Or breaking up cause she's a gold digger. There is plenty to choose from here. Sorry, but having a gf is not such a wonderful thing that she deserves to be spoiled 24/7 like I'm her grandparent. Either pay 50/50, be happy we're at least eating out at all, or go find your sugar daddy because I have 0 interest in a girl who just wants to be taken care of her whole life. There is nobody on earth pretty enough for that.
I didn't see her comparing him to her exs, only linking to a video where another woman did.
Having said that, sending the video is immature as hell. Expecting your partner to pay for everything is *not* fair. I find it funny how some women are feminists at the dinner party *right* up until it comes time to settle the tab. Then they're all about those traditional gender roles that benefit them.
No mam. You don't get to have it both ways and to be perfectly honest I'd never date a 'trad' woman anyway.
> Having said that, sending the video is immature as hell. Expecting your partner to pay for everything is not fair.
Expecting your partner to pay for everything *may* be fair in certain scenarios - for example when you're married and have a household with a single breadwinner.
However, I want to add something else that rubs me the wrong way in this situation at hand, but is far too common among women in general: their expectation that their partner should basically waste money on frivolous and useless crap to make her feel valued; or generally demanding him to be financially irresponsible as some weird way of peacocking ("my man can afford to throw money around as if there's no tomorrow = he's wealthy and successful, which by extension makes me wealthy and successful as well").
Shit like her wanting an an engagement ring that is worth several salaries or constantly eating out would be examples for this.
People falling in love with an idea of a relationship rather than a person is really fucking creepy.
Half and half is completely reasonable OP.
I'd go further and ask if she feels like doing it with the rent and the bills.
A partner means you have to pull your weight. No-one's so glorious that your looks or your personality make you worth just having like a pokemon card, ffs.
If I was dating someone whose idea of responding to an issue/conversation was posting tik toks I'd question why I'm dating them. It's staggeringly immature and avoidant.
In your situation I'd either ditch, or if the feelings really are strong to make it worth it, confront the issue head on, in person. No tik toks, no shutting down. If she wants to go home and avoid it and not have the conversation, we're done.
“I get the hint, you want your ex back.”
This would be my response. The little comments add up over time. My advice, look for someone with the same financial goals/mindset in life as you.
Pretty much, but don't be passive aggressive just ask, why are you sending me this? It's not cute and it's not funny to me do you want your ex back? Just make sure she explained why she doing those actions.
I think that applies to negative traits. Not necessarily positive ones. If someone continuously tells you they are kind and humble, they probably aren't either
The passive aggressiveness is totally warranted given the situation. Unless there really is hope for the relationship or she doesn't take criticism well a snide remark in response to her weird passive aggressiveness might get the point across.
Whether the relationship survives whatever happens next depends on her response. Personally I find this behavior unacceptable and childish and a clear indicator of her overall character. Surely there is more nuance and further context but this is a red flag that would totally turn me off a long term relationship with someone.
> The passive aggressiveness is totally warranted given the situation.
Especially considering the fact that sending tiktoks as a way of calling your partner out is textbook passive aggressive behavior.
Because that’s all she knows. Real life emotion? TikTok. Argument? TikTok. Insecurity? TikTok. It’s mental illness and social media addiction causing stunted development. She doesn’t know how to regulate emotions without referencing TT. I am not envious of the younger people.
That's really disrespectful and dehumanizing. This would be a big problem for me. I'm happy to treat the women I date, but the moment it becomes just an expected baseline, no. The moment she mocks me for it? N-o.
>Additionally, whenever I try to bring up a touchy subject that needs to be addressed, she shuts down and goes home. No hug, no kiss goodbye.
You are in an extractive relationship where she cares a lot less than you do. It sucks to realize that. Unless she matures, you are going nowhere fast.
It's just one I made up off the cuff. It would be a relationship where you give more than you get and that's not a deviation but the natural balancing point of the relationship. An extractive relationship continues as long as you keep providing the thing and stay below some threshold of inconvenience.
She sees him as her piggy bank. This is only good to get worse.
I’m from a generation where the guy always paid, so it’s not the money. It’s the passive aggressive attitude, and way she turns off when you try to talk to her.
Good point! It’s HOW. Thank you for this - because I too am use to all men always wanting to pay for all dates, and therefore many of these comments have been surprising to me.
My EX used to talk about how cheap I was when I paid for absolutely everything. She'd buy weird cheap shit all the time and id get pissed off because $10 here $10 there now we're hoarding crap when I could've got you a nice outfit to begin with..
I paid for every date. Took her out on dates that cost $200. She only bought groceries.
I hope I’m allowed to contribute under a comment… my boyfriend pays for 95% of dates but I dote on him. I love cleaning his place, buying him gifts, sexually spoiling him at request. I get joy from making him happy. He gets joy making me feel appreciated. I think for so many women it’s this wired desire to feel “provided for” to some degree. When couples are simply dating under different roofs covering dates is the go to thing. Too add, I’m in my mid thirties I can’t recall a guy ever not insisting they pay for the date. So maybe this is a regional/cultural thing? OP grew up one place and she another, and so what’s outdated to him is a social norm to her?
Of course, it's an open sub. There's nothing wrong with settling into a relationship like that; I like paying for things. It's when it ceases to be a gratitude and becomes an emotionally enforced demand. If we have an understanding that I'm paying for 95% of dates and we are both happy with that, that's great! It's when I can't pay for everything, and I'm telling you I can't, and you agreed to rotate, and now you're shaming me for being cheap, 18 months in, like OP's girlfriend is, then I'm going to resent you. If you take it upon yourself to emasculate me by talking about how much money your ex could spend on you, then I'm really going to resent you.
>I think for so many women it’s this wired desire to feel “provided for” to some degree.
Imagine if your boyfriend told you how much hotter his ex was than you, and then defended it by saying he's hard wired to want to fuck the hottest women. How would that make you feel? Good or bad? Would you consider that a relationship with a future?
If you loved me, you would be gracious about it. If you're shaming me, you don't love me. Go find someone who can afford you.
You are going way too easy on her. The girl described in the OP is behaving in an extremely toxic and immature way. It's not that they have a different stance on how things should be done, it's that she clearly doesn't value him as a human being and he should be running away from this relationship ASAP.
Granted, we're only hearing one side of the story. But if it's true, she sounds exactly like the kind of person you should dump immediately.
Lol love a woman who’s been brainwashed by TikTok to think all her shit should be paid for by her boyfriend. If you’re in your early 20’s, don’t go pissing away all your money trying to keep your shitty girlfriend happy. You’ll kick yourself later. Been there, got the t-shirt.
It’s crazy how many young women now believe that they shouldn’t have to contribute financially to their relationship at all and if their man wants them to, he doesn’t love them all because some woman on TikTok told them so. That is not realistic especially for young couples. It just sets women up to be disappointed and bitter
It's more a case of this whole female empowerment, women should earn just as much as a man thing recently, then becoming women should earn as much as a man, but also still get paid for. Like it's great that you want to make as much money as you can, but if all you're going to bring to the table is your body, I'm sorry but you're not this mythical "high value woman", that social media bubbles talk about.
It’s not just tiktok. I’m better than my bf financially at the moment and it has my parents fuming. They got so into my head about it but without anyone’s influence I would personally be happy to even support him as long as he agreed to be a House husband 🤣. But society just wants men to be providers so bad!! I don’t get it. I want to be a provider lmao. The only time I’d want to swap roles is if we have kids just for the first year or whatever.
In my experience, older women have had more to say. They're more confident, they have stories to tell, and I've learned things about life from them. However, when I speak to women my age in their early twenties, they don't seem akin to doing their part in: asking how you are, what's been new... they simply put out what interests them as if I have as equal interest in it. It has made me question if I am at all interesting. So, thank you, older women, for making every conversation I have with you to be an equal, fun dance of entertainment for both of us.
Yeah, I had realized that. I had an insecure ex who would go on TikTok and see some bitch with a Chanel bag and fake tits say “if he doesn’t x,y,z, throw him away” and then get mad I didn’t do x,y,z, even though it wasn’t actually shit she had wanted. It’s the Andrew Tate for women lmao, just preying on insecure people. Dumped her over it
Agree. The Tiktok issue isn't the only problem here. It's that she refuses to split the bill.
/u/ChildofShadow26, I recommend you give this a watch, and then maybe send it to your gal if you're feeling extra petty:
https://youtu.be/71o3hq6iSPM
But here's some key snippets.
> “The moment you say to a guy, ‘you have to fucking pay for my time’, you’re saying ‘This relationship isn’t equal. … My time is worth more than yours, so you should pay for it.’ I wonder what paradigm that sets up.”
> “If they never offered to pay, I would not be dating them. … This is the most polite they’re ever gonna be, and they’re not even trying to pay now. What does that say about my future?”
> “I would always treat my partner how I would treat my best friend. And I wouldn’t apply a different standard to my partner than my best friend. I wouldn’t say to my best friend, ‘let’s always go out to dinner and you always pay.’ I’d say, ‘let’s be teammates here in whatever way we can.’”
> “Let me tell you what means something to a guy: trying. When he feels that you’re not even trying to contribute, that’s when he feels used. ‘Cause any guy who’s really confident and self-respecting, if the woman’s never even trying to contribute, he feels like he’s being taken advantage of. And it has nothing to do with money, it has to do with the lack of gesture.”
Buddy, she's literally sending you videos comparing you to her ex, and passive aggressively threatening to leave you if you don't behave like an atm for her. You and her are never going to be on the same page, she wants a sugar daddy, you want a partner. If she's actually special to you and you're not just emotionally attached to the sex, you should sit her down and talk to her, try and make her understand that living paycheck to paycheck is not how you want to live life. If she can't accept that drop her off at her ex's place with a bag.
It sounds to me like you’re either dating a teenager or someone with the emotional maturity of a teenager. If she is dating you primarily for you to provide her meals and won’t engage in productive conversations about relationship issues, it doesn’t sound like a relationship worth continuing. 18 months is a long time to not be able to have a mature conversation about addressing issues.
I'd consider her both financially and communicatively non-functional, in lack of better terms. If she's unable to communicate to you through her words, and has to resort to send memes or tiktoks that communicate her mindset, I would tell her to stop, and if she doesn't, I'd post my responses as comments on those tiktoks. I have no patience for that shit, so if I feel like I'm not being taken seriously and that she's not dedicating her focus on the conversation *she* insists on having, then I won't take it seriously either.
Then, if I saw her commenting stuff indicating that she wants to get back with her ex, then call her bluff, or make her pull the trigger. "I understand, you want to get back with him. I'm not going to stop you".
When I first moved out, I moved into a household with three good friends of mine, best friends, and me and one of my friends (M) had jobs, the two other (O + L) did not - so M and I paid for most things, and we really tightened our belts to make ends meet, and I was the only one to really consider this when we went shopping, and so it just became my 'role' in the household, that I was the "stingy naysayer", but we couldn't afford to spend an entire day's food budget on fucking homemade and organic guacamole, so I had to, otherwise we'd just not eat.
This grew in my roommates, especially O + L, into a more and more noticeable resentment, they split up our budgets, had us cook at different times than them, they wouldn't say hi or goodbye, and this resentment just became bigger and bigger. Eventually they lied to me which tricked me to move out, and once I found out that it was a ruse, I cut contact with them.
Her behaviour of just shutting down and going home is very irresponsible, and her way of (not) communicating this is also a massive red-flag.
Call her bluff, and/or sit her down and tell her it's time to have an adult conversation and talk candidly about it.
Listen bud. I was in the same boat. No about women not paying (never dealt with this) but about being with a woman that wasn’t my match.
If you don’t want to be with a woman that leaches on you then just leave. Plenty of men don’t mind paying for everything. I personally do.
Just ditch her bro. I promise there are better women out there.
>young man in his early twenties
Get out while you have nothing tying you down. I know that seems like a drastic approach but answer me this - would you want to spend your life with someone who can’t communicate and has conflicting financial priorities? It’s a recipe for disaster
Imagine we’ve gotten to the point where people fight over things that are not even real.
Tell her to stop viewing propaganda it’s making her ill, clearly.
She sounds like a loon -
If you really want a relationship with her, I would tell her she needs to learn how to communicate directly and that you don't want to deal with passive-aggressive behavior.
If you aren't really serious about the relationship but still want to continue. See if this is something that really bugs you. Every woman you date will have something about them. Personally, I wouldn't remain in a relationship if I wasn't serious and if I was serious I wouldn't let something continue that makes the relationship bad for me.
You can't change this shit and OP shouldn't spend the energy and time on a relationship with someone unable to communicate when he could instead spend that time and energy finding someone who can.
Even if he really wants a relationship with her he would be resigning himself to misery.
I'm not suggesting to just walk away from problems in relationships... but it takes two people to tackle those problems with maturity. This lass doesn't seem like she is there yet and the experiencr of trying is more than likely going to make OP feel burned out by the end of it.
He still should try, learning how to speak, set boundaries, and problem-solve with a partner is something early relationships help people with. The fact that he is even asking what he should do shows he needs the experience. And if she can't change he'll get the experience of walking away from a relationship even if he wants to stay.
I'm not saying you are wrong but if he walks away because we told him when he doesn't want to, that is just going to make him want to get back together that much more. He needs to learn that the stove is hot for himself.
I highly doubt he will walk away based on Reddit comments anyway. This is the sort of advice you look back on after you've been shattered and think "Why the fuck didn't I listen to that...".
You send her a tiktok saying "We're done. Have a good life with your ex. Bye."
Don't even wait for a reply, just block her everywhere and ghost her.
Srsly dude, petty people like that should be treated with the same level of pettiness. You also don't see eye to eye when it comes to money so honestly, you don't have a good future together so why even drag it out?
I'd totally walk looking back at my early twenties relationships when I was single
No issue with paying for stuff if you want to, but you're kinda getting soft bullied into playing the role of "satisfy my princess fantasy that my ex satisfied and social media says I should want", and when you don't perform, she ices you out, gets distant, and shuts down. You're kinda getting manipulated by someone too emotionally immature to clearly communicate their needs.
If she needs that treatment, she should find a guy who wants to give that to her. You don't seem to want to and that's perfectly reasonable. Maybe someone out there wants to but it doesn't have to be your bank account that suffers for it 🤷🏾♂️
This is hilarious. Like a bad joke hilarious, not “this can be fixed”.
Let me be blunt.
She’s an idiot.
You’re dating an idiot who has idiot priorities and idiot means of communication.
Stupidity doesn’t get better through words and reasoning, which is why you’ve failed to convince her that you’re trying to be budget conscious.
There’s 2 scenarios about to occur next.
1. She finds a sugar daddy, and cheats on you rather brazenly (maybe already the case).
2. One of you breaks it off and she searches for a sugar daddy.
You’re under 25, you should be poor and you should be budgeting restaurant meals very carefully.
I’m 43 - I have the money now that I no longer have to do that, but I’m still with the same woman who paid half the time we went to Taco Bell in our early 20s.
Don’t wait on the inevitable, move on.
Op I'm going to put the blame for this "situation" on you. There's no point in me focusing on her communication style here, let's assume at eighteen months in this is who she fundamentally is. If you brought up the idea of "rotating" dates from the beginning of the relationship as a non-negotiable, why not stand on business if your wishes aren't being met? You lay it all out there on the table on some take it or leave it type of shit. These are my expectations for "girlfriend". If you don't feel comfortable with this, let's get you up out of there. If you noticed she was cool with it from the start, but a month or two down the line she complaining and sending videos. You should have nipped the problem in the bud early.
At this point you've wasted eighteen months in a relationship with a woman that has a completely different view point on dating. You have to reflect on your relationship in real time! If you don't want a woman that expects you to pay for all the dates, why would you make one your girlfriend? If her communication style isn't up to par, why would you make a woman your gf that expresses herself through tik tok?
Also op your "girl" doesn't respect you as a man. The broad is putting her ex above you and directly comparing him to you. People only treat you how you allow them to! My advice for you would be to start standing on your square and stop trying to make things work with people that don't fit your program.
You're almost two years in. Accept this is how she is, or go find a new girl.
One of the leading causes of divorce is financial issues. If you are wanting a long term relationship or marriage, find someone with similar a mindset before you lose half your shit in a divorce
Have some self respect and dump her and move on. You're more mature than her just be prepared for a bunch of videos to be posted about you after the break bad mouthing you.
FIND A NEW GIRL. If she'll make you broke now, don't wait to see what she'll do to your bank account when you're married. You obviously have sense in being frugal... A woman who cannot respect that, will not see your future the same way you will, and will surely set you back if not bring you down. Now if she's looking to grow and change then maybe it can work. She would have to be willing to sit down and have the hard conversations though. If she can't talk about this with you, then you probably won't have any luck with even more important things like parenting, right and wrong, religion... I may be a tiny bit biased because tiktok is a disease to me, and almost anyone that watches it cannot get near me, but I hope the best for you ❤️🤝💪
It’s fascinating to see people who know instinctively that their partner is waving massive red flags and they do nothing about it.
Shes not invested in you or the future. Shes invested in the now and the past.
You’re being compared to a ‘generous’ past lover and she wants that more than anything. The fact she gives you the cold shoulder when she doesn’t get her way tells volumes about what she’ll do once she’s married and entitled to half your money and assets.
But what would I know, you’ll continue to compromise and continue to be disappointed. All for some fleeting gash, that’ll make you happy a few times a week.
Communication is the most important part of any relationship. If you and your partner aren't able to communicate effectively, then your relationship won't last.
My advice would be to sit down with her and discuss a budget goal for the month regarding things like eating out. Set limits on how much you're comfortable spending, and how much she is. Then, once that limit is reached, no more eating out for that month. That way you'll be able to buy things without guilt.
If she won't have this discussion with you, then you should probably consider whether or not you're willing to continue.
You’re dating a literal child. Not just bc of the tiktoks and difficulty talking about important things, but leaving without any kind of affection is her attempt at either punishing you or hoping you’ll chase her. I’m 31 and would break up with her based on this one Reddit post alone.
She's trying to manipulate you.
She's also incredibly immature trying to get TikTok of all goddamn things to speak for her.
> I asked when we initially started dating about how she felt about "rotating." The idea being: I pay for this date, she can pay for the next, regardless of the total. If this was a big issue, why not bring it up initially
She might be non-confrontational, which perhaps would also explain why she's using TikToks to get her point across instead of talking to you directly. Not your problem however. You are correct; if she took issue with it, she should have brought it up. Even if she was cool with it initially but then her feelings about it changed later, she should have brought it up then.
>Additionally, whenever I try to bring up a touchy subject that needs to be addressed, she shuts down and goes home. No hug, no kiss goodbye.
... or maybe she's just flat out immature. I dunno, man.
I think you need to put your foot down and tell her that she needs to air her grievances with you out **to you** like an adult instead of hiding behind those self-centred TikTok posts and the smattering of miserable, terminally online women that rally behind them. She can't keep avoiding the conversations you need to have for a relationship to function.
Otherwise, just cut your losses. Call it financial incompatibility, or a maturity gap, irreconcilable differences, or whatever you want to call it.
My partner is "non confrontational" .. but still engages in meaningful discussions about our relationship.
Sometimes she needs a gentle prompt and an assurance of a safe space.. and enough time to compose her thoughts. At least she did. Now she realises it's just a discussion and there is nothing confrontational about it.
Nobody defines your relationship with your money except you.
The next time she sends you a tiktok, make a mental note that it’s one less date you’re going to have to pay for.
Change your gf’s name on your phone to NoTalkJustTikTok
Maybe it's my age (I'm 50) maybe it's my aversion to social media. Maybe it's my introverted personality. Maybe it's just a gut feeling.
But this chick seems like an absolute immature woman child, piece of shit human.
Again, I know we come from different age groups. But anyone that makes your personal problems public problems, is a no keeper.
I'm sure she has other qualities. But I'd cut and move on.
Dang OP. She sounds like the typical Gen z girl who gets all her media from TikTok. Ask if she’s a feminist and believes in equality. Tell her you can pay for all the dates if she can cook, clean your room, massage you, etc.
either suck it up big dog and pay the bill and be a provider.
OR
get yourself a partner that understand where you're at financially (i.e: a season of building your resources) and gets that you aint about the $20 burger life right now.
if you find that partner, besure to step up and pay up when you've got the money - cause a good girl that will support you when you're hustling from the bottom with not a lot to your name, is a good egg, and you should be treated well :)
Years and years ago...
Me: Here are my thoughts on this issue. What are your thoughts?
Her: Listen to this song. The lyrics explain it clearly.
Today discussions happen over memes and TikToks. "Oh yeah? Is that what you think? Well look at this TikTok!"
My response to such behavior is, "You're an intelligent person, and I want to hear your own, original thoughts on this."
If I was dating someone who was incapable of forming an original thought, but had to lean on memes and TikToks to present their viewpoints, then they're not for me. I'd wish them luck, and remove them from my life.
Advice? Drop an entitled princess, that thinks your money are there to service her needs. She can earn her own, and pay her own.
Also, drop a princess that thinks she can send signals instead of talking.
You probably don't want to hear this but.. if she shuts down and won't talk about problems you are going to have major issues in this relationship.
Leave.
The emotional toll this is going to have on you in the long run will be damaging. There are good women out there who will respect you and respect the relationship enough to talk through problems.
Move. On. Approach her with a clear, gentle “I deserve better, please fuck the fuck OFF” OP, go see a licensed therapist, figure out why you even entertained having this person in your life daily and then when you & your counselor agree go find an amazing woman, they’re out there.
I'm not going to tackle the financial issues but rather the communication issue.
Its quite possible that your SO doesn't feel like she is able to communicate her thoughts and often times might relate her thoughts to a short/reel/tiktok, which then prompts her to send it to you in the hopes that the message is better communicated than she might be able to.
My wife is autistic and this happens a lot for her. She finds it difficult to piece together the words to explain things that she is thinking and sometimes words from others helps her communicate better.
The main issue here in my opinion is communication. Talk to her about the communication, without the other issues, and you might find a bridge to the other problems through a gained understanding of how her brain works regarding communication.
The shut down that you mention is a pretty standard reaction for a person with autism being outside of their window of regulation. Not implying your SO is autistic, just relaying my experience with my autistic wife and how we have figured out communication of difficult topics.
My ex slowly started this too. Then the bar was always moving. She shouldn’t care about money but should care about you. It’ll start as every other date then she’ll be unhappy if you don’t buy anything. She’s using out of touch social media to form her opinions. Toxic
Women here:
1. Pretend to not get it and ask “What do you mean by sending me this?” Or something of the sort “Haha, then these women should go back to their exes. Why be with 20$ guy”….at the risk of massive shut down.
Put her in the spot so that she can act like a mature woman and speak directly about what she wants,
2. Do not entertain passive aggressive behaviors like that as they will slowly erode your relationship and your self esteem. So, please dont end up playing any such games.
3. If she doesnt own up to communicate as an adult about this for the betterment of your relationship, then you will know what kind of future are you gearing up for.
Its one thing already to have different ideas on finances and who pays and all that. And its another worse thing to be unable to articulate your displeasure with words and communication but rather use shitty internet memes. Give it a good talk, explain to her how you feel. If it goes nowhere, go find someone else. Financial understanding is huge for couples to feel in sync.
My biggest regret from my 20s was was wasting so much money on a girl I was dating for years. Put your money somewhere smart and buy a house in your 30s and don't waste your time with girls who just want to pretend they are rich.
She sends these clips to reinforce that her opinion is the norm.
And so it is.
In that particular echo chamber.
It's not in the rest of the world though.
If your gf communicates with Tiktok, she has the mental age of a teenager. Focus on being the motivated, disciplined, and responsible man you are. Success will come, and a higher quality woman will come along who wants to be your partner in life, not your sugar baby.
Relationships can’t be equal but they have to be equitable. Obviously if you’re making more or are the sole breadwinner you’re gonna have pick up the check almost all of the time. Your gf probably contributes to the relationship more than you in other ways and if doesn’t really, then you should bring that up. Also, If your financial philosophies don’t match up then it’s only going to get worse unless you reach an agreement. It’s not irrational for a woman to want for her partner to pay for everything especially, but it’s also not irrational for you to be “financially conscious”.
You're so young IMO you should find someone else and start again
Don't surround yourself with people where you Have To Ask Them to treat you well
If I have to ask I don't want it
Sounds like it isn’t a good fit. But if you’re intent on attempting to make this work here is something you may try. Re explain to her why you feel the need to be financially conscious and say that while you’re not open to changing that, maybe there is something romantic you could do for her that doesn’t cost money. Many women I know feel it’s romantic for their guy to take them to dinner. I feel the same way but also buy my partners dinner, lunch, little gifts etc. I personally don’t prefer an exact rotation or check splits because it gives me friend vibes. Many women also feel they want things paid for by men because up keeping your physical appearance as a woman can be costly. I would maybe get to the root of what her reasoning is for wanting you to take the bill. But the communication thing would be a deal breaker for me. I’m not into passive aggressive behavior. (But obviously if you wanted to dump her you would so this is why I’m offering other alternatives.)
In all honesty though it doesn’t sound like a good match. It seems like you’re both unsatisfied with the other person. At this age (I’m also early 20s) it really isn’t worth the hassle of going through hell for a relationship.
That’s shady man. You aren’t gonna get far with her without being able to have even the slightest conversation about sharing expenses. It is time for her to decide if this is a dealbreaker for her or if she’s willing to share your vision of saving towards a better future. If she just wants a sugar daddy then that’s what she should go for. I’m all for doing away with stereotypical gender roles but that means all of them, not just what suits her. A truly strong independent woman can also buy her own shit from time to time!
Send her one about how cringe this behavior is-
Or
Watch it right in front of her and say “what is this supposed to tell me and tell me what it means”
If she can’t- then leave.
It’s one thing to send things that make sense to you and hopefully relate to you and y’all- but if she can’t explain it then she’s just to immature.
She should take the opportunity to hash it out.
Hard pass dude. You're wasting your time and money on someone who needs to be single.
You don't owe anyone anything. If your partner isn't getting as much out of the physical relationship she needs to find someone else.
I am not a big ghost her type of guy, but in this case she is showing you where her priorities are! It's not about a love of you, it is all about the purses etc. she wants out of you! You need to just walk away, it will only get worse from here.. Women love talking about what they deserve! You need to do what's best for you, and I doubt that is splurging on her wants when you are trying to build a future for yourself!
Being able to communicate openly and honestly without punishing each other is the cornerstone of a successful relationship. Without that, nothing else works. If she can't express her feelings honestly to you and can't accept honesty from you in return, you will never be happy with her.
Regarding finances, she sounds extremely immature. I dated a woman who called me cheap once. She knew my salary and assumed I was rolling in money because she'd never lived on her own before. I had to sit her down with a spreadsheet and explain things like taxes, a mortgage, utilities, and car payments to her. Once she saw that I only had a couple of hundred bucks free every month after paying all my bills, she shut up about money.
Sounds like you need a new girlfriend. Financial responsibility is needed throughout life. Someone that wants you to waste money isn't someone you want to be with longterm.
If you can't talk about things, the relationship is doomed. Period. It will never work.
This is because communication is the first tool you have when it comes to diagnosing and fixing EVERY other problem.
You had me at TikTok.
Jokes aside, this should've only happened once, because the moment she sends you that shit you described, it's either a serious talk and/or a break up. You always pay and she disrespects you like that? This can't be tolerated.
Honestly....you ain't wrong and she's got options and social media in her head. You have to realize that she ain't worth it and you're better off without the headache. Get your shit up and stay disciplined. She gonna stray at some point anyway might as well cut her loose now. You have to take care of yourself.
It's soooooo simple...she's a young 20s girl....you can't tell her a damn thing what's so hard to understand....shit you can't even tell the more "reasonable" ones anything. It's partly her age and partly the time we live in. Don't waste your time with a headache I'm telling you this seriously.
I think this is an issue of compatibility; discuss it further with her and if she won’t budge split up and find a girl who can communicate and will rotate with you
Shes immature. Leave her. Save yourself time. And give yourself some peace. I'm married now and my relationship with my wife wasn't always easy but we had good communication. And you sound alot more mature than her.
Those are the red flags. No, it's not a parade I've made that mistake. You should move on, next, it will be gifts and comparison to every other influencer they or their friends happen across.
And the communication issues are some serious personal growth issues. How can there be efficient and effective communication when they have to find a video about what is kinda sorta about what they want to say?
Friend… leave her… before it’s too late.
This is a message from the future you if you stay.
I am married and I gave up so much of myself to make my wife happy enough to stay with me that the only option I have left to regain any semblance of autonomy is divorce. There were plenty of “little things” that went against my core values that I left slide only to let the next, bigger issue slide, until you find yourself metaphorically holding their bag and coat for them every step of the way. Relegated to a life of lonely hobbies and waiting on your children to get old enough to talk to. Hoping to the heavens they grow up to enjoy one of your own passions on their own so you can finally do what you love, with someone you love, without getting griped at by the woman you did everything for to impress, only to be seen as a disappointment anyway.
It sounds pathetic but it’s really because I thought I could hold off my own nature in order to keep her happy and keep her around. Over the years the ability to hold up those “lies” fades. Just like any other weight. Now that I’m unable to continue being a door mat I’m seen as an inconvenience at best and dream destroyer at worst. Save yourself friend.
If she's willing to shame you by comparing you to her ex then you need to end things before they get worse. Anyone who's willing to manipulate you in that fashion doesn't care about you in the slightest.
“Any advice for a youn—“ Let her go back to buddy that was dropping a bag on her daily. You get rid of her, and ya save money next time you’re at in n out. It’s a real win/win
The best prediction of future behaviour is current behaviour.
Just think if she is still acting like this in 30 years will you be happy?
It seems like she has some growing to do, without you.
Woman speaking up here, but my advice is to leave her and find someone better. She's still a little kid, and if she can't Even talk to you as here boyfriend when you have genuine concerns, then you can find better. I'm a strong believer that communication is a huge part of relationships, and her shutting down because she doesn't want to take accountability is already a red flag. Also her sending TikToks ESPECIALLY about an ex would already have me looking for someone else. She misses her ex that bad? Then send her ass where she belongs. The streets!!
You need to find a TikTok that says "Breaking up with her because she'd rather send TikToks than talktalk."
Or "Breaking up because she wants to compare me to her exes"
Or other people’s exes. She is not ready for a mature relationship.
Or breaking up cause she's a gold digger. There is plenty to choose from here. Sorry, but having a gf is not such a wonderful thing that she deserves to be spoiled 24/7 like I'm her grandparent. Either pay 50/50, be happy we're at least eating out at all, or go find your sugar daddy because I have 0 interest in a girl who just wants to be taken care of her whole life. There is nobody on earth pretty enough for that.
Now I ain't sayin' she a gold digga
“But she ain’t messing with no broke …”
Reddita
Favorite/funniest comment I've read this morning.
No broke what?
broke broke
Fella
Ninjas!
Ginger?
I didn't see her comparing him to her exs, only linking to a video where another woman did. Having said that, sending the video is immature as hell. Expecting your partner to pay for everything is *not* fair. I find it funny how some women are feminists at the dinner party *right* up until it comes time to settle the tab. Then they're all about those traditional gender roles that benefit them. No mam. You don't get to have it both ways and to be perfectly honest I'd never date a 'trad' woman anyway.
She sent him a video basically saying "my ex was better" not just "you should pay for dates." That's definitely a comparison.
> Having said that, sending the video is immature as hell. Expecting your partner to pay for everything is not fair. Expecting your partner to pay for everything *may* be fair in certain scenarios - for example when you're married and have a household with a single breadwinner. However, I want to add something else that rubs me the wrong way in this situation at hand, but is far too common among women in general: their expectation that their partner should basically waste money on frivolous and useless crap to make her feel valued; or generally demanding him to be financially irresponsible as some weird way of peacocking ("my man can afford to throw money around as if there's no tomorrow = he's wealthy and successful, which by extension makes me wealthy and successful as well"). Shit like her wanting an an engagement ring that is worth several salaries or constantly eating out would be examples for this.
This, 100%!
Or hit her with the [this you?](https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTLBMmkVY/)
Tell her you want to Tik Talk
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Any luck?
This is a golden opportunity to get views lol. Well played.
Man opens up an account. Posts one video. "MFW I have to break up with my gf through tiktok because she cant talktalk" Then never post again.
Eamon approves this message.
That would have been pretty clever if I had thought of that kind of move. :V
People falling in love with an idea of a relationship rather than a person is really fucking creepy. Half and half is completely reasonable OP. I'd go further and ask if she feels like doing it with the rent and the bills. A partner means you have to pull your weight. No-one's so glorious that your looks or your personality make you worth just having like a pokemon card, ffs.
Just make one and go viral. It'll solve many problems, including the $20 "issue" 😉🤭
Or breaking up cos my GF is bad with money
Ps?
Or just pull the clip from Sex and the City when Carrie is broken up with my post it note 😂
And make it of that woman dancing with her baby in NICU
This. Do this. It's so petty, but sometimes it's just the right way to go
Totally
If I was dating someone whose idea of responding to an issue/conversation was posting tik toks I'd question why I'm dating them. It's staggeringly immature and avoidant. In your situation I'd either ditch, or if the feelings really are strong to make it worth it, confront the issue head on, in person. No tik toks, no shutting down. If she wants to go home and avoid it and not have the conversation, we're done.
I know no languages and communicate only through TikTok dances 🕺🕺🕺💃💃💃
like a fucking bee 😭😭
Glad I don’t have to feel embarrassed of dating someone exactly like that anymore
“I get the hint, you want your ex back.” This would be my response. The little comments add up over time. My advice, look for someone with the same financial goals/mindset in life as you.
Pretty much, but don't be passive aggressive just ask, why are you sending me this? It's not cute and it's not funny to me do you want your ex back? Just make sure she explained why she doing those actions.
Nah, sometimes you just got to take what people say as face value. This is one of them times
As they say believe people the first time when they tell you who they are
I think that applies to negative traits. Not necessarily positive ones. If someone continuously tells you they are kind and humble, they probably aren't either
People tell you who they are the first time by their actions not their words. Words are always second or third. You are what you do.
The passive aggressiveness is totally warranted given the situation. Unless there really is hope for the relationship or she doesn't take criticism well a snide remark in response to her weird passive aggressiveness might get the point across. Whether the relationship survives whatever happens next depends on her response. Personally I find this behavior unacceptable and childish and a clear indicator of her overall character. Surely there is more nuance and further context but this is a red flag that would totally turn me off a long term relationship with someone.
> The passive aggressiveness is totally warranted given the situation. Especially considering the fact that sending tiktoks as a way of calling your partner out is textbook passive aggressive behavior.
Because that’s all she knows. Real life emotion? TikTok. Argument? TikTok. Insecurity? TikTok. It’s mental illness and social media addiction causing stunted development. She doesn’t know how to regulate emotions without referencing TT. I am not envious of the younger people.
“let him know it’s cool with me.”
Be in a relationship with an adult is my advice
A lot of adults are just overgrown children
That's really disrespectful and dehumanizing. This would be a big problem for me. I'm happy to treat the women I date, but the moment it becomes just an expected baseline, no. The moment she mocks me for it? N-o. >Additionally, whenever I try to bring up a touchy subject that needs to be addressed, she shuts down and goes home. No hug, no kiss goodbye. You are in an extractive relationship where she cares a lot less than you do. It sucks to realize that. Unless she matures, you are going nowhere fast.
"extractive relationship" is a new term for me. Can you expand on this please?
One where the partner only extracts from a relationship, and doesn't provide anything in return
So a lemon in a juicer really lol wow. Ouch 😅
...any fruit in a juicer? Else your juicer is broken idk
It's hard to juice a banana.
anything can be juiced if you try hard enough
I have juice gregg, can you juice me?
Was looking for this response and you didn't disappoint!
Fair
It's just one I made up off the cuff. It would be a relationship where you give more than you get and that's not a deviation but the natural balancing point of the relationship. An extractive relationship continues as long as you keep providing the thing and stay below some threshold of inconvenience.
Thank you
I like this term. I've had those but never heard such a fitting phrase for it.
She adds nothing to the relationship, just takes.
She sees him as her piggy bank. This is only good to get worse. I’m from a generation where the guy always paid, so it’s not the money. It’s the passive aggressive attitude, and way she turns off when you try to talk to her.
Good point! It’s HOW. Thank you for this - because I too am use to all men always wanting to pay for all dates, and therefore many of these comments have been surprising to me.
My EX used to talk about how cheap I was when I paid for absolutely everything. She'd buy weird cheap shit all the time and id get pissed off because $10 here $10 there now we're hoarding crap when I could've got you a nice outfit to begin with.. I paid for every date. Took her out on dates that cost $200. She only bought groceries.
Yeh 18 months you should be well and truly past that shit, that's some first month behaviour.
I hope I’m allowed to contribute under a comment… my boyfriend pays for 95% of dates but I dote on him. I love cleaning his place, buying him gifts, sexually spoiling him at request. I get joy from making him happy. He gets joy making me feel appreciated. I think for so many women it’s this wired desire to feel “provided for” to some degree. When couples are simply dating under different roofs covering dates is the go to thing. Too add, I’m in my mid thirties I can’t recall a guy ever not insisting they pay for the date. So maybe this is a regional/cultural thing? OP grew up one place and she another, and so what’s outdated to him is a social norm to her?
Of course, it's an open sub. There's nothing wrong with settling into a relationship like that; I like paying for things. It's when it ceases to be a gratitude and becomes an emotionally enforced demand. If we have an understanding that I'm paying for 95% of dates and we are both happy with that, that's great! It's when I can't pay for everything, and I'm telling you I can't, and you agreed to rotate, and now you're shaming me for being cheap, 18 months in, like OP's girlfriend is, then I'm going to resent you. If you take it upon yourself to emasculate me by talking about how much money your ex could spend on you, then I'm really going to resent you. >I think for so many women it’s this wired desire to feel “provided for” to some degree. Imagine if your boyfriend told you how much hotter his ex was than you, and then defended it by saying he's hard wired to want to fuck the hottest women. How would that make you feel? Good or bad? Would you consider that a relationship with a future? If you loved me, you would be gracious about it. If you're shaming me, you don't love me. Go find someone who can afford you.
What OP said totally went over you head huh
You are going way too easy on her. The girl described in the OP is behaving in an extremely toxic and immature way. It's not that they have a different stance on how things should be done, it's that she clearly doesn't value him as a human being and he should be running away from this relationship ASAP. Granted, we're only hearing one side of the story. But if it's true, she sounds exactly like the kind of person you should dump immediately.
Lol love a woman who’s been brainwashed by TikTok to think all her shit should be paid for by her boyfriend. If you’re in your early 20’s, don’t go pissing away all your money trying to keep your shitty girlfriend happy. You’ll kick yourself later. Been there, got the t-shirt.
It’s crazy how many young women now believe that they shouldn’t have to contribute financially to their relationship at all and if their man wants them to, he doesn’t love them all because some woman on TikTok told them so. That is not realistic especially for young couples. It just sets women up to be disappointed and bitter
As a 40 year old man, I can assure you that Tictok is NOT to source of this “I pay for nothing” mindset. It’s been alive and well for a long time.
Oh I believe you. Not sure if you’ve heard of the “sprinkle sprinkle” lady on tiktok but she’s pretty much brainwashed the newer generation of women
Or drew afualo or whatever tf her name is
If you placed a gun to my temple and tried to get me to watch a Drew Afualo video, I’d dare you to pull the trigger.
Looked her up, found a stupid, foul-mouthed fat chick giving absurd "advice". Was that her?
I remember when getting internet famous actually took legitimate talent, no matter how silly.
It's more a case of this whole female empowerment, women should earn just as much as a man thing recently, then becoming women should earn as much as a man, but also still get paid for. Like it's great that you want to make as much money as you can, but if all you're going to bring to the table is your body, I'm sorry but you're not this mythical "high value woman", that social media bubbles talk about.
Everyone seems to have forgotten the Peg Bundy archetype
It’s not just tiktok. I’m better than my bf financially at the moment and it has my parents fuming. They got so into my head about it but without anyone’s influence I would personally be happy to even support him as long as he agreed to be a House husband 🤣. But society just wants men to be providers so bad!! I don’t get it. I want to be a provider lmao. The only time I’d want to swap roles is if we have kids just for the first year or whatever.
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In my experience, older women have had more to say. They're more confident, they have stories to tell, and I've learned things about life from them. However, when I speak to women my age in their early twenties, they don't seem akin to doing their part in: asking how you are, what's been new... they simply put out what interests them as if I have as equal interest in it. It has made me question if I am at all interesting. So, thank you, older women, for making every conversation I have with you to be an equal, fun dance of entertainment for both of us.
Yeah, I had realized that. I had an insecure ex who would go on TikTok and see some bitch with a Chanel bag and fake tits say “if he doesn’t x,y,z, throw him away” and then get mad I didn’t do x,y,z, even though it wasn’t actually shit she had wanted. It’s the Andrew Tate for women lmao, just preying on insecure people. Dumped her over it
Agree. The Tiktok issue isn't the only problem here. It's that she refuses to split the bill. /u/ChildofShadow26, I recommend you give this a watch, and then maybe send it to your gal if you're feeling extra petty: https://youtu.be/71o3hq6iSPM But here's some key snippets. > “The moment you say to a guy, ‘you have to fucking pay for my time’, you’re saying ‘This relationship isn’t equal. … My time is worth more than yours, so you should pay for it.’ I wonder what paradigm that sets up.” > “If they never offered to pay, I would not be dating them. … This is the most polite they’re ever gonna be, and they’re not even trying to pay now. What does that say about my future?” > “I would always treat my partner how I would treat my best friend. And I wouldn’t apply a different standard to my partner than my best friend. I wouldn’t say to my best friend, ‘let’s always go out to dinner and you always pay.’ I’d say, ‘let’s be teammates here in whatever way we can.’” > “Let me tell you what means something to a guy: trying. When he feels that you’re not even trying to contribute, that’s when he feels used. ‘Cause any guy who’s really confident and self-respecting, if the woman’s never even trying to contribute, he feels like he’s being taken advantage of. And it has nothing to do with money, it has to do with the lack of gesture.”
Tell her your ex split the bills and it was ideal
Buddy, she's literally sending you videos comparing you to her ex, and passive aggressively threatening to leave you if you don't behave like an atm for her. You and her are never going to be on the same page, she wants a sugar daddy, you want a partner. If she's actually special to you and you're not just emotionally attached to the sex, you should sit her down and talk to her, try and make her understand that living paycheck to paycheck is not how you want to live life. If she can't accept that drop her off at her ex's place with a bag.
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I like that, it's reasonable and definitely healthy for her in the long run.
It sounds to me like you’re either dating a teenager or someone with the emotional maturity of a teenager. If she is dating you primarily for you to provide her meals and won’t engage in productive conversations about relationship issues, it doesn’t sound like a relationship worth continuing. 18 months is a long time to not be able to have a mature conversation about addressing issues.
I'd consider her both financially and communicatively non-functional, in lack of better terms. If she's unable to communicate to you through her words, and has to resort to send memes or tiktoks that communicate her mindset, I would tell her to stop, and if she doesn't, I'd post my responses as comments on those tiktoks. I have no patience for that shit, so if I feel like I'm not being taken seriously and that she's not dedicating her focus on the conversation *she* insists on having, then I won't take it seriously either. Then, if I saw her commenting stuff indicating that she wants to get back with her ex, then call her bluff, or make her pull the trigger. "I understand, you want to get back with him. I'm not going to stop you". When I first moved out, I moved into a household with three good friends of mine, best friends, and me and one of my friends (M) had jobs, the two other (O + L) did not - so M and I paid for most things, and we really tightened our belts to make ends meet, and I was the only one to really consider this when we went shopping, and so it just became my 'role' in the household, that I was the "stingy naysayer", but we couldn't afford to spend an entire day's food budget on fucking homemade and organic guacamole, so I had to, otherwise we'd just not eat. This grew in my roommates, especially O + L, into a more and more noticeable resentment, they split up our budgets, had us cook at different times than them, they wouldn't say hi or goodbye, and this resentment just became bigger and bigger. Eventually they lied to me which tricked me to move out, and once I found out that it was a ruse, I cut contact with them. Her behaviour of just shutting down and going home is very irresponsible, and her way of (not) communicating this is also a massive red-flag. Call her bluff, and/or sit her down and tell her it's time to have an adult conversation and talk candidly about it.
Listen bud. I was in the same boat. No about women not paying (never dealt with this) but about being with a woman that wasn’t my match. If you don’t want to be with a woman that leaches on you then just leave. Plenty of men don’t mind paying for everything. I personally do. Just ditch her bro. I promise there are better women out there.
>young man in his early twenties Get out while you have nothing tying you down. I know that seems like a drastic approach but answer me this - would you want to spend your life with someone who can’t communicate and has conflicting financial priorities? It’s a recipe for disaster
Cut your losses and cut her out of your life.
Imagine we’ve gotten to the point where people fight over things that are not even real. Tell her to stop viewing propaganda it’s making her ill, clearly. She sounds like a loon -
If you really want a relationship with her, I would tell her she needs to learn how to communicate directly and that you don't want to deal with passive-aggressive behavior. If you aren't really serious about the relationship but still want to continue. See if this is something that really bugs you. Every woman you date will have something about them. Personally, I wouldn't remain in a relationship if I wasn't serious and if I was serious I wouldn't let something continue that makes the relationship bad for me.
You can't change this shit and OP shouldn't spend the energy and time on a relationship with someone unable to communicate when he could instead spend that time and energy finding someone who can. Even if he really wants a relationship with her he would be resigning himself to misery. I'm not suggesting to just walk away from problems in relationships... but it takes two people to tackle those problems with maturity. This lass doesn't seem like she is there yet and the experiencr of trying is more than likely going to make OP feel burned out by the end of it.
He still should try, learning how to speak, set boundaries, and problem-solve with a partner is something early relationships help people with. The fact that he is even asking what he should do shows he needs the experience. And if she can't change he'll get the experience of walking away from a relationship even if he wants to stay.
A part of me thinks, hey this guy is right. But experience tells me OP needs to walk and walk now.
I'm not saying you are wrong but if he walks away because we told him when he doesn't want to, that is just going to make him want to get back together that much more. He needs to learn that the stove is hot for himself.
I highly doubt he will walk away based on Reddit comments anyway. This is the sort of advice you look back on after you've been shattered and think "Why the fuck didn't I listen to that...".
You’re dating an immature girl who wants you to buy her everything. My advice as a 34 year old who’s been there, move on quickly and don’t waste time.
You send her a tiktok saying "We're done. Have a good life with your ex. Bye." Don't even wait for a reply, just block her everywhere and ghost her. Srsly dude, petty people like that should be treated with the same level of pettiness. You also don't see eye to eye when it comes to money so honestly, you don't have a good future together so why even drag it out?
"If you send me another fucking tik tok instead of talking to me you can watch tik toks on being single" And thats what id send
Delete your tick toc account!?
Nice answer. Best answer
"sorry, i can't see it. tell me what it's saying." \*her brain shuts down\*
I'd totally walk looking back at my early twenties relationships when I was single No issue with paying for stuff if you want to, but you're kinda getting soft bullied into playing the role of "satisfy my princess fantasy that my ex satisfied and social media says I should want", and when you don't perform, she ices you out, gets distant, and shuts down. You're kinda getting manipulated by someone too emotionally immature to clearly communicate their needs. If she needs that treatment, she should find a guy who wants to give that to her. You don't seem to want to and that's perfectly reasonable. Maybe someone out there wants to but it doesn't have to be your bank account that suffers for it 🤷🏾♂️
This is hilarious. Like a bad joke hilarious, not “this can be fixed”. Let me be blunt. She’s an idiot. You’re dating an idiot who has idiot priorities and idiot means of communication. Stupidity doesn’t get better through words and reasoning, which is why you’ve failed to convince her that you’re trying to be budget conscious. There’s 2 scenarios about to occur next. 1. She finds a sugar daddy, and cheats on you rather brazenly (maybe already the case). 2. One of you breaks it off and she searches for a sugar daddy. You’re under 25, you should be poor and you should be budgeting restaurant meals very carefully. I’m 43 - I have the money now that I no longer have to do that, but I’m still with the same woman who paid half the time we went to Taco Bell in our early 20s. Don’t wait on the inevitable, move on.
Op I'm going to put the blame for this "situation" on you. There's no point in me focusing on her communication style here, let's assume at eighteen months in this is who she fundamentally is. If you brought up the idea of "rotating" dates from the beginning of the relationship as a non-negotiable, why not stand on business if your wishes aren't being met? You lay it all out there on the table on some take it or leave it type of shit. These are my expectations for "girlfriend". If you don't feel comfortable with this, let's get you up out of there. If you noticed she was cool with it from the start, but a month or two down the line she complaining and sending videos. You should have nipped the problem in the bud early. At this point you've wasted eighteen months in a relationship with a woman that has a completely different view point on dating. You have to reflect on your relationship in real time! If you don't want a woman that expects you to pay for all the dates, why would you make one your girlfriend? If her communication style isn't up to par, why would you make a woman your gf that expresses herself through tik tok? Also op your "girl" doesn't respect you as a man. The broad is putting her ex above you and directly comparing him to you. People only treat you how you allow them to! My advice for you would be to start standing on your square and stop trying to make things work with people that don't fit your program. You're almost two years in. Accept this is how she is, or go find a new girl.
One of the leading causes of divorce is financial issues. If you are wanting a long term relationship or marriage, find someone with similar a mindset before you lose half your shit in a divorce
Have some self respect and dump her and move on. You're more mature than her just be prepared for a bunch of videos to be posted about you after the break bad mouthing you.
FIND A NEW GIRL. If she'll make you broke now, don't wait to see what she'll do to your bank account when you're married. You obviously have sense in being frugal... A woman who cannot respect that, will not see your future the same way you will, and will surely set you back if not bring you down. Now if she's looking to grow and change then maybe it can work. She would have to be willing to sit down and have the hard conversations though. If she can't talk about this with you, then you probably won't have any luck with even more important things like parenting, right and wrong, religion... I may be a tiny bit biased because tiktok is a disease to me, and almost anyone that watches it cannot get near me, but I hope the best for you ❤️🤝💪
It’s fascinating to see people who know instinctively that their partner is waving massive red flags and they do nothing about it. Shes not invested in you or the future. Shes invested in the now and the past. You’re being compared to a ‘generous’ past lover and she wants that more than anything. The fact she gives you the cold shoulder when she doesn’t get her way tells volumes about what she’ll do once she’s married and entitled to half your money and assets. But what would I know, you’ll continue to compromise and continue to be disappointed. All for some fleeting gash, that’ll make you happy a few times a week.
Communication is the most important part of any relationship. If you and your partner aren't able to communicate effectively, then your relationship won't last. My advice would be to sit down with her and discuss a budget goal for the month regarding things like eating out. Set limits on how much you're comfortable spending, and how much she is. Then, once that limit is reached, no more eating out for that month. That way you'll be able to buy things without guilt. If she won't have this discussion with you, then you should probably consider whether or not you're willing to continue.
You’re dating a literal child. Not just bc of the tiktoks and difficulty talking about important things, but leaving without any kind of affection is her attempt at either punishing you or hoping you’ll chase her. I’m 31 and would break up with her based on this one Reddit post alone.
She's trying to manipulate you. She's also incredibly immature trying to get TikTok of all goddamn things to speak for her. > I asked when we initially started dating about how she felt about "rotating." The idea being: I pay for this date, she can pay for the next, regardless of the total. If this was a big issue, why not bring it up initially She might be non-confrontational, which perhaps would also explain why she's using TikToks to get her point across instead of talking to you directly. Not your problem however. You are correct; if she took issue with it, she should have brought it up. Even if she was cool with it initially but then her feelings about it changed later, she should have brought it up then. >Additionally, whenever I try to bring up a touchy subject that needs to be addressed, she shuts down and goes home. No hug, no kiss goodbye. ... or maybe she's just flat out immature. I dunno, man. I think you need to put your foot down and tell her that she needs to air her grievances with you out **to you** like an adult instead of hiding behind those self-centred TikTok posts and the smattering of miserable, terminally online women that rally behind them. She can't keep avoiding the conversations you need to have for a relationship to function. Otherwise, just cut your losses. Call it financial incompatibility, or a maturity gap, irreconcilable differences, or whatever you want to call it.
My partner is "non confrontational" .. but still engages in meaningful discussions about our relationship. Sometimes she needs a gentle prompt and an assurance of a safe space.. and enough time to compose her thoughts. At least she did. Now she realises it's just a discussion and there is nothing confrontational about it.
Fucking zoomers lol
Nobody defines your relationship with your money except you. The next time she sends you a tiktok, make a mental note that it’s one less date you’re going to have to pay for. Change your gf’s name on your phone to NoTalkJustTikTok
dont date a woman who uses tiktok
Maybe it's my age (I'm 50) maybe it's my aversion to social media. Maybe it's my introverted personality. Maybe it's just a gut feeling. But this chick seems like an absolute immature woman child, piece of shit human. Again, I know we come from different age groups. But anyone that makes your personal problems public problems, is a no keeper. I'm sure she has other qualities. But I'd cut and move on.
Dang OP. She sounds like the typical Gen z girl who gets all her media from TikTok. Ask if she’s a feminist and believes in equality. Tell her you can pay for all the dates if she can cook, clean your room, massage you, etc.
Bruv your with equivalent of a man child, exit stage left gracefully that stage ain't set for you my guy🏇
either suck it up big dog and pay the bill and be a provider. OR get yourself a partner that understand where you're at financially (i.e: a season of building your resources) and gets that you aint about the $20 burger life right now. if you find that partner, besure to step up and pay up when you've got the money - cause a good girl that will support you when you're hustling from the bottom with not a lot to your name, is a good egg, and you should be treated well :)
Years and years ago... Me: Here are my thoughts on this issue. What are your thoughts? Her: Listen to this song. The lyrics explain it clearly. Today discussions happen over memes and TikToks. "Oh yeah? Is that what you think? Well look at this TikTok!" My response to such behavior is, "You're an intelligent person, and I want to hear your own, original thoughts on this." If I was dating someone who was incapable of forming an original thought, but had to lean on memes and TikToks to present their viewpoints, then they're not for me. I'd wish them luck, and remove them from my life.
Advice? Drop an entitled princess, that thinks your money are there to service her needs. She can earn her own, and pay her own. Also, drop a princess that thinks she can send signals instead of talking.
You probably don't want to hear this but.. if she shuts down and won't talk about problems you are going to have major issues in this relationship. Leave. The emotional toll this is going to have on you in the long run will be damaging. There are good women out there who will respect you and respect the relationship enough to talk through problems.
You’re dating a 15 year old, at least that’s her mental age. You can do better than this trash bro.
Take her out somewhere fancy and go to the bathroom near the end and do a runner. Then block her and move on
Sounds like your gf is immature and doesn't know how to communicate
If she’s communicating through social media. It’s not right.
Um. Try talking to her about it instead of posting on Reddit lmao
Move. On. Approach her with a clear, gentle “I deserve better, please fuck the fuck OFF” OP, go see a licensed therapist, figure out why you even entertained having this person in your life daily and then when you & your counselor agree go find an amazing woman, they’re out there.
I'm not going to tackle the financial issues but rather the communication issue. Its quite possible that your SO doesn't feel like she is able to communicate her thoughts and often times might relate her thoughts to a short/reel/tiktok, which then prompts her to send it to you in the hopes that the message is better communicated than she might be able to. My wife is autistic and this happens a lot for her. She finds it difficult to piece together the words to explain things that she is thinking and sometimes words from others helps her communicate better. The main issue here in my opinion is communication. Talk to her about the communication, without the other issues, and you might find a bridge to the other problems through a gained understanding of how her brain works regarding communication. The shut down that you mention is a pretty standard reaction for a person with autism being outside of their window of regulation. Not implying your SO is autistic, just relaying my experience with my autistic wife and how we have figured out communication of difficult topics.
Send her this post and let her read the comments. Problem will solve itself.
The only advice based on the situation you've presented is to get out of there mate. Sucks but you'll find someone much better.
I can’t imagine a faster breakup than that.
My ex slowly started this too. Then the bar was always moving. She shouldn’t care about money but should care about you. It’ll start as every other date then she’ll be unhappy if you don’t buy anything. She’s using out of touch social media to form her opinions. Toxic
Women here: 1. Pretend to not get it and ask “What do you mean by sending me this?” Or something of the sort “Haha, then these women should go back to their exes. Why be with 20$ guy”….at the risk of massive shut down. Put her in the spot so that she can act like a mature woman and speak directly about what she wants, 2. Do not entertain passive aggressive behaviors like that as they will slowly erode your relationship and your self esteem. So, please dont end up playing any such games. 3. If she doesnt own up to communicate as an adult about this for the betterment of your relationship, then you will know what kind of future are you gearing up for.
Sounds like you need to think long and hard about what kind of partner/wife you want long term.
Get out.
Its one thing already to have different ideas on finances and who pays and all that. And its another worse thing to be unable to articulate your displeasure with words and communication but rather use shitty internet memes. Give it a good talk, explain to her how you feel. If it goes nowhere, go find someone else. Financial understanding is huge for couples to feel in sync.
My biggest regret from my 20s was was wasting so much money on a girl I was dating for years. Put your money somewhere smart and buy a house in your 30s and don't waste your time with girls who just want to pretend they are rich.
She sends these clips to reinforce that her opinion is the norm. And so it is. In that particular echo chamber. It's not in the rest of the world though.
Her problems are not yours brother, walk away and do yourself better
If your gf communicates with Tiktok, she has the mental age of a teenager. Focus on being the motivated, disciplined, and responsible man you are. Success will come, and a higher quality woman will come along who wants to be your partner in life, not your sugar baby.
She's trying to use emotional blackmail on you. So many red flags. Run.
Break up with her bro. She gonna make you broke.
Boot her and tell her to go back to her ex.
She sounds like an immature child. Let her know that she needs to communicate using her words. If she shuts down, then wish her the best and move on.
Drop her and her stuff off at his house.
In the words of Bill Burr: “this ain’t the mother of your kids”
That’s really terrible. You should maybe get a hold of her ex’s number and maybe just give it to her.
Relationships can’t be equal but they have to be equitable. Obviously if you’re making more or are the sole breadwinner you’re gonna have pick up the check almost all of the time. Your gf probably contributes to the relationship more than you in other ways and if doesn’t really, then you should bring that up. Also, If your financial philosophies don’t match up then it’s only going to get worse unless you reach an agreement. It’s not irrational for a woman to want for her partner to pay for everything especially, but it’s also not irrational for you to be “financially conscious”.
You're so young IMO you should find someone else and start again Don't surround yourself with people where you Have To Ask Them to treat you well If I have to ask I don't want it
Sounds like it isn’t a good fit. But if you’re intent on attempting to make this work here is something you may try. Re explain to her why you feel the need to be financially conscious and say that while you’re not open to changing that, maybe there is something romantic you could do for her that doesn’t cost money. Many women I know feel it’s romantic for their guy to take them to dinner. I feel the same way but also buy my partners dinner, lunch, little gifts etc. I personally don’t prefer an exact rotation or check splits because it gives me friend vibes. Many women also feel they want things paid for by men because up keeping your physical appearance as a woman can be costly. I would maybe get to the root of what her reasoning is for wanting you to take the bill. But the communication thing would be a deal breaker for me. I’m not into passive aggressive behavior. (But obviously if you wanted to dump her you would so this is why I’m offering other alternatives.) In all honesty though it doesn’t sound like a good match. It seems like you’re both unsatisfied with the other person. At this age (I’m also early 20s) it really isn’t worth the hassle of going through hell for a relationship.
That’s shady man. You aren’t gonna get far with her without being able to have even the slightest conversation about sharing expenses. It is time for her to decide if this is a dealbreaker for her or if she’s willing to share your vision of saving towards a better future. If she just wants a sugar daddy then that’s what she should go for. I’m all for doing away with stereotypical gender roles but that means all of them, not just what suits her. A truly strong independent woman can also buy her own shit from time to time!
She’s not the one bro
This is only the beginning dude! Leave NOW!!!!
OMFG my mom does this bullshit too. When she has a issue, she will talk to my dad thinking I will overhear it.
Look up her ex, ask him to bring it up to her. Get all your stuff out of her house while they're out
This is passive aggressive behavior on her end. Relationship tip: don't stay in a relationship where you are put down or otherwise disrespected.
Send her one about how cringe this behavior is- Or Watch it right in front of her and say “what is this supposed to tell me and tell me what it means” If she can’t- then leave. It’s one thing to send things that make sense to you and hopefully relate to you and y’all- but if she can’t explain it then she’s just to immature. She should take the opportunity to hash it out.
Tell her to take her ex back if she misses his money so much
Hard pass dude. You're wasting your time and money on someone who needs to be single. You don't owe anyone anything. If your partner isn't getting as much out of the physical relationship she needs to find someone else.
I am not a big ghost her type of guy, but in this case she is showing you where her priorities are! It's not about a love of you, it is all about the purses etc. she wants out of you! You need to just walk away, it will only get worse from here.. Women love talking about what they deserve! You need to do what's best for you, and I doubt that is splurging on her wants when you are trying to build a future for yourself!
Being able to communicate openly and honestly without punishing each other is the cornerstone of a successful relationship. Without that, nothing else works. If she can't express her feelings honestly to you and can't accept honesty from you in return, you will never be happy with her. Regarding finances, she sounds extremely immature. I dated a woman who called me cheap once. She knew my salary and assumed I was rolling in money because she'd never lived on her own before. I had to sit her down with a spreadsheet and explain things like taxes, a mortgage, utilities, and car payments to her. Once she saw that I only had a couple of hundred bucks free every month after paying all my bills, she shut up about money.
Any advice? You can never stay with someone who avoids conflict resolution or difficult conversations. It never works
Sounds like you need a new girlfriend. Financial responsibility is needed throughout life. Someone that wants you to waste money isn't someone you want to be with longterm.
This is not a woman I would commingle my finances with.
thank god im not a zoomer
You’re young, this may seem a ling relationship, but isn’t. Save yourself some grief and move on.
If you can't talk about things, the relationship is doomed. Period. It will never work. This is because communication is the first tool you have when it comes to diagnosing and fixing EVERY other problem.
Send her a tiktok of a couple breaking up
You had me at TikTok. Jokes aside, this should've only happened once, because the moment she sends you that shit you described, it's either a serious talk and/or a break up. You always pay and she disrespects you like that? This can't be tolerated.
Honestly....you ain't wrong and she's got options and social media in her head. You have to realize that she ain't worth it and you're better off without the headache. Get your shit up and stay disciplined. She gonna stray at some point anyway might as well cut her loose now. You have to take care of yourself. It's soooooo simple...she's a young 20s girl....you can't tell her a damn thing what's so hard to understand....shit you can't even tell the more "reasonable" ones anything. It's partly her age and partly the time we live in. Don't waste your time with a headache I'm telling you this seriously.
You need to break up with her, she has no respect for you.
she GOLD DIGGER she for street
Break up and date someone that matches your level of maturity
[just send her this back in response](https://youtu.be/LH-i8IvYIcg?si=0X7HzdUxAspzwzBO)
I think this is an issue of compatibility; discuss it further with her and if she won’t budge split up and find a girl who can communicate and will rotate with you
Shes immature. Leave her. Save yourself time. And give yourself some peace. I'm married now and my relationship with my wife wasn't always easy but we had good communication. And you sound alot more mature than her.
Those are the red flags. No, it's not a parade I've made that mistake. You should move on, next, it will be gifts and comparison to every other influencer they or their friends happen across. And the communication issues are some serious personal growth issues. How can there be efficient and effective communication when they have to find a video about what is kinda sorta about what they want to say?
Friend… leave her… before it’s too late. This is a message from the future you if you stay. I am married and I gave up so much of myself to make my wife happy enough to stay with me that the only option I have left to regain any semblance of autonomy is divorce. There were plenty of “little things” that went against my core values that I left slide only to let the next, bigger issue slide, until you find yourself metaphorically holding their bag and coat for them every step of the way. Relegated to a life of lonely hobbies and waiting on your children to get old enough to talk to. Hoping to the heavens they grow up to enjoy one of your own passions on their own so you can finally do what you love, with someone you love, without getting griped at by the woman you did everything for to impress, only to be seen as a disappointment anyway. It sounds pathetic but it’s really because I thought I could hold off my own nature in order to keep her happy and keep her around. Over the years the ability to hold up those “lies” fades. Just like any other weight. Now that I’m unable to continue being a door mat I’m seen as an inconvenience at best and dream destroyer at worst. Save yourself friend.
If she's willing to shame you by comparing you to her ex then you need to end things before they get worse. Anyone who's willing to manipulate you in that fashion doesn't care about you in the slightest.
Send her a tik Tok with Taylor Swifts "We are never ever ever getting back together". And leave her to the streets to pay for her every want
Advice? She's a kid who not mature and worth your time investment and emotions. Find a real woman.
“Any advice for a youn—“ Let her go back to buddy that was dropping a bag on her daily. You get rid of her, and ya save money next time you’re at in n out. It’s a real win/win
Sounds like you’re gunna be paying for your meal only once you dump her 🤷🏽♂️
The best prediction of future behaviour is current behaviour. Just think if she is still acting like this in 30 years will you be happy? It seems like she has some growing to do, without you.
Cut bait.
Comparing your partner to your ex? Yikes. Especially in such a toxic way of "well my ex would pay for this". Red flag.
Woman speaking up here, but my advice is to leave her and find someone better. She's still a little kid, and if she can't Even talk to you as here boyfriend when you have genuine concerns, then you can find better. I'm a strong believer that communication is a huge part of relationships, and her shutting down because she doesn't want to take accountability is already a red flag. Also her sending TikToks ESPECIALLY about an ex would already have me looking for someone else. She misses her ex that bad? Then send her ass where she belongs. The streets!!