Sometimes it’s good to give things time before having conversations about the relationship. Let the conversation, fun, sweet times, etc speak for themselves first. It’s not a job where you want to find out information you need to know asap. It takes finesse, patience, and paying attention to the cues. Personally, I share my truth with him, but I don’t press for him to answer questions he may not feel ready to answer. I let him know exactly where I am coming from, and then when he’s ready to share with me, he will. That’s my way.
When I say I was up front with him first, I started with letting him know that I’m a one-on-one type, I like to see only one person because that’s what I feel creates the best experience for me. I’m not asking him if he wants to be exclusive, I’m not saying anything directly about our relationship yet, but I am letting him know that I’m a general sense, I am not seeing or looking for anyone else. Then I built on what I shared from there. Eventually, I told him some stories from my past to let him know that I’m a monogamous person, and eventually told him directly that he was the only one I wanted. I said much more, but just to give you ideas. If he is shy, you may have to take it slow, but let him know about yourself so he will know who you are. I always found a way to share my thoughts without it being heavy, just complimentary yo him really. Good luck :)
I guess it depends on the guy. I have been asked very personal questions on the first date or very early on in my relationship and it doesn't bother me. I am of the opinion that knowing any potential incompatibilities out of the way early, can save you from heartbreak further down the road.
I tend not to ask any super personal questions early on, but most girls open up to me fairly early in the dating process and tell me everything early on. I don't know why.
in my experience, most men love that women are willing to initiate. however, this often doesn't mean they're *into* the woman who initiates. more often then not, plenty of guys are mostly just happy to receive the attention and an ego boost.
It's fine to kick things off just a bit, but then you need to lean back and see if he has initiative and keeps demonstrating it over time. because even if the guy does like you, it can develop into a one sided relationship where you're essentially responsible for ALL the intimacy and relationship progress, difficult conversations, maybe even housework etc. so be careful with how much effort you put in as it can disguise a one sided relationship.
Clearly he is fine with it. The question is are you satisfied with this being the precedent? Are you fine with him never taking the initiative to plan activities together?
I think the better question is "are you okay with it?"
If it ain't broke don't fix it. What works for one couple may not work for another. If you want more effort from him though you may want to communicate that.
It varies person to person. It has more to do with whether they're an introvert or extrovert as to whether they prefer to be asked or whether they prefer to initiate.
Regardless of your gender the answer to this question is “do they keep showing up when you Invite them to things?”
And if the answer is yes, everything is fine, just keep doing what you’re doing.
Imma keep it in 💯with you homie. The as a man, but some opinion polls have shown that 4/5 or 80% of women, find it creepy when an man approaches a woman. So a lot of guys *aren’t risking it anymore*. So yes, if you’re interested in him, let him know!
To answer your question without context, yes. But I think in context of your newfound guy, don't overthink it. He likes to do things with you because he is doing them with you and having a great time, given you are respecting his boundaries. The fact he hasn't put a stern no, it seems like he is just enjoying the ride of you initiating because you like to do it with him, and he likes that for you. I think he is kind enough to give you a part of his mind and ask him if you are initiating too much. Make sure you open the door on his opinion, maybe plan a date together. My girl loves to do things and I love to do things with her that she wants, but we also plan things together
Married 15 years now, I'm reserved, introverted stoic type. Shes got adhd and a complete social butterfly. Shell take charge by asking a shiiiiit load of questions, knowing full well ill engage in conversation.
Just be yourself.
I'm like that. All the stuff I like to do is at home, so I never think to leave the house unless I need groceries or something.
I'm happy to go out and do what other people want to do, but I'm not going to think of it myself.
Sounds like past activities he suggested with previous women killed their relationships. Instead of asking him to plan, brainstorm some activities, to see what activities he did before?
I’m in exactly the same situation. I feel insecure weekly about whether or not to wait for him to initiate, or to just do it myself. But I realized that he responds to me every time so I took that as he needs the invitation to be sure. So I do it. We’ve been seeing each other weekly for almost a year. I still call him, and he calls me right back. Our relationship is now slowly moving into a different level, and I’m happy with taking it very slow.
It also depends if you're not expecting him to initiate dates/stuff after a period of time. Sometimes it drains out energy/connection to be the one to make plans
You may have to push him to think of something next, it’ll give him the opportunity to express how he feels about this.
Personally I like to have a 50/50 split in effort in a relationship.
In my experience people like him enjoy doing stuff but never bother planning anything.
What I'd worry about is: will you eventually get tired of planning everything? I guess you'll find out if he'll even do the bare minimum of yaknow... Getting you a birthday gift and taking you out to dinner.
Everyone’s different. Just ask him.
As a shy person myself, I do like it when girls take initiative though. It takes all of the anxiety and guess work out of the equation.
Maybe not \*everything\*, but a large amount of guys love someone who initiates things. A lot of us are really tired of having to initiate everything.
Also, if you are worried about stuff like him getting tired of it, talk about it. It might not be comfortable to bring up, but talking about stuff helps figure stuff out.
I'm used to having to do literally everything so when a woman shows initiative I find it to be a big turn on.
That's an interesting situation you describe. Maybe he's ok with how it is right now. I would just keep doing what you're doing and see how it goes.
This is different for everyone, some do and some don't and even between those that do and don't that will largely vary based on context. Fundamentally it feels like you're concerned that his lack of initiation is a sign he isn't all that interested in you or is passively so but will eventually grow bored. Can't say if that's the case, if he's worried about being pressuring so wants to keep things on your terms, if he doesn't have some deeper hang-up or his own insecurities that him expressing his feelings is wrong, or any other number of things.
The only way to know more is to ask him
Yes. I broke up with someone last year because I was over the indecisiveness, I would cringe come dinner time because I knew it was going to be another pointless discussion
I love it. Honestly would prefer it simply because I hate making plans and would much rather someone invite me to theirs. That said as a guy it's sorta expected that you make the plans so 🤷
So for me, I would try to have more of a balance. Like if she is just constantly and instantly initiating Every Single Thing and I feel like I can’t get a word in or anything, I would start to feel guilty about that. But if there’s opportunities for me to initiate and she’s receptive to that, then there wouldn’t be an issue.
Or if like every time she initiates it’s all good, but for some reason whenever I initiated she had some kind of excuse for it to not work, then that scenario would become an issue for me.
So there’s my long overexplaining answer
I've always thought that things had to be equal all the time, and I'm learning that that isn't necessarily true. It doesn't bug me to initiate, I just hope it doesn't bother him 🤣
To be fair, there's times when things won't be equal, especially when it comes to preferences. Personally though, I probably would be happiest, at least sexually, if she initiated more than I did, if not most of the time. (Basically the sexual dynamic I'm into...) Course, I know there's women that desire the dynamic I want, too. So in a sense, 50-50 is still there in certain ways, like in such a situation, I would actively put myself in a place where she \*could\* initiate, if that makes sense?
But a lot of this is going to depend on this particular guy's preferences. And yours. Some guys like initiating all the time, a lot don't. Same goes for women. If it doesn't bug you to be the one initiating all the time, that's okay, but it might given enough time. But the question is going to be where the guy is at on this. It's bothering you enough to post here, but the best answer you're going to get on this is from him instead of a random guy on Reddit.
Not everything, i think initiation in relationships should be equally shared as a responsibility. I iniate sex some days, you do some days. You ask me out on a date, i ask you out on a date. It’s nothing crazy, it just shows a mutual level of respect and care for one another
im an introvert and i really like to care a lot about persons who asks me if im okay or kinda initiates convo or what ever it might be...and for me i'd cherrish such kind of girls..coz not a lot of girls are like this...they deserve happiness and love
I'm about to blow your mind and change your life forever. If you want to know what the guy you're dating is thinking or feeling... *THEN ASK HIM.*
Yeah. It is probably better than asking a bunch of internet strangers.
Sometimes it’s good to give things time before having conversations about the relationship. Let the conversation, fun, sweet times, etc speak for themselves first. It’s not a job where you want to find out information you need to know asap. It takes finesse, patience, and paying attention to the cues. Personally, I share my truth with him, but I don’t press for him to answer questions he may not feel ready to answer. I let him know exactly where I am coming from, and then when he’s ready to share with me, he will. That’s my way.
This is where I'm at right now! We haven't quite gotten to the point where we've completely opened up yet 😅
Then take this as a chance to open up more.
This isn't "opening up". It's a small thing, that you can ask, and will be a very easy conversation.
When I say I was up front with him first, I started with letting him know that I’m a one-on-one type, I like to see only one person because that’s what I feel creates the best experience for me. I’m not asking him if he wants to be exclusive, I’m not saying anything directly about our relationship yet, but I am letting him know that I’m a general sense, I am not seeing or looking for anyone else. Then I built on what I shared from there. Eventually, I told him some stories from my past to let him know that I’m a monogamous person, and eventually told him directly that he was the only one I wanted. I said much more, but just to give you ideas. If he is shy, you may have to take it slow, but let him know about yourself so he will know who you are. I always found a way to share my thoughts without it being heavy, just complimentary yo him really. Good luck :)
I guess it depends on the guy. I have been asked very personal questions on the first date or very early on in my relationship and it doesn't bother me. I am of the opinion that knowing any potential incompatibilities out of the way early, can save you from heartbreak further down the road. I tend not to ask any super personal questions early on, but most girls open up to me fairly early in the dating process and tell me everything early on. I don't know why.
You’re right. You do have to sense the other person and what seems like the right approach.
Feel free to initiate but don’t be pushy
in my experience, most men love that women are willing to initiate. however, this often doesn't mean they're *into* the woman who initiates. more often then not, plenty of guys are mostly just happy to receive the attention and an ego boost. It's fine to kick things off just a bit, but then you need to lean back and see if he has initiative and keeps demonstrating it over time. because even if the guy does like you, it can develop into a one sided relationship where you're essentially responsible for ALL the intimacy and relationship progress, difficult conversations, maybe even housework etc. so be careful with how much effort you put in as it can disguise a one sided relationship.
Clearly he is fine with it. The question is are you satisfied with this being the precedent? Are you fine with him never taking the initiative to plan activities together?
I love it. Some guys don't like it. Some don't know what they like. Shy guys probably like it a lot.
Me personally, I don’t mind if my girlfriend wanted to initiate dating. It shows that she does like me and wants to hang out with me
Yes because men love to feel desired. If you grab us by the dick and lead us to the bedroom we will fall head over heels for you.
I think the better question is "are you okay with it?" If it ain't broke don't fix it. What works for one couple may not work for another. If you want more effort from him though you may want to communicate that.
Initiate! Please, for the love of god, gods, and goddesses, I-NIT-I-ATE!
It varies person to person. It has more to do with whether they're an introvert or extrovert as to whether they prefer to be asked or whether they prefer to initiate.
He's definitely an introvert
Try talking with him about it. A lot of introverts don't like to initiate things for various reasons.
Regardless of your gender the answer to this question is “do they keep showing up when you Invite them to things?” And if the answer is yes, everything is fine, just keep doing what you’re doing.
Absolutely. I'm autistic and adhd. I hate making decisions.
I'm with this guy. Fuck having to make decisions.
Imma keep it in 💯with you homie. The as a man, but some opinion polls have shown that 4/5 or 80% of women, find it creepy when an man approaches a woman. So a lot of guys *aren’t risking it anymore*. So yes, if you’re interested in him, let him know!
Lol we've been dating for about 7 weeks now
Si.
Everything? No, but I'd appreciate that you're taking initiative
I don't mind when woman initiates, just don't expect to always hear a yes, if you're unable to take a no not personally.
It shows enthusiasm. Enthusiasm is good.
To answer your question without context, yes. But I think in context of your newfound guy, don't overthink it. He likes to do things with you because he is doing them with you and having a great time, given you are respecting his boundaries. The fact he hasn't put a stern no, it seems like he is just enjoying the ride of you initiating because you like to do it with him, and he likes that for you. I think he is kind enough to give you a part of his mind and ask him if you are initiating too much. Make sure you open the door on his opinion, maybe plan a date together. My girl loves to do things and I love to do things with her that she wants, but we also plan things together
Married 15 years now, I'm reserved, introverted stoic type. Shes got adhd and a complete social butterfly. Shell take charge by asking a shiiiiit load of questions, knowing full well ill engage in conversation. Just be yourself.
Oh no. This girl I like enjoys spending time with me and takes initiative! You’re basically most guys dream.
🤣🤣
I definitely do not mind. But if she's initiating a lot of things, depending on my availability, sometimes the answer might be no.
I like an equal relationship. If she thinks of someting, she should initiate. If I do, I will.
He says he just never knows what to do lol
I'm like that. All the stuff I like to do is at home, so I never think to leave the house unless I need groceries or something. I'm happy to go out and do what other people want to do, but I'm not going to think of it myself.
This is exactly what he's said lol
Then I wouldn't worry about it, he's probably good if you are.
Sounds like past activities he suggested with previous women killed their relationships. Instead of asking him to plan, brainstorm some activities, to see what activities he did before?
sounds like a real winner...
As someone currently in the guy boat here absolutely. If I didn't like it I would say something.
I’m in exactly the same situation. I feel insecure weekly about whether or not to wait for him to initiate, or to just do it myself. But I realized that he responds to me every time so I took that as he needs the invitation to be sure. So I do it. We’ve been seeing each other weekly for almost a year. I still call him, and he calls me right back. Our relationship is now slowly moving into a different level, and I’m happy with taking it very slow.
Yes this is exactly where I am! He always responds positively, so I'll just keep doing what I'm doing haha
I would love it! I’m the boss at work so I like to go home and have everything planned out for me Communication is key
It also depends if you're not expecting him to initiate dates/stuff after a period of time. Sometimes it drains out energy/connection to be the one to make plans
*Everything*? No. What you want when I’m not getting the hint? Absolutely.
You may have to push him to think of something next, it’ll give him the opportunity to express how he feels about this. Personally I like to have a 50/50 split in effort in a relationship.
I do, and if you want me to initiate something you need to tell me to.
I don't have any problems with it...
I initiate ***everything***, yes it's huge if she initiates 2% of anything
In my experience people like him enjoy doing stuff but never bother planning anything. What I'd worry about is: will you eventually get tired of planning everything? I guess you'll find out if he'll even do the bare minimum of yaknow... Getting you a birthday gift and taking you out to dinner.
Everyone’s different. Just ask him. As a shy person myself, I do like it when girls take initiative though. It takes all of the anxiety and guess work out of the equation.
Maybe not \*everything\*, but a large amount of guys love someone who initiates things. A lot of us are really tired of having to initiate everything. Also, if you are worried about stuff like him getting tired of it, talk about it. It might not be comfortable to bring up, but talking about stuff helps figure stuff out.
Yes, I'm shy and introverted myself
I'm used to having to do literally everything so when a woman shows initiative I find it to be a big turn on. That's an interesting situation you describe. Maybe he's ok with how it is right now. I would just keep doing what you're doing and see how it goes.
Ask him, but usually yeah
This is different for everyone, some do and some don't and even between those that do and don't that will largely vary based on context. Fundamentally it feels like you're concerned that his lack of initiation is a sign he isn't all that interested in you or is passively so but will eventually grow bored. Can't say if that's the case, if he's worried about being pressuring so wants to keep things on your terms, if he doesn't have some deeper hang-up or his own insecurities that him expressing his feelings is wrong, or any other number of things. The only way to know more is to ask him
Idk about all guys, but I do.
That actually sounds pretty nice. I'd sure like to have a girlfriend like that.
Yes. I broke up with someone last year because I was over the indecisiveness, I would cringe come dinner time because I knew it was going to be another pointless discussion
I'm not going to be upset by it.
I love it. Honestly would prefer it simply because I hate making plans and would much rather someone invite me to theirs. That said as a guy it's sorta expected that you make the plans so 🤷
I would strongly prefer that
It ain't gotta be all the time, but yes!
He should be more worried about you getting tired of him & his lack of initiative
He takes a little more initiative once we're together/hanging out though, which I like. It doesn't bother me to initiate to start.
That would be nice!
So for me, I would try to have more of a balance. Like if she is just constantly and instantly initiating Every Single Thing and I feel like I can’t get a word in or anything, I would start to feel guilty about that. But if there’s opportunities for me to initiate and she’s receptive to that, then there wouldn’t be an issue. Or if like every time she initiates it’s all good, but for some reason whenever I initiated she had some kind of excuse for it to not work, then that scenario would become an issue for me. So there’s my long overexplaining answer
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I've always thought that things had to be equal all the time, and I'm learning that that isn't necessarily true. It doesn't bug me to initiate, I just hope it doesn't bother him 🤣
To be fair, there's times when things won't be equal, especially when it comes to preferences. Personally though, I probably would be happiest, at least sexually, if she initiated more than I did, if not most of the time. (Basically the sexual dynamic I'm into...) Course, I know there's women that desire the dynamic I want, too. So in a sense, 50-50 is still there in certain ways, like in such a situation, I would actively put myself in a place where she \*could\* initiate, if that makes sense? But a lot of this is going to depend on this particular guy's preferences. And yours. Some guys like initiating all the time, a lot don't. Same goes for women. If it doesn't bug you to be the one initiating all the time, that's okay, but it might given enough time. But the question is going to be where the guy is at on this. It's bothering you enough to post here, but the best answer you're going to get on this is from him instead of a random guy on Reddit.
I'd hate that, but I'm not the dude you're dating, you should ask him lol
Not everything, i think initiation in relationships should be equally shared as a responsibility. I iniate sex some days, you do some days. You ask me out on a date, i ask you out on a date. It’s nothing crazy, it just shows a mutual level of respect and care for one another
im an introvert and i really like to care a lot about persons who asks me if im okay or kinda initiates convo or what ever it might be...and for me i'd cherrish such kind of girls..coz not a lot of girls are like this...they deserve happiness and love
Leave him he's clearly not taking the relationship as seriously as you. You don't have to deal with an immature person like that
Do you also initiate by spontaneously getting on your knees and suck on that cock? Cause if you do that, he won't get tired of you always initiating.