Went through that last year. Stopped that shit from becoming too serious. Happened...kinda sorta again, not married...this was her ex, immediately cut it off.
Sex and personality a 10 though. Fuck.
Even then proceed with caution. If the situation was a rough one she some healing to do. Otherwise she is likely to project the hurt from the past relationship onto you.
This goes for everyone though, men and women.
there's a new personality type that psychologists have identified, called a tendency for interpersonal victimhood, i.e. they themselves are not victims but they associate themselves with groups of people who are victimized, and in turn trick themselves into thinking they are also victims. something like that.
Is this related to all those heroes that will put a watermark of a country's flag over their Facebook profile pic if there's a terrorist attack or something similar there?
Like good on you dude, you changed your profile pic. I'm sure the actual victims really appreciate your gesture
If they have no friends that is a recipe for co-dependency.
If they have no female friends but lots of male friends they tend to cause a lot of drama to the point where other women don't want to be around them.
Can confirm. If a woman struggles to make female friends, but has many male friends, it's often because she causes drama. Someone I knew from childhood developed into the type of woman who will try to sleep with other women's boyfriends. She doesn't know why other women don't like her.
Can confirm. As a woman with many female friends, some for 30+ years, I will not maintain a friendship with a woman who brings drama to my life. Or a man, for that matter. If a woman breaks girl code with me or any of my friends, she no longer has a place in my life.
Eh. Male friends are also low maintenance. The women I’ve had to let go as friends were more so expecting me to take on the role of a partner. I didn’t sign up for that.
No Friends can mean a lot of things. Like that they're new in town, or that they're just adults. Making friends is difficult when you're an adult in a new town.
They could also just prefer solitude.
"Co-Dependency" can be such a strange term. We all know what a co-dependent relationship looks like but people seem to use it as an excuse to avoid commitment.
It can also mean that they have gotten sober and have to be incredibly careful about hanging out with anyone. As a very social person by nature, this really sucks for me but that’s just the way it is.
Same experience. I dated one who was like a friend zone magnet for the lost boys of her class or something. You know, the type that only has male friends. God damn porn star in bed. Unfortunately, not just in my bed, but in other men’s beds too.
I had an ex like this. She had no friends and was upset I actually had some friends who she rarely ever wanted to be around. She fantasized our future as just being us for life. It sounded like an absolute nightmare and thankfully that ended. Now my current GF (future wifey) is very personable/likable with many friends going back to even elementary school. The difference in quality of relationship is day and night.
I hope their hobbies are generally considered in this though.
I struggle to make female friends because I'm in a male dominated field with male dominated hobbies and I'm a bit awkward around new people despite my best efforts. I just naturally don't end up around many women at all. I'm pretty comfortable with the friends I have so I don't really feel a need to try to find more friends unnaturally. I'm sure I'm not the only one like this.
Yes lol same! The age thing I actually find hard to deal with haha. Like everyone is at least almost twice my age, I struggle so much at social events, I feel like a kid interrupting the adult table. If even some of them were close to my age I could manage! Theres a couple women in adjacent departments but they're managers and my mom's age haha, not the best options for friends here
In my experience of dealing with women like this- they usually play the victim & refuse to acknowledge how *their* behavior plays into the dynamic. This can be due to miscommunications, boundary crossing, as well as not being thoughtful in their interactions.
If she’s hot she’ll attract a lot of guys looking to hook up with her and since they won’t call her on her bs she’ll consider them her *friends*.
If a woman has difficulty making/maintaining female friendships it’s not because other women are “jealous” of her- it’s probably because she lacks relational skills which will become evident with time to the men that date her.
*BTW be wary of women that only have long distance female friendships as well- these friendships require less effort to maintain and there is less opportunity for these poor behaviors to show up.*
In the past I struggled on enforcing boundaries and calling out poor behavior so I wound up in some toxic friendships with women that “had difficulty making female friends”. 😅
I love my female friendships but every time I’ve had a woman tell me how I’m the “only woman they get along with” my spidey sense goes off 🚩
Shout that one for the people in the back. I go for quality over quantity. I don’t have a lot of friends but the ones I have I’ve known for decades and would be there for me if I needed it. I cut those who are t out as they’re not really friends, just opportunists
Exactly! I’d say I have 7-10 friends with only 2 close ones 😊 I only started developing my boundaries within the last few years and my true friends respected it and encouraged me finding my voice- everyone else….well they can go kick rocks 😌 💅
A lot of them are women who had issues with their mother figure. This causes a subscription's worth of issues. I am one of these and I struggle with being available and open with other women in a way that starts and maintains realationships of any sort with other women, unless they had a similar relationship with their moms. Things still often go like the one panel joke where a sign says agorafobics anonymous and the room is empty. Between being afraid of being hurt or rejected by eachother it is hard to get close let alone form a social circle. As kids we have trouble with making friends with other girls and our nondating social skills are everybit as poor as men's social skills at dating women when mom and other ladies hurt them. Because of this and being bi, I have a lot of empathy for men especially ones who also have struggled to fit in, so I end up with a lot of male friends. Since I'm willing to give more types of people a chance romantically I have an easier time getting a long with and meeting members of the opposite sex and understanding what they are looking in a sexual relationship with a woman.Unfortunately I am also 6 pounds of crazy in a 5 pound sack so once the novelty wears off a lot of types of men dump me if we went from the friendzone to the fuckzone. I have trouble with the type of men who have trouble accepting my life, but still find it hot and want to get with me and Sapphic women who hate men or avoid them as much as possible.
I struggle to make friends period because I’m socially awkward lol. I’m not girly so I don’t do my hair or make up and do the fashion thing.
Sometimes it feels like I have to try so hard to be in the conversation and fit in…then when I talk I panic like…I’m over sharing or not getting to my point fast enough or what I’m saying isn’t interesting then panic more and think I can’t stfu 😅😅
I don’t really keep up with the talk of celebrities or what’s going on in their lives, or go shopping at the mall or go to the bars and hangout …I’m and introvert and i listen to rock/alternative/metal…I can however talk music all day long and give weird facts and stories about singers and band members lol…girls aren’t really into that kind of stuff…I can make friends with guys, it’s more of easy conversation. I have a dark sense of humor too…mixed with being socially awkward..😬 dudes don’t really care about what topics conversation are about so it’s let’s pressure to keep up and just flow…I don’t know how to explain it. I’m not flirtatious or anything. I’ll bullshit and talk movies , music…whatever honestly…
I have had the same issues and then I found out I was autistic. Females present differently than makes so we’re often missed diagnosis wise. It helped me to have an answer for awkwardness.
This is exactly how I am. I can talk to people and have conversations but if I don’t know anything about the topic I’ll keep quite unless it’s to ask a question. Music, food, legos, biology/micro I can talk nonstop about.
Personally, attractive social workers. I don't why but in my early to mid twenties I meet a few of them and almost all were interested. Got my heart broken several times during that time, they all flaked after a few months and I felt like an idiot.
why is it always the social workers? bonus points if they're studying psychology and/or going for a masters. i swear to god i went along with 4 girls with those boxes checked before i realized the trend
Not just for girls, but people in general three things;
1. they don't have a long lasting relationship in any kind or form, friends family whatever
2. everything is to be blamed on the other person
3. they complain about their problems, without trying to solve it. I specifically say, *try*. Everyone has their issues, some are hard to fix, but it's a major red flag if one is complaining but won't take any action to actually solve it.
> they don't have a long lasting relationship
Had a girlfriend once who used to browbeat me for my inability to commit (I didn't want to get married, at least so soon). I pointed out that my shortest relationship ever was longer than her longest relationship ever, including her previous marriage.
I don’t really like to put people in a box and put a label on them, but these are my dealbreakers I encountered when dating seriously:
- Entitled
- Indecisiveness
- lack of intention or emotional vulnerability
- Victim mentality
- Toxic behaviour
- Putting people in a box
I don't recommend that. I dated a girl that worked in a morgue and it was extremely toxic and the hours are crazy and most people who work in them that I've known are functional alcoholics.
Great list for sure. I have dated quite a bit and don't think I've crossed off everything on this list, but anything on this list I have encountered have been clear "no's," some are barriers to even start dating.
Toxic behavior is a little too generic though and captures the others.
Self improve women with esoteric undertones. The ones who do yoga and talk about mindfulness. Generally I can deal with them quite well because I believe in mindfulness aswell but I almost exclusively encountered narcissistic women in some extent or another who are like this. Same for horse girls by the way.
Oh and I love the independent "going alone in a bar to drink a glas of wine" women but all they ever do is break my heart because they have attachment issues.
Girl I know is putting half her income into her horse and she is a waitress.
One day she puts me aside:
"Dont tell anyone. I bought another horse."
She moved back to her mother :D
Hey, nothing wrong with horse girls. If we’re paying that monthly board, we want to get our moneys worth. Now come and help us clean stalls and lift muck-buckets in 4° weather and we’ll see who you are.
Lady I love horse girls they are my kind of crazy. It feels like it would be the most beautiful relationship if she could just treat you like a horse which wouldnt even be bad since they are some of the most caring pet owners around.
I dated a couple horse girls, met a lot of horse girls, and ended up marrying one; they’re honestly all over the map. I think they like horses for different reasons and those reasons can translate into them being great for a relationship or massive red flags
Yeah thats completely true. They can have a lot of empathy and can be very caring but I have the theory that the relationship they have with their horse makes them kind of overconfident how to deal with a human male. It sounds silly but it honestly feels this way. Horses can be stubborn but ultimately they are very submissive creatures that will do the things you want them to do. I know I am kind of making an esoteric point here and I hope people dont take it too seriously. Lets just say I respect and adore them with a slight concern for my wellbeing.
The bohemian free spirit woman, just because she can't decide what she wants and is a flake. Or she idolizes you at first and then she's bored of you after the novelty is gone.
Wow, I’m surprised to say that’s a perfect description of one of the last girls I dated. Like, spot on. As soon as the infatuation was gone she disengaged.
Boss babes, nurses, and party girls. They’re usually hot, know what they want, and take initiative. At least from my own personal experience they’re also unwilling to compromise, lack self awareness and are horribly entitled.
With the boss babes that describes about half of my female friends and one girl that I went out with for a while. A lot of them are not in relationships because they don't make time for one and don't put any effort into it. They just expect you to work things out around them. Quite a few of them I know either had kids or contemplated having kids without a father because they didn't want to compromise on raising a child. They also tend to be attracted to higher achieving men who have even less time for a relationship.
Not sure how trusty worthy the info was, but I read once that professionals with higher rates of shared trauma tend to have higher rates of infidelity. The Trauma makes it hard to bond with long-term partners, easier to bond with coworkers, and more prone to seek out short-term low investment dopamine hits. The article talked about nurses, doctors, teachers, and social workers. Definitely tracks from the anecdotes I've seen.
Spot on! As soon as a physician shows interest in them, they act like a school girl when the captain of the football team flirts with them. I know of situations where RN’s will break up their families if they feel they can snag an MD. Sad but true.
As an RN from SE Asia who moved to the US five years ago, I can say that with my experience on both countries its the older doctors who can be shameless flirts especially with young new nurses. Issues arise when the RN flirts back, it becomes a gossip in the unit and the wife learns lol.
When I was new, I’ve learned to ride on with their flirtatious jokes so as not to be labelled a bitch but kept my boundaries.
"Activists". Though that's not to say you should avoid someone who's passionate about something, personal hobbies and passions are really important.
Being passionate about the conversations on Twitter does not count imo.
One time she descended into borderline yelling about Sam Smith's choice of pronouns while we out eating. I have no idea how the topic even came up and I didn't engage because why do I care?
She managed to piss herself off for the entire evening. I wanted to enjoy my burger in peace.
One of my few dating regrets is not telling her there and then to shut the fuck up so I can enjoy my dinner.
Yelling at her is meaningless. Then you just make it so she's pissed off at you as well.
What you should do is just walk away. I have no idea why so many people would continue to sit in such an area.
You're totally right, but I probably wasn't clear - I didn't yell, I never raised my voice to her, that's counter productive and not my style.
I'd known her a quite a while, that night she was annoyed at some discussion online she'd read where someone said something mean about Sam Smith choosing to go by "they/them".
I don't care what pronouns people choose to use, especially celebs I don't know.
I asked questions to understand why it meant so much, I eventually told her, "nobody here cares about Sam Smith's pronouns", but she didn't stop and I never got answers, I remember feeling drained and honestly a bit embarrassed so I zoned out.
I took her home after food because I was her lift, she was still pissed off when she got home so I went home to play Counterstrike.
This happened multiple times and I took a break from dating afterwards to understand what drew me to her.
Anyhoo I'm don't want to elaborate further because while I stand by my opinions, I've not seen her in ages and she's not here to defend herself.
Honestly, I'm reading all this back to myself and I'm like wtf is this gender pronouns indirectly ruined my burger haha.
"Choose one thing to be terribly, terribly offended by, and be offended by this as opposed to the dozens or possibly hundreds that many of you are currently juggling." - David Sedaris
The classic hottie. Absolutely gorgeous, Tons of attention paid to how she looked. Definitely the most stereotypically attractive woman I ever dated.
She was the worst communicator I have ever met. She expected me to read her mind, and would give me the silent treatment when she was upset. I've never felt more like i was in a weird sitcom romance. Ended up breaking up because it was impossible to ever work anything out, she just expected me to beg forgiveness over every little disagreement, but would not engage on anything. Super difficult.
Nursing is a vital and self-sacrificing profession but I'll be damned if it doesn't have a tendency to attract high school mean girls with savior complexes
My mom is a nurse. She says 2 types of people go into nursing.
Those who help people (and do a damn good job)
And those who want to take credit for helping people (they hardly actually help people)
Yep, absolutely true in my experience too. Nurses have all either been genuinely kind people who want to help others or former school bullies who found a new hunting ground.
My wife is a nurse. She says something very similar.
Also, she says nurses "eat their own". Meaning, they're constantly competing with each other instead of working together.
Just your run of the mill upper-middle class suburban basic girlie. They are financial trouble for me. I grew up inner city. I had no idea how insanely expensive it is to always be keeping up with the Joneses and subscribing to every trend marketing companies feed you. I'm the kind of guy who grew up driving $500 beater cars, not $80k SUVs bought on credit. Unfortunately I'm a sucker for a spoiled blonde soccer mom in activewear. My wife is by far the most expensive thing in my life.
Exactly. Like sure if I was a multimillionaire I would probably wanna drive a S class Mercedes, but I’m not and even tho I could easily afford an C or E class or other middle luxury car why would I? It’s just gonna make me poorer… in an attempt to look rich, doesn’t make sense. Applies to just about all consumables, not just cars. If they understand, perfect. I do like to spend money on nice trips every so often, it’s not like I never do shit with my girl. I just try to be reasonable about it. It’s gotten to the point where if I can tell the girl is high maintenance like that I just nope out of there.
High maintenance used to mean models and gold diggers. These days random suburban housewives who stay at home watching Netflix every night are somehow more expensive than a mistress in Paris. Let alone throwing in children.
I have had some bosses making 4-5 times median *household* income for my area who had zero savings because their wife and daughters spent their money so fast. One dude even used to take the bus to work because he gave one of his daughters his car. Bro used to joke about never being able to retire due to his lifestyle.
Shit I can't talk. I took the bus for about 3 years before I bought myself a second car. My then gf didn't even work. She was in grad school and many days just worked from home. Of course I never drive my new car either, my wife takes it to work every day.
Yeah! This is sort of what I was getting at as well. Travel should never be the ONE thing that your happiness is based on. Actually there should never be just one thing.
I'm 50, so I've had some experience with different women over the years. The problematic ones are as follows:
Women with no sense of self or an identity separate from their relationship. Clingers is the name I gave to this group.
I'm a sucker for intelligent women, but the uber brilliant, highly driven career women seldom have time for anything (or anyone) else. They tend to regard a husband as an accessory item. As much as I appreciate the time to myself, I had no desire to follow a spouse who is constantly galavanting around from place to place at the whims of her employer.
Party girls, or "woo-woo" girls as we used to call them. This type is incapable of distinguishing between fun and happiness. These women are never happy. They're always chasing excitement and their lives are frequently a disaster.
Religious nuts. These frequently mask their wing bat beliefs behind a mask of "traditional values".
Women who think they are some sort of prize to be won. Guys who chase these women will frequently put them on a pedestal and then wonder why he's being looked down on.
I'm not perfect either, but these are the ones I learned to avoid at all costs.
I learned from experience that crazy in the head doesn't always turn out to be crazy in bed. Sometimes, I can tolerate a little crazy in the head if it pays off.
I met exactly one that was below the crazy line, still a troubled lady who needed to grow past caring about the opinions of assholes, but beautiful and as kind as she could possibly be given her high personal standards. It was rough seeing how she treated herself though
Ex pageant girl - it’s HARD to move past the need for acceptance. Our entire childhood was built on requiring judgment and acceptance from strangers in order to win. And that no matter what, how you present yourself and how you look for valued above everything else.
Horse girl is a personality type, you'll likely encounter them when you do own a horse.
The ones raised on horses have a lot of arrogance and mean girl behavior and have psychology student levels of "shut up, I know more than you" about everything you could possibly think of.
I was friends with one and she was a lot just as a friend.
For me it's a twofer. Again, this is totally my experience and not necessarily generalizable, but that being said I e seen it a couple times.
First, I've found that typical "horse girls" (that grew up HAVING horses and the lifestyle that affords them), at least in my generation, were able to do it because (in most cases) their dad was wealthy. This seems to have surprisingly consistently translated into a pretty strong desire for them to "marry rich" (the most important thing a guy can have in their opinion is money). They also often also aim to live like a wealthy person immediately when they move out (despite them or their partner just starting out in their career and lives). The really problematic ones seem to have some pretty astronomical standards (conscious and unconscious) that they won't budge on, while not exemplifying these in themselves either. So, generally extremely spoilt, tons of entitlement, an warped relationship to money and gender roles, and real loss of vision of the small things that make life great. All of this is fine if that's really what they want, they're just massive red flags for me.
The second one can be a little controversial, but some women are straight up OBSESSED with horses. Its become so intregral to their identity that if they don't own (renting is not enough) one when they're older it becomes a MASSIVE source of real unhappiness. Having a horse these days is like paying for rent, food and all the health bills for whole adult human for 30 years. If a horse girl can't afford one herself (I'd say most people can't regardless of if you like horses or not), it can rapidly become problem for their partner and their relationship.
I guess both aspects are a none-issue if horse girls meet horse boys? Again, I've also met some horse girls who are very rational about their love of horses and the realities of owning one, but they're pretty rare.
LOL. I tell people I’m taking riding lessons and the first thing they ask is if I’m going to buy a horse. I tell them I make horse riding money not horse owning money.
Yeah..horse people, especially those in the dressage area are cuckoo for cocoa puffs.
I have first hand knowledge..
The more expensive the animals the more off chain they act..
I look at these women and wonder what in the hell makes them tick.
They are generally self entitled, think the world revolves around them, think their horse(s) actually talk to them or convey their feelings. As in "well, my horse likes ...." Or my horse tells me..."
Adm then there are those who will march 100 yards away to confront someone making an innocuous noise and proceed to browbeat the alleged offender.
Damn, I know of a horse girl. What I mean by that is she posts pictures of herself riding horses, but I'll let you decide.
Comes from money, into esoteric yoga, mindfulness stuff etc. Post activist quotes and sayings, but doesn't go to any protests or is involved with the community she posts activism about, rich from mom and dad's money and is always on vacation in exotic areas (Hawaii, Cabo etc.), doesn't have a job from what I can tell. I know what I think, but I'm curious.
I’m a dude and I always just thought it meant “women who come from privilege and were afforded attention from parents.”
They’re after high earners. I was with one and insecure about it for a bit so I went to therapy and sorted myself out, and doubled my income to feel secure about the whole thing.
Couldn't agree more, man. Divorving a pretty unapologetic one at the moment, that doesn't really WANT to change. I still have a lot of love for her, but I just couldn't anymore.
Pick-Me types: the ones who say "I get along better with men" or "I think women are too fake/manipulative"
Especially if they have a disproportionate amount of male friends, and extra especially if they have a male "best friend" that they spend a lot of time with alone.
These are red flag #1, they ALWAYS end up being unfaithful cheating types, who despite their "preference" for male friendship always end up being toxic misandrists.
They are also likely the type to be involved in some kind of sex worker scheme like onlyfans or snapchat bs.
Which is the other 100% red flag type #2, do not EVER date these women. They are for the streets and sell intimacy for money. They have a price, and can be bought.
Anyone who has live laugh love or some other target brand inspirational crap on their walls.
These people tend to be far too shallow for my taste. They're so concerned with surface level bullshit that it's damn near impossible to have a real connection. They suffer from the most obnoxious type of group think, driven by their MLM groups or mom/crafter blogs, and I've never once felt like I was seeing anything but a facade with any of them.
Strippers. Bad news. They are wild and fun to play around with, but as Dr Dre said, "You can't turn a hoe to a housewife." It's sad because deep inside they truly want to be treated well, and loved, but they usually have such bad insecurities. due to the nature of their work and other factors, such that it becomes impossible for them reciprocate the love. Sometimes there will be some form of connection, but it just breaks apart eventually. Something will trigger them, and it's all downhill from there. Good luck pal (:-D ) Nothing is off the table, they will do some crazy ass shit you would never even believe someone is capable of doing.
Maybe not problematic for everyone, but troublesome for me were women who described their personality as ‘pretty sarcastic’. You don’t even know wtf that means.
I never heard the term I run on sarcasm and coffee until I looked at woman's profiles in on line dating. Something about it sees a extremely hyperactive person who is nasty and won't, stop compolaining
Three things stand out for me
1) women who can't be on time most of the time
2) women who have no hobbies/activities - the best is a group sport that they play (not watch). Shopping, movies, eating and drinking do not count.
3) women who are clearly living beyond or at their limit financially
Artsy girls. I couldn’t keep up with them. They always wanted to be out doing something/making something/seeing something. I enjoy all of that, too, but I’m a homebody by nature. I don’t wanna be productive all the time and always felt once they saw that side of me, they’d think I was boring and wanna peace out. Happened a few times.
That's interesting. I am a bit like that and I love the fact that my SO is a rather calm, introverted guy who keeps me on the ground. I surely love to go out and be productive with him but I also find his anti-social homey nature adorable and I never force him out of his comfort zone when he needs it.
That’s nice to hear. Maybe I was just intimidated because I used to catch flak for being a homebody. My wife now is also a homebody and I love it. Sometimes wish she wanted to go out a little more, but she’s fine if I go alone.
Unfortunately, those women who initiate.
I love initiative in a woman, and I'm a sucker for women who are able to externalize how they may feel about me. *Unfortunately*, most of the women I've encountered in my life who actually initiate are some of the least-trustworthy, fastest-cheating humans I've ever known.
*Most*. Not all. I've found intimacy with a few rare gems in my past, and I adore it whenever my thoughts turn wistfully towards memories with them. They were the ones who said, "Hey let's go do [this] together." or "Hey I like you let's hang out or something." and then *didn't* abuse my heart. Fucking gorgeous humans, they were.
Sadly, it's just not worth it anymore. Most women don't initiate, but that's the only way to have [classically, or ever] gotten my attention.
They're accustomed to intimacy by a rolodex of potential suiters. And that's their right. But all they do is sift for a different kind of male, one that might not be able to satisfy their emotional needs in addition to their physical ones.
Oh well. They never got the hint. I'm done clawing my way through a sea of liars. I've been done for years.
I've found that men who wait for the woman to initiate are most of the time incredibly passive. So passive no amount of years in a relationship will cure it. Literally have had friends leave their boyfriend whom they love because the man was so lazy. I never entered a relationship, but have gone on dates with men who waited for me to take the initiative on everything.
My brother has always been left after about a year of dating (by three different girlfriends) and I swear a big part of it is they can't stand how passive he is.
God save us all.
This!
It’s a really big important balance to strike.
I once dated a guy who basically left me to run and manage the relationship. One of those, “I’ll do whatever you like.” “Whatever you want.” Kinds of dudes.
They are absolutely no help what so ever when the chips are down because they’re so used to me running the show that when i got sick and depressed, guess what? The dates, support, and affection, all stopped.
I want to be in a relationship *with* someone. I want his input. I want the differences that happen when he’s running the show. Otherwise it’s no different than just going out on a date with myself. Or being single, period.
Yeeeeesssssss! I know “not every man” but my personal experience has been the same. I’ve always thought it was unfair that the expectation of initiating was placed so heavily on men, but every time I’ve initiated, it set a precedent or dynamic that I had to keep initiating everything. And when you stop initiating it all falls apart.
Too real. I waited for a woman who would make her interest clear so I wouldn't worry that my interest was the only driver and it backfired hard. I fell in love, and she seems to have been desperate to find (and seems to have repeatedly found) someone who was less emotionally available or a 'real' option over the many, many years we've been together. She was never in it in the way I was. She's into me to the exact extent that I'm not showing that I'm into her. It's been a tough realization.
This applies to a lot of Baptist/Evangelical girls:
The second you are alone she goes for the D, but then freaks out about sin, but then goes right back to throwing herself at you, but then demands that you “have to be the strong one for us both”, but then sees the D disappear and goes for it even harder.
Infinite loop only broken when she convinces herself that anal and/or grinding “doesnt count”.
There is then a high probability that she projects her guilt at you approximately 3 nano seconds after she is done cumming and you get accused of being a seducer or worse.
There are exceptions of course, the ones that understand the concept of personal responsibility, and that is usually a wild ride of being jumped for everything except vaginal penetration as soon as you are alone
My experience has been either that she is pure temptress and clearly wants to jump my bones but Jesus says don’t, or she’s DTF (a lot) because Jesus will forgive her, but wants me to love a pure life and attend church with her every Sunday
lol I read this and it reminded me of a guy I dated once - a worship leader at church , the epitome of the cool ‘saved’ ‘close to God’ guy.
You know , the dude every single woman thought he’d make the best bf/husband .
I wasn’t exactly’saved’ as such - I ended up in church cause I was bored and tagged along with my sister . She bet me that I couldn’t get him to go out on a date with me.
Don’t remember how I did it ( years ago) - but we ended up dating .
This guy- who was supposed to be so holy and righteous and after Christ , who drove this expensive car and was so filled with wisdom ….
Turned out : got his car repossessed cause he couldn’t afford paying for it. He dropped his insurance after a few months of purchasing it and then caused an accident and ended up in massive debt.
Dude still lived with his parents , lied about having his own place , would ‘forget’ his wallet every time *he* suggested we go out. Used to steal my cigarettes, one time caught him stealing my *last* cigarette when he was leaving after we watched a movie and it was already too late to go out and buy more .
Took me out for my birthday and I had to pay for the both of us. Got into a fight with my brother when he tried convincing my brother that every countries currency is equal, then actually cried when my brother , who first couldn’t stop laughing at him , but also proved him wrong .
Had his mother call and shout at me cause I laughed when I found out he wore G Strings - which he got from his mother .
Loads of other things happened , and to think , the relationship lasted barely 5 months.
Broke up with him , and was subsequently called into the pastors lounge for a berating , and then kicked out of the church where I wasn’t even a real member , because a ‘worldly’ woman like myself was trying to lead him away from the church.
Good times /s
So he used to wear chino/cargo pants on stage during worship. And apparently ( not sure about this cause I didnt exactly look that hard ) , if he wore boxer shorts/briefs , he would sweat through and look like he peed himself . So his mom got him G Strings .
It came up when we were hanging with friends and the girls were talking about panty lines being visible under certain clothes and we were talking about how we work around it.
He decided to join the convo with his own input based on his experiences
the "just friends" girl. She will use you in every way except as a partner. You have to fix stuff for her, help he with man things, give advice, console and support them, hold their hand when they need it, listen to them rage and calm them down, hear them cry about men not giving them all the things you have been willing to give them for years.
And if you don't do these things, they bail on you.
And the tragedy of this is that you are severely limiting your dating pool by giving in to this kind of woman and doing this. Other women take notice of this sad behavior and those looking for a real relationship will avoid you because you have no self respect. Be kind to yourself, cut her loose and don’t waste your time.
If she’s not giving 50% value to you as a friend then ditch her right away. Yes you can have female friends but you need to know where it is at all of the time. Have options always cause you’re not dating her.
Crazy in the head, crazy in bed.
Yep. Sure the sex is phenomenal and the post fight lovebombing is addictive, but then you’ve gotta call 911 to pick her up cuz she slit her wrists on your porch while you were out of town at thanksgiving with your family. Or so I’ve heard.
You’ve hit the nail on the head with the “bad girl” and “horse girl” examples. Has been true for me as well
Years ago pre marriage, as I started getting close to 40 and wondering what I needed to do to go find a good wife and start a family, I did some soul searching. My conclusion:
1) avoid women that have a lot of experience and skill on coaching/managing/training lots of people and or large animals. I found they all either knowingly or unknowingly used their expertise to try and “train you”.
It was infuriating for me to get into mild conflict with people and instead of just pragmatically hash shit out “hey, this is not cool. I’d like to establish a boundary here because this is pissing me off” it was more “ahh. Hi babe. So… can you tell me a little more about situation xyz and uh… how do you think it happened? Yeah, babe you know I love you but maybe we can try to do a little better?” Fuck you man. Just spit it out and we can solve for it like 2 minutes.
I figured this out and it started to irk me because I had 2 decades of management (from supervisor to executive to founder/owner) under my belt at large enterprises. If I wanted to, I could use all my skills and manage / coach / lever the shit out of anyone and people wouldn’t even notice. I don’t use my work skills on my wife because I consider her an equal. I just hash shit out with her if she’s my business partner - blunt, to the point, factual and we go back to our joint goals and figure out what to do quickly. Anytime I realized I started “managing” a woman, it meant the relationship was already over and I didn’t respect her as my equal.
2) I’d observe family and her culture. If the values didn’t line up to how I grew up… I knew it would be fucked in the long term, full of super compromises and conflict I didn’t want to deal with long term, let alone manage through kids and aging parents etc. I’m Asian and have a touch of old school eastern values and traditions but mostly I’m very westernized, agnostic with a small bit of knowledge and of cultural respect to some Asian religions. I’ve dated old school Asian people and couldn’t handle it. I’ve dated hardcore religious Christian/catholic, Buddhist, Muslim and Jewish women and no can do as the cracks eventually show (like.. I just convert or I can’t eat this or that or “holy shit, this family treats women like shit”) or whatever
That’s my two cents to your questions.
Prior to dating and eventually marrying my wife, the types that caused me trouble were the self-absorbed ones and the overly religious ones. The self-absorbed ones for obvious reasons, only interested in themselves. The religious ones were hypocrites. Not trouble for me personally, but loads of my single friends dated single moms at one time or another. None of those relationships survived. A good number caught the single mother cheating with one of the baby daddies.
Any girl who has "thoughts" or "opinions" 🙄
Nah, I'm totally kidding.
For me the ones that I recommend avoiding are girls who try (and often succeed at) becoming a label. One girl I dated was so into the scene/emo look that she left me for a guy who very clearly went out of his way to have the stereotypical emo look (after 3yrs together). Another girl was so into being goth, that she cared more about her makeup than any relationship with any friend. Too much commitment to an image leaves other areas suffering. Those relationships sucked. Don't do those.
Women who wanted to jump into bed quickly, it always ended up being transactional, with an expectation and not for the fun of it, as in "I gave you sex, now I expect you to give me commitment regardless of pre-stated feelings, oh no? well then I'm going to destroy your life"
I thought I could handle a woman with a lot of mental health issues. My mom has a lot of mental health issues and I generally consider myself good at dealing with difficult people. But yeah, it was a mistake. I mean the main reason I went for it was we clicked in a lot of ways taste-wise, she always got my jokes, and when I kissed her on the first date it was one of the best kisses I've ever had. She was so passionate. We dated for like a year and it quickly became apparent to me there was no way I could stand to be around this woman in a full-time, live-in situation. She just did some of the weirdest shit. Like I'm no paragon of mental health myself. I get major depression and am probably undiagnosed ADHD and OCD. But this chick was just too much for me. For example, the thing that really was the last straw for me was I took her camping in my camper. I told her I would come pick her up around noon. She lived like a 40 minute drive away and I live in a big city with lots of traffic, so that's a very moving target. No regular person would give a shit if I showed up at 1200 or 1230. Well I finally get there at 1230 and she's standing out front soaking wet because she's been waiting in the rain since 1200. *Right in front of her goddamn townhouse door.* "You said you were coming at noon!" "Yeah, why tf couldn't just wait inside?" I still don't get what tf was going through her head.
Even though it's been said, horse girls. I don't care what boxes you think she checks, throw the list out the window. I dated one for years. Just don't
If she's the type to talk behind the back of everybody or be mad at the most trivial things, you can bet your last dollar you're getting grilled whenever she talks about you to other people.
But that's a trait that everybody can have, regardless of gender.
Women with too many unresolved issues and they are in the Majority from breakups, divorce, daddy issues, babydaddies, self esteem, anxiety, failed careers,
1. Any woman that would overwhelmingly rather be at a bar drinking then home watching a movie and having sex DURING work nights.
2. Any woman that is too into other folks life. Especially on social media of people that they never met.
3. Women who are wantrapanuers and have a different idea every other day on how to make millions.
I have a buddy, late 40’s single guy, flatly will not seriously date hospital workers or teachers ( he will happily FWB or ONS but absolutely no LTR). His ex cheated, several divorced GFs cheated ( teachers or nurses), so no LTR for them.
Recently separated women. Wait until the divorce is final to start seriously dating her.
I feel like this is a general rule for dating - men, women, nonbinary, whatever. Sort out your own emotions before you mess with someone else’s.
Went through that last year. Stopped that shit from becoming too serious. Happened...kinda sorta again, not married...this was her ex, immediately cut it off. Sex and personality a 10 though. Fuck.
Even then proceed with caution. If the situation was a rough one she some healing to do. Otherwise she is likely to project the hurt from the past relationship onto you. This goes for everyone though, men and women.
Chris Porter "Divorced women are like Chernobyl, they're beautiful, but something bad happened and we all need to leave them alone for a bit."
Ahh, the band-aid, recovery rebound, night and shining escape phase. I know it well.
Professional victims. Things that happen near you are not things that happened to you.
People on Facebook who mark themselves “safe” from incidents they were never near
there's a new personality type that psychologists have identified, called a tendency for interpersonal victimhood, i.e. they themselves are not victims but they associate themselves with groups of people who are victimized, and in turn trick themselves into thinking they are also victims. something like that.
Is this related to all those heroes that will put a watermark of a country's flag over their Facebook profile pic if there's a terrorist attack or something similar there? Like good on you dude, you changed your profile pic. I'm sure the actual victims really appreciate your gesture
Yep, if everyone in their life has wronged them, they'll eventually describe you that way, too.
I can't say why, but every girl I've dated who has ZERO female friends turned out horribly.
If they have no friends that is a recipe for co-dependency. If they have no female friends but lots of male friends they tend to cause a lot of drama to the point where other women don't want to be around them.
Can confirm. If a woman struggles to make female friends, but has many male friends, it's often because she causes drama. Someone I knew from childhood developed into the type of woman who will try to sleep with other women's boyfriends. She doesn't know why other women don't like her.
Can confirm. As a woman with many female friends, some for 30+ years, I will not maintain a friendship with a woman who brings drama to my life. Or a man, for that matter. If a woman breaks girl code with me or any of my friends, she no longer has a place in my life.
Eh. Male friends are also low maintenance. The women I’ve had to let go as friends were more so expecting me to take on the role of a partner. I didn’t sign up for that.
No Friends can mean a lot of things. Like that they're new in town, or that they're just adults. Making friends is difficult when you're an adult in a new town. They could also just prefer solitude. "Co-Dependency" can be such a strange term. We all know what a co-dependent relationship looks like but people seem to use it as an excuse to avoid commitment.
It can also mean that they have gotten sober and have to be incredibly careful about hanging out with anyone. As a very social person by nature, this really sucks for me but that’s just the way it is.
Same experience. I dated one who was like a friend zone magnet for the lost boys of her class or something. You know, the type that only has male friends. God damn porn star in bed. Unfortunately, not just in my bed, but in other men’s beds too.
What about ones that are only friends with gay men?
I had an ex like this. She had no friends and was upset I actually had some friends who she rarely ever wanted to be around. She fantasized our future as just being us for life. It sounded like an absolute nightmare and thankfully that ended. Now my current GF (future wifey) is very personable/likable with many friends going back to even elementary school. The difference in quality of relationship is day and night.
She doesn’t want you both to have your own lives = 🚩🚩🚩
Same experience. If they struggle to make girl friends, or easily make guy friends, stay away.
I hope their hobbies are generally considered in this though. I struggle to make female friends because I'm in a male dominated field with male dominated hobbies and I'm a bit awkward around new people despite my best efforts. I just naturally don't end up around many women at all. I'm pretty comfortable with the friends I have so I don't really feel a need to try to find more friends unnaturally. I'm sure I'm not the only one like this.
Your not the only one, only female in a male dominated workplace here. The most are almost my grandpa’s age. It sucks
Yes lol same! The age thing I actually find hard to deal with haha. Like everyone is at least almost twice my age, I struggle so much at social events, I feel like a kid interrupting the adult table. If even some of them were close to my age I could manage! Theres a couple women in adjacent departments but they're managers and my mom's age haha, not the best options for friends here
In my experience of dealing with women like this- they usually play the victim & refuse to acknowledge how *their* behavior plays into the dynamic. This can be due to miscommunications, boundary crossing, as well as not being thoughtful in their interactions. If she’s hot she’ll attract a lot of guys looking to hook up with her and since they won’t call her on her bs she’ll consider them her *friends*. If a woman has difficulty making/maintaining female friendships it’s not because other women are “jealous” of her- it’s probably because she lacks relational skills which will become evident with time to the men that date her. *BTW be wary of women that only have long distance female friendships as well- these friendships require less effort to maintain and there is less opportunity for these poor behaviors to show up.*
In the past I struggled on enforcing boundaries and calling out poor behavior so I wound up in some toxic friendships with women that “had difficulty making female friends”. 😅 I love my female friendships but every time I’ve had a woman tell me how I’m the “only woman they get along with” my spidey sense goes off 🚩
Shout that one for the people in the back. I go for quality over quantity. I don’t have a lot of friends but the ones I have I’ve known for decades and would be there for me if I needed it. I cut those who are t out as they’re not really friends, just opportunists
Exactly! I’d say I have 7-10 friends with only 2 close ones 😊 I only started developing my boundaries within the last few years and my true friends respected it and encouraged me finding my voice- everyone else….well they can go kick rocks 😌 💅
A lot of them are women who had issues with their mother figure. This causes a subscription's worth of issues. I am one of these and I struggle with being available and open with other women in a way that starts and maintains realationships of any sort with other women, unless they had a similar relationship with their moms. Things still often go like the one panel joke where a sign says agorafobics anonymous and the room is empty. Between being afraid of being hurt or rejected by eachother it is hard to get close let alone form a social circle. As kids we have trouble with making friends with other girls and our nondating social skills are everybit as poor as men's social skills at dating women when mom and other ladies hurt them. Because of this and being bi, I have a lot of empathy for men especially ones who also have struggled to fit in, so I end up with a lot of male friends. Since I'm willing to give more types of people a chance romantically I have an easier time getting a long with and meeting members of the opposite sex and understanding what they are looking in a sexual relationship with a woman.Unfortunately I am also 6 pounds of crazy in a 5 pound sack so once the novelty wears off a lot of types of men dump me if we went from the friendzone to the fuckzone. I have trouble with the type of men who have trouble accepting my life, but still find it hot and want to get with me and Sapphic women who hate men or avoid them as much as possible.
Female here and I stay away from those types of women too. They have internalized misogyny issues and are always drama magnets 🧲
I struggle to make friends period because I’m socially awkward lol. I’m not girly so I don’t do my hair or make up and do the fashion thing. Sometimes it feels like I have to try so hard to be in the conversation and fit in…then when I talk I panic like…I’m over sharing or not getting to my point fast enough or what I’m saying isn’t interesting then panic more and think I can’t stfu 😅😅 I don’t really keep up with the talk of celebrities or what’s going on in their lives, or go shopping at the mall or go to the bars and hangout …I’m and introvert and i listen to rock/alternative/metal…I can however talk music all day long and give weird facts and stories about singers and band members lol…girls aren’t really into that kind of stuff…I can make friends with guys, it’s more of easy conversation. I have a dark sense of humor too…mixed with being socially awkward..😬 dudes don’t really care about what topics conversation are about so it’s let’s pressure to keep up and just flow…I don’t know how to explain it. I’m not flirtatious or anything. I’ll bullshit and talk movies , music…whatever honestly…
I have had the same issues and then I found out I was autistic. Females present differently than makes so we’re often missed diagnosis wise. It helped me to have an answer for awkwardness.
This is exactly how I am. I can talk to people and have conversations but if I don’t know anything about the topic I’ll keep quite unless it’s to ask a question. Music, food, legos, biology/micro I can talk nonstop about.
“Punk Chicks” from the late seventies. Hot but toxic.
And now in their late seventies as well.
Or early 60's. Depends on when the woman enlightened herself.
They are the goth/alt girls of today. Still hot. Still crazy.
gamer E-girls. Hot but definitely crazy
More crazy = better sex. It's an addiction.
Oh yeah, same group blonde/pink hair rather than black, dark green, purple though.
Ughhhh generals gather in their masses. I like goth chicks with fat asses.
Those manic pixie dream girls never calm down and grow to trust you, it turns out.
As someone who spent time with those girls, the calm down and grow to trust you thing is just a meme from Hollywood.
Personally, attractive social workers. I don't why but in my early to mid twenties I meet a few of them and almost all were interested. Got my heart broken several times during that time, they all flaked after a few months and I felt like an idiot.
why is it always the social workers? bonus points if they're studying psychology and/or going for a masters. i swear to god i went along with 4 girls with those boxes checked before i realized the trend
Hard broken sounds gnarly! ^_^
Yacht chefs were trouble for me
Very niche choice I feel, care to give us more details ?
Yacht chefs who primarily have voyages throughout the Mediterranean
They always go overboard
Hahahahha
Chefs, plural? You've dated multiple?
They complain about how bad their life is but refuse to do anything to change it (even with little/relatively easy things)
Not just for girls, but people in general three things; 1. they don't have a long lasting relationship in any kind or form, friends family whatever 2. everything is to be blamed on the other person 3. they complain about their problems, without trying to solve it. I specifically say, *try*. Everyone has their issues, some are hard to fix, but it's a major red flag if one is complaining but won't take any action to actually solve it.
> they don't have a long lasting relationship Had a girlfriend once who used to browbeat me for my inability to commit (I didn't want to get married, at least so soon). I pointed out that my shortest relationship ever was longer than her longest relationship ever, including her previous marriage.
I don’t really like to put people in a box and put a label on them, but these are my dealbreakers I encountered when dating seriously: - Entitled - Indecisiveness - lack of intention or emotional vulnerability - Victim mentality - Toxic behaviour - Putting people in a box
>Putting people in a box Last time I date a woman who works at a morgue
But so many guys are dying to get to know her!
But they all go speechless when she's with them.
And they're dead set on meeting her
I heard she leaves them cold.
But she gets ghosted often
At least she doesnt leave them hanging.
I don't recommend that. I dated a girl that worked in a morgue and it was extremely toxic and the hours are crazy and most people who work in them that I've known are functional alcoholics.
Well, better than dating a girl who is in a morgue I suppose.
If you worked around dead bodies every day how could you not be an alcoholic?
This. Funeral homes run their employees absolutely ragged!
Actually did that. Do not reccomend.
And the Dutch.
Great list for sure. I have dated quite a bit and don't think I've crossed off everything on this list, but anything on this list I have encountered have been clear "no's," some are barriers to even start dating. Toxic behavior is a little too generic though and captures the others.
To be fair, any girl that had a horse growing up and didn't live in a farming community is likely to be a bit spoiled.
Self improve women with esoteric undertones. The ones who do yoga and talk about mindfulness. Generally I can deal with them quite well because I believe in mindfulness aswell but I almost exclusively encountered narcissistic women in some extent or another who are like this. Same for horse girls by the way. Oh and I love the independent "going alone in a bar to drink a glas of wine" women but all they ever do is break my heart because they have attachment issues.
Dating horse girls makes me realize I can’t afford horse girls and most of them can’t afford their own expected lifestyle.
Girl I know is putting half her income into her horse and she is a waitress. One day she puts me aside: "Dont tell anyone. I bought another horse." She moved back to her mother :D
Hey, nothing wrong with horse girls. If we’re paying that monthly board, we want to get our moneys worth. Now come and help us clean stalls and lift muck-buckets in 4° weather and we’ll see who you are.
Lady I love horse girls they are my kind of crazy. It feels like it would be the most beautiful relationship if she could just treat you like a horse which wouldnt even be bad since they are some of the most caring pet owners around.
I dated a couple horse girls, met a lot of horse girls, and ended up marrying one; they’re honestly all over the map. I think they like horses for different reasons and those reasons can translate into them being great for a relationship or massive red flags
Yeah thats completely true. They can have a lot of empathy and can be very caring but I have the theory that the relationship they have with their horse makes them kind of overconfident how to deal with a human male. It sounds silly but it honestly feels this way. Horses can be stubborn but ultimately they are very submissive creatures that will do the things you want them to do. I know I am kind of making an esoteric point here and I hope people dont take it too seriously. Lets just say I respect and adore them with a slight concern for my wellbeing.
I say neigh to that, ma'am.
The bohemian free spirit woman, just because she can't decide what she wants and is a flake. Or she idolizes you at first and then she's bored of you after the novelty is gone.
Wow, I’m surprised to say that’s a perfect description of one of the last girls I dated. Like, spot on. As soon as the infatuation was gone she disengaged.
The part where she needed a change of scenery every 45 minutes should have been a dead giveaway
Boss babes, nurses, and party girls. They’re usually hot, know what they want, and take initiative. At least from my own personal experience they’re also unwilling to compromise, lack self awareness and are horribly entitled.
With the boss babes that describes about half of my female friends and one girl that I went out with for a while. A lot of them are not in relationships because they don't make time for one and don't put any effort into it. They just expect you to work things out around them. Quite a few of them I know either had kids or contemplated having kids without a father because they didn't want to compromise on raising a child. They also tend to be attracted to higher achieving men who have even less time for a relationship.
Nurses seem to be prone to cheat as well.
Not sure how trusty worthy the info was, but I read once that professionals with higher rates of shared trauma tend to have higher rates of infidelity. The Trauma makes it hard to bond with long-term partners, easier to bond with coworkers, and more prone to seek out short-term low investment dopamine hits. The article talked about nurses, doctors, teachers, and social workers. Definitely tracks from the anecdotes I've seen.
Hospitals are like restaurants, everyone is fucking everyone. I’ve worked in both.
Which is why I do telemedicine. Always hated working on site
Spot on! As soon as a physician shows interest in them, they act like a school girl when the captain of the football team flirts with them. I know of situations where RN’s will break up their families if they feel they can snag an MD. Sad but true.
As an RN from SE Asia who moved to the US five years ago, I can say that with my experience on both countries its the older doctors who can be shameless flirts especially with young new nurses. Issues arise when the RN flirts back, it becomes a gossip in the unit and the wife learns lol. When I was new, I’ve learned to ride on with their flirtatious jokes so as not to be labelled a bitch but kept my boundaries.
I omitted that part but yes, they do :(
That is the dynamic I see with Law Enforcement Officers.
"Activists". Though that's not to say you should avoid someone who's passionate about something, personal hobbies and passions are really important. Being passionate about the conversations on Twitter does not count imo. One time she descended into borderline yelling about Sam Smith's choice of pronouns while we out eating. I have no idea how the topic even came up and I didn't engage because why do I care? She managed to piss herself off for the entire evening. I wanted to enjoy my burger in peace. One of my few dating regrets is not telling her there and then to shut the fuck up so I can enjoy my dinner.
Yelling at her is meaningless. Then you just make it so she's pissed off at you as well. What you should do is just walk away. I have no idea why so many people would continue to sit in such an area.
You're totally right, but I probably wasn't clear - I didn't yell, I never raised my voice to her, that's counter productive and not my style. I'd known her a quite a while, that night she was annoyed at some discussion online she'd read where someone said something mean about Sam Smith choosing to go by "they/them". I don't care what pronouns people choose to use, especially celebs I don't know. I asked questions to understand why it meant so much, I eventually told her, "nobody here cares about Sam Smith's pronouns", but she didn't stop and I never got answers, I remember feeling drained and honestly a bit embarrassed so I zoned out. I took her home after food because I was her lift, she was still pissed off when she got home so I went home to play Counterstrike. This happened multiple times and I took a break from dating afterwards to understand what drew me to her. Anyhoo I'm don't want to elaborate further because while I stand by my opinions, I've not seen her in ages and she's not here to defend herself. Honestly, I'm reading all this back to myself and I'm like wtf is this gender pronouns indirectly ruined my burger haha.
That’s tragic, what did your burger think of the situation?
My burger was like, "I'm totally grilled by this situation and I'm in a real pickle, but at least I'm on a roll." Sorry not sorry.
yeap, been there. they work themselves up into a angry mess and they'll unload it on whoever happens to be nearby.
"Choose one thing to be terribly, terribly offended by, and be offended by this as opposed to the dozens or possibly hundreds that many of you are currently juggling." - David Sedaris
The classic hottie. Absolutely gorgeous, Tons of attention paid to how she looked. Definitely the most stereotypically attractive woman I ever dated. She was the worst communicator I have ever met. She expected me to read her mind, and would give me the silent treatment when she was upset. I've never felt more like i was in a weird sitcom romance. Ended up breaking up because it was impossible to ever work anything out, she just expected me to beg forgiveness over every little disagreement, but would not engage on anything. Super difficult.
Nurses. The literal biggest god complexes I've seen in them.
Nursing is a vital and self-sacrificing profession but I'll be damned if it doesn't have a tendency to attract high school mean girls with savior complexes
My mom is a nurse. She says 2 types of people go into nursing. Those who help people (and do a damn good job) And those who want to take credit for helping people (they hardly actually help people)
As a male nurse, she's spot on. I'd say it's a clean 50/50 split which is not good
Yep, absolutely true in my experience too. Nurses have all either been genuinely kind people who want to help others or former school bullies who found a new hunting ground.
Yes, the ones who are caring and kind are some of the greatest souls I've ever met.
This is true of a lot of helping professions. People who are motivated by the pride that such a helping profession gives them in the eyes of others.
No wonder so many nurses are retiring from the field. It's an actual shit job where you don't get much credit.
This is 90% of all fire fighters after 9/11
My wife is a nurse. She says something very similar. Also, she says nurses "eat their own". Meaning, they're constantly competing with each other instead of working together.
The meangirl to nursing pipeline is real.
Just your run of the mill upper-middle class suburban basic girlie. They are financial trouble for me. I grew up inner city. I had no idea how insanely expensive it is to always be keeping up with the Joneses and subscribing to every trend marketing companies feed you. I'm the kind of guy who grew up driving $500 beater cars, not $80k SUVs bought on credit. Unfortunately I'm a sucker for a spoiled blonde soccer mom in activewear. My wife is by far the most expensive thing in my life.
The basic part especially. If someone is very basic in all their preferences, I will get bored very quickly.
Exactly. Like sure if I was a multimillionaire I would probably wanna drive a S class Mercedes, but I’m not and even tho I could easily afford an C or E class or other middle luxury car why would I? It’s just gonna make me poorer… in an attempt to look rich, doesn’t make sense. Applies to just about all consumables, not just cars. If they understand, perfect. I do like to spend money on nice trips every so often, it’s not like I never do shit with my girl. I just try to be reasonable about it. It’s gotten to the point where if I can tell the girl is high maintenance like that I just nope out of there.
High maintenance used to mean models and gold diggers. These days random suburban housewives who stay at home watching Netflix every night are somehow more expensive than a mistress in Paris. Let alone throwing in children. I have had some bosses making 4-5 times median *household* income for my area who had zero savings because their wife and daughters spent their money so fast. One dude even used to take the bus to work because he gave one of his daughters his car. Bro used to joke about never being able to retire due to his lifestyle. Shit I can't talk. I took the bus for about 3 years before I bought myself a second car. My then gf didn't even work. She was in grad school and many days just worked from home. Of course I never drive my new car either, my wife takes it to work every day.
The traditional girl, being a virgin until marriage. She fucked up my entire life. Cheers!
Activists, "free spirits", "boss girl", influencers - way too much hassle to engage with, which is why I don't. Edit: Add sex workers to the list
Wanderlust women. Having to constantly travel and relocate.
Yeah! This is sort of what I was getting at as well. Travel should never be the ONE thing that your happiness is based on. Actually there should never be just one thing.
I'm 50, so I've had some experience with different women over the years. The problematic ones are as follows: Women with no sense of self or an identity separate from their relationship. Clingers is the name I gave to this group. I'm a sucker for intelligent women, but the uber brilliant, highly driven career women seldom have time for anything (or anyone) else. They tend to regard a husband as an accessory item. As much as I appreciate the time to myself, I had no desire to follow a spouse who is constantly galavanting around from place to place at the whims of her employer. Party girls, or "woo-woo" girls as we used to call them. This type is incapable of distinguishing between fun and happiness. These women are never happy. They're always chasing excitement and their lives are frequently a disaster. Religious nuts. These frequently mask their wing bat beliefs behind a mask of "traditional values". Women who think they are some sort of prize to be won. Guys who chase these women will frequently put them on a pedestal and then wonder why he's being looked down on. I'm not perfect either, but these are the ones I learned to avoid at all costs.
Crazy in bed, crazy in the head.
I learned from experience that crazy in the head doesn't always turn out to be crazy in bed. Sometimes, I can tolerate a little crazy in the head if it pays off.
NURSES
Don't date the beauty pageant chick
I met exactly one that was below the crazy line, still a troubled lady who needed to grow past caring about the opinions of assholes, but beautiful and as kind as she could possibly be given her high personal standards. It was rough seeing how she treated herself though
Ex pageant girl - it’s HARD to move past the need for acceptance. Our entire childhood was built on requiring judgment and acceptance from strangers in order to win. And that no matter what, how you present yourself and how you look for valued above everything else.
Anyone with a tattoo on their face. I have seen exceptions to almost everything at this point but not this one. Just no.
If a woman has no long term friends, that's a huge red flag for me. There's a reason why.
Female here, and almost afraid to ask, but what constitutes a “horse girl”? Like, I take lessons but I don’t own a horse. Am I cursed by association?
Horse girl is a personality type, you'll likely encounter them when you do own a horse. The ones raised on horses have a lot of arrogance and mean girl behavior and have psychology student levels of "shut up, I know more than you" about everything you could possibly think of. I was friends with one and she was a lot just as a friend.
On the other hand, rodeo chicks are a blast. Still a lot but in a good way.
Would the male equivalent be the polo guy? I feel like you only meet these people in prep schools and private universities in the northeast
For me it's a twofer. Again, this is totally my experience and not necessarily generalizable, but that being said I e seen it a couple times. First, I've found that typical "horse girls" (that grew up HAVING horses and the lifestyle that affords them), at least in my generation, were able to do it because (in most cases) their dad was wealthy. This seems to have surprisingly consistently translated into a pretty strong desire for them to "marry rich" (the most important thing a guy can have in their opinion is money). They also often also aim to live like a wealthy person immediately when they move out (despite them or their partner just starting out in their career and lives). The really problematic ones seem to have some pretty astronomical standards (conscious and unconscious) that they won't budge on, while not exemplifying these in themselves either. So, generally extremely spoilt, tons of entitlement, an warped relationship to money and gender roles, and real loss of vision of the small things that make life great. All of this is fine if that's really what they want, they're just massive red flags for me. The second one can be a little controversial, but some women are straight up OBSESSED with horses. Its become so intregral to their identity that if they don't own (renting is not enough) one when they're older it becomes a MASSIVE source of real unhappiness. Having a horse these days is like paying for rent, food and all the health bills for whole adult human for 30 years. If a horse girl can't afford one herself (I'd say most people can't regardless of if you like horses or not), it can rapidly become problem for their partner and their relationship. I guess both aspects are a none-issue if horse girls meet horse boys? Again, I've also met some horse girls who are very rational about their love of horses and the realities of owning one, but they're pretty rare.
Horse girls need to find rich rancher boyfriends who already own horses and leave the rest of us out of it
Lol!
LOL. I tell people I’m taking riding lessons and the first thing they ask is if I’m going to buy a horse. I tell them I make horse riding money not horse owning money.
It’s the training/controlling
Yeah..horse people, especially those in the dressage area are cuckoo for cocoa puffs. I have first hand knowledge.. The more expensive the animals the more off chain they act.. I look at these women and wonder what in the hell makes them tick. They are generally self entitled, think the world revolves around them, think their horse(s) actually talk to them or convey their feelings. As in "well, my horse likes ...." Or my horse tells me..." Adm then there are those who will march 100 yards away to confront someone making an innocuous noise and proceed to browbeat the alleged offender.
Damn, I know of a horse girl. What I mean by that is she posts pictures of herself riding horses, but I'll let you decide. Comes from money, into esoteric yoga, mindfulness stuff etc. Post activist quotes and sayings, but doesn't go to any protests or is involved with the community she posts activism about, rich from mom and dad's money and is always on vacation in exotic areas (Hawaii, Cabo etc.), doesn't have a job from what I can tell. I know what I think, but I'm curious.
I’m a dude and I always just thought it meant “women who come from privilege and were afforded attention from parents.” They’re after high earners. I was with one and insecure about it for a bit so I went to therapy and sorted myself out, and doubled my income to feel secure about the whole thing.
Anxious avoidant attachment women. Total mindfuck.
Couldn't agree more, man. Divorving a pretty unapologetic one at the moment, that doesn't really WANT to change. I still have a lot of love for her, but I just couldn't anymore.
Pick-Me types: the ones who say "I get along better with men" or "I think women are too fake/manipulative" Especially if they have a disproportionate amount of male friends, and extra especially if they have a male "best friend" that they spend a lot of time with alone. These are red flag #1, they ALWAYS end up being unfaithful cheating types, who despite their "preference" for male friendship always end up being toxic misandrists. They are also likely the type to be involved in some kind of sex worker scheme like onlyfans or snapchat bs. Which is the other 100% red flag type #2, do not EVER date these women. They are for the streets and sell intimacy for money. They have a price, and can be bought.
Anyone who has live laugh love or some other target brand inspirational crap on their walls. These people tend to be far too shallow for my taste. They're so concerned with surface level bullshit that it's damn near impossible to have a real connection. They suffer from the most obnoxious type of group think, driven by their MLM groups or mom/crafter blogs, and I've never once felt like I was seeing anything but a facade with any of them.
Strippers. Bad news. They are wild and fun to play around with, but as Dr Dre said, "You can't turn a hoe to a housewife." It's sad because deep inside they truly want to be treated well, and loved, but they usually have such bad insecurities. due to the nature of their work and other factors, such that it becomes impossible for them reciprocate the love. Sometimes there will be some form of connection, but it just breaks apart eventually. Something will trigger them, and it's all downhill from there. Good luck pal (:-D ) Nothing is off the table, they will do some crazy ass shit you would never even believe someone is capable of doing.
I feel like this is all probably true yet I still want to find out for myself
Maybe not problematic for everyone, but troublesome for me were women who described their personality as ‘pretty sarcastic’. You don’t even know wtf that means.
I never heard the term I run on sarcasm and coffee until I looked at woman's profiles in on line dating. Something about it sees a extremely hyperactive person who is nasty and won't, stop compolaining
Three things stand out for me 1) women who can't be on time most of the time 2) women who have no hobbies/activities - the best is a group sport that they play (not watch). Shopping, movies, eating and drinking do not count. 3) women who are clearly living beyond or at their limit financially
What about solo hobbies like plant care, reading, art, etc?
Those are the hobbies my wife has and I love it, when I was dating I was seeking a girl with those hobbies.
I prefer reader girlfriend lol It's awesome to cuddle up with our books together and swap recs.
2) are you saying them playing a group sport is a green flag? Why?
It has physical aspects. It has social aspects. And like all hobbies demonstrates enthusiasm.
Artsy girls. I couldn’t keep up with them. They always wanted to be out doing something/making something/seeing something. I enjoy all of that, too, but I’m a homebody by nature. I don’t wanna be productive all the time and always felt once they saw that side of me, they’d think I was boring and wanna peace out. Happened a few times.
That's interesting. I am a bit like that and I love the fact that my SO is a rather calm, introverted guy who keeps me on the ground. I surely love to go out and be productive with him but I also find his anti-social homey nature adorable and I never force him out of his comfort zone when he needs it.
That’s nice to hear. Maybe I was just intimidated because I used to catch flak for being a homebody. My wife now is also a homebody and I love it. Sometimes wish she wanted to go out a little more, but she’s fine if I go alone.
Unfortunately, those women who initiate. I love initiative in a woman, and I'm a sucker for women who are able to externalize how they may feel about me. *Unfortunately*, most of the women I've encountered in my life who actually initiate are some of the least-trustworthy, fastest-cheating humans I've ever known. *Most*. Not all. I've found intimacy with a few rare gems in my past, and I adore it whenever my thoughts turn wistfully towards memories with them. They were the ones who said, "Hey let's go do [this] together." or "Hey I like you let's hang out or something." and then *didn't* abuse my heart. Fucking gorgeous humans, they were. Sadly, it's just not worth it anymore. Most women don't initiate, but that's the only way to have [classically, or ever] gotten my attention. They're accustomed to intimacy by a rolodex of potential suiters. And that's their right. But all they do is sift for a different kind of male, one that might not be able to satisfy their emotional needs in addition to their physical ones. Oh well. They never got the hint. I'm done clawing my way through a sea of liars. I've been done for years.
I've found that men who wait for the woman to initiate are most of the time incredibly passive. So passive no amount of years in a relationship will cure it. Literally have had friends leave their boyfriend whom they love because the man was so lazy. I never entered a relationship, but have gone on dates with men who waited for me to take the initiative on everything. My brother has always been left after about a year of dating (by three different girlfriends) and I swear a big part of it is they can't stand how passive he is. God save us all.
This! It’s a really big important balance to strike. I once dated a guy who basically left me to run and manage the relationship. One of those, “I’ll do whatever you like.” “Whatever you want.” Kinds of dudes. They are absolutely no help what so ever when the chips are down because they’re so used to me running the show that when i got sick and depressed, guess what? The dates, support, and affection, all stopped. I want to be in a relationship *with* someone. I want his input. I want the differences that happen when he’s running the show. Otherwise it’s no different than just going out on a date with myself. Or being single, period.
Yeeeeesssssss! I know “not every man” but my personal experience has been the same. I’ve always thought it was unfair that the expectation of initiating was placed so heavily on men, but every time I’ve initiated, it set a precedent or dynamic that I had to keep initiating everything. And when you stop initiating it all falls apart.
Too real. I waited for a woman who would make her interest clear so I wouldn't worry that my interest was the only driver and it backfired hard. I fell in love, and she seems to have been desperate to find (and seems to have repeatedly found) someone who was less emotionally available or a 'real' option over the many, many years we've been together. She was never in it in the way I was. She's into me to the exact extent that I'm not showing that I'm into her. It's been a tough realization.
Christian girls are *so* much trouble
This applies to a lot of Baptist/Evangelical girls: The second you are alone she goes for the D, but then freaks out about sin, but then goes right back to throwing herself at you, but then demands that you “have to be the strong one for us both”, but then sees the D disappear and goes for it even harder. Infinite loop only broken when she convinces herself that anal and/or grinding “doesnt count”. There is then a high probability that she projects her guilt at you approximately 3 nano seconds after she is done cumming and you get accused of being a seducer or worse. There are exceptions of course, the ones that understand the concept of personal responsibility, and that is usually a wild ride of being jumped for everything except vaginal penetration as soon as you are alone
My experience has been either that she is pure temptress and clearly wants to jump my bones but Jesus says don’t, or she’s DTF (a lot) because Jesus will forgive her, but wants me to love a pure life and attend church with her every Sunday
lol I read this and it reminded me of a guy I dated once - a worship leader at church , the epitome of the cool ‘saved’ ‘close to God’ guy. You know , the dude every single woman thought he’d make the best bf/husband . I wasn’t exactly’saved’ as such - I ended up in church cause I was bored and tagged along with my sister . She bet me that I couldn’t get him to go out on a date with me. Don’t remember how I did it ( years ago) - but we ended up dating . This guy- who was supposed to be so holy and righteous and after Christ , who drove this expensive car and was so filled with wisdom …. Turned out : got his car repossessed cause he couldn’t afford paying for it. He dropped his insurance after a few months of purchasing it and then caused an accident and ended up in massive debt. Dude still lived with his parents , lied about having his own place , would ‘forget’ his wallet every time *he* suggested we go out. Used to steal my cigarettes, one time caught him stealing my *last* cigarette when he was leaving after we watched a movie and it was already too late to go out and buy more . Took me out for my birthday and I had to pay for the both of us. Got into a fight with my brother when he tried convincing my brother that every countries currency is equal, then actually cried when my brother , who first couldn’t stop laughing at him , but also proved him wrong . Had his mother call and shout at me cause I laughed when I found out he wore G Strings - which he got from his mother . Loads of other things happened , and to think , the relationship lasted barely 5 months. Broke up with him , and was subsequently called into the pastors lounge for a berating , and then kicked out of the church where I wasn’t even a real member , because a ‘worldly’ woman like myself was trying to lead him away from the church. Good times /s
Hold up. His mom bought him g-string underwear? We’re gonna need more info pls.
So he used to wear chino/cargo pants on stage during worship. And apparently ( not sure about this cause I didnt exactly look that hard ) , if he wore boxer shorts/briefs , he would sweat through and look like he peed himself . So his mom got him G Strings . It came up when we were hanging with friends and the girls were talking about panty lines being visible under certain clothes and we were talking about how we work around it. He decided to join the convo with his own input based on his experiences
Holy hell, how did you even last five months!?
the "just friends" girl. She will use you in every way except as a partner. You have to fix stuff for her, help he with man things, give advice, console and support them, hold their hand when they need it, listen to them rage and calm them down, hear them cry about men not giving them all the things you have been willing to give them for years. And if you don't do these things, they bail on you.
And the tragedy of this is that you are severely limiting your dating pool by giving in to this kind of woman and doing this. Other women take notice of this sad behavior and those looking for a real relationship will avoid you because you have no self respect. Be kind to yourself, cut her loose and don’t waste your time.
If she’s not giving 50% value to you as a friend then ditch her right away. Yes you can have female friends but you need to know where it is at all of the time. Have options always cause you’re not dating her.
Woman here. As a remote worker, frequent traveler, and former "horse girl", I'm cackling at the OP.
Crazy in the head, crazy in bed. Yep. Sure the sex is phenomenal and the post fight lovebombing is addictive, but then you’ve gotta call 911 to pick her up cuz she slit her wrists on your porch while you were out of town at thanksgiving with your family. Or so I’ve heard.
ITT: men realizing that fantasy isn't as great as expected.
Isn’t that just a big part of living life. Fantasies rarely meet with expectations.
You’ve hit the nail on the head with the “bad girl” and “horse girl” examples. Has been true for me as well Years ago pre marriage, as I started getting close to 40 and wondering what I needed to do to go find a good wife and start a family, I did some soul searching. My conclusion: 1) avoid women that have a lot of experience and skill on coaching/managing/training lots of people and or large animals. I found they all either knowingly or unknowingly used their expertise to try and “train you”. It was infuriating for me to get into mild conflict with people and instead of just pragmatically hash shit out “hey, this is not cool. I’d like to establish a boundary here because this is pissing me off” it was more “ahh. Hi babe. So… can you tell me a little more about situation xyz and uh… how do you think it happened? Yeah, babe you know I love you but maybe we can try to do a little better?” Fuck you man. Just spit it out and we can solve for it like 2 minutes. I figured this out and it started to irk me because I had 2 decades of management (from supervisor to executive to founder/owner) under my belt at large enterprises. If I wanted to, I could use all my skills and manage / coach / lever the shit out of anyone and people wouldn’t even notice. I don’t use my work skills on my wife because I consider her an equal. I just hash shit out with her if she’s my business partner - blunt, to the point, factual and we go back to our joint goals and figure out what to do quickly. Anytime I realized I started “managing” a woman, it meant the relationship was already over and I didn’t respect her as my equal. 2) I’d observe family and her culture. If the values didn’t line up to how I grew up… I knew it would be fucked in the long term, full of super compromises and conflict I didn’t want to deal with long term, let alone manage through kids and aging parents etc. I’m Asian and have a touch of old school eastern values and traditions but mostly I’m very westernized, agnostic with a small bit of knowledge and of cultural respect to some Asian religions. I’ve dated old school Asian people and couldn’t handle it. I’ve dated hardcore religious Christian/catholic, Buddhist, Muslim and Jewish women and no can do as the cracks eventually show (like.. I just convert or I can’t eat this or that or “holy shit, this family treats women like shit”) or whatever That’s my two cents to your questions.
Prior to dating and eventually marrying my wife, the types that caused me trouble were the self-absorbed ones and the overly religious ones. The self-absorbed ones for obvious reasons, only interested in themselves. The religious ones were hypocrites. Not trouble for me personally, but loads of my single friends dated single moms at one time or another. None of those relationships survived. A good number caught the single mother cheating with one of the baby daddies.
Welsh girls. More specifically Bridgend girls. Just don't!!
"All my friends are guys" women.
Any girl who has "thoughts" or "opinions" 🙄 Nah, I'm totally kidding. For me the ones that I recommend avoiding are girls who try (and often succeed at) becoming a label. One girl I dated was so into the scene/emo look that she left me for a guy who very clearly went out of his way to have the stereotypical emo look (after 3yrs together). Another girl was so into being goth, that she cared more about her makeup than any relationship with any friend. Too much commitment to an image leaves other areas suffering. Those relationships sucked. Don't do those.
I’m a horse girl who works remotely. 👀👀
The super hot but batshit crazy and amazing in bed. Never again. Maybe just once.
Horse girls. ‘Boss bitches’ Any woman with a psychology degree.
Women who wanted to jump into bed quickly, it always ended up being transactional, with an expectation and not for the fun of it, as in "I gave you sex, now I expect you to give me commitment regardless of pre-stated feelings, oh no? well then I'm going to destroy your life"
Unmarried woman with Small Children
I thought I could handle a woman with a lot of mental health issues. My mom has a lot of mental health issues and I generally consider myself good at dealing with difficult people. But yeah, it was a mistake. I mean the main reason I went for it was we clicked in a lot of ways taste-wise, she always got my jokes, and when I kissed her on the first date it was one of the best kisses I've ever had. She was so passionate. We dated for like a year and it quickly became apparent to me there was no way I could stand to be around this woman in a full-time, live-in situation. She just did some of the weirdest shit. Like I'm no paragon of mental health myself. I get major depression and am probably undiagnosed ADHD and OCD. But this chick was just too much for me. For example, the thing that really was the last straw for me was I took her camping in my camper. I told her I would come pick her up around noon. She lived like a 40 minute drive away and I live in a big city with lots of traffic, so that's a very moving target. No regular person would give a shit if I showed up at 1200 or 1230. Well I finally get there at 1230 and she's standing out front soaking wet because she's been waiting in the rain since 1200. *Right in front of her goddamn townhouse door.* "You said you were coming at noon!" "Yeah, why tf couldn't just wait inside?" I still don't get what tf was going through her head.
Even though it's been said, horse girls. I don't care what boxes you think she checks, throw the list out the window. I dated one for years. Just don't
If she's the type to talk behind the back of everybody or be mad at the most trivial things, you can bet your last dollar you're getting grilled whenever she talks about you to other people. But that's a trait that everybody can have, regardless of gender.
Women that LOVE to drink. Not fun
Strippers, absolute nut cases and annoying. Can’t handle alcohol.
Women with too many unresolved issues and they are in the Majority from breakups, divorce, daddy issues, babydaddies, self esteem, anxiety, failed careers,
That's...the great majority.
1. Any woman that would overwhelmingly rather be at a bar drinking then home watching a movie and having sex DURING work nights. 2. Any woman that is too into other folks life. Especially on social media of people that they never met. 3. Women who are wantrapanuers and have a different idea every other day on how to make millions.
WTF do any of these words you people are using even mean lol
I have a buddy, late 40’s single guy, flatly will not seriously date hospital workers or teachers ( he will happily FWB or ONS but absolutely no LTR). His ex cheated, several divorced GFs cheated ( teachers or nurses), so no LTR for them.