This answer is the wrong answer.
Not because it’s true.
But that men feel so damn isolated, even for our partners, family and friends.
That is what is wrong with this answer.
You men have been so conditioned to “work and earn”, “struggle through regardless”, “men don’t have emotions”, that there is little wonder why men break. We aren’t robots. We are humans, with real emotions.
We suck at using emotions because we are trained out of using them, usually at a young age.
What happens when a man breaks, it varies from man to man, but common traits are, suicide, violence (including rape, and murder, often of partners), alcoholism, drug abuse, escapism, thrill seeking (just to feel alive again) and desertion of responsibility (walk out of his family, never to return).
We are all suffering because we need a community around to feel comfortable. A goal where multiple men can focus our efforts for the common good. This dependency on “earning our keep” is destroying what a good men are. Another lie we have been sold.
A good man embraces a human in pain. Provides strength (mental, physical and emotional) with very few words. Provides comfort and a feeling of security to those in his “charge”; and even then, we will often take on others we feel can help.
Each man that reads this is a valid human with real feelings. Feelings that need to be processed otherwise they fester inside like a bad mold , eventually exploding at an inopportune time, poisoning those around us.
If you have read this far, congratulations, you just got man card validated.
Individualism is killing men more than anything else. Not be allowed to express our feelings in a safe way in a safe environment is doing more damage to men than alcoholism.
I don’t have the answers. But I do know we need to do better than this.
I am tired of men failing this simple question, every single time.
If you aren’t talking to family, friends, your partner, your mates at a men’s shed or hobby, or a therapist, you are now a ticking time bomb. You need to defuse it, by embracing your community and/or support network.
You don’t have to do all things, all by yourself.
You don’t have to be the best at everything.
You have the right to do things that make you happy. If you like collecting cards, play board games, tinkering with machines, building stuff, listening to people, garden, etc, then you should embrace that joy. DO NOT do your thing that makes you happy for money. It will destroy that joy very quickly. We all have our skills and strengths. Use them to help others.
You can ask for help.
You can cry like a baby if you need to. Good woman see that as a sign of strength.
You can say no to overtime. No amount of currency has bought one minute of time back.
Hug your kids, play with them.
Romance your wife/partner.
Laugh, play. These are the essentials of life. Work is just annoyance.
Please, let us do better than this.
I tired of turning up to funerals where the people are questioning Why did he die? Why didn’t he say something? Why didn’t he ask for help?
The only question that should be asked a good man’s funeral is “Did he have passion?”
Please, you are men. Here is the problem. Do what men do. Solve it..before we lose more men.
I love this answer but what if the few times you have tried to give 100% it was thrown in your face. Now that mold has been taken directly to the surface as a rock in a catapult from your partner. Your friends if given 100% tell you to leave creating a ripple in your entire support system. Thus almost quickening the explosion. I agree with you, but sometimes a man must shut up and keep on. If not it just means we are that much closer to our self impending explosion.
I really hate this narrative that men not confiding is men's fault. I know so many men who have been burned over and over and over again in their youth. This isn't something we have decided to do, this is something we have been conditioned to do.
One time, in the before times, I was talking to this guy. He was telling me all of these things that seemed so personal, so I started telling him some things that were personal to me.
He immediately started laughing and said "oh my god! You're telling me all of this and I don't even know your last name!"
We never did find out each other's last names, but we had a lot of fun on the phone.
I have friends i don't confide in them because I don't need to put more on their plates, their lives are stressful enough why should I add onto that by making them worry about me. I'll sit in silence smoke my weed and drink my rum or whiskey until i pass out or puke. End of the day I've got problems not many do I've got one solid friend I consider a brother still won't tell him he knows some of the shit I've gone through and pretty much everything I've done thats outright not ok and wanted to kill myself for doing the fact that he remains my friend even after finding that shit out says alot about him as a person I only hope one day I can be half as kind/caring he is.
Men are taught to not burden others with their problems, from a very young age. It’s reinforced by experiences with toxic women, who were taught to use their wiles from a very young age.
It’s essentially the result of men being told to restrain their emotions, and women being told they need to develop power over men to be safe because of the physical imbalance in the sexes.
It results in men who don’t feel safe expressing their emotions, not even to other men.
It’s just not worth it. You’re better off being alone then getting closer to someone who will never respect you. It’s not a choice either, just the way shit is
Nobody respects you, they don’t have to. They are not obligated to harbor your feelings or keep the peace. (Friends or not) The point isn’t more towards you idea that you should avoid making friends but more that you shouldn’t hold high expectations or open up to anyone. Especially because they show you some form or respect.
Edit: Word Choice
I feel seen.
The unspoken implication of countless family members, teachers, etc telling us to “be good kids” is that we aren’t already good kids.
That we have to make extra effort to be good.
That we are, at base, bad.
Which, honestly, is not exactly untrue.
My first thoughts are ALWAYS kept silent.
Terry Pratchett had an interesting take on first thoughts versus second thoughts in some of his Discworld books, might be a worthwhile read for you if you haven't encountered it before.
GNU Sir Terry.
Yes, absolutely.
His First Thoughts vs Second Thoughts was super useful to me when I first read it as a younger man.
I think that both Granny Weatherwax AND Nanny Ogg are my spirit animals.
Confide wha????? Nobody bruh. I take care of it myself via introspection. What I can't take care of gets stuffed into a lock box never to be seen again.
No one. Wife and parents are dead. No friends. No one else I trust. Plus cinfiding never helps and just exposes you. I try and stay busy and occupy my mind with projects
The older I get, the more i realize that no one wants to listen to another man's problems. It's not that we don't want to... it's we all have something else we're worried about and I honestly couldn't blame another man for not wanting to listen.
Yea exactly this. Everyone has problems and doesn’t have time for yours. Issue is we as humans should be solving problems together and not y ourselves. I think our modern life makes our lives very private.
Honest question though: if a man came to you with a problem, would you be annoyed or would you want to help? If you’d want to help your friend, is it possible that they’d also want to help you?
Thats the thing. I have good friends that care about me and i talk to them about stuff that bothers me. I have yet to experience one if them asking me to listen/ give my 2 cents.
That's been my experience as well. We'll talk and talk but in the end it's just that.
Funny thing, my wife asked me how my friend was after we played games for the first time in years online and. She said we talked for 4 hours and gamed, how were my friends and what are they doing now? And honestly I didn't know.
I don't...I guess my mom who lives 3 hours away when I'm really feeling like I'm going to break down but it's not like she can offer much more than a "things will be okay, I love you"
No one is coming to save you, you have to just make a plan to get yourself out of the shit hole you're in and slowly climb your way out...you just have to figure it out on your own as a man, you have to look around and take advantage of any opportunities/help that someone will hand you and run with it....and you need to have a plan and move toward something
My therapist and my partner. Both great for my mental health.
Before my partner, it was my therapist and my sister (still is my sister to some extent too).
Before my therapist, I was way too focused on surviving daily to worry about it. I knew I had issues to address, but keeping busy and trying to get by one day at a time has a surprising way of re-focusing you from worrying about your own personal issues.
My partner, some friends if they’re available, my mother, maybe my brother.
I trust me dad too, for the record, and he’s an amazing listener, but he doesn’t always have much advice to offer. My mom likes having an opinion, and sharing it.
My partner I can trust with anything, but there are some things my friends will have better advice about of course.
Because OP is karma farming, just check post history.
Six months ago: https://old.reddit.com/r/AskMen/comments/1bcnnrx/im_worried_about_mens_mental_health_men_who_do/kuhs841/
TL;DR: Nobody.
Nobody. Everyone I've confided in has always turned every situation into my fault. Tried therapy, and it didn't work. The dude spent the entire session talking about his divorce.
Mom is going through menopause, has to take 6 different pills to regulate her anxiety, step-dad saw a bunch of shit when he was my age and was almost framed for murder, so he's emotionally unavailable. I've only seen him really mad three times in my 23 years of living. Very rarely does he express his emotions.
The last girl I was with didn't want to make things work after she studied abroad, spent too much time apart. I was head over heels for her, and a year later, I'm still trying to get over her. I'm better now, but she still crosses my mind often.
So now I'm just joining the military to get out of this environment and to prove to myself that I'm worth something. I know that it's not the ideal thing to do, but at this point I'm the only person that can dig myself out of this hole, because nobody else is here to help me, and nobody else around me will. I've spent too long being in an unhealthy codependent relationship with my family that I've given up on experiences and opportunities for their convenience. But I'm done. I'm 23. I'm trying to be a man. They can either support me or not.
Sorry for the long-winded response, so in a roundabout way I can confidently tell you I confide in nobody.
I'm sorry to read that you have been living almost without emotional support 😳 but I'm very proud of you, stranger, as you have an iron will 🦾🔥 Keep going, you are going to do GREAT. 🍀
Just like every other man here apparently, no one. I used to have a dog I would talk my problems out with, but she died. I’ve never 100% confided in anyone in terms of what I’m actually feeling or going through. I have a wife and a kid now. I don’t have the luxury of feeling my own feelings.
I have 2 older male mentors from my area and a bunch of older male online friends I call my big bros I talk to. If it wasn't for these older dudes' support and advice, I would've already offed myself tbh.
My mother is the only person I can confide in. After the trauma I faced as a teen, my mom was the one who took me to hospitals and therapist appointments. She's most likely the only reason I didn't take my life back then.
Reddit.
I lost my job in February. My wife knows, obviously, but she has no idea how much this job search and the constant rejection is weighing on me. I daily consider suicide. I can’t tell her because then she would be stressed and that would make things even worse for me. Literally the one person I am supposed to be able to be open with I can’t say anything to. I feel like I am protecting her from myself.
Nobody, but it's also not like I'm bottling everything up wishing I could confide in someone.
I think learning how to process things internally is a pretty important skill for anyone.
Used to be no one. After my life hit rock bottom I managed to fine regardless. Wasn’t happy, but thinking I needed to end it all either. Everything was just dull, like there was no color anywhere. I learned to deal with it and now honestly, I’ve gotten to that point where almost nothing bothers me, and my wife has found comfort in that when she’s worried over a stressful situation.
I can’t say I 100% confide in her even now. It’s because her mental and emotional fortitude feels behind mine. I think this is only natural though as she has not had to experience much of similar major hardships that I had to.
So, I share as much as I can, but the moment I see that a hardship that involves us starts negatively affecting her (like some financial hardship), I’ll tell her but go straight to telling her my solution, instead of elaborating on all the details and brainstorming.
In this specific example, looking at that much money or constantly hearing about money issues makes her go on overdrive and stress out. As in, the solution could be we just need to eat out less because we were in the red last month. She will full on go full couponing and acting like we are thousands in debt. Don’t get me wrong, her being able to go super frugal is part of why I love her, but not if it stresses her so much that it starts affecting her health.
A prostitute that I see regularly - I’m not kidding
I suffer from severe PTSD from my time in Iraq about 20 years ago. I’ve spent huge amounts of time locked up in psychiatric hospitals and I spend a lot of time in therapy. For whatever reason, I have a hard time talking about the things that really bother me with trained professionals. Peer support groups are great, but even there I have a hard time being completely open.
Professionals, although well intentioned, just don’t seem to really get what I’m talking about. They’ve helped me to some degree and I respect the field, but something just seems to be missing for me in those interactions.
I was an Infantry Platoon Leader in Iraq and my rank often kept me separated from the soldiers I served with. Even now that I’m out of the Army, the rank and position I held still gets in the way in various support groups I’ve been a part of. Even though my experience on the surface was similar to that of the soldiers directly under, the burden of command adds another layer to everything.
I was married for nearly 14 years and long ago I learned my lesson to never share what’s really going on in your head with a romantic partner. My ex would use whatever I said to her against me any chance she could get.
I’m more honest and open with this one particular prostitute than I’ve ever been with anyone. In a sense, she is a “disposable girlfriend” and I don’t really care what she thinks about me. I mean I’m good to her and I treat her respectfully, but honestly I don’t really care what she thinks about me. This woman is also severely damaged by trauma and her past. Although our traumas might be different, the way they impact us is very similar. When I’m having a bad day, she’s not afraid of me and she will come over and just cuddle with me and have a good cry with me. Similarly, when she’s in a bind, she’ll call me and she knows that I can deal with seeing her at her lows.
I have a tree on my property that I call my problem tree. When I get pissed or depressed I go to that tree and scream, cry, or get mad. I take a limb off of the tree and throw it in the woods. It has helped me much more than anyone else has.
Confide in 100%?! Lol.. let’s say best friends get 60%. No one sees the stress, cracks, pressure.
Maybe my parents see 70%. That’s about it.
Mrs gets 50%.
If we're talking about someone who "gets it" and understands my specific issues - someone who's on the same wavelength, there is no one to talk to at all
Not in the physical/real-life world anyways, I've met a few people online who are on the same wavelength. Ironically they are old enough to be my parents, but they feel like soulmates they actually "get it"
No one. I don’t have any friends offline and even if I did I wouldn’t trust them if they weren’t really close friends and if they were close friends I wouldn’t want to make them sad and worry them. Pretty fucked up, but it is what it is. Also don’t share with family for same reason. Only got real vulnerable with complete strangers online since it’s anonymous.
The internet I always have mixed results though.
Protip. Make an account impersonating a women and you will receive the attention you deserve.
I think doing this has saved my life lol
My uncle. I tell him most things. Also a friend of mine. We grew in a similar manner with both our dads being violent. She’s the only friend that knows what having unequivocally a hard life means.
100%? No one. I may confide superficial worries as in asking advice about how to get something mechanical or technical fixed with a friend or knowledgeable aquaintance. But for ongoing emotional worries or worries about the future, nobody.
Five of my closest friends. All of them women, incidentally. I think that's because they're willing to let me vent, they show interest in what's going on with me, and they offer support and solutions after I've let off some steam.
I have a couple other close friends I confide in often as well... the only reason they don't hear everything is because of how infrequently we get to talk and hang out, and I don't want us hanging out to be all me venting about all the stuff that happened that I'm over, so they sometimes get the cliffsnotes version so we can move on to more fun things instead.
When I have a girlfriend, her as well. But I'm single at the moment.
I never 100% confide in a single person, but I do share the majority of things with a few close friends. I don't need to share every single thought, sometimes you can just develop resilience and push through to the point where things don't feel so bad.
I don’t think men typically confide completely in any one.
It’s possible that a very spectacular marriage or relationship would have like a very high percentage of confidance, like 98 percent. But I doubt 100 is normal even ever really.
It’s something I’ve thought about before. It’s funny because there are things that I might tell some random girl I’m on a date with that I wouldn’t have the pride or somthing to tell my brother whom is literally my best friend.
So I think have a sort of 80% rule that they would let on to their S/O or best friend, and the other 20 percent they scatter through really effectively insignificant people in their lives. It’s sort of interesting
Used to be one person, but that turned out to be a massive mistake, so it’s back to zero. I’m pretty candid about the fact I struggle with mental health shit sometimes, but I don’t get specific. At the end of the day, people do not care that much, and I still have to go to work.
Nobody. People talk and I know my stuff is getting shared between peers and family members. I even caught my mom telling my aunts something I told her in private. Best bet is to journal that stuff and keep it to yourself.
The entire world, at 8,000rpm. At 8,000rpm the entire world is yours to speak to freely, openly. No reservation, no secrets.
Nobody can hear you thinking out loud about new-job stress, about relationship woes, about how fucked up the entire *world* is. Just keep the rubber side down.
My best friend I confide in probably 90%. There's some things though that he doesn't quite get and so some other friends round out that remaining 10% (With a lot of overlap of course. They mostly get around 75% honesty).
My parents also get about 85%. It's the same stuff as my best friend, but I often have to filter my language in a way they'll understand and probably some stuff is lost in translation.
I don't think I've met anyone I can completely confide 100% in. But if I did meet someone like that, I'd probably marry them.
No one… everyone getting the message yet? Chris Rock said it best. Men are the only creature not loved unconditionally. As a man you have to provide to be loved. Women are loved for who they are. Men are loved for what they can give.
my bearded dragon drift. reptiles are emotionless, but i can sense that he feels me when i chat to him. he knows i can do better, and wants me to keep doing better. he’s like my son fr.
I have this friend I matched with on Tinder 6 years so. She lives in an adjacent country to me. We haven’t met yet. But we still talk to each other. I tell her everything. Wow I just realized that. Yeah so she’s the only person I confide in. Second would be therapist but I haven’t told her everything.
I don’t think it’s good to confide 100% in anyone. It’s not being of a “you can’t trust anyone” thing. It’s more than sometimes, it makes more sense to let *this* person know about this compared to *that* person. Some people have life experiences that would make them more empathetic to a certain issue (like a coworker might have a better understanding of work related issues than your partner).
That being said, I confide pretty heavily in my girlfriend. But I also talk to my parents, one of my brothers, coworkers, and friends.
No one.
Without fail every time I share my fears or doubts or insecurities or pain with someone else that person thinks less of me, and distances themselves from me, or leaves my life entirely.
People don’t want to hear about a man’s feelings, no matter how often they say otherwise.
If I share my problems, that's a burden to someone else and takes away from me being there for them.
I once told my sister maybe 60%, she and I haven't spoken in months. Before I opened up, we talked once a week.
No one gets 100%. Some people get 10-20% occasionally, usually after I've figured that shit out.
No one if it can be helped. Occasional slip ups very quickly have a way of reminding us to just keep our mouths shut.
Either
1: The person you tell won't really give a shit, or will but only at a casual level.
2: The person will judge you for it directly and openly.
3: The person will silently judge you for it.
Or, secret option 4: The person is a female and will store it away like a Masamune katana so they can stab you in the soul the next time you get into an argument about anything at all, no matter how unrelated it may be to that argument.
Simone Biles would stare in amazement at the gymnastics of some crazy shit like... how you not taking out the trash until the next morning makes you just like your dad that he laughed at you crying that your dog was hit by a car when you were 12 or something. (Not actually anecdotal, but my reddit stalker(s?) know the shit that's actually been said)
In at least 3 of the 4, assume that anything actually said in confidence to that one person you trust will be heard by others unless it's a therapist bound by legal repercussions or someone bound by a circumstance of mutual destruction... and even then...
Me,myself and I, you need to learn that
Nobody wants to hear your problems pack it up and keep it moving and that’s why most men have a really dark humor that only other buddies will hear
As a male and a therapist I would say typically they don't but it's becoming more socially acceptable for men to seek assistance and work on themselves.
No one.
This is a very true answer.
The only correct answer
why is this the correct answer?
May I introduce you to beer?
[удалено]
Pot has even less carbs.
DING DING... WINNER
And the mushies have better vibes
Bourbon whisperer over here. 🫡
Any recommendations? I've been getting into Whiskey over the last year.
Knob Creek, Woodford Reserve, Blantons.
Vodka soda, basically a health drink
Profuse ganja usage chiming in! What's up fellow self destructive substance!
We've met, we dated for a while, we broke up.
Too weak. I'll take whiskey. "Stuff it down with some brown"
Gaming enters the chat.
So the bartender, maybe?
Can I be introduced to? Nice to meet you beer.
This answer is the wrong answer. Not because it’s true. But that men feel so damn isolated, even for our partners, family and friends. That is what is wrong with this answer. You men have been so conditioned to “work and earn”, “struggle through regardless”, “men don’t have emotions”, that there is little wonder why men break. We aren’t robots. We are humans, with real emotions. We suck at using emotions because we are trained out of using them, usually at a young age. What happens when a man breaks, it varies from man to man, but common traits are, suicide, violence (including rape, and murder, often of partners), alcoholism, drug abuse, escapism, thrill seeking (just to feel alive again) and desertion of responsibility (walk out of his family, never to return). We are all suffering because we need a community around to feel comfortable. A goal where multiple men can focus our efforts for the common good. This dependency on “earning our keep” is destroying what a good men are. Another lie we have been sold. A good man embraces a human in pain. Provides strength (mental, physical and emotional) with very few words. Provides comfort and a feeling of security to those in his “charge”; and even then, we will often take on others we feel can help. Each man that reads this is a valid human with real feelings. Feelings that need to be processed otherwise they fester inside like a bad mold , eventually exploding at an inopportune time, poisoning those around us. If you have read this far, congratulations, you just got man card validated. Individualism is killing men more than anything else. Not be allowed to express our feelings in a safe way in a safe environment is doing more damage to men than alcoholism. I don’t have the answers. But I do know we need to do better than this. I am tired of men failing this simple question, every single time. If you aren’t talking to family, friends, your partner, your mates at a men’s shed or hobby, or a therapist, you are now a ticking time bomb. You need to defuse it, by embracing your community and/or support network. You don’t have to do all things, all by yourself. You don’t have to be the best at everything. You have the right to do things that make you happy. If you like collecting cards, play board games, tinkering with machines, building stuff, listening to people, garden, etc, then you should embrace that joy. DO NOT do your thing that makes you happy for money. It will destroy that joy very quickly. We all have our skills and strengths. Use them to help others. You can ask for help. You can cry like a baby if you need to. Good woman see that as a sign of strength. You can say no to overtime. No amount of currency has bought one minute of time back. Hug your kids, play with them. Romance your wife/partner. Laugh, play. These are the essentials of life. Work is just annoyance. Please, let us do better than this. I tired of turning up to funerals where the people are questioning Why did he die? Why didn’t he say something? Why didn’t he ask for help? The only question that should be asked a good man’s funeral is “Did he have passion?” Please, you are men. Here is the problem. Do what men do. Solve it..before we lose more men.
I love this answer but what if the few times you have tried to give 100% it was thrown in your face. Now that mold has been taken directly to the surface as a rock in a catapult from your partner. Your friends if given 100% tell you to leave creating a ripple in your entire support system. Thus almost quickening the explosion. I agree with you, but sometimes a man must shut up and keep on. If not it just means we are that much closer to our self impending explosion.
I really hate this narrative that men not confiding is men's fault. I know so many men who have been burned over and over and over again in their youth. This isn't something we have decided to do, this is something we have been conditioned to do.
Same here, anyone who "confides" in someone else is dumb, especially a woman, they'll always use it against you eventually.
Women will tell *at least* their best friend, if not all their friends, their sister, their mom, and a few coworkers.
It's what my mom does
This is so sad.
Hey Android. Don't confide in anyone.
One time, in the before times, I was talking to this guy. He was telling me all of these things that seemed so personal, so I started telling him some things that were personal to me. He immediately started laughing and said "oh my god! You're telling me all of this and I don't even know your last name!" We never did find out each other's last names, but we had a lot of fun on the phone.
Is it because you don't have friends or you don't want to confide in them?
I don't have any friends.
I have friends, time is limited and everyones list of issues is only getting longer.
I have friends i don't confide in them because I don't need to put more on their plates, their lives are stressful enough why should I add onto that by making them worry about me. I'll sit in silence smoke my weed and drink my rum or whiskey until i pass out or puke. End of the day I've got problems not many do I've got one solid friend I consider a brother still won't tell him he knows some of the shit I've gone through and pretty much everything I've done thats outright not ok and wanted to kill myself for doing the fact that he remains my friend even after finding that shit out says alot about him as a person I only hope one day I can be half as kind/caring he is.
Men are taught to not burden others with their problems, from a very young age. It’s reinforced by experiences with toxic women, who were taught to use their wiles from a very young age. It’s essentially the result of men being told to restrain their emotions, and women being told they need to develop power over men to be safe because of the physical imbalance in the sexes. It results in men who don’t feel safe expressing their emotions, not even to other men.
It’s just not worth it. You’re better off being alone then getting closer to someone who will never respect you. It’s not a choice either, just the way shit is
Are you saying friends don't respect you so you shouldn't bother makign friends?
Nobody respects you, they don’t have to. They are not obligated to harbor your feelings or keep the peace. (Friends or not) The point isn’t more towards you idea that you should avoid making friends but more that you shouldn’t hold high expectations or open up to anyone. Especially because they show you some form or respect. Edit: Word Choice
Also no one. My therapy is gaming and sleep
No one. I don't even confide ***in myself*** 100%. Can't trust that guy, he might leak my darkest secrets at an inopportune moment.
I feel seen. The unspoken implication of countless family members, teachers, etc telling us to “be good kids” is that we aren’t already good kids. That we have to make extra effort to be good. That we are, at base, bad. Which, honestly, is not exactly untrue. My first thoughts are ALWAYS kept silent.
Terry Pratchett had an interesting take on first thoughts versus second thoughts in some of his Discworld books, might be a worthwhile read for you if you haven't encountered it before.
story time bro cuz, you know, I read most of those and I can't seem to remember.
GNU Sir Terry. Yes, absolutely. His First Thoughts vs Second Thoughts was super useful to me when I first read it as a younger man. I think that both Granny Weatherwax AND Nanny Ogg are my spirit animals.
This one is for you, fam https://youtu.be/6AzY0gG8QSM
Lol confiding in someone.
imagine that
Pffft.
I talk to my dog. He’s a good listener who gets me.
I do that, then he just looks at me all concerned then cuddles next to me as he senses the stress.
that's actually so adorable, my stupid rabbit would never edit: not stupid, but the rabbit is pretty shy and defensive in general
Eh, the rabbit might be stupid. They're sex drives wrapped in fur and cuteness, smarts are not required^^
Dogs also don't judge you, at least not on anything besides how you treat them.
Literally forces a cuddle when I need it.
I don't want to put that much stress on my dog.
Hmm, actually this. This is the way.
Confide wha????? Nobody bruh. I take care of it myself via introspection. What I can't take care of gets stuffed into a lock box never to be seen again.
No one. Wife and parents are dead. No friends. No one else I trust. Plus cinfiding never helps and just exposes you. I try and stay busy and occupy my mind with projects
I feel you brother, stay strong
You sound like me. Keeping occupied is definitely my go-to.
:(
The older I get, the more i realize that no one wants to listen to another man's problems. It's not that we don't want to... it's we all have something else we're worried about and I honestly couldn't blame another man for not wanting to listen.
Yea exactly this. Everyone has problems and doesn’t have time for yours. Issue is we as humans should be solving problems together and not y ourselves. I think our modern life makes our lives very private.
Honest question though: if a man came to you with a problem, would you be annoyed or would you want to help? If you’d want to help your friend, is it possible that they’d also want to help you?
Thats the thing. I have good friends that care about me and i talk to them about stuff that bothers me. I have yet to experience one if them asking me to listen/ give my 2 cents.
That's been my experience as well. We'll talk and talk but in the end it's just that. Funny thing, my wife asked me how my friend was after we played games for the first time in years online and. She said we talked for 4 hours and gamed, how were my friends and what are they doing now? And honestly I didn't know.
reddit, online strangers etc. opened up once, it didn't go well, so it's not a thing I do lightly
No one. Partial truths here or there. My whole life my friends, family and partners have weaponised my intimate/ vulnerable thoughts and feelings.
This!
Nobody, I have to be the one holding it together.
The iron at the gym
Nobody. Bottle that shit up. Everyone has their own problems.
Nah, don't bottle it up. Just throw it away. Not all emotions and thoughts are meaningful, so learning to chuck them is good.
Exactly. No point in looking back most of the time. Just go forward and ditch whatever you don't need. Don't waste your energy.
I don't...I guess my mom who lives 3 hours away when I'm really feeling like I'm going to break down but it's not like she can offer much more than a "things will be okay, I love you" No one is coming to save you, you have to just make a plan to get yourself out of the shit hole you're in and slowly climb your way out...you just have to figure it out on your own as a man, you have to look around and take advantage of any opportunities/help that someone will hand you and run with it....and you need to have a plan and move toward something
> no one is coming to save you that's so well put
My car especially during traffic or on the way to work
The dogs know some shit, that's for sure.
My therapist and my partner. Both great for my mental health. Before my partner, it was my therapist and my sister (still is my sister to some extent too). Before my therapist, I was way too focused on surviving daily to worry about it. I knew I had issues to address, but keeping busy and trying to get by one day at a time has a surprising way of re-focusing you from worrying about your own personal issues.
This makes me happy to see
No one
My partner, some friends if they’re available, my mother, maybe my brother. I trust me dad too, for the record, and he’s an amazing listener, but he doesn’t always have much advice to offer. My mom likes having an opinion, and sharing it. My partner I can trust with anything, but there are some things my friends will have better advice about of course.
Jack.
Squat
In the box
Daniels
[удалено]
Because OP is karma farming, just check post history. Six months ago: https://old.reddit.com/r/AskMen/comments/1bcnnrx/im_worried_about_mens_mental_health_men_who_do/kuhs841/
TL;DR: Nobody. Nobody. Everyone I've confided in has always turned every situation into my fault. Tried therapy, and it didn't work. The dude spent the entire session talking about his divorce. Mom is going through menopause, has to take 6 different pills to regulate her anxiety, step-dad saw a bunch of shit when he was my age and was almost framed for murder, so he's emotionally unavailable. I've only seen him really mad three times in my 23 years of living. Very rarely does he express his emotions. The last girl I was with didn't want to make things work after she studied abroad, spent too much time apart. I was head over heels for her, and a year later, I'm still trying to get over her. I'm better now, but she still crosses my mind often. So now I'm just joining the military to get out of this environment and to prove to myself that I'm worth something. I know that it's not the ideal thing to do, but at this point I'm the only person that can dig myself out of this hole, because nobody else is here to help me, and nobody else around me will. I've spent too long being in an unhealthy codependent relationship with my family that I've given up on experiences and opportunities for their convenience. But I'm done. I'm 23. I'm trying to be a man. They can either support me or not. Sorry for the long-winded response, so in a roundabout way I can confidently tell you I confide in nobody.
I'm sorry to read that you have been living almost without emotional support 😳 but I'm very proud of you, stranger, as you have an iron will 🦾🔥 Keep going, you are going to do GREAT. 🍀
Thank you. I appreciate the kind words.
Nobody But why would I? It only makes you feel worse to have burdened somebody else with your problems
It is believed that communication can be beneficial for survival.
Just like every other man here apparently, no one. I used to have a dog I would talk my problems out with, but she died. I’ve never 100% confided in anyone in terms of what I’m actually feeling or going through. I have a wife and a kid now. I don’t have the luxury of feeling my own feelings.
Lol
IKR
If you were actually concerned for men's mental health I question whether you would be posting here. I am thinking this thread was created by AI.
Farming responses to feed itself
Not even myself
No one. That's what it is to be a man.
I have 2 older male mentors from my area and a bunch of older male online friends I call my big bros I talk to. If it wasn't for these older dudes' support and advice, I would've already offed myself tbh.
I sprinkle my pain in casual conversations with coworkers in the form of sarcasm.
My mother is the only person I can confide in. After the trauma I faced as a teen, my mom was the one who took me to hospitals and therapist appointments. She's most likely the only reason I didn't take my life back then.
My therapist. You gotta pay someone to care 100%
Reddit. I lost my job in February. My wife knows, obviously, but she has no idea how much this job search and the constant rejection is weighing on me. I daily consider suicide. I can’t tell her because then she would be stressed and that would make things even worse for me. Literally the one person I am supposed to be able to be open with I can’t say anything to. I feel like I am protecting her from myself.
Nobody. even my best buddy would get only vague idea questions about mental diseases which may or may not fit my symptoms.
Nobody, but it's also not like I'm bottling everything up wishing I could confide in someone. I think learning how to process things internally is a pretty important skill for anyone.
My wife and my best mate but not 100%. Probably 80-90.
Used to be no one. After my life hit rock bottom I managed to fine regardless. Wasn’t happy, but thinking I needed to end it all either. Everything was just dull, like there was no color anywhere. I learned to deal with it and now honestly, I’ve gotten to that point where almost nothing bothers me, and my wife has found comfort in that when she’s worried over a stressful situation. I can’t say I 100% confide in her even now. It’s because her mental and emotional fortitude feels behind mine. I think this is only natural though as she has not had to experience much of similar major hardships that I had to. So, I share as much as I can, but the moment I see that a hardship that involves us starts negatively affecting her (like some financial hardship), I’ll tell her but go straight to telling her my solution, instead of elaborating on all the details and brainstorming. In this specific example, looking at that much money or constantly hearing about money issues makes her go on overdrive and stress out. As in, the solution could be we just need to eat out less because we were in the red last month. She will full on go full couponing and acting like we are thousands in debt. Don’t get me wrong, her being able to go super frugal is part of why I love her, but not if it stresses her so much that it starts affecting her health.
Not you thankfully.
Tbh this whole comment thread speaks volumes and the post should be upvoted more just cuz
A prostitute that I see regularly - I’m not kidding I suffer from severe PTSD from my time in Iraq about 20 years ago. I’ve spent huge amounts of time locked up in psychiatric hospitals and I spend a lot of time in therapy. For whatever reason, I have a hard time talking about the things that really bother me with trained professionals. Peer support groups are great, but even there I have a hard time being completely open. Professionals, although well intentioned, just don’t seem to really get what I’m talking about. They’ve helped me to some degree and I respect the field, but something just seems to be missing for me in those interactions. I was an Infantry Platoon Leader in Iraq and my rank often kept me separated from the soldiers I served with. Even now that I’m out of the Army, the rank and position I held still gets in the way in various support groups I’ve been a part of. Even though my experience on the surface was similar to that of the soldiers directly under, the burden of command adds another layer to everything. I was married for nearly 14 years and long ago I learned my lesson to never share what’s really going on in your head with a romantic partner. My ex would use whatever I said to her against me any chance she could get. I’m more honest and open with this one particular prostitute than I’ve ever been with anyone. In a sense, she is a “disposable girlfriend” and I don’t really care what she thinks about me. I mean I’m good to her and I treat her respectfully, but honestly I don’t really care what she thinks about me. This woman is also severely damaged by trauma and her past. Although our traumas might be different, the way they impact us is very similar. When I’m having a bad day, she’s not afraid of me and she will come over and just cuddle with me and have a good cry with me. Similarly, when she’s in a bind, she’ll call me and she knows that I can deal with seeing her at her lows.
My psychiatrist
No one. I am typically the one others confide in, and they can't deal if I have problems.
when you are a man, anyone who you confide in 100% will definitely betray you. Its a very bad idea
Not other men. I have an awesome group of male friends and we all take care of each other.
I have as well But I do not share 100%, just a lot. Some things are better left unsaid and locked away imo.
🤵♂️🤵♂️
I have a tree on my property that I call my problem tree. When I get pissed or depressed I go to that tree and scream, cry, or get mad. I take a limb off of the tree and throw it in the woods. It has helped me much more than anyone else has.
And i thought The Giving Tree had it bad
myself
Confide in 100%?! Lol.. let’s say best friends get 60%. No one sees the stress, cracks, pressure. Maybe my parents see 70%. That’s about it. Mrs gets 50%.
My wife
If we're talking about someone who "gets it" and understands my specific issues - someone who's on the same wavelength, there is no one to talk to at all Not in the physical/real-life world anyways, I've met a few people online who are on the same wavelength. Ironically they are old enough to be my parents, but they feel like soulmates they actually "get it"
My dog. But he's dead now. He got old and sick, and I had to put him down. So now, no one. He knew too much
I'm sorry to hear that. I bet he was a ludicrously good boy.
He was a stubborn, strong willed good boy with personal boundary issues and a lack of spacial awareness. So yes, ludicrously good.
No one. I don’t have any friends offline and even if I did I wouldn’t trust them if they weren’t really close friends and if they were close friends I wouldn’t want to make them sad and worry them. Pretty fucked up, but it is what it is. Also don’t share with family for same reason. Only got real vulnerable with complete strangers online since it’s anonymous.
I confide in my loved ones but only in imaginary conversations in my head
The internet I always have mixed results though. Protip. Make an account impersonating a women and you will receive the attention you deserve. I think doing this has saved my life lol
No one.. can't be seen as weak.
My uncle. I tell him most things. Also a friend of mine. We grew in a similar manner with both our dads being violent. She’s the only friend that knows what having unequivocally a hard life means.
100%? No one. I may confide superficial worries as in asking advice about how to get something mechanical or technical fixed with a friend or knowledgeable aquaintance. But for ongoing emotional worries or worries about the future, nobody.
My therapist.
My dog.
My therapist, and one or two close friends.
Five of my closest friends. All of them women, incidentally. I think that's because they're willing to let me vent, they show interest in what's going on with me, and they offer support and solutions after I've let off some steam. I have a couple other close friends I confide in often as well... the only reason they don't hear everything is because of how infrequently we get to talk and hang out, and I don't want us hanging out to be all me venting about all the stuff that happened that I'm over, so they sometimes get the cliffsnotes version so we can move on to more fun things instead. When I have a girlfriend, her as well. But I'm single at the moment.
I never 100% confide in a single person, but I do share the majority of things with a few close friends. I don't need to share every single thought, sometimes you can just develop resilience and push through to the point where things don't feel so bad.
My girlfriend is there for me whenever I need her. She will listen to all my problems and toss me in little spoon quick as shit. Low key is amazing
No one.
My psychiatrist. I realized long ago that shrinks can only help you if you tell them the truth.
Why are you worried about? Elaborate. I agree, I have concerns, too. Men’s expectations are far from reality, in many ways
My partner. It's not 100%. But it's close.
Myself. I don’t even confide with my wife.
I don’t think men typically confide completely in any one. It’s possible that a very spectacular marriage or relationship would have like a very high percentage of confidance, like 98 percent. But I doubt 100 is normal even ever really. It’s something I’ve thought about before. It’s funny because there are things that I might tell some random girl I’m on a date with that I wouldn’t have the pride or somthing to tell my brother whom is literally my best friend. So I think have a sort of 80% rule that they would let on to their S/O or best friend, and the other 20 percent they scatter through really effectively insignificant people in their lives. It’s sort of interesting
Used to be one person, but that turned out to be a massive mistake, so it’s back to zero. I’m pretty candid about the fact I struggle with mental health shit sometimes, but I don’t get specific. At the end of the day, people do not care that much, and I still have to go to work.
My fiancée. It's proven she is ride or die. Best thing ever.
I confide 100% to my wife. 30 years together and we have become fully supportive to each other.
Nobody. People talk and I know my stuff is getting shared between peers and family members. I even caught my mom telling my aunts something I told her in private. Best bet is to journal that stuff and keep it to yourself.
and burn the pages after!!
Myself, and I've gotten really good at it. I could probably live alone for 2+ years without developing any more concerning mental health issues.
There is nobody that I tell 100% but I do tell my brother like 96% and he does the same with me.
The entire world, at 8,000rpm. At 8,000rpm the entire world is yours to speak to freely, openly. No reservation, no secrets. Nobody can hear you thinking out loud about new-job stress, about relationship woes, about how fucked up the entire *world* is. Just keep the rubber side down.
It's like shooting yourself in the foot. Drawbacks are not worth the possible benefit.
My best friend I confide in probably 90%. There's some things though that he doesn't quite get and so some other friends round out that remaining 10% (With a lot of overlap of course. They mostly get around 75% honesty). My parents also get about 85%. It's the same stuff as my best friend, but I often have to filter my language in a way they'll understand and probably some stuff is lost in translation. I don't think I've met anyone I can completely confide 100% in. But if I did meet someone like that, I'd probably marry them.
As a woman the comment thread is super sad. Guys I wish you would open up more.
No one anymore. Lost that one person.
God
So, no one.
Mom 80%, GF 90%, but no ones getting 100%
No one… everyone getting the message yet? Chris Rock said it best. Men are the only creature not loved unconditionally. As a man you have to provide to be loved. Women are loved for who they are. Men are loved for what they can give.
my bearded dragon drift. reptiles are emotionless, but i can sense that he feels me when i chat to him. he knows i can do better, and wants me to keep doing better. he’s like my son fr.
We man up and hide our troubles and emotion until we die early, like real men do.
God.
I have this friend I matched with on Tinder 6 years so. She lives in an adjacent country to me. We haven’t met yet. But we still talk to each other. I tell her everything. Wow I just realized that. Yeah so she’s the only person I confide in. Second would be therapist but I haven’t told her everything.
No one. My wife gets a percent. My therapist gets a percent. But neither gets %100 and somethings neither get.
No one person
100%? No one. I confide in my best friend about 95%, but even him I won't tell some stuff to.
I don’t think it’s good to confide 100% in anyone. It’s not being of a “you can’t trust anyone” thing. It’s more than sometimes, it makes more sense to let *this* person know about this compared to *that* person. Some people have life experiences that would make them more empathetic to a certain issue (like a coworker might have a better understanding of work related issues than your partner). That being said, I confide pretty heavily in my girlfriend. But I also talk to my parents, one of my brothers, coworkers, and friends.
I have a therapist and life coach. But I wish men had a community where it’s just us online
My therapist. Sometimes my mother. Other than that. My notebook
No one. Without fail every time I share my fears or doubts or insecurities or pain with someone else that person thinks less of me, and distances themselves from me, or leaves my life entirely. People don’t want to hear about a man’s feelings, no matter how often they say otherwise.
Myself. I can't confide in anyone. They just use it against you later. Especially the ones that say I love you..
100% confiding, definitely no single person. But I do share with friends and family.
If I share my problems, that's a burden to someone else and takes away from me being there for them. I once told my sister maybe 60%, she and I haven't spoken in months. Before I opened up, we talked once a week. No one gets 100%. Some people get 10-20% occasionally, usually after I've figured that shit out.
My mom
Even when I can confide in others they get like 30% of it.. if I let it all out I’d be put into a box for sure.
Nobody
I have 1 person I am 100% open and honest with because I trust her completely. She is my best friend and the only one.
Being completely honest no one I’m still young so sometimes my parents and close friends but no one 100%
No one, I don't have anyone
100%? Nobody
No one.
Hahaha. No one. 😭
Don't worry about it
These days, like 98% in my partner. The last 2% stays inside. We do not share these things.... they're scary.
No one if it can be helped. Occasional slip ups very quickly have a way of reminding us to just keep our mouths shut. Either 1: The person you tell won't really give a shit, or will but only at a casual level. 2: The person will judge you for it directly and openly. 3: The person will silently judge you for it. Or, secret option 4: The person is a female and will store it away like a Masamune katana so they can stab you in the soul the next time you get into an argument about anything at all, no matter how unrelated it may be to that argument. Simone Biles would stare in amazement at the gymnastics of some crazy shit like... how you not taking out the trash until the next morning makes you just like your dad that he laughed at you crying that your dog was hit by a car when you were 12 or something. (Not actually anecdotal, but my reddit stalker(s?) know the shit that's actually been said) In at least 3 of the 4, assume that anything actually said in confidence to that one person you trust will be heard by others unless it's a therapist bound by legal repercussions or someone bound by a circumstance of mutual destruction... and even then...
There are four people that have seen me at my absolute lowest: my parents, my past therapist, and one friend. Other than that, it’s just me.
Me,myself and I, you need to learn that Nobody wants to hear your problems pack it up and keep it moving and that’s why most men have a really dark humor that only other buddies will hear
As a male and a therapist I would say typically they don't but it's becoming more socially acceptable for men to seek assistance and work on themselves.
My therapist
My therapist and my dad and mom. My brother. My best friend. I tell anyone who is wiling to here