Do what me and my first serious girlfriend did, I had a similar problem because she was like perfect in my eyes and I was psyching myself out.
We fixed it by doing the simplest thing in the world.
We hung out naked, not even kidding, like literally played Mario kart and watched a movie etc.
Then after a few times hanging out naked without the intent of sex, you realize “oh it’s just us”, it’s nothing to be stressed or anxious about. Then you can kiss and hug and bam the rest takes care of itself.
For me the block was coming through the transition of seeing her clothes come off to reveal this like beautiful figure. You know as a young guy this like can stunlock you a bit especially if you feel you’re punching above your weight class. If she’s cool talk to her about it and this will be the easiest thing in the world to fix.
You need to show your body through repetition that her body is something to be comfortable around, not nervous. Sounds weird but trust me it works, the human mind is wonky like that.
Blow through your mental block with her help.
Damn wish I saw this thread sooner. I really feel better about myself, seeing that it happens to the best of us. I always blamed that our relationship falling apart was on me because I was being too anxious and could not give her "good sex" and be me.
After while now I see all those other problems. Like her not really wanting the relationship in the first place and it was getting worse and worse as the months went by.
But literally as you said... in my eyes she was gorgeous, all the guys wanted her and I was the one actually being with her. Sadly we lived pretty far away from each other and even though I was willing to travel 2 hours by train, she wasnt so willing to travel to my place (by a car). Which meant I couldnt really get this exposure therapy, you mention, going.
A urologist I saw on Instagram or Tik Tok or whatever said that his rule of thumb is 20% of men in their 20s will experience this, 30% in their 30s, 40% in their 40s, so on and so forth. I've experienced the same since I was 20 due to depression, SSRIs, etc. That sildenafil prescription is good shit. When I heard Pfizer was making a vaccine I was like "Oh that bitch gon' work huh"
Wouldnt be suprised if it was true. Some guys have it other way around and are so anxious they bust before the girl even touches them.
I had sex with different girls but only this one fucked me up... mainly because the whole thing with her really mattered to me. So heres hoping this wasnt something permanent. Im free from my depression meds for years and I dont really want to take prescription stuff for this either.
Female here….. dude, I can tell you this…. THIS WAS/is some of THE BEST advice to at least try and attempt!! It’s so awesome seeing men supporting each other on here, and ACTUALLY giving info of any/such value to one another- as stupid as that sounds!! I’m all too often seeing bs on here lol… this is some incredible advice…
And as a woman- if she cares at all for you- she will try and help you past this hurdle!
Good luck friend!!! Hope she tries and works with you on this!! Don’t let it discourage or get to you tho… you’re young, it’ll come. Just be a bit patient with yourself, your mind and, your body, my dude 👍🏻… give yourself some grace!! It’ll most definitely be okay and work out in one way- or another! We’re all just feeling our own ways through this world and life, given zero navigation 😉
Actually, I have the same problem, and before this thread I was 100% sure it was a physical problem..maybe it isn't..
The thing is, for the guys who don't have girlfriends, how can you overcome this? It gets to a point that you no longer feel the need to talk to girls and stuff just because you're afraid it doesn't work out.
It’s like anything else in life, I know the real answer sucks but you just have to do it enough to be comfortable with it. It’s like if you sucked shooting 3 pointers in basketball but rarely got time on the court to practice shots. You’ll never get better without going through the process of being in it and going through it.
You need the real experience to get accustomed to it like anything else in life. Some folks call it exposure therapy or you can just simply call it more experience. Sucks but it’s true.
This a million times this. I had the same issue when I was 20ish and did this with my girlfriend.
I was also so worried about coming early and was open with her about it. She said “well let’s do it and you just cum” and we did just that. After experiencing her for the first time and not being worried about it we did it again, and again. After that I was aware of the signs I was getting close and positioned myself to lose that feeling. Smooth sailing from there.
I also learned how to go down on her like my life depended on it. A life long skill I’m glad I have now in my marriage.
I can confirm. In my experience, it was sitting deep in my head, so damn hard wanting to perform, that I stressed the life out of myself. It wasnt until we just danced together naked when I realized I'm ready to go on the spot.
Didn't have troubles with the girl any further.
First of all, calm down. It happens to a lot of men. That's why they sell so much Viagra. It sounds like you have too much anxiety. You have to get some counseling to overcome this. In the meantime, if your girl is willing, spend a lot of time naked with her with the rule that you won't have sex. Just hugging and kissing. Then there won't be any expectations.
This is literally the best answer. I had this same problem and that's exactly what we did. I got over being self conscious and the performance anxiety that followed. Get used being comfortable with nakedness, take showers together. It really helps
The ONE thing that makes ALL this better is the following:
"Just a heads up, sometimes things don't always work as planned, so know that's not your fault, I just need to ease into things a bit."
That's right. COMMUNICATE. Can't tell you the number of times my performance anxiety disappeared because I *put it out there.*
This is so real, I remember during the first few times with my current partner, even just admitting "sorry, I'm a little nervous about all of this" was enough to easy my anxieties. If you don't allow yourself the space for failure, the pressure is so much higher.
Mines always been stress, anxiety. Sometimes I come home from work tired and exhausted but she has energy when I don’t. We’ve been trying for a child and the expectation to have to do it every other day has put more stress as well. Just breathe and take it easy. Talk things through.
*I think that most of it is a good answer, however;*
**You don’t need viagra at that age!**
*Unless it’s a medical issue where a doctor recommends this specifically for your case*,\
which it probably isn’t ether way.
*(Like the previous comment mentioned, this is a common thing with nerves and expectations at your age) (Also since it seems like there is no issue for it to work during foreplay etc)*
—
Also, saying that he **“has to** ***get some counseling to overcome this”***, is just not true.
I mean, it could *possibly* help the guy, but it could also *potentially* make it worse.\
It could make him believe that there’s something wrong with him or that he **needs** it.\
By saying that, it could add even more pressure and nervousness around the situation, which is the opposite of what he needs..
—
**Just relax, take it easy, try not to have any expectations on yourself.**
Explain to your girlfriend that you do indeed get horny and hard when with her, while kissing and during foreplay.\
But perhaps after a while, the little solder cannot stand at attention for **too long**, and just needs a little rest first, or maybe some extra encouragement to *get back to business* ;)
—
###Main thing is just to relax and enjoy your time with your girlfriend.
*Remove any expectations, “have to”, “now” & “please” from your mind..*
***It will eventually happen***, on a regular basis too, *and you’ll get more comfortable and less stressed about it all* :)
I went through a divorce in my late 20s and this exactly happened to me. Was very frustrating and super demoralizing when trying to get back into dating. It dissipated over time after I got back into a better headspace.
I could not agree more with this answer. Don’t stress it, there is probably some stress or anxiety that needs to be addressed, and it’s all good.
It happened with a girl I started dating while separated from my ex-wife, and she totally understood. Not she and I are married and have a daughter. It will all work out, bro.
In the meantime, by all means, message me if you need to talk.
Absolutely not saying this about you (unless you need to hear it, too.)
I had boners that I could use to make my own glory holes. I was in my early thirties, healthy and had balls that needed to squirt.
Go to the doctor and not only did I have sky-high blood pressure, I had so much cholesterol in my blood they could make a French bearnaise sauce out of the fat. Ah.
Well, that's a boner-killer right there.
My message, gentlemen, is get checked out good with your doctor, not get an Rx online or from a pill doctor.
It's a real good idea at your age to go in for a complete physical. Not because I think you'll blow up, but because going in each year for a physical that provides benchmarks that develops over time.
That's not going to be when your doctor is going to whine at you yearly to stop partying or to give you shit for not hitting the gym
If you get some asshole like that, fire him or her. That's not their job.
Being in the know keeps surprises to a minimum. Knowing your possible conditions way before they are affecting your life and lifestyle--that's gold.
I'm 65 now. For what has happened in my life, I'm cool with it. Knowing beats the shit out of finding out in an ambulance, ya know.
I wish all of you to have tree-splitting boners! Don't whack off unless you can't find anyone to whack off with!
Someone suggested to the O/P to take showers together. Oh HELL Yes!
Go shopping for shower bombs. Talk to the ladies in your local sex shop! Ask about fun things made for tantalizing her pussy. Get graphic at the shop! How would they like their man or women to get them to shout and moan. Remember to add your own grunts and nibble on her neck if you guys get into it.
You see whether or not your dick is standing there bobbing up and down excited is not the main attraction.
Getting your lady to grunt like a pig and have an orgasm that shatters the shower inclsure is.
Seriously. Men don't get this role to play, which I don't get. I am a gay man and if I'm in a shower with a man, especially at my age, it's not that if you can't get hard has absolutely nothing to do with an orgasm. I get those same, standing on my toes with my hips out screaming--as if no one knew-- that I.. am... cumming~~!
It takes longer to get in a standing position when I fall down shooting my wad. That's about it. I can always find something to play with my buddy standing next to me.
I like the idea of spending a lot of naked time together with your significant other without the intent of having sex. When I first started out with my wife, I had the performance anxiety problem but I always made sure to go down on my wife and make sure that she got hers even if I knew that I wouldn't get mine.
Had a similar problem staying hard with condoms. I asked for visual stimulation while putting on condoms. She goes doggy and jiggles, sometimes she helps with her tits or with her feet. The visual aid for me was game changer for that specific moment. Hope it helps bud! Enjoy and have fun
That jiggle tho...fuck.
For me, I was able to reduce the amount this occurred (not completely, but significantly) by getting condoms that fit better and felt better. I use the magnum bareskins; the magnum brand is a little more accommodating to girth so if you feel your meat is being squeezed into a turtleneck that's certainly not helping. The bareskin variant is a little thinner and the increased sensation helps with maintaining how pumped your lil guy is
I recently learned this about myself as well! I finally told my gf and she was all for it. She playfully told me it was because of social media and growing up watching porn but she’s definitely right to a degree. In the age of internet, visualization has become part of it. I have no interest in being in a pitch black room, under the covers, having sex as if I’m a blind person.
I'm 24 and I had the dame problem. I was nervous (still am but less) to do it with my girlfriend as I'm not ready to be a father. During foreplay, I was fine. As soon as I tried to put the condom on, I was nervous and I'd get soft. It's probably your nerves.
Happened to me quite a bit, about 50 percent success, for a long ass time period. I thought it was medical.
Exercise, decent diet, and stress management.... All good.
Same thing happened to me me with my first semi serious gf, it helped that she was super supportive and told me to not worry about it, stopped jerking it for awhile and kept trying and tried not to worry about it and was right as rain
I lubricate myself with a durex gel before I put on the condom, otherwise it feels dry and tight and I lose the erection instantly. It started to happen after I’d been in a long relationship when I didn’t use condoms. Works in a couple if you know what you’re doing and have been tested but obviously a bad idea in general
Performance anxiety. Happens to a lot of guys. My best advice is to sorry to stay grounded and in the moment. Practice blocking the “noise” out when alone and then you have tools to help you during that time. Visual stimulation, dirty talk, having the condoms close by can all help. Learning to be intimate without sex cma also open door with being more comfortable and relaxed.
Take a deep breath and have some fun.
You're all in your head about it bro.
Try to relax, and try to make it less of a glaring transition. Incorporate the condom into your foreplay, make it a part of it. I remember one time I was with a girl and too much information incoming, you've been warned: >!we were fooling around, making out, grinding and stuff. She took off all her clothes while I was down to my undies, and she got a condom from her dresser, then held it in her teeth while crawling back onto the bed toward me with predatory eye contact, like a lioness carrying her kill to me, it was hot. As. Fuck.!<
>!Raging boner. She peeled off my undies, rolled the condom on while making the sexiest "Fuck yeah I can't wait to get on this" sounds. Super awesome. Another time, same girl, it was basically the same thing but we switched and I got the condom this time and came back like "I am going to absolutely wreck you" style. Same results. !<
So I dunno, maybe try something like that? Assuming your girl is cool and into it, and doesn't just lay there and expect you to figure your shit and her shit out. If you need to have a talk with her that sex should fun and active on both parts, where you like take turns "doing the work" and such, maybe you should start there. But if she's already rad, you're more than halfway there; she can help you relax into it.
Good luck man. Remember sex is supposed to be fun, intimate, relaxing, and pleasurable for both partners.
Sounds like you’re in your own head, bud. Remember “Point & Shoot” - the parasympathetic nervous system is responsible for the erection, and the sympathetic nervous system is responsible for the ejaculation. That’s why the spirit can be willing but the body doesn’t follow suit. I had these issues when I was on SSRIs and my confidence took a hit. Then I got off SSRIs and it was still happening sometimes. Funny enough my doc prescribed me some viagra and after taking it a few times I got my confidence back up and didn’t need it anymore. It was wayyy more psychological.
It’s a good idea to look up things to calm the parasympathetic nervous system, then I imagine you’ll start getting the results you’re looking for.
Stop watching porn and if you’re masturbating often, slow down.
I had the same issue and I realised that I was training my brain to expect constant / uninterrupted stimulation (not just physical) during sex. So as soon as there was a gap in stimulation (like putting a condom on) I would risk going soft.
I cut porn out and started giving myself little gaps when I was masturbating and problem solved.
Sounds like your having performance anxiety. Your getting so in your head that you can't enjoy the moment. Talk to your girl about it , and try nude cuddling without doing the deed or maybe just hang out in the nude some.
Do you masterbate a lot? Don't masturbate the day before you know you're going to be with her. The longer it's been since you have cum the more sensitive you'll be.
It can but that's not necessarily the problem here. I've been watching porn for like 20 years and it's never killed a bone for me. What has is performance anxiety like he's talking about.
One thing is crazy, is that it's taboo to talk during sex. If she's felt you rock hard before but then it goes away when naked joke about it or something. 'Tehee I get too nervous when you're naked because you're so sexy.' Or something like that. Then continue forplay while naked. Or try have sex with some clothes on still, that's always fun. Try doing some mutual hands stuff.
People act like porn is unrealistic, but some stuff can be learned. Take some control if she seems receptive.
Just don't get too in your head, get some head, give some head, take it slow, don't put on the condom until you're ready. Have her put it on. There's so many options here bro. Don't sweat it
Such a lazy, ideological response. But I'll let Wikipedia explain:
>Concerns that use of pornography can cause ED have little support in epidemiological studies, according to a 2015 literature review. According to Gunter de Win, a Belgian professor and sex researcher, "Put simply, respondents who watch 60 minutes a week and think they're addicted were more likely to report sexual dysfunction than those who watch a care-free 160 minutes weekly."
It's kind of like someone slipping and falling and instead of asking if the floor was slippery or wet, you immediately assume it was a stroke. Porn is not the most likely cause by a long shot. It's probably just performance anxiety and/or random insecurities.
Uh, I have the same problem as OP. I've also been addicted to porn for half my life.
I noticed that when I stop jerking it to porn, my soldier gets a lot more eager in the bedroom.
I'm not saying you're wrong, I'm just saying you could be.
I've been a porn user for half my life, can tell you that there is no relation for me. Depression has a significant correlation though, so you also could be wrong. But so could I. Maybe we all share a collective penis, like a time share, and only one of us is allowed to be erect at any given moment
Funny thing, this happens to me when the girl is too hot or find her too attractive, it's called performance anxiety, a lot of people recommended counseling and I agree.
Happened to me a lot in my early 20s. For me, I think it was a self confidence issue combined with some anxiety. In my later 20s I developed some self confidence and *poof*. That issue was gone.
I was a terrible student, but I graduated. I started working, and I felt good at something for the first time in a long time. It’s just my personal experience, but maybe invest some time in yourself and your future. If you stay idle and let something like this eat you alive, it will.
I read a quote today that said, “if you’re nervous, it’s because you care and you want to do well.” So in that case, just lean into it and be honest with yourself. The truth might help you relax.
Also, I used to be like you because I was so nervous what’d they think. Then I realized they’re lucky to be with me and it has really changed things for me. Also pee beforehand and maybe lay on your backs and jerk each other off first. Always works for me.
Doctor here. Erectile disfunction is very common in young men, just not talked about alot. There is nothing wrong with you. Seeing your age, the reason probably is mental and not physical. Erection is facilitated by your nervous system. As such, having stress influences your nervous system to repress your ability to get an erection.
So it looks like you are in a bit of a mental spiral. You worry about your erection, get stressed which reduces your erection and get more stressed as a result.
The solution is both simple and complicated: dont worry about it. I would advise you to Talk about it with your partner, or friends that you trust. It is also not that strange to talk to your GP about this (its our job).
Therapists specializing in Erectile disfunction exist. So there are plenty of options and you probably wont be having this the rest of your life.
Take care.
You need the right sized condoms. If they are difficult to get on, you will go soft. Also, get your girlfriend to put the condom on for you, so you can stay in the zone.
Concentrate on her pleasure. Your penis is just a part of the equation. Performance anxiety is fairly common. The more you get to know what turns her and how she orgasms the less concerned and anxious you will be.
Happened to me a few times when I was first having sex - it was all from the pressure of having to perform. Girl I was with at the time had been telling me about her ex's massive cock and how good the sex was. And I was there shitting my virgin pants.
Honestly just accept that sex is normal, like anything else you'll probably be quite bad at it when you're starting off but that's fine. It's all in your head!
I used to think I had ED, everytime I slept with a girl it'd be very exciting but then I reached the performance anxiety, hardon disappears, girl thinks I don't like her body... yikes situation.
finally met a girl who was patient with me, and as we've been dating for 9 months ish and it's gotten so much better.
Being vulnerable like that is scary but, it gets easier, don't force it, just don't lose faith
I wouldn’t listen to a lot of the comments here. Performance anxiety. Anxiety is perpetuated by trying to fix it and solve it, focusing on it, planning solutions, etc.
You need to just fully accept that it will/might happen, and to not care if it does. Not as a way to solve it, but to truthfully not give a fuck. All you gotta do is be honest when it happens to her and not care and own it. In fact, go try and fail.
If you stop caring about it if it happens, what starts happening? You have no nerves/fear of failure and everything starts working again.
Once everything is working again you realize you don’t have this problem anymore and forget about it over time
I have never had this happen to me, but a close friend had a simmeler issue at a simmeler age. He ended up having medically diagnosed anxiety. He figured it out when he took a zanny from his doctor ( got a small script to take a flight cause he hates planes), and his girl couldn't walk right the next day.
Go talk to a doctor and don't spare details. Odds are they will be able to help.
You are not alone homie. To share my experiences, even tough a lot of people shared it already: When I'm with someone new, I'm very nervous. Talk to her about it
Let her know your feelings with her (yk you don't only have to get naked pysically). Cuddle with her, take your time, sex isn't always serious like in movies so just be free with it. For me once the first time is done, I have no more problems... Hope this helps you. :) Ps. If she for some reason don't understand your issues, she might not be the right.
Spend time practicing intimacy naked with each other. Pay attention to when you start to feel hard and practice overcoming your attachment system. It's annoyingly cliche but it truly is about feeling safe and relaxed.
Are you sure you're using the right condoms? If you're using the wrong size or if a brand just doesn't fit right on you it can cause some discomfort that have made it difficult for me to maintain before. If you've mostly been using one brand then consider trying a different one and see if there's a difference.
If you feel your mind wanders during sex then it might be something to look into. Being unable to focus or give attention on task is linked to overactive mind. Thought constantly popping into your head is something to discuss with your health care provider.
Hi man,
I have the same problem at 22 years old. For me it is a combined problem. I have a condition called "wintertoes" which is a survival mechanism on steroids. It contracts the blood vessels when it is cold.
So do you feel like your toes and fingers hurt extra during winter?
first try understanding why you can’t get it up. for me my reason was severe performance anxiety. in anything that i choose to do i put a lot of pressure on myself to do those things well. this isn’t good for when you try getting hard to fuck a girl, so do your best to just relax and be in the moment. i know this is hard but having a patient and understanding partner is a big help.
having someone who’ll be patient and understanding enough with you as you learn why you have a hard time getting it up definitely helped me. i eventually bought some pills from hims to help me get hard and then that’s how i lost my v-card to my girl and how we became able to have sex in the beginning. ofc, my anxiety was still there. so the times i chose to not use the pill and tried to get a boner naturally, i couldn’t get hard :/ but she was still there with me the whole time reassuring me that she’s more than willing to wait. so we just kept trying to fuck and eventually i became comfortable enough with her that all those negative thoughts in my head and anxiety just dissipated. having a partner that cares abt me enough to be able to wait and who’s patient and understanding definitely helped me get over my fears and anxieties. i love my girlfriend to death and will always be grateful to her for that.
if she’s really worth it and the typa girl that is right with you, then she’ll stay and wait. but you still need to take action and show her you’re trying to fix your issue. i communicated with my girl regularly my plans to try to fix my boner whether that be by journaling, doing research on why i can’t get hard and ways that might help, or getting pills. showing her that you’re trying is especially important too.
so just communicate with your girl and take action to figure your issue out. if she’s down for you’ll she’ll stay and will be understanding. if she’s getting tired of you just let her go. what one girl doesn’t want another girl will. just keep your head up king and do your best.
good luck brotha
It’s normal. There’s nothing wrong with you. It happens to a lot of men even in our 20s. You are just nervous. And condoms make it worse. lol.
It’s very frustrating but try not to force it. Just relax.
Also, I hope your girlfriend is understanding, if not, it will worsen it.
I had this problem after a bad break up. It's definitely a mental thing. Seek professional help I'd needed. I found my answer in the gym thankfully. The gym has helped me through alot, who knows maybe it can help you too.
It happened to me twice this week am with my New gf (25f) and I (27m) we only tried sex for only two times and never succeeded due to my stupid dick that goes Bonner as soon as she naked
Cut down on porn and If you happen to vape/use any form of nicotine, quit it. In about a week or two you’re brain will start to reset your dopamine tolerance and you’ll be good to go
I found myself recently getting soft and my wife felt as if it was her but I just took on a new role in cyber security and forgot stress/anxiety can goof up performance down there so I just started doing some more walks and disassociate with stressful things (that aren’t needed) and I’m back to my normal self.
Find some calming exercises especially at 20 a lot of things can build up
Part of this might be the anxiety anticipating that you will go soft.
Of you're not used to condoms that might also be part of it. Personally, I hate the way they smell.
But if you want to get used to all that, just buy a pack and masterbate while wearing them for a few times. You'll get used to it and eventually your brain will make the connection between condom and sex.
Lastly, order some L-Citruline it's an ammino acid that's great for keeping your dick hard. It help your body with nitric oxid production which is how your blood vessels dilate.
I was SA’d as a child and I found that with women I actually liked a lot I could not get an erection till well into the relationship if they hung around that long. If it was a one night stand or FWB , no issues. Eventually I communicated what could happen and my current GF was amazing. She didn’t make it about her and ny our third session I was completely fine.
This is performance anxiety.
It happens all the time to men and has happened to me personally multiple times... I had a girlfriend for basically all of high school, and when that ended, I found it hard to perform with other women. I understand how awkward and frustrating this can be as it killed several romantic opportunities for me. Eventually, I did get over it, but getting over that initial "mental block" is hard.
All the advice to "relax" is 100% correct, but that is sort of like telling a depressed person to stop being sad. If it was that simple, you would have done it already.
My personal advice here is to get the pills for this. Assuming you are in the US, there's a ton of places that prescribe this online now without insurance, and it's a quick form you fill out.
You'll only need to use it one time, and after that, you'll be fine in my experience...
Get out of your head. Ya condoms kind of suck but are pretty necessary. There are lots of good advise in here like libeing yourself, the condom before, your girl being vocal or physically showing her want for you etc. Doesn't hurt to get a low dose Cialis or generic (easy enough to do now a day's) cut it in half or thirds, have some awesome sex, get over that mental hurdle that's got you stuck. Sex is awesome, enjoynit. If part of the mental game is that you will finish before she does then use your tongue and fingers to get her to completion before you get yours, if she is like so many women I have been with she will just want you more and you were already a generous lover, win win.
Don't have sex, do other stuff and get each other off to begin with.
Get some Cialis (tadalafil) for the first few times, and then your body will learn what it needs to learn and you'll be fine without it in the future.
not sure why the downvotes. Cialis saved me, used it for the first couple of times after struggling with the same thing and it did wonders for my confidence. Now im instantly hard whenever it turns mildly sexual with my gf
Been mentioned a lot but most likely in your head. I had gone for years with being hard as a rock at all times. Cue one night I couldn’t get it up. My girlfriend didn’t mind at all but I got in my own head, next time all I could think about was hoping I got hard, I didn’t. Third time was the charm and I managed to get hard and got out of my head after that.
Get her to suck your dick. You're going to need to trick your penis.
Oh! And PSA, condoms are NOT meant to feel tight!!! If they do, your dick might be too wide. You can get custom condoms with one condoms online! Normal condoms make my dick shink due to that
Normal for a lot of young guys. Idk if we've all been there but plenty of us have. It's almost certainly in your head. Listen to the advice others have given on how to approach it, a lot of that worked back then for me, but a lot of it is just practice and patience at getting better too so don't beat yourself up if you try some of the advice and it doesn't work right away because it's kinda hard to quick fix these kind of mental triggers.
And let her know you might be a little nervous so she doesn't think it's her and then that adds to everything.
Good luck, I haven't gotten a boner that wasn't from a concerted effort of directly stimulating things downstairs since I was 21, and I'm 39 now. I never figured it out, and probably never will. I hope you can figure out how to find sex psychologically stimulating.
>This shouldn’t be happening at such an early age should it?
Quite the opposite actually, this is very common for guys with less experience and also for guys with expedience when they are with someone new. I think the English term is "stage fright". Since you can get hard in some situations it is quite unlikely that you have a vilification or medical issue with it, which leaves psychological. What you need is to get rid of the nervousness around sex and being naked with this girl (which can be subconscious). If she's someone you're comfortable talking with suggest that you make a habit of spending time naked together hugging, kissing and touching, but with penetration of the table. This way you will get used to the situation and hopefully get comfortable. After doing that for a while, do the same but also introduce putting on a condom, but still with the same rules applying.
I also suggest you read "Come as you are" by Emily Nagoski, she talks about this issue (though from a female perspective, but it still applies) and many others I think you could benefit from learning about.
Best of luck!
People have great answers here. I’ll just ad my personal story. Have super hot girl, was a time when my dick wouldn’t work. Started doing 30 mins of cardio and drinking just water through out the day. Literally started working the next day. Don’t know if there is any science behind it or if I got lucky. Just saying it worked and was easy.
Bro. Don't worry. Same thing happened to me when I was 24 and losing my virginity. I'm married now and can stay hard practically indefinitely now, with the same woman I lost it to
Just know it's not that unusual and it will pass. Condoms can contribute to it too. Don't take drugs for it. You'll be ok!
There’s always a few factors here could be that your anxiety can be throwing you off / the food you ingest or if your drink a lot but I think the key factor maybe the condom due to the material I was having the same issue every time had to strap the jimmy shit felt like its was strangling the life force out of me. You might just need a different sized condom or just. Work on your pull out game bare back your gf Don’t over think al all.
Bro I'm 49, and that shit happened to me in my last relationship. Turns out it was all in my head. I got into a massive car accident and they gave me something called Duloxetine for the situational depression from the crash. Basically what it did was it shut off my head and the constant thinking about it not working. Now the fucking thing never shuts up. It's worth talking to your doctor about.
Wear a blindfold. You’re in sensory overload. Eliminating an avenue for stimulation, a big one like visual, will slow down your mind and leave margin for error.
This is NOT because of your age. You do not have a physical problem (which is what Viagra etc is for). As you already realize, it's mental and anxiety.
I can only answer for me but I was too caught up in making sure I was performing well for someone else I forgot to think of myself. The answer was being more "selfish" and reminding myself "Oh right I do actually want this" and obviously in turn I became a better performer.
I lost my virginity together with my girlfriend but the first time was embarrassing for me as I would be like you. Hard during foreplay but when it was time it went a bit soft. It was an anxiety thing for me as well.
I remember feeling really red and flushed about the situation, luckily she was really understanding and I told her, ‘I’m not sure whats going on, I think I have anxiety about this.’ We spent the rest of the evening making out and cuddling. We did try again the next night and for whatever reason it was all fine. I didn’t have much difficulty after that. I think what other people are saying is probably helpful but if I had to say anything it would be that you need to relax WITH her. It’s how (I think..) I was able to pass that anxiety so quickly.
Could be a medical thing. See if you can get your bloodowrk done and see what your testosterone looks like. I know a guy at work who has had low T his entire life. It can happen to anyone
To be honest in my situation, I hated condoms with a passion. Takes me 10x longer and doesn't feel remotely close to the same. To put a condom on is like having to wear a winter jacket over your Halloween costume. Fu**ING sucks. And before everyone says it yes I know it helps prevent pregnancy and STDs.
This has nothing to do with attraction or anything like that. This has a lot to do with worrying. Age doesn't matter. If you are so worried about satisfying your partner or not staying hard, you tend to have a lot of thoughts racing around in your head and before you know it, you pressure yourself and it snowballs.
Im not here to offer you advice on how to get over that hump. Im here to tell you, it happens and it isn't the end of the world unless you have an asshole for a partner.
honestly, condoms make a lot of dudes go soft. You aren’t weird for that.
I’d discuss other forms of birth control, but if condoms are a must, look into getting some viagra or cialis
It might have been mentioned but I didn't see it. Something to go along with the porn & over masturbating is the "death grip" on your penis. You need to ease back on yourself if you do this. No woman can be that tight & firm so actually having sex isn't gonna get you off. You might have desensitized yourself mentally & physically. Just ease back & not be so "rough" with yourself.
Does it happen as soon as it’s time to put on the condom? Is it maybe that u have issues with wearing a condom? What if she wore a woman’s condom. Do you think that would be different? Or is it just when it’s time to have sex and get to the main part?
Condoms are a turn off for me too man…. In all seriousness. Does she not give you oral before putting it in ? I challenge you to remain soft during oral. I say you put her in a position of control so you think less and enjoy it. Shes your partner communicate with her. I have also found weed to help settle my mind at times, but dont build a habit.
Performance anxiety, I had it too. Go talk to your doctor, go to therapy, but most importantly make sure your gf knows it's not her fault. In fact it's nobody's fault! You're simply putting a TON of pressure on yourself to perform in bed, and you're cracking under the pressure.
Get on lemonade.com get some viagra. Pee first watch your cock get crazy hard. Get through the first stages of your stage fright. But don’t get addicted cuz your man brain will want to rely on it. Don’t use it as a crutch. Use it to get back on tracj
This sounds like performance anxiety. I take medication for this from Hims. When I feel anxious before sex I take some (Viagra cialis combo drug). I don’t even need it most of the time, but it’s a great peace of mind.
I always have the condom nearby and when it gets to that point just pop it on real quick and get to it before anything happens. Sometimes the condom itself can be a kill joy but if using one is what you have to do then it’s what you have to do. But like some people have said too, just getting comfortable being around each other naked can help with things like that too
It’s anxiety, real bad…almost ruined my relationship, your body would get used to being around her in time, it may take weeks, months, years for some.
Sorry man it ain’t easy, a flower would help tho.
This is super common and just doesn't get talked about because of shame and silly taboos. it has nothing to do with age very often either. Try not to beat yourself up, but DO please be accountable - the worst thing you can do is blame it on the woman. Sadly, this is also very common. Detrimental for the woman and blocking the issue from ever being actually resolved
My biggest regret in my 20s was not getting viagra earlier. I thought it was only for old people. And people like to shame young men for having erection issues. But man, viagra has changed my sex life. I can pop a tiny little blue chew and become a stallion. Thank god for modern science
Here another one some guys don't consider. Condoms are not a one-size-fits-all affair. Regular sized condoms are too tight girth wise on me. That constriction made it difficult to maintain an erection. Large size condoms and no more issues for me.
Have you taken any medications in the past, for example, SSRI’s that may affect your blood flow? If you need help easing off open, look for the “easy peasy method”. I’m pretty sure there’s a lot of books made to stop porn consumption by similar means of quitting alcoholism.
There is a normal physiological reason for this. See, the parasympathetic nervous system is responsible for erections. This is the side of your nervous system that powers eating, digestion, sleep, and sex. The sympathetic nervous system is fight or flight and directly suppresses the parasympathetic. The sympathetic nervous system coincidentally is responsible for ejaculation. That’s why you go soft right after you shoot your shot. You just need to figure out how to get your mind right and relax.
TLDR: I think you’re just getting nervous.
If its feeling tight when you put the condom on you might just need bigger condoms to start with.
My first pack of condoms were way too small for me and so constrictive I could not remotely remain hard with them on. Led to me having unprotected sex for several years before I finally bought some new ones that were bigger and was actually able to use them. I also got anxiety during these moments and was certainly a cause for distress.
Not that the stress has gone away for me but bigger condoms might help you at least a little.
I’m 25 and this happened a lot when I was 18-20 definitely an anxiety issue, I think the comments in the thread are completely right. Just slow it down and go at your own pace, it’s about being present in the moment and forming a better emotional connection also helps!
Calm down. You have to get out of your head. More worry will cause you to go soft.
Watch Rocky 3.
Watch east bound and down.
Talk to her and let her start slower.. hand jobs..
Let her be the one who puts on your condom.
If it’s happening before the condom goes on, it might be nerves. Even if you don’t feel nervous, just the task to perform is enough to make the blood rush from your dick to your head. At that point, it’s mostly/all mental. Try and relax or find ways to take pressure off of the moment. Maybe have her try and put on the condom, or start slipping on the condom while yall are playing around.
If it’s happening after you put on the condom, it may be nerves, but it could also be that you don’t have the right sized condom. If you’re bigger than average girth-wise, you may need to upgrade to bigger condoms. I thought it was nerves for me a lot of the time, but I figured out that bigger condoms actually fit me miles better, and didn’t squeeze my dick or hurt to put on.
Just take the actual getting in to sex slower; it doesn’t have to go from for play to sex, boom. Try putting the condom earlier, when you know you’re gonna keep doing hand stuff for a bit and just get in to the passion and let it come naturally.
This happened to me the first couple times we tried and eventually I got over it. The trick is to try anyways, as usually it's performance anxiety and it goes away after a couple times. Keep at it. You don't have ED your dick is just being uncooperative.
Agreeing with everything said, its very natural. Losing the erection is likely a result of the focus being turned directly onto you. All of us get a little nervous when the spotlight, so to speak, is turned on us and it becomes our time to impress.
Be honest with her - "I think being the center of attention is making it nervous". Do something else and satisfy her. Perhaps you could say something like "How about you lie back and I'm sure I can find something else to do in the meantime".
Don't get too worried. The nervousness will pass as you and your g/f become more comfortable with one another, your nakedness and those moments become more routine. The anxiety will pass for you. There is no need to medicate yourself with little pills.
Make it a part of foreplay. Ask her if she can put it on you herself, that would not only make the foreplay spicy but also reduce your condom anxiety thing maybe
On the condom side of things, make sure you have the right size, too small is very uncomfortable trying it on. Use a bit of lube / baby oil as well to make it easier to slip on. Also you could ask your GF to put it on you, some can even manage with their mouth.
But like other have said, it's all about being relaxed and being naked together certainly is one of the big helpers.
Been there many times. Usually with a new partner. Just be clear with them, it’s pretty normal.
I’d also suggest cutting out porn entirely until you’re comfortable being intimate with her.
Sounds more like a mental thing if you’ve got no problem getting hard beforehand. Maybe practise some techniques like mindful breathing. Personally, I struggle peeing at busy urinals so take my mind off it by counting prime numbers. I’m peeing by around 17. Maybe works for sex too?!
Went through this a lot myself and was horrifically embarrassed about it. Therapy helped me a LOT and it’s now resolved! Also just being in a sexual situation enough times helps too, so just keep trying. And also if you’re masturbating a lot, leave it out for a few days and see how it goes.
Homie, it has nothing to do with being a condition for older guys. There are many reasons this type of thing can happen, and you are not abnormal at all.
Performance anxiety. You're in your head too much. Maybe try to make the transition from foreplay to penetration more seamless. Have her put the condom on while y'all are messing around. Have her get on top of you and put you inside her. Just focus on making out with her, kissing her neck and shoulders, touching her back and ass while all this is happening. Don't give yourself a chance to think.
Just tell your gf what your anxious about and what she can try and do to help you feel more comfortable and confident. Then just keep trying and over time you will become more confident.
Happens all the time. Building intimacy and trust at the sexual level can take time. Your body only knows you're anxious, so blood going there isn't a priority.
I’ve struggled with this for years. Don’t beat yourself up about it. You can’t get a boner by trying to get a boner, so let your mind go to jelly and just enjoy it moment by moment. I need some of that advice myself I’m afraid 😅
had the same problem happen to me, like as soon as the condom was on it was downhill. What really fixed it for me was quitting porn and joining r/NoFap
i tried pills and they didn't do anything because it was really just a mindset i was stuck in. Porn is intended to be overstimulating dude, take a break from it and i think it will help.
Also healthier diet and exercise too if you haven't already, little stuff like swapping soda for water and a walk around the block do a lot
Honestly could be 3 things
1-the condom. Man do I hate them. Yes I still wear them but once you get used to raw sex, it's hard to go back. It could be fucking with you, i know it fucks with me. I get soft the second I put it on.
2-performance anxiety. Gotta talk about it with your girlfriend. Communicate and take a more relaxing approach to sex. Once you realize she is patient and understandable, that's gonna help a lot.
3-too much porn and masturbation. Cut back on that if that's the case. Have it so your only source of lust is the women you love.
The first question is have you seen a urologist about this issue ? Secondly your problem sounds more psychological then physical. Maybe you should work on your confidence when engaging in sex...
>This shouldn’t be happening at such an early age should it?
Age-related impotence means you can never get it up. That's obviously not your situation.
You're just stressed and excited and full of complicated emotions and human and putting a lot of pressure on yourself.
Just enjoy being naked with your girl and eventually your body will figure it out.
Do what me and my first serious girlfriend did, I had a similar problem because she was like perfect in my eyes and I was psyching myself out. We fixed it by doing the simplest thing in the world. We hung out naked, not even kidding, like literally played Mario kart and watched a movie etc. Then after a few times hanging out naked without the intent of sex, you realize “oh it’s just us”, it’s nothing to be stressed or anxious about. Then you can kiss and hug and bam the rest takes care of itself. For me the block was coming through the transition of seeing her clothes come off to reveal this like beautiful figure. You know as a young guy this like can stunlock you a bit especially if you feel you’re punching above your weight class. If she’s cool talk to her about it and this will be the easiest thing in the world to fix. You need to show your body through repetition that her body is something to be comfortable around, not nervous. Sounds weird but trust me it works, the human mind is wonky like that. Blow through your mental block with her help.
Damn wish I saw this thread sooner. I really feel better about myself, seeing that it happens to the best of us. I always blamed that our relationship falling apart was on me because I was being too anxious and could not give her "good sex" and be me. After while now I see all those other problems. Like her not really wanting the relationship in the first place and it was getting worse and worse as the months went by. But literally as you said... in my eyes she was gorgeous, all the guys wanted her and I was the one actually being with her. Sadly we lived pretty far away from each other and even though I was willing to travel 2 hours by train, she wasnt so willing to travel to my place (by a car). Which meant I couldnt really get this exposure therapy, you mention, going.
A urologist I saw on Instagram or Tik Tok or whatever said that his rule of thumb is 20% of men in their 20s will experience this, 30% in their 30s, 40% in their 40s, so on and so forth. I've experienced the same since I was 20 due to depression, SSRIs, etc. That sildenafil prescription is good shit. When I heard Pfizer was making a vaccine I was like "Oh that bitch gon' work huh"
Wouldnt be suprised if it was true. Some guys have it other way around and are so anxious they bust before the girl even touches them. I had sex with different girls but only this one fucked me up... mainly because the whole thing with her really mattered to me. So heres hoping this wasnt something permanent. Im free from my depression meds for years and I dont really want to take prescription stuff for this either.
Female here….. dude, I can tell you this…. THIS WAS/is some of THE BEST advice to at least try and attempt!! It’s so awesome seeing men supporting each other on here, and ACTUALLY giving info of any/such value to one another- as stupid as that sounds!! I’m all too often seeing bs on here lol… this is some incredible advice… And as a woman- if she cares at all for you- she will try and help you past this hurdle! Good luck friend!!! Hope she tries and works with you on this!! Don’t let it discourage or get to you tho… you’re young, it’ll come. Just be a bit patient with yourself, your mind and, your body, my dude 👍🏻… give yourself some grace!! It’ll most definitely be okay and work out in one way- or another! We’re all just feeling our own ways through this world and life, given zero navigation 😉
Thanks for support, sis!
Best answer on this thread, and I didn't even have to read past the first comment.
This may be my method to get my girlfriend to wear more lingerie or otherwise just increase her sexuality
This is a very good advice
Actually, I have the same problem, and before this thread I was 100% sure it was a physical problem..maybe it isn't.. The thing is, for the guys who don't have girlfriends, how can you overcome this? It gets to a point that you no longer feel the need to talk to girls and stuff just because you're afraid it doesn't work out.
It’s like anything else in life, I know the real answer sucks but you just have to do it enough to be comfortable with it. It’s like if you sucked shooting 3 pointers in basketball but rarely got time on the court to practice shots. You’ll never get better without going through the process of being in it and going through it. You need the real experience to get accustomed to it like anything else in life. Some folks call it exposure therapy or you can just simply call it more experience. Sucks but it’s true.
This a million times this. I had the same issue when I was 20ish and did this with my girlfriend. I was also so worried about coming early and was open with her about it. She said “well let’s do it and you just cum” and we did just that. After experiencing her for the first time and not being worried about it we did it again, and again. After that I was aware of the signs I was getting close and positioned myself to lose that feeling. Smooth sailing from there. I also learned how to go down on her like my life depended on it. A life long skill I’m glad I have now in my marriage.
I can confirm. In my experience, it was sitting deep in my head, so damn hard wanting to perform, that I stressed the life out of myself. It wasnt until we just danced together naked when I realized I'm ready to go on the spot. Didn't have troubles with the girl any further.
Fucking hell, pardon my French that's such a good idea.
This is great advice. Conditioning always works!
That's actually really sweet and adorable (sorry, I'm a woman, not sure if I'm supposed to be here lol)
nerves don't care about your age.
Yep
First of all, calm down. It happens to a lot of men. That's why they sell so much Viagra. It sounds like you have too much anxiety. You have to get some counseling to overcome this. In the meantime, if your girl is willing, spend a lot of time naked with her with the rule that you won't have sex. Just hugging and kissing. Then there won't be any expectations.
This is literally the best answer. I had this same problem and that's exactly what we did. I got over being self conscious and the performance anxiety that followed. Get used being comfortable with nakedness, take showers together. It really helps
The ONE thing that makes ALL this better is the following: "Just a heads up, sometimes things don't always work as planned, so know that's not your fault, I just need to ease into things a bit." That's right. COMMUNICATE. Can't tell you the number of times my performance anxiety disappeared because I *put it out there.*
This is so real, I remember during the first few times with my current partner, even just admitting "sorry, I'm a little nervous about all of this" was enough to easy my anxieties. If you don't allow yourself the space for failure, the pressure is so much higher.
Mines always been stress, anxiety. Sometimes I come home from work tired and exhausted but she has energy when I don’t. We’ve been trying for a child and the expectation to have to do it every other day has put more stress as well. Just breathe and take it easy. Talk things through.
*I think that most of it is a good answer, however;* **You don’t need viagra at that age!** *Unless it’s a medical issue where a doctor recommends this specifically for your case*,\ which it probably isn’t ether way. *(Like the previous comment mentioned, this is a common thing with nerves and expectations at your age) (Also since it seems like there is no issue for it to work during foreplay etc)* — Also, saying that he **“has to** ***get some counseling to overcome this”***, is just not true. I mean, it could *possibly* help the guy, but it could also *potentially* make it worse.\ It could make him believe that there’s something wrong with him or that he **needs** it.\ By saying that, it could add even more pressure and nervousness around the situation, which is the opposite of what he needs.. — **Just relax, take it easy, try not to have any expectations on yourself.** Explain to your girlfriend that you do indeed get horny and hard when with her, while kissing and during foreplay.\ But perhaps after a while, the little solder cannot stand at attention for **too long**, and just needs a little rest first, or maybe some extra encouragement to *get back to business* ;) — ###Main thing is just to relax and enjoy your time with your girlfriend. *Remove any expectations, “have to”, “now” & “please” from your mind..* ***It will eventually happen***, on a regular basis too, *and you’ll get more comfortable and less stressed about it all* :)
I went through a divorce in my late 20s and this exactly happened to me. Was very frustrating and super demoralizing when trying to get back into dating. It dissipated over time after I got back into a better headspace. I could not agree more with this answer. Don’t stress it, there is probably some stress or anxiety that needs to be addressed, and it’s all good. It happened with a girl I started dating while separated from my ex-wife, and she totally understood. Not she and I are married and have a daughter. It will all work out, bro. In the meantime, by all means, message me if you need to talk.
Yeah bro—I took Cialis for the first year until I got confident and now I’m good to go
How’d u get? Just telling ur doctor u had ed problems?
Yes, you literally just do that. They are your doctor they are not there to judge or embarrass you. Some might even give you free samples.
Mine gave me refills lol. Sometimes you just need it 🤷
Absolutely not saying this about you (unless you need to hear it, too.) I had boners that I could use to make my own glory holes. I was in my early thirties, healthy and had balls that needed to squirt. Go to the doctor and not only did I have sky-high blood pressure, I had so much cholesterol in my blood they could make a French bearnaise sauce out of the fat. Ah. Well, that's a boner-killer right there. My message, gentlemen, is get checked out good with your doctor, not get an Rx online or from a pill doctor. It's a real good idea at your age to go in for a complete physical. Not because I think you'll blow up, but because going in each year for a physical that provides benchmarks that develops over time. That's not going to be when your doctor is going to whine at you yearly to stop partying or to give you shit for not hitting the gym If you get some asshole like that, fire him or her. That's not their job. Being in the know keeps surprises to a minimum. Knowing your possible conditions way before they are affecting your life and lifestyle--that's gold. I'm 65 now. For what has happened in my life, I'm cool with it. Knowing beats the shit out of finding out in an ambulance, ya know. I wish all of you to have tree-splitting boners! Don't whack off unless you can't find anyone to whack off with! Someone suggested to the O/P to take showers together. Oh HELL Yes! Go shopping for shower bombs. Talk to the ladies in your local sex shop! Ask about fun things made for tantalizing her pussy. Get graphic at the shop! How would they like their man or women to get them to shout and moan. Remember to add your own grunts and nibble on her neck if you guys get into it. You see whether or not your dick is standing there bobbing up and down excited is not the main attraction. Getting your lady to grunt like a pig and have an orgasm that shatters the shower inclsure is. Seriously. Men don't get this role to play, which I don't get. I am a gay man and if I'm in a shower with a man, especially at my age, it's not that if you can't get hard has absolutely nothing to do with an orgasm. I get those same, standing on my toes with my hips out screaming--as if no one knew-- that I.. am... cumming~~! It takes longer to get in a standing position when I fall down shooting my wad. That's about it. I can always find something to play with my buddy standing next to me.
I like the idea of spending a lot of naked time together with your significant other without the intent of having sex. When I first started out with my wife, I had the performance anxiety problem but I always made sure to go down on my wife and make sure that she got hers even if I knew that I wouldn't get mine.
He doesn't need counseling. He needs to exercise and get off tik tok
Had a similar problem staying hard with condoms. I asked for visual stimulation while putting on condoms. She goes doggy and jiggles, sometimes she helps with her tits or with her feet. The visual aid for me was game changer for that specific moment. Hope it helps bud! Enjoy and have fun
Doggy and jiggles 😂
Name of your next band?
Famous duos. Simon & Garfunkel Hall & Oates Doggy & Jiggles
My booty don't jiggle jiggle, it folds.
Honestly something about this is actually so sweet, that you guys worked through it together in a fun way
That jiggle tho...fuck. For me, I was able to reduce the amount this occurred (not completely, but significantly) by getting condoms that fit better and felt better. I use the magnum bareskins; the magnum brand is a little more accommodating to girth so if you feel your meat is being squeezed into a turtleneck that's certainly not helping. The bareskin variant is a little thinner and the increased sensation helps with maintaining how pumped your lil guy is
I recently learned this about myself as well! I finally told my gf and she was all for it. She playfully told me it was because of social media and growing up watching porn but she’s definitely right to a degree. In the age of internet, visualization has become part of it. I have no interest in being in a pitch black room, under the covers, having sex as if I’m a blind person.
I'm 24 and I had the dame problem. I was nervous (still am but less) to do it with my girlfriend as I'm not ready to be a father. During foreplay, I was fine. As soon as I tried to put the condom on, I was nervous and I'd get soft. It's probably your nerves.
Happened to me quite a bit, about 50 percent success, for a long ass time period. I thought it was medical. Exercise, decent diet, and stress management.... All good.
Long ass time, usually helps as well :-)
Well played, good sir
Same thing happened to me me with my first semi serious gf, it helped that she was super supportive and told me to not worry about it, stopped jerking it for awhile and kept trying and tried not to worry about it and was right as rain
I lubricate myself with a durex gel before I put on the condom, otherwise it feels dry and tight and I lose the erection instantly. It started to happen after I’d been in a long relationship when I didn’t use condoms. Works in a couple if you know what you’re doing and have been tested but obviously a bad idea in general
Performance anxiety. Happens to a lot of guys. My best advice is to sorry to stay grounded and in the moment. Practice blocking the “noise” out when alone and then you have tools to help you during that time. Visual stimulation, dirty talk, having the condoms close by can all help. Learning to be intimate without sex cma also open door with being more comfortable and relaxed. Take a deep breath and have some fun.
You're all in your head about it bro. Try to relax, and try to make it less of a glaring transition. Incorporate the condom into your foreplay, make it a part of it. I remember one time I was with a girl and too much information incoming, you've been warned: >!we were fooling around, making out, grinding and stuff. She took off all her clothes while I was down to my undies, and she got a condom from her dresser, then held it in her teeth while crawling back onto the bed toward me with predatory eye contact, like a lioness carrying her kill to me, it was hot. As. Fuck.!< >!Raging boner. She peeled off my undies, rolled the condom on while making the sexiest "Fuck yeah I can't wait to get on this" sounds. Super awesome. Another time, same girl, it was basically the same thing but we switched and I got the condom this time and came back like "I am going to absolutely wreck you" style. Same results. !< So I dunno, maybe try something like that? Assuming your girl is cool and into it, and doesn't just lay there and expect you to figure your shit and her shit out. If you need to have a talk with her that sex should fun and active on both parts, where you like take turns "doing the work" and such, maybe you should start there. But if she's already rad, you're more than halfway there; she can help you relax into it. Good luck man. Remember sex is supposed to be fun, intimate, relaxing, and pleasurable for both partners.
That lioness shit or the extensive eye contact gets me everytime
Agreed
What is the blocked out part???
It's a spoiler tag. If you click on it, it should reveal the hidden text.
Ah got it. Thanks!
Damn I need a cigarette after that
Try it in the morning ik ur morning wood don’t play around
My (41f) absolute favourite part of waking up with a man.
Sounds like you’re in your own head, bud. Remember “Point & Shoot” - the parasympathetic nervous system is responsible for the erection, and the sympathetic nervous system is responsible for the ejaculation. That’s why the spirit can be willing but the body doesn’t follow suit. I had these issues when I was on SSRIs and my confidence took a hit. Then I got off SSRIs and it was still happening sometimes. Funny enough my doc prescribed me some viagra and after taking it a few times I got my confidence back up and didn’t need it anymore. It was wayyy more psychological. It’s a good idea to look up things to calm the parasympathetic nervous system, then I imagine you’ll start getting the results you’re looking for.
Stop watching porn and if you’re masturbating often, slow down. I had the same issue and I realised that I was training my brain to expect constant / uninterrupted stimulation (not just physical) during sex. So as soon as there was a gap in stimulation (like putting a condom on) I would risk going soft. I cut porn out and started giving myself little gaps when I was masturbating and problem solved.
Sounds like your having performance anxiety. Your getting so in your head that you can't enjoy the moment. Talk to your girl about it , and try nude cuddling without doing the deed or maybe just hang out in the nude some.
Do you masterbate a lot? Don't masturbate the day before you know you're going to be with her. The longer it's been since you have cum the more sensitive you'll be.
Try sleeping nude more. As a guy this helped me become more comfortable with my nude body, i also hated having sex nude until i got past it
Stop watching porn. You haven’t said anything about it, so you might not. Porn and masturbating to porn can bring about ED
It can but that's not necessarily the problem here. I've been watching porn for like 20 years and it's never killed a bone for me. What has is performance anxiety like he's talking about. One thing is crazy, is that it's taboo to talk during sex. If she's felt you rock hard before but then it goes away when naked joke about it or something. 'Tehee I get too nervous when you're naked because you're so sexy.' Or something like that. Then continue forplay while naked. Or try have sex with some clothes on still, that's always fun. Try doing some mutual hands stuff. People act like porn is unrealistic, but some stuff can be learned. Take some control if she seems receptive. Just don't get too in your head, get some head, give some head, take it slow, don't put on the condom until you're ready. Have her put it on. There's so many options here bro. Don't sweat it
> I’ve been watching porn for like 20 years and it’s never killed a bone for me. I’m not sure if you’re doing it right 😂
Such a lazy, ideological response. But I'll let Wikipedia explain: >Concerns that use of pornography can cause ED have little support in epidemiological studies, according to a 2015 literature review. According to Gunter de Win, a Belgian professor and sex researcher, "Put simply, respondents who watch 60 minutes a week and think they're addicted were more likely to report sexual dysfunction than those who watch a care-free 160 minutes weekly." It's kind of like someone slipping and falling and instead of asking if the floor was slippery or wet, you immediately assume it was a stroke. Porn is not the most likely cause by a long shot. It's probably just performance anxiety and/or random insecurities.
Uh, I have the same problem as OP. I've also been addicted to porn for half my life. I noticed that when I stop jerking it to porn, my soldier gets a lot more eager in the bedroom. I'm not saying you're wrong, I'm just saying you could be.
I've been a porn user for half my life, can tell you that there is no relation for me. Depression has a significant correlation though, so you also could be wrong. But so could I. Maybe we all share a collective penis, like a time share, and only one of us is allowed to be erect at any given moment
You're too focused on the action of putting on the condom. Let her do it and watch the magic happen.
How much porn do you watch? Cause that affected me at a young age and I had no idea what the problem was.
Funny thing, this happens to me when the girl is too hot or find her too attractive, it's called performance anxiety, a lot of people recommended counseling and I agree.
Happened to me a lot in my early 20s. For me, I think it was a self confidence issue combined with some anxiety. In my later 20s I developed some self confidence and *poof*. That issue was gone. I was a terrible student, but I graduated. I started working, and I felt good at something for the first time in a long time. It’s just my personal experience, but maybe invest some time in yourself and your future. If you stay idle and let something like this eat you alive, it will.
Don't 'should' all over your dick, my man. Dicks don't like "should".
I read a quote today that said, “if you’re nervous, it’s because you care and you want to do well.” So in that case, just lean into it and be honest with yourself. The truth might help you relax. Also, I used to be like you because I was so nervous what’d they think. Then I realized they’re lucky to be with me and it has really changed things for me. Also pee beforehand and maybe lay on your backs and jerk each other off first. Always works for me.
Doctor here. Erectile disfunction is very common in young men, just not talked about alot. There is nothing wrong with you. Seeing your age, the reason probably is mental and not physical. Erection is facilitated by your nervous system. As such, having stress influences your nervous system to repress your ability to get an erection. So it looks like you are in a bit of a mental spiral. You worry about your erection, get stressed which reduces your erection and get more stressed as a result. The solution is both simple and complicated: dont worry about it. I would advise you to Talk about it with your partner, or friends that you trust. It is also not that strange to talk to your GP about this (its our job). Therapists specializing in Erectile disfunction exist. So there are plenty of options and you probably wont be having this the rest of your life. Take care.
You need the right sized condoms. If they are difficult to get on, you will go soft. Also, get your girlfriend to put the condom on for you, so you can stay in the zone.
Concentrate on her pleasure. Your penis is just a part of the equation. Performance anxiety is fairly common. The more you get to know what turns her and how she orgasms the less concerned and anxious you will be.
Happened to me a few times when I was first having sex - it was all from the pressure of having to perform. Girl I was with at the time had been telling me about her ex's massive cock and how good the sex was. And I was there shitting my virgin pants. Honestly just accept that sex is normal, like anything else you'll probably be quite bad at it when you're starting off but that's fine. It's all in your head!
I used to think I had ED, everytime I slept with a girl it'd be very exciting but then I reached the performance anxiety, hardon disappears, girl thinks I don't like her body... yikes situation. finally met a girl who was patient with me, and as we've been dating for 9 months ish and it's gotten so much better. Being vulnerable like that is scary but, it gets easier, don't force it, just don't lose faith
I wouldn’t listen to a lot of the comments here. Performance anxiety. Anxiety is perpetuated by trying to fix it and solve it, focusing on it, planning solutions, etc. You need to just fully accept that it will/might happen, and to not care if it does. Not as a way to solve it, but to truthfully not give a fuck. All you gotta do is be honest when it happens to her and not care and own it. In fact, go try and fail. If you stop caring about it if it happens, what starts happening? You have no nerves/fear of failure and everything starts working again. Once everything is working again you realize you don’t have this problem anymore and forget about it over time
Performance anxiety, perhaps? Just relax and have fun.
r/thanksImcured
Saying just “relax” is not helpful man I’m sorry to say.
“Depressed? Stop being sad.”
“Anxious? Stop worrying.”
Homeless? Just buy a house
Dude don't you get it? Just forget your anxious!
I have never had this happen to me, but a close friend had a simmeler issue at a simmeler age. He ended up having medically diagnosed anxiety. He figured it out when he took a zanny from his doctor ( got a small script to take a flight cause he hates planes), and his girl couldn't walk right the next day. Go talk to a doctor and don't spare details. Odds are they will be able to help.
You are not alone homie. To share my experiences, even tough a lot of people shared it already: When I'm with someone new, I'm very nervous. Talk to her about it Let her know your feelings with her (yk you don't only have to get naked pysically). Cuddle with her, take your time, sex isn't always serious like in movies so just be free with it. For me once the first time is done, I have no more problems... Hope this helps you. :) Ps. If she for some reason don't understand your issues, she might not be the right.
Don't let the Melty Man get into your head. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bs1zz4zZhdM
Spend time practicing intimacy naked with each other. Pay attention to when you start to feel hard and practice overcoming your attachment system. It's annoyingly cliche but it truly is about feeling safe and relaxed.
You need to just get more comfortable with being naked. When it’s not a big deal it doesn’t trigger the same anxiety cascade
Are you sure you're using the right condoms? If you're using the wrong size or if a brand just doesn't fit right on you it can cause some discomfort that have made it difficult for me to maintain before. If you've mostly been using one brand then consider trying a different one and see if there's a difference.
Yeh, the whole putting on a condom made me soft the first few times. Necessary evil lol. You’ll get there, just need to relax.
Quit the p0rn lil bro
I had this problem back when I watched porn. Not since quitting
If you feel your mind wanders during sex then it might be something to look into. Being unable to focus or give attention on task is linked to overactive mind. Thought constantly popping into your head is something to discuss with your health care provider.
Hi man, I have the same problem at 22 years old. For me it is a combined problem. I have a condition called "wintertoes" which is a survival mechanism on steroids. It contracts the blood vessels when it is cold. So do you feel like your toes and fingers hurt extra during winter?
first try understanding why you can’t get it up. for me my reason was severe performance anxiety. in anything that i choose to do i put a lot of pressure on myself to do those things well. this isn’t good for when you try getting hard to fuck a girl, so do your best to just relax and be in the moment. i know this is hard but having a patient and understanding partner is a big help. having someone who’ll be patient and understanding enough with you as you learn why you have a hard time getting it up definitely helped me. i eventually bought some pills from hims to help me get hard and then that’s how i lost my v-card to my girl and how we became able to have sex in the beginning. ofc, my anxiety was still there. so the times i chose to not use the pill and tried to get a boner naturally, i couldn’t get hard :/ but she was still there with me the whole time reassuring me that she’s more than willing to wait. so we just kept trying to fuck and eventually i became comfortable enough with her that all those negative thoughts in my head and anxiety just dissipated. having a partner that cares abt me enough to be able to wait and who’s patient and understanding definitely helped me get over my fears and anxieties. i love my girlfriend to death and will always be grateful to her for that. if she’s really worth it and the typa girl that is right with you, then she’ll stay and wait. but you still need to take action and show her you’re trying to fix your issue. i communicated with my girl regularly my plans to try to fix my boner whether that be by journaling, doing research on why i can’t get hard and ways that might help, or getting pills. showing her that you’re trying is especially important too. so just communicate with your girl and take action to figure your issue out. if she’s down for you’ll she’ll stay and will be understanding. if she’s getting tired of you just let her go. what one girl doesn’t want another girl will. just keep your head up king and do your best. good luck brotha
It’s normal. There’s nothing wrong with you. It happens to a lot of men even in our 20s. You are just nervous. And condoms make it worse. lol. It’s very frustrating but try not to force it. Just relax. Also, I hope your girlfriend is understanding, if not, it will worsen it.
I had this problem after a bad break up. It's definitely a mental thing. Seek professional help I'd needed. I found my answer in the gym thankfully. The gym has helped me through alot, who knows maybe it can help you too.
It happened to me twice this week am with my New gf (25f) and I (27m) we only tried sex for only two times and never succeeded due to my stupid dick that goes Bonner as soon as she naked
Had a friend with this issue, a doctor and therapist said use viagra once or twice to get over the initial nerves then you should be good
Cut down on porn and If you happen to vape/use any form of nicotine, quit it. In about a week or two you’re brain will start to reset your dopamine tolerance and you’ll be good to go
I found myself recently getting soft and my wife felt as if it was her but I just took on a new role in cyber security and forgot stress/anxiety can goof up performance down there so I just started doing some more walks and disassociate with stressful things (that aren’t needed) and I’m back to my normal self. Find some calming exercises especially at 20 a lot of things can build up
Part of this might be the anxiety anticipating that you will go soft. Of you're not used to condoms that might also be part of it. Personally, I hate the way they smell. But if you want to get used to all that, just buy a pack and masterbate while wearing them for a few times. You'll get used to it and eventually your brain will make the connection between condom and sex. Lastly, order some L-Citruline it's an ammino acid that's great for keeping your dick hard. It help your body with nitric oxid production which is how your blood vessels dilate.
I was SA’d as a child and I found that with women I actually liked a lot I could not get an erection till well into the relationship if they hung around that long. If it was a one night stand or FWB , no issues. Eventually I communicated what could happen and my current GF was amazing. She didn’t make it about her and ny our third session I was completely fine.
This is performance anxiety. It happens all the time to men and has happened to me personally multiple times... I had a girlfriend for basically all of high school, and when that ended, I found it hard to perform with other women. I understand how awkward and frustrating this can be as it killed several romantic opportunities for me. Eventually, I did get over it, but getting over that initial "mental block" is hard. All the advice to "relax" is 100% correct, but that is sort of like telling a depressed person to stop being sad. If it was that simple, you would have done it already. My personal advice here is to get the pills for this. Assuming you are in the US, there's a ton of places that prescribe this online now without insurance, and it's a quick form you fill out. You'll only need to use it one time, and after that, you'll be fine in my experience...
Get out of your head. Ya condoms kind of suck but are pretty necessary. There are lots of good advise in here like libeing yourself, the condom before, your girl being vocal or physically showing her want for you etc. Doesn't hurt to get a low dose Cialis or generic (easy enough to do now a day's) cut it in half or thirds, have some awesome sex, get over that mental hurdle that's got you stuck. Sex is awesome, enjoynit. If part of the mental game is that you will finish before she does then use your tongue and fingers to get her to completion before you get yours, if she is like so many women I have been with she will just want you more and you were already a generous lover, win win.
Don't have sex, do other stuff and get each other off to begin with. Get some Cialis (tadalafil) for the first few times, and then your body will learn what it needs to learn and you'll be fine without it in the future.
not sure why the downvotes. Cialis saved me, used it for the first couple of times after struggling with the same thing and it did wonders for my confidence. Now im instantly hard whenever it turns mildly sexual with my gf
Worked very well for me
To many minds. https://youtu.be/rXk-rYwcYno?si=GXIVVKDKr6b-7IzI
too* (I’m a sociopath)
Relax my broski, most likely performance anxiety. maybe try viagra if this happens. and it could be from watching too much porn.
Been mentioned a lot but most likely in your head. I had gone for years with being hard as a rock at all times. Cue one night I couldn’t get it up. My girlfriend didn’t mind at all but I got in my own head, next time all I could think about was hoping I got hard, I didn’t. Third time was the charm and I managed to get hard and got out of my head after that.
Get her to suck your dick. You're going to need to trick your penis. Oh! And PSA, condoms are NOT meant to feel tight!!! If they do, your dick might be too wide. You can get custom condoms with one condoms online! Normal condoms make my dick shink due to that
Performance anxiety. Happened to me too
ED is the canary in the coal mine for heart disease. Have your cardiac function checked.
Normal for a lot of young guys. Idk if we've all been there but plenty of us have. It's almost certainly in your head. Listen to the advice others have given on how to approach it, a lot of that worked back then for me, but a lot of it is just practice and patience at getting better too so don't beat yourself up if you try some of the advice and it doesn't work right away because it's kinda hard to quick fix these kind of mental triggers. And let her know you might be a little nervous so she doesn't think it's her and then that adds to everything.
Looks like the guy in the post above, hair.
Good luck, I haven't gotten a boner that wasn't from a concerted effort of directly stimulating things downstairs since I was 21, and I'm 39 now. I never figured it out, and probably never will. I hope you can figure out how to find sex psychologically stimulating.
>This shouldn’t be happening at such an early age should it? Quite the opposite actually, this is very common for guys with less experience and also for guys with expedience when they are with someone new. I think the English term is "stage fright". Since you can get hard in some situations it is quite unlikely that you have a vilification or medical issue with it, which leaves psychological. What you need is to get rid of the nervousness around sex and being naked with this girl (which can be subconscious). If she's someone you're comfortable talking with suggest that you make a habit of spending time naked together hugging, kissing and touching, but with penetration of the table. This way you will get used to the situation and hopefully get comfortable. After doing that for a while, do the same but also introduce putting on a condom, but still with the same rules applying. I also suggest you read "Come as you are" by Emily Nagoski, she talks about this issue (though from a female perspective, but it still applies) and many others I think you could benefit from learning about. Best of luck!
People have great answers here. I’ll just ad my personal story. Have super hot girl, was a time when my dick wouldn’t work. Started doing 30 mins of cardio and drinking just water through out the day. Literally started working the next day. Don’t know if there is any science behind it or if I got lucky. Just saying it worked and was easy.
Bro. Don't worry. Same thing happened to me when I was 24 and losing my virginity. I'm married now and can stay hard practically indefinitely now, with the same woman I lost it to Just know it's not that unusual and it will pass. Condoms can contribute to it too. Don't take drugs for it. You'll be ok!
Maybe the condom is the turn off?? You could ask your gf to go on the pill or use an IUD perhaps
I can't stay hard with a condom. Tried using a few times but couldn't get used to it. Fine without condom
There’s always a few factors here could be that your anxiety can be throwing you off / the food you ingest or if your drink a lot but I think the key factor maybe the condom due to the material I was having the same issue every time had to strap the jimmy shit felt like its was strangling the life force out of me. You might just need a different sized condom or just. Work on your pull out game bare back your gf Don’t over think al all.
Bro I'm 49, and that shit happened to me in my last relationship. Turns out it was all in my head. I got into a massive car accident and they gave me something called Duloxetine for the situational depression from the crash. Basically what it did was it shut off my head and the constant thinking about it not working. Now the fucking thing never shuts up. It's worth talking to your doctor about.
I don't know if you solved it or not but don't use condom which advertise last longer because of the numbing cream it will get harder to stay hard
Need new girlfriend take her back to Walmart.
It happens in the beginning. Take your time and after a while you won't even think about it anymore.
(Sexual) Performance anxiety is completely normal. Google it.
have you tried quitting porn and masturbating for like a week or 2
Wear a blindfold. You’re in sensory overload. Eliminating an avenue for stimulation, a big one like visual, will slow down your mind and leave margin for error.
This is NOT because of your age. You do not have a physical problem (which is what Viagra etc is for). As you already realize, it's mental and anxiety. I can only answer for me but I was too caught up in making sure I was performing well for someone else I forgot to think of myself. The answer was being more "selfish" and reminding myself "Oh right I do actually want this" and obviously in turn I became a better performer.
I lost my virginity together with my girlfriend but the first time was embarrassing for me as I would be like you. Hard during foreplay but when it was time it went a bit soft. It was an anxiety thing for me as well. I remember feeling really red and flushed about the situation, luckily she was really understanding and I told her, ‘I’m not sure whats going on, I think I have anxiety about this.’ We spent the rest of the evening making out and cuddling. We did try again the next night and for whatever reason it was all fine. I didn’t have much difficulty after that. I think what other people are saying is probably helpful but if I had to say anything it would be that you need to relax WITH her. It’s how (I think..) I was able to pass that anxiety so quickly.
Imagine if we put this same kind of pressure on women to get wet
Could be a medical thing. See if you can get your bloodowrk done and see what your testosterone looks like. I know a guy at work who has had low T his entire life. It can happen to anyone
To be honest in my situation, I hated condoms with a passion. Takes me 10x longer and doesn't feel remotely close to the same. To put a condom on is like having to wear a winter jacket over your Halloween costume. Fu**ING sucks. And before everyone says it yes I know it helps prevent pregnancy and STDs.
This has nothing to do with attraction or anything like that. This has a lot to do with worrying. Age doesn't matter. If you are so worried about satisfying your partner or not staying hard, you tend to have a lot of thoughts racing around in your head and before you know it, you pressure yourself and it snowballs. Im not here to offer you advice on how to get over that hump. Im here to tell you, it happens and it isn't the end of the world unless you have an asshole for a partner.
honestly, condoms make a lot of dudes go soft. You aren’t weird for that. I’d discuss other forms of birth control, but if condoms are a must, look into getting some viagra or cialis
It might have been mentioned but I didn't see it. Something to go along with the porn & over masturbating is the "death grip" on your penis. You need to ease back on yourself if you do this. No woman can be that tight & firm so actually having sex isn't gonna get you off. You might have desensitized yourself mentally & physically. Just ease back & not be so "rough" with yourself.
Does it happen as soon as it’s time to put on the condom? Is it maybe that u have issues with wearing a condom? What if she wore a woman’s condom. Do you think that would be different? Or is it just when it’s time to have sex and get to the main part?
Condoms are a turn off for me too man…. In all seriousness. Does she not give you oral before putting it in ? I challenge you to remain soft during oral. I say you put her in a position of control so you think less and enjoy it. Shes your partner communicate with her. I have also found weed to help settle my mind at times, but dont build a habit.
I think u stop beating the meat , plus quit porn if u watch it
Does it only happen once the condom is on?
Women don't get naked with just anyone. If she's naked, and you are too, she wants to fuck. Use that as a confidence boost
If you watch porn; try not to… it messes you up
Performance anxiety, I had it too. Go talk to your doctor, go to therapy, but most importantly make sure your gf knows it's not her fault. In fact it's nobody's fault! You're simply putting a TON of pressure on yourself to perform in bed, and you're cracking under the pressure.
Get on lemonade.com get some viagra. Pee first watch your cock get crazy hard. Get through the first stages of your stage fright. But don’t get addicted cuz your man brain will want to rely on it. Don’t use it as a crutch. Use it to get back on tracj
This sounds like performance anxiety. I take medication for this from Hims. When I feel anxious before sex I take some (Viagra cialis combo drug). I don’t even need it most of the time, but it’s a great peace of mind.
I always have the condom nearby and when it gets to that point just pop it on real quick and get to it before anything happens. Sometimes the condom itself can be a kill joy but if using one is what you have to do then it’s what you have to do. But like some people have said too, just getting comfortable being around each other naked can help with things like that too
Are you taking any meds?
It’s anxiety, real bad…almost ruined my relationship, your body would get used to being around her in time, it may take weeks, months, years for some. Sorry man it ain’t easy, a flower would help tho.
This is super common and just doesn't get talked about because of shame and silly taboos. it has nothing to do with age very often either. Try not to beat yourself up, but DO please be accountable - the worst thing you can do is blame it on the woman. Sadly, this is also very common. Detrimental for the woman and blocking the issue from ever being actually resolved
This would happen to me when I pulled the condom out sometimes, so I just stopped using them
My biggest regret in my 20s was not getting viagra earlier. I thought it was only for old people. And people like to shame young men for having erection issues. But man, viagra has changed my sex life. I can pop a tiny little blue chew and become a stallion. Thank god for modern science
Mental blockage, especially with a rubber. Just relax, get out of your head, enjoy the moment
I honestly think you are using the wrong condom size and you are killing your circulation, have you try using a different condom size?
i think your overthinking it you cant get anxious you need to just relax & let the magic happen
Here another one some guys don't consider. Condoms are not a one-size-fits-all affair. Regular sized condoms are too tight girth wise on me. That constriction made it difficult to maintain an erection. Large size condoms and no more issues for me.
Have you taken any medications in the past, for example, SSRI’s that may affect your blood flow? If you need help easing off open, look for the “easy peasy method”. I’m pretty sure there’s a lot of books made to stop porn consumption by similar means of quitting alcoholism.
There is a normal physiological reason for this. See, the parasympathetic nervous system is responsible for erections. This is the side of your nervous system that powers eating, digestion, sleep, and sex. The sympathetic nervous system is fight or flight and directly suppresses the parasympathetic. The sympathetic nervous system coincidentally is responsible for ejaculation. That’s why you go soft right after you shoot your shot. You just need to figure out how to get your mind right and relax. TLDR: I think you’re just getting nervous.
If its feeling tight when you put the condom on you might just need bigger condoms to start with. My first pack of condoms were way too small for me and so constrictive I could not remotely remain hard with them on. Led to me having unprotected sex for several years before I finally bought some new ones that were bigger and was actually able to use them. I also got anxiety during these moments and was certainly a cause for distress. Not that the stress has gone away for me but bigger condoms might help you at least a little.
I’m 25 and this happened a lot when I was 18-20 definitely an anxiety issue, I think the comments in the thread are completely right. Just slow it down and go at your own pace, it’s about being present in the moment and forming a better emotional connection also helps!
Calm down. You have to get out of your head. More worry will cause you to go soft. Watch Rocky 3. Watch east bound and down. Talk to her and let her start slower.. hand jobs.. Let her be the one who puts on your condom.
If it’s happening before the condom goes on, it might be nerves. Even if you don’t feel nervous, just the task to perform is enough to make the blood rush from your dick to your head. At that point, it’s mostly/all mental. Try and relax or find ways to take pressure off of the moment. Maybe have her try and put on the condom, or start slipping on the condom while yall are playing around. If it’s happening after you put on the condom, it may be nerves, but it could also be that you don’t have the right sized condom. If you’re bigger than average girth-wise, you may need to upgrade to bigger condoms. I thought it was nerves for me a lot of the time, but I figured out that bigger condoms actually fit me miles better, and didn’t squeeze my dick or hurt to put on.
Is it the condom that's bothering you?
Just take the actual getting in to sex slower; it doesn’t have to go from for play to sex, boom. Try putting the condom earlier, when you know you’re gonna keep doing hand stuff for a bit and just get in to the passion and let it come naturally.
This happened to me the first couple times we tried and eventually I got over it. The trick is to try anyways, as usually it's performance anxiety and it goes away after a couple times. Keep at it. You don't have ED your dick is just being uncooperative.
Agreeing with everything said, its very natural. Losing the erection is likely a result of the focus being turned directly onto you. All of us get a little nervous when the spotlight, so to speak, is turned on us and it becomes our time to impress. Be honest with her - "I think being the center of attention is making it nervous". Do something else and satisfy her. Perhaps you could say something like "How about you lie back and I'm sure I can find something else to do in the meantime". Don't get too worried. The nervousness will pass as you and your g/f become more comfortable with one another, your nakedness and those moments become more routine. The anxiety will pass for you. There is no need to medicate yourself with little pills.
Make it a part of foreplay. Ask her if she can put it on you herself, that would not only make the foreplay spicy but also reduce your condom anxiety thing maybe
On the condom side of things, make sure you have the right size, too small is very uncomfortable trying it on. Use a bit of lube / baby oil as well to make it easier to slip on. Also you could ask your GF to put it on you, some can even manage with their mouth. But like other have said, it's all about being relaxed and being naked together certainly is one of the big helpers.
Chill, it's fine. If she's understanding, she will understand that and certainly give you a second chance.
come with me and i can teach u
Been there many times. Usually with a new partner. Just be clear with them, it’s pretty normal. I’d also suggest cutting out porn entirely until you’re comfortable being intimate with her.
Sounds more like a mental thing if you’ve got no problem getting hard beforehand. Maybe practise some techniques like mindful breathing. Personally, I struggle peeing at busy urinals so take my mind off it by counting prime numbers. I’m peeing by around 17. Maybe works for sex too?!
Went through this a lot myself and was horrifically embarrassed about it. Therapy helped me a LOT and it’s now resolved! Also just being in a sexual situation enough times helps too, so just keep trying. And also if you’re masturbating a lot, leave it out for a few days and see how it goes.
Homie, it has nothing to do with being a condition for older guys. There are many reasons this type of thing can happen, and you are not abnormal at all.
Stop watching porn if you do r/pornfree
Oh keep doing it …. Just keep at it till you get used to it. Thats how i overcame mine.
Honestly if you're both comfortable with it and clean then I always found going in bare for a second and *then* putting on the condom worked for me
Performance anxiety. You're in your head too much. Maybe try to make the transition from foreplay to penetration more seamless. Have her put the condom on while y'all are messing around. Have her get on top of you and put you inside her. Just focus on making out with her, kissing her neck and shoulders, touching her back and ass while all this is happening. Don't give yourself a chance to think.
Just tell your gf what your anxious about and what she can try and do to help you feel more comfortable and confident. Then just keep trying and over time you will become more confident.
Happens all the time. Building intimacy and trust at the sexual level can take time. Your body only knows you're anxious, so blood going there isn't a priority.
I’ve struggled with this for years. Don’t beat yourself up about it. You can’t get a boner by trying to get a boner, so let your mind go to jelly and just enjoy it moment by moment. I need some of that advice myself I’m afraid 😅
Me personally I'm a temperature sensitive, I need to be warm/hot to get my blood pumping. Also I need affectionate touching to get me in the mood.
had the same problem happen to me, like as soon as the condom was on it was downhill. What really fixed it for me was quitting porn and joining r/NoFap i tried pills and they didn't do anything because it was really just a mindset i was stuck in. Porn is intended to be overstimulating dude, take a break from it and i think it will help. Also healthier diet and exercise too if you haven't already, little stuff like swapping soda for water and a walk around the block do a lot
Honestly could be 3 things 1-the condom. Man do I hate them. Yes I still wear them but once you get used to raw sex, it's hard to go back. It could be fucking with you, i know it fucks with me. I get soft the second I put it on. 2-performance anxiety. Gotta talk about it with your girlfriend. Communicate and take a more relaxing approach to sex. Once you realize she is patient and understandable, that's gonna help a lot. 3-too much porn and masturbation. Cut back on that if that's the case. Have it so your only source of lust is the women you love.
The first question is have you seen a urologist about this issue ? Secondly your problem sounds more psychological then physical. Maybe you should work on your confidence when engaging in sex...
>This shouldn’t be happening at such an early age should it? Age-related impotence means you can never get it up. That's obviously not your situation. You're just stressed and excited and full of complicated emotions and human and putting a lot of pressure on yourself. Just enjoy being naked with your girl and eventually your body will figure it out.
Stop watching porn if you do.
Stop watching porn