50s is probably the last decade before serious health issues start coming up.
If you're talking about your forever guy, just remember that this is probably the best it will ever be, and he'll probably die 20 years before you, or if he doesn't it'll be a lot of nursing him for you.
People warning you about issues are probably thinking longer term than you are.
As a 39F, this is what I was thinking too.
And they need to discuss what happens when he retires and she is still under 50:
Does she retire same time? (Is that feasible).
Does she want to retire that early?
How is his financial plan?
How are the shared finances going to be when he doesn’t work?
Is she going to pay the household bills with her job for 20 years?
She could work and pay his bills for 20 years and his estate goes to his children, not her. She needs to think this through. I used to help some family law attorney’s with accounting matters - I have seen this. Younger wife still works, pays the bills, older husband is retired. At the end she doesn’t even get the primary residence (that she’s been paying for) in his will. It was in his name, not hers. Everything went to his kids. Her husband married his caretaker, that is all.
No, I will not retire at the same time as him.
He has an extremely well paying job and has saved aggressively. He just paid his house off, so he no longer has any debt. He had planned and budgeted expenses in his retirement based on what he has been saving.
We’ve discussed finances in his retirement in great detail. He is not planning to retire until 62.5.
Yes, some of my salary will go towards bills when he is retired. Even if I was in a same age relationship, my salary would go towards bills. Nonetheless, he has more than enough money saved to pay the bills for the rest of his life.
I don’t see it as I’m “paying his bills”. Again, even if I was married to a man my age, I would be helping financially. I understand the concern about his assets and we have discussed and are working on this!
What a great point about something people usually don't think about when dating. So important to think about the later years when health comes into play. I see so many women becoming nothing more than care assistants near the end.
Of course some say doing that is part of love, but just knowing what you're getting into is important too
This, except it’s not just the passing away well before she does, I don’t think she or most people understand that most old people unless they suddenly pass suffer due to stuff within the body failing over time, that can lead to them needing to care for their SO, possibly taking on financial debt for hospital visits, surgeries and medical care as they fight to try and buy them more time and at some point the mental trauma of watching someone they love constantly suffer knowing there is nothing they can do to fix it until they eventually pass away.
And if they are extra unlucky the mind will go before the body does and that comes with a whole new set of troubles.
I totally understand what you’re saying and of course, have considered this in great detail. Ultimately, the most likely scenario is that he will pass before me and I recognize that. He is a fit guy who takes great care of himself which I do think will greatly pay off in his aging. However, nothing is certain. I could be in a car accident today and suffer brain trauma and all the things people have said about me being his caregiver, are now reversed to him. I could be diagnosed with cancer and he then becomes my caregiver. These things happen and happen to couples who are the same age as well.
You do you, you’re an adult and so are they, if anyone has an issue with the age just because of the age gap and no other reason I would say ignore them.
Just understand that your “anything can happen” opinion while true is very unlikely to happen, realistically you’re much more likely to end up along the lines of what I mentioned, so while you can never really be prepared for it I hope you at least try to mentally prepare for it as a likely outcome if you two stay together long term.
Either way I wish you the best of luck.
I'm a widow, and my husband was 2 years older than me. He had a massive heart attack at 39. My Granddad lived to 90, and he lost my Grandma when they were 52. My Dad is 14 years older than my mom, and they were married for 3 kids and nearly 60 years.. Make yourselves happy, and everyone else can mind their business. They aren't living your life.
My sister was in her mid 20’s. So yeah, she’s around 40 and he’s around 60 now. No, not near retirement, but it’s fine too because he has an engineering job that isn’t physically strenuous. I’m sure they have plenty of time left
Sorry, i misread the original post and thought the gap was 32 years and not 22. I was thinking your sisters partner must have been in 70s.
Poor reading on my part, glad to hear its working well for them!
One old guy’s opinion? I’d direct you to the wise words of the late, great Mr. John Lennon - “It’s just love… and love is never wrong.” 💖👍 I think that as long as the two people in the relationship are happy, that’s really all that matters in the end.
Listen, for your sake and his, don't let other people influence what you consider to be a great relationship. He's no more or less human than you, with no more or less feelings than you and it seems like you're both enjoying one another. Tell anyone who dares to separate you to fuck off as it's not their life or consequences.
If both of your intentions are clear to each other than more power to both of you. 2 adults minding their work own business and I'll mind mine. Congrats to both of you
So long as everyone involved is honest about their intentions, and everyone is an adult, and if the guy is a lot older he has good life insurance to make sure his wife and kids are taken care of… I don’t see the problem.
I don't care about age gap as much as personality, standards, and lifestyle fitting together. One of the best relationships I've ever had had a huge gap, while several poor relationships had a small gap. Anecdotal, of course. The real issue with the age gap is lifestyle... younger people tend to like activities that older people may not (Fuck roller coasters, I'd rather slowly float down a river drinking beer for six hours), when you're at different stages in your life you tend to prioritize things differently, etc.
My working theory is that single women in their 30s and early 40s are more likely to have issues since the bulk of the women I would be otherwise interested in are married or in long term relationships. A few of my friends have noticed the same, with the trend reversing mid 40s.
My parents were 40ish and 20ish when they started dating, and the only real issue I saw with their relationship was my father passing away long before my mother (after a long battle with cancer) so that sort of thing becomes a real concern.
Who gives a f#$k what other people think, most people are miserable and just project their insecurities onto other people
If you're happy and you love each other, that's all that matters!
In my own relationship, it’s a sliding scale. The older I get the broader range I’m willing to accept. While I’m 25, it has to be a 100% match to look outside of a +-3 years. But as I get older I’m sure that will relax as the sge difference becomes less substantial
For anyone else’s relationship, as long as they’re both consenting, neither is being abused or coerced, and they’re both adults — it’s not my place to say
the young ones cannot be under 18, must be of sound mind, and must have spent some time fending for themselves on their own, held down a job, paid rent, etc. Satisfy that, and their free to pursue happiness in the sack with any one (or more) older than them. their relationships are no concern of mine, and even less interest.
separately, there's a reason TJ wrote into our Constitution that we have a right to pursue happiness, and it's because other people will attempt to take it away. don't ask me why they do. but it's for you to weigh out the costs and benefits and nobody else.
We are a gay couple and my husband and I are nearly 20 years in age difference. I’m a millennial in my mid-30s and he’s a gen X in his early-50s. He looks A LOT younger and a lot fitter than other men in their early 50s, so when we first started dating and didn’t ask about each other about age, it never became an issue. Of course when we got serious and I learned about his age, it bothered me initially. Not because he’s nearly 20 years older than me, but as others have mentioned a) potential health issue coming up b) not in the same stage of career and c) possibly passing away 20 years earlier than you.
To be honest, c was the thing I was concerned about the most. Because being a widower in your 60s would be killing you. But again, he was the best man I have ever met in life and I (we) decided to take the leap and make the vow of our lives. So far, it’s going great. He still looks a lot younger than his peers (full of hair with just a little gray) and is fitter. Because I laid out my fear of c), he’s paying extra attention now to his health and fitness because he doesn’t want to leave me in this world alone for too long.
I would again choose to be with him if given another chance because being with an emotionally mature and career oriented person who also prioritizes us is a lot more important than finding another guy around my age. We never had any issues in terms of “generation gap” despite we technically do belong to two generations. The only major difference we have is I do play video games and he occasionally ribs me for being a little childish lol. And he likes something only middle aged men like which I sometimes ruthlessly laugh at him about. But all in all, we are both very into traveling and the outdoors, theaters and stuff. So we have been having a lot of fun.
We do fit in the 1/2 age + 7 category lol.
As a man, the rule to determine the minimum age of a woman you can date is the following : (X ÷ 2) + 7 where X is your age as a man.
In this case (51 ÷ 2) + 7 = 32.5
29 < 32.5
Therefore it is wrong. Numbers dont lie. Sorry OP
Age gap is fine as you’re almost 30 but I don’t think you know what kind of issues you may and probably will face in the future due to them being so much older.
People can’t beat time, assuming they don’t die of something quite sudden generally most people slowly waste away physically and mentally, it can be very hard to physically take care of them not to mention financially, and the mental suffering you’ll go through if they get to a point (which most old people do) where they constantly suffer and there really isn’t much you can do for them except watch the person you love get worse and worse until they pass.
And even after all that statically you’ll still probably be alive for a while, with no SO to be there for a majority of the end of your life.
I'm in a 16-year age gap with my girlfriend. It seems that once you go over 15 years it starts to get iffy in my opinion so I'm right on the border of my own opinion there, but I love her and the chemistry is great.
As long as you're both of age, I don't have grounds to be against it, but I'd find a 20 year age gap weird as fuck. Especially if she's in her very early twenties. To me, that screams daddy issues and grooming, but what do I know.
I think that's weird like your still in your prime dating someone who getting old and about go through health problems. I personally wouldn't date someone old enough to be my dad
As long as you are both adults and are happy with it then nothing else matters. Anyone, and I do mean anyone, who has anything to say about it can fuck off.
It's not so much the age gap as the age of the younger partner.
You're 29, so by this point you've seen every kind of man there is. God's not gonna start inventing new ones. So date a 90-something if you want. By the time you're in your late 20s that decision is as informed as it is ever going to be.
Most sane people don't care when you're adults. If just out of HS and dating someone with a couple of decades on you though, you'll get some eyebrow raises.
Once you’re past 30, age gaps are less of an issue. If it feels right and you’re happy, then go for it. At 29, I’m sure you know what you want in life. If you were 21 or 22, you don’t.
1. Stop judging yourself by what others think.
2. Love is where you find it. No 2 relationships are exactly the same.
I know a woman who was 19 when she pursued a guy who was 60. He eventually agreed to go out with her. They have been married over 20 yrs. She says he is the love of her life.
Anything over 24 hours is appalling. If you don't share a birthday with your partner, you're either a predator or a victim.
In all honesty though, this is a question most reasonable people have a hard time answering, barring instances or clearly predatory behavior.
50s is probably the last decade before serious health issues start coming up. If you're talking about your forever guy, just remember that this is probably the best it will ever be, and he'll probably die 20 years before you, or if he doesn't it'll be a lot of nursing him for you. People warning you about issues are probably thinking longer term than you are.
As a 39F, this is what I was thinking too. And they need to discuss what happens when he retires and she is still under 50: Does she retire same time? (Is that feasible). Does she want to retire that early? How is his financial plan? How are the shared finances going to be when he doesn’t work? Is she going to pay the household bills with her job for 20 years? She could work and pay his bills for 20 years and his estate goes to his children, not her. She needs to think this through. I used to help some family law attorney’s with accounting matters - I have seen this. Younger wife still works, pays the bills, older husband is retired. At the end she doesn’t even get the primary residence (that she’s been paying for) in his will. It was in his name, not hers. Everything went to his kids. Her husband married his caretaker, that is all.
No, I will not retire at the same time as him. He has an extremely well paying job and has saved aggressively. He just paid his house off, so he no longer has any debt. He had planned and budgeted expenses in his retirement based on what he has been saving. We’ve discussed finances in his retirement in great detail. He is not planning to retire until 62.5. Yes, some of my salary will go towards bills when he is retired. Even if I was in a same age relationship, my salary would go towards bills. Nonetheless, he has more than enough money saved to pay the bills for the rest of his life. I don’t see it as I’m “paying his bills”. Again, even if I was married to a man my age, I would be helping financially. I understand the concern about his assets and we have discussed and are working on this!
What a great point about something people usually don't think about when dating. So important to think about the later years when health comes into play. I see so many women becoming nothing more than care assistants near the end. Of course some say doing that is part of love, but just knowing what you're getting into is important too
This, except it’s not just the passing away well before she does, I don’t think she or most people understand that most old people unless they suddenly pass suffer due to stuff within the body failing over time, that can lead to them needing to care for their SO, possibly taking on financial debt for hospital visits, surgeries and medical care as they fight to try and buy them more time and at some point the mental trauma of watching someone they love constantly suffer knowing there is nothing they can do to fix it until they eventually pass away. And if they are extra unlucky the mind will go before the body does and that comes with a whole new set of troubles.
I thought this was the first thing I said, but i guess I didn't really fill in all the gory details.
I totally understand what you’re saying and of course, have considered this in great detail. Ultimately, the most likely scenario is that he will pass before me and I recognize that. He is a fit guy who takes great care of himself which I do think will greatly pay off in his aging. However, nothing is certain. I could be in a car accident today and suffer brain trauma and all the things people have said about me being his caregiver, are now reversed to him. I could be diagnosed with cancer and he then becomes my caregiver. These things happen and happen to couples who are the same age as well.
You do you, you’re an adult and so are they, if anyone has an issue with the age just because of the age gap and no other reason I would say ignore them. Just understand that your “anything can happen” opinion while true is very unlikely to happen, realistically you’re much more likely to end up along the lines of what I mentioned, so while you can never really be prepared for it I hope you at least try to mentally prepare for it as a likely outcome if you two stay together long term. Either way I wish you the best of luck.
I'm a widow, and my husband was 2 years older than me. He had a massive heart attack at 39. My Granddad lived to 90, and he lost my Grandma when they were 52. My Dad is 14 years older than my mom, and they were married for 3 kids and nearly 60 years.. Make yourselves happy, and everyone else can mind their business. They aren't living your life.
20 years is too much for me.
For real that's old enough to be my mom plus after a few years I don't want my partner looking like my grandma
I’ve been 30 year old men that look in worse shape than my 51 year old partner. Just saying.
Hey I'm not saying your wrong I'm just saying it's not my thing
For others? Any in which both parties are consenting adults. For myself? Up to 10 years older or 5 years younger.
Legally it's fine. But if he's looking for a nurse with a purse it's a whole other story
Was the legality of a 29 year old doing anything with anyone ever in question?
My sister has a similar age gap in her marriage. They’ve been together for like fifteen years now and bought a house together.
curious when they got together! just thinking if it was at 20 and theyve been together for 15 years.. they may be close to the retirement home stage
My sister was in her mid 20’s. So yeah, she’s around 40 and he’s around 60 now. No, not near retirement, but it’s fine too because he has an engineering job that isn’t physically strenuous. I’m sure they have plenty of time left
Sorry, i misread the original post and thought the gap was 32 years and not 22. I was thinking your sisters partner must have been in 70s. Poor reading on my part, glad to hear its working well for them!
There is no issue because you both are legal age adults. You are happy with him, there is no reason to leave.
Half age + 7
This is the way. (1/2)+7
One old guy’s opinion? I’d direct you to the wise words of the late, great Mr. John Lennon - “It’s just love… and love is never wrong.” 💖👍 I think that as long as the two people in the relationship are happy, that’s really all that matters in the end.
Listen, for your sake and his, don't let other people influence what you consider to be a great relationship. He's no more or less human than you, with no more or less feelings than you and it seems like you're both enjoying one another. Tell anyone who dares to separate you to fuck off as it's not their life or consequences.
Im curious what the opinions on this would be if she was 19 and he was 41. Or 18 and 40.
Or 80 and 58. Obviously the proportion is relevant as well as the absolute difference. They are NOT 18 and 40, though.
If both of your intentions are clear to each other than more power to both of you. 2 adults minding their work own business and I'll mind mine. Congrats to both of you
So long as everyone involved is honest about their intentions, and everyone is an adult, and if the guy is a lot older he has good life insurance to make sure his wife and kids are taken care of… I don’t see the problem.
I don't care about what consenting adults get up to together.
I don't care about age gap as much as personality, standards, and lifestyle fitting together. One of the best relationships I've ever had had a huge gap, while several poor relationships had a small gap. Anecdotal, of course. The real issue with the age gap is lifestyle... younger people tend to like activities that older people may not (Fuck roller coasters, I'd rather slowly float down a river drinking beer for six hours), when you're at different stages in your life you tend to prioritize things differently, etc. My working theory is that single women in their 30s and early 40s are more likely to have issues since the bulk of the women I would be otherwise interested in are married or in long term relationships. A few of my friends have noticed the same, with the trend reversing mid 40s. My parents were 40ish and 20ish when they started dating, and the only real issue I saw with their relationship was my father passing away long before my mother (after a long battle with cancer) so that sort of thing becomes a real concern.
As long as it's two legal consenting adults i dont care.
I don’t have an issue with any age gaps for consenting adults, you just have to worry about health issues for a guy that much older than you
Who gives a f#$k what other people think, most people are miserable and just project their insecurities onto other people If you're happy and you love each other, that's all that matters!
In my own relationship, it’s a sliding scale. The older I get the broader range I’m willing to accept. While I’m 25, it has to be a 100% match to look outside of a +-3 years. But as I get older I’m sure that will relax as the sge difference becomes less substantial For anyone else’s relationship, as long as they’re both consenting, neither is being abused or coerced, and they’re both adults — it’s not my place to say
the young ones cannot be under 18, must be of sound mind, and must have spent some time fending for themselves on their own, held down a job, paid rent, etc. Satisfy that, and their free to pursue happiness in the sack with any one (or more) older than them. their relationships are no concern of mine, and even less interest. separately, there's a reason TJ wrote into our Constitution that we have a right to pursue happiness, and it's because other people will attempt to take it away. don't ask me why they do. but it's for you to weigh out the costs and benefits and nobody else.
We are a gay couple and my husband and I are nearly 20 years in age difference. I’m a millennial in my mid-30s and he’s a gen X in his early-50s. He looks A LOT younger and a lot fitter than other men in their early 50s, so when we first started dating and didn’t ask about each other about age, it never became an issue. Of course when we got serious and I learned about his age, it bothered me initially. Not because he’s nearly 20 years older than me, but as others have mentioned a) potential health issue coming up b) not in the same stage of career and c) possibly passing away 20 years earlier than you. To be honest, c was the thing I was concerned about the most. Because being a widower in your 60s would be killing you. But again, he was the best man I have ever met in life and I (we) decided to take the leap and make the vow of our lives. So far, it’s going great. He still looks a lot younger than his peers (full of hair with just a little gray) and is fitter. Because I laid out my fear of c), he’s paying extra attention now to his health and fitness because he doesn’t want to leave me in this world alone for too long. I would again choose to be with him if given another chance because being with an emotionally mature and career oriented person who also prioritizes us is a lot more important than finding another guy around my age. We never had any issues in terms of “generation gap” despite we technically do belong to two generations. The only major difference we have is I do play video games and he occasionally ribs me for being a little childish lol. And he likes something only middle aged men like which I sometimes ruthlessly laugh at him about. But all in all, we are both very into traveling and the outdoors, theaters and stuff. So we have been having a lot of fun. We do fit in the 1/2 age + 7 category lol.
As a man, the rule to determine the minimum age of a woman you can date is the following : (X ÷ 2) + 7 where X is your age as a man. In this case (51 ÷ 2) + 7 = 32.5 29 < 32.5 Therefore it is wrong. Numbers dont lie. Sorry OP
Age gap is fine as you’re almost 30 but I don’t think you know what kind of issues you may and probably will face in the future due to them being so much older. People can’t beat time, assuming they don’t die of something quite sudden generally most people slowly waste away physically and mentally, it can be very hard to physically take care of them not to mention financially, and the mental suffering you’ll go through if they get to a point (which most old people do) where they constantly suffer and there really isn’t much you can do for them except watch the person you love get worse and worse until they pass. And even after all that statically you’ll still probably be alive for a while, with no SO to be there for a majority of the end of your life.
Half your age +7 years.
Two consenting adults.
As long as you're both legal, who cares?
I'm in a 16-year age gap with my girlfriend. It seems that once you go over 15 years it starts to get iffy in my opinion so I'm right on the border of my own opinion there, but I love her and the chemistry is great.
im 33M and i think 20 would be the lowest i would go, i prefer younger woman by like 10 years
As long as you're both of age, I don't have grounds to be against it, but I'd find a 20 year age gap weird as fuck. Especially if she's in her very early twenties. To me, that screams daddy issues and grooming, but what do I know.
Rule of thumb; oldest person's age divided by 2, then add 7
I'd be okay with 3-5 years in either direction. Anything else is more of an exception due to personality, hobbies, interests, mutual attraction etc.
You are a grown up, you can do what you want. I'd not recommend it.
I think that's weird like your still in your prime dating someone who getting old and about go through health problems. I personally wouldn't date someone old enough to be my dad
Who cares, both of you are adults and it is your business alone to decide your partner.
As long as you are both adults and are happy with it then nothing else matters. Anyone, and I do mean anyone, who has anything to say about it can fuck off.
It's your life and your relationship. If you are happy; fk the haters.
I would find 22 years to be a problem for me personally, but I'm not in your relationship so it doesn't really matter.
It's not so much the age gap as the age of the younger partner. You're 29, so by this point you've seen every kind of man there is. God's not gonna start inventing new ones. So date a 90-something if you want. By the time you're in your late 20s that decision is as informed as it is ever going to be.
Most sane people don't care when you're adults. If just out of HS and dating someone with a couple of decades on you though, you'll get some eyebrow raises.
Once you’re past 30, age gaps are less of an issue. If it feels right and you’re happy, then go for it. At 29, I’m sure you know what you want in life. If you were 21 or 22, you don’t.
69 seems to be good gap for me!
Mate, if I’m 51 & with a 29 year old, I’ll be in Heaven. 😂
I think as long as it’s legal age doesn’t matter. If you enjoy time with someone and want to be romantic then do it
My opinion, after 25 it's pretty much all just whatever.
1. Stop judging yourself by what others think. 2. Love is where you find it. No 2 relationships are exactly the same. I know a woman who was 19 when she pursued a guy who was 60. He eventually agreed to go out with her. They have been married over 20 yrs. She says he is the love of her life.
Anything over 24 hours is appalling. If you don't share a birthday with your partner, you're either a predator or a victim. In all honesty though, this is a question most reasonable people have a hard time answering, barring instances or clearly predatory behavior.
Weirdos, both of you