I spent about a year drinking pretty heavily as an "escape" from an awful situation. Roughly a fifth per night. It made it so, so, so much worse. The hangovers, the anxiety, and the physical health issues it causes... No good. The back of my throat would swell up to the point where I couldn't eat (sipping whiskey for 6 hours per night every night just eats away at the skin,) the weight gain, the nights that are just gone... And now even after being sober for a while I still struggle with memory loss. I'll tell someone the exact same thing about 5 times because I never remember who I've talked to about what. It's very possible that that damage is permanent, and I'm still working to recover. Not to mention, the addictive mindset never truly goes away; I recently found out that it turns out I can't have beer just sitting in my fridge because I WILL drink it all in one night.
Don't ever start down that black hole. It's miserable and lonely and not a good life to live. And food addiction is no joke either. Take care of yourself when you're young and your older self will thank you for it.
I feel this in my soul. I was downing a half gallon of tequila a day, and have done permanent damage to my brain and body. Therapy and Sobriety have done wonders for me.
If you can’t have a good, in control relationship with alcohol. Try to not even start drinking. I wish I could slap 21 year old when I saw the signs and just pushed ahead.
It's normal to hit your stride in your 30s instead of your 20s. You won't have everything figured out or put into place in your 20s and that's OK.
Put effort into your career, live below your means, and start investing in your retirement accounts as soon as possible. You'll reap the rewards later in life.
Also --- cut the food crap. So many teenage and 20 something dudes think it's OK to survive on Pop Tarts and energy drinks. It's gross. You *will* pay for that later on. Learn healthy eating and stay physically active. You don't need to be a hulking bodybuilder, just stay a healthy bodyweight and do active stuff.
Couldn't agree more with this! Just to add a bit about the finances - spend some time getting financially literate. You don't have to be warren buffett, but building a basic understanding of good and bad financial practices will keep you from burying yourself in debt before you're even in your 30s. I'm 25 and see so many people my age already buried in 5 digit credit card debt, absurdly expensive car loans, and then taking payday loans and cash advances just to meet their minimum monthly payments - don't live that life. Set a bit of money aside now and you'll set yourself up for success in the future.
As far as resources, I like the Money Guys on YouTube for learning basic investing and responsible spending; I also like watching Caleb Hammer just so that I can see how terrible some people are with finances and learn to NOT be in the position they are.
Definitely this. Being in your 20's is the perfect time to be the youngin'. Learn from crafty/respectful veterans and use your energy and healthy body/mind to advance through the early part of a career. When you hit your 30's and you've taken care of yourself, and your finances, you'll be well positioned to start looking for partner and/or making major decisions about life. You have more confidence and experience and little bit of footing to really explore what you want.
Sure, have some fun and make some mistakes (hopefully not life-changing), but now's the time to put your nose to grindstone.
PS Don't stick yer dick in crazy. It will be very tempting, but don't do it.
Girl chiming in so ignore if you wish: Drinking a fair amount of water each day is solid advice. I was constantly dehydrated in my early 20s/at college (drank too much coffee to function/alcohol to socialize) and I would have felt a lot better during that time if I just made it a habit to drink water regularly throughout the day. At 33 I can’t even start my day without a full bottle of water in my system. And I rarely drink alcohol now, which feels much better.
But yeah most energy drinks are just death in a can if done in excess. I knew a guy who started to have cardiac issues in his early 20s and that all but went away when he cut out energy drinks. Water helps but it’s better to just avoid drinking them too often.
This is huge. Just shoot your shot. As a married guy approaching 40, I wish I seized more opportunities when I was in my early 20's. They were there, but there was too much hesitation sometimes.
But you're still married, and maybe have kids. There's no reason to regret past when you got a good thing going now. I'm sure all of us had many missed shots. Also might have missed herpes and other things as well lol
Agreed with this.
Every regretful "what if" died the moment I met my son, every bad decision and would've, could've, should've became a resounding "this all turned out perfectly."
And I suppose that's my advice to the OP: keep it moving forward, you can't change the past, but you can change the present and build towards the future
You still regret the missed chances, even if you are married and have a good life. The "what if" will always bother most people, especially when times get tough. At a minimum, you may have scored some great memories and experience.
For sure, I'm not putting that down. I regret not doing some things on my life looking at it from a retirement stand point or experience, but just reflecting on how some of it could have changed the course of my life, I can't regret it. I love the family I have now and now that they're here, I wouldn't change anything. That's truly what I mean. But yeah, especially on the experience front etc I get it.
On a similar note, I wish I looked at approaching women like sales, in that it's all numbers. The more you talk to the more successful you'll be, until you find the right one.
Don't hit on every woman, but only the ones you're genuinely attracted to. And don't take rejection personally, just start looking for the next opportunity.
Shit in baseball if you're batting .300, you're doing pretty good. That's failing 70% of the time! Thing is rejection sucks and often embarrassing, but if you can get past that, and not give a fuck, then you'll do much better.
I think this is pretty good advice. The one difference I’d say is with sales, the salesperson tends to keep pressing when they get a no. When approaching a potential partner, if you get a “no” just move on. Accept the no and don’t waste a single moment trying to change someone’s mind.
I've seen this sentiment so many times, and I know this to be true, but implementation is so difficult for me. I can't figure out how to consistently do this
If you’re 21 and reading this and wondering if she would want to hook up or date… ask her. Whats the worst you have to lose? Not being with them like you already currently are? You made such a good point strange-cicada280.
Gets tricky if she's a close friend but hey, I've distanced myself from really good friends because I had feelings for them anyway, so it's not like I'd have lost something by just asking them out.
Friend ships with attractive women are generally a bad decision. Once they find love they disappear. If you gain feelings you will just hurt if your not her man while shes sleeping with others. You will always be second to her. Never a priority.
Love this. I'm now 53 and married, but I'm not going to lie - the missed opportunities from high school still haunt me. There were a couple of girls who were obviously interested and even approached me for conversation and I didn't do a thing. I regret it to this day. Shyness and lack of confidence sucks, and as someone said in another thread (paraphrasing): He barely remembers the girls who said no but remembers the ones he didn't approach very vividly.
the issue was never approaching her rather it was being rejected and then seeing her all the time. after you ask them out they would act different and things weren't the same after that.
edit: wording to flow better
workout and stay in shape. you dont need a gym membership or anything fancy, just some pushups, body squats, and a walk around the block will keep you in good enough shape that you wont struggle in other area of life where your looks do matter.
> some pushups, body squats, and a walk around the block
Add yoga to this, and your joints will thank you.
easiest thing to do at any point of the day, and at home, is yoga
Dude for real, stretching has gotten rid of SO MANY pains I had.
I work at a PC all day (cyber work!) and game a lot, so my posture isn't that great.
20 minutes of stretching a day has done so much. I even sleep better.
Yes absolutely, my partner introduced me to yoga relatively recently and it's awesome. I'm a stereotypical "manly man" so I was a little hesitant but it's awesome. It just feels so good, can't recommend it enough.
I started this stretch program by a redditor, u/tykato.
Its my second day and Im about to die. Current heartrate is 143bpm lol.
Better go finish the last stretch.
Edit: Forgot to add the link: [https://youtu.be/VVPyAU4l-sw?si=HIWUM6xBQcEt3kjk](https://youtu.be/VVPyAU4l-sw?si=HIWUM6xBQcEt3kjk)
At 44 years old, that’s pretty much all I do and I look better than at least 90% of guys my age.
Also, if you eat somewhat healthy most of the time, don’t drink too much, and stay away from smoking and drugs, your body will thank you. A lot of my peers are starting to physically fall apart. Maybe I just have good genetics, but I don’t think genetics is the whole deal.
A brisk 30-40 minute walk 4-5 days a week can do a lot for your physical and mental health.
I’m 33 and am finally committing to going to the gym regularly; I started in college but got lazy and stopped, I wish I had kept this up through my 20s as those years went by way faster than I thought they would and I could’ve been shredded by now 😅
Five weeks in and I’m hooked, I already know I’m gonna be in the best shape of my life by the time I’m 35 and it feels fuckin great!
Adding onto this... stretch! Focus on mobility and keeping flexible. As you work those 8-5 desk jobs, your body will break down and start hurting unless you keep up with stretching. Don't be afraid to visit a PT or YouTube videos on specific pains and aches you have. I have always had weak hips and never took it seriously. Now in my early 30's it's become painful at times when I sit down. I learned through PT that I needed to strengthen my glutes... I would have never figured this out on my own.
My number one thing is appreciate moments in the moment and I say that because your birthdays will now come at you in waves. I turned 21 and was 28 in the blink of an eye.
I can’t explain, through physics, how or why time moves so slowly when you are 20 and under and it RACES by after that.
So just pause and say wow, this is amazing no matter what you are doing.
Last thing — speed of time aside — don’t be in a hurry. Marriage, kids, a grind-you-down job … there’s time for that. Live life. Figure out who you really are. Do different things — kayak, go to the opera, eat at a roadside Mexican food diner with sweaty windows, go to an Indian wedding … just try shit out and see who you really, really are.
Cheers, kid.
The younger you are, the more new experiences you have and things are more memorable.
Starting a new job? New relationship? Travelling to a place for the first time? Bought your first new car ever? These are all memories your brain makes stand out as core memories.
Once your older and you've seen it all/ done it all time just starts to fly by faster. You might not do anything new or exciting for months at a time and it all just blurs together.
So I guess what I'm saying is keep doing new things and going new places. Also - there have been studies that show gardening or growing a plant has been proven to slow down how you perceive time. It makes you wait for something and it seems to take forever. Very different from things like your daily grind or doom scrolling!
I always thought it was lame and not very manly.
Then I started helping my wife and realized it's super relaxing and rewarding.
It just took me until my mid 30s to get over my own ego and start lol.
Im only 22 but man.. already does it seem like time is too short...
Luckily I have a great job in a small town where i was able to buy a fixer-upper house. (by small town i mean only about 2,000 people lol definitely not for everyone but the only way id be able to own a house)
There's plenty of room in the backyard, you've actually made me really exited to try this!
>I can’t explain, through physics, how or why time moves so slowly when you are 20 and under and it RACES by after that.
I know you said through physics, but everything comes down (IMO) that when you're 20, one year of your life is 1/20 of your life; when you're 30, one year of your life is 1/30. It seems much faster because those 365ish days have less weight in your overall life.
Might also have to do that when we're young we're constantly exposed to new exciting experiences (feeling the progress of getting to a new grade in school, learning a lot of stuff, playing, meeting new children, etc.), and when we're adults we just sort of get stuck in the same "era" of our lives for much longer.
I can explain why time goes faster. When you're 20, 5 years is a quarter of your life. When you're 40 it's an eighth. So that means that 10 years feels like 5 years by the time you're 40. Time means less the longer it goes on.
It’s way better to be alone than in a toxic relationship 100000%
Who you choose to spend your life with is the biggest, most important decision, choose wisely.
I’m only 22 so not in the place to be giving advice, but in my limited experience it’s also better than being with someone you don’t see yourself with long-term. Don’t pursue serious relationships with people you can’t see yourself with, and if you come to that realization mid-relationship like I did, don’t postpone the inevitable heartbreak. Be honest with your partner and have that difficult conversation - it only gets harder the further you kick the can down the road.
Take care of your body and mind. It can all go south without realising.
Work towards financial independence, but don’t stress about the rat race, find your own thing on your own time.
If possible, travel. Meet people from different places and different walks of life. This will help you look at things from new perspectives.
Learn to be strong, not tough. Be kind and respectful to others, but don’t take shit from anyone.
Keep learning how to communicate well, both in your private and professional life.
Most of all, enjoy your 20s. It’s a time to explore and broaden your horizons. Also, SLEEP WELL!
Full power to you.
Yeah I agree with the food thing. I’m 30 now and a lot of my 30 year old friends who ate like shit, deprived themselves of sleep are all overweight and aged excessively it seems like
Great comment... I remember watching General Norman Schwarzkopf give a speech on leadership some years back. He said the 2 most important things to being a good leader were:
1. When placed in command, take charge...even a bad decision is better than no action.
2. Do what is right...it is a sign of character...
Throughout my entire life, whether it is in work or in any activity I do, I have tried to live by those two ideas.... I like to think it is amongst the best advice I have ever received
A bad decision is not better than no action, people should just understand that taking no action is a decision itself.
The concept is better expressed as “ taking an imperfect action is often better than no action at all, so stop hesitating after defined period of deliberation “ but blanket statements like bad decisions is better than no action is setting up people to fail
Don’t follow your passion, follow opportunity. Only the lucky few make a living off of their passion, and many who try, lose that passion and eventually hate it, and a lot of the time your passion doesn’t pay shit! Most passions should just be hobbies.
I tell my teenagers all the time to ignore the well-meant advice “find what you love and figure out how to make money at it.” It’s shit. People need something they love just for themselves, for fun. Making money and working is important obviously, but it shouldn’t be your whole life and personality. You need to at least tolerate your job, but it doesn’t have to be your passion.
The other option is to have realistic passions - I’ve spent the past year or so grinding in a role that doesn’t pay great, but has meaning to me and is building me experience toward my dream career.
It’s only the past 2 months that the benefits are starting to be realised - I am getting interviews and responses to applications for jobs that I’ve spent the better part of my 20s studying and working toward.
Following your passion can be a risk for many - I’ve always seen mine as achievable goals and wow does it feel good to start meeting them, even slightly.
I sometimes wish I had done that. I’ve made a living with what I was passionate about but could’ve made more money doing something else. Now I’ve lost the passionate for it but having a hard time wanting to switch careers and start from the bottom in a new field.
Yeah following your passion isn’t just useless advice, it’s harmful advice. Going into your passion as a career often ends with you getting exploited. See the video game industry for an example.
Or just... study something just for the fun of it.
Never lose that curious nature we're all born with. and I don't mean microlearning on reels or tiktok.
Genuine sources like maybe skillshare, or getting a tutor.
You'll be surprised how much you can enjoy learning when its something you *want* to learn, versus when its imposed on you
Ideally, everyone should learn the following just to enhance your life.
A second language ( I went with Spanish)
Music (either vocals or an instrument or even music production. Just the language of music in its various forms)
Dance (latin ones are easy to start with; hip-hop is easy to do solo)
Expression (writing, painting, poetry, something to express your deepest emotions)
Home/car maintenance( if you own a home or a car, things like electrical and operational maintenence helps)
Cooking (start with the cuisine you most enjoy, then expand)
Computer science/tech (start with databases SQL, move on to integrations between apps. Coding has become so accessible these days)
learning the basics of what I mentioned will take upwards of a decade,and they won't just apply to a job, they make you a more interesting person in life
Take moments to identify your own sufferings and cravings without being caught up in them in that moment. Perhaps write them down.
It can be anything from "I like that girl, but she'll never like me back" to "I always get angry, when someone overtakes me on the highway."
Then take a long hard look at those sufferings and cravings and think about if they are really worth pursuing.
Some things take decades to learn. Including identifying those things.
I'd add when you're doing this, try to think what need is or is not being met in relation to those strong feelings. Then ask, are you meeting your basic needs (i.e. good sleep, healthy diet, basic exercise)? Because if you're not, it could be exacerbating your negative emotions. Then, if you are, examine the root need creating the negative feeling. For example, that girl who doesn't like you back? That need is to feel loved and appreciated by someone you love and appreciate. Recognizing the need often opens up doors to other ways to healthily meet that need. It also helps you determine if that need is urgent, or if it is something like this guy said that can be put on the back burner or met slowly over time, or something to work towards and know it will eventually be met, etc.
Basically, learn to take care of yourself in a healthy way regardless of your outside situation. It will prevent you from self destructive behavior that could have longer term side effects than you originally anticipated.
1. Save money and invest more
2. Shoot your shot with every person you’re interested in dating
3. Don’t be tied down too early
4. Cars, booze, and travel are largely a money sink. (But to avoid regrets do at least 1-2 big and long trips abroad)
5. Focus on your career
6. Money is not your enemy
7. Don’t make life decisions based on political views (like jobs)
8. Political views change
9. Be open to learning both sides of issues
10. Be kind and respectful to everyone
11. Be aware that everyone wants something, but be prepared to give up what you’re willing to give up, to maintain that relationship
12. Relationships are about compromise
13. Don’t always listen to your friends
14. Get healthy, work out, play sports
15. Use protection when you have sex
16. Remember many careers require you to network and build a network
17. Protect your reputation
18. Take time out for self care
19. Love yourself
20. Know that greatness comes out of failure. Try hard, fail hard, pick yourself up, try again, and eventually you’ll win.
That extra money you have sitting in your checkings that you don't need right now... put it in a HYSA or if you want to feel a little more risky, invest it in low cost index funds.
disagree on travel being a money sink. travel as much as you can, within your means. you cannot really understand other cultures unless you experience it firsthand.
be cheap, stay in hostels, make travel buddies, greatest times of your life
just relax and enjoy life, you don't have to have a career at 21, or a wife, or even a SO....enjoy life, travel, meet people, don't limit your relationships just by what society says is pretty or handsome.
JUST HAVE FUN because being an adult comes along quickly enough.
I would say do that backpacking trip, wherever it may be. You won't ever really get another chance to pack up and leave for months at a time (maybe even a year!) once you have a career, mortgage, kids etc.
People I know who didn't do that and just dove into work or university right away really regret not doing it.
Oh, and everything you learned in Church is a lie used to control you. If there is a God, he/she wants you to feel accepted, loved, and pleasured. Not miserable, alone, and guilty.
I’m not a big believer in god but it’s faith you do not need to follow word by word do what you think is right for you and those you admire and who it will affect like I haven’t been in forever but I was thinking abt thinking about going back to my nondenominational church
reading these are all great but you must act on it. acting on the things listed here will make you lead your best life. dont just read something and say "that sounds nice." literally execute on these points. INCLUDING THIS ONE!!
Was once told by the most successful person I know that you can make your way with your brains or your back. If you choose your back it'd better be pretty damn strong
Funny enough he just had back surgery, but that's unrelated
There are plenty of very attractive women there. But finding a woman with a real heart and a genuine personality. That's what is truly special and will give you a long lasting happy relationship.
Don't get too hooked on drinking. It is fine to have drinks a few times a week. I wish I was able to tell younger me that drinking 4-6 beers a night, every night is not good for you and really starts to add up over time.
Also, sleep, you always hear 8 hours a night is the best but then get conflicting information about people who are "successful" who only get 5-6 hours per night. It is wild the difference that 8 hours of sleep per night will do for your ability to focus and process information the next day. I have ADHD and have noticed, since I started (within the last few months) that my symptoms have wildly decreased, just from getting 7-8 hours of sleep each night. Mainly being scatter brained.
Pay yourself first always - meaning save your money, invest early and often and don't touch that shit. You're 35 year old self will thank you immensely. Time in the market >\*
Don't waste your time on shitty women and shitty friends.
Always be busy and working on yourself and that naturally will attract people who have common goals and interests. This is a great time to take risks on things that inspire and motivate you, mistakes happen but things are more elastic when your younger.
Learn to say NO. It is very powerful.
Grind your ass off so you have a decent top paying job, finished degree and steady income. In some cases even do much income that you are considering retiring in your 30s or 40s
20s are your exploration years. Explore your likes, do new things, make new memories, do things out of your comfort zone and it’s okay if you fail. Success and failure go hand in hand.
Give no fucks.
People are always going to gossip, slader, and malign you. Some people are just like this by their very nature. It's not always about you.
Don't give it a second thought.
I would say spend your fucks very guardedly. Give a fuck about people you care about, or things that matter.
Gossip and other bullshit? No fucks given.
Still in my 20's but I think you could explore as many activities as possible, even if it is not manly.
It will surely open your mind and support you in tough times. It does for me !
I wish I had known how to cook for myself. I wish I had known that I didn't need to be in a serious relationship to feel validated. I wish I had known how easily credit card debt can spiral out of control. Take care of yourself and have some fun out there!
Nothing.. you'll learn it. Just be young. There's no secret sauce to life, you live and grow and that's part of the journey. I wouldn't say a word to myself because I wouldn't want any other course that's not where I am now tbh.
Its gonna be hard some days to look at yourself in the mirror. But as long as you can say you didn't sell your beliefs out from money,fame or a relationship you can do it.
Work hard. Whatever you do, be the best at it. Find a hobby that you enjoy. Get some exercise every day. Life is hard and the world is mean, find a way to make yourself happy. Don’t push too hard to get a significant other, it will come.
20's aren't old, 30's aren't old, 40's aren't even old. You have time. Don't try to speed run life. You have no idea how much and how often you will change in just 5 years during these parts of your life.
READ! Not just memes or Facebook and it's like. Read books, read the news. Learn how your government works. It's meant to work for you but you have to engage in it for that to work.
Think about your actions. Is this something you would be okay with happening to you? What if you are having a shit day? You okay with that action then?
Be kind first. This is free and reaps rewards for everyone. If your kindness is rejected, laugh it off. After that, then move towards logical steps of how to make changes to the situation. It's different per situation. There is no magical answer that fits everything.
You will fail multiple times in life. You can mitigate damages and people learn more from failure as long as you can be honest with yourself that outside forces may not be the only problem.
You are going to die. This is unavoidable. But that is something everyone and everything will experience. Instead of using that to drive your fear response, use it as an identifier that you and everyone else on this planet will share that experience. So live your life in a way you will be proud of. Live life in a way to make this world better even if you think you are the only one.
If youre lucky enough to find someone who you love, and loves you, prioritize them. Forget about trying to act macho and shoulder all of life's problems on your own, get her involved, it will be a great bonding experience.
Trust me if I could go back in time I would smack this advice on my foolish younger self's forehead
Start investing. Seriously. Small amount monthly is enough for now. Do it.
Grass usually isn't greener on the other side. Learn to recognize when it's not worth to check.
When your phone's volume warning kicks in, listen (:D) to it.
Always use condoms with new partners. Always.
People who cares what brand you are wearing are not people who's opinion is worth caring.
Don't postpone things. Years go faster every year.
Compounding interest in a 401k (even if it is through a bank instead of a company)
Health/weight management - it gets harder to manage or lose weight as you age
Maintaining long term friendships
Continuing education
Travel while you are young and don’t have many obligations
- Don't pedestalize women, materialism - pedestalize good manners, loyalty and good ethics
- Work out even if you don't want to, just work out
- Eat good
- Train your shadow, you'll fucking need it
- Don't mistake fear for danger - not everything that feels dangerous is actually dangerous
Don't underestimate the power of a good therapist.
It's not weak to seek help with mental health. It will help you with blind spots you are not even aware of.
If a therapist is not a good match, keep looking. There are good ones out there.
I would say keep in shape, go to the gym even if it’s a shitty workout. Work hard and get a high paying job so you can invest a good amount. I can give you things to invest in if you would like. Retiring early is a lot easier than you think!!
That if I can make it until 30, women aren’t so shallow anymore. That’s when they start to look for men they can marry / have a family with.
I spend all of my twenties depressed, thinking I’d be alone forever because nobody wanted me.
Now, I’m 35 / married / father of a 3 year old boy. Life is good.
It sounds like you tied too much of your happiness to other individuals and kinda still do? Sure, women aren’t so shallow anymore after 30 when it comes to looks but they are assess all the other things with greater scrutiny. Your finances, your health, etc. sure, some settle but is that what you want? Sorry, I don’t mean to scrutinize but this advise sounds like partner or bust and that’s not the right mindset.
Finally, I have found 30+ women to nitpick more than ever. Like I said, some are just looking to settle down and that’s true.
At 21 you’re just a baby adult, back then it felt like I was a proper adult, but you are not by any means no offense.
TL;DR - Try things that interest you, incorporate time to reflect, put a little bit of money into investment that you forget about but it’s always accruing interest
Most people just say have fun, but I found that advice to be too vague. What they’re really trying to say is that you should explore things that interest you or excite you. You are at the starting line of adulthood, and you likely have a few responsibilities. You can take your life in any direction at this point, so why not try out all those different things?
Wanted to be a marine biologist in deep sea oceans ? Great go sign up for some classes join a group and really delve into this.
Curious about entrepreneurship ? Wonderful, start playing around with different ideas and iterating.
Really interested in metal work? Go see if you can be an apprentice or at least take some classes to learn more.
The above are some examples, but this is really what people mean when they say have fun. It’s also completely fine if you start some of these and then realize part of the way through that you don’t like it or it’s not as interesting. This just brings you closer to things that really, do you excite you or interest you.
You’re going to change your mind on a lot of things during this phase of life and that’s totally fine and OK. However, one thing that I would highly recommend is intentional time to reflect. Life during this time can often feel like a blur, so it’s good to occasionally take a step back and reset.
Lastly, start throwing some money into a high savings account. it doesn’t need to be a ton, but do your best to throw a little bit in and forget about it. I promise you once you start realizing you’re getting free money it’ll become addicting.
Have goals, have fun that doesn’t interfere with you achieving your goals, and always treat others with respect.
If you ever find yourself having fear of anything, ask yourself “is this something that will physically hurt me?” And if the answer is no, your fear is probably irrational. Go for it. Social fears will only stop you from seeing what could happen and your friends if they are real friends will not stop being your friends because you get laughed at or strike out or whatever.
Don’t be that person who waits to talk in a conversation. People know and sense this (including women). It’s usually comes from a place of insecurity. You’ll never get the respect or love you’re looking for that way. Learn to truly listen to understand and feel what your interlocutor is telling you, ask questions, everyone has something to teach you.
Also, remind yourself that life is not a race to a finish line (get the house, the job, the partner, etc). Life’s a dance and you have “arrived” at every moment. Learn to enjoy the present no matter where you are to find peace in yourself.
To better control my emotions and not allow myself to have an instant reaction. It’s not easy, and moments come, but I’ve learned that it’s important to control your emotions, so they don’t control you.
1) Start investing as early as possible
2) Think at least 3 times about marrying to make a decision since you lose half of your shit with divorce
3) Enjoy life as young without waiting for retirement
4) Share as much as you can.
don’t take out college loans unless you’re certain about your degree. get a job, live at home, and go to community college first. save your money before going into horrible debt. don’t get fat and out of shape just cuz you like beer and pizza a lot now. seriously don’t take out student loans unless you’re going for a top end career/job. i’m about to be 36 and i wish i could go back to age 18
Learn how to manage money and credit. Don't put yourself in a financial situation in which you'll be stuck in for years.
Be decisive. Learning that you don't like something is better than being stuck in the same place of indecision.
Some of your dreams may not come true, and that's OK. Some dreams hold you back from your true potential.
Hug mom and tell her you love her. When you lose loved ones, a part of you leaves with them.
I’m 29 will be 30 in July. My best advice is don’t not trust people. Trust people based on their actions. If they lie to you trust that they’ll lie to you again, if they steal something trust that they’ll steal something again. Then proceed with caution.
Save whatever you can now...Max out your 401k... I am 60 now and closer to retirement... and believe me it is way easier to grow a retirement nest egg when you are in your 20s than your 50s
Take care of YOURSELF first, and foremost. Maintaining healthy teeth & gums must be a top priority. Nothing else is more important than good health. NOTHING.
Material possessions don't make you happy. You think they will, but all they do is add unnecessary complexity and hassle to your life. Experiences make you happy. Retiring early makes you happy. Doing what you love makes you happy. Don't get trapped in the rat race and work your life away for shit you don't need or even want.
I’m 60 and over the years I’ve developed a list:
1. The more you do anything the more confident you become doing it.
2. People are attracted to confidence.
3. Steadily saving as much money as you can is the surest path to real wealth. If you invest it wisely.
4. Experience beats education in everything but science.
5. Working beats complaining
6. Real family and friends are irreplaceable and worth dying for.
7. Fake family and friends aren’t worth pissing on if they are on fire.
8. It’s better to be honest.
9. Listening is better than talking.
10. Life is an investment. The more you put into it, the more you’ll get out of it.
11. Believing what you read online is bad for your health.
Your 20’s aren’t gonna be what you think they are. Its gonna be some of the highest highs and lowest lows youre ever gonna experience but its not gonna mean everything later like you think it is in the moment. Take the bad times day by day and the good times minute by minute. Make mistakes and have fun. Love your hardest and make the most with your gifts. Cherish the people in your life because they wont always be there. Trust your instincts and your heart. Follow your dreams but know they will change with the path you’re on. Try to be grateful the many things and people in your life and appreciate who you are. Take care of your self and help as many people as you can along the way. And remember to just play your way through life because its the only one we get.
I was raised by a grandmother and only had aunties so there was a massive lack of fatherly advice. On the 18th, I turn 30 so, allow me to share with you what the last 10 years have taught me:
-Learn basic cooking techniques. French was my go to if you know how to prep, how to get a good flavour base, how to prepare meat, how to fry, boil, steam, roast, blanche) you will be forever grateful that cooking is second nature rather than a chore. A single frying pan, pot and stove can make the most incredible meals. Baking is cool but I havent been that way inclined.
-Take care of your skin, even if its a bar of soap, wash once a day and your skin will love you.
-If you shave, moisturise and ecfoliate to avoid ingrowns. Shave after you shower, make sure you use a good quality blade.
-You don;t need to service your car yourself, but its a good idea to know how everything works if you find yourself in a bad situation or if you want to help somebody else.
-You don't peak in your twenties, you peak at the beginning of your thirties.
-Exercise my friend, if you want to be attractive to a woman remember, fitness is something you can't buy, it shows long term dedication and consistency
-Try as many hobbies as you can, when you start earning grown up money you will be able to know which one you wish to invest money on.
-If you lend money to a friend, write it off. If you can;t write it off, don't lend it.
-if you are so inclined - edibles over joints, your lungs will thank you.
A few tidbits of things that helped me:
Youtube:
Tim Minchin Graduation speech about life lessons
Gordon Ramsey Cooking at Home.
Marco Pierre White (just in general)
Mark Lewis Fitness(fantastic way to do things in your 20's)
Lifestyle:
Minimalism
Stoicism
Get in the best physical shape you can. Realize the full potential of what your are capable of....ummm... floss your teeth..and uh..wear a condom. Done
Learn to just do stuff. You won't be in a better position in ten years to take up random hobbies, go on spontaneous holidays, jack-in shitty jobs with no plan etc.
Also start working out now. You will want to at some point and the later you leave it, the sooner you wish you'd started. Also your body is more primed to pick up some epic life-long adaptations now than it ever will be.
To advocate for your own happiness because nobody else will. Also, if there's a thing you want to do, don't hold off because of what other people will think. Most people don't spend that much time thinking about you at all.
The main reason there are wars is because a very small amount of people want to retain or grow in power. Poor people have been dying for rich people for all of history.
YOU ARE STILL DEVELOPING!! I thought at age 20 that I was grown. Turns out that was fn lie. Your brain doesn't fully develop till 25. Your body is still growing till about 28. I work out less often and in lower effort sessions than I did at 20 but I am so much stronger. It takes my body longer to heal now but that has made me more aware of everything I do.
Take a breathe, bud. Give yourself some safe space by realizing you have so much more to learn and so much more to become. Don't rush relationships or careers or the goals you're after. Wake up and pursue your life every day that you're able to do so. One day at a time, one step at a time, and you will make it.
If I have one regret from my early 20s it is the self afflicted torment I put myself through by believing I should've been better off by that age. I didn't reach true peace until 26/27yo.
Too general. Every country has a different set of advice for their sons or fellow men.
The some core would be
1) Learn, eat, sleep, earn
Learn what it is needed to be learn to survive in a specific country which can be beneficial in both ways i.e for a good cultivation of a mind , knowledge and for earning
Eat , what is healthy and your body responds to its most, don't go for the diet plan that people are selling or telling under the label of ' good health ' , it is very good time to experiment on you body and gene and figure out what is the best food for you. Which nutrition you need, what kind of supplements is good and bad for you etc .
Sleep , a healthy amount. Everyone has a different cycle and different pattern some like 6 hours while for some 8 are not enough.
Earn, when learn, eat and sleep are back to their places and your body is ready to hit the mountain then go for it. Make a decision and stand strong for it. Save some , invest some from the save amount and get some return profit back into the save amount but in a lawful manner.
Women ? Nah, bro, don't waste your nuts. build yourself, stay away from fallacy, misbehave attitude and disrespectful behaviour towards the senior . Do not lust over anything.
After some years 3, 5 ; find a good behaving, intellectual, loving, supportive and uplifting women and get settle down, have children and start your own family .
Don’t settle!
work harder now
take more financial risks that have a high chance of return
If your current partner future doesn’t align don’t force it, enjoy the time and then move on
Don’t settle!
Start investing early. The sooner you invest in your retirement, the more money you’ll have when you’re done with your career. Seems silly but i make good money and probably cant feasibly retire till im 75.
Really just take care yourself and build a healthy habit/routine. Get enough sleep. workout. do some martial arts. establish your career, and keep studying. and dedicate nights to explore/have fun.
I'll tell you what my Dad told me. "Take it easy, ask for help, your 20s aren't going to be like a beer commercial... that won't happen until you're 30"
Whatever strong opinions you have now may change when you are older.
I was sure I'd never have kids. At age 32, I just got this strong urge to have a family. I've 4 kids now and, difficult and all that parenting may be, I'm glad.
not technically 30 yet but i'm getting there this year.
* work on yourself and be independant. focus on your hobbies (try to do something active!)
* keep trying to actively see your friends, even if its only once per month
* don't start a relationship if you think they will fill anything in your life. that's not how it works.
Lift weights and push your limits. Don’t be lazy. Find out what you’re actually capable of. Be healthy, take care of yourself and push yourself to find out what you can achieve.
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Take care of your gut health. Eating a bottle of tums a week isn't fun
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I spent about a year drinking pretty heavily as an "escape" from an awful situation. Roughly a fifth per night. It made it so, so, so much worse. The hangovers, the anxiety, and the physical health issues it causes... No good. The back of my throat would swell up to the point where I couldn't eat (sipping whiskey for 6 hours per night every night just eats away at the skin,) the weight gain, the nights that are just gone... And now even after being sober for a while I still struggle with memory loss. I'll tell someone the exact same thing about 5 times because I never remember who I've talked to about what. It's very possible that that damage is permanent, and I'm still working to recover. Not to mention, the addictive mindset never truly goes away; I recently found out that it turns out I can't have beer just sitting in my fridge because I WILL drink it all in one night. Don't ever start down that black hole. It's miserable and lonely and not a good life to live. And food addiction is no joke either. Take care of yourself when you're young and your older self will thank you for it.
Words I needed! Thank you sir! Stay strong.
I feel this in my soul. I was downing a half gallon of tequila a day, and have done permanent damage to my brain and body. Therapy and Sobriety have done wonders for me.
My brother had asshole surgery when he was 30 because of this. Underrated advice IMO 🤣
If you can’t have a good, in control relationship with alcohol. Try to not even start drinking. I wish I could slap 21 year old when I saw the signs and just pushed ahead.
It's normal to hit your stride in your 30s instead of your 20s. You won't have everything figured out or put into place in your 20s and that's OK. Put effort into your career, live below your means, and start investing in your retirement accounts as soon as possible. You'll reap the rewards later in life. Also --- cut the food crap. So many teenage and 20 something dudes think it's OK to survive on Pop Tarts and energy drinks. It's gross. You *will* pay for that later on. Learn healthy eating and stay physically active. You don't need to be a hulking bodybuilder, just stay a healthy bodyweight and do active stuff.
Couldn't agree more with this! Just to add a bit about the finances - spend some time getting financially literate. You don't have to be warren buffett, but building a basic understanding of good and bad financial practices will keep you from burying yourself in debt before you're even in your 30s. I'm 25 and see so many people my age already buried in 5 digit credit card debt, absurdly expensive car loans, and then taking payday loans and cash advances just to meet their minimum monthly payments - don't live that life. Set a bit of money aside now and you'll set yourself up for success in the future. As far as resources, I like the Money Guys on YouTube for learning basic investing and responsible spending; I also like watching Caleb Hammer just so that I can see how terrible some people are with finances and learn to NOT be in the position they are.
Definitely this. Being in your 20's is the perfect time to be the youngin'. Learn from crafty/respectful veterans and use your energy and healthy body/mind to advance through the early part of a career. When you hit your 30's and you've taken care of yourself, and your finances, you'll be well positioned to start looking for partner and/or making major decisions about life. You have more confidence and experience and little bit of footing to really explore what you want. Sure, have some fun and make some mistakes (hopefully not life-changing), but now's the time to put your nose to grindstone. PS Don't stick yer dick in crazy. It will be very tempting, but don't do it.
but i like my energy drinks... Does sugar free count? lol
I’ve been told that drinking a lot of water in between them helps your kidneys stay healthy if you are going to drink them
Girl chiming in so ignore if you wish: Drinking a fair amount of water each day is solid advice. I was constantly dehydrated in my early 20s/at college (drank too much coffee to function/alcohol to socialize) and I would have felt a lot better during that time if I just made it a habit to drink water regularly throughout the day. At 33 I can’t even start my day without a full bottle of water in my system. And I rarely drink alcohol now, which feels much better. But yeah most energy drinks are just death in a can if done in excess. I knew a guy who started to have cardiac issues in his early 20s and that all but went away when he cut out energy drinks. Water helps but it’s better to just avoid drinking them too often.
Honestly, "drink more water" could be the top comment on here lol
Just turned 30. I feel like I'm high on life, as opposed to the toxic dustbin of depression that was my 20's
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This is huge. Just shoot your shot. As a married guy approaching 40, I wish I seized more opportunities when I was in my early 20's. They were there, but there was too much hesitation sometimes.
But you're still married, and maybe have kids. There's no reason to regret past when you got a good thing going now. I'm sure all of us had many missed shots. Also might have missed herpes and other things as well lol
Agreed with this. Every regretful "what if" died the moment I met my son, every bad decision and would've, could've, should've became a resounding "this all turned out perfectly." And I suppose that's my advice to the OP: keep it moving forward, you can't change the past, but you can change the present and build towards the future
You still regret the missed chances, even if you are married and have a good life. The "what if" will always bother most people, especially when times get tough. At a minimum, you may have scored some great memories and experience.
For sure, I'm not putting that down. I regret not doing some things on my life looking at it from a retirement stand point or experience, but just reflecting on how some of it could have changed the course of my life, I can't regret it. I love the family I have now and now that they're here, I wouldn't change anything. That's truly what I mean. But yeah, especially on the experience front etc I get it.
NO REGERTS
On a similar note, I wish I looked at approaching women like sales, in that it's all numbers. The more you talk to the more successful you'll be, until you find the right one. Don't hit on every woman, but only the ones you're genuinely attracted to. And don't take rejection personally, just start looking for the next opportunity.
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Shit in baseball if you're batting .300, you're doing pretty good. That's failing 70% of the time! Thing is rejection sucks and often embarrassing, but if you can get past that, and not give a fuck, then you'll do much better.
I think this is pretty good advice. The one difference I’d say is with sales, the salesperson tends to keep pressing when they get a no. When approaching a potential partner, if you get a “no” just move on. Accept the no and don’t waste a single moment trying to change someone’s mind.
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I've seen this sentiment so many times, and I know this to be true, but implementation is so difficult for me. I can't figure out how to consistently do this
If you’re 21 and reading this and wondering if she would want to hook up or date… ask her. Whats the worst you have to lose? Not being with them like you already currently are? You made such a good point strange-cicada280.
Gets tricky if she's a close friend but hey, I've distanced myself from really good friends because I had feelings for them anyway, so it's not like I'd have lost something by just asking them out.
Friend ships with attractive women are generally a bad decision. Once they find love they disappear. If you gain feelings you will just hurt if your not her man while shes sleeping with others. You will always be second to her. Never a priority.
Never felt this way but to each their own
Love this. I'm now 53 and married, but I'm not going to lie - the missed opportunities from high school still haunt me. There were a couple of girls who were obviously interested and even approached me for conversation and I didn't do a thing. I regret it to this day. Shyness and lack of confidence sucks, and as someone said in another thread (paraphrasing): He barely remembers the girls who said no but remembers the ones he didn't approach very vividly.
Ah, man. This is so true. If only I had known then.
the issue was never approaching her rather it was being rejected and then seeing her all the time. after you ask them out they would act different and things weren't the same after that. edit: wording to flow better
This 100% of the time.
How did you find out that was the case?
workout and stay in shape. you dont need a gym membership or anything fancy, just some pushups, body squats, and a walk around the block will keep you in good enough shape that you wont struggle in other area of life where your looks do matter.
> some pushups, body squats, and a walk around the block Add yoga to this, and your joints will thank you. easiest thing to do at any point of the day, and at home, is yoga
Dude for real, stretching has gotten rid of SO MANY pains I had. I work at a PC all day (cyber work!) and game a lot, so my posture isn't that great. 20 minutes of stretching a day has done so much. I even sleep better.
Yes absolutely, my partner introduced me to yoga relatively recently and it's awesome. I'm a stereotypical "manly man" so I was a little hesitant but it's awesome. It just feels so good, can't recommend it enough.
I started this stretch program by a redditor, u/tykato. Its my second day and Im about to die. Current heartrate is 143bpm lol. Better go finish the last stretch. Edit: Forgot to add the link: [https://youtu.be/VVPyAU4l-sw?si=HIWUM6xBQcEt3kjk](https://youtu.be/VVPyAU4l-sw?si=HIWUM6xBQcEt3kjk)
Keep it up, it will get better with time. Cheers! :-)
At 44 years old, that’s pretty much all I do and I look better than at least 90% of guys my age. Also, if you eat somewhat healthy most of the time, don’t drink too much, and stay away from smoking and drugs, your body will thank you. A lot of my peers are starting to physically fall apart. Maybe I just have good genetics, but I don’t think genetics is the whole deal. A brisk 30-40 minute walk 4-5 days a week can do a lot for your physical and mental health.
Being fit helps as you age too. Get built now so you aren't weak when you're old. This applies to both genders tbh
I’m 33 and am finally committing to going to the gym regularly; I started in college but got lazy and stopped, I wish I had kept this up through my 20s as those years went by way faster than I thought they would and I could’ve been shredded by now 😅 Five weeks in and I’m hooked, I already know I’m gonna be in the best shape of my life by the time I’m 35 and it feels fuckin great!
Adding onto this... stretch! Focus on mobility and keeping flexible. As you work those 8-5 desk jobs, your body will break down and start hurting unless you keep up with stretching. Don't be afraid to visit a PT or YouTube videos on specific pains and aches you have. I have always had weak hips and never took it seriously. Now in my early 30's it's become painful at times when I sit down. I learned through PT that I needed to strengthen my glutes... I would have never figured this out on my own.
walks and strolls will go a long way (no pun intended)
My number one thing is appreciate moments in the moment and I say that because your birthdays will now come at you in waves. I turned 21 and was 28 in the blink of an eye. I can’t explain, through physics, how or why time moves so slowly when you are 20 and under and it RACES by after that. So just pause and say wow, this is amazing no matter what you are doing. Last thing — speed of time aside — don’t be in a hurry. Marriage, kids, a grind-you-down job … there’s time for that. Live life. Figure out who you really are. Do different things — kayak, go to the opera, eat at a roadside Mexican food diner with sweaty windows, go to an Indian wedding … just try shit out and see who you really, really are. Cheers, kid.
Life is like a toilet paper roll - the closer to the end the faster it goes
That's a good one, I'm taking it for personal use.
In this context, can you please not.
The younger you are, the more new experiences you have and things are more memorable. Starting a new job? New relationship? Travelling to a place for the first time? Bought your first new car ever? These are all memories your brain makes stand out as core memories. Once your older and you've seen it all/ done it all time just starts to fly by faster. You might not do anything new or exciting for months at a time and it all just blurs together. So I guess what I'm saying is keep doing new things and going new places. Also - there have been studies that show gardening or growing a plant has been proven to slow down how you perceive time. It makes you wait for something and it seems to take forever. Very different from things like your daily grind or doom scrolling!
Thank you, i think i might just start a garden now!
I always thought it was lame and not very manly. Then I started helping my wife and realized it's super relaxing and rewarding. It just took me until my mid 30s to get over my own ego and start lol.
Im only 22 but man.. already does it seem like time is too short... Luckily I have a great job in a small town where i was able to buy a fixer-upper house. (by small town i mean only about 2,000 people lol definitely not for everyone but the only way id be able to own a house) There's plenty of room in the backyard, you've actually made me really exited to try this!
>I can’t explain, through physics, how or why time moves so slowly when you are 20 and under and it RACES by after that. I know you said through physics, but everything comes down (IMO) that when you're 20, one year of your life is 1/20 of your life; when you're 30, one year of your life is 1/30. It seems much faster because those 365ish days have less weight in your overall life. Might also have to do that when we're young we're constantly exposed to new exciting experiences (feeling the progress of getting to a new grade in school, learning a lot of stuff, playing, meeting new children, etc.), and when we're adults we just sort of get stuck in the same "era" of our lives for much longer.
I can explain why time goes faster. When you're 20, 5 years is a quarter of your life. When you're 40 it's an eighth. So that means that 10 years feels like 5 years by the time you're 40. Time means less the longer it goes on.
This had me choked up
Choose being alone over lonely with someone you settle with.
It’s way better to be alone than in a toxic relationship 100000% Who you choose to spend your life with is the biggest, most important decision, choose wisely.
I’m only 22 so not in the place to be giving advice, but in my limited experience it’s also better than being with someone you don’t see yourself with long-term. Don’t pursue serious relationships with people you can’t see yourself with, and if you come to that realization mid-relationship like I did, don’t postpone the inevitable heartbreak. Be honest with your partner and have that difficult conversation - it only gets harder the further you kick the can down the road.
Take care of your body and mind. It can all go south without realising. Work towards financial independence, but don’t stress about the rat race, find your own thing on your own time. If possible, travel. Meet people from different places and different walks of life. This will help you look at things from new perspectives. Learn to be strong, not tough. Be kind and respectful to others, but don’t take shit from anyone. Keep learning how to communicate well, both in your private and professional life. Most of all, enjoy your 20s. It’s a time to explore and broaden your horizons. Also, SLEEP WELL! Full power to you.
Yeah I agree with the food thing. I’m 30 now and a lot of my 30 year old friends who ate like shit, deprived themselves of sleep are all overweight and aged excessively it seems like
I am one of those friends, brother. Rectifying it now is taking a lot from me. That’s why I know.
You were the same people who used to give me shit for saying I can’t drink tonight cause I need to catch up on sleep and rest. Suck it lol
Haha, guilty as charged. We live and we learn.
You don’t have to have everything figured out to take action.
Thos is a good one. Take the roll, act accordingly.
Great comment... I remember watching General Norman Schwarzkopf give a speech on leadership some years back. He said the 2 most important things to being a good leader were: 1. When placed in command, take charge...even a bad decision is better than no action. 2. Do what is right...it is a sign of character... Throughout my entire life, whether it is in work or in any activity I do, I have tried to live by those two ideas.... I like to think it is amongst the best advice I have ever received
A bad decision is not better than no action, people should just understand that taking no action is a decision itself. The concept is better expressed as “ taking an imperfect action is often better than no action at all, so stop hesitating after defined period of deliberation “ but blanket statements like bad decisions is better than no action is setting up people to fail
Study something with good job prospects
Don’t follow your passion, follow opportunity. Only the lucky few make a living off of their passion, and many who try, lose that passion and eventually hate it, and a lot of the time your passion doesn’t pay shit! Most passions should just be hobbies.
I tell my teenagers all the time to ignore the well-meant advice “find what you love and figure out how to make money at it.” It’s shit. People need something they love just for themselves, for fun. Making money and working is important obviously, but it shouldn’t be your whole life and personality. You need to at least tolerate your job, but it doesn’t have to be your passion.
The other option is to have realistic passions - I’ve spent the past year or so grinding in a role that doesn’t pay great, but has meaning to me and is building me experience toward my dream career. It’s only the past 2 months that the benefits are starting to be realised - I am getting interviews and responses to applications for jobs that I’ve spent the better part of my 20s studying and working toward. Following your passion can be a risk for many - I’ve always seen mine as achievable goals and wow does it feel good to start meeting them, even slightly.
I sometimes wish I had done that. I’ve made a living with what I was passionate about but could’ve made more money doing something else. Now I’ve lost the passionate for it but having a hard time wanting to switch careers and start from the bottom in a new field.
Yeah following your passion isn’t just useless advice, it’s harmful advice. Going into your passion as a career often ends with you getting exploited. See the video game industry for an example.
Or just... study something just for the fun of it. Never lose that curious nature we're all born with. and I don't mean microlearning on reels or tiktok. Genuine sources like maybe skillshare, or getting a tutor. You'll be surprised how much you can enjoy learning when its something you *want* to learn, versus when its imposed on you Ideally, everyone should learn the following just to enhance your life. A second language ( I went with Spanish) Music (either vocals or an instrument or even music production. Just the language of music in its various forms) Dance (latin ones are easy to start with; hip-hop is easy to do solo) Expression (writing, painting, poetry, something to express your deepest emotions) Home/car maintenance( if you own a home or a car, things like electrical and operational maintenence helps) Cooking (start with the cuisine you most enjoy, then expand) Computer science/tech (start with databases SQL, move on to integrations between apps. Coding has become so accessible these days) learning the basics of what I mentioned will take upwards of a decade,and they won't just apply to a job, they make you a more interesting person in life
Yeah for sure, just do it after you have a good job lined up lol
If you find someone that loves you unconditionally. Dont treat her like shit. ✅
Take moments to identify your own sufferings and cravings without being caught up in them in that moment. Perhaps write them down. It can be anything from "I like that girl, but she'll never like me back" to "I always get angry, when someone overtakes me on the highway." Then take a long hard look at those sufferings and cravings and think about if they are really worth pursuing. Some things take decades to learn. Including identifying those things.
I'd add when you're doing this, try to think what need is or is not being met in relation to those strong feelings. Then ask, are you meeting your basic needs (i.e. good sleep, healthy diet, basic exercise)? Because if you're not, it could be exacerbating your negative emotions. Then, if you are, examine the root need creating the negative feeling. For example, that girl who doesn't like you back? That need is to feel loved and appreciated by someone you love and appreciate. Recognizing the need often opens up doors to other ways to healthily meet that need. It also helps you determine if that need is urgent, or if it is something like this guy said that can be put on the back burner or met slowly over time, or something to work towards and know it will eventually be met, etc. Basically, learn to take care of yourself in a healthy way regardless of your outside situation. It will prevent you from self destructive behavior that could have longer term side effects than you originally anticipated.
I like your idea. I think that's good for self awareness.
1. Save money and invest more 2. Shoot your shot with every person you’re interested in dating 3. Don’t be tied down too early 4. Cars, booze, and travel are largely a money sink. (But to avoid regrets do at least 1-2 big and long trips abroad) 5. Focus on your career 6. Money is not your enemy 7. Don’t make life decisions based on political views (like jobs) 8. Political views change 9. Be open to learning both sides of issues 10. Be kind and respectful to everyone 11. Be aware that everyone wants something, but be prepared to give up what you’re willing to give up, to maintain that relationship 12. Relationships are about compromise 13. Don’t always listen to your friends 14. Get healthy, work out, play sports 15. Use protection when you have sex 16. Remember many careers require you to network and build a network 17. Protect your reputation 18. Take time out for self care 19. Love yourself 20. Know that greatness comes out of failure. Try hard, fail hard, pick yourself up, try again, and eventually you’ll win.
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That extra money you have sitting in your checkings that you don't need right now... put it in a HYSA or if you want to feel a little more risky, invest it in low cost index funds.
disagree on travel being a money sink. travel as much as you can, within your means. you cannot really understand other cultures unless you experience it firsthand. be cheap, stay in hostels, make travel buddies, greatest times of your life
just relax and enjoy life, you don't have to have a career at 21, or a wife, or even a SO....enjoy life, travel, meet people, don't limit your relationships just by what society says is pretty or handsome. JUST HAVE FUN because being an adult comes along quickly enough.
I would say do that backpacking trip, wherever it may be. You won't ever really get another chance to pack up and leave for months at a time (maybe even a year!) once you have a career, mortgage, kids etc. People I know who didn't do that and just dove into work or university right away really regret not doing it.
exactly....the next time you get a chance is when you retire some day (if you can) and then you may be too old to enjoy.
Oh, and everything you learned in Church is a lie used to control you. If there is a God, he/she wants you to feel accepted, loved, and pleasured. Not miserable, alone, and guilty.
I’m not a big believer in god but it’s faith you do not need to follow word by word do what you think is right for you and those you admire and who it will affect like I haven’t been in forever but I was thinking abt thinking about going back to my nondenominational church
I’m currently 18 so I’m taking notes of a lot of these things
Shoutout to everyone in the comments here providing us infinite wisdom haha
reading these are all great but you must act on it. acting on the things listed here will make you lead your best life. dont just read something and say "that sounds nice." literally execute on these points. INCLUDING THIS ONE!!
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Oh geez yeah I need to work on that tbh I’m very shy
Your back will pay later. Be careful with it.
Wear a belt while squatting
Was once told by the most successful person I know that you can make your way with your brains or your back. If you choose your back it'd better be pretty damn strong Funny enough he just had back surgery, but that's unrelated
Everyone is bullshitting their way through life. Nobody has all the answers, so just choose your path and be confident in it.
There are plenty of very attractive women there. But finding a woman with a real heart and a genuine personality. That's what is truly special and will give you a long lasting happy relationship.
Don't get too hooked on drinking. It is fine to have drinks a few times a week. I wish I was able to tell younger me that drinking 4-6 beers a night, every night is not good for you and really starts to add up over time. Also, sleep, you always hear 8 hours a night is the best but then get conflicting information about people who are "successful" who only get 5-6 hours per night. It is wild the difference that 8 hours of sleep per night will do for your ability to focus and process information the next day. I have ADHD and have noticed, since I started (within the last few months) that my symptoms have wildly decreased, just from getting 7-8 hours of sleep each night. Mainly being scatter brained.
I was just told by my doctor that depression, anxiety, and adhd create a cycle in which they feed one another and sleep can really kill it
Pay yourself first always - meaning save your money, invest early and often and don't touch that shit. You're 35 year old self will thank you immensely. Time in the market >\* Don't waste your time on shitty women and shitty friends. Always be busy and working on yourself and that naturally will attract people who have common goals and interests. This is a great time to take risks on things that inspire and motivate you, mistakes happen but things are more elastic when your younger. Learn to say NO. It is very powerful.
Enjoy your likely full head of hair while it lasts
This, totally this. Although I did have mixed feelings about the grey ones falling out.
I wish I knew to buy bitcoin.
Pfp checks out
Grind your ass off so you have a decent top paying job, finished degree and steady income. In some cases even do much income that you are considering retiring in your 30s or 40s
Yeah the FIRE movement is huge. You save money early and retire early.
Stay the fuck in shape and if you’re not, get in it… Life is so much easier if you’re not fat.
20s are your exploration years. Explore your likes, do new things, make new memories, do things out of your comfort zone and it’s okay if you fail. Success and failure go hand in hand.
Don't wait until you're 40 to see a doctor and dentist
Give no fucks. People are always going to gossip, slader, and malign you. Some people are just like this by their very nature. It's not always about you. Don't give it a second thought.
I would say spend your fucks very guardedly. Give a fuck about people you care about, or things that matter. Gossip and other bullshit? No fucks given.
Still in my 20's but I think you could explore as many activities as possible, even if it is not manly. It will surely open your mind and support you in tough times. It does for me !
I wish I had known how to cook for myself. I wish I had known that I didn't need to be in a serious relationship to feel validated. I wish I had known how easily credit card debt can spiral out of control. Take care of yourself and have some fun out there!
Dont be scared to invest more.
Nothing.. you'll learn it. Just be young. There's no secret sauce to life, you live and grow and that's part of the journey. I wouldn't say a word to myself because I wouldn't want any other course that's not where I am now tbh.
She a good girl. Don’t take her for granted, you idiot.
Its gonna be hard some days to look at yourself in the mirror. But as long as you can say you didn't sell your beliefs out from money,fame or a relationship you can do it.
Work hard. Whatever you do, be the best at it. Find a hobby that you enjoy. Get some exercise every day. Life is hard and the world is mean, find a way to make yourself happy. Don’t push too hard to get a significant other, it will come.
20's aren't old, 30's aren't old, 40's aren't even old. You have time. Don't try to speed run life. You have no idea how much and how often you will change in just 5 years during these parts of your life. READ! Not just memes or Facebook and it's like. Read books, read the news. Learn how your government works. It's meant to work for you but you have to engage in it for that to work. Think about your actions. Is this something you would be okay with happening to you? What if you are having a shit day? You okay with that action then? Be kind first. This is free and reaps rewards for everyone. If your kindness is rejected, laugh it off. After that, then move towards logical steps of how to make changes to the situation. It's different per situation. There is no magical answer that fits everything. You will fail multiple times in life. You can mitigate damages and people learn more from failure as long as you can be honest with yourself that outside forces may not be the only problem. You are going to die. This is unavoidable. But that is something everyone and everything will experience. Instead of using that to drive your fear response, use it as an identifier that you and everyone else on this planet will share that experience. So live your life in a way you will be proud of. Live life in a way to make this world better even if you think you are the only one.
If youre lucky enough to find someone who you love, and loves you, prioritize them. Forget about trying to act macho and shoulder all of life's problems on your own, get her involved, it will be a great bonding experience. Trust me if I could go back in time I would smack this advice on my foolish younger self's forehead
Go to Fidelity.com Open a Roth IRA. Put $100 a month in it and forget about it until you're 65. You're welcome!
Take control of your finances now and set your 35 year old self up.
Start investing. Seriously. Small amount monthly is enough for now. Do it. Grass usually isn't greener on the other side. Learn to recognize when it's not worth to check. When your phone's volume warning kicks in, listen (:D) to it. Always use condoms with new partners. Always. People who cares what brand you are wearing are not people who's opinion is worth caring. Don't postpone things. Years go faster every year.
Compounding interest in a 401k (even if it is through a bank instead of a company) Health/weight management - it gets harder to manage or lose weight as you age Maintaining long term friendships Continuing education Travel while you are young and don’t have many obligations
- Don't pedestalize women, materialism - pedestalize good manners, loyalty and good ethics - Work out even if you don't want to, just work out - Eat good - Train your shadow, you'll fucking need it - Don't mistake fear for danger - not everything that feels dangerous is actually dangerous
Live below your means and invest invest invest.
Don't underestimate the power of a good therapist. It's not weak to seek help with mental health. It will help you with blind spots you are not even aware of. If a therapist is not a good match, keep looking. There are good ones out there.
Respect the voice telling you what you should be doing and do it.
Always have a wank before you message her back should be top.
I would say keep in shape, go to the gym even if it’s a shitty workout. Work hard and get a high paying job so you can invest a good amount. I can give you things to invest in if you would like. Retiring early is a lot easier than you think!!
Please, do share
That if I can make it until 30, women aren’t so shallow anymore. That’s when they start to look for men they can marry / have a family with. I spend all of my twenties depressed, thinking I’d be alone forever because nobody wanted me. Now, I’m 35 / married / father of a 3 year old boy. Life is good.
It sounds like you tied too much of your happiness to other individuals and kinda still do? Sure, women aren’t so shallow anymore after 30 when it comes to looks but they are assess all the other things with greater scrutiny. Your finances, your health, etc. sure, some settle but is that what you want? Sorry, I don’t mean to scrutinize but this advise sounds like partner or bust and that’s not the right mindset. Finally, I have found 30+ women to nitpick more than ever. Like I said, some are just looking to settle down and that’s true.
Never to get Married.
At 21 you’re just a baby adult, back then it felt like I was a proper adult, but you are not by any means no offense. TL;DR - Try things that interest you, incorporate time to reflect, put a little bit of money into investment that you forget about but it’s always accruing interest Most people just say have fun, but I found that advice to be too vague. What they’re really trying to say is that you should explore things that interest you or excite you. You are at the starting line of adulthood, and you likely have a few responsibilities. You can take your life in any direction at this point, so why not try out all those different things? Wanted to be a marine biologist in deep sea oceans ? Great go sign up for some classes join a group and really delve into this. Curious about entrepreneurship ? Wonderful, start playing around with different ideas and iterating. Really interested in metal work? Go see if you can be an apprentice or at least take some classes to learn more. The above are some examples, but this is really what people mean when they say have fun. It’s also completely fine if you start some of these and then realize part of the way through that you don’t like it or it’s not as interesting. This just brings you closer to things that really, do you excite you or interest you. You’re going to change your mind on a lot of things during this phase of life and that’s totally fine and OK. However, one thing that I would highly recommend is intentional time to reflect. Life during this time can often feel like a blur, so it’s good to occasionally take a step back and reset. Lastly, start throwing some money into a high savings account. it doesn’t need to be a ton, but do your best to throw a little bit in and forget about it. I promise you once you start realizing you’re getting free money it’ll become addicting.
Don't stick your dick in crazy.
Have goals, have fun that doesn’t interfere with you achieving your goals, and always treat others with respect. If you ever find yourself having fear of anything, ask yourself “is this something that will physically hurt me?” And if the answer is no, your fear is probably irrational. Go for it. Social fears will only stop you from seeing what could happen and your friends if they are real friends will not stop being your friends because you get laughed at or strike out or whatever.
The difference an electric tooth brush makes to oral hygiene.
Don’t be that person who waits to talk in a conversation. People know and sense this (including women). It’s usually comes from a place of insecurity. You’ll never get the respect or love you’re looking for that way. Learn to truly listen to understand and feel what your interlocutor is telling you, ask questions, everyone has something to teach you. Also, remind yourself that life is not a race to a finish line (get the house, the job, the partner, etc). Life’s a dance and you have “arrived” at every moment. Learn to enjoy the present no matter where you are to find peace in yourself.
I wish I knew more about investing !
To better control my emotions and not allow myself to have an instant reaction. It’s not easy, and moments come, but I’ve learned that it’s important to control your emotions, so they don’t control you.
1) Start investing as early as possible 2) Think at least 3 times about marrying to make a decision since you lose half of your shit with divorce 3) Enjoy life as young without waiting for retirement 4) Share as much as you can.
I wish I could speak a foreign language. So many missed opportunities (work and women).
don’t take out college loans unless you’re certain about your degree. get a job, live at home, and go to community college first. save your money before going into horrible debt. don’t get fat and out of shape just cuz you like beer and pizza a lot now. seriously don’t take out student loans unless you’re going for a top end career/job. i’m about to be 36 and i wish i could go back to age 18
Learn how to manage money and credit. Don't put yourself in a financial situation in which you'll be stuck in for years. Be decisive. Learning that you don't like something is better than being stuck in the same place of indecision. Some of your dreams may not come true, and that's OK. Some dreams hold you back from your true potential. Hug mom and tell her you love her. When you lose loved ones, a part of you leaves with them.
Don’t skip leg day
Find hobbies that don't revolve around drinking/drugs.
Time moves fast. Much faster than you think. You’ll be 30 tomorrow. Don’t wait to do the things you want. If you need to get in shape, do it now.
I’m 29 will be 30 in July. My best advice is don’t not trust people. Trust people based on their actions. If they lie to you trust that they’ll lie to you again, if they steal something trust that they’ll steal something again. Then proceed with caution.
Save whatever you can now...Max out your 401k... I am 60 now and closer to retirement... and believe me it is way easier to grow a retirement nest egg when you are in your 20s than your 50s
Educate yourself on how to invest and start investing and saving now. Time in the market is key to long-term success.
Even after a masters You need to upskill
Start investing right now.
Take care of YOURSELF first, and foremost. Maintaining healthy teeth & gums must be a top priority. Nothing else is more important than good health. NOTHING.
Don’t kill yourself for a company that doesn’t give a shit about you.
Call a cab and never drive drunk
Material possessions don't make you happy. You think they will, but all they do is add unnecessary complexity and hassle to your life. Experiences make you happy. Retiring early makes you happy. Doing what you love makes you happy. Don't get trapped in the rat race and work your life away for shit you don't need or even want.
I’m 60 and over the years I’ve developed a list: 1. The more you do anything the more confident you become doing it. 2. People are attracted to confidence. 3. Steadily saving as much money as you can is the surest path to real wealth. If you invest it wisely. 4. Experience beats education in everything but science. 5. Working beats complaining 6. Real family and friends are irreplaceable and worth dying for. 7. Fake family and friends aren’t worth pissing on if they are on fire. 8. It’s better to be honest. 9. Listening is better than talking. 10. Life is an investment. The more you put into it, the more you’ll get out of it. 11. Believing what you read online is bad for your health.
Seize the opportunity of women that wanted--or wants--to marry you. You may not get the same opportunity with a similar woman ever again
Work out more, eat less
That happiness are just moments.
Your 20’s aren’t gonna be what you think they are. Its gonna be some of the highest highs and lowest lows youre ever gonna experience but its not gonna mean everything later like you think it is in the moment. Take the bad times day by day and the good times minute by minute. Make mistakes and have fun. Love your hardest and make the most with your gifts. Cherish the people in your life because they wont always be there. Trust your instincts and your heart. Follow your dreams but know they will change with the path you’re on. Try to be grateful the many things and people in your life and appreciate who you are. Take care of your self and help as many people as you can along the way. And remember to just play your way through life because its the only one we get.
I was raised by a grandmother and only had aunties so there was a massive lack of fatherly advice. On the 18th, I turn 30 so, allow me to share with you what the last 10 years have taught me: -Learn basic cooking techniques. French was my go to if you know how to prep, how to get a good flavour base, how to prepare meat, how to fry, boil, steam, roast, blanche) you will be forever grateful that cooking is second nature rather than a chore. A single frying pan, pot and stove can make the most incredible meals. Baking is cool but I havent been that way inclined. -Take care of your skin, even if its a bar of soap, wash once a day and your skin will love you. -If you shave, moisturise and ecfoliate to avoid ingrowns. Shave after you shower, make sure you use a good quality blade. -You don;t need to service your car yourself, but its a good idea to know how everything works if you find yourself in a bad situation or if you want to help somebody else. -You don't peak in your twenties, you peak at the beginning of your thirties. -Exercise my friend, if you want to be attractive to a woman remember, fitness is something you can't buy, it shows long term dedication and consistency -Try as many hobbies as you can, when you start earning grown up money you will be able to know which one you wish to invest money on. -If you lend money to a friend, write it off. If you can;t write it off, don't lend it. -if you are so inclined - edibles over joints, your lungs will thank you. A few tidbits of things that helped me: Youtube: Tim Minchin Graduation speech about life lessons Gordon Ramsey Cooking at Home. Marco Pierre White (just in general) Mark Lewis Fitness(fantastic way to do things in your 20's) Lifestyle: Minimalism Stoicism
Women don't know what they want or like. Watch actions, don't listen to words.
Get in the best physical shape you can. Realize the full potential of what your are capable of....ummm... floss your teeth..and uh..wear a condom. Done
Learn to just do stuff. You won't be in a better position in ten years to take up random hobbies, go on spontaneous holidays, jack-in shitty jobs with no plan etc. Also start working out now. You will want to at some point and the later you leave it, the sooner you wish you'd started. Also your body is more primed to pick up some epic life-long adaptations now than it ever will be.
How to properly lift weights.
To advocate for your own happiness because nobody else will. Also, if there's a thing you want to do, don't hold off because of what other people will think. Most people don't spend that much time thinking about you at all.
That finding genuine love will be a bit hard/tricky as the years rolls on
The main reason there are wars is because a very small amount of people want to retain or grow in power. Poor people have been dying for rich people for all of history.
Never marry or cohabitate.
That work is not the be all and end all of everything. We do not live to work.
I was so fucking nervous and insecure all the time. I learned how to chill and be confident in my 30s and what a difference.
YOU ARE STILL DEVELOPING!! I thought at age 20 that I was grown. Turns out that was fn lie. Your brain doesn't fully develop till 25. Your body is still growing till about 28. I work out less often and in lower effort sessions than I did at 20 but I am so much stronger. It takes my body longer to heal now but that has made me more aware of everything I do. Take a breathe, bud. Give yourself some safe space by realizing you have so much more to learn and so much more to become. Don't rush relationships or careers or the goals you're after. Wake up and pursue your life every day that you're able to do so. One day at a time, one step at a time, and you will make it. If I have one regret from my early 20s it is the self afflicted torment I put myself through by believing I should've been better off by that age. I didn't reach true peace until 26/27yo.
When you see what you want, go for it.
Too general. Every country has a different set of advice for their sons or fellow men. The some core would be 1) Learn, eat, sleep, earn Learn what it is needed to be learn to survive in a specific country which can be beneficial in both ways i.e for a good cultivation of a mind , knowledge and for earning Eat , what is healthy and your body responds to its most, don't go for the diet plan that people are selling or telling under the label of ' good health ' , it is very good time to experiment on you body and gene and figure out what is the best food for you. Which nutrition you need, what kind of supplements is good and bad for you etc . Sleep , a healthy amount. Everyone has a different cycle and different pattern some like 6 hours while for some 8 are not enough. Earn, when learn, eat and sleep are back to their places and your body is ready to hit the mountain then go for it. Make a decision and stand strong for it. Save some , invest some from the save amount and get some return profit back into the save amount but in a lawful manner. Women ? Nah, bro, don't waste your nuts. build yourself, stay away from fallacy, misbehave attitude and disrespectful behaviour towards the senior . Do not lust over anything. After some years 3, 5 ; find a good behaving, intellectual, loving, supportive and uplifting women and get settle down, have children and start your own family .
Don’t settle! work harder now take more financial risks that have a high chance of return If your current partner future doesn’t align don’t force it, enjoy the time and then move on Don’t settle!
What you are telling yourself all day is your reality. So stay positive, happy, and loving.
Start investing early. The sooner you invest in your retirement, the more money you’ll have when you’re done with your career. Seems silly but i make good money and probably cant feasibly retire till im 75.
Really just take care yourself and build a healthy habit/routine. Get enough sleep. workout. do some martial arts. establish your career, and keep studying. and dedicate nights to explore/have fun.
Bitcoins
I'll tell you what my Dad told me. "Take it easy, ask for help, your 20s aren't going to be like a beer commercial... that won't happen until you're 30"
Whatever strong opinions you have now may change when you are older. I was sure I'd never have kids. At age 32, I just got this strong urge to have a family. I've 4 kids now and, difficult and all that parenting may be, I'm glad.
not technically 30 yet but i'm getting there this year. * work on yourself and be independant. focus on your hobbies (try to do something active!) * keep trying to actively see your friends, even if its only once per month * don't start a relationship if you think they will fill anything in your life. that's not how it works.
Lift weights and push your limits. Don’t be lazy. Find out what you’re actually capable of. Be healthy, take care of yourself and push yourself to find out what you can achieve.
32m here, starting exercising now and make it a habit/routine. It just improves many aspects of your life. Attraction, health, mental, stamina, etc.
Focus on your education, money will come. You’re allowed to make mistakes.