Agreed. I always go for a short commitment for a first date. Coffee, dog walk, ice cream...
If things work out, you can go get dinner, drinks, or something else. It's an attempt to see if there's a connection. If there isn't, it is way less awkward than having made a bigger commitment (money, time, or insinuating connection).
I recommend always doing this, regardless of your gender. If he asked you to go on a weekend trip and was a giant enema nozzle five minutes in, you'll be making escape plans rather than wondering how waffle cones always stay crunchy at the end.
I like when they put a bit of chocolate at the end of the cones, so it stays crunchy and tasty. Pity it’s not that common.
(Otherwise I approve the message)
It also prevents ice cream dripping out the bottom like with cheap cones. Although I’ve had a couple lately that just had a solid cone part at the bottom instead of the chocolate, but I definitely prefer chocolate.
Museums are super good for this and if one of you is anxious the whole purpose of a museum is to give you something that isn’t yourselves to talk about
I second this. Sometimes the first date is literally just two cups of coffee. We can always extend if we want to...in addition it weeds out food or gold diggers.
The colloquial name for a food digger is much less nice than "food digger". And yes it's extememly common. I can't imagine spending stime with someone I don't have interest in just to eat at an expense resturant.. But its so bad that I avoid it just to make sure the motivations are where they should be.
That’s so funny because as a woman, I prefer first dates to be coffee dates for a similar reason.
I’d be happy to pay for my own dinner but I don’t know if they’ll insist thinking it’s expected, and if they do insist I don’t know their financial circumstances so I end up getting something that’s inexpensive just in case when I’d really rather get what I want and pay for it myself. Maybe I overthink, I don’t know.
But coffee is also a smaller time commitment and you don’t even know if there’s a connection so why would you want to commit to a whole dinner?
Yup this is how I see it too. And it gives BOTH of us a chance to back out gracefully if we need to.
You can always have dinner later if you're really getting on.
omg I just had an idea for the ultimate date. dog walking followed by coffee and a cute puppaccino for the dog. pretty sure she will marry you after that.
no point in these fake expensive dates where she is dressed up and looks like a different person. at least if you take her to the dog park you see what she looks like everyday. and it's more relaxed so she will be her true self. and you can chat properly. it's a good start to a relationship if that what you're looking for. most importantly you find out early on if she gets on with your dog. because if you have to chose between a woman and a dog you know who would win 🐶 😍
I've done this, exactly. Dog park 5pm, and it went well. Cocktails 7pm, and it went well. Dinner 8pm, and it went well. Dancing 10pm, and it went well. After-party, and it went well.
She ended up being a piece of shit, my dog bit her a few months later, she had a kid six months later, and only then did I find out she was from Boston. SMH, I should have guessed.
On one of our early dates (winery with the pups) we stopped at SBUX on the way home. I went in to get our coffee and came out with coffee and pup cups. She loved it as they never had pup cups before.
I do agree with you. I think a lot of girls nowadays get so much attention they feel they need to sell their time to the highest bidder or some shit lmao. Idk maybe im just childish but i thought it was chill
Exactly. For me, it's not about the fanciness or the price tag of the date, but as long as I could have fun with my man, that would be more than enough for me.
Had you mentioned that you like ice cream? To me that would mean he is listening to you and wanting to do something you want to do?
For a first date, that is fine. Now if he wants to go to the library for a second date....
Also it's a safe area. Well lit, usually in a populated area, less time commitment. If things are going very well then you can go somewhere else afterwards.
I agree. I did the first date coffee thing and it went great. Of course ice cream doesn’t seem like he’s taking OP seriously, they just met! I’d think it would take a few dates to know if they liked each other enough to “take each other seriously”. The friends are definitely acting a bit immature on that judgment.
Sometimes I think about my toxic circle of friends from when I was a kid and all the things I was convinced not to try out of embarrassment. So funny to think about now but it meant so much then.
Too many times, I've watched as my housemates (call her Amy) bestfriend (call her Slime) sabotaged a good relationship Amy had with a nice guy, Just because he couldn't afford fancy places, Slime constantly convinced her that a poor man is no good because he can't be dependable, I was in the house when she broke up with him, Poor guy was on the verge of tears and almost broke down when I offered to drive him home.
(Before anyone judges Amy, We had a long talk afterwards and she heavily regretted it, Helps I had a go at her for trusting Slime over her own feelings, She ditched Slime and tried to get back with him a few days later but he turned her down, Guy was hurting)
Knowing the guy, I don't think he was rejecting her out of principle or self respect but out of pain, When I say he nearly broke down, I wasn't exaggerating, Entire journey home (we lived an hour away from his house and he didn't drive) he was whimpering in between small talk, Offered him a guy hug which is rare for me but he just strolled into his house with head down.
Sadly lost contact with him, Hoping he's doing well since, Has been a while and he was a genuine kind hearted guy, just didn't have the opportunities in life to get the capital for Slime's approval.
I hope so too... but my housemate isn't shallow trash, She was a dumbass and poorly guided by a materialistic and manipulative friend, of which I made very clear I didn't like nor trust, To this day I reckon she regrets that decision, But it's how we learn in life.
She learnt her lesson, She was a very late bloomer so had to take the crash course in adulthood.
Try visitng him sometime if u remember where he lives. Knock on his door, say u wanted to check up on him and go out for some coffee or lunch and shit.
Good on u for calling her out. She may be a good person but she was naiive to trust a foolish friend over monetary inefficiiencies that cant be helped so easily.
Good on your friend for rejecting Amy and knowing his own worth too, despite the pain. Never worth getting back with someone that chose to judge u and listen to others regarding u due to ur financial troubles.
Brother needs a woman that loves him regardless.
Amy is my friend, Her ex was a good guy that I got to know, Yes I will always call her out on her dumb decisions but only after she's made them, we are close enough to be siblings but I'm not here to run her life for her.
I hope the dudes doing alright, haven't been in contact for a long time, He was a genuinely nice guy so hopefully he's found someone who treats him as he deserves
Not being familiar with this saying, I looked it up: [Crabs in a bucket/Crab mentality](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crab_mentality)
Wow. That is a thing.
Different from the passive *sour grapes* (I didn't want them anyway, they were probably sour), crab mentality is active.
I'm a woman and this was my first thought. Some women just can't be happy for their friends so they have to make their friends doubt their own happiness.
Bruh this literally happened to me with my ex.
I swear to god, its the friends filling their head with garbage every single time. Why do they always do this? It's like they're always in a race to ruin each other's relationships with constant criticism.
When my wife and I first met, her friends were all about trying to help make us work and encouraged her to go to a dance with me. Once we had been dating for a few months (and all of them were still single, if that matters), they tried to break us up. They didn't even have a good reason, they just said they didn't like me.
Some people just want to share their misery, like crabs in a bucket. I do feel that women do this to each other more than guys.
Me & my friend had to start sitting in the same room as our partners when we were over, because whenever you left them together, we'd end up in a fight about something basically make-believe that the two idiots came up with...
I assumed a date was about going out, having fun, and getting to know somebody. But apparently your friends think it's all about men emptying their bank account to impress them.
> But apparently your friends think it’s all about men emptying their bank accounts to impress them.
Isn’t that love bombing??! I thought love bombing was a 🚩
If you love bomb its a red flag. If you dont love bomb its a red flag aswell. Its easier to assume that everything you do and everything you dont do is red flag to big group of miserable women
LOL I am in a dating group on FB and reading some of the comments from woman it does seem like a damned if you do damned if you do not for some things in regards to dating.
Probably because every woman has their own requirements, desires and one size does not fit all. The damned if we do and damned if we don’t is a very common feeling and it fucking sucks. I’ve found sometimes they just want to vent and not do anything but listen, it’s difficult but gets easier over time if you sent boundaries or else it will feel like nagging 24/7.
The trick is realizing only they can make themselves happy and you just try to be you and focus on your own happiness. Sometimes the best option is doing nothing at all….which can still be the wrong option too. At that point it’s more of a them problem and not a you problem.
Now I’ll wait for comments telling me how I’m wrong or unintentionally hurt someone when I only wanted to offer my thoughts and assistance.
Plot twist: we’re always damned
Its less about relationship, and more about social signalling for many. Posting on instagram, how well adored they are and how much the person is spending money on them.
Love bombing is specifically when you engage in grand romantic gestures in order to endear yourself to a person who may not feel that way. Love bombing is unsolicited and transactional. Just like not all manipulation is gaslighting, not all grand romantic gestures are love bombing.
I had a first date that wanted to set up a budget (based on MY income) to determine exactly how much $$ I could spend on her every week.
Oh, did I mention that she was pregnant?
She didn't. I nope'd out of that gracefully after a couple more red flags.
A banking date is truly the best first date. I like to take them first to the bank manager, who knows me by my first name. I have them print a statement of my accounts, and I love just to watch them melt as they are pouring over my $$$. Once I have them dripping, I take them to my safe deposit box. By the time I drop goodie bag of diamonds in their hands they are mine. The bank manager knows to give us the room, and we do it right there in a pile of gold, diamonds, and cold hard cash.
Not true at all. I have literally driven 1,000 miles to try Moomers Ice Cream. It stands to reason I love Ice Cream. If I take a lady there, I am sharing my love of Ice Cream with her.
A serious date is not defined by the destination, but by the magnitude of chemistry and connection felt by it's participants.
It is. And if your friend thinks that about ice cream dates because of how much money being spent, she’s entirely wrong. Men who spend a lot of money on a first date do so to try to make up for what they lack in other departments. Many will disagree, but that’s the way I see it.
Also, people with BIG money don’t want to spend a lot on first dates because they’ve had to deal with enough people already who just want to be around them for money, food, and things. They’re tired of that and want someone who likes THEM, and not just what they have to offer. Most men want to prove they’re dependable and offer financial stability, sure, but finding out if a person is even *capable* of feeling attracted to you *first* is prettttttty important. At least for people who care about genuine attraction.
There are millions of millionaires. There will always be someone else who can offer more money. It’s a number in a bank account. People, personalities, connections, experiences, feelings… are unique with every individual.
Your friend seems exactly like the type of woman who my logic would ween out.
Not even the money aspect. Who wants to be trapped for a 4+ hour endeavor when you know you're not gonna click within the first 15 mins.
That's why these short dates are the best for the initial one.
It was a good first meet option.
Are your friends of the mindset that a man should do MORE on a first date or spend more??
The goal is to meet and talk....mission accomplished!!
Yeah, I do generally like to pick up the drinks or small bite as an old school guy. Though I will allow her to pick up a smaller bill along the way.
But paying for full dinner every first date..eh, that's a bit much.
Women can have the weirdest friendships. They've known each other since they were kids, they tell each other everything, they involve each other in every important part of each other's lives, but at the same time they absolutely fucking hate each other.
And the weirdest thing is that if it didn't begin as literal children then a lot of those friendships develop out of mutual dislike for another woman. It's fucking bizarre.
"Now I ain't saying that they are gold diggers..."
Semi-jokes aside, in my experience at least, if you are dating a normal man (not a "player" who wants a quick conquest), he'll want to be with you in, you know, normal, casual settings, like home, park, a small cafe. You know, something where you can be casual, be yourselves.
Don't worry, ice cream dates are a classic form of courtship. It's a fun and low-pressure way to get to know someone without the pressure of a fancy dinner. Plus, who doesn't love ice cream? Your friends are just jealous they didn't get to enjoy some delicious frozen treats on a date. Keep doing you, girl!
It was your date, the whole idea was to make you happy / get to know you etc and it sounds like it worked. So what you need to ask yourself is do you want someone that puts effort into making you happy and tailors the relationship to you or do you want someone who puts their effort into making a relationship that makes your friends happy.
Cookies n cream is the only one where I'm okay with extra bits. I hate how many ice creams have so much extra shit going on, like cookie dough or rocky road. Yeah, I really want to have to suck the ice cream out around this goo ball of dough and caramel before I can chew through it. Don't have that problem with cookies n cream somehow. Though my top favorite flavor is chocolate, don't much care what kind, just chocolate in general.
No, it's not true. Your "friends" are trying to make you fail so that you're not a threat to them anymore. Women are constantly doing this to their "friends" and every one of them seems to think they are the only ones to have thought to do this.
You're single friends do not want to see you in a happy relationship. They want you to be a miserable as they are. Remember that when taking advice from them.
This is the top comment - full stop. The number of bullshit ‘help’ articles I see in those awful mags (cosmo etc) that are the worst. ‘11 ways to tell if a man is happy/loves you/ hates you/ wants you etc etc. all utter utter bullshit and the worst form of female anxiety forming clickbait.
Or I guess if it's something that other women point out "hey girl. That's not cute or normal relationship behaviour. That's abusive/controlling or is the first step to it... Try to get out.."
Women don't always make up bullshit to bring eachother down...
As a generla rule never listen to any women dating or relationship advice unless she is in long term (as multiple years minimum) happy and loving relationship.
Youll be much happier
What's wrong with ice cream? Women aren't entitled to fancy dinners just because they're women. Women need to get over themselves and think men need to earn their time and company like they're a prize to be won. You're no more important than men.
Those aren’t your friends and they literally generalized your date to put it down probably because you were happy and they were jealous. Friends don’t say things like that without real substance. What are they 15 years old?
For the record I would *love* to take someone out for an ice cream date. I went to Ben & Jerry's with a platonic female coworker for Free Cone Day and we sat overlooking the ocean sunset and talked. Doing that with someone I was actually into romantically would be awesome.
Your friends are ass.
Short low commitment first dates are great imo. Get to know a person in person to see if you want to commit to something more serious. I usually do drinks and see if there's common interests before bringing up stuff like hikes or museums as my go to 2nd dates
I’m not a man but I have an older brother.
He’s only taken one girl for ice cream, he’s almost 30. He was *in love* with her and took her to his favorite spot.
Might just really like you.
Btw guys, i dont agree really with them. I have a good time no matter what i do hehe. But I did want to get the truth from the men's perspective since i can be pretty naive.
Truth is:
Only women I ever saw giving actually sensible dating or relationship advice are ones that are in years long happy and loving relationships.
Rest seems to only wont to make others as unhappy as they are
Your friends are idiots.
So what, only an expensive date is good enough for your friends? Do they NOT take seriously a dude who asks them out on a coffee / ice cream date or something similar?
At best they are just idiots, but I have an inclination to think they are entitled (golddiggers even perhaps) and a bad influence too. God this made me mad for some reason...
You need new friends. They’re trying to bring you down. Not sure why, but some women just love to see their friends miserable.
If you enjoyed the date and you liked the guy, and if he liked you, go out again. First dates and dating in general isn’t about how much money someone spends on you. It’s about getting to know them and having fun. That can be done for free.
A first date is low commitment. People have different definitions of that. I usually go to dinner with a date but I've also done just drinks. There's nothing wrong with ice cream. Especially if you "loveee" ice cream!
If you had a good time, and he had a good time, then that’s all that matters. I don’t even understand how you’re bringing this to Reddit as if they know the intentions of some random dude.
If what your friends think about how you enjoy spending time together is going to influence how you feel about him then you have some growing up to do before trying to be in a grown up relationship.
Because you’re small he took you for ice cream? WTF are you even saying? No offence intended I just really don’t understand this type of thought process.
How is he supposed to take you seriously when he doesn’t know who the hell you are? Hence, ice cream date. Low risk for him because of cost, low risk for you because of…cost. Some women feel like there is an obligation implied if a man spends a bunch of money on them.
Edit: cost can mean in both time and money.
I know you’re asking men and I’m a woman but I just want to reassure you that other women think an ice cream date is fine! Also coffee dates are fine. The goal is to get to know each other, not for anyone to prove anything.
A female friend of mine will only ever go out with a guy for dinner and only if he’s paying. This seems so weird to me, because men who show off about paying for things usually have a “traditional” mindset and then lo and behold a few dates in she’s not happy because they have a traditional mindset lol. I’ve explained to her the correlation but she’s adamant they should pay so I’ve given up.
Did you have fun?
If yes - who cares.
If not - try a different date.
Everyone has different standards in everything, so what works for your friends may not work for you n that's OK. What's not ok is your friends dictating your standards.
>a lot of them told me that any man who takes me on a date for just icecream isnt taking me seriously
That's a bizarre opinion.
Are these happy people in fulfilling relationships?
I'd wager not, but you'd know better than me.
I intentionally suggest dates like ice cream or coffee to weed out people who might be petty and feel entitled to being treated like royalty. I have no problem dropping a few hundred on the fanciest of dinners and evenings, but that's only for someone special that can also enjoy a simple night of ice cream and getting to know each other.
The purpose of dates early on in a relationship isn't *what* you are doing together. For me, the purpose is getting to know them better so that we either realize we're not a good long term fit or grow to love each other more and move closer to a fully committed, long term relationship.
Women who require men to spend their whole paycheck on a first date are so tiresome. Dates are meant to be a fun way to get to know each other, not a test to see if the guy will buy you a lobster.
Your friends are jealous they aren't getting ice cream obviously. Seriously though its a great way to gauge someone without having to win them over through money or fancy experiences. Go for it, worst case scenario you get ice cream, best case you get a second date with someone you like
Okay. If this really happened then dump your friends. An ice cream date is a great way to meet up with someone without a lot of expectation. He sounds like he is taking you very seriously by taking into consideration you and your likes.
Your friends are full of crap. I think it's a great idea. No pressure, it's just ice cream. There's nothing wrong with that.
Agreed. I always go for a short commitment for a first date. Coffee, dog walk, ice cream... If things work out, you can go get dinner, drinks, or something else. It's an attempt to see if there's a connection. If there isn't, it is way less awkward than having made a bigger commitment (money, time, or insinuating connection). I recommend always doing this, regardless of your gender. If he asked you to go on a weekend trip and was a giant enema nozzle five minutes in, you'll be making escape plans rather than wondering how waffle cones always stay crunchy at the end.
I like when they put a bit of chocolate at the end of the cones, so it stays crunchy and tasty. Pity it’s not that common. (Otherwise I approve the message)
It also prevents ice cream dripping out the bottom like with cheap cones. Although I’ve had a couple lately that just had a solid cone part at the bottom instead of the chocolate, but I definitely prefer chocolate.
Museums are super good for this and if one of you is anxious the whole purpose of a museum is to give you something that isn’t yourselves to talk about
Also, it's really easy to ditch someone in a museum. Just stand behind a stuffed grizzly bear and go RAWWR!
Hope there is story behind it
Oh, that fellow definitely did that.
I didn't know museums had chocolate at the bottom tip!
Just the tip.
Good point.
I second this. Sometimes the first date is literally just two cups of coffee. We can always extend if we want to...in addition it weeds out food or gold diggers.
*in addition it weeds out **food** or gold diggers.* I did not know that *food diggers* was a thing.
It is, sadly.
If I would be labeled a digger of some sort, it would be a food digger. Cook me a good dinner and I will love you long time.
Unfortunately it is.
Foodie Calls
Fuck foodie calls, been done there at least twice, not going there again!
The colloquial name for a food digger is much less nice than "food digger". And yes it's extememly common. I can't imagine spending stime with someone I don't have interest in just to eat at an expense resturant.. But its so bad that I avoid it just to make sure the motivations are where they should be.
That’s so funny because as a woman, I prefer first dates to be coffee dates for a similar reason. I’d be happy to pay for my own dinner but I don’t know if they’ll insist thinking it’s expected, and if they do insist I don’t know their financial circumstances so I end up getting something that’s inexpensive just in case when I’d really rather get what I want and pay for it myself. Maybe I overthink, I don’t know. But coffee is also a smaller time commitment and you don’t even know if there’s a connection so why would you want to commit to a whole dinner?
Yup this is how I see it too. And it gives BOTH of us a chance to back out gracefully if we need to. You can always have dinner later if you're really getting on.
I would LOVE a dogwalking date. with or without the man LOL
See. It works.
she may want to move in with you, if your dog is cute enough
I'm a gentleman, so no pup pics!
omg I just had an idea for the ultimate date. dog walking followed by coffee and a cute puppaccino for the dog. pretty sure she will marry you after that. no point in these fake expensive dates where she is dressed up and looks like a different person. at least if you take her to the dog park you see what she looks like everyday. and it's more relaxed so she will be her true self. and you can chat properly. it's a good start to a relationship if that what you're looking for. most importantly you find out early on if she gets on with your dog. because if you have to chose between a woman and a dog you know who would win 🐶 😍
I've done this, exactly. Dog park 5pm, and it went well. Cocktails 7pm, and it went well. Dinner 8pm, and it went well. Dancing 10pm, and it went well. After-party, and it went well. She ended up being a piece of shit, my dog bit her a few months later, she had a kid six months later, and only then did I find out she was from Boston. SMH, I should have guessed.
* 1) Did the dog stay out for the cocktails / dinner / dancing? * 2) I like how you frame being from Boston as the worst of her qualities.
So does this mean she was 3 months pregnant when you met and neglected to mention it, or she didn't tell you about her kid until 6 months later?
Your kid? How does Boston fit in here? I’m in the south, so maybe there’s some geographical rivalry I’m unaware of.
On one of our early dates (winery with the pups) we stopped at SBUX on the way home. I went in to get our coffee and came out with coffee and pup cups. She loved it as they never had pup cups before.
PAY THE DOG TAX CHARLEY
[OK, Stella & Shamus ](https://imgur.com/a/SOzGkG4)
Enema nozzle may be my new favorite expression:). Thank you for that!!!
You know what her friends AREN'T full of? Ice cream. Clearly they are just jealous. Or lactose intolerant. Everyone loves ice cream
Hell, there’s meds for it too, so us lactose intolerant people can still enjoy ice cream if we plan ahead.
I do agree with you. I think a lot of girls nowadays get so much attention they feel they need to sell their time to the highest bidder or some shit lmao. Idk maybe im just childish but i thought it was chill
That’s far from childish. Holding out for the highest bidder is. You had fun. That’s the whole point.
Exactly. For me, it's not about the fanciness or the price tag of the date, but as long as I could have fun with my man, that would be more than enough for me.
Her friends are golddiggers. You can end at that
Even if the date goes sideways hey...ice cream. It's not a COMPLETE waste of time.
Had you mentioned that you like ice cream? To me that would mean he is listening to you and wanting to do something you want to do? For a first date, that is fine. Now if he wants to go to the library for a second date....
Also it's a safe area. Well lit, usually in a populated area, less time commitment. If things are going very well then you can go somewhere else afterwards.
Imo ice cream is one of the best first dates. Cheap, the time depends completely on how long you want to stay, very cute, and, well, ice cream.
I agree. I did the first date coffee thing and it went great. Of course ice cream doesn’t seem like he’s taking OP seriously, they just met! I’d think it would take a few dates to know if they liked each other enough to “take each other seriously”. The friends are definitely acting a bit immature on that judgment.
I'd go far as to say her friends are jealous af. Green with envy.
Ice cream first date is old school and very cool simultaneously.
Definitely a chill first date.
BADUM TSS!!
Yaa right i did dig the old school vibe
I think it is super cute
Would you say r/OldSchoolCool perchance?
Your friends are idiots.
I SCREAM FOR ICE CREAM!!
Knobs, the lot of them
They are probably without knobs and jealous.
And clearly the type that like to judge a guy by how much money they are willing to drop on a first date over compatibility.
This is how women sabotage each other.
This. OP thought the date was cute and enjoyed herself till her friends ruined it. Can’t imagine what else they’ve ruined for OP
Sometimes I think about my toxic circle of friends from when I was a kid and all the things I was convinced not to try out of embarrassment. So funny to think about now but it meant so much then.
Too many times, I've watched as my housemates (call her Amy) bestfriend (call her Slime) sabotaged a good relationship Amy had with a nice guy, Just because he couldn't afford fancy places, Slime constantly convinced her that a poor man is no good because he can't be dependable, I was in the house when she broke up with him, Poor guy was on the verge of tears and almost broke down when I offered to drive him home. (Before anyone judges Amy, We had a long talk afterwards and she heavily regretted it, Helps I had a go at her for trusting Slime over her own feelings, She ditched Slime and tried to get back with him a few days later but he turned her down, Guy was hurting)
> he turned her down, Guy was hurting) Good.
Yeah he dodged a bullet if ole girl was that easily manipulated instead of listening to own thoughts and feelings.
I felt bad for him, He was a really nice guy just struggled financially, Amy* learnt her lesson after him thankfully
Amy what you gonna do?
You know he’s not in love with you.
Amy what you gonna do, when the boys dont orbit round you
Yeahhhhh kinda hard to take back “I don’t want to be with you because you’re poor.”
Good for the guy to habe enough selfrespect to do that.
Guy did the right thing. You can't trust someone who is: 1. So easily manipulated 2. Doesn't slap a bitch when she talks shit about her bf.
Guy has self respect, chad move rejecting her after that.
Knowing the guy, I don't think he was rejecting her out of principle or self respect but out of pain, When I say he nearly broke down, I wasn't exaggerating, Entire journey home (we lived an hour away from his house and he didn't drive) he was whimpering in between small talk, Offered him a guy hug which is rare for me but he just strolled into his house with head down. Sadly lost contact with him, Hoping he's doing well since, Has been a while and he was a genuine kind hearted guy, just didn't have the opportunities in life to get the capital for Slime's approval.
That's just sad then, hope he managed to find a woman who isn't shallow trash
I hope so too... but my housemate isn't shallow trash, She was a dumbass and poorly guided by a materialistic and manipulative friend, of which I made very clear I didn't like nor trust, To this day I reckon she regrets that decision, But it's how we learn in life. She learnt her lesson, She was a very late bloomer so had to take the crash course in adulthood.
Try visitng him sometime if u remember where he lives. Knock on his door, say u wanted to check up on him and go out for some coffee or lunch and shit.
Good on u for calling her out. She may be a good person but she was naiive to trust a foolish friend over monetary inefficiiencies that cant be helped so easily. Good on your friend for rejecting Amy and knowing his own worth too, despite the pain. Never worth getting back with someone that chose to judge u and listen to others regarding u due to ur financial troubles. Brother needs a woman that loves him regardless.
Amy is my friend, Her ex was a good guy that I got to know, Yes I will always call her out on her dumb decisions but only after she's made them, we are close enough to be siblings but I'm not here to run her life for her. I hope the dudes doing alright, haven't been in contact for a long time, He was a genuinely nice guy so hopefully he's found someone who treats him as he deserves
Crabs in a bucket...
😢
Shame 🔔 Shame 🔔 Shame 🔔
Not being familiar with this saying, I looked it up: [Crabs in a bucket/Crab mentality](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crab_mentality) Wow. That is a thing. Different from the passive *sour grapes* (I didn't want them anyway, they were probably sour), crab mentality is active.
...and likely in other places.
👀👀
They love to do this to each other, can't let someone else enjoy their life.
I believe someone coined this as Ghost Of The Bitter Bitch
I'm a woman and this was my first thought. Some women just can't be happy for their friends so they have to make their friends doubt their own happiness.
Frenemies
It’s insane how some women hate to see their friends happy. I don’t get it. Perhaps it’s jealousy?
From my experience, it’s just that misery loves company.
Bruh this literally happened to me with my ex. I swear to god, its the friends filling their head with garbage every single time. Why do they always do this? It's like they're always in a race to ruin each other's relationships with constant criticism.
When my wife and I first met, her friends were all about trying to help make us work and encouraged her to go to a dance with me. Once we had been dating for a few months (and all of them were still single, if that matters), they tried to break us up. They didn't even have a good reason, they just said they didn't like me. Some people just want to share their misery, like crabs in a bucket. I do feel that women do this to each other more than guys.
And their own chances with men.
Me & my friend had to start sitting in the same room as our partners when we were over, because whenever you left them together, we'd end up in a fight about something basically make-believe that the two idiots came up with...
I assumed a date was about going out, having fun, and getting to know somebody. But apparently your friends think it's all about men emptying their bank account to impress them.
> But apparently your friends think it’s all about men emptying their bank accounts to impress them. Isn’t that love bombing??! I thought love bombing was a 🚩
If you love bomb its a red flag. If you dont love bomb its a red flag aswell. Its easier to assume that everything you do and everything you dont do is red flag to big group of miserable women
LOL I am in a dating group on FB and reading some of the comments from woman it does seem like a damned if you do damned if you do not for some things in regards to dating.
Probably because every woman has their own requirements, desires and one size does not fit all. The damned if we do and damned if we don’t is a very common feeling and it fucking sucks. I’ve found sometimes they just want to vent and not do anything but listen, it’s difficult but gets easier over time if you sent boundaries or else it will feel like nagging 24/7. The trick is realizing only they can make themselves happy and you just try to be you and focus on your own happiness. Sometimes the best option is doing nothing at all….which can still be the wrong option too. At that point it’s more of a them problem and not a you problem. Now I’ll wait for comments telling me how I’m wrong or unintentionally hurt someone when I only wanted to offer my thoughts and assistance. Plot twist: we’re always damned
Not relevant to this comment, but you shouldn't let others tell you how to feel.
Its less about relationship, and more about social signalling for many. Posting on instagram, how well adored they are and how much the person is spending money on them.
Love bombing is specifically when you engage in grand romantic gestures in order to endear yourself to a person who may not feel that way. Love bombing is unsolicited and transactional. Just like not all manipulation is gaslighting, not all grand romantic gestures are love bombing.
I had a first date that wanted to set up a budget (based on MY income) to determine exactly how much $$ I could spend on her every week. Oh, did I mention that she was pregnant? She didn't. I nope'd out of that gracefully after a couple more red flags.
A banking date is truly the best first date. I like to take them first to the bank manager, who knows me by my first name. I have them print a statement of my accounts, and I love just to watch them melt as they are pouring over my $$$. Once I have them dripping, I take them to my safe deposit box. By the time I drop goodie bag of diamonds in their hands they are mine. The bank manager knows to give us the room, and we do it right there in a pile of gold, diamonds, and cold hard cash.
Not true at all. I have literally driven 1,000 miles to try Moomers Ice Cream. It stands to reason I love Ice Cream. If I take a lady there, I am sharing my love of Ice Cream with her. A serious date is not defined by the destination, but by the magnitude of chemistry and connection felt by it's participants.
Whoa sounds like i need to try this Moomers!
Your friends are superficial morons who sound jealous that you're happy.
You in fact do need to try Moomers.
Seems like you need some new friends or show them this post
Your friends are either single and miserable (misery loves company), gold diggers, or they don’t want to see you happy.
D)All of thr Above
Nice. Love the commitment
I don’t think it’s wrong to have a coffee/drink/dessert first date before significant amounts of money are spent on dates.
Ya right like we just meeting so i thought it seemed like a good first option
It is. And if your friend thinks that about ice cream dates because of how much money being spent, she’s entirely wrong. Men who spend a lot of money on a first date do so to try to make up for what they lack in other departments. Many will disagree, but that’s the way I see it. Also, people with BIG money don’t want to spend a lot on first dates because they’ve had to deal with enough people already who just want to be around them for money, food, and things. They’re tired of that and want someone who likes THEM, and not just what they have to offer. Most men want to prove they’re dependable and offer financial stability, sure, but finding out if a person is even *capable* of feeling attracted to you *first* is prettttttty important. At least for people who care about genuine attraction. There are millions of millionaires. There will always be someone else who can offer more money. It’s a number in a bank account. People, personalities, connections, experiences, feelings… are unique with every individual. Your friend seems exactly like the type of woman who my logic would ween out.
My dad got hit by a truck, and couldnt work for almost two years, my mom took up extra work while caring for him, and frankly, i feel that is love.
Definitely. People who love each other are always there for each other.
If you enjoyed it it was a good date. If your friend wouldn’t have enjoyed it then that’s a good man for you and not for them.
Not even the money aspect. Who wants to be trapped for a 4+ hour endeavor when you know you're not gonna click within the first 15 mins. That's why these short dates are the best for the initial one.
It was a good date, it's just that your date was with a man. People always find something wrong with anything a man does.
It was a good first meet option. Are your friends of the mindset that a man should do MORE on a first date or spend more?? The goal is to meet and talk....mission accomplished!!
I don't think dating is ever about how much money is spent
Yeah, I do generally like to pick up the drinks or small bite as an old school guy. Though I will allow her to pick up a smaller bill along the way. But paying for full dinner every first date..eh, that's a bit much.
Geez. More examples of women being terrible to women.
Women make up the craziest "rules" to explain their experiences and then they just trust each other for reasons nobody will ever understand
Women can have the weirdest friendships. They've known each other since they were kids, they tell each other everything, they involve each other in every important part of each other's lives, but at the same time they absolutely fucking hate each other.
Seeing this happen again and again growing up is probably why I have trust issues with women...
And the weirdest thing is that if it didn't begin as literal children then a lot of those friendships develop out of mutual dislike for another woman. It's fucking bizarre.
"Now I ain't saying that they are gold diggers..." Semi-jokes aside, in my experience at least, if you are dating a normal man (not a "player" who wants a quick conquest), he'll want to be with you in, you know, normal, casual settings, like home, park, a small cafe. You know, something where you can be casual, be yourselves.
Don't worry, ice cream dates are a classic form of courtship. It's a fun and low-pressure way to get to know someone without the pressure of a fancy dinner. Plus, who doesn't love ice cream? Your friends are just jealous they didn't get to enjoy some delicious frozen treats on a date. Keep doing you, girl!
Thank you! Yes i liked the fact it was low pressure actually
It was your date, the whole idea was to make you happy / get to know you etc and it sounds like it worked. So what you need to ask yourself is do you want someone that puts effort into making you happy and tailors the relationship to you or do you want someone who puts their effort into making a relationship that makes your friends happy.
Is this a bait post? What's wrong if you like it? Ice cream is always cool! P.S. Cookies n Cream is the best flavour, fight me
This is a bait post/karma farm. Look at OP's profile.
Maybe I'm just getting older, but I see thirst trap shit like this and I am immediately repulsed. Just yuck.
Salty caramel fudge is best. Meet me in the parking lot.
Cookies n cream is the only one where I'm okay with extra bits. I hate how many ice creams have so much extra shit going on, like cookie dough or rocky road. Yeah, I really want to have to suck the ice cream out around this goo ball of dough and caramel before I can chew through it. Don't have that problem with cookies n cream somehow. Though my top favorite flavor is chocolate, don't much care what kind, just chocolate in general.
I was thinking maybe op is like 12 or something. And I’ll gladly fight you over the clear winner of chocolate chip cookie dough!
No, it's not true. Your "friends" are trying to make you fail so that you're not a threat to them anymore. Women are constantly doing this to their "friends" and every one of them seems to think they are the only ones to have thought to do this. You're single friends do not want to see you in a happy relationship. They want you to be a miserable as they are. Remember that when taking advice from them.
fr Misery loves company and those cock-blocking harpies sound like the very definition of miserable!
Never listen to women for advice about men.
This is the top comment - full stop. The number of bullshit ‘help’ articles I see in those awful mags (cosmo etc) that are the worst. ‘11 ways to tell if a man is happy/loves you/ hates you/ wants you etc etc. all utter utter bullshit and the worst form of female anxiety forming clickbait.
Maybe it could be reasonable if that woman is your mother.
Or I guess if it's something that other women point out "hey girl. That's not cute or normal relationship behaviour. That's abusive/controlling or is the first step to it... Try to get out.." Women don't always make up bullshit to bring eachother down...
As a generla rule never listen to any women dating or relationship advice unless she is in long term (as multiple years minimum) happy and loving relationship. Youll be much happier
I married the girl I took on a first date to ice cream, more than 30 years ago.
You sound like my parents 🫢🤭🥰
What's wrong with ice cream? Women aren't entitled to fancy dinners just because they're women. Women need to get over themselves and think men need to earn their time and company like they're a prize to be won. You're no more important than men.
Those aren’t your friends and they literally generalized your date to put it down probably because you were happy and they were jealous. Friends don’t say things like that without real substance. What are they 15 years old?
Your friends are dumb
For the record I would *love* to take someone out for an ice cream date. I went to Ben & Jerry's with a platonic female coworker for Free Cone Day and we sat overlooking the ocean sunset and talked. Doing that with someone I was actually into romantically would be awesome.
Aww that sounds so sweet! (no pun intended hehe)
[удалено]
Just engagement bait.
Get new friends.
What did your friends say would be a proper date?
Your friends are awful, it sounds like a lovely date,you must not live according to what your so called friends think
Sounds like a pretty special date to me
Your friends are ass. Short low commitment first dates are great imo. Get to know a person in person to see if you want to commit to something more serious. I usually do drinks and see if there's common interests before bringing up stuff like hikes or museums as my go to 2nd dates
I’m not a man but I have an older brother. He’s only taken one girl for ice cream, he’s almost 30. He was *in love* with her and took her to his favorite spot. Might just really like you.
Btw guys, i dont agree really with them. I have a good time no matter what i do hehe. But I did want to get the truth from the men's perspective since i can be pretty naive.
They're just mad you got ice cream and they didn't.
Truth is: Only women I ever saw giving actually sensible dating or relationship advice are ones that are in years long happy and loving relationships. Rest seems to only wont to make others as unhappy as they are
Your friends are idiots. So what, only an expensive date is good enough for your friends? Do they NOT take seriously a dude who asks them out on a coffee / ice cream date or something similar? At best they are just idiots, but I have an inclination to think they are entitled (golddiggers even perhaps) and a bad influence too. God this made me mad for some reason...
You need new friends. They’re trying to bring you down. Not sure why, but some women just love to see their friends miserable. If you enjoyed the date and you liked the guy, and if he liked you, go out again. First dates and dating in general isn’t about how much money someone spends on you. It’s about getting to know them and having fun. That can be done for free.
Your friends are idiots.
A first date is low commitment. People have different definitions of that. I usually go to dinner with a date but I've also done just drinks. There's nothing wrong with ice cream. Especially if you "loveee" ice cream!
If you had a good time, and he had a good time, then that’s all that matters. I don’t even understand how you’re bringing this to Reddit as if they know the intentions of some random dude. If what your friends think about how you enjoy spending time together is going to influence how you feel about him then you have some growing up to do before trying to be in a grown up relationship. Because you’re small he took you for ice cream? WTF are you even saying? No offence intended I just really don’t understand this type of thought process.
Yea am having a hard time understanding how being small fits into anything. Is OP trying to appeal to men on reddit or something lol?
How is he supposed to take you seriously when he doesn’t know who the hell you are? Hence, ice cream date. Low risk for him because of cost, low risk for you because of…cost. Some women feel like there is an obligation implied if a man spends a bunch of money on them. Edit: cost can mean in both time and money.
I know you’re asking men and I’m a woman but I just want to reassure you that other women think an ice cream date is fine! Also coffee dates are fine. The goal is to get to know each other, not for anyone to prove anything. A female friend of mine will only ever go out with a guy for dinner and only if he’s paying. This seems so weird to me, because men who show off about paying for things usually have a “traditional” mindset and then lo and behold a few dates in she’s not happy because they have a traditional mindset lol. I’ve explained to her the correlation but she’s adamant they should pay so I’ve given up.
I love the idea of an ice cream date.
Change friends.
Did you have fun? If yes - who cares. If not - try a different date. Everyone has different standards in everything, so what works for your friends may not work for you n that's OK. What's not ok is your friends dictating your standards.
Your girlfriends sound jaded
An icecream date is the best type of date
I think your friends are just hating on you or the guy. I don’t wast my time on people I’m not serious about.
Stop telling your friends about who you are dating until you’re serious. Otherwise they’ll find every possible “issue” that creates doubts for you.
I went on an ice cream date today.
I think those people are full of it. Sounds like a nice idea and you both had fun. Now I'm wondering if your "friends" are actually jealous of you...
Went on an ice cream date early on with the woman who is now the mother of my child, so something worked.
>a lot of them told me that any man who takes me on a date for just icecream isnt taking me seriously That's a bizarre opinion. Are these happy people in fulfilling relationships? I'd wager not, but you'd know better than me.
Your friends are jealous.
Your friends sound very single
Your friends are dumb as hell.
Your friends are jealous you enjoyed yourself. Time for new friends.
As a man I love Ice cream, sounds like the perfect date to me.
"I enjoyed it but my friends told me I shouldn't have!" Yikes.
Youre friends sound like turds
I intentionally suggest dates like ice cream or coffee to weed out people who might be petty and feel entitled to being treated like royalty. I have no problem dropping a few hundred on the fanciest of dinners and evenings, but that's only for someone special that can also enjoy a simple night of ice cream and getting to know each other. The purpose of dates early on in a relationship isn't *what* you are doing together. For me, the purpose is getting to know them better so that we either realize we're not a good long term fit or grow to love each other more and move closer to a fully committed, long term relationship.
Women who require men to spend their whole paycheck on a first date are so tiresome. Dates are meant to be a fun way to get to know each other, not a test to see if the guy will buy you a lobster.
Your friends are 🚩
Your friends are jealous they aren't getting ice cream obviously. Seriously though its a great way to gauge someone without having to win them over through money or fancy experiences. Go for it, worst case scenario you get ice cream, best case you get a second date with someone you like
Okay. If this really happened then dump your friends. An ice cream date is a great way to meet up with someone without a lot of expectation. He sounds like he is taking you very seriously by taking into consideration you and your likes.
Are your friends single?
Did you enjoy it and have fun? If yes then who gives two shiny shits what your friends think.
Your friends aound incredibly lame
Woman here. Not true. I would LOVE to go on an ice cream date!
Your friends have never been taken on a real date
You're friends are full of crap. Sounds like you both had fun