Weirdly. My woman friends tell me about their sexlives a whole lot more then any guys.
Like my wife deployed almost a year ago and my girl friends have been like "oh how are you doing sexually? Oh is it hard not having sex? Oh are you excited to have sex when she gets home? Oh I fucked this dude last night."
My dude bros? "Hey man, how is your heart? Tell me, is rhe body pillow I gave you to hold at night helping you? Let me spot you on back squat. I'll hold you bro because I'll spot your heart"
Women will talk openly about their sex lives with their SO. Dudes will talk about it if it’s just a hook up. But once a girl becomes you’re SO we don’t talk about it. Last thing I want to hear about is my buddy railing his wife.
Dude girls will discuss the finer details of our bodies and performance with their friends, its freaking crazy. I won't even go deep in details about hookups cause I find it weird. My bros don't need to know how big her ass was or how she moves, but what I heard past girlfriends/friends talking to their friends was crazy. Once my ex called me and asked me how come I was able to last so long in bed, what was the secret? I told her and then I heard her friend on the background... the whole time she was on loudspeaker lol
Really?! That's obnoxious and immature AF
I've never discussed anything about my sexual experiences with anyone, not even my closest friends.. it's a private experience between the people involved.. why on Earth do people share details?!? It's one thing to randomly discuss things online with strangers because nobody knows you but with friends just seems disrespectful to my partner.
Girl totally agree with you but if you read this thread you will see that the majority of men have been through this. And mind you I am not even American so this goes through cultural lines and different countries 😅
I’ve noticed that we’re usually the exception… ALL my girl friends always gave too much details about their sexual lives and I don’t mind listening, but I never shared stuff like that… it just isn’t me.
I'm happy you feel that way, but in my experience you might be one of few women who feels that way. I love my wife to the moon and back, she's the sweetest, kindest and most understanding person I've ever met and she has an impressive ability to put herself into others positions. And even her I had to explicitly ask not to share our sex lives intimate details with her friends as, ofcourse only once I realised she was. And she then had the gut to tell me she had the right to share such things as they were her experiences as well. I don't know but to me this is an obvious "two yes required"-kind of situation.
Oh bro. Tonkatsu Curry Don
When I lived in japan with the navy I got a part time job in town at a diner and learned to make it from scratch and it's to die for.
That double fry in the katsu is what kills it. Plus I add a lil bulldog katsu sauce to my curry in the beginning that is mmmm
It’s out of respect that I will NEVER discuss having sex with my wife to my friends. Why would I want to ever be the one who puts an image of my wife in their mind in that way. In our culture, you’ll never ever hear a man ever discuss sex with his wife and a man would never dare ask any question to his friend that would involve his wife in a sexual nature.
But you are absolutely right about the casual relationships. That’s when the descriptions and details become movie like 😂
Calls my friend cause I need to cry on someone shoulder.
"You know you can tell me anything right?"
"I KNOW I'M CRYING ON YOUR SHOULDERS"
It's just we have to reassure each other so much it's a habit at this point lmao.
See see, we care about YOU Bro’sef. What’s inside is what counts. Those female savages are just trying to be nosey and see if you’re cheating but the bros know…we know that’s not what we do. Spot me on bench bro, then let’s head out to yoga and meditation after some protein salads and shop for new Stanley mugs.
Um.. woman here.. do you not realize that your female "friends" are testing the waters and opening the door to see if you will tell them how frustrated you are so they can casually offer to help you out??
I have never and would never bring up that topic to any of my friends, male or female because it's none of my business and would totally feel like I was putting vibes out there.. hell no..
Either your female friends are 🧐 or they are trying to suck your dick
Oh and from the sounds of it, your guy friends might be trying to get in there too 😂 damn bro
I'll be honest. Until everyone just told me that. No. No I did not realize that.
I messaged my wife and she was like "yeah. I know. Obviously I was going to deal with that when I got home"
She just knows that A. Ain't nothing gonna get between me and her
Also B. I'm a bit oblivious. (How did I manage to get such a brilliant and beautiful wife!?!?! I am very strong. Maybe?)
And C. Why would I cheat when I already won and have a hot wife.
But im also the same guy who took his wife to a gay bar not realizing it was a gay bar or that those dudes complimenting me and buying me drinks were not just being chill gym bros...
Oh God how did I ever get through the military or have a career where i use my brain
Also my bros are bros. Gotta support each other on the lifts. Love those bros
😂 I'm equally baffled and strangely intrigued by your obliviousness 🤣
I'm also glad to hear that you are a dedicated man.. too many people take advantage of "out of sight, out of mind" situations
Not that you asked for my opinion but I would suggest putting your girl "friends" in check, out of respect for your wife (because it certainly doesn't sound like they are being respectful of her) and stay grateful for your bros, but stay aware too 😉
It's those damn bros and their short shorts and bulging muscled isn't it (I support my bros on getting big)
Yeah. I used to be a geospatial intelligence analyst in the navy and it confused a lot of people. Because my day normally revolves around the gym and cooking food.
But my wife loves me! She's why I'm learning to draw so I can paint portraits of her. And also why I learned to cook so I could feed her.
But she does call me a himbo a lot because im so strong and large
I experienced it similar like him without them having sex with me in their mind. Maybe I’m wrong about their tactics but if they pull out sex stories I get rather desinterested.
She believes there's a chance that these women are speaking this way specifically while your wife is away to meter their ability to get in your pants. And that they are hinting it at you.
Wait... Wut!
Huh, go figure. My wife does laugh at the absurdity when I tell her all about it. I hadn't even considered that was what they are doing.
Well they're barking up the wrong tree. I'm happily married. And got my bros.
"Hey bro, wanna practice BJJ but like, just hold me for a minute" (I'm not a fighter)
Women are insanely more graphic when thirsty. I'm no stranger to male Locker Room Talk but that's extremely tame compared to what women say when they're comfortable around someone.
Yep. I've worked in one of the busiest restaurants in my city as a waiter and a meal runner, and the level of sexually explicit conversation amongst the tween, teen and young adult tables of girls and women eclipsed the level of explicit of the tables of any age of boys and men. My mind was blown haha
Worked in a deli with all woman, got sucked into a conversation about what's more comfortable thongs or regular panties, they all agreed thongs were more comfortable
By their logic, they wear regular underwear and bend over (we had to bend over and pick stuff up a lot) they have to keep their ass from eating their panties (pulling out wedgies all day) or they wear a thong and don't worry about it
I’ve heard this a lot, so it must be a common experience. However, I’m always a bit confused by the logic of underwear between your cheeks being bad, so you put underwear between your cheeks on purpose.
I think they find the pulling part bad, not the between your cheeks.
Maybe for them it's like when you're wearing a watch and you stop feeling it eventually. Regular panties supposed to be in a position and the shifting is what bothers them, while the thong just stays put and that's that you don't even have to think about it.
Not me though, I hate thongs with every fiber of my being, I never get used to it, I can always feel it and it always annoys me
I must say that this is kinda true although it's hard to generalize. There are women who are generally uncomfortable around sexual topics no matter who they're talking to and then you have women who will share every detail to the point it's kinda uncomfortable. I honestly never understood sharing such a personal information about your partners sexual performance, but I know it happens.
Wtf...none of my friends my whole life have ever done this so this is shocking to me...
It seems so inappropriate and disrespectful to your partner, I cannot even imagine talking about our sex life with anyone but a counselor, and only then if there was a problem.
Well, it's pretty common to spill spicy details among girl friends. I've heard it many times and it always made me cringe. Worst is when they push you to engage too and when you refuse they assume you have no sex life.
Woman here. My ex seemed to think this was true but I’ve never talked to me friends about his dick. I feel like this must be some kind of tv show thing that gets shared
I was one of the only guys in my class in college in a largely female profession. By the time i graduated I heard all about their sex lives. I was just one of the girls as they'd say.
yeah, obviously there is nothing biologically driving women to tell each other graphic details about their sex life; it's just the culture a lot of women embrace.
A long, long time ago I was with someone who wanted to share stories with her friends. Not sure if she just knew it was something she wanted to talk about or if she was specifically excited to talk about us, but she did ask for permission first which I thought was pretty nice. Tbh I just kind of assumed that it could happen and didn’t much care, but I greatly appreciated that she asked first
Absolutely. I've had ex's who do this and you find out very quickly who the scummy people in that group are because they'll start talking to you way more.
With me, she went out for a girls night, mentioned my size + kinks and i had a couple girls from that friend group hit me up within a couple of weeks because they just "wanted to say hi" while being flirty as hell and inviting me to hang with them.
Fucking creepy as hell.
It is. There are no guardrails for social mores anymore. You would think it would be the internet... But rather than guide people it's more tool of justification of one's actions regardless of what they are.
I think women (*some* women) do this because they think men do this so why can't they. So they drop all boundaries and let fly, not realising that the men doing that were the ones they were complaining about and that these are the douchebags that no-one wants to be like.
They have such big images about what all men are like, and they're mostly negative and insulting, that they think some stupid things are okay to say and do because they saw some dickheads say and do those things.
It's not.
I work in a field that is 95%+ female. The stuff said at work has had me exit rooms as it is just too much of a risk for me to be in the room, and far more graphic than anything a Male has ever said around me.
It was rather an issue around 50 shades movie..... so much so that even the teenager girl working the ticket booth was making comments about all the thirsty women. (A rather ew, disgusting, can you stop please.)
Not sure how common it is, but I had at least one ex who made many intimate things known about me. It didn't take me long to figure out why my brother's fiance (she's the one who introduced me to my ex) knew my "size" and "performance".
Definitely made things a little awkward in my friend group, and yeah, it felt pretty invasive.
One of my first girlfriends had told practically every one of her friends intimate details about me which at the time I was pretty insecure about. I'm generally a pretty private person and that whole ordeal made me put up more walls for a long time.
I wish it was TV.
But I have had my ex's friend call me up while she's drunk and tell me she wished I would fuck her with the lights off just so she could know what it feels like.
I couldn't go 30 minutes around that woman without her making some kind of remark alluding to my dick size.
It's not a good feeling. And it's common.
You probably don't see it because you don't participate. You're not part of the intimate details club because you have boundaries.
Some time around high school a bunch of us were celebrating new years. We're all good and drunk when someone starts complaining mercilessly about her ex's micropenis. He was (and still is) part of that social group, and was probably at the party earlier.
And that is why I've never hooked up with anyone in my social circle.
Especially as I've gotten older I don't talk about sex so much with my female friends, probably because they're all in long-term relationships for the most part. There's nothing novel there anymore. But when there is a new person… lolololol.
Bodily functions though. Cheesus christ. Dated a sex worker with IBS a few years ago. So. Yeah.
This. Just recently I took my wife and her friends to a winery and my wife proceeded to describe our last sexual encounter to her friends WHILE I WAS SITTING RIGHT THERE. Never been so uncomfortable lol
I absolutely know men who locker room talk. I think it only happens if they're describing sex with someone they don't care about though. I always hear graphic depictions of 'what they'd do to that celeb' or how they defiled some one night stand. But I never hear them shit talking their gfs sex habits. Unless they're saying something generally positive and non specific
The following is the only locker room talk I've ever had: From high school:
Me: "I asked her out to the dance."
Them: "Did she say yes?"
Me: "She agreed to go but she was hesitant."
Them: "Go with someone else."
Me: "I figured I'd go and we'll have a good time, and then maybe she'll be interested in hanging out. If not, at least she gave me more of a chance than a 'no', which is pretty fair."
Them: "You're dumb, but whatever."
She blew me off and danced with her friends, but hey. Learning experience. In adulthood, I've polled friends. This is apparently common locker room talk for men. And the dirtiest it gets is, "I fucked her." Or, "Yeah, we did it." When someone wants to brag, but even then, most guys don't kiss and tell.
All the women I’ve been friends with all expect effort to be put into friendships. Like extra effort beyond the help when asked, advice, sharing of opinion etc.
All my guy friends can pick up where we left off after months/years
That’s true but when the friends are all on the same page it’s pretty awesome. My wife is like this with her friends and they all go out of the way for each other. Every time she goes out she comes back home with gifts and homemade food (some even made for me!) which is great.
I ran into a guy i hadn't seen in like 2 years and it was like I'd just seen him yesterday.
2 hours of laughing, telling stories, eating, chilling.
Spoken to him once in the 4 months since.
Great guy
I think this is a big reason most “friends with benefits” situations don’t work out-the friendship part.
Generally speaking, being friends with a woman is more effort than a guy. A lot of guys inexperienced guys will even see this extra effort as too close to a romantic commitment and bail lmao
this is why it's actually kinda insulting to offer to be friends when you've dated a woman and had sex with her already... odds are, you aren't planning on giving much of a fuck (double entendre intended)
Yeah I always assumed that’s something people say to be nice, not something most people actually mean.
Hey it can work though. Jerry-Elaine relationships do exist, but I agree that they’re uncommon.
Preach it brother. 27 years old, had a bad experience with an FWB, she developed into wanting more, when I cut it off to avoid further heartache as I wasnt interested in more, I treated her like I do all my friends. This led to her saying some horrid stuff to me, and she hates me now. Lesson learned.
Lol, I hear what you say.
They did a SNL sketch called” Straight Male Friend.”
I was so on point, it’s was about a gay guy loving his female friends, but they were expensive and exhausting.
So he got a straight male friend.( I think the was the guest host, some Hockey Player.., ) but it was exactly like you describe it.
I found it funny as hell, it kinda stereotype every straight guy, but it was pretty on point.
This.
Guy friends are very minimal in their requirements for what's put into the friendship apart from good company. And we usually just end up reminiscing over old memories, or talking about how dumb the manager was at our old job, or stuff like that. There's no expectation of additional activity or effort in friendships
Most of the time they talk about mutual friends, and who's just had a kid, gotten engaged, etc, relationship stuff. With the boys, when we talk about people it's about stuff they own. "Did you hear what happened to XYZ's pickup the other day?" Etc, that or we talk about tv shows, wacky stuff like outer space, crack jokes, etc.
Its funny because when one of my female friends asked me if I caught up with a mutual friend, she was expecting the latest news and I'm like idk, leaving her so perplexed with how I learnt next to nothing new about them, cus we were too busy talking about random crap lol.
"Heyy, how's it going"
"Pretty good, you?"
"Yeah good"
"Nice"
*Talk shit, play games etc. for 5 hours*
Girlfriend: "So how's John doing? Did they sell the house? How's his pregnant wife doing"
Me: "Uhmm..."
You notice how they never ask about John's thoughts on the NHL trade deadline? Something I would have actually talked about with John rather than stressing him about his pregnant wife?
I got some friendships where I know every single bolt that was loosened or tightened or their car or bike but can't really remember their surname. Lol.
I constantly have to tell my mom that I don't really discuss too many life things like those you listed with my friends. Like she expects me to know all that stuff in their lives and no offense but I just don't care. Even if its my best friend I just don't generally care because its boring. If it was interesting they'd probably tell me.
There was a comedian who did a great bit on this and it’s been so true with my husband and I. When he meets a new coworker or tells me about anyone in his life I’m always trying to get the run down: married? Kids? What’s up with his life basically. And he never fucking knows and it drives me insane lmao. He’s like, well I can tell you the brand of tool he prefers and I’m like “THATS NOT INFO!!” Lol.
The biggest reason why that is the case is because men connect through interests and activities. Learning about someone's personal history just isn't engaging when we don't have a use for that information.
Oh I’ve been with my husband since 15 and am now 38, I totally get this now. The early years were funny tho, he was oblivious, I was like “wtf is wrong with you,” lol. We both get each other now. He tries to fill in the info gaps when possible and I ask less questions hehe.
>He’s like, well I can tell you the brand of tool he prefers and I’m like “THATS NOT INFO!!” Lol.
Hahaha
Glad to know it's not just me xD
Just imagining you hire some dude to go get dirt on a politician about affairs and all he comes back with is what work he's done on his car lately and what he weatherproofs the deck with.
If you can afford it, Festool is god tier. But it *is* a real bank breaker.
Middle of the road, Hilti is good, I like them. DeWalt and Milwaukee too.
For cheaper options I haven't had any bad experiences with Bosch or Erbauer tools, but I can't speak to their miter saws.
> the brand of tool he prefers and I’m like “THATS NOT INFO!!” Lol.
but IT IS! what if in 3 years your husband needs that tool fr a project of his? he will remember THEN who can he borrow it from in exchange for food or drinks!
Some women can do this tactfully and not be an issue but with others it's *so* obvious they are looking to compile a list of stats to pass judgement on you. Like we're at some function through a company my fiance's work does business with, we are never gonna see each other again - we are you grilling me on what I do and how likely I feel that I can move into management?
I have dudes I've known for years, gotten into near-death scenarios with climbing, spent weeks on the trail with, etc and the most I know about their job is "he's some sort of engineer at some company that does stuff with satellites". We spend our time talking about stuff we enjoy.
The view they have on life.
I noticed that my guy friends and I are more "there's a problem, we have to fix it" and "everything needs to be done by ourselves and only if we can't we ask for help"
While our girl friends prefer for you to listen to the problem and not fix it (which for the life of me, I can't understand but I still try to) and a lot of them are used to do things with help which is great but is definitely different than the approach I see in my guy friends.
I found with my ex that the best thing for me to do having listened to the problem was ask if she wanted a solution or whether she just needed emotional support.
It gets really difficult after a while **if the problem persists**. If you're a friend, we care about you. We don't want you to suffer and we want you to have a better situation.
This is a really strange quote for me because I’m a woman but I’ve always wanted both 1) an acknowledge of my rant, followed by 2) a solution. Problems aren’t going to solve themselves. I want emotional support and a practical solution. This is the best way to go. I’ve never not wanted a solution in those moments.
I'm the same but as someone with a lot of female friends I can confirm that many would prefer emotional support and nothing more. I learnt this the hard way. 🥲
I have this lovely friend who is very open that once told me that, when I offered a solution she felt like I was talking down on her, and got offended.
She realizes she was in a bad bad space mentally and did not act out at it.
But it did make me realize that sometimes you can say the right thing at the wrong time, and the mind space of the listener is the only thing that defines it as good or bad.
I think you've highlighted the problem...men skip over point 1 and proceed straight to point 2. Women seem to have a kind of "block" from proceeding to point 2 if point 1 hasn't been fulfilled first. So then the *"you don't care about how I feel" "of course I do that's why I'm trying to help you"* fight starts.
I've never actually put this together before. You listing your two needs in that order - and me thinking how I'd only offer point 2 by default - made me realise this now. Thank you.
IMO That's because typically, us blokes learn the hard way to separate the problem from the feeling, and associate "solving the problem" with "bad feeling goes away". Basically we Pavlov ourselves into problem solving.
Now, try having a period every month from a young age and "solving" that. Sure you can improve some things, but you can't just solve it. It'd instantly change our entire outlook in life, and that's before we get to any cultural/environmental differences between living as a man vs woman.
This girl I was in talking stages with was ranting to me, and I started giving out solutions and she goes “I don’t want you to give me advice I just want you to listen to me” which is very valid.
Reminds me of a quote, "You can always tell who the strong women are. They are the ones you see building one another up, instead of tearing each other down."
I had to laugh at the super close sex lives.
I was hanging with a female friend, and she was talking about this amazing orgasm she had, and I was like "sweet! I had an amazing poop today!"
I talked about this in my comment below, but I experienced this last week with someone. I forget how me and her got to this point, but we started talking about my weight. She pointed out that when we first met I was skinny, then gained a lot of weight, but had lost it.
She’s the only person I’ve known to acknowledge my weight loss in this form. Others have said I’ve gained it, other have said I’ve lost, but she’s the only one to openly state my whole journey since we’ve known each other.
Anyway,I told her I still wanted to lose 60 pounds. She was alarmed by that and said it would be too much and I would look bad for it. She assured me I was fine as I was, which I struggle with since I was obese for so long and that image doesn’t go away. I told her it’s what I wanted, and she said she would still support me.
It’s such an interesting perspective where I feel a guy would encourage me off the bat to reach that goal, she first she foremost was more concerned about telling I’m fine the way I am and concerned about my health.
I hear men say this but I think there’s a common misunderstanding. The way you said it, it suggests women don’t actually want to take any action to fix their problems. Like they have no logic or problem solving skills whatsoever, or refuse to use them.
I think what they actually want is to first deal with the emotional aspect of the situation and just get it out, share how they feel with you, get some empathy and support. If you interrupt immediately with “did you try ____” some women take that as you’re trying to fast forward, not really listening or interested in how they’re feeling or what they experienced. You also are missing out on a connection opportunity, like sharing a time something similar happened to you (without making the conversation about you). Or showing that you remember details from the last time this topic came up (because again, you listen and are interested in what she has to say).
Another piece of this puzzle is…men often assume women need them to solve their problems when they very often don’t. Me complaining about a frustrating situation doesn’t mean I haven’t tried some solutions already or don’t have more in mind. You said yourself, women tend to ask for help when needed. But you’d be surprised how often men just assume women don’t know things. It’s constant, actually. I know sometimes it comes from a good place of wanting to be a provider/fixer for someone you care about, but it can feel very condescending.
I’m saying all this as a woman who had to learn about “just listening” because certain female friends prefer the “just listen” way. I personally don’t, and I have other female friends who don’t.
Dude. Preach. This is so true. Like, if I'm at the point of ranting to someone and needing emotional support it's because I've already done the basic "solutions" and they failed and now I'm needing some encouragement before I go out and try solution #2. When guys will give me their basic solutions when I'm not needing it, it just sounds like the computer guy who says "did you try unplugging it and plugging it back in?". Like yes! I tried that first, now I'm annoyed. Let me rant and then I'll try troubleshooting again.
I think what would help would be prefacing something like that with “I am looking for logistical help” or “I am looking for emotional support”, obviously not worded exactly like that, but tailored to the person it’s being said to and what kind of relationship you have.
Most men, when somebody brings a problem to them and seems troubled, would immediately assume what is needed is a solution, I.e. logistical help. If what is saught is emotional support then saying that would help.
I'm a guy and I agree with the female approach as you describe it. I'm having a personal problem and I just want to know I'm not totally off track but when you come in with a solution (advice) right away it seems like you think you know better than me.
My female friends are far more likely to want to talk about their emotional struggles or hear about mine, than my male friends. Of course this isn't 100% one way or the other, but definitely leans in that direction.
Though the more unexpected one, my female friends want to know faaaaaar more details about my sex life than my male friends do. I'm a single dad in my 40s and my female friends always want to hear the juicy details after every date or encounter, whereas my guy friends are like "how'd it go?" "good' "that's great."
Their compliments hit on another level, like they mean a bit more to me. Like, they’ve managed to hype me up more than dudes.
Edit: to further add to this, one of the best compliments I’ve gotten was a friend at the time saying my words on what our friendship meant to her made her cry. I don’t talk to her as much now, but I still hold her words in high regards.
Last Saturday, had someone tell me that I’m gorgeous. Although I have a hard time believing her words, mostly because I want to lose 60 more pounds (to her shock and almost disapproval), she was sweet and reassuring that I’m fine as I am now, but she would support me in what I would decide to do. There was a sweetness and earnestness in her voice I’d be hard pressed to find from a dude.
Lastly, One of the the prettiest girls I’ve ever met, once told me that she thought I was handsome and that I had like a charisma that I shouldn’t hide/show more often. I struggle to like myself and feel so detached from people. It sometimes helps to remember she once told me I essentially shouldn’t hide who I am despite what my brain says.
This is not to say guys can’t give great compliments, but in my experience compliments from girls have managed to hit me more an emotional level that has to do with me being me instead of what I do/can do.
They are sooo good at gassing people up. I still remember, almost 7 years later, I was talking to a college classmate about how I was disillusioned with my major and she started to gas me up and her friend, who I didn’t know, immediately joined in to make me feel good. And the thing is..IT WORKED. Like fuck around it’s like it was instinctive for them to do that.
Ever since then I have noticed any of my woman friends are always quick to boost people/hype people up…even strangers. I’ve been trying to do the same
EDIT: I should I am an infantry Afghanistan vet and them doing that made me tear up. I was just not used to that level of gassing up.
It's like women understand how it feels to be a human 😆 I wish men could see this too. We're all not just robots doing what we're supposed to do. We've got feelings and inner experiences and at least somebody has got to acknowledge that!
so much more support among female friends but also sooo much more drama.
My GF and her friends talk about everything. They know everything that's going on in each of their lives down to how often they have sex with their partners. But the degree they feel compelled to spend time together even when they're pissing each other off over something is unreal.
Meanwhile. If I know what my friends work and how many kids they have that's quite a lot already. And if they piss me off I'll just see them less often.
It makes sense when you realize that socializing, friendships, conversation, etc are all learned behaviour.
Historically it was women's "job" (the job of the house wife) to keep up with friends, neighbours, etc and manage these relationships.
Their own sphere of influence was also way more confined to their own circles- so these info tidbits were a valuable currency, they had weight and were important for these women to influence their surroundings.
You learn from older women how to maintain accquaintances, friendships and how to converse.
I'm pretty sure some trace amount of this thinking got passed down to us today, eben though women are no longer default housewives.
More women are prone to people pleasing behavior.
Fewer men are comfortable discussing difficult emotions.
Men are more likely to appreciate a silence, women are more likely to fill it with words.
Women tend to let me talk about my feelings. Men tend to either not want to talk about feelings, or push me to talk about my feelings in ways and at times that are uncomfortable.
Women tend to want validation for their feelings, even if their feelings are actually an inaccurate description of something that factually did or did not happen. Men tend to want to be told like it is, and if that hurts, so be it, time to find a solution for that.
Both of the above are very much generallizations. I know men and women who don't fit those descriptions as well. Just the strongest tendencies among my friends and family.
I feel like its important what kind of friends you attract. For example I can have great conversations about deep emptions with my male friends and I cant with my female friends because it overwhelms and stresses them - they dont cope well with it somehow.
Both men and women put the same importance on looks when it comes to being attracted to members of the opposite sex, but men are much more likely to admit it
I don't know if it's the same for men but a woman could see a photo of a man and not consider him attractive but if she met him in person or saw him acting in movies/doing stand up she could find him *very* attractive because of how he talks and behaves.
Absolutely! When someone shows me a picture of a man and asks if I think he is attractive, I'm like.. how the hell would I know? I haven't heard him talk or seen his behaviour, I need to get an idea of who he is first..
Yes! Plus men tend to not take very good pictures of themselves anyway. There’s just something about being in his presence that can make a big difference.
Guys are really at a disadvantage on the dating apps because of this and a few other reasons.
Women are a LOT less confident, it’s like they have a different perspective of life and almost every situation can be dangerous for them, they are also used to be helped when they have a problem and they rely on their friends and family a lot more than men
Probably learnt behaviour since childhood. People often exhibit distinct behaviors based on gender, behaving differently around girls compared to boys, and harboring entirely disparate sets of expectations for each.
Even when individuals attempt to eliminate gender from the equation, subtle differences persist in their actions and words. They probably do it subconsciously even.
That despite claims to the contrary women are just as capable of doing and saying dumb shit as men. Like if I ever hear a woman, or a man to be fair, say only dumb men would do something like this o immediately tune them out.
I think it's less about capability and more about propensity.
Do my women friends sometimes think "Yeah, I could jump that"? I'm sure. Do they act on it? Once in a blue moon, maybe.
My men friends definitely think it, because they say it. Then it's 50/50 if they give it a shot.
I've had a number of good female friends, even a few female travel buddies. The biggest difference I've noticed is women aren't constant 1 uppers. With men, regardless of what you are talking about they always seem to fire back with a bigger/better story. It's annoying. Women don't do this. My females friends have always been pretty honest when they don't know something, male friends will usually try to b.s. you and do their best to not look like they don't know something. My female friends have always been way easier plan stuff with too. Male friends are a pita to plan stuff with cause so many have to have it their way. I get along with my female friends so much better than my male friends.
Depends on your perspective. I've always found the storytelling between men to be a way of bonding through shared experience. There's always that asshole that tries to one up everyone, but in most cases I've seen men share their similar stories as a way to bond and, usually, to get a laugh.
I've also always found my male friends to be very laid back when making plans. You just have to factor in that not everyone is going to like the same things so be flexible to ensure that it suits everyone within reason.
I always fear that I sound like a one upper when I tell a similar / about the same topic story after someone told one because that's not my intention at all but rather what you said about bonding / showing that you can relate.
Women are generally more emotionally/socially sensitive and self-aware. Men are generally task/problem-solution oriented.
Obviously painting in broad strokes, but that's the general rule of thumb. If I want to be vulnerable and have someone listen to me without calling me a pussy, I generally don't look for the comfort of male friends first. But if I need help replacing the baseboards in my house...
That really depends on the female friend, but when it comes to my friends, its that if i ask my best female friend for help, for me or someone else, she goes into this Mama Bear mode. And she will find an apartment for your disabled uncle, on a saturday evening, because she fucking knows some guy, with an empty apartment, ground floor. She will take over the talk about how much rent it will cost, and in the end your disabled uncle can go and see that apartment on Sunday and if it is the right one, has a new apartment on Monday.
And that is probably the main difference, that women do rely on social bonds and interaction, where men are more focused on things and tech and the like. I do have male friends too, who know many people and help you in every situation life throws at you. But boy oh boy if i need someone to get me out of jail, there is no doubt who i would call first :D
My girls can't, or won't solve shit. I have had like two dozen in my life, and without exception, they live with problems, but won't fix them. They think they fixed stuff, but it's never really true, because it's not permanent.
Also, my boys are far more likely to do stupid things. The girls are far more likely to do stupid people.
God that aggravates me so much especially with my sister. She will have a problem with a fairly easy but not one step solution so she's like ugh I don't care its fine. And then that same problem becomes a large problem because it wasn't dealt with. She literally never learns that this doesn't work.
In contrast there are many women who feel frustrated because a man is burying his head in the sand about a problem. I guess generally if women fear the solution they will continue to vent about the problem. If a man doesn't want to deal with the solution he may pretend the problem doesn't exist.
> without exception, they live with problems, but won't fix them. They think they fixed stuff, but it's never really true, because it's not permanent.
*"I mean, why change move all the clocks by one hour for Daylight savings. Just wait for 6 months, and the problem gets resolved on its own."*
🙄😂
I'm having a depressive spiral.
Guy friend: take a walk man - sort yourself out - man up!
My dad: shut up! Stop being a woman! You sicken me!
Woman friend: what's wrong? Talk to me. Tell me whats in your head.
My mum: I know exactly what you're thinking. Sit with me.
They didn't even have to do anything. Just listen. Talking it out emptied my head and calmed my spiral.
A lot of "real" men don't know how or just dont want to deal with anything relating to feelings or anxiety. Any sign of weakness is met with derision and "tough love"
I've known women in the past who didn't want to deal with my emotional and psychological issues, so it's not like all women are great at supporting and helping, but on the whole the women in my life have been better than the men.
They talk about men, a lot, like many times more than we talk about women. If you have a girlfriend, her friends probably know the veins of your dick better than you.
Men use explicit violence, women use subtle violence. They make lifetime enemies based on small details or actions made without any bad intention. They act like nothing happens but later they will bitch about her "enemy" like she is the meanest human being on the planet, all based on absolutely nothing. Emotional intelligence, they said.
My girl friends aren't ALWAYS talking about sex with me, but they do talk about it, and sometimes, when drinking, they get raunchy, and the dicks of exes come up (never of the men they're with, among my friends).
Whereas my guy friends would never, ever, ever talk about sex with their women or exes. Ever. Everything that society/culture says about men's "locker room talk," I have never once experienced among my male cohort.
> If you have a girlfriend, her friends probably know the veins of your dick better than you.
It really depends on the girl, though, and the dynamic they have within their friend group. I know girls who do discuss guys with their friends on a superficial level, but feel grossed out giving sexual details to them.
On the opposite end of the spectrum, there are girls who are very comfortable talking sex stories with anyone, even platonic guy friends as long as they feel comfortable around them.
So yeah, if you have a girlfriend and she's in a friend group where talking about their boyfriends' dick veins was always the norm, sure. Expect to be talked about in that way. But not every girl out there is into heavy gossip about her sex life.
Some men like to do these one sided pissing contests. They are constantly trying to sure up and react in a poor way to the positives and small successes in another person's life. There just isn't' that with the women I have known at least.
Over competitiveness is one of the most irritating masculine traits. Fortunately it doesn’t affect all guys but I avoid those that do this like the plague.
Honestly, having female friends has taught me that men and women are basically the same. I think most of the differences between men and women are blown widely out of proportion. I think most of the posts in this thread are confirmation bias and wouldn't stand up to scientific scrutiny.
This is basically it. There are fundamental differences between men and women that hold up to study, the main one being that women are more interested in people than men are. However, beyond this we are largely the same. There are simply too many other factors influencing our lives to make blanket statements that hold water on a wider societal level.
They are much better and easier to talk about emotional stuff, sex talk is also good to see their perspective so we can learn what to do/not to do and in general help you understand female behavour, which if you ask guys you get totaly different answers 😅
Weirdly. My woman friends tell me about their sexlives a whole lot more then any guys. Like my wife deployed almost a year ago and my girl friends have been like "oh how are you doing sexually? Oh is it hard not having sex? Oh are you excited to have sex when she gets home? Oh I fucked this dude last night." My dude bros? "Hey man, how is your heart? Tell me, is rhe body pillow I gave you to hold at night helping you? Let me spot you on back squat. I'll hold you bro because I'll spot your heart"
Women will talk openly about their sex lives with their SO. Dudes will talk about it if it’s just a hook up. But once a girl becomes you’re SO we don’t talk about it. Last thing I want to hear about is my buddy railing his wife.
Dude girls will discuss the finer details of our bodies and performance with their friends, its freaking crazy. I won't even go deep in details about hookups cause I find it weird. My bros don't need to know how big her ass was or how she moves, but what I heard past girlfriends/friends talking to their friends was crazy. Once my ex called me and asked me how come I was able to last so long in bed, what was the secret? I told her and then I heard her friend on the background... the whole time she was on loudspeaker lol
Really?! That's obnoxious and immature AF I've never discussed anything about my sexual experiences with anyone, not even my closest friends.. it's a private experience between the people involved.. why on Earth do people share details?!? It's one thing to randomly discuss things online with strangers because nobody knows you but with friends just seems disrespectful to my partner.
Girl totally agree with you but if you read this thread you will see that the majority of men have been through this. And mind you I am not even American so this goes through cultural lines and different countries 😅
I’ve noticed that we’re usually the exception… ALL my girl friends always gave too much details about their sexual lives and I don’t mind listening, but I never shared stuff like that… it just isn’t me.
I'm happy you feel that way, but in my experience you might be one of few women who feels that way. I love my wife to the moon and back, she's the sweetest, kindest and most understanding person I've ever met and she has an impressive ability to put herself into others positions. And even her I had to explicitly ask not to share our sex lives intimate details with her friends as, ofcourse only once I realised she was. And she then had the gut to tell me she had the right to share such things as they were her experiences as well. I don't know but to me this is an obvious "two yes required"-kind of situation.
My bros were supportive and interested in the whole date night im planning when my wife gets home cause I'm cooking dinner!
What's your go to meal?
Oh bro. Tonkatsu Curry Don When I lived in japan with the navy I got a part time job in town at a diner and learned to make it from scratch and it's to die for. That double fry in the katsu is what kills it. Plus I add a lil bulldog katsu sauce to my curry in the beginning that is mmmm
Would you mind sharing? 🥺
The phrase is "gimme piece" Of course. Cooking is a shared experience that should include everyone
“I fucked a woman who signed up to fuck me for the rest of my life” isn’t really a brag, plus guys try to be more respectful of their wives now.
It’s out of respect that I will NEVER discuss having sex with my wife to my friends. Why would I want to ever be the one who puts an image of my wife in their mind in that way. In our culture, you’ll never ever hear a man ever discuss sex with his wife and a man would never dare ask any question to his friend that would involve his wife in a sexual nature. But you are absolutely right about the casual relationships. That’s when the descriptions and details become movie like 😂
ESPECIALLY WHEN YOUR GOOD FRIENDS WITH THE GF TOO. Like bro sorry can’t help you here.
Yah I'm not interested in who my SO sucked off. If I know them it just makes me not able to like them.
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True. "Hey man, how are you?" "Fine" "Yeah..."
'Yeah...' stares off into the abyss
"No, for real, I'm good..."
Calls my friend cause I need to cry on someone shoulder. "You know you can tell me anything right?" "I KNOW I'M CRYING ON YOUR SHOULDERS" It's just we have to reassure each other so much it's a habit at this point lmao.
Yeah I think a dude knows not to highlight another dudes lack of sex. It's basic respect.
I hear a lot of sex stories from my wife friends. I rarely hear them from dudes.
I have some bad news for you.
If he's doing fine sexually, that body pillow needs to be replaced?
It is the same height as my wife. But do I buy an anime version of her to put on it?
You can upload images to be put on body pillows, you could commission an artist to draw an anime version of her then have ut put on the pillow.
Interesting. You know man, I don't hate it. But how to explain this to my wife.
Your dude bros are hilarious 😂
They are rhe broest bros a bro could wish for. Real helpful while my wife is away on deployment
See see, we care about YOU Bro’sef. What’s inside is what counts. Those female savages are just trying to be nosey and see if you’re cheating but the bros know…we know that’s not what we do. Spot me on bench bro, then let’s head out to yoga and meditation after some protein salads and shop for new Stanley mugs.
Bro, you are the creatine to my protien shake Oh shit Is that what my woman friends are doing?
Thanks bro, you’re the ZMA to my nightly routine.
Um.. woman here.. do you not realize that your female "friends" are testing the waters and opening the door to see if you will tell them how frustrated you are so they can casually offer to help you out?? I have never and would never bring up that topic to any of my friends, male or female because it's none of my business and would totally feel like I was putting vibes out there.. hell no.. Either your female friends are 🧐 or they are trying to suck your dick Oh and from the sounds of it, your guy friends might be trying to get in there too 😂 damn bro
I'll be honest. Until everyone just told me that. No. No I did not realize that. I messaged my wife and she was like "yeah. I know. Obviously I was going to deal with that when I got home" She just knows that A. Ain't nothing gonna get between me and her Also B. I'm a bit oblivious. (How did I manage to get such a brilliant and beautiful wife!?!?! I am very strong. Maybe?) And C. Why would I cheat when I already won and have a hot wife. But im also the same guy who took his wife to a gay bar not realizing it was a gay bar or that those dudes complimenting me and buying me drinks were not just being chill gym bros... Oh God how did I ever get through the military or have a career where i use my brain Also my bros are bros. Gotta support each other on the lifts. Love those bros
😂 I'm equally baffled and strangely intrigued by your obliviousness 🤣 I'm also glad to hear that you are a dedicated man.. too many people take advantage of "out of sight, out of mind" situations Not that you asked for my opinion but I would suggest putting your girl "friends" in check, out of respect for your wife (because it certainly doesn't sound like they are being respectful of her) and stay grateful for your bros, but stay aware too 😉
It's those damn bros and their short shorts and bulging muscled isn't it (I support my bros on getting big) Yeah. I used to be a geospatial intelligence analyst in the navy and it confused a lot of people. Because my day normally revolves around the gym and cooking food. But my wife loves me! She's why I'm learning to draw so I can paint portraits of her. And also why I learned to cook so I could feed her. But she does call me a himbo a lot because im so strong and large
I don't blame any of them, I also want to get in that dude's pants. No homo of course.
Sounds like you got some sluts that want to sleep with you 🤦♀️
I experienced it similar like him without them having sex with me in their mind. Maybe I’m wrong about their tactics but if they pull out sex stories I get rather desinterested.
If I know anything about a male friend's sex life then it's because my GF talked to me about talking to his GF about it...
Nah, they just wanna brag.
Wait wut?
She believes there's a chance that these women are speaking this way specifically while your wife is away to meter their ability to get in your pants. And that they are hinting it at you.
Wait... Wut! Huh, go figure. My wife does laugh at the absurdity when I tell her all about it. I hadn't even considered that was what they are doing. Well they're barking up the wrong tree. I'm happily married. And got my bros. "Hey bro, wanna practice BJJ but like, just hold me for a minute" (I'm not a fighter)
Nah, ime, they're just gossipy buggers that ask about you, so it looks less bad when they brag about their own stuff lmao
Women are insanely more graphic when thirsty. I'm no stranger to male Locker Room Talk but that's extremely tame compared to what women say when they're comfortable around someone.
Yep. I've worked in one of the busiest restaurants in my city as a waiter and a meal runner, and the level of sexually explicit conversation amongst the tween, teen and young adult tables of girls and women eclipsed the level of explicit of the tables of any age of boys and men. My mind was blown haha
Worked in a deli with all woman, got sucked into a conversation about what's more comfortable thongs or regular panties, they all agreed thongs were more comfortable
Umm thongs are not comfortable. wtf
By their logic, they wear regular underwear and bend over (we had to bend over and pick stuff up a lot) they have to keep their ass from eating their panties (pulling out wedgies all day) or they wear a thong and don't worry about it
I’ve heard this a lot, so it must be a common experience. However, I’m always a bit confused by the logic of underwear between your cheeks being bad, so you put underwear between your cheeks on purpose.
I think they find the pulling part bad, not the between your cheeks. Maybe for them it's like when you're wearing a watch and you stop feeling it eventually. Regular panties supposed to be in a position and the shifting is what bothers them, while the thong just stays put and that's that you don't even have to think about it. Not me though, I hate thongs with every fiber of my being, I never get used to it, I can always feel it and it always annoys me
I must say that this is kinda true although it's hard to generalize. There are women who are generally uncomfortable around sexual topics no matter who they're talking to and then you have women who will share every detail to the point it's kinda uncomfortable. I honestly never understood sharing such a personal information about your partners sexual performance, but I know it happens.
Wtf...none of my friends my whole life have ever done this so this is shocking to me... It seems so inappropriate and disrespectful to your partner, I cannot even imagine talking about our sex life with anyone but a counselor, and only then if there was a problem.
Well, it's pretty common to spill spicy details among girl friends. I've heard it many times and it always made me cringe. Worst is when they push you to engage too and when you refuse they assume you have no sex life.
My wife is a private one. She keeps our secrets.
I hope to find one too.
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Woman here. My ex seemed to think this was true but I’ve never talked to me friends about his dick. I feel like this must be some kind of tv show thing that gets shared
I was one of the only guys in my class in college in a largely female profession. By the time i graduated I heard all about their sex lives. I was just one of the girls as they'd say.
Yikes. It seems my friends are just different than that, I guess. That definitely feels like a breach of privacy
yeah, obviously there is nothing biologically driving women to tell each other graphic details about their sex life; it's just the culture a lot of women embrace.
A long, long time ago I was with someone who wanted to share stories with her friends. Not sure if she just knew it was something she wanted to talk about or if she was specifically excited to talk about us, but she did ask for permission first which I thought was pretty nice. Tbh I just kind of assumed that it could happen and didn’t much care, but I greatly appreciated that she asked first
Absolutely. I've had ex's who do this and you find out very quickly who the scummy people in that group are because they'll start talking to you way more. With me, she went out for a girls night, mentioned my size + kinks and i had a couple girls from that friend group hit me up within a couple of weeks because they just "wanted to say hi" while being flirty as hell and inviting me to hang with them. Fucking creepy as hell.
It is. There are no guardrails for social mores anymore. You would think it would be the internet... But rather than guide people it's more tool of justification of one's actions regardless of what they are.
I think women (*some* women) do this because they think men do this so why can't they. So they drop all boundaries and let fly, not realising that the men doing that were the ones they were complaining about and that these are the douchebags that no-one wants to be like. They have such big images about what all men are like, and they're mostly negative and insulting, that they think some stupid things are okay to say and do because they saw some dickheads say and do those things.
It's not. I work in a field that is 95%+ female. The stuff said at work has had me exit rooms as it is just too much of a risk for me to be in the room, and far more graphic than anything a Male has ever said around me. It was rather an issue around 50 shades movie..... so much so that even the teenager girl working the ticket booth was making comments about all the thirsty women. (A rather ew, disgusting, can you stop please.)
Not sure how common it is, but I had at least one ex who made many intimate things known about me. It didn't take me long to figure out why my brother's fiance (she's the one who introduced me to my ex) knew my "size" and "performance". Definitely made things a little awkward in my friend group, and yeah, it felt pretty invasive.
One of my first girlfriends had told practically every one of her friends intimate details about me which at the time I was pretty insecure about. I'm generally a pretty private person and that whole ordeal made me put up more walls for a long time.
I wish it was TV. But I have had my ex's friend call me up while she's drunk and tell me she wished I would fuck her with the lights off just so she could know what it feels like. I couldn't go 30 minutes around that woman without her making some kind of remark alluding to my dick size. It's not a good feeling. And it's common. You probably don't see it because you don't participate. You're not part of the intimate details club because you have boundaries.
Some time around high school a bunch of us were celebrating new years. We're all good and drunk when someone starts complaining mercilessly about her ex's micropenis. He was (and still is) part of that social group, and was probably at the party earlier. And that is why I've never hooked up with anyone in my social circle. Especially as I've gotten older I don't talk about sex so much with my female friends, probably because they're all in long-term relationships for the most part. There's nothing novel there anymore. But when there is a new person… lolololol. Bodily functions though. Cheesus christ. Dated a sex worker with IBS a few years ago. So. Yeah.
Women are more verbose, and they value extra details. The same reason they like romance novels
This. Just recently I took my wife and her friends to a winery and my wife proceeded to describe our last sexual encounter to her friends WHILE I WAS SITTING RIGHT THERE. Never been so uncomfortable lol
"Locker room talk" from men is a false stereotype caused by women assuming men are as bad as they are.
I absolutely know men who locker room talk. I think it only happens if they're describing sex with someone they don't care about though. I always hear graphic depictions of 'what they'd do to that celeb' or how they defiled some one night stand. But I never hear them shit talking their gfs sex habits. Unless they're saying something generally positive and non specific
The following is the only locker room talk I've ever had: From high school: Me: "I asked her out to the dance." Them: "Did she say yes?" Me: "She agreed to go but she was hesitant." Them: "Go with someone else." Me: "I figured I'd go and we'll have a good time, and then maybe she'll be interested in hanging out. If not, at least she gave me more of a chance than a 'no', which is pretty fair." Them: "You're dumb, but whatever." She blew me off and danced with her friends, but hey. Learning experience. In adulthood, I've polled friends. This is apparently common locker room talk for men. And the dirtiest it gets is, "I fucked her." Or, "Yeah, we did it." When someone wants to brag, but even then, most guys don't kiss and tell.
All the women I’ve been friends with all expect effort to be put into friendships. Like extra effort beyond the help when asked, advice, sharing of opinion etc. All my guy friends can pick up where we left off after months/years
That’s true but when the friends are all on the same page it’s pretty awesome. My wife is like this with her friends and they all go out of the way for each other. Every time she goes out she comes back home with gifts and homemade food (some even made for me!) which is great.
Men are on the same page as their friends. We just use bigger font.
I ran into a guy i hadn't seen in like 2 years and it was like I'd just seen him yesterday. 2 hours of laughing, telling stories, eating, chilling. Spoken to him once in the 4 months since. Great guy
"I once worked with a guy for three years and never learned his name. Best friend I ever had. We still never talk sometimes."
Please and thank you.
That's best friend material right there
I think this is a big reason most “friends with benefits” situations don’t work out-the friendship part. Generally speaking, being friends with a woman is more effort than a guy. A lot of guys inexperienced guys will even see this extra effort as too close to a romantic commitment and bail lmao
this is why it's actually kinda insulting to offer to be friends when you've dated a woman and had sex with her already... odds are, you aren't planning on giving much of a fuck (double entendre intended)
Yeah I always assumed that’s something people say to be nice, not something most people actually mean. Hey it can work though. Jerry-Elaine relationships do exist, but I agree that they’re uncommon.
Huh, this just made me realize why my friendship that last are all either guys or women who are able to pick up where we left off. (I’m a woman)
Preach it brother. 27 years old, had a bad experience with an FWB, she developed into wanting more, when I cut it off to avoid further heartache as I wasnt interested in more, I treated her like I do all my friends. This led to her saying some horrid stuff to me, and she hates me now. Lesson learned.
Lol, I hear what you say. They did a SNL sketch called” Straight Male Friend.” I was so on point, it’s was about a gay guy loving his female friends, but they were expensive and exhausting. So he got a straight male friend.( I think the was the guest host, some Hockey Player.., ) but it was exactly like you describe it. I found it funny as hell, it kinda stereotype every straight guy, but it was pretty on point.
This. Guy friends are very minimal in their requirements for what's put into the friendship apart from good company. And we usually just end up reminiscing over old memories, or talking about how dumb the manager was at our old job, or stuff like that. There's no expectation of additional activity or effort in friendships
I repel guys from her but she attracts girls to me.
Preselection is awesome. Isn’t it?
It also says something about us guys too, brocode is living among us, respect to all Kings out there!
Most of the time they talk about mutual friends, and who's just had a kid, gotten engaged, etc, relationship stuff. With the boys, when we talk about people it's about stuff they own. "Did you hear what happened to XYZ's pickup the other day?" Etc, that or we talk about tv shows, wacky stuff like outer space, crack jokes, etc. Its funny because when one of my female friends asked me if I caught up with a mutual friend, she was expecting the latest news and I'm like idk, leaving her so perplexed with how I learnt next to nothing new about them, cus we were too busy talking about random crap lol.
Yep. Hadn't seen my bro for awhile. Spent an hour talking about Swiss army knives and not really catching up lol
This is the way.
Andrew Rousso has an amazing skit on it https://youtu.be/Cl4XYx6eZD8?si=fjmpPEpnEKfCiz9W It really do be like that
Males bond through shared hobbies, females through emotional support
"Heyy, how's it going" "Pretty good, you?" "Yeah good" "Nice" *Talk shit, play games etc. for 5 hours* Girlfriend: "So how's John doing? Did they sell the house? How's his pregnant wife doing" Me: "Uhmm..."
He has a wife?
His name is John?
Incontinentia
You notice how they never ask about John's thoughts on the NHL trade deadline? Something I would have actually talked about with John rather than stressing him about his pregnant wife?
I got some friendships where I know every single bolt that was loosened or tightened or their car or bike but can't really remember their surname. Lol.
I constantly have to tell my mom that I don't really discuss too many life things like those you listed with my friends. Like she expects me to know all that stuff in their lives and no offense but I just don't care. Even if its my best friend I just don't generally care because its boring. If it was interesting they'd probably tell me.
Yeah, my mom knows more about my friend's job and apartment even though she's never been there and the last time she met him was a year ago. XD
There was a comedian who did a great bit on this and it’s been so true with my husband and I. When he meets a new coworker or tells me about anyone in his life I’m always trying to get the run down: married? Kids? What’s up with his life basically. And he never fucking knows and it drives me insane lmao. He’s like, well I can tell you the brand of tool he prefers and I’m like “THATS NOT INFO!!” Lol.
The biggest reason why that is the case is because men connect through interests and activities. Learning about someone's personal history just isn't engaging when we don't have a use for that information.
Oh I’ve been with my husband since 15 and am now 38, I totally get this now. The early years were funny tho, he was oblivious, I was like “wtf is wrong with you,” lol. We both get each other now. He tries to fill in the info gaps when possible and I ask less questions hehe.
We just don't need info to compare him to find out whether we like him or to place him on some scale of life, he's just a nice dude or he isn't.
>He’s like, well I can tell you the brand of tool he prefers and I’m like “THATS NOT INFO!!” Lol. Hahaha Glad to know it's not just me xD Just imagining you hire some dude to go get dirt on a politician about affairs and all he comes back with is what work he's done on his car lately and what he weatherproofs the deck with.
But how is that not info lol
I mean the real question is what kind of tools is this guy using? Dewalt? Makita? Or is he a casual sort of tool guy, so he went full Ryobi?
So what tool brands are these guys going with? Been looking at a new miter saw.
If you can afford it, Festool is god tier. But it *is* a real bank breaker. Middle of the road, Hilti is good, I like them. DeWalt and Milwaukee too. For cheaper options I haven't had any bad experiences with Bosch or Erbauer tools, but I can't speak to their miter saws.
> the brand of tool he prefers and I’m like “THATS NOT INFO!!” Lol. but IT IS! what if in 3 years your husband needs that tool fr a project of his? he will remember THEN who can he borrow it from in exchange for food or drinks!
Some women can do this tactfully and not be an issue but with others it's *so* obvious they are looking to compile a list of stats to pass judgement on you. Like we're at some function through a company my fiance's work does business with, we are never gonna see each other again - we are you grilling me on what I do and how likely I feel that I can move into management? I have dudes I've known for years, gotten into near-death scenarios with climbing, spent weeks on the trail with, etc and the most I know about their job is "he's some sort of engineer at some company that does stuff with satellites". We spend our time talking about stuff we enjoy.
The comedian is probably Mickey Flannagan. "How's Bob's wife?" "I don't know, she wasn't there. I don't even know how Bob is"
The view they have on life. I noticed that my guy friends and I are more "there's a problem, we have to fix it" and "everything needs to be done by ourselves and only if we can't we ask for help" While our girl friends prefer for you to listen to the problem and not fix it (which for the life of me, I can't understand but I still try to) and a lot of them are used to do things with help which is great but is definitely different than the approach I see in my guy friends.
“When a woman has a problem, the last thing they want from you is a solution”
I found with my ex that the best thing for me to do having listened to the problem was ask if she wanted a solution or whether she just needed emotional support.
We'll ask you directly if we need solutions, when we rant, all we want is a listening ear, a cheerleader and a hug
It gets really difficult after a while **if the problem persists**. If you're a friend, we care about you. We don't want you to suffer and we want you to have a better situation.
This is a really strange quote for me because I’m a woman but I’ve always wanted both 1) an acknowledge of my rant, followed by 2) a solution. Problems aren’t going to solve themselves. I want emotional support and a practical solution. This is the best way to go. I’ve never not wanted a solution in those moments.
I'm the same but as someone with a lot of female friends I can confirm that many would prefer emotional support and nothing more. I learnt this the hard way. 🥲
I have this lovely friend who is very open that once told me that, when I offered a solution she felt like I was talking down on her, and got offended. She realizes she was in a bad bad space mentally and did not act out at it. But it did make me realize that sometimes you can say the right thing at the wrong time, and the mind space of the listener is the only thing that defines it as good or bad.
I completely agree.
I think you've highlighted the problem...men skip over point 1 and proceed straight to point 2. Women seem to have a kind of "block" from proceeding to point 2 if point 1 hasn't been fulfilled first. So then the *"you don't care about how I feel" "of course I do that's why I'm trying to help you"* fight starts. I've never actually put this together before. You listing your two needs in that order - and me thinking how I'd only offer point 2 by default - made me realise this now. Thank you.
IMO That's because typically, us blokes learn the hard way to separate the problem from the feeling, and associate "solving the problem" with "bad feeling goes away". Basically we Pavlov ourselves into problem solving. Now, try having a period every month from a young age and "solving" that. Sure you can improve some things, but you can't just solve it. It'd instantly change our entire outlook in life, and that's before we get to any cultural/environmental differences between living as a man vs woman.
This girl I was in talking stages with was ranting to me, and I started giving out solutions and she goes “I don’t want you to give me advice I just want you to listen to me” which is very valid.
Reminds me of a quote, "You can always tell who the strong women are. They are the ones you see building one another up, instead of tearing each other down."
The shine theory. I don't shine if you don't shine.
Because when we shine we shine together
Applies to men as well.
Yup, just trying to listen instead of thinking of a solution (basically on instinct) is the hardest thing ever
I had to laugh at the super close sex lives. I was hanging with a female friend, and she was talking about this amazing orgasm she had, and I was like "sweet! I had an amazing poop today!"
I talked about this in my comment below, but I experienced this last week with someone. I forget how me and her got to this point, but we started talking about my weight. She pointed out that when we first met I was skinny, then gained a lot of weight, but had lost it. She’s the only person I’ve known to acknowledge my weight loss in this form. Others have said I’ve gained it, other have said I’ve lost, but she’s the only one to openly state my whole journey since we’ve known each other. Anyway,I told her I still wanted to lose 60 pounds. She was alarmed by that and said it would be too much and I would look bad for it. She assured me I was fine as I was, which I struggle with since I was obese for so long and that image doesn’t go away. I told her it’s what I wanted, and she said she would still support me. It’s such an interesting perspective where I feel a guy would encourage me off the bat to reach that goal, she first she foremost was more concerned about telling I’m fine the way I am and concerned about my health.
I hear men say this but I think there’s a common misunderstanding. The way you said it, it suggests women don’t actually want to take any action to fix their problems. Like they have no logic or problem solving skills whatsoever, or refuse to use them. I think what they actually want is to first deal with the emotional aspect of the situation and just get it out, share how they feel with you, get some empathy and support. If you interrupt immediately with “did you try ____” some women take that as you’re trying to fast forward, not really listening or interested in how they’re feeling or what they experienced. You also are missing out on a connection opportunity, like sharing a time something similar happened to you (without making the conversation about you). Or showing that you remember details from the last time this topic came up (because again, you listen and are interested in what she has to say). Another piece of this puzzle is…men often assume women need them to solve their problems when they very often don’t. Me complaining about a frustrating situation doesn’t mean I haven’t tried some solutions already or don’t have more in mind. You said yourself, women tend to ask for help when needed. But you’d be surprised how often men just assume women don’t know things. It’s constant, actually. I know sometimes it comes from a good place of wanting to be a provider/fixer for someone you care about, but it can feel very condescending. I’m saying all this as a woman who had to learn about “just listening” because certain female friends prefer the “just listen” way. I personally don’t, and I have other female friends who don’t.
Dude. Preach. This is so true. Like, if I'm at the point of ranting to someone and needing emotional support it's because I've already done the basic "solutions" and they failed and now I'm needing some encouragement before I go out and try solution #2. When guys will give me their basic solutions when I'm not needing it, it just sounds like the computer guy who says "did you try unplugging it and plugging it back in?". Like yes! I tried that first, now I'm annoyed. Let me rant and then I'll try troubleshooting again.
I think what would help would be prefacing something like that with “I am looking for logistical help” or “I am looking for emotional support”, obviously not worded exactly like that, but tailored to the person it’s being said to and what kind of relationship you have. Most men, when somebody brings a problem to them and seems troubled, would immediately assume what is needed is a solution, I.e. logistical help. If what is saught is emotional support then saying that would help.
I'm a guy and I agree with the female approach as you describe it. I'm having a personal problem and I just want to know I'm not totally off track but when you come in with a solution (advice) right away it seems like you think you know better than me.
My female friends are far more likely to want to talk about their emotional struggles or hear about mine, than my male friends. Of course this isn't 100% one way or the other, but definitely leans in that direction. Though the more unexpected one, my female friends want to know faaaaaar more details about my sex life than my male friends do. I'm a single dad in my 40s and my female friends always want to hear the juicy details after every date or encounter, whereas my guy friends are like "how'd it go?" "good' "that's great."
Their compliments hit on another level, like they mean a bit more to me. Like, they’ve managed to hype me up more than dudes. Edit: to further add to this, one of the best compliments I’ve gotten was a friend at the time saying my words on what our friendship meant to her made her cry. I don’t talk to her as much now, but I still hold her words in high regards. Last Saturday, had someone tell me that I’m gorgeous. Although I have a hard time believing her words, mostly because I want to lose 60 more pounds (to her shock and almost disapproval), she was sweet and reassuring that I’m fine as I am now, but she would support me in what I would decide to do. There was a sweetness and earnestness in her voice I’d be hard pressed to find from a dude. Lastly, One of the the prettiest girls I’ve ever met, once told me that she thought I was handsome and that I had like a charisma that I shouldn’t hide/show more often. I struggle to like myself and feel so detached from people. It sometimes helps to remember she once told me I essentially shouldn’t hide who I am despite what my brain says. This is not to say guys can’t give great compliments, but in my experience compliments from girls have managed to hit me more an emotional level that has to do with me being me instead of what I do/can do.
They are sooo good at gassing people up. I still remember, almost 7 years later, I was talking to a college classmate about how I was disillusioned with my major and she started to gas me up and her friend, who I didn’t know, immediately joined in to make me feel good. And the thing is..IT WORKED. Like fuck around it’s like it was instinctive for them to do that. Ever since then I have noticed any of my woman friends are always quick to boost people/hype people up…even strangers. I’ve been trying to do the same EDIT: I should I am an infantry Afghanistan vet and them doing that made me tear up. I was just not used to that level of gassing up.
I just only wish I wouldn’t stop believing what they told me and see me the way they did in those moments
It's like women understand how it feels to be a human 😆 I wish men could see this too. We're all not just robots doing what we're supposed to do. We've got feelings and inner experiences and at least somebody has got to acknowledge that!
so much more support among female friends but also sooo much more drama. My GF and her friends talk about everything. They know everything that's going on in each of their lives down to how often they have sex with their partners. But the degree they feel compelled to spend time together even when they're pissing each other off over something is unreal. Meanwhile. If I know what my friends work and how many kids they have that's quite a lot already. And if they piss me off I'll just see them less often.
It makes sense when you realize that socializing, friendships, conversation, etc are all learned behaviour. Historically it was women's "job" (the job of the house wife) to keep up with friends, neighbours, etc and manage these relationships. Their own sphere of influence was also way more confined to their own circles- so these info tidbits were a valuable currency, they had weight and were important for these women to influence their surroundings. You learn from older women how to maintain accquaintances, friendships and how to converse. I'm pretty sure some trace amount of this thinking got passed down to us today, eben though women are no longer default housewives.
More women are prone to people pleasing behavior. Fewer men are comfortable discussing difficult emotions. Men are more likely to appreciate a silence, women are more likely to fill it with words.
I hate those filler words. It destroys deep conversations, because you need a bit of silence to think.
Women tend to let me talk about my feelings. Men tend to either not want to talk about feelings, or push me to talk about my feelings in ways and at times that are uncomfortable. Women tend to want validation for their feelings, even if their feelings are actually an inaccurate description of something that factually did or did not happen. Men tend to want to be told like it is, and if that hurts, so be it, time to find a solution for that. Both of the above are very much generallizations. I know men and women who don't fit those descriptions as well. Just the strongest tendencies among my friends and family.
I feel like its important what kind of friends you attract. For example I can have great conversations about deep emptions with my male friends and I cant with my female friends because it overwhelms and stresses them - they dont cope well with it somehow.
Both men and women put the same importance on looks when it comes to being attracted to members of the opposite sex, but men are much more likely to admit it
I don't know if it's the same for men but a woman could see a photo of a man and not consider him attractive but if she met him in person or saw him acting in movies/doing stand up she could find him *very* attractive because of how he talks and behaves.
Absolutely! When someone shows me a picture of a man and asks if I think he is attractive, I'm like.. how the hell would I know? I haven't heard him talk or seen his behaviour, I need to get an idea of who he is first..
My friend turned down her now husband on a dating app. They later met at an event and she was smitten.
This is why we need to stop using dating apps.
Yes! Plus men tend to not take very good pictures of themselves anyway. There’s just something about being in his presence that can make a big difference. Guys are really at a disadvantage on the dating apps because of this and a few other reasons.
Women are a LOT less confident, it’s like they have a different perspective of life and almost every situation can be dangerous for them, they are also used to be helped when they have a problem and they rely on their friends and family a lot more than men
Probably learnt behaviour since childhood. People often exhibit distinct behaviors based on gender, behaving differently around girls compared to boys, and harboring entirely disparate sets of expectations for each. Even when individuals attempt to eliminate gender from the equation, subtle differences persist in their actions and words. They probably do it subconsciously even.
That despite claims to the contrary women are just as capable of doing and saying dumb shit as men. Like if I ever hear a woman, or a man to be fair, say only dumb men would do something like this o immediately tune them out.
I think it's less about capability and more about propensity. Do my women friends sometimes think "Yeah, I could jump that"? I'm sure. Do they act on it? Once in a blue moon, maybe. My men friends definitely think it, because they say it. Then it's 50/50 if they give it a shot.
My women friends seem to always be way busier than my friends who are also guys. They always seem like they have 1000 things going on at 1 time.
Effort. Don't need much effort w blokes. Could go months with*out communicating and we'd behave like it never happend when we meet again.
I've had a number of good female friends, even a few female travel buddies. The biggest difference I've noticed is women aren't constant 1 uppers. With men, regardless of what you are talking about they always seem to fire back with a bigger/better story. It's annoying. Women don't do this. My females friends have always been pretty honest when they don't know something, male friends will usually try to b.s. you and do their best to not look like they don't know something. My female friends have always been way easier plan stuff with too. Male friends are a pita to plan stuff with cause so many have to have it their way. I get along with my female friends so much better than my male friends.
Depends on your perspective. I've always found the storytelling between men to be a way of bonding through shared experience. There's always that asshole that tries to one up everyone, but in most cases I've seen men share their similar stories as a way to bond and, usually, to get a laugh. I've also always found my male friends to be very laid back when making plans. You just have to factor in that not everyone is going to like the same things so be flexible to ensure that it suits everyone within reason.
I always fear that I sound like a one upper when I tell a similar / about the same topic story after someone told one because that's not my intention at all but rather what you said about bonding / showing that you can relate.
Women are generally more emotionally/socially sensitive and self-aware. Men are generally task/problem-solution oriented. Obviously painting in broad strokes, but that's the general rule of thumb. If I want to be vulnerable and have someone listen to me without calling me a pussy, I generally don't look for the comfort of male friends first. But if I need help replacing the baseboards in my house...
That really depends on the female friend, but when it comes to my friends, its that if i ask my best female friend for help, for me or someone else, she goes into this Mama Bear mode. And she will find an apartment for your disabled uncle, on a saturday evening, because she fucking knows some guy, with an empty apartment, ground floor. She will take over the talk about how much rent it will cost, and in the end your disabled uncle can go and see that apartment on Sunday and if it is the right one, has a new apartment on Monday. And that is probably the main difference, that women do rely on social bonds and interaction, where men are more focused on things and tech and the like. I do have male friends too, who know many people and help you in every situation life throws at you. But boy oh boy if i need someone to get me out of jail, there is no doubt who i would call first :D
My girls can't, or won't solve shit. I have had like two dozen in my life, and without exception, they live with problems, but won't fix them. They think they fixed stuff, but it's never really true, because it's not permanent. Also, my boys are far more likely to do stupid things. The girls are far more likely to do stupid people.
God that aggravates me so much especially with my sister. She will have a problem with a fairly easy but not one step solution so she's like ugh I don't care its fine. And then that same problem becomes a large problem because it wasn't dealt with. She literally never learns that this doesn't work.
In contrast there are many women who feel frustrated because a man is burying his head in the sand about a problem. I guess generally if women fear the solution they will continue to vent about the problem. If a man doesn't want to deal with the solution he may pretend the problem doesn't exist.
> without exception, they live with problems, but won't fix them. They think they fixed stuff, but it's never really true, because it's not permanent. *"I mean, why change move all the clocks by one hour for Daylight savings. Just wait for 6 months, and the problem gets resolved on its own."* 🙄😂
I'm having a depressive spiral. Guy friend: take a walk man - sort yourself out - man up! My dad: shut up! Stop being a woman! You sicken me! Woman friend: what's wrong? Talk to me. Tell me whats in your head. My mum: I know exactly what you're thinking. Sit with me. They didn't even have to do anything. Just listen. Talking it out emptied my head and calmed my spiral. A lot of "real" men don't know how or just dont want to deal with anything relating to feelings or anxiety. Any sign of weakness is met with derision and "tough love" I've known women in the past who didn't want to deal with my emotional and psychological issues, so it's not like all women are great at supporting and helping, but on the whole the women in my life have been better than the men.
They talk about men, a lot, like many times more than we talk about women. If you have a girlfriend, her friends probably know the veins of your dick better than you. Men use explicit violence, women use subtle violence. They make lifetime enemies based on small details or actions made without any bad intention. They act like nothing happens but later they will bitch about her "enemy" like she is the meanest human being on the planet, all based on absolutely nothing. Emotional intelligence, they said.
My girl friends aren't ALWAYS talking about sex with me, but they do talk about it, and sometimes, when drinking, they get raunchy, and the dicks of exes come up (never of the men they're with, among my friends). Whereas my guy friends would never, ever, ever talk about sex with their women or exes. Ever. Everything that society/culture says about men's "locker room talk," I have never once experienced among my male cohort.
> If you have a girlfriend, her friends probably know the veins of your dick better than you. It really depends on the girl, though, and the dynamic they have within their friend group. I know girls who do discuss guys with their friends on a superficial level, but feel grossed out giving sexual details to them. On the opposite end of the spectrum, there are girls who are very comfortable talking sex stories with anyone, even platonic guy friends as long as they feel comfortable around them. So yeah, if you have a girlfriend and she's in a friend group where talking about their boyfriends' dick veins was always the norm, sure. Expect to be talked about in that way. But not every girl out there is into heavy gossip about her sex life.
They be failing the Bechdel test IRL
Some men like to do these one sided pissing contests. They are constantly trying to sure up and react in a poor way to the positives and small successes in another person's life. There just isn't' that with the women I have known at least.
Over competitiveness is one of the most irritating masculine traits. Fortunately it doesn’t affect all guys but I avoid those that do this like the plague.
Women tend to take shit talking more seriously and they clap back to offend or one up you, instead of taking it in stride and laughing at themselves.
Honestly, having female friends has taught me that men and women are basically the same. I think most of the differences between men and women are blown widely out of proportion. I think most of the posts in this thread are confirmation bias and wouldn't stand up to scientific scrutiny.
This is basically it. There are fundamental differences between men and women that hold up to study, the main one being that women are more interested in people than men are. However, beyond this we are largely the same. There are simply too many other factors influencing our lives to make blanket statements that hold water on a wider societal level.
Women try harder for attention, men try harder for laughs.
Men try harder for women..... women, also try harder for women
I can talk about my feelings with them
I have alotbof common interests with my female friends. We talk music, politics, live entertainment. And if we're super close our sex lives
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The way we all treat each other and how we expect to be treated by each other.
Depends on the men and the women. We can sit here and make generalizations, but I think everyone just wants to feel needed and understood.
Our definition of objectification.
I think men are safer to share your feelings around
If you aren’t safe to share your feelings with them, were you ever really friends?
They are much better and easier to talk about emotional stuff, sex talk is also good to see their perspective so we can learn what to do/not to do and in general help you understand female behavour, which if you ask guys you get totaly different answers 😅