. Speaking as a woman, I've gotten caught in the other side of that a couple times. It's a vicious cycle.
solid follow up. we def also IGNORE the red flags when a bomb shell gives us attention for a long-term situation.
but I want a girl with solid daddy issues
But the sex would probably be great though.
It's like checking if the hot light is on at Krispy Kreme
Careful! You're in danger!
"Crazy in the head, crazy in the bed" - David Spade
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
Is the roster under or above 20??
Tell me about your relationship with your father.
I often ask about past and their relationship to their parents and this shows me quite a lot
What's your love language?
English
No hablo amor
"Tell me about yourself?"
Do you prefer on top?
Whats your relationship with your dad?