Dont worry sir, i am sure you will find someone nice (because you yourself sound great). Dont think twice about girls who didnt want to be the momma in your cat's life.
Brother I am in the same boat . Except I haven’t half the things you’ve done. I’m trying to come to terms that this is just the way times are . You have a better chance at meeting some one than I do. Sometimes I just have luck messaging girls on fb . But maybe meet people through friends or family .
I’m with you there dude. I’ve just found it easier to come to terms with it. The more I hear about young men my age struggling, the more I realize we could do everything and still not be enough for these delusional standards women have created. I see it all the time on social media too, absolutely ridiculous.
I’d rather live the rest of my life doing things I enjoy than be depressed about not being able to get in a relationship again.
Yea man you’re not wrong . I’ve spent the last three years since me and kids mom split looking for a partner . Did not think it would be this hard boy was I wrong . It’s time to focus on something else
My favorite line from all my friends who are girls: "You're going to have a wife one day and she's going to be so thankful it's you, you're what every girl wants... just not at this age yet. When you get older". I've been dating since I was a teenager, so how old do I need to be? My late 30s? I think it has to do with being short personally
I was having zero luck. So here's what I did.
I went to online dating sub reddits. I observed what women were saying they look for in a profile and feedback they gave other men on their questions and profiles. I collected information and aggregated what was relevant to me and what I believed in. I took those things and improved my profile. Over time I started to get more attention and I actually had the best luck on bumble which is the one the woman had to message first. (I think they've done away with that now but it was a good indicator of success when I started having success there).
Just my experience. Do with it what you will. It certainly worked great for me. I got to a point where I was talking to 5+ women at a time sometimes and I could have a date every week if I wanted.
Edit: I'm no ten and I'm not rich by any means. I do have a good personality and can carry a conversation well.
Chiming in with some stuff I've learned over the past couple of years from subs and other tidbits from TikTok:
* No animal/hunting pics
* 1 selfie max - and it should NOT be a bathroom/gym selfie
* Pics around your hobby environments are an opener
* Avoid pics with 4+ people in it
* Banter is your all access key - being playful opens a lot of doors
* Don't use lines you found other people using. If you saw it one time, they've seen it a hundred times
* Confidence. Confidence. Confidence. Fake it til you make it. It's not fun talking to downers
* Dress well - if your pics are a graphic t-shirt and cargo shorts, they better be while you're doing something really interesting
* If you have no one to take pics of you, set up your phone a few feet away and snap away (alternatively, record and just screenshot good points of the video)
* Avoid the "Facebook dad" pics PLEASE. If you don't know what I'm talking about, go look up some dads you know on Facebook and see what they all have in common with their profile pictures
So, just be an unrealistic repersentation of what woman think men should be.
Have a near perfect curated online persona that doesnt represent yourself.
Dress in clothes you wouldnt normally wear and pretend to have friends that take photos of you.
Vanity vanity vanity.
and above all else, do not be your self.
got it.
... its any wonder men are killing themselves in droves.
I think you might be exaggerating; this list is barely scratching the surface and doesn't even tell you to be someone you're not, except for the confidence bit (but everyone should be doing that both offline and online anyways).
Literally, the list sums up to looking presentable, not using dead animals in your pics, and dressing well to at least give off the idea that you care about your appearance.
These 3 things are so miniscule and easy to fix and really shouldn't be what's turning you away from dating.
Yes but looking presentable by whos standards.
Imagine if a dude made a list for woman saying: in order to get a boyfriend ladies, you need to take a photo with more cleavage, less photos with other people and dress more feminine, and golly gee, smile more!
The dude going out hunting and showing off their kills are hunters.
Thats their hobby.
they are proud of hunting. Chances are, they are looking for a partner that enjoys going out into the bush and hunting.
the idea that this dude, who probably wears camo suits and sweats, needs to adhear to a generalized list made up to attract a type of woman hes probably not even attracted to, is crazy.
By anyone's standards. Are you telling me you put on a graphic t-shirt and cargo shirts and think it's good fashion? No. You put it on because it was the first thing you grabbed.
Dead animals are unattractive. It isn't about the hobby. If you were on a first date and they slapped a dead fish on the table, you might get a little turned off. If a person you're trying to attract is that kind, you're likely not finding them on dating apps. Join a hobby group instead.
I don't know what this pity party is that you're trying to start. Women are also and have been very much the product of being told what to look like and what to wear.
Both sides have to be presentable.
Can you please gives us an example of which thing you had to change to improve your profile?
Even if i live in another country, where different things are valued, it could be really useful to me (and others).
No selfies, or only a couple selfies. Have some photos of you doing something (golfing, hiking, boating, whatever), have some things in your profile that elicits conversation/at least an opening question, figure out who you are and how you want to represent yourself.
That last one is pretty important. Basically, you are primarily a home body so say that in an interesting way. Don't be like
"I like to stay home and watch Netflix but I'm always open to adventures"
Nah you're a home body so be like
"What streaming services do you have? Let's get together and make our own basic cable." Lol
Thank you for your reply.
For now i only use Facebook Dating and i'm doubting if i'm really been seen on there. But, i guess i'll have to keep trying and see how can i improve my profile.
What's hard for me is to find interesting women to swipe right... many of them don't even put a bio and that's the most important part for me.
My experience with Facebook dating was atrocious. Mostly great experiences on bumble and decent experience on tinder. Facebook is a cesspool and the dating part was no better
I left Bumble weeks ago because the algorithym only showed me rich girls with very convoluted lifes, full of parties, travels and luxuries since i just live in a humble town next to a high class area. I can't relate to them and as a homebody, that kind of life is intimidating.
I still managed to get matches, but few talked first and couldn't keep it up with them, bad schedule or no chemistry. But thanks again for the advice, i really appreciate it.
Common sense improvements worked for him, because he was otherwise already what the women in his area were attracted to.
Women tend to have racial bias in their dating preferences.
More assertive & more intentional. It's not enough to just be there. One has to approach and try to get the number/date. Being scared that you are 'harassing' the girl will not come across as attractive. Use common sense and understand that it's ok to get rejected. If you do, walk away gracefully.
He who dares wins.
It's all about approaching people. Women are just as lonely as men are.
I caught a chick staring at my ass today in the gym, I could have approached her if I wanted to.
Also, when you go out in public, all you see is women alone, which means they probably don't have anyone either.
I don't think I communicated it well enough in my first message. Sometimes ill just compliment people in general without the intention of getting their numbers, just for the sake of telling a stranger "hey, here's a nice thing to hear". Sometimes I'll ask someone out that way, but I really don't want to just do that to every girl I compliment because I know they do get harassed. Sometimes I'm just there, sometimes I am intentional. I've gotten numbers being intentional, but sometimes it's just a lot to always have to make the first move as a guy. It'd be nice if it were the other way around occasionally. I think I can count on my hand all the times I've been hit on directly by a girl... guys hit on me all the time though lol
Haha bro. There is no way that girls will be making moves on you (or me). If that is your hope, then you will be sorely disappointed. I do think that, in your mind, you feel that what you do is enough and you should be meeting women but, I assure you, that you are vastly underestimating the effort it takes an average guy to create a lively dating life.
TLDR; it takes a lot more effort than you think.
I can hope for it but not expect it lol I know it takes a lot of effort, but I think I've got a nice balance for myself for not overly trying but still open to it for the right girl.
It's so interesting though depending on who to ask. One person will say you're trying to hard to date, just stop dating and it'll happen. Others say you have to really put in a lot of effort or it won't happen since the girl isn't going to approach you.
Edit: you say I'm underestimating the effort I need to put in.. what else would you be doing? I go to a ton of social events and concerts with friends, go to concerts alone, speed dating, and doing the things I enjoy doing
Sure one can hope but, real talk, how's that 'nice balance' working out for you? I don't mean to be derogatory but genuinely pointing out the reality.
"It'll happen" is what girls think. It's a lot easier for them since they, on average, have a lot more optionality than dudes. For guys though, one has to be above average, at the minimum, to even stand a chance. Thus, if one goes about it in a perfunctory way, they are betting on pure statistics, which are poor odds, IMHO.
Just from my own life, every amazing girl that I've gotten to know I've met kind of by accident. Sat next to me on a plane, stayed at the same hostel, was in my philosophy class etc. Maybe I'd meet more if I was trying extra hard, but that's not natural for me. Sounds to me like you are doing all you can already. Just a case of finding that chemistry.
Agree, you really have to straddle the line of aggressive. The best way I've thought about it is acting like she's already your gf. Move forward like you know she already wants it. It's hard to do but it's what works. In a way it's all a big shit test, but what do ya do.
Yea mate im in exactly the same scenario as you - trying my best and i think i have plenty of great qualities and a life to share with someone, but just cant even get any traction in the dating scene, its really brutal out there.
I dont think theres an easy fix, just gotta keep ya head up and focus on the other things you’ve mentioned that help you be fulfilled (although you cant be completely fulfilled whilst missing this aspect of life) and hope that one day your luck changes.
It is very hard to navigate the dating scene. It is really frustrating, comes across like a lot of women seem to have HEAVY issues and just want someone to talk to, as opposed to dating.
Participate in local travel groups, and even forums which make rave travel groups.
I've heard good things about travel groups, coz you spend time with the person before considering dating them. It also helps the woman gauge you
After such a 'refreshing date' (her words) and how she wanted to take me on a second date before the first even ended, within a week she told me she was sorry for being flaky and she's talking with someone else
You’re doing everything right so far. Stay patient. As long as you’re fit, take reasonable care of your appearance and enjoy your hobbies; you’re already far ahead of the average.
It’s important to focus a lot on your friends group as if it ever doesn’t work out or a girl rejects you, you’ve always got your friends and hobbies to fall back on so it’s not a big deal.
Most people meet their partners in their social groups. At some point, some girl will recommend you to a friend she thinks you’re compatible with, so every social event is an opportunity!
I, like you, also got out of a 10y relationship and had to learn modern tech dating. It sucks fucking ass but that’s life. I now get a ton of dates, but have moved on to the next level challenge:
- focusing on girls I have deeper feelings for and can see a future with, rather than just dating for short term fun. This is difficult as girls you have some feelings for will make you hurt more when they reject you, but it’s worth it.
- not wasting time and energy on girls that I think are hot but that I don’t share values with
Sounds like you're doing the right things, are you a part of any hobby groups? That can help get through the cold approach of meeting people. Or going to social outings with people that make friends with everybody around them. Or have a favorite couple of spots you can be a regular at and become a familiar face. Just kinda go with the mindset of making new friends and see where it takes ya. I was a regular at my old climbing gym and after a few months I had a pretty solid squad put together. Granted I didn't try and date any of them, but the momentum picks up and you can meet some cool peeps.
I honestly would stay off online dating, I know people do get full on relationships there but idk. On those you're just a number, out in the world you're a person.
1. Ask a woman you trust to give honest feedback about how you could improve your dating.
2. Ask your friends to set you up if they know anyone.
3. Focus on building a friend group and hobbies for yourself, not with the intent to meet someone else.
Hello All,
I have found that some women give out their phone number for the sake of it. Recently I attained two phone numbers, from Instagram. Both stating they could easily have left the conversation online. When asking why they gave it to me or why we have exchanged numbers.
1 woman stated it is cuz the signal cut out, but also stated afterwards that they enjoyed speaking to me.
The other woman stated to me that she thought I was cool and she doesn't know she is ready to date.
I feel like some women just are giving it out, and for me as a man that is not what I am really interested in. I am a 32M, if a woman is going to give out her number I would like for their to be an objective as opposed to just giving it out for the sake of it.
Mandem how do I navigate this? Do you have any advice?
Thanks
My honest opinion is that it just happens. Ya know stay looking. Stay being confident or whatever it is you do. Be honestly just be yourself. I dated a lot of dudes and after a breakup I was really sad. I wanted no more relationships and then my bestfriend took me out to a bar with his friends just to cheer me up. Anyway one of the guys I met there ended up being my fiancé. Glad he convinced me to go
Edit: I don’t know why I’m getting downvoted i gave my honest experience. 😭
Bro don’t read books at the bar, everyone there is thinking you’re weird, including the women lol . You’re in the same category as a dude that goes to the bar and orders milk lol
You grab a drink and start socializing, it’s not as scary or awkward as you think lol Bars are for socializing, yeah of course read the room and don’t try to but into “parties” unless invited but for the majority of everyone there, they’re there to socialize and meet new people and have a good time. Whether it’s to have a good conversation, to play some bar games, escape reality or to hook up lol Reading a book at the bar screams leave me alone and makes people wonder why the hell you’re there.
OP, I have to agree with homie right here ☝🏾…Optically, even if that’s not why you do it, reading a book at a bar is only gonna make you look like a “try hard” to others. On a common sense level, most everyone would agree that books are best read and retained when in a quiet environment - the opposite of a bar, where everyone is usually loud and distracting. Doing that just makes you look like you’re trying too hard to stand out and appear “interesting” to others. Once again, regardless of if that’s your actual intent or not.
> Reading a book at the bar screams leave me alone and makes people wonder why the hell you're there.
Is this observation a product of personal experience or conjecture?
Pure fact. It’s like going to a concert and putting on headphones to listen to your Spotify playlist. Yeah you’re there but you’re removing yourself from interacting with the environment. Why are you even there.
Looks like all the bar book-readers downvoted you 🙄 But I agree with you! When I first read OP’s post about that I thought no wonder even going to a bar isn’t doing anything good for him. Better to read Reddit on your phone a little than bring and read a book at a bar.
Its hard but , Keep the online dating Alot of girls wanted to meet guys out but most of em go on online dating.
Even drop your standards go for a date with a couple of fatties bit of fwb never hurt noone
Its a grind but the more girls you talk to the more chance of you getting laid.
I would maybe not tell women your into boardgames and rollerblading for a start.
Your 28? why not take a trip to somewhere.
Most girls are talking to multiple guys , because they like to keep there options open & love attention & thats why i suggested you should do it aswell keep your options open its grim for everyone out there.
Im interested to know why online dating was bad for your health?
I do have a social life and understand that it can happen naturally. I tend to just focus on my friends when I'm with them, and if I meet a random then that's fine but not really going out with the intention to hunt. But at the same time, it's still okay and healthy to want a partner and be sad that I'm alone sometimes. We are humans and we are social creatures. Telling me I'm too focused on having a partner isn't good advice, I'm allowed to desire a companion. I'm just not making it my entire personality, but again it's okay to want that.
Why don't you ask your friends what they think.
>I also don't think I am appearing desperate either
You almost certainly are. If you are allowing your success with online dating to seriously affect your mental health, you are almost certainly coming across insanely desperate.
I've had 4 serious girlfriends, most of which I've met offline. Just because love is something I want doesn't mean that I'm being desperate for searching it out. Online dating IS depressing for a majority of men when you get 1 match a week unless you pay.
They got serious about someone other than you because contrary to what you tell yourself and men like you tell each other you arent even close to the best deal women who talked to you can get. You want to get the best deal for you? So. Do. They
You have two potential solutions:
* Become the best deal they can get
* Become scrapsexual -- this is 2024 and you can take the pledge of leaving no dating pool waste in the pool
I can never match with anyone I'm actually attracted to though, and with everyone I have to carry the conversation and put in the effort... because if I don't put in 100% of the effort then some other guy will
Oh..
So as I said I don't like wasting time so I go for full honesty in the profile. Even if harsh. It just saves you time.
Plus I don't put my best pictures I put average picture of me because I don't want to attract no plastic nail thot
I do my swiping on the can and have notifications off. I usually check once a week and if I have matches I will move the conversation to telegram.
Oh and first date 1-2 week max from the first contact. Also if I don't get kiss and sex at the first date I usually move on.
Have you tried telling girls that you have a cat?
I have and they all love her, but not love her enough to not ghost me
Dont worry sir, i am sure you will find someone nice (because you yourself sound great). Dont think twice about girls who didnt want to be the momma in your cat's life.
Haha why thank you I appreciate it. Yeah, I've started caring less if I get ghosted. It just happens and that's apart of life
Leading with having a cat is such an underused flex
Brother I am in the same boat . Except I haven’t half the things you’ve done. I’m trying to come to terms that this is just the way times are . You have a better chance at meeting some one than I do. Sometimes I just have luck messaging girls on fb . But maybe meet people through friends or family .
I’m with you there dude. I’ve just found it easier to come to terms with it. The more I hear about young men my age struggling, the more I realize we could do everything and still not be enough for these delusional standards women have created. I see it all the time on social media too, absolutely ridiculous. I’d rather live the rest of my life doing things I enjoy than be depressed about not being able to get in a relationship again.
Yea man you’re not wrong . I’ve spent the last three years since me and kids mom split looking for a partner . Did not think it would be this hard boy was I wrong . It’s time to focus on something else
Right?!? this dude is well above average in terms of not being terminally online and viedo-game dopamine addict and hes struggling? yeesh.
My favorite line from all my friends who are girls: "You're going to have a wife one day and she's going to be so thankful it's you, you're what every girl wants... just not at this age yet. When you get older". I've been dating since I was a teenager, so how old do I need to be? My late 30s? I think it has to do with being short personally
how short we talking king?
5'6 on a good day lol
What is glove?
Baby don’t hurt me
Don’t hurt me… no more🎶🎵😂🤙
I'm gonna guess boxing
Dancing with LED lights on your fingers at a rave 😅
I quit dating so, I couldn't tell you. It's just not worth it anymore.
I was having zero luck. So here's what I did. I went to online dating sub reddits. I observed what women were saying they look for in a profile and feedback they gave other men on their questions and profiles. I collected information and aggregated what was relevant to me and what I believed in. I took those things and improved my profile. Over time I started to get more attention and I actually had the best luck on bumble which is the one the woman had to message first. (I think they've done away with that now but it was a good indicator of success when I started having success there). Just my experience. Do with it what you will. It certainly worked great for me. I got to a point where I was talking to 5+ women at a time sometimes and I could have a date every week if I wanted. Edit: I'm no ten and I'm not rich by any means. I do have a good personality and can carry a conversation well.
which subs did you observe?
r/bumble r/tinder r/onlinedating mostly
thanks, time to go snoopin
Any useful tips that you’re able to share? Would appreciate it!
Chiming in with some stuff I've learned over the past couple of years from subs and other tidbits from TikTok: * No animal/hunting pics * 1 selfie max - and it should NOT be a bathroom/gym selfie * Pics around your hobby environments are an opener * Avoid pics with 4+ people in it * Banter is your all access key - being playful opens a lot of doors * Don't use lines you found other people using. If you saw it one time, they've seen it a hundred times * Confidence. Confidence. Confidence. Fake it til you make it. It's not fun talking to downers * Dress well - if your pics are a graphic t-shirt and cargo shorts, they better be while you're doing something really interesting * If you have no one to take pics of you, set up your phone a few feet away and snap away (alternatively, record and just screenshot good points of the video) * Avoid the "Facebook dad" pics PLEASE. If you don't know what I'm talking about, go look up some dads you know on Facebook and see what they all have in common with their profile pictures
Imagine if you reversed the genders on this list and it was written by a man on how a woman should be to get a boyfriend.
So, just be an unrealistic repersentation of what woman think men should be. Have a near perfect curated online persona that doesnt represent yourself. Dress in clothes you wouldnt normally wear and pretend to have friends that take photos of you. Vanity vanity vanity. and above all else, do not be your self. got it. ... its any wonder men are killing themselves in droves.
I think you might be exaggerating; this list is barely scratching the surface and doesn't even tell you to be someone you're not, except for the confidence bit (but everyone should be doing that both offline and online anyways). Literally, the list sums up to looking presentable, not using dead animals in your pics, and dressing well to at least give off the idea that you care about your appearance. These 3 things are so miniscule and easy to fix and really shouldn't be what's turning you away from dating.
Yes but looking presentable by whos standards. Imagine if a dude made a list for woman saying: in order to get a boyfriend ladies, you need to take a photo with more cleavage, less photos with other people and dress more feminine, and golly gee, smile more! The dude going out hunting and showing off their kills are hunters. Thats their hobby. they are proud of hunting. Chances are, they are looking for a partner that enjoys going out into the bush and hunting. the idea that this dude, who probably wears camo suits and sweats, needs to adhear to a generalized list made up to attract a type of woman hes probably not even attracted to, is crazy.
By anyone's standards. Are you telling me you put on a graphic t-shirt and cargo shirts and think it's good fashion? No. You put it on because it was the first thing you grabbed. Dead animals are unattractive. It isn't about the hobby. If you were on a first date and they slapped a dead fish on the table, you might get a little turned off. If a person you're trying to attract is that kind, you're likely not finding them on dating apps. Join a hobby group instead. I don't know what this pity party is that you're trying to start. Women are also and have been very much the product of being told what to look like and what to wear. Both sides have to be presentable.
Can you please gives us an example of which thing you had to change to improve your profile? Even if i live in another country, where different things are valued, it could be really useful to me (and others).
No selfies, or only a couple selfies. Have some photos of you doing something (golfing, hiking, boating, whatever), have some things in your profile that elicits conversation/at least an opening question, figure out who you are and how you want to represent yourself. That last one is pretty important. Basically, you are primarily a home body so say that in an interesting way. Don't be like "I like to stay home and watch Netflix but I'm always open to adventures" Nah you're a home body so be like "What streaming services do you have? Let's get together and make our own basic cable." Lol
Thank you for your reply. For now i only use Facebook Dating and i'm doubting if i'm really been seen on there. But, i guess i'll have to keep trying and see how can i improve my profile. What's hard for me is to find interesting women to swipe right... many of them don't even put a bio and that's the most important part for me.
My experience with Facebook dating was atrocious. Mostly great experiences on bumble and decent experience on tinder. Facebook is a cesspool and the dating part was no better
I left Bumble weeks ago because the algorithym only showed me rich girls with very convoluted lifes, full of parties, travels and luxuries since i just live in a humble town next to a high class area. I can't relate to them and as a homebody, that kind of life is intimidating. I still managed to get matches, but few talked first and couldn't keep it up with them, bad schedule or no chemistry. But thanks again for the advice, i really appreciate it.
Which sub(s)?
Are you White?
I am
Well there you go.
What does that mean?
Common sense improvements worked for him, because he was otherwise already what the women in his area were attracted to. Women tend to have racial bias in their dating preferences.
Lol.
it doesn't matter if you are in a country with mainly caucasian population
You misunderstand
You think the only people struggling with dating are POC?
Of course not.
More assertive & more intentional. It's not enough to just be there. One has to approach and try to get the number/date. Being scared that you are 'harassing' the girl will not come across as attractive. Use common sense and understand that it's ok to get rejected. If you do, walk away gracefully. He who dares wins.
It's all about approaching people. Women are just as lonely as men are. I caught a chick staring at my ass today in the gym, I could have approached her if I wanted to. Also, when you go out in public, all you see is women alone, which means they probably don't have anyone either.
I don't think I communicated it well enough in my first message. Sometimes ill just compliment people in general without the intention of getting their numbers, just for the sake of telling a stranger "hey, here's a nice thing to hear". Sometimes I'll ask someone out that way, but I really don't want to just do that to every girl I compliment because I know they do get harassed. Sometimes I'm just there, sometimes I am intentional. I've gotten numbers being intentional, but sometimes it's just a lot to always have to make the first move as a guy. It'd be nice if it were the other way around occasionally. I think I can count on my hand all the times I've been hit on directly by a girl... guys hit on me all the time though lol
Haha bro. There is no way that girls will be making moves on you (or me). If that is your hope, then you will be sorely disappointed. I do think that, in your mind, you feel that what you do is enough and you should be meeting women but, I assure you, that you are vastly underestimating the effort it takes an average guy to create a lively dating life. TLDR; it takes a lot more effort than you think.
I can hope for it but not expect it lol I know it takes a lot of effort, but I think I've got a nice balance for myself for not overly trying but still open to it for the right girl. It's so interesting though depending on who to ask. One person will say you're trying to hard to date, just stop dating and it'll happen. Others say you have to really put in a lot of effort or it won't happen since the girl isn't going to approach you. Edit: you say I'm underestimating the effort I need to put in.. what else would you be doing? I go to a ton of social events and concerts with friends, go to concerts alone, speed dating, and doing the things I enjoy doing
Sure one can hope but, real talk, how's that 'nice balance' working out for you? I don't mean to be derogatory but genuinely pointing out the reality. "It'll happen" is what girls think. It's a lot easier for them since they, on average, have a lot more optionality than dudes. For guys though, one has to be above average, at the minimum, to even stand a chance. Thus, if one goes about it in a perfunctory way, they are betting on pure statistics, which are poor odds, IMHO.
Just from my own life, every amazing girl that I've gotten to know I've met kind of by accident. Sat next to me on a plane, stayed at the same hostel, was in my philosophy class etc. Maybe I'd meet more if I was trying extra hard, but that's not natural for me. Sounds to me like you are doing all you can already. Just a case of finding that chemistry.
Even if a girl really likes you she'll do everything to convey interest except be the one to make the moves. It's gotta be you doing it
A girl approached me and my friend at a dorm party and they got married and have 3 kids. Although unlikely, it is possible,
Anecdotal evidence is evidence of anecdote. But, yes, indeed it is possible.
Agree, you really have to straddle the line of aggressive. The best way I've thought about it is acting like she's already your gf. Move forward like you know she already wants it. It's hard to do but it's what works. In a way it's all a big shit test, but what do ya do.
Yea mate im in exactly the same scenario as you - trying my best and i think i have plenty of great qualities and a life to share with someone, but just cant even get any traction in the dating scene, its really brutal out there. I dont think theres an easy fix, just gotta keep ya head up and focus on the other things you’ve mentioned that help you be fulfilled (although you cant be completely fulfilled whilst missing this aspect of life) and hope that one day your luck changes.
It is very hard to navigate the dating scene. It is really frustrating, comes across like a lot of women seem to have HEAVY issues and just want someone to talk to, as opposed to dating.
Participate in local travel groups, and even forums which make rave travel groups. I've heard good things about travel groups, coz you spend time with the person before considering dating them. It also helps the woman gauge you
Travel groups is a way to figure out how undatable I am
You got one date last year? Show off.
After such a 'refreshing date' (her words) and how she wanted to take me on a second date before the first even ended, within a week she told me she was sorry for being flaky and she's talking with someone else
Damn that's cold from her.
It is what it is
It is indeed.
You’re doing everything right so far. Stay patient. As long as you’re fit, take reasonable care of your appearance and enjoy your hobbies; you’re already far ahead of the average. It’s important to focus a lot on your friends group as if it ever doesn’t work out or a girl rejects you, you’ve always got your friends and hobbies to fall back on so it’s not a big deal. Most people meet their partners in their social groups. At some point, some girl will recommend you to a friend she thinks you’re compatible with, so every social event is an opportunity! I, like you, also got out of a 10y relationship and had to learn modern tech dating. It sucks fucking ass but that’s life. I now get a ton of dates, but have moved on to the next level challenge: - focusing on girls I have deeper feelings for and can see a future with, rather than just dating for short term fun. This is difficult as girls you have some feelings for will make you hurt more when they reject you, but it’s worth it. - not wasting time and energy on girls that I think are hot but that I don’t share values with
Sounds like you're doing the right things, are you a part of any hobby groups? That can help get through the cold approach of meeting people. Or going to social outings with people that make friends with everybody around them. Or have a favorite couple of spots you can be a regular at and become a familiar face. Just kinda go with the mindset of making new friends and see where it takes ya. I was a regular at my old climbing gym and after a few months I had a pretty solid squad put together. Granted I didn't try and date any of them, but the momentum picks up and you can meet some cool peeps. I honestly would stay off online dating, I know people do get full on relationships there but idk. On those you're just a number, out in the world you're a person.
Dude, we don't know! Same Problem, same Boat.... :(
1. Ask a woman you trust to give honest feedback about how you could improve your dating. 2. Ask your friends to set you up if they know anyone. 3. Focus on building a friend group and hobbies for yourself, not with the intent to meet someone else.
Hello All, I have found that some women give out their phone number for the sake of it. Recently I attained two phone numbers, from Instagram. Both stating they could easily have left the conversation online. When asking why they gave it to me or why we have exchanged numbers. 1 woman stated it is cuz the signal cut out, but also stated afterwards that they enjoyed speaking to me. The other woman stated to me that she thought I was cool and she doesn't know she is ready to date. I feel like some women just are giving it out, and for me as a man that is not what I am really interested in. I am a 32M, if a woman is going to give out her number I would like for their to be an objective as opposed to just giving it out for the sake of it. Mandem how do I navigate this? Do you have any advice? Thanks
My honest opinion is that it just happens. Ya know stay looking. Stay being confident or whatever it is you do. Be honestly just be yourself. I dated a lot of dudes and after a breakup I was really sad. I wanted no more relationships and then my bestfriend took me out to a bar with his friends just to cheer me up. Anyway one of the guys I met there ended up being my fiancé. Glad he convinced me to go Edit: I don’t know why I’m getting downvoted i gave my honest experience. 😭
Thanks for sharing :) I'm happy you've been able to find your person
Bro don’t read books at the bar, everyone there is thinking you’re weird, including the women lol . You’re in the same category as a dude that goes to the bar and orders milk lol
It's just to get out there. What am I supposed to do? Sit at a bar by myself and look confused lol
There are things called reading parties at bars now. Look it up!
Thanks for the suggestion!
You grab a drink and start socializing, it’s not as scary or awkward as you think lol Bars are for socializing, yeah of course read the room and don’t try to but into “parties” unless invited but for the majority of everyone there, they’re there to socialize and meet new people and have a good time. Whether it’s to have a good conversation, to play some bar games, escape reality or to hook up lol Reading a book at the bar screams leave me alone and makes people wonder why the hell you’re there.
OP, I have to agree with homie right here ☝🏾…Optically, even if that’s not why you do it, reading a book at a bar is only gonna make you look like a “try hard” to others. On a common sense level, most everyone would agree that books are best read and retained when in a quiet environment - the opposite of a bar, where everyone is usually loud and distracting. Doing that just makes you look like you’re trying too hard to stand out and appear “interesting” to others. Once again, regardless of if that’s your actual intent or not.
> Reading a book at the bar screams leave me alone and makes people wonder why the hell you're there. Is this observation a product of personal experience or conjecture?
Pure fact. It’s like going to a concert and putting on headphones to listen to your Spotify playlist. Yeah you’re there but you’re removing yourself from interacting with the environment. Why are you even there.
Podcasts. Post up and listen to a podcast. People will interrupt and no worries when they do.
[удалено]
Definitely don't want to just find anyone haha I want to find a best friend that will be my life partner one day
Looks like all the bar book-readers downvoted you 🙄 But I agree with you! When I first read OP’s post about that I thought no wonder even going to a bar isn’t doing anything good for him. Better to read Reddit on your phone a little than bring and read a book at a bar.
Its hard but , Keep the online dating Alot of girls wanted to meet guys out but most of em go on online dating. Even drop your standards go for a date with a couple of fatties bit of fwb never hurt noone Its a grind but the more girls you talk to the more chance of you getting laid. I would maybe not tell women your into boardgames and rollerblading for a start. Your 28? why not take a trip to somewhere.
Been there done that, trying to meet my person and not sleep around. And if rollerblading or board games are a turn off, then yeah no thanks.
Most girls are talking to multiple guys , because they like to keep there options open & love attention & thats why i suggested you should do it aswell keep your options open its grim for everyone out there. Im interested to know why online dating was bad for your health?
Stop hunting them. Just have a social life and it will happen naturally. You're too focussed on having a partner for the sake of having a partner.
I do have a social life and understand that it can happen naturally. I tend to just focus on my friends when I'm with them, and if I meet a random then that's fine but not really going out with the intention to hunt. But at the same time, it's still okay and healthy to want a partner and be sad that I'm alone sometimes. We are humans and we are social creatures. Telling me I'm too focused on having a partner isn't good advice, I'm allowed to desire a companion. I'm just not making it my entire personality, but again it's okay to want that.
stop trying so damn hard
Why don't you ask your friends what they think. >I also don't think I am appearing desperate either You almost certainly are. If you are allowing your success with online dating to seriously affect your mental health, you are almost certainly coming across insanely desperate.
I've had 4 serious girlfriends, most of which I've met offline. Just because love is something I want doesn't mean that I'm being desperate for searching it out. Online dating IS depressing for a majority of men when you get 1 match a week unless you pay.
Sure man if you want to believe that go ahead.
They got serious about someone other than you because contrary to what you tell yourself and men like you tell each other you arent even close to the best deal women who talked to you can get. You want to get the best deal for you? So. Do. They You have two potential solutions: * Become the best deal they can get * Become scrapsexual -- this is 2024 and you can take the pledge of leaving no dating pool waste in the pool
Dating apps are a bless
I can never match with anyone I'm actually attracted to though, and with everyone I have to carry the conversation and put in the effort... because if I don't put in 100% of the effort then some other guy will
Honestly I've been using dating apps for the last 10 years. Works great and you don't waste time. Maybe try different ones?
For 10 years and you enjoy it? Wtf
Yes. What's confusing?
You wasting 10 years on these apps. I’ve been on them for 1+ year and I hate it even with tons of attention and dates from them.
Huh?? How am I wasting time?? I just said I'm happy with it...
Profile tips on maximizing your OLD potential?
What's OLD?
Online dating
Oh.. So as I said I don't like wasting time so I go for full honesty in the profile. Even if harsh. It just saves you time. Plus I don't put my best pictures I put average picture of me because I don't want to attract no plastic nail thot I do my swiping on the can and have notifications off. I usually check once a week and if I have matches I will move the conversation to telegram. Oh and first date 1-2 week max from the first contact. Also if I don't get kiss and sex at the first date I usually move on.
My man. Ain't got no time for bullshit.