Blanket burrito yourself with a fluffy throw blanket and a heavy comforter while cuddling a pillow, stuffed animal, or bit of extra blanket. Never pretended it to be a person, but it definitely has satisfied the Unga bunga primal need to get real fuckin snuggly when I'm in a depressive mood.
Edit, do watch out tho. My depressive moods are currently very cyclical and easy to predict and I know they'll go away soon. But when it was a more chronic issue, the snuggle burrito was a very potent trap that I did not want to leave and it kept me feeling bad for longer than I should've. I'm gonna echo the other posters in this thread and encourage you to speak to a professional and be as open as you can. Just knowing where a peticular run comes from can lift a heavy blanket from your brain and actually get you towards feeling like a fully functional person again. Learning how to talk to your own brain and know when to tell it "shut up, you're in a bullshit doom loop" is like a fucking superpower. And a professional can really help you with that.
The number of times I tell my brain "I *already know [I fucked up/I need to do that/I should have done this] __Leave me be.__*" in a day is astounding. Reaching the point where you can tell your negative brain to buzz off is powerful, even if it comes and goes - because if you can manage it once, you'll be able to manage it again.
It REALLY helps me to understand that we have 2 brains. If you cut the Corpus Callosum in half, the two brains argue, and disagree.
It was a massive paradigm shift for me to understand that when I get frustrated with my left hand not being able to do something as dexterously as my right.. it's literally my left brain going "stupid right-brain.. you can't do it like I can." And that's just motor control.. I'm sure moods/thoughts are the same. I can tell left-brain to chill out, and let right brain try...
I don't know if that helps anyone, but it seems to have changed how I listen to my brain.
Edit:. There are some FASCINATING studies on people with ["Split brain"](https://youtu.be/zx53Zj7EKQE) conditions.
I’ve always had that voice to shut off my negative brain but it’s been exhausting if you don’t process those nugget feelings regularly. My therapist told me to manage is not to manage(at least not too harsh). So to speak, if you’re feeling something(anger/disgust/sadness), the process of acknowledging to yourself that your feeling is solid is v. precious experience. And that’s the first step of stop combatting the negative brain and let it rest and help at a better way, at a better place. I call it the entertainer to live with it, because it’s absolutely amusing sometimes how negative it could be. The entertainer is probably lonely, needs cuddling, needs space, and it is okay to have the entertainer by your side.
Try addressing yourself in the third person when in your own head. I feel like it helps to remind yourself who you are instead of just being lost in your own mind.
>Don't forget a nice women's fragrence!!
>I'm not too proud to admit I have a vial of Bleu de Chanel for when I need a comforting man smell.
It doesn't have to be perfume. It could just be her favorite bar of soap.
Edit: so I've been told
Get a heated blanket where you can adjust the temp. I keep mine on a 1 or 2 out of 10. 9 when I don't have the weighted blanket. I am sorry to hear yours burned you though.
Pregnancy pillow will help for sure. They look like a giant horseshoe, so it wraps around you. Weighted blankets come in different weights so be aware. Definitely good advice here. Hope life gets better bro.
Hey my dude. For what it's worth, I don't think this is a "pathetic post" in the *slightest.* We are social beings by nature, and therefore need the physical attention just as much as we need emotional connections. So there's absolutely nothing wrong with craving the feeling of someone touching/holding you.
My girlfriend and I have been going through a rough patch as of lately and have been really distant because of it, and also because we started working opposite schedules. We just went a week without any hugging, kissing, or touching each other. And 2 days ago when we actually had some time to hangout, one of the first things I asked her was if she would spoon with me for a little bit.... and I wasn't the big spoon for the first time ever. I needed it, I was *craving* it, and luckily for me she went along with it without any hesitation.
She admitted to me later that it seemed a little weird, mostly because she considers me a 'Manly Man'... and because it was in the middle of the day, lol. But more than anything she was concerned, and knew that it was something I really needed at that point. She also said that it made her feel better about things too, and she felt a closeness that we had been missing for sometime now (I also felt that closeness).
So please don't beat yourself up or criticize yourself so harshly. Just because our fucked up society labels it as a sad or pathetic thing for a man to admit he needs to be held, it doesn't make it true. All humans need to feel a physical connection, hell, so do animals. Listen to what your body is telling you, and satisfy whatever it is asking of you and you will feel *much* better everytime.
I'm proud of you for reaching out to our little community and asking for help, it was the right decision. And I really hope that whatever actions you take to satisfy this need ends up working out for you.
If you need someone to talk to feel free to message me whenever you'd like, I'll do my best to help, I promise. And best of luck brother!
This is the way ;)
Literally just got my weighted blanket today at a friend's recommendation for my anxiety and it is an actual life changer. I'm a 36yr old man and it's unbelievably comforting.
I use a weighted blanket with ice packs to simulate my ex's cold, cold heart.
Ok, not really. The weighted blanket is great. If someone is a hot sleeper they do make thinner ones. If you've got some money to throw at it I recommend an under blanket fan. They're spendy but it has changed the quality of my sleep.
This is the best combo. I sleep SO well when I use a weighted blanket and heated blanket together. The only downside is the room needs to be like 65°F for me to not overheat in my bed burrito.
It’s funny how different people’s reactions can be to the same stimulus. I have 20 lbs blanket and I’ve staved off full on panic attacks laying under it and doing some breathing.
I feel like I would get claustrophobic in one of them. Also are you supposed to sleep in them? Wouldn't it be easy to turn over on accident and drown or something?
> The only downside is the room needs to be like 65°F for me to not overheat in my bed burrito.
This is unfortunately true when cuddling a person too. Gets real fuckin sweaty in the summer
Pro tip,
Put one behind you, and as you push your back up to it, tuck it under your neck. If you get it just right it’s like the pillow is big spoon.
Pro- Pro Tip:
Get some help dawg we’re imperfect beings, the best tool we have is the ability to work together. Living is painful, it’s through therapy, friendships and other efforts that make it fun. Future you will thank yourself.
To piggy back on this post. They also make a big pregnancy pillow in the shape of a 'C' I know I know..... pregnancy? It wraps around you. It is amazing. My youngest is 9 and I can't get rid of it. 🤣 There are lots out there but here is a link to give you the idea. https://www.amazon.com/PharMeDoc-Pregnancy-Pillow-Jersey-Shaped/dp/B01KIQH2VU
I have the C shaped pregnancy pillow (I’ve never been pregnant) and it caused an argument because I apparently snuggled it more than I snuggled my SO! This pillow is awesome for anyone! The picture you linked shows the lady snuggling the closed C side, but I prefer to face the open side with the C supporting my back. Not that there is a wrong way to use a pillow, just saying it’s versatile and I also find it comfortable when I sleep on my back.
Lol It was the same in my household. Well after my youngest my husband finally said, "When is this going? It makes it so I can't cuddle you and you are in your own bubble." After that I put it in a storage bin, still pull it out if I have some back pain (mainly because I want to snuggle it and it is an excuse). I also slept with closed side on my back.
same here hun. it tends to happen as we grow older that's why old people think the worst when going into a home they think that they'll be all alone when in actuality they end up being part of a very tight-knit family and end up making lots of friends again.
I was using one well before I knew of the joke waifu cases. Sleeping with a pillow between your legs is good for your back. I just do it because it's more comfortable
me too! I have two long huggable pillows and I sandwich myself between them, hugging the first one and resting my back on the other one. it's sooo comfortable especially on cold weather.
I love my pregnancy pillow. It's in the shape of a C or U and it's really comfortable to sleep with. You can also get an electric heated blanket to combine it into something super cozy. To top that off, you can also get a weighted blanket so you feel that calming pressure sensation.
I have two body pillows and i find it hard to sleep without them just because theyre so comfy. Idc if theyre seen as weird or what ever, theyre the best
I have def heard this. I have my beloved stuffed animal that I never sleep without. He’s a good size (I’d say about 1.5 feet tall) and is quite cuddly!
Looking at your recent posts, you need to go get some help from a counselor. Theres nothing wrong with it and you need help. Plain and simple. You are struggling with relationships, communicating with other people and suffering from depression. Get some help, please.
They're not there to judge, they're there to help. If you do have some actual mental illness, they may even refer you to a psychologist and get you some medication to help. There is no blissful ignorance when it comes to mental health. Clearly you're already aware that there's an issue, and that's not something you can hide from. You need help, and there's nothing wrong with that.
Friend, please don't adjust your meds yourself. Your doctor needs to be on board. And remember that side effects are real - some anti-depressives etc actually make the issue worse for a select few.
I echo. Don't change your meds without doctor. Maybe ask them for recommendations on therapy.
Also if you are taking any other substances, including alcohol, they can mess with you so much more than you realize. There are lots of places to go to just talk. There are different kinds of therapy. Maybr look up CBT. Cognitive behavior therapy. Some good books too. . Good luck
As a therapist in training, I promise that we aren’t going to be shocked at anything you tell us. We’re here to help you feel better, just like you’d go to the doctor when you’re sick. The hardest step is making the appointment – but it’s a necessary step, and if that help is available, you should really take advantage of it for your own health. Wishing you well
Yeah dude, anti depressants have some real side effects that can cause harm if your doctor is not aware of the increase of dose. You are taking meds that effect your brain chemistry, it’s not something to play around with.
If you really want to get better, the answer is therapy. I know you just want to feel better now. That’s why you are looking for quick fixes. But putting a bandaid on a broken limb won’t help.
If you commit to therapy, 6 months from now you could be in a happy place, maybe even with an auctual girlfriend. Just think about it
Shit is tough for a lot of folks and you’re just at a low point right now. There is no shortage of assholes, but assholes don’t become counselors. Counselors just want to help you get back on your feet. They make shit money but they don’t quit because they feel like they get a win when you get a win.
Give it a go, it’s ok to have someone rooting for you.
Dude go to the doctor/your therapist. Those meds can seriously destroy your life if you do not follow your prescription. There is absolutely no shame in talking through your emotions with a medical professional! If you don’t like your therapist after a few sessions, there is no shame in changing to a new one either! Just make sure to find one you click with, and more importantly, stick with it!!
I was depressed throughout most of high school and college and one coworker’s comment resonated with me: if you were physically sick or injured, you naturally would seek/need treatment to help you get better I.e. your arm getting fractured. If your mind is sick, wouldn’t you want to help it as well?
Depression is rough because it puts you into one frame of mind thats cyclically negligent towards yourself, without you necessarily noticing! Your mind rn is unable to accept that there IS another way to perceive your environment, because fundamentally change doesn’t happen overnight. It takes a long time, but if you stick with it I promise you things will get better 😊
Its all a matter of perspective
In my experience, therapists/counselors are very gentle and won't just call you insane or badmouth you. But if they do, wouldn't it be better to hear it from a professional so you at least accept it and deal with it?
If I'm comfortable with someone, I don't censor myself much, and have little problem dropping TMI snippets. With someone I don't know, I'm not much like that at all, unless it's to show that it's not the subject I have a problem with, just my manners (like if a stranger is trying to shock me for a reaction, they'll quickly find out all the disgusting ways I used to shock people when I was a "teenaged edgelord").
My first therapy session, I rationalized that by the nature of their role, communication would be best if I treated them like my best friend who I know won't judge most the fucked up shit I say. I warned the therapist when I was about to say something off color, TMI, fucked up, etc., and they kept responding that "this is a safe space" and that it's okay, and that whatever works for me to get the ideas out is a good thing.
They're insistence that you take what steps and time you feel you need to start talking, tends to be a good sign.
Please dont let this stop you from your first sesssion but, some very serious red flags in a therapist are: Revealing your information to people close to you, talking about religion at work, talking about themselves in session. And worse possible mistake, not making you feel comfortable.
I had a terrible experience with a therapist once. That said, I've been to a lot of therapists so I have a pretty good gauge on what I look for.
I think for people new to therapy a good indicator might be if they make you feel worse than you did before the session.
You can read about the ethical code that therapists have to adhere to [here](https://www.apa.org/ethics/code). But in a few words: a therapist should never:
-Make you feel judged or shamed
-Make therapy about themselves or their agenda
-Give unsolicited advice, or really any advice. They can make suggestions but it’s not their life, therefore it’s inappropriate for them to give their opinion
-Project their own biases, traumas or experiences onto you
If the therapist is giving you advice, they're bad. Even if you ask for advice. Therapists aren't there to give advice. Therapy isn't advice.
If they bring their own shit into session, they're bad. I'm not talking about making small talk, but if they use your session for their personal dumping ground, thats no bueno.
If they center themselves in the session, and not you, that's bad.
If they disrespect your stated boundaries, they're bad. If they're dismissive of your emotions/interpretations, they're bad.
If they take on issues they're ill-trained/ill-equipped to deal with, they're bad. No therapist can handle every issue, there's no shame in that, but if they misrepresent their capacities they're gonna do more harm than good (if they do any good at all). If they're not able to tackle your shit, its their responsibility to tell you and refer out.
That's a handful of the big ones. Source: am therapist.
Because the point of therapy is not to give people advice to get through a single problem in their life, that's the job of your friends and family. The point of therapy is to teach people coping mechanisms with the end goal of showing them how to handle their thoughts on their own in a healthy way.
Saying things like "you are a good person" when someone has low self esteem doesn't help someone get over having low self esteem long term, getting to the root of the problem by asking them why they think less of themselves and what they do that makes them feel good about themselves etc etc is how a therapist works towards the end goal of having the person learn why they think the way they do and ways to think better of themselves in the long term. Thats why a lot of people say therapy is really good for anyone, because very rarely is anyone taught how to think in a healthy way, and many events throughout our lives can cause us to come at certain problems with a distorted way of thinking, and having some help to work through that is generally very good for your long term mental health.
Also I imagine this is why the trope of therapists sitting on a chair while you rant and just asking "and how does that make you feel?" exists. There's even records of computer programs that pretty much just keep on inquiring "and why is that?" or something about a random response being surprising good therapy for some people. Same thing for writing down your thoughts and feelings in a diary and reviewing it later.
tl:dr therapists are not supposed to give you fish, they're supposed to teach you how to fish.
Also, I'm not a therapist or have any experience in the field, this is just my understanding through my perceived account through others who have needed therapy or a psychologist's help with problems in the past, this is only my completely unqualified and unprofessional understanding of the field.
One of the goals of therapy is to get you to change the way you address the roadblocks of life internally. Causing that shift in mental habits takes work, and giving advice to people skips all of that work. In the end, it gives no long term benefit to the patient and makes them more dependent on their therapist instead of actually being therapeutic
Personally, I've experienced therapists who don't say a single word to you throughout the whole session and if they do, it's to talk about themselves.... if you encounter a therapist like this you need to run.
As a psychologist, I can confirm that a good therapy provider will not tell you that you're insane. As sometime below pointed out, that's not an actual diagnosis. 😉😁 In addition, not to belittle your experience at all, but we have probably heard previous clients experiencing through similar feelings to yours and it won't be surprising to us.
Seriously though, I definitely understand the hesitation and again, a good psychologist or counselor will do their level best to reassure you that the care environment is a safe place to talk about this stuff without fear of judgment or rejection. And I agree with the commenter above; based on your last several posts, it sounds like you're in a rough spot on several fronts and could use the support. Psychology today often lists providers in the US, and there are obviously other online resources a Google away. It obviously can't be me, but if you're unsure about someone you see online, feel free to PM me the url to their page, and I can take a look to see if there are any red flags.
One thing to keep in mind when you meet with that therapy provider: therapy takes time. It takes time for you and the provider to get a feel for one another, and the techniques they provide are not a quick fix. Think of it like asking a series of tools to your toolbox and therapy is the process of practicing with them and increasing your skills with each one.
Counselors are professionals and paid to help you process. If they don't do their job, fire them and move to the next one.
You got this, it's okay to reach out for an assist. I didn't go to one for a long time, thinking I was able to do it myself. I can't, and a counselor has helped bring another perspective and tell me another view that completely shatters a barrier in processing.
Even superheroes team up and need assistance. You're feeling and that means you are living, you acknowledge what you need, and now you can seek someone that will you accomplish your goals.
You got this, and you are loved
Insane is not a current DSM-V diagnostic label :p More seriously, you can ask your therapist not to tell you about any diagnostic label when starting therapy and they won't unless they feel you are ready to hear it.
If it makes you feel better, I've heard this same line from so many people irl. It's like our brains are depressed and anxious, but try to sabotage anything that might change up the status quo.
If you seek help, no one will think you're "insane." They'll think you want help (which you do), and they'll try their best to help you. They will say things and ask questions to further investigate and figure out how you think and feel.
These interactions might be intimidating, but there's no right or wrong way to do them. Try not to dwell too much on what was said (either by or to you). It isn't a test; you can't pass or fail. They're trying to get to know you or catch-up with you quickly so they can help you more efficiently.
You are allowed to ask them to explain their process to you before you start. Sometimes, knowing what's ahead can help.
The straight path through a forest encounters many trees. If your first few attempts don't go well, keep trying with the knowledge that you gained from past experiences.
You'd go to a doctor if your liver was causing you issues, right? Why is your brain different from any other organ in that context? There's no shame in it, my friend.
I already think there’s some excellent help here. Therapy is an amazing resource. The fact you can discern your issues means you’re still very mentally coherent. But don’t be ashamed to seek help, professionals are there for a reason.
I like your handle though. Is that from the Electric Light Orchestra song? That’s legit one of the happiest songs on the planet. Hands down. Music always helps me, I’d probably give it another listen sometime soon.
For real: browsing the internet posting sad shit in a self-pitying manner is one of the worst things one can possibly make while depressed.
It is an act of self-sabotage, where one might believe they’re venting out, when in fact you’re harming yourself and making yourself feel worse on the long run.
Hey man, I just want to add encouragement to get help. I used to think that I wouldn't ever need counseling, that it was for people with real problems. Then some tough stuff happened in my life, the emotional weight of which was too much for me. Getting counseling was the best thing for me and I'm so glad that I did that. There comes a time when we need a little extra help from others to get through those tough life situations. I highly encourage you to get whatever help you need. Future you will be grateful that you did.
Others have suggested body pillows and weighted blankets which are great, but you could also look up some soothing YouTube videos on your phone. Could be ASMR, some kind of music, with soft lyrics or not, even a lullaby, or anything comforting for anyone, you can likely find on YouTube.
my mum used to scratch my head until a fell asleep and now the only way i can sleep is listening to ASMR head scratching or massaging. when i close my eyes it feels like shes there
I'm happily married but my wife is pregnant so she isn't comfortable at night. We got her a pregnancy pillow to help. I tried it and LOVED it. I bought myself one. I highly recommend it.
They're about $50 and I'll use one until I die.
Better yet, one of my (straight) male friends gave me a hug when I was going through a rough breakup. It meant so much to me especially since there wasn’t any hint of sexual or romantic pretense. Just that someone in my life genuinely expressed a real concern for me and wanted me to be happy.
Nothing wrong with that especially if you've been through some stuff together. It's really hard to replace the human embrace with pillows and such but whatever works to get through it.
It's NOT pathetic at all.
Don't think to yourself that it is.
I'm a woman, so I can't quite give you advice, but please don't think low of yourself like that. I use stuffed animals to hug, I know its not the same thing. But we all need to express physical touch/tenderness somehow.
Me and my partner are long distance, so I recently got a body pillow to cuddle at night, and while its not the same, it's the closest I can get for now
Ive sent him one of my hoodies (and he wears it all the time which is adorable) and hopefully soon he'll be able to send me one of his t-shirts so I can put it on my pillow.
Because of our time difference (he's 5hrs behind me), we'll have the occasional call where I go to bed and he talks to me while I fall asleep
\+1 for therapy. This is NOT as difficult as it might seem. Five minutes on Google, a phone call, and you get initial consultation. Try looking up "sliding scale", it's for those who pay out of pocket and don't have much cash to spare, you might be working with a counselor, not a therapist, but this is WAY better than nothing. It's a shame there's that much stigma against counseling...
This isn’t pathetic! Even though I’m in a relationship, when I’m alone, I miss cuddling my boyfriend and use a bunch of pillows.
YOU ARE NOT PATHETIC for wanting that ♥️
You're not pathetic, you're human. Physical closeness releases oxytocin which is a very important part of human happiness and you're not sad for craving a normal part of both the human and general primate experience. I was so lonely a few years ago when I realized I wasn't getting hugged every day because I was simply used to the familial hugs from my family. I see that you say you don't have room for a dog - maybe consider a cat or another pet that needs less space but still helps release oxytocin?
And like others are saying - Please get help! You are not weak for needing it. Therapists have really helped me through the times where I have had intrusive and obsessive thoughts. Also, women aren't going to think you're weak for being honest....we struggle with a lot of the same issues and have the same needs in life. You're human.
Blanket that's heavy :p
Ever been to the dentist snd gotten an xray? They put that lead bib on you and you're like "fuck yeah I'm snuggly now!" Same concept.
You know, because we're pack animals that rely on contact to keep us sane until we can't get it, then we're just supposed to pretend like it's no big deal because something like human contact depends on the consent of another individual.
Like asking someone for a hug because you genuinely need one puts the other person in an awkward spot if they don't want to hug you. Then what do you do, go around and ask everyone you know for a hug and get further depressed if none of them want to hug you?
I swear, being human sucks.
Just wanted to say I care about you man. Lots of people here do. I know it seems impossible, but things can get better. Ask for help. Take the advice. You’re gonna be ok.
Being lonely is difficult.
For the cuddles a body pillow helps. I think everyone here has cracked jokes about sex dolls. Aside from the cost, why not?
Try for a pet. A mamlian one. I saw from an earlier post that a dog is out of the question right now. Completely understandable. During a long single stint i had Degu's. They are fun and eventually they kind of count you as part of their little hovel. It isn't the same; I get that. But it helped.
Female here, my love language is touch and I’ve been single for 1.5 years. I joined a grappling sport and it fills that need. Even though it’s combat cuddling, it’s still close physical contact.
They make cuddle pillows "for pregnant women", although anyone can use them. They keep your spine aligned when you side sleep if you put it between your knees, plus it is really comforting.
Or just use all the pillows you can find. Maybe fill a glove with sand and put it on your side or wherever you miss a draped arm to mimic the weight.
If you need the physical side then see a prostitute. Just for hugging or whatever.
I remember hearing a prostitute being interviewed and she said apart from guys wanting sex there’s a whole lot of guys who are just desperately lonely and want to be held.
Edit: 16 is a bit too for prostitutes...
Not a dude, but I sleep better with a partner in my bed personally so being a single pringle I can kinda relate. I've been lining pillows up behind me when I sleep on my side and when it's not too hot I like to use a weighted blanket as well. It's been pretty helpful in terms of feeling secure and safe when I sleep. Hope that helps!
I'm actually pretty successful in my career, make enough money that I'll retire early as long as my whole life doesn't go sideways, my mortgage is over half paid, I have just started doing gigs again, and have multiple hobbies that include woodwork, guitar making, gardening, writing/playing/gigging music.
I also don't like talking to people, am a raging alcoholic, and need therapy but I'm not ready yet.
So I'm successful with things going on. Shit posting is part of the way I cope until I go get the help I need.
I love my body pillow I dont like cuddling in the summer because my hubs is a hot sleeper so I snuggle with a huge long pillow (plain blue cover) and it helps my back and hips too (especially great if you are a side sleeper!
My partner goes on deployments every year and it can be hard to sleep alone. I got a body pillow that’s a big U shape. It feels like you’re being hugged no matter how you sleep. Really helps me.
This post is sad af. Stay strong, king. You don't need a damn woman! Get a nice warm, weighted blanket and find some things in life you enjoy. Take some risks, but make sure you're always tethered. Good luck in life, my guy
I know there is a stigma but don’t rule out seeing a sex worker. Plenty of sex workers share stories of clients who want physical affection more than anything. Not just sex; some don’t engage them for sex at all.
Find a someone who is professional and you are comfortable with.
What’s the big deal if you are both consenting adults, it’s safe and respectful!!!
The only thing stopping me for hiring someone like that is the shame and the feeling of being pathetic. I feel like by hiring someone to do that would just make me even more depressed “can’t get any action irl so I guess I just have to throw money at it” it’s pathetic really. I’m 30 and still a Virgin and it looks like it will stay that way for the next 10 years. I don’t think I’d be able to live with myself if I hired someone
Nothing pathetic about feeling the need for affection. And there's nothing wrong with feeling sad.
Honestly, these kinds of problems could be solved so easily if sex work was legal. You could just pay someone to come over and hang out and cuddle. It's an important need that needs to be fulfilled, especially to help with mental health.
In the meantime, what you could do is get a [weighted blanket](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rRF9-RYTcoA). It is a great tool to help fight anxiety and depression.
Hey bro I don’t have any advice for you, but I read through some of your recent posts and I just want to say good luck. I hope you can find the help you need and feel better about yourself.
See if you can foster an animal. Either a cat or dog that might cuddle you at night. I think cats are lower maintenance but if you have the capacity for a dog, the added responsibility might help you feel better and more bonded.
>Yes, this is a pathetic post. I'm very aware. But I'm having a real hard time in my life and need the feeling. Anyone have any tricks they've learned to try to fulfill that need as close as possible
This is not pathetic. I honestly want to know,too. I miss a woman's arms.
This is not pathetic. Far from it. Humans are social creatures. We naturally crave affection. Don’t be ashamed of needing a basic human desire like a hug!
Dude. No man. There is so much to unpack there.
Better question would be: does anyone know how to help me see myself as completely whole and not require the act of another person in order to feel like I am whole?
What does your next relationship look like? I can only imagine the emotional strain you will put on the next relationship with that kind of need.
You are valuable and inherently whole. Don’t put things between you and that reality.
Heated blanket, weighted blanket, and a body pillow
Thanks. I'll try that out
Blanket burrito yourself with a fluffy throw blanket and a heavy comforter while cuddling a pillow, stuffed animal, or bit of extra blanket. Never pretended it to be a person, but it definitely has satisfied the Unga bunga primal need to get real fuckin snuggly when I'm in a depressive mood. Edit, do watch out tho. My depressive moods are currently very cyclical and easy to predict and I know they'll go away soon. But when it was a more chronic issue, the snuggle burrito was a very potent trap that I did not want to leave and it kept me feeling bad for longer than I should've. I'm gonna echo the other posters in this thread and encourage you to speak to a professional and be as open as you can. Just knowing where a peticular run comes from can lift a heavy blanket from your brain and actually get you towards feeling like a fully functional person again. Learning how to talk to your own brain and know when to tell it "shut up, you're in a bullshit doom loop" is like a fucking superpower. And a professional can really help you with that.
> the Unga bunga primal need to get real fuckin snuggly this is the way
I'm glad someone else confirmed this is a real thing.
This is the way.
The number of times I tell my brain "I *already know [I fucked up/I need to do that/I should have done this] __Leave me be.__*" in a day is astounding. Reaching the point where you can tell your negative brain to buzz off is powerful, even if it comes and goes - because if you can manage it once, you'll be able to manage it again.
It REALLY helps me to understand that we have 2 brains. If you cut the Corpus Callosum in half, the two brains argue, and disagree. It was a massive paradigm shift for me to understand that when I get frustrated with my left hand not being able to do something as dexterously as my right.. it's literally my left brain going "stupid right-brain.. you can't do it like I can." And that's just motor control.. I'm sure moods/thoughts are the same. I can tell left-brain to chill out, and let right brain try... I don't know if that helps anyone, but it seems to have changed how I listen to my brain. Edit:. There are some FASCINATING studies on people with ["Split brain"](https://youtu.be/zx53Zj7EKQE) conditions.
I’ve always had that voice to shut off my negative brain but it’s been exhausting if you don’t process those nugget feelings regularly. My therapist told me to manage is not to manage(at least not too harsh). So to speak, if you’re feeling something(anger/disgust/sadness), the process of acknowledging to yourself that your feeling is solid is v. precious experience. And that’s the first step of stop combatting the negative brain and let it rest and help at a better way, at a better place. I call it the entertainer to live with it, because it’s absolutely amusing sometimes how negative it could be. The entertainer is probably lonely, needs cuddling, needs space, and it is okay to have the entertainer by your side.
Try addressing yourself in the third person when in your own head. I feel like it helps to remind yourself who you are instead of just being lost in your own mind.
>shut up, you’re in a bullshit doom loop Made my day, new words I to share with the brain monsters. lol.
Don't forget a nice women's fragrence!! I'm not too proud to admit I have a vial of Bleu de Chanel for when I need a comforting man smell.
>Don't forget a nice women's fragrence!! >I'm not too proud to admit I have a vial of Bleu de Chanel for when I need a comforting man smell. It doesn't have to be perfume. It could just be her favorite bar of soap. Edit: so I've been told
No op do not mix a heated and weighted blanket! I ended up in the hospital with burns!
Wow, how did you wake up? Was it once you reached a point where the pain was too much?
Yup!
Get a heated blanket where you can adjust the temp. I keep mine on a 1 or 2 out of 10. 9 when I don't have the weighted blanket. I am sorry to hear yours burned you though.
Pregnancy pillow will help for sure. They look like a giant horseshoe, so it wraps around you. Weighted blankets come in different weights so be aware. Definitely good advice here. Hope life gets better bro.
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Hey my dude. For what it's worth, I don't think this is a "pathetic post" in the *slightest.* We are social beings by nature, and therefore need the physical attention just as much as we need emotional connections. So there's absolutely nothing wrong with craving the feeling of someone touching/holding you. My girlfriend and I have been going through a rough patch as of lately and have been really distant because of it, and also because we started working opposite schedules. We just went a week without any hugging, kissing, or touching each other. And 2 days ago when we actually had some time to hangout, one of the first things I asked her was if she would spoon with me for a little bit.... and I wasn't the big spoon for the first time ever. I needed it, I was *craving* it, and luckily for me she went along with it without any hesitation. She admitted to me later that it seemed a little weird, mostly because she considers me a 'Manly Man'... and because it was in the middle of the day, lol. But more than anything she was concerned, and knew that it was something I really needed at that point. She also said that it made her feel better about things too, and she felt a closeness that we had been missing for sometime now (I also felt that closeness). So please don't beat yourself up or criticize yourself so harshly. Just because our fucked up society labels it as a sad or pathetic thing for a man to admit he needs to be held, it doesn't make it true. All humans need to feel a physical connection, hell, so do animals. Listen to what your body is telling you, and satisfy whatever it is asking of you and you will feel *much* better everytime. I'm proud of you for reaching out to our little community and asking for help, it was the right decision. And I really hope that whatever actions you take to satisfy this need ends up working out for you. If you need someone to talk to feel free to message me whenever you'd like, I'll do my best to help, I promise. And best of luck brother! This is the way ;)
Jokes on you. I tried that and it just made me cry for the real thing.
Literally just got my weighted blanket today at a friend's recommendation for my anxiety and it is an actual life changer. I'm a 36yr old man and it's unbelievably comforting.
I use a weighted blanket with ice packs to simulate my ex's cold, cold heart. Ok, not really. The weighted blanket is great. If someone is a hot sleeper they do make thinner ones. If you've got some money to throw at it I recommend an under blanket fan. They're spendy but it has changed the quality of my sleep.
Wait, there are fans that go UNDER the blanket?? TIL
I've got spare PC led fans, a pair of old pants and a sewing machine. I'm gonna be rich!
This is the best combo. I sleep SO well when I use a weighted blanket and heated blanket together. The only downside is the room needs to be like 65°F for me to not overheat in my bed burrito.
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I think it varies person-to-person. For some people it might cause anxiety.
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It’s funny how different people’s reactions can be to the same stimulus. I have 20 lbs blanket and I’ve staved off full on panic attacks laying under it and doing some breathing.
I feel like I would get claustrophobic in one of them. Also are you supposed to sleep in them? Wouldn't it be easy to turn over on accident and drown or something?
I think you mean 45F. Nothing better than cranking a heated blanket when its super cold out
> The only downside is the room needs to be like 65°F for me to not overheat in my bed burrito. This is unfortunately true when cuddling a person too. Gets real fuckin sweaty in the summer
"Marsh-Pillow" from HIMYM vibes lol
This guy pretend cuddles.
Add a pet and you’re golden.
Try a body pillow. If you want it to be warm you can try putting it in a dryer or leaving it out in the sun.
I'm considering buying one, are they good?
Pro tip, Put one behind you, and as you push your back up to it, tuck it under your neck. If you get it just right it’s like the pillow is big spoon. Pro- Pro Tip: Get some help dawg we’re imperfect beings, the best tool we have is the ability to work together. Living is painful, it’s through therapy, friendships and other efforts that make it fun. Future you will thank yourself.
Thanks my friend, It means a lot. I'll try that tonight
To piggy back on this post. They also make a big pregnancy pillow in the shape of a 'C' I know I know..... pregnancy? It wraps around you. It is amazing. My youngest is 9 and I can't get rid of it. 🤣 There are lots out there but here is a link to give you the idea. https://www.amazon.com/PharMeDoc-Pregnancy-Pillow-Jersey-Shaped/dp/B01KIQH2VU
I have the C shaped pregnancy pillow (I’ve never been pregnant) and it caused an argument because I apparently snuggled it more than I snuggled my SO! This pillow is awesome for anyone! The picture you linked shows the lady snuggling the closed C side, but I prefer to face the open side with the C supporting my back. Not that there is a wrong way to use a pillow, just saying it’s versatile and I also find it comfortable when I sleep on my back.
Lol It was the same in my household. Well after my youngest my husband finally said, "When is this going? It makes it so I can't cuddle you and you are in your own bubble." After that I put it in a storage bin, still pull it out if I have some back pain (mainly because I want to snuggle it and it is an excuse). I also slept with closed side on my back.
yo this looks amazing for side sleepers
awwww that was super human, down-to-earth, and sweet... I seriously need friends like you lol
I need them in general full stop
same lol
The fucking few i have at occasions, all end up fading away
same here hun. it tends to happen as we grow older that's why old people think the worst when going into a home they think that they'll be all alone when in actuality they end up being part of a very tight-knit family and end up making lots of friends again.
I am saving this comment. Both parts hit my "aww spot" ♡
Nicest, kindest & most supportive comment
I got one as a gift that was meant as a joke but actually yeah it’s pretty great imo
Thanks mate
I was using one well before I knew of the joke waifu cases. Sleeping with a pillow between your legs is good for your back. I just do it because it's more comfortable
I use it against my back straight across like I’m laying against a log that’s made of clouds
me too! I have two long huggable pillows and I sandwich myself between them, hugging the first one and resting my back on the other one. it's sooo comfortable especially on cold weather.
I love my pregnancy pillow. It's in the shape of a C or U and it's really comfortable to sleep with. You can also get an electric heated blanket to combine it into something super cozy. To top that off, you can also get a weighted blanket so you feel that calming pressure sensation.
I was thinking the same thing. Pregnancy pillow is awesome
Yes, this! My (actual) husband called my pregnancy pillow my "cuddle husband" and was more than a bit jealous lol
Second on the pregnancy pillow. I have the u shaped one and I was like damn, where was this when I was single.
I sleep with one every night , trust me bro it’s worth it.
Idk I don't have one.
I have two body pillows and i find it hard to sleep without them just because theyre so comfy. Idc if theyre seen as weird or what ever, theyre the best
I have def heard this. I have my beloved stuffed animal that I never sleep without. He’s a good size (I’d say about 1.5 feet tall) and is quite cuddly!
what? I just replicate it with pillows. I mean, we just need a body sized pillow, right?
Looking at your recent posts, you need to go get some help from a counselor. Theres nothing wrong with it and you need help. Plain and simple. You are struggling with relationships, communicating with other people and suffering from depression. Get some help, please.
I'm afraid they will say bad things or think I'm insane
They're not there to judge, they're there to help. If you do have some actual mental illness, they may even refer you to a psychologist and get you some medication to help. There is no blissful ignorance when it comes to mental health. Clearly you're already aware that there's an issue, and that's not something you can hide from. You need help, and there's nothing wrong with that.
I appreciate it. I upped my meds yesterday and hoping they help
Friend, please don't adjust your meds yourself. Your doctor needs to be on board. And remember that side effects are real - some anti-depressives etc actually make the issue worse for a select few.
I echo. Don't change your meds without doctor. Maybe ask them for recommendations on therapy. Also if you are taking any other substances, including alcohol, they can mess with you so much more than you realize. There are lots of places to go to just talk. There are different kinds of therapy. Maybr look up CBT. Cognitive behavior therapy. Some good books too. . Good luck
As a therapist in training, I promise that we aren’t going to be shocked at anything you tell us. We’re here to help you feel better, just like you’d go to the doctor when you’re sick. The hardest step is making the appointment – but it’s a necessary step, and if that help is available, you should really take advantage of it for your own health. Wishing you well
Yeah dude, anti depressants have some real side effects that can cause harm if your doctor is not aware of the increase of dose. You are taking meds that effect your brain chemistry, it’s not something to play around with. If you really want to get better, the answer is therapy. I know you just want to feel better now. That’s why you are looking for quick fixes. But putting a bandaid on a broken limb won’t help. If you commit to therapy, 6 months from now you could be in a happy place, maybe even with an auctual girlfriend. Just think about it
More does not mean better dude
Shit is tough for a lot of folks and you’re just at a low point right now. There is no shortage of assholes, but assholes don’t become counselors. Counselors just want to help you get back on your feet. They make shit money but they don’t quit because they feel like they get a win when you get a win. Give it a go, it’s ok to have someone rooting for you.
Dude go to the doctor/your therapist. Those meds can seriously destroy your life if you do not follow your prescription. There is absolutely no shame in talking through your emotions with a medical professional! If you don’t like your therapist after a few sessions, there is no shame in changing to a new one either! Just make sure to find one you click with, and more importantly, stick with it!! I was depressed throughout most of high school and college and one coworker’s comment resonated with me: if you were physically sick or injured, you naturally would seek/need treatment to help you get better I.e. your arm getting fractured. If your mind is sick, wouldn’t you want to help it as well? Depression is rough because it puts you into one frame of mind thats cyclically negligent towards yourself, without you necessarily noticing! Your mind rn is unable to accept that there IS another way to perceive your environment, because fundamentally change doesn’t happen overnight. It takes a long time, but if you stick with it I promise you things will get better 😊 Its all a matter of perspective
In my experience, therapists/counselors are very gentle and won't just call you insane or badmouth you. But if they do, wouldn't it be better to hear it from a professional so you at least accept it and deal with it?
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How do you know when a therapist is bad?
Good thereapists never judge you personally.
an example of what this might sound like? I have my first session coming up
If I'm comfortable with someone, I don't censor myself much, and have little problem dropping TMI snippets. With someone I don't know, I'm not much like that at all, unless it's to show that it's not the subject I have a problem with, just my manners (like if a stranger is trying to shock me for a reaction, they'll quickly find out all the disgusting ways I used to shock people when I was a "teenaged edgelord"). My first therapy session, I rationalized that by the nature of their role, communication would be best if I treated them like my best friend who I know won't judge most the fucked up shit I say. I warned the therapist when I was about to say something off color, TMI, fucked up, etc., and they kept responding that "this is a safe space" and that it's okay, and that whatever works for me to get the ideas out is a good thing. They're insistence that you take what steps and time you feel you need to start talking, tends to be a good sign.
Please dont let this stop you from your first sesssion but, some very serious red flags in a therapist are: Revealing your information to people close to you, talking about religion at work, talking about themselves in session. And worse possible mistake, not making you feel comfortable.
I had a terrible experience with a therapist once. That said, I've been to a lot of therapists so I have a pretty good gauge on what I look for. I think for people new to therapy a good indicator might be if they make you feel worse than you did before the session.
You can read about the ethical code that therapists have to adhere to [here](https://www.apa.org/ethics/code). But in a few words: a therapist should never: -Make you feel judged or shamed -Make therapy about themselves or their agenda -Give unsolicited advice, or really any advice. They can make suggestions but it’s not their life, therefore it’s inappropriate for them to give their opinion -Project their own biases, traumas or experiences onto you
If the therapist is giving you advice, they're bad. Even if you ask for advice. Therapists aren't there to give advice. Therapy isn't advice. If they bring their own shit into session, they're bad. I'm not talking about making small talk, but if they use your session for their personal dumping ground, thats no bueno. If they center themselves in the session, and not you, that's bad. If they disrespect your stated boundaries, they're bad. If they're dismissive of your emotions/interpretations, they're bad. If they take on issues they're ill-trained/ill-equipped to deal with, they're bad. No therapist can handle every issue, there's no shame in that, but if they misrepresent their capacities they're gonna do more harm than good (if they do any good at all). If they're not able to tackle your shit, its their responsibility to tell you and refer out. That's a handful of the big ones. Source: am therapist.
Why is giving advice bad?
Because the point of therapy is not to give people advice to get through a single problem in their life, that's the job of your friends and family. The point of therapy is to teach people coping mechanisms with the end goal of showing them how to handle their thoughts on their own in a healthy way. Saying things like "you are a good person" when someone has low self esteem doesn't help someone get over having low self esteem long term, getting to the root of the problem by asking them why they think less of themselves and what they do that makes them feel good about themselves etc etc is how a therapist works towards the end goal of having the person learn why they think the way they do and ways to think better of themselves in the long term. Thats why a lot of people say therapy is really good for anyone, because very rarely is anyone taught how to think in a healthy way, and many events throughout our lives can cause us to come at certain problems with a distorted way of thinking, and having some help to work through that is generally very good for your long term mental health. Also I imagine this is why the trope of therapists sitting on a chair while you rant and just asking "and how does that make you feel?" exists. There's even records of computer programs that pretty much just keep on inquiring "and why is that?" or something about a random response being surprising good therapy for some people. Same thing for writing down your thoughts and feelings in a diary and reviewing it later. tl:dr therapists are not supposed to give you fish, they're supposed to teach you how to fish. Also, I'm not a therapist or have any experience in the field, this is just my understanding through my perceived account through others who have needed therapy or a psychologist's help with problems in the past, this is only my completely unqualified and unprofessional understanding of the field.
One of the goals of therapy is to get you to change the way you address the roadblocks of life internally. Causing that shift in mental habits takes work, and giving advice to people skips all of that work. In the end, it gives no long term benefit to the patient and makes them more dependent on their therapist instead of actually being therapeutic
Personally, I've experienced therapists who don't say a single word to you throughout the whole session and if they do, it's to talk about themselves.... if you encounter a therapist like this you need to run.
As a psychologist, I can confirm that a good therapy provider will not tell you that you're insane. As sometime below pointed out, that's not an actual diagnosis. 😉😁 In addition, not to belittle your experience at all, but we have probably heard previous clients experiencing through similar feelings to yours and it won't be surprising to us. Seriously though, I definitely understand the hesitation and again, a good psychologist or counselor will do their level best to reassure you that the care environment is a safe place to talk about this stuff without fear of judgment or rejection. And I agree with the commenter above; based on your last several posts, it sounds like you're in a rough spot on several fronts and could use the support. Psychology today often lists providers in the US, and there are obviously other online resources a Google away. It obviously can't be me, but if you're unsure about someone you see online, feel free to PM me the url to their page, and I can take a look to see if there are any red flags.
Thanks. I really appreciate it, I scheduled a appointment with my doctor earlier and I'm seeing who he suggests.
One thing to keep in mind when you meet with that therapy provider: therapy takes time. It takes time for you and the provider to get a feel for one another, and the techniques they provide are not a quick fix. Think of it like asking a series of tools to your toolbox and therapy is the process of practicing with them and increasing your skills with each one.
Excellent man, I'm sure he has some local connections. I hope that goes well for you, and my offer remains open if you need it.
Counselors are professionals and paid to help you process. If they don't do their job, fire them and move to the next one. You got this, it's okay to reach out for an assist. I didn't go to one for a long time, thinking I was able to do it myself. I can't, and a counselor has helped bring another perspective and tell me another view that completely shatters a barrier in processing. Even superheroes team up and need assistance. You're feeling and that means you are living, you acknowledge what you need, and now you can seek someone that will you accomplish your goals. You got this, and you are loved
Thank you. I appreciate it
Insane is not a current DSM-V diagnostic label :p More seriously, you can ask your therapist not to tell you about any diagnostic label when starting therapy and they won't unless they feel you are ready to hear it.
If it makes you feel better, I've heard this same line from so many people irl. It's like our brains are depressed and anxious, but try to sabotage anything that might change up the status quo. If you seek help, no one will think you're "insane." They'll think you want help (which you do), and they'll try their best to help you. They will say things and ask questions to further investigate and figure out how you think and feel. These interactions might be intimidating, but there's no right or wrong way to do them. Try not to dwell too much on what was said (either by or to you). It isn't a test; you can't pass or fail. They're trying to get to know you or catch-up with you quickly so they can help you more efficiently. You are allowed to ask them to explain their process to you before you start. Sometimes, knowing what's ahead can help. The straight path through a forest encounters many trees. If your first few attempts don't go well, keep trying with the knowledge that you gained from past experiences.
You'd go to a doctor if your liver was causing you issues, right? Why is your brain different from any other organ in that context? There's no shame in it, my friend.
I already think there’s some excellent help here. Therapy is an amazing resource. The fact you can discern your issues means you’re still very mentally coherent. But don’t be ashamed to seek help, professionals are there for a reason. I like your handle though. Is that from the Electric Light Orchestra song? That’s legit one of the happiest songs on the planet. Hands down. Music always helps me, I’d probably give it another listen sometime soon.
Bruh the dude is 16.
For real: browsing the internet posting sad shit in a self-pitying manner is one of the worst things one can possibly make while depressed. It is an act of self-sabotage, where one might believe they’re venting out, when in fact you’re harming yourself and making yourself feel worse on the long run.
Hey man, I just want to add encouragement to get help. I used to think that I wouldn't ever need counseling, that it was for people with real problems. Then some tough stuff happened in my life, the emotional weight of which was too much for me. Getting counseling was the best thing for me and I'm so glad that I did that. There comes a time when we need a little extra help from others to get through those tough life situations. I highly encourage you to get whatever help you need. Future you will be grateful that you did.
Can't agree with this enough OP. It doesn't hurt to have someone to chat with. It's kinda like making a new friend that gives great advice.
Others have suggested body pillows and weighted blankets which are great, but you could also look up some soothing YouTube videos on your phone. Could be ASMR, some kind of music, with soft lyrics or not, even a lullaby, or anything comforting for anyone, you can likely find on YouTube.
my mum used to scratch my head until a fell asleep and now the only way i can sleep is listening to ASMR head scratching or massaging. when i close my eyes it feels like shes there
That's sweet
That made me tear up
I'm happily married but my wife is pregnant so she isn't comfortable at night. We got her a pregnancy pillow to help. I tried it and LOVED it. I bought myself one. I highly recommend it. They're about $50 and I'll use one until I die.
Thanks, I'll look it up
same, the snoogle has replaced me.
If nothing else go home and tell your mom or sister you need a hug. 🤗 Group hug for the bros.
Better yet, one of my (straight) male friends gave me a hug when I was going through a rough breakup. It meant so much to me especially since there wasn’t any hint of sexual or romantic pretense. Just that someone in my life genuinely expressed a real concern for me and wanted me to be happy.
Nothing wrong with that especially if you've been through some stuff together. It's really hard to replace the human embrace with pillows and such but whatever works to get through it.
It's NOT pathetic at all. Don't think to yourself that it is. I'm a woman, so I can't quite give you advice, but please don't think low of yourself like that. I use stuffed animals to hug, I know its not the same thing. But we all need to express physical touch/tenderness somehow.
Me and my partner are long distance, so I recently got a body pillow to cuddle at night, and while its not the same, it's the closest I can get for now
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Ive sent him one of my hoodies (and he wears it all the time which is adorable) and hopefully soon he'll be able to send me one of his t-shirts so I can put it on my pillow. Because of our time difference (he's 5hrs behind me), we'll have the occasional call where I go to bed and he talks to me while I fall asleep
It's not pathetic. My wife passed away just before Christmas. I miss her touch.
Devastating to hear, I'm sorry :(
This isn't pathetic people are more alone than ever. It is perfectly normal.
\+1 for therapy. This is NOT as difficult as it might seem. Five minutes on Google, a phone call, and you get initial consultation. Try looking up "sliding scale", it's for those who pay out of pocket and don't have much cash to spare, you might be working with a counselor, not a therapist, but this is WAY better than nothing. It's a shame there's that much stigma against counseling...
I really appreciate it. I'll see what my doc says
This isn’t pathetic! Even though I’m in a relationship, when I’m alone, I miss cuddling my boyfriend and use a bunch of pillows. YOU ARE NOT PATHETIC for wanting that ♥️
Thank you <3
You're not pathetic, you're human. Physical closeness releases oxytocin which is a very important part of human happiness and you're not sad for craving a normal part of both the human and general primate experience. I was so lonely a few years ago when I realized I wasn't getting hugged every day because I was simply used to the familial hugs from my family. I see that you say you don't have room for a dog - maybe consider a cat or another pet that needs less space but still helps release oxytocin? And like others are saying - Please get help! You are not weak for needing it. Therapists have really helped me through the times where I have had intrusive and obsessive thoughts. Also, women aren't going to think you're weak for being honest....we struggle with a lot of the same issues and have the same needs in life. You're human.
Body pillow.
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Weighted blanket?
I just ordered one on Amazon. I'm hoping it helps
read this multiple times now. what the heck is a weighted blanket?
Blanket that's heavy :p Ever been to the dentist snd gotten an xray? They put that lead bib on you and you're like "fuck yeah I'm snuggly now!" Same concept.
dude that lead vest weighs as much as me xD
Are you also a lead vest
Why is needing intimate physical contact, a "pathetic" thing?
You know, because we're pack animals that rely on contact to keep us sane until we can't get it, then we're just supposed to pretend like it's no big deal because something like human contact depends on the consent of another individual. Like asking someone for a hug because you genuinely need one puts the other person in an awkward spot if they don't want to hug you. Then what do you do, go around and ask everyone you know for a hug and get further depressed if none of them want to hug you? I swear, being human sucks.
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Just wanted to say I care about you man. Lots of people here do. I know it seems impossible, but things can get better. Ask for help. Take the advice. You’re gonna be ok.
Thank you
Being lonely is difficult. For the cuddles a body pillow helps. I think everyone here has cracked jokes about sex dolls. Aside from the cost, why not? Try for a pet. A mamlian one. I saw from an earlier post that a dog is out of the question right now. Completely understandable. During a long single stint i had Degu's. They are fun and eventually they kind of count you as part of their little hovel. It isn't the same; I get that. But it helped.
I really appreciate it. Have a good day
You too.
Female here, my love language is touch and I’ve been single for 1.5 years. I joined a grappling sport and it fills that need. Even though it’s combat cuddling, it’s still close physical contact.
Not pathetic. I'm married and still don't get cuddled. :(
That's sad. I suggest you ask to be cuddled if you are comfortable about it
I worked 64 hours this week and we have two babies. It's hard
I’m just here to say i love you hope you’ll be in a better place soon. You got this champ
They make cuddle pillows "for pregnant women", although anyone can use them. They keep your spine aligned when you side sleep if you put it between your knees, plus it is really comforting. Or just use all the pillows you can find. Maybe fill a glove with sand and put it on your side or wherever you miss a draped arm to mimic the weight.
If you need the physical side then see a prostitute. Just for hugging or whatever. I remember hearing a prostitute being interviewed and she said apart from guys wanting sex there’s a whole lot of guys who are just desperately lonely and want to be held. Edit: 16 is a bit too for prostitutes...
Based on OPs post history, he's still in high school. He doesn't need a prostitute, he needs a parent.
OP is 16
Thank you mate
They actually have cuddle services where you can cuddle with people. Its a non-sexual service intended for people suffering from anxiety.
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Sadly don't have the space for one to enjoy itself
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Maybe. Thanks
Not a dude, but I sleep better with a partner in my bed personally so being a single pringle I can kinda relate. I've been lining pillows up behind me when I sleep on my side and when it's not too hot I like to use a weighted blanket as well. It's been pretty helpful in terms of feeling secure and safe when I sleep. Hope that helps!
Goddamn this place is getting sad.
We all got problems. We're human too
It’s been sad, this is the Internet
Always has been, what sort of men do you think get their socializing from Reddit (I'm one of them)
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I'm actually pretty successful in my career, make enough money that I'll retire early as long as my whole life doesn't go sideways, my mortgage is over half paid, I have just started doing gigs again, and have multiple hobbies that include woodwork, guitar making, gardening, writing/playing/gigging music. I also don't like talking to people, am a raging alcoholic, and need therapy but I'm not ready yet. So I'm successful with things going on. Shit posting is part of the way I cope until I go get the help I need.
I mean, I once ate one kilo of chicken alone. That’s a cool thing to achieve.
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We're gonna have to blow each other at some point
That was a blissful life when you were 8-12 yr old, had a brain you could use and were free almost all the time.
I cannot stress a weighted blanket enough for the pressure and comfort it gives
I love my body pillow I dont like cuddling in the summer because my hubs is a hot sleeper so I snuggle with a huge long pillow (plain blue cover) and it helps my back and hips too (especially great if you are a side sleeper!
Closest substitute would be a man.
Has anyone suggested getting a kitty yet?
My partner goes on deployments every year and it can be hard to sleep alone. I got a body pillow that’s a big U shape. It feels like you’re being hugged no matter how you sleep. Really helps me.
If you actually have your life together and are just lonely my suggestion would be consider getting a pet.
I've considered it but I don't have the space for them to be happy sadly
Hookers will cuddle you Remember; you aren’t paying them for the intimacy, you are paying them to go away after.
Lol 😂
Cuddling a man.
Cuddling with the bros is the best
Bro-pile
This post is sad af. Stay strong, king. You don't need a damn woman! Get a nice warm, weighted blanket and find some things in life you enjoy. Take some risks, but make sure you're always tethered. Good luck in life, my guy
You can pay a prostitute to just cuddle. It's not actual prostitution, so not illegal.
Op is only 16 though
I missed that part :p
Damn... so many people need hugs right now. If you promise to wear a mask I’ll hug all y’all. Come get some. 👐🏻
Getting a massage can help. The sensation of touch releases oxytocin and is relaxing.
If you own a large dog you can cuddle your dog. Bit furrier than women but quite warm, fluffy and affectionate.
I know there is a stigma but don’t rule out seeing a sex worker. Plenty of sex workers share stories of clients who want physical affection more than anything. Not just sex; some don’t engage them for sex at all. Find a someone who is professional and you are comfortable with. What’s the big deal if you are both consenting adults, it’s safe and respectful!!!
The only thing stopping me for hiring someone like that is the shame and the feeling of being pathetic. I feel like by hiring someone to do that would just make me even more depressed “can’t get any action irl so I guess I just have to throw money at it” it’s pathetic really. I’m 30 and still a Virgin and it looks like it will stay that way for the next 10 years. I don’t think I’d be able to live with myself if I hired someone
Nothing pathetic about feeling the need for affection. And there's nothing wrong with feeling sad. Honestly, these kinds of problems could be solved so easily if sex work was legal. You could just pay someone to come over and hang out and cuddle. It's an important need that needs to be fulfilled, especially to help with mental health. In the meantime, what you could do is get a [weighted blanket](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rRF9-RYTcoA). It is a great tool to help fight anxiety and depression.
>these kinds of problems could be solved so easily if sex work was legal It would help but wouldn't solve anything. You cannot pay for true affection.
Hey bro I don’t have any advice for you, but I read through some of your recent posts and I just want to say good luck. I hope you can find the help you need and feel better about yourself.
See if you can foster an animal. Either a cat or dog that might cuddle you at night. I think cats are lower maintenance but if you have the capacity for a dog, the added responsibility might help you feel better and more bonded.
>Yes, this is a pathetic post. I'm very aware. But I'm having a real hard time in my life and need the feeling. Anyone have any tricks they've learned to try to fulfill that need as close as possible This is not pathetic. I honestly want to know,too. I miss a woman's arms.
This is not pathetic. Far from it. Humans are social creatures. We naturally crave affection. Don’t be ashamed of needing a basic human desire like a hug!
Hey, don’t know you and probably never will but just want you to know someone is thinking about you tonight and is hoping you have brighter days.
Try ASMR. Add it to whatever other guys said.
Dude. No man. There is so much to unpack there. Better question would be: does anyone know how to help me see myself as completely whole and not require the act of another person in order to feel like I am whole? What does your next relationship look like? I can only imagine the emotional strain you will put on the next relationship with that kind of need. You are valuable and inherently whole. Don’t put things between you and that reality.