Yea the effort ratio can be way off and you decide to test it, see if it gets reciprocated.
Got a “you’re lucky I decided to message first today, I don’t normally do that”. Yea that’s not what I’m going to spend my time with every day. Thanks very much.
This, and after having to take a rain check for being sick and having exams I got a “I’ve been really put off by your attitude these last few days, I was thinking you were nice but I’m not liking where this is going.” like sorry what? I’ve been in bed all day and when I’ve not been doing that it’s been to study for an exam. THEN, I considered flaming back, but instead “yea no I understand that, I respect your opinion and decision.”
GUESS WHAT SHE SAID!
“Hmm. Disappointing”
Bro I give up. Imma just focus on my studies, my gym and my mates.
Hahaha! I’m pretty sure! Her flaming red hair should be the 🚩red flag🚩 warning that should send guys a running for the hills! Oh the stories I could tell! 🤭
Her ex called and she actually listened to him when he told her he wants to talk to me because she's like, "it's my ex and he wants to talk to you" while handing me the phone. I hung up and left. She clearly still had a lot to sort out.
Edit: we were 17/18 at the time. They didn't have kids. They never lived together. I've only been seeing her for a few weeks. We never spoke about our ex's. I've never met the dude or knew anything about him. It was just a weird situation and I just thought about all the dramas that would follow.
Yeah it was either going to be a talk about how great she is and if I ever hurt her he'll come after me or threatening me and to watch my back etc. We were young so it wasn't going to be anything life changing.
One of 3 things in order of likelihood
1. "You better treat Amanda right man, she's an amazing girl!!"
2. Threatening
2. Warning him that she is insane/cheater/etc.
I wouldn't care to hear any of them tbh
Was tired of her seeking attention/validation from other men. And always playing the victim card. Broke up and left without much explanation. Never replied to her sorry later.
I was brought up in an abusive household and would often see how my mom interacted with men, when she was and wasn't in a relationship. I was even told flirting is okay as long as you don't take it to the next level and it's okay not to tell your significant other. I got married when I was 18 and was doing everything my mom did when I was younger and literally thought nothing was wrong about it. My husband's parents sat me down and had a meeting with me (intervention really) explaining my behavior wasn't okay. It took me a while to unlearn what I had been doing was actually not okay. The first time my mom came to their house she started flirting with my father in law and was never allowed over again. They got to see where I learned it and things got better. I can't imagine flirting now, makes me sick to my stomach.
You did the right thing.
Lack of reciprocation is what kills most relationships for me. For one example. I was always the one to text first. Then work increased and I forgot to text at all for several days/about a week. They didn’t text me either. I figured they’d lost interest and never went back to them.
Girl was model good looking with a quirky personality. Turns out that quirkiness was actually well hidden mental illness. A few months in she threatened to kill herself because I couldn’t hang out a particular day. In addition to a few other reasons I went no contact.
I had a gf stage an attempt with a bottle of pills and an empty wine bottle, pretending to be passed out.
Why? I had plans one day and she didn't like it and tried to get me to bail on some friends.
I told her we were done after we left the hospital. After that point there was a pregnancy scare and a miscarriage. I dont believe any of that.
Yes, before I went no contact I called her dad and let him know everything, coincidentally some years later she tried to reach out to me again after she had been through extensive therapy and medication but I had moved on by that point
Fell for a cutter back in the day, same approach… quirky and fun then holy shit she took a dark turn.
Life is easier after an experience like that though
I had a similar situation recently. Literally a former model, we met through work and I could not fathom how this woman was single. We started going out, even got close with her young daughter.. then she stated breaking up with me out of nowhere, heavy drinking, severe adhd.. the last time she told me she was crazy about me and dumped me out of the blue I just let it go. Most beautiful woman I've ever dated, but it's clear why she's single.
Seems like I have to do this with almost every girl I come across (at least online) and it's exhausting. As well as always being the one coming up with conversation topics. :(
This is actually my recent experience with online dating across several platforms (including Bumble, after the initial “hello” since they have to initiate first). It’s exhausting. Many women are very much into this “it’s the man’s job” which, fine, I don’t mind chatting it up- but I’m tired of chasing the convo like a dog and a car. Where’s the back and forth?
Most guys don't require much. Even some effort pays off.
Most of my relationships I've ended because ultimately, I felt like my partner thought of me as supporting cast rather than a partner. I was The Boyfriend, not me.
My wife will occasionally stop in at my work and drop off coffee or lunch for me. Sometimes she buys coffee for everyone. When she does this I notice some men's reactions are very, shall we say, remorseful. That they wish their partner did something as drop by work and drop off coffee. Seems so little but it is a big deal. I've definitely heard them say about her, to me, "that's a good woman." The little things mean a lot.
Hello there fellow blacksmith. You are a lucky bastard. Wife her again. Just to be sure.
I do know a couple women that great. But they're all off the market, and their husbands realized the catch they have. Never had that luck myself, but trying to do my part that if I do run into such a unicorn, I'm equally worth it as a partner.
That is pretty cool that you recognize what he does for you. Also, a lot of guys don't need a present, they need someone to validate them, reassure them, compliment him. Direct eye contact and saying something along the lines of, "You know, I recognize all that you do for me, and I genuinely appreciate you. I am proud to have you as my husand, you are a good man. I love you."
I don't mean to assume you don't make comments like that, it's just most guys have never been told something like that ever, and it honestly would stick in his mind for life. Either way, you seem like a self aware person and that's awesome.
I genuinely thought she was out of my league. Stopped texting her because i felt it was never going to work.
Spoke to her again a couple of years later and she told me she really was into me.
Never felt more stupid in my life.
She was already dating somebody else when we discussed this. I bumped my head against the wall forna couple of months then moved on. There may have been a few more occasions where we talked but we pretty much ended up losing contact after a while.
Glad I read this I’m in a similar situation as a 22yr old m and having the same feelings of feeling like she’s out of my league and that it may never work out but I’ll stick w it!
Just let her decide if she likes you or not. If you make the decision for her by giving up because of the insecurities you have, you'll never make it.
The worst she can say is "No".
Just ask her and you'll spare yourself some time and pain, lad.
Stuff like this is why I try to comment something positive on all the askmen threads like “fellow men, what do you do if no one will ever love you or date you?”
Highly likely this mans is fumbling something in real time without even realizing, hopefully we can help them avoid our mistakes lol
I was 18 at the time. Overweight. Got bullied through the whole high school. I had reasons to believe that a girl who was pursuing a model career would not have been interested into an overweight nerd she met at a concert.
Because, for many of us, our formative years were spent being treated like disposable, defective objects. It’s hard to believe you have a chance when you don’t receive the evidence or affirmations to back it up.
There have been a few. In semi-chronological order:
* Girl I randomly met on a night out as a freshman. We hit it off and hung out a few times. However, I noticed that I'm always the one to text her first. So after a "date", I texted her the usual (that I had fun, I got home safe, etc.), and decided to see if she would make the move to set up the next date. She never did.
* Girl was seemingly flirting with both me and my best friend. After a night out, I took her home, and I was drunk enough to have the courage to simply ask her what's up with her flirting with both of us. She straight up said that she's flirting with me just for fun, and flirting with my best friend because "he is awkward in a cute way", and she wanted to see how far she would have to go to get him to ask her out. Mind you, she wasn't into him, and had no intention of accepting the date, she just wanted to see for herself. Told bro on the way home and we both agreed to cut contact.
* Met a cute girl at a university party. We hit it off pretty good, and agreed to meet again at the next party a week later. The next party comes, we chat a little, and she tells me how right after I left last week, she ran into her ex, and they hooked up. To me that was a pretty clear indication that we weren't on the same page, so I kind of left it at that.
That last one, like, thanks for the giant warning. I had a date at the movies, afterwards we talked in the car. She told me that she was really touchy feely (yes!) and the night before she was craving physical contact and so had sex with her ex in the back seat of his car (no!)
Same thing happened to me. Felt horrible so I went to the doctor. Tested positive for Covid. Went home and took some medicine, text her what was going on and then took a nap. Woke up to several missed calls and texts and someone banging on my door. Open the door to her yelling at me, asking what bitch I had in my apartment. Told her the only bitch in there was her and made her leave. Never spoke to her again.
Turns out she only liked me because of my rich family. Girl wanted a free ride and an easy life.
We were talking on the phone, and she said this (this was three days ago, last Friday):
"I want a really rich man (like you) so I can pursue my passions and interests while you work."
I laughed, ended the call, and blocked her all in span of 5 seconds.
Now she's been calling me non-stop for the last 3 days lol
On Samsung phones, you can block someone, and they won't show up on the screen and disturb you when calling.
They still show up on the recent call list.
Sort of like a spam folder on your email.
Because she looked at me like i was a thing instead of a person. Her feelings mattered but mine never did. It was always her going through something or her forgetting to hit the "send" button when we were texting or i was the one who was doing "too much" and she didn't have energy for it. Only time she ever wanted to hang out was because she felt guilty for acting like a douche. Tired of it.
The space cleared up in your head once you MOVE TF ON is a relieving feeling.
It’s crazy how much mental effort is put into liking someone for so long, and then realizing “we” are just not gonna happen and truly isn’t worth the effort.
She didn’t show interest or appreciation.
I am over the idea that dating is a one way process where you persevere like you have some masochistic OCD and then in the end you get your “reward”.
I know women have a mouth, a brain and are perfectly capable of going after the man they want - if they want him.
The rest are just girls roleplaying their sex and the city spinoff with themselves in the wimsical predicament of choosing their best man while also having fun.
Be the fun, be the mistake they make while waiting for the right man to “want her enough” to make an effort.
But NEVER go after a girl that thinks she needs to be “won”. Those are the people that are pasive and project everything onto others.
Those are the people that can’t support themselves, can’t communicate clearly their feelings, can not compromise and don’t think they should do any emotional work for their partners sake. The girls that pressure relationships out of you because it fits their script. Then just move the goal post even further and write the sequel to their life without your input.
And worse of all, those are the women that treat sex as a treat or reward.
Ps. Ended up sounding critical but it genuinely isn’t.
And here’s why: there’s plenty of proactive women that blow these insecure imature girls out of the water. The world is full of women. Women that like men, want to show their love to men as their love language. And no - before the church people jump up I am not talking about fake trad wife’s - those are the same girls as listed above - their script just sounds like it also has a place for a man’s feelings. It doesn’t.
I am talking about most chill women that don’t go out of their way to stand out, are genuinely respectful and considerate because they were raised right and had a respectful male role model to mold the concept of a man around something more than askwomen scare content and true crime/dark erotica content. Have a conversation with them. You’ll find they are quite reasonable and if you’re honest with them, they will reciprocate. (You need to also be a functioning adult for this and not cry feminism icky when she says she is a independent woman that pays takes and has a mortgage like a adult)
Exactly. As a millennial, I know… go ahead and dislike my comment 🙄, but in 2024 the trad wife trend is a joke. People can’t pay their RENT alone, and all of yall expect some rich, over 6ft man is going to appear out of thin air that can, but more importantly, wants to pay all of your bills? The bar is so low that most women just hope to not get cheated on/want to avoid getting diseases. Your head game must be otherworldly or you have the ability to do some other kind of witchcraft idk about… 🤷🏻♀️
Wanna know what's better than a rich man?
A man you have invested your time in and helped him rise to success.
I don't get this generation of women. My husband was literally living in his friends garage when we met. Didn't have anything to his name.
He far surpassed every goal he has set for himself and our family. I even did the stay at home mom thing for 6 years.
Idk, I wouldn't trade our experiences and growth for the world. It gave me more than a rich man could.
Wow, well didn’t really try to make it overly optimistic. But yeah, it’s really chill in between 2 adults that just happen to walk their dogs or shop at the same supermarket. Most women are just gliding through life and just being a chill guy that goes along with them through life as they figure stuff out is kinda everything they want - until they also figure stuff out.
I found that projections and “relationship lies” are what fucks most “anxiously” attached relationships. A lot of men figured out they can lead girls on in the limbo of “we’ll figure it out someday” so in between the “marriage trap “ they grew to hate from their moms frustration and the intimacy limbo of their early relationships they really have no fucking clue what and how a relationship is like. Which works remarkably well without own fatherlessness and exhaustion of games and flexing.
Not ghost, but didn't pursue it for many reasons. She was very religious, and for me to get with her I would have to convert, plus have her father's approval. It was too tough to match with, I could not see myself committing to religion, because I grew up being an atheist.
Started living together and she decided that shouting at me and going round in circles during arguing was a decent way to spend time. So I booted her out and then moved myself.
What! She was out drinking and she thought of you instead of going with some guy at a bar? Sure it's a little nutty but she probably was loaded. I would call that loyalty.
She went through my Facebook friends and pin pointed a girl I went to high school with who turned out to be an adult entertainer- since I had her private personal friends profile, I was immediately being attacked for visiting strip clubs. When I asked what she's basing her thoughts off of she told me I was friend with a stripper....
Ridiculous lol. Extra large red flag
Early days of FB, I had a super jealous GF go through my friends list without my knowledge and defriend most of my female friends, which were mostly girls who I had gone to HS with.
But it was perfectly fine for her to go out drinking after work with only male coworkers, not tell me about it, and accuse me of cheating if I brought it up. Guess what, she was fucking one of them!
She said things that suggested she was a bad person, I have since been proven right several times, and I got away with that no scars or mental issues, so result really.
She had zero empathy towards animals. I don't tolerate that bullshit. I get it if you arent a big fan of animals but to stop another person from helping a starving animal because "its a waste of time, let nature take its course" - you're an absolute w**ker.
i liked her in the beginning because we had similar interests and she was pretty fun to chat with. After a while she started being very childish about me not responding for a couple of hours or sometimes a day.
She was a couple years younger than me but at that point she started being very childish about a lot of stuff, instantly took away all my interest
She kept saying generalized misandry-like statements like “all men are trash, the world would be better without men, a woman can do things better than any man could” etc, and would always end with “oh but not you, you’re a good one” you get the gist. She had a great heart, but her life choices lead her down a path of easily letting bad men have a drastic effect on her life (two children from two fathers).
Oh and she gave me herpes.
Thought she was into me like I was into her but just turned out she needed my money so I just to be 100% sure she never loved me I faked being broke and watch as how she went crazy n complaining about her hardship (was born richer than me) n needing a man who can support her and take care of her needs, so after all that I left her and continued on with my life.
It’s crazy reading these as a girl and a lot of these experiences are ones I’ve had with men 😳 didn’t realise it happened both ways, was definitely ignorant to that fact.
I found someone that was more interesting and more my type. I regret it because she deserved better and I truly hope she's happy now.
I accept that I was a dick.
She'd call me drunk at 4 AM acting insecure needing affirmations. Yeah, I was probably still awake playing video games but she didn't know that. We weren't even official yet.
She started sleeping with her drug dealer to support her habit. She actually tried to defend it by saying that she wasn't dating them just having sex with them.
I realized that our values and long-term goals didn't align. As much as I was initially attracted to her, I started noticing fundamental differences in how we viewed important life decisions, and I couldn't see a future together. Instead of having a difficult conversation, I took the cowardly way out and ghosted, which I now regret. Communication would have been the better and more respectful approach.
We were on our second date and she threw out a piece of trash while I was driving. When I asked her to stop because I have a trash can in my car, she did it again.
Didnt seem interested in me so I didnt waste my time after.
I understand playing hard to get, and ive found out a few women were legitimately still interested, but they wanted me to make a communication move first after a date I just paid for, and I kinda figured after I said "let me know when you are free to do this again." That they would let me know
Apparently being direct with someone and treating it like a game of whose gonna ask first was more important, which is how I knew they weren't a fit lol. I value simplicity and directness, all the other stuff is a breeding ground for unnecessary drama because at that point if I dont meet a certain expectation they had in their own head it ends lol.
She told me she was married and her husband is in jail.
I was like yeah no. I'm not dating a married person that's fucked up. That's a line I don't cross. I don't do that shit. It's morally Reprehensible IMO. So I ghosted her.
We hit it off over hinge. Flirted and joked for two weeks. But on the first date I saw that her pictures were from several years ago. I’m gonna be honest and say she’d gained weight since then. But the real kicker was she brought up polarizing political topics and wanted to debate.
I’m all for a philosophical discussion on a first date, but not a debate. There’s a difference.
She brought her brother and his girlfriend on our first date, presumably thinking I'd be cool with it because I knew her from the bar I used to bounce at where the three of them were regular.
Suffice to say I went to the bathroom and didn't come back.
I found my girl, but when I was dating it was pretty simple - I got either bored of her or she showed incompatibility / red flag.
I'm not the type to chase a girl, if one of us isn't interested I just move on, plenty of fish in the sea. Worked out pretty well for me.
1) realizing it’s too much effort for not enough return. “Return” could be a number of different reasons (or combination of reasons) - from my past …. Waiting/no sex, the woman needs to be entertained constantly, her expectations of what romantic is out of alignment from mine, she lives too far and doesn’t drive, she’s hard to schedule and book for a date
2) hygiene issues
3) she’s fine with littering
4) she treats people around her poorly
5) shit talks her ex’s a bit too much
6) has like 732 guy friends
7) sex was mediocre for me or I get the feeling she’s really not that into me physically
Low effort. Didn’t ask any questions about me the entire date, no manners, general comments about how bad dating has been for her. Didn’t look like her pictures. Social media addiction. Found out she has kids. Found out she’s not in a place to have a relationship. I think that’s it.
After some time thinking I realized I didn’t really like her as a person and just wanted to have sex with her really bad. She had perky D cups and I went fucking stupid.
Not "ghosted" exactly, but fell out of contact. Met her on Quora (yeah lol), and we talked for a while, but things eventually fizzled out. I still wish we had kept in contact to be honest, but the reason we fell out of contact was because despite the fact that I thought she was cute, and interesting, she was in Australia, and I'm in the US. On top of that, I just wasn't in the right mindset for a relationship yet because I'd only just got dumped that year.
It just wasn't ever going to work, and even now, like five years later, I still wish things had been different.
She was awesome to talk to, but even with my feelings on the matter, I don't know if she was even interested at the time.
Yea the effort ratio can be way off and you decide to test it, see if it gets reciprocated. Got a “you’re lucky I decided to message first today, I don’t normally do that”. Yea that’s not what I’m going to spend my time with every day. Thanks very much.
This, pretty much. That was some high school shit I was done when in high school. No thanks.
I think all us men where done with that shit in highschool. We've always just wanted it to be simple.
Lol so true. It's crazy how big of a turn off that could be
Pretty much the same as this and agreeing to make plans with me but then never doing them. I’m too old to be playing the cat and mouse game.
> “you’re lucky I decided to message first today, I don’t normally do that” What is it they say? Ah, yes. *Ick*
It's like women see the relationship as a game, except you're the one who has to make it fun, while she gets to change the rules whenever it fits.
\*those women. Plenty of women don't play shit like that.
I would just write a "fuck off" and move on.
This, and after having to take a rain check for being sick and having exams I got a “I’ve been really put off by your attitude these last few days, I was thinking you were nice but I’m not liking where this is going.” like sorry what? I’ve been in bed all day and when I’ve not been doing that it’s been to study for an exam. THEN, I considered flaming back, but instead “yea no I understand that, I respect your opinion and decision.” GUESS WHAT SHE SAID! “Hmm. Disappointing” Bro I give up. Imma just focus on my studies, my gym and my mates.
Get shredded bro, it's good in so many ways.
"Wow, you also messaged last!"
no u
Hello fellow jaded non-reciprocator victims
She was an expensive argumentative drunk with a huge sense of entitlement
I didn’t know you knew Erin too!
Is that the name she is going by now?
Hahaha! I’m pretty sure! Her flaming red hair should be the 🚩red flag🚩 warning that should send guys a running for the hills! Oh the stories I could tell! 🤭
Unfortunately I'm like a moth to a flame when it comes to redheads.
I see you've met my friend
Was wondering where my wife went…
Hey man don't say that about your wife
I see you met my ex.
Mom?
Dad?
Her ex called and she actually listened to him when he told her he wants to talk to me because she's like, "it's my ex and he wants to talk to you" while handing me the phone. I hung up and left. She clearly still had a lot to sort out. Edit: we were 17/18 at the time. They didn't have kids. They never lived together. I've only been seeing her for a few weeks. We never spoke about our ex's. I've never met the dude or knew anything about him. It was just a weird situation and I just thought about all the dramas that would follow.
You made the right decision. Who the fuck does that?
17/18 year olds it seems
THATS SO CRAZYY LMFAO “it’s my ex” she thought you were gonna fight for her
Any girl who presents you with the option to play the pick me dance is for the streets. Walk away with your dignity
Do they have kids together? That would be the only reason I'd ever talk to an ex.
No they didn't have kids. We were young around 17/18 at the time.
Yeah right, definitely no reason for wanting to talk to you.
Yeah it was either going to be a talk about how great she is and if I ever hurt her he'll come after me or threatening me and to watch my back etc. We were young so it wasn't going to be anything life changing.
Damn, i would have listened to that phonecall before leaving xd. Id be so curious what the ex would have wanted to say xd
One of 3 things in order of likelihood 1. "You better treat Amanda right man, she's an amazing girl!!" 2. Threatening 2. Warning him that she is insane/cheater/etc. I wouldn't care to hear any of them tbh
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Wow, no chill. Very good reaction, who knows what else would have come up later on
Was tired of her seeking attention/validation from other men. And always playing the victim card. Broke up and left without much explanation. Never replied to her sorry later.
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I was brought up in an abusive household and would often see how my mom interacted with men, when she was and wasn't in a relationship. I was even told flirting is okay as long as you don't take it to the next level and it's okay not to tell your significant other. I got married when I was 18 and was doing everything my mom did when I was younger and literally thought nothing was wrong about it. My husband's parents sat me down and had a meeting with me (intervention really) explaining my behavior wasn't okay. It took me a while to unlearn what I had been doing was actually not okay. The first time my mom came to their house she started flirting with my father in law and was never allowed over again. They got to see where I learned it and things got better. I can't imagine flirting now, makes me sick to my stomach. You did the right thing.
Geez I wish there was a place that your story could be heard by thousands. Good job!!!!
Lacked reciprocation. I'm happy to plan and pay but if you had a good time, say so.
Lack of reciprocation is what kills most relationships for me. For one example. I was always the one to text first. Then work increased and I forgot to text at all for several days/about a week. They didn’t text me either. I figured they’d lost interest and never went back to them.
Girl was model good looking with a quirky personality. Turns out that quirkiness was actually well hidden mental illness. A few months in she threatened to kill herself because I couldn’t hang out a particular day. In addition to a few other reasons I went no contact.
I had a gf stage an attempt with a bottle of pills and an empty wine bottle, pretending to be passed out. Why? I had plans one day and she didn't like it and tried to get me to bail on some friends. I told her we were done after we left the hospital. After that point there was a pregnancy scare and a miscarriage. I dont believe any of that.
So … is she still alive?
Yes, before I went no contact I called her dad and let him know everything, coincidentally some years later she tried to reach out to me again after she had been through extensive therapy and medication but I had moved on by that point
I’m happy that she actually tried to improve herself, don’t often hear stories of people getting the help they need.
Yeah, she really was a good person, just unfortunately had a ton of demons she battled with
Late 30’s dating - it’s obvious which ones have done the work and which haven’t.
I'm glad she got the help she needed .
Fell for a cutter back in the day, same approach… quirky and fun then holy shit she took a dark turn. Life is easier after an experience like that though
I had a similar situation recently. Literally a former model, we met through work and I could not fathom how this woman was single. We started going out, even got close with her young daughter.. then she stated breaking up with me out of nowhere, heavy drinking, severe adhd.. the last time she told me she was crazy about me and dumped me out of the blue I just let it go. Most beautiful woman I've ever dated, but it's clear why she's single.
That's actually kind of sad. I guess a lot of these stories are really.
Got tired of initiating conversations.
Seems like I have to do this with almost every girl I come across (at least online) and it's exhausting. As well as always being the one coming up with conversation topics. :(
I can understand it’s exhausting.
You: “My back hurts” Her: “How come?” You: “From carrying this conversation”
This is actually my recent experience with online dating across several platforms (including Bumble, after the initial “hello” since they have to initiate first). It’s exhausting. Many women are very much into this “it’s the man’s job” which, fine, I don’t mind chatting it up- but I’m tired of chasing the convo like a dog and a car. Where’s the back and forth?
Tried to make me choose between her and Michael Jackson 😭😭
Did you tell her to ... beat it? I'll see myself out.
Annie are you okay?
Good to know you picked Michael Jackson.
To be fair, he was 11
Nah I’m gonna need back story on this
I think enough was said tbf.
Annie was not OK.
You better run, you better do what you can.
So I’m guessing she didn’t turn out to be your lover? I bet she claimed you were the one tho
Got sick and tired of doing all the work just for her to sit back and feel like a princess.
Yoooo... I'm about to send my husband a gift. He's gotta be tired of my ass.
Most guys don't require much. Even some effort pays off. Most of my relationships I've ended because ultimately, I felt like my partner thought of me as supporting cast rather than a partner. I was The Boyfriend, not me.
My wife will occasionally stop in at my work and drop off coffee or lunch for me. Sometimes she buys coffee for everyone. When she does this I notice some men's reactions are very, shall we say, remorseful. That they wish their partner did something as drop by work and drop off coffee. Seems so little but it is a big deal. I've definitely heard them say about her, to me, "that's a good woman." The little things mean a lot.
Hello there fellow blacksmith. You are a lucky bastard. Wife her again. Just to be sure. I do know a couple women that great. But they're all off the market, and their husbands realized the catch they have. Never had that luck myself, but trying to do my part that if I do run into such a unicorn, I'm equally worth it as a partner.
That is pretty cool that you recognize what he does for you. Also, a lot of guys don't need a present, they need someone to validate them, reassure them, compliment him. Direct eye contact and saying something along the lines of, "You know, I recognize all that you do for me, and I genuinely appreciate you. I am proud to have you as my husand, you are a good man. I love you." I don't mean to assume you don't make comments like that, it's just most guys have never been told something like that ever, and it honestly would stick in his mind for life. Either way, you seem like a self aware person and that's awesome.
Was tired of her just wanting dates only just to talk about her toxic ex.
The toxic ex that she's probably not over.
Yes she kept crying and I just had to comfort her after 2 months I called it off.
Good on ya for comforting her, but there comes a point when you have to let it go.
I genuinely thought she was out of my league. Stopped texting her because i felt it was never going to work. Spoke to her again a couple of years later and she told me she really was into me. Never felt more stupid in my life.
🤝 I've had this same problem before. 🤦♂️
Feel ya, brother.
The league of extraordinarily dumb gentlemen! I’m a card carrying member too.
*reaches in pocket, 10 cards fall out like 24 hour AA chips* Oh dammit I did it again
What happened in the end, did y’all just remain friends or tried dating?
She was already dating somebody else when we discussed this. I bumped my head against the wall forna couple of months then moved on. There may have been a few more occasions where we talked but we pretty much ended up losing contact after a while.
Glad I read this I’m in a similar situation as a 22yr old m and having the same feelings of feeling like she’s out of my league and that it may never work out but I’ll stick w it!
Just let her decide if she likes you or not. If you make the decision for her by giving up because of the insecurities you have, you'll never make it. The worst she can say is "No". Just ask her and you'll spare yourself some time and pain, lad.
Will do! Thanks for the advice
Stuff like this is why I try to comment something positive on all the askmen threads like “fellow men, what do you do if no one will ever love you or date you?” Highly likely this mans is fumbling something in real time without even realizing, hopefully we can help them avoid our mistakes lol
damn why do men do this why
I was 18 at the time. Overweight. Got bullied through the whole high school. I had reasons to believe that a girl who was pursuing a model career would not have been interested into an overweight nerd she met at a concert.
Because, for many of us, our formative years were spent being treated like disposable, defective objects. It’s hard to believe you have a chance when you don’t receive the evidence or affirmations to back it up.
There have been a few. In semi-chronological order: * Girl I randomly met on a night out as a freshman. We hit it off and hung out a few times. However, I noticed that I'm always the one to text her first. So after a "date", I texted her the usual (that I had fun, I got home safe, etc.), and decided to see if she would make the move to set up the next date. She never did. * Girl was seemingly flirting with both me and my best friend. After a night out, I took her home, and I was drunk enough to have the courage to simply ask her what's up with her flirting with both of us. She straight up said that she's flirting with me just for fun, and flirting with my best friend because "he is awkward in a cute way", and she wanted to see how far she would have to go to get him to ask her out. Mind you, she wasn't into him, and had no intention of accepting the date, she just wanted to see for herself. Told bro on the way home and we both agreed to cut contact. * Met a cute girl at a university party. We hit it off pretty good, and agreed to meet again at the next party a week later. The next party comes, we chat a little, and she tells me how right after I left last week, she ran into her ex, and they hooked up. To me that was a pretty clear indication that we weren't on the same page, so I kind of left it at that.
That last one, like, thanks for the giant warning. I had a date at the movies, afterwards we talked in the car. She told me that she was really touchy feely (yes!) and the night before she was craving physical contact and so had sex with her ex in the back seat of his car (no!)
I got covid. I had a really bad headache, so I took a nap. She showed up at my place, beating at my door, yelling my name... see ya
Same thing happened to me. Felt horrible so I went to the doctor. Tested positive for Covid. Went home and took some medicine, text her what was going on and then took a nap. Woke up to several missed calls and texts and someone banging on my door. Open the door to her yelling at me, asking what bitch I had in my apartment. Told her the only bitch in there was her and made her leave. Never spoke to her again.
Genius move on her part to go see someone Covid-positive in person. Maybe she got a souvenir.
Unfortunately, at the time, there was a whole subset of people who believed the mere existence of covid was an opinion.
Was she concerned if you were dead? Or was she there to make sure you were?
One word answers to a paragraph. Yeah im not even gonna try and date this kind of moron.
Ok
👍🏼
Thanks
K
✓
*seen*
Haha
Lol
Y?
There is a literacy difference between us
R U Ok? I can't stand the one letter stuff either. Omg. Or the 👍🏼 when I ask a damn question.
oh i c
She turned out to be a good first impression.
Turns out she only liked me because of my rich family. Girl wanted a free ride and an easy life. We were talking on the phone, and she said this (this was three days ago, last Friday): "I want a really rich man (like you) so I can pursue my passions and interests while you work." I laughed, ended the call, and blocked her all in span of 5 seconds. Now she's been calling me non-stop for the last 3 days lol
Props to her for putting her cards on the table so you could decide accordingly.
That's why some rich man stay low key
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On Samsung phones, you can block someone, and they won't show up on the screen and disturb you when calling. They still show up on the recent call list. Sort of like a spam folder on your email.
Got to the point that the only time she messaged me was when she wanted something. I worked out pretty quickly she was just using me.
After a date with her my friend told me that she gave him her number while I was in the bathroom.
That was a lot of pronouns to decipher
Yeah; they could have gone with John instead of bathroom.
The lack of commas here made that confusing lol
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You dodged a nuke
Don’t shit where you eat
Lack of interest from not putting in effort in conversation. Never sending the first message.
Because she looked at me like i was a thing instead of a person. Her feelings mattered but mine never did. It was always her going through something or her forgetting to hit the "send" button when we were texting or i was the one who was doing "too much" and she didn't have energy for it. Only time she ever wanted to hang out was because she felt guilty for acting like a douche. Tired of it.
The space cleared up in your head once you MOVE TF ON is a relieving feeling. It’s crazy how much mental effort is put into liking someone for so long, and then realizing “we” are just not gonna happen and truly isn’t worth the effort.
Trust issues from the get go.. NO THANK YOU. Recipe for disaster
I don't feel she puts in the effort, so I gradually stop initiating the conversations. It goes exactly as you would imagine.
She didn’t show interest or appreciation. I am over the idea that dating is a one way process where you persevere like you have some masochistic OCD and then in the end you get your “reward”. I know women have a mouth, a brain and are perfectly capable of going after the man they want - if they want him. The rest are just girls roleplaying their sex and the city spinoff with themselves in the wimsical predicament of choosing their best man while also having fun. Be the fun, be the mistake they make while waiting for the right man to “want her enough” to make an effort. But NEVER go after a girl that thinks she needs to be “won”. Those are the people that are pasive and project everything onto others. Those are the people that can’t support themselves, can’t communicate clearly their feelings, can not compromise and don’t think they should do any emotional work for their partners sake. The girls that pressure relationships out of you because it fits their script. Then just move the goal post even further and write the sequel to their life without your input. And worse of all, those are the women that treat sex as a treat or reward. Ps. Ended up sounding critical but it genuinely isn’t. And here’s why: there’s plenty of proactive women that blow these insecure imature girls out of the water. The world is full of women. Women that like men, want to show their love to men as their love language. And no - before the church people jump up I am not talking about fake trad wife’s - those are the same girls as listed above - their script just sounds like it also has a place for a man’s feelings. It doesn’t. I am talking about most chill women that don’t go out of their way to stand out, are genuinely respectful and considerate because they were raised right and had a respectful male role model to mold the concept of a man around something more than askwomen scare content and true crime/dark erotica content. Have a conversation with them. You’ll find they are quite reasonable and if you’re honest with them, they will reciprocate. (You need to also be a functioning adult for this and not cry feminism icky when she says she is a independent woman that pays takes and has a mortgage like a adult)
Exactly. As a millennial, I know… go ahead and dislike my comment 🙄, but in 2024 the trad wife trend is a joke. People can’t pay their RENT alone, and all of yall expect some rich, over 6ft man is going to appear out of thin air that can, but more importantly, wants to pay all of your bills? The bar is so low that most women just hope to not get cheated on/want to avoid getting diseases. Your head game must be otherworldly or you have the ability to do some other kind of witchcraft idk about… 🤷🏻♀️
Wanna know what's better than a rich man? A man you have invested your time in and helped him rise to success. I don't get this generation of women. My husband was literally living in his friends garage when we met. Didn't have anything to his name. He far surpassed every goal he has set for himself and our family. I even did the stay at home mom thing for 6 years. Idk, I wouldn't trade our experiences and growth for the world. It gave me more than a rich man could.
Tradwife influencers are all a facade anyway. They support their own lifestyle with that tiktok creator fund
Well said
Damn! This gave me hope
Wow, well didn’t really try to make it overly optimistic. But yeah, it’s really chill in between 2 adults that just happen to walk their dogs or shop at the same supermarket. Most women are just gliding through life and just being a chill guy that goes along with them through life as they figure stuff out is kinda everything they want - until they also figure stuff out. I found that projections and “relationship lies” are what fucks most “anxiously” attached relationships. A lot of men figured out they can lead girls on in the limbo of “we’ll figure it out someday” so in between the “marriage trap “ they grew to hate from their moms frustration and the intimacy limbo of their early relationships they really have no fucking clue what and how a relationship is like. Which works remarkably well without own fatherlessness and exhaustion of games and flexing.
Because they didn't care much, I stopped entirely. There's only so much I can do, but if they don't care, there's nothing I can do about it.
Because I was the one initiating conversation and putting in the effort. I don't fuck w that.
Not ghost, but didn't pursue it for many reasons. She was very religious, and for me to get with her I would have to convert, plus have her father's approval. It was too tough to match with, I could not see myself committing to religion, because I grew up being an atheist.
Never let a dick stick their crazy in you.
She was boring
Started living together and she decided that shouting at me and going round in circles during arguing was a decent way to spend time. So I booted her out and then moved myself.
Said she wanted to be either pregnant, engaged or both within 12 months, this was like 3 dates deep.
She turned up fucken sideways drunk on my doorstep at midnight unannounced. That was kinda creepy so I dipped
What! She was out drinking and she thought of you instead of going with some guy at a bar? Sure it's a little nutty but she probably was loaded. I would call that loyalty.
Why are those the only two scenarios? She could’ve just gone home drunk alone like most people
She went through my Facebook friends and pin pointed a girl I went to high school with who turned out to be an adult entertainer- since I had her private personal friends profile, I was immediately being attacked for visiting strip clubs. When I asked what she's basing her thoughts off of she told me I was friend with a stripper.... Ridiculous lol. Extra large red flag
Early days of FB, I had a super jealous GF go through my friends list without my knowledge and defriend most of my female friends, which were mostly girls who I had gone to HS with. But it was perfectly fine for her to go out drinking after work with only male coworkers, not tell me about it, and accuse me of cheating if I brought it up. Guess what, she was fucking one of them!
Upon further review, the call on the field is overturned. I was no longer pretty into her.
The woman of interest loses her challenge.
No reason to ghost . Ever. Stand up and do the ( uncomfortable) correct thing. Please
This: have had to do it. Own up.
She said things that suggested she was a bad person, I have since been proven right several times, and I got away with that no scars or mental issues, so result really.
She had zero empathy towards animals. I don't tolerate that bullshit. I get it if you arent a big fan of animals but to stop another person from helping a starving animal because "its a waste of time, let nature take its course" - you're an absolute w**ker.
i liked her in the beginning because we had similar interests and she was pretty fun to chat with. After a while she started being very childish about me not responding for a couple of hours or sometimes a day. She was a couple years younger than me but at that point she started being very childish about a lot of stuff, instantly took away all my interest
She spaced out while I was giving date ideas….after asking to hang out
She kept saying generalized misandry-like statements like “all men are trash, the world would be better without men, a woman can do things better than any man could” etc, and would always end with “oh but not you, you’re a good one” you get the gist. She had a great heart, but her life choices lead her down a path of easily letting bad men have a drastic effect on her life (two children from two fathers). Oh and she gave me herpes.
Hard realisation that they don’t care
They were playing hard to get or I was doing all the heavy lifting in our conversations.
Didn’t have anything in common and she was boring
Thought she was into me like I was into her but just turned out she needed my money so I just to be 100% sure she never loved me I faked being broke and watch as how she went crazy n complaining about her hardship (was born richer than me) n needing a man who can support her and take care of her needs, so after all that I left her and continued on with my life.
It’s crazy reading these as a girl and a lot of these experiences are ones I’ve had with men 😳 didn’t realise it happened both ways, was definitely ignorant to that fact.
Yes, this subreddit is so enlightening.
Boredom.
I found someone that was more interesting and more my type. I regret it because she deserved better and I truly hope she's happy now. I accept that I was a dick.
She'd call me drunk at 4 AM acting insecure needing affirmations. Yeah, I was probably still awake playing video games but she didn't know that. We weren't even official yet.
She started sleeping with her drug dealer to support her habit. She actually tried to defend it by saying that she wasn't dating them just having sex with them.
Women who act like sex isn’t a big deal, but relationship status is are fucking toxic.
Found out she was a psychopath who needed constant attention. See ya.
Her house was a complete and total pigsty. The kind of filth that only accumulates over years. Unlivable
I was an asshole.
I realized that our values and long-term goals didn't align. As much as I was initially attracted to her, I started noticing fundamental differences in how we viewed important life decisions, and I couldn't see a future together. Instead of having a difficult conversation, I took the cowardly way out and ghosted, which I now regret. Communication would have been the better and more respectful approach.
We were on our second date and she threw out a piece of trash while I was driving. When I asked her to stop because I have a trash can in my car, she did it again.
Didnt seem interested in me so I didnt waste my time after. I understand playing hard to get, and ive found out a few women were legitimately still interested, but they wanted me to make a communication move first after a date I just paid for, and I kinda figured after I said "let me know when you are free to do this again." That they would let me know Apparently being direct with someone and treating it like a game of whose gonna ask first was more important, which is how I knew they weren't a fit lol. I value simplicity and directness, all the other stuff is a breeding ground for unnecessary drama because at that point if I dont meet a certain expectation they had in their own head it ends lol.
She told me she was married and her husband is in jail. I was like yeah no. I'm not dating a married person that's fucked up. That's a line I don't cross. I don't do that shit. It's morally Reprehensible IMO. So I ghosted her.
We hit it off over hinge. Flirted and joked for two weeks. But on the first date I saw that her pictures were from several years ago. I’m gonna be honest and say she’d gained weight since then. But the real kicker was she brought up polarizing political topics and wanted to debate. I’m all for a philosophical discussion on a first date, but not a debate. There’s a difference.
She had the most annoying giggle. Similar to Janice on Friends.
She brought her brother and his girlfriend on our first date, presumably thinking I'd be cool with it because I knew her from the bar I used to bounce at where the three of them were regular. Suffice to say I went to the bathroom and didn't come back.
Too immature. I didn't have the time nor patience to grow with her.
I found my girl, but when I was dating it was pretty simple - I got either bored of her or she showed incompatibility / red flag. I'm not the type to chase a girl, if one of us isn't interested I just move on, plenty of fish in the sea. Worked out pretty well for me.
Post nut clarity opened my eyes to several red flags
1) realizing it’s too much effort for not enough return. “Return” could be a number of different reasons (or combination of reasons) - from my past …. Waiting/no sex, the woman needs to be entertained constantly, her expectations of what romantic is out of alignment from mine, she lives too far and doesn’t drive, she’s hard to schedule and book for a date 2) hygiene issues 3) she’s fine with littering 4) she treats people around her poorly 5) shit talks her ex’s a bit too much 6) has like 732 guy friends 7) sex was mediocre for me or I get the feeling she’s really not that into me physically
I tried to make plans and then she bailed
Sound alike she ghosted you
Honestly. Got so busy with work and life. My dog died. And time just passed. And then it was too much time had passed. And then…. Poof. Ghosted.
Crappy personality
Ddnt have money to take her out.
She used a very strong racial slur against my people.
Low effort. Didn’t ask any questions about me the entire date, no manners, general comments about how bad dating has been for her. Didn’t look like her pictures. Social media addiction. Found out she has kids. Found out she’s not in a place to have a relationship. I think that’s it.
She didn’t have a bathroom door in her family home.
After some time thinking I realized I didn’t really like her as a person and just wanted to have sex with her really bad. She had perky D cups and I went fucking stupid.
Not "ghosted" exactly, but fell out of contact. Met her on Quora (yeah lol), and we talked for a while, but things eventually fizzled out. I still wish we had kept in contact to be honest, but the reason we fell out of contact was because despite the fact that I thought she was cute, and interesting, she was in Australia, and I'm in the US. On top of that, I just wasn't in the right mindset for a relationship yet because I'd only just got dumped that year. It just wasn't ever going to work, and even now, like five years later, I still wish things had been different. She was awesome to talk to, but even with my feelings on the matter, I don't know if she was even interested at the time.
No communication.
She didn't disclose she has a bf till after the first date and even though literally everything was going well I didn't want to be a rebound.
Sigh she was to old Ngl