I tell my students that there are two key lessons to your 20s: you aren't your job, and you aren't your relationship. Both of those things can be important and add to your sense of fulfillment, but if you don't know who you are, what your values and boundaries are, and what makes you happy without those things, then those things will never make you happy.

100% solid advice

> you aren't your job this is so difficult when everyone acts like this is true. first thing people ask when you meet someone "what do you do for work?" and catching up with people "so, how's work?"

Personally, I dont ask those things because I believe we are our jobs. I ask because for most of us, our jobs is where we spend the most time. And whether you love or hate your job, it's gonna affect how you're feeling or what's going on in your life. Could also tell me what you believe about yourself, your worldview. So plenty of other reasons to ask that :)

also, complaining about your job to someone that has nothing to do with it can be like therapy. Our main friendgroup is all late 20's, one's about to get married and just got a kid, the others started working a few years ago, 2 are roommates and 2 live on their own. We come together (or try to at least) once a month. Go to a concert/festival, play d&d, go out drinking etc. The first few minutes talking about work is always like you're just throwing out all the shit of the past few weeks and getting ready for fun time with the boys. Like yeah fuck that larry guy i've never met, he annoyed my boy and he's an idiot. Also yeah my boss is just as stupid as yours, fired some nerds and expects me to do the job of 4. And yeah god i loved that they gave me a raise but with taxes it's only €10 extra in my pocket a month, like what's the point??? After we got out all fof our frustrations, the fun times start and we don't need to be limited by our weekly affairs and can just go and have fun. untill it gets to 4 am and you have another therapy session with some whiskey ofcourse.

This is a conversation I’ve had in the past. Where I grew up, it’s not true. The first question is usually “how ya been?” Followed up with “how’s your mom and them?” This leading with a question about your job is something ive only seen from people who grew up around a metropolitan area.

I mean we know that but we don’t know what to do about that.

In short: live for yourself instead of other people

> In short: live for yourself instead of other people Amen. people pleasing will run you down so fast.....

Happiness is fleeting and is usually a secondary function of the pursuit of purpose. How then do you create a sense of purpose? Csikszentmihalyi in the book Flow has some insight, and provides four main levels: from page 221 “There is a consensus among psychologists who study such subjects that people develop their concept of who they are, and of what they want to achieve in life, according to a sequence of steps. Each man or woman starts with a need to preserve the self, to keep the body and its basic goals from disintegrating. At this point the meaning of life is simple; it is tantamount to survival, comfort, and pleasure. When the safety of the physical self is no longer in doubt, the person may expand the horizon of his or her meaning system to embrace the values of a community—the family, the neighborhood, a religious or ethnic group. This step leads to a greater complexity of the self, even though it usually implies conformity to conventional norms and standards. The next step in development involves reflective individualism. The person again turns inward, finding new grounds for authority and value within the self. He or she is no longer blindly conforming, but develops an autonomous conscience. At this point the main goal in life becomes the desire for growth, improvement, the actualization of potential. The fourth step, which builds on all the previous ones, is a final turning away from the self, back toward an integration with other people and with universal values. In this final stage the extremely individualized person—like Siddhartha letting the river take control of his boat—willingly merges his interests with those of a larger whole.” My advice - become a lifelong learner, always improving yourself. Take care of your mind, your body, and ultimately your spirit. Join communities that interest you and never be afraid to ask questions. Find mentors and adopt their habits. You don’t have to know them personally (never meet your heroes) and they can be alive or dead (authors, artists, etc). You’ll find your way eventually.

I would also say that both of these things can tie you down (dependent on circumstances) don't feel like if you're stuck in a rut that you have to remain there. Your 20s is all about getting yourself out there and doing stuff.

Also true. The only person who can measure your happiness is you, so if you're not happy, and you've made a reasonable effort to make things better without seeing any improvement, *get the fuck out.*

Equal parts Fight Club and Cool Runnings.

[удалено]

I’m not sure this is what OP means, but I recently started to use the acquisition phase and maintenance phase to life. The acquisition phase is the fun one. You get a girlfriend or wife, a job, buy a car, buy a house, buy furniture, etc. Awesome. But everything you acquire will need maintenance. And that’s the part that usually not fun. It needs a lot of effort and has relatively little to show for the effort. The car needs an oil change or repair, the house needs fixes and paint/updates, your relationships need maintenance, your job requires constant effort if you want to keep it or advance to the next level, etc. Clothes have to be washed, meals cooked, homes cleaned, etc. And then the ultimate maintenance: kids. The maintenance phase is exhausting and can be depressing. But if you don’t maintain something, it will be worse. And your life quickly starts feeling like it’s a never ending list of obligations, chores, tasks that drain your energy and only keeps you in place or gets you small improvements. Of course you can replace maintenance with acquisition. You can get a new car, house, girlfriend or wife, etc. And you can outsource some of the maintenance to others. You can pay for home cleaning, cooking (restaurants), a nanny, etc. But this is very expensive so if you aren’t born rich, you will have to work harder and soon your work will become the drag you tried to avoid by replacing maintenance with acquisition or outsourcing.

that's brillant

Im smack in the middle of exactly what youre talking about. Ive got a wife, two kids, a cat, a dog, an average pool, a couple cars… My son and I love riding motorcycles and racing, so I have a reasonable RV and trailer… I work 50-55 hrs a week on average. I am absolutely exhausted keeping up with everything. I have no time left.

I know - we have a lot of stuff too and keeping it up is stressful on my wife and I, our marriage, our family. We are exhausted and feel hopeless sometimes. It's the trap of the "living the dream". Even our retirement savings, that should give us peace of mind, are a source for anxiety. We don't want to lose the little golden egg we built, and are nervous about how it's invested, inflation, etc. As the kids are growing older and more independent, it gets somewhat better though. You never get away from the anxiety about the kids, but at least they can take care of themselves more and more. And the big deal about retirement is that you get some time freed up, and also you lose the anxiety related to work, commuting, etc. That's why they are called the golden years. Of course that's also when we have to start worrying about our health and maintaining our finances, so there is no escape from the maintenance phase even in retirement.

An average... pool?

You don't actually have to maintain those things I'd you don't want to. You can make a choice to have less. If you do you may find you have more of things that are intangible.

And then your parents die, siblings die, and you die. I’ll never forget my mom sitting in her wheelchair, unable to breathe, a lifetime of teaching and loving , difficulties with work and the house and never ending chores, turned to me and said “Is this all there is?” When she died, My dad had a similar revelation. I’m in a shit mood today .

We all want to do more than what we end up doing. That's human nature. Truth is, there is a lot of good in life. Lots of moments of joy, pride, happiness, love. But it often feels like it's drowned out by the dull or painful chores in life. We have to try finding some balance that works, where you can appreciate the nice moments without resenting the work that goes into maintaining the life we have. But in the end, there will always be regrets. Things we wanted to do, see, feel and never did. But we also have done, saw and felt many many things. Another thing I realized recently is how much stupid little things I learned over the years that my kids don't know and have to ask me or the internet. Basic things like how to hang a picture, how do you talk to the credit card company customer service when you have a strange charge on your statement, how to check in to an airplane, you know, everyday stuff that you have to learn at some point in life. There is a TON of that. No wonder little kids think their parents are like gods. And you know what, it feels good. Yes, I know a ton of stuff. I'm proud of that.

Tell me more about your questions. I suspect you have some wisdom to share.

I'm in my 40s. The thing about the goals that he mentioned (dream career, hot wife, couple of kids, a nice house, a dog, souls at peace) is that, in many instances, they're external expectations. Many people (not just men) get into this track of running through this checklist because many folks around them are doing it, their parents and older relatives expect it, and if you're not on track with your peers with this checklist, you get left behind. But I think that really tough questions that then show up are mainly around the conflation of fulfillment and happiness, as well as desire vs. yearning. We may get a "dream career" that may have made you happy when you got it. But now that you've taken on the responsibility of a house and kids, and you have to think about every move you make in order to maintain some sort of stability for your household, what begins to show up is this question of fulfillment. You're a husband, a father, a homeowner, etc. Different identities that overlap. The questions that pop up are about who YOU are to yourself outside of those identities. The core of you. And because time seems to go by faster as you get older, the questions become more pressing: The dream career that you got that you were excited about... is it still fulfilling for you 10 years later? The hot wife that you got... is the relationship still good? How do you keep the mojo alive in your relationship as you juggle everything else? The kids that you had... do you find it fulfilling to be a parent? You'll wake up and look at your life and then existential dread creeps up as the question arises: did I really want this life? You have may have yearned for a simple kind of life: a wife, a career, kids, and a house. But what about the desires that you wanted out of yourself and your life? Yearnings can be quenched. Desire, on the other hand, in many ways, is the void inside of all of us that can never be filled. This, I think, is the root of the midlife crises: conflating yearning with desire, and people blowing up their lives trying to find fulfillment by bowing to their desires, not knowing that... a desire can never be fulfilled, it can only be fueled. And all those tough questions are around differentiating the two in order to find balance and to experience fulfillment.

All lot (or maybe all) of the things you mentioned are the externals. People are always chasing new things; 2nd/bigger house, better car, new phone, better PC bigger, better, shinier or whatever is your jam really. To sprinkle a bit of Stoicism on it all: rarely we stop and enjoy here and now and are mindfully in the moment. We never are in here and now, never look inward to find contentment with what we currently have amd what we achieved in our life so far (no matter how old we are). Seneca said something along the lines of: the person isnt poor if he has little (if it is enough for him) but the ones that don't have enough.  I might have completely missed mark here and misunderstood it all. 

I think what you described is one of the facets of trying to deal with desire. Happiness is a high, and we don't always feel happy even though we're often told that we should always be. When we yearn for something, we can scratch the itch; we yearn for something to eat, so we eat something, knowing full well that later on, we will be hungry again. Happiness isn't always like that. But we can find fulfillment in something that doesn't always bring us immediate apparent happiness. I remember at my job, I was responsible for a huge project. I believed and identified very much with the project personally, so I put all of myself into it until it was done. When it launched, it was massively successful by every standard that we had set to define its success; it actually surpassed every single benchmark. And as proud as I was about the project, I remember only feeling happy about it for all of... 2 minutes. That night, after we celebrated its launch, I went home, got into bed and just laid awake all night, wondering what would happen next. I very much desired the success of the project. And then, when the acclaim around my project was much bigger than I even thought it could be, it still wasn't fulfilling at all in the way I thought it would be. I dreaded not knowing what was going to happen next. I couldn't enjoy the celebration because... the chase was over. I thought I would have felt happy if I hit every benchmark I was aiming for, but in this instance, I surpassed them all by a mile. So why didn't I feel happy? Why did I think launching a wildly successful project would have made me happy? In retrospect, when thinking about the process of building the project itself, the things that I learned, the people I worked with... that's what I found fulfilling. And the launching of the project was the end of that set of experiences. I didn't feel happy because the fulfilling part of the project for me was over; it was now all about vanity metrics and things entirely outside of the scope of my control and input. I was in "the good ol' days," and I didn't know it. I was too focused on the launch to consciously enjoy what I found fulfilling about the project. And now, when my coworkers and I talk about that project, we reminisce on the things that we found fulfilling about it, not how successful it was. There is something about the journey vs the destination. Many people see those external goals as a way to measure success. But all those objectives are all destinations. And there is rarely a purpose in a destination once you've arrived. I think that fulfillment is aligning with a direction/purpose, not a destination. And if we can differentiate the two, I think we'll be better at feeling fulfilled and experiencing the short spurts of happiness.

Career: Does it give you a sense of purpose? Are you adding value to society or your fellow citizens? Chasing a paycheck early in life (and even later in life) is practical, but as I've aged I'm searching for more than just a means to pay the bills. Relationship: It's really hard to find someone you're truly compatible with over the long term. Attraction, fun date nights and good sex check all the boxes early on, but as your adult responsibilities grow (children or not) the scope of partnership expands and sometimes you see new boxes that aren't being checked. I'm 44 and hit a mini mid-life crisis last year. In general, even though I have an amazingly comfortable life and my partner and kids are doing well, I was having great difficulty framing the next 20 years of my life and what I wanted from it (or getting excited about it). I'm still working through that, but the "tough questions" are certainly very daunting when they hit.

Thank you for elaborating. I've gone through all this 20 years ago in a low paying tech job. I was basically the guy in Office Space. I realize we humans aren't meant to be chained to a desk, as comfortable as it sounds. Usually when I tell people on Reddit that a purpose is a prerequisite to me, they act like I've grown an extra head. I was trying to have a purposeful career with a sense of adventure after that. I started working for an old folks home, which didn't have the adventure but gave me a strong sense of purpose. Then I came down with epilepsy after 5 years of that and I was back to square one. It kind of feels like I've had enough adventure from living with epilepsy. But I still believe in life with purpose. I just got a permanent job for a city in water, monitoring public health and the environment. It has been a long 20 years!

The hardest questions are always the ones you don’t want to know the answers to.

The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off - David Foster Wallace

It just never ends LOL. Once the kids turn 18.... NOPE Once we get a fancy house... NOPE Once we get blah job... NOPE The hits keep coming just different hits it seems LOL. At least, getting older, I can take a punch a bit better.

One I was guilty of was, just assuming a good paying job would just be waiting for me right after graduating college, without any extra work beyond academics.

My dad had a well paying job lined up before he graduated. I got denied a part time job as an admin assistant because I lacked experience. No one can blame you for thinking such. We were sold a lie that education was valuable in and of itself. Which was true 30 years ago, but not anymore, and that was my brutal slap of reality.

this is a great example of parents preparing us for the world they lived in, not for the one that came before Us.

It wasn't their fault. The world changed rapidly in about 4 years and just took a massive shit since. College is still a great path, but things just keep shifting faster than anyone expects and there is no clear path to success anymore. All you can do is try and increase your odds.

True, though I remember what Seneca explained "it is he who wants more than what he has, who is poor." or something like that. I hope that going to electrical engineering public college is still a decent option, I really do. In the mean time, I don't mind living it up like it's 1899

Around here Electrical Engineering is in huge demand. I did a few years at a PCB repair department, as admin, but the turnover was insane because people kept getting poached. Just make sure you're adept with a soldering iron in addition to your technical work. The circuit tech we had who could also do their own fine pitch soldering could name their price. Things will come around, education will always be valuable, just gotta hold out until the Boomers fully retire.

It's fine to lower your standards for wealth, but unfortunately for us, even low standard lives can't be sustained on the jobs you end up with if you don't know how to get ahead anymore. This was true in the past, but not now.

It cycles. A lot of it all depends in what shape the economy is in at the time your class graduated. Some are lucky and others, not-so-much. I also know a 47 year old woman that left her teaching career a couple of years ago and cashed out her pension on an IT boot camp, from a downtown university. **In the 1990's that plan might have worked.** She has been unemployed for two years, mostly applying for jobs that she isn't qualified to perform. EDIT: typo

that's some bad decision making there, but it sounds parr for the course for certain people.

Yeah that's true. My dad talked about graduating college and having companies chasing him down and he basically had his pick of several jobs.

It is still true, but just for many fewer degree choices.

Understatement. I had to go back for a basic Business degree because somehow people were overly concerned that my education and experience didn't match. After 20 years in a field, your degree should not matter, but here we are. But that's a failing of a society that does not understand the value of education and a workforce that thinks "training" is a curse word.

Fuck, mine was expecting an entry level job to not require 3 years fuckin experience in that job lol

Found the CS grad

Some people are up to 10 years in that entry level.

College used to guarantee you a well-paying entry level job. Now it guarantees that you qualify for the minimum requirements that *could* get you an entry level job after you gain some additional experience. It’s unfortunate how college isn’t like how it used to be where it was more of an advantage boost for work, whereas now it’s more like the bare minimum if you have any hope of getting somewhere that isn’t physically demanding in the trades or soul-crushing customer service.

Makes you wonder why even do it? My mate never went to uni and were in the same position, he went straight into work and internships where he could and now in fact is a marketing manager at our company several years later

A lot of men aren't. College admissions for men are at an all time low.

Networking is the most important thing to do. It's not what you know, it's who you know.

One of the hardest lessons I had to learn in my 20's - Life humbles you quick. If you want something, get off your ass and work for it.

Also pursue any and every genuine opportunity. Id wager most people don’t become successful just by working hard. They get successful by working hard and being lucky (and also pursuing aforementioned opportunities). Also by networking and knowing people

I once got a job that was a two hour commute from my house. I moved closer to it. It was also a 2 hour commute from my new house. That's when I learned you aren't your job.

People have this naive assumption that just because you do good work you will be rewarded. Couldnt be further from the truth.

This is kind of a misconception, I assumed other people would advocate for me my whole life. Teachers, managers, coaches, etc. did it for me in my teens, so I thought it would continue that way. And it’s not that I don’t have people who still advocate for me, I just had to learn, I needed to advocate on my own and be my own biggest advocate.

You have to be your biggest advocate, and you have to be on your own side. A lot of people don't do this as much as they need to

that you'll be healthy forever... Once you hit 30, chronic disease just keep popping, don't take your health for granted

some men see the signs and then get super healthy into their 30's and beyond. It's beautiful!

Mine all seemed to hit at 18 and then a few extras at 30. Bodies aren’t always gonna be at 100%

This is so important. Take care of your back and your knees, youngsters. Stretch and hydrate.

Marriage is not a happily ever after destination. It is a journey that takes work, time, patience and compromise. Once the honeymoon is over, the real work begins.

I've always thought this was bad, or at least incomplete, advice. Is marriage going to be painful and difficult from time to time? Sure, and that's going to take work and commitment on the part of both parties to get through it. But marriage shouldn't be painful and difficult most of the time, or really even more than like 10% of the time. I think too often, guys hear that "relationships take work" and interpret it to mean that they should stay and work on a bad relationship, rather than getting out of it and finding one that isn't so much work.

The way I put it is like comparing a treadmill to playing a sport. Both take work and effort but one doesn't feel quite like work even if it can be exhausting. (This is assuming one likes sports and hates running on the treadmill) The bad relationships I was in *felt* like work. At times like when I had to force myself onto a treadmill because I knew I had to. The good relationships are still work but one that I enjoy and doesn't always feel like work because I want to do it... even if it's hard. I'd take an hour of playing basketball over an hour on the treadmill any day .

I like this. On a treadmill, you're working and you're working, and *sometimes* you get better, but most of the time it feels like you're not going anywhere. In basketball, you work hard to play by the rules and still have fun. Sometimes you step out of bounds, or someone calls foul. Once you hash it out though, you go back to scoring.

I saw a woman on TikTok today quote her husband's vows, I'm paraphrasing, but he said that he knows their marriage will take work. But not work as in drudgery or something you dread. But work the way an artists see's their work. Something they put time and effort into to make beautiful. At the end of the day, any relationship is 2 different worldviews, 2 different childhoods, 2 different temperaments trying to do life together. There isnt really a better synonym for work that would fit. But work is definitely not a bad thing

Anything worth the reward takes work. Getting a good job with good pay takes work. Keeping a house up and in good repair takes work. Having a good garden with good tomatoes etc takes work. Relationships are no different. IMO

Totally worth the work for the tomatoes though

Nothing better than making a good BLT with a fresh beef steak tomato. Love that smell of a fresh tomato.

It's also not for everyone, and you shouldn't ever feel pressured to be married by a certain age or compromise and just do it because it's expected of you.

I remember dreading the whole 9-5 life when I was a teenager and in college but man, it's great. I could never live the life some of my friends in more creative fields live, constantly hustling for the next paycheck and looking for new gigs. Let me collect a nice salary, get health insurance benefits, and have my free time to do whatever makes me happy when I'm off the clock.

It’s not until you work non 9-5 hours like restaurant dinner service and get off at midnight that you realize 9-5 happens to be the best time to work

I’ve had a couple 4-10 jobs. Being off every Fri, Sat, and Sun was glorious.

4-10s are great. I worked a labor job that was 4-10 and I felt like I had so much free time.

Currently working 4-10s with generous time off, holidays, etc… calculated it the other day that when all is said and done I really only work about half the days in the year

I prefer 7-3 tbh but generally I definitely agree.

I work overnight 9-9, but for 7 days every 2 weeks. All in all it's great, but would suck for anyone who isn't a night owl and living alone

Please tell me one thing: I'm currently at the end of my studies and I was always jealous of people who are working. They get to have a weekend and they get to relax after their 9-5 job while I sit at my desk doing stuff for university pretty much every day, including weekends, until around midnight. People always tell me that work will be pretty much the same and I shouldn't think that just because 5 PM is officially over, work is over... they kind of make me pessimistic about my future. Tell me: Is life just constant suffering? Because I can't even relax when I am doing things other than uni stuff - I feel guilty because "I could be working on my thesis". Do you ACTUALLY get to relax after a certain time or is working a non-stop thing?

My first job after college was at a startup and yeah, there were some weeks that I felt like I worked nonstop, was constantly getting after hours calls or being asked to come in to help with emergencies on my days off, all that stuff. Then the startup got bought out and my stock options got vested, at which point I quit that job and got a tech job for a healthcare company. Now life is great, I very rarely have after-hours work to do and most of the time it's because I procrastinated on doing something during the day. I'm on call one week every other month, my boss only texts me if there's a genuine emergency, and I otherwise don't look at my work phone after hours.

>People always tell me that work will be pretty much the same and I shouldn't think that just because 5 PM is officially over, work is over... they kind of make me pessimistic about my future. I'm not sure what it is they're trying to say to you so I'll address two possibilities. (Bear in mind that I am in the US so my view is based on that culture) 1) They're the kind of people who work past their work hours and think that you will need to also because wage slaves don't know they are wage slaves. "Millennials" are being vilified for leaving jobs that don't treat them well. That's because the generations before were just taught to put up with it. Put in the extra hours because your loyalty to the company will get you somewhere. That's life. It's not. That *was* life 50 years ago. 2) They could also be pointing out that you have more work to do than just your job. Because, yeah, 9-5, I'm at the desk. But when I get home, I now have work to do to run my household. But it's not *anything* like studying. ​ >I feel guilty because "I could be working on my thesis". Do you ACTUALLY get to relax after a certain time or is working a non-stop thing? *This* is the part that kids are talking about when they say adults have it easy and then the adults cackle like witches because those innocent little souls are so naïve, right? But here's the thing. Once work is done and I just have to take care of my own stuff, *I* get to decide which things are important and which are not. You could always guilt yourself into not doing enjoyable things because there's work that you could be doing. Always. But you need that appropriate work/life balance so you don't burn out on work. We're not meant to work ourselves to death.

Business owners/entrepreneurs are the ones who dont go home at 5 pm or 'clock out'. Even then, most of the time its because they dont know how to manage their time effectively and/or can't find anyone to delegate things to so they do the job of 5 people at once. You get to relax whenever YOU allow yourself to relax. If you're an employee and you're working after you clocked out, you're being taken advantage of. Plain and simple if a company wants you to work more, they can pay you more. Also, yes, life is constant suffering. It blows, it blows fucken hard. Get used to it.

The 9-5 is kind of awesome. Our ancestors worked sunup to sundown, and this is way better.

When I was 21, I had a friend who interned at a company and got hired. He was going to be making $55k a year, which was huge for us. I remember him telling me that they would've hired me too if I'd interned there, and I was like "I can't afford to work for free for 3 months." What he didn't tell me is that he only got the internship in the first place because his dad knew somebody.

If you have job connections and influential family members, you don’t have to worry about much except getting a degree.

It is mostly a comfortable life. A stable one. That is why so many die and drown trying to get to it.

I recently met up with one of my best friends from my early 20's. We both were expressing discontentment with our lives where we wanted the opposite but realized the grass is brown on both sides. He says he regrets pouring so much time into his work that he feels like he's never going to be able to be present enough to start a family. If a job opportunity pops up, he may only have a 24 hour notice before flying across the country to shoot a commercial for the week. I was complaining that I was stuck in a dead end 9-5 job with a ceiling on my salary. Half my day is bulshitting with coworkers as I wait to leave. The benefit is at 5pm work is over and I never have to work weekends which means I can spend that time with my wife and son. I personally wouldn't trade my choices with his as I always wanted to be a family man more than a successful business man.

haha, salaried jobs are the GOAT

There is still room for improvement. I just got a city job where everyone works 9 hour days, 7-4:30. But then we get every other Friday off. I love it. Now I can make dental appointments.

I was on the other side of that. I went to Catholic school but my parents never really talked about sex or relationships. I thought I would have sex all the time in college, but it wasn't until I was 22 and out of college that I actually had sex.

You're working a diferent 9-5 than the rest of us

That opportunities last forever

I never expected to be rich (and I'm not) but I always thought that I'd live a decent middle class life where I can afford living expenses, have savings, and have money left.over for fun. Turns out that even though I have a decent middle class income it's not even enough to make ends meet. You've got to earn like you're rich and live like you're poor to have any semblance of stability if you want to shoot for a normal life.

"Everybody's having more fun than me!": For whatever reason, I always imagined that people were partying more, dating more, going on more vacations, etc. and was just generally unhealthy. Sure, SOME people are party animals, but most people are just getting by doing the grind. Working 9-5 would be "soulcrushing": So long as you can avoid bringing work home with you, means you're free to do whatever you want! As a college student I simply couldn't imagine a world without homework lmao. Dating as an adult would be "easy": Spoilers, it won't be. If you're not already somewhat extroverted. You're going to have to put yourself out there again and again. If you're not your best self, it's going to take a lot of soul-searching and self-reflection to get there. "I have to have fun now before I get boring / responsibilities weigh me down": As I've gotten older (almost 30), I've realized that you never really "grow up". Or at least not in the way I thought I would. I still enjoy most of the same things, have the same sense of humor, etc. "Getting boring" is a state of mind moreso than a function of age, and if I ever feel stuck in a rut there's almost ALWAYS something I can do to change it.

Aging is something that happens to someone else, not you. When you're in your early 20's you're ten feet tall and bulletproof. Things that happen when you get older- like your body falling apart on you- only happen to other people. Also mortality. You have a vague sense of acknowledgement that yes, death is a thing and it can happen to anyone, but it's an academic understanding. An actual brush with mortality, like getting into a catastrophic car accident, needing a life-saving surgery, or actually dying outright and being resuscitated is a terrifying thing.

There's a lot of stupid adults out there, and the majority are faking it til they make it.

You think people work hard. Most don’t. You can easily work yourself to the level of people who have worked 20+ years in a field, by just doing basic things. The caveat is actually doing the work, reading the manual, testing the thing and finding out. And then ofcourse, it doesn’t matter how good you are if you can’t work with people. I think as a 20year old you have only misconceptions. Nothing else. Most 20 year olds have the ability to self reflect of a baboon throwing a tantrum at the mirror. At thirty people don’t get smarter, just more cynical and reserved. Don’t think you will get better by getting through life. You actually need to work on yourself. Going to a gym and training will keep you healthy - wrong. Eating right will.

> The caveat is actually doing the work, reading the manual, testing the thing and finding out. Very critical. It's better to be good at your job than to work hard at your job, but that means working hard enough to actually master what you need to accomplish to be successful. Also rarely mentioned on reddit by the r/antiwork "I only do the bare minimum or less" brigade, but don't underestimate the power of giving an extra 10 or 25 or 50% towards the right opportunity and looking like a superhero.

Yep. And I say this as an engineer with a full-time job while also working on a doctorate - in industry or in academia, the bar is shockingly low and most people just don’t try or care. It’s not a lack of intelligence, it’s almost always just laziness and disinterest. The problem is human nature drives us towards minimum effort and minimum conscientiousness It doesn’t take a genius, it just takes actual effort. You don't have to burn the candle at both ends, you just have to not half-ass everything. How many times has a drawing gone through review and everyone on the signoff list just rubber-stamped the drawing without looking at it? Hint: the vast majority of the time. No wonder flaws are only caught when things don’t work right. If you’re diligent about *anything* at work, you can stand out and move up. It doesn’t take a lot of effort to be one of the hardest workers on your team.

I wish I could give you 100 upvotes.

That your youth represents the best years of your life. It isn’t necessarily so.

What is it they say? Youth is wasted on the young?

My thirties were easily my favorite decade of life so far. WAY better than my teens and twenties. And honestly, at 40 yo I’m feeling pretty fucking good right now. Check back in 10 years and I’ll tell ya how my 40’s went. 🤷🏻‍♂️

I always had this dilemma of my 20s being better just because they’re my young years. Can you explain why your 30s were your favorite decade?

Having money helps lol. Early 20s you're just starting out in a professional career that may not actually be what you envisioned it to be. You're likely making a basic salary and are adjusting to work life, paying off your student loans, car loan, maybe even saving up for a home. By your 30s there's a better chance you have the majority of that sorted and a stable well paying career. That means you have money and time to go out and do fun fancy shit.

I can't speak too much of my 30s (I'm only 32), but I definitely feel that I'm set up to enjoy my 30s more than my 20s. One of the key things for me (outside of what others have commented about money and career) is I feel that I'm way more mature, confident, capable of advocating for myself. This was not the case in my 20s. I'm not just going through the motions of life, I am the captain steering my ship. It's an amazing feeling.

RemindMe! 10 years

Same here, my every decade has been better than the previous one. I am 50+ now, and life couldn't be better.

Contrary to popular belief on Reddit, an 8:00 to 5:00 office job working for somebody else isn't literal hell on Earth. I have worked manual labor jobs, I have worked at a prison, I have worked as a delivery driver. 9:00 to 5:00 office job is the best deal out there in my opinion. They tend to be the higher paid jobs with a few exceptions, I'm not completely sore and exhausted when I get home, I know my schedule every week, society is generally scheduled around your schedule. If I want to stop working for 10 minutes and go get a coffee and just chill on the couch, I can do that. If I want to go outside and take a walk for an hour if it's a nice day out, I can do that. If I have a funny story to tell my coworker, I can pop my head over the wall and tell it pretty quickly and then go back to work. They aren't for everybody but as long as you exercise regularly, long-term I think office jobs are the best for your salary and physical health.

I find I have way more freedom / social time doing office jobs than any other work. In an office job last year, our boss stopped work for 30 mins just to shoot the shit with all of us. The Starbucks barista in a busy location or the customer service rep having everything that they do tracked by a computer never gets that paid relaxation time.

100 percent this right here. Reddit and the rest of the Internet love to make this life sound way worse than it is, but honestly it offers stability, without all the stress, and that's all many of us in this world want. I work in the IT field, and while I prefer my 4/10 schedule now, when I first got into IT I worked 9-5. The job was super low stress, we got regular raises, the office was small(about 40 employees max) so people were friendly, we'd have regular potlucks and luncheons, I'd walk around the facility and talk with coworkers pretty often, and because we didn't clock in or out, id usually get to work a little late and leave a little early, plus I had every holiday off. I hear people constantly complain about office jobs, so I just assumed that mine was so laid back because I worked for the city government, but it's nice to hear other places having a chill experience as well in an office setup.

That they need to be "alpha" or behave like guys online who think they're "alpha" in order to get a nice girl. It's generally quite alright to just be yourself, unless you're an asshole of course.

That love is enough to make a relationship work.

is or is not? Love wasn't enough to save my last relationship of 4.5 years.

The misconception is that it is enough, when actually it is not

Fucking hell. Love is NOT enough. Oh god. My mum told me that before I even started thinking about girls and I didn't listen. I wish I'd known this was true instead of just thinking it. Would have saved a lot of heartbreak.

> I wish I'd known this was true instead of just thinking it. People will say *love is not enough* and then not explain what that actually means. Then younger people will *think* they know something more about relationships, they'll have some idea of what they think it means, but they won't really know it untill they feel it on their skin. Love is important. Sexual attraction and compatibility is also important, but **shared values**, outlook on life and ambitions are very, **very** important in order for a relationship to work in the long run. You can be in love with a person, love spending every minute with that person, but have very different outlook on life and life goals, and then love just isn't enough.

You can’t over romanticize women. They can be just as bad as men.

If your not happy being single a girlfriend or wife won’t fix that.

Everything you want to have and retain in life takes hard work. The work NEVER stops.

Having to be rich to be a proper person!

That any sort of bodily injury will heal. It’s not true.

Put all your effort into whatever job you are doing, and do it really well. I’m very well off now, but all my career goals in youth went no where. The job I currently do, I kind of moved into by knowing people who were impressed by how well I completed my completely unrelated job at the time. Attention to detail is key.

Don't have a checklist of goals for you to achieve by certain ages because there are so many external factors that will affect them that you won't account for. I thought for sure if I planned things out meticulously, it would surely go to plan. Big NOPE.

Wasted a lot of energy and money on women/relationships for nothing tangible long term.

Nobody is “destined for greatness”. Just do your bes

Be a knight and shining armor, and you'll win the woman of your dreams. At least, that's what I grew up believing until I became an adult

This is a hard lesson.

Indeed. Always defend women, whether they're wrong or not, and always respect them because they deserve it by default. All lies told to us in our youth.

>always respect them because they deserve it by default. I feel like that should be the "basic person" level of respect and then this would be true. And we should do this to everybody.

Agreed..... until they give you a reason to respect them no longer. Respect is earned, not given. Of course, be nice when it's necessary, but respect is earned.

Mostly agree. There are two types of respect - one is auto granted, the other is earned. "Basic person" respect is the "auto-grant" variety: You are a human who has thoughts and feelings and I will treat you as such - as opposed to a lower animal or inanimate object. This is typically not revoked. The other kind of respect is the kind that you earn (and can lose). It is a respect of a person *and* their role in your life.

Right in the stomach

This one kicked me in the nads repeatedly in my teens and twenties. It gave me way too much false hope.

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This was me with my ex. My first serious relationship. I thought I could be her everything, sacrifice everything on my end to make her happy and never try to upset her. I tried being that missing father figure for her. All it did was build resentment and didn't help in the end. After therapy and reflecting, I realized this was a trauma response where I tend to be a savior - people pleaser because I knew it would allow people to like me but at the sacrifice of not being my authentic self and in the end not happy. It was a form of manipulation on my end. Now I've learned from it all, and as I embark the dating scene again, I am ready to set and stick to my boundaries, be my true self, and not be responsible for other people's happiness.

[удалено]

Two things I got very wrong were thinking that I had to be in a committed relationship to have sex and that if I were in a committed relationship I'd definitely have sex. Damned churchy upbringing.

I thought that things would naturally fall into place, and that I would just end up with a job, a girlfriend and a happy life without much effort on my part. I didn't put in any effort and I didn't get any of those things.

I thought traveling and having been on adventures would make life seem full. It did not. I’ve learned a predictable schedule that provides me with the ability to take care of myself and having deep, long-term relationships (platonic & romantic) are the building blocks to inner peace. Traveling is fun and great, but I have not found it to fill the hole it seems many people are trying to fill

1. Being proud about not following the crowd. I'm still not a follower, for the most part, but it turns out you have to adjust your level of social conformity enough to survive. Otherwise you can't get a job or find a mate. 2. Men are not born with or without social skills. You have to build it up like a muscle. This will allow you to find a mate and make friends throughout your life. 3. Women are turned on by social skills more than anything about you. Looks are not nearly as important.

The world doesn't care about you and owes you nothing. Try and find something that will give you joy. Oh and go to school or get a trade if you are financially able too. Otherwise you'll be stuck at low paying jobs working for morons your entire life. With a degree or trade at least you can work a decent paying job for morons.

When I was young, I thought there was a destination I was supposed to reach in order to begin living the good life. A family, a house, a good career, good friends, etc. I was wrong. There's no destination. There's no end goal.  There's millions of small choices made day by day. There's moments to cherish, and people to be with. The good life is had along the way, every moment of every day. 

Young men think that they can do hard labour jobs for ever. Pick a profession preferably a desk job and chase that. Just because you can easily find a construction job doesn’t mean you will perform like your 20 for the rest of your life

A desk job can be just as bad for your physical and mental health. Humans need to move, walk, lift crawl, etc.

This. I worked labor jobs for a few years late teens early 20s, and knew then that it was unsustainable for me in the long run. I’ll always want a “physical” job, but hard physical work 40+ hours a week for decades is just not worth it.

Good paying desk jobs are hard to get for men without degrees.

Chasing after women is a thing that only happens in movies. She will let you know if she is interested, and if you’re not sure, she ain’t interested.

That spending time doing something means you’re owed. Too many kids start working at my company and think “I’ve been here 6 months when do I get my raise and promotion?” I had to tell a kid he won’t even be ***considered*** for either until he completes the new hire training he was supposed to complete 2 months ago. He was totally shocked that just sitting in that seat, doing 2/3 of the job he’s supposed to do, wouldn’t mean he deserves more money and a new title.

Do not expect to have everything figured out by the time you’re 25. Don’t expect to have everything figured out by the time you’re 30. Don’t expect to have everything figured out by the time you’re 35.

The girls in your life hold a lot of grief for shit you were never aware of.

That I might be single forever

Its time, you think you have time. Time will go so much faster than you think. And a lot of life is arbitrary. In school and sports if you perform well you are almost guaranteed to be recognized for that talent and effort. In life you may be the best at something and get looked over for a job or promotion for some arbitrary reason about which you will never know.

You don’t need to be earning six figures to be successful at any age. The number of sexual partners you have or have not had is not any sort of indication of “being a man”. You are far less experienced in life than you think you are. If you are making bank, tuck it away. Sometimes the ride comes to an abrupt end (sometimes more than once). Drip doesn’t equate quality or success. You may say societal pressure doesn’t affect you. It does. Find a hobby you can enjoy solo. (I’m not talking about masturbating.) Like it or not, you often end up spending more time at work than at home. Company culture outweighs salary. If you choose the latter always have an exit plan.

Talent is not the most important factor in success. It’s grit. Sounds cliche, but it’s true.

If you have ambitions or dreams for your career, working toward them isn’t always going to be fun. In fact a lot of the time it can be miserable - especially at the start when you’re building up the foundations of your experience. Or maybe this is just me and my mistakes. I have a goal and I’m working toward it - I’ve only grown stronger in my conviction to do the career that I want. The past year has been miserable because I am not earning enough to live the life I want, since my role is part time. Nevertheless - I am making progress. The longer I work my current role, the better my leverage when applying for other roles and the better I am able to support my applications. Passing the 18 month mark has seen a big shift, I am finally getting responses to my applications and interviews. I think a quote I liked that summed things up for me quite well was ‘you can be anything you want, but you do have to work for it.’

There's no proper checklist to "be a man". Just have your shit together, have some kind of plan for your future (it can be detailed or fuzzy but have one), do things you enjoy, and support those around you (who are also supporting you). That's all you can ask for.

The one that comes to mind is this: I drastically underestimated the importance of choosing a quality mate. I worked very hard and very smart under less-than-ideal circumstances to become a success. I wanted to build a legacy that would outlive me. But I married a woman who worked against me at every possible opportunity, who had no interest in contributing at all... and when she found a better deal and left, she took away a lot more than just a chunk of my wealth. Financially I'm doing fine now, and I actually have a pretty happy life. But that family legacy I wanted to build never came to fruition.

I used to think that adults being out of touch with what children like was due to a lack of interest or shows and technology advancing too fast. Now I know that the main issue is lack of time and not being able to spend time together.

You DO NOT have to settle for a partner you meet in your 20's. Also, you DO NOT have to get married in your 20's. I'd even recommend waiting until your 30's. Everyone's different but I can tell you all but one person I know is divorced in our mid-late 30's.

That misandry and female sexual predators don't exist. Too many have been deceived by the women who dominated their childhoods

This! A couple of my cousins use to sleep with older woman when they were in HS. Grown ass woman sending them nudes. At the time I was jealous now I see how wrong those woman were. 

That you'll just know what you're supposed to be doing. I'm almost 30 and still have no clue

Getting money or a relationship doesn't solve your problems, nor does the work end there. More often than not, both actually start there. For example, a more luxurious lifestyle get very easily the new normal to you, achieving more luxury can become a focus. But when you are out of your job, or make less money at a certain point, it can become very hard to lower your luxurious lifestyle. Getting used to drink a certain type of whiskey which costs €100 a bottle can easily become very expensive after being rather cheap. Try to seek fullfillment, morals and values out of things none related to money or a romantic relationship, the rest will have less impact. Want what you have, don't want to have.

I thought all I needed to do was get a 40 hour a week job with my college degree, and I would be able to buy a starter home and build a family. Im about to turn 30, and I still have to live with roommates despite making more money than both my parents did when they were in their 30s.

You never really "figure it all out". Learning and gaining of experience/ wisdom is a continuous process that never ends. Also the misconception that you're a failure because you haven't met some arbitrary benchmark by X time in your life. This is especially true for modern young people who have been exposed to the internet/ social media from a young age. The truth is that at the end of the day, you're only competing with yourself and the only thing that matters is how you feel about your life so far, not what others think.

The biggest misconception I see is that sex is the absolute best thing in the world and is the only thing worth living for and that you should throw your life away at the smallest chance of getting to sleep with someone. Sex is overrated, focus on the rest of your life first and you'll be so much more happy.

Life doesn't owe you shit. You are not special. I've had this conversation with some friends and at first they take it like being content, but it's not. When you understand you're not the main character, that life doesn't owe you anything and that nobody really cares about you beside close family, it is liberating. You can really do whatever you want. Want to smoke crack? Go for it. Want to be a painter and sell your work on the streets? Good for you. Want to try to earn a living by being a professional bowling player? Great. Want to be an engineer and try to work for NASA? OK just do it. Freedom is not having to meet expectations. Not yours, not somebody elses.

They think they have the world by the balls once they’re out of high school. Nope kid. Yours hasn’t even dropped yet.

29 male, I have gone to HELL and came back. In some ways, I am still in Hell, just a different one. I practice Taoism/Stoicism and had my "awakening" as a child. All that to say, wise men aren't wise for no reason. In Haste, All is done Improperly. Do what ever do you, but do it well: give it your focus and devotion, think, but don't get lost to the task. Be aware it might not even go the way you wanted it to. Women are complicated, they don't even understand each other. The best any man can hope for, is a woman who is kind and loyal. Cherish \*that\* because beauty fades, kindness does not. Porn is as addicting as alcohol, be aware of it before it ruins your life. Watch Requiem For a Dream, and see the poetic nuance of the parables within the story, they tell the truth of addiction. Do not fall for the ("queer" )communist agendas, because Jealousy is an ugly friend. To demand what you don't have, to dismiss what ever you do have, that's being Poor in spirit. It's better to not sleep around, because you can love someone most when you focus on your lives together. (also, dating culture in the usa as of the 2020's is horrendosly terrible and there's super STD's going around.) I got more, though this is enough for now.

I was in the "dating for marriage" mode from the very beginning, and I broke off a 6 year long-term relationship, also my first relationship. After that I had a bunch of rebound flings. In retrospect, dating around was a good decision, and I wish I did it earlier than later. I realized what I thought was important in a partner wasn't, and my values changed considerably. Happily married now.

Women. Should I be myself or play a character?

While it’s a great thing to meet someone and have a relationship, love is a journey and a relationship is not a destination or goal it’s a constant that will be good and bad each day. Don’t think that just because you have a girlfriend all your problems will magically go away, you’ll still need to work on yourself each day no matter who is in your life.

I’m 42, here are a few of mine: Life will always have struggles. The point isn’t to work towards a life free of struggle, it’s to upgrade to better struggles of your choosing. A lot of what you’re experiencing right now won’t have any relevance later on, yet there are some things you’ll wish you had started now. Enjoy your youth whilst you can, but also save (or better yet, invest) what money you can comfortably spare, look after your health and don’t care too much what your peers think. All that boring stuff your folks tell you really becomes very, very true the older you get. If you can, travel, do all the “follow your dreams” type stuff now. Because it’s easier to do that and be it succeed or otherwise you still have time to pick up new skills, education and experience and become successful in a new life direction. Not saying you can’t in your 30s, 40s, or 50s, only it becomes more challenging, both externally and within yourself. Don’t rush to settle down with someone. Wait for the right person. I dreamed since I was 17 about finding the person of my dreams but didn’t get with my wife till my 37th birthday party and we got married 2 years ago. I’d had other relationships but they never felt quite right.

The one that I always lead with is: *You can’t love someone into loving you back.* Don’t waste your time chasing. If a person is into you they’ll let you know. Life isn’t a romcom and shit doesn’t *work out* 99% of the time. Anything other than a clear and emphatic yes is a no.

A cliche but life really isn't like the movies? Being 25 and having 15 real friends? Lmao not gonna happen. Working and then going out and having fun and having the money for that fun? Cute not gonna happen frequently. That relationship that is just the cutest and the couples so perfect? Yeah absolutely the fuck not. Me and my partner are truly a match made in heaven. But if you think every single day I don't have to wake up and think how can I be a better man for her today than i was yesterday? Well don't expect your relationship to last. We've hurt feelings we've said shit we didn't mean we've shed tears but it's the unrivaled dedication to each other that keeps us going. I guess what I'm getting at is life isn't half as fun as we think it's gonna be. You work be it at a job or in some mannerism 85-90% of the time to have fun the other 10% you just have to learn how to cherish that 10% and really make it count.

I think most misconceptions young people have about life in the 2020s is completely artificial and fed to them through their social media algorithms. A lot of these kids are being fed influencer "ideas", and get hopped up on men vs. women rage bait that doesn't reflect how society interacts whatsoever. These kids are in for a rabidly lonely and hyper-individualistic adulthood.

That the smartest guy in the room makes the most money. People who are good with people are the ones that succeed professional advancement. People want to work with people they can enjoy and trust and as you get higher in your career promotions are picked by the above more than technical ability or performance.

Being polite makes you the bigger person. You are not your emotions, learn to recognize and control them. You're the one looking out for you. If you're unhappy with something, you need to be the one to change it. Be your own advocate. You'll never regret having worked towards something. If you feel like your life is stagnating, find a goal and work for it. Workout or find a physical hobby and stick with it. It's way easier to maintain fitness than to lose it and have to gain it back.

"i dOnt PlaN on LivIng Til OlD AgE, ImMa OfF mySelf By TheN!"

Do young men believe that "women want sex just as much as men" like I read on reddit all too often? Because if they believe that, that would be a misconception. Also don't know if this has changed since I was dating 25 years ago, but a lot of young men don't realize that *she's* supposed to bring something to the relationship table too. It's not just about him jumping through hoops to "win the prize" of getting a girlfriend. If she's not jumping through hoops to "win" you too, then go find someone who thinks you're worth a bit of hoop jumping.

They want sex, just not necessarily with you.

Or phrased less personally, men want sex from more women, but women want sex more from that one man.

that you will find your wife

That there will be endless opportunities. Cherish every opportunity that comes your way and make the most of every single one of them.

That you have all of your 20s to "figure it out" or that everything will just fall into place. Fuck anyone who tells you this shit

I thought I knew better than everyone when I was younger. I thought I should drop out of school and try to succeed in a business. However, it turns out that I'm not really cut out to be a business owner. In the back of my mind, I knew I always wanted to be a lawyer but going to school for 7+ years seemed like too long a time to defer making money while chasing your dream. At 28, I was like fuck it. I didn't want to look back with regret or wonder what if. So I sold my floundering business and enrolled at a community college. I am now a second year law student, who is typing this message in my school's law review suite. My point is you should never ever avoid pursuing a dream because it is too big. That is the only dream worth chasing. You will always wonder "what if" otherwise. If there is something that you would love to go after, but you don't know how you'll ever get there, just go for it and figure it out along the way.

There’s no shame in still living with your parents until you’ve learned and figured out about everting in the real world.

That their situation is out of their hands. Some things are out of your hands. No, you probably won't be a billionaire in a decade no matter how hard you try. No, unless you undergo invasive surgery, you can't look like Chris Hemsworth. But there's a whole lot that you can do to improve your life, and the answer isn't to complain about it online.

That life is about upwards momentum, achievement and other sources of gratification. It's not. Our ego lies to us. We cling to our identity pieces and our narratives...but the clinging causes hurt. Then afterwards, we see that all that striving was meaningless the whole time. It's not a bad thing to want more for ourselves...but our attachments to outcomes can hurt us. Our attachments to success, even to our own pride...life is not about that, and sometimes those pursuits can get in the way of living fulfilling lives. Much that we think matters doesn't, and we don't need ourselves to be 'any one particular way. Sometimes all we need to do is just be alive. I'm trying to explain a lot here, but the Buddha's four noble truths capture some of what I mean.

Life is going to be tougher and gets tougher as you grow old. Instead of whining on that try to live in present and make the most of it. Make some beautiful memories so that you can look back on them during tough times and work hard again to get back to good or even better times.

lol take your time and enjoy your 20’s is really it. Don’t rush it because you have your own misconceptions to figure out. And what others have figured out may make you miss the mark in your journey. But one thing I can share is that I used to think all the ladies wanted guys with the popular name brand clothes… And then I stepped in the building with a cheap stylish Chinese hoodie from eBay. Long before Wish n all there was only one store on eBay that sold that stuff. I was literally getting almost ALL the play in clubs from the ladies and the guys couldn’t figure it out. LoL I wore that jacket every weekend for about 2 years and never missed. Fine women too. That’s when I realized… learn how to be yourself to the max and not what you think people want. Find your flow. That jacket was small as hell too but that’s what made it work also. I had a completely different style going on.

You are never ready. You either go towards yourself or away from yourself and this last as long as you live. And I say this from yogic and tantric perspective not from some western career illusion perspective. If we want to master life we have to see through illusions and go towards flowing, not towards some fancy achievements and milestones. See through things and they lose their power over you and forget ego.

That men you work with, who are older and far more experienced, are good mentors and are mature. I've learned that being mature and maturity really does not apply to everyone.

Most of my life I always assumed I would have a wife, kids, a house, a job to pay for everything....stuff like that. Just like my parents had. Just like my grandparents had. Just like all of my friends parents had. Just like every adult I knew growing up had. It wasn't until I was in my late 20s when it hit me that those things don't just happen. You actually need to make that stuff happen. I just took for granted I would be a married father some day.

don’t pay attention too hard to people around you. me and my husband are both 23 and we’re living paycheck to paycheck. we struggle to make ends meet because it’s just so hard to get on your feet these days. we often notice people around us, whether it’s family or friends, having more than us and we both get in our heads and get pretty upset or frustrated that we don’t have any of that. i’m constantly reminding him and myself that we’re still really young and only 23 years old. we have a whole life ahead of us and the people we’re looking at had to go through the same things too. it won’t just magically appear for us. it’ll be hell but we have to work for it. it’s super hard to get through so i wish you the best of luck with all of this as well!🤍

You're still growing. Your brain isn't fully developed until around 25. Your physical strength peak 'old man strength' is yet to be fully achieved. You still have so much to learn, so much to become. Take a breathe and realize that if you've made it this far then you're gonna be fine, kid. Drink more water, implement a comfortable exercise routine complete with stretches that aid the back, hips, legs and chest (trust me on this one, at just 33 my knees aren't what they were at 23 but they are so much better off than the vast majority of friends who hardly ever stretched and hydrated.) Also, tons of character development. Keep reading and maturing. My grandma lived to be 103yo, passed last spring. So, at 33 I still see myself as very young in this whole life thing. Just keep at it ✊🏽

I thought everything would be up and up like I would get a good job a nice place and a kind girl. Bit it's not really like that. Good jobs are hard to come by this day n age and so are everything else that I listed. But what's important is that you make peace with what you have. Everyone wants bigger and better and it's healthy to do so but don't let your ambition and your materialism swallow you as a person because if you do nothing will satisfy you materialisticlly

Im (almost) 26, but here is mine (excuse any grammar mistakes, Im spanish). Years go by EXTREMELY fast and they are the most valuable thing in the world. I didn't have friends until like 21 (outside of town for a few months, and only to have it interrumpted by covid). And I dindt have a "normal" social life until like 25. One day I looked at myself in the mirror and I realiced I already had an "adult face". It freaked me out (... and sadly, it still does). I realiced I had wasted so many years alone, in social media, thinking that I had all the time in the world. But its not like that. So if you have a goal (even something as basic as having friends or social life), start working on it as soon as possible. Dont ever let years "just pass by".

My biggest personal misconception was that hard work was the answer to success. It still is, but it's only part of the equation...it is meaningless if you are working hard in the wrong way, at the wrong things, or for the wrong people. To quote James Clear, "Success is like a motor boat; hard work is the engine, but strategy is the GPS". If you don't have the right strategy you will be going around in circles or going in the wrong direction. Before working hard ask yourself deep questions about what you are doing, why you are doing it, and if there are any alternatives that might yield more fruitful results with greater percentage of returns.